WEBVTT - Getting Your Money Etiquette Right #422 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:02.840 Welcome to How the Money. I'm Joel, I'm Matt, and 0:00:02.880 --> 0:00:25.159 today we're discussing getting your money etiquette, Right, Joel, You know, 0:00:25.200 --> 0:00:28.640 this episode reminds me of what we had of several 0:00:28.640 --> 0:00:31.320 weeks ago with go Rick, where he spoke on the 0:00:31.400 --> 0:00:34.839 unspoken rules of success and there are these things that 0:00:34.960 --> 0:00:37.400 some people do some people don't do in life, and 0:00:37.440 --> 0:00:40.920 it allows certain individuals to get ahead of life. Specifically, 0:00:40.960 --> 0:00:43.320 in his case, he was speaking about your career. And 0:00:43.360 --> 0:00:45.159 then nobody tells you those things. Most of the time. 0:00:45.159 --> 0:00:46.640 You gotta figure it out. You can just trying to 0:00:46.640 --> 0:00:48.600 help people figure it out earlier, exactly, you kind of 0:00:48.640 --> 0:00:50.680 pick up on it, and naturally some folks do. But 0:00:50.680 --> 0:00:53.400 then some folks just don't. Some folks have no clue that, 0:00:53.520 --> 0:00:55.400 oh I should be sending a follow up email. Oh 0:00:55.480 --> 0:00:57.600 I should proactively ask, like what can I do to 0:00:57.600 --> 0:00:59.600 make your life better? Boss? Like that kind of thing, right. 0:01:00.240 --> 0:01:01.880 I think the same thing is true when it comes 0:01:01.920 --> 0:01:05.040 to money etiquette. There are some folks who are more 0:01:05.120 --> 0:01:07.040 who you know, let's be honest. They have a higher 0:01:07.120 --> 0:01:10.840 emotional quotient perhaps, and they're able to just pick up 0:01:10.880 --> 0:01:13.440 on small little hints and clues and just how people 0:01:13.440 --> 0:01:16.520 are responding to them when they're talking about money, whether 0:01:16.560 --> 0:01:18.480 that's a good thing or a bad thing. But then 0:01:18.480 --> 0:01:20.840 there's some folks who truly have no clue. And so 0:01:21.440 --> 0:01:24.320 we are talking about money etiquette today because we want 0:01:24.319 --> 0:01:26.880 this to be something that we are talking about more often, 0:01:27.080 --> 0:01:29.120 because if this is you, you want to stop making 0:01:29.120 --> 0:01:32.880 your friends uncomfortable every time you talk about saving money 0:01:33.120 --> 0:01:35.360 or pinching pennies or being being frugal. These are all 0:01:35.400 --> 0:01:37.520 things that can be talked about well. But it does 0:01:37.560 --> 0:01:40.800 come down to what approach you take right. And sometimes 0:01:40.880 --> 0:01:43.559 people decide not to talk about money at all because 0:01:43.560 --> 0:01:46.360 they think that's the right etiquette. We disagree on that too. 0:01:46.360 --> 0:01:48.160 We'll get to that later in this episode. So this 0:01:48.240 --> 0:01:52.320 is basically how the Money Emily Post edition on on 0:01:52.360 --> 0:01:54.080 today's show, and we'll get to that. But man, I 0:01:54.080 --> 0:01:56.640 want to mention really quickly so everybody knows that we 0:01:56.680 --> 0:01:58.680 love craft beer. Today on the show, we're drinking and 0:01:58.880 --> 0:02:00.760 I p a by Barrel Brewing, but I wanted to 0:02:00.840 --> 0:02:04.120 quickly mention that I think for the first time ever, 0:02:04.240 --> 0:02:07.280 I balked at purchasing a beer. I walked away from 0:02:07.280 --> 0:02:10.079 the cooler and I didn't take that four pack in 0:02:10.160 --> 0:02:12.280 my hands because the price point was just too high. 0:02:12.600 --> 0:02:15.680 And so I don't know, I wonder even prices have 0:02:15.760 --> 0:02:18.920 gone up. I mean just even over the past few years, 0:02:18.960 --> 0:02:20.799 we've seen the price First of all, it's gone from 0:02:20.800 --> 0:02:24.040 six packs to four packs, which that alone really pisses 0:02:24.040 --> 0:02:26.720 some people off. I don't mind because a liquid, but 0:02:27.360 --> 0:02:31.280 for most there's a four packs. Yeah, um, but it 0:02:31.360 --> 0:02:33.640 is a higher typically it's a higher quality beer, and 0:02:33.680 --> 0:02:36.040 I can appreciate that, right, But the thing is like, 0:02:36.120 --> 0:02:39.519 even with something that I love, I have a limit 0:02:39.800 --> 0:02:42.560 and um and and so I think it was thirty 0:02:42.600 --> 0:02:44.520 three or thirty four dollars for a four pack of 0:02:44.560 --> 0:02:48.200 this delicious sounding sour that was like really highly rated 0:02:48.240 --> 0:02:49.480 on on Tapped, and I was like, man, I really 0:02:49.520 --> 0:02:52.000 want to try it, but it turns out that I 0:02:52.040 --> 0:02:53.840 was like, it's just to me, it's not worth that, Like, 0:02:53.880 --> 0:02:55.720 I don't want to try it that badly. There are 0:02:55.760 --> 0:02:58.320 some really great beers that I can get for fifteen 0:02:58.400 --> 0:03:00.560 or sixteen or eighteen bucks for a four act and 0:03:00.600 --> 0:03:02.720 even that like took me a while to be feel 0:03:02.720 --> 0:03:05.679 comfortable spending that. But yeah, I was like, whenever the 0:03:05.919 --> 0:03:07.560 single section to see if I could find a single 0:03:07.600 --> 0:03:09.880 can of that, even though that would be like nine dollars, 0:03:09.960 --> 0:03:11.320 but at least then I'm like, all right, I get 0:03:11.360 --> 0:03:13.160 to taste it, but I don't have to, you know, 0:03:13.280 --> 0:03:14.920 put out all the money. I was gonna have to 0:03:14.960 --> 0:03:16.640 remind you here for a second, I was gonna say, Joel, 0:03:16.680 --> 0:03:19.640 like craft beer is our craft beer equivalent, Like like 0:03:19.680 --> 0:03:22.440 this is something that we splurge on. But even in that, 0:03:22.560 --> 0:03:24.359 there's got to be a limit. Right If if your 0:03:24.520 --> 0:03:28.600 BMW is the is your craft beer equivalent, that's okay, 0:03:28.720 --> 0:03:29.840 but you have to go all the way to the 0:03:29.960 --> 0:03:32.919 M three edition that costs like thirty more not probably not. 0:03:33.360 --> 0:03:35.680 So I mean, like I think even within the things 0:03:35.680 --> 0:03:38.120 that we love, there are limits, and it's okay to say, 0:03:38.280 --> 0:03:40.480 you know what, today I'm not feeling it. Maybe not. Yeah, 0:03:40.600 --> 0:03:42.000 maybe in a few months you'll get used to it. 0:03:42.040 --> 0:03:43.680 Because here's the thing, what if that was going to be, 0:03:44.000 --> 0:03:45.920 like in your opinion, that could have been the best 0:03:45.960 --> 0:03:48.080 beer in the entire world if I knew would not 0:03:48.160 --> 0:03:50.040 have known because we didn't even give it a shot. 0:03:50.080 --> 0:03:51.760 If I knew that that was what it was going 0:03:51.840 --> 0:03:54.080 to be, I would have paid it. But I was like, 0:03:54.120 --> 0:03:56.520 I mean, it's another beer and it rates well, but um, 0:03:56.640 --> 0:03:59.200 I don't know. So I'll look again in the single 0:03:59.240 --> 0:04:01.040 section see if I can find it next time, because 0:04:01.320 --> 0:04:05.000 I don't mind spending maybe nine bucks on one great beer. Well, 0:04:05.040 --> 0:04:07.720 if it's not that great, I guess that's the that's 0:04:07.760 --> 0:04:09.480 the thing that you're trying to do, the risk your take, 0:04:09.640 --> 0:04:12.120 like you would avoid spending a ton of money on 0:04:12.200 --> 0:04:14.720 four beers where you're saying to yourself, man, that really 0:04:14.720 --> 0:04:17.720 wasn't worth it. I can have an equivalent quality beer 0:04:17.760 --> 0:04:20.160 for maybe twenty bucks for a four pack. Yeah, if 0:04:20.160 --> 0:04:22.680 I'm underwhelmed on at thirty something dollar beer, I'm you're 0:04:22.680 --> 0:04:24.880 stuck with probably not gonna be happy. You're gonna be like, 0:04:24.920 --> 0:04:26.680 hey man, you wanna go in have these with me 0:04:26.720 --> 0:04:30.960 on this particular jump off on your doorstep. But okay, 0:04:30.960 --> 0:04:32.520 so I know we've all got that price point. I 0:04:32.560 --> 0:04:35.440 just want our listeners to know too. We as had 0:04:35.480 --> 0:04:38.000 a had a money hosts even have our price limits. 0:04:38.160 --> 0:04:41.360 Even in the category that we love to spend money on, 0:04:41.440 --> 0:04:43.719 it's still worth being price conscious. Yeah. I still bought 0:04:43.720 --> 0:04:46.160 some good beers that day, but just not that particular one, 0:04:46.240 --> 0:04:48.000 all right, Let's let's keep moving on the Matt. Let's 0:04:48.080 --> 0:04:51.159 get to the topic at hand. We are discussing getting 0:04:51.160 --> 0:04:55.839 your money etiquette right, and Matt speaking of unwillingness to 0:04:55.880 --> 0:04:58.600 spend I personally, I don't really spend a whole lot 0:04:58.600 --> 0:05:00.719 of money at fancy restaurants. Think we've talked about this 0:05:00.760 --> 0:05:02.800 not too long ago. The one time my wife and 0:05:02.839 --> 0:05:04.600 I did go to one of those fancy restaurants where 0:05:04.640 --> 0:05:08.080 you can watch the chef cook. I was a little 0:05:08.160 --> 0:05:10.320 nervous about the bill I was gonna receive. We like 0:05:10.360 --> 0:05:13.640 good food, but the super fancy restaurant culture just isn't 0:05:13.640 --> 0:05:16.039 really our jam. And like, if that's if there's like 0:05:16.040 --> 0:05:18.120 three forks on the table, I'm probably walking out of 0:05:18.160 --> 0:05:19.920 there because one I don't even really know, like which 0:05:19.960 --> 0:05:21.680 direction you're going? Is it out to end? Is that 0:05:21.839 --> 0:05:23.680 I don't even know? Okay, it's okay. I be're like, 0:05:23.720 --> 0:05:25.200 what's that for doing at the top about place? I 0:05:25.200 --> 0:05:27.359 don't know. You're more refined than me. I thought you 0:05:27.400 --> 0:05:30.120 might have known. But I mean, I enjoy k and 0:05:30.160 --> 0:05:32.640 I like going to fancier laser restaurants, But the actual 0:05:32.680 --> 0:05:35.200 etiquette that goes into the niceties of which fork I'm 0:05:35.200 --> 0:05:38.200 supposed to use with what course, I'm less refined in 0:05:38.240 --> 0:05:40.880 that in that way, my pallets refined. But my etiquette 0:05:40.880 --> 0:05:43.760 maybe could do some work. So maybe you and I 0:05:43.960 --> 0:05:45.920 neither of us are the people to be giving etiquette 0:05:45.920 --> 0:05:47.960 advice on today's show. But we're gonna but we know 0:05:48.040 --> 0:05:49.880 money we're gonna push through. We're gonna try anyway, and 0:05:49.880 --> 0:05:52.640 we're gonna talk about different money conundrums that pop up 0:05:52.640 --> 0:05:56.039 in all of our lives, stuff like splitting the bill, tipping, 0:05:56.320 --> 0:05:59.480 going on dates, and more. There's just there's also we 0:05:59.520 --> 0:06:00.880 want you to know ahead of time. There's a lot 0:06:00.920 --> 0:06:04.200 of subjectivity around this topic. So you're gonna hear our 0:06:04.240 --> 0:06:06.719 opinions today, you're gonna hear our thoughts. But yeah, we 0:06:06.720 --> 0:06:08.880 hope that they're helpful in informing you and giving you 0:06:08.920 --> 0:06:12.560 some direction when it comes to those tough money etiquette decisions. 0:06:12.680 --> 0:06:15.560 But just know too, these aren't like the ten amandments 0:06:15.560 --> 0:06:17.760 handed down from on high from the kind of money house. 0:06:17.839 --> 0:06:20.280 These are actually, uh, these are kind of how we 0:06:20.360 --> 0:06:22.520 treat these things and how we think you should think through. 0:06:22.800 --> 0:06:25.479 Maybe these money etiquette can untrums. They're meant to me 0:06:25.600 --> 0:06:29.360 more like ballpark answers than like specific facts. Yeah, and 0:06:29.440 --> 0:06:33.000 you mentioned the Ten Commandments. So because I think that's 0:06:33.000 --> 0:06:34.840 so true. I think there are a lot of folks 0:06:34.839 --> 0:06:38.279 who believe that there are some money rules or principles 0:06:38.520 --> 0:06:41.640 that pretty much are etchton stone. Uh. They feel that 0:06:41.640 --> 0:06:43.440 there's either a right way and you know, then there's 0:06:43.440 --> 0:06:45.520 a wrong way to do things. But so much of 0:06:45.600 --> 0:06:48.320 money is personal. Um, and not only personal, but there 0:06:48.320 --> 0:06:52.120 are social expectations and different pressures placed on us, and 0:06:52.160 --> 0:06:54.240 so sometimes we're not sure of what the you know, 0:06:54.279 --> 0:06:56.359 the right path for us to take is. Uh. And 0:06:56.440 --> 0:06:59.240 so for instance, if gratuity, if it's already included on 0:06:59.279 --> 0:07:02.480 the build, do I I still tip extra? It's helpful 0:07:02.720 --> 0:07:05.159 to think about this kind of stuff before the bill 0:07:05.360 --> 0:07:07.159 hits the table, so you don't end up, you know, 0:07:07.240 --> 0:07:10.320 guilt tipping or just you know pulling a money etiquette 0:07:10.320 --> 0:07:13.760 faux pa just running away. Uh, you can't, Yeah, you 0:07:13.760 --> 0:07:15.880 don't want to dine and dash. And also, you know, 0:07:15.920 --> 0:07:17.360 we want you to be confident that you have the 0:07:17.360 --> 0:07:20.280 money in your budget to actually cover that generous tip 0:07:20.360 --> 0:07:22.680 if you so choose to. And so our goal for 0:07:22.720 --> 0:07:25.080 this episode is to help you to think about the 0:07:25.160 --> 0:07:26.800 right way to think about these things. We want to 0:07:26.840 --> 0:07:30.320 help you to navigate these money etiquette waters. No doubt, 0:07:30.320 --> 0:07:32.440 I think of us as like the third base coach 0:07:32.520 --> 0:07:35.400 in baseball, Matt. You've seen him give all the weird 0:07:35.440 --> 0:07:38.120 signs to the person to play, like tugging on their ears, 0:07:38.240 --> 0:07:40.440 touching their nose, And that's kind of what we're doing here. 0:07:40.480 --> 0:07:43.240 We're like making some signals. I don't watch baseball. I 0:07:43.280 --> 0:07:46.120 know you don't. It's a playoff time, but is it? Yeah, 0:07:46.160 --> 0:07:48.000 I don't even know. But we all know about your 0:07:48.240 --> 0:07:50.960 lack of dedication to really any sport beside soccer. But 0:07:51.000 --> 0:07:53.440 speaking of soccer, soccer is a very European sport, and 0:07:53.560 --> 0:07:59.400 my favorite model of tipping comes from Europe over there, 0:07:59.520 --> 0:08:03.880 tip tiping the South American way. Soccer is big there too. Well. 0:08:03.880 --> 0:08:06.000 I just wanted to just to briefly mention that we 0:08:06.080 --> 0:08:08.440 have kind of a unique system here in the States. 0:08:08.240 --> 0:08:10.960 The lack of tipping actually across the pond and the 0:08:11.000 --> 0:08:13.160 increased wages and the cost of the meal is just 0:08:13.160 --> 0:08:15.680 a much more comfortable way for many people to do things. Man. 0:08:15.720 --> 0:08:17.480 I know you and I maybe disagree a little bit 0:08:17.520 --> 0:08:19.360 on this one, but you kind of know what you're 0:08:19.360 --> 0:08:21.360 paying for and you know that the server is being 0:08:21.360 --> 0:08:24.520 paid a reasonable salary, unlike here where tips are the 0:08:24.520 --> 0:08:27.200 primary source of income, like that person who's serving your 0:08:27.200 --> 0:08:30.680 food might be making a dollar fifty an hour, and 0:08:30.720 --> 0:08:34.120 then you feel a little more guilty about how much 0:08:34.120 --> 0:08:35.760 you should be tipping. And granted, yeah, if that's the case, 0:08:35.760 --> 0:08:38.360 you should be tipping well. But in Europe, you know, 0:08:38.400 --> 0:08:41.000 there's not that element at play. I think for me, honestly, 0:08:41.000 --> 0:08:43.640 it's because of my entrepreneur background, where I knew that 0:08:43.679 --> 0:08:46.120 if I didn't work, I wasn't getting paid. It's I 0:08:46.160 --> 0:08:48.920 think I am more comfortable, for instance, with the American 0:08:48.960 --> 0:08:52.600 way where servers waiters, where their base rate isn't that 0:08:52.679 --> 0:08:55.439 high and it is predominantly, you know, focused on the tips. Yeah, 0:08:55.520 --> 0:08:57.240 that's why. I mean. I remember as a kid going 0:08:57.280 --> 0:09:00.199 to one grocery store where the person would bring your 0:09:00.200 --> 0:09:02.560 groceries out and you would tip them directly, and then 0:09:02.559 --> 0:09:05.160 going to this other grocery store and tips weren't allowed, 0:09:05.400 --> 0:09:08.080 and so I don't know, just there's a different, uh 0:09:08.320 --> 0:09:11.600 feel as a consumer, as a customer when you go 0:09:11.679 --> 0:09:14.839 someplace and tips are involved or tips are off the table, 0:09:15.040 --> 0:09:17.719 and I feel like right now in this environment. Part 0:09:17.720 --> 0:09:20.479 of what makes it more and more difficult these conversations 0:09:20.520 --> 0:09:23.360 around money etiquette is that tipping is expected in more 0:09:23.360 --> 0:09:25.680 and more places. Yeah, that's so true, man. I think 0:09:25.920 --> 0:09:29.160 some of the ambiguity around tipping is certainly something that 0:09:29.240 --> 0:09:32.360 leads to the confusion around tipping specifically. But let's go 0:09:32.400 --> 0:09:36.200 ahead and dive into conversations around money in general, because 0:09:36.240 --> 0:09:38.360 I think, you know, broadly speaking, let's just talk about 0:09:38.600 --> 0:09:41.960 how we talk about money. Because everyone knows that you 0:09:42.000 --> 0:09:44.680 know money. It is an uncomfortable topic for most folks. 0:09:44.840 --> 0:09:46.000 If you try to bring it up and make it 0:09:46.040 --> 0:09:47.679 shut down, and you want to make someone squirm in 0:09:47.679 --> 0:09:50.880 their seats, like start talking about their income, you make, 0:09:50.920 --> 0:09:53.840 by the way, what's your budget look like? Man? Honestly 0:09:53.840 --> 0:09:55.880 like you might even hurt her friendship. And so we've 0:09:55.880 --> 0:09:59.199 got a few tips to make those money conversations less perilous, 0:09:59.320 --> 0:10:02.120 uh and just more inviting. So the first little bit 0:10:02.160 --> 0:10:04.000 of advice we would give to folks here is to 0:10:04.880 --> 0:10:07.640 make sure that you are reading the room, uh, and 0:10:07.679 --> 0:10:10.680 definitely avoid complaining about money in front of people maybe 0:10:10.679 --> 0:10:13.600 that are struggling with their finances. So, for instance, if 0:10:13.600 --> 0:10:16.400 you clearly make more than a friend or you know 0:10:16.440 --> 0:10:18.560 that they you know, they don't nerd out about money stuff. 0:10:18.760 --> 0:10:20.920 Just make sure that you're being careful about the conversation 0:10:20.960 --> 0:10:22.480 and make sure that you're being a little more casual 0:10:22.920 --> 0:10:26.000 and plus regularly complaining, that's kind of a not awesome 0:10:26.000 --> 0:10:29.199 way to do things anyway, right, So like complaining about 0:10:29.320 --> 0:10:32.520 first world problems, you know, like work piling up after 0:10:32.559 --> 0:10:35.559 a weeklong vacation to the Bahamas. That's gonna be a 0:10:35.640 --> 0:10:37.840 bit tone deaf to a friend who can't afford that 0:10:37.840 --> 0:10:39.760 time off. Hey, how is that vacation? It was great? 0:10:39.760 --> 0:10:41.960 But man, am I backlogged at working Now? It's like 0:10:41.960 --> 0:10:43.480 I kind of wish I wasn't able to go on 0:10:43.480 --> 0:10:45.880 the vacation. It's like, Oh, really, tell me how nice 0:10:45.920 --> 0:10:48.920 that is. If you really want to get a conversation 0:10:49.000 --> 0:10:52.080 started with somebody, I think just starting with like a 0:10:52.080 --> 0:10:54.320 cool article that you came across, or just like an 0:10:54.320 --> 0:10:57.920 interesting tidbit of information you recently picked up, and just 0:10:57.960 --> 0:11:01.440 get the conversation started by you know, hopefully you're able 0:11:01.480 --> 0:11:04.520 to pique their curiosity. So definitely don't complain and make 0:11:04.559 --> 0:11:06.360 sure that your approach is a little more kind of 0:11:06.440 --> 0:11:10.640 money philosopher rather than kind of this intense budget drill sergeant. 0:11:10.880 --> 0:11:12.600 I think for a lot of folks who feel like 0:11:12.600 --> 0:11:15.520 that they kind of have a solid financial footing underneath them, 0:11:15.640 --> 0:11:18.199 they can approach some of those conversations with you should 0:11:18.240 --> 0:11:21.079 be doing this, you shouldn't be doing that, uh, And 0:11:21.160 --> 0:11:23.360 maybe instead they just want to talk to their buddy, 0:11:23.440 --> 0:11:25.199 you know, like they just want to talk to their girlfriend, 0:11:25.320 --> 0:11:27.480 don't necessarily want to hear all the different things they 0:11:27.480 --> 0:11:29.360 could be doing differently with their money. Yeah, as a 0:11:29.440 --> 0:11:31.880 husband over the years, have been married eleven years, and 0:11:32.160 --> 0:11:35.920 I have realized it's taken me a while that oftentimes 0:11:35.960 --> 0:11:39.200 when my wife is having an issue, like, she doesn't 0:11:39.240 --> 0:11:41.240 want me to fix it. She really just wants me 0:11:41.320 --> 0:11:45.199 to listen, empathize here, um and sit there with her 0:11:45.320 --> 0:11:47.880 end whatever problems she's going through. And I think the 0:11:47.960 --> 0:11:49.760 same thing is true when we talk about money with 0:11:49.800 --> 0:11:53.080 other people. When when people either bring up an issue 0:11:53.400 --> 0:11:56.000 or when you start to talk about money with them, uh, 0:11:56.040 --> 0:11:58.280 in order to keep them from shutting down or from 0:11:58.600 --> 0:12:02.920 completely de ailing the conversation, usually it takes just being 0:12:02.960 --> 0:12:06.360 a little more empathetic and you know, just hearing what 0:12:06.400 --> 0:12:10.240 they have to say, being less prescriptive. That can come later, 0:12:10.480 --> 0:12:13.280 but especially in the beginning. I think, yeah, reading the 0:12:13.320 --> 0:12:17.240 room and recognizing when someone is basically screaming at you 0:12:17.320 --> 0:12:19.480 from inside their brain. Hey, no, no, no, that's not 0:12:19.480 --> 0:12:21.160 what I'm looking for, so that you can calm it 0:12:21.200 --> 0:12:23.720 down and bring it back to like, okay, yeah, well, 0:12:23.880 --> 0:12:25.840 I love talking because we're all about talking about money. 0:12:26.000 --> 0:12:28.160 We don't want you to come never talk about money 0:12:28.160 --> 0:12:30.479 with people. We think it's really important to have that conversation, 0:12:30.760 --> 0:12:33.320 but it doesn't always have to be do this, not 0:12:33.400 --> 0:12:36.000 that exactly. I think figuring out whether this is a 0:12:36.360 --> 0:12:39.840 I'm sorry, that really sucks conversation or if this is uh, okay, 0:12:39.920 --> 0:12:42.000 let's see how we can fix this conversation. I found 0:12:42.000 --> 0:12:45.280 that to be incredibly valuable in my relationship with my wife, 0:12:45.400 --> 0:12:48.200 right right, And uh yeah, what about talking about money 0:12:48.200 --> 0:12:51.480 at the workplace, that's like, um, that's different than talking 0:12:51.480 --> 0:12:53.880 to your significant other or talking to a friend. You'll 0:12:53.920 --> 0:12:56.320 want to take We would say a similar low key approach, 0:12:56.480 --> 0:12:58.240 at least at first. And you know, we want you 0:12:58.280 --> 0:12:59.760 to talk about money, but we don't want you to 0:12:59.800 --> 0:13:02.840 get in trouble. And sometimes in the workplace, if you're 0:13:02.880 --> 0:13:06.960 talking about maybe in off topic convo, like like talking 0:13:06.960 --> 0:13:09.719 about your personal finances, that could be something that your 0:13:09.720 --> 0:13:11.440 boss over here is and they're like, no, no, no, 0:13:11.520 --> 0:13:13.720 shut it down, and you'll you'll you'll find that most 0:13:13.720 --> 0:13:16.720 coworkers actually don't want to go there with you. But 0:13:16.760 --> 0:13:19.880 we also think that doesn't mean you shouldn't try read 0:13:19.880 --> 0:13:22.480 those cues though, and then shut off the conversation quickly 0:13:22.480 --> 0:13:24.360 if that's the response you're getting, If you're getting kind 0:13:24.360 --> 0:13:27.199 of stone walled or you can tell that person is uninterested, 0:13:27.360 --> 0:13:30.280 don't keep pushing the envelope. But yeah, you'll likely find 0:13:30.320 --> 0:13:33.440 that some of the folks you talk to will be interested, 0:13:33.760 --> 0:13:36.199 and it can be fun to connect with your coworkers 0:13:36.240 --> 0:13:39.679 on that level, especially if personal finance is super exciting 0:13:39.720 --> 0:13:42.680 to you, super interesting to them. You listen to how 0:13:42.679 --> 0:13:44.679 the money, so you probably are interested at least to 0:13:45.040 --> 0:13:48.800 some degree. But yeah, I think it's really important in 0:13:48.840 --> 0:13:52.080 that process to read the room again and make sure 0:13:52.240 --> 0:13:55.720 that you're not pushing a conversation that isn't wanted. Yeah, 0:13:55.720 --> 0:13:58.959 and unlike your friends, your coworkers can't just stop seeing you, 0:13:58.960 --> 0:14:00.640 you know, like you still have to continue working on 0:14:00.640 --> 0:14:02.360 the project, where as your friends can I don't know, 0:14:02.400 --> 0:14:05.880 maybe stop returning your text or your calls. Uh. So 0:14:05.920 --> 0:14:07.400 you want to make sure that you're being sensitive to 0:14:07.440 --> 0:14:10.360 the different topics that you're bringing up around them. But okay, 0:14:10.360 --> 0:14:14.439 what about compensation specifically, because I think that's a workplace 0:14:14.480 --> 0:14:18.320 conversation that again I don't hopefully we don't see this 0:14:18.320 --> 0:14:21.160 too much. We we don't want you to completely avoid 0:14:21.160 --> 0:14:24.440 these conversations, but you've got to be careful, especially when 0:14:24.440 --> 0:14:26.960 it comes to the compensation because obviously this can get 0:14:27.000 --> 0:14:29.880 pretty awkward. How much money you make, that's always the 0:14:29.920 --> 0:14:31.080 way to start it. But we do want to talk 0:14:31.080 --> 0:14:33.680 about because part of what we're doing here is destigmatizing 0:14:33.760 --> 0:14:36.400 this talk around money. But we would recommend that you 0:14:36.440 --> 0:14:39.400 only do it with different employees maybe who you would 0:14:39.400 --> 0:14:43.000 call friends or you've established some trust, and also make 0:14:43.000 --> 0:14:44.800 sure that you have a good reason for asking, you know, 0:14:44.920 --> 0:14:46.920 like I wouldn't kind of go at it with So 0:14:46.960 --> 0:14:50.360 how much do you make question? Approach it maybe for 0:14:50.640 --> 0:14:53.440 from a standpoint of curiosity, this is when you know 0:14:53.480 --> 0:14:56.600 your delivery, how you breach the topic, this is everything. Uh, 0:14:56.640 --> 0:14:58.360 you know, you could approach it from the standpoint of 0:14:58.720 --> 0:15:01.680 being concerned, maybe like seriously maybe you're night, Uh, you're 0:15:01.680 --> 0:15:03.720 were a little bit worried about how much you're getting 0:15:03.720 --> 0:15:07.000 paid versus the value that you're actually bringing the company. 0:15:07.240 --> 0:15:09.720 And obviously knowing someone else's salary would would be able 0:15:09.720 --> 0:15:11.720 to provide you some helpful knowledge when it comes to 0:15:11.760 --> 0:15:13.720 asking for a raise in the future. And of course 0:15:13.720 --> 0:15:15.080 it's worth pointing out that you want to make sure 0:15:15.120 --> 0:15:18.800 that you keep whatever they share private and confidential. Honestly, 0:15:18.800 --> 0:15:20.240 it might even be best to kind of have the 0:15:20.400 --> 0:15:22.920 conversation off premise, not just like in the break room 0:15:23.320 --> 0:15:26.360 for everybody to hear as you as they're walking by. 0:15:26.560 --> 0:15:29.080 Maybe instead you are able to grab the beer after work. 0:15:29.280 --> 0:15:33.640 But these conversations really can help you or your coworker 0:15:33.760 --> 0:15:36.080 make more money. It's not just about what it can 0:15:36.080 --> 0:15:38.840 do to help you out, um, but it is important 0:15:38.880 --> 0:15:41.320 to be careful with your approach and your tone as 0:15:41.360 --> 0:15:43.960 you enter into some of these conversations. Yeah, Matt, you 0:15:43.960 --> 0:15:47.080 know it's interesting. My my friend, our friend Jesse, who 0:15:47.280 --> 0:15:50.360 runs the blog in the podcast called Best Interest, he 0:15:50.440 --> 0:15:52.360 and I were just chatting on Twitter the other day. 0:15:52.400 --> 0:15:55.640 Well he mentioned, hey, I just got a massive raise, uh, 0:15:55.880 --> 0:15:59.400 like a few months back, and he kind of mentioned 0:15:59.440 --> 0:16:02.040 that it's really it's it's been made a huge impact 0:16:02.080 --> 0:16:04.040 on his ability to invest more money. And I was like, 0:16:04.080 --> 0:16:06.960 that's awesome. How'd you do it? And so he shared 0:16:07.000 --> 0:16:09.120 some really good tips for how he did it, and 0:16:09.200 --> 0:16:11.080 one of the things I wanted us to know was, well, 0:16:11.160 --> 0:16:13.960 how did you know you were underpaid? And he said 0:16:13.960 --> 0:16:15.920 part of it was just water cooler talk, honestly with 0:16:15.960 --> 0:16:18.120 some fellow employees, and so I think, yeah, that's the 0:16:18.120 --> 0:16:19.760 way to do it, kind of like, well, what are 0:16:19.800 --> 0:16:21.880 new employees making like you want to kind of try 0:16:21.880 --> 0:16:24.120 to get to the bottom of that in an ethical 0:16:24.440 --> 0:16:27.320 and above board way. And he was able to do that, 0:16:27.400 --> 0:16:29.680 and it made a big impact on his ability to 0:16:30.000 --> 0:16:32.200 then go to HR and say, hey, I feel like 0:16:32.240 --> 0:16:33.960 I'm not I'm not getting paid what I'm worth. I've 0:16:33.960 --> 0:16:36.080 been here two years. People that are just starting out 0:16:36.120 --> 0:16:40.000 are getting paid as much or more than I am. 0:16:40.040 --> 0:16:42.720 And they were like, sorry, Bud, we're not paying anymore. 0:16:42.760 --> 0:16:44.760 And then he said, okay, cool, I'm gonna you know, 0:16:44.800 --> 0:16:46.120 he didn't tell them this, I don't think, but he's like, 0:16:46.160 --> 0:16:48.280 I'm gonna go hunt for jobs. And he end up 0:16:48.280 --> 0:16:50.560 getting a job offer that was more lucrative than what 0:16:50.640 --> 0:16:52.160 he was currently making. And so he went back and 0:16:52.160 --> 0:16:54.480 he was like, guys, I think I'm gonna take this job. 0:16:54.480 --> 0:16:56.160 And they were like, well, wait a second, I'll leave. 0:16:56.160 --> 0:16:58.840 We'll pay you more. And so that is the classic, 0:16:58.880 --> 0:17:01.480 tried in true way to make more money where you work. 0:17:01.720 --> 0:17:06.160 But it does involve that difficult conversation sometimes that most 0:17:06.200 --> 0:17:08.000 of us don't want to have. But if you want 0:17:08.040 --> 0:17:10.920 to make more money, if you want to grow your salary, uh, 0:17:10.960 --> 0:17:13.480 and you want to get paid what you're worth, oftentimes 0:17:13.520 --> 0:17:16.400 it takes having that uncomfortable conversation. And I will say, 0:17:16.680 --> 0:17:18.800 how do money etiquette rules dictate that it is okay 0:17:18.840 --> 0:17:21.080 to start that conversation if you do it the right way. 0:17:21.240 --> 0:17:23.720 That's right. All right, we've covered money conversations in general. 0:17:23.720 --> 0:17:26.200 We've talked about it within the workplace as well. After 0:17:26.240 --> 0:17:29.280 the break, we're going to dive into money conversations, money etiquette, 0:17:29.320 --> 0:17:32.879 and social situations, including dating. We'll get to all of 0:17:32.880 --> 0:17:44.120 that right after this break. All right, we're back from 0:17:44.200 --> 0:17:46.800 the break. We're still talking about money etiquette, and we 0:17:46.840 --> 0:17:50.400 are going to get to etiquette tips. When it comes 0:17:50.440 --> 0:17:53.960 to dating, that's fraught with peril for lots of people. 0:17:54.119 --> 0:17:56.399 It's like, I don't know how do I navigate these waters? 0:17:56.560 --> 0:17:59.359 But Matt, you you have plenty of experience in that area. 0:18:00.000 --> 0:18:02.200 We were almost the bachelor on season three back in 0:18:02.240 --> 0:18:04.640 the day. Right. Uh. Yeah, I was the first Bachelor 0:18:04.680 --> 0:18:07.359 to have actually gotten voted off the island. I don't think. 0:18:07.400 --> 0:18:11.480 I think so I was a survivor. These are pretty sure. 0:18:11.480 --> 0:18:14.240 I was married when the first started. Dog, it's really 0:18:14.280 --> 0:18:17.800 good you aren't on that show then. So but all, 0:18:17.960 --> 0:18:20.280 let's let's start. If always talk about restaurants and tipping. 0:18:20.680 --> 0:18:23.520 You know that moment when your date is waiting quietly 0:18:23.720 --> 0:18:25.879 while you figure out what the tip is going to be, Well, 0:18:26.320 --> 0:18:30.080 those are awkward situations, and it's Matt, It's very much 0:18:30.160 --> 0:18:32.119 like the way I feel at a fancy restaurant when 0:18:32.119 --> 0:18:33.800 there's three forks. I have no idea what to do. 0:18:34.000 --> 0:18:35.639 I just feel out of place. But yeah, how do 0:18:35.680 --> 0:18:38.720 you navigate that situation? Well, like, how do you do that? Plus, 0:18:38.960 --> 0:18:40.720 like I said before, so much has changed when it 0:18:40.760 --> 0:18:43.360 comes to tipping. It seems like it's suggested to being 0:18:43.400 --> 0:18:46.199 suggested in more and more places. Everybody flips over the 0:18:46.200 --> 0:18:48.960 iPad and they they've got preset tipping amounts. And you're like, huh, 0:18:49.000 --> 0:18:50.960 what I didn't think. How don't used to tip here? 0:18:51.200 --> 0:18:55.440 And it's a little nerve racking. So um, with cash disappearing, 0:18:55.640 --> 0:18:57.679 it's becoming more and more of a problem. We're all 0:18:57.720 --> 0:19:00.520 paying digitally and we're getting tips said guess hit at 0:19:00.600 --> 0:19:02.880 us right and left and then, which to a certain 0:19:02.920 --> 0:19:05.240 extent I appreciate because there's some folks out there who 0:19:05.359 --> 0:19:07.560 aren't as good at the math. Uh. And so for 0:19:07.560 --> 0:19:09.320 those folks, I think they're they see it as as 0:19:09.359 --> 0:19:11.920 welcome relief. But things have gotten a little out of hand. Yeah, 0:19:11.920 --> 0:19:14.280 And there's some places where there were just no tip 0:19:14.359 --> 0:19:17.560 zones before and now it's like, wait, no tip zone, 0:19:17.600 --> 0:19:19.320 we tip here now, okay, all right. I feel like 0:19:19.359 --> 0:19:21.720 if Seinfeld was still around, they would totally do a 0:19:21.760 --> 0:19:24.600 show on you are in the no tip zone. Sorry. 0:19:24.760 --> 0:19:27.240 But and then when it comes to choosing no tip 0:19:27.320 --> 0:19:29.639 or custom tip, those boxes are like super tiny at 0:19:29.640 --> 0:19:31.280 the bottom of the screen, like they don't want you 0:19:31.320 --> 0:19:33.320 really looking there. It's like the checkbox at the bottom 0:19:33.320 --> 0:19:35.800 of the opt out email, like when you're signing up 0:19:35.800 --> 0:19:37.479 for a new product exactly. It's like the pop up 0:19:37.480 --> 0:19:39.040 on the website and you're like where is the X button? 0:19:39.080 --> 0:19:41.359 Oh my gosh. Yeah, Like lately they've gotten even more 0:19:41.440 --> 0:19:44.639 nefarious about that, Like the designs of the background make 0:19:44.680 --> 0:19:46.520 it impossible to see. I swear I stared at one 0:19:46.560 --> 0:19:48.640 the other day that or you're just getting older, No, dude, 0:19:48.680 --> 0:19:50.280 it was it was a Spotify ad. I swear it 0:19:50.280 --> 0:19:52.199 was a Spotify ad and I go with the you know, 0:19:52.280 --> 0:19:54.919 the non premium Spotify and I could not find I 0:19:54.920 --> 0:19:56.440 was like, where the heck is the X. I'm not 0:19:56.480 --> 0:20:00.040 gonna agree to this And it was completely blended in 0:20:00.160 --> 0:20:02.119 with the artwork in the top corner. They're being a 0:20:02.160 --> 0:20:04.639 little too sneaky about it, right, Okay, So how do 0:20:04.680 --> 0:20:07.879 we deal with kind of this newfound environment when it 0:20:07.920 --> 0:20:09.639 comes to tipping? Matt, Like, what are your some of 0:20:09.680 --> 0:20:11.679 your thoughts? Well, another thing to you, man, I'm just 0:20:11.720 --> 0:20:14.199 always curious to see what those tips suggestions are, you know, 0:20:14.560 --> 0:20:17.600 like tip creep. That's totally real. Now with a lot 0:20:17.600 --> 0:20:20.080 of businesses and restaurants changing how they serve you, I 0:20:20.280 --> 0:20:23.159 think this changes the equation as well. So for instance, 0:20:23.160 --> 0:20:26.440 like should we still tip the same even if my 0:20:26.440 --> 0:20:28.520 my restaurant is short on servers? And like it feels 0:20:28.520 --> 0:20:30.639 like I'm basically serving myself like you basically went to 0:20:30.680 --> 0:20:33.520 Piccadilly instead of you. It's like a buffet. That's a 0:20:33.560 --> 0:20:36.480 lot different of a scenario. That's a much different experience. 0:20:36.800 --> 0:20:39.200 Even at a local ice cream place, the suggested tip 0:20:39.280 --> 0:20:44.440 amounts are twenty, which is completely ludicrous. That should be 0:20:44.480 --> 0:20:49.000 borderline criminal, I would say for ice cream. Uh, And honestly, 0:20:49.000 --> 0:20:50.560 even at some coffee shops, you'll just see like a 0:20:50.600 --> 0:20:53.119 basic like one dollar or two dollar or three dollar amount, 0:20:53.160 --> 0:20:55.159 that kind of thing that might mean you're tipping a 0:20:55.400 --> 0:20:58.560 dent on the cup of coffee. And here, like, let's 0:20:58.560 --> 0:21:01.960 be clear, we're not trying to be cheap skates. Barista's rock. 0:21:02.240 --> 0:21:04.320 They can work really hard, but it is not a 0:21:04.359 --> 0:21:08.000 full service, like high end dining experience. But I think 0:21:08.000 --> 0:21:11.879 because those options are being presented, it can like guilt 0:21:12.080 --> 0:21:15.639 individuals into tipping more than maybe you otherwise would have, 0:21:16.400 --> 0:21:18.119 just because you're kind of stuck right there in the 0:21:18.160 --> 0:21:19.600 moment when they're looking at you. I think if that 0:21:19.600 --> 0:21:21.880 barrista gives me three spoons to choose from to stir 0:21:21.960 --> 0:21:23.480 my cream in the coffee, I would be willing to 0:21:23.480 --> 0:21:26.479 tip more. You're gonna always reach for the golden golden spoons, 0:21:26.520 --> 0:21:28.320 liver spoon. What're gonna do? I mean, I'll go either way. 0:21:28.440 --> 0:21:30.359 I'm not I'm not piggy, but yeah, so so what 0:21:30.400 --> 0:21:32.680 do we suggest, I guess in this new tipping environment, 0:21:32.760 --> 0:21:34.600 we would say one like Matt said, don't be a 0:21:34.640 --> 0:21:37.480 cheap skate, don't be cheap. We'd rather stay at home 0:21:37.680 --> 0:21:40.240 and eat than to eat out and to not tip. 0:21:40.280 --> 0:21:44.560 Well that is, you know, impacting somebody else's livelihood by 0:21:44.560 --> 0:21:46.919 sitting down eating the meal, taking up their time, and 0:21:46.960 --> 0:21:49.800 then not tipping as much as you should if you 0:21:49.800 --> 0:21:51.960 can do it properly, don't do it at all, exactly, 0:21:52.080 --> 0:21:54.119 And with many small businesses still on the road to 0:21:54.160 --> 0:21:57.600 recovery because of the pandemic, purposefully opting to tip more 0:21:57.760 --> 0:22:01.119 whenever and wherever you can, is it great strategy? Like 0:22:01.160 --> 0:22:04.199 we think you should intentionally choose and try to be 0:22:04.280 --> 0:22:06.280 more generous when it comes to tipping. When we talked 0:22:06.280 --> 0:22:08.600 about this a lot back last spring, back when all 0:22:08.600 --> 0:22:10.560 the restaurants were shutting down, it's just like, hey, make 0:22:10.600 --> 0:22:12.840 sure you're going out there and supporting your favorite restaurants 0:22:12.840 --> 0:22:14.760 because you want to make sure. Granted, this is before 0:22:14.800 --> 0:22:18.439 the ppp uh well, owning legislation went three when that 0:22:18.480 --> 0:22:22.080 wasn't enough for was not enough, I completely agree. But 0:22:22.080 --> 0:22:24.080 getting out there getting those gift certificate, it's making sure 0:22:24.119 --> 0:22:26.560 you're tipping extra, you know, on on top of whatever 0:22:26.600 --> 0:22:28.440 your order is. We're all about that and making sure 0:22:28.480 --> 0:22:30.800 that we are being active in our communities. But at 0:22:30.800 --> 0:22:32.639 the same time, you gotta find that balance, just like 0:22:32.640 --> 0:22:34.680 you're talking about earlier with the beer. We splurers on 0:22:34.760 --> 0:22:36.480 craft beer. But at a certain point, you gotta figure 0:22:36.480 --> 0:22:39.040 out what's reasonable for you, right. Yeah, we were even 0:22:39.040 --> 0:22:42.000 suggesting use some of that stimulus money to help your 0:22:42.040 --> 0:22:44.640 local economy, for sure, but we would say to make 0:22:44.680 --> 0:22:47.080 that choice ahead of time, and don't let those subtle 0:22:47.119 --> 0:22:49.679 tip nudges be the deciding factor in the moment, Like 0:22:49.720 --> 0:22:52.360 the iPad gets turned around in your direction and you're like, uh, 0:22:52.480 --> 0:22:57.120 like deer in the headlights, you clinch up. Exactly, I've 0:22:57.160 --> 0:22:59.040 been there and so I realized, you know what, I 0:22:59.080 --> 0:23:00.720 have to have a plan of action and before I 0:23:00.760 --> 0:23:03.080 get to this point or I hesitate in the moment. 0:23:03.280 --> 0:23:05.200 So yeah, we would say, don't be afraid to craft 0:23:05.240 --> 0:23:08.120 your own tip amount instead of using this suggested preset 0:23:08.119 --> 0:23:10.399 tip amounts and when you kind of have like, you 0:23:10.400 --> 0:23:12.320 know what, if it's a coffee shop, I tip ten percent. 0:23:12.400 --> 0:23:14.160 If it's this place, I tip fifteen. If it's this place, 0:23:14.200 --> 0:23:18.080 I tip or potentially even more if the service is awesome. 0:23:18.320 --> 0:23:20.120 You know, it might be worth it to have multiple 0:23:20.200 --> 0:23:24.000 categories for how much you're tipping. Those simple quick interactions, 0:23:24.000 --> 0:23:26.720 you mutant to tip LUs. For those bigger ones, For 0:23:26.720 --> 0:23:29.879 those finer dining experiences, those three FOURK restaurants, you might 0:23:29.880 --> 0:23:31.960 want to tip more. Totally. Yeah, let's talk about eating 0:23:31.960 --> 0:23:33.560 out with friends, because this can kind of be a 0:23:33.640 --> 0:23:36.960 tough etiquette scenario that you might find yourself in because 0:23:37.320 --> 0:23:39.040 we've probably all been in the place where we're trying 0:23:39.080 --> 0:23:41.160 to maybe save a little more money than our friends are. 0:23:41.480 --> 0:23:44.560 You're like over there ordering water, one of the cheaper 0:23:44.720 --> 0:23:46.240 items on the menu, and I get the water in 0:23:46.280 --> 0:23:48.360 the cheerios please, And then there's that that that one 0:23:48.440 --> 0:23:50.320 friend who's just like, hey, let's just put the bill 0:23:50.359 --> 0:23:52.879 down the middle. It totally sucks to be in that situation, 0:23:53.480 --> 0:23:56.280 but we feel this is an important lesson that we 0:23:56.320 --> 0:23:59.040 need to learn from because it's, like you said, it's 0:23:59.080 --> 0:24:02.200 toffer to have this conversation and after they've made that suggestion, 0:24:02.359 --> 0:24:04.480 it's tougher to make that decision after they've spun the 0:24:04.520 --> 0:24:06.320 little iPad around and it feels like you're in the 0:24:06.359 --> 0:24:08.399 hot seat. And so it might sound awkward to have 0:24:08.480 --> 0:24:11.679 this conversation about picking up your own tab ahead of 0:24:11.720 --> 0:24:14.240 that dinner out, but just being upfront about it is 0:24:14.240 --> 0:24:16.840 going to be the winning move. Go with that, you know, 0:24:16.880 --> 0:24:20.480 the slightly awkward chat earlier instead of the really awkward 0:24:20.520 --> 0:24:23.160 one later on. And another thing too, if you are 0:24:23.440 --> 0:24:24.840 you know, and you're like, oh no, like it's just 0:24:24.880 --> 0:24:27.560 fun to split the bill, well, not everybody thinks it's fun. 0:24:28.600 --> 0:24:31.480 If you're the one making that suggestion, we would recommend 0:24:31.480 --> 0:24:33.920 for you to think through, Okay, what did everyone order? 0:24:34.000 --> 0:24:37.200 Like did we order equivalent food or equivalent drinks? Because 0:24:37.240 --> 0:24:39.080 you want to make sure that if you are suggesting 0:24:39.119 --> 0:24:41.840 that that you're you're you're being fair. Yeah, I think 0:24:41.840 --> 0:24:44.000 another really important thing to do, Matt. You're right, have 0:24:44.119 --> 0:24:46.480 the conversation ahead of time with that friend. Hey, last 0:24:46.520 --> 0:24:49.800 time you suggested splitting the check and guess what. Here, 0:24:49.840 --> 0:24:51.840 here's here's where I'm at with money, and here's what 0:24:51.880 --> 0:24:54.600 I'm trying to accomplish. And so for me, like, I'm 0:24:54.640 --> 0:24:56.160 totally down with going out to eat, but I'm trying 0:24:56.160 --> 0:24:57.760 to spend a whole lot less, So this time, can 0:24:57.800 --> 0:24:59.439 we just pay our own way. I think that's a 0:24:59.480 --> 0:25:03.080 great conver station have, and like really shouldn't make anybody uncomfortable, 0:25:03.160 --> 0:25:06.080 that's understandable. I think your friend will appreciate the fact 0:25:06.119 --> 0:25:08.960 that you mentioned and that you actually kind of opened 0:25:09.040 --> 0:25:10.760 up a little bit about what's going on with your 0:25:10.760 --> 0:25:13.040 you personally, what your goals are, and you know what, 0:25:13.119 --> 0:25:15.480 you just started a money conversation right there too, which 0:25:15.520 --> 0:25:17.920 school that could lead to some more interesting combos down 0:25:17.960 --> 0:25:21.399 the road, potentially even prodding them to, yeah, ask you 0:25:21.400 --> 0:25:24.680 some questions about oh wait, wait a second, wait, you're 0:25:24.680 --> 0:25:27.359 investing for retirement, like or people supposed to be doing that? 0:25:27.400 --> 0:25:29.720 Then uh yeah, it could be could I end up 0:25:29.760 --> 0:25:31.480 helping your friend out? Actually, in the long run, I 0:25:31.520 --> 0:25:35.639 think it's also okay to make an alternative suggestion. Your 0:25:35.680 --> 0:25:38.760 friend might have suggested a nice dinner out, but you 0:25:38.840 --> 0:25:40.840 might say, you know what, I don't even want to 0:25:40.840 --> 0:25:42.760 go out and drink water and get the cheapest thing 0:25:42.800 --> 0:25:44.760 on the menu. I'd rather just stay at home in 0:25:44.840 --> 0:25:47.400 order to reach my saving school and that's okay too, 0:25:47.480 --> 0:25:50.840 but be honest about that as well. So maybe say, hey, 0:25:51.000 --> 0:25:53.080 my eating out budget, it's really tiny right now, I've 0:25:53.080 --> 0:25:55.000 exhausted it for the month. How about you come over 0:25:55.040 --> 0:25:58.040 for a morning coffee hang instead. Your friend might be 0:25:58.119 --> 0:26:00.159 like relief to right, because they just want to hang 0:26:00.160 --> 0:26:02.760 out with you. They might not necessarily care about the 0:26:02.760 --> 0:26:05.159 fine dining experience. They might have like a lot of 0:26:05.200 --> 0:26:07.960 respect for you that you're letting your values drive your 0:26:07.960 --> 0:26:11.280 spending decisions. And so yeah, I think it's just important 0:26:11.320 --> 0:26:14.680 to have alternative suggestions ready. Just because that one thing 0:26:14.760 --> 0:26:18.520 they suggested didn't work out doesn't mean you can't offer 0:26:18.600 --> 0:26:20.200 up something I'll sorry, Hey, let's go for a hike 0:26:20.440 --> 0:26:22.560 on Saturday morning, Like, let's get outside for a high, 0:26:22.640 --> 0:26:24.200 go for a walk. How about you come over here, 0:26:24.320 --> 0:26:25.919 let's la have some coffee here and then we'll go 0:26:25.960 --> 0:26:28.480 for a walk instead of us meeting at a coffee shop, 0:26:28.520 --> 0:26:30.680 especially if like you make good coffee, Like I don't 0:26:30.680 --> 0:26:33.400 necessarily that kind of go French press, and I think 0:26:33.400 --> 0:26:35.880 it takes fine, but like I don't know my French press. 0:26:35.880 --> 0:26:38.040 My standards aren't high. But yeah, if you make like 0:26:38.080 --> 0:26:40.120 good pour over coffee or something your friend might be 0:26:40.240 --> 0:26:41.679 excited to come over and like, oh, give me some 0:26:41.680 --> 0:26:45.080 of that arrow press, right, yeah, it taste your stuff. Okay, 0:26:45.119 --> 0:26:46.800 So what's funny is that Kate and I are literally 0:26:47.040 --> 0:26:49.159 we we literally just did this. We are going to 0:26:49.240 --> 0:26:52.480 be having dinner with some a couple. They're college friends 0:26:52.520 --> 0:26:54.760 of ours, and we invited them over to our house 0:26:55.160 --> 0:26:57.600 before we're gonna and this is gonna happen tomorrow. Uh, 0:26:57.640 --> 0:26:59.720 and we're gonna have a drink at the house before 0:26:59.760 --> 0:27:01.919 we go to dinner. Uh. And it's for us, it's 0:27:02.000 --> 0:27:04.560 kind of less about being super frugal. The fact is 0:27:04.880 --> 0:27:07.600 four drinks at home is going to be a fraction 0:27:07.720 --> 0:27:09.720 of the cost of actually going out and all of 0:27:09.760 --> 0:27:12.120 us getting a cocktail while we're out. But then again, 0:27:12.160 --> 0:27:13.639 it comes down to the conversation how we're going to 0:27:13.680 --> 0:27:15.840 split the actual dinner bill. And I feel like we 0:27:15.880 --> 0:27:18.240 know them enough well enough to like I'm going to 0:27:18.359 --> 0:27:20.680 be the one probably to suggest that let's just play 0:27:20.720 --> 0:27:22.520 it down the middle, but just you know, given the 0:27:22.520 --> 0:27:24.679 conversation that we're having right now, like I am instead 0:27:24.760 --> 0:27:27.440 going instead of like suggesting it, I'm gonna maybe ask 0:27:27.480 --> 0:27:28.760 it and be like, hey, yeah, cool, if we just 0:27:28.760 --> 0:27:31.000 split it down the middle, because I think the act 0:27:31.040 --> 0:27:34.000 of asking rather than suggesting even that right there, can 0:27:34.080 --> 0:27:36.320 kind of open the conversation up to where someone feels 0:27:36.320 --> 0:27:38.800 a little less pressure to just go along with it, 0:27:38.840 --> 0:27:40.920 as opposed to being like, well, actually, do you mind 0:27:40.960 --> 0:27:42.680 if we kind of separate out where you know, maybe 0:27:42.720 --> 0:27:45.080 we're maybe they would say that they're on a budget regardless, 0:27:45.080 --> 0:27:46.600 you kind of want to set the table for just 0:27:46.640 --> 0:27:49.399 a nice, healthy conversation. I thought your classic move was 0:27:49.440 --> 0:27:51.520 when the bill came to go to the restroom for 0:27:51.520 --> 0:27:55.120 an extended period of time, maybe out the window. You've 0:27:55.160 --> 0:27:59.120 never actually done that, right, I'll cost you A friend 0:27:59.560 --> 0:28:01.800 keep saying it's almost like like, I mean, you say 0:28:01.840 --> 0:28:06.440 it with much confidence, uh, and it sounds like almost experience. No, 0:28:06.720 --> 0:28:09.240 I never pulled that one. Uh, never done the dining dash. 0:28:09.320 --> 0:28:12.080 Never done that to a friend either, And that's that 0:28:12.119 --> 0:28:14.359 would be the opposite of etiquette, So that would be cheap. 0:28:14.480 --> 0:28:16.639 Don't do that, all right, Let's let's talk to you 0:28:16.680 --> 0:28:19.040 mad about just kind of other maybe money things that 0:28:19.080 --> 0:28:22.160 pop up. This one is something that we've experienced as parents. 0:28:22.440 --> 0:28:25.639 Let's say, like, what's the etiquette surrounding contributing to a 0:28:25.640 --> 0:28:28.199 gift for a teacher at like your kids school. I mean, 0:28:28.240 --> 0:28:31.879 I feel like, similarly to planning ahead, you have to 0:28:31.960 --> 0:28:34.119 make sure you have room in the budget for stuff 0:28:34.160 --> 0:28:37.600 like that, and you have to know that those quote 0:28:37.640 --> 0:28:40.880 unquote unexpected expenses are going to happen, right. I think 0:28:41.160 --> 0:28:44.640 it's it's easy to get blindsided and say, wait, I 0:28:44.640 --> 0:28:46.480 don't I don't have money for that, like and you 0:28:46.480 --> 0:28:49.200 didn't know it was coming. But really, those are the 0:28:49.240 --> 0:28:51.760 things that we shouldn't cheap out on, and we should 0:28:52.080 --> 0:28:55.280 give something towards. And like, I think just setting aside 0:28:55.400 --> 0:28:57.840 something to the tune of twenty bucks a month for 0:28:58.120 --> 0:29:02.440 requests like teacher um or other things in that similar 0:29:02.560 --> 0:29:05.080 vein is a good idea. And I think that takes 0:29:05.080 --> 0:29:07.440 a whole lot of stress out of these requests for money, 0:29:07.480 --> 0:29:10.040 because yeah, they don't really come out of left field, 0:29:10.080 --> 0:29:12.760 even though we feel like they do. So playing ahead 0:29:12.760 --> 0:29:16.280 for them, give accordingly instead of like getting that stress 0:29:16.360 --> 0:29:18.360 ulcer every time that email comes through and you're like, 0:29:18.760 --> 0:29:20.280 I am I supposed to give money that now I'm 0:29:20.400 --> 0:29:24.160 supposed to do. And even just something simple like for instance, 0:29:24.520 --> 0:29:26.920 my son's school, he's too he's going to school a 0:29:26.920 --> 0:29:29.240 few days a week and they had a pumpkin patch 0:29:29.240 --> 0:29:31.120 and we took the time one to go volunteer and 0:29:31.120 --> 0:29:33.120 help set it up. But then we're gonna buy an 0:29:33.120 --> 0:29:36.920 overpriced pumpkin there because of the good that that money does. 0:29:37.080 --> 0:29:38.920 Like I could go to Aldi and give me a 0:29:39.000 --> 0:29:42.840 five dollar pumpkin, but I would rather spend the extra money. 0:29:43.200 --> 0:29:46.440 And this money goes to literally benefit his school and 0:29:46.520 --> 0:29:48.760 refugee families. And I'm like, I'm not cheating out of 0:29:48.760 --> 0:29:50.440 the pumpkin, Like, of course I'm putting my money there, 0:29:50.520 --> 0:29:53.960 but I have budgeted money for these kinds of purposes. 0:29:54.200 --> 0:29:56.560 And really that's what it takes so that you're not like, yeah, 0:29:56.600 --> 0:29:58.520 getting freaked out every time you get asked for money 0:29:58.600 --> 0:30:00.560 or something like this. Yeah, that doesn't mean that you 0:30:00.600 --> 0:30:03.200 should feel compelled to give to everything, right, Like, I 0:30:03.200 --> 0:30:06.200 think one of the other etiquette conundrums is when people 0:30:06.480 --> 0:30:08.800 ask for money in the moment, and even if it's 0:30:08.840 --> 0:30:11.360 not to our faces. Right. I'm talking about the rise 0:30:11.360 --> 0:30:14.000 of go fund me's online that you might see on 0:30:14.040 --> 0:30:16.720 social media. See them on Facebook, for instance, if someone 0:30:16.720 --> 0:30:18.520 has a birthday coming up, they might be raising money 0:30:18.520 --> 0:30:20.000 for a cause that they care about. But that doesn't 0:30:20.040 --> 0:30:22.600 necessarily mean that you have to be giving to that 0:30:22.640 --> 0:30:24.920 particular organization. Man, I see it all the time now, 0:30:24.920 --> 0:30:27.080 and I'm like, sorry, it doesn't mean I don't love you, 0:30:27.120 --> 0:30:28.920 and it doesn't mean I don't wish you a happy birthday. 0:30:28.960 --> 0:30:31.600 But there's I'm not contributing to pay well, and I 0:30:31.600 --> 0:30:33.560 don't feel guilted into that. Like. It also makes me 0:30:33.600 --> 0:30:36.080 think of two like giving money like in the grocery 0:30:36.080 --> 0:30:39.040 store checkoutline, that that is not something I participate in 0:30:39.160 --> 0:30:42.800 because almost all of my giving is pre planned, uh, 0:30:42.800 --> 0:30:45.160 and it is funneled towards the organization that I know 0:30:45.240 --> 0:30:47.720 and that I love. So this is an example where 0:30:48.160 --> 0:30:50.320 I think we believe it's better to be proactive and 0:30:50.360 --> 0:30:53.640 intentional with our giving rather than being you know, passive 0:30:53.680 --> 0:30:56.080 and casual about it. We don't want you to be cheap. 0:30:56.360 --> 0:30:58.080 Do give your money, but just make sure instead that 0:30:58.080 --> 0:31:00.600 you're taking the time to look up and read search charities. 0:31:00.600 --> 0:31:03.560 And you can do that via a site like Charity Navigator. 0:31:03.800 --> 0:31:06.000 That's a fantastic site that we've mentioned multiple times here 0:31:06.040 --> 0:31:07.800 on the show, where you can go online, you can 0:31:07.840 --> 0:31:10.600 look up the different organizations, you can see how much 0:31:10.600 --> 0:31:12.200 of the money that you give to give to them, 0:31:12.720 --> 0:31:14.960 how much of it goes towards expenses, how much of 0:31:15.000 --> 0:31:19.240 it actually goes towards the cause exactly. But you got 0:31:19.240 --> 0:31:20.840 I mean, but kind of going back to what you said, Jill, 0:31:20.840 --> 0:31:22.480 you kind of have to find that balance between being 0:31:22.720 --> 0:31:24.880 intentional and proactive. I feel like this is a perfect 0:31:24.880 --> 0:31:26.239 example of you and me, because I feel like you're 0:31:26.240 --> 0:31:28.800 a little more you know, a little going, you know, shooting, 0:31:28.800 --> 0:31:31.560 shooting from the hip a little bit um, whereas I'm 0:31:31.640 --> 0:31:35.080 like overly structured and or you know, organized. But at 0:31:35.120 --> 0:31:36.959 the same time, I feel like I do need to 0:31:37.000 --> 0:31:39.680 allow some margin in my life when it comes to 0:31:39.880 --> 0:31:42.480 maybe something like a over price pumpkin. Yeah, I have 0:31:42.520 --> 0:31:44.600 to be okay with that. I think there's like a 0:31:44.640 --> 0:31:47.160 difference in how I feel too when I give to 0:31:47.400 --> 0:31:50.400 something spur of the moment, usually like and I don't 0:31:50.400 --> 0:31:52.160 mind setting So I think it's okay to set aside 0:31:52.160 --> 0:31:54.480 in your budget some money for spur of the moment 0:31:54.520 --> 0:31:56.920 gifts if that's your thing. But for me, at least, 0:31:57.160 --> 0:32:01.680 they provide a really small, like feeling that I've done 0:32:01.680 --> 0:32:04.560 something good for a really short period of time. But 0:32:04.640 --> 0:32:06.360 when I have pre planned my giving, and I give 0:32:06.400 --> 0:32:09.520 it consistently to the organizations I already know and love 0:32:09.640 --> 0:32:13.040 and am connected to the work they're doing. That feeling 0:32:13.120 --> 0:32:15.200 the way I feel about where my money is going, 0:32:15.560 --> 0:32:18.720 it lasts longer and uh and so yeah, it really 0:32:18.720 --> 0:32:20.640 it's up to each individual how they want to give 0:32:20.640 --> 0:32:23.280 their money. But just be prepared in advance, know that 0:32:23.320 --> 0:32:26.520 you're going to get maybe asked at the grocery store, 0:32:26.560 --> 0:32:28.880 and be comfortable, like, you're not a cheap skate. You're 0:32:28.920 --> 0:32:30.920 not a bad person if you decide not to give 0:32:30.960 --> 0:32:33.400 in the moment consistently, Like if you always say no 0:32:33.480 --> 0:32:35.920 to that, that doesn't make you a bad person. If 0:32:36.000 --> 0:32:38.440 you feel like you're being generous, there you go with 0:32:38.480 --> 0:32:41.000 your money overall total. And let's talk about generosity, Matt, 0:32:41.000 --> 0:32:43.720 when it comes to like giving or a gift giving 0:32:43.760 --> 0:32:46.040 with family and friends. We are in October, and so 0:32:46.120 --> 0:32:49.120 people are planning for the holidays and there, um, if not, 0:32:49.160 --> 0:32:52.600 you should be because of shipping delays exactly. We talked 0:32:52.640 --> 0:32:54.640 about that a while back. You should be, yeah, actively 0:32:54.640 --> 0:32:57.160 looking to buy your Christmas presents now, not waiting till 0:32:57.160 --> 0:32:59.920 at the last minute because of some of those Yeah, 0:33:00.000 --> 0:33:02.920 shipping delays leading to product shortages. But this is really 0:33:02.920 --> 0:33:06.160 another uncomfortable spot that a lot of people find themselves in. Uh. 0:33:06.200 --> 0:33:09.320 And yeah, they're bound to be some awkward moments for 0:33:09.480 --> 0:33:14.320 lots of families who haven't communicated expectations well around holiday 0:33:14.400 --> 0:33:17.200 gift giving. And this is just another instance where it 0:33:17.240 --> 0:33:20.560 makes the most sense to get ahead of things and 0:33:20.600 --> 0:33:23.560 to clearly let your family know that one you love them, 0:33:23.600 --> 0:33:26.520 and to that maybe you're also working really hard to 0:33:26.680 --> 0:33:29.720 finally destroy your student loans. Can once and for all 0:33:29.760 --> 0:33:31.520 you can do both of those things at the same time. 0:33:31.520 --> 0:33:33.760 I can love you and destroy my student loans, but 0:33:34.000 --> 0:33:35.400 that doesn't the means I also, I'm not going to 0:33:35.440 --> 0:33:37.040 buy you a fifty dollar gifts and that doesn't mean 0:33:37.080 --> 0:33:39.800 that's going to destroy our relationship because we're talking about 0:33:39.800 --> 0:33:42.560 it exactly, And that's really what it comes down to, 0:33:42.760 --> 0:33:45.360 right Like, maybe instead of giving those expensive gifts this 0:33:45.440 --> 0:33:48.680 year up to exchange time spent together or do some 0:33:48.760 --> 0:33:51.000 sort of secret Santa. But those are the conversations you 0:33:51.080 --> 0:33:54.320 probably want to start having now. You want to communicate 0:33:54.360 --> 0:33:56.800 the expectations, just like you're planning ahead in your budget, 0:33:56.840 --> 0:34:00.720 plan ahead and communicate well with your family so that 0:34:00.800 --> 0:34:03.880 you don't show up on Christmas morning or whatever it 0:34:03.960 --> 0:34:06.480 is and you've got nothing in hand, and you're like, well, 0:34:07.160 --> 0:34:10.120 I'm saving money, guys exactly, don't you get it? But 0:34:10.160 --> 0:34:12.479 if you talk about that and open up those lines 0:34:12.520 --> 0:34:15.840 of communication far in advance, it's less of a shock. 0:34:15.920 --> 0:34:19.720 It feels less like you just didn't you just weren't thoughtful, 0:34:19.880 --> 0:34:22.359 and it feels more like, wait, they're being intentional here. 0:34:22.560 --> 0:34:25.239 We want to help them, support support them in that goal. Yeah. 0:34:25.239 --> 0:34:27.359 So on the note of gift giving, another real quick 0:34:27.360 --> 0:34:29.320 one here, what are your thoughts as far as the 0:34:29.320 --> 0:34:33.040 etiquette surrounding giving money as a gift? Uh? And as 0:34:33.040 --> 0:34:35.560 you think about this, I'll say, as a half Korean 0:34:35.920 --> 0:34:39.480 who has received my fair share of money, just straight 0:34:39.560 --> 0:34:43.480 up cash gifts from my mom's friends, fully Korean, I 0:34:43.520 --> 0:34:46.200 feel like it's maybe more of an Asian thing. But like, dude, like, 0:34:46.239 --> 0:34:50.240 as a practical guy that likes to talk about money, 0:34:51.320 --> 0:34:53.800 welcome cash the you know, like for like one of 0:34:53.800 --> 0:34:55.479 our kids, like when they're born, like when a baby 0:34:55.520 --> 0:34:57.880 is born, or for a wedding, It's easy for me 0:34:57.920 --> 0:35:00.960 to lash onto practical little side of that. But what 0:35:01.000 --> 0:35:03.240 are your thoughts on that? Okay, So I think money 0:35:03.360 --> 0:35:06.000 is actually a better etiquette move than giving a gift card. 0:35:06.320 --> 0:35:09.240 And that's really I do. And I think it feels 0:35:09.239 --> 0:35:11.880 the opposite because a gift card feels more specific, it 0:35:11.920 --> 0:35:15.160 feels like a little bit. I know you like this store, 0:35:15.200 --> 0:35:16.960 so go buy yourself something night, but you get to 0:35:16.960 --> 0:35:19.200 pick something from that store. I'm not going to order 0:35:19.239 --> 0:35:21.520 you a meal. That's too personal. But when you look 0:35:21.520 --> 0:35:23.160 at the stats and you see the amount of money 0:35:23.160 --> 0:35:26.120 that goes unspent on gift cards each year, people get 0:35:26.160 --> 0:35:28.080 gift cards, they get tossed in the drawer, they never 0:35:28.120 --> 0:35:30.480 get spent. But do you ever not spend a hundred 0:35:30.480 --> 0:35:32.400 dollar bill that comes into your into your life or 0:35:32.400 --> 0:35:34.560 a fifty dollar bill. Yeah, it's cash, you're gonna spend it. 0:35:34.840 --> 0:35:37.360 So I think from that aspect, like I think the 0:35:37.360 --> 0:35:39.920 better etiquette is to give cash, and I think we 0:35:39.960 --> 0:35:42.919 can like bring less stigma around that and start giving 0:35:42.960 --> 0:35:44.880 cash more. I think the thing is to include a 0:35:44.920 --> 0:35:47.680 note that that is thoughtful and I says, hey, I 0:35:47.760 --> 0:35:49.799 know you and I know that this is something you like, 0:35:49.920 --> 0:35:51.480 and I don't know what you're gonna spend it on, 0:35:51.480 --> 0:35:53.880 maybe this, this or this, But yeah, I think that 0:35:53.960 --> 0:35:56.279 helps make it feel a little more personal and a 0:35:56.280 --> 0:35:59.759 little less like you just didn't know what they like, 0:36:00.000 --> 0:36:01.920 what they care about. Right. I like that, dude, I 0:36:01.960 --> 0:36:03.520 like that a lot. I think you could even include 0:36:03.560 --> 0:36:06.799 some stats about the percentage of gift cards that go 0:36:07.120 --> 0:36:09.759 on untapped. Yeah, just to convince them that you made 0:36:09.800 --> 0:36:14.160 the right This guy's a total do we a total nerd. 0:36:14.840 --> 0:36:17.359 But that is how we roll. All Right, we're gonna 0:36:17.360 --> 0:36:19.040 take a quick break, but after the break, we're finally 0:36:19.040 --> 0:36:22.200 going to get to talking about money and relationships. When 0:36:22.239 --> 0:36:33.680 it comes to dating, we'll get to that right after this. Okay, 0:36:33.680 --> 0:36:35.680 we're back. We're going to get to dating and marriage 0:36:36.000 --> 0:36:38.040 in just a second, I promise. But first I wanted 0:36:38.040 --> 0:36:40.120 to talk about we we just talked about gift giving. 0:36:40.480 --> 0:36:42.680 Let's talk about lending money to family and friends, because 0:36:42.920 --> 0:36:46.360 that is another zone of money that it's fraught with peril. 0:36:46.680 --> 0:36:49.000 And it's like, well, that's the etiquette there when someone 0:36:49.040 --> 0:36:52.160 I love asks me for money. So we would suggest 0:36:52.440 --> 0:36:55.480 to really try at all costs to avoid being the 0:36:55.560 --> 0:37:00.360 borrower or the lender in this scenario whenever possible, And 0:37:00.400 --> 0:37:02.640 if you're the one borrowing money from a friend, pay 0:37:02.680 --> 0:37:05.480 them back as soon as possible, or at least when 0:37:05.480 --> 0:37:07.080 you say you're going to. If you're like, hey, I'm 0:37:07.080 --> 0:37:09.400 gonna get paid two weeks from now, I promise that 0:37:09.480 --> 0:37:11.040 hunter Bucks is hitting you back, hit you up at 0:37:11.040 --> 0:37:13.480 the end of the month, exactly. Friendships can easily get 0:37:13.560 --> 0:37:16.200 damaged if you don't, and if you're the one who's 0:37:16.400 --> 0:37:18.920 lending the money. It's also helpful to not think of 0:37:18.960 --> 0:37:20.319 it as a loan. So if your friend comes to 0:37:20.320 --> 0:37:23.120 you and says, hey, let me can I can I 0:37:23.160 --> 0:37:26.360 borrow Hunter Bucks and you say yes, don't expect to 0:37:26.360 --> 0:37:28.080 get paid back. Think of it as a gift that 0:37:28.120 --> 0:37:30.560 you're making to the person that you care about instead, 0:37:30.840 --> 0:37:32.840 and if you somehow get paid back, it's icing on 0:37:32.880 --> 0:37:35.000 the cake. Because if you don't view it that way 0:37:35.280 --> 0:37:39.200 and that person, uh, this abuses your trust and doesn't 0:37:39.200 --> 0:37:41.520 pay you back in a timely fashion, it's gonna be 0:37:41.560 --> 0:37:45.040 frustrating and it could cause damage to the relationship. But 0:37:45.080 --> 0:37:47.080 if you mentally are thinking of it like, you know what, 0:37:47.120 --> 0:37:49.399 I'm gonna give them some money, it's no big deal. 0:37:49.560 --> 0:37:51.480 If I don't give this money back and then, and also, 0:37:51.520 --> 0:37:53.719 don't lend any money that you can't afford to lend 0:37:53.719 --> 0:37:55.720 if you can't afford it, just be honest and say, listen, 0:37:55.880 --> 0:37:57.399 I don't have the money to give you right now. 0:37:57.560 --> 0:37:59.879 I love you, but how else can I help you out? Yes? 0:38:00.320 --> 0:38:02.200 I love that so much, dude. This also makes me 0:38:02.239 --> 0:38:04.480 think of co signing because this is kind of another 0:38:04.560 --> 0:38:06.880 form of lending your You're lending your good name, you're 0:38:06.960 --> 0:38:10.040 lending your credit to somebody, and even in parents in 0:38:10.120 --> 0:38:13.160 child relationships, it can become a source of contention. And 0:38:13.200 --> 0:38:15.399 so if someone wants you to help them to buy 0:38:15.400 --> 0:38:17.480 a car, for instance, with your good credit, like this 0:38:17.560 --> 0:38:19.319 is probably going to be a bad idea for you. 0:38:19.560 --> 0:38:21.919 When you co sign, you are telling the lender that 0:38:22.080 --> 0:38:24.480 you are going to be good for the money. Uh. 0:38:24.480 --> 0:38:27.360 And so instead, we would recommend that you kind of 0:38:27.360 --> 0:38:29.840 maybe see that ask from that individual as kind of 0:38:29.840 --> 0:38:32.600 the perfect way to start a conversation about how they're 0:38:32.600 --> 0:38:34.200 handling their money, like what is it that they can 0:38:34.200 --> 0:38:37.200 actually afford? Hopefully that can lead to I mean, if 0:38:37.200 --> 0:38:39.840 they feel comfortable enough asking you to co sign, hopefully 0:38:39.840 --> 0:38:43.919 they're open enough to handle some additional conversations about money. Right. Yeah, 0:38:43.920 --> 0:38:45.239 it's like, hey, mom, dad, can you help me co 0:38:45.280 --> 0:38:47.839 sign for this brand? New Hanta Civic and it's like, wait, 0:38:47.960 --> 0:38:50.000 slow down there, let's let's let's see you know what 0:38:50.040 --> 0:38:52.120 I'm unwilling to do that. How much money do you 0:38:52.160 --> 0:38:55.560 have on hand? Can I help you purchase a used 0:38:55.560 --> 0:38:57.640 one and find the right used card that's gonna cost 0:38:57.680 --> 0:38:59.520 you a whole lot less? Like that opens up a 0:38:59.600 --> 0:39:02.719 gateway for a better conversation. And I do think I 0:39:02.719 --> 0:39:05.680 mean that parent child relationship it is a little bit different, 0:39:05.719 --> 0:39:07.160 like like there's I feel like there is a gray 0:39:07.239 --> 0:39:09.440 area here, especially if you have an adult child who 0:39:09.480 --> 0:39:11.960 maybe doesn't have a credit score and they're asking you 0:39:12.120 --> 0:39:14.160 essentially like you know that they're good for it, you 0:39:14.200 --> 0:39:16.480 know that they are incredibly responsible, but you just want 0:39:16.480 --> 0:39:18.319 to make sure that you've had these conversations with them 0:39:18.320 --> 0:39:20.120 ahead of time. You want to make sure that they 0:39:20.120 --> 0:39:23.200 are open to sitting down periodically and taking a look 0:39:23.239 --> 0:39:26.440 at how those payments are going. That type of thing. Uh, 0:39:26.480 --> 0:39:28.680 in real quick to joll there's actually another kind of 0:39:28.840 --> 0:39:31.759 awkward situation regarding the parent child thing. What are your 0:39:31.800 --> 0:39:34.719 thoughts when it comes to adult children who are also 0:39:34.800 --> 0:39:37.640 hanging out with their parents who are presumably adults, right, 0:39:38.840 --> 0:39:41.000 But like, when you get to that point to where 0:39:41.440 --> 0:39:44.279 the child starts to pay their own way for things, 0:39:44.280 --> 0:39:46.480 like saying you're gonna go out. You're in a situation 0:39:46.520 --> 0:39:49.160 where you can you can both afford things. But it's 0:39:49.200 --> 0:39:50.840 kind of like, all right, do we revert back to 0:39:50.880 --> 0:39:53.360 the mom and dad take care of everything kind of mindset? 0:39:53.400 --> 0:39:55.319 Are like, where do you think that line is? That's 0:39:55.320 --> 0:39:57.680 a really good question. I think it depends on both 0:39:58.640 --> 0:40:02.640 financial situations of both individuals, and I think as a parent, like, 0:40:02.880 --> 0:40:04.640 that's what I want to do for my kids at 0:40:04.680 --> 0:40:07.560 some point, once they've proven that they're responsible with money, 0:40:07.560 --> 0:40:09.759 like once they get get out on their own, once 0:40:09.760 --> 0:40:12.680 they have a solid job earning their own income. Once 0:40:12.680 --> 0:40:14.359 I'm like, Okay, they know what they're doing. I want 0:40:14.360 --> 0:40:16.560 to treat them in that way. But if it's one 0:40:16.560 --> 0:40:18.799 of those things where they keep coming back to the well, 0:40:19.760 --> 0:40:22.319 then I'm gonna be less enthusiastic. I think about, you know, 0:40:22.360 --> 0:40:24.840 paying for paying for dinner or paying for anything for 0:40:24.880 --> 0:40:26.719 them totally. Yeah. Like I think as a parent, like, 0:40:26.760 --> 0:40:28.480 as I see many kids get older, I mean, and 0:40:28.520 --> 0:40:32.160 we're like we're like that gates from this, But I'm 0:40:32.160 --> 0:40:33.920 trying to imagine what this would feel like. And I 0:40:33.920 --> 0:40:36.680 think I would want them to show some initiative, you know, 0:40:36.760 --> 0:40:38.920 like like say they're gonna come back home to visit. Uh, 0:40:38.920 --> 0:40:41.000 They've got a solid, you know, decent paying job. I'm 0:40:41.040 --> 0:40:44.480 I'm not expecting them to like pay a certain thing, 0:40:44.560 --> 0:40:45.640 but like for them just to be like, hey, you 0:40:45.640 --> 0:40:47.319 wanted to pick up any groceries on the on the 0:40:47.360 --> 0:40:49.920 way back to the house for the weekend, Like that 0:40:50.000 --> 0:40:51.760 kind of thing that goes a long way and making 0:40:51.760 --> 0:40:53.799 you want to them. Yeah. And I feel the same 0:40:53.840 --> 0:40:56.000 thing like with my parents, Like they they're in the 0:40:56.040 --> 0:40:59.440 place now where they offer to buy things, but then 0:40:59.520 --> 0:41:01.880 I different things too, Like my parents they still do that. 0:41:01.880 --> 0:41:03.960 They came around and stayed in the beach house that 0:41:04.000 --> 0:41:06.080 we rented this past summer, and they were like, hey, 0:41:06.160 --> 0:41:07.360 can we pay for some of it? And I'm like, 0:41:07.480 --> 0:41:09.839 no way, Like this is my treat and it felt 0:41:09.840 --> 0:41:11.560 really good to do that. But then other times they'll 0:41:11.600 --> 0:41:13.719 pick up the tab at the restaurant when we're all 0:41:13.719 --> 0:41:15.680 go out, and it's like that's super sweet. It kind 0:41:15.680 --> 0:41:17.520 of depends on the situation, right, Like if you had 0:41:17.520 --> 0:41:19.480 like a few years of just really tough times at 0:41:19.480 --> 0:41:21.480 a job, maybe that you hated for them to have 0:41:21.560 --> 0:41:23.520 offered that would have not only been incredibly generous, but 0:41:23.560 --> 0:41:25.680 maybe welcome on your on your part. So I think 0:41:25.719 --> 0:41:26.880 a lot of it does kind of come down to 0:41:26.880 --> 0:41:29.760 the individual relationship with with you and your parents exactly, 0:41:29.800 --> 0:41:32.920 timing circumstances, that all that, that all really matters. Let's 0:41:33.040 --> 0:41:36.040 talk Matt about like more intense relationships. Welln't that more 0:41:36.080 --> 0:41:40.319 intense but more romantic? More romantic. Yeah, and we're gonna 0:41:40.360 --> 0:41:42.640 get into marriage too, But let's talk about dating for 0:41:42.640 --> 0:41:46.919 a second. And it can be really hard to know 0:41:47.000 --> 0:41:49.319 what the etiquette should be like when it comes to dating, 0:41:49.360 --> 0:41:51.080 and Matt, we just to be honest, we've been out 0:41:51.080 --> 0:41:53.080 of the dating world for quite a while at this 0:41:53.080 --> 0:41:55.960 point in time, you for like what fourteen fifteen years 0:41:56.080 --> 0:41:58.799 or fifteen years and me for eleven twelve years, and 0:41:58.840 --> 0:42:02.120 so we would suggest getting the uncomfortable stuff out of 0:42:02.120 --> 0:42:04.960 the way upfront. It's again, it's so much more awkward 0:42:05.040 --> 0:42:06.879 after the bill comes to talk about who is paying 0:42:06.920 --> 0:42:09.719 for what? And if you asked someone out, if you said, hey, 0:42:09.840 --> 0:42:11.879 I like you, can I take you out to eat 0:42:12.040 --> 0:42:14.480 or to wherever, offer to pay for the meal. That 0:42:14.560 --> 0:42:17.920 might sound old school, but it's our opinion that if 0:42:18.000 --> 0:42:19.960 you like someone enough to ask him out on a 0:42:20.080 --> 0:42:22.520 date and you plan something cool, then you pay for it. 0:42:23.040 --> 0:42:25.399 And of course it doesn't have to be fancy. I mean, 0:42:25.560 --> 0:42:28.200 it probably can't be McDonald's, but it certainly doesn't have 0:42:28.239 --> 0:42:30.319 to be the three fork restaurants, but more between three 0:42:30.320 --> 0:42:35.000 forks and plastic forks. Right, And if you don't have 0:42:35.120 --> 0:42:37.640 boatloads of dough for dating though, that's okay too. You 0:42:37.680 --> 0:42:40.520 could still date people. And so yeah, we would say, 0:42:40.560 --> 0:42:42.880 offer to pick up that love interest in your fancy 0:42:42.960 --> 0:42:45.239 like two Honda Kord or whatever it is, and then 0:42:45.320 --> 0:42:47.719 go for a hike. But yeah, or maybe meat for 0:42:47.760 --> 0:42:49.680 a picnic in a cool park on a beautiful day. 0:42:49.960 --> 0:42:52.239 You really don't need big money to wow someone who 0:42:52.280 --> 0:42:54.879 you've got a crush on. Sometimes sweet and Goofy goes 0:42:54.880 --> 0:42:57.760 a lot further, and just putting your actual foot forward 0:42:57.800 --> 0:43:00.880 like who you are, as opposed to putting like you forward, 0:43:01.520 --> 0:43:03.319 making it seem like you've got it all together. I 0:43:03.320 --> 0:43:05.799 think sometimes people appreciate that. Most of the time, people 0:43:05.800 --> 0:43:09.480 appreciate that authenticity, even if it doesn't seem like that's 0:43:09.520 --> 0:43:11.160 what's going to be received. All seems like you're putting 0:43:11.160 --> 0:43:12.719 a whole lot of stock in the sweet and goofy guy. 0:43:14.400 --> 0:43:17.080 That's all I got. Someone's like talking to their their friends, 0:43:17.080 --> 0:43:20.080 they're like, well, downside he's he's broke, he doesn't make 0:43:20.080 --> 0:43:22.200 a lot of money, but on the up side, he's 0:43:22.200 --> 0:43:26.560 really sweet and goofy. And you know, we we feel 0:43:26.560 --> 0:43:28.319 that if like you're more or less like the one 0:43:28.360 --> 0:43:31.239 who's being treated to a date, like, definitely don't be 0:43:31.280 --> 0:43:34.120 the person who orders like the most expensive thing on 0:43:34.160 --> 0:43:37.160 the menu and then also like the second, third, fourth 0:43:37.200 --> 0:43:40.640 glass of wine. Uh. Instead, you know, be respectful, take 0:43:40.680 --> 0:43:43.239 the lead of the person who you're on the date with. 0:43:43.760 --> 0:43:46.160 That certainly feels like the respectful kind of path to take, 0:43:46.320 --> 0:43:48.680 at least for in my opinion. One other thing, I 0:43:48.719 --> 0:43:50.480 think it can be kind of sweet to offer to 0:43:50.480 --> 0:43:53.640 go Dutch as well, where you you're both paying your way. 0:43:53.680 --> 0:43:56.000 But you know, bottom line, we don't need to be 0:43:56.000 --> 0:43:58.080 the ones here to to tell you that virtually everything 0:43:58.120 --> 0:43:59.759 you do and say feels like it's under kind of 0:43:59.800 --> 0:44:02.160 like the the dating microscope when you're out on a date, right, 0:44:02.480 --> 0:44:05.799 But it is true that there are counless decisions that 0:44:05.840 --> 0:44:09.200 communicates something specifically your thoughts on money to a date. 0:44:09.280 --> 0:44:11.239 While you're out on a date, and if you're the 0:44:11.239 --> 0:44:13.799 one ordering that fourth glass of wine, well, whether you 0:44:13.840 --> 0:44:16.600 realize it or not, you are communicating something to them, 0:44:16.640 --> 0:44:18.719 and so you just want to make sure that you 0:44:18.760 --> 0:44:21.480 are sending the right signals. Yeah, and it goes both 0:44:21.520 --> 0:44:24.600 ways too, because if you are crushing on somebody and 0:44:24.600 --> 0:44:27.240 you've initiated multiple dates and you show up to every 0:44:27.239 --> 0:44:29.680 one of them with like a gift every time, it's 0:44:29.680 --> 0:44:34.560 like flowers. Yeah, yeah, and I like care, I'm all 0:44:34.600 --> 0:44:36.960 about giving my wife gifts, bringing flower some stuff like that. 0:44:37.080 --> 0:44:40.120 You've talked about your tulips, but especially as you're getting 0:44:40.120 --> 0:44:42.839 to know somebody, um, and you don't know that very well. 0:44:42.840 --> 0:44:45.120 If you're bringing something fancy every single time, it starts 0:44:45.160 --> 0:44:47.120 getting out of hand. Yeah, you're communicating that you're a 0:44:47.120 --> 0:44:49.880 big spender, whether or not you have your finances in 0:44:49.960 --> 0:44:52.880 shape and a more frugal receiver of these gifts. They 0:44:52.920 --> 0:44:55.360 might not be used to you know what, these lavish 0:44:55.400 --> 0:44:58.319 gifts that you're bestowing, And that's okay. But if that's 0:44:58.360 --> 0:45:01.040 something that matters to you and you know, hopefully you 0:45:01.040 --> 0:45:04.080 have your money game together, that's okay, go for it. 0:45:04.120 --> 0:45:06.200 But more than anything else, just make sure that you're 0:45:06.200 --> 0:45:08.919 being yourself. I think sometimes in the dating world it's 0:45:09.040 --> 0:45:11.880 easy to get caught up in spending more money than 0:45:11.880 --> 0:45:14.640 you feel comfortable doing. And you know, if you're actually 0:45:14.680 --> 0:45:17.719 trying to find like a life partner, that's not really 0:45:17.760 --> 0:45:19.279 what you're going for. You want them to kind of 0:45:19.320 --> 0:45:22.640 recognize who you are, corks and all and somebody. I 0:45:22.680 --> 0:45:26.200 promise somebody will love you for for those for those things. 0:45:26.400 --> 0:45:28.359 You don't have to put on a front to win 0:45:28.440 --> 0:45:30.279 somebody over. Sure. Yeah. So on a related note, we 0:45:30.280 --> 0:45:33.279 actually had a listener who emailed recently about dating etiquette 0:45:33.440 --> 0:45:35.880 and they wanted to know about using a coupon on 0:45:35.920 --> 0:45:37.759 a on a date. So Joel, Yeah, what is your 0:45:37.800 --> 0:45:40.560 money etiquette meter say in regards to that, Okay, I 0:45:40.600 --> 0:45:42.680 don't want to date anybody or like be married to 0:45:42.719 --> 0:45:45.960 anybody who isn't cool with me using a pupon right, So, like, 0:45:46.000 --> 0:45:48.320 we likely you found the right person, right. So we 0:45:48.320 --> 0:45:51.680 we regularly get these like mailers every month, and one 0:45:51.680 --> 0:45:54.160 of our favorite restaurant almost always has a coupon in there. 0:45:54.200 --> 0:45:56.120 It's right around the corner. It's a nice restaurant too, 0:45:56.160 --> 0:45:58.840 It's like a two fourth place and uh, it's so 0:45:59.719 --> 0:46:01.600 I'm I'm totally going to use the coupon if I've 0:46:01.600 --> 0:46:03.399 got it, and you know what, it's a nice place 0:46:03.400 --> 0:46:05.960 to eat out. And I think if you feel shame 0:46:06.000 --> 0:46:08.879 in the coupon game because of what someone else might think, 0:46:09.239 --> 0:46:11.640 then you need to get over it, because if they're 0:46:11.640 --> 0:46:14.520 gonna if you're a coupon type of person used to coupon, 0:46:14.920 --> 0:46:16.879 and if the person that you're going on a date 0:46:16.880 --> 0:46:20.360 with isn't down with that, I think, um, maybe it 0:46:20.440 --> 0:46:23.200 wasn't meant to be. And again, like each one of 0:46:23.200 --> 0:46:26.319 these decisions is like, these are instances where you're communicating 0:46:26.320 --> 0:46:29.640 to your your date, to your partner where you stand. Uh, 0:46:29.680 --> 0:46:32.160 and yeah, if you are all about coupons, you want 0:46:32.200 --> 0:46:34.359 to make sure that you've got somebody who can join 0:46:34.440 --> 0:46:37.440 you on the coupon filled future. All right, Joe, let's 0:46:37.440 --> 0:46:39.120 take it to the next level. Let's talk about kind 0:46:39.120 --> 0:46:41.080 of like want to clarify I'm not a crazy extreme 0:46:41.160 --> 0:46:43.400 cupon Okay, Now, honestly, I think this is like the 0:46:43.400 --> 0:46:45.400 only time in your life when you do use coupons. Right, 0:46:45.520 --> 0:46:48.600 It's very rare that I actually use coupons, But I mean, 0:46:48.640 --> 0:46:50.239 if I get one and it's a place that I love. 0:46:50.239 --> 0:46:51.920 I'm going to use it. All. Right, let's talk about marriage. 0:46:51.960 --> 0:46:53.839 Let's take it to the next level. There's this term 0:46:53.880 --> 0:46:56.120 that's kind of gotten more popular in recent years, and 0:46:56.160 --> 0:46:59.120 that phrase is getting financially naked. Have you you've heard, 0:46:59.200 --> 0:47:01.080 you know, we've talked about this. For sure. Once you've 0:47:01.120 --> 0:47:03.880 progressed beyond the dating phase, you're considering spending maybe some 0:47:03.960 --> 0:47:06.560 serious amount of time with an individual, maybe you're thinking 0:47:06.520 --> 0:47:08.920 about getting married, then it is time to get naked 0:47:09.239 --> 0:47:13.040 financially speaking. And that's because we feel that relationships that 0:47:13.080 --> 0:47:16.360 are going to endure, uh, they have a foundation of honesty, 0:47:16.400 --> 0:47:20.120 Like they are based on transparency and honesty. And so, man, 0:47:20.160 --> 0:47:23.160 this is the period of time that, yes, it's important 0:47:23.160 --> 0:47:26.279 to understand how your partner communicates, and yes it is 0:47:26.280 --> 0:47:28.719 important to be respectful. But man, I feel that all 0:47:28.719 --> 0:47:30.680 etiquett kind of goes out the window at this point 0:47:30.719 --> 0:47:32.600 in time. It's about kind of stripping it down to 0:47:32.640 --> 0:47:34.840 the numbers. Uh, there's no hiding at this point in 0:47:34.880 --> 0:47:36.359 your relationship. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, you don't 0:47:36.360 --> 0:47:38.759 want to necessarily do this on the first date, right, No, No, no, 0:47:38.880 --> 0:47:41.719 of course, not like Hey, what's your name again? By 0:47:41.719 --> 0:47:43.640 the way, here's my credit score and the amount of 0:47:43.680 --> 0:47:45.600 dat I mean it. Uh, that's that's a bad time 0:47:45.600 --> 0:47:48.799 to be a little too forward, just like other ways. 0:47:48.800 --> 0:47:50.840 You could be more forward with a date, right, but 0:47:50.880 --> 0:47:53.120 you've been dating for eight or nine months and you've 0:47:53.120 --> 0:47:56.239 talked about getting serious and marriages maybe even on the 0:47:56.320 --> 0:47:59.560 radar whatever. That's when you do want to start sharing 0:47:59.600 --> 0:48:01.560 some of these things. You don't want to hide, even 0:48:01.560 --> 0:48:05.040 your financial mistakes. And you know what, even those mistakes 0:48:05.239 --> 0:48:08.759 probably have bread some better habits, right, we all learn 0:48:08.840 --> 0:48:11.120 from those mistakes. So it's important to yea even in 0:48:11.120 --> 0:48:14.160 that conversation, say, you know what, here's almost student loan debt. 0:48:14.200 --> 0:48:16.680 But um guess what I'm gonn listening to this podcast. 0:48:16.719 --> 0:48:20.040 I'm getting better with my money. And that's a good 0:48:20.080 --> 0:48:23.319 spur for a conversation. And you being open is going 0:48:23.360 --> 0:48:25.880 to make them feel more comfortable being open to and 0:48:25.920 --> 0:48:28.080 that's a good thing because yeah, who doesn't want to 0:48:28.440 --> 0:48:30.560 someone to love them warts and all. Like that's what 0:48:30.600 --> 0:48:33.359 we always say, you know, we want someone to love 0:48:33.440 --> 0:48:35.640 all of us and then richer for poor baby, and 0:48:35.680 --> 0:48:37.719 then we hide a lot of who we are. Oftentimes 0:48:38.000 --> 0:48:40.279 and yeah, you don't want to continue down the path 0:48:40.280 --> 0:48:44.080 of a relationship if it feels superficial, because yeah, beyond 0:48:44.120 --> 0:48:46.640 this point, you're committed to each other and you know 0:48:46.719 --> 0:48:49.400 that your partner's problems are going to become your problems 0:48:49.440 --> 0:48:51.200 when you tie the knot, And so you want to 0:48:51.239 --> 0:48:53.839 know what you're actually getting into. And if this is 0:48:53.920 --> 0:48:57.520 a topic you've managed to avoid so far, let's say 0:48:57.560 --> 0:48:59.800 you have been dating someone seriously for quite a while, 0:49:00.360 --> 0:49:03.520 maybe waiting into those waters with a conversation talking about 0:49:03.520 --> 0:49:05.399 employer benefits in four oh one case is the way 0:49:05.440 --> 0:49:07.840 to go, Like, ease on into it, don't like immediately 0:49:07.880 --> 0:49:10.400 jumped to like how much debt do you have? Right? Yeah, 0:49:10.440 --> 0:49:12.520 and you you can start easy. You can start simple, 0:49:12.920 --> 0:49:16.040 get more comfortable as you go, getting a little bit deeper. 0:49:16.080 --> 0:49:19.200 But it's time, like if you are getting serious with somebody, 0:49:19.400 --> 0:49:22.680 you gotta know their financial standing and you've gotta be 0:49:23.080 --> 0:49:26.640 honest about yours too, one man, you know, like, honestly, 0:49:26.640 --> 0:49:28.839 the more financial secure I get, the more I get 0:49:28.840 --> 0:49:31.520 excited about being generous. And that's not something we're really 0:49:31.560 --> 0:49:33.719 talking a whole lot here, but it's like I've become 0:49:33.719 --> 0:49:35.640 more likely to pick up that breakfast check with a 0:49:35.719 --> 0:49:38.320 friend when we go out, or maybe even kind of 0:49:38.360 --> 0:49:40.719 tipping more than I usually would, And I think that's 0:49:40.719 --> 0:49:42.800 pretty cool, Like it's it's it's where I want to 0:49:42.800 --> 0:49:45.719 see my money and going. But realize that, like I 0:49:45.760 --> 0:49:47.719 know that not everyone is in that position, and that's 0:49:47.760 --> 0:49:49.680 kind of what we're talking about here today. You know, 0:49:49.719 --> 0:49:51.279 when you're talking with your friends, it can be tough 0:49:51.320 --> 0:49:54.120 to hit all the right notes on the money etiquette front. 0:49:54.360 --> 0:49:56.640 But hopefully we feel that this episode will we'll give 0:49:56.680 --> 0:50:00.319 you a little more confidence to maybe suggest something more 0:50:00.360 --> 0:50:03.080 affordable when you're making plans with your friends, or you know, 0:50:03.120 --> 0:50:05.600 to create that custom tip amount for maybe a little 0:50:05.600 --> 0:50:08.239 bit less than the suggested amount, or maybe this will 0:50:08.280 --> 0:50:10.720 encourage you to talk about money a bit more freely, 0:50:10.760 --> 0:50:13.600 just in general and definitely upfront. Communication is going to 0:50:13.640 --> 0:50:17.680 be key when your etiquette moves involve others. We're all 0:50:17.719 --> 0:50:19.759 likely gonna kind of come down on different sides of 0:50:19.760 --> 0:50:22.880 the issue based on our individual circumstances. And here's the 0:50:22.920 --> 0:50:25.319 thing that is okay, Like that is the thing that 0:50:25.400 --> 0:50:27.600 makes each of us unique, that makes each of us 0:50:27.640 --> 0:50:30.440 our own. But when it comes to our friends or 0:50:30.640 --> 0:50:33.160 our romantic partners. You want to make sure that you're 0:50:33.200 --> 0:50:36.840 having open and clear conversations about these things, uh, and 0:50:36.920 --> 0:50:38.640 that you're not afraid to talk about it. Right. If 0:50:38.640 --> 0:50:40.880 I had warm buffet money, I'd probably tip five dollars 0:50:40.880 --> 0:50:43.640 on every coffee I got, and no matter what, on 0:50:43.680 --> 0:50:46.239 every meal I ate out right. So you know, as 0:50:46.280 --> 0:50:50.799 you reach different levels of financial fitness financial independence, you 0:50:50.880 --> 0:50:54.040 can be if you want, more generous with that money 0:50:54.080 --> 0:50:55.880 that's coming into your life. But I think to some 0:50:55.920 --> 0:50:57.799 of these norms, Matt, like you said about choosing your 0:50:57.800 --> 0:51:00.239 own tip amount, like that, those norms are worth break, king, 0:51:00.560 --> 0:51:03.480 it's uh, And these are some of these are barely established, 0:51:03.560 --> 0:51:05.760 not even new norms, and so why are we holding 0:51:05.760 --> 0:51:08.440 to them? Like we're gonna be booted out of civilized 0:51:08.480 --> 0:51:11.400 society if if we don't, you know, and the the 0:51:11.880 --> 0:51:14.680 you're not welcome here anymore? Right, And the norms for 0:51:14.680 --> 0:51:16.640 for so many people is to be in debt up 0:51:16.640 --> 0:51:19.120 to their eyeballs because they are they're buying everything. They're 0:51:19.840 --> 0:51:22.600 being um generous with money they don't even have sometimes 0:51:22.840 --> 0:51:25.040 and you know, you and I were all about living differently, 0:51:25.080 --> 0:51:28.120 being even a little weird. Sometimes, Um, you don't want 0:51:28.120 --> 0:51:32.239 to necessarily needlessly ruffle feathers. But we think that there 0:51:32.239 --> 0:51:34.440 are ways for you to handle your money well, to 0:51:34.840 --> 0:51:38.879 have solid etiquette, but not necessarily doing what everyone else 0:51:38.920 --> 0:51:42.280 around you is doing, and ultimately communicate well, be honest, 0:51:42.600 --> 0:51:44.439 be honest with yourself, and be honest with the people 0:51:44.440 --> 0:51:46.839 around you. I think if you are doing those things, 0:51:46.840 --> 0:51:50.800 if you're being authentically you, then you're gonna come out okay. 0:51:50.840 --> 0:51:52.480 But Matt, let's come back to the beer. This is 0:51:52.520 --> 0:51:56.080 a collaboration beer by Burial up there in Asheville, North Carolina, 0:51:56.120 --> 0:51:58.759 one of our favorites, A fantastic New England style I 0:51:58.800 --> 0:52:01.359 P A and I was I feel like I picked 0:52:01.400 --> 0:52:04.120 up on some kind of like tropical, some sort of 0:52:04.160 --> 0:52:07.000 fruit vibes which you oftentimes don't get with the New 0:52:07.000 --> 0:52:10.239 England style I P A and I was happy to 0:52:10.239 --> 0:52:12.200 see that on the label it talked about some freeze 0:52:12.280 --> 0:52:16.000 dried New Zealand savignon blanc skins, and so I'm kind 0:52:16.000 --> 0:52:17.719 of like, oh, okay, maybe that's where some of the 0:52:17.920 --> 0:52:20.799 maybe slightly more fruity notes came from. But it lent 0:52:20.920 --> 0:52:24.279 it this brightness, uh that I appreciated and that you 0:52:24.320 --> 0:52:27.040 oftentimes don't find with the New England I p A. Yeah, 0:52:27.040 --> 0:52:29.520 it also had some hops from New Zealand as well 0:52:29.600 --> 0:52:31.560 in this beer, and I feel like some of those 0:52:31.600 --> 0:52:33.720 hops from like literally the other side of the planet 0:52:33.880 --> 0:52:36.040 have some really interesting flavor. Some of the coolest I 0:52:36.120 --> 0:52:39.360 pas I've had have had like Australian or New Zealand hops, 0:52:39.560 --> 0:52:41.279 and so this was a really good beer. I don't 0:52:41.320 --> 0:52:42.959 know what they're doing differently when it comes to hops 0:52:43.000 --> 0:52:45.040 down there. Maybe they can just grow stuff that we 0:52:45.120 --> 0:52:47.360 can't appear in the States. But yeah, this was a 0:52:47.400 --> 0:52:50.480 really good beer. And really, anytime Barrel makes a beer, 0:52:50.719 --> 0:52:52.400 I'm down to try it down there in New Zealand, 0:52:52.440 --> 0:52:55.319 they the hops grow count of clockwise stuff clockwise, right, 0:52:55.400 --> 0:52:58.279 they grow like down into the ground like carrots. Yeah, 0:52:58.280 --> 0:53:00.200 I'm glad you know I got to each into way 0:53:00.239 --> 0:53:02.520 one of these beers during this episode. And we will 0:53:02.560 --> 0:53:05.000 make sure to share a picture of this beer, as 0:53:05.000 --> 0:53:08.080 well as any other additional resources or links that we 0:53:08.200 --> 0:53:10.560 may may have mentioned during this episode up on our 0:53:10.600 --> 0:53:13.279 website at how to Money dot com. Yeah, and of course, 0:53:13.320 --> 0:53:16.440 Matt and I, we appreciate you listening, especially to the 0:53:16.520 --> 0:53:18.799 very end of the episode like this, right, Yeah, I mean, 0:53:18.840 --> 0:53:22.280 we wouldn't be anywhere without the kind folks, the awesome 0:53:22.280 --> 0:53:25.120 folks at least, the people we've met that listen, and 0:53:25.320 --> 0:53:27.480 the how the money crowd is a special crowd. So 0:53:27.760 --> 0:53:30.080 thanks for thanks for always being there for the show. 0:53:30.400 --> 0:53:31.880 And yeah, we hope you have a great rest of 0:53:31.920 --> 0:53:34.200 your day. So Matt, that's gonna do it. Until next time. 0:53:34.480 --> 0:53:36.320 Best friends Out, Best Friends Out,