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Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea. Hi, what's going on? Chelsea? I

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Speaker 1: have a couple of follow ups for it is our favorite.

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Speaker 1: So our first follow up comes from Katie. She called

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Speaker 1: in on the Ethan Natalman episode about she was taking

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Speaker 1: some Xanax because she was in a really stressful job.

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Speaker 1: She smokes a lot of weed. You had told her, like,

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Speaker 1: you know, if you need to take a break, take

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Speaker 1: a break just to do a little reset, like you

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Speaker 1: had done last year, So she says. I added a

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Speaker 1: link at the end of this message to a video

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Speaker 1: that I apparently recorded when I got back from Greece

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Speaker 1: and was so stoned that I forgot I made it.

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Speaker 1: I started to record again, and my friend said, why

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Speaker 1: are you doing that again? Taking a break from weed

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Speaker 1: definitely worked, and I'll be taking more regular breaks. I

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Speaker 1: have still not been able to get my hands on

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Speaker 1: chocolate mushrooms, which you also recommended to her or she

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Speaker 1: was curious about. Thankfully, my new job is infinitely better

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Speaker 1: than my previous job, and I haven't had a panic

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Speaker 1: attack or needed Xanax in a while. Yes, thanks again

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Speaker 1: for such a cool experience, Katie. Great. I'm not even

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Speaker 1: sure how we helped her, but it sounds like she's

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Speaker 1: doing great. I couldn't get her mushrooms. I remember she

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Speaker 1: lived in the Northeast, right, Yes, and she didn't know

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Speaker 1: if mushrooms were legal, blah blah blah. But she stopped

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Speaker 1: taking xan X. That's good. I always have to taper

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Speaker 1: my zan X because when I travel, especially, I love

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Speaker 1: I fucking love zan X, but it's not good for you,

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Speaker 1: and so I can't take it as frequently as I

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Speaker 1: would like. Yeah, so I'm going to actually share this

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Speaker 1: video with you. She's she's very stoned. She's very very stoned.

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Speaker 1: So quick video update her conversation. And after fifteen days

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Speaker 1: off and smoked my first joint. As you can see,

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Speaker 1: it did the trick. So she took a break from

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Speaker 1: weed or she did it, and this is her first

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Speaker 1: time back, her first time to take smoking it again.

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Speaker 1: That's how I looked when we did my interview with

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Speaker 1: Ben Bruno. Good work, Katie, good work. Way to go.

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Speaker 1: I mean, and you know what, now that I've tried

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Speaker 1: the chocolate mushrooms, they were a very chill experience, like

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Speaker 1: I felt them, but not in a way that I

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Speaker 1: didn't feel like I could be having a cocktail at

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Speaker 1: the same time sort of thing. It was not overwhelming. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: they were very light. I felt like it was just

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Speaker 1: a good time. Like you said, it's very giggily. I

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Speaker 1: noticed the lights were a little bit strong. When I

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Speaker 1: went inside. I was like, wow, those lights are so

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Speaker 1: bright sort of thing. But really I could feel when

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Speaker 1: they tapered up and when they tapered off, like at

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Speaker 1: the end of dinner. Basically really, yeah, did you take

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Speaker 1: the gun? You took the chocolate or the gummy? Those

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Speaker 1: were light? Yeah, I doubled up the next side. I

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Speaker 1: took two. Yeah, and I felt it then, but one

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Speaker 1: was mild, So yeah, it was perfect. So we went

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Speaker 1: to a party that was out in the valley and

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Speaker 1: a friend of ours had some mushroom capital fun mushrooms

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Speaker 1: coplets or capsules, well capsules, but I think it's something

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Speaker 1: that they made at home, like measured out thing. So

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Speaker 1: I had said to Brad, did you like ask him

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Speaker 1: how much is in these? And he said no. But

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Speaker 1: I was sort of thinking they might be a micro

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Speaker 1: dose in there, right, So I tell brand I'm like, well,

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Speaker 1: you have to find out is this a good time

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Speaker 1: or is this like a micro dose? Like we just

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Speaker 1: need to know kind of what we're getting into. But

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Speaker 1: he refused. He was like, no, you can't ask about

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Speaker 1: that stuff, or you're from your drug dealer. Was like,

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Speaker 1: this is not a drug dealer. It was like a

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Speaker 1: friend from He's like, well, I'm not going to text

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Speaker 1: in that, Like that does make sense to me. You

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Speaker 1: don't want to put that in a text message or

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Speaker 1: like you know, He's like what if he doesn't know

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Speaker 1: the measurements. I'm like, but he'll know if they're like

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Speaker 1: one is a good time or five is a good time?

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Speaker 1: You know what I mean, what do you think about that?

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Speaker 1: As far as like asking, Oh, I mean, I'm always

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Speaker 1: the person that everyone's asking because I'm a is the

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Speaker 1: one doling out the drugs and everyone's like how many milligers?

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Speaker 1: I'm like, who cares? You're fine? But I actually took

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Speaker 1: mushrooms on Vancouver Island and I had a terrible reaction

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Speaker 1: to them. But I was so jet lagged. I think

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Speaker 1: it was the jet LaGG because I don't ever have

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Speaker 1: bad reactions to drugs. And I was like, wait what, Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think it's fine to ask who cares? I mean,

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Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, you sound kind of like a pussy

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Speaker 1: but I mean it's good. Yeah, you're okay with that,

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Speaker 1: So you just want the information. So exactly, I'm someone

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Speaker 1: who researches something to death before. I like, yeah, I see,

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Speaker 1: I'm that's what I'm the opposite of whatever you are.

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Speaker 1: I know what, if somebody hands me drugs, it could

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Speaker 1: be a stranger. I'm like, this isn't gonna put a

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Speaker 1: dent in me. You know. That's how I feel. Although

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Speaker 1: I've become a little bit more of a lightweight in

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Speaker 1: recent years, so I guess I'm just transitioning into a

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Speaker 1: elderly lightweight person. Well, and also right now there's a

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Speaker 1: lot of like scary ship and drugs out there. Yeah no, no,

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Speaker 1: you can't do cocaine. You can't do like ecstasy. They

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Speaker 1: put in all this stuff like sentinels and everything, so

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Speaker 1: you can't really and no one knows how much. Like

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Speaker 1: apparently that was what killed Tom Petty. Is he had

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Speaker 1: gotten I think some sort of pain killers or something

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Speaker 1: like not crazy drugs, just like some sort of pain

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Speaker 1: killers from the internet, and they had fentinel in them. Oh,

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Speaker 1: is that what happened? Yeah, that's I was. Once had

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Speaker 1: a friend's birthday party and Tom Petty and his wife

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Speaker 1: showed up or his girlfriend as a surprise to the

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Speaker 1: birthday girl, and so weird. So he was so weird looking,

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Speaker 1: you know, in person, you're just staring at him, like,

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Speaker 1: what a strange looking man? Yeah he is kind of

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Speaker 1: yeah yeah, not strange, I guess isn't the right way

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Speaker 1: to say it, but maybe different than you'd expect. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: strange to me. Was there anyone who you've ever met

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Speaker 1: that really you got star struck? Probably Tom Cruise because

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Speaker 1: he's like bigger than life. I was walking out of

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Speaker 1: my agent's office and he was walking into my agent's

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Speaker 1: office when I was at c A, and I was

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Speaker 1: like wow, Like I just couldn't even believe him. I

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Speaker 1: was like, WHOA like it, you know, because he's like

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Speaker 1: so ridiculously famous that you're just and then he was

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Speaker 1: the cloth Chelsea, you know, like very intensely looked in

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Speaker 1: my eyes, and I was like fun of him and

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Speaker 1: Gaty Holmes like on my TV show. So I was

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Speaker 1: just like, funk, I don't want to even add this interaction,

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Speaker 1: like please be nice to me. So Luke was our

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Speaker 1: one straight guy who called in Oh my god, yes,

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Speaker 1: token is of everyone. Yes, exactly. He called it on

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Speaker 1: on a Faris episode and had a friend who was

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Speaker 1: dating a girl who was pretty controlling, and he didn't

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Speaker 1: know if he should confront his friend about this. I

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Speaker 1: think the advice was, we've already sort of mentioned in

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Speaker 1: a few times, you might need to lay off because

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Speaker 1: it's sort of his choice to make. But Luke followed

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Speaker 1: up and he said he actually ended up getting engaged.

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Speaker 1: I decided to follow Chelsea's advice and not bring up

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Speaker 1: his relationship to him again, and I let it go.

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Speaker 1: It's tough to stand by and watch, but at the

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Speaker 1: end of the day, it's his life. Luke, Oh, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 1: there you go. Yeah, well that's the right thing. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think so. And also, I really firmly believe that

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Speaker 1: from an outside perspective, you can never truly understand what's

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Speaker 1: happening in someone's relationship. And for example, I had a

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Speaker 1: friend who I wasn't super like worried for her getting

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Speaker 1: married to this guy. But someone that close friend of

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Speaker 1: mine married who was sort of very vanilla ice cream,

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Speaker 1: you know, like not offensive, but not very exciting, sort

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Speaker 1: of boring. I thought you'd get very bored, and like, now,

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Speaker 1: several years later, she's very happy they have a family together,

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Speaker 1: and she's like living the life that she wants, I

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Speaker 1: think in in most ways, and so people do mature.

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Speaker 1: Maybe this girl is going to mature and become a

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Speaker 1: better partner. Yeah, you never know, Like, yeah, you could

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Speaker 1: grow to like somebody after a bunch of times, and

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Speaker 1: your judgment over someone else's situation is just pretty invalid anyway. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: or you know, they might get a divorce and and yeah,

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Speaker 1: and then you can really lay into her exactly. Our

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Speaker 1: next follow up comes from Marcus. He called in when

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Speaker 1: Monica Patman was on the show, and he says, Hi, Catherine,

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Speaker 1: I was just thinking about how I needed to update

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Speaker 1: you guys on what happened. He had a really conservative family,

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Speaker 1: that orthodox what was it called, really orthodox family contemplating

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Speaker 1: moving out, Yes, exactly, and we told him to get

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Speaker 1: the funk away from his family. Indeed, he said, I

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Speaker 1: did in fact move out, and it was super dramatic. Basically,

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Speaker 1: my whole family turned their backs on me for a

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Speaker 1: portion of time. I set firm boundaries with everyone, and

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Speaker 1: Chelsea's advice was ringing in my ears to keep me

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Speaker 1: moving forward during the darker times. As of now, my

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Speaker 1: family is not thrilled about my move, but we have

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Speaker 1: a cordial relationship and I visit them from time to time,

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Speaker 1: which I think is perfect. That was my commentary. Although

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Speaker 1: moving out has not solved all of my issues and

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Speaker 1: my roommates can be a lot to navi gate at times,

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Speaker 1: in many ways, I believe the universe is forcing me

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Speaker 1: to learn boundaries. I am incredibly excited and empowered that

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Speaker 1: it took the initiative and made this move. I do

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Speaker 1: have mood swings and definitely depressive episodes alike, but I'm

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Speaker 1: incredibly honored to say that I am alive. The feeling

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Speaker 1: of quote living is not something I can say I

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Speaker 1: felt for a long time. I feel like I'm a

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Speaker 1: participant in my life again, and I feel hopeful for

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Speaker 1: the life I'm creating. A main driver in this decision

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Speaker 1: was the podcast, and I can confidently say, you guys

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Speaker 1: change the trajectory of my life. I have a new therapist,

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Speaker 1: a new apartment, and a new lease on life. Best Marcus,

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, home run Marcus. What a great update. Yes,

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Speaker 1: I'm so thrilled for him, and like navigating roommates stuff

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Speaker 1: is very normal. You know, that's all just the stuff

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Speaker 1: you deal with in your twenties. But I'm so happy

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Speaker 1: to hear that his family has already come around, right exactly.

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Speaker 1: That's the best news. Oh my god, I love it it.

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Speaker 1: I love it. I love telling people to get away

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Speaker 1: from their families and then they take that advice and

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Speaker 1: then it ends up all good and moving in the

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Speaker 1: right direction. Marcause I'm so happy for you. It's just great.

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Speaker 1: It's just great. I loved that email. Almost moved me

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Speaker 1: to tears. Well, Chelsea, should we get into some Oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: we're not having a guest today. We're doing some episodes

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Speaker 1: without guests to see how you guys like that. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean some guests are great, and actually all of

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Speaker 1: our guests have been good. I haven't had any doozy, No,

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Speaker 1: no dud's. Oh I can think of a doozy. I'll

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Speaker 1: tell you after. Okay, I can actually think it would

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Speaker 1: I bet it is. I like having guests and I

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Speaker 1: also like not having guests, so I'm hoping to either way.

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Speaker 1: I mean, some guests are great, so they're worth having some.

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Speaker 1: Some guests are good and some are great. Yeah, Julianna

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Speaker 1: margulis Is our people are so writer die I think

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Speaker 1: she already is our writer die so pleased. Oh my goodness.

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Speaker 1: Well let's take a quick break because we have to,

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Speaker 1: and then we'll come back with some emails. Okay, sounds good.

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Speaker 1: Let's go take a bath, and we're back. Setsy, very setsy.

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Speaker 1: I just want you to know, Katherine before we get

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Speaker 1: into today's episode, that I'm heading straight from here going

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Speaker 1: to my ophthalmologists to figure out how to replace my

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Speaker 1: eyes because I can't fucking see anything now after six o'clock.

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Speaker 1: If I get a little stoned, I can't see anything.

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Speaker 1: If I have a buzz, I can't see anything of

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Speaker 1: close distance is fine because I had lazy. But there's

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Speaker 1: a thing you can get called mono vision, which one

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Speaker 1: eye short and one eyes long. And I'm like, but

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Speaker 1: that's a little dizzy ng it sounds so I have

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Speaker 1: to go today to see what my other options are.

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Speaker 1: And I'm hoping that I could just get an eye implant,

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Speaker 1: just have them. I want to take Bird's vision and

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Speaker 1: install it into my head that I'm gonna have Bird's

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Speaker 1: brown eyes while Chell see. Actually, I actually have one

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Speaker 1: follow up that I wanted to share from Cat, and

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Speaker 1: she wrote in and said, can you all, please shut

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Speaker 1: the funk up about the Kardashians. If I hear an

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Speaker 1: update about the Kardashians on another platform right now, I

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Speaker 1: will shoot my ears out. Seriously, what the hell? All

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Speaker 1: the best? Cat? That's so funny. I read this and

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Speaker 1: I just couldn't stop laughing. I just love it. That's funny,

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Speaker 1: spinking of the Kardashians. I shot a SKIMS campaign. I

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Speaker 1: used to make fun of the Kardashians, and now I'm

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Speaker 1: working for one. Can't you can't escape them? No, it's ridiculous.

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Speaker 1: You can't. You can't. And now their whole there's a

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Speaker 1: new generation of them coming, So what the fuck? You

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Speaker 1: just have to sit down and bear it. It's pretty

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Speaker 1: but yeah, I hear you. I I can't believe it either.

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Speaker 1: In like thirty years, north is going to be running

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Speaker 1: for president. Don't even They're here to stay? Isn't her

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Speaker 1: name north Star? Northwest? Oh? I hope her middle name

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Speaker 1: is Star though. I think that's great. My favorite these days, though,

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Speaker 1: out of the Kardashians, is Court. She just seems really real,

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Speaker 1: you know what. I feel like a bit and I

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Speaker 1: like that, yes, but also like having just binge watched

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Speaker 1: all of the Kardashians. She is somebody who like, I

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Speaker 1: love this. This woman writes in about listening to Kardashians,

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Speaker 1: and now we're talking about that. Look what you've done. No, no,

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Speaker 1: out of respect for the writer, let's end this conversation.

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Speaker 1: As much as you want to talk about them, you

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Speaker 1: have to save it for another episode. Captain. We have

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Speaker 1: to be loyal to our viewers, I mean listeners. I

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Speaker 1: don't know if you're fucking listening or viewing. And if

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Speaker 1: you're viewing, please tell me how you're viewing, because we

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Speaker 1: don't record this for exactly. It is actually on YouTube,

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Speaker 1: but it's just a still it's not the video's not

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Speaker 1: out there, so you can watch a still photo while

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Speaker 1: we talk. Oh that's lame. Yes, well, shout out to

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Speaker 1: all our YouTube listeners. We had an email come in

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Speaker 1: just like a day or two ago from Emma, and

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Speaker 1: she was so sweet. She said, Dear Chelsea, my boyfriend

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Speaker 1: of seven years technically a little on and off, but

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Speaker 1: three years straight now broke up with me this week.

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Speaker 1: We've been struggling for a while, but working through it.

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Speaker 1: I thought during our last disagreement he told me he

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Speaker 1: couldn't do it anymore and that he's felt this for

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Speaker 1: a while but didn't know how he could tell me

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Speaker 1: he loves me but isn't in love with me. I'm

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Speaker 1: blindsided and indescribably sad. Our town isn't tiny, but small

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Speaker 1: enough we'll run into each other. I'm supposed to be

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Speaker 1: starting grad school for a therapy program in a week

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Speaker 1: and don't know how I'll focus. I'm afraid I'll never

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Speaker 1: move on. How can I move forward and heal? Because

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Speaker 1: right now it seems impossible. Emma, Oh, that's sad, you feel,

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Speaker 1: you're so sad. But first of all, you're going to

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Speaker 1: grad school. That why do you think it's to The

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Speaker 1: timing is as perfect as it could be. That's exactly

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Speaker 1: what you need to do is go to grad school

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Speaker 1: and get first of all, in education, in a higher education,

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Speaker 1: and get a huge pivot in your life. He just

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Speaker 1: told you he doesn't he's not in love with you,

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Speaker 1: like there's no other way to say it. The only

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Speaker 1: victory you can have now is completely diving into yourself

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Speaker 1: and going to school, focusing on yourself, focusing on your

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Speaker 1: career ahead and grieving with it, but knowing that you

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Speaker 1: have something else going on in your life. Otherwise you're

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Speaker 1: just gonna sit at home and cry about this and

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Speaker 1: be depressed because he doesn't he's not in love with

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Speaker 1: you anymore. No, that's not an option. Yeah, give yourself

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Speaker 1: a little bit of time to to feel this, Eat

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Speaker 1: some chocolate ice cream, do what you gotta do. But

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Speaker 1: you know you're gonna meet so many new people, and

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Speaker 1: not just you know, potential romantic people, but new friends.

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Speaker 1: You're gonna have new experiences as you start grad school.

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Speaker 1: I think you know she doesn't want that though. I

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Speaker 1: know you're listening and you don't want new experiences. You

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Speaker 1: want your old experience. But I'm here to tell you

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Speaker 1: that this is a huge opportunity for growth for you

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Speaker 1: and that you are going to be fine. You are

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Speaker 1: going to be okay, and you're going to get through this.

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Speaker 1: And the first step is going to grad school. That's

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Speaker 1: exactly what you should be doing. And you're going to

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Speaker 1: run into him. Great every time, it's going to be

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Speaker 1: easier than the last time. But you have to think

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Speaker 1: of this as an ending and for that relationship and

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Speaker 1: a beginning for the rest of your life. I love that.

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Speaker 1: I think that's wonderful, and it will get easier, like

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Speaker 1: I think maybe not every day, but every week it

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Speaker 1: just gets easier, don't you think it's definitely definitely Yeah,

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Speaker 1: thanks for writing in Emma and all the best. Let

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Speaker 1: us know how grad school goes. You know, when you

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Speaker 1: break up with somebody and you kind of go back

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Speaker 1: to all of your people, it's like very nice and

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Speaker 1: you feel very grateful. You're like, oh, wait, I wasn't

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Speaker 1: as present before. You know, when you're in a relationship,

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Speaker 1: you're never as present. But I don't like to think

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Speaker 1: of myself as as that, you know, like I like

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Speaker 1: to think that I am available even when I'm in

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Speaker 1: a relationship. But when I think back about my most

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Speaker 1: recent relationship, I'm like, oh, I was on tour, so

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Speaker 1: that took up time, and then the other twenty percent

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Speaker 1: was always with my ex boyfriend, and I'm like, wait,

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Speaker 1: I had no time for any of my friends or

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Speaker 1: any of that stuff. So that's like interesting. And the

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Speaker 1: other thing I am conscious of watching, like having awareness

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Speaker 1: of now is like phases of grieving or getting over

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Speaker 1: a breakup. Like once you have the vocabulary and you

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Speaker 1: understand what's happening, you understand that the more distance you get,

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Speaker 1: the more perspective you'll have and the more clarity you

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Speaker 1: get when you're in such a state with somebody, and

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Speaker 1: especially if the relationship dissolves, you're both not thinking clearly

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Speaker 1: at all, you know. And so when you get the

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Speaker 1: perspective and you allow enough time because people people think

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Speaker 1: time is bad, but like the longer that you have away,

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Speaker 1: the clearer that you are able to see things and

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Speaker 1: understand exactly what transpired instead of being emotional about it,

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Speaker 1: you know. So it's nice to see the different phases

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Speaker 1: of a breakup or grieving or whatever you want to

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Speaker 1: call it, because you know, I didn't want to ever lessen.

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Speaker 1: I didn't ever want to take a way like meaningful

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Speaker 1: things that I said I didn't want to like. It

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Speaker 1: doesn't mean they're not true, right, I don't want to

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Speaker 1: do anything to negate me being my best possible version

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Speaker 1: of myself during this breakup. Being able to conduct yourself

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Speaker 1: in a way that you feel respectful of is really

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Speaker 1: great lesson to learn. Yeah, I mean, and it usually

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Speaker 1: probably wouldn't come to a person until they're in their

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Speaker 1: forties because we're so stupid. But I really feel like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: this is one way to conduct yourself, and it's the

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Speaker 1: best way, and you're always you're not gonna have any regrets,

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Speaker 1: and you don't participate in any Like I have a

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Speaker 1: couple of girlfriends who read you know, they will go

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Speaker 1: on someone's Instagram and then go to the other person's

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Speaker 1: Instagram that they're photographed in their picture with to research

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Speaker 1: that person. And and these are grown women and they're

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Speaker 1: my close friends, and I'm like, you guys, and they're like,

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Speaker 1: we just need to know, we need to know, Like

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Speaker 1: I don't, Like they don't. I know they don't, but

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Speaker 1: they think they do. They think they're collecting information. That's

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Speaker 1: their answer. They're collective confirmation. But I think it's good

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Speaker 1: not to collect if formation to have a separation be

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Speaker 1: a separation, Like you're now separate, and there's no reason

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Speaker 1: to be going doing those things. Not because they're childish,

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Speaker 1: because that's kind of sounds judgmental, but it is childish,

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Speaker 1: and it's better. It doesn't matter what that person is

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Speaker 1: doing or thinking or saying about you. It doesn't matter exactly.

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Speaker 1: And also, like you don't get the headspace that you

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Speaker 1: would if you were just like giving yourself time away

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Speaker 1: from thinking about that or thinking about it, but not

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Speaker 1: engaging with that person their Instagram whatever. I mean when

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Speaker 1: you talk about as we mature, we react differently. I

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Speaker 1: had one friend a few years ago who got divorced

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Speaker 1: from her husband. They had been together for twelve years,

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Speaker 1: married for five, and she actually went through her whole

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Speaker 1: Instagram and deleted every picture of them together, and like,

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Speaker 1: it wasn't a particularly nasty divorce, it was pretty amicable.

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Speaker 1: But I was like, you, you can't just erase somebody

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Speaker 1: from your life, you know. I think it's interesting when

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Speaker 1: people want to do that. Well, that's being angry or

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Speaker 1: reactive or well, I guess you wasn't being reactive because

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Speaker 1: it was after that, but it is being reactive. It's like,

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Speaker 1: just honor the what it was. You don't have to

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Speaker 1: erase it exactly exactly. But I mean, I think something

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Speaker 1: that's totally undervalued is the value of giving yourself to

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Speaker 1: space and time. Like people want to rush things. I

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Speaker 1: know I certainly do. I'm very impulsive, like I want

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Speaker 1: answers and results quickly whenever I'm interested in something or

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Speaker 1: the outcome of something. But that adult nous to give

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Speaker 1: yourself space and time to actually reflect and digest and

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Speaker 1: get clarity is like, oh, Okay, now, you know, I

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Speaker 1: feel like a woman. Yeah, And it's a gift to

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Speaker 1: yourself to be able to like give yourself that clarity,

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Speaker 1: give yourself time to heal. But also, you know, like

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Speaker 1: you said, healing doesn't necessarily mean that you're like totally

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Speaker 1: moved on for that person, or you're you know, you

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Speaker 1: don't ever think of out them anymore, or there's no

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Speaker 1: chance of getting back together. That's not what it means.

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Speaker 1: Healing means that you get that different perspective and you

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Speaker 1: can think about it differently. Yeah, right, right, right, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's a good point to people confuse that word a lot.

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Speaker 1: What do you think about closure? Everybody talks about closure.

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Speaker 1: I mean, listen, it's not fun to be like, you know,

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Speaker 1: left in the lurch and not know what happened. That

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Speaker 1: is not ideal. But I don't know how many closures

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Speaker 1: do people need, you know, that's my thing. It's like,

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Speaker 1: if you're broken up, you're broken up, do you need

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Speaker 1: to break up twice? Everyone thinks that they want closure,

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Speaker 1: but I'm not positive that that's true. Yeah, you want

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Speaker 1: to know what happened, So I think that Also, it's

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Speaker 1: so nice to be with your family, you know, and

413
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Speaker 1: be reminded of like the people that have been in

414
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Speaker 1: your life forever and will always remain on your team

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Speaker 1: and be It's very nice to have that familiarity with family,

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Speaker 1: especially with my sisters, because you know, brothers are useless.

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Speaker 1: My one brother, Roy is the sweetest thing in the world.

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Speaker 1: He's adorable and so loving and just a sweetheart. And

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Speaker 1: then I have my brother Glenn, who's just an idiot.

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Speaker 1: You know, he has no concept of how he is

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Speaker 1: or cares. He doesn't care because he's fucking He just

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Speaker 1: thinks he's killing it. He's a straight white male. Were

423
00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:24,280
Speaker 1: saying over fifty that's the key ingredient. I mean, it's

424
00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:26,520
Speaker 1: a different dynamic, Like it is nice to be around

425
00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:29,679
Speaker 1: people who obviously they loved yourrects and they loved being

426
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:33,119
Speaker 1: around him, but they love being around you just you

427
00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:36,960
Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, oh yeah. I mean well that's it.

428
00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:40,280
Speaker 1: I mean how many times can I say yeah, well, yeah, yeah.

429
00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:44,639
Speaker 1: Family is great. Family is great. Everybody write that down.

430
00:22:45,359 --> 00:22:53,840
Speaker 1: Write it down. Our next email, Chelsea, this is a

431
00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:57,440
Speaker 1: juicy one. This is from Shana. Should I get my

432
00:22:57,480 --> 00:23:04,160
Speaker 1: water wings? Shana's twenty nine. She says, Dear Chelsea, about

433
00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:07,359
Speaker 1: eighteen months ago, a friend of mine ended an engagement

434
00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:10,560
Speaker 1: with his girlfriend of many years. They just wouldn't have

435
00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:13,000
Speaker 1: been able to make it work. The breakup was super

436
00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:15,159
Speaker 1: hard on both of them, and he feels bad he

437
00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:18,200
Speaker 1: let the relationship go on too long. He's been talking

438
00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:20,520
Speaker 1: to a therapist and believes it was the right decision

439
00:23:20,520 --> 00:23:22,720
Speaker 1: to end things. He just wants them to be able

440
00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:26,399
Speaker 1: to have closure. He recently contacted her to get the

441
00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:29,520
Speaker 1: ring back, as well as some of his other stuff. Well,

442
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:33,040
Speaker 1: she returned his stuff, but not the ring. He tried

443
00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:36,600
Speaker 1: to contact her about it and got radio silence. Legally,

444
00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:39,879
Speaker 1: the ring should return to him. Since the wedding didn't happen,

445
00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:43,040
Speaker 1: the ring doesn't officially become a gift. But before he

446
00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:45,960
Speaker 1: takes legal action against her, is there any way I

447
00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:49,440
Speaker 1: can help him get the ring back peacefully? Shana? Uh?

448
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:52,080
Speaker 1: First of all, Shana, you better not let you if

449
00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:54,280
Speaker 1: you're influencing him at all, Do not let him take

450
00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:57,720
Speaker 1: legal action to get his fucking ring back. He just

451
00:23:57,800 --> 00:24:00,199
Speaker 1: broke up with her. She's allowed to keep the ring.

452
00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:02,040
Speaker 1: The ring was a gift when he gave it to her,

453
00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:05,960
Speaker 1: not when they get married. So you're letting him influence

454
00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:08,240
Speaker 1: your thinking because you're a woman and you should know better.

455
00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:10,280
Speaker 1: Do you know what I think? I think Shana is

456
00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:14,080
Speaker 1: the new girlfriend. Yeah, obviously I thought I really had

457
00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:16,919
Speaker 1: like a you're going to sue to get your fucking

458
00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:20,520
Speaker 1: engagement right back? Who does that? Especially because like he

459
00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:23,720
Speaker 1: broke it off. And here's the big thing to me

460
00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:27,480
Speaker 1: is Shana says he broke off an engagement with a

461
00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:31,200
Speaker 1: longtime girlfriend, not girlfriend fiance first of all, but second

462
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:34,200
Speaker 1: of all, he let eighteen months go by without bringing

463
00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:37,840
Speaker 1: this up. Eighteen months. That's too long, even if like,

464
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:40,200
Speaker 1: and I looked at the laws on this too. Laws

465
00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:43,720
Speaker 1: different differ from state to state. So some states have

466
00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:46,200
Speaker 1: a law where like it becomes the woman's like as

467
00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:53,639
Speaker 1: soon as she I love to research, Chelsea, I actually

468
00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:56,400
Speaker 1: really do, but so you know, it depends on the state.

469
00:24:56,440 --> 00:24:59,760
Speaker 1: It sounds like in their state it does legally revert

470
00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:02,159
Speaker 1: to the giver since the wedding didn't happen. But if

471
00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:05,400
Speaker 1: the wedding had happened it here's my my thought, if

472
00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:08,040
Speaker 1: if he had asked within a month or two, maybe,

473
00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:09,879
Speaker 1: First of all, it's not up to the man to

474
00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:11,880
Speaker 1: ask for the ring back. It's up to the woman

475
00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:14,120
Speaker 1: if she wants to give it back, and any other

476
00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:16,760
Speaker 1: man or a non binary person that has been proposed

477
00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:18,720
Speaker 1: to and is returning a ring, it's up to the

478
00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:22,320
Speaker 1: person the recipient of the gift, that's at their discretion,

479
00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:24,720
Speaker 1: not the person who gave the gift. You can't ask

480
00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:26,520
Speaker 1: for a gift back, you know what that's called. We're

481
00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:28,840
Speaker 1: not allowed to say that term anymore, right, But and like,

482
00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:30,800
Speaker 1: what are you gonna do give us your next girlfriend?

483
00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:34,640
Speaker 1: That's gross, Like I used engaged, just want some money

484
00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:36,399
Speaker 1: back so we can go buy her another one. I know.

485
00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:39,359
Speaker 1: I heard a story about that too recently, that somebody

486
00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:45,359
Speaker 1: got proposed to his next girlfriend with his old girlfriend's engagement. Fine,

487
00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:47,919
Speaker 1: if you need a deal, honor ring should just be

488
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:51,320
Speaker 1: taken out of the equation altogether. They seem it's it's

489
00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:54,240
Speaker 1: a bit silly. Go on a vacation. Yeah, I'm gonna

490
00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:56,560
Speaker 1: go to Bora Bora. I gotta figure that out. Every

491
00:25:56,600 --> 00:25:58,840
Speaker 1: time I see pictures on Instagram of Bora Bora, I'm

492
00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:01,800
Speaker 1: just like, holy fun. I went there once with my

493
00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:04,480
Speaker 1: girlfriend Sophie and we spent a week there and I

494
00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:06,720
Speaker 1: was like, this is like a honeymoon. I'm like, this

495
00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:08,679
Speaker 1: is what I was my honeymoon to be like my

496
00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:12,400
Speaker 1: girlfriend and myself and just drank. Every time we came

497
00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:14,320
Speaker 1: out of the water. They handed me a mango margarita

498
00:26:14,359 --> 00:26:16,000
Speaker 1: because that would be the last thing that I drank

499
00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:19,200
Speaker 1: they came. It was just it was heaven. You could

500
00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:22,120
Speaker 1: be in that water for seven hours a day, and yeah,

501
00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:24,000
Speaker 1: I gotta get back there. It's a long trip. And

502
00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:29,560
Speaker 1: I cried the day we left. There was heaven, heaven.

503
00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:33,800
Speaker 1: Where is Bora Bora like Tahiti? Okay? Okay, just yeah,

504
00:26:34,119 --> 00:26:40,280
Speaker 1: I know exactly where Tahiti is, so that's great. It's

505
00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:44,520
Speaker 1: like French Polynesia. Okay, so that whole area. I think

506
00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:46,120
Speaker 1: I have some research ahead of me when I get

507
00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:49,920
Speaker 1: Bora or no, maybe that's by Indonesia Bora Bora because

508
00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:54,680
Speaker 1: when we came from No, we came from Papiete. No, yeah, Tahiti. Okay,

509
00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:57,480
Speaker 1: I happen to India. They take you? Did you go

510
00:26:57,520 --> 00:27:01,280
Speaker 1: to Bali? Yeah? That was cool, It's cool. It was

511
00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:03,359
Speaker 1: interesting to see the two different sides of it, Like

512
00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:05,960
Speaker 1: how there's like one side that's so beechy and rustic.

513
00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:08,800
Speaker 1: I've just never seen that much pollution in my life.

514
00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:11,280
Speaker 1: And the beaches. Yeah, it was all washed up, so

515
00:27:11,320 --> 00:27:14,760
Speaker 1: the cut beaches were covered. I went for a surf competition.

516
00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:16,680
Speaker 1: We must have been there at a different time because

517
00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:19,640
Speaker 1: they were pristine when we went. Yeah, well, I think

518
00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:22,160
Speaker 1: parts of the island. But there's those big pires, right,

519
00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:23,879
Speaker 1: it's not that what they're called, those of garbage in

520
00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:26,719
Speaker 1: the ocean. And then they washed ashore so they had

521
00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:29,359
Speaker 1: a massive My friend used to run that WSL so

522
00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:31,920
Speaker 1: they had like a massive cleaning of the ocean thing

523
00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:34,600
Speaker 1: where everybody in the same day went out to clean

524
00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:39,119
Speaker 1: the ocean and get bad by sharks. Attacked by sharks.

525
00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:43,080
Speaker 1: Sharks are everywhere now. I know. There's like a shark

526
00:27:43,160 --> 00:27:45,919
Speaker 1: app that tells you where all the sharks. Many of

527
00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:49,119
Speaker 1: them are tagged in the Cape Cod area, and if

528
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:52,679
Speaker 1: you look at it, it's like what the entire ocean

529
00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:56,920
Speaker 1: and to the ocean. Yeah, yeah, they're all up like

530
00:27:57,000 --> 00:27:59,760
Speaker 1: in the northeast now because they're like, we like this better,

531
00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:02,400
Speaker 1: and they're coming closer and closer. And you can say

532
00:28:02,440 --> 00:28:05,080
Speaker 1: whatever you want about sharks not attacking, but they attack,

533
00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:09,200
Speaker 1: and that's what's happening. They're fucking hungry and not attacks

534
00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:12,640
Speaker 1: just sometimes only when they get a taste for it right. Well,

535
00:28:12,680 --> 00:28:16,440
Speaker 1: our first color today is West. West has a pretty

536
00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:20,359
Speaker 1: crazy situation. West says Dear Chelsea. I'm a former foster

537
00:28:20,440 --> 00:28:24,040
Speaker 1: parent who mostly took respite cases. One of my recurring

538
00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:27,840
Speaker 1: cases were two brothers. They and all their siblings, aged

539
00:28:27,920 --> 00:28:30,480
Speaker 1: zero to ten, were in and out of care. I

540
00:28:30,520 --> 00:28:32,640
Speaker 1: became close enough to the bio parents that I would

541
00:28:32,640 --> 00:28:36,200
Speaker 1: occasionally babysit the kids even when they weren't in the system.

542
00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:38,800
Speaker 1: The bio parents felt close enough to me to confide

543
00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:41,720
Speaker 1: in me one day that mom was pregnant with twins.

544
00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:44,600
Speaker 1: They wanted me to adopt the twins when they were born,

545
00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:48,320
Speaker 1: because they had the common sense to know that otherwise

546
00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:51,200
Speaker 1: they'd be in and out of the system too. After

547
00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:54,640
Speaker 1: speaking with dcfs and my own family, I decided to

548
00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:58,560
Speaker 1: adopt the twins. This essentially involved letters of intent on

549
00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:01,680
Speaker 1: behalf of the bio parents and myself that the babies

550
00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:03,800
Speaker 1: would leave the hospital with me and the bio parents

551
00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:07,120
Speaker 1: would have no rights to them, So there's legal implications

552
00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:11,600
Speaker 1: here too. Long story short. Nearly seven months in, we

553
00:29:11,760 --> 00:29:15,720
Speaker 1: found out it was all a ruse. The pregnancy was faked.

554
00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:19,560
Speaker 1: This was truly mind bending, and I approached my work

555
00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:22,800
Speaker 1: about time off to grieve. I had prepared space in

556
00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:25,640
Speaker 1: my home and in my life for these babies, and

557
00:29:25,680 --> 00:29:29,360
Speaker 1: the sense of emptiness was profound. Their response was, we

558
00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:32,640
Speaker 1: have difficulty justifying this extended time off because there was

559
00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:36,320
Speaker 1: no actual death. The next day, I quit my job.

560
00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:38,840
Speaker 1: I had already had some qualms about the industry, and

561
00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:41,160
Speaker 1: it's been eighteen months since I quit, and I'm ready

562
00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:43,360
Speaker 1: to go back to work. I'd like to obtain a

563
00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:46,360
Speaker 1: position of similar title senior director, but I feel that

564
00:29:46,400 --> 00:29:48,560
Speaker 1: the eighteen month gap in my resume will be hard

565
00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:50,440
Speaker 1: to explain and mean that I need to settle for

566
00:29:50,480 --> 00:29:53,280
Speaker 1: a lesser position. How can I explain the gap in

567
00:29:53,320 --> 00:29:56,160
Speaker 1: my resume without revealing too much information? I have no

568
00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:58,960
Speaker 1: problem sharing my story when it's appropriate, but an interview

569
00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:01,920
Speaker 1: is definitely not. Thanks for your time, hope to speak

570
00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:07,120
Speaker 1: with you soon. Be well. Wes Hi, wes Hi, Hi,

571
00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:11,960
Speaker 1: How are you good? God? How are you doing doing well?

572
00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:15,120
Speaker 1: You guys look radiant. Thank you. I was gonna think

573
00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:18,640
Speaker 1: I was going to say you looked ravishing earlier than well.

574
00:30:18,640 --> 00:30:23,800
Speaker 1: I'm pretty hungry. So West, what that's such a fund

575
00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:27,480
Speaker 1: up thing to have happened. Yeah, it was pretty crazy,

576
00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:32,160
Speaker 1: So they basically faked it for what to get you

577
00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:34,960
Speaker 1: to give them money or pay Yeah, I mean that's

578
00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:36,600
Speaker 1: that's the question. I get a lot. It's like why

579
00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:38,200
Speaker 1: did they do that? And I think that one of

580
00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:42,040
Speaker 1: the reasons why this is like such a you know, difficult,

581
00:30:42,080 --> 00:30:45,880
Speaker 1: confusing situation, is like we didn't really give them a

582
00:30:45,920 --> 00:30:50,080
Speaker 1: whole lot over that seven one period. I mean, we

583
00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:53,480
Speaker 1: like gave them and their other kids presents at Christmas.

584
00:30:53,720 --> 00:30:56,440
Speaker 1: We would babysit. I mean like one time I bought

585
00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:59,480
Speaker 1: them gas and another time I bought them groceries. But

586
00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:03,520
Speaker 1: and they announced that they were pregnant. We had in

587
00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:07,160
Speaker 1: our care. They're too oldest boys, and so I think,

588
00:31:07,640 --> 00:31:10,480
Speaker 1: you know, it's one thing to fake a pregnancy, but

589
00:31:10,640 --> 00:31:13,640
Speaker 1: then it's a completely different thing to fake a pregnancy

590
00:31:13,680 --> 00:31:17,680
Speaker 1: with twins. So I think that they wanted to in

591
00:31:17,760 --> 00:31:22,120
Speaker 1: their minds, they wanted to swap these twins for and

592
00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:25,640
Speaker 1: they thought that somehow they were going to be able

593
00:31:25,680 --> 00:31:28,320
Speaker 1: to do that. But if the if the pregnancy wasn't real,

594
00:31:28,520 --> 00:31:32,320
Speaker 1: then there was there were no twins, So I don't

595
00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:35,160
Speaker 1: think they thought that. Yeah, and we talked and there's

596
00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:38,400
Speaker 1: some like mental illness involved, and it's like a pretty

597
00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:42,120
Speaker 1: sticky situation. Yeah. Yeah. The entire history of the family

598
00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:46,000
Speaker 1: involves like DCFS, which is like the foster care organization,

599
00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:49,960
Speaker 1: and the mother had trauma, the father, you know, had

600
00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:54,800
Speaker 1: been incarcerated. So I mean, they're not rational, well adjusted people.

601
00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:57,720
Speaker 1: I mean, the children were brought into care for a reason,

602
00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:02,600
Speaker 1: and are the rest their kids still with them? So,

603
00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:04,960
Speaker 1: you know, I'm not supposed to know this, but I

604
00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:07,960
Speaker 1: do because I had some contacts in the agency after

605
00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:12,120
Speaker 1: I released my license. But essentially what happened is this

606
00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:16,240
Speaker 1: is really crazy. Are not adopted yet, but the two

607
00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:20,320
Speaker 1: younger sisters were the baby that I baby sat a

608
00:32:20,360 --> 00:32:24,840
Speaker 1: lot of the time. He got adopted. And then just recently,

609
00:32:25,080 --> 00:32:26,920
Speaker 1: like a couple of months ago, we found out that

610
00:32:26,920 --> 00:32:32,200
Speaker 1: that the mother is pregnant with twins actually actually like verified,

611
00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:36,960
Speaker 1: like the system is already taken measures to bring those

612
00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:41,840
Speaker 1: children into care once they're born. Wow, it is wild.

613
00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:47,160
Speaker 1: You can't talk about a manifestation. Yeah, so what's your

614
00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:49,800
Speaker 1: status with this family? You're obviously not in contact with

615
00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:51,800
Speaker 1: them now, right, I mean, how do you really get

616
00:32:51,840 --> 00:32:55,600
Speaker 1: past a fake pregnancy? Yeah? Yeah, and you know they

617
00:32:55,640 --> 00:32:58,320
Speaker 1: told us that like if any of their you know,

618
00:32:58,360 --> 00:33:00,640
Speaker 1: other five kids came up for a option that they

619
00:33:00,680 --> 00:33:04,320
Speaker 1: would like immediately make moves for that, and there were

620
00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:06,560
Speaker 1: like a lot of like tearful phone calls and just

621
00:33:06,640 --> 00:33:09,960
Speaker 1: kind of integrating their family with mine. And you don't

622
00:33:09,960 --> 00:33:12,600
Speaker 1: come back from that, like you said, and you made

623
00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:15,400
Speaker 1: space in your life for them, Like that line of

624
00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:18,640
Speaker 1: your email really stuck out to me, because you would,

625
00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:21,400
Speaker 1: I mean you'd be planning baby showers and where they're

626
00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:24,200
Speaker 1: going to sleep and and all these things. Yeah, yeah,

627
00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:27,320
Speaker 1: we had this lovely nursery set up. It was so

628
00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:30,800
Speaker 1: much fun to do that. And even you know with

629
00:33:30,840 --> 00:33:33,640
Speaker 1: their existing real kids, you know, we would always have

630
00:33:33,960 --> 00:33:37,400
Speaker 1: the because you have to have supervised visits when your

631
00:33:37,480 --> 00:33:40,480
Speaker 1: children are in care and you and you come visit them,

632
00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:43,440
Speaker 1: so we would always have like all four to five

633
00:33:43,720 --> 00:33:48,200
Speaker 1: kids in care meet at our place, and so you know,

634
00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:50,240
Speaker 1: it was it was a place that the parents were

635
00:33:50,280 --> 00:33:52,280
Speaker 1: familiar with, it was a place that all the kids

636
00:33:52,320 --> 00:33:55,280
Speaker 1: were familiar with. So it was just like, yeah, there

637
00:33:55,320 --> 00:33:57,640
Speaker 1: was like the physical space. And then like I told

638
00:33:57,680 --> 00:34:00,520
Speaker 1: my parents and all my family, like, hey, a weekend,

639
00:34:00,560 --> 00:34:03,520
Speaker 1: expect one to like five kids and maybe a year,

640
00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:06,040
Speaker 1: Like isn't that crazy? And like you know, it was

641
00:34:06,080 --> 00:34:07,960
Speaker 1: just and then it turned out that it was all fake,

642
00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:11,799
Speaker 1: and I'm so sorry. But let's talk a little bit

643
00:34:11,840 --> 00:34:14,680
Speaker 1: about getting you back in the workforce, because I know

644
00:34:14,719 --> 00:34:17,320
Speaker 1: you took eighteen months off and you have a pretty

645
00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:20,120
Speaker 1: high level position, right, But did you say you rescinded

646
00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:26,000
Speaker 1: your license? Yeah? Yeah? Why I so? I love what

647
00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:30,400
Speaker 1: foster care does for children, because you know, babies got

648
00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:33,400
Speaker 1: adopted all the time, there's like negative babies. In the

649
00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:36,920
Speaker 1: adoption space, there's a there's a deficit of babies. But

650
00:34:37,080 --> 00:34:41,480
Speaker 1: in the foster system, there's just this overwhelming surplus. I

651
00:34:41,520 --> 00:34:45,440
Speaker 1: think it's like four hundred thousand in the United States

652
00:34:45,520 --> 00:34:48,960
Speaker 1: alone that are looking for homes at any given that

653
00:34:49,080 --> 00:34:52,960
Speaker 1: that's just children like needing care. And so my aunts

654
00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:56,560
Speaker 1: adopted a lovely boy who they turned his rold around,

655
00:34:57,200 --> 00:35:02,080
Speaker 1: and I became of age and career to support, you know,

656
00:35:02,200 --> 00:35:05,960
Speaker 1: my own instance of fostering. Is it a different license

657
00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:07,520
Speaker 1: in each state? But don't you need to get your

658
00:35:07,520 --> 00:35:11,440
Speaker 1: license back in order to go back to work? No? Um,

659
00:35:11,480 --> 00:35:13,879
Speaker 1: I think the license was for dcfs, right, like the

660
00:35:14,040 --> 00:35:17,880
Speaker 1: foster license. Yeah, Like the license that says that like

661
00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:21,439
Speaker 1: you know, like you're capable and your your house meets

662
00:35:21,480 --> 00:35:24,880
Speaker 1: all the requirements, and yeah, I think I mean in

663
00:35:24,920 --> 00:35:26,960
Speaker 1: the last eighteen months. I mean, you're not the only

664
00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:29,799
Speaker 1: person who's lapsed in employment, like I think you can

665
00:35:29,840 --> 00:35:32,600
Speaker 1: There's so many things you can say. You can blame

666
00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:34,600
Speaker 1: it on COVID. You can blame it on your family.

667
00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:37,319
Speaker 1: You had a family member who had COVID who got

668
00:35:37,320 --> 00:35:40,120
Speaker 1: really ill, like you know, obviously don't get into too

669
00:35:40,160 --> 00:35:43,160
Speaker 1: many details, but you can just make that the reason

670
00:35:43,200 --> 00:35:47,359
Speaker 1: why you didn't work. Yeah, and even I think there

671
00:35:47,640 --> 00:35:50,600
Speaker 1: is room to get closer to the truth of I

672
00:35:50,640 --> 00:35:53,040
Speaker 1: had a loss in my family, Like you don't necessarily

673
00:35:53,080 --> 00:35:55,520
Speaker 1: have to say death at a loss in my family,

674
00:35:55,680 --> 00:35:59,040
Speaker 1: and so I took some time to grieve. And some

675
00:35:59,080 --> 00:36:02,640
Speaker 1: people may ask for more information, but you can also

676
00:36:02,680 --> 00:36:05,960
Speaker 1: just finish that sentence and you know, change the subject,

677
00:36:06,040 --> 00:36:09,080
Speaker 1: ask a question. One thing that I did find I

678
00:36:09,120 --> 00:36:12,839
Speaker 1: did a little research on this as well, is for

679
00:36:12,840 --> 00:36:15,480
Speaker 1: for example, for women who have a significant gap in

680
00:36:15,520 --> 00:36:18,080
Speaker 1: their resume. You know, this study was done with like

681
00:36:18,400 --> 00:36:20,719
Speaker 1: gaps of ten years for people who took time off

682
00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:22,760
Speaker 1: to go back to school or raise a family or whatever.

683
00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:26,319
Speaker 1: When they addressed that gap right on their resume, they

684
00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:30,759
Speaker 1: had a higher chance of getting hired. So I would

685
00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:33,719
Speaker 1: say right there on your resume, even just say it,

686
00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:35,880
Speaker 1: and then it might not even come up in the interview,

687
00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:38,320
Speaker 1: Like it would be hard pressed to find an interviewer

688
00:36:38,320 --> 00:36:42,319
Speaker 1: who's like, so, who died, Like, let's talk about it,

689
00:36:42,400 --> 00:36:46,600
Speaker 1: talk about the grieving process, right right. Yeah, No, that's

690
00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:48,359
Speaker 1: a that's a great point. I never thought about just

691
00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:50,799
Speaker 1: being bold and out there with it, you know, because

692
00:36:50,840 --> 00:36:54,200
Speaker 1: I want to be truthful to the point where you know,

693
00:36:54,239 --> 00:36:57,480
Speaker 1: I'm not lying. That just feels like the opposite of

694
00:36:57,520 --> 00:36:59,400
Speaker 1: like what the whole point of taking off time was.

695
00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:01,799
Speaker 1: But at the same time, like I don't want to

696
00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:05,440
Speaker 1: like destroy someone's day with this terrible story. I think

697
00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:08,760
Speaker 1: Katherine's advice is perfect. You get closer to the truth.

698
00:37:08,840 --> 00:37:10,840
Speaker 1: I was just coming up with a blatant lie because

699
00:37:11,280 --> 00:37:14,720
Speaker 1: but I think I'm wrong in this situation. And Katherine,

700
00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:17,560
Speaker 1: that was really good. Oh because your dad say you

701
00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:20,359
Speaker 1: lost a family member and let people and if you know,

702
00:37:20,480 --> 00:37:22,440
Speaker 1: they probably will think it was related to COVID and

703
00:37:22,480 --> 00:37:26,360
Speaker 1: then we both get our way. Yeah, exactly, exactly, Yeah, definitely,

704
00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:28,440
Speaker 1: And if they press that, you can invent a family member,

705
00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:31,480
Speaker 1: just like Chelsea said, Yeah, totally just a little bit

706
00:37:31,480 --> 00:37:34,920
Speaker 1: of fun lying yeah, and also focus on well, you're

707
00:37:34,920 --> 00:37:38,000
Speaker 1: just talking about your resume, not the actual interview. Well,

708
00:37:38,040 --> 00:37:41,279
Speaker 1: that's what I'm nervous about. There are so many topics

709
00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:47,000
Speaker 1: or conversations about how aggressive the workplace is becoming, and

710
00:37:47,520 --> 00:37:50,640
Speaker 1: you know, bosses are demanding that people work in the

711
00:37:50,719 --> 00:37:54,040
Speaker 1: office go back to the office. There's this conversation about

712
00:37:54,120 --> 00:37:57,920
Speaker 1: quiet quitting, which is just basically acting your wage. And

713
00:37:57,960 --> 00:38:02,600
Speaker 1: it just seems like the corporate hierarchy office environment in

714
00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:06,920
Speaker 1: America hasn't improved in my time away. And um, I

715
00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:09,400
Speaker 1: certainly hope that I'm stronger, but I think that that

716
00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:13,279
Speaker 1: environment still seems pretty toxic across the board. But you're

717
00:38:13,320 --> 00:38:16,600
Speaker 1: still ready to get back to work. I would like to.

718
00:38:16,719 --> 00:38:19,400
Speaker 1: I mean, my partner has a lot of like I

719
00:38:19,520 --> 00:38:22,480
Speaker 1: hear a lot of his conversations, and I want to

720
00:38:22,520 --> 00:38:26,399
Speaker 1: get back into those decision making meetings and I wanna

721
00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:29,960
Speaker 1: I want to do the financial analysis, and you know,

722
00:38:30,160 --> 00:38:31,960
Speaker 1: I wanna. I want to be a mentor and a

723
00:38:32,040 --> 00:38:34,959
Speaker 1: leader again. M m, Well, it seems like you've really

724
00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:38,239
Speaker 1: thought about it and had great thoughtfulness about it. You

725
00:38:38,280 --> 00:38:40,279
Speaker 1: sound like you really know what you're talking about. In

726
00:38:40,400 --> 00:38:42,600
Speaker 1: terms of what it's good for you and the way

727
00:38:42,640 --> 00:38:46,600
Speaker 1: you're gonna like perform the best. So that's positive and also,

728
00:38:46,680 --> 00:38:48,680
Speaker 1: you know, focus on all of the things that you like.

729
00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:50,959
Speaker 1: This is a great job interview right now. I feel

730
00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:53,240
Speaker 1: like if somebody heard you talking, I'd be like, Wow,

731
00:38:53,719 --> 00:38:56,320
Speaker 1: you're so capable and you have so many things to add,

732
00:38:56,520 --> 00:38:59,360
Speaker 1: you know, and just your awareness is you know, impressive.

733
00:38:59,440 --> 00:39:01,480
Speaker 1: So those are the things you want to sell yourself

734
00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:04,040
Speaker 1: on anyway, and not harp on the last eighteen months

735
00:39:04,040 --> 00:39:05,960
Speaker 1: where you didn't work. It's like that gave me enough

736
00:39:05,960 --> 00:39:08,120
Speaker 1: time to reflect and figure out and have like a

737
00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:11,400
Speaker 1: laser focus of exactly what I want to contribute. Yes,

738
00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:14,440
Speaker 1: that's powerful. Thank you. I didn't think about it like that.

739
00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:17,799
Speaker 1: Thank you. Yeah, totally. Yeah, and listen back to this

740
00:39:17,920 --> 00:39:21,319
Speaker 1: because everything you just said is stuff an employer would

741
00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:23,839
Speaker 1: want to hear. Like, here's why I want to be here,

742
00:39:23,880 --> 00:39:26,319
Speaker 1: this is why I love being in corporate America. This

743
00:39:26,360 --> 00:39:28,680
Speaker 1: is why it allows me to think creatively and problem

744
00:39:28,719 --> 00:39:31,400
Speaker 1: solve and I want to be in there. Yeah. I

745
00:39:31,400 --> 00:39:33,960
Speaker 1: think I could use that to my advantage and awesome,

746
00:39:34,160 --> 00:39:36,520
Speaker 1: all right, let us know what happens. Keep us posted.

747
00:39:39,160 --> 00:39:44,759
Speaker 1: Thanks by what a whirlwind that was our longest caller.

748
00:39:44,800 --> 00:39:49,279
Speaker 1: I think a while it sure was. We learned about

749
00:39:49,280 --> 00:39:52,239
Speaker 1: corporate America and here we are. Well. This is an

750
00:39:52,239 --> 00:39:56,640
Speaker 1: email from Marie. She's twenty six. Dear Chelsea, this is

751
00:39:56,680 --> 00:39:59,240
Speaker 1: a long, complicated story, but let me try to boil

752
00:39:59,280 --> 00:40:02,080
Speaker 1: it down. Impossible because I always end up going on

753
00:40:02,120 --> 00:40:06,239
Speaker 1: and on. Five is years ago. Meet John in my hometown,

754
00:40:06,320 --> 00:40:09,960
Speaker 1: San Francisco through mutual friends. We ended up becoming great friends.

755
00:40:10,400 --> 00:40:13,080
Speaker 1: Six months later, John moves to l A. We keep

756
00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:15,160
Speaker 1: in touch through texts and phone calls once or twice

757
00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:19,520
Speaker 1: a week, occasionally visiting while with friends. July, this is

758
00:40:19,560 --> 00:40:22,200
Speaker 1: several years later. John invites me to come down to

759
00:40:22,320 --> 00:40:24,080
Speaker 1: l A for six weeks to stay at his house

760
00:40:24,120 --> 00:40:26,800
Speaker 1: with him. We gradually start hooking up. We spend the

761
00:40:26,840 --> 00:40:29,560
Speaker 1: summer hooking up, but he's clear he only wants to

762
00:40:29,560 --> 00:40:32,040
Speaker 1: be friends. He doesn't want to funk up our friendship,

763
00:40:32,120 --> 00:40:36,359
Speaker 1: et cetera. I'm cool with us. By October, things get

764
00:40:36,400 --> 00:40:39,319
Speaker 1: weird between us and we're not really talking anymore. A

765
00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:41,800
Speaker 1: few months later, we start talking on the phone every

766
00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:44,480
Speaker 1: day for hours at a time. We'd talk in the morning,

767
00:40:44,560 --> 00:40:46,319
Speaker 1: usually for an hour, and then again at night for

768
00:40:46,360 --> 00:40:48,479
Speaker 1: a couple of hours. He invites me to come stay

769
00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:50,040
Speaker 1: with him for a week, and when I get back

770
00:40:50,080 --> 00:40:53,280
Speaker 1: to his place and have lunch, we immediately have sex. Oops.

771
00:40:53,760 --> 00:40:55,920
Speaker 1: We spend the summer going back and forth between l

772
00:40:55,960 --> 00:41:01,720
Speaker 1: A and San Francisco. September I held him move drive

773
00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:03,879
Speaker 1: his ship from l A to San Francisco, where I live.

774
00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:06,920
Speaker 1: We're hooking up all the time, but quote just friends.

775
00:41:07,760 --> 00:41:10,879
Speaker 1: It's been nine months. I'm basically living with him. Haven't

776
00:41:10,880 --> 00:41:13,520
Speaker 1: slept in my own bed since early April. We say

777
00:41:13,560 --> 00:41:15,600
Speaker 1: we love each other. He paid for us to go

778
00:41:15,640 --> 00:41:19,080
Speaker 1: on vacation, looks and acts just like a boyfriend, but

779
00:41:19,440 --> 00:41:23,280
Speaker 1: still he's not. He still won't commit. He's not sleeping

780
00:41:23,320 --> 00:41:26,080
Speaker 1: with or talking to anyone else. I fully trust him

781
00:41:26,120 --> 00:41:29,080
Speaker 1: on that. He literally doesn't have time because we're together

782
00:41:29,680 --> 00:41:32,560
Speaker 1: seven I just don't get it. He says he's scared.

783
00:41:32,600 --> 00:41:34,600
Speaker 1: He doesn't know how things will end up, if he's

784
00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:36,759
Speaker 1: going to move away, or if we'll just end up

785
00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:39,960
Speaker 1: with our hearts broken. Is he wasting my time? I

786
00:41:39,960 --> 00:41:42,560
Speaker 1: would literally marry this guy, but he still won't call

787
00:41:42,600 --> 00:41:45,439
Speaker 1: me his girlfriend. So what does that say? I don't

788
00:41:45,480 --> 00:41:47,680
Speaker 1: want to give an ultimatum, but I also need him

789
00:41:47,680 --> 00:41:50,160
Speaker 1: to make a decision. Why would he want the cow

790
00:41:50,480 --> 00:41:53,200
Speaker 1: me when I already give him the milk full girlfriend

791
00:41:53,200 --> 00:41:56,799
Speaker 1: treatment for free. Last time I brought this up was

792
00:41:56,840 --> 00:41:58,760
Speaker 1: a month ago, and he said he just wasn't ready

793
00:41:58,840 --> 00:42:01,040
Speaker 1: and couldn't give me what I want. Wunted, we ended

794
00:42:01,120 --> 00:42:04,720
Speaker 1: up crying together and things went back to normal. Chelsea,

795
00:42:04,760 --> 00:42:11,040
Speaker 1: please help best. Marie. Hi, Marie, Hi, how are you good?

796
00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:15,960
Speaker 1: So you want to marry the guy that doesn't even

797
00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:20,000
Speaker 1: want to acknowledge that you're his girlfriend? I mean, like

798
00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:23,960
Speaker 1: I feel really strongly for him, Probably not marriage right now,

799
00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:26,239
Speaker 1: but like I would like i'd be open to a

800
00:42:26,239 --> 00:42:30,920
Speaker 1: full relationship. I don't understand like why he won't because

801
00:42:31,080 --> 00:42:33,840
Speaker 1: something's stuck in him. Something is stuck in him, and

802
00:42:33,920 --> 00:42:36,640
Speaker 1: you're not going to get it by sticking around. You're

803
00:42:36,680 --> 00:42:39,600
Speaker 1: not going to get him unstuck by sticking around. You

804
00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:42,000
Speaker 1: have to lay down the law and say, listen, this

805
00:42:42,040 --> 00:42:45,439
Speaker 1: is ridiculous. We're in a relationship. We have been, We're

806
00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:47,400
Speaker 1: together all the time. I don't care if you're scared.

807
00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:50,040
Speaker 1: This is now disrespectful to me. You won't even acknowledge

808
00:42:50,040 --> 00:42:53,840
Speaker 1: that I'm your girlfriend, and if you don't. If you can't,

809
00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:56,279
Speaker 1: then that's fine, but we're not going to continue this way.

810
00:42:56,280 --> 00:42:58,319
Speaker 1: And you have to be strong and actually mean that

811
00:42:58,560 --> 00:43:00,759
Speaker 1: this is beneath you. You know, if you want to

812
00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:02,160
Speaker 1: be in a relationship with him and he's saying no,

813
00:43:02,280 --> 00:43:05,240
Speaker 1: this is beneath you, and you're lowering your standards and

814
00:43:05,280 --> 00:43:07,560
Speaker 1: what you are going to get in terms of respect

815
00:43:07,560 --> 00:43:11,719
Speaker 1: from people. You asked, is he wasting my time? And

816
00:43:11,760 --> 00:43:14,959
Speaker 1: I think for my part, the obvious answer is yes.

817
00:43:15,480 --> 00:43:19,280
Speaker 1: I personally think that wasting someone's time romantically is truly

818
00:43:19,320 --> 00:43:21,680
Speaker 1: a cardinal sin of dating. Like, I think that is

819
00:43:21,719 --> 00:43:25,239
Speaker 1: one of the things that's really unforgivable because you are

820
00:43:25,440 --> 00:43:28,359
Speaker 1: not only taking that person's time currently, but you're taking

821
00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:31,040
Speaker 1: that person's time keeping them from meeting someone else, keeping

822
00:43:31,080 --> 00:43:33,719
Speaker 1: them from healing, keeping them from going and having adventures,

823
00:43:33,800 --> 00:43:36,960
Speaker 1: whatever the case may be. What do you think about that? Son?

824
00:43:37,080 --> 00:43:39,719
Speaker 1: I agree with you again, Catherine, I agree with you,

825
00:43:39,760 --> 00:43:41,400
Speaker 1: Like I know you don't want to hear this. I

826
00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:44,160
Speaker 1: understand that this is difficult because you're in a situation,

827
00:43:44,560 --> 00:43:47,839
Speaker 1: but I'm I'm imploring you to get yourself out of

828
00:43:47,840 --> 00:43:51,479
Speaker 1: this situation because as soon as you do, you're going

829
00:43:51,560 --> 00:43:53,880
Speaker 1: to see things more clearly and if he's ever going

830
00:43:53,920 --> 00:43:56,680
Speaker 1: to wake up and stand up and say yes, it's

831
00:43:56,680 --> 00:44:00,040
Speaker 1: going to be because of your absence. Yeah, I just

832
00:44:00,160 --> 00:44:03,359
Speaker 1: needed to hear it from someone who wasn't in my

833
00:44:03,400 --> 00:44:06,719
Speaker 1: life totally. What do your friends think about it? Are

834
00:44:06,760 --> 00:44:09,640
Speaker 1: your friends like stick around, he's amazing, or they're like

835
00:44:09,760 --> 00:44:13,600
Speaker 1: dump him? Yeah, well you can't dump him because you're

836
00:44:13,600 --> 00:44:16,239
Speaker 1: not even in a relationship. I know. Well, they're like,

837
00:44:16,280 --> 00:44:17,640
Speaker 1: you need to bring it up, You need to bring

838
00:44:17,640 --> 00:44:20,080
Speaker 1: it up. And I feel like I waited until, like

839
00:44:20,120 --> 00:44:22,120
Speaker 1: I said, I was waiting until I was ready to

840
00:44:22,280 --> 00:44:25,360
Speaker 1: like really walk away, but I feel like that's not

841
00:44:25,480 --> 00:44:28,799
Speaker 1: coming and I just have to do it. Yeah you

842
00:44:28,840 --> 00:44:31,840
Speaker 1: didn't then deal with it? Yeah, Marie, you seem like

843
00:44:31,840 --> 00:44:36,879
Speaker 1: somebody was very level headed. You're very chill. And one

844
00:44:36,920 --> 00:44:39,120
Speaker 1: of the red flags to me, because I was in

845
00:44:39,160 --> 00:44:42,239
Speaker 1: a similar relationship, was you know kind of you talk

846
00:44:42,280 --> 00:44:44,560
Speaker 1: about at the end where you cried about it together

847
00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:47,439
Speaker 1: and and I you know, and that's not mocking at all,

848
00:44:47,520 --> 00:44:51,840
Speaker 1: but no, it's like just this sort of up and

849
00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:54,239
Speaker 1: down and will we are won't we end? Like he's

850
00:44:54,280 --> 00:44:57,520
Speaker 1: got these rules. This to me feels like somebody who

851
00:44:57,560 --> 00:45:01,480
Speaker 1: maybe is thriving on the drama of it all and

852
00:45:01,600 --> 00:45:04,840
Speaker 1: he is addicted to the highs and the lows, and

853
00:45:04,920 --> 00:45:07,120
Speaker 1: all the highs are super high and all the lows

854
00:45:07,120 --> 00:45:09,960
Speaker 1: are super low, and like maybe there's a little personality

855
00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:12,040
Speaker 1: disorder going on, or maybe there's just like a bad

856
00:45:12,080 --> 00:45:15,239
Speaker 1: boyfriend's situation going on, But that to me is kind

857
00:45:15,239 --> 00:45:17,839
Speaker 1: of red flaggy. Is that what your relationship is? Like

858
00:45:17,960 --> 00:45:22,000
Speaker 1: dramatic and highs and lows? It was like two years

859
00:45:22,000 --> 00:45:26,040
Speaker 1: ago and then the last like nine months have been

860
00:45:26,320 --> 00:45:31,480
Speaker 1: really calm and like really good and honestly like perfect,

861
00:45:31,600 --> 00:45:34,120
Speaker 1: aside from this whole thing of not having a label

862
00:45:34,160 --> 00:45:37,200
Speaker 1: on it, which is like the one thing I'm asking

863
00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:39,480
Speaker 1: you know, and it's not a lot, No, it's not.

864
00:45:39,600 --> 00:45:43,560
Speaker 1: It's totally normal and that yes, yeah, honestly, just get

865
00:45:43,600 --> 00:45:47,200
Speaker 1: away from him, break up and do it with meaning,

866
00:45:47,760 --> 00:45:50,520
Speaker 1: and I guarantee you your life is going to be

867
00:45:50,600 --> 00:45:54,600
Speaker 1: incrementally better in three weeks, okay, three weeks. Three weeks

868
00:45:54,640 --> 00:45:56,720
Speaker 1: You're going to start to feel the impact of making

869
00:45:56,719 --> 00:45:59,360
Speaker 1: a strong decision and what that means as a woman

870
00:45:59,800 --> 00:46:02,360
Speaker 1: and setting an example for yourself and for all of

871
00:46:02,400 --> 00:46:04,400
Speaker 1: the people in your life that you're not a dormat,

872
00:46:04,640 --> 00:46:06,440
Speaker 1: and that that what you're asking for is not a

873
00:46:06,480 --> 00:46:08,680
Speaker 1: tall order for to be called someone's girlfriend is an

874
00:46:08,680 --> 00:46:12,440
Speaker 1: everyday language that men, women, women and women men and

875
00:46:12,520 --> 00:46:15,239
Speaker 1: men everyone uses. It's not a big deal. So he

876
00:46:15,239 --> 00:46:17,160
Speaker 1: should get over himself or he's not going to have

877
00:46:17,200 --> 00:46:22,160
Speaker 1: you as his girlfriend. Right, Yeah, it's pretty something to do,

878
00:46:22,400 --> 00:46:24,879
Speaker 1: so do it. Report back, Okay, let us know. I will,

879
00:46:24,960 --> 00:46:29,080
Speaker 1: I will. I'm scared. Don't be scared. Be strong and

880
00:46:29,120 --> 00:46:31,920
Speaker 1: your strong chooes like you have strength, go find it.

881
00:46:32,520 --> 00:46:37,200
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. I appreciate it. By by by Guys.

882
00:46:37,920 --> 00:46:40,600
Speaker 1: You know, I think it's interesting that she mentions ultimatums.

883
00:46:41,080 --> 00:46:46,960
Speaker 1: I do you think that they ever work? It's so dumb. Ultimatum,

884
00:46:47,080 --> 00:46:50,080
Speaker 1: Like I don't even understand where that came from. You're

885
00:46:50,080 --> 00:46:54,640
Speaker 1: going to do this or you or else? So stupid,

886
00:46:55,239 --> 00:46:58,560
Speaker 1: you know. I think like the only time something similar

887
00:46:58,560 --> 00:47:00,440
Speaker 1: to that has worked for me is like when I'm

888
00:47:00,480 --> 00:47:03,560
Speaker 1: giving it to myself. So it's like I in the

889
00:47:03,600 --> 00:47:05,520
Speaker 1: past have been like, you know what if I still

890
00:47:05,560 --> 00:47:08,040
Speaker 1: feel this bad in this job or this relationship or

891
00:47:08,080 --> 00:47:11,360
Speaker 1: this friendship or whatever it is in two months or

892
00:47:11,440 --> 00:47:13,880
Speaker 1: six months or whatever sort of the situation calls for

893
00:47:14,120 --> 00:47:16,120
Speaker 1: and I will actually put this on my calendar, like

894
00:47:16,360 --> 00:47:18,480
Speaker 1: get out of that situation if you still feel bad

895
00:47:18,480 --> 00:47:21,720
Speaker 1: at this point, because like things get good, things get bad,

896
00:47:21,880 --> 00:47:25,600
Speaker 1: like things change. But like I've given myself ultimatums, and

897
00:47:25,640 --> 00:47:26,920
Speaker 1: I think that's the only thing you can do. You

898
00:47:26,960 --> 00:47:29,759
Speaker 1: can't give an ultimatum to another person. No, I mean

899
00:47:29,760 --> 00:47:32,040
Speaker 1: it's almost like a way to state that the opposite

900
00:47:32,080 --> 00:47:34,279
Speaker 1: will happen. And it's yeahs as soon as you say

901
00:47:34,400 --> 00:47:38,040
Speaker 1: if you do this, you know it's gonna happen, right exactly.

902
00:47:38,080 --> 00:47:40,799
Speaker 1: And if you just you know, like Marie, if you

903
00:47:40,840 --> 00:47:43,640
Speaker 1: do actually just leave, it's not an empty threat. It's like, okay,

904
00:47:43,640 --> 00:47:45,920
Speaker 1: well this is the boundary. You're not going to give

905
00:47:45,920 --> 00:47:48,960
Speaker 1: me what I want. So it's done. Mary is going

906
00:47:49,000 --> 00:47:51,080
Speaker 1: to follow up with us. She's going to leave him,

907
00:47:51,239 --> 00:47:53,200
Speaker 1: and then she's going to follow up with us. She

908
00:47:53,320 --> 00:47:58,920
Speaker 1: better find it in her courage machine to do the deed.

909
00:47:59,520 --> 00:48:01,839
Speaker 1: It's im houring to walk away from things. I mean,

910
00:48:01,880 --> 00:48:04,200
Speaker 1: not in an arrogant way or like I'm the big

911
00:48:04,480 --> 00:48:07,040
Speaker 1: it's empowering for your self esteem to be like this

912
00:48:07,080 --> 00:48:10,680
Speaker 1: is not acceptable for me anymore, Like I don't accept

913
00:48:10,680 --> 00:48:13,680
Speaker 1: this and you actually truly never know what good thing

914
00:48:13,920 --> 00:48:16,760
Speaker 1: can come out of saying no to something that's not working.

915
00:48:17,680 --> 00:48:20,759
Speaker 1: I had a situation recently where I was working on

916
00:48:20,800 --> 00:48:23,200
Speaker 1: a show. Brad and I were actually both working on

917
00:48:23,280 --> 00:48:26,399
Speaker 1: a show. It felt like the right decision to leave

918
00:48:26,480 --> 00:48:28,719
Speaker 1: the show because of a few different things that were

919
00:48:28,760 --> 00:48:31,359
Speaker 1: going on and we had too many projects going on

920
00:48:31,400 --> 00:48:34,239
Speaker 1: and whatever else. So we left the show, and I

921
00:48:34,320 --> 00:48:38,360
Speaker 1: actually was able to find two people who are actually

922
00:48:38,400 --> 00:48:42,400
Speaker 1: two of my closest friends to fill those positions and

923
00:48:43,560 --> 00:48:45,560
Speaker 1: got them all set up. And the very last thing,

924
00:48:45,680 --> 00:48:47,880
Speaker 1: like on my last conversation with the hiring manager or

925
00:48:47,920 --> 00:48:50,600
Speaker 1: with the manager of the show, was you know, the

926
00:48:50,640 --> 00:48:52,480
Speaker 1: host of the show just wishes he could do this

927
00:48:52,560 --> 00:48:57,200
Speaker 1: show with you. And as it turned out, the other

928
00:48:57,239 --> 00:49:00,040
Speaker 1: show that I was leaving for had fallen through. It

929
00:49:00,080 --> 00:49:02,360
Speaker 1: turned out to be a bad, toxic situation. So we

930
00:49:02,400 --> 00:49:05,880
Speaker 1: got out of that and it turned into this situation

931
00:49:05,920 --> 00:49:09,200
Speaker 1: I never could have realized where I got hired back

932
00:49:09,239 --> 00:49:10,920
Speaker 1: to the show. I get to work with two of

933
00:49:10,920 --> 00:49:13,839
Speaker 1: my best friends who are brilliant at their jobs, and

934
00:49:13,960 --> 00:49:16,320
Speaker 1: I get to like help on this on this show

935
00:49:16,360 --> 00:49:18,759
Speaker 1: that I just absolutely love and like all the bad

936
00:49:18,840 --> 00:49:21,719
Speaker 1: stuff there has gone away, So it just was like

937
00:49:22,000 --> 00:49:25,520
Speaker 1: I could have never envisioned that this was a possible outcome,

938
00:49:25,880 --> 00:49:28,280
Speaker 1: But like I got hired back with a better title

939
00:49:28,280 --> 00:49:32,279
Speaker 1: in a race. I know things do work out like

940
00:49:32,320 --> 00:49:35,520
Speaker 1: that all the time. That happens all the time. They do. Well.

941
00:49:35,520 --> 00:49:38,520
Speaker 1: We have one more color today and her name is Joscelyn.

942
00:49:39,320 --> 00:49:42,680
Speaker 1: Joscelyn says, Dear Chelsea. I'm thirty six and I live

943
00:49:42,680 --> 00:49:45,359
Speaker 1: in Austin. I made a career switch and became an

944
00:49:45,440 --> 00:49:49,759
Speaker 1: esthetician a few months before I moved here February, and well,

945
00:49:49,880 --> 00:49:52,200
Speaker 1: what a fucking time to move to a new city.

946
00:49:52,560 --> 00:49:55,440
Speaker 1: Over the past few months, clients will come in, lay

947
00:49:55,480 --> 00:49:58,440
Speaker 1: on the table for a service and just start trauma dumping.

948
00:49:59,000 --> 00:50:01,360
Speaker 1: I've always been an and path and people have opened

949
00:50:01,440 --> 00:50:03,720
Speaker 1: up to me a lot throughout my life. I value

950
00:50:03,800 --> 00:50:06,719
Speaker 1: deep conversations. As my friends were gossiping in a booth

951
00:50:06,760 --> 00:50:08,840
Speaker 1: at a bar. I would always be found having a

952
00:50:08,840 --> 00:50:12,440
Speaker 1: hard tart with a stranger. It's just who I am. Lately, though,

953
00:50:12,560 --> 00:50:14,400
Speaker 1: I haven't been able to deal with the weight of

954
00:50:14,400 --> 00:50:17,200
Speaker 1: the trauma dumping my clients tend to do. It leaves

955
00:50:17,239 --> 00:50:20,960
Speaker 1: me exhausted mentally and emotionally. I have my own ship.

956
00:50:21,040 --> 00:50:24,719
Speaker 1: I'm seeing a therapist, uh and have even talked to

957
00:50:24,760 --> 00:50:27,840
Speaker 1: her about this. So it's difficult dealing with my ship

958
00:50:27,920 --> 00:50:30,120
Speaker 1: and having clients who I know feel like they may

959
00:50:30,120 --> 00:50:32,879
Speaker 1: not have anyone to talk to. I usually go home

960
00:50:32,880 --> 00:50:35,160
Speaker 1: and feel so drained that I don't want to do anything.

961
00:50:35,280 --> 00:50:38,160
Speaker 1: I end up sleeping in they get nothing accomplished before work.

962
00:50:38,480 --> 00:50:42,000
Speaker 1: I don't necessarily feel depressed, just bogged down and in

963
00:50:42,040 --> 00:50:44,319
Speaker 1: a days of sorts. Do you have any advice on

964
00:50:44,360 --> 00:50:46,759
Speaker 1: how to overcome this slump and get motivated to take

965
00:50:46,800 --> 00:50:49,720
Speaker 1: action and filling my own cup before I get burnt out?

966
00:50:50,120 --> 00:50:55,600
Speaker 1: All the best? Jocelyn Hi, Jocelyn Hi, Hi, how are

967
00:50:55,640 --> 00:50:59,120
Speaker 1: you doing well? I see we both have beautiful curtains

968
00:50:59,160 --> 00:51:04,480
Speaker 1: behind us. Yes, it's a curtain podcast that we have

969
00:51:04,520 --> 00:51:07,560
Speaker 1: curtains behind it because there's seven small people living back there,

970
00:51:07,680 --> 00:51:11,080
Speaker 1: so we have to hide that for publicity reasons. There

971
00:51:11,120 --> 00:51:14,799
Speaker 1: are So what is your line of work? I'm a

972
00:51:14,840 --> 00:51:19,040
Speaker 1: medical estetician, right, I would have to say, listen, I

973
00:51:19,040 --> 00:51:22,120
Speaker 1: think that job just that's what that job comes with, right,

974
00:51:22,239 --> 00:51:24,239
Speaker 1: Like people are always going to come in there and

975
00:51:24,320 --> 00:51:26,359
Speaker 1: air their laundry. I think it's a matter of you

976
00:51:26,440 --> 00:51:28,920
Speaker 1: getting your head in a different space about it and

977
00:51:29,000 --> 00:51:32,360
Speaker 1: realize that you are serving a really important purpose in

978
00:51:32,400 --> 00:51:35,040
Speaker 1: so many people's lives because that is when they do

979
00:51:35,120 --> 00:51:38,280
Speaker 1: relax and they are willing to be vulnerable and discuss

980
00:51:38,320 --> 00:51:41,320
Speaker 1: their problems, and that's a far better option than people

981
00:51:41,360 --> 00:51:43,719
Speaker 1: not discussing their problems. While you don't want to be

982
00:51:43,719 --> 00:51:45,760
Speaker 1: the recipient all the time because you your own stuff

983
00:51:45,760 --> 00:51:48,120
Speaker 1: going on. I find that when you're there for other

984
00:51:48,200 --> 00:51:51,960
Speaker 1: people in a generous way, which is part of your

985
00:51:52,040 --> 00:51:54,400
Speaker 1: job kind of you know, it's not written, but it

986
00:51:54,520 --> 00:51:56,680
Speaker 1: is kind of like a tacit part of your job.

987
00:51:57,239 --> 00:51:59,279
Speaker 1: I feel like that's going to give you so much

988
00:51:59,320 --> 00:52:01,239
Speaker 1: comfort and feel you up as well if you have

989
00:52:01,320 --> 00:52:03,680
Speaker 1: the right attitude about your being that you're there to

990
00:52:03,719 --> 00:52:06,960
Speaker 1: help them instead of, you know, being annoyed by people's stories,

991
00:52:07,000 --> 00:52:09,280
Speaker 1: which I can totally relate to. It's nice to flip

992
00:52:09,280 --> 00:52:12,400
Speaker 1: the switch and be like, this person needs me right now. Yeah,

993
00:52:12,800 --> 00:52:15,880
Speaker 1: have you tried anything like that? Yeah? No, I definitely

994
00:52:15,920 --> 00:52:19,400
Speaker 1: have been working on it and trying to set boundaries

995
00:52:19,440 --> 00:52:23,839
Speaker 1: in different ways. It's more so the like constance of it.

996
00:52:24,360 --> 00:52:27,000
Speaker 1: Like sometimes I'll have an hour facial and then a

997
00:52:27,080 --> 00:52:30,200
Speaker 1: fifteen and a break and then back to back where

998
00:52:30,280 --> 00:52:34,640
Speaker 1: sometimes it's all day of just hearing really sad things.

999
00:52:34,840 --> 00:52:36,799
Speaker 1: And so I definitely know that I need to work

1000
00:52:36,840 --> 00:52:41,719
Speaker 1: on myself and changing my state of mind for sure.

1001
00:52:42,200 --> 00:52:45,200
Speaker 1: Like I said in the email, I was seeing a therapist,

1002
00:52:45,239 --> 00:52:48,319
Speaker 1: but I fired her last week, so I'm looking for

1003
00:52:48,360 --> 00:52:51,719
Speaker 1: another one. Why did you fire her? I gave it

1004
00:52:52,400 --> 00:52:56,080
Speaker 1: four sessions, and every time I felt like I was

1005
00:52:56,520 --> 00:52:59,759
Speaker 1: the only one initiating any of the conversation, and there

1006
00:52:59,840 --> 00:53:03,320
Speaker 1: was a lot of lulls in between until I started

1007
00:53:03,360 --> 00:53:08,680
Speaker 1: talking again. And the last session with her, she confused

1008
00:53:08,680 --> 00:53:13,120
Speaker 1: me with another client and brought up someone else's trauma

1009
00:53:13,200 --> 00:53:16,719
Speaker 1: with me that I was like, I don't think I

1010
00:53:16,800 --> 00:53:19,279
Speaker 1: said that, and so it was kind of awkward. Well,

1011
00:53:19,320 --> 00:53:22,799
Speaker 1: good for firing her. That's not a match. That's not

1012
00:53:22,960 --> 00:53:26,920
Speaker 1: a good therapist. So yeah, you should definitely find another therapist.

1013
00:53:27,000 --> 00:53:30,200
Speaker 1: But don't give up, you know, and listen, we all

1014
00:53:30,239 --> 00:53:32,399
Speaker 1: go through different phases in our lives. We go through

1015
00:53:32,400 --> 00:53:36,799
Speaker 1: happy spells and sadder spells and listless periods where you're

1016
00:53:36,880 --> 00:53:39,640
Speaker 1: sometimes you feel super productive and sometimes you don't. But

1017
00:53:39,719 --> 00:53:41,560
Speaker 1: I really think if you can try and remember to

1018
00:53:41,600 --> 00:53:43,759
Speaker 1: be of service, to others in a sense, and that

1019
00:53:43,800 --> 00:53:46,319
Speaker 1: you're doing job like you're doing the Lord's work, you know,

1020
00:53:46,400 --> 00:53:49,120
Speaker 1: like think about it in that sense, take it seriously

1021
00:53:49,120 --> 00:53:51,520
Speaker 1: on that in that sense, and try and separate your

1022
00:53:51,600 --> 00:53:54,560
Speaker 1: personal life from theirs, you know. I think sometimes hearing

1023
00:53:54,560 --> 00:53:57,080
Speaker 1: a lot of sad stories makes me feel realize how

1024
00:53:57,200 --> 00:54:00,040
Speaker 1: lucky I am and fortunate not to be experience and

1025
00:54:00,120 --> 00:54:03,400
Speaker 1: seeing those things, So there's that aspect of it too,

1026
00:54:03,440 --> 00:54:06,000
Speaker 1: you know, can shine a light on how different your

1027
00:54:06,040 --> 00:54:07,880
Speaker 1: lives are and how grateful you are to have the

1028
00:54:07,920 --> 00:54:09,680
Speaker 1: life you are. Even if you're not in the happiest

1029
00:54:09,719 --> 00:54:12,080
Speaker 1: state right now, you never know, that could be just

1030
00:54:12,160 --> 00:54:15,040
Speaker 1: around the corner, and it's it is really an inside

1031
00:54:15,080 --> 00:54:19,280
Speaker 1: job to get ourselves to feel positive and happy and optimistic.

1032
00:54:19,640 --> 00:54:23,440
Speaker 1: That doesn't just always come naturally. Definitely, Yeah, And I

1033
00:54:23,520 --> 00:54:26,279
Speaker 1: think there might be some things you can do at

1034
00:54:26,320 --> 00:54:28,279
Speaker 1: the end of your work day to sort of like

1035
00:54:29,040 --> 00:54:32,239
Speaker 1: literally and figuratively like wash that stuff away so that

1036
00:54:32,320 --> 00:54:35,520
Speaker 1: you're not taking it home with you, whether that's sort

1037
00:54:35,520 --> 00:54:39,000
Speaker 1: of resetting your nervous system by taking a shower or

1038
00:54:39,120 --> 00:54:42,040
Speaker 1: some people love to have lights, some sage and sage

1039
00:54:42,080 --> 00:54:44,560
Speaker 1: themselves or whatever. But having some sort of a little

1040
00:54:44,640 --> 00:54:47,000
Speaker 1: daily ritual, even if it's just changing your clothes or

1041
00:54:47,040 --> 00:54:49,759
Speaker 1: taking a nap or whatever it is, to sort of

1042
00:54:49,800 --> 00:54:53,319
Speaker 1: separate those two parts of your day. Do you find

1043
00:54:53,320 --> 00:54:55,560
Speaker 1: it's a few clients in particular, or is it just

1044
00:54:55,640 --> 00:54:58,720
Speaker 1: all your clients or trauma dumping? Not all of them,

1045
00:54:58,800 --> 00:55:02,799
Speaker 1: but there's a study amount. Like my coworkers and I

1046
00:55:02,960 --> 00:55:05,400
Speaker 1: talked about it, like everyone's kind of going through it,

1047
00:55:05,440 --> 00:55:08,759
Speaker 1: and it is obviously with our job it is a

1048
00:55:08,800 --> 00:55:11,839
Speaker 1: common thing. And then with the last couple of years

1049
00:55:11,840 --> 00:55:13,759
Speaker 1: and all the ship that everyone has been through, there's

1050
00:55:13,800 --> 00:55:19,120
Speaker 1: even more. Definitely trying to separate change my mindset and

1051
00:55:19,200 --> 00:55:22,280
Speaker 1: be more positive about it, knowing that I am helping people.

1052
00:55:22,760 --> 00:55:27,400
Speaker 1: I just feel mainly that I carry it with like

1053
00:55:27,640 --> 00:55:31,080
Speaker 1: you take it on. Yeah. Yeah, that will definitely be

1054
00:55:31,080 --> 00:55:33,520
Speaker 1: something to talk to your new therapist about, like how

1055
00:55:33,560 --> 00:55:36,239
Speaker 1: do I hear this and be present with them, but

1056
00:55:36,320 --> 00:55:38,880
Speaker 1: also like not have it affect me and like carry

1057
00:55:38,960 --> 00:55:41,880
Speaker 1: it with me every day. There might be an opportunity

1058
00:55:41,960 --> 00:55:45,640
Speaker 1: for you to set the tone when you walk into

1059
00:55:45,719 --> 00:55:49,200
Speaker 1: the room, So maybe that's asking questions that have sort

1060
00:55:49,200 --> 00:55:53,239
Speaker 1: of like a positive basis or even redirecting like I'm

1061
00:55:53,239 --> 00:55:56,560
Speaker 1: so sorry that happened. So maybe let's let's talk about

1062
00:55:56,600 --> 00:55:59,080
Speaker 1: something positive. What's one of the most fun things you've

1063
00:55:59,120 --> 00:56:03,080
Speaker 1: done or seen recently? You know, setting up those conversations

1064
00:56:03,120 --> 00:56:05,319
Speaker 1: even right from the beginning when someone walks in the door,

1065
00:56:05,440 --> 00:56:08,799
Speaker 1: of engaging them with what's something positive, let's talk about this,

1066
00:56:08,880 --> 00:56:10,719
Speaker 1: what was fun this week? What are you liking to

1067
00:56:10,760 --> 00:56:14,480
Speaker 1: listen to right now? And just getting the ball rolling,

1068
00:56:15,280 --> 00:56:18,000
Speaker 1: encouraging them to talk about things are excited about. No,

1069
00:56:18,120 --> 00:56:20,400
Speaker 1: I love that idea because I, like I said earlier,

1070
00:56:20,440 --> 00:56:23,960
Speaker 1: I've tried studying boundaries, I have tried redirecting, but I

1071
00:56:23,960 --> 00:56:27,520
Speaker 1: haven't thought about the asking them. You know, it's a

1072
00:56:27,600 --> 00:56:30,400
Speaker 1: positive thing going on. What's something fun you've done? And

1073
00:56:30,480 --> 00:56:33,480
Speaker 1: so that's really great like first date questions or third

1074
00:56:33,560 --> 00:56:36,759
Speaker 1: date questions. Stuff that's like light and positive. But it's

1075
00:56:36,760 --> 00:56:39,120
Speaker 1: like gets the ball rolling, and it's very open ended

1076
00:56:39,320 --> 00:56:43,600
Speaker 1: and yeah, awesome, great, Well let's say try that out

1077
00:56:43,640 --> 00:56:46,319
Speaker 1: and let us know how it goes for you. All right,

1078
00:56:46,440 --> 00:56:54,080
Speaker 1: thank you so much, thank you. Ok, she's sweet. Yeah,

1079
00:56:54,680 --> 00:56:57,320
Speaker 1: a medical asthetician. She was beautiful. It's so funny that

1080
00:56:57,400 --> 00:56:59,560
Speaker 1: whenever I go to the doctor, I feel like they're

1081
00:56:59,560 --> 00:57:03,200
Speaker 1: fucking trauma dumping on me any of my estheticians, not

1082
00:57:03,280 --> 00:57:06,400
Speaker 1: trauma dumping. But I'm always getting information. That's because I

1083
00:57:06,440 --> 00:57:09,600
Speaker 1: ask a lot of questions why, and that's your vibe.

1084
00:57:09,600 --> 00:57:13,400
Speaker 1: You're like, tell me all the things, all the things. Well,

1085
00:57:13,440 --> 00:57:17,200
Speaker 1: let's take a quick break and we'll be right back, okay, Chelsea, Yes, yes, yes,

1086
00:57:17,480 --> 00:57:27,600
Speaker 1: by Catherine, Hello, We're back. Excellent. That was so easy, Chelsea.

1087
00:57:28,000 --> 00:57:30,120
Speaker 1: This is usually the part of the show where someone

1088
00:57:30,160 --> 00:57:33,040
Speaker 1: asks for advice from you, but I think since it's

1089
00:57:33,080 --> 00:57:34,920
Speaker 1: just you and me today, I think we can close

1090
00:57:34,960 --> 00:57:36,560
Speaker 1: with one last email that I got and I wanted

1091
00:57:36,600 --> 00:57:38,080
Speaker 1: to share this kind of at the end, but it

1092
00:57:38,080 --> 00:57:42,120
Speaker 1: goes with our theme today of breakups and makeups. Dear Chelsea,

1093
00:57:42,280 --> 00:57:45,760
Speaker 1: this is from Ariana. I'm writing this email to express

1094
00:57:45,800 --> 00:57:48,600
Speaker 1: my deepest gratitude for you as a role model. My

1095
00:57:48,800 --> 00:57:50,880
Speaker 1: X and I broke up in June, and because it

1096
00:57:51,000 --> 00:57:53,920
Speaker 1: was my deepest, most loving relationship yet it is now

1097
00:57:53,960 --> 00:57:57,560
Speaker 1: my most painful breakup. I've gone through many periods in

1098
00:57:57,600 --> 00:57:59,880
Speaker 1: life where I was sure that I probably won't find

1099
00:57:59,880 --> 00:58:03,080
Speaker 1: my person, not really based on insecurities, but because I

1100
00:58:03,120 --> 00:58:04,760
Speaker 1: just didn't think there was a great fit out there

1101
00:58:04,800 --> 00:58:07,600
Speaker 1: for me. That all changed last year when I was

1102
00:58:07,640 --> 00:58:09,960
Speaker 1: swept up in love with the most amazing person I've

1103
00:58:10,000 --> 00:58:12,640
Speaker 1: ever met. We moved across the country together and went

1104
00:58:12,680 --> 00:58:15,320
Speaker 1: through rough patches and then had so much growth together,

1105
00:58:15,440 --> 00:58:18,680
Speaker 1: all in a little over a year. Things were never perfect,

1106
00:58:18,760 --> 00:58:21,400
Speaker 1: but as the saying goes, love is all about hard work.

1107
00:58:22,120 --> 00:58:28,600
Speaker 1: In June, saying is that love is all about hard work. No, okay, anyway,

1108
00:58:28,680 --> 00:58:31,360
Speaker 1: marriage is all about hard work. That's accurate. That is

1109
00:58:31,400 --> 00:58:34,960
Speaker 1: accurate in June. He had the courage that I didn't

1110
00:58:35,080 --> 00:58:37,120
Speaker 1: to say what we both knew to be true. It

1111
00:58:37,240 --> 00:58:40,040
Speaker 1: just wasn't the right fit. We hadn't lived there long

1112
00:58:40,120 --> 00:58:42,080
Speaker 1: enough for me to have a solid group of friends,

1113
00:58:42,200 --> 00:58:45,040
Speaker 1: and I had no family nearby. My mom flew out

1114
00:58:45,040 --> 00:58:47,040
Speaker 1: and helped me pack up, and just like that, my

1115
00:58:47,080 --> 00:58:48,960
Speaker 1: new life and all the plans we made for the

1116
00:58:49,000 --> 00:58:51,960
Speaker 1: future were gone. I'm still picking up the pieces of

1117
00:58:51,960 --> 00:58:54,360
Speaker 1: my life, finding a new job in a new place,

1118
00:58:54,920 --> 00:58:57,240
Speaker 1: but this is the only relationship that has reached this

1119
00:58:57,320 --> 00:58:59,160
Speaker 1: level for me. And just as I was starting to

1120
00:58:59,200 --> 00:59:02,000
Speaker 1: slip back into my pessimistic view of well, this is

1121
00:59:02,040 --> 00:59:03,760
Speaker 1: as good as it could get and it didn't work,

1122
00:59:03,840 --> 00:59:06,800
Speaker 1: so that's it for me, I listened to your podcast.

1123
00:59:07,320 --> 00:59:10,680
Speaker 1: Hearing your hope and positivity for your future is healing

1124
00:59:10,680 --> 00:59:14,200
Speaker 1: a part of me. I haven't touched yet in my journey. Yuck, Sorry,

1125
00:59:14,200 --> 00:59:17,200
Speaker 1: I said, journey. We're all works in progress, and to

1126
00:59:17,240 --> 00:59:19,720
Speaker 1: hear you speak and spread love helps make this all

1127
00:59:19,760 --> 00:59:24,560
Speaker 1: a little easier. Ariana, m hmm. That's nice. Okay, well

1128
00:59:24,600 --> 00:59:26,720
Speaker 1: this is our clothes. Then you guys, thanks for being

1129
00:59:26,720 --> 00:59:30,480
Speaker 1: here with us today, and we'll be back next week. Yep,

1130
00:59:30,520 --> 00:59:34,480
Speaker 1: wish I will. Bye. So I am winding up my

1131
00:59:34,680 --> 00:59:37,120
Speaker 1: stand up tour. Vaccinated and Horney is coming to a

1132
00:59:37,200 --> 00:59:39,240
Speaker 1: screeching halt at the end of the year. I have

1133
00:59:39,360 --> 00:59:44,360
Speaker 1: my last dates coming up, and these are the last opportunities.

1134
00:59:44,400 --> 00:59:47,200
Speaker 1: You have to also buy merch from the website Chelsea

1135
00:59:47,240 --> 00:59:50,280
Speaker 1: Handler dot com if you want vaccinating horny Captain's hats

1136
00:59:50,600 --> 00:59:53,360
Speaker 1: that say We're the Captain's now for women only, our

1137
00:59:53,520 --> 00:59:55,480
Speaker 1: t shirts for men and your family that say I'm

1138
00:59:55,520 --> 00:59:58,480
Speaker 1: sorry because they should be. I only have a few

1139
00:59:58,560 --> 01:00:05,240
Speaker 1: dates left. Well, looks very Pennsylvania. Looks verry Pennsylvania. There,

1140
01:00:05,280 --> 01:00:09,160
Speaker 1: I said it, and then San Diego and Riverside, California,

1141
01:00:09,200 --> 01:00:11,760
Speaker 1: and then Baltimore, Maryland, and then my very last date

1142
01:00:11,840 --> 01:00:16,200
Speaker 1: is December sixte in Reading, Pennsylvania. If you are enjoying

1143
01:00:16,200 --> 01:00:18,960
Speaker 1: what you're hearing, you can subscribe to Dear Chelsea. That

1144
01:00:19,240 --> 01:00:23,840
Speaker 1: is our podcast, and you can rate us if you want. Yeah,

1145
01:00:23,880 --> 01:00:26,400
Speaker 1: that's a great idea. It actually makes a huge difference

1146
01:00:26,480 --> 01:00:30,600
Speaker 1: for this podcast, for any podcast that you like, subscribing

1147
01:00:30,720 --> 01:00:32,800
Speaker 1: giving it a rating actually make a huge difference in

1148
01:00:32,840 --> 01:00:35,080
Speaker 1: who all we get served too, and helpfully spread the

1149
01:00:35,080 --> 01:00:40,920
Speaker 1: words Okay, yeah, subscribe and and and comment, yeah, and follow.

1150
01:00:41,360 --> 01:00:43,960
Speaker 1: So if you'd like advice from Chelsea, just send us

1151
01:00:43,960 --> 01:00:48,400
Speaker 1: an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com.

1152
01:00:48,520 --> 01:00:52,040
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea is a production of I Heart Radio. Executive

1153
01:00:52,040 --> 01:00:55,640
Speaker 1: produced by Nick Stuff, produced by Catherine Law, and edited

1154
01:00:55,680 --> 01:00:57,440
Speaker 1: and engineered by Brad dick Art.