1 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:05,880 Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vandercamp. I'm a mother of five, 2 00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:10,200 Speaker 1: an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah Hart Hunger. 3 00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:13,480 Speaker 1: I'm a mother of three, a practicing physician and blogger. 4 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:15,800 Speaker 1: On the side, we are two working parents who love 5 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:19,320 Speaker 1: our careers and our families. Welcome to best of both worlds. 6 00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:22,400 Speaker 1: Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, 7 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:25,800 Speaker 1: and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping 8 00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:28,360 Speaker 1: out long term career goals. We want you to get 9 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:33,920 Speaker 1: the most out of life. Welcome to best of both worlds. 10 00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:37,680 Speaker 1: This is Laura. We are going to be interviewing or 11 00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:39,760 Speaker 1: I am interviewing Kinder Hall, who is the author of 12 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:43,000 Speaker 1: the brand new book Choose Your Stories, Change Your Life. 13 00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:48,400 Speaker 1: Very exciting to talk with her about that. So yeah, storytelling, 14 00:00:48,479 --> 00:00:52,320 Speaker 1: I mean there's different views of storytelling. I mean there's 15 00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:54,360 Speaker 1: the positive one, which I think is what Kendra is 16 00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:56,520 Speaker 1: getting at and how we can change the narratives we 17 00:00:56,520 --> 00:00:59,160 Speaker 1: tell ourselves. But Sarah, you've noticed in life a lot 18 00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:00,959 Speaker 1: of people try to make stories out of stuff that's 19 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:04,720 Speaker 1: not necessarily a story. Yes, I mean, I know you've 20 00:01:04,720 --> 00:01:08,480 Speaker 1: remarked on a very tired trope that maybe you'll get 21 00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:11,040 Speaker 1: into the story that we've heard a few times where 22 00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:13,840 Speaker 1: we're like, but is it really as significant as you're 23 00:01:13,880 --> 00:01:16,119 Speaker 1: building it up to yourself. I'll let you cover that part. 24 00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:19,400 Speaker 1: But you know, sometimes when I hear somebody's story, it 25 00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:21,560 Speaker 1: can actually change what I think about them in a 26 00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:24,440 Speaker 1: positive way. So I was when I thought about stories. Actually, 27 00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:26,520 Speaker 1: the first thing that came to my mind was how 28 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:30,840 Speaker 1: when we interview candidates for residency, sometimes they'll come with 29 00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:33,720 Speaker 1: a really compelling story that does draw me in. So, 30 00:01:33,959 --> 00:01:37,720 Speaker 1: for example, we'll have somebody share that the reason they 31 00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:40,440 Speaker 1: wanted to go into pediatrics was because they had cancer 32 00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:42,600 Speaker 1: as a child and how that, you know, affected them, 33 00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:45,399 Speaker 1: and they're a survivor and everything, and you know, if 34 00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:48,600 Speaker 1: you really zoom out like that doesn't necessarily make that 35 00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:51,320 Speaker 1: person a better candidate than someone else who didn't happen 36 00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:54,120 Speaker 1: to go through that, you know, tragic experience. But at 37 00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:56,520 Speaker 1: the same time, it can definitely draw you in or 38 00:01:56,760 --> 00:01:58,680 Speaker 1: maybe will make me think that that person has different 39 00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:01,840 Speaker 1: perspectives that they may be able to bring to the role. Well, definitely, 40 00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:05,080 Speaker 1: somebody who's been a patient extensively will have a different 41 00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:07,400 Speaker 1: view of medicine than someone who has not so yeah, 42 00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:10,760 Speaker 1: I'm sure that's very important, which you're not making up 43 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:13,720 Speaker 1: though having cancer as a kid, like that form of 44 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:19,120 Speaker 1: storytelling is totally legitimate. I'm talking more about the narratives 45 00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:21,320 Speaker 1: where everyone likes the format, where you know, it's like 46 00:02:21,360 --> 00:02:24,720 Speaker 1: a epiphany and then something changes, like everything has to 47 00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:26,680 Speaker 1: change as a result of this epiphany. And the honest 48 00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:29,880 Speaker 1: truth is that, like stuff doesn't have to change, and 49 00:02:29,919 --> 00:02:31,880 Speaker 1: we don't have to take a lesson from everything, or 50 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:33,280 Speaker 1: if you know, we do, it can be a very 51 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:37,160 Speaker 1: very small lesson as opposed to a large, overarching one. 52 00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:39,040 Speaker 1: I mean where I see this all the time and 53 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:41,120 Speaker 1: people want to know, like how did you come to 54 00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:43,720 Speaker 1: the topic of time management? And you know, I'll give 55 00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:45,480 Speaker 1: you an answer if I know that that's like what 56 00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:47,880 Speaker 1: you want, like a story, but there is no good story, right, 57 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:50,880 Speaker 1: Like there's zero good story. I mean, it's not like 58 00:02:50,919 --> 00:02:53,880 Speaker 1: I was, you know, in chaos and some rock bottom 59 00:02:53,919 --> 00:02:57,640 Speaker 1: moments and then crawled up from the abyss like my 60 00:02:57,680 --> 00:03:01,200 Speaker 1: life is just way not that interesting, you know. I'm like, well, 61 00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:03,760 Speaker 1: you know, I was a reasonably organized student and a 62 00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:07,000 Speaker 1: reasonably organized person and then you know, I thought about 63 00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:08,440 Speaker 1: how I was spending my time and talked to out 64 00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:11,560 Speaker 1: other people are spending their time. More so even than that, 65 00:03:11,639 --> 00:03:14,760 Speaker 1: I wanted to write books, and I was casting about 66 00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:17,119 Speaker 1: for topics that I could write about, that people would 67 00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:19,160 Speaker 1: pay attention to, and that I was interested in. And 68 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,200 Speaker 1: so I don't know, it could have been baseball, but 69 00:03:21,240 --> 00:03:24,840 Speaker 1: it isn't. It's time management. So here we go. Like 70 00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:27,720 Speaker 1: I would have, I thought you were going to mention 71 00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:30,520 Speaker 1: this story, like the story we always hear about, like 72 00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:33,880 Speaker 1: my house was a mess, my project was overdue, and 73 00:03:33,919 --> 00:03:35,880 Speaker 1: I laid down on the floor. My kids were screaming, 74 00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:38,240 Speaker 1: and that's when I decided I had to quit my job. 75 00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:41,360 Speaker 1: Like I feel like to me, that's like the I've 76 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:43,960 Speaker 1: heard that story like a lot of times, and it's like, well, 77 00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:45,960 Speaker 1: you could have also decided I shouldn't have tried to 78 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:48,280 Speaker 1: cook an elaborate meal that night, or like I need 79 00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:51,480 Speaker 1: babysitting help, but instead of like kids just stop screaming, 80 00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:56,000 Speaker 1: Like that would be the one change I could see 81 00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:59,240 Speaker 1: right there. Yeah, No, there's such this like working mother trope, 82 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:01,400 Speaker 1: and if anyone a lot of the sort of literature, 83 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:04,360 Speaker 1: it's like it starts with some dark movement of the 84 00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:07,800 Speaker 1: soul right where you know you are, something's gone wrong. 85 00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:10,600 Speaker 1: You've missed the softball game because of a late flight, 86 00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:13,360 Speaker 1: and so we must join with the Greek chorus of 87 00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:16,640 Speaker 1: the disillusion, chanting how no one can have it all right? 88 00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:20,880 Speaker 1: And it's like, no, I mean, I've used this joke 89 00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:23,120 Speaker 1: before here on this program, but I've missed a lot 90 00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:26,400 Speaker 1: of softball games because I met somebody else's soccer game, like, 91 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:29,080 Speaker 1: and nobody looks at that situation and says, oh, you 92 00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:31,200 Speaker 1: should get rid of the other kid, even though the 93 00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:33,799 Speaker 1: result is exactly the same, like you're not at the game. 94 00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:37,880 Speaker 1: I mean, it's just, you know, we are still uncomfortable 95 00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:42,279 Speaker 1: with mothers working. But anyway, the type of story Kendra 96 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:46,680 Speaker 1: is talking about is more like when we tell ourselves 97 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:50,240 Speaker 1: these stories, right, and we should explore what these are 98 00:04:50,279 --> 00:04:54,320 Speaker 1: because often they're subconscious. I mean, you sort of know 99 00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:56,440 Speaker 1: they're there, but you don't realize how much power they 100 00:04:56,480 --> 00:04:58,920 Speaker 1: have over your life. And when we talk about one 101 00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:02,400 Speaker 1: in this interview, she had been about ready to turn 102 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:07,200 Speaker 1: down a really like a gig she really wanted, and 103 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:11,600 Speaker 1: it wasn't because of anything, you know, it was basically 104 00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:14,320 Speaker 1: because she had one other trip that same week, and 105 00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:16,920 Speaker 1: in her mind, you could be a good mother and 106 00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:19,839 Speaker 1: go on one business trip a week, but two was 107 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:22,640 Speaker 1: just right out. Now, now where did that come? Like like 108 00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:25,480 Speaker 1: like those are that ridiculous? Like, but it's so specific 109 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:27,440 Speaker 1: in her mind that it's like, Okay, well, one is 110 00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:29,600 Speaker 1: a manageable level. One is something we can deal with. 111 00:05:29,839 --> 00:05:31,680 Speaker 1: But if I've already committed to one, even if it's 112 00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:34,360 Speaker 1: like the client I've been chasing after for a year, 113 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:37,480 Speaker 1: I shouldn't say no. I shouldn't say yes because I've 114 00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:39,960 Speaker 1: already doing another trip that week. And everybody knows that 115 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:42,080 Speaker 1: you can't be a good mother and go on two 116 00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:45,160 Speaker 1: trips in one week. It's like a false choice or 117 00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:48,400 Speaker 1: false psychotomy. Yeah, yeah, So you know, we just want 118 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:50,720 Speaker 1: to make sure we see what those stories are because 119 00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:52,040 Speaker 1: once she called them to lights, some of them are 120 00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:54,240 Speaker 1: really ridiculous. I mean, some of them are very important, 121 00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:56,400 Speaker 1: they give our lives meanings, certainly in narratives, Ken, but 122 00:05:56,480 --> 00:05:59,200 Speaker 1: some are also ridiculous. Well, why don't we hear what 123 00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:03,240 Speaker 1: has to say? Well, Sarah and I are very excited 124 00:06:03,279 --> 00:06:06,200 Speaker 1: to welcome Kendra Hall to the program. Kendra is the 125 00:06:06,279 --> 00:06:10,000 Speaker 1: author of the brand new book Choose Your Story, Change 126 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:13,240 Speaker 1: Your Life. So Kendra welcome to the program. Thank you 127 00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:16,000 Speaker 1: so much for having me. Laura. I'm just I'm honored 128 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,200 Speaker 1: to be here with you. Oh good, well, I'm honored 129 00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:20,360 Speaker 1: to be here with you as well. So why don't 130 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:23,360 Speaker 1: you tell our listeners a little bit about yourself, about 131 00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:28,320 Speaker 1: your career and your family too. Yeah, I started my career. 132 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:31,200 Speaker 1: I first got an idea for my career, though it 133 00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:33,479 Speaker 1: was a very young idea. When I was eleven. I 134 00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:36,360 Speaker 1: told my first story. You know, I didn't drop out 135 00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:38,599 Speaker 1: of fifth grade. I did keep going to school. But 136 00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:40,800 Speaker 1: I told my first story when I was eleven and 137 00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:43,040 Speaker 1: really saw it was to a room full of third graders, 138 00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:46,280 Speaker 1: and in the first few sentences, I held them right 139 00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:48,200 Speaker 1: there in the palm of my hand, and I knew 140 00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:51,279 Speaker 1: in that moment at eleven, that there was something to 141 00:06:51,839 --> 00:06:55,720 Speaker 1: this story thing, And so it was. It wasn't a 142 00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:58,520 Speaker 1: career at that point, it was an interest. But as 143 00:06:58,560 --> 00:07:01,679 Speaker 1: time went on, I started researching the power of story 144 00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:05,560 Speaker 1: within organizations and then using stories and sales and marketing, 145 00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:08,440 Speaker 1: and then I wrote my first book, which was all 146 00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:11,600 Speaker 1: about outward storytelling and how we can use stories to 147 00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:15,800 Speaker 1: influence in business and now, especially with the time that 148 00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:18,440 Speaker 1: we're at right now, everything we've been through over the 149 00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:21,160 Speaker 1: past couple of years, decided to take a really close 150 00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:25,800 Speaker 1: look at our inner stories, the stories we're telling ourselves. 151 00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:28,200 Speaker 1: And in terms of my family, I get a lot 152 00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:31,960 Speaker 1: of it's really interesting to watch stories at work, even 153 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:35,200 Speaker 1: within a family. So I'm married, my husband is Michael. 154 00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:38,640 Speaker 1: I have a son and a daughter. They're in elementary school, 155 00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:40,960 Speaker 1: and we live in New York City. Oh and we 156 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:44,600 Speaker 1: have a puppy named Space Dog. Was Space Dog a 157 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:48,360 Speaker 1: pandemic puppy? Yeah? Yes, And you know what we held 158 00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:51,280 Speaker 1: out to the very end, like well we didn't. I 159 00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:53,600 Speaker 1: guess we thought it was the very end at the time, 160 00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:57,160 Speaker 1: and so now and so yes, we will have Oh 161 00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:59,480 Speaker 1: it's almost Yeah, we've had Space Dog a year now. 162 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:03,360 Speaker 1: Oh well, congratulations on Space Dog. Be next and you 163 00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:05,680 Speaker 1: got and you guys stayed in New York City for 164 00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:09,040 Speaker 1: the whole pandemic. Then we stayed. You know, the school 165 00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:14,680 Speaker 1: shut down, and we I guess we had options, but 166 00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:19,520 Speaker 1: there was definitely this sense of we are part of 167 00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:23,320 Speaker 1: a really big story here, and I think we wanted 168 00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:26,360 Speaker 1: to as long as we felt safe and and we 169 00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:29,720 Speaker 1: did safe enough to stay. We wanted to witness that 170 00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:33,680 Speaker 1: story from right where we were, So we stayed lots 171 00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:37,199 Speaker 1: of I went through for some runs down the middle 172 00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:40,400 Speaker 1: lane of Madison Avenue because there was no it was 173 00:08:40,559 --> 00:08:46,240 Speaker 1: just so empty, just me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's 174 00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:48,240 Speaker 1: I'm sure that was quite an experience. Yeah, I know, 175 00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:52,240 Speaker 1: I've heard a lot of people who left, but it's 176 00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:54,360 Speaker 1: interesting to hear about people who wound up wound up 177 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:57,959 Speaker 1: staying as well. And yeah, definitely part of a fascinating story. 178 00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:01,880 Speaker 1: So your book talks all about how people you know, 179 00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:04,440 Speaker 1: develop these stories and tell these stories that have just 180 00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:08,840 Speaker 1: such profound power over our lives, and they're often not 181 00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:14,199 Speaker 1: really examined, let alone you know, actively tried to change. 182 00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:15,679 Speaker 1: And so I wonder if you could share with your 183 00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:18,640 Speaker 1: listeners one that I found really fascinating. It's one of 184 00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:21,599 Speaker 1: the early ones in your book about Mike, who is 185 00:09:22,040 --> 00:09:24,240 Speaker 1: not your husband but your dad. Your dad Mike were 186 00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:26,760 Speaker 1: surrounded by Michael's here. I'm married to a Michael by 187 00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:29,679 Speaker 1: the way, Okay, yeah, yeah, we'll just use them interchangeably, 188 00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:32,800 Speaker 1: because use the interchangeable. Yeah, but your father and the 189 00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:36,440 Speaker 1: story he was telling himself about sort of what it 190 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:38,760 Speaker 1: meant to work. I wonder if you could tell our 191 00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:43,120 Speaker 1: listeners about that. Yeah, it was, and it's interesting too. 192 00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:45,320 Speaker 1: It was interesting to send the story to my father 193 00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:48,040 Speaker 1: and say, Hi, this is the story I'm going to 194 00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:50,960 Speaker 1: write about you, and then to see his story reflected 195 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:54,280 Speaker 1: through my eyes. But essentially, I mean, my dad is 196 00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:59,400 Speaker 1: an incredibly charismatic, talented man. He's so good at networking, 197 00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:02,640 Speaker 1: and he was really really good at his job. And 198 00:10:02,679 --> 00:10:04,679 Speaker 1: this of course was years and years ago when I 199 00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:07,560 Speaker 1: was growing up, and it was a grueling job. He 200 00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:10,520 Speaker 1: was underappreciated, he had, you know, any any of those 201 00:10:10,559 --> 00:10:13,080 Speaker 1: things that anyone working in a job for a long 202 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:15,559 Speaker 1: period of time, you have your ups and downs. And 203 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:18,760 Speaker 1: he would have those moments where he would think, this 204 00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:20,840 Speaker 1: is it. I need to I need to find something else. 205 00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:22,840 Speaker 1: I can do something else. I have the connections, I 206 00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:25,800 Speaker 1: have the talent. I should do something else. And then 207 00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:30,880 Speaker 1: there was this thing that made him stay. And when 208 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:33,160 Speaker 1: I say this, you think about like, oh, it must 209 00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:37,360 Speaker 1: have been you know, something outside, But when you really 210 00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:40,360 Speaker 1: look at it, it was this story that came from 211 00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:44,680 Speaker 1: his father that a secure job is a good job 212 00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:49,080 Speaker 1: and you should stay. Like if you have a good job, 213 00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:51,760 Speaker 1: you stay with a good job. And so he stayed 214 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:57,400 Speaker 1: for over thirty years until one day they let him 215 00:10:57,440 --> 00:11:01,559 Speaker 1: go just after and the time my entire life at 216 00:11:01,559 --> 00:11:03,360 Speaker 1: that point, he'd been at this job and they just 217 00:11:03,440 --> 00:11:05,520 Speaker 1: let him go. And and it really was when he 218 00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:08,800 Speaker 1: looked back, it was the stories of of what a 219 00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:11,160 Speaker 1: good job is. It's a safe job, and it's better 220 00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:14,720 Speaker 1: to be safe than to step outside. And he he 221 00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:17,800 Speaker 1: believed in that story. He lived that story until that 222 00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:22,120 Speaker 1: story was taken away from him. And now he's investing 223 00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:24,520 Speaker 1: in real estate, he's in a rock band, he just 224 00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:27,959 Speaker 1: he just finished his own book I which, yeah, he's 225 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:30,720 Speaker 1: trying to steal my thunder, but that's fine, that's that's okay. 226 00:11:31,160 --> 00:11:32,880 Speaker 1: But it was it was the story that kept him there. 227 00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:34,679 Speaker 1: It had nothing to do with his abilities, It had 228 00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:36,800 Speaker 1: nothing to do with what he was capable of. It 229 00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:39,800 Speaker 1: was entirely the story. Yeah, and when you when you 230 00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:42,080 Speaker 1: reflected that back to him, that you were seeing this, 231 00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:44,600 Speaker 1: what was his reaction to that. I'm very curious, you 232 00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:49,160 Speaker 1: know it was. I think it was all over the phone. 233 00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:52,120 Speaker 1: Of course, because of the nature of the timing. I 234 00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:56,400 Speaker 1: think he knew it wasn't wrong, and maybe there was 235 00:11:56,440 --> 00:12:00,800 Speaker 1: a sense of I wish it were wrong. I wish, 236 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:04,640 Speaker 1: But that's that's also an important piece of this work 237 00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:08,240 Speaker 1: and this book, and this message is he the book 238 00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:12,079 Speaker 1: isn't change your story, change your life. He can't change 239 00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:17,880 Speaker 1: that story. That story happened. And so now it's more 240 00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:21,680 Speaker 1: what do you choose for the stories you tell yourself 241 00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:24,440 Speaker 1: or even the story about that story? So I think 242 00:12:24,559 --> 00:12:26,439 Speaker 1: you know, and I wanted to say I could it, 243 00:12:26,559 --> 00:12:28,200 Speaker 1: and the way it's written when you read it in 244 00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:30,680 Speaker 1: the book, you so this is kind of a spoiler alert. 245 00:12:30,760 --> 00:12:33,640 Speaker 1: You don't know that it's my dad and I the 246 00:12:33,679 --> 00:12:36,040 Speaker 1: first version of it, and more you know, you're an author. 247 00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:39,080 Speaker 1: Was I ended with, But now my dad's amazing and 248 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:41,680 Speaker 1: everything is great and he's so awesome. But some of 249 00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:43,640 Speaker 1: that had to come out because that wasn't the point 250 00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:45,480 Speaker 1: of the story. The point of the story wasn't how 251 00:12:45,559 --> 00:12:48,120 Speaker 1: great he was. The point of the story was the 252 00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:52,400 Speaker 1: story that was holding him back. So yeah, yeah, that 253 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,679 Speaker 1: you have somebody who is very good at what they do, 254 00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:57,400 Speaker 1: and they have this very powerful story that keeps them 255 00:12:57,400 --> 00:13:02,320 Speaker 1: in a situation, maybe past the point where rationally it 256 00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:04,640 Speaker 1: would have been good to go. Well, we're going to 257 00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:06,240 Speaker 1: talk more about that in just a minute. I take 258 00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:08,120 Speaker 1: a quick ad break and be back about more about 259 00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:23,320 Speaker 1: how our stories can shape our lives. So I am 260 00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:25,640 Speaker 1: here with Kendra Hall, who is the author of the 261 00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:28,719 Speaker 1: brand new book Choose Your Story, Change Your Life. And 262 00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:31,920 Speaker 1: Kendra was just telling us about her father's story that 263 00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:34,480 Speaker 1: he lived with her so many years. That a good 264 00:13:34,559 --> 00:13:36,959 Speaker 1: job is a secure job, and you don't let go 265 00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:40,120 Speaker 1: of a good job, even if that's you know, maybe 266 00:13:40,160 --> 00:13:42,040 Speaker 1: going to be who of you to do so, and 267 00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:43,560 Speaker 1: it may not be up to you how long you 268 00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:45,400 Speaker 1: get to keep that job in the long place. But 269 00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:47,760 Speaker 1: you've obviously had many of the stories that you know. 270 00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:50,880 Speaker 1: It's not just your father, You have your own stories too. 271 00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:53,400 Speaker 1: One of the ones you tell in the book is 272 00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:56,440 Speaker 1: about realizing that you had a very deep seated story 273 00:13:56,840 --> 00:13:58,640 Speaker 1: that you were telling yourself when you got a last 274 00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:01,600 Speaker 1: minute invitation could go do a workshop with one of 275 00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:05,240 Speaker 1: your dream clients, like get on a plane on a Saturday. 276 00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:09,240 Speaker 1: So describe what happened in that situation and how you 277 00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:11,840 Speaker 1: realize that you had various stories about what it meant 278 00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:14,960 Speaker 1: to work and to have a family as well. Yeah, 279 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:18,200 Speaker 1: I think that, And it's interesting because these self stories 280 00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:21,120 Speaker 1: show up in so many different areas of our life. 281 00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:24,040 Speaker 1: It is in business and career, it is in family 282 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:26,680 Speaker 1: and parenting, it's in our relationships and our health. So 283 00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:29,080 Speaker 1: they can pop up all over the place. And this 284 00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:32,720 Speaker 1: story was I got a call to go work for 285 00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:37,600 Speaker 1: a dream client. Like dream they were on if I 286 00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:40,760 Speaker 1: had a part of them, Yes, yes, exactly, and like 287 00:14:40,840 --> 00:14:42,720 Speaker 1: if they if there was a vision, their name was 288 00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:45,400 Speaker 1: on the vision board if I had one. And I 289 00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:47,960 Speaker 1: got the call. And usually when you get a call 290 00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:50,880 Speaker 1: to do a keynote speech, it's six months in advance, 291 00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:53,320 Speaker 1: a year in advance. And my agent said, and they 292 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:56,520 Speaker 1: need you to get on a plane tomorrow. Now you 293 00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:59,320 Speaker 1: would think, if you're following along with this, that maybe 294 00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:02,080 Speaker 1: the limiting st that I had was about how can 295 00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:04,160 Speaker 1: I pull it together? I'm not ready. How can I 296 00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:08,160 Speaker 1: be ready to present for a dream my dream client overnight? 297 00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:11,720 Speaker 1: But that wasn't the case. I actually was ready. I'd 298 00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:14,240 Speaker 1: been studying them. I knew exactly. I knew that this 299 00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:16,840 Speaker 1: was They say fortune favors the prepared, and I was 300 00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:21,080 Speaker 1: so prepared. However, I didn't say yes right away. I 301 00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:23,880 Speaker 1: said can I please have an hour? I mean agent 302 00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:26,920 Speaker 1: thought I was crazy because it just it was such 303 00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:30,200 Speaker 1: an obvious yes. But I came home. My Michael said, 304 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:32,720 Speaker 1: I said, you won't believe what happened. And I told 305 00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:35,000 Speaker 1: him and he said, and you're sad about it because 306 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:37,120 Speaker 1: you could see this look of torture on my face. 307 00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:38,640 Speaker 1: And I went into the bathroom. I sat on the 308 00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:41,240 Speaker 1: bathroom floor and I cried, I'm not gonna sit on 309 00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:43,320 Speaker 1: the bathroom floor and cry kind of person. It's just 310 00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:47,960 Speaker 1: not me. But I was completely I was being suffocated 311 00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:51,480 Speaker 1: by this other story, which is I'm failing my children 312 00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:54,320 Speaker 1: because I have this passion for my work which takes 313 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,880 Speaker 1: me away from my kids. There was almost this you 314 00:15:57,000 --> 00:16:00,920 Speaker 1: cannot be successful at both. You cannot be a successful 315 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:03,960 Speaker 1: mother and be a successful business woman, at least not 316 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:06,960 Speaker 1: in the business that I was in, and that story, 317 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:10,000 Speaker 1: And of course I had a whole lineage of moments 318 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:12,480 Speaker 1: starting with my own mother, who was a stay at 319 00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:14,560 Speaker 1: home mom, but I joys wanted to be that was 320 00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:17,520 Speaker 1: her dream, and so it was crafts and food and 321 00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:22,120 Speaker 1: holidays and field trips, and then here I was about 322 00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:26,640 Speaker 1: to leave again, and on the bathroom floor. I at 323 00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:28,560 Speaker 1: first I kind of decided I would have to say no, 324 00:16:28,760 --> 00:16:31,000 Speaker 1: and that opportunity would just have to come back around 325 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:34,040 Speaker 1: at about our time. And then I decided to ask 326 00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:37,400 Speaker 1: myself if maybe I had another story I could tell 327 00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:40,479 Speaker 1: myself where I wasn't that I wasn't a bad mom. 328 00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:42,560 Speaker 1: And I don't know if you want me to tell 329 00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:46,080 Speaker 1: that story. I remember it very clearly. Sure you get well, 330 00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:48,320 Speaker 1: I mean just examining this because it's sort of funny 331 00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:51,680 Speaker 1: because it's like we have I mean, the stories are 332 00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:54,000 Speaker 1: often so specific too, because I mean the reason you 333 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:56,080 Speaker 1: were going to like turn them down is because you 334 00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:58,560 Speaker 1: also like had a trip on Monday, yeah week, right, 335 00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:02,000 Speaker 1: so a standard of a good mom you could have 336 00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:06,280 Speaker 1: one business trying. Yeah, the story, the story is one 337 00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:11,840 Speaker 1: exactly two is just right. It's beyond, it's beyond. I mean, 338 00:17:11,880 --> 00:17:14,119 Speaker 1: you're right, You're right, like there are and where do 339 00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:17,399 Speaker 1: these rules come from? And where did these where do 340 00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:21,159 Speaker 1: these boundaries get set? And ultimately, yeah, like at what 341 00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:23,399 Speaker 1: point do you get to bend the like I was 342 00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:27,120 Speaker 1: letting that Monday fly dictate a dream like a once 343 00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:31,280 Speaker 1: in a lifetime opportunity. It was just And that's something 344 00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:34,399 Speaker 1: else that I've learned throughout creating this book and the 345 00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:37,240 Speaker 1: interviews that I did, is how ridiculous. These stories are 346 00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:42,440 Speaker 1: like they are silly in most cases, in many cases, 347 00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:46,439 Speaker 1: and so yeah, I found another story. And there were 348 00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:49,240 Speaker 1: plenty of them, of times that I had been a 349 00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:51,919 Speaker 1: great mother, and one of them in particular that served 350 00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:54,840 Speaker 1: me really well in that moment was a memory when 351 00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:57,320 Speaker 1: my daughter was about three. We were at home in 352 00:17:57,359 --> 00:17:59,879 Speaker 1: our bedroom. It was very pink, building something on the 353 00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:02,679 Speaker 1: war with blocks. She looked at me and she said, Mama, 354 00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:06,119 Speaker 1: we're building a castle, which we needed a moat and 355 00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:07,920 Speaker 1: a drawbr there was work to do on the castle, 356 00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:09,520 Speaker 1: but that was fine, and she said, and we live 357 00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:12,440 Speaker 1: in this castle, Mama. It's our castle because we are 358 00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:16,080 Speaker 1: two princesses, which to be seen as a princess by 359 00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:19,439 Speaker 1: she's obviously a princess. That's that's how she understands herself. 360 00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:21,600 Speaker 1: And that's fine. But that I was invited to be 361 00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:24,440 Speaker 1: a princess too is pretty special. And then she looked 362 00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:28,679 Speaker 1: at me again and said, and it's a big castle, mama, 363 00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:33,440 Speaker 1: because we are two princesses who go to work. But 364 00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:37,880 Speaker 1: she was so like the determination and the pride and 365 00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:40,639 Speaker 1: we go and we get it done. Like there was 366 00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:45,720 Speaker 1: just so much in that one sentence that really, what 367 00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:50,480 Speaker 1: I was forced to realize was that maybe what I'm 368 00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:55,440 Speaker 1: doing is teaching my children to dream bigger. That this 369 00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:58,879 Speaker 1: is what And I hadn't really thought of that before. 370 00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:01,800 Speaker 1: So I tried that story instead. Sitting on the bathroom floor, 371 00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:05,359 Speaker 1: that what story am I creating for them by saying 372 00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:08,399 Speaker 1: yes to this event? So I said yes, and it 373 00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:11,920 Speaker 1: was amazing. And I've used that story many times because 374 00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:14,840 Speaker 1: that spiral can catch up to you at any given point. 375 00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:18,120 Speaker 1: Any of our stories can, so I use that better one. Well, 376 00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:21,080 Speaker 1: it's just interesting how we form stories too. And you 377 00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:23,360 Speaker 1: talk about this a little as well, because you could 378 00:19:23,359 --> 00:19:26,119 Speaker 1: have just as easily come out of that with a narrative. 379 00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:27,960 Speaker 1: You were going to go place at a magazine with 380 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,040 Speaker 1: one of these you know, personal essays of like I realized, 381 00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:34,320 Speaker 1: they're on the bathroom floor. That family was the only 382 00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:38,040 Speaker 1: thing that mattered. You know, this was my epiphany, and 383 00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:40,560 Speaker 1: I'm going to, you know, make a whole story out 384 00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:44,080 Speaker 1: of that. Yes, but you didn't. You chose a different story. 385 00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:47,800 Speaker 1: So look, I mean, yeah, it suggests that we really 386 00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:51,159 Speaker 1: can choose whatever we want. You're absolutely right, Like that 387 00:19:51,359 --> 00:19:54,800 Speaker 1: exact same moment, I could have told myself the Princess 388 00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:57,920 Speaker 1: Castle story and been like, no, I just don't want that. 389 00:19:58,040 --> 00:20:00,960 Speaker 1: I don't want her to care about cast I want 390 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:04,280 Speaker 1: her to be with her mother, right, And you're right, 391 00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:08,720 Speaker 1: I could have left. However, that's the real, quintessential point 392 00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:11,399 Speaker 1: is if you have a vision for where you want 393 00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:15,359 Speaker 1: to be, right like that in the book I tell 394 00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:18,480 Speaker 1: like the Emerald City, there's some Wizard of Oz imagery 395 00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:23,359 Speaker 1: in there, and be choosing stories that help get you 396 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:27,600 Speaker 1: to where you want to be, and you can that 397 00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:31,359 Speaker 1: there is so For example, in that situation, I split 398 00:20:31,359 --> 00:20:33,960 Speaker 1: the difference. I told the agent that I would go 399 00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:36,359 Speaker 1: to the event, but I couldn't leave on Friday. I 400 00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:38,639 Speaker 1: wanted to have a family dinner and some great quality 401 00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:41,440 Speaker 1: time with my kids before getting on the plane on Saturday, 402 00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:44,439 Speaker 1: going and speaking, and then continuing on with my work 403 00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:46,920 Speaker 1: for the week. And that's not to say that there 404 00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:50,240 Speaker 1: haven't been times in my life where I have realized, no, 405 00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:54,600 Speaker 1: I've gone too far. Work is too much. But when 406 00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:56,840 Speaker 1: I thought about where I wanted to go and who 407 00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:59,240 Speaker 1: I wanted to be and what was important to me, 408 00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:05,440 Speaker 1: saying yes was the right choice. But it might be 409 00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:08,520 Speaker 1: a different choice for someone else. You're right, like it's 410 00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:10,400 Speaker 1: it does kind of. It's funny because when you look 411 00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:13,000 Speaker 1: up the book on Amazon and you put choose your 412 00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:16,600 Speaker 1: everything that comes up is choose your own adventure. Like 413 00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:18,879 Speaker 1: there are like four hundred Choose your Own Adventure books, 414 00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:23,760 Speaker 1: And in that way, it's not unlike choosing your adventure 415 00:21:24,119 --> 00:21:28,119 Speaker 1: choosing your story. Yeah, So just sort of practically for 416 00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:30,160 Speaker 1: our listeners, because I'm sure we've all been in situations 417 00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:32,280 Speaker 1: where we have a very strong reaction to something and 418 00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:34,280 Speaker 1: we're trying to start how can you kind of tell 419 00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:39,520 Speaker 1: that you are probing into a foundational story in your life, 420 00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:42,040 Speaker 1: like that you're dealing with something a little bit deeper 421 00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:45,159 Speaker 1: than just, you know, the question of whether two business 422 00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:49,040 Speaker 1: trips this week is or exactly exactly, I would say 423 00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:51,040 Speaker 1: there's several different ways. So one of the ways is 424 00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:56,040 Speaker 1: anytime you hear yourself saying something extremely definitively and it's 425 00:21:56,119 --> 00:22:00,439 Speaker 1: it's a limiting statement. So I am one that happens 426 00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:03,639 Speaker 1: a lot for people is I'm just not enough, I'll 427 00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:06,000 Speaker 1: never be successful, I'm just not good with money, like 428 00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:09,840 Speaker 1: these blanket statements. Anytime you hear yourself, and sometimes you 429 00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:12,919 Speaker 1: won't hear yourself, I recommend that you put a timer 430 00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:14,840 Speaker 1: on your boat. You know, when your watch tells you 431 00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:17,040 Speaker 1: to stand up, if you have an Apple Watch or 432 00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:20,240 Speaker 1: one of those tracking watches, that's also a signal for 433 00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:22,359 Speaker 1: you to stop and say, what story am I telling 434 00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:25,720 Speaker 1: myself right now? What's happening here? What is that one 435 00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:29,440 Speaker 1: ticker tape that's going across There's an indication that there's 436 00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:32,040 Speaker 1: probably a story there. Anytime you get one of those 437 00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:37,160 Speaker 1: strong reactions to something, and even sometimes you can't quite 438 00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:39,760 Speaker 1: put your Have you ever had that happen where you're like, wait, 439 00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:42,280 Speaker 1: something was bothering me just a second ago, and you 440 00:22:42,280 --> 00:22:44,920 Speaker 1: go back you have that strong reaction, that's an indication 441 00:22:45,119 --> 00:22:49,680 Speaker 1: that there's a likeliest story there. I find that anytime 442 00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:53,919 Speaker 1: I'm procrastinating, I'm doing the laundry and picking up my house, 443 00:22:54,119 --> 00:22:58,320 Speaker 1: I'm sending emails when I should be doing something else, 444 00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:02,000 Speaker 1: there are likely stories there that are probably fear based 445 00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:04,480 Speaker 1: to stories, failure based stories that are keeping you from 446 00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:07,199 Speaker 1: doing the thing you know you should be doing. Or 447 00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:11,439 Speaker 1: anytime you sent some sort of spiral. It happens a 448 00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:13,440 Speaker 1: lot for me in exercise, like oh, I can't do it, 449 00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:15,520 Speaker 1: I don't have enough time, and I don't have a 450 00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:17,400 Speaker 1: one time my husband, I wanted to go work out, 451 00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:19,600 Speaker 1: but I wasn't working out. I was just thinking about 452 00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:21,760 Speaker 1: wanting to work out, and he just put on his 453 00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:23,640 Speaker 1: shoes and went out the door and went for a run. 454 00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:26,680 Speaker 1: And I was so mad, And because well, there he 455 00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:28,520 Speaker 1: doesn't even have to think about what the kids are 456 00:23:28,520 --> 00:23:29,639 Speaker 1: going to I didn't have to think about what the 457 00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:31,399 Speaker 1: kids were going to do either. The kids are fine. 458 00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:35,320 Speaker 1: But what I needed in that moment to get out 459 00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:38,639 Speaker 1: and do my workout were some very small So it 460 00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:40,720 Speaker 1: can come up in really small ways too, some really 461 00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:45,159 Speaker 1: small stories that reminded me of the benefits of like 462 00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:50,000 Speaker 1: how I feel after I exercise. So there are a 463 00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:52,199 Speaker 1: lot of different There are a lot of different ways. 464 00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:55,240 Speaker 1: But I think that's one of the That's one of 465 00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:57,160 Speaker 1: the things I hope people take away from this book. 466 00:23:57,200 --> 00:24:00,880 Speaker 1: If nothing else, it's just the awareness that, wow, maybe 467 00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:03,920 Speaker 1: there is more to this. Maybe there are some stories 468 00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:07,359 Speaker 1: here that I need to work through and choose better ones. Yeah, 469 00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:09,760 Speaker 1: because there are some good stories we tell ourselves too. 470 00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:12,080 Speaker 1: I mean, you know, certainly, But the problem is that 471 00:24:12,119 --> 00:24:16,360 Speaker 1: the negative ones tend to have an outside effect, right, 472 00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:18,359 Speaker 1: I mean, because it's the ones that are, you know, 473 00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:21,280 Speaker 1: keeping us from doing things that we wish to do 474 00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:24,960 Speaker 1: are the ones that we should look at choosing differently? Yeah, 475 00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:28,520 Speaker 1: and know that, I mean that is how our brain 476 00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:33,560 Speaker 1: is programmed. Our brain is programmed to keep us safe. 477 00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:37,680 Speaker 1: And so the negative stories and keeping us in line 478 00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:41,200 Speaker 1: and a little bit afraid is our brain is doing 479 00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:45,080 Speaker 1: its job. But if you have a bigger desire, then 480 00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:47,480 Speaker 1: it's kind of time to take it off autopilot in 481 00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:51,159 Speaker 1: that way. Yeah. So for our listeners, though, practically, what 482 00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:54,520 Speaker 1: does this look like to choose a different story. One 483 00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:56,480 Speaker 1: of the great stories in your book is about a 484 00:24:56,520 --> 00:25:00,680 Speaker 1: gentleman who is a financial planner and every week he's 485 00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:04,480 Speaker 1: confronted by this triggering email from his company showing like 486 00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:08,359 Speaker 1: the leaderboard of sales, which he is never on right right, 487 00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:11,240 Speaker 1: So every this is how his company chooses to start 488 00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:14,639 Speaker 1: Monday morning, for whatever reason, send out this email showing 489 00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:16,640 Speaker 1: like ninety five percent of the company that they're failures. 490 00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:19,760 Speaker 1: So be that as it may. He's getting this email 491 00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:22,440 Speaker 1: every morning, how does he choose a different story? Maybe 492 00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:25,119 Speaker 1: that can give our listeners some practical tips. Yeah, and 493 00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:28,000 Speaker 1: there is that was something that was important as well, 494 00:25:28,119 --> 00:25:31,280 Speaker 1: is to have practical tips to have a pathway forward 495 00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:35,439 Speaker 1: is so that this is something you really can do, 496 00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:39,800 Speaker 1: not just think about. So even working backwards, for him, 497 00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:43,080 Speaker 1: he knew when a negative story was triggered, when this 498 00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:46,720 Speaker 1: story of I'm mediocre was what it kind of all 499 00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:49,560 Speaker 1: boiled up to was I'm just mediocre, I'm never going 500 00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:52,600 Speaker 1: to be the best, and how that really made him 501 00:25:53,040 --> 00:25:58,520 Speaker 1: feel bad and so to choose a different so he 502 00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:03,159 Speaker 1: was process, you have to start by catching that, catching 503 00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:06,919 Speaker 1: those stories. So he knew, like, wow, I'm mediocre. He 504 00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:09,600 Speaker 1: had some stories from his childhood where he was never 505 00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:13,000 Speaker 1: the best, and then analyzing, Okay, where did these come from? 506 00:26:13,080 --> 00:26:15,320 Speaker 1: Why are they here? Can I look at this differently? 507 00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:18,080 Speaker 1: Do these stories serve me? And ultimately then the third 508 00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:22,040 Speaker 1: step is to choose a better one. And in the 509 00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:25,280 Speaker 1: process of choosing a better one, for him, it was 510 00:26:25,359 --> 00:26:28,800 Speaker 1: one that was outside business. It wasn't directly related to 511 00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:32,760 Speaker 1: success in sales. It was a story about planting a 512 00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:37,400 Speaker 1: tree and his grandfather had planted these trees, and his 513 00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:40,840 Speaker 1: father had commented on, you know, your grandfather planted these 514 00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:44,119 Speaker 1: trees and now we get to enjoy the shade, and 515 00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:50,240 Speaker 1: this like really beautiful story about doing something now for 516 00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:54,320 Speaker 1: future gain that may not even be for you and him, 517 00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:57,240 Speaker 1: And then he that summer had gone out and planted 518 00:26:57,359 --> 00:26:59,639 Speaker 1: a tree, and how good that felt for him and 519 00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:04,480 Speaker 1: what that really meant and for him retelling himself, that 520 00:27:04,680 --> 00:27:10,000 Speaker 1: story realigned him with who he really is and why 521 00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:12,960 Speaker 1: he's really here and he's not the you know, fast 522 00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:14,720 Speaker 1: and loose, I'm going to try to book as many 523 00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:17,520 Speaker 1: clients and get as many deals through. And you know, however, 524 00:27:17,680 --> 00:27:22,600 Speaker 1: whatever it is, he really is a person about longevity 525 00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:27,840 Speaker 1: and seeing that all encompassing beauty of life, which just 526 00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:31,159 Speaker 1: happened to serve him well as a financial planner. And 527 00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:33,920 Speaker 1: he did say that. Then his clients, once he found 528 00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:37,080 Speaker 1: that story and used it to ground himself, his client 529 00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:39,720 Speaker 1: interactions got a lot better because they've got a better 530 00:27:39,760 --> 00:27:43,159 Speaker 1: sense of the essence of who he was. And so 531 00:27:43,280 --> 00:27:46,919 Speaker 1: now every time that email comes in, before he opens it, 532 00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:51,160 Speaker 1: he revisits that story. So he can open that email 533 00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:55,679 Speaker 1: from a very steady place of knowing who he is 534 00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:59,320 Speaker 1: and being able to move forward from there. Wonderful. That's 535 00:27:59,320 --> 00:28:01,959 Speaker 1: a great story. So just shifting gears a little bit 536 00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:04,480 Speaker 1: because I read something in your book that tell me 537 00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:09,520 Speaker 1: a little bit about your lego projects. Oh my gosh, yes, Laura, 538 00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:14,960 Speaker 1: I love legos. I love I see who doesn't, but 539 00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:17,400 Speaker 1: you know, maybe not everybody. No, It's so funny because 540 00:28:17,440 --> 00:28:19,880 Speaker 1: people will come over to our place and say, oh, 541 00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:22,560 Speaker 1: look at all their legos and I'm like, no, not there, 542 00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:27,080 Speaker 1: those are my like my legos. But that was actually 543 00:28:27,119 --> 00:28:29,359 Speaker 1: one of the reason that's in the book is like, 544 00:28:29,359 --> 00:28:33,080 Speaker 1: what is your story for self care? Right? Like you 545 00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:35,440 Speaker 1: get to choose. Like some people, it's I was just 546 00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:37,600 Speaker 1: out with friends the other night and they're like, oh, massage, 547 00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:39,880 Speaker 1: and I'm like, wow, I don't like massages they take. 548 00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:42,200 Speaker 1: They're too long, they're too I don't know, there's just 549 00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:45,600 Speaker 1: something I should probably get massages, but instead I would 550 00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:48,360 Speaker 1: rather sit on the floor and build a lego set 551 00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:51,800 Speaker 1: because I feel productive and I we do that as 552 00:28:51,840 --> 00:28:55,760 Speaker 1: a family and it's a great way to just be 553 00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:59,440 Speaker 1: together and all be working on something. So you get 554 00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:02,600 Speaker 1: to choose, which, again, it's not always going to be 555 00:29:02,840 --> 00:29:07,480 Speaker 1: one size fit's all. I hear a lot of shoulds, Well, 556 00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:09,520 Speaker 1: I should, this is what it should look like. This 557 00:29:09,560 --> 00:29:12,120 Speaker 1: is how families should work, This is what a career 558 00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:14,600 Speaker 1: should look like. You know, just the other day I 559 00:29:14,640 --> 00:29:17,120 Speaker 1: was talking to a woman who's an expert. She's done 560 00:29:17,120 --> 00:29:20,440 Speaker 1: so much research, she's just really well respected in her field. 561 00:29:20,880 --> 00:29:23,080 Speaker 1: And she said, I can't tell you how many times 562 00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:25,240 Speaker 1: she said out loud, I should write a book. I 563 00:29:25,280 --> 00:29:27,760 Speaker 1: should write a book. I should write a book. And 564 00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:32,120 Speaker 1: I just wanted, but do you want to? Like? Do 565 00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:35,520 Speaker 1: you want to do? And if you don't, you don't 566 00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:37,960 Speaker 1: have to take everybody else's story or the story they're 567 00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:39,920 Speaker 1: trying to cram down your throat. If you don't want 568 00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:44,200 Speaker 1: to write a book, then don't find the story that 569 00:29:44,760 --> 00:29:47,000 Speaker 1: works for you. And so for me, it's not massages, 570 00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:50,880 Speaker 1: it's not baths or facials. It's Legos. I'm a big 571 00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:53,320 Speaker 1: fan of Legos too. We're a Lego family over here. 572 00:29:53,320 --> 00:29:56,280 Speaker 1: We just Kendra and I are recording this in mid December. 573 00:29:56,320 --> 00:30:01,760 Speaker 1: We just completed our Christmas scene. Yeah, they do each year. 574 00:30:01,840 --> 00:30:04,480 Speaker 1: You know. I'm thinking of buying a second one because 575 00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:07,280 Speaker 1: I found the Elf clubhouse, so we may have to 576 00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:09,120 Speaker 1: go get that one. Now. Do you know that they 577 00:30:09,160 --> 00:30:11,760 Speaker 1: have do you have the home alone house? I do not. 578 00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:16,040 Speaker 1: I know. I thought I saw I got served an 579 00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:18,560 Speaker 1: ad for a Lego home. I know they know me 580 00:30:18,680 --> 00:30:24,000 Speaker 1: well for the home alone Lego house. Yeah, I wish 581 00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:26,280 Speaker 1: I'm going to look that up. And I looked that up. Yeah. Well, 582 00:30:26,280 --> 00:30:28,320 Speaker 1: and Lego is onto this. By the way, they had 583 00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:30,960 Speaker 1: a wonderful ad in a magazine I saw recently where 584 00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:32,640 Speaker 1: they had a gentleman who is clearly like just home 585 00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:35,400 Speaker 1: from work, and it's like it's an adults welcome and 586 00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:39,240 Speaker 1: he was like unwinding while, you know, making some Lego scenes. 587 00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:41,680 Speaker 1: So they're onto us. I know, they know, they know, 588 00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:45,520 Speaker 1: they know you didn't buy that for your kid. I 589 00:30:45,560 --> 00:30:47,440 Speaker 1: know you. I know, well you could see even in 590 00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:49,480 Speaker 1: the background there, I've got the Lego typewriter. Do you 591 00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:52,720 Speaker 1: see right, Well that's a good scene for an office. 592 00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:54,880 Speaker 1: So you like that Lego typewriter, you actually get the 593 00:30:54,960 --> 00:30:57,840 Speaker 1: Lego typewriter. Get it now before it sells out, before 594 00:30:57,840 --> 00:31:00,479 Speaker 1: it sells out, exactly exactly? Well can Yeah, this has 595 00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:03,720 Speaker 1: been great. We always end with a love of the week, 596 00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:07,680 Speaker 1: just something that's cool that we either discovered or found 597 00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:10,560 Speaker 1: or read or saw or listened to or whatever. Legos 598 00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:13,000 Speaker 1: could definitely be it, although I have a different one 599 00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:15,440 Speaker 1: I could go first. So I just found out maybe 600 00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:17,920 Speaker 1: everybody else knows this, but that the notes function on 601 00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:22,440 Speaker 1: your iPhone can actually scan documents. Oh yeah, this was 602 00:31:22,440 --> 00:31:24,960 Speaker 1: like a total game changer. Yes, As I was explaining 603 00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:26,840 Speaker 1: to someone like Okay, I'll get that stuff to you, 604 00:31:26,840 --> 00:31:28,320 Speaker 1: but I just got to get my scanner hooked up, 605 00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:30,600 Speaker 1: and all of a sudden he's like, Laura, I have 606 00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:32,960 Speaker 1: a hope. I got a deal for you. Wait, it 607 00:31:33,040 --> 00:31:36,080 Speaker 1: can do it that, Like you could just have a 608 00:31:36,120 --> 00:31:38,480 Speaker 1: piece of paper and scan it with your just have 609 00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:41,440 Speaker 1: a piece of paper, open notes in your iPhone and 610 00:31:41,480 --> 00:31:43,680 Speaker 1: then it's like go to like the camera and that 611 00:31:43,760 --> 00:31:47,080 Speaker 1: it's it's it's scanned document. It comes up and it 612 00:31:47,120 --> 00:31:48,680 Speaker 1: takes you know, it's a PDF. It turns it right 613 00:31:48,720 --> 00:31:50,120 Speaker 1: and you can email it to somebody or whatever you 614 00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:54,560 Speaker 1: want to do. Oh my gosh, that's amazing. Yeah, I'm okay, 615 00:31:54,720 --> 00:31:57,280 Speaker 1: I don't have anything as cool as that. I really don't. 616 00:31:57,480 --> 00:32:00,600 Speaker 1: I I would say the thing that is like really 617 00:32:00,640 --> 00:32:05,880 Speaker 1: giving me life right now is is soul cycle. And 618 00:32:05,920 --> 00:32:10,040 Speaker 1: I'll say not in a like exercise fitness, like nothing 619 00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:13,480 Speaker 1: to actually actually do with my body health, Like it 620 00:32:13,560 --> 00:32:15,920 Speaker 1: has nothing to do, but it is a place to 621 00:32:16,040 --> 00:32:20,520 Speaker 1: go when you just want to hurt yourself a little bit, 622 00:32:20,640 --> 00:32:22,800 Speaker 1: like you know, like where you just want to, like 623 00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:25,520 Speaker 1: if you want to be really angry but also kind 624 00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:29,160 Speaker 1: of like peppy and productive at the same time, like 625 00:32:29,360 --> 00:32:33,840 Speaker 1: I've been going way more than I should, and again 626 00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:36,680 Speaker 1: not to get in shape, but just to just to 627 00:32:36,720 --> 00:32:40,080 Speaker 1: get it out. It's to be there on mid December 628 00:32:40,120 --> 00:32:43,960 Speaker 1: before the crowds descend. Oh my gosh, I can't even 629 00:32:43,960 --> 00:32:47,080 Speaker 1: even imagine. Oh my gosh, I totally forgot it. Well, 630 00:32:47,080 --> 00:32:49,920 Speaker 1: they'll be gone by February and unless they start changing 631 00:32:49,960 --> 00:32:53,040 Speaker 1: the story they tell them their story, I know I 632 00:32:53,080 --> 00:32:55,760 Speaker 1: have a person who exercises. No, I may never get 633 00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:58,960 Speaker 1: enough forget. I said that. I really like Celery. That's 634 00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:02,960 Speaker 1: my new find of you. Everyone else should like sellers 635 00:33:02,960 --> 00:33:06,760 Speaker 1: here there choose that story. All right. Well, Kendra, thank 636 00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:08,640 Speaker 1: you so much for joining us. Where can our listeners 637 00:33:08,680 --> 00:33:11,520 Speaker 1: find you, Well, you can find me at Kendrehall dot com. 638 00:33:11,560 --> 00:33:15,120 Speaker 1: Of course I'm there. I am on Instagram, at Kendra 639 00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:19,680 Speaker 1: Hall LinkedIn Facebook, any of those places, and also at 640 00:33:19,720 --> 00:33:24,120 Speaker 1: full Cycle or the Lego store, at the legod store exactly, 641 00:33:24,200 --> 00:33:26,440 Speaker 1: so look for Kinder there. All right. Thank you so much, 642 00:33:26,480 --> 00:33:29,160 Speaker 1: Kender for joining us. Laura loved being here. Thank you. 643 00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:32,280 Speaker 1: All right, Well we are back that was a great interview. 644 00:33:32,280 --> 00:33:34,800 Speaker 1: I'm actually recording this part from a closet in my 645 00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:37,440 Speaker 1: new home. There's like weird beeping going on, so I'm 646 00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:39,200 Speaker 1: trying to be as far away from it as possible. 647 00:33:39,240 --> 00:33:40,800 Speaker 1: Just if I sound a little weird, I'll put more 648 00:33:41,280 --> 00:33:45,160 Speaker 1: blankets in here soon, hopefully sound proof as well. But anyway, 649 00:33:45,160 --> 00:33:47,760 Speaker 1: we're here with the question. And this is from a 650 00:33:47,920 --> 00:33:51,600 Speaker 1: listener who requested that we call her Anne, and she said, 651 00:33:51,640 --> 00:33:55,120 Speaker 1: listening to this podcast has changed my perspective so much. 652 00:33:55,160 --> 00:33:58,240 Speaker 1: She was telling herself various stories. She grew up in 653 00:33:58,240 --> 00:34:02,080 Speaker 1: a conservative religious culture. We're staying home with kids and 654 00:34:02,080 --> 00:34:04,600 Speaker 1: not working outside the home is considered the most important 655 00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:08,680 Speaker 1: thing a woman can do, partly for various run of 656 00:34:08,719 --> 00:34:11,560 Speaker 1: the mill patriarchal reasons, but also to instill your values 657 00:34:11,600 --> 00:34:13,920 Speaker 1: and faith into your kids world views, which I think 658 00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:17,000 Speaker 1: may make slightly more sense than just the straight up patriarchy. 659 00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:19,799 Speaker 1: But anyway, she says, she's kept my faith but found 660 00:34:19,800 --> 00:34:22,000 Speaker 1: myself at odds with many of the traditional views of 661 00:34:22,040 --> 00:34:24,840 Speaker 1: my upbringing. She has a great job, so she is 662 00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:28,640 Speaker 1: seriously considering not staying home full time when her first 663 00:34:28,719 --> 00:34:31,920 Speaker 1: kid is born next year. So you know, with the 664 00:34:31,920 --> 00:34:34,400 Speaker 1: topic of childcare. She's heard those standard tropes of oh, 665 00:34:34,560 --> 00:34:38,000 Speaker 1: letting someone else raise your kids. She's also, you know, 666 00:34:38,080 --> 00:34:40,600 Speaker 1: concerned with school, like, you know, how is she going 667 00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:43,560 Speaker 1: to be able to be sure that her values are 668 00:34:43,640 --> 00:34:47,880 Speaker 1: represented in that? So, you know, she asks us about 669 00:34:47,880 --> 00:34:50,960 Speaker 1: that about sharing values about faith or how much of 670 00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:53,560 Speaker 1: an active role you can take in these things, and 671 00:34:53,560 --> 00:34:57,359 Speaker 1: how you can also ensure that your parenting preferences are 672 00:34:57,360 --> 00:35:00,640 Speaker 1: carried out when you have paid primary caregivers versus being 673 00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:05,239 Speaker 1: the primary caregiver your stuff. So, Sarah, it was your 674 00:35:05,239 --> 00:35:08,239 Speaker 1: take on us, Oh my gosh, My first take was 675 00:35:08,280 --> 00:35:11,520 Speaker 1: just this was like a really difficult, like almost juicy question. 676 00:35:11,840 --> 00:35:14,359 Speaker 1: So we will try to do it justice, but I'll 677 00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:17,759 Speaker 1: also be interested in others' perspectives just because this does 678 00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:21,239 Speaker 1: seem it actually is something I hadn't. I don't know, 679 00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:23,640 Speaker 1: like I'm sheltered in a way where I don't know 680 00:35:23,719 --> 00:35:26,040 Speaker 1: as many people with this kind of upbringing and these 681 00:35:26,120 --> 00:35:28,960 Speaker 1: kind of challenges. So this question was also just sort 682 00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:30,800 Speaker 1: of interesting and a little bit eye opening for me 683 00:35:30,920 --> 00:35:34,080 Speaker 1: to read from my perspective, which obviously is a bit different. 684 00:35:34,120 --> 00:35:36,600 Speaker 1: I do think kids soak up so much of what 685 00:35:36,680 --> 00:35:39,680 Speaker 1: we do. How we talk how we act, what our 686 00:35:39,719 --> 00:35:42,799 Speaker 1: values are, even if they're going to school, and I'll 687 00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:45,360 Speaker 1: point out Laura will remind us, all there are one 688 00:35:45,440 --> 00:35:46,960 Speaker 1: hundred and sixty eight hours in a week, and even 689 00:35:47,000 --> 00:35:49,360 Speaker 1: if we work forty of them, that leaves plenty of 690 00:35:49,440 --> 00:35:51,520 Speaker 1: times for the kids to be home with us and 691 00:35:51,719 --> 00:35:54,200 Speaker 1: observing us, like all week and long and every night, 692 00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:58,080 Speaker 1: et cetera. There are objective studies. If you look at 693 00:35:58,120 --> 00:36:00,880 Speaker 1: Emily Oster's book The Family Firm, she kind of goes 694 00:36:00,920 --> 00:36:04,120 Speaker 1: through data about what happens to kids when the parents work. 695 00:36:04,480 --> 00:36:07,000 Speaker 1: The short answer is nothing terrible. There are slightly higher 696 00:36:07,080 --> 00:36:10,280 Speaker 1: rates of obesity, but doesn't sound like that's your main concern. 697 00:36:10,800 --> 00:36:13,600 Speaker 1: And even that is, you know, there are myriad other 698 00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:16,320 Speaker 1: factors that are going to influence the risk of obesity 699 00:36:16,360 --> 00:36:19,360 Speaker 1: in your children. I will say, you know, this is 700 00:36:19,360 --> 00:36:22,279 Speaker 1: interesting because you mentioned like public versus private, and you 701 00:36:22,320 --> 00:36:26,319 Speaker 1: also mentioned like Laura being definitely more religious than I am, 702 00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:30,520 Speaker 1: which is true, and we are in a Montressori that 703 00:36:30,600 --> 00:36:32,719 Speaker 1: is non denominational and we love it. It's not really 704 00:36:32,760 --> 00:36:35,719 Speaker 1: for a values issue. It's more just for kind of 705 00:36:35,719 --> 00:36:39,439 Speaker 1: a nurturing environment and educational style. But it does sound 706 00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:41,879 Speaker 1: to me like a happy medium for you if it's 707 00:36:41,880 --> 00:36:45,280 Speaker 1: available in your area, would be a high quality religious education, 708 00:36:45,480 --> 00:36:49,400 Speaker 1: if that's something that you're interested in, and you know, 709 00:36:49,560 --> 00:36:51,719 Speaker 1: it's never too early to think about where you live 710 00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:55,400 Speaker 1: and what schools are available, because some people choose to 711 00:36:55,400 --> 00:36:57,279 Speaker 1: live in an area where a school matches what their 712 00:36:57,320 --> 00:37:01,040 Speaker 1: preferences are. So I think that my strike a balance 713 00:37:01,440 --> 00:37:03,279 Speaker 1: for what you're looking for, because it sounds like you 714 00:37:03,280 --> 00:37:06,480 Speaker 1: really want certain ideas and cultural values to be emphasized, 715 00:37:06,840 --> 00:37:08,759 Speaker 1: and hopefully there is a school out there that that 716 00:37:08,880 --> 00:37:12,279 Speaker 1: kind of matches what you're looking for. Yeah, I mean, 717 00:37:12,280 --> 00:37:14,560 Speaker 1: I think that's definitely something to keep in mind as 718 00:37:14,600 --> 00:37:17,600 Speaker 1: you look forward. As for you know, hiring a caregiver, 719 00:37:18,040 --> 00:37:21,480 Speaker 1: Like if you hire somebody good and sort of share 720 00:37:21,560 --> 00:37:25,440 Speaker 1: what your values are, like, they are going to support that. 721 00:37:26,160 --> 00:37:28,040 Speaker 1: And one of the things you can certainly do, even 722 00:37:28,040 --> 00:37:31,440 Speaker 1: with younger kids, is sign them up for activities that 723 00:37:31,480 --> 00:37:34,800 Speaker 1: will support your values. There's all sorts of like religious 724 00:37:34,840 --> 00:37:38,359 Speaker 1: programming that you can you know, involve kids with. You know, 725 00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:41,680 Speaker 1: maybe if your faith community has various like playgroups or 726 00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:48,080 Speaker 1: you know, after school events and runs various things, making 727 00:37:48,120 --> 00:37:50,319 Speaker 1: sure that your children are involved in those would be 728 00:37:50,320 --> 00:37:52,480 Speaker 1: a good way to establish that, and of course your 729 00:37:52,480 --> 00:37:55,040 Speaker 1: caregiver will happily bring them to those you know, if 730 00:37:55,040 --> 00:37:57,400 Speaker 1: you've signed up, and they might be on the lookout 731 00:37:57,440 --> 00:38:00,680 Speaker 1: for things too. And again, if you hire someone good like, 732 00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:02,960 Speaker 1: they are not going to undermine your values like you. 733 00:38:03,040 --> 00:38:07,360 Speaker 1: Obviously you cannot hire someone based like on their religion 734 00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:09,759 Speaker 1: like what you're getting into hiring is discriminatory and all that. 735 00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:12,000 Speaker 1: But again, if you know what your values are, then 736 00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:14,440 Speaker 1: the person who is helping raise your kids as their 737 00:38:14,560 --> 00:38:17,920 Speaker 1: job will help support your values to do that. And 738 00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:20,879 Speaker 1: I've even seen that in things like you know, if 739 00:38:20,920 --> 00:38:24,240 Speaker 1: people are observant Jewish families, for instance, who keep kosher, 740 00:38:24,719 --> 00:38:28,319 Speaker 1: they will you know, hire caregivers who then train and 741 00:38:28,360 --> 00:38:30,880 Speaker 1: how to keep a kosher kitchen for instance, as a 742 00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:34,440 Speaker 1: way to even if the caregiver themselves is not part 743 00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:37,120 Speaker 1: of that community, it's something that you can learn. And 744 00:38:37,160 --> 00:38:40,200 Speaker 1: so obviously with the evangelical Christian there's less things you know, 745 00:38:40,239 --> 00:38:43,239 Speaker 1: associated like that with like household upkeep, but you know, 746 00:38:43,280 --> 00:38:46,040 Speaker 1: you can share whatever your values are and the person 747 00:38:46,080 --> 00:38:50,359 Speaker 1: can support them. I would also say that you know, 748 00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:52,520 Speaker 1: if you are going to go the religious school route, 749 00:38:52,560 --> 00:38:55,200 Speaker 1: it might help to keep your job, because putting lots 750 00:38:55,239 --> 00:38:57,640 Speaker 1: of children through private school is not going to be 751 00:38:58,360 --> 00:39:04,000 Speaker 1: particularly cheat. So something to support your idea of continuing 752 00:39:04,040 --> 00:39:07,680 Speaker 1: to work. I do find it interesting that people have 753 00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:12,279 Speaker 1: come up with this idea of it as somehow in 754 00:39:12,400 --> 00:39:16,640 Speaker 1: keeping with religion and faith for women to not have 755 00:39:16,760 --> 00:39:21,200 Speaker 1: any sort of paid gig. I suspect that many people 756 00:39:21,280 --> 00:39:24,760 Speaker 1: saying that have not in fact read the entire Bible 757 00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:31,720 Speaker 1: through and are pulling cherry picking various verses here and there. 758 00:39:32,120 --> 00:39:34,400 Speaker 1: I've always thought that the Proverbs thirty one woman sounded 759 00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:36,239 Speaker 1: like a bit of an entrepreneur to me. She was 760 00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:40,040 Speaker 1: managing landholdings and all that such stuff, and in addition 761 00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:42,920 Speaker 1: to running her household. So that's another verse you might 762 00:39:42,960 --> 00:39:44,719 Speaker 1: look into. But I was saying, if you're going to 763 00:39:44,800 --> 00:39:48,640 Speaker 1: determine your life based on what you think Scripture says, 764 00:39:48,960 --> 00:39:51,479 Speaker 1: make sure you've read it, like, make sure you've read 765 00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:54,319 Speaker 1: through the whole thing, all right, not just a few 766 00:39:54,320 --> 00:40:00,600 Speaker 1: phrases here and there. Because I have read pretty much Bible, 767 00:40:00,640 --> 00:40:04,040 Speaker 1: and I have come away with the thought that women 768 00:40:04,120 --> 00:40:07,600 Speaker 1: are treated a lot more prominently in the Bible than 769 00:40:07,600 --> 00:40:11,319 Speaker 1: they probably were at the time. And I think that's 770 00:40:11,320 --> 00:40:14,800 Speaker 1: because God has a special place for us and roles 771 00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:17,600 Speaker 1: for us to do that are beyond just what we 772 00:40:17,719 --> 00:40:19,319 Speaker 1: do in our families, that we have so much to 773 00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:22,279 Speaker 1: contribute to the larger world as well. And you can 774 00:40:22,320 --> 00:40:24,839 Speaker 1: see that in many of the stories of the great 775 00:40:24,840 --> 00:40:28,560 Speaker 1: women of the Bible, the great saints through history, the 776 00:40:28,680 --> 00:40:34,480 Speaker 1: women who have built amazing social movements and who have 777 00:40:35,160 --> 00:40:37,919 Speaker 1: you know, helped keep the church going for a great 778 00:40:37,960 --> 00:40:42,080 Speaker 1: many centuries and such. So anyway, just my takeaway there. 779 00:40:42,840 --> 00:40:44,839 Speaker 1: But you know, as Sarah said, there are one hundred 780 00:40:44,840 --> 00:40:46,520 Speaker 1: and sixty eight hours in a week, and so there's 781 00:40:46,560 --> 00:40:49,480 Speaker 1: plenty of time to work, to share your faith, to 782 00:40:49,680 --> 00:40:53,840 Speaker 1: be part of your faith community, to have friends, have hobbies, 783 00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:57,200 Speaker 1: raised wonderful children, all that stuff too. And if you're 784 00:40:57,200 --> 00:40:59,520 Speaker 1: worried about what other people will say, I mean, such 785 00:40:59,560 --> 00:41:02,120 Speaker 1: as life. I think a lot of you know, people 786 00:41:02,160 --> 00:41:05,000 Speaker 1: care a lot less about our lives than we think. 787 00:41:05,719 --> 00:41:09,520 Speaker 1: You know, everyone is ultimately living their own life, and 788 00:41:09,760 --> 00:41:12,360 Speaker 1: so you just have to say, well, what makes me 789 00:41:12,600 --> 00:41:15,440 Speaker 1: and my family work. You know, what makes me happy, 790 00:41:15,480 --> 00:41:18,560 Speaker 1: what makes my kids life work, what makes my family 791 00:41:18,600 --> 00:41:21,040 Speaker 1: life work. And if you feel like you would like 792 00:41:21,120 --> 00:41:23,560 Speaker 1: to continue in your career, then that's great. And you 793 00:41:23,560 --> 00:41:25,840 Speaker 1: can either come up with a pocket phrase to answer 794 00:41:25,960 --> 00:41:28,160 Speaker 1: to people whenever they say something, or just you know, 795 00:41:28,600 --> 00:41:32,520 Speaker 1: laugh it off because you know, ultimately it's between you 796 00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:37,560 Speaker 1: and God and not anyone else. All right, Well, this 797 00:41:37,600 --> 00:41:40,399 Speaker 1: has been best of both worlds. I interviewed Kendra Hall 798 00:41:40,640 --> 00:41:43,920 Speaker 1: on are the Stories We Tell Ourselves. We will be 799 00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:45,919 Speaker 1: back next week with more on making work in life 800 00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:50,880 Speaker 1: fit together. Thanks for listening. You can find me Sarah 801 00:41:51,040 --> 00:41:54,600 Speaker 1: at the shoebox dot com or at the Underscore shoe 802 00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:58,359 Speaker 1: Box on Instagram, and you can find me Laura at 803 00:41:58,400 --> 00:42:01,640 Speaker 1: Laura vandercam dot com. This has been the best of 804 00:42:01,719 --> 00:42:05,399 Speaker 1: both worlds podcasts. Please join us next time for more 805 00:42:05,480 --> 00:42:07,600 Speaker 1: on making work and life work together.