WEBVTT - Sherman Oaks SVU with Chelsea + Catherine 0:00:00.880 --> 0:00:04.680 Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea. Hi, what's going on? Chelsea? I 0:00:04.720 --> 0:00:09.800 have a couple of follow ups for it is our favorite. 0:00:10.560 --> 0:00:13.880 So our first follow up comes from Katie. She called 0:00:13.920 --> 0:00:17.800 in on the Ethan Natalman episode about she was taking 0:00:17.800 --> 0:00:20.079 some Xanax because she was in a really stressful job. 0:00:20.640 --> 0:00:23.320 She smokes a lot of weed. You had told her, like, 0:00:23.400 --> 0:00:25.120 you know, if you need to take a break, take 0:00:25.120 --> 0:00:26.799 a break just to do a little reset, like you 0:00:26.840 --> 0:00:30.720 had done last year, So she says. I added a 0:00:30.760 --> 0:00:32.920 link at the end of this message to a video 0:00:33.040 --> 0:00:35.440 that I apparently recorded when I got back from Greece 0:00:35.720 --> 0:00:37.919 and was so stoned that I forgot I made it. 0:00:38.240 --> 0:00:40.360 I started to record again, and my friend said, why 0:00:40.400 --> 0:00:43.280 are you doing that again? Taking a break from weed 0:00:43.320 --> 0:00:46.400 definitely worked, and I'll be taking more regular breaks. I 0:00:46.440 --> 0:00:47.920 have still not been able to get my hands on 0:00:48.000 --> 0:00:50.680 chocolate mushrooms, which you also recommended to her or she 0:00:50.760 --> 0:00:54.520 was curious about. Thankfully, my new job is infinitely better 0:00:54.560 --> 0:00:56.680 than my previous job, and I haven't had a panic 0:00:56.720 --> 0:01:01.960 attack or needed Xanax in a while. Yes, thanks again 0:01:02.000 --> 0:01:05.400 for such a cool experience, Katie. Great. I'm not even 0:01:05.480 --> 0:01:07.720 sure how we helped her, but it sounds like she's 0:01:07.760 --> 0:01:11.080 doing great. I couldn't get her mushrooms. I remember she 0:01:11.080 --> 0:01:13.880 lived in the Northeast, right, Yes, and she didn't know 0:01:13.920 --> 0:01:16.880 if mushrooms were legal, blah blah blah. But she stopped 0:01:16.880 --> 0:01:19.600 taking xan X. That's good. I always have to taper 0:01:19.720 --> 0:01:22.320 my zan X because when I travel, especially, I love 0:01:22.440 --> 0:01:25.600 I fucking love zan X, but it's not good for you, 0:01:25.800 --> 0:01:28.080 and so I can't take it as frequently as I 0:01:28.080 --> 0:01:31.959 would like. Yeah, so I'm going to actually share this 0:01:32.040 --> 0:01:35.400 video with you. She's she's very stoned. She's very very stoned. 0:01:36.280 --> 0:01:46.240 So quick video update her conversation. And after fifteen days 0:01:46.360 --> 0:01:52.280 off and smoked my first joint. As you can see, 0:01:53.240 --> 0:01:56.040 it did the trick. So she took a break from 0:01:56.040 --> 0:01:58.240 weed or she did it, and this is her first 0:01:58.280 --> 0:02:01.440 time back, her first time to take smoking it again. 0:02:02.080 --> 0:02:03.680 That's how I looked when we did my interview with 0:02:03.720 --> 0:02:08.080 Ben Bruno. Good work, Katie, good work. Way to go. 0:02:08.680 --> 0:02:10.560 I mean, and you know what, now that I've tried 0:02:10.600 --> 0:02:14.040 the chocolate mushrooms, they were a very chill experience, like 0:02:14.280 --> 0:02:16.480 I felt them, but not in a way that I 0:02:16.480 --> 0:02:18.280 didn't feel like I could be having a cocktail at 0:02:18.320 --> 0:02:21.800 the same time sort of thing. It was not overwhelming. Yeah, 0:02:22.200 --> 0:02:25.440 they were very light. I felt like it was just 0:02:25.440 --> 0:02:27.840 a good time. Like you said, it's very giggily. I 0:02:27.919 --> 0:02:30.360 noticed the lights were a little bit strong. When I 0:02:30.400 --> 0:02:32.320 went inside. I was like, wow, those lights are so 0:02:32.480 --> 0:02:34.880 bright sort of thing. But really I could feel when 0:02:34.880 --> 0:02:37.600 they tapered up and when they tapered off, like at 0:02:37.600 --> 0:02:40.480 the end of dinner. Basically really, yeah, did you take 0:02:40.480 --> 0:02:43.600 the gun? You took the chocolate or the gummy? Those 0:02:43.639 --> 0:02:45.680 were light? Yeah, I doubled up the next side. I 0:02:45.720 --> 0:02:48.720 took two. Yeah, and I felt it then, but one 0:02:48.840 --> 0:02:53.240 was mild, So yeah, it was perfect. So we went 0:02:53.280 --> 0:02:57.000 to a party that was out in the valley and 0:02:57.160 --> 0:03:01.280 a friend of ours had some mushroom capital fun mushrooms 0:03:01.360 --> 0:03:04.799 coplets or capsules, well capsules, but I think it's something 0:03:04.800 --> 0:03:08.079 that they made at home, like measured out thing. So 0:03:08.560 --> 0:03:10.920 I had said to Brad, did you like ask him 0:03:10.960 --> 0:03:14.400 how much is in these? And he said no. But 0:03:14.440 --> 0:03:16.240 I was sort of thinking they might be a micro 0:03:16.360 --> 0:03:19.200 dose in there, right, So I tell brand I'm like, well, 0:03:19.240 --> 0:03:22.440 you have to find out is this a good time 0:03:22.919 --> 0:03:25.200 or is this like a micro dose? Like we just 0:03:25.240 --> 0:03:28.000 need to know kind of what we're getting into. But 0:03:28.160 --> 0:03:31.919 he refused. He was like, no, you can't ask about 0:03:31.960 --> 0:03:34.880 that stuff, or you're from your drug dealer. Was like, 0:03:34.920 --> 0:03:36.240 this is not a drug dealer. It was like a 0:03:36.240 --> 0:03:41.480 friend from He's like, well, I'm not going to text 0:03:41.480 --> 0:03:43.440 in that, Like that does make sense to me. You 0:03:43.440 --> 0:03:45.480 don't want to put that in a text message or 0:03:45.520 --> 0:03:47.400 like you know, He's like what if he doesn't know 0:03:47.440 --> 0:03:49.400 the measurements. I'm like, but he'll know if they're like 0:03:49.680 --> 0:03:52.120 one is a good time or five is a good time? 0:03:52.240 --> 0:03:54.400 You know what I mean, what do you think about that? 0:03:54.480 --> 0:03:58.120 As far as like asking, Oh, I mean, I'm always 0:03:58.120 --> 0:04:00.200 the person that everyone's asking because I'm a is the 0:04:00.240 --> 0:04:02.800 one doling out the drugs and everyone's like how many milligers? 0:04:02.800 --> 0:04:05.920 I'm like, who cares? You're fine? But I actually took 0:04:06.000 --> 0:04:09.240 mushrooms on Vancouver Island and I had a terrible reaction 0:04:09.280 --> 0:04:11.680 to them. But I was so jet lagged. I think 0:04:11.720 --> 0:04:14.240 it was the jet LaGG because I don't ever have 0:04:14.320 --> 0:04:17.200 bad reactions to drugs. And I was like, wait what, Yeah, yeah, 0:04:17.240 --> 0:04:19.640 I think it's fine to ask who cares? I mean, 0:04:19.960 --> 0:04:21.680 I mean, yeah, you sound kind of like a pussy 0:04:21.800 --> 0:04:25.520 but I mean it's good. Yeah, you're okay with that, 0:04:25.640 --> 0:04:28.280 So you just want the information. So exactly, I'm someone 0:04:28.279 --> 0:04:32.080 who researches something to death before. I like, yeah, I see, 0:04:32.160 --> 0:04:35.240 I'm that's what I'm the opposite of whatever you are. 0:04:35.800 --> 0:04:37.640 I know what, if somebody hands me drugs, it could 0:04:37.640 --> 0:04:39.480 be a stranger. I'm like, this isn't gonna put a 0:04:39.560 --> 0:04:42.279 dent in me. You know. That's how I feel. Although 0:04:42.279 --> 0:04:44.520 I've become a little bit more of a lightweight in 0:04:44.760 --> 0:04:47.560 recent years, so I guess I'm just transitioning into a 0:04:48.040 --> 0:04:51.720 elderly lightweight person. Well, and also right now there's a 0:04:51.760 --> 0:04:54.839 lot of like scary ship and drugs out there. Yeah no, no, 0:04:55.000 --> 0:04:58.200 you can't do cocaine. You can't do like ecstasy. They 0:04:58.240 --> 0:05:01.520 put in all this stuff like sentinels and everything, so 0:05:01.600 --> 0:05:04.359 you can't really and no one knows how much. Like 0:05:04.440 --> 0:05:07.360 apparently that was what killed Tom Petty. Is he had 0:05:07.400 --> 0:05:10.359 gotten I think some sort of pain killers or something 0:05:10.440 --> 0:05:12.479 like not crazy drugs, just like some sort of pain 0:05:12.560 --> 0:05:15.440 killers from the internet, and they had fentinel in them. Oh, 0:05:15.520 --> 0:05:18.720 is that what happened? Yeah, that's I was. Once had 0:05:18.760 --> 0:05:20.960 a friend's birthday party and Tom Petty and his wife 0:05:20.960 --> 0:05:24.200 showed up or his girlfriend as a surprise to the 0:05:24.240 --> 0:05:30.360 birthday girl, and so weird. So he was so weird looking, 0:05:30.440 --> 0:05:32.680 you know, in person, you're just staring at him, like, 0:05:32.720 --> 0:05:35.200 what a strange looking man? Yeah he is kind of 0:05:36.040 --> 0:05:38.960 yeah yeah, not strange, I guess isn't the right way 0:05:39.000 --> 0:05:41.640 to say it, but maybe different than you'd expect. Yeah, 0:05:41.720 --> 0:05:44.640 strange to me. Was there anyone who you've ever met 0:05:44.720 --> 0:05:48.599 that really you got star struck? Probably Tom Cruise because 0:05:48.600 --> 0:05:50.400 he's like bigger than life. I was walking out of 0:05:50.400 --> 0:05:52.360 my agent's office and he was walking into my agent's 0:05:52.400 --> 0:05:55.800 office when I was at c A, and I was 0:05:55.839 --> 0:05:59.240 like wow, Like I just couldn't even believe him. I 0:05:59.279 --> 0:06:01.760 was like, WHOA like it, you know, because he's like 0:06:02.200 --> 0:06:05.960 so ridiculously famous that you're just and then he was 0:06:06.000 --> 0:06:08.240 the cloth Chelsea, you know, like very intensely looked in 0:06:08.240 --> 0:06:12.440 my eyes, and I was like fun of him and 0:06:12.480 --> 0:06:15.400 Gaty Holmes like on my TV show. So I was 0:06:15.440 --> 0:06:18.080 just like, funk, I don't want to even add this interaction, 0:06:18.160 --> 0:06:21.400 like please be nice to me. So Luke was our 0:06:21.440 --> 0:06:24.160 one straight guy who called in Oh my god, yes, 0:06:24.839 --> 0:06:28.520 token is of everyone. Yes, exactly. He called it on 0:06:28.520 --> 0:06:33.159 on a Faris episode and had a friend who was 0:06:33.240 --> 0:06:36.200 dating a girl who was pretty controlling, and he didn't 0:06:36.240 --> 0:06:38.400 know if he should confront his friend about this. I 0:06:38.400 --> 0:06:40.560 think the advice was, we've already sort of mentioned in 0:06:40.560 --> 0:06:42.920 a few times, you might need to lay off because 0:06:43.240 --> 0:06:45.960 it's sort of his choice to make. But Luke followed 0:06:46.040 --> 0:06:48.680 up and he said he actually ended up getting engaged. 0:06:49.520 --> 0:06:52.200 I decided to follow Chelsea's advice and not bring up 0:06:52.240 --> 0:06:54.560 his relationship to him again, and I let it go. 0:06:55.040 --> 0:06:57.000 It's tough to stand by and watch, but at the 0:06:57.080 --> 0:07:00.479 end of the day, it's his life. Luke, Oh, oh, yeah, 0:07:00.520 --> 0:07:04.480 there you go. Yeah, well that's the right thing. Yeah, 0:07:04.560 --> 0:07:08.640 I think so. And also, I really firmly believe that 0:07:08.760 --> 0:07:12.320 from an outside perspective, you can never truly understand what's 0:07:12.320 --> 0:07:16.040 happening in someone's relationship. And for example, I had a 0:07:16.080 --> 0:07:19.360 friend who I wasn't super like worried for her getting 0:07:19.400 --> 0:07:21.560 married to this guy. But someone that close friend of 0:07:21.560 --> 0:07:24.600 mine married who was sort of very vanilla ice cream, 0:07:24.840 --> 0:07:28.360 you know, like not offensive, but not very exciting, sort 0:07:28.400 --> 0:07:31.800 of boring. I thought you'd get very bored, and like, now, 0:07:32.760 --> 0:07:36.080 several years later, she's very happy they have a family together, 0:07:36.200 --> 0:07:38.360 and she's like living the life that she wants, I 0:07:38.400 --> 0:07:42.120 think in in most ways, and so people do mature. 0:07:42.160 --> 0:07:44.400 Maybe this girl is going to mature and become a 0:07:44.400 --> 0:07:47.560 better partner. Yeah, you never know, Like, yeah, you could 0:07:47.560 --> 0:07:49.600 grow to like somebody after a bunch of times, and 0:07:49.800 --> 0:07:54.480 your judgment over someone else's situation is just pretty invalid anyway. Yeah, 0:07:54.720 --> 0:07:56.800 or you know, they might get a divorce and and yeah, 0:07:57.120 --> 0:08:01.600 and then you can really lay into her exactly. Our 0:08:01.640 --> 0:08:05.160 next follow up comes from Marcus. He called in when 0:08:05.200 --> 0:08:10.160 Monica Patman was on the show, and he says, Hi, Catherine, 0:08:10.160 --> 0:08:12.240 I was just thinking about how I needed to update 0:08:12.240 --> 0:08:15.480 you guys on what happened. He had a really conservative family, 0:08:15.680 --> 0:08:22.000 that orthodox what was it called, really orthodox family contemplating 0:08:22.000 --> 0:08:24.560 moving out, Yes, exactly, and we told him to get 0:08:24.600 --> 0:08:28.280 the funk away from his family. Indeed, he said, I 0:08:28.320 --> 0:08:34.400 did in fact move out, and it was super dramatic. Basically, 0:08:34.520 --> 0:08:37.080 my whole family turned their backs on me for a 0:08:37.200 --> 0:08:40.440 portion of time. I set firm boundaries with everyone, and 0:08:40.520 --> 0:08:43.040 Chelsea's advice was ringing in my ears to keep me 0:08:43.080 --> 0:08:46.280 moving forward during the darker times. As of now, my 0:08:46.320 --> 0:08:49.200 family is not thrilled about my move, but we have 0:08:49.280 --> 0:08:51.960 a cordial relationship and I visit them from time to time, 0:08:52.120 --> 0:08:56.120 which I think is perfect. That was my commentary. Although 0:08:56.160 --> 0:08:58.400 moving out has not solved all of my issues and 0:08:58.440 --> 0:09:00.800 my roommates can be a lot to navi gate at times, 0:09:00.920 --> 0:09:03.240 in many ways, I believe the universe is forcing me 0:09:03.280 --> 0:09:07.240 to learn boundaries. I am incredibly excited and empowered that 0:09:07.320 --> 0:09:10.200 it took the initiative and made this move. I do 0:09:10.320 --> 0:09:14.160 have mood swings and definitely depressive episodes alike, but I'm 0:09:14.200 --> 0:09:17.360 incredibly honored to say that I am alive. The feeling 0:09:17.400 --> 0:09:20.240 of quote living is not something I can say I 0:09:20.360 --> 0:09:23.440 felt for a long time. I feel like I'm a 0:09:23.520 --> 0:09:26.240 participant in my life again, and I feel hopeful for 0:09:26.280 --> 0:09:29.560 the life I'm creating. A main driver in this decision 0:09:29.640 --> 0:09:32.959 was the podcast, and I can confidently say, you guys 0:09:33.040 --> 0:09:36.280 change the trajectory of my life. I have a new therapist, 0:09:36.480 --> 0:09:39.800 a new apartment, and a new lease on life. Best Marcus, 0:09:39.840 --> 0:09:44.600 Oh my god, home run Marcus. What a great update. Yes, 0:09:44.880 --> 0:09:48.400 I'm so thrilled for him, and like navigating roommates stuff 0:09:48.520 --> 0:09:51.400 is very normal. You know, that's all just the stuff 0:09:51.440 --> 0:09:54.000 you deal with in your twenties. But I'm so happy 0:09:54.040 --> 0:09:57.520 to hear that his family has already come around, right exactly. 0:09:57.720 --> 0:10:00.080 That's the best news. Oh my god, I love it it. 0:10:00.160 --> 0:10:02.560 I love it. I love telling people to get away 0:10:02.559 --> 0:10:05.960 from their families and then they take that advice and 0:10:06.000 --> 0:10:08.280 then it ends up all good and moving in the 0:10:08.360 --> 0:10:13.079 right direction. Marcause I'm so happy for you. It's just great. 0:10:13.200 --> 0:10:15.839 It's just great. I loved that email. Almost moved me 0:10:15.880 --> 0:10:19.640 to tears. Well, Chelsea, should we get into some Oh yeah, 0:10:19.640 --> 0:10:22.120 we're not having a guest today. We're doing some episodes 0:10:22.160 --> 0:10:24.959 without guests to see how you guys like that. Yeah, 0:10:25.000 --> 0:10:27.480 I mean some guests are great, and actually all of 0:10:27.480 --> 0:10:30.680 our guests have been good. I haven't had any doozy, No, 0:10:30.679 --> 0:10:33.920 no dud's. Oh I can think of a doozy. I'll 0:10:33.960 --> 0:10:36.280 tell you after. Okay, I can actually think it would 0:10:38.520 --> 0:10:41.920 I bet it is. I like having guests and I 0:10:41.960 --> 0:10:44.520 also like not having guests, so I'm hoping to either way. 0:10:45.559 --> 0:10:48.760 I mean, some guests are great, so they're worth having some. 0:10:48.760 --> 0:10:51.120 Some guests are good and some are great. Yeah, Julianna 0:10:51.160 --> 0:10:55.760 margulis Is our people are so writer die I think 0:10:55.800 --> 0:11:00.000 she already is our writer die so pleased. Oh my goodness. 0:11:00.280 --> 0:11:02.960 Well let's take a quick break because we have to, 0:11:03.280 --> 0:11:06.120 and then we'll come back with some emails. Okay, sounds good. 0:11:06.160 --> 0:11:15.000 Let's go take a bath, and we're back. Setsy, very setsy. 0:11:15.080 --> 0:11:16.560 I just want you to know, Katherine before we get 0:11:16.600 --> 0:11:18.840 into today's episode, that I'm heading straight from here going 0:11:18.840 --> 0:11:22.000 to my ophthalmologists to figure out how to replace my 0:11:22.040 --> 0:11:26.000 eyes because I can't fucking see anything now after six o'clock. 0:11:26.040 --> 0:11:28.760 If I get a little stoned, I can't see anything. 0:11:29.160 --> 0:11:31.199 If I have a buzz, I can't see anything of 0:11:31.320 --> 0:11:34.400 close distance is fine because I had lazy. But there's 0:11:34.400 --> 0:11:36.959 a thing you can get called mono vision, which one 0:11:36.960 --> 0:11:39.240 eye short and one eyes long. And I'm like, but 0:11:39.320 --> 0:11:42.360 that's a little dizzy ng it sounds so I have 0:11:42.480 --> 0:11:45.680 to go today to see what my other options are. 0:11:45.840 --> 0:11:48.120 And I'm hoping that I could just get an eye implant, 0:11:49.160 --> 0:11:51.640 just have them. I want to take Bird's vision and 0:11:51.800 --> 0:11:57.760 install it into my head that I'm gonna have Bird's 0:11:57.760 --> 0:12:02.800 brown eyes while Chell see. Actually, I actually have one 0:12:02.920 --> 0:12:06.800 follow up that I wanted to share from Cat, and 0:12:06.880 --> 0:12:10.319 she wrote in and said, can you all, please shut 0:12:10.360 --> 0:12:13.160 the funk up about the Kardashians. If I hear an 0:12:13.200 --> 0:12:16.040 update about the Kardashians on another platform right now, I 0:12:16.080 --> 0:12:19.400 will shoot my ears out. Seriously, what the hell? All 0:12:19.440 --> 0:12:22.599 the best? Cat? That's so funny. I read this and 0:12:22.679 --> 0:12:26.080 I just couldn't stop laughing. I just love it. That's funny, 0:12:26.280 --> 0:12:30.079 spinking of the Kardashians. I shot a SKIMS campaign. I 0:12:30.160 --> 0:12:31.800 used to make fun of the Kardashians, and now I'm 0:12:31.840 --> 0:12:37.560 working for one. Can't you can't escape them? No, it's ridiculous. 0:12:37.720 --> 0:12:39.800 You can't. You can't. And now their whole there's a 0:12:39.800 --> 0:12:43.800 new generation of them coming, So what the fuck? You 0:12:43.880 --> 0:12:46.200 just have to sit down and bear it. It's pretty 0:12:46.400 --> 0:12:49.000 but yeah, I hear you. I I can't believe it either. 0:12:49.280 --> 0:12:51.320 In like thirty years, north is going to be running 0:12:51.360 --> 0:12:56.040 for president. Don't even They're here to stay? Isn't her 0:12:56.120 --> 0:13:02.600 name north Star? Northwest? Oh? I hope her middle name 0:13:02.640 --> 0:13:05.920 is Star though. I think that's great. My favorite these days, though, 0:13:05.960 --> 0:13:09.800 out of the Kardashians, is Court. She just seems really real, 0:13:10.440 --> 0:13:12.600 you know what. I feel like a bit and I 0:13:12.640 --> 0:13:16.839 like that, yes, but also like having just binge watched 0:13:16.880 --> 0:13:20.319 all of the Kardashians. She is somebody who like, I 0:13:20.360 --> 0:13:23.480 love this. This woman writes in about listening to Kardashians, 0:13:23.480 --> 0:13:26.800 and now we're talking about that. Look what you've done. No, no, 0:13:27.000 --> 0:13:29.679 out of respect for the writer, let's end this conversation. 0:13:29.840 --> 0:13:31.360 As much as you want to talk about them, you 0:13:31.440 --> 0:13:33.720 have to save it for another episode. Captain. We have 0:13:33.800 --> 0:13:36.720 to be loyal to our viewers, I mean listeners. I 0:13:36.760 --> 0:13:38.720 don't know if you're fucking listening or viewing. And if 0:13:38.720 --> 0:13:40.720 you're viewing, please tell me how you're viewing, because we 0:13:40.760 --> 0:13:43.800 don't record this for exactly. It is actually on YouTube, 0:13:43.800 --> 0:13:45.960 but it's just a still it's not the video's not 0:13:46.040 --> 0:13:48.000 out there, so you can watch a still photo while 0:13:48.000 --> 0:13:52.680 we talk. Oh that's lame. Yes, well, shout out to 0:13:52.720 --> 0:13:57.079 all our YouTube listeners. We had an email come in 0:13:57.160 --> 0:14:00.240 just like a day or two ago from Emma, and 0:14:00.320 --> 0:14:03.800 she was so sweet. She said, Dear Chelsea, my boyfriend 0:14:03.800 --> 0:14:06.280 of seven years technically a little on and off, but 0:14:06.360 --> 0:14:09.000 three years straight now broke up with me this week. 0:14:09.559 --> 0:14:11.840 We've been struggling for a while, but working through it. 0:14:11.880 --> 0:14:15.200 I thought during our last disagreement he told me he 0:14:15.200 --> 0:14:17.520 couldn't do it anymore and that he's felt this for 0:14:17.559 --> 0:14:19.760 a while but didn't know how he could tell me 0:14:20.080 --> 0:14:24.120 he loves me but isn't in love with me. I'm 0:14:24.200 --> 0:14:29.080 blindsided and indescribably sad. Our town isn't tiny, but small 0:14:29.160 --> 0:14:32.000 enough we'll run into each other. I'm supposed to be 0:14:32.080 --> 0:14:34.640 starting grad school for a therapy program in a week 0:14:35.040 --> 0:14:37.480 and don't know how I'll focus. I'm afraid I'll never 0:14:37.560 --> 0:14:40.600 move on. How can I move forward and heal? Because 0:14:40.680 --> 0:14:49.080 right now it seems impossible. Emma, Oh, that's sad, you feel, 0:14:49.240 --> 0:14:51.520 you're so sad. But first of all, you're going to 0:14:51.520 --> 0:14:53.440 grad school. That why do you think it's to The 0:14:53.480 --> 0:14:56.120 timing is as perfect as it could be. That's exactly 0:14:56.120 --> 0:14:58.080 what you need to do is go to grad school 0:14:58.120 --> 0:15:01.640 and get first of all, in education, in a higher education, 0:15:01.880 --> 0:15:05.280 and get a huge pivot in your life. He just 0:15:05.320 --> 0:15:07.800 told you he doesn't he's not in love with you, 0:15:07.880 --> 0:15:10.520 like there's no other way to say it. The only 0:15:10.640 --> 0:15:13.880 victory you can have now is completely diving into yourself 0:15:13.920 --> 0:15:17.080 and going to school, focusing on yourself, focusing on your 0:15:17.120 --> 0:15:21.320 career ahead and grieving with it, but knowing that you 0:15:21.400 --> 0:15:24.120 have something else going on in your life. Otherwise you're 0:15:24.160 --> 0:15:26.200 just gonna sit at home and cry about this and 0:15:26.480 --> 0:15:29.040 be depressed because he doesn't he's not in love with 0:15:29.080 --> 0:15:33.200 you anymore. No, that's not an option. Yeah, give yourself 0:15:33.240 --> 0:15:35.560 a little bit of time to to feel this, Eat 0:15:35.640 --> 0:15:38.440 some chocolate ice cream, do what you gotta do. But 0:15:38.520 --> 0:15:40.600 you know you're gonna meet so many new people, and 0:15:40.640 --> 0:15:43.640 not just you know, potential romantic people, but new friends. 0:15:43.680 --> 0:15:46.440 You're gonna have new experiences as you start grad school. 0:15:46.840 --> 0:15:48.920 I think you know she doesn't want that though. I 0:15:48.920 --> 0:15:50.960 know you're listening and you don't want new experiences. You 0:15:50.960 --> 0:15:53.640 want your old experience. But I'm here to tell you 0:15:53.920 --> 0:15:56.400 that this is a huge opportunity for growth for you 0:15:56.480 --> 0:15:59.240 and that you are going to be fine. You are 0:15:59.320 --> 0:16:01.520 going to be okay, and you're going to get through this. 0:16:02.000 --> 0:16:04.680 And the first step is going to grad school. That's 0:16:04.680 --> 0:16:07.160 exactly what you should be doing. And you're going to 0:16:07.280 --> 0:16:09.120 run into him. Great every time, it's going to be 0:16:09.160 --> 0:16:11.320 easier than the last time. But you have to think 0:16:11.360 --> 0:16:13.800 of this as an ending and for that relationship and 0:16:13.840 --> 0:16:16.520 a beginning for the rest of your life. I love that. 0:16:16.640 --> 0:16:19.320 I think that's wonderful, and it will get easier, like 0:16:19.440 --> 0:16:22.320 I think maybe not every day, but every week it 0:16:22.440 --> 0:16:26.119 just gets easier, don't you think it's definitely definitely Yeah, 0:16:26.360 --> 0:16:29.120 thanks for writing in Emma and all the best. Let 0:16:29.160 --> 0:16:31.720 us know how grad school goes. You know, when you 0:16:31.840 --> 0:16:33.760 break up with somebody and you kind of go back 0:16:33.800 --> 0:16:37.080 to all of your people, it's like very nice and 0:16:37.120 --> 0:16:40.040 you feel very grateful. You're like, oh, wait, I wasn't 0:16:40.080 --> 0:16:43.240 as present before. You know, when you're in a relationship, 0:16:43.280 --> 0:16:45.520 you're never as present. But I don't like to think 0:16:45.520 --> 0:16:47.880 of myself as as that, you know, like I like 0:16:47.960 --> 0:16:50.240 to think that I am available even when I'm in 0:16:50.240 --> 0:16:52.160 a relationship. But when I think back about my most 0:16:52.160 --> 0:16:56.240 recent relationship, I'm like, oh, I was on tour, so 0:16:56.280 --> 0:17:00.360 that took up time, and then the other twenty percent 0:17:00.440 --> 0:17:03.200 was always with my ex boyfriend, and I'm like, wait, 0:17:03.760 --> 0:17:05.800 I had no time for any of my friends or 0:17:05.840 --> 0:17:09.080 any of that stuff. So that's like interesting. And the 0:17:09.119 --> 0:17:13.040 other thing I am conscious of watching, like having awareness 0:17:13.040 --> 0:17:15.720 of now is like phases of grieving or getting over 0:17:15.760 --> 0:17:18.439 a breakup. Like once you have the vocabulary and you 0:17:18.520 --> 0:17:22.600 understand what's happening, you understand that the more distance you get, 0:17:22.640 --> 0:17:25.760 the more perspective you'll have and the more clarity you 0:17:25.760 --> 0:17:28.760 get when you're in such a state with somebody, and 0:17:28.920 --> 0:17:32.880 especially if the relationship dissolves, you're both not thinking clearly 0:17:32.920 --> 0:17:35.399 at all, you know. And so when you get the 0:17:35.600 --> 0:17:38.680 perspective and you allow enough time because people people think 0:17:38.720 --> 0:17:42.840 time is bad, but like the longer that you have away, 0:17:42.880 --> 0:17:45.600 the clearer that you are able to see things and 0:17:45.800 --> 0:17:50.000 understand exactly what transpired instead of being emotional about it, 0:17:50.040 --> 0:17:52.399 you know. So it's nice to see the different phases 0:17:52.440 --> 0:17:54.439 of a breakup or grieving or whatever you want to 0:17:54.440 --> 0:17:57.840 call it, because you know, I didn't want to ever lessen. 0:17:58.760 --> 0:18:01.200 I didn't ever want to take a way like meaningful 0:18:01.240 --> 0:18:03.159 things that I said I didn't want to like. It 0:18:03.200 --> 0:18:05.240 doesn't mean they're not true, right, I don't want to 0:18:05.280 --> 0:18:08.640 do anything to negate me being my best possible version 0:18:08.680 --> 0:18:11.600 of myself during this breakup. Being able to conduct yourself 0:18:11.640 --> 0:18:15.080 in a way that you feel respectful of is really 0:18:15.119 --> 0:18:17.879 great lesson to learn. Yeah, I mean, and it usually 0:18:17.880 --> 0:18:20.000 probably wouldn't come to a person until they're in their 0:18:20.000 --> 0:18:25.280 forties because we're so stupid. But I really feel like, Okay, 0:18:25.320 --> 0:18:27.359 this is one way to conduct yourself, and it's the 0:18:27.400 --> 0:18:31.159 best way, and you're always you're not gonna have any regrets, 0:18:31.240 --> 0:18:33.639 and you don't participate in any Like I have a 0:18:33.640 --> 0:18:37.000 couple of girlfriends who read you know, they will go 0:18:37.040 --> 0:18:39.800 on someone's Instagram and then go to the other person's 0:18:39.840 --> 0:18:42.840 Instagram that they're photographed in their picture with to research 0:18:42.880 --> 0:18:45.960 that person. And and these are grown women and they're 0:18:46.000 --> 0:18:48.119 my close friends, and I'm like, you guys, and they're like, 0:18:48.400 --> 0:18:50.160 we just need to know, we need to know, Like 0:18:50.359 --> 0:18:54.240 I don't, Like they don't. I know they don't, but 0:18:54.320 --> 0:18:56.480 they think they do. They think they're collecting information. That's 0:18:56.480 --> 0:18:59.240 their answer. They're collective confirmation. But I think it's good 0:18:59.240 --> 0:19:02.560 not to collect if formation to have a separation be 0:19:02.720 --> 0:19:06.399 a separation, Like you're now separate, and there's no reason 0:19:06.480 --> 0:19:09.919 to be going doing those things. Not because they're childish, 0:19:09.960 --> 0:19:13.280 because that's kind of sounds judgmental, but it is childish, 0:19:13.359 --> 0:19:17.280 and it's better. It doesn't matter what that person is 0:19:17.320 --> 0:19:21.800 doing or thinking or saying about you. It doesn't matter exactly. 0:19:21.960 --> 0:19:25.199 And also, like you don't get the headspace that you 0:19:25.240 --> 0:19:28.280 would if you were just like giving yourself time away 0:19:28.280 --> 0:19:30.679 from thinking about that or thinking about it, but not 0:19:30.840 --> 0:19:36.280 engaging with that person their Instagram whatever. I mean when 0:19:36.280 --> 0:19:39.600 you talk about as we mature, we react differently. I 0:19:39.640 --> 0:19:43.160 had one friend a few years ago who got divorced 0:19:43.240 --> 0:19:46.840 from her husband. They had been together for twelve years, 0:19:46.880 --> 0:19:50.600 married for five, and she actually went through her whole 0:19:50.600 --> 0:19:54.800 Instagram and deleted every picture of them together, and like, 0:19:54.880 --> 0:19:58.440 it wasn't a particularly nasty divorce, it was pretty amicable. 0:19:59.200 --> 0:20:01.480 But I was like, you, you can't just erase somebody 0:20:01.480 --> 0:20:05.280 from your life, you know. I think it's interesting when 0:20:05.280 --> 0:20:08.320 people want to do that. Well, that's being angry or 0:20:08.320 --> 0:20:11.040 reactive or well, I guess you wasn't being reactive because 0:20:11.040 --> 0:20:13.040 it was after that, but it is being reactive. It's like, 0:20:13.520 --> 0:20:16.080 just honor the what it was. You don't have to 0:20:16.080 --> 0:20:19.160 erase it exactly exactly. But I mean, I think something 0:20:19.200 --> 0:20:22.359 that's totally undervalued is the value of giving yourself to 0:20:22.359 --> 0:20:25.359 space and time. Like people want to rush things. I 0:20:25.400 --> 0:20:27.760 know I certainly do. I'm very impulsive, like I want 0:20:27.840 --> 0:20:30.800 answers and results quickly whenever I'm interested in something or 0:20:30.840 --> 0:20:36.280 the outcome of something. But that adult nous to give 0:20:36.359 --> 0:20:41.080 yourself space and time to actually reflect and digest and 0:20:41.119 --> 0:20:44.720 get clarity is like, oh, Okay, now, you know, I 0:20:44.720 --> 0:20:47.240 feel like a woman. Yeah, And it's a gift to 0:20:47.280 --> 0:20:50.320 yourself to be able to like give yourself that clarity, 0:20:50.440 --> 0:20:53.959 give yourself time to heal. But also, you know, like 0:20:54.000 --> 0:20:56.760 you said, healing doesn't necessarily mean that you're like totally 0:20:56.840 --> 0:20:59.240 moved on for that person, or you're you know, you 0:20:59.280 --> 0:21:01.560 don't ever think of out them anymore, or there's no 0:21:01.680 --> 0:21:04.040 chance of getting back together. That's not what it means. 0:21:04.080 --> 0:21:07.320 Healing means that you get that different perspective and you 0:21:07.320 --> 0:21:10.480