1 00:00:00,960 --> 00:00:04,880 Speaker 1: This is the most dramatic podcast ever and I heart 2 00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:09,640 Speaker 1: radio podcast. Hello everybody, and welcome to the most dramatic 3 00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:12,399 Speaker 1: podcast ever. Chris Harrison, Lauren Ziema coming to you from 4 00:00:12,440 --> 00:00:15,600 Speaker 1: the home office in Austin, Texas. Happy to be home. 5 00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:17,560 Speaker 1: By the way, it's good to be back home. We've 6 00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:19,919 Speaker 1: been traveling a lot. I was in Orange County for 7 00:00:20,040 --> 00:00:22,840 Speaker 1: Easter with my family. A belated happy Easter and pass 8 00:00:22,920 --> 00:00:25,919 Speaker 1: Over to all those who celebrate. That's not the right word. 9 00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:29,159 Speaker 1: We celebrate both. Oh, okay, celebrate the right word. It 10 00:00:29,240 --> 00:00:33,720 Speaker 1: feels yeah, No, you celebrate, Yeah, okay, it's subserve, observe 11 00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:37,599 Speaker 1: and celeb Can we celebrate Passover? We celebrate Easter. Those 12 00:00:37,640 --> 00:00:40,479 Speaker 1: are both celebrations. You do both. Actually, I don't know 13 00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:42,159 Speaker 1: if everybody knows that about you. Yeah, I'm a bit 14 00:00:42,159 --> 00:00:44,880 Speaker 1: of a religious mutt. And so I drove up to 15 00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:47,599 Speaker 1: Dallas with the kids. Laura and I kind of separate, 16 00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:50,360 Speaker 1: divide and conquer a little bit during the holiday sometimes. 17 00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:52,840 Speaker 1: So you were out with your family in LA I 18 00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:55,120 Speaker 1: was up in Dallas with my family. We did Passion. 19 00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:57,000 Speaker 1: By the way. Some people think it's a little weird 20 00:00:57,040 --> 00:00:59,880 Speaker 1: that we do that, but I basically what we do is, 21 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:05,280 Speaker 1: so I've got family in Orange County, California, Los Angeles, California, Chicago, Illinois, 22 00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:08,440 Speaker 1: and so usually me, my mom, my sister, and brother 23 00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:11,160 Speaker 1: and I try to meet somewhere and celebrate together. But 24 00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:14,520 Speaker 1: then Chris has family in Dallas. His kids are sometimes 25 00:01:14,560 --> 00:01:18,280 Speaker 1: in La sometimes in Dallas, and you know, you might 26 00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:20,360 Speaker 1: have the kids for some holidays, might not. So it 27 00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:22,000 Speaker 1: just sends that we have like a lot of places 28 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:25,520 Speaker 1: to be, and so we make time for each other's families. Yeah, 29 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:28,360 Speaker 1: quite a bit. You definitely do with my family, and 30 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:30,880 Speaker 1: your family comes here. We spend a lot of time together. 31 00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:33,800 Speaker 1: So we make time for each other's families. But when 32 00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:36,280 Speaker 1: it comes to the holidays, sometimes it's just easier to 33 00:01:36,319 --> 00:01:39,120 Speaker 1: divide and conquer. And Elze can go spend time with 34 00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:40,679 Speaker 1: her family, I can do mine, and then we come 35 00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:43,280 Speaker 1: back together and we celebrate ourselves. And I'm okay with that. 36 00:01:43,480 --> 00:01:44,840 Speaker 1: I don't know. Some people are like, so, you guys 37 00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:47,680 Speaker 1: aren't together. I don't think we were together last Christmas. 38 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:52,560 Speaker 1: We were, If you're being honest, how are you okay 39 00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:54,480 Speaker 1: with it? Because I sort of started this. It was 40 00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:56,240 Speaker 1: my idea to be like, why don't I just go 41 00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:58,400 Speaker 1: with my mom's sister and brother. You go with your 42 00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:00,800 Speaker 1: mom and the kids, and we'll just make it easier. Look, 43 00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:03,960 Speaker 1: if I have my brothers, we're together, and I think 44 00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:06,200 Speaker 1: you feel the same way. If all things being equal, 45 00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:10,160 Speaker 1: we want to be together. It's sure. It's just easier 46 00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:13,440 Speaker 1: to facilitate our families and our lives to do it 47 00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:16,240 Speaker 1: this way. And I think that's the growth of us. 48 00:02:16,520 --> 00:02:19,160 Speaker 1: It's the growth of the experience of life. Of it's 49 00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:22,160 Speaker 1: just a day. We can celebrate our day whenever. Well, 50 00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:25,160 Speaker 1: to be honest, I will say there are some things 51 00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:28,880 Speaker 1: I enjoy about it because there is a certain like 52 00:02:28,919 --> 00:02:31,320 Speaker 1: when it's just me with my siblings and my mom. 53 00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:34,760 Speaker 1: You know, that's like your core group. I'm sure you're 54 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:36,760 Speaker 1: very different if it's just you and your brother hanging 55 00:02:36,760 --> 00:02:39,240 Speaker 1: out versus if I'm with you and your brother, and 56 00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:41,120 Speaker 1: I would love for you to be with my family, 57 00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:42,840 Speaker 1: and you are quite a bit. You've been to pass 58 00:02:42,919 --> 00:02:45,240 Speaker 1: Over with my family, and look, there's thirty of us 59 00:02:45,320 --> 00:02:48,120 Speaker 1: that got together this year. I have a very big 60 00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:51,120 Speaker 1: family on my Jewish side of the family. And then 61 00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:53,600 Speaker 1: we got together for Easter the next day with the 62 00:02:53,639 --> 00:02:56,840 Speaker 1: other side of the family and so it's awesome when 63 00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:59,200 Speaker 1: you're there, and everyone of course asked about Lauren because 64 00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:02,639 Speaker 1: Lauren's more fun than I am. You're very Everybody in 65 00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:05,760 Speaker 1: my family loves you more, they love me more because 66 00:03:05,760 --> 00:03:10,200 Speaker 1: you're usually around. And it's this interesting thing now, even 67 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:12,760 Speaker 1: with my family, who clearly loves me, but when I 68 00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:15,520 Speaker 1: walk in the room, like, oh, we thought Lauren was 69 00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:19,560 Speaker 1: going to be here, and I'm like, wow, okay, even 70 00:03:19,639 --> 00:03:21,880 Speaker 1: my kids are like that now, you know, oh Gooma. 71 00:03:21,919 --> 00:03:24,000 Speaker 1: Taylor's like, well, I thought Lauren was gonna I'm like, no, 72 00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:27,919 Speaker 1: it's just you got your dad, Okay, Like con well, 73 00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:30,280 Speaker 1: my family loves you and all that, but it's We've 74 00:03:30,320 --> 00:03:31,919 Speaker 1: talked about it before. But it's one thing I love 75 00:03:31,919 --> 00:03:35,160 Speaker 1: about our relationship in that whether I'm going to see 76 00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:37,800 Speaker 1: my friends or my family, like have a girl's trip 77 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,600 Speaker 1: with my mom and sister, or if you're going to 78 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,800 Speaker 1: you know, you're doing a fishing trip upcoming with your brother, 79 00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:45,119 Speaker 1: you and I have never once said to each other, oh, 80 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:47,280 Speaker 1: you're going on that trip, or well no, why don't 81 00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:49,880 Speaker 1: you stay home? Like we've never ever not just been 82 00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:52,920 Speaker 1: fully supportive and greenlit go on that trip. Yeah, Oh 83 00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:56,520 Speaker 1: my gosh, that's awesome do that. And I love that 84 00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:59,920 Speaker 1: so much about our relationship because a it makes me 85 00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:02,840 Speaker 1: miss you and be it makes me like I never 86 00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:04,880 Speaker 1: feel guilty about any of that. I don't know. I 87 00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:08,000 Speaker 1: don't envy couples. I hear stories from people, like somebody 88 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:10,640 Speaker 1: told me the other day, Oh, well, my husband was 89 00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:12,720 Speaker 1: going to go on this bachelor party and I told 90 00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:15,800 Speaker 1: him he couldn't go. No. I told him he couldn't 91 00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:17,400 Speaker 1: go because it was going to be like they were 92 00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:18,719 Speaker 1: going to be partying a lot, and I don't really 93 00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:20,160 Speaker 1: like that group of his friends. And I was kind 94 00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:22,200 Speaker 1: of thinking to myself, I don't know, maybe I'm wrong 95 00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:24,200 Speaker 1: on this, but I was sort of thinking, well, he's 96 00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:26,839 Speaker 1: a grown man, and if you don't trust your husband 97 00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:28,600 Speaker 1: to go on a bachelor party, I think that's more 98 00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:30,440 Speaker 1: of an issue with you and your relationship than with it. 99 00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:32,719 Speaker 1: If you feel like you have to create a blockade 100 00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:35,560 Speaker 1: between he and his friends, yeah, you have bigger problems. 101 00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:37,640 Speaker 1: And by the way, he's not going to stop that 102 00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:39,599 Speaker 1: the rest of his life. You're not. That will only 103 00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:42,120 Speaker 1: make him want those things more and try and get 104 00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:46,200 Speaker 1: around you. And then you get into creating false narratives 105 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:51,479 Speaker 1: aka lying right, You're just hiding from you. I'm just 106 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:53,200 Speaker 1: going on this trip, or I'm going out and it 107 00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:55,640 Speaker 1: turns out you're in Vegas or whatever. So if you 108 00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:57,479 Speaker 1: have a problem with that, you got bigger problems in 109 00:04:57,520 --> 00:04:59,880 Speaker 1: your relationship. And I think you and I have all 110 00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:01,520 Speaker 1: has been a firm believer. You got to have your 111 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:03,400 Speaker 1: own lives and you got to support your own lives. 112 00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:06,640 Speaker 1: So we had our own lives and had a wonderful 113 00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:09,680 Speaker 1: passover with my family. I loved it. They didn't love 114 00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:11,719 Speaker 1: it as much because Lauren wasn't there. And then we 115 00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:13,480 Speaker 1: had a beautiful Easter, so I hope you did too. 116 00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:16,719 Speaker 1: It was a wonderful Holy Week for everybody. And so 117 00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:19,840 Speaker 1: we're back though, and we're back in Austin, Texas. And 118 00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:23,480 Speaker 1: there was a story that came out Caitlin Bristow, who 119 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:26,240 Speaker 1: was on this podcast a while back, and I did 120 00:05:26,279 --> 00:05:29,640 Speaker 1: her podcast quite some time ago, and in that podcast 121 00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:31,760 Speaker 1: where she came to my house in la this is 122 00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:34,880 Speaker 1: back pre lz and we opened up some wine. We 123 00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:37,279 Speaker 1: drank way too much wine. Had a great podcast, and 124 00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:39,240 Speaker 1: in that we talked a lot about it. She got 125 00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:42,919 Speaker 1: very emotional about how her feelings had been hurt when 126 00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:45,400 Speaker 1: you know she was denied dancing with the stars for 127 00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:48,760 Speaker 1: so long, and about you know, the way she became 128 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:51,800 Speaker 1: the bachelorette. It was her and Britt pitted against each other. Well, 129 00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:53,640 Speaker 1: she dove in a little bit further. She went on 130 00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:59,719 Speaker 1: her fiance Jason Tarti's podcast and she talked a little 131 00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:03,400 Speaker 1: bit or about the finances behind being the Bacherette and 132 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:06,040 Speaker 1: how those emotions got involved in that. They offered her 133 00:06:06,080 --> 00:06:09,039 Speaker 1: what she said, a Measley forty thousand dollars to be 134 00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:13,280 Speaker 1: the Bacheorette, and she got a lawyer, She got an 135 00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:17,560 Speaker 1: entertainment attorney, which by the way, was brilliant, and an 136 00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:20,000 Speaker 1: executive producer came to her and said, oh, you got 137 00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:23,559 Speaker 1: an entertainment lawyer. You're asking for this amount of money. 138 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:26,080 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I thought this was about love for you, 139 00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:31,440 Speaker 1: which Britlin, which which Bristow recalled. She continued, f off, 140 00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:34,200 Speaker 1: it's about love and money. Okay, they go hand in 141 00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:37,080 Speaker 1: hand for me right now, because they said you're going 142 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:40,920 Speaker 1: against Britt. And this was where Caitlin was smart. She said, 143 00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:44,320 Speaker 1: I want as much as Chris Souls got as the 144 00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:48,279 Speaker 1: bachelor last season, which was around seventy but it was 145 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:53,080 Speaker 1: funny how you know her emotions were in the negotiation, 146 00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:58,120 Speaker 1: and I found that to be interesting beyond just the 147 00:06:58,160 --> 00:07:00,240 Speaker 1: Bachelor Bacherette. You know, I don't know this. I don't 148 00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:03,960 Speaker 1: know if you do. You ever did you ever talk 149 00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:07,560 Speaker 1: to people like when they're in that period, when they're 150 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:10,200 Speaker 1: in the negotiations period, and discuss anything with them? For 151 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:12,760 Speaker 1: sure you did. Certain I mean most of the bachelors 152 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:15,640 Speaker 1: and bacherettes I got to know towards the end of 153 00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:17,720 Speaker 1: their season on the previous they would be like the 154 00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:21,480 Speaker 1: finalist on christ Souls season, and then I knew that 155 00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:24,520 Speaker 1: they were coming in to be the Bachelorettes, And so 156 00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:26,240 Speaker 1: it depends, you know. I always told them, if you 157 00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:28,720 Speaker 1: ever want to talk, I'm here. I will help you. 158 00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:30,680 Speaker 1: I don't have a dog in this fight. Yes, I 159 00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:33,320 Speaker 1: want the show to be successful, but I did not 160 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:36,320 Speaker 1: have the final say on the Bachelor Bacherette. I did 161 00:07:36,320 --> 00:07:39,400 Speaker 1: not negotiate those things. I don't even know really who 162 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:41,560 Speaker 1: ended up negotiating it. I know it probably goes to 163 00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:45,040 Speaker 1: business affairs at the end of the day, but which producer. 164 00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:47,840 Speaker 1: So I was not you know, I didn't have intimate knowledge. 165 00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:51,239 Speaker 1: I would hear later, Oh Emily Maynard got one hundred 166 00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:53,760 Speaker 1: thousand or Shan Lowe got a hundred whatever it was, 167 00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:58,520 Speaker 1: and so did they. Yeah, they got the Emily Mayner 168 00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:00,520 Speaker 1: got a big chunk of money and she got to 169 00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:02,600 Speaker 1: dictate where we shot the show. We went to Charlotte 170 00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:04,440 Speaker 1: because she had a daughter. She had her daughter, and 171 00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:05,680 Speaker 1: she's like, if we're going to do this, I need 172 00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:08,680 Speaker 1: to be close by and good for her and her daughter. Well, 173 00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:12,520 Speaker 1: that's interesting that Emily and Sean got such bigger chunks 174 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:14,960 Speaker 1: than also think both Crystals and Caitlyn did. Was that 175 00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:19,120 Speaker 1: reflective of the show, like not being as big on 176 00:08:19,840 --> 00:08:21,760 Speaker 1: That's where the ratings were at the time, and it's 177 00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:25,840 Speaker 1: and it's the worth. Look, take the emotion out of 178 00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:29,000 Speaker 1: this because that's your weakness and a negotiation like this 179 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:32,480 Speaker 1: is you getting emotional. That's what they hope you will do, 180 00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:35,000 Speaker 1: is get emotional when you're going into any job interview 181 00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:38,079 Speaker 1: and they're going to try and use that leverage against you. 182 00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:40,760 Speaker 1: You know, it's all about all these negotiations are about leverage, 183 00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:44,720 Speaker 1: and it's where the ratings are, where you are, who 184 00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:49,000 Speaker 1: are you? And look take Caitlyn Bristow, for example, relatively 185 00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:54,040 Speaker 1: unknown woman who had just been on The Bachelor from Nashville, Tennessee. Okay, 186 00:08:54,679 --> 00:08:57,240 Speaker 1: there are plenty of those in the world that the 187 00:08:57,320 --> 00:09:00,920 Speaker 1: Bachelor can go to. Now that's their stage. Your stance 188 00:09:00,960 --> 00:09:04,520 Speaker 1: has to be. I resonate with America. They want me 189 00:09:04,559 --> 00:09:07,120 Speaker 1: to be the bachelorette, and that is the push you 190 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:09,880 Speaker 1: have to decide your value. They're going to try and 191 00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:11,839 Speaker 1: diminish that because their job is just to get to 192 00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:15,040 Speaker 1: you as cheaply as possible. You know what you just said. 193 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:18,400 Speaker 1: I have to thank you because you have helped me 194 00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:20,920 Speaker 1: so much with my own negotiation skills. And you know 195 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:22,920 Speaker 1: what this is. It's frustrating. It's one of those things 196 00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:24,800 Speaker 1: I feel people. I see people say things a lot 197 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:26,960 Speaker 1: on social media. Why didn't I learn this in school, 198 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:30,040 Speaker 1: Like we're learning the Pythagorean theorem, but where's the education 199 00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:32,960 Speaker 1: on how to buy a home, how to invest, what 200 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:34,800 Speaker 1: a four oh one K is and I would include 201 00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:38,360 Speaker 1: in that. Negotiating your salary at work. We never are 202 00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:40,640 Speaker 1: educated on that, and you helped me with that so 203 00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:43,160 Speaker 1: much when we started dating. What's more important than life 204 00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:46,600 Speaker 1: a squared plus B squared equal C square or how 205 00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:51,480 Speaker 1: to negotiate a damn contract which you will do fifteen 206 00:09:51,559 --> 00:09:54,160 Speaker 1: to twenty times in your life that will make huge, 207 00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:57,080 Speaker 1: huge impact on your life. I want to drive home 208 00:09:57,120 --> 00:09:59,079 Speaker 1: two things you just said because you had told those 209 00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:00,959 Speaker 1: to me before, and it sound like you maybe advised 210 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:03,320 Speaker 1: other people. And I've since gone on to tell my 211 00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:04,960 Speaker 1: own friends, well, Chris told me this, and these are 212 00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:10,720 Speaker 1: two important things. One, their job is to get you 213 00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:14,000 Speaker 1: for as little money as possible. When you are negotiating 214 00:10:14,040 --> 00:10:17,120 Speaker 1: your salary, a contract, whatever it is, you have to 215 00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:20,560 Speaker 1: realize and it's hard because your employer will probably play 216 00:10:20,559 --> 00:10:22,800 Speaker 1: on your emotions, just like they did with Caitlin and say, well, 217 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:24,760 Speaker 1: aren't you in this for love? They are going to 218 00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:26,640 Speaker 1: tell you like, well, you know, don't you care? And 219 00:10:26,679 --> 00:10:28,360 Speaker 1: we think you've been doing a good job, and like, 220 00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:29,960 Speaker 1: you know, this is all we can give you, and 221 00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:32,440 Speaker 1: why aren't you happy with this? But you have to 222 00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:34,800 Speaker 1: remember to try to take your emotion out of it, 223 00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:36,880 Speaker 1: which I know is not easy because our jobs are 224 00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:39,200 Speaker 1: so much of our time in life and it is personal. 225 00:10:39,760 --> 00:10:41,920 Speaker 1: And remember that they are trying to get you for 226 00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:46,280 Speaker 1: as little money as possible. And two, you have to 227 00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:49,320 Speaker 1: remember that they are going to tell you, you know, 228 00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:51,560 Speaker 1: there's a million people who can do your job. I 229 00:10:51,679 --> 00:10:55,440 Speaker 1: was told that in my job negotiations, negotiations so many times, Lauren, 230 00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:57,920 Speaker 1: do you know how many people want this job? And 231 00:10:57,960 --> 00:11:01,000 Speaker 1: what I learned to say was, Okay, we'll go get 232 00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:03,760 Speaker 1: one of them then, because I think there's a reason 233 00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:06,320 Speaker 1: you want me to do this job. So if you 234 00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:09,320 Speaker 1: want me, here's how much I want. And then when 235 00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:12,200 Speaker 1: you've done or said both those things, you also told 236 00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:14,360 Speaker 1: me you got to have a hill you're willing to 237 00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:16,600 Speaker 1: die on. There has to be a number in your 238 00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:18,680 Speaker 1: head where you're like, if they don't hit this, I'm 239 00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:21,240 Speaker 1: walking away, and you have to be willing to walk away. 240 00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:22,880 Speaker 1: You have to back up what you say that is 241 00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:26,080 Speaker 1: that that, to me is the best advice, is that 242 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:29,360 Speaker 1: you have to pick that hill. And again you have 243 00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:30,920 Speaker 1: to be willing to die in. And this goes for 244 00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:32,559 Speaker 1: me too. I mean, and I was going to say, 245 00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:35,520 Speaker 1: we're all expendable. We are all expendable. Every time I 246 00:11:35,559 --> 00:11:37,520 Speaker 1: went up for a contract negotiation, we could have been 247 00:11:37,559 --> 00:11:40,400 Speaker 1: the number one show in the world, which sometimes we were, 248 00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:43,439 Speaker 1: and they would come to you and say, yeah, you know, 249 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:46,839 Speaker 1: the show struggle and we got to cut back. You know, 250 00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:49,360 Speaker 1: we don't use you as much as we used to. 251 00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:51,920 Speaker 1: We don't need you, you know, they will just just 252 00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:55,040 Speaker 1: bury you. And so, you know, I told Caitlin in 253 00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:57,600 Speaker 1: this podcast we did a couple years ago, Caitlyn, if 254 00:11:57,600 --> 00:12:00,120 Speaker 1: they treat me like that, if I'm a pimple on 255 00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:02,880 Speaker 1: an elephant's ass, what do you think you are? Like? 256 00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:05,400 Speaker 1: How expendable are you? It goes down the line. And 257 00:12:05,440 --> 00:12:07,720 Speaker 1: so there's a lot of people who could host the show. Christy, 258 00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:09,600 Speaker 1: how many people want to host this show? And I 259 00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:12,679 Speaker 1: always said, great, do it. And at one point, and 260 00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:14,800 Speaker 1: we're going to talk to him this week, Sean Lowe. 261 00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:17,880 Speaker 1: He was used as a pawn against me one time, 262 00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:21,040 Speaker 1: and I'll talk to him more in depth about it. 263 00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:23,600 Speaker 1: But it was a political play because I was pushing 264 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:26,360 Speaker 1: the envelope hosting some other shows, and they wanted to 265 00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:28,880 Speaker 1: put me in my place, and so I said, fine, 266 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:31,600 Speaker 1: let Sean come in and host these live shows. It 267 00:12:31,679 --> 00:12:35,120 Speaker 1: was a disaster and it didn't go well. Sean, first 268 00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:37,240 Speaker 1: of all, is not a host, and he was doing 269 00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:40,880 Speaker 1: live TV. It's an incredibly hard thing to do do. 270 00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:43,320 Speaker 1: I think that played into what happened to me a 271 00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:46,400 Speaker 1: couple of years ago. Absolutely, I think it was partly 272 00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:51,120 Speaker 1: financial and political for sure. You leaving period, Yeah, I 273 00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:56,640 Speaker 1: mean leaving period. If they thought that I was still 274 00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:59,760 Speaker 1: so important that this show couldn't survive without me, the 275 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,199 Speaker 1: move heaven and earth to make that happen. If they 276 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:05,840 Speaker 1: think maybe we can do the show for cheaper, better, whatever, 277 00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:10,040 Speaker 1: then they're going to try that. And again, sometimes it 278 00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:15,400 Speaker 1: works out, sometimes it doesn't work out. I think that 279 00:13:15,559 --> 00:13:17,800 Speaker 1: they saw that the show did not do better without you, 280 00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:20,320 Speaker 1: and I'll t it your horn on that, I mean. 281 00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:22,480 Speaker 1: But so that's that's the thing. Though. Some there were 282 00:13:22,559 --> 00:13:24,080 Speaker 1: hills you have to be willing to die on. And 283 00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:25,840 Speaker 1: there was a hill that I was willing to die on, 284 00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:28,520 Speaker 1: and you have to be at peace with that. You 285 00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:31,160 Speaker 1: have to know your value and by the way, don't 286 00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:35,000 Speaker 1: overvalue yourself either. And you have a great quick story 287 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:36,839 Speaker 1: as we wrap this up. You have a great quick 288 00:13:36,880 --> 00:13:40,520 Speaker 1: story about a chef. Oh yes, well, dinner, we were 289 00:13:40,559 --> 00:13:42,240 Speaker 1: just out. You were just at this dinner and this 290 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:47,040 Speaker 1: chef is telling me that he just moved. He'd moved 291 00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:49,800 Speaker 1: here to Austin and he's trying to get a restaurant open, 292 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:52,760 Speaker 1: but he's having such a hard time finding people to 293 00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:54,840 Speaker 1: work right now. And he said it was in part 294 00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:59,600 Speaker 1: because he's getting people who are have no experience telling him, well, 295 00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:02,800 Speaker 1: this is the salary I demand, and he's like, but 296 00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:04,959 Speaker 1: you have no experience, and I can't afford to pay 297 00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:08,480 Speaker 1: you that. And so he has all this incredible experience himself, 298 00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:10,480 Speaker 1: and he's kind of trying to tell people, look, you know, 299 00:14:10,559 --> 00:14:12,320 Speaker 1: part of this job is you are going to learn 300 00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:14,439 Speaker 1: from me. You have no experience, but we're going to 301 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,920 Speaker 1: come in here and get an incredible education as part 302 00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:20,200 Speaker 1: of the job. Now, that is sometimes a tactic employers 303 00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:22,880 Speaker 1: will use against you, and you just have to be aware. 304 00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:24,880 Speaker 1: But in this case, I think he was right, and 305 00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:27,440 Speaker 1: what it made me realize is the reason he's right 306 00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:31,440 Speaker 1: is knowing your worth goes both ways. Yeah, you have 307 00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:36,600 Speaker 1: to know your worth, understand and have a real clarity 308 00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:40,960 Speaker 1: on your talents, your education, your experience, your knowledge, but 309 00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:44,640 Speaker 1: also know what you don't know and be like, you know, Okay, 310 00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:47,000 Speaker 1: I see what you're saying. And if you're promising me 311 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:49,560 Speaker 1: that this is this apprenticeship in a way, then okay, 312 00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:51,280 Speaker 1: I will take a little bit less money because I 313 00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:52,720 Speaker 1: know what I'm going to walk away with here. But 314 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:56,120 Speaker 1: I get scared, so I speak at universities, and I 315 00:14:56,200 --> 00:15:00,560 Speaker 1: used to speak at a lot and there is you know, 316 00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:02,400 Speaker 1: I don't just want to call it an entitlement that 317 00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:05,040 Speaker 1: has such a negative connotation. But one thing we are 318 00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:08,280 Speaker 1: teaching a lot of kids, especially in colleges, you know 319 00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:11,520 Speaker 1: your worth and go in. Well, you also need to know, 320 00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:14,880 Speaker 1: as Lauren just said, you have very little worth coming 321 00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:19,120 Speaker 1: out of college. I don't care where you went, Harvard, Syracuse, TCU, 322 00:15:19,280 --> 00:15:22,840 Speaker 1: doesn't matter. You don't have worth. Yet. You have to 323 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:25,400 Speaker 1: be able to go in and grind and earn that worth. 324 00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:28,680 Speaker 1: In the professional world, that means working for very little money. 325 00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:31,000 Speaker 1: Don't worry about the paychecks starting out as much as 326 00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:36,240 Speaker 1: getting that experience and working your butt off. Then you have. 327 00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:39,280 Speaker 1: You're building that worth. You're building that collateral for the 328 00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:42,200 Speaker 1: next negotiation and the next negotiation. But just coming out 329 00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:45,160 Speaker 1: and saying, for example, this chef who was this French 330 00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:48,160 Speaker 1: chef and this girl came in and she's like, I 331 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:50,480 Speaker 1: demand this, and he's like, I have to teach you 332 00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:53,000 Speaker 1: how to make croissants. You don't know how to do that. 333 00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:55,520 Speaker 1: You don't know the first thing about this. Once you 334 00:15:55,640 --> 00:15:58,960 Speaker 1: learn that, you're going to be unbelievably valuable to me 335 00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:03,760 Speaker 1: and the next person, So you have to earn that worth. Yes, 336 00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:05,960 Speaker 1: And I will also say I always give people the 337 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:09,960 Speaker 1: advice to switch jobs. I just saw this on Instagram 338 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:12,440 Speaker 1: the other day. Was like a study done by Forbes 339 00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:16,200 Speaker 1: in twenty fourteen that showed that over time, if people 340 00:16:16,280 --> 00:16:18,680 Speaker 1: stayed at a job, they made less money than people 341 00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:21,240 Speaker 1: who switched. And we had people at entertainment tonight who 342 00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:22,560 Speaker 1: would tell me, like they'd come to me and ask 343 00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:25,120 Speaker 1: my advice and say, I'm frustrated here, and I'd say, 344 00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:27,440 Speaker 1: you know, if you can, I mean, depending on how 345 00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:30,440 Speaker 1: the job market is, but consider switching going to another place, 346 00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:32,400 Speaker 1: because you were always going to get a bigger salary 347 00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:36,760 Speaker 1: bump going to a different employer, and then you can 348 00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:38,760 Speaker 1: always come back, you know, and it's only going to 349 00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:42,920 Speaker 1: make you more valuable. And I do. I just had 350 00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:45,880 Speaker 1: a friend who I advised on this negotiating thing. She'd 351 00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:49,040 Speaker 1: been in her company for like a decade and she 352 00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:51,080 Speaker 1: found out someone knew who came in and her same 353 00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:53,600 Speaker 1: job was making way more than her. She went to them, 354 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:56,600 Speaker 1: and I talked with her the negotiation and she said, 355 00:16:57,680 --> 00:16:59,920 Speaker 1: this is where I want to be. They wouldn't meet her, 356 00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:01,720 Speaker 1: so you know what that was the hill she died on. 357 00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:04,760 Speaker 1: She walked away. In less than a month, she has 358 00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:07,240 Speaker 1: a new job, she is making the money she wanted 359 00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:10,160 Speaker 1: to make, and it is all because she switched jobs. 360 00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:12,600 Speaker 1: So I've given that advice a lot to producers on 361 00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:15,639 Speaker 1: the show. You're you're growing in the job. First of all, 362 00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:17,240 Speaker 1: you just need to go see how other people work. 363 00:17:17,320 --> 00:17:19,280 Speaker 1: You need to work for others. Even if you have 364 00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:21,400 Speaker 1: a great job, go figure it out, and then you're 365 00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:23,520 Speaker 1: much more valuable when you come back. Was there ever 366 00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:25,560 Speaker 1: a time when you were close to when you were 367 00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:29,600 Speaker 1: in negotiations for a job for a show, whatever show 368 00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:32,000 Speaker 1: it was that you were hosting, where you did almost 369 00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:35,000 Speaker 1: walk away, where it almost fully broke down. Oh I 370 00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:37,920 Speaker 1: have I've walked away? What do you mean? Shows from hosting? 371 00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:40,520 Speaker 1: There were shows that I passed on and just it 372 00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:42,280 Speaker 1: was no but I mean a current show that you 373 00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:44,439 Speaker 1: were in and you were in negotiations and you were like, 374 00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:46,719 Speaker 1: this might be the end for me. Every time I 375 00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:50,800 Speaker 1: negotiated it it was ruthless. I mean, you know it's 376 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:54,800 Speaker 1: you're you're such a small you know, fly in this 377 00:17:55,359 --> 00:17:58,880 Speaker 1: wheel because you got to figure I'm negotiating with two 378 00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:02,040 Speaker 1: of the biggest studios in the world. You're negotiating with 379 00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:06,000 Speaker 1: Warner Brothers in ABC, ABC is ABC. Disney is one 380 00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:08,119 Speaker 1: of the biggest public companies in the world. That's how 381 00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:12,919 Speaker 1: you're negotiating with how minute How insignificant are you? Now, 382 00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:15,400 Speaker 1: if you are a value add to them, and that's 383 00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:18,639 Speaker 1: what you have to be a value add, then great, 384 00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:23,520 Speaker 1: you have a little leverage, but if you don't, you're 385 00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:27,640 Speaker 1: pretty expendable. And so every negotiation was ruthless. And that's 386 00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:30,720 Speaker 1: why you have agents. Typically they can go and talk 387 00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:34,520 Speaker 1: to business affairs, and business affairs can say horrible things 388 00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:37,560 Speaker 1: about you, I mean horrible things, and your agent will 389 00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:39,919 Speaker 1: take those and they'll say great things about you, and 390 00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:42,000 Speaker 1: they go back and forth and back and forth until 391 00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:44,440 Speaker 1: you're both pretty unhappy with the number. Then you say 392 00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:46,320 Speaker 1: yes and you move on. But you don't have to 393 00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:49,120 Speaker 1: hear those horrible things. You don't negotiate on your own behalf. 394 00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:51,919 Speaker 1: There's a reason for that. Okay, Well, the typical person 395 00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:54,119 Speaker 1: is not in the You know, I have an agent 396 00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:55,960 Speaker 1: or I have a lawyer. And again you said it 397 00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:58,320 Speaker 1: was so smart that Caitlin got an entertainment attorney to 398 00:18:58,359 --> 00:19:01,160 Speaker 1: help her. What would you advise someone who's going into 399 00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:05,040 Speaker 1: their salary negotiation trying to get a new job, whatever 400 00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:08,480 Speaker 1: it is, who is feeling like they're being told, well, 401 00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:10,040 Speaker 1: you know, there's a bunch of other people who want 402 00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:12,399 Speaker 1: this job and you're expendable, and who feels like they 403 00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:15,240 Speaker 1: have no leverage in that situation. Do your homework, have 404 00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:19,800 Speaker 1: some facts to back up your value. Don't just go 405 00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:23,480 Speaker 1: in and say, you know I'm valuable or I think 406 00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:26,480 Speaker 1: I'm worth this. You tell them why give them a 407 00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:29,720 Speaker 1: laundry list of things that you do that nobody can do, 408 00:19:30,359 --> 00:19:34,120 Speaker 1: and what is your value in this company? That is 409 00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:37,240 Speaker 1: the most important thing is have reasons. Why don't just 410 00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:40,119 Speaker 1: go in and just say a number, But also being 411 00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:42,600 Speaker 1: willing to die on that hill. Pick that number, like 412 00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:45,520 Speaker 1: you said, stand by it and be willing to walk. 413 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:47,160 Speaker 1: And you have to be willing to walk. And that's 414 00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:49,639 Speaker 1: a scary thing because we're all trying to pay a 415 00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:51,960 Speaker 1: mortgage where all we have kids. And that is their 416 00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:54,520 Speaker 1: leverage is your emotion. They know they got you, so 417 00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:56,959 Speaker 1: you at sometimes you've got to just stand your ground. 418 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:14,720 Speaker 1: So I want to talk briefly about this Tom Sandoval scandival, 419 00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:19,600 Speaker 1: the scandal that will never die. It's like going on, 420 00:20:20,359 --> 00:20:22,520 Speaker 1: It's back to this Vanderpump rules thing, and it's not. 421 00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:24,640 Speaker 1: Look for those of you that are like, oh my god, 422 00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:26,639 Speaker 1: please don't dive back into this, We're not. We're not 423 00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:29,320 Speaker 1: going to get into the meat of it. But Sandoval 424 00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:34,560 Speaker 1: just did an interview, oddly enough, on the Howie Mandel podcast. 425 00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:36,480 Speaker 1: I did not know how He Mandel had a podcast 426 00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:38,840 Speaker 1: until this interview, So I will say good get by 427 00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:41,080 Speaker 1: Howie Mandel. But actually, I think what we want to 428 00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:42,760 Speaker 1: talk a little bit about is not the meat but 429 00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:46,400 Speaker 1: the media of it, because I think the big question 430 00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:50,080 Speaker 1: is for everybody who saw these headlines that Tom Sandoval 431 00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:54,240 Speaker 1: did this interview, it was on Howie Mandel's podcast, like what, 432 00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:58,080 Speaker 1: and I have heard from a couple of friends who 433 00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:01,560 Speaker 1: report on all Things Bravo that apparently the way that 434 00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:06,560 Speaker 1: Howie Mandel got this Tom Sandoval interview is allegedly that 435 00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:13,960 Speaker 1: Tom's band's drummer is married to Howe's podcast producer. And 436 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:15,760 Speaker 1: by the way, that is a lot of the time 437 00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:18,639 Speaker 1: how interview has happened through like an intimate connection. But 438 00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:22,440 Speaker 1: I've also seen people online saying, wait, why would Bravo 439 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:25,600 Speaker 1: let him do this. They filmed the reunion, but it 440 00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:28,200 Speaker 1: hasn't aired yet. I think the answer here is Bravo's 441 00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:30,920 Speaker 1: not happy he did this. Um Andy Cohen named Howie 442 00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:33,080 Speaker 1: Mandel his jack hole of the week on Watch What 443 00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:36,600 Speaker 1: Happens Live because Howie Mandel did this interview with Tom 444 00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:39,160 Speaker 1: Sandoval and by the way, seemingly knew like nothing about 445 00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:42,600 Speaker 1: Vanderpump rules. He asked. He was asking who major characters are, 446 00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:45,879 Speaker 1: So luckily there he had a sidekick this this co host, 447 00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:47,600 Speaker 1: I think it was his I think that's his daughter. 448 00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:49,600 Speaker 1: Is that okay? So she's the one that ran the 449 00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:52,080 Speaker 1: interview basically. I mean, I'll be honest, I haven't listened 450 00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:54,200 Speaker 1: to the whole podcast. I've just seen clips of how 451 00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:57,040 Speaker 1: he being like, wait, who's Sheena? And not knowing the show, 452 00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:59,480 Speaker 1: and look, I know, you know how he a little bit. 453 00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:01,800 Speaker 1: I'm saying anything bad about how he is a person, 454 00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:04,760 Speaker 1: but I will say as an interviewer, I was a 455 00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:07,920 Speaker 1: little bit like how he Come on, man, you got 456 00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:11,400 Speaker 1: to do some basic research, even having your daughter there, 457 00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:13,560 Speaker 1: especially if you know you got a really good get 458 00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:16,960 Speaker 1: by getting really good whether you're interested in this story 459 00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:19,119 Speaker 1: or not, the fact that he went outside the Bravo 460 00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:22,000 Speaker 1: family and this reunion hasn't even aired yet, And first 461 00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:24,400 Speaker 1: of all, Bravo has lost control of their people. Everybody's 462 00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:27,360 Speaker 1: out doing their own interviews, kind of creating their own narrative, 463 00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:30,400 Speaker 1: talking on their own podcasts. I mean, by Cohen's got 464 00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:32,159 Speaker 1: to be just like damn it man. But didn't you 465 00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:34,119 Speaker 1: feel like you had those struggles with The Bachelor. I 466 00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:36,359 Speaker 1: know you didn't deal with them, but like your producers 467 00:22:36,359 --> 00:22:39,639 Speaker 1: and everybody that people would go rogue and do things 468 00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:42,360 Speaker 1: outset without The way it works if people at home 469 00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:44,840 Speaker 1: don't know, is when you're a contestant or a cast 470 00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:47,439 Speaker 1: member on these shows, you know you're under contract with 471 00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:49,360 Speaker 1: the studio, with the network. You have to go and 472 00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:52,600 Speaker 1: get approval to do interviews that they have not set 473 00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:56,280 Speaker 1: up for you, like ABC or I mean, it would 474 00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:58,480 Speaker 1: kind of be a combination of in The Bachelor's case, 475 00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:02,600 Speaker 1: ABC Warner Brothers. Your producers would coordinate and set up interviews, 476 00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:05,359 Speaker 1: and then if someone gets offered, Hey, this person wants 477 00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:07,920 Speaker 1: me to come on their podcasts, you'd have to get approval. Yeah, 478 00:23:08,119 --> 00:23:10,560 Speaker 1: most of the time, the network is actually likely saying 479 00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:12,160 Speaker 1: no because they want you to do what they want 480 00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:14,880 Speaker 1: you to do, and that wasn't the case. It was funny. 481 00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:16,240 Speaker 1: We had to learn the hard way. And I don't 482 00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:18,600 Speaker 1: know if we were the first, but we used to 483 00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:21,359 Speaker 1: just wrap up our show and it was over. That 484 00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:24,960 Speaker 1: was it. It's like, okay, you know, Bachelor Bacherette, y'all 485 00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:26,520 Speaker 1: just go go onto the world. And then they would 486 00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:29,400 Speaker 1: do all these magazines and you know, podcasts weren't really 487 00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:32,800 Speaker 1: a thing yet, but we didn't own those stories, and 488 00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:34,919 Speaker 1: Trista and Ryan would go off and you know, and 489 00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:37,280 Speaker 1: everybody else would talk about it. And then finally we're like, wait, 490 00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:39,400 Speaker 1: there's a lot of heat and a lot of meat 491 00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:42,000 Speaker 1: left on this bone. Let's keep picking at it and 492 00:23:42,080 --> 00:23:44,080 Speaker 1: let's own these stories. It took us a while to 493 00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:47,360 Speaker 1: kind of learn let's do a reunion show. Oh, let's 494 00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:50,320 Speaker 1: do an afar after the final rows wrap up, and 495 00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:52,920 Speaker 1: let's continue to have these people back on and own 496 00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:56,280 Speaker 1: these stories. And it became a three hundred and sixty 497 00:23:56,359 --> 00:24:00,560 Speaker 1: five day year arcing story that we own. And that's 498 00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:03,600 Speaker 1: what Bravo's trying to own right now but doing a 499 00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:06,880 Speaker 1: very poor job of keeping it under wraps. Well, tell 500 00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:09,360 Speaker 1: me what you think from them behind the scenes perspective 501 00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:13,160 Speaker 1: of like some people are saying, you know, Tom's job 502 00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:15,520 Speaker 1: is on the line over this because he's so going outside. 503 00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:17,720 Speaker 1: I don't think his job is on the line because 504 00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:20,639 Speaker 1: he's he's made the biggest plotline in the show's history. 505 00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:25,800 Speaker 1: I go back to our last subject about leverage. This 506 00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:27,879 Speaker 1: show will not be on the I mean, this is 507 00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:31,280 Speaker 1: an overstatement. The show's nothing without Tom Sandoval right now. 508 00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:35,159 Speaker 1: He is the story. He is the biggest story, one 509 00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:38,119 Speaker 1: of the biggest media stories going right now. If vanderpump 510 00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:41,280 Speaker 1: Rules loses him right now, what's the show? I know, 511 00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:45,520 Speaker 1: we start next season like, well that was crazy. Hey 512 00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:47,720 Speaker 1: what are you doing now? Right? I mean, like you 513 00:24:47,760 --> 00:24:50,960 Speaker 1: can't not pay this off? And so yeah, Sandoval's got 514 00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:53,480 Speaker 1: them over a barrel right now. And if he's smart, 515 00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:56,520 Speaker 1: he has a lawyer and he's negotiating and his rate 516 00:24:56,640 --> 00:24:59,320 Speaker 1: is doubling right now, right not justifying what he did, 517 00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:01,920 Speaker 1: just say he has leverage, I mean good or bad. 518 00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:04,240 Speaker 1: He has leverage on this story. If they're going to 519 00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:08,120 Speaker 1: use it, that's on them, I mean, I it will 520 00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:11,199 Speaker 1: also be interesting to see if cast member, you know, 521 00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:13,919 Speaker 1: how they handle continuing to film with him, you know, 522 00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:17,119 Speaker 1: I mean that is because their lives are real, you know, 523 00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:18,920 Speaker 1: in terms of what's happening on the show. But two 524 00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:21,840 Speaker 1: ladies involved also have a lot of leverage. Oh yeah, Arianna, 525 00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:25,040 Speaker 1: I mean Raquel has it. She's doing Dancing with the Stars. 526 00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:28,359 Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know how much leverage Raquel has 527 00:25:28,359 --> 00:25:30,880 Speaker 1: in this situation. I don't know, you still need her, 528 00:25:31,359 --> 00:25:33,240 Speaker 1: she sees part of the story. I think it depends 529 00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:36,280 Speaker 1: on the reunion, and it depends on if they stay together, 530 00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:38,600 Speaker 1: Like if they break up, I mean, you're gonna want 531 00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:40,520 Speaker 1: to see Tom and Arianna, and you're gonna want to 532 00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:42,840 Speaker 1: see Ariana date again that I definitely want to see. 533 00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:45,800 Speaker 1: I don't know about Raquel, but we'll see. And they 534 00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:48,679 Speaker 1: probably had to. Okay, Arianna going on Dancing with the Stars. 535 00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:50,720 Speaker 1: I didn't know she was on there. I'm not sure 536 00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:52,480 Speaker 1: if that's confirmed. I think it's a report, but don't 537 00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:56,280 Speaker 1: quote me on that. But I do In terms of 538 00:25:56,400 --> 00:26:00,000 Speaker 1: Tom doing the interview, also, I don't think it helped 539 00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:04,320 Speaker 1: him at all. I think that it's like he did 540 00:26:04,359 --> 00:26:08,600 Speaker 1: this interview, the timeline isn't adding up. His big argument 541 00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:11,159 Speaker 1: is that he had tried to break up with Arianna 542 00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:15,360 Speaker 1: and she wouldn't. Allegedly per him, wouldn't accept the breakup. 543 00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:17,680 Speaker 1: First of all, I don't believe that because she's still 544 00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:20,480 Speaker 1: like the whole point at which she found out about 545 00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:23,439 Speaker 1: this affair, she's at his show, watching his show. If 546 00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:25,320 Speaker 1: you're broken up, why is she at your show cheering 547 00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:28,240 Speaker 1: you on and holding your phone for you? But even 548 00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:30,119 Speaker 1: if Tom, you're sitting here saying, oh, I had tried 549 00:26:30,119 --> 00:26:32,400 Speaker 1: to break up with her a few weeks before. You'd 550 00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:35,239 Speaker 1: been having an affair for six or seven months. So 551 00:26:35,359 --> 00:26:38,480 Speaker 1: your big defense is that just two weeks earlier you'd 552 00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:40,880 Speaker 1: tried to break up with her. He's how old is Tom? 553 00:26:41,040 --> 00:26:44,480 Speaker 1: Didn't need forty? Okay, so that's even sadder than I thought. 554 00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:47,280 Speaker 1: I thought he's in his thirty so he's forty. My 555 00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:51,199 Speaker 1: take on this interview and listening to him, he is 556 00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:55,240 Speaker 1: such a bro. He is such a bro, and he's 557 00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:59,000 Speaker 1: not the smartest guy in the world. Listening to him 558 00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:03,840 Speaker 1: discussed this affair, it was like listening to a teenager. 559 00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:07,000 Speaker 1: We were talking, we got closer, and we got clear. 560 00:27:07,119 --> 00:27:10,280 Speaker 1: It was like this magnetic field bringing us together. When 561 00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:13,160 Speaker 1: we kissed, it is painful, it's cringe just I could 562 00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:15,399 Speaker 1: see him with like some sort of energy drink and 563 00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:17,639 Speaker 1: his shirt off and just like talking. It's just like 564 00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:21,080 Speaker 1: he's such a bro, and yeah it's it's He and 565 00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:24,280 Speaker 1: Tom Schwartz are the typical having lived in LA for 566 00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:27,399 Speaker 1: well over a decade, they are the typical Peter Pan 567 00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:30,800 Speaker 1: La man, and the Peter Pan syndrome is the guy 568 00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:33,040 Speaker 1: who has never grown up. That's what they are. I'm 569 00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:37,240 Speaker 1: still like on Sunset Boulevard, but not the good bars, 570 00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:40,680 Speaker 1: playing in a band with my shirt off at forty 571 00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:44,440 Speaker 1: years old with no real career or path. Yes, and 572 00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:48,679 Speaker 1: still like having affairs with twenty something year old girls. Well, 573 00:27:49,480 --> 00:28:04,400 Speaker 1: blessings to the Vanderbump Rules cast. I wanted to talk 574 00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:07,560 Speaker 1: about a different reality show headline. This is much more 575 00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:10,879 Speaker 1: emotional and much more serious than the Tom's and Vanderpump Rules. 576 00:28:11,359 --> 00:28:15,320 Speaker 1: The Kardashians. So, Courtney Kardashian has this new wedding special 577 00:28:15,359 --> 00:28:18,240 Speaker 1: on Hulu about her wedding to Travis Barker, the first 578 00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:22,760 Speaker 1: time she's ever gotten married, the oldest Kardashian sister. And 579 00:28:22,800 --> 00:28:26,480 Speaker 1: I read this headline that when she was getting married 580 00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:32,160 Speaker 1: to Travis, her mom, Chris Jenner, gave Courtney her wedding ring. 581 00:28:32,359 --> 00:28:35,360 Speaker 1: Chris gave Courtney, her daughter her own wedding ring from 582 00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:40,120 Speaker 1: her marriage to Courtney's dad, Robert Kardashian, who of course 583 00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:42,200 Speaker 1: is no longer with us, who passed many years ago. 584 00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:47,040 Speaker 1: And Courtney said that when she lost her dad it 585 00:28:47,080 --> 00:28:49,600 Speaker 1: made her feel like she never wanted to get married 586 00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:52,239 Speaker 1: because she thought, well, who's going to walk me down 587 00:28:52,280 --> 00:28:54,920 Speaker 1: the aisle. I'm sure she had her other reasons, but 588 00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:58,080 Speaker 1: that statement really stuck with me. That was really powerful 589 00:28:58,120 --> 00:29:00,280 Speaker 1: to me because you know, Kim has been married three times, 590 00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:02,640 Speaker 1: Chloe's been married, and they're both younger than Courtney. She's 591 00:29:02,680 --> 00:29:06,320 Speaker 1: the oldest, and she had never been married, and for 592 00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:09,960 Speaker 1: her to tie it back to her dad that obviously 593 00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:12,000 Speaker 1: because I lost my own dad, I think that stuck 594 00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:15,160 Speaker 1: with me a little bit. There's certainly something about when 595 00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:17,160 Speaker 1: you lose a parent, you feel like you've lost that 596 00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:21,440 Speaker 1: safety net, right, and you know, the moment of a 597 00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:23,880 Speaker 1: dad walking his daughter down the aisle is such a 598 00:29:23,920 --> 00:29:28,320 Speaker 1: powerful moment in our culture. And I think it speaks 599 00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:30,960 Speaker 1: to her marriage to Travis right that she's like, finally, 600 00:29:31,320 --> 00:29:33,320 Speaker 1: this is the person that I think maybe she feels 601 00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:36,600 Speaker 1: safe with. That it was worth her sort of setting 602 00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:39,080 Speaker 1: aside the sphere about losing her dad now that she's 603 00:29:39,080 --> 00:29:41,080 Speaker 1: found this guy. So I think that like that, the 604 00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:42,560 Speaker 1: power of that spoke to me. I thought it was 605 00:29:42,560 --> 00:29:44,600 Speaker 1: a really interesting sentence. I think of that moment. I 606 00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:48,360 Speaker 1: think of that moment with Taylor. Oh yeah, I mean 607 00:29:48,680 --> 00:29:50,240 Speaker 1: from the time she was a little girl and you 608 00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:53,479 Speaker 1: go to father daughter dances and you think one day, 609 00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:55,360 Speaker 1: you know, and she's stepping on your toes as you're 610 00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:58,040 Speaker 1: dancing and walking around. You think, at one point we're 611 00:29:58,040 --> 00:30:01,480 Speaker 1: going to be doing this at her wedding. Oh that's interesting. 612 00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:03,960 Speaker 1: I never thought about how yeah part I mean, it's 613 00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:06,680 Speaker 1: what brings tears to your eyes when you're doing those things. 614 00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:11,720 Speaker 1: It does. No, I never thought about you walking to 615 00:30:11,800 --> 00:30:14,160 Speaker 1: a Scots she's gonna get married. Oh gosh, yeah, that's crazy. 616 00:30:14,200 --> 00:30:18,600 Speaker 1: She's a freshman in college. Hook And those moments obviously 617 00:30:18,880 --> 00:30:23,479 Speaker 1: are pivotal, their landmark moments, landmark time stamp. Also in 618 00:30:23,520 --> 00:30:25,560 Speaker 1: your life, it's like, you know those moments of when 619 00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:30,680 Speaker 1: they are because it's also your mortality and where you 620 00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:32,600 Speaker 1: are in your life of you know, I'm picking my 621 00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:34,920 Speaker 1: daughter up in kindergarten. You know, I would always come. 622 00:30:35,120 --> 00:30:38,080 Speaker 1: I would always leave the house, go get flowers, come 623 00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:41,120 Speaker 1: back and pick her up, because I wanted her to 624 00:30:41,160 --> 00:30:44,120 Speaker 1: be picked up for dances and feel like what it 625 00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:46,080 Speaker 1: was like when a gentleman came to the door, gave 626 00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:47,840 Speaker 1: her flowers, open the door for her, took her on 627 00:30:47,880 --> 00:30:49,760 Speaker 1: a date. We went to dinner and then go to 628 00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:52,360 Speaker 1: the dance, And like you're just thinking you were showing 629 00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:54,360 Speaker 1: her how she should be treated. Yeah, and you're thinking, 630 00:30:54,440 --> 00:30:58,280 Speaker 1: someday a gentleman will do this. Hopefully she'll demand this 631 00:30:58,920 --> 00:31:03,080 Speaker 1: type of love respect, and then eventually she'll get married 632 00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:05,320 Speaker 1: and you'll be going to her wedding. So those those 633 00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:07,760 Speaker 1: things flash through your head all the time as a dad, 634 00:31:07,840 --> 00:31:11,160 Speaker 1: and I imagine for you this also struck a chord 635 00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:13,960 Speaker 1: for the opposite reasons. You've lost your dad, and as 636 00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:15,880 Speaker 1: you and I are about to get married, your family 637 00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:19,160 Speaker 1: will be there, Your dad will not. He'll be obviously 638 00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:23,200 Speaker 1: heavily on our minds and on our hearts. But is 639 00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:26,600 Speaker 1: that something that is a daughter you thought about growing up? 640 00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:30,200 Speaker 1: You know, I was never the person who thought that 641 00:31:30,320 --> 00:31:33,320 Speaker 1: much about their wedding. I don't know, And maybe that's 642 00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:36,360 Speaker 1: part of why I've been slow to plan ours. It's 643 00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:38,239 Speaker 1: not because I don't want to marry you. I just 644 00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:40,200 Speaker 1: never had that vision of like this is the dress 645 00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:42,280 Speaker 1: I want and this is the type of party, which 646 00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:46,400 Speaker 1: sort of makes it more prohibitive when planning because it's 647 00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:49,959 Speaker 1: like an open ended you know, I could do anything, 648 00:31:49,960 --> 00:31:52,640 Speaker 1: and that's kind of like almost paralyzing. I wish I 649 00:31:52,640 --> 00:31:55,240 Speaker 1: had a box to plan in my head. But the 650 00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:59,440 Speaker 1: first time I got married, that was definitely a question right. 651 00:31:59,480 --> 00:32:01,520 Speaker 1: I mean, people don't mean it in a way that's hurtful, 652 00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:04,840 Speaker 1: but the you know, the wedding planner before you they 653 00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:06,440 Speaker 1: even know you've lost a parent. They're like, so your 654 00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:07,760 Speaker 1: dad will walking down the aisle and then you have 655 00:32:07,760 --> 00:32:10,239 Speaker 1: to say, well, my dad's actually not here, and then 656 00:32:10,280 --> 00:32:13,760 Speaker 1: they're like, oh, okay, well what do you want to do. 657 00:32:14,320 --> 00:32:16,240 Speaker 1: And people don't mean it in a way of trying 658 00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:18,840 Speaker 1: to hurt you, but it is this sudden like shock 659 00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:22,000 Speaker 1: back to reality where you all your grief starts flooding back. 660 00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:25,160 Speaker 1: The first time I got married, I walked down the 661 00:32:25,160 --> 00:32:30,959 Speaker 1: aisle alone, and that was something I wanted to do 662 00:32:31,120 --> 00:32:34,680 Speaker 1: because one thing I've always felt about the loss of 663 00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:37,520 Speaker 1: my father. We just mentioned if you lose a parent, 664 00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:40,920 Speaker 1: it's losing a safety net. Losing my dad also made 665 00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:43,760 Speaker 1: me really strong and a lot more independent, and that's 666 00:32:43,760 --> 00:32:47,000 Speaker 1: always been a silver lining of that. But so I 667 00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:51,080 Speaker 1: think I wanted to show like I'm good on my own. 668 00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:53,160 Speaker 1: I don't have my dad, but he's with me in 669 00:32:53,200 --> 00:32:54,600 Speaker 1: my heart, and I'm good on my own and I 670 00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:57,040 Speaker 1: don't need somebody else to walk this walk with me 671 00:32:57,080 --> 00:32:59,800 Speaker 1: if it's not him. So that was important to me. 672 00:32:59,840 --> 00:33:03,760 Speaker 1: But I actually feel differently about our wedding. Who do 673 00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:06,200 Speaker 1: you want to walk you down the aisle for our wedding? 674 00:33:07,520 --> 00:33:10,560 Speaker 1: I want my brother to do it, Okay, And now 675 00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:15,360 Speaker 1: I'm crying. Yeah, okay, I've I actually have thought about this, 676 00:33:15,400 --> 00:33:19,080 Speaker 1: and it's not a reflection of me changing. I still 677 00:33:19,080 --> 00:33:22,360 Speaker 1: feel just as independent, but it is a reflection of 678 00:33:22,440 --> 00:33:25,640 Speaker 1: a change in my relationship with him. The first time 679 00:33:25,680 --> 00:33:29,280 Speaker 1: I got married, my brother was eighteen and he was like, 680 00:33:29,760 --> 00:33:31,640 Speaker 1: I mean, he was still such a kid, and he 681 00:33:31,680 --> 00:33:33,760 Speaker 1: was still very much reeling from the loss of my dad. 682 00:33:34,320 --> 00:33:37,680 Speaker 1: He was fourteen when we lost my dad. And now 683 00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:43,800 Speaker 1: it's a little over ten years later, he is such 684 00:33:43,840 --> 00:33:47,440 Speaker 1: a stronger person. He's grown so much. He's so much 685 00:33:47,520 --> 00:33:52,800 Speaker 1: more of a like presence that I lean on in 686 00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:56,840 Speaker 1: my life now than he was. Then, and so I 687 00:33:56,960 --> 00:34:00,560 Speaker 1: just I think it's a reflection of him changing in 688 00:34:00,560 --> 00:34:03,920 Speaker 1: our relationship changing. Yeah, Like we're much closer now, and 689 00:34:04,040 --> 00:34:07,880 Speaker 1: so I want him to feel included and recognized for 690 00:34:07,920 --> 00:34:10,960 Speaker 1: his growth in that way. He is grown into the 691 00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:14,400 Speaker 1: man of the family, yes, and definitely following in his 692 00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:18,080 Speaker 1: dad's footsteps as well, which is ironic in a beautiful way. Yes, 693 00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:20,319 Speaker 1: my dad was a lawyer. He's a lawyer. My mom 694 00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:22,359 Speaker 1: was a lawyer too. He's following both their footsteps, but 695 00:34:22,400 --> 00:34:26,400 Speaker 1: he's a he's grown a lot. There's one other aspect 696 00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:29,040 Speaker 1: of this whole ring thing that you and I have 697 00:34:29,080 --> 00:34:32,640 Speaker 1: never talked about, and this is my side of getting 698 00:34:32,640 --> 00:34:35,920 Speaker 1: a wedding ring. So my wedding ring from my first 699 00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:40,480 Speaker 1: marriage was built by my grandmother and I it was 700 00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:42,560 Speaker 1: my grand It was a replica of my grandfather's ring, 701 00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:45,560 Speaker 1: a lover's not that my grandfather wore, and my grandfather 702 00:34:45,640 --> 00:34:47,799 Speaker 1: was my idol And this is on the Jewish side 703 00:34:47,800 --> 00:34:52,960 Speaker 1: of my family, very important man in my life. And 704 00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:56,160 Speaker 1: I still have that ring just because it means so 705 00:34:56,239 --> 00:34:57,920 Speaker 1: much to me because it's a tie back to my 706 00:34:58,280 --> 00:35:02,480 Speaker 1: grandmother who's gone now as well and grandfather. So coming 707 00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:07,840 Speaker 1: into this marriage, that that that tie is still important 708 00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:09,799 Speaker 1: to me. Now I don't want to wear that ring again. 709 00:35:09,880 --> 00:35:12,279 Speaker 1: I would not do that, but I thought that would 710 00:35:12,280 --> 00:35:14,920 Speaker 1: be weird. Yeah, no, no, that's not the question. But 711 00:35:15,040 --> 00:35:17,600 Speaker 1: I thought, how, you know, could I implement some sort 712 00:35:17,640 --> 00:35:20,520 Speaker 1: of love you know, I'm trying to figure out maybe 713 00:35:21,280 --> 00:35:24,040 Speaker 1: there's a lover lover's not like inscribed on the inside 714 00:35:24,040 --> 00:35:25,719 Speaker 1: of the ring. That's so weird. I was just going 715 00:35:25,719 --> 00:35:28,400 Speaker 1: to suggest that, yeah, something on it that is still 716 00:35:28,440 --> 00:35:30,919 Speaker 1: that tie to my grandfather. But it's like, I don't 717 00:35:30,920 --> 00:35:33,680 Speaker 1: want it at all, only on your behalf to have 718 00:35:33,760 --> 00:35:36,160 Speaker 1: anything to do with Oh, that would be weird my 719 00:35:36,239 --> 00:35:39,879 Speaker 1: last marriage, but that but that one thing was very 720 00:35:39,920 --> 00:35:42,320 Speaker 1: significant to me and I always loved I loved it 721 00:35:42,360 --> 00:35:44,000 Speaker 1: when people asked me about my ring because it was 722 00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:45,759 Speaker 1: so different, and a lot of people saw it on 723 00:35:45,760 --> 00:35:47,239 Speaker 1: the Bachelor and Batch Room were like, what what do 724 00:35:47,239 --> 00:35:48,719 Speaker 1: you What is that ring you're wearing? And I got 725 00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:51,680 Speaker 1: to talk about my grandfather and why I wore that ring, 726 00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:55,840 Speaker 1: and so I got to figure that out. That balance. 727 00:35:55,960 --> 00:35:58,520 Speaker 1: But that's funny that my my initial thing that I 728 00:35:58,560 --> 00:36:00,719 Speaker 1: was about to say was or what if we iding? 729 00:36:00,920 --> 00:36:03,680 Speaker 1: I think that's the safest thing, and it's like, in 730 00:36:03,680 --> 00:36:05,719 Speaker 1: no way do I want to upset you or tie 731 00:36:05,719 --> 00:36:07,680 Speaker 1: it back to something that was not well? You know. 732 00:36:07,719 --> 00:36:09,680 Speaker 1: I think it's always a balance, and it's a case 733 00:36:09,760 --> 00:36:13,040 Speaker 1: by case discussion of how much your past plays into 734 00:36:13,080 --> 00:36:18,040 Speaker 1: your present your relationship right, because actually, oh, I was 735 00:36:18,840 --> 00:36:21,120 Speaker 1: watching the show ninety Day Fiance the other day and 736 00:36:21,120 --> 00:36:23,239 Speaker 1: this woman's getting so upset. I mean, by the way, 737 00:36:23,280 --> 00:36:26,000 Speaker 1: some of the healthiest relationships on TV. Just kidding. If 738 00:36:26,040 --> 00:36:28,200 Speaker 1: you guys watched that show, please DM me about it 739 00:36:28,200 --> 00:36:29,840 Speaker 1: and be happy to talk about it. Maybe we should 740 00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:32,040 Speaker 1: have some of the ninety Day Fiance cast on this podcast. 741 00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:37,759 Speaker 1: But this woman's so mad at her husband because he 742 00:36:37,840 --> 00:36:44,640 Speaker 1: didn't tell her about a termination of a pregnancy from 743 00:36:44,640 --> 00:36:48,080 Speaker 1: a previous relationship he was in. And I was like, 744 00:36:48,920 --> 00:36:51,759 Speaker 1: I don't know that he had to tell you that, Like, 745 00:36:51,920 --> 00:36:55,960 Speaker 1: I don't think that in your current relationship you have 746 00:36:56,040 --> 00:36:59,120 Speaker 1: to tell the person every detail of your past relationships. 747 00:36:59,320 --> 00:37:01,319 Speaker 1: Perhaps in aren't out of respect for those other people. 748 00:37:01,360 --> 00:37:03,600 Speaker 1: Maybe they don't want their details, you know, spread around 749 00:37:03,760 --> 00:37:05,600 Speaker 1: like that. I don't think those are always your stories 750 00:37:05,600 --> 00:37:08,400 Speaker 1: to tell. Does it help? Do they need to know? 751 00:37:08,840 --> 00:37:11,920 Speaker 1: That's a good question ask then don't. Yeah, I mean 752 00:37:11,960 --> 00:37:13,960 Speaker 1: I think when you share it is when it's a 753 00:37:13,960 --> 00:37:17,200 Speaker 1: critical part of you, right, Like just now as you're saying, yes, 754 00:37:17,239 --> 00:37:19,000 Speaker 1: that was your ring in your first marriage. But the 755 00:37:19,040 --> 00:37:20,600 Speaker 1: reason it was your ring in your first marriage is 756 00:37:20,640 --> 00:37:23,160 Speaker 1: because it was a tie to your grandparents, and so 757 00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:26,200 Speaker 1: that tie still matters to you now. And I'm the 758 00:37:26,239 --> 00:37:30,440 Speaker 1: youngest of seven and all the grandchildren, the men have 759 00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:34,120 Speaker 1: those rings, they have some semblance of those rings. So 760 00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:38,880 Speaker 1: it's it ties my cousins together, my grandparents, might you know. 761 00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:42,000 Speaker 1: So it's it's a thing that somehow I want to 762 00:37:42,120 --> 00:37:45,239 Speaker 1: keep those bonds, you know, no pun intended with the ring. 763 00:37:45,239 --> 00:37:49,360 Speaker 1: I want to keep those bonds together. Well, maybe we 764 00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:54,759 Speaker 1: should get tattoos, Okay, I don't think. Part of me 765 00:37:54,760 --> 00:37:56,200 Speaker 1: always like throws that out there just to see what 766 00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:58,440 Speaker 1: you say. I don't think I'll everything not a tattoo guy. Well, 767 00:37:58,800 --> 00:38:00,480 Speaker 1: we got to wrap things up. But now I'm going 768 00:38:00,520 --> 00:38:07,319 Speaker 1: to wonder have you told me everything? Oh? Of course 769 00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:09,440 Speaker 1: you haven't. And by the way, there's things I just 770 00:38:09,520 --> 00:38:11,920 Speaker 1: don't want to know. And I am fine, that's true. 771 00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:14,399 Speaker 1: We don't need all the gory details. We just need 772 00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:16,840 Speaker 1: the necessary I want to believe in my mind that 773 00:38:16,920 --> 00:38:19,279 Speaker 1: I am the biggest best thing that's ever happened to you, 774 00:38:19,320 --> 00:38:21,560 Speaker 1: and I don't need to know otherwise. Damn it, you are. 775 00:38:23,160 --> 00:38:26,799 Speaker 1: And with that, I always enjoy sitting down with you. 776 00:38:26,880 --> 00:38:29,640 Speaker 1: I always enjoy these moments because there are things that 777 00:38:29,719 --> 00:38:32,560 Speaker 1: you and I get into, like pass Over Easter, like 778 00:38:32,719 --> 00:38:35,720 Speaker 1: this that we don't intend to, but this is our life, 779 00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:37,960 Speaker 1: this is this is truly what you and I do. 780 00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:41,640 Speaker 1: We have these bizarre, intimate conversations, but it's what I love, 781 00:38:41,680 --> 00:38:43,480 Speaker 1: and it's what I love bringing here to the podcast. 782 00:38:43,719 --> 00:38:46,120 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening. We'll talk to you 783 00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:48,560 Speaker 1: next time because we have a lot more to talk about. 784 00:38:48,960 --> 00:38:51,520 Speaker 1: Thanks for listening. Follow us on Instagram at the most 785 00:38:51,600 --> 00:38:54,120 Speaker 1: Dramatic pod ever and make sure to write us a 786 00:38:54,120 --> 00:38:56,759 Speaker 1: review and leave us five stars. I'll talk to you 787 00:38:56,800 --> 00:38:57,239 Speaker 1: next time.