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Speaker 1: Welcome. You are now listening to the Professional profession. Hey,

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Speaker 1: Professional home Girls is the kid of a name from

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Speaker 1: the PSD podcast, the only place where you would hear

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Speaker 1: interviews from black women an honestly on stories that will

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Speaker 1: enlighten and expand on taboo topics. Now, if you hear

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Speaker 1: someone that sounds familiar, mind the business that pays you child.

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Speaker 1: If you like the PhD podcast, please rate, review and

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Speaker 1: subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Please five star reviews only. Hold

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Speaker 1: me down, don't hold me up. Merchants now enveloped on

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Speaker 1: the site as well as my book list, so please

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Speaker 1: make sure you visit the link in the show notes below.

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Speaker 1: You can connect with the kid on Instagram at the

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Speaker 1: Professional Homegirl and at the PhD podcast. If you are

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Speaker 1: on Twitter, please follow me at the PhD podcast Now.

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Speaker 1: If you are all caught up with episode, listen to

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Speaker 1: the bonus episodes by supporting the PSD podcast Patreon account.

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Speaker 1: To support, please visit www dot patreon dot com. Forward

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Speaker 1: slash the PSG podcast now. Please keep in mind that

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Speaker 1: all of my guests are Nonna. So let's again this

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Speaker 1: week's episode. Y'all. We have a legend on this show

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Speaker 1: and I am pretty sure. Once y'all hear her voice,

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Speaker 1: y'all will know who she is. Our guest is the

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Speaker 1: pioneer of the spirituality and Sexuality movement and or dained minister,

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Speaker 1: as well as a motivational speaker. In addition, she is

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Speaker 1: a psychic medium, author, singer, and an entrepreneur where she

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Speaker 1: sells hair and skin care products. And y'all, her skin

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Speaker 1: looks beautiful at the camera, so I can see one

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Speaker 1: of my icons. I lad is um. I guess has

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Speaker 1: been going viral for over twenty years before viral was

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Speaker 1: even a thing, for her infamous show Vagina Power. She

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Speaker 1: has been on numerous shows and platforms, and your favorite

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Speaker 1: artists have used her voice in their music. It is

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Speaker 1: such an honor to be speaking to my guests. So

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Speaker 1: thank you so much for coming on the show. Look

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Speaker 1: at her smile, yes yours. I'm jealous of your teeth.

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Speaker 1: They're gorgeous. How are you? How you been? I'm honored

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Speaker 1: to still be alive and be in Atlanta, Georgia. And

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Speaker 1: when you said twenty years, you know, I think about

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Speaker 1: that and I can't believe twenty years have gone by

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Speaker 1: and people still talk about me and they loved me

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Speaker 1: and they missed me, and they keep me viral, and

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Speaker 1: they're here for the second part of my life, my

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Speaker 1: own transition and to vagina power and awakening. I'm honored, Yes, No,

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Speaker 1: I am honored. I've been watching you this whole weekend.

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Speaker 1: I remember when I first saw your video by letting

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Speaker 1: the nig hit the bottom of your pussy, It's like, yo,

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Speaker 1: who is this lady? So thank you so much as

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Speaker 1: a pioneer. Do you feel like you get the credit

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Speaker 1: that you deserve. No, I think because of me talking

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Speaker 1: about sex and spirituality in a community of color that's

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Speaker 1: dealt with slavery and oppression and a false Messiah and

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Speaker 1: a Jesus wrapped into religion and telling you what you

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Speaker 1: can and cannot do, and what the woman has no

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Speaker 1: power in church. The woman really doesn't have power in

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Speaker 1: the community is dominated by men, in a dead nation

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Speaker 1: within a nation. I and then my mother's a preacher

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Speaker 1: and coming from religious background and told your sin and

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Speaker 1: I heard your vagina has no power. And if you

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Speaker 1: have power and you like sex and you're confident with

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Speaker 1: your sexuality, you're a whore. Me saying it's okay to

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Speaker 1: speak up about that. The pain, the oppression, the lies.

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Speaker 1: Women tell how they mislead their daughters, set them up

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Speaker 1: to be used and abusedly exploited by men and the preachers,

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Speaker 1: and then say it's the little girl's fault because you

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Speaker 1: have a vagina. You're the Eve and the book of Genesis.

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Speaker 1: It was bad because I was pioneering something that you're told.

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Speaker 1: It was mostly women telling me to shut up, you

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Speaker 1: shut up, You're not supposed to talk about this. We're

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Speaker 1: gonna destroy you, but get your show off the air.

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Speaker 1: It was awful. Yeah. I can't even imagine everything that

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Speaker 1: you've been through that we don't know about. So hopefully

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Speaker 1: you can share something on that. Maybe it's in public.

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Speaker 1: When I was at Public Access, I had women from Spellman.

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Speaker 1: I had professors from their teachers, from their students from there,

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Speaker 1: who said, we agree with what you're saying, but it's

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Speaker 1: the way you're saying, and you're so bugger and you're

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Speaker 1: putting all of our information out, and you're talking about

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Speaker 1: the download men. You're talking about the women that are

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Speaker 1: professional and educated but undercover, sleeping around, having abortions, um

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Speaker 1: using men and are just as bad as men and

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Speaker 1: spreading diseases. You are not supposed to do this, and

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Speaker 1: we're gonna do what we can't to get you off

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Speaker 1: the air. Oh yes, there were public campaigns against me.

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Speaker 1: When I hit the internet and I became viral. There

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Speaker 1: were many debates and discussions about what I said, and

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Speaker 1: I got a lot of YouTube pages taken down. I

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Speaker 1: got a lot of death threats. I was insulted all

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Speaker 1: the time. I was called crazy. I was just saying

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Speaker 1: this because men didn't want her, because men heard her

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Speaker 1: and broke her heart. That's true, but that's not why

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Speaker 1: I was saying it. I realized and at the time

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Speaker 1: I started, even twenty years ago, there was a really

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Speaker 1: bad HIV and download man epidemic in Atlanta and in

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Speaker 1: the black community, and it's still it's really bad. And

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Speaker 1: now it's more open. Now we talked about it, but

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Speaker 1: it's still a taboo subject. And I had a lot

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Speaker 1: of gay men loving me and embracing me and telling

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Speaker 1: me this. They're saying, I can't say it. I'm transgender,

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Speaker 1: but most of my clients are married men. I service

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Speaker 1: married men, and most of the gay men were involved

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Speaker 1: with bisexual and married men, but everybody knew they were

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Speaker 1: bisexual and gay, but their wives and their children and

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Speaker 1: their family, and a lot of this is going on

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Speaker 1: to the churches. So I was exposing this and people

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Speaker 1: publicly wanted to crucify me and destroy me. So how

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Speaker 1: did it make you feel when this was coming from

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Speaker 1: people that look like you? Because I feel like, now

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Speaker 1: people are saying the things that you're saying and the

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Speaker 1: delivery that you was delivering in So how does that

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Speaker 1: make you feel? Um, they still get beat up and

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Speaker 1: criticized too, and I saw that. To be honest with you,

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Speaker 1: I think a lot of women copied me because they

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Speaker 1: wanted to be me and they want to get the

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Speaker 1: attention and recognition. Um, yes, it's it's become now not

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Speaker 1: so taboo. It's coming place because everybody's doing what I did.

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Speaker 1: Everybody tried to grab my rape and everybody's talking like

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Speaker 1: I talked. But I have a deeper component and a

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Speaker 1: spiritual component. I teach spiritual sexuality, vagina power and penuts powers.

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Speaker 1: Firm power is first spiritual because I am a medical

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Speaker 1: intuitive and also a psychic and the medium, I get

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Speaker 1: the spiritual aspects of sex and the downloads. Nobody has

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Speaker 1: been able to copy that on the way that I

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Speaker 1: do my show and how I tie in the hood

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Speaker 1: the bonics and the spiritual aspect of it and twisted

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Speaker 1: with a little comedy. Nobody is exactly like me, and

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Speaker 1: I know that they're trying to to copy me, So

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Speaker 1: although they're saying it, they're still not coming from the

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Speaker 1: same place. And intention is to me helped to move

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Speaker 1: you from the first chakra, which is a sexual chakra,

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Speaker 1: and realize that sex is mental, emotional, and spiritual, and

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Speaker 1: teach you how to stand the vagina power from a

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Speaker 1: first place of spirituality, because sex is first spiritual and

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Speaker 1: then it trickles down into the body when you're in

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Speaker 1: the womb of your mother and it becomes physical. But

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Speaker 1: it's also tied to the etheric the spiritual anatomy, which

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Speaker 1: is then tied to the etherical anatomy of the body

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Speaker 1: and the glands and the hormones. And then the cells

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Speaker 1: start to divide. Is that baby is turning from a

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Speaker 1: egg or single cell and multiplying. See I go there,

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Speaker 1: And I haven't seen anybody to be able to do

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Speaker 1: me like I do me. Yeah, I definitely haven't been

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Speaker 1: at the seen anybody that done you the way that

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Speaker 1: you have been doing it for so long. But I

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Speaker 1: definitely have seen replicas of people trying to do you

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Speaker 1: with your mannerism, the way you put the medicine handy,

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Speaker 1: the way you present yourself. Like I when I was

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Speaker 1: watching you this whole weekend, I'm like, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: this is what was doing girl, And I was told

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Speaker 1: people were copying. Man. I don't want to believe it,

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Speaker 1: so I'm glad you saw it too, right, Right? Do

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Speaker 1: you do you believe that spirituality and the sexuality, the

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Speaker 1: whole talks in the movement. Do you think it became

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Speaker 1: too trendy? I guess because it makes money, and there's

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Speaker 1: so many young people that want to know. They want

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Speaker 1: to be spiritual, they want to be educated. They feel lost,

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Speaker 1: they're looking for answers. They feel like the church and

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Speaker 1: all these places and their mothers have betrayed them. And

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Speaker 1: they get stuck in these relationships with men and they

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Speaker 1: get hurt and they think, because I have a vagina,

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Speaker 1: because i'm young, because it's hot, because I'm sexy, this

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Speaker 1: is all I need. And and to to up like

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Speaker 1: a porn star, this is all I need. And then

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Speaker 1: they might have a manqud come back for sex, but

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Speaker 1: he's not in love. He like it, puts it like

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Speaker 1: I said other night, he don't. He like it, Puss,

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Speaker 1: And he don't like you. He likes experience, but he

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Speaker 1: doesn't like you because there's no spiritual connection to the

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Speaker 1: sexual aspect. You have detached the spiritual connection and the

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Speaker 1: spiritual bond with yourself, falling in love with yourself and

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Speaker 1: the connection. So it's trendy, it sounds good, like you said,

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Speaker 1: they buy it off of me, They bought for other people.

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Speaker 1: They marketing and package it all new and shiny, and

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Speaker 1: these young women are in it, and a lot of

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Speaker 1: times they have been taught by older women that don't

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Speaker 1: even have men that love them. That uses as a

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Speaker 1: market and get me to take the money of these

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Speaker 1: young women who still cannot because what I teach and

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Speaker 1: they try to black bull me, get rid of me.

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Speaker 1: It is first knowing who you are, what you are,

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Speaker 1: and why you're here. And sex. It's not physical first sex,

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Speaker 1: it's mental, emotional, spiritual, and psychic and social and moves

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Speaker 1: into every aspect. Are hundred and six degrees of your life.

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Speaker 1: Is what I teach about vagina power and even the

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Speaker 1: alchemy of it, the magic of it, literal magic, learning

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Speaker 1: the history of who you are, history of who your

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Speaker 1: people are. Just because you're grouped into a black it's

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Speaker 1: called black person. All of you are not the same.

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Speaker 1: All of your ethnic groups are not the same, all

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Speaker 1: of your bloodlines and your mixtures are not the same.

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Speaker 1: And we're not taught to embrace who your identity is,

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Speaker 1: what your identity is. It's like you see me having

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Speaker 1: my spirit altar here, and you've seen them when I

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Speaker 1: do my readings, and we people physically did come to

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Speaker 1: speak to me that are yet still alive. You must

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Speaker 1: know who you are. You must send in the power

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Speaker 1: of your ancestors and the knowledge of who you are

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Speaker 1: and be able to manifest through the alchemy of your

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Speaker 1: mind and your spirits. To study the magic and to

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Speaker 1: have your ancestor authors and tap into that, as well

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Speaker 1: as develop your education, um dealing, getting getting your degrees,

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Speaker 1: whatever your error studied, that you feel like you're drawn

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Speaker 1: to the manifest to help mankind and to help your community.

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Speaker 1: That's also a part of what I teach. That's a

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Speaker 1: part of vagina power, penis power, sperm power, not just

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Speaker 1: the sex act and being a master dicksucker. That's never

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Speaker 1: what all is. It has been to me, that is

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Speaker 1: the physical manifestation when you're with your man or you

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Speaker 1: doing you, and you put your swag on that world,

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Speaker 1: this world, but you also first went into the spiritual

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Speaker 1: world and you found out what archetypes you brought in

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Speaker 1: to manifest to be the best you can be, to

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Speaker 1: shine as well as to help everybody around you shine

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Speaker 1: and give that message to the world before you basically transition.

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Speaker 1: That's always what it's been about for me. Spirituality sexuality

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Speaker 1: always has a first, a spiritual foundation for vagina power,

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Speaker 1: and people couldn't get that. I think I did it

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Speaker 1: wrong because I knew the audience I was trying to

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Speaker 1: get in the Inner City. I thought that they needed

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Speaker 1: what I needed because I didn't get what I needed

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Speaker 1: and being abandoned by my mother and not getting to

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Speaker 1: know my father, the legendary Jackie Wilson, on purpose with

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Speaker 1: my mother, the jealousy and the competition with my mother,

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Speaker 1: there were a lot of deficits in me, and it

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Speaker 1: was justified. The religion was wrapped in it to hide

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Speaker 1: all the pain and the abuse. So I thought they

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Speaker 1: needed what I wanted and what I needed, and I

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Speaker 1: knew they weren't gonna listen to it from somebody coming

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Speaker 1: from a professional, upity place. So I mixed a little

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Speaker 1: bit ebonic what people called it, ed you, uh, entertainment education,

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Speaker 1: and then entertaining and interested with the comedy. I now

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Speaker 1: have people coming back to me saying, I listened to

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Speaker 1: you twenty years ago. I was in elementary school, I

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Speaker 1: had to sneaker, I was in high school, I was

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Speaker 1: in college, and I thought you were funny until I

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Speaker 1: got out in life, and even with my degrees, I

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Speaker 1: experienced this. I experienced that I found you again. You

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Speaker 1: were right, and I just thought it was funny. So

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Speaker 1: I get upset about that a lot of times because

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Speaker 1: I'm like, so, y'all wouldn't donate to me, y'all wouldn't

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Speaker 1: sponsor me, y'all don't want to touch me, because this

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Speaker 1: this crazy lady that just makes us giggle and everything's

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Speaker 1: a joke. So maybe if I hadn't have done it

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Speaker 1: that way, I would have been taken more seriously. And

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Speaker 1: then while I was so hot and viral, and that's

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Speaker 1: what I'm learning now, the business side of it. I

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Speaker 1: just want to give. I wanted to share, and I

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Speaker 1: realized that wasn't a smart thing. To do and to

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Speaker 1: do it in a way that made them listen and

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Speaker 1: made it fun and educational and funny. It seemed like

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Speaker 1: it wasn't really taken seriously. You know. I was just

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Speaker 1: about to ask you because I feel like, like, do

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Speaker 1: you regret having the dumb it down? Because I've seen

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Speaker 1: you talk on other platforms and I've seen you talking

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Speaker 1: from a larger groups and Howard right even at the

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Speaker 1: U s U c l A. And I've seen you

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Speaker 1: like have a conversation word for smart people to follow you.

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Speaker 1: But when people don't seem to understand, I feel like

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Speaker 1: you had to dumb it down so they can get it.

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Speaker 1: But I feel like you're not regretting. And I hate

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Speaker 1: that people are looking at you as a like, as

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Speaker 1: a joke of funny because I feel like to me

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Speaker 1: and made it really it but es basically the girls

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Speaker 1: from the hood, because everything you were saying, it's a fact,

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Speaker 1: you know what. And I'm still realizing that now and

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Speaker 1: that's why I'm showing different parts of myself. And I'm

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Speaker 1: glad you got to see people thought I was just

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Speaker 1: one sided and they felt like because they were educated

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Speaker 1: and they had degrees, you know, I would have secret

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Speaker 1: meetings with people that were medical doctors and that were lawyers,

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Speaker 1: and they felt because they were more they were smarter

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Speaker 1: than me as far as the universities and the colleges

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Speaker 1: have the degrees. They would say things to me in

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Speaker 1: private life, I have all these degrees, but you have

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Speaker 1: more followers than me, you have more views than me,

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Speaker 1: You've got more viral than me. And it's not it's

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Speaker 1: not right because I'm smarter than you and I have education,

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Speaker 1: but they look at you and because of my oath

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Speaker 1: as a lawyer or doctor, there are things you say

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Speaker 1: and do I can't say and do, but you get

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Speaker 1: more attention than me. What what can you tell me? What?

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Speaker 1: And I was just like, I don't know want to

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Speaker 1: talk to you because you just said that I was

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Speaker 1: less than you. I clearly have more common sense than you,

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Speaker 1: and I have more swagging you, and I have more

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Speaker 1: peal than just the degree in school. But they thought

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Speaker 1: they were better than me because they had a degree.

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Speaker 1: But they couldn't make their magic happen. And a lot

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Speaker 1: of them couldn't make the money because they couldn't get

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Speaker 1: the audience. That I had to pay attention to them,

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Speaker 1: but that they didn't want to pull a sponsor me

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Speaker 1: for me to interview them. I met a lot of

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Speaker 1: black people that thought they were better than me. That

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Speaker 1: was also the painful thing and made me regret doing

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Speaker 1: it the way that I did. But you know what,

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Speaker 1: they were secret fans. They just went towards me in public.

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Speaker 1: And I also feel like, I mean, I could be wrong,

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Speaker 1: but I feel like you was the first to do

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Speaker 1: this of this magnazesute twenty years ago, and there wasn't

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Speaker 1: a woman black woman that was speaking the way you

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Speaker 1: were speaking, giving information and talking about spirituality and helping

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Speaker 1: people the way that you was doing this, And I

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Speaker 1: really hate that you um and I got millions of

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Speaker 1: views millions following you. But you know what would happen

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Speaker 1: when I would have private meetings with executives who were

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Speaker 1: flying to Atlanta who wanted That's the thing that was

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Speaker 1: a sad thing. White people got it and respected it

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Speaker 1: because I would talk to executive with white UM television

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Speaker 1: companies who wanted me right off the bat, and they

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Speaker 1: were like, you're very special. But then when they would

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Speaker 1: talk to me, or when I would talk to black

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Speaker 1: people that also had major production companies that wanted to

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Speaker 1: sign me what disappointed me and the reason I would

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Speaker 1: not deal with any of these people, it's because, like

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Speaker 1: when me and you're talking right now, I'm not using

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Speaker 1: heavyer bonics in a Southern draw. I have several personalities.

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Speaker 1: If I have no problem for people saying I have

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Speaker 1: multiple personalities, and I know how to have a serious conversation.

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Speaker 1: I know how to have a serious and funny conversation,

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Speaker 1: and I know how to have a funny one. And

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Speaker 1: when they talked to me at dinner and we were

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Speaker 1: talking to phone or be on like a conference call,

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Speaker 1: they would get shocked and say, wow, you really are intelligent.

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Speaker 1: And I said, you thought I wasn't intelligent because I

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Speaker 1: spoke abonnets and I'm from the South, and people actually

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Speaker 1: would judge you like some people will say, oh, I

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Speaker 1: love a British accent because it sounds so intelligent, and

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Speaker 1: that person could be a fucking con artist. But because

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Speaker 1: I'm talking with the Southern draw, I'm an idiot and

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Speaker 1: it doesn't mean that at all. People will judge you,

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Speaker 1: or talked to judge you by the way you speak

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Speaker 1: or how well you speak English. And that's what would

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Speaker 1: disappoint me. When I would talk with the executives. They

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Speaker 1: would get pleasingly overwhelmed and refreshed, or they would get

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Speaker 1: upset and say, oh damn, I'm not gonna be to

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Speaker 1: get her to sign a contract or three or six

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Speaker 1: so to get her to side of the rights way,

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Speaker 1: because she's not a dumb country bitch like I thought.

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Speaker 1: I would get either one or two of those responses,

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Speaker 1: and that would bother me deeply because they really couldn't

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Speaker 1: see me. And then, like you said, how you see

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Speaker 1: I make I'm a medical intuitive. I don't know you

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Speaker 1: know what that is. I can see your face, I

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Speaker 1: can hear your voice, I can see your name. Now

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Speaker 1: I know anything about you, and I have my spirit guys,

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Speaker 1: and your spirit guys tell me if there's anything wrong

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Speaker 1: with you and where in the body it is. That's

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Speaker 1: how I do my readings as a psycho medium. I

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Speaker 1: also see diagnosed diseases on a spiritual level. I'll pinpoint it,

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Speaker 1: and I do the medical terms. I read the medical books,

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Speaker 1: even though people wouldn't think I was brainy like that

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Speaker 1: because of the way I act, in the way I talk.

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Speaker 1: I you know, keep it very simple. And people have

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Speaker 1: actually gone to a doctor and said, can you please,

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Speaker 1: or people that some doctors are very spiritual, they're open

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Speaker 1: um two the spiritual aspect of medicine, or their holistic practitioners.

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Speaker 1: So they had that in their medical practice. They have

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Speaker 1: separate sights of it. And they'll say, hey, I went

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Speaker 1: to a medical intuitive. This lady's name is Alexis. I

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00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:14,760
Speaker 1: had actually had a medical doctor about a year ago

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Speaker 1: refer one of her patience to me because she didn't

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Speaker 1: know what was wrong with her head, and I she

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Speaker 1: paid me to do the reading. Actually was a white lady.

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Speaker 1: I've had people of different races be more open and

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Speaker 1: come to me with this. With this, now a lot

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Speaker 1: of people of color, so called black people are open

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Speaker 1: to it. Thank god. I told her she had a

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Speaker 1: tumor in the brain, and I knew it was here,

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Speaker 1: and I looked. I look at the diagram, the medical diagram,

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Speaker 1: the legal medical terminology. I used tell her to look here,

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Speaker 1: and that's why here is glad. The doctor ordered an

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Speaker 1: m r I and she found a tumor the size

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Speaker 1: of a green Peace. I do those things and when people,

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Speaker 1: but I felt like I had to play it down

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Speaker 1: because I knew that audience wasn't ready. So all these

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Speaker 1: aspects of me they see and then I make Once

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Speaker 1: I talk to someone, they say they have a crust

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Speaker 1: on their head, they're itching. They don't know why they itching,

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Speaker 1: they don't know, white columps of hair missing. I can

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Speaker 1: look at their picture, I can look at their name,

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Speaker 1: and everybody has guardian angels and guides. They'll tell me

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Speaker 1: it's because this particular medicine or this particular sex partner,

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Speaker 1: and this is what needs to be changed, and this

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Speaker 1: is what needs to be removed from the diet, and

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Speaker 1: this one needs to be incorporating as she needs to

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Speaker 1: see this doctor and tell them this that that's also

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Speaker 1: the things that I do naturally without a college degree,

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Speaker 1: because there's other than becoming a medical doctor or maybe

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Speaker 1: holistic doctor. There's nobody that can help me develop that

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Speaker 1: or or give me a degree to also cover and

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00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:47,760
Speaker 1: validate on paper what I naturally am. So people weren't

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Speaker 1: ready for that twenty years ago, even though white communities

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Speaker 1: other communities of people were doing this and know that

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Speaker 1: that's what we are and who we are now twenty

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Speaker 1: years later, fortunately, I have a whole new group of

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Speaker 1: young people, millennials, who love every bit of me and

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00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:07,120
Speaker 1: who want every bit of me, And at this point,

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Speaker 1: I'm tired and I want to retire. I want to

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Speaker 1: do something else. I've been abut so much and kicked around.

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Speaker 1: But luckily it makes me feel good that the younger

400
00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:21,119
Speaker 1: people say, hey, suck them, we want it. I want you,

401
00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:23,760
Speaker 1: want everything about you, and we want you to teach us.

402
00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:25,560
Speaker 1: But jinnah power, who want you to teach us how

403
00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:27,360
Speaker 1: to develop our spiritual a builty? Who want to teach

404
00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:29,159
Speaker 1: teach us how to bond with the right man, how

405
00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:32,560
Speaker 1: to use our pussy? And I love it. I am

406
00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:35,639
Speaker 1: definitely a student of yours. You have definitely taught me

407
00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:39,120
Speaker 1: a lot about not being a common bit not here

408
00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:43,199
Speaker 1: using all of my palm. So I, however, I can

409
00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:45,080
Speaker 1: support you. I told you this in private. I am

410
00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:49,000
Speaker 1: platform that I am going to support you everywhere way

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00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:51,720
Speaker 1: because I feel like you already need it, and I

412
00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:54,560
Speaker 1: feel like you are definitely a part of our culture

413
00:21:55,520 --> 00:22:00,600
Speaker 1: and you are appreciated and where yeah what you receive

414
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Speaker 1: your flowers and I am giving it to you because

415
00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:06,800
Speaker 1: you are so you are vital, like you are so necessary,

416
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Speaker 1: and I think that you have helped a lot of

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Speaker 1: women and men, including myself, on how to navigate through

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Speaker 1: this world because I can only imagine the amount of

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00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:19,159
Speaker 1: pain that you endure on your journey. I love that

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Speaker 1: the man when I do the election, I'm talking about

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Speaker 1: sex and how to please women, women to please ourselves.

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Speaker 1: I love it that it's the man. They're vocal, they're

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00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:28,320
Speaker 1: there because I'm not a um what they call it,

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Speaker 1: a feminist. I don't feel that my audience is is open.

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Speaker 1: I hate that I don't have a lot of lesbians

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Speaker 1: and bisexual women that love me. It's more the gay

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00:22:39,359 --> 00:22:42,280
Speaker 1: boys and the transgender that talk, and they love me

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00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:46,000
Speaker 1: because I talked to everybody and sex is vital to everybody.

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Speaker 1: So I don't discriminate. But I love it that the

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Speaker 1: men are present and they want to know, and so

431
00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:56,560
Speaker 1: I include them and the conversations. But I know that

432
00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:59,600
Speaker 1: now I because all those things I talked about. When

433
00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:01,040
Speaker 1: I was talking about that and the pain of that

434
00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:04,359
Speaker 1: and being used abuse, I was also talking about myself.

435
00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:06,960
Speaker 1: But then that also started when I said, with Gina power,

436
00:23:07,359 --> 00:23:10,000
Speaker 1: you have to deal with the wounded little girl and

437
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:11,920
Speaker 1: the wounded little boy because I came from a very

438
00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:14,920
Speaker 1: wounded place of being abandoned and abused. Is a very

439
00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:18,560
Speaker 1: little baby by my mother, And you could be one

440
00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:20,480
Speaker 1: of the most beautiful women on the planet. You could

441
00:23:20,520 --> 00:23:22,600
Speaker 1: be one of the most sexually diverse and one of

442
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:27,840
Speaker 1: the best sex um stars, pouring star, funk like one,

443
00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:30,240
Speaker 1: suck like one in the world. But you realize a

444
00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:32,959
Speaker 1: lot of beautiful women are alone, and a lot of

445
00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:35,119
Speaker 1: men are scared to talk to them because they feel like,

446
00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:37,760
Speaker 1: you're so beautiful, your bids were incredible. You've got to

447
00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:39,440
Speaker 1: be married, you gotta be taken. And a lot of

448
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:42,520
Speaker 1: those women are suffering in silence alone because they come

449
00:23:42,520 --> 00:23:44,920
Speaker 1: from a place like I did, being very wounded little

450
00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:48,960
Speaker 1: girls and beautiful bodies and a beautiful person. But many

451
00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:52,480
Speaker 1: times men can't see you, They can't see how beautiful

452
00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:56,080
Speaker 1: you are as a person because many times your wounds

453
00:23:56,720 --> 00:24:00,000
Speaker 1: are blocking the view through the subconscious mind. And that's

454
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:03,160
Speaker 1: but I also deal with the laws of attraction, the

455
00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:07,080
Speaker 1: laws of the subconscious mind, and that rules every aspect

456
00:24:07,119 --> 00:24:09,439
Speaker 1: of the body. So you could be wanting love and

457
00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:11,960
Speaker 1: be the best loving person in the world and want

458
00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:14,159
Speaker 1: to be a wife like I did and have a

459
00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:17,200
Speaker 1: family and children and the picket pants and the lottle dogging,

460
00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:20,600
Speaker 1: but you will always get the opposite when you've come

461
00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:22,760
Speaker 1: from a place like that, with the mother doing that

462
00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:25,520
Speaker 1: to you and teaching you how to be a whore

463
00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:27,280
Speaker 1: and a bandon of being called that because I was

464
00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:28,639
Speaker 1: called that at five years old by my mother. And

465
00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:30,800
Speaker 1: I don't know I have a vagina, I don't know

466
00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:33,040
Speaker 1: what the horre is. I don't know what the prostitute is.

467
00:24:33,119 --> 00:24:35,199
Speaker 1: I don't know what sex means, but that's what she

468
00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:37,399
Speaker 1: told me. I would be a sex worker and a whore.

469
00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:41,960
Speaker 1: And people don't realize that you're connected to your mother's womb.

470
00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:44,760
Speaker 1: You're connected to her a biblical card, her mind, her heart,

471
00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:46,920
Speaker 1: and her soul and everything she feels, doesn't feel about herself.

472
00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:50,359
Speaker 1: She's your best king in that in the omniotic fluids.

473
00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:52,919
Speaker 1: Then when you get out of her and she is

474
00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:54,560
Speaker 1: preaching this stuff to you because she doesn't want you

475
00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:57,200
Speaker 1: greater than her, she wants you to fail. You don't

476
00:24:57,240 --> 00:25:01,359
Speaker 1: realize subliminately you're this dynamic woman. You're this intelligent woman

477
00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:04,080
Speaker 1: inside and outside. You don't know it and you can't

478
00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:07,720
Speaker 1: see it. And your subconscious is pulling to you everything,

479
00:25:08,119 --> 00:25:11,080
Speaker 1: everything that you don't want, because it's manifesting on the

480
00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:14,680
Speaker 1: laws of attraction. In the subconscious mind of the dark

481
00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:21,159
Speaker 1: side of vagina power. And that's why to me, numerology, astronomy, astrology, Uh,

482
00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:24,960
Speaker 1: all of these things tie into vagina power. You must

483
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:27,399
Speaker 1: know who you are, what you are, what you're capable of,

484
00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:30,399
Speaker 1: and not be defined by a race or color. Now

485
00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:32,320
Speaker 1: be to find you're a black person, you're a black woman.

486
00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:35,520
Speaker 1: You should never that thing limits you and so many

487
00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:37,879
Speaker 1: ways because nobody else has to live with the limits,

488
00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:39,919
Speaker 1: and you don't let people define you by that. You

489
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:46,040
Speaker 1: find out everything you are astro theology, neurology, as well

490
00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:50,119
Speaker 1: as the education you get here, the spirituality. It's very

491
00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:53,400
Speaker 1: vast and very deep what I teach, and back then

492
00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:57,600
Speaker 1: I could not promote that and package that because people

493
00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:00,679
Speaker 1: weren't ready and the higher up step were watching me

494
00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:04,360
Speaker 1: secretly or secretly tell me, you cannot say that, you

495
00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:07,199
Speaker 1: cannot teach that, we will shut you down and we

496
00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:09,680
Speaker 1: will destroy you. And that's exactly what they did. They

497
00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:13,200
Speaker 1: shut me down because people they have degrees and all

498
00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:16,320
Speaker 1: the teachers that you see, the philosophers and the preachers,

499
00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:19,399
Speaker 1: those graduate from the Masonic schools that are that are

500
00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:25,000
Speaker 1: controlled by this system. Most police are Masons, most preachers,

501
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:27,560
Speaker 1: that old bird that come they come from Morehouse because

502
00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:32,480
Speaker 1: they come from the secret societies there. Masons, judges are Masons.

503
00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:35,760
Speaker 1: Even gang members and the ones to control them are

504
00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:40,320
Speaker 1: controlled by Masons, like Blue and Reds and the political institutions,

505
00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:43,399
Speaker 1: the Black and Reds, those are Masons, so they have

506
00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:46,520
Speaker 1: their secret oath they take and under Albert Pike, see

507
00:26:46,760 --> 00:26:48,199
Speaker 1: so many places I can go to. People don't know

508
00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:50,920
Speaker 1: and they don't want to respect. I think God was dumb.

509
00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:54,280
Speaker 1: I had to to dump these things down because I

510
00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:56,479
Speaker 1: knew I would have been destroyed faster. And when I

511
00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:59,600
Speaker 1: was talking about on these shows dropping the science and

512
00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:04,119
Speaker 1: they cracked a joke, people up top knew what I was.

513
00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:05,680
Speaker 1: I thought I was hiding it. That's how I trying

514
00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:08,080
Speaker 1: to be funny and silly and country. And they started

515
00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:11,280
Speaker 1: having private me it's like, you're gonna shut that down. Now,

516
00:27:11,320 --> 00:27:13,040
Speaker 1: we will give you an opportune to give you the show,

517
00:27:13,119 --> 00:27:15,119
Speaker 1: but you're not gonna talk about this, and you're not

518
00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:17,560
Speaker 1: gonna talk about that, and we're gonna keep it dumb

519
00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:21,000
Speaker 1: down and fun and silly. And I said no. And

520
00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:25,080
Speaker 1: when I did that, I didn't get anywhere. They want

521
00:27:25,119 --> 00:27:27,600
Speaker 1: the people to say just like they are. Yeah, And

522
00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:29,639
Speaker 1: I noticed it was another interview you did and you

523
00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:32,359
Speaker 1: helped mention how like you weren't able to go on

524
00:27:32,520 --> 00:27:34,880
Speaker 1: NBC and all these other platform mars because they kept

525
00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:37,000
Speaker 1: telling you how they wanted you to speak and change.

526
00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:39,920
Speaker 1: And I'm like, obviously, she I would feel like you

527
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:41,840
Speaker 1: would know that you're not gonna get on the show.

528
00:27:41,880 --> 00:27:46,240
Speaker 1: And they did and put the apple that network, just

529
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:48,600
Speaker 1: like I didn't do it on mart and they gave

530
00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:50,560
Speaker 1: me the whole rundown you can and we talked to

531
00:27:50,600 --> 00:27:53,639
Speaker 1: our lawyers you cannot say, dick, and I was like,

532
00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:58,080
Speaker 1: come on, you really think I'm stillard like sound? And

533
00:27:58,119 --> 00:28:04,200
Speaker 1: then I had a ball. Right, First of all, I

534
00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:07,080
Speaker 1: feel like Mari was trying to hit on you. I

535
00:28:07,119 --> 00:28:14,080
Speaker 1: wish he would have because he was to me. He

536
00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:16,200
Speaker 1: was nicer to me than anybody there. He was such

537
00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:18,639
Speaker 1: a gentleman, and he treated me like I was one

538
00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:20,960
Speaker 1: of the most special people in the room. And when

539
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:23,440
Speaker 1: I came in the room, that was a real audience.

540
00:28:23,480 --> 00:28:25,760
Speaker 1: It wasn't a canned audience. When I came in, I

541
00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:28,200
Speaker 1: was so nervous because it was people packed in And

542
00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:30,960
Speaker 1: when I came in, Day said what they went crazy

543
00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:33,840
Speaker 1: upter the way he painted me and promoted me. Everybody

544
00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:40,360
Speaker 1: wild he paint the picture from you. Mari was instatuated. Okay,

545
00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:43,120
Speaker 1: they said that he said his friend told him about me.

546
00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:44,440
Speaker 1: It's like, I can't believe I hadn't heard about you

547
00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:47,120
Speaker 1: in all these years. I loved him. That was the

548
00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:49,280
Speaker 1: best interview and the one that gave me a lot

549
00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:53,160
Speaker 1: more airplay. And that was very fun to touch point. Oh.

550
00:28:53,280 --> 00:28:55,240
Speaker 1: I did touch point. Oh, and we did all the

551
00:28:55,280 --> 00:28:58,000
Speaker 1: skits in the doctor's office. You know what. That's what

552
00:28:58,120 --> 00:28:59,880
Speaker 1: makes me feel bad is when I went to the

553
00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:05,760
Speaker 1: white arenas, I was treated better by them that black people.

554
00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:09,600
Speaker 1: That that always bothered me. But I also feel away

555
00:29:09,600 --> 00:29:11,760
Speaker 1: if I was you and somebody's telling you how you

556
00:29:11,760 --> 00:29:14,440
Speaker 1: should act, like you don't know like why, I can

557
00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:17,239
Speaker 1: see where the resentment comes in, because it's like I

558
00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:19,560
Speaker 1: just really feel like they just they firstly was threatened

559
00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:21,800
Speaker 1: by you, and second of all, they really thought you

560
00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:27,040
Speaker 1: was dumb. I think in a way, I guess I

561
00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:31,920
Speaker 1: understand because a lot of people do get on there

562
00:29:31,920 --> 00:29:34,800
Speaker 1: and mess up opportunities for us and show their asks

563
00:29:34,840 --> 00:29:37,320
Speaker 1: and it's like, did you just say that on live television?

564
00:29:37,760 --> 00:29:39,480
Speaker 1: In front of millions of people. I think a lot

565
00:29:39,480 --> 00:29:42,560
Speaker 1: of people don't know and they do mess up and

566
00:29:42,600 --> 00:29:45,400
Speaker 1: they assume that all of us so called black people

567
00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:49,200
Speaker 1: are dumb, and I, like you said, I dumbed it

568
00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:52,920
Speaker 1: down on purposes, so I understand because they didn't know me,

569
00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:57,479
Speaker 1: And a lot of times people misjudge and underestimate you

570
00:29:57,920 --> 00:30:00,920
Speaker 1: by what they've seen before you that somebody's supposed to

571
00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:02,280
Speaker 1: be just like you because suppose to their part of

572
00:30:02,280 --> 00:30:06,560
Speaker 1: the same race and look like you. And then I

573
00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:10,800
Speaker 1: I dealt with, like I said, unfortunately, a lot of

574
00:30:11,720 --> 00:30:16,960
Speaker 1: rage and attackt from black women, so called black women,

575
00:30:17,560 --> 00:30:20,680
Speaker 1: because well, I mean, we don't have to get into day,

576
00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:25,280
Speaker 1: we'll have to get into that deeply. But um, based

577
00:30:25,280 --> 00:30:28,600
Speaker 1: on a certain look that you have and a presentation

578
00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:33,640
Speaker 1: that you have, and then you deal with the color

579
00:30:33,840 --> 00:30:38,720
Speaker 1: issue and the colorism issue, and people don't take you serious.

580
00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:40,240
Speaker 1: Of black women don't want to take you seriously or

581
00:30:40,280 --> 00:30:42,640
Speaker 1: say where you got picked because your skin is lighter

582
00:30:42,920 --> 00:30:44,680
Speaker 1: because you look like this and you know like that,

583
00:30:45,160 --> 00:30:49,400
Speaker 1: And that was that's also very painful, um, because they

584
00:30:49,400 --> 00:30:52,280
Speaker 1: want to call me dumb to black women and didn't

585
00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:54,360
Speaker 1: want to take me seriously. But you just you know,

586
00:30:54,480 --> 00:30:56,160
Speaker 1: did they just let you over there because you look

587
00:30:56,200 --> 00:30:58,600
Speaker 1: like this, or you your bodies like that and you're

588
00:30:58,680 --> 00:31:03,479
Speaker 1: that colored and do the most painful things. We already

589
00:31:03,520 --> 00:31:06,000
Speaker 1: know racism. I'm from the South, I expect that, and

590
00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:09,120
Speaker 1: in certain places I still don't go and in Georgia

591
00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:12,080
Speaker 1: and you know, and you're dealing with corporate America. I

592
00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:13,960
Speaker 1: understood when they came with the contracts and say, you

593
00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:15,400
Speaker 1: can't say this, you can't say that, we just want

594
00:31:15,400 --> 00:31:17,160
Speaker 1: to let you know. I'm like, I already know. I

595
00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:20,040
Speaker 1: just cond that's a given, and I know they're protecting themselves.

596
00:31:20,480 --> 00:31:24,040
Speaker 1: But when you deal with it with black people and

597
00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:27,080
Speaker 1: black women knowing that you're right, but they don't like

598
00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:30,640
Speaker 1: the way you look, and they want to misjudge you

599
00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:33,480
Speaker 1: on that or attack you for that. Either you're too

600
00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:37,360
Speaker 1: too dark and your hair too nappy, or you're in between,

601
00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:40,200
Speaker 1: or your too light illustrator and you think you're this,

602
00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:41,840
Speaker 1: and you think you're that, we don't want you here

603
00:31:42,080 --> 00:31:43,480
Speaker 1: or that's why you can say that, and you can

604
00:31:43,880 --> 00:31:46,000
Speaker 1: That kind of ship goes on in the black community

605
00:31:46,480 --> 00:31:48,320
Speaker 1: in twenty years later, I'm still saying it goes on

606
00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:51,200
Speaker 1: in the black community and they all hold you down.

607
00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:56,480
Speaker 1: Black women that I could have dealt with, they have money, power, education, influence,

608
00:31:56,760 --> 00:32:01,920
Speaker 1: would not funk with me. Mm hmm ocked me. And

609
00:32:02,120 --> 00:32:05,200
Speaker 1: because of their own personal issues that had nothing to

610
00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:06,640
Speaker 1: do with me that I found out later, they were

611
00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:10,240
Speaker 1: not professional issues. Anything. Professionally you can learn if you

612
00:32:10,280 --> 00:32:12,600
Speaker 1: got a degree, I can get one. You gotta sponsor

613
00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:14,560
Speaker 1: I get one. You got some money, I could get one.

614
00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:18,720
Speaker 1: But these women have their little groups and their secret

615
00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:23,040
Speaker 1: societies and their organizations, and if you you don't let

616
00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:25,680
Speaker 1: them control you. And if they don't like your look,

617
00:32:25,760 --> 00:32:28,440
Speaker 1: they don't they don't something about you that's intimidating. You

618
00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:31,800
Speaker 1: could be as smart and as them are smarter without

619
00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:33,720
Speaker 1: a degree. You just naturally into it to gift it.

620
00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:35,480
Speaker 1: In a way, you can't buy a degree and get it.

621
00:32:35,600 --> 00:32:38,760
Speaker 1: You can't get that in the class, and they'll still decide,

622
00:32:38,920 --> 00:32:41,200
Speaker 1: I don't like this bitch. I'm a black bodis bitch

623
00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:43,960
Speaker 1: this pitch I get nowhere. Unfortunately I had a lot

624
00:32:43,960 --> 00:32:48,560
Speaker 1: of that from black women, right mm hmm. So going

625
00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:50,560
Speaker 1: back to your relationship with your mom, what does that

626
00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:54,200
Speaker 1: relationship look like now? Because I remember there's no relationship.

627
00:32:54,960 --> 00:32:57,040
Speaker 1: I'm not going to let anybody don't care who it is.

628
00:32:58,400 --> 00:33:02,840
Speaker 1: Once I see that what you are is the way

629
00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:07,080
Speaker 1: you're always going to be. And to me, anybody that

630
00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:10,600
Speaker 1: distrespects their child they gave birth to and the child

631
00:33:10,760 --> 00:33:13,120
Speaker 1: is only here because of coming through your body, and

632
00:33:13,120 --> 00:33:15,520
Speaker 1: they could not exist without coming through your body. And

633
00:33:15,560 --> 00:33:18,600
Speaker 1: you degrade them, you humiliate them, you abandon them, you

634
00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:21,000
Speaker 1: put them everywhere, you disrespect them, you beat them in

635
00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:23,000
Speaker 1: front of people. That's happened to me. You give other

636
00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:26,000
Speaker 1: permission to beat your children and degrade them in front

637
00:33:26,040 --> 00:33:28,320
Speaker 1: of other people. And as time goes on, like I

638
00:33:28,360 --> 00:33:31,280
Speaker 1: had it on my show, you you apologize, and then

639
00:33:31,320 --> 00:33:33,960
Speaker 1: you apologize to get close enough to try to ruin

640
00:33:34,040 --> 00:33:37,200
Speaker 1: me and black ball me and lie on me. There

641
00:33:37,520 --> 00:33:41,680
Speaker 1: is no relationship. I don't care what anybody thinks about it.

642
00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:43,720
Speaker 1: I don't care how anybody feels about it. You're not

643
00:33:43,720 --> 00:33:45,720
Speaker 1: gonna use Jesus on me no more. You're not gonna

644
00:33:45,800 --> 00:33:47,920
Speaker 1: use church. You're not gonna use the Bible on me.

645
00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:51,000
Speaker 1: When all these grown people saw me as a vulnerable

646
00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:53,800
Speaker 1: little child be abused, and y'all entertained it, and you

647
00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:56,880
Speaker 1: took up for my mother. A lot of families. There

648
00:33:56,920 --> 00:34:00,320
Speaker 1: is a bond within the mothers of these chill room

649
00:34:00,320 --> 00:34:02,760
Speaker 1: with the birth mother, the grandmother, the sisters, the cousins,

650
00:34:02,760 --> 00:34:08,160
Speaker 1: and uncles. They will co sign the parents abusing and

651
00:34:08,200 --> 00:34:10,080
Speaker 1: bolting the child because they don't have a bond with

652
00:34:10,120 --> 00:34:13,080
Speaker 1: the child. They consider the child and outcast because all

653
00:34:13,160 --> 00:34:15,399
Speaker 1: mother they gave birth to it, saying I don't bear

654
00:34:15,440 --> 00:34:16,879
Speaker 1: this child, I don't love this child. And they will

655
00:34:16,920 --> 00:34:20,200
Speaker 1: all team up and help them abuse a helpless little

656
00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:23,839
Speaker 1: child once I see that with me or anyone else,

657
00:34:23,880 --> 00:34:25,600
Speaker 1: and then they'll tell me forgive or let her come back.

658
00:34:25,800 --> 00:34:28,720
Speaker 1: She stabs again. You all sit back and co signed

659
00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:32,239
Speaker 1: the stabbing, and you tell me I'm wrong because I

660
00:34:32,280 --> 00:34:34,279
Speaker 1: don't forgive and I don't let Jesus fix it. There's

661
00:34:34,280 --> 00:34:37,520
Speaker 1: nothing for this Jesus to fix. When all the abuse

662
00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:40,440
Speaker 1: went on and my prayers to God and Jesus were

663
00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:42,880
Speaker 1: never answered. And my mother's a preacher, and all these

664
00:34:42,880 --> 00:34:45,840
Speaker 1: people are holy, and call this God that continue to

665
00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:49,440
Speaker 1: let this pummeling, this disrespect of my life and my

666
00:34:49,640 --> 00:34:55,040
Speaker 1: energy contentue you. I will not let anybody do that

667
00:34:55,280 --> 00:34:58,400
Speaker 1: to me. O't care who it is. But was there

668
00:34:58,440 --> 00:35:00,640
Speaker 1: a time where you were trying to things that with

669
00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:03,400
Speaker 1: your mother because she was on your show. I just

670
00:35:03,440 --> 00:35:05,359
Speaker 1: said that. I said every time I would let her

671
00:35:05,360 --> 00:35:07,839
Speaker 1: come back and I would forgive her, she would get

672
00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:12,040
Speaker 1: close enough to stab again, to lie on me, to

673
00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:15,480
Speaker 1: destroy my character, to turn people against me. She was

674
00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:17,439
Speaker 1: even the white lady that ran people TV that didn't

675
00:35:17,440 --> 00:35:18,759
Speaker 1: like me want to get rid of me. She was

676
00:35:18,800 --> 00:35:21,200
Speaker 1: secretly talking to this lady and telling this lady to

677
00:35:21,600 --> 00:35:23,680
Speaker 1: get rid of me. I know because we were doing

678
00:35:23,719 --> 00:35:26,480
Speaker 1: a production one day and the lady tells this other

679
00:35:26,520 --> 00:35:29,759
Speaker 1: black lady to come in and cut the lights off

680
00:35:29,840 --> 00:35:32,520
Speaker 1: and shut my camera down in the studio down, and

681
00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:34,560
Speaker 1: I had paid for it and rented it. I looked

682
00:35:34,560 --> 00:35:36,160
Speaker 1: at my mother, like, are you gonna help me fight

683
00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:37,759
Speaker 1: this lady? You know I didn't do anything wrong. I

684
00:35:37,800 --> 00:35:41,120
Speaker 1: rented this time. My mother sits there and becomes hysterical.

685
00:35:42,080 --> 00:35:44,120
Speaker 1: She starts to laugh when it's white lady tell this

686
00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:45,640
Speaker 1: other black lady to shut me down and cut my

687
00:35:45,719 --> 00:35:48,480
Speaker 1: lights off out of the blue. And my mother had

688
00:35:48,560 --> 00:35:51,120
Speaker 1: done things to me like that before, telling family members

689
00:35:51,120 --> 00:35:52,680
Speaker 1: and other people and turn the men against me, my

690
00:35:52,719 --> 00:35:55,360
Speaker 1: son's father against me. And then we'll laugh when it

691
00:35:55,480 --> 00:35:58,200
Speaker 1: happens and act like I can't do anything, but you

692
00:35:58,560 --> 00:36:03,480
Speaker 1: find it amusing to watch somebody destroy your daughter, aliate

693
00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:06,160
Speaker 1: and degrade them, and you won't say anything. Bit you

694
00:36:06,280 --> 00:36:08,600
Speaker 1: gotta be a part of the ship, because I would

695
00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:10,759
Speaker 1: never let anybody do that to a child of mind.

696
00:36:10,800 --> 00:36:12,680
Speaker 1: And I found out later your mother said you want ship.

697
00:36:12,880 --> 00:36:15,360
Speaker 1: Your mother said I couldn't trust you, and I kept

698
00:36:15,400 --> 00:36:20,480
Speaker 1: forgiving her and letting her be on the show and

699
00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:22,960
Speaker 1: turning all my men against me, and they would believe it.

700
00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:25,919
Speaker 1: People would believe ship like that because somebody gave birth

701
00:36:25,960 --> 00:36:29,000
Speaker 1: to you, but she wasn't even around. She didn't even

702
00:36:29,080 --> 00:36:31,319
Speaker 1: raise me. But just because you're my mother, people like

703
00:36:31,480 --> 00:36:33,480
Speaker 1: shit and you don't even have to prove it. It's

704
00:36:33,520 --> 00:36:36,040
Speaker 1: just somebody that seems credible or speak in the way

705
00:36:36,080 --> 00:36:38,879
Speaker 1: that's credible. That goes back to what you said when

706
00:36:38,920 --> 00:36:40,719
Speaker 1: you said, you know, people want to just discredit me

707
00:36:40,760 --> 00:36:42,600
Speaker 1: and called me dumb, and people bit my style and

708
00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:46,719
Speaker 1: copied me. But I'm saying, maybe duplicated would never imitate it.

709
00:36:47,160 --> 00:36:49,120
Speaker 1: You can't be me because it's too much about me.

710
00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:51,520
Speaker 1: It's all natural and it's all in my head, and

711
00:36:51,520 --> 00:36:54,799
Speaker 1: it's download it's too intuitive. Like you said, yeah, they

712
00:36:54,880 --> 00:36:56,719
Speaker 1: might talk ship, but can they read like me? Are

713
00:36:56,760 --> 00:36:59,240
Speaker 1: they medical intuit it's like me? Are they pecking mediums

714
00:36:59,280 --> 00:37:03,520
Speaker 1: like me? No, I'm all of it, and I'm finally

715
00:37:03,560 --> 00:37:08,200
Speaker 1: accepting everybody's you got gifts, I don't. Everybody's unique in

716
00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:09,880
Speaker 1: their own way. So you're like, I see it, But

717
00:37:09,920 --> 00:37:11,719
Speaker 1: I'm like, do you really see it? Though? Are they

718
00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:13,839
Speaker 1: really exactly like me? Now that you know the other

719
00:37:13,880 --> 00:37:16,680
Speaker 1: talents I have that you didn't know I have? And

720
00:37:16,760 --> 00:37:19,120
Speaker 1: my mother was also that type of talented person. But

721
00:37:19,160 --> 00:37:22,879
Speaker 1: then they're copying and biting off of my style, and

722
00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:26,960
Speaker 1: people like and think somebody smarter because they don't curse

723
00:37:27,080 --> 00:37:29,560
Speaker 1: like me, and they don't speak slang. And my mother

724
00:37:29,719 --> 00:37:32,960
Speaker 1: was a preacher and she was very perceptive and knew

725
00:37:33,120 --> 00:37:34,759
Speaker 1: how to spend it. I don't know if you've met

726
00:37:34,840 --> 00:37:38,200
Speaker 1: mothers that that trashed their daughters, they'd be so convincing.

727
00:37:38,640 --> 00:37:40,360
Speaker 1: But that's one thing I have in common with you,

728
00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:42,439
Speaker 1: because I don't have a relationship with my mother, and

729
00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:46,000
Speaker 1: some of the things that you're expressing definitely happened to me.

730
00:37:46,320 --> 00:37:49,600
Speaker 1: And I used to get frustrated with people because people

731
00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:52,000
Speaker 1: don't believe the child. They believe the mother. Or the

732
00:37:52,080 --> 00:37:54,759
Speaker 1: parent because they gave birth. And I'm just like, why

733
00:37:54,760 --> 00:37:57,760
Speaker 1: would I lie about the things that I endured because

734
00:37:57,760 --> 00:38:02,880
Speaker 1: she's the parent. Yeah, yes, she's an older woman and

735
00:38:02,960 --> 00:38:06,319
Speaker 1: she gave birth to you. And they know how to um.

736
00:38:06,360 --> 00:38:10,520
Speaker 1: You know, they're giving birth to children, so they feel

737
00:38:11,040 --> 00:38:14,719
Speaker 1: what we feel, and they're convincing. Probably persuasive women. Your

738
00:38:14,719 --> 00:38:17,480
Speaker 1: mom were probably the same. Persprasive women and attractive and

739
00:38:17,520 --> 00:38:20,640
Speaker 1: has like a seductiveness or sex appeal. They know how

740
00:38:20,680 --> 00:38:23,680
Speaker 1: to spend it in a way that's not sexual. But

741
00:38:23,960 --> 00:38:27,080
Speaker 1: they put that energy in the way they talk, girl,

742
00:38:27,080 --> 00:38:30,000
Speaker 1: and they come they inflections and their tone by the

743
00:38:30,040 --> 00:38:33,920
Speaker 1: time they finished fucking you what they weren't and their energy.

744
00:38:33,960 --> 00:38:35,920
Speaker 1: Then people want to kill your ass and don't want

745
00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:38,560
Speaker 1: to funk with you. No, mo like right now, if

746
00:38:38,560 --> 00:38:39,959
Speaker 1: I want to do that to my son, and people

747
00:38:40,080 --> 00:38:45,160
Speaker 1: be like what your son did? What? Be straight up land? Yeah,

748
00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:50,480
Speaker 1: and then believe that, believe you unless they know their background.

749
00:38:50,520 --> 00:38:53,080
Speaker 1: They don't know our mothers and the mother's coming to

750
00:38:53,200 --> 00:38:55,040
Speaker 1: them and the way she's speaking and twisting it, and

751
00:38:55,080 --> 00:38:56,840
Speaker 1: you know what, I've seen my mother do that to

752
00:38:56,880 --> 00:38:59,520
Speaker 1: me and laugh. My grandmother did it to her, and

753
00:38:59,560 --> 00:39:01,320
Speaker 1: my Grandma would think it was funny. And my grandmother

754
00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:04,400
Speaker 1: never handing the remorse by doing that to my mother,

755
00:39:04,640 --> 00:39:06,200
Speaker 1: and I've heard her do it to me. And my

756
00:39:06,239 --> 00:39:11,440
Speaker 1: grandmother was also very intuitive and very convincing and doing

757
00:39:11,480 --> 00:39:13,759
Speaker 1: ship like that, and women in a family, And you

758
00:39:13,800 --> 00:39:16,600
Speaker 1: know what I don't like about women, especially so called

759
00:39:16,600 --> 00:39:19,799
Speaker 1: black women. I do this, and you probably do this,

760
00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:22,120
Speaker 1: but a lot of women do not. I would say,

761
00:39:22,400 --> 00:39:25,239
Speaker 1: let's talk to both of you. Can you prove to

762
00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:27,560
Speaker 1: me that your daughter did that? Or your daughter's a

763
00:39:27,640 --> 00:39:30,239
Speaker 1: dick sucker and she funck anybody she see. Can you

764
00:39:30,640 --> 00:39:33,040
Speaker 1: prove that your daughter did this or that to you?

765
00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:35,040
Speaker 1: Can I speak to her and speak to you using

766
00:39:35,080 --> 00:39:37,160
Speaker 1: when they don't want to do that ship, you already

767
00:39:37,160 --> 00:39:40,520
Speaker 1: know the mother has an agenda to astroy destroy her

768
00:39:40,640 --> 00:39:43,120
Speaker 1: daughter or her son. And most people, most black women

769
00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:45,080
Speaker 1: don't want to hear it. They don't want to talk

770
00:39:45,080 --> 00:39:46,799
Speaker 1: to both sides. They don't want to weigh it out

771
00:39:46,920 --> 00:39:49,000
Speaker 1: because a lot of black women be so fucked up inside.

772
00:39:49,040 --> 00:39:52,400
Speaker 1: Even women with education and money, they like drama like

773
00:39:52,480 --> 00:39:54,040
Speaker 1: that that. I see how they do it on YouTube.

774
00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:56,239
Speaker 1: I always have a lot of psychics of women wanting

775
00:39:56,280 --> 00:39:59,000
Speaker 1: to come and lie on me, wanting to start arguments

776
00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:01,680
Speaker 1: and conflicts with men, and then I have to respond.

777
00:40:01,680 --> 00:40:03,799
Speaker 1: But people say that I'm a legend, so you don't

778
00:40:03,880 --> 00:40:06,480
Speaker 1: have to respond, you don't have to step down to despond.

779
00:40:06,680 --> 00:40:10,399
Speaker 1: And see, in the past, I never really responded. I

780
00:40:10,520 --> 00:40:13,640
Speaker 1: never I was always afraid of using my voice and

781
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:15,560
Speaker 1: feel like I didn't have one or talk. You know,

782
00:40:15,640 --> 00:40:19,760
Speaker 1: your Southern and that's manners. But now I realized people

783
00:40:19,800 --> 00:40:23,880
Speaker 1: don't respect that loving the South. They don't respect when

784
00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:26,560
Speaker 1: you quiet, They keep running all over you and stuff

785
00:40:26,600 --> 00:40:29,920
Speaker 1: and taking advantage. And was told I was supposed to

786
00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:32,960
Speaker 1: respect my mother even when she kept disrespecting me. And

787
00:40:33,040 --> 00:40:36,759
Speaker 1: all of the women in my family are disgusting. They

788
00:40:36,840 --> 00:40:40,759
Speaker 1: like drama, they like gossip. Whatever my mother says like

789
00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:43,360
Speaker 1: right now, they will team up. And I'm like, but

790
00:40:43,440 --> 00:40:45,600
Speaker 1: do you have any proof that what she said about

791
00:40:45,640 --> 00:40:48,520
Speaker 1: me it's true. They don't even care, They don't want

792
00:40:48,560 --> 00:40:51,360
Speaker 1: the proof because a lot of women are miserable as fuck,

793
00:40:51,880 --> 00:40:54,120
Speaker 1: even with their money, even with their looks, even with

794
00:40:54,160 --> 00:40:56,600
Speaker 1: their house, even with their cars. A lot of women

795
00:40:56,680 --> 00:41:00,279
Speaker 1: still secretly are hiding behind a lot of unhealed kind

796
00:41:00,840 --> 00:41:03,439
Speaker 1: and wounds. They couldn't really make their dreams come true

797
00:41:03,440 --> 00:41:06,760
Speaker 1: with love or maybe another relationship with me with children

798
00:41:06,880 --> 00:41:08,840
Speaker 1: and a husband, and a lot of these women they

799
00:41:08,840 --> 00:41:10,200
Speaker 1: don't want to be on top and they don't want

800
00:41:10,200 --> 00:41:13,560
Speaker 1: you to have anything, and they will watch you dog

801
00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:16,680
Speaker 1: another woman, even a family member, and participate in the

802
00:41:16,800 --> 00:41:26,000
Speaker 1: crucification of another female and love it. Mm hmm. And

803
00:41:26,040 --> 00:41:27,960
Speaker 1: I feel like another thing that we have in common

804
00:41:28,080 --> 00:41:30,839
Speaker 1: is our mother's kept us away from our fathers because

805
00:41:30,880 --> 00:41:34,839
Speaker 1: I never met my father, and you know who he is.

806
00:41:35,640 --> 00:41:38,600
Speaker 1: I do know who he is, So make a long story. Sure,

807
00:41:38,760 --> 00:41:41,399
Speaker 1: I used to have dreams about a ball headed man

808
00:41:42,080 --> 00:41:44,239
Speaker 1: and I thought that that was gonna be my boyfriend

809
00:41:44,320 --> 00:41:47,480
Speaker 1: because at the time I really wanted a boyfriend and

810
00:41:47,520 --> 00:41:49,920
Speaker 1: it used to be this really tall, dark skinned ball

811
00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:51,640
Speaker 1: head and man I used to always have these dreams

812
00:41:51,680 --> 00:41:55,840
Speaker 1: about and fast forwards. A couple of years later, he

813
00:41:56,000 --> 00:42:01,560
Speaker 1: one of his girlfriends found me on Facebook. Yes, so

814
00:42:01,800 --> 00:42:04,680
Speaker 1: right now we are in a weird space because I

815
00:42:04,719 --> 00:42:06,960
Speaker 1: don't know what it feels like to be wanted by

816
00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:09,440
Speaker 1: a parent. The only person I can say that gave

817
00:42:09,480 --> 00:42:12,319
Speaker 1: me unconditional love was my grandmother and she's no longer here,

818
00:42:12,840 --> 00:42:15,000
Speaker 1: So all I have is myself, but I would like

819
00:42:15,080 --> 00:42:17,520
Speaker 1: to have some type of relationship with a parent, and

820
00:42:17,560 --> 00:42:19,800
Speaker 1: I do feel like it would be with him because

821
00:42:19,840 --> 00:42:23,280
Speaker 1: he has been accountable and to talk to him. Please

822
00:42:24,640 --> 00:42:27,440
Speaker 1: go to him, because my father is not physically here.

823
00:42:27,440 --> 00:42:29,839
Speaker 1: And I remember when I first lived with my mother

824
00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:32,239
Speaker 1: at twelve, and it was on the radio and she

825
00:42:32,360 --> 00:42:34,560
Speaker 1: said that my father was still alive, but he was

826
00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:37,640
Speaker 1: in the nursing home. And I would beg her because

827
00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:39,640
Speaker 1: she would always say she should have avoided me, and

828
00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:41,759
Speaker 1: she didn't want me. And I'm said, can I see

829
00:42:41,760 --> 00:42:44,279
Speaker 1: my father? You said I looked like him, and my

830
00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:47,000
Speaker 1: boy sounds like him, and her and her husband she

831
00:42:47,120 --> 00:42:49,560
Speaker 1: was was was saying no, And I couldn't understand it,

832
00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:51,160
Speaker 1: because you say you don't want me. And in a

833
00:42:51,239 --> 00:42:52,839
Speaker 1: few years ago, when I still talked to my mother,

834
00:42:52,880 --> 00:42:56,279
Speaker 1: she admitted she said, when I saw you come out

835
00:42:56,280 --> 00:42:59,440
Speaker 1: of me, you had your father's face, and I knew

836
00:43:00,080 --> 00:43:03,000
Speaker 1: that he would love you more than me and have

837
00:43:03,360 --> 00:43:06,319
Speaker 1: you riding around in the car and you would get

838
00:43:06,360 --> 00:43:09,320
Speaker 1: more attention than me. And I wasn't gonna let that happen.

839
00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:11,200
Speaker 1: And I said, you have like we're two grown women's

840
00:43:11,200 --> 00:43:13,719
Speaker 1: growing him competing. I'm this little girl. I can't do that.

841
00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:16,399
Speaker 1: And she said, but he would have loved you over me,

842
00:43:16,440 --> 00:43:18,480
Speaker 1: and he used to beg her, just just bring me

843
00:43:18,480 --> 00:43:19,719
Speaker 1: the picture if you won't bring me her because he

844
00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:22,680
Speaker 1: was living in Atlanta. She wouldn't do it, she said,

845
00:43:22,719 --> 00:43:25,719
Speaker 1: because he would want you over me. That I couldn't believe.

846
00:43:25,719 --> 00:43:29,120
Speaker 1: She admitted it. But my mother is a type of person,

847
00:43:30,320 --> 00:43:35,640
Speaker 1: very vicious, very narcissistic, extremely insecure. But women like that

848
00:43:35,680 --> 00:43:41,120
Speaker 1: you can't tell because they're so domineering and territorial and narcissistic.

849
00:43:41,160 --> 00:43:42,640
Speaker 1: If you don't know any better, you think this woman

850
00:43:42,680 --> 00:43:46,279
Speaker 1: is very strong and just all about having her man

851
00:43:46,360 --> 00:43:49,239
Speaker 1: and having things her way and being dump No, when

852
00:43:49,280 --> 00:43:52,600
Speaker 1: she said that, I couldn't believe that. She actually said

853
00:43:52,640 --> 00:43:55,320
Speaker 1: she was jealous of her own daughter and my whole life.

854
00:43:55,360 --> 00:43:59,000
Speaker 1: She showed the jealousy. There was no education. There was

855
00:43:59,040 --> 00:44:01,600
Speaker 1: no teaching about my body, the power of the body,

856
00:44:01,600 --> 00:44:04,200
Speaker 1: how to wash myself, how to planse myself, about my

857
00:44:04,320 --> 00:44:09,880
Speaker 1: period development and intellect and books. She literally treated us

858
00:44:09,880 --> 00:44:12,319
Speaker 1: like some of the people that you hear about that

859
00:44:12,360 --> 00:44:15,840
Speaker 1: are locked in the house, are locked in the basement. No,

860
00:44:15,960 --> 00:44:19,319
Speaker 1: I'm talking about beating insulted and degraded in front of people,

861
00:44:19,320 --> 00:44:21,920
Speaker 1: in in front of her husband, and locked where the

862
00:44:22,200 --> 00:44:27,439
Speaker 1: be telephone and the keys are taken when they leave

863
00:44:27,480 --> 00:44:28,960
Speaker 1: the house to go to church. So we couldn't call

864
00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:31,239
Speaker 1: the police, and we couldn't call anybody to tell them

865
00:44:31,280 --> 00:44:33,120
Speaker 1: what was going on. And when we would tell people

866
00:44:33,120 --> 00:44:35,000
Speaker 1: that was going on, and they were reported to defects

867
00:44:35,040 --> 00:44:39,759
Speaker 1: back then in the eighties, UM in the early nineties,

868
00:44:39,920 --> 00:44:42,560
Speaker 1: if a welfare worker or case worker comes to your

869
00:44:42,560 --> 00:44:44,920
Speaker 1: house and they asked, I was told, your daughter was

870
00:44:44,960 --> 00:44:46,640
Speaker 1: beat up and she's got scars all over and that's

871
00:44:46,640 --> 00:44:49,160
Speaker 1: why she stopped going to school. Can we examine her body?

872
00:44:49,200 --> 00:44:51,560
Speaker 1: They could say no, and nobody would go to the

873
00:44:51,640 --> 00:44:55,600
Speaker 1: police and get a warrant or do deeper investigation. That's

874
00:44:55,600 --> 00:44:57,239
Speaker 1: how they would get away with this. And then she

875
00:44:57,280 --> 00:45:00,879
Speaker 1: would quote scripture to justify beating us and locking us

876
00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:03,080
Speaker 1: in the house, and all of our family members let

877
00:45:03,080 --> 00:45:05,640
Speaker 1: that go on. M what had happened to me? I

878
00:45:05,719 --> 00:45:09,759
Speaker 1: was definitely um physically abused, and I remember going to

879
00:45:09,760 --> 00:45:13,040
Speaker 1: school with busted lips and black eyes. And when I

880
00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:15,480
Speaker 1: think about certain things, because I can look at kids

881
00:45:15,480 --> 00:45:18,160
Speaker 1: and I can see if something's going on spirit on

882
00:45:18,239 --> 00:45:20,920
Speaker 1: them exactly, and I look, I remember certain things that

883
00:45:20,920 --> 00:45:22,719
Speaker 1: happened to me, and I'm just like, nobody saw this,

884
00:45:22,800 --> 00:45:24,719
Speaker 1: Like you don't see the bruises on me, or like

885
00:45:25,000 --> 00:45:28,440
Speaker 1: me going to school with a busted lip. It's like

886
00:45:28,520 --> 00:45:32,440
Speaker 1: they see it, but it's like I don't want to

887
00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:34,839
Speaker 1: get involved, and they know that she is wrong. Or

888
00:45:35,120 --> 00:45:37,600
Speaker 1: if if if I get her techn out of house,

889
00:45:38,120 --> 00:45:40,800
Speaker 1: am I gonna put her somewhere worse? If a family

890
00:45:40,840 --> 00:45:42,480
Speaker 1: member doesn't want her, and I know that I don't

891
00:45:42,520 --> 00:45:44,440
Speaker 1: want to get involved and I don't want to take her,

892
00:45:44,800 --> 00:45:46,440
Speaker 1: That's what we had to deal with. Two. It's like

893
00:45:46,480 --> 00:45:49,359
Speaker 1: family members saying I don't My grandmother was like, I've

894
00:45:49,360 --> 00:45:51,360
Speaker 1: taken care of children all my life and then I

895
00:45:51,400 --> 00:45:53,960
Speaker 1: saw her physically die last year and still taking care

896
00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:56,239
Speaker 1: of my half sister children that a robber and take

897
00:45:56,280 --> 00:45:58,279
Speaker 1: her money and her food studs from her. But then

898
00:45:58,360 --> 00:46:00,680
Speaker 1: she was like, you shouldn't have win. It's your fault

899
00:46:00,719 --> 00:46:02,640
Speaker 1: that you want to go with your mother, So it's

900
00:46:02,640 --> 00:46:06,520
Speaker 1: your fault you're getting abused. And I'm just like, how

901
00:46:06,640 --> 00:46:09,160
Speaker 1: is it my fault? And twelve years old that I

902
00:46:09,160 --> 00:46:11,080
Speaker 1: want to know my mother and I never knew her,

903
00:46:11,120 --> 00:46:12,839
Speaker 1: and you keep pointing her out when she comes around

904
00:46:12,880 --> 00:46:14,319
Speaker 1: to eat and take advantage of you and get your

905
00:46:14,400 --> 00:46:17,920
Speaker 1: drugs that because she's the prescription of drug addic as

906
00:46:17,920 --> 00:46:19,719
Speaker 1: well as coking and drunk all these things. I saw

907
00:46:19,760 --> 00:46:23,040
Speaker 1: this growing up, and my grandmother actually said that it's

908
00:46:23,120 --> 00:46:25,560
Speaker 1: my fault because I want to know this woman that

909
00:46:25,640 --> 00:46:27,680
Speaker 1: I don't know that you say as my mother, and

910
00:46:27,719 --> 00:46:29,680
Speaker 1: we're getting beat up and pushed around like you said

911
00:46:29,760 --> 00:46:32,279
Speaker 1: hid in the face and black eyes and ship and

912
00:46:32,400 --> 00:46:34,880
Speaker 1: the grown people actually said it was our fault, but

913
00:46:34,960 --> 00:46:38,120
Speaker 1: you were questions your Christians, and she's like, you can't

914
00:46:38,120 --> 00:46:39,719
Speaker 1: come back over here. I want to live my life.

915
00:46:39,760 --> 00:46:41,439
Speaker 1: I want to date man, I want to sleep with man,

916
00:46:41,960 --> 00:46:46,279
Speaker 1: and so it basically sacrificed us. So I think the

917
00:46:46,480 --> 00:46:48,640
Speaker 1: it's not that they didn't see it and they didn't

918
00:46:48,640 --> 00:46:50,600
Speaker 1: give a funk. They didn't care enough to fight for

919
00:46:50,640 --> 00:46:52,560
Speaker 1: you or even be willing to get you a safe

920
00:46:52,600 --> 00:46:56,040
Speaker 1: place or or take care of you. That's how that's

921
00:46:56,040 --> 00:47:01,960
Speaker 1: how I see it. So what you talk to your mother, um,

922
00:47:02,040 --> 00:47:04,920
Speaker 1: I mean I've I forgave her because I think that

923
00:47:05,000 --> 00:47:07,640
Speaker 1: would you make her be accountable and asked her about

924
00:47:07,680 --> 00:47:09,239
Speaker 1: what she did and why she did it, because I did,

925
00:47:09,719 --> 00:47:11,120
Speaker 1: I would, I would like to have it because I

926
00:47:11,120 --> 00:47:13,160
Speaker 1: haven't spoken to my mother and I don't know how long.

927
00:47:13,400 --> 00:47:15,560
Speaker 1: I don't even be honest, I don't even acknowledge her

928
00:47:15,560 --> 00:47:17,799
Speaker 1: as my mother and my grandmother. My grandmother was my

929
00:47:17,880 --> 00:47:20,520
Speaker 1: mother because she took care of You want to, it's

930
00:47:20,600 --> 00:47:22,319
Speaker 1: up to you. I can't speak for you, but it's

931
00:47:22,320 --> 00:47:24,480
Speaker 1: like I wanted her to tell me. And that's when

932
00:47:24,520 --> 00:47:27,440
Speaker 1: when you said, you know, where is it at? Because

933
00:47:27,600 --> 00:47:30,480
Speaker 1: I would ask her to tell me and she would say,

934
00:47:30,520 --> 00:47:31,839
Speaker 1: I don't want to talk about that, and I don't

935
00:47:31,840 --> 00:47:33,879
Speaker 1: feel well in my head, hurts or whatever, and then

936
00:47:33,880 --> 00:47:35,839
Speaker 1: she found acknowledge it, and then she just started saying,

937
00:47:35,880 --> 00:47:37,640
Speaker 1: I don't I don't give a funk, like I never

938
00:47:37,680 --> 00:47:41,319
Speaker 1: wanted you anyway, Um, excuse me. People wanted me to

939
00:47:41,320 --> 00:47:45,680
Speaker 1: forgive that and keep letting her come around, and every

940
00:47:45,680 --> 00:47:48,160
Speaker 1: time she come around, she tried to destroy any happiness

941
00:47:48,840 --> 00:47:50,839
Speaker 1: that I had. When people wanted me to keep letting

942
00:47:50,840 --> 00:47:52,920
Speaker 1: that that go on, I said, with something wrong with

943
00:47:52,960 --> 00:47:56,560
Speaker 1: me because I got tired of being a victim. So

944
00:47:56,600 --> 00:47:59,040
Speaker 1: just because somebody gives birth to you, you have the

945
00:47:59,120 --> 00:48:01,279
Speaker 1: right to beat them up. And destroy their life that

946
00:48:01,320 --> 00:48:03,960
Speaker 1: you gave to him. And that's that's how I feel

947
00:48:04,040 --> 00:48:05,759
Speaker 1: about it, and that's what my son I've had to

948
00:48:05,840 --> 00:48:08,080
Speaker 1: learn when I went through the pain and dealing with

949
00:48:08,200 --> 00:48:10,120
Speaker 1: him being in and out of prison and not listening

950
00:48:10,160 --> 00:48:12,440
Speaker 1: to me, and I always thought it was my fault,

951
00:48:12,600 --> 00:48:14,520
Speaker 1: and I realized my mother and my have sister are

952
00:48:14,600 --> 00:48:17,000
Speaker 1: the people getting drunk with him, getting high with him,

953
00:48:17,080 --> 00:48:21,239
Speaker 1: and he um I was disrespectful and basically had a

954
00:48:21,239 --> 00:48:23,680
Speaker 1: skewed opinion of me. And he never saw me like

955
00:48:23,719 --> 00:48:25,400
Speaker 1: with the man. He never saw me get drunk, he

956
00:48:25,440 --> 00:48:27,840
Speaker 1: never saw me get high. But yet I'm not the

957
00:48:27,840 --> 00:48:30,320
Speaker 1: one you like. You like my mother might have sisters

958
00:48:30,320 --> 00:48:32,280
Speaker 1: that get you high and drink, and you think that's cool.

959
00:48:32,800 --> 00:48:37,319
Speaker 1: And that's when I said, it's painful. But if my

960
00:48:37,360 --> 00:48:40,680
Speaker 1: family doesn't love me and you only say it's okay

961
00:48:40,680 --> 00:48:43,359
Speaker 1: for me to be around to let y'all abuse me,

962
00:48:44,080 --> 00:48:47,400
Speaker 1: I'd rather be alone because you bet you're ruined my

963
00:48:47,480 --> 00:48:51,359
Speaker 1: son and you turned my son against me and it's

964
00:48:51,400 --> 00:48:53,840
Speaker 1: okay if you go to I finally got to that point,

965
00:48:53,880 --> 00:48:55,160
Speaker 1: like if you don't want me to be your mom,

966
00:48:55,560 --> 00:48:58,920
Speaker 1: I really believe in karma and I really believe we

967
00:48:59,000 --> 00:49:01,800
Speaker 1: all bring in certain our of types and certain archetypes

968
00:49:01,840 --> 00:49:03,239
Speaker 1: we can get rid of. We don't have to keep them.

969
00:49:03,239 --> 00:49:04,480
Speaker 1: We don't have to be the victim. We don't have

970
00:49:04,480 --> 00:49:06,799
Speaker 1: to be the martyr. And in Christianity down South, you're

971
00:49:06,800 --> 00:49:08,120
Speaker 1: taught to be the martyr. You're taught to be like

972
00:49:08,200 --> 00:49:10,520
Speaker 1: Jesus and you'll get your blessings. No, you don't get

973
00:49:10,520 --> 00:49:12,719
Speaker 1: your blessings unless you think you're gonna get them when

974
00:49:12,760 --> 00:49:15,200
Speaker 1: you die and walk on streets of gold. I'm not

975
00:49:15,280 --> 00:49:17,040
Speaker 1: interested in that anymore. I'm getting I'm ready to get

976
00:49:17,040 --> 00:49:18,760
Speaker 1: my pie in this guy while I'm here, like everybody

977
00:49:18,800 --> 00:49:21,520
Speaker 1: else does. And if it means that I have to

978
00:49:21,560 --> 00:49:23,120
Speaker 1: accept the fact that I'm never gonna have a love

979
00:49:23,160 --> 00:49:26,080
Speaker 1: from a family, which I finally accepted, that's okay. If

980
00:49:26,120 --> 00:49:27,560
Speaker 1: I in order for you to be around, I gotta

981
00:49:27,640 --> 00:49:31,279
Speaker 1: let you kick me. No, I definitely agree with you,

982
00:49:31,320 --> 00:49:33,640
Speaker 1: and I definitely came to terms. But if I'm not

983
00:49:33,680 --> 00:49:35,480
Speaker 1: going to get the love that I feel I deserve

984
00:49:35,520 --> 00:49:37,719
Speaker 1: from my family, that I'm okay with that. But I

985
00:49:37,719 --> 00:49:40,120
Speaker 1: will say that if I was to have a conversation

986
00:49:40,160 --> 00:49:43,200
Speaker 1: with my mother, it has to be an honest conversation

987
00:49:43,239 --> 00:49:45,840
Speaker 1: because I do feel like that she has her ideas

988
00:49:45,840 --> 00:49:48,520
Speaker 1: of things that transpired that are not true and that

989
00:49:48,760 --> 00:49:52,279
Speaker 1: I can't deal with that, which is an archetist. She's

990
00:49:52,360 --> 00:49:54,719
Speaker 1: going to have an idea and she knows she's lying.

991
00:49:54,800 --> 00:49:58,680
Speaker 1: Because she doesn't she doesn't want to face how she

992
00:49:58,760 --> 00:50:02,120
Speaker 1: didn't treat you and what she was, they will block

993
00:50:02,200 --> 00:50:05,640
Speaker 1: us out. You become the the black sheet. You know,

994
00:50:05,719 --> 00:50:07,640
Speaker 1: if you're dealing with narcissism, if you know anything about it,

995
00:50:07,640 --> 00:50:10,160
Speaker 1: they'll have the golden child, and then they'll have the

996
00:50:10,680 --> 00:50:13,680
Speaker 1: black sheet, and everything you say, they're going to deny

997
00:50:13,800 --> 00:50:16,279
Speaker 1: and think that no, if that didn't happen, and you're

998
00:50:16,280 --> 00:50:18,640
Speaker 1: remembering it wrong. I don't have my mother's I'm like, no,

999
00:50:19,360 --> 00:50:21,440
Speaker 1: my brother, that's what my brothers did because of you,

1000
00:50:21,880 --> 00:50:24,279
Speaker 1: And she's like, no, that's not what happened. This is

1001
00:50:24,280 --> 00:50:26,960
Speaker 1: what happened. I saw it. You can't tell me what

1002
00:50:27,120 --> 00:50:29,840
Speaker 1: happened because I was there and I saw you. And

1003
00:50:29,840 --> 00:50:32,880
Speaker 1: then they want to rewrite the history. That's what narcissions

1004
00:50:32,960 --> 00:50:35,680
Speaker 1: do and want to gas like you and I had

1005
00:50:35,719 --> 00:50:39,040
Speaker 1: to learn and it was so painful. I was like,

1006
00:50:39,080 --> 00:50:42,799
Speaker 1: I'm never gonna have a mom. I have a biological mom.

1007
00:50:42,840 --> 00:50:45,759
Speaker 1: But she's never and I saw and I understand it

1008
00:50:45,760 --> 00:50:48,239
Speaker 1: because I saw my grandmother do it to my mother.

1009
00:50:49,600 --> 00:50:52,600
Speaker 1: A lot of stuff is generational, but what I said

1010
00:50:52,840 --> 00:50:57,719
Speaker 1: was I wasn't gonna do it to my child. Mm hmm. Now,

1011
00:50:57,760 --> 00:51:01,880
Speaker 1: your father is Jackie Wilson was a prominent figure and

1012
00:51:02,000 --> 00:51:04,560
Speaker 1: soul R and B in rock and roll history. So

1013
00:51:04,600 --> 00:51:06,680
Speaker 1: when you hear stories about him, how does that make

1014
00:51:06,719 --> 00:51:10,200
Speaker 1: you feel? No, I mean it's it makes me feel

1015
00:51:10,200 --> 00:51:12,360
Speaker 1: good because I've talked to his children. I've talked to

1016
00:51:12,400 --> 00:51:14,560
Speaker 1: some children that were biological children or that were children

1017
00:51:14,560 --> 00:51:16,320
Speaker 1: because he was in a relationship and kind of adopted.

1018
00:51:16,719 --> 00:51:19,160
Speaker 1: He loved all of his children, and whenever he would

1019
00:51:19,160 --> 00:51:21,040
Speaker 1: go to a particular city, he couldn't be with the

1020
00:51:21,080 --> 00:51:22,680
Speaker 1: mothers all the time he was traveling. He would go

1021
00:51:22,719 --> 00:51:24,600
Speaker 1: to whether the children, I give them money and look

1022
00:51:24,600 --> 00:51:26,960
Speaker 1: out for them. So he was never the type of

1023
00:51:27,040 --> 00:51:30,759
Speaker 1: person that would deny children. So I knew that she

1024
00:51:30,800 --> 00:51:32,400
Speaker 1: at least tell the truth about that. He loved the

1025
00:51:32,440 --> 00:51:34,040
Speaker 1: children wherever he went, and he would have included me.

1026
00:51:34,120 --> 00:51:36,640
Speaker 1: He took some of his children on tour with him.

1027
00:51:36,680 --> 00:51:39,400
Speaker 1: He was a good person, but he was a wounded person.

1028
00:51:39,520 --> 00:51:41,800
Speaker 1: And they had got him in the industry addicted to drugs.

1029
00:51:42,120 --> 00:51:46,880
Speaker 1: That started feeling from him and unfortunately he was a

1030
00:51:46,880 --> 00:51:49,640
Speaker 1: little bit gullible, and which I said, I must have

1031
00:51:49,680 --> 00:51:51,279
Speaker 1: got that from him, and I had to learn to

1032
00:51:51,360 --> 00:51:53,479
Speaker 1: change it in business, because when you give your word,

1033
00:51:53,520 --> 00:51:55,680
Speaker 1: that's your word. And he thought when people were giving

1034
00:51:55,719 --> 00:51:57,400
Speaker 1: him his word and stealing from him in the industry,

1035
00:51:57,400 --> 00:51:58,839
Speaker 1: they're gonna keep their word. And they were really robbing

1036
00:51:58,920 --> 00:52:00,480
Speaker 1: him because he was a good person, and then turned

1037
00:52:00,520 --> 00:52:02,600
Speaker 1: him into a drug at because like a lot of men,

1038
00:52:02,760 --> 00:52:06,719
Speaker 1: his his vices a pussy money, we pussy money drugs,

1039
00:52:06,800 --> 00:52:10,880
Speaker 1: and they catch him up with that. So it's like

1040
00:52:10,920 --> 00:52:12,640
Speaker 1: I hear those stories. I hear he was a boxer,

1041
00:52:12,680 --> 00:52:14,360
Speaker 1: he was a fighter, but he would give you the

1042
00:52:14,360 --> 00:52:15,960
Speaker 1: shirt off his back until you piste him off and

1043
00:52:15,960 --> 00:52:18,160
Speaker 1: then you see a whole another side, another person. And

1044
00:52:18,200 --> 00:52:21,360
Speaker 1: that reminded me of myself. And when I learned his

1045
00:52:21,440 --> 00:52:24,560
Speaker 1: story and how he's basically set up and murdered and

1046
00:52:24,600 --> 00:52:27,200
Speaker 1: his money was stolen from him and multiplyete all insurance

1047
00:52:27,200 --> 00:52:30,360
Speaker 1: policies what we see openly going on now with the rappers.

1048
00:52:31,000 --> 00:52:33,040
Speaker 1: Um I learned a lot from that, and I said,

1049
00:52:33,200 --> 00:52:35,919
Speaker 1: you know, that's what people are trying to do to me,

1050
00:52:36,200 --> 00:52:38,000
Speaker 1: and then you get this glass ceiling if you don't

1051
00:52:38,000 --> 00:52:41,120
Speaker 1: want to play that game. So it taught me definitely

1052
00:52:41,120 --> 00:52:43,120
Speaker 1: pull away from the family and abuse of my mother

1053
00:52:43,560 --> 00:52:46,640
Speaker 1: as well as recognized the predators and every other person

1054
00:52:46,680 --> 00:52:49,080
Speaker 1: in the narcissist to try to come in. And it

1055
00:52:49,280 --> 00:52:51,919
Speaker 1: helped me to be tougher. And I bond with him

1056
00:52:52,000 --> 00:52:54,839
Speaker 1: now on a spiritual side, and I hear him telling

1057
00:52:54,840 --> 00:52:57,799
Speaker 1: me things to do and things not to do, and

1058
00:52:57,840 --> 00:52:59,560
Speaker 1: he definitely doesn't want me in the industry. I want

1059
00:52:59,600 --> 00:53:01,520
Speaker 1: to be like them. I want to be in that industry,

1060
00:53:01,719 --> 00:53:03,280
Speaker 1: and he didn't want me to go in the industry.

1061
00:53:03,480 --> 00:53:06,200
Speaker 1: I actually had people that read me and they said,

1062
00:53:06,200 --> 00:53:09,440
Speaker 1: you're daddy actually blocked you. You thought this should have happened,

1063
00:53:09,440 --> 00:53:11,160
Speaker 1: that your dad didn't want you to go in there

1064
00:53:11,200 --> 00:53:12,560
Speaker 1: because you know what they would have done to you.

1065
00:53:12,600 --> 00:53:14,640
Speaker 1: He wants you to do these on your own, not

1066
00:53:14,719 --> 00:53:16,719
Speaker 1: to not do it, but do it on your own

1067
00:53:16,760 --> 00:53:19,719
Speaker 1: on your own terms. I'll have your own companies and

1068
00:53:19,800 --> 00:53:22,480
Speaker 1: be independent on what you do, and don't be like me,

1069
00:53:22,560 --> 00:53:24,480
Speaker 1: and don't let don't sign contracts, don't let people fuk

1070
00:53:24,480 --> 00:53:26,400
Speaker 1: over you. And take advantage of you. That's in the

1071
00:53:26,480 --> 00:53:29,719
Speaker 1: coal industry, and it's a death industry, blood in and

1072
00:53:29,719 --> 00:53:31,560
Speaker 1: blood out, and you basically have to give your soul

1073
00:53:31,719 --> 00:53:33,759
Speaker 1: and sell your soul. They like people that are very

1074
00:53:33,800 --> 00:53:37,000
Speaker 1: talented but also wounded and weak, like from my background.

1075
00:53:37,560 --> 00:53:39,640
Speaker 1: But even I've been through so much pain and so

1076
00:53:39,719 --> 00:53:42,239
Speaker 1: much dirty ship from people as a child and as

1077
00:53:42,280 --> 00:53:45,759
Speaker 1: an adult. One thing that I have not lost is

1078
00:53:45,800 --> 00:53:48,479
Speaker 1: my soul and my integrity. There are things I will

1079
00:53:48,560 --> 00:53:53,000
Speaker 1: not to if that causes me to lose my integrity.

1080
00:53:53,120 --> 00:53:55,080
Speaker 1: There are some things I'll go without. There are some

1081
00:53:55,080 --> 00:53:56,919
Speaker 1: people I would go without and learn how to build

1082
00:53:56,920 --> 00:53:59,719
Speaker 1: it on my own before I give up my integrity

1083
00:53:59,760 --> 00:54:02,759
Speaker 1: and my honor, death before dishonor. And that's really what

1084
00:54:02,800 --> 00:54:07,279
Speaker 1: I believe, and that's how my father was right. I agree. Um.

1085
00:54:07,320 --> 00:54:09,279
Speaker 1: One of the things that I love that you used

1086
00:54:09,320 --> 00:54:12,200
Speaker 1: to say is Um that you've got a pH d

1087
00:54:12,320 --> 00:54:16,440
Speaker 1: in life being played, uh huh and getting played. And

1088
00:54:16,480 --> 00:54:19,319
Speaker 1: I also feel like with vagina power, I feel like

1089
00:54:19,440 --> 00:54:22,759
Speaker 1: it really stemmed from using your pain to find your

1090
00:54:22,760 --> 00:54:25,560
Speaker 1: purpose and passion. So tell us about what vagina power

1091
00:54:25,719 --> 00:54:29,319
Speaker 1: empower means to you. Well, like I said, it's three

1092
00:54:29,360 --> 00:54:31,760
Speaker 1: hundred and six degrees of developing every level of yourself

1093
00:54:31,800 --> 00:54:34,680
Speaker 1: that people don't even tell you to develop. And it

1094
00:54:34,760 --> 00:54:37,640
Speaker 1: came from being abused, being abandoned, being hurt, constant tell

1095
00:54:37,760 --> 00:54:39,880
Speaker 1: you were nothing, by your mother that I thought was

1096
00:54:39,880 --> 00:54:42,120
Speaker 1: the most beautiful woman in the world that I wanted

1097
00:54:42,160 --> 00:54:43,640
Speaker 1: to emulate and I want to be like and I

1098
00:54:43,680 --> 00:54:46,200
Speaker 1: want to look like. And I saw her overcome uh

1099
00:54:46,239 --> 00:54:51,560
Speaker 1: from coming from the projects and poverty and welfare and

1100
00:54:52,000 --> 00:54:55,200
Speaker 1: be very successful in her businesses and make a lot

1101
00:54:55,239 --> 00:54:59,400
Speaker 1: of money even though she sacrificed herself and she didn't

1102
00:54:59,400 --> 00:55:02,080
Speaker 1: have the issue shoes that my grandmother had and that

1103
00:55:02,680 --> 00:55:05,400
Speaker 1: I had, because she dumped her kids on her grandmother,

1104
00:55:05,960 --> 00:55:08,279
Speaker 1: and I mean on my my grandmother, which is her mother,

1105
00:55:08,719 --> 00:55:11,960
Speaker 1: and I never dumped my child on anybody. She was

1106
00:55:12,000 --> 00:55:14,920
Speaker 1: willing to sacrifice her honor and integrity for that and

1107
00:55:14,960 --> 00:55:19,720
Speaker 1: then have all this money and it's beauty and its power,

1108
00:55:20,239 --> 00:55:23,439
Speaker 1: but then constantly tell her children they were nothing. I'll

1109
00:55:23,440 --> 00:55:26,080
Speaker 1: always do better than you, I'll always look better than you,

1110
00:55:26,160 --> 00:55:28,759
Speaker 1: I'll always be smarter than you, I'll always have more

1111
00:55:28,800 --> 00:55:30,640
Speaker 1: money than you. And you know, I actually believed it

1112
00:55:30,680 --> 00:55:33,920
Speaker 1: because I feel like this own mother gives birth to me,

1113
00:55:34,239 --> 00:55:36,080
Speaker 1: and she brings me into this world and I'm a

1114
00:55:36,120 --> 00:55:41,400
Speaker 1: reflection of her womb and taken from a fragment of

1115
00:55:41,440 --> 00:55:45,640
Speaker 1: her soul. And she says that your life it's not

1116
00:55:45,680 --> 00:55:47,439
Speaker 1: good and I don't value you, and you're not good

1117
00:55:47,560 --> 00:55:49,960
Speaker 1: enough as a child, and I wish I could take

1118
00:55:50,000 --> 00:55:52,839
Speaker 1: you back because I see other people's daughters that are

1119
00:55:52,880 --> 00:55:56,040
Speaker 1: better than you, and I'd rather have them. Thank you.

1120
00:55:56,520 --> 00:55:59,200
Speaker 1: That's something pretty devastating to tell a little girl. I mean,

1121
00:55:59,200 --> 00:56:01,200
Speaker 1: I was a little kid, and she told me this

1122
00:56:01,320 --> 00:56:05,759
Speaker 1: throughout my whole life, and then meeting people that said

1123
00:56:05,800 --> 00:56:09,240
Speaker 1: the same thing, and men always saying some other woman's

1124
00:56:09,320 --> 00:56:12,080
Speaker 1: better than you, smarter than you, got my money than you,

1125
00:56:12,239 --> 00:56:16,879
Speaker 1: prettier than you, all the stuff. And I believed it

1126
00:56:16,920 --> 00:56:18,600
Speaker 1: because I was treated that way. And I feel like,

1127
00:56:18,840 --> 00:56:21,680
Speaker 1: if I'm treated this way, I'm treated this way and

1128
00:56:21,719 --> 00:56:24,920
Speaker 1: I don't have value to anybody else. It must be true.

1129
00:56:25,080 --> 00:56:27,640
Speaker 1: And I realized that doesn't mean it's true. Uh, it's

1130
00:56:27,680 --> 00:56:29,839
Speaker 1: true because you say it is, and because that's all

1131
00:56:29,880 --> 00:56:32,000
Speaker 1: you have, and your subconscious and your subconscious, like the

1132
00:56:32,040 --> 00:56:35,120
Speaker 1: law of attraction, only manifest more of that. And when

1133
00:56:35,120 --> 00:56:38,080
Speaker 1: I finally got tired of it when a part of

1134
00:56:38,080 --> 00:56:40,520
Speaker 1: me I felt like I didn't deserve it, but then

1135
00:56:40,560 --> 00:56:44,120
Speaker 1: a part of me felt like, well, you must, because

1136
00:56:44,160 --> 00:56:46,640
Speaker 1: it keeps happening to you, and everybody around you is

1137
00:56:46,719 --> 00:56:50,360
Speaker 1: co signing that message and laughing at you and watching

1138
00:56:50,440 --> 00:56:53,360
Speaker 1: you suffer. I finally got tired of that, and I

1139
00:56:53,400 --> 00:56:57,439
Speaker 1: had to face the most painful thing, being alone with

1140
00:56:57,520 --> 00:57:00,000
Speaker 1: all the damage she had done to me, and everybody

1141
00:57:00,160 --> 00:57:02,879
Speaker 1: said done to me. Once they fuck you over, they're

1142
00:57:02,880 --> 00:57:05,920
Speaker 1: not responsible for healing you. You then have to sit

1143
00:57:06,040 --> 00:57:08,680
Speaker 1: with all that garbage that you didn't put there and

1144
00:57:08,760 --> 00:57:12,239
Speaker 1: clean up that mess. And that's when I started to

1145
00:57:12,280 --> 00:57:15,160
Speaker 1: speak so bold because I never had a voice, and

1146
00:57:15,560 --> 00:57:21,720
Speaker 1: she helped me stand up for myself when I she

1147
00:57:21,840 --> 00:57:24,520
Speaker 1: kept begging me to be on the show, and after

1148
00:57:24,680 --> 00:57:26,640
Speaker 1: when I started the show, she wasn't speaking to me

1149
00:57:26,680 --> 00:57:29,160
Speaker 1: and said that I was wasted sperm sales to her,

1150
00:57:29,160 --> 00:57:30,720
Speaker 1: and I was nothing and nobody to her because I

1151
00:57:30,800 --> 00:57:33,720
Speaker 1: changed my name to a judge because I didn't want

1152
00:57:34,480 --> 00:57:38,080
Speaker 1: a name that she could call me because it was

1153
00:57:38,120 --> 00:57:41,000
Speaker 1: a way of controlling me. And whenever she would beat

1154
00:57:41,040 --> 00:57:42,880
Speaker 1: me or slap me in a face or punch me,

1155
00:57:43,280 --> 00:57:46,480
Speaker 1: you call me that name, like I'm your property or

1156
00:57:46,520 --> 00:57:49,680
Speaker 1: I'm a slave, and I wanted to take every bit

1157
00:57:49,760 --> 00:57:52,600
Speaker 1: of power that she had. And she called me names

1158
00:57:52,600 --> 00:57:56,680
Speaker 1: and a wasted sperm sales and you you you should

1159
00:57:56,680 --> 00:57:58,720
Speaker 1: have been aborted. You're nothing to me. You're a stupid

1160
00:57:58,760 --> 00:58:02,160
Speaker 1: bitch because you try. And I remember those words, and

1161
00:58:02,200 --> 00:58:07,000
Speaker 1: instead of believing her and being down, I said, I'm

1162
00:58:07,000 --> 00:58:09,320
Speaker 1: gonna be everything she said I wasn't and I'm gonna

1163
00:58:09,360 --> 00:58:12,160
Speaker 1: be everything that she could never be. And so that's

1164
00:58:12,160 --> 00:58:14,280
Speaker 1: when I went and started the show. People loved it.

1165
00:58:14,320 --> 00:58:17,200
Speaker 1: Millions people were watching me. People from CNN and all

1166
00:58:17,240 --> 00:58:19,840
Speaker 1: around the United the United States were first of starting Atlanta,

1167
00:58:19,880 --> 00:58:22,520
Speaker 1: all around Atlanta. You know, Atlanta has millions of people.

1168
00:58:22,840 --> 00:58:25,120
Speaker 1: And I didn't know they were watching me with a

1169
00:58:25,160 --> 00:58:28,400
Speaker 1: ghetto set and I didn't have a budget. But I

1170
00:58:28,440 --> 00:58:30,600
Speaker 1: gave all of me and they loved me and could

1171
00:58:30,600 --> 00:58:33,440
Speaker 1: look over the raggedy ass set and I didn't even

1172
00:58:33,520 --> 00:58:36,560
Speaker 1: help people that would It's like other producers. They wouldn't

1173
00:58:36,560 --> 00:58:38,800
Speaker 1: even help me. They wouldn't even hold my camera. They

1174
00:58:38,840 --> 00:58:40,600
Speaker 1: wouldn't even move the camera to get good shots. I

1175
00:58:40,600 --> 00:58:42,280
Speaker 1: had to lock the camera in place, and like, okay,

1176
00:58:42,320 --> 00:58:44,560
Speaker 1: I gotta sit still because the camera's locked in place

1177
00:58:44,600 --> 00:58:46,720
Speaker 1: and nobody's gonna move it. And I talked and I

1178
00:58:46,760 --> 00:58:49,400
Speaker 1: gave up all of me and they loved it. And

1179
00:58:49,400 --> 00:58:51,880
Speaker 1: that's the first time I felt valuable. When she saw it,

1180
00:58:52,000 --> 00:58:54,600
Speaker 1: she wanted to get on the show. She did meet

1181
00:58:54,600 --> 00:58:56,520
Speaker 1: on the show. I'm like, you just said I was

1182
00:58:56,600 --> 00:58:58,560
Speaker 1: dead and I was a boy the baby, I'm sorry

1183
00:58:58,520 --> 00:59:01,280
Speaker 1: and let me come. When she got on there, I

1184
00:59:01,320 --> 00:59:07,600
Speaker 1: said indirectly to her and in front of her, what

1185
00:59:07,640 --> 00:59:10,360
Speaker 1: I wanted to say and how I stood up for

1186
00:59:10,520 --> 00:59:13,560
Speaker 1: myself because I was always afraid of her, and even

1187
00:59:13,600 --> 00:59:15,680
Speaker 1: when I did that show, I was afraid of her.

1188
00:59:16,800 --> 00:59:18,960
Speaker 1: But I knew when I thought about it, because I

1189
00:59:19,000 --> 00:59:21,000
Speaker 1: was feeling like that little girl that she was always

1190
00:59:21,000 --> 00:59:24,120
Speaker 1: punch and then salt, and you know, she was big.

1191
00:59:24,400 --> 00:59:26,360
Speaker 1: She was not taught, but fat and big, and she

1192
00:59:26,360 --> 00:59:29,400
Speaker 1: would hit us. And it's different when somebody hits you

1193
00:59:29,400 --> 00:59:31,840
Speaker 1: your mother and they tell you can't hit your mother back,

1194
00:59:32,040 --> 00:59:35,600
Speaker 1: you can't run, you can't tell anybody, so they literally

1195
00:59:35,640 --> 00:59:37,280
Speaker 1: you're the punching bag. I don't know if you ever

1196
00:59:37,280 --> 00:59:40,160
Speaker 1: felt like that, and you can't defend yourself because you

1197
00:59:40,240 --> 00:59:42,520
Speaker 1: know they're like I, I brought you here, I'll take

1198
00:59:42,560 --> 00:59:44,240
Speaker 1: you out, and you know, if they do something to

1199
00:59:44,280 --> 00:59:47,560
Speaker 1: you and you die, everybody's going to coside and defend it.

1200
00:59:47,760 --> 00:59:49,640
Speaker 1: So I'm looking at her and she's sitting there. That's

1201
00:59:49,640 --> 00:59:52,120
Speaker 1: the first time I I spoke. That's why I was

1202
00:59:52,160 --> 00:59:57,160
Speaker 1: so in your face and it was so raw, because

1203
00:59:57,200 --> 00:59:59,840
Speaker 1: that's the first time I had a voice, and she

1204
01:00:00,080 --> 01:00:02,959
Speaker 1: couldn't punch me, and she couldn't tell me to shut

1205
01:00:03,040 --> 01:00:06,680
Speaker 1: up because it wasn't her show. It was my name

1206
01:00:06,800 --> 01:00:09,920
Speaker 1: and my game, and it was nothing that she could do.

1207
01:00:10,560 --> 01:00:13,520
Speaker 1: That's one reason why I did have her there, because

1208
01:00:13,520 --> 01:00:14,920
Speaker 1: she kept want to be there, and then so I

1209
01:00:14,960 --> 01:00:17,400
Speaker 1: could stand up to her. And we're on live television,

1210
01:00:17,400 --> 01:00:19,440
Speaker 1: and you're actually gonna insult me on live television. You're

1211
01:00:19,440 --> 01:00:21,480
Speaker 1: actually gonna tell people you beat your daughter up, you

1212
01:00:21,600 --> 01:00:23,800
Speaker 1: disrespect your daughter, you don't watch your child, you blought

1213
01:00:23,840 --> 01:00:25,840
Speaker 1: me from my father, you said I was nothing. It's

1214
01:00:25,880 --> 01:00:28,160
Speaker 1: like she couldn't. She then played the role like I'm

1215
01:00:28,160 --> 01:00:30,439
Speaker 1: such a good mom, and oh my god, how could

1216
01:00:30,440 --> 01:00:32,880
Speaker 1: you say that? And oh, I didn't know you talked

1217
01:00:32,880 --> 01:00:35,040
Speaker 1: like that, And even she had been talking to us

1218
01:00:35,040 --> 01:00:37,320
Speaker 1: like that and abusing us for years, so in the

1219
01:00:37,360 --> 01:00:42,000
Speaker 1: way I disarmed her, and I started to empower myself

1220
01:00:42,120 --> 01:00:46,120
Speaker 1: with the pain and get over the fear of her,

1221
01:00:46,640 --> 01:00:48,760
Speaker 1: and I started to hear a little girl and become

1222
01:00:49,120 --> 01:00:53,560
Speaker 1: a woman in the inside. This concludes part one of

1223
01:00:53,640 --> 01:00:58,120
Speaker 1: this week's episode. Please stay tuned for part two, dropping

1224
01:00:58,200 --> 01:01:01,960
Speaker 1: next Tuesday. Until next time, everyone Later,