Speaker 1: It's imperative when you get into a relationship before you
Speaker 1: commit who leads and who follows. Think about in dancing,
Speaker 1: you can't have two leaders. You just can't think about
Speaker 1: running a company. You can't have two CEOs. You have
Speaker 1: to have that moment of who is leading and who
Speaker 1: is following.
Speaker 2: Hey, everyone, I've got some huge news to share with you.
Speaker 2: In the last ninety days, seventy nine point four percent
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Speaker 2: not subscribed to this channel. There's research that shows that
Speaker 2: if you want to create a habit, make it easy
Speaker 2: to access. By hitting the subscribe button, you're creating a
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Speaker 1: Jay Shed Jay Sheddy Only Shed.
Speaker 3: Everyone.
Speaker 2: Welcome back to on Purpose, the place you come to
Speaker 2: become a happier, healthier and more healed. Thanks for tuning
Speaker 2: in again. I'm so grateful. Whether you're watching this live,
Speaker 2: whether you're listening to me, I appreciate you deeply today's guest.
Speaker 2: I believe this is her third time on the show,
Speaker 2: which is epic. It's because she's one of my favorite
Speaker 2: people offline and I love these online transitions and conversations
Speaker 2: with her. I'm speaking about Lisa Billu, an entrepreneur, producer,
Speaker 2: best selling author, public speaker, and host. Lisa co founded
Speaker 2: the billion dollar brand Quest Nutrition and his co founder
Speaker 2: and president of Impact Theory Studios. Lisa built a global
Speaker 2: audience while creating an impressive state of content that has
Speaker 2: been viewed over half a billion times. This includes Lisa's
Speaker 2: hit digital series Women of Impact, a show that features
Speaker 2: extraordinary guests who, through their stories and expertise, help viewers
Speaker 2: build their confidence. I've been lucky enough to be a
Speaker 2: guest on the show. Lisa is one of my dear friends,
Speaker 2: and I'm so excited to announce that her book is
Speaker 2: out in paperback right now, Radical Confidence. It includes a
Speaker 2: brand new chapter. So if you want eleven lessons on
Speaker 2: how to get the relationship, career and life you want,
Speaker 2: this is the book to grab. If you didn't grab
Speaker 2: the first time, now's the time to grab it. It's
Speaker 2: cheaper too, because it's in paperback. Welcome to the show
Speaker 2: Lisa BILLYO Lisa, so good to see it.
Speaker 1: Jay my brother from another mother.
Speaker 3: Oh, I love it, I love it.
Speaker 4: It's always good. You know.
Speaker 2: It's like you walked in and we were already having
Speaker 2: an amazing conversation and then we were like, oh wait, wait,
Speaker 2: wait wait, let's let's let's start the real podcast. Lisa,
Speaker 2: I think confidence is such a important and powerful topic.
Speaker 2: I wanted to ask you because I think there's so
Speaker 2: much material and you do so many interviews around confidence
Speaker 2: and what it means and what it feels like. How
Speaker 2: do you define confidence for you and what does it
Speaker 2: mean to you? And what is something that people can
Speaker 2: think of because I think everyone has a different view
Speaker 2: of the word confidence.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think most people actually have the misinterpretation of all
Speaker 1: confidence actually is because they usually and I was culprit
Speaker 1: of this when I was a stay at home WiFi
Speaker 1: eight years. I thought I needed it to get started,
Speaker 1: and I thought I needed the confidence to live out
Speaker 1: my dreams, to actually go towards my goals. And I
Speaker 1: was waiting to have the confidence, and that I think
Speaker 1: is a complete misconception. Is what actually is holding so
Speaker 1: many of us back from trying anything and what I
Speaker 1: realized was in my own journey, I actually just need
Speaker 1: to take action. I needed to go into something very insecure,
Speaker 1: not knowing what I was doing. Practice and practice and practicing,
Speaker 1: you know, wax on, whax off my favorite movie Karate Kid,
Speaker 1: and get so damn good that I build the competence
Speaker 1: to then lead to confidence. So the truth is the
Speaker 1: confidence is the byproduct of taking action, and a lot
Speaker 1: of us don't think of it like that. We think
Speaker 1: it's going to be the magic bullet that's going to
Speaker 1: get us to actually take that action at the beginning.
Speaker 1: And so that's where I actually reshaped and how I
Speaker 1: rethought of the word confidence. And then also for me,
Speaker 1: confidence is like an If you don't keep practicing it,
Speaker 1: you won't actually get strong at it. And if you
Speaker 1: stop practicing, you will get weaker. And just like when
Speaker 1: you go to the gym, you may practice like your
Speaker 1: biceps or your legs. It's a different mechanism to practice
Speaker 1: working your calves than practice in your bicep. So that
Speaker 1: is what confidence is. It's not you get confidence in
Speaker 1: one area and you're good to go. It's like you
Speaker 1: get confidence maybe being in front of the camera, but
Speaker 1: being in front of the camera. As you know, jay
Speaker 1: is very different than being on stage. So when someone
Speaker 1: sees maybe you've got confidence in one area, it doesn't
Speaker 1: mean that you've got confidence everywhere else. And I think people,
Speaker 1: if it's you and you're thinking about it, you may
Speaker 1: then think that you're incompetent, or you're no good, or
Speaker 1: like it's just well, I don't have the gene, so
Speaker 1: I may as well not get started. But the truth is,
Speaker 1: identify where you can't want the confidence, get started, build
Speaker 1: that competence, and then eventually it will breed confidence.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Absolutely, I can agree with you more.
Speaker 2: I remember once looking at the definition of confidence in
Speaker 2: the dictionary, and one of the definitions is an appreciation
Speaker 2: of one's own abilities, skills, and qualities. I really like
Speaker 2: that definition, like it's actually self validation. The confidence is
Speaker 2: being able to look at yourself and say, I'm good
Speaker 2: at this. I'm actually a kind person, I'm a thoughtful person,
Speaker 2: I am a good public speaker, I am a best
Speaker 2: selling author, whatever it may be. And you're almost validating
Speaker 2: a skill, quality, or attribute you have by yourself. And
Speaker 2: I think it's so interesting, and you're right. I think
Speaker 2: we've viewed confidences how do other people feel about us?
Speaker 2: So we look at it as like, oh, that person
Speaker 2: looks so confident because they're like walking out their car,
Speaker 2: they got that swag, they're like dripping in great clothes
Speaker 2: or whatever it may be. And we see that as confidence.
Speaker 2: But we know that that person could be sitting in
Speaker 2: there going, oh, I'm not the right size, I'm overweight, underweight,
Speaker 2: I'm whatever else it may be, criticizing themselves.
Speaker 4: I was wondering, what.
Speaker 2: Is something that took you the longest in your life
Speaker 2: to build confidence around?
Speaker 1: Ooh, I'm ever evolving. But I think it really was
Speaker 1: to believe in myself that I'm capable. And that all
Speaker 1: started from because I was a stay at home wife
Speaker 1: for eight years. And I want to just make sure
Speaker 1: that I say this though there's nothing wrong with being
Speaker 1: a stay home wife at all. It's actually one of
Speaker 1: the hardest jobs that was for me, but I didn't
Speaker 1: want it. That actually wasn't my dream. It was I
Speaker 1: felt like it was sucking the life out of me.
Speaker 1: So as that staying home wife, I didn't make any
Speaker 1: change because I didn't feel like I was capable of anything.
Speaker 1: Because I was so insecure that voice in my head
Speaker 1: was so negative, Jay telling me all the reasons why
Speaker 1: I was no good to try anything, and so in
Speaker 1: order for me to build my confidence to move forward,
Speaker 1: I was like, well, what if I am bad? Who cares?
Speaker 1: You have to actually practice? Why do I think that
Speaker 1: I can be amazing at something?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 1: If someone looks at you and they're like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: he's such an amazing podcaster, You've been doing it years
Speaker 1: and years and years and years. So when someone looks
Speaker 1: at you and let's say they're comparing their beginning to
Speaker 1: your middle or your end, you will feel incompetent. And
Speaker 1: so for me, I had to stop looking outside of
Speaker 1: myself at all the amazing people because I believed I
Speaker 1: wasn't good enough to try, And so I had to
Speaker 1: build the internal confidence to take that action, to actually
Speaker 1: just try and understand that it's going to be a process.
Speaker 1: And without that, I never would have got out of
Speaker 1: what I call purgatory of the mundane, when my life
Speaker 1: is just mundane enough and so I'm just stuck there
Speaker 1: day in and day out. And that idea that even
Speaker 1: if you don't feel good enough, you can still take action,
Speaker 1: I think was the biggest thing that was the hardest
Speaker 1: for me because I didn't want to get bullied. I
Speaker 1: was already bullied as a kid for my looks from
Speaker 1: other women, So you can imagine me trying anything. That
Speaker 1: fear of being bullied from other girls was so petrifying
Speaker 1: that I didn't even want to take a chance, and
Speaker 1: so realizing A have to build that within myself. And
Speaker 1: you said the word validate actually earlier. That word really
Speaker 1: sticks with me with me because I think a lot
Speaker 1: of us wait for validation external validation. We wait for
Speaker 1: someone to tell us that we're a good Greek wife
Speaker 1: or an amazing husband or a fantastic wife, and that
Speaker 1: can actually hold us where we are because I was
Speaker 1: so seeking validation from everybody else, and at the time,
Speaker 1: I was getting validation from being that stay at home wife,
Speaker 1: And so you can imagine I have low self esteem.
Speaker 1: I don't believe in myself. I don't think I'm good enough,
Speaker 1: and everyone's validating me for this one thing, even though
Speaker 1: I don't like that one thing. That validation, that feeling
Speaker 1: good about yourself is what kept me there. So I
Speaker 1: think the trick is is how do you make sure
Speaker 1: that you validate yourself? And that became the path for
Speaker 1: me building my confidence every single day. What am I
Speaker 1: going to do today to validate myself? Not get validation
Speaker 1: from my partner, from my boyfriend from the exit? How
Speaker 1: many likes I got on Instagram? No, no, how can
Speaker 1: I validate myself? And that became my north star versus
Speaker 1: everyone else making me feel good about myself.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, I mean, how did you get the courage to
Speaker 2: admit to yourself that you weren't happy in that moment?
Speaker 2: Because I feel like a lot of people, friends that
Speaker 2: I know people have in my life will kind of
Speaker 2: tell themselves the story and we have to because you
Speaker 2: have to survive and you need a coping mechanism, and
Speaker 2: we'll just be like, no, I'm all right, I'm okay, Nah,
Speaker 2: you know this is life, Like it's all right, this
Speaker 2: is my you know, this is my lot in life,
Speaker 2: and this is what I have to do, and this
Speaker 2: is just how it is. And we say these things
Speaker 2: because we're scared of what maybe on the other side
Speaker 2: of admitting to ourselves that actually where I am is
Speaker 2: not where I want to be, and we kind of
Speaker 2: supplement it with, oh, everyone thinks I'm doing all right,
Speaker 2: so of course I can't be doing that badly. How
Speaker 2: do you kind of get the courage to say, you
Speaker 2: know what, I don't want this life, because I think
Speaker 2: that statement requires a lot of courage, And I know
Speaker 2: I was scared to admit it to myself. When I
Speaker 2: was I'd already left the monastery. I was in a
Speaker 2: corporate job. It was safe, it was stable, it was sturdy.
Speaker 2: Career progression was obvious, and here I was going. And
Speaker 2: by the way, I was so scared I would never
Speaker 2: get a job after leaving the monastery. So even having
Speaker 2: a job, I was very grateful because no one would
Speaker 2: give me one. So now for me to be like, okay,
Speaker 2: I need to break this away and everyone's like, wait
Speaker 2: a minute, you're lucky to have a job.
Speaker 4: Bro, you didn't work for three years.
Speaker 2: So how did you get the courage to admit to
Speaker 2: yourself I'm not happy here?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: So I love this question because it's such a small
Speaker 1: dripping effect, and I liken it to water dripping on
Speaker 1: a stone. A couple of jobs, not a big deal.
Speaker 1: Over time you do that year after year after year,
Speaker 1: what happens to that rock? It actually starts to change
Speaker 1: its shape. And that's what I started to realize. Me
Speaker 1: ignoring my happiness, ignoring what I actually wanted, started to
Speaker 1: change the shape of how I saw myself. And after
Speaker 1: eight years, I didn't look like what was looking back
Speaker 1: at me in the mirror. I couldn't recognize myself because
Speaker 1: I wasn't speaking up, I wasn't having my voice. And
Speaker 1: so there were a couple of things that I realized
Speaker 1: that really became like the straw that broke the camel's back,
Speaker 1: if you will. One of them was I was using gratitude,
Speaker 1: which I love. Right, It's like, be grateful for the
Speaker 1: things you have because there are other people out that
Speaker 1: don't have that. So the first couple of years from
Speaker 1: in my marriage, I was using gratitude, even though I
Speaker 1: didn't want to be the state at home wife. Now
Speaker 1: that looked like, my God, I don't like being a
Speaker 1: state I don't like cooking and cleaning. But actually, I'm
Speaker 1: so grateful I have a husband that loves me. My God,
Speaker 1: the amount of people that don't have that healthy relationship.
Speaker 1: I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful I've got a roof
Speaker 1: over my head. I'm so grateful. Filling the blank and
Speaker 1: that was wonderful become year four year five year, six
Speaker 1: year seven, that gratitude started to really turn its head
Speaker 1: into almost toxic gratitude, which every time that voice that
Speaker 1: was speaking, are you happy, Lisa, like you don't seem happy?
Speaker 1: I would use the gratitude to shut her down. And
Speaker 1: that looked like, how ungratefully you? How ungratefully are you
Speaker 1: that you want something else when you've got a husband
Speaker 1: that loves you. How ungratefully you, Lisa? You want to
Speaker 1: go out in the workforce when you don't have to.
Speaker 1: So that voice, that gratitude started to come really toxic,
Speaker 1: and so identifying that allowing the voice in my head
Speaker 1: to just turn up the volume, allow her to actually speak.
Speaker 1: Because we've been taught, especially for me growing up Greek
Speaker 1: orthodox is you live in service of everybody else. You
Speaker 1: live in service of the family, the husband, the kids,
Speaker 1: and so you put yourself last. And I started to realize,
Speaker 1: this voice is getting louder. What happens if I actually
Speaker 1: start to listen to her? What does that look like?
Speaker 1: Because I'm such a self ownership person, and so if
Speaker 1: I'm unhappy, what am I going to do about it?
Speaker 1: What choices am I going to make different that's going
Speaker 1: to lead me to a different outcome, and I started
Speaker 1: to realize it was all on me. I hadn't spoken
Speaker 1: up and told tom my husband that I was unhappy.
Speaker 1: So let's just address step one. Acknowledge Lisa, you're unhappy
Speaker 1: without shame and guilt. Acknowledge it to myself. That was
Speaker 1: step one. Then acknowledge it to my husband. I love
Speaker 1: you more than life it's self, babe, but I don't
Speaker 1: want to cook for you and clean for you anymore.
Speaker 1: Voicing that having the strength the courage you said that earlier,
Speaker 1: having the courage to really own where you are instead
Speaker 1: of sitting in the shame was a massive thing. And
Speaker 1: then the final thing is just project your life out.
Speaker 1: What does it look like if you don't make a
Speaker 1: change in a year, in five years, and ten years
Speaker 1: and twenty years. And the truth is I would have
Speaker 1: been doing the same thing. I would have then slipped
Speaker 1: into being a mother. I would because that's what my
Speaker 1: culture told me. And then I would have slipped into
Speaker 1: given over to the children and the husband. And in
Speaker 1: ten twenty years, I'm exactly where I am, just on
Speaker 1: a different scale. And those elements were the things that
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh will no one's coming to save you.
Speaker 1: No one's going to come and change your life for you.
Speaker 1: So what am I going to do now to make
Speaker 1: that change?
Speaker 2: That resonates so deeply? And I love that you brought
Speaker 2: up that toxic gratitude point because it's so interesting how
Speaker 2: we somehow deep down believe we deserve so little, right like,
Speaker 2: and whether it's conditioning where we grew up, there's there's
Speaker 2: a sense inside of us. And by the way I
Speaker 2: can relate to all of that, we grew up in
Speaker 2: the same area. We've talked about this before.
Speaker 1: I block away from me literally.
Speaker 2: And you know, I kind of like when people ask
Speaker 2: me now, like, you know, how does it feel? And everything,
Speaker 2: I'm like, I actually never in a million years believed
Speaker 2: that any of this would ever be possible, or even
Speaker 2: that I even had a dream for it.
Speaker 4: I don't even think I dreamed this big.
Speaker 2: And there was a part of me that just was
Speaker 2: okay with whatever would have come and whatever would have
Speaker 2: been and what everyone around me was doing. And now
Speaker 2: I see that that was because somewhere deep inside of myself,
Speaker 2: I was hampering my potential. I was restricting my desire
Speaker 2: because it's almost like you're so scared that it may
Speaker 2: never happen that you'd rather not allow the possibility.
Speaker 4: Does that make sense?
Speaker 1: Yeah, the fear of failure is actually or failing is
Speaker 1: actually worse than the fear of failing. So you're like,
Speaker 1: wells were sitting the fear of failing, the actually fail
Speaker 1: and have everyone see it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 3: Hey everyone, it's Jay here.
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Speaker 4: So for you, what was that? Like?
Speaker 2: Like, I guess how have you dealt with that? Like
Speaker 2: you've been on both ends now, Like you've been in
Speaker 2: a place where you didn't even feel like you were
Speaker 2: allowed to deserve a different life. You've now built one
Speaker 2: of the most successful companies. You've built another incredible media company,
Speaker 2: Like you know, it's you've now seen the other end.
Speaker 2: How is your belief system changed around what you deserve
Speaker 2: and what's possible?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it starts with frame of reference. So
Speaker 1: people don't actually realize that they have a frame of reference.
Speaker 1: And just to kind of explain, frame of reference is
Speaker 1: just the way you see the world, the way you
Speaker 1: think it ought to be, not the way it necessarily is.
Speaker 1: And so my frame of reference is going to be
Speaker 1: very different than your frame of reference. And so take,
Speaker 1: for instance, the very first time I introduced Tom to
Speaker 1: my family. So I've got very big, loud Greek family,
Speaker 1: and everyone talks over each other. Everyone's yells at each other,
Speaker 1: and so Tom comes and meets them, and that's the
Speaker 1: family everyone's yelling, and so we leave and I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, they clearly loved him, because they're clearly
Speaker 1: very comfortable around him. So I can't wait to hear
Speaker 1: how much he loves my family. So we get in
Speaker 1: the calm, like, Babe, what do you think and he's like,
Speaker 1: they were so disrespectful, and I was like what, And
Speaker 1: he's like, I can't believe, Lisa, Everyone's just screaming and
Speaker 1: yelling at each other. They asked me a question. They
Speaker 1: don't listen. Frame of reference. My frame of reference. When
Speaker 1: someone yells and screams like in a happy way, it's
Speaker 1: actually a sign of greeting you, being comfortable around you.
Speaker 1: But Tom's frame of reference is when someone's yelling, it
Speaker 1: means disrespect. So that just gives an example of what
Speaker 1: frame of reference means. So you don't actually question your
Speaker 1: frame of reference. And I think that was the massive thing.
Speaker 1: Is I still right now to this day, will now
Speaker 1: every day question my frame of reference on the way
Speaker 1: that I see things because maybe I'm missing something. So
Speaker 1: being the stay at home wife, my frame of reference was, well,
Speaker 1: this is what a woman does. You're going to have children,
Speaker 1: you will get married. It didn't even dawn on me,
Speaker 1: Jay that I could question whether I want kids or not.
Speaker 1: It didn't dawn on me. And so going from that
Speaker 1: to where I am now is because I literally will
Speaker 1: question my frame of reference every day because it's your
Speaker 1: frame of reference that gets in the way of you
Speaker 1: having the dream. How many people say I can't. I
Speaker 1: remember once I was coaching somebody and they were saying
Speaker 1: about how they're building this business. And this woman she's
Speaker 1: just had a baby, and she freaking loves that she's
Speaker 1: building this business. She feels so good about herself and
Speaker 1: her dad. Every day wouold has a key comes in
Speaker 1: her house and would sit down at dinner and basically
Speaker 1: say that she was a neglectful mother. And she's like,
Speaker 1: I don't know what to do, Lisa, And I said, Okay, well,
Speaker 1: he's got a key to your house. Either tell your
Speaker 1: dad that he has to be per set boundaries or
Speaker 1: he doesn't get the key to your house. She's like,
Speaker 1: I can't do that. I'm like, yes, you can, you
Speaker 1: just don't want to. Your frame of reference may be
Speaker 1: that I'm a terrible daughter if I take the keys
Speaker 1: away from my dad, But how is it serving you?
Speaker 1: And so that I think was the massive thing that
Speaker 1: I realized that I had a frame of reference about life,
Speaker 1: belief system, whatever you want to call it, and sometimes
Speaker 1: it doesn't serve my dreams, my goals and where I
Speaker 1: want to go. And so having the self awareness to
Speaker 1: ask myself, where am I where do I want to go?
Speaker 1: How am I going to get there? And what belief
Speaker 1: system do I have that's either going to propel me
Speaker 1: forward or hold me back?
Speaker 4: What did you do in this?
Speaker 2: I think another thing that and I know a lot
Speaker 2: of women, especially struggle with this. What did you and
Speaker 2: Tom done before the point that you could actually have
Speaker 2: the courage and confidence to go and say to him,
Speaker 2: I love you, but I don't want to cook and
Speaker 2: clean anymore? Because to me, that kind of a transition
Speaker 2: in most marriages or long term relationships, it could look
Speaker 2: like I love you, I don't want to live here anymore,
Speaker 2: I love you, I don't like this thing that you do.
Speaker 2: I love you, but whatever, right?
Speaker 4: Fill in the blank.
Speaker 2: What had you and Tom done before that you felt
Speaker 2: confident enough to say that that you knew it would land?
Speaker 2: Or did you actually take a risk and you didn't
Speaker 2: know at that point whether he'd react positively or negative?
Speaker 2: Obviously now you've been together and all the rest of it,
Speaker 2: But in that moment, did you know that he would
Speaker 2: react well to it? Or did you take a risk
Speaker 2: because it was so true to you?
Speaker 1: Yeah, everything's a risk. You never how many times have
Speaker 1: you spoken to someone you're like, I know exactly what
Speaker 1: the hearse is going to be, and then like, oh,
Speaker 1: you go to RADI right, and you're like all right,
Speaker 1: and then she gives you a completely different response than
Speaker 1: you ever expected. But you still know him for so
Speaker 1: many years. So I didn't and there's never a guarantee.
Speaker 1: But really I went into it going, Okay, how would
Speaker 1: I want him to talk to me about this? Because
Speaker 1: here's the thing. I need to be very self aware
Speaker 1: that I'm about to make his life more difficult. So,
Speaker 1: just to paint the picture, he would wake up, his
Speaker 1: clothes were next to him, literally by his bedjay he
Speaker 1: would put them on. He would go to the gym,
Speaker 1: he'd come back his work clothes already, he'd get changed.
Speaker 1: I would hand him lunch to take to work so
Speaker 1: he didn't have to do anything in the house. So
Speaker 1: I knew I can't pretend that his life isn't going
Speaker 1: to be worse. It is. I'm making his life more difficult,
Speaker 1: so a have give him the grace that of course
Speaker 1: he's going to have an opinion. Of course it's actually
Speaker 1: going to make his life more difficult.
Speaker 3: So give him even though it's unfair.
Speaker 1: Exactly for you.
Speaker 2: Yes, you still are being empathetic and giving grace.
Speaker 1: Of course, and even with the unfair though I agree
Speaker 1: to it, it wasn't like he was like forcing me
Speaker 1: to do it. So that's another thing I said, Yes,
Speaker 1: I also chose that life, so I had to take
Speaker 1: ownership over. I chose this as well. He didn't force
Speaker 1: me to. But now I want to make a change,
Speaker 1: So how do I do it? So giving him the
Speaker 1: grace that of course is going to have a feeling,
Speaker 1: and then understanding the idea of grief. Grief is where
Speaker 1: you have to let go of something, someone, something that
Speaker 1: you didn't expect. And so he had an idea of
Speaker 1: the wife that I was because I had painted that
Speaker 1: idea for eight years. So I know he's going to
Speaker 1: have to grieve the wife that I was. So giving
Speaker 1: him the space to grieve is super important. And then
Speaker 1: the last thing is almost like to say, by like
Speaker 1: a drug addicts, where you like wean them off. I
Speaker 1: was like, he's addicted in some way or habitual to
Speaker 1: the fact that I would do this every day, and
Speaker 1: just like any habit, you cannot change that overnight. And
Speaker 1: so what I said to him is, look, here's a
Speaker 1: game plan. Maybe this will help. What if next week
Speaker 1: I'm just going to cook and clean for you six
Speaker 1: days a week, and then the week after that, I'm
Speaker 1: going to do five days, four days, three days. Right,
Speaker 1: And so what that did was show him I was
Speaker 1: willing to work with him on the transition. And then
Speaker 1: the final piece is letting him know I'm not happy, babe,
Speaker 1: I'm profoundly unhappy. This isn't your fault. This is because
Speaker 1: I made decisions, but now I need your help. Right,
Speaker 1: So I'm asking him to be a part of this
Speaker 1: and need your help because I'm not happy. I don't
Speaker 1: think I can do it alone. Now as my husband,
Speaker 1: he has the opportunity to be there for me instead
Speaker 1: of him being in his own in his own head,
Speaker 1: selfish lives, like I can't believe he's like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: my wife is actually asking for help. So that helped
Speaker 1: peace was a big deal as well. And then overall,
Speaker 1: I think when you're approaching anything like this, how do
Speaker 1: you see your relationship? I think relationships are like a
Speaker 1: game of tennis. You're playing a sport. You're playing the
Speaker 1: same sport, but are you playing singles or doubles? If
Speaker 1: you're playing singles. You're both on each other side of
Speaker 1: the net and you're just hitting the ball back and forward,
Speaker 1: and ultimately only one of you can win. And you see,
Speaker 1: j I'm sure you've seen a lot of relationship where
Speaker 1: someone's just trying to make a little jab at them
Speaker 1: and it's like it literally this back and forth. It's
Speaker 1: not coming together. But a game of doubles, you're on
Speaker 1: the same side. You either win together or you lose together.
Speaker 1: And if I'm weak, I tell you I'm weak, and
Speaker 1: that's where you get stronger, and vice versa. So in
Speaker 1: this moment, I'm saying to my husband, I don't know
Speaker 1: what I'm doing, I don't know what the future looks like,
Speaker 1: but I'm not happy. I am weak metaphorically, I need
Speaker 1: your help. And so he turned around in having laid
Speaker 1: all that out being honest with each other. That's also
Speaker 1: the foundation. Is your relationship built on honesty. Once you
Speaker 1: had that discussion, his response was what kind of husband
Speaker 1: would I be if I put clean underwear ahead of
Speaker 1: your happiness? And that became the moment where he realized
Speaker 1: we were in it together. I wasn't happy and he
Speaker 1: could help me navigate out of it and it came
Speaker 1: to that one day where he doesn't have clean underwear. Jay,
Speaker 1: I didn't do laundry for like a month, and he
Speaker 1: turns around and yells from in the other room, Babe,
Speaker 1: I don't have any underwear. And in that moment, I
Speaker 1: paused and I was like, oh, no, is this where
Speaker 1: the truth comes out? And he's like, I can't believe
Speaker 1: as my wife, you don't give me clean underwear. And
Speaker 1: he turned around, he's like, so, I guess I'm going
Speaker 1: to work commandover and he goes to work with no
Speaker 1: underwear on. Now, what that did was the way that
Speaker 1: I handled it, brought him in. We did it together.
Speaker 1: Made that moment was like a make up break. He
Speaker 1: could have been mad, he could have been like, see,
Speaker 1: I knew it. The resentment and contempt is like the
Speaker 1: two things that will identify I think by ninety percent
Speaker 1: guarantee that a couple won't last is if you see
Speaker 1: resentment and contempt in a relationship. And so would that
Speaker 1: is exactly what would have happened. He would have built
Speaker 1: contempt day by day that my wife isn't cooking, forming,
Speaker 1: my wife isn't cleaning, and one silly moment like I
Speaker 1: don't have underwear could be that breaking point of that relationship,
Speaker 1: but because we'd set up that foundation, that moment that
Speaker 1: could have broken us actually brought us closer together.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean that, But that is literally an emotional
Speaker 2: maturity masterclass like that. It's incredible that you had that
Speaker 2: emotional maturity then and that Tom did too, and obviously,
Speaker 2: you know you see it in your continued success of
Speaker 2: your relationship in marriage. But I wish everyone have a
Speaker 2: conversation like that, because here's how it usually would go.
Speaker 2: You'd have the realization that you're not happy. You'd probably
Speaker 2: suck it up and live with it for a bit longer.
Speaker 2: Then you'd go up to me and be like, I
Speaker 2: can't believe you've controlled me for the last eight to
Speaker 2: ten years. I can't believe that you've dominated me. I
Speaker 2: can't believe that you've made me this submissive person. And
Speaker 2: I'm not happy, and I'm never going to cook for
Speaker 2: you again, I'm never going to clean for you again.
Speaker 2: Do it yourself, grow up. And you could have said
Speaker 2: it like that and then he'd turn around and go
Speaker 2: get over it.
Speaker 4: That's what you signed up for.
Speaker 2: And I think a lot of people end up having
Speaker 2: that version of it. And it's really interesting. I say
Speaker 2: this to a lot of people. It's almost like, when
Speaker 2: you share something, are you sharing in a way that
Speaker 2: is looking at the three sixty of what you just said? Like, well,
Speaker 2: what did I sign up for? What did they sign
Speaker 2: up for? How does this change affect them? The change
Speaker 2: will never be seamless and smooth that now that I've
Speaker 2: said it, from tomorrow, everything's going to be perfect. And
Speaker 2: it's incredible to me to hear the emotional maturity surrounding that.
Speaker 2: And I hope that everyone who's listening and watching my
Speaker 2: compassion goes out to people who I do feel are
Speaker 2: with someone who may not have the emotional maturity to
Speaker 2: receive it, even if it's shared with the maturity that
Speaker 2: you just shared it. I think I do know a
Speaker 2: lot of people who have tried to share something similar
Speaker 2: with their partners, and the partners will be like, I
Speaker 2: just get over it. You'll be fine tomorrow, don't worry
Speaker 2: about it. Like, you know, how would you have dealt
Speaker 2: with if that was the case? How would you guide
Speaker 2: people with radical confidence? How would you deal with that?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: God, that's such a great question because there's no guarantee
Speaker 1: that your partner's going to respond the same way Tom did, even.
Speaker 2: If you dropped it perfect yes, yes, right, Like, that's
Speaker 2: the point. I think we live in a world where
Speaker 2: we think if I say everything perfectly, then someone and
Speaker 2: we know that's not true. So let's say you dropped
Speaker 2: it perfectly and Tom had it's right, baby, Like, that's
Speaker 2: what women are meant to do. That's what a wife's
Speaker 2: meant to do. That's what or that's what you signed
Speaker 2: up for. We both signed a contract. That's what it was.
Speaker 4: What would you have done?
Speaker 1: And that's really important because that's the thing is like,
Speaker 1: was it a non negotiable for him? Because even to
Speaker 1: where I said, I originally wanted four children and I
Speaker 1: don't want any that idea of that non negotiable if
Speaker 1: he was the type of person were one of his
Speaker 1: non negotiables, we're having children and having a stay at
Speaker 1: home wife. I actually understand that we're not meant to
Speaker 1: be together then, because I don't want to force my
Speaker 1: opinion on you. You need to live the life that
Speaker 1: you actually want, and if that life means that you
Speaker 1: really want children, you need to go and find that
Speaker 1: because we're going to make each other unhappy, no matter
Speaker 1: how much I love you. And so if Tom had
Speaker 1: turned around to me and said, yeah, no, that's what
Speaker 1: you signed up for, I think in that moment I
Speaker 1: would have been shocked. I wouldn't have expected it, and
Speaker 1: I would have had to go back and be with
Speaker 1: myself and been silenced and start to write out what
Speaker 1: my value systems are, what my morals are, and how
Speaker 1: I want to show up every day, and then check
Speaker 1: to see if then what Tom is saying aligns with that,
Speaker 1: because I had been going along with the flow for
Speaker 1: so long and thinking other people's opinions were mine. And
Speaker 1: so we don't really know what is our own thoughts
Speaker 1: until we are still, until we write out what we
Speaker 1: actually care about, and so our value systems happen to
Speaker 1: very much align. Our value system is is I will
Speaker 1: support you, even in spite of things that may make
Speaker 1: my life more uncomfortable. Right, my value system is is
Speaker 1: that you are an ambitious man. I will protect you
Speaker 1: and support you in your ambition, even if it makes
Speaker 1: my life more difficult. So if he's working, which is
Speaker 1: true two years ago, he was working one hundred and
Speaker 1: twenty hours.
Speaker 3: A week two years ago.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like for like eighteen months. That was very hard.
Speaker 1: And so for eighteen months I was supporting him until
Speaker 1: it started to become detrimental to us. And that's where
Speaker 1: it's like, support each other, know your value systems, but
Speaker 1: never let your own values diminish, your own wants and
Speaker 1: need diminished. And that's what I did for eight years.
Speaker 1: And that's kind of what I talk about in the
Speaker 1: book about how a relationship can and be literally the
Speaker 1: winds beneath your wind, your wings that can help propel
Speaker 1: you right, it can make you feel better about yourself
Speaker 1: as you're on that journey. But it also can be
Speaker 1: that anchor around your ankle that can if you dropped
Speaker 1: into the ocean, we just take you deeper and deeper.
Speaker 1: And so who are you with? Do they want to
Speaker 1: see you shine? Do they want to actually see you thrive?
Speaker 1: And what are their non negotiables? But I think ultimately,
Speaker 1: if Tom has said that, I don't think we would
Speaker 1: have stayed together. And that's the key is when people
Speaker 1: say you and Tom are so lucky, You're so lucky
Speaker 1: to have someone like Tom, and I said, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I've got Tom because we communicate and he's the person
Speaker 1: that is okay with a wife going from a stay
Speaker 1: at home wife to now an entrepreneur. And I'm okay
Speaker 1: with having a husband that works one hundred hours or
Speaker 1: one hundred and twenty hours a week. Most people aren't
Speaker 1: and there's no judgment there. But that's what makes us
Speaker 1: beautiful dance partners. And so never, I just did it
Speaker 1: too long, Jay, Never, anyone listening, don't ever diminish your dreams.
Speaker 1: Don't ever negotiate your boundaries for somebody else. Know what
Speaker 1: they are first, and then ideally find somebody that respects
Speaker 1: and compliments them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's such great advice, and it's you know, and
Speaker 2: I know you mean it. And it's funny because I
Speaker 2: think I resonate strongly with that as well. Is that
Speaker 2: when I think about me and Raddy, it's very we're
Speaker 2: obviously we no longer have been together as long as
Speaker 2: you and Tom have, but I see a lot of
Speaker 2: similarities in how we're growing in that way. And your
Speaker 2: relationship is a beautiful example of that, like you and
Speaker 2: Tom and how long you've been together and all the transitions,
Speaker 2: and I love seeing it. It's really inspiring for us,
Speaker 2: and I think it's similar for us.
Speaker 4: Like I always.
Speaker 2: I genuinely believe it that the reason why me and
Speaker 2: Rady work is because we communicate, and is because we're
Speaker 2: both able to respect and adapt and know what the
Speaker 2: other person needs. I think what's really interesting, though, Lise,
Speaker 2: is that a lot of the time, what we want,
Speaker 2: we've got to really think about that word, because I
Speaker 2: wonder whether sometimes we've always It's so funny because I'm
Speaker 2: going the other way, but we started off talking about
Speaker 2: like we all believe we deserve less, but sometimes in
Speaker 2: our relationships we could be really demanding in a way
Speaker 2: that isn't taking into account who the other person is.
Speaker 2: So I'll give you an example. Let's say what you wanted,
Speaker 2: and I know Tom's I'm going to speak for him
Speaker 2: a bit and you can edit the parts I don't
Speaker 2: get right. If you had said, Jay, I'm excited to
Speaker 2: get married and the guy I want, I want him
Speaker 2: to be someone who every evening spends time with me,
Speaker 2: every weekend is free and available. I want him to
Speaker 2: think about planning a vacation four times a year, or
Speaker 2: twice a year, or once year. I want him to
Speaker 2: be someone who just wants to cuddle up and watch
Speaker 2: a movie every night, even if you wanted all of that,
Speaker 2: Tom was not the right guy, Like that's not Tom,
Speaker 2: Like he's he may be some of those things, but
Speaker 2: not really not really Yeah, exactly perception, Tom's not that guy.
Speaker 3: I know each other, you know Tom. Yeah, Like Tom's
Speaker 3: not that guy.
Speaker 2: And and I'm not saying that makes him a good
Speaker 2: or bad I'm just saying that's not Tom. And it
Speaker 2: was similar with me and Radi, like, you know, like
Speaker 2: I think I said something ridiculous to Radi when we
Speaker 2: first started dating, and I was like, look, if you
Speaker 2: want the guy who's always free every weekend to hang
Speaker 2: out with family and goes to a movie on Friday
Speaker 2: night and then goes like I don't know, like house shop,
Speaker 2: furniture shopping on the weekend, I was like, I'm not
Speaker 2: that guy, Like I'm just that's not me, Like I
Speaker 2: have a mission, I'm excited about stuff, like I'm passionate,
Speaker 2: i want to live a purposeful life, like this is
Speaker 2: my priority. And so sometimes what we want and who
Speaker 2: were attracted.
Speaker 3: To don't mesh.
Speaker 2: Like you can be attracted to Tom for his intelligence,
Speaker 2: his brain, his looks, whatever else it is, and he
Speaker 2: can be attracted to you, but then you're like, but
Speaker 2: wait a minute, I actually want someone who's ambitious or
Speaker 2: not ambitious.
Speaker 4: I want someone who's.
Speaker 2: This or this, And so sometimes I think we're trying
Speaker 2: to force someone to be something that they're not. And
Speaker 2: I see that a lot. I'll have a lot of
Speaker 2: friends will say to me like, I wish he was
Speaker 2: just a bit more ambitious. I'm like, but he's not.
Speaker 2: And he's not suddenly going to become that, like he's
Speaker 2: he's he may become that, because we can all change,
Speaker 2: but obviously he's not showing you that two years or
Speaker 2: someone will be like, you know, I wishly didn't work
Speaker 2: so hard, like you know, something like but you know
Speaker 2: his goal is to be a billionaire, like as in
Speaker 2: do you know what I mean?
Speaker 4: And and he's dedicated to that.
Speaker 2: So I'm like, where does that want an attraction kind
Speaker 2: of go together?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's such a great question. Yeah, Because
Speaker 1: here's the thing, though, Jay, is that of course we
Speaker 1: want everything. Of course we do everyone does, So just
Speaker 1: accept that, Okay, you're not going to necessarily be able
Speaker 1: to have everything, So what's what's the cost? So I
Speaker 1: find ambition extremely sexy and attractive, and so I'm attracted
Speaker 1: to someone that has ambition, and so what comes with that?
Speaker 1: What is the cost of being attracted to someone that
Speaker 1: has ambition? They're not going to be there every night
Speaker 1: at seven pm, They're not taking time off on the weekends,
Speaker 1: They're not filling the blank. Okay, well, what's more important
Speaker 1: to you? Like, now, just look at those facts and
Speaker 1: go if you're ambitious, this is actually what comes with
Speaker 1: someone ambitious. If you want someone that is a stay
Speaker 1: up again, freaking love it. But just know that probably
Speaker 1: means they're going to work a nine to five that
Speaker 1: that way they have the time to be open to
Speaker 1: them spending date night with you. But are you okay
Speaker 1: with that? What life do you want? What's more important?
Speaker 1: Like actually almost prioritize them. And so for me that
Speaker 1: was a very early wake up call with Tom where
Speaker 1: it's like I know who I'm married, and so just
Speaker 1: because I've got a ring on my finger doesn't mean
Speaker 1: now all of a sudden he has to change in
Speaker 1: order to fit all the things that I'm looking for
Speaker 1: in life. I actually know that the cost of being
Speaker 1: with him is that I don't see him on a
Speaker 1: Saturday night or a Friday. And then that extends to children.
Speaker 1: When we were even talking about kids, he said, Babe,
Speaker 1: I love you. I'm not gonna wake up in the
Speaker 1: middle of the night and clean the baby's diaper because
Speaker 1: I am an ambitious and I will be resentful, going
Speaker 1: back to that word, I'll be resentful if I give
Speaker 1: up my ambition for my children and my wife. I
Speaker 1: won't be able to be the man that you love
Speaker 1: and you want me to be, because you are literally
Speaker 1: stripping me away of the fundamental person I am. And
Speaker 1: when you can respect someone for being that honest and
Speaker 1: that transparent, I only receive it with utter gratitude to
Speaker 1: be honest, like thank you for telling me before we
Speaker 1: have children what type of father you're going to be.
Speaker 1: And so he said, I'm going to be working really hard.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to be coming home at seven pm
Speaker 1: every night, and I'm not going to get up with
Speaker 1: the kids because i need to make sure that my
Speaker 1: cognitive load is like on fire when I'm in my business.
Speaker 1: But then on the weekends, the truth is that I
Speaker 1: want to be an amazing father, and so I'm going
Speaker 1: to be on the weekends taking my kids to soccer
Speaker 1: practice and doing all these things. Those are the reality
Speaker 1: of who fundamentally he is and how that shows up
Speaker 1: in our relationship. Cool now that I know that, do
Speaker 1: I still want children? Knowing that pretty much Monday to Friday,
Speaker 1: I'm a single mother Because when people don't have these conversations,
Speaker 1: it ends up being the biggest thing that breaks that
Speaker 1: relationship because you are now judging the part I can't
Speaker 1: believe he's not waking up and I'm I'm left all
Speaker 1: by myself? Or did you have the discussion so that
Speaker 1: you knew again the zero judgment? But you knew what
Speaker 1: the mother wants and what the father wants. And this
Speaker 1: goes both ways, right, It's not just Tom what do
Speaker 1: I want out of life? And how do children fit
Speaker 1: into my lifestyle? But those are the things that we
Speaker 1: spoke about every step of the way so that we
Speaker 1: can always give each other the utter respect in being
Speaker 1: the person they are, because when you strip away that,
Speaker 1: you can't bring your whole self. You know, you've written
Speaker 1: in your book about how you have to have a
Speaker 1: relationship with your purpose. Your partner has to have a
Speaker 1: relationship with their purpose and then you come together. But
Speaker 1: if you're stripping each other of their purpose, you can't
Speaker 1: have that beautiful dance and that relationship. So knowing all
Speaker 1: of those factors is exactly why I was like, I
Speaker 1: still love you, I appreciate it. I still find this
Speaker 1: very sexy. And now the understanding is is that he's
Speaker 1: not going to be home in the evening. And that
Speaker 1: was actually part of what made me decide that I
Speaker 1: didn't want children because I don't want to be a
Speaker 1: single mother Monday to Friday. I freaking love my work,
Speaker 1: so I actually don't want to give that up either.
Speaker 1: I didn't want to have children and have Nanni's bring
Speaker 1: them up. No shame, just my decision. And then on
Speaker 1: the weekends, I'm just going to be utterly transparent and
Speaker 1: honest with you, is that I don't want to be
Speaker 1: second or third on his priority list. When is there
Speaker 1: going to be time for me and him if he's
Speaker 1: working a week and on the weekends he's with the children.
Speaker 1: And the thing that I will protect the most is
Speaker 1: my relationship with my husband. So knowing that, now, what
Speaker 1: decisions do we make to protect our relationship? And I
Speaker 1: understand people, especially with kids we play, you won't know
Speaker 1: what it's like until you have kids. I bet you
Speaker 1: get that all the time, especially in your culture. The
Speaker 1: truth is no, I don't know what it's like because
Speaker 1: I don't have them. But there's nothing that I'm missing
Speaker 1: or losing because I don't know what I'm missing out on.
Speaker 1: It's kind of like a dog making fun of us
Speaker 1: humans for our sense of smell. It's like their sense
Speaker 1: of smell is freaking amazing, but I don't know what
Speaker 1: it's like. So I don't look at a dog in longingness.
Speaker 1: I just go I know my sense of smell, and
Speaker 1: it is what it is. So but I do treat
Speaker 1: it as fact that I bet you Nature takes its
Speaker 1: course and make sure that biologically, especially as a woman,
Speaker 1: that you then prioritize your children. So then again asking Tom,
Speaker 1: are you okay with going down on my priority list
Speaker 1: when we have kids? Because nature will make sure that
Speaker 1: that child is the center of my universe. I don't
Speaker 1: pretend otherwise. And being able to have that type of
Speaker 1: honest conversations with zero judgment, giving each other the grace
Speaker 1: to just be who they are, then allows us to say,
Speaker 1: do we have children, do we still stay in this
Speaker 1: marriage without that growing contempt that then ends up breaking
Speaker 1: all couples. It turns you into a person you're not
Speaker 1: proud of. You start arguing, you start saying things you
Speaker 1: don't like, you start doing things you're not proud of
Speaker 1: yourself use and potentially their vulnerabilities against them in arguments
Speaker 1: because you haven't had that truth conversation from the get go.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, there's so much to unpack.
Speaker 3: Then.
Speaker 2: I love the first point you made, this idea of
Speaker 2: if you're attracted to something that's a non negotiable or
Speaker 2: a priority, first of all, just draw a line as
Speaker 2: to what the cost of that is. So if you
Speaker 2: want some unambitious, naturally they'll have less time. If you
Speaker 2: want someone less time, naturally they'll be less ambitions. That's
Speaker 2: just how life works. And neither of those are good
Speaker 2: or bad. But if you go, I want someone who's
Speaker 2: really ambitious and has loads of time, that's just not happening.
Speaker 2: And so you need to know your deal breakers and
Speaker 2: you need to know your priorities. And I love the
Speaker 2: way you put that because I do think that we
Speaker 2: do want it all, and we want it all now,
Speaker 2: and when someone doesn't give it to us all, we
Speaker 2: then think it's their fault, and that's what creates this
Speaker 2: resentment and contempt because we're like, well, wait a minute, like,
Speaker 2: don't you want to work a bit more? And it's like, no,
Speaker 2: but the thing you love about them is that they're
Speaker 2: always available. Like I have friends who's like, their partners
Speaker 2: will coming then with their work trip and then they'll
Speaker 2: be like, oh, but don't you have something to do?
Speaker 2: And it's like, but but you love the fact that
Speaker 2: they're always with you. And then there's this break, you know,
Speaker 2: this this break, does that make sense or even this
Speaker 2: idea of like I love someone of my friends say
Speaker 2: to me like, oh, you know, my partner's just a
Speaker 2: bit boring, And I'm like, but you wanted someone who
Speaker 2: didn't do anything like you wanted someone who was you know, like,
Speaker 2: didn't have interest, was always around, was always available, and
Speaker 2: now you're calling them boring for it. It's like, but
Speaker 2: you've never really you know, you've never encouraged them to
Speaker 2: or you've never been attracted to someone who wanted to explore.
Speaker 2: It's it's fascinating to me.
Speaker 1: Can we take it either?
Speaker 3: Yes? Please go for it?
Speaker 4: Yeah, go for it.
Speaker 1: So think about women in the workforce now. So a
Speaker 1: lot of women are which I freaking love, right, I
Speaker 1: want to empower women. I think it's incredible that now
Speaker 1: we have the options to really be able to go
Speaker 1: into the workforce instead of stay home wives or mothers.
Speaker 1: But what I've noticing is happening is a lot of
Speaker 1: some women I would won't say a lot are really
Speaker 1: building that confidence and I freaking like it. And I
Speaker 1: interviewed somebody I won't say their name, but she's a
Speaker 1: really big powerhouse and she's successful, and she's wealthy, and
Speaker 1: she had just got divorced, and so she's telling me
Speaker 1: the story about how she's like, yeah, I'm owning my sexuality,
Speaker 1: I'm owning who I am, and I'm a powerful woman.
Speaker 1: So she chats up this guy in a bar and
Speaker 1: she's like, and he became my boyfriend. He's younger than her,
Speaker 1: so he moves in with her, and she's like, I
Speaker 1: freaking love it. No guy's ever going to control me again.
Speaker 1: Or so she's like, amazing, I respect that, you know
Speaker 1: what you want, you go after it. Halfway through the interview,
Speaker 1: she's just like, yeah, And I can't believe he doesn't
Speaker 1: like book any vacations, He never pays for dinner, he
Speaker 1: never takes the lead on something. And I'm like because
Speaker 1: you didn't set up your relationship for that to be
Speaker 1: like that. And I think ultimately, this is something I'm
Speaker 1: really playing with new that's really weighing on me is
Speaker 1: that I think one of the things people don't ask
Speaker 1: each other and they're worried, especially in today's society. But
Speaker 1: I think it's imperative when you get into a relationship,
Speaker 1: before you commit who leads and who follows and having
Speaker 1: that actual conversation. And here's the thing. Following someone doesn't
Speaker 1: make you weaker, it doesn't make you submissive. It just
Speaker 1: has a way to think about dancing. I've brought up
Speaker 1: dancing for some reason this conversation. I'm not quite sure why. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's the dear exactly think about in dancing. You can't
Speaker 1: have two leaders. You just can't think about running a company.
Speaker 1: You can't have two CEOs. You have to have that moment,
Speaker 1: you have to have that moment of who is leading
Speaker 1: and who is following. But if you can remove the
Speaker 1: stigma that maybe you have against the word follow, then
Speaker 1: you can actually have that honored conversation. And that's what
Speaker 1: Tom and I did is Babe, I want you to lead.
Speaker 1: He wants to lead, and I want him to lead.
Speaker 1: That doesn't make me less of a powerful, confident woman.
Speaker 1: It actually makes me stronger in my eyes, because I'm
Speaker 1: strong enough to know I can it will be strong
Speaker 1: in my own conviction, my ideas, my boundaries, standing up
Speaker 1: for myself, and I can still have faith in somebody
Speaker 1: else is going to lead me. Now, of course, if
Speaker 1: he goes off step, I'm going to have the confidence
Speaker 1: to speak up. But ultimately I'm not challenging him for
Speaker 1: that role. And in Totay's society, again, it's just weird
Speaker 1: for people to say about roles in a relationship. And
Speaker 1: I think there's no right or wrong. What do you
Speaker 1: want in your relationship? But you have to have that
Speaker 1: role discussion. Yes, no matter what gender a person is
Speaker 1: going to take the lead, you have to have that
Speaker 1: discussion first.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And one thing that Raddy and I found is also
Speaker 2: that we lead and follow in different areas. So when
Speaker 2: it comes to our health, Raley leads. She decides what
Speaker 2: snacks we have in the house. She decides what we
Speaker 2: eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. She decides where we
Speaker 2: go to eat for restaurants and we're going out, she
Speaker 2: decides what we eat when we're traveling, because I trust
Speaker 2: her that she knows more about the body than I
Speaker 2: do as a nutritionist and dietician and all of our expertise,
Speaker 2: and so I'm going to follow her. When it comes
Speaker 2: to working out, I follow her. She's the one who's
Speaker 2: like setting the paces to like, all right, you know,
Speaker 2: when I met her, I didn't even work out. Its
Speaker 2: played a bit of sport or whatever. And she was
Speaker 2: the one saying, no, no, no, it's really great for us
Speaker 2: to be active and do this together.
Speaker 4: So she leads.
Speaker 2: When it comes to our home, I lead interior design
Speaker 2: because that's my thing.
Speaker 4: I love it.
Speaker 2: I love art, I love esthetic, I love the feel
Speaker 2: I love everything, and I get so into it, and
Speaker 2: so she let me lead. She was like, Jay, you're
Speaker 2: in charge, Like that's your thing. When it comes to
Speaker 2: spending time with family and vacations, she leads. She loves
Speaker 2: taking care of her family and loves traveling together and
Speaker 2: giving them experiences, and so she lead. Then when it
Speaker 2: comes to the direction of like should we move now,
Speaker 2: should we do this? Where should we invest? I'm leading
Speaker 2: that conversation, and I think it's beautiful because there's leading
Speaker 2: and following across all these different areas and all of
Speaker 2: a sudden, it's like you're both playing to your strengths.
Speaker 2: You both feel valuable, you both feel significant, and you
Speaker 2: both feel like you get to rely on the other person,
Speaker 2: which is beautiful, which is what you want. And I
Speaker 2: think it's yell.
Speaker 1: It goes back to the doubles in tennis.
Speaker 2: You're playing doubles exactly exactly like you take that shot,
Speaker 2: I'll take this one. And that's a beautiful analogy. And
Speaker 2: I think that that's the reality of what's helped us
Speaker 2: as well, is being humble enough to say you lead
Speaker 2: your better at this, and then being confident enough to
Speaker 2: say not, I'll take this one because that's my strength.
Speaker 2: And I think that requires so much humility and putting
Speaker 2: your ego aside, and it also requires so much self awareness.
Speaker 2: And by the way, this isn't perfect. We're constantly playing
Speaker 2: with it, like there will constantly something like I want
Speaker 2: you to this because I don't.
Speaker 4: Want to do it. She's like, I don't want to
Speaker 4: do it either. Right.
Speaker 2: There's that stuff too, and then there's stuff where you're
Speaker 2: both arguing over who's going to lead because you both
Speaker 2: want to lead it. I think what we're both coming
Speaker 2: back down to is the importance of that conversation, because
Speaker 2: I know so many of my friends actually have been
Speaker 2: scared to tell their partners going back to the kids thing,
Speaker 2: and this could be about anything. Kids is an example
Speaker 2: where they're not ready for kids, but their partner is
Speaker 2: so pushing for kids, and it's like, no one's listening
Speaker 2: to each other now. It's just our desire is superseding
Speaker 2: the code that your partner is trying to suggest to
Speaker 2: you of I'm not ready, I'm not sure.
Speaker 3: But your desire is just like no, no, no, it has.
Speaker 2: To happen now, it has to happen now. And I
Speaker 2: find that to be like I think i'd really me
Speaker 2: and Radley kind of.
Speaker 4: Went through that.
Speaker 2: Like before we moved to the place that we're at now,
Speaker 2: I really needed to move because we lived in a
Speaker 2: place that we were renting that I never slept well in.
Speaker 2: We had people taking stuff, like our male would always
Speaker 2: get stolen. We'd have there were a lot of animals
Speaker 2: that were in the floorboards. It was an old home,
Speaker 2: so you'd hear like animals rustling around like it was
Speaker 2: just one of those homes where I always felt uncomfortable
Speaker 2: and anxious, and so I don't think I slept well
Speaker 2: for one and a half years, where I would be
Speaker 2: living in fight or flight every night, thinking what if
Speaker 2: someone's in my house? And that is not a comfortable feeling.
Speaker 2: And so I kept pushing. I was like, rah, the
Speaker 2: I need to get out of here. I need to
Speaker 2: get out. And she loved at home, so she couldn't
Speaker 2: get it. She was just like, this place is beautiful,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, yeah, it's beautiful during the day, but
Speaker 2: at night. Trust me, I'm not really anxious here and
Speaker 2: I'm not really an anxious sleeper.
Speaker 4: I sleep well.
Speaker 2: And so it was very new for me, and I
Speaker 2: could tell she wasn't quite getting it, and so I
Speaker 2: had to start looking for new places because I realized
Speaker 2: that I was like, until she sees something better, she's
Speaker 2: not gonna get the pot. And so it was literally
Speaker 2: like and that's natural, right, like because her she was
Speaker 2: like I'm happy here, I'm satisfied here.
Speaker 3: I was like, no, but I can't.
Speaker 2: And she wasn't getting the subtle nudges, and so I
Speaker 2: started looking, started dragging her to house feelings. We found
Speaker 2: this place.
Speaker 3: Even then she was like no, no, no.
Speaker 2: The other place is more beautiful, blah blah blah blah.
Speaker 2: And then finally I was like, you must be kidding me.
Speaker 2: And then we moved, and now she's grateful that we moved.
Speaker 2: But it was really interesting, how like, even though there
Speaker 2: was a bit of conflict and friction, I still knew
Speaker 2: I had to lead, But I knew I didn't have
Speaker 2: to lead by like trying to convince her or make
Speaker 2: her feel bad for not understanding me, or because I
Speaker 2: could sense it wasn't that she didn't understand me, or
Speaker 2: she wasn't listening to me, or maybe there was a
Speaker 2: bit of that we just weren't getting it, if that
Speaker 2: makes sense.
Speaker 1: That Yeah, what's interesting is I go back to the
Speaker 1: value systems because the value for you was I need
Speaker 1: to the value of sleeping because of how I know
Speaker 1: how important your brain is to you in your mind
Speaker 1: and how you think and how you show up and
Speaker 1: run your business and everything like that. It actually aligns
Speaker 1: with your value system. Now, maybe Radley's value system was homemaking.
Speaker 1: I want to be somewhere I'm comfortable. So actually both
Speaker 1: of your value systems. Again, there's no right or wrong,
Speaker 1: but that's where your value system was. Then colliding because
Speaker 1: she feels like I've made a house out of this
Speaker 1: value system. I'm not getting what I need. I can't work,
Speaker 1: I don't have the mindset value system. So actually what
Speaker 1: was happening is your value systems were colliding, but you're
Speaker 1: not talking about the value. You're talking about the house. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: And so that becomes that even with the kids thing,
Speaker 1: it's like, okay, we the person that wants to delay
Speaker 1: the children, what's your value system there? I haven't gotten
Speaker 1: to where I want to in my career, and my
Speaker 1: career right now is super important, and maybe the person
Speaker 1: is my value system. I've always wanted a family, and
Speaker 1: so I value family over business. So now you can
Speaker 1: see one person's valuing business over family, the other person's
Speaker 1: valuing family over business, and you're colliding, but you're not
Speaker 1: actually talking about the thing. You're just talking about the kids,
Speaker 1: But it's actually about the value system that's colliding. The
Speaker 1: silly example that I learned this lesson with Tom was
Speaker 1: over making the bed. I was like, what do you
Speaker 1: mean you don't make the bed? Of course you make
Speaker 1: the bed. It was like the thing I was taught
Speaker 1: my whole life. And Tom was like, no, I won't
Speaker 1: make the bed, and we would collide. I'm like, you
Speaker 1: don't get it in these and so he would get
Speaker 1: frustrated every time I would make the bed because he's like,
Speaker 1: I have to unmake the bed now. I'm like, it
Speaker 1: takes three seconds. And I was dismissing and mocking him,
Speaker 1: if I'm going to be very honest, thinking he was
Speaker 1: wrong that of course you make that. What kind of
Speaker 1: person doesn't. And I was literally putting my value system
Speaker 1: on him until we started to date. What does making
Speaker 1: the bed mean to you? And to me, it was
Speaker 1: about neatness. It was about calm. I have ADHD, so
Speaker 1: I need those moments of calmness around me. I need
Speaker 1: things to be neat in order for me to be centered.
Speaker 1: But I didn't say that. I said I need the
Speaker 1: bed to be made. For him, his value system is time,
Speaker 1: He's like, it's the one thing I'll never get back.
Speaker 1: And so if you ask me to do something that
Speaker 1: doesn't actually align with the vision of what I want
Speaker 1: my future to be, don't like you're asking me to
Speaker 1: be someone I'm not. So his value system is time.
Speaker 1: My value system is tidiness. And so you can see
Speaker 1: in just that silly thing of making the bed. We
Speaker 1: freaking collide and how many people couples do that every
Speaker 1: single day over small little things. And what ends up
Speaker 1: happening is that oxytocin that you had when you first
Speaker 1: started dating is no longer there, and all you have
Speaker 1: are these collisions dating.
Speaker 2: I love that, and I feel I really hope everyone
Speaker 2: who's listening and watching like takes a moment to break
Speaker 2: this down for themselves like we had it the other
Speaker 2: way around. A few couple of months ago, my wife's
Speaker 2: book came out, her first book, Yeah, and thank you.
Speaker 2: I know you interviewed her for it as well, and
Speaker 2: it was you know, and it was just it was
Speaker 2: a really exciting moment. Rather had poured three years of
Speaker 2: her life into this cookbook. I saw her work hard
Speaker 2: on it. I've never seen her work that hard in
Speaker 2: my life, never seen her just be so consistent. You
Speaker 2: know how much work it takes. You know, Look, we're
Speaker 2: sitting here talking about radical confidence. One year on, right
Speaker 2: and one year on dude. Two years, yeah, two years
Speaker 2: on of radical confidence. And you know how much work
Speaker 2: goes into this book. I know how much you poured
Speaker 2: into this book. This was your first ever book, and
Speaker 2: I said to Radi. I said to her, I said,
Speaker 2: you know what, Riley, like, we've been together now for
Speaker 2: eleven years. We've celebrated a lot of things, but you've
Speaker 2: never had a book out. So I don't know how
Speaker 2: you want to celebrate this because not every celebs the same,
Speaker 2: Like you don't celebrate a birthday, how you celebrate an anniversary,
Speaker 2: and how you celebrate Christmas. They're different celebrations. And so
Speaker 2: I was asking and checking in with it, and I
Speaker 2: was like, I actually don't know what you'd like to
Speaker 2: do in order to like make this moment feel special.
Speaker 2: And she we were on a hike and she just
Speaker 2: said to me. She goes, oh, we just celebrated last night.
Speaker 4: And I was like, what do you mean. I couldn't
Speaker 4: even remember.
Speaker 2: What we did last night. I was like, what do
Speaker 2: you mean we celebrated last night? And she was like, yeah,
Speaker 2: like our friends came over. I cooked from the book
Speaker 2: and they loved the meals. This was the day before
Speaker 2: the book came out. And I was like, wait, that
Speaker 2: was a celebration to you, Like.
Speaker 3: It wasn't.
Speaker 2: There was no it wasn't like the joyful book event.
Speaker 2: There was no fancy like cards with food. It was
Speaker 2: just a few mates came over and she cooked from
Speaker 2: the book, which I don't even know if she told
Speaker 2: her anyone, and they loved it and they loved the food.
Speaker 2: And she was like, that felt like a celebration to
Speaker 2: me because I made food I love for people I love.
Speaker 2: And I was like, wow, you just saved me this
Speaker 2: grand idea out in my head of like throwing a
Speaker 2: big party or like you know, putting the joyful banner
Speaker 2: up or whatever, which is what I would do. And
Speaker 2: I was just thinking about that, and I was like,
Speaker 2: it's so interesting to me that her value of celebration
Speaker 2: is that, and my value around celebration is totally different.
Speaker 2: But again, so many couples and relationships can go wrong
Speaker 2: because we're constantly either celebrating the person we love or
Speaker 2: we're criticizing the person we love based on our value system.
Speaker 2: And now all we're talking about is the criticism or
Speaker 2: the celebration and not talking about the value. Yeah, And
Speaker 2: it's fascinating to me that it works both ways, whether
Speaker 2: it's a good thing or a bad thing, because sometimes
Speaker 2: you do something something nice for your partner and they
Speaker 2: don't appreciate it, and you're like, why don't you appreciate it?
Speaker 2: Because that's not what I appreciate, it's not what I value.
Speaker 1: And I applaud you for just asking her because so
Speaker 1: many people either wouldn't ask, wouldn't do anything, or just assume.
Speaker 1: And that's I think where a lot of couples will
Speaker 1: most get mixed up, where it's like, well, if they
Speaker 1: love me, they should no, and it's like, oh that
Speaker 1: breaks my heart. It's like they're not a mind reader.
Speaker 1: Like like you said, we all change, we all evolve.
Speaker 1: You would have done something with the biggest heart right,
Speaker 1: like I want to celebrate my wife and she was
Speaker 1: looking like what do you mean? How many times? And
Speaker 1: then what happens in that moment, You feel unappreciated for
Speaker 1: having tried to show up and do something amazing. She
Speaker 1: doesn't feel seen or heard. So now this whole thing,
Speaker 1: this act that you've done to try and really show her,
Speaker 1: doesn't achieve anything. You and her both feel badly. And
Speaker 1: then again you almost like look at the other person
Speaker 1: like you're wrong or you're crazy or how could you
Speaker 1: have done this? And so the idea of just just
Speaker 1: asking and like remove all the idea of what we've
Speaker 1: been taught of like if they love me, they should
Speaker 1: know and just say ultimately, I want them to feel
Speaker 1: what I want them to feel loved. I want them
Speaker 1: to feel seen. Okay, how do they do that? I
Speaker 1: sometimes don't know, let me just ask. So one of
Speaker 1: the things. Actually, so I stopped being stay home wife.
Speaker 1: I stopped cooking for Tom. We laid out all of
Speaker 1: our things of how we want to show up for
Speaker 1: each other, and we changed and grow, or we both
Speaker 1: change and grow. Since then, so only last year Tom
Speaker 1: turned around to me and he said, you know what, babe, like,
Speaker 1: I feel like I have a need that's unmet right now.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, what's the need, babe?
Speaker 1: And he's like, I actually now miss that you don't
Speaker 1: cook for me.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 1: So we've been like fifteen years.
Speaker 3: He's been fine with it.
Speaker 1: But instead of me judging him, he told me I'm
Speaker 1: not supposed to guess he just said that, And I said, okay, babe,
Speaker 1: what does that look like? And he's like, I like
Speaker 1: you to preempt my needs when it comes to food
Speaker 1: and said okay. Instead of just leaving it at that,
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, can I order Postmates? They have
Speaker 1: it delivered with that satisfy the need and he's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you can, or do I have to cook it? He's like, no, no,
Speaker 1: you can have postmtes. Okay, do I need to plate
Speaker 1: it for you? Or can I leave it out on
Speaker 1: the doorstep and just text you it's here? And he's like,
Speaker 1: well if you can put it on like my kitchen counter,
Speaker 1: like his little side and he's like that way I know.
Speaker 1: It's like cool. Now I've heard you. I don't have
Speaker 1: to assume I now don't have to go straight into
Speaker 1: oh my god, he's now asking me to cook. I
Speaker 1: don't want to cook. I went there. I was that person.
Speaker 1: I don't want to get tracked. No, none of that.
Speaker 1: We just broke it down bit by bit of understanding
Speaker 1: what exactly that need looks like. Now here's the other part.
Speaker 1: Maybe I'm not willing to do it, And in that moment,
Speaker 1: I just would have said, right now, that actually doesn't
Speaker 1: fit my lifestyle of what I need to show up.
Speaker 1: So how do we find a compromise. Is there a
Speaker 1: compromise or is it Sorry, I'm unable to do it,
Speaker 1: but what if I do it for three weeks on
Speaker 1: a holiday? Right now? Come up with ways that you're
Speaker 1: not just shutting the other person down. You're hearing their
Speaker 1: needs and they feel heard that you're trying to find
Speaker 1: a solution because ultimately, I think not to just stereotype,
Speaker 1: but typically I think women want to feel seen, they
Speaker 1: want to feel safe, they want to feel needed, and
Speaker 1: they want to feel appreciated. It's not the money, it's
Speaker 1: not the height that a lot of people are saying
Speaker 1: they need to be six foot and then seven figures. No. No,
Speaker 1: If you really do stop and pause and ask your
Speaker 1: partner how they can feel those roles, then you can
Speaker 1: start to actually create a beautiful relationship on the long term.
Speaker 1: And then the same for a guy. Obviously I don't know,
Speaker 1: and I'd love to hear your thoughts, but I've tried
Speaker 1: to process. What is it that I think a guy needs.
Speaker 1: They want to feel appreciated, they want to feel powerful,
Speaker 1: not controlling powerful, and they want to be respected.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'd agree with that.
Speaker 1: And so knowing, Okay, if that's actually what you want,
Speaker 1: I'm just going to say it. People may hate it,
Speaker 1: but I just go to truth. How do I make
Speaker 1: you feel powerful? That's what I would ask Tom. How
Speaker 1: do I make you feel powerful. What are the things
Speaker 1: that you need now? Again? I then go back to
Speaker 1: my value systems. I say, does this align with me?
Speaker 1: But I'm not going to guess. I want to make
Speaker 1: sure that my husband's happy and that we're always constantly
Speaker 1: in alignment. And when you've been together for twenty three years,
Speaker 1: I may him when I was twenty one, We've built
Speaker 1: multiple companies together, So how the hell have we been
Speaker 1: able to stay so aligned. It's these little things that
Speaker 1: people may be embarrassed to do, maybe shamed to do,
Speaker 1: or they don't want to do it.
Speaker 4: That's the reality. That's the reality.
Speaker 2: We want something but we either feel guilty, shameful, embarrassed,
Speaker 2: or uncomfortable to ask for it, and then we take
Speaker 2: that feeling out on our partner for not knowing it,
Speaker 2: and we get triggered when they say something like I
Speaker 2: wish you'd cook for me Again, that triggers all of
Speaker 2: our PTSD from that time and now it's like, how
Speaker 2: can you even ask me to do that? You know
Speaker 2: how hard that was for me, not realizing it's just
Speaker 2: a suggestion, it's just an idea, It's coming from a
Speaker 2: good It's that space that I think we've been talking
Speaker 2: about today is can you kind of create a safe
Speaker 2: space to have these uncomfortable conversations without any shame or guilt, right, And.
Speaker 1: That becomes the foundation that ultimately selection matters. Who you
Speaker 1: choose to be with will absolutely dictate the outcome of
Speaker 1: your li relationship. And so I used to say the
Speaker 1: key to a relationship is communication. I don't actually think
Speaker 1: it is. I think it's a growth mindset. Because if
Speaker 1: you do not have a growth mindset, no matter how
Speaker 1: much I communicate. You said that earlier, right, they may
Speaker 1: not be able to respond. Now, think of all the
Speaker 1: hurdles and humps that we've been through in our relationship.
Speaker 1: How have we survived those because we are open to
Speaker 1: having the hard conversations. We're open to communicate and endlessly
Speaker 1: until we get to the solution. One of the rules,
Speaker 1: So Tom and I have had a bunch of rules.
Speaker 1: One of the rules is never apologize if you don't
Speaker 1: mean it. And even in the moments of I'm deeply upset,
Speaker 1: he absolutely can say, baby, I know if I just
Speaker 1: apologize to you right now, I know that you're going
Speaker 1: to feel better. But I can't apologize because I'm not
Speaker 1: sorry for it. And what that does is that absolutely
Speaker 1: elongates the conversation, the argument. It may go now now,
Speaker 1: for two days, three days, but ultimately we're not brushing
Speaker 1: it under the rug. We actually resolve it and go, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm still very hurt, but let me actually work through
Speaker 1: that hurt. Why am I hurt? Why was I triggered?
Speaker 1: Why did you say that? You know? And then we
Speaker 1: just peel away the onion, peel away the onion to
Speaker 1: get to that core. But it all comes from that
Speaker 1: growth mindset. And if you don't have it, no matter
Speaker 1: how much you discuss it, you're going to hit a
Speaker 1: wall where you cannot be seen or hurt.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, Lisa, you are amazing. The book everyone is called
Speaker 2: Radical Confidence. Eleven lessons on how to get the relationship, career,
Speaker 2: and life you want. Today we did a deep dev
Speaker 2: on relationships, which I loved. But when you open up
Speaker 2: this book, you learn how to handle your negative voice,
Speaker 2: how you can overcome failure, how you can actually work
Speaker 2: through your emotions and understanding them. Setting your value system
Speaker 2: is a big part of this book. Breaking through your beliefs,
Speaker 2: building that growth mindset is all inside this book called
Speaker 2: Radical Confidence. If you didn't get grab a copy two
Speaker 2: years ago. Make sure you grab a copy right now.
Speaker 2: If you don't already subscribe to and watch Women of Impact,
Speaker 2: make sure you go.
Speaker 4: And do that as well.
Speaker 2: Lisa, it's always such aed you were talking to you,
Speaker 2: because it's so lived. Everything you share is such lived experience,
Speaker 2: and I know you live by it because I know
Speaker 2: you and Tom, and on top of that, it's just
Speaker 2: so real. And I love having these really pragmatic, practical
Speaker 2: conversations around topics that can be very ethereal and uncomfortable
Speaker 2: and woo woo and kind of a bit like oh,
Speaker 2: you know, and to be honest manipulative and controlling, like oh,
Speaker 2: if you want him to do this, do this, if
Speaker 2: you want her to And it's almost like you actually
Speaker 2: can't get anyone to do anything. All you can do
Speaker 2: is all you can do is accept them for who
Speaker 2: they are or not. And I think when we're having
Speaker 2: these conversations, I'm really hoping that everyone walks away with
Speaker 2: an understanding of what type of quality of interaction and
Speaker 2: conversation to have with the individual. And the growth mindset
Speaker 2: point is in a relationship is huge, huge, because adaptability
Speaker 2: and flexibility is at the core of anything long term,
Speaker 2: and I've seen that with me and Raley too.
Speaker 4: There is just there.
Speaker 2: I realize it all the time. It's things would only
Speaker 2: never work if we lost our flexibility and adaptability, and
Speaker 2: that's all growth mindset you have to And it's so
Speaker 2: interesting how so often we don't want to be flexible
Speaker 2: and adapt to one by the way, that's okay too.
Speaker 2: So Lisa, thank you so much for showing up as
Speaker 2: always and just shedding someone's clarity on a really difficult topic.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Jay, thank you for having me. You're You're
Speaker 1: such a good dude. I freaking love you. I love
Speaker 1: Raddy like we're connected from day one, and the support
Speaker 1: and human that you are. I just want to say
Speaker 1: thank you for always being there as a friend.
Speaker 2: Thank you always always have you and anyone who's been
Speaker 2: listening and watching. Make sure you tag me and Lisa
Speaker 2: on Instagram, on TikTok, on ex whatever platform you're on
Speaker 2: in the YouTube comments. Let us know what resonated with you,
Speaker 2: what's stuck with you, what you're trying out with your
Speaker 2: partner or potential partner. Please pass this on to a friend,
Speaker 2: someone in a relationship who's struggling, who's going through a
Speaker 2: tough time. I really believe it will give them the
Speaker 2: tools and the resources that they need to navigate and
Speaker 2: guide them through. And of course go and grab your
Speaker 2: copy of Radical Confidence. It's available in paperback right now.
Speaker 2: Thanks so much everyone. Thanks Lisa than Say. If you
Speaker 2: love this episode, you'll enjoy my interview with doctor Daniel
Speaker 2: Ahman on how to change your life by changing your brain.
Speaker 5: If we want a healthy mind, it actually starts with
Speaker 5: a healthy brain. You know, I've had the blessing or
Speaker 5: the curse to scam. Over one thousand convicted felons and
Speaker 5: over one hundred murderers and their brands are very damage.
Speaker 2: For Mental Health Awareness Month, I'm partnering up with the
Speaker 2: National Alliance of Mental Illness No ME. If you're someone
Speaker 2: you know is struggling with mental health, there is help.
Speaker 2: Call nom Helpline at eight hundred nine fifty NAMI or
Speaker 2: go to www. Dot name dot org, forward slash help,
Speaker 2: or text Helpline to six two six four zero for
Speaker 2: immediate twenty four to seven crisis support. Call your text
Speaker 2: nine eight eight or visit www. Dot nine eight eight
Speaker 2: lifeline dot org