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Speaker 1: Welcome to How the Money. I'm Joel, I'm Matt, and

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Speaker 1: today we're discussing getting your money etiquette, Right, Joel, You know,

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Speaker 1: this episode reminds me of what we had of several

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Speaker 1: weeks ago with go Rick, where he spoke on the

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Speaker 1: unspoken rules of success and there are these things that

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Speaker 1: some people do some people don't do in life, and

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Speaker 1: it allows certain individuals to get ahead of life. Specifically,

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Speaker 1: in his case, he was speaking about your career. And

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Speaker 1: then nobody tells you those things. Most of the time.

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Speaker 1: You gotta figure it out. You can just trying to

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Speaker 1: help people figure it out earlier, exactly, you kind of

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Speaker 1: pick up on it, and naturally some folks do. But

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Speaker 1: then some folks just don't. Some folks have no clue that,

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Speaker 1: oh I should be sending a follow up email. Oh

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Speaker 1: I should proactively ask, like what can I do to

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Speaker 1: make your life better? Boss? Like that kind of thing, right.

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Speaker 1: I think the same thing is true when it comes

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Speaker 1: to money etiquette. There are some folks who are more

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Speaker 1: who you know, let's be honest. They have a higher

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Speaker 1: emotional quotient perhaps, and they're able to just pick up

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Speaker 1: on small little hints and clues and just how people

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Speaker 1: are responding to them when they're talking about money, whether

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Speaker 1: that's a good thing or a bad thing. But then

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Speaker 1: there's some folks who truly have no clue. And so

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Speaker 1: we are talking about money etiquette today because we want

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Speaker 1: this to be something that we are talking about more often,

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Speaker 1: because if this is you, you want to stop making

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Speaker 1: your friends uncomfortable every time you talk about saving money

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Speaker 1: or pinching pennies or being being frugal. These are all

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Speaker 1: things that can be talked about well. But it does

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Speaker 1: come down to what approach you take right. And sometimes

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Speaker 1: people decide not to talk about money at all because

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Speaker 1: they think that's the right etiquette. We disagree on that too.

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Speaker 1: We'll get to that later in this episode. So this

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Speaker 1: is basically how the Money Emily Post edition on on

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Speaker 1: today's show, and we'll get to that. But man, I

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Speaker 1: want to mention really quickly so everybody knows that we

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Speaker 1: love craft beer. Today on the show, we're drinking and

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Speaker 1: I p a by Barrel Brewing, but I wanted to

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Speaker 1: quickly mention that I think for the first time ever,

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Speaker 1: I balked at purchasing a beer. I walked away from

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Speaker 1: the cooler and I didn't take that four pack in

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Speaker 1: my hands because the price point was just too high.

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Speaker 1: And so I don't know, I wonder even prices have

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Speaker 1: gone up. I mean just even over the past few years,

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Speaker 1: we've seen the price First of all, it's gone from

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Speaker 1: six packs to four packs, which that alone really pisses

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Speaker 1: some people off. I don't mind because a liquid, but

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Speaker 1: for most there's a four packs. Yeah, um, but it

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Speaker 1: is a higher typically it's a higher quality beer, and

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Speaker 1: I can appreciate that, right, But the thing is like,

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Speaker 1: even with something that I love, I have a limit

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Speaker 1: and um and and so I think it was thirty

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Speaker 1: three or thirty four dollars for a four pack of

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Speaker 1: this delicious sounding sour that was like really highly rated

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Speaker 1: on on Tapped, and I was like, man, I really

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Speaker 1: want to try it, but it turns out that I

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Speaker 1: was like, it's just to me, it's not worth that, Like,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to try it that badly. There are

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Speaker 1: some really great beers that I can get for fifteen

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Speaker 1: or sixteen or eighteen bucks for a four act and

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Speaker 1: even that like took me a while to be feel

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Speaker 1: comfortable spending that. But yeah, I was like, whenever the

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Speaker 1: single section to see if I could find a single

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Speaker 1: can of that, even though that would be like nine dollars,

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Speaker 1: but at least then I'm like, all right, I get

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Speaker 1: to taste it, but I don't have to, you know,

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Speaker 1: put out all the money. I was gonna have to

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Speaker 1: remind you here for a second, I was gonna say, Joel,

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Speaker 1: like craft beer is our craft beer equivalent, Like like

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Speaker 1: this is something that we splurge on. But even in that,

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Speaker 1: there's got to be a limit. Right If if your

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Speaker 1: BMW is the is your craft beer equivalent, that's okay,

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Speaker 1: but you have to go all the way to the

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Speaker 1: M three edition that costs like thirty more not probably not.

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Speaker 1: So I mean, like I think even within the things

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Speaker 1: that we love, there are limits, and it's okay to say,

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Speaker 1: you know what, today I'm not feeling it. Maybe not. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: maybe in a few months you'll get used to it.

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Speaker 1: Because here's the thing, what if that was going to be,

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Speaker 1: like in your opinion, that could have been the best

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Speaker 1: beer in the entire world if I knew would not

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Speaker 1: have known because we didn't even give it a shot.

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Speaker 1: If I knew that that was what it was going

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Speaker 1: to be, I would have paid it. But I was like,

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Speaker 1: I mean, it's another beer and it rates well, but um,

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Speaker 1: I don't know. So I'll look again in the single

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Speaker 1: section see if I can find it next time, because

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Speaker 1: I don't mind spending maybe nine bucks on one great beer. Well,

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Speaker 1: if it's not that great, I guess that's the that's

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Speaker 1: the thing that you're trying to do, the risk your take,

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Speaker 1: like you would avoid spending a ton of money on

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Speaker 1: four beers where you're saying to yourself, man, that really

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Speaker 1: wasn't worth it. I can have an equivalent quality beer

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Speaker 1: for maybe twenty bucks for a four pack. Yeah, if

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Speaker 1: I'm underwhelmed on at thirty something dollar beer, I'm you're

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Speaker 1: stuck with probably not gonna be happy. You're gonna be like,

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Speaker 1: hey man, you wanna go in have these with me

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Speaker 1: on this particular jump off on your doorstep. But okay,

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Speaker 1: so I know we've all got that price point. I

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Speaker 1: just want our listeners to know too. We as had

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Speaker 1: a had a money hosts even have our price limits.

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Speaker 1: Even in the category that we love to spend money on,

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Speaker 1: it's still worth being price conscious. Yeah. I still bought

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Speaker 1: some good beers that day, but just not that particular one,

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Speaker 1: all right, Let's let's keep moving on the Matt. Let's

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Speaker 1: get to the topic at hand. We are discussing getting

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Speaker 1: your money etiquette right, and Matt speaking of unwillingness to

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Speaker 1: spend I personally, I don't really spend a whole lot

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Speaker 1: of money at fancy restaurants. Think we've talked about this

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Speaker 1: not too long ago. The one time my wife and

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Speaker 1: I did go to one of those fancy restaurants where

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Speaker 1: you can watch the chef cook. I was a little

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Speaker 1: nervous about the bill I was gonna receive. We like

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Speaker 1: good food, but the super fancy restaurant culture just isn't

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Speaker 1: really our jam. And like, if that's if there's like

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Speaker 1: three forks on the table, I'm probably walking out of

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Speaker 1: there because one I don't even really know, like which

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Speaker 1: direction you're going? Is it out to end? Is that

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Speaker 1: I don't even know? Okay, it's okay. I be're like,

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Speaker 1: what's that for doing at the top about place? I

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Speaker 1: don't know. You're more refined than me. I thought you

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Speaker 1: might have known. But I mean, I enjoy k and

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Speaker 1: I like going to fancier laser restaurants, But the actual

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Speaker 1: etiquette that goes into the niceties of which fork I'm

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Speaker 1: supposed to use with what course, I'm less refined in

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Speaker 1: that in that way, my pallets refined. But my etiquette

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Speaker 1: maybe could do some work. So maybe you and I

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Speaker 1: neither of us are the people to be giving etiquette

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Speaker 1: advice on today's show. But we're gonna but we know

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Speaker 1: money we're gonna push through. We're gonna try anyway, and

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Speaker 1: we're gonna talk about different money conundrums that pop up

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Speaker 1: in all of our lives, stuff like splitting the bill, tipping,

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Speaker 1: going on dates, and more. There's just there's also we

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Speaker 1: want you to know ahead of time. There's a lot

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Speaker 1: of subjectivity around this topic. So you're gonna hear our

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Speaker 1: opinions today, you're gonna hear our thoughts. But yeah, we

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Speaker 1: hope that they're helpful in informing you and giving you

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Speaker 1: some direction when it comes to those tough money etiquette decisions.

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Speaker 1: But just know too, these aren't like the ten amandments

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Speaker 1: handed down from on high from the kind of money house.

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Speaker 1: These are actually, uh, these are kind of how we

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Speaker 1: treat these things and how we think you should think through.

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Speaker 1: Maybe these money etiquette can untrums. They're meant to me

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Speaker 1: more like ballpark answers than like specific facts. Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: you mentioned the Ten Commandments. So because I think that's

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Speaker 1: so true. I think there are a lot of folks

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Speaker 1: who believe that there are some money rules or principles

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Speaker 1: that pretty much are etchton stone. Uh. They feel that

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Speaker 1: there's either a right way and you know, then there's

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Speaker 1: a wrong way to do things. But so much of

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Speaker 1: money is personal. Um, and not only personal, but there

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Speaker 1: are social expectations and different pressures placed on us, and

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Speaker 1: so sometimes we're not sure of what the you know,

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Speaker 1: the right path for us to take is. Uh. And

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Speaker 1: so for instance, if gratuity, if it's already included on

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Speaker 1: the build, do I I still tip extra? It's helpful

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Speaker 1: to think about this kind of stuff before the bill

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Speaker 1: hits the table, so you don't end up, you know,

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Speaker 1: guilt tipping or just you know pulling a money etiquette

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Speaker 1: faux pa just running away. Uh, you can't, Yeah, you

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Speaker 1: don't want to dine and dash. And also, you know,

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Speaker 1: we want you to be confident that you have the

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Speaker 1: money in your budget to actually cover that generous tip

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Speaker 1: if you so choose to. And so our goal for

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Speaker 1: this episode is to help you to think about the

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Speaker 1: right way to think about these things. We want to

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Speaker 1: help you to navigate these money etiquette waters. No doubt,

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Speaker 1: I think of us as like the third base coach

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Speaker 1: in baseball, Matt. You've seen him give all the weird

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Speaker 1: signs to the person to play, like tugging on their ears,

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Speaker 1: touching their nose, And that's kind of what we're doing here.

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Speaker 1: We're like making some signals. I don't watch baseball. I

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Speaker 1: know you don't. It's a playoff time, but is it? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I don't even know. But we all know about your

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Speaker 1: lack of dedication to really any sport beside soccer. But

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Speaker 1: speaking of soccer, soccer is a very European sport, and

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Speaker 1: my favorite model of tipping comes from Europe over there,

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Speaker 1: tip tiping the South American way. Soccer is big there too. Well.

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Speaker 1: I just wanted to just to briefly mention that we

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Speaker 1: have kind of a unique system here in the States.

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Speaker 1: The lack of tipping actually across the pond and the

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Speaker 1: increased wages and the cost of the meal is just

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Speaker 1: a much more comfortable way for many people to do things. Man.

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Speaker 1: I know you and I maybe disagree a little bit

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Speaker 1: on this one, but you kind of know what you're

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Speaker 1: paying for and you know that the server is being

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Speaker 1: paid a reasonable salary, unlike here where tips are the

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Speaker 1: primary source of income, like that person who's serving your

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Speaker 1: food might be making a dollar fifty an hour, and

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Speaker 1: then you feel a little more guilty about how much

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Speaker 1: you should be tipping. And granted, yeah, if that's the case,

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Speaker 1: you should be tipping well. But in Europe, you know,

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Speaker 1: there's not that element at play. I think for me, honestly,

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Speaker 1: it's because of my entrepreneur background, where I knew that

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Speaker 1: if I didn't work, I wasn't getting paid. It's I

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Speaker 1: think I am more comfortable, for instance, with the American

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Speaker 1: way where servers waiters, where their base rate isn't that

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Speaker 1: high and it is predominantly, you know, focused on the tips. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's why. I mean. I remember as a kid going

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Speaker 1: to one grocery store where the person would bring your

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Speaker 1: groceries out and you would tip them directly, and then

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Speaker 1: going to this other grocery store and tips weren't allowed,

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Speaker 1: and so I don't know, just there's a different, uh

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Speaker 1: feel as a consumer, as a customer when you go

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Speaker 1: someplace and tips are involved or tips are off the table,

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Speaker 1: and I feel like right now in this environment. Part

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Speaker 1: of what makes it more and more difficult these conversations

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Speaker 1: around money etiquette is that tipping is expected in more

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Speaker 1: and more places. Yeah, that's so true, man. I think

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Speaker 1: some of the ambiguity around tipping is certainly something that

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Speaker 1: leads to the confusion around tipping specifically. But let's go

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Speaker 1: ahead and dive into conversations around money in general, because

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Speaker 1: I think, you know, broadly speaking, let's just talk about

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Speaker 1: how we talk about money. Because everyone knows that you

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Speaker 1: know money. It is an uncomfortable topic for most folks.

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Speaker 1: If you try to bring it up and make it

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Speaker 1: shut down, and you want to make someone squirm in

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Speaker 1: their seats, like start talking about their income, you make,

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Speaker 1: by the way, what's your budget look like? Man? Honestly

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Speaker 1: like you might even hurt her friendship. And so we've

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Speaker 1: got a few tips to make those money conversations less perilous,

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Speaker 1: uh and just more inviting. So the first little bit

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Speaker 1: of advice we would give to folks here is to

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Speaker 1: make sure that you are reading the room, uh, and

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Speaker 1: definitely avoid complaining about money in front of people maybe

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Speaker 1: that are struggling with their finances. So, for instance, if

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Speaker 1: you clearly make more than a friend or you know

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Speaker 1: that they you know, they don't nerd out about money stuff.

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Speaker 1: Just make sure that you're being careful about the conversation

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Speaker 1: and make sure that you're being a little more casual

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Speaker 1: and plus regularly complaining, that's kind of a not awesome

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Speaker 1: way to do things anyway, right, So like complaining about

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Speaker 1: first world problems, you know, like work piling up after

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Speaker 1: a weeklong vacation to the Bahamas. That's gonna be a

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Speaker 1: bit tone deaf to a friend who can't afford that

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Speaker 1: time off. Hey, how is that vacation? It was great?

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Speaker 1: But man, am I backlogged at working Now? It's like

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Speaker 1: I kind of wish I wasn't able to go on

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Speaker 1: the vacation. It's like, Oh, really, tell me how nice

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Speaker 1: that is. If you really want to get a conversation

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Speaker 1: started with somebody, I think just starting with like a

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Speaker 1: cool article that you came across, or just like an

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Speaker 1: interesting tidbit of information you recently picked up, and just

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Speaker 1: get the conversation started by you know, hopefully you're able

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Speaker 1: to pique their curiosity. So definitely don't complain and make

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Speaker 1: sure that your approach is a little more kind of

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Speaker 1: money philosopher rather than kind of this intense budget drill sergeant.

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Speaker 1: I think for a lot of folks who feel like

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Speaker 1: that they kind of have a solid financial footing underneath them,

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Speaker 1: they can approach some of those conversations with you should

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Speaker 1: be doing this, you shouldn't be doing that, uh, And

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Speaker 1: maybe instead they just want to talk to their buddy,

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Speaker 1: you know, like they just want to talk to their girlfriend,

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Speaker 1: don't necessarily want to hear all the different things they

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Speaker 1: could be doing differently with their money. Yeah, as a

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Speaker 1: husband over the years, have been married eleven years, and

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Speaker 1: I have realized it's taken me a while that oftentimes

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Speaker 1: when my wife is having an issue, like, she doesn't

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Speaker 1: want me to fix it. She really just wants me

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Speaker 1: to listen, empathize here, um and sit there with her

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Speaker 1: end whatever problems she's going through. And I think the

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Speaker 1: same thing is true when we talk about money with

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Speaker 1: other people. When when people either bring up an issue

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Speaker 1: or when you start to talk about money with them, uh,

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Speaker 1: in order to keep them from shutting down or from

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Speaker 1: completely de ailing the conversation, usually it takes just being

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Speaker 1: a little more empathetic and you know, just hearing what

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Speaker 1: they have to say, being less prescriptive. That can come later,

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Speaker 1: but especially in the beginning. I think, yeah, reading the

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Speaker 1: room and recognizing when someone is basically screaming at you

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Speaker 1: from inside their brain. Hey, no, no, no, that's not

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Speaker 1: what I'm looking for, so that you can calm it

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Speaker 1: down and bring it back to like, okay, yeah, well,

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Speaker 1: I love talking because we're all about talking about money.

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Speaker 1: We don't want you to come never talk about money

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Speaker 1: with people. We think it's really important to have that conversation,

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Speaker 1: but it doesn't always have to be do this, not

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Speaker 1: that exactly. I think figuring out whether this is a

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, that really sucks conversation or if this is uh, okay,

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Speaker 1: let's see how we can fix this conversation. I found

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Speaker 1: that to be incredibly valuable in my relationship with my wife,

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Speaker 1: right right, And uh yeah, what about talking about money

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Speaker 1: at the workplace, that's like, um, that's different than talking

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Speaker 1: to your significant other or talking to a friend. You'll

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Speaker 1: want to take We would say a similar low key approach,

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Speaker 1: at least at first. And you know, we want you

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Speaker 1: to talk about money, but we don't want you to

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Speaker 1: get in trouble. And sometimes in the workplace, if you're

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Speaker 1: talking about maybe in off topic convo, like like talking

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Speaker 1: about your personal finances, that could be something that your

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Speaker 1: boss over here is and they're like, no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: shut it down, and you'll you'll you'll find that most

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Speaker 1: coworkers actually don't want to go there with you. But

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Speaker 1: we also think that doesn't mean you shouldn't try read

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Speaker 1: those cues though, and then shut off the conversation quickly

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Speaker 1: if that's the response you're getting, If you're getting kind

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Speaker 1: of stone walled or you can tell that person is uninterested,

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Speaker 1: don't keep pushing the envelope. But yeah, you'll likely find

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Speaker 1: that some of the folks you talk to will be interested,

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Speaker 1: and it can be fun to connect with your coworkers

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Speaker 1: on that level, especially if personal finance is super exciting

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Speaker 1: to you, super interesting to them. You listen to how

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Speaker 1: the money, so you probably are interested at least to

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Speaker 1: some degree. But yeah, I think it's really important in

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Speaker 1: that process to read the room again and make sure

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Speaker 1: that you're not pushing a conversation that isn't wanted. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and unlike your friends, your coworkers can't just stop seeing you,

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Speaker 1: you know, like you still have to continue working on

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Speaker 1: the project, where as your friends can I don't know,

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Speaker 1: maybe stop returning your text or your calls. Uh. So

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Speaker 1: you want to make sure that you're being sensitive to

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Speaker 1: the different topics that you're bringing up around them. But okay,

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Speaker 1: what about compensation specifically, because I think that's a workplace

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Speaker 1: conversation that again I don't hopefully we don't see this

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Speaker 1: too much. We we don't want you to completely avoid

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Speaker 1: these conversations, but you've got to be careful, especially when

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Speaker 1: it comes to the compensation because obviously this can get

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Speaker 1: pretty awkward. How much money you make, that's always the

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Speaker 1: way to start it. But we do want to talk

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Speaker 1: about because part of what we're doing here is destigmatizing

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Speaker 1: this talk around money. But we would recommend that you

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Speaker 1: only do it with different employees maybe who you would

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Speaker 1: call friends or you've established some trust, and also make

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Speaker 1: sure that you have a good reason for asking, you know,

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Speaker 1: like I wouldn't kind of go at it with So

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Speaker 1: how much do you make question? Approach it maybe for

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Speaker 1: from a standpoint of curiosity, this is when you know

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Speaker 1: your delivery, how you breach the topic, this is everything. Uh,

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Speaker 1: you know, you could approach it from the standpoint of

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Speaker 1: being concerned, maybe like seriously maybe you're night, Uh, you're

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Speaker 1: were a little bit worried about how much you're getting

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Speaker 1: paid versus the value that you're actually bringing the company.

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Speaker 1: And obviously knowing someone else's salary would would be able

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Speaker 1: to provide you some helpful knowledge when it comes to

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Speaker 1: asking for a raise in the future. And of course

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Speaker 1: it's worth pointing out that you want to make sure

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Speaker 1: that you keep whatever they share private and confidential. Honestly,

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Speaker 1: it might even be best to kind of have the

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Speaker 1: conversation off premise, not just like in the break room

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Speaker 1: for everybody to hear as you as they're walking by.

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Speaker 1: Maybe instead you are able to grab the beer after work.

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Speaker 1: But these conversations really can help you or your coworker

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Speaker 1: make more money. It's not just about what it can

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Speaker 1: do to help you out, um, but it is important

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Speaker 1: to be careful with your approach and your tone as

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Speaker 1: you enter into some of these conversations. Yeah, Matt, you

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Speaker 1: know it's interesting. My my friend, our friend Jesse, who

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Speaker 1: runs the blog in the podcast called Best Interest, he

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Speaker 1: and I were just chatting on Twitter the other day.

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Speaker 1: Well he mentioned, hey, I just got a massive raise, uh,

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Speaker 1: like a few months back, and he kind of mentioned

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Speaker 1: that it's really it's it's been made a huge impact

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Speaker 1: on his ability to invest more money. And I was like,

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Speaker 1: that's awesome. How'd you do it? And so he shared

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Speaker 1: some really good tips for how he did it, and

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Speaker 1: one of the things I wanted us to know was, well,

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Speaker 1: how did you know you were underpaid? And he said

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Speaker 1: part of it was just water cooler talk, honestly with

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Speaker 1: some fellow employees, and so I think, yeah, that's the

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Speaker 1: way to do it, kind of like, well, what are

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Speaker 1: new employees making like you want to kind of try

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Speaker 1: to get to the bottom of that in an ethical

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Speaker 1: and above board way. And he was able to do that,

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Speaker 1: and it made a big impact on his ability to

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Speaker 1: then go to HR and say, hey, I feel like

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Speaker 1: I'm not I'm not getting paid what I'm worth. I've

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Speaker 1: been here two years. People that are just starting out

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Speaker 1: are getting paid as much or more than I am.

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Speaker 1: And they were like, sorry, Bud, we're not paying anymore.

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Speaker 1: And then he said, okay, cool, I'm gonna you know,

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Speaker 1: he didn't tell them this, I don't think, but he's like,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna go hunt for jobs. And he end up

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Speaker 1: getting a job offer that was more lucrative than what

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Speaker 1: he was currently making. And so he went back and

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Speaker 1: he was like, guys, I think I'm gonna take this job.

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Speaker 1: And they were like, well, wait a second, I'll leave.

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Speaker 1: We'll pay you more. And so that is the classic,

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Speaker 1: tried in true way to make more money where you work.

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Speaker 1: But it does involve that difficult conversation sometimes that most

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Speaker 1: of us don't want to have. But if you want

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Speaker 1: to make more money, if you want to grow your salary, uh,

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Speaker 1: and you want to get paid what you're worth, oftentimes

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Speaker 1: it takes having that uncomfortable conversation. And I will say,

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Speaker 1: how do money etiquette rules dictate that it is okay

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Speaker 1: to start that conversation if you do it the right way.

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Speaker 1: That's right. All right, we've covered money conversations in general.

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Speaker 1: We've talked about it within the workplace as well. After

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Speaker 1: the break, we're going to dive into money conversations, money etiquette,

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Speaker 1: and social situations, including dating. We'll get to all of

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Speaker 1: that right after this break. All right, we're back from

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Speaker 1: the break. We're still talking about money etiquette, and we

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Speaker 1: are going to get to etiquette tips. When it comes

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Speaker 1: to dating, that's fraught with peril for lots of people.

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Speaker 1: It's like, I don't know how do I navigate these waters?

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Speaker 1: But Matt, you you have plenty of experience in that area.

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Speaker 1: We were almost the bachelor on season three back in

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Speaker 1: the day. Right. Uh. Yeah, I was the first Bachelor

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Speaker 1: to have actually gotten voted off the island. I don't think.

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Speaker 1: I think so I was a survivor. These are pretty sure.

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Speaker 1: I was married when the first started. Dog, it's really

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Speaker 1: good you aren't on that show then. So but all,

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Speaker 1: let's let's start. If always talk about restaurants and tipping.

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Speaker 1: You know that moment when your date is waiting quietly

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Speaker 1: while you figure out what the tip is going to be, Well,

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Speaker 1: those are awkward situations, and it's Matt, It's very much

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Speaker 1: like the way I feel at a fancy restaurant when

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Speaker 1: there's three forks. I have no idea what to do.

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Speaker 1: I just feel out of place. But yeah, how do

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Speaker 1: you navigate that situation? Well, like, how do you do that? Plus,

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Speaker 1: like I said before, so much has changed when it

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Speaker 1: comes to tipping. It seems like it's suggested to being

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Speaker 1: suggested in more and more places. Everybody flips over the

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Speaker 1: iPad and they they've got preset tipping amounts. And you're like, huh,

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Speaker 1: what I didn't think. How don't used to tip here?

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Speaker 1: And it's a little nerve racking. So um, with cash disappearing,

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Speaker 1: it's becoming more and more of a problem. We're all

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Speaker 1: paying digitally and we're getting tips said guess hit at

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Speaker 1: us right and left and then, which to a certain

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Speaker 1: extent I appreciate because there's some folks out there who

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Speaker 1: aren't as good at the math. Uh. And so for

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Speaker 1: those folks, I think they're they see it as as

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Speaker 1: welcome relief. But things have gotten a little out of hand. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And there's some places where there were just no tip

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Speaker 1: zones before and now it's like, wait, no tip zone,

426
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:19,320
Speaker 1: we tip here now, okay, all right. I feel like

427
00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:21,720
Speaker 1: if Seinfeld was still around, they would totally do a

428
00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:24,600
Speaker 1: show on you are in the no tip zone. Sorry.

429
00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:27,240
Speaker 1: But and then when it comes to choosing no tip

430
00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:29,639
Speaker 1: or custom tip, those boxes are like super tiny at

431
00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:31,280
Speaker 1: the bottom of the screen, like they don't want you

432
00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:33,320
Speaker 1: really looking there. It's like the checkbox at the bottom

433
00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:35,800
Speaker 1: of the opt out email, like when you're signing up

434
00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:37,479
Speaker 1: for a new product exactly. It's like the pop up

435
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:39,040
Speaker 1: on the website and you're like where is the X button?

436
00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:41,359
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. Yeah, Like lately they've gotten even more

437
00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:44,639
Speaker 1: nefarious about that, Like the designs of the background make

438
00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:46,520
Speaker 1: it impossible to see. I swear I stared at one

439
00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:48,640
Speaker 1: the other day that or you're just getting older, No, dude,

440
00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:50,280
Speaker 1: it was it was a Spotify ad. I swear it

441
00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:52,199
Speaker 1: was a Spotify ad and I go with the you know,

442
00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:54,919
Speaker 1: the non premium Spotify and I could not find I

443
00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:56,440
Speaker 1: was like, where the heck is the X. I'm not

444
00:19:56,480 --> 00:20:00,040
Speaker 1: gonna agree to this And it was completely blended in

445
00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:02,119
Speaker 1: with the artwork in the top corner. They're being a

446
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,639
Speaker 1: little too sneaky about it, right, Okay, So how do

447
00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:07,879
Speaker 1: we deal with kind of this newfound environment when it

448
00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:09,639
Speaker 1: comes to tipping? Matt, Like, what are your some of

449
00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:11,679
Speaker 1: your thoughts? Well, another thing to you, man, I'm just

450
00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:14,199
Speaker 1: always curious to see what those tips suggestions are, you know,

451
00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:17,600
Speaker 1: like tip creep. That's totally real. Now with a lot

452
00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:20,080
Speaker 1: of businesses and restaurants changing how they serve you, I

453
00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:23,159
Speaker 1: think this changes the equation as well. So for instance,

454
00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:26,440
Speaker 1: like should we still tip the same even if my

455
00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:28,520
Speaker 1: my restaurant is short on servers? And like it feels

456
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:30,639
Speaker 1: like I'm basically serving myself like you basically went to

457
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:33,520
Speaker 1: Piccadilly instead of you. It's like a buffet. That's a

458
00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:36,480
Speaker 1: lot different of a scenario. That's a much different experience.

459
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:39,200
Speaker 1: Even at a local ice cream place, the suggested tip

460
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:44,440
Speaker 1: amounts are twenty, which is completely ludicrous. That should be

461
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:49,000
Speaker 1: borderline criminal, I would say for ice cream. Uh, And honestly,

462
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:50,560
Speaker 1: even at some coffee shops, you'll just see like a

463
00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:53,119
Speaker 1: basic like one dollar or two dollar or three dollar amount,

464
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:55,159
Speaker 1: that kind of thing that might mean you're tipping a

465
00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:58,560
Speaker 1: dent on the cup of coffee. And here, like, let's

466
00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:01,960
Speaker 1: be clear, we're not trying to be cheap skates. Barista's rock.

467
00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:04,320
Speaker 1: They can work really hard, but it is not a

468
00:21:04,359 --> 00:21:08,000
Speaker 1: full service, like high end dining experience. But I think

469
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:11,879
Speaker 1: because those options are being presented, it can like guilt

470
00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:15,639
Speaker 1: individuals into tipping more than maybe you otherwise would have,

471
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,119
Speaker 1: just because you're kind of stuck right there in the

472
00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:19,600
Speaker 1: moment when they're looking at you. I think if that

473
00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:21,880
Speaker 1: barrista gives me three spoons to choose from to stir

474
00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:23,480
Speaker 1: my cream in the coffee, I would be willing to

475
00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:26,479
Speaker 1: tip more. You're gonna always reach for the golden golden spoons,

476
00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:28,320
Speaker 1: liver spoon. What're gonna do? I mean, I'll go either way.

477
00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:30,359
Speaker 1: I'm not I'm not piggy, but yeah, so so what

478
00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:32,680
Speaker 1: do we suggest, I guess in this new tipping environment,

479
00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:34,600
Speaker 1: we would say one like Matt said, don't be a

480
00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:37,480
Speaker 1: cheap skate, don't be cheap. We'd rather stay at home

481
00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:40,240
Speaker 1: and eat than to eat out and to not tip.

482
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:44,560
Speaker 1: Well that is, you know, impacting somebody else's livelihood by

483
00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:46,919
Speaker 1: sitting down eating the meal, taking up their time, and

484
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:49,800
Speaker 1: then not tipping as much as you should if you

485
00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:51,960
Speaker 1: can do it properly, don't do it at all, exactly,

486
00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:54,119
Speaker 1: And with many small businesses still on the road to

487
00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:57,600
Speaker 1: recovery because of the pandemic, purposefully opting to tip more

488
00:21:57,760 --> 00:22:01,119
Speaker 1: whenever and wherever you can, is it great strategy? Like

489
00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:04,199
Speaker 1: we think you should intentionally choose and try to be

490
00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:06,280
Speaker 1: more generous when it comes to tipping. When we talked

491
00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:08,600
Speaker 1: about this a lot back last spring, back when all

492
00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:10,560
Speaker 1: the restaurants were shutting down, it's just like, hey, make

493
00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:12,840
Speaker 1: sure you're going out there and supporting your favorite restaurants

494
00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:14,760
Speaker 1: because you want to make sure. Granted, this is before

495
00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:18,439
Speaker 1: the ppp uh well, owning legislation went three when that

496
00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:22,080
Speaker 1: wasn't enough for was not enough, I completely agree. But

497
00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:24,080
Speaker 1: getting out there getting those gift certificate, it's making sure

498
00:22:24,119 --> 00:22:26,560
Speaker 1: you're tipping extra, you know, on on top of whatever

499
00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:28,440
Speaker 1: your order is. We're all about that and making sure

500
00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:30,800
Speaker 1: that we are being active in our communities. But at

501
00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:32,639
Speaker 1: the same time, you gotta find that balance, just like

502
00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:34,680
Speaker 1: you're talking about earlier with the beer. We splurers on

503
00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:36,480
Speaker 1: craft beer. But at a certain point, you gotta figure

504
00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:39,040
Speaker 1: out what's reasonable for you, right. Yeah, we were even

505
00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:42,000
Speaker 1: suggesting use some of that stimulus money to help your

506
00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:44,640
Speaker 1: local economy, for sure, but we would say to make

507
00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:47,080
Speaker 1: that choice ahead of time, and don't let those subtle

508
00:22:47,119 --> 00:22:49,679
Speaker 1: tip nudges be the deciding factor in the moment, Like

509
00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:52,360
Speaker 1: the iPad gets turned around in your direction and you're like, uh,

510
00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:57,120
Speaker 1: like deer in the headlights, you clinch up. Exactly, I've

511
00:22:57,160 --> 00:22:59,040
Speaker 1: been there and so I realized, you know what, I

512
00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:00,720
Speaker 1: have to have a plan of action and before I

513
00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:03,080
Speaker 1: get to this point or I hesitate in the moment.

514
00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:05,200
Speaker 1: So yeah, we would say, don't be afraid to craft

515
00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:08,120
Speaker 1: your own tip amount instead of using this suggested preset

516
00:23:08,119 --> 00:23:10,399
Speaker 1: tip amounts and when you kind of have like, you

517
00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:12,320
Speaker 1: know what, if it's a coffee shop, I tip ten percent.

518
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:14,160
Speaker 1: If it's this place, I tip fifteen. If it's this place,

519
00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:18,080
Speaker 1: I tip or potentially even more if the service is awesome.

520
00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:20,120
Speaker 1: You know, it might be worth it to have multiple

521
00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:24,000
Speaker 1: categories for how much you're tipping. Those simple quick interactions,

522
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:26,720
Speaker 1: you mutant to tip LUs. For those bigger ones, For

523
00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:29,879
Speaker 1: those finer dining experiences, those three FOURK restaurants, you might

524
00:23:29,880 --> 00:23:31,960
Speaker 1: want to tip more. Totally. Yeah, let's talk about eating

525
00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:33,560
Speaker 1: out with friends, because this can kind of be a

526
00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:36,960
Speaker 1: tough etiquette scenario that you might find yourself in because

527
00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:39,040
Speaker 1: we've probably all been in the place where we're trying

528
00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:41,160
Speaker 1: to maybe save a little more money than our friends are.

529
00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:44,560
Speaker 1: You're like over there ordering water, one of the cheaper

530
00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:46,240
Speaker 1: items on the menu, and I get the water in

531
00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:48,360
Speaker 1: the cheerios please, And then there's that that that one

532
00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:50,320
Speaker 1: friend who's just like, hey, let's just put the bill

533
00:23:50,359 --> 00:23:52,879
Speaker 1: down the middle. It totally sucks to be in that situation,

534
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:56,280
Speaker 1: but we feel this is an important lesson that we

535
00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:59,040
Speaker 1: need to learn from because it's, like you said, it's

536
00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:02,200
Speaker 1: toffer to have this conversation and after they've made that suggestion,

537
00:24:02,359 --> 00:24:04,480
Speaker 1: it's tougher to make that decision after they've spun the

538
00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:06,320
Speaker 1: little iPad around and it feels like you're in the

539
00:24:06,359 --> 00:24:08,399
Speaker 1: hot seat. And so it might sound awkward to have

540
00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:11,679
Speaker 1: this conversation about picking up your own tab ahead of

541
00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:14,240
Speaker 1: that dinner out, but just being upfront about it is

542
00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:16,840
Speaker 1: going to be the winning move. Go with that, you know,

543
00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:20,480
Speaker 1: the slightly awkward chat earlier instead of the really awkward

544
00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:23,160
Speaker 1: one later on. And another thing too, if you are

545
00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:24,840
Speaker 1: you know, and you're like, oh no, like it's just

546
00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:27,560
Speaker 1: fun to split the bill, well, not everybody thinks it's fun.

547
00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:31,480
Speaker 1: If you're the one making that suggestion, we would recommend

548
00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:33,920
Speaker 1: for you to think through, Okay, what did everyone order?

549
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:37,200
Speaker 1: Like did we order equivalent food or equivalent drinks? Because

550
00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:39,080
Speaker 1: you want to make sure that if you are suggesting

551
00:24:39,119 --> 00:24:41,840
Speaker 1: that that you're you're you're being fair. Yeah, I think

552
00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:44,000
Speaker 1: another really important thing to do, Matt. You're right, have

553
00:24:44,119 --> 00:24:46,480
Speaker 1: the conversation ahead of time with that friend. Hey, last

554
00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:49,800
Speaker 1: time you suggested splitting the check and guess what. Here,

555
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:51,840
Speaker 1: here's here's where I'm at with money, and here's what

556
00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:54,600
Speaker 1: I'm trying to accomplish. And so for me, like, I'm

557
00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:56,160
Speaker 1: totally down with going out to eat, but I'm trying

558
00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:57,760
Speaker 1: to spend a whole lot less, So this time, can

559
00:24:57,800 --> 00:24:59,439
Speaker 1: we just pay our own way. I think that's a

560
00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:03,080
Speaker 1: great conver station have, and like really shouldn't make anybody uncomfortable,

561
00:25:03,160 --> 00:25:06,080
Speaker 1: that's understandable. I think your friend will appreciate the fact

562
00:25:06,119 --> 00:25:08,960
Speaker 1: that you mentioned and that you actually kind of opened

563
00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:10,760
Speaker 1: up a little bit about what's going on with your

564
00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:13,040
Speaker 1: you personally, what your goals are, and you know what,

565
00:25:13,119 --> 00:25:15,480
Speaker 1: you just started a money conversation right there too, which

566
00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:17,920
Speaker 1: school that could lead to some more interesting combos down

567
00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:21,399
Speaker 1: the road, potentially even prodding them to, yeah, ask you

568
00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:24,680
Speaker 1: some questions about oh wait, wait a second, wait, you're

569
00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:27,359
Speaker 1: investing for retirement, like or people supposed to be doing that?

570
00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:29,720
Speaker 1: Then uh yeah, it could be could I end up

571
00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:31,480
Speaker 1: helping your friend out? Actually, in the long run, I

572
00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:35,639
Speaker 1: think it's also okay to make an alternative suggestion. Your

573
00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:38,760
Speaker 1: friend might have suggested a nice dinner out, but you

574
00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:40,840
Speaker 1: might say, you know what, I don't even want to

575
00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:42,760
Speaker 1: go out and drink water and get the cheapest thing

576
00:25:42,800 --> 00:25:44,760
Speaker 1: on the menu. I'd rather just stay at home in

577
00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:47,400
Speaker 1: order to reach my saving school and that's okay too,

578
00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:50,840
Speaker 1: but be honest about that as well. So maybe say, hey,

579
00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:53,080
Speaker 1: my eating out budget, it's really tiny right now, I've

580
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:55,000
Speaker 1: exhausted it for the month. How about you come over

581
00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:58,040
Speaker 1: for a morning coffee hang instead. Your friend might be

582
00:25:58,119 --> 00:26:00,159
Speaker 1: like relief to right, because they just want to hang

583
00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:02,760
Speaker 1: out with you. They might not necessarily care about the

584
00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:05,159
Speaker 1: fine dining experience. They might have like a lot of

585
00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:07,960
Speaker 1: respect for you that you're letting your values drive your

586
00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:11,280
Speaker 1: spending decisions. And so yeah, I think it's just important

587
00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:14,680
Speaker 1: to have alternative suggestions ready. Just because that one thing

588
00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:18,520
Speaker 1: they suggested didn't work out doesn't mean you can't offer

589
00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:20,200
Speaker 1: up something I'll sorry, Hey, let's go for a hike

590
00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:22,560
Speaker 1: on Saturday morning, Like, let's get outside for a high,

591
00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:24,200
Speaker 1: go for a walk. How about you come over here,

592
00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:25,919
Speaker 1: let's la have some coffee here and then we'll go

593
00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:28,480
Speaker 1: for a walk instead of us meeting at a coffee shop,

594
00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:30,680
Speaker 1: especially if like you make good coffee, Like I don't

595
00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:33,400
Speaker 1: necessarily that kind of go French press, and I think

596
00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:35,880
Speaker 1: it takes fine, but like I don't know my French press.

597
00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:38,040
Speaker 1: My standards aren't high. But yeah, if you make like

598
00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:40,120
Speaker 1: good pour over coffee or something your friend might be

599
00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:41,679
Speaker 1: excited to come over and like, oh, give me some

600
00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:45,080
Speaker 1: of that arrow press, right, yeah, it taste your stuff. Okay,

601
00:26:45,119 --> 00:26:46,800
Speaker 1: So what's funny is that Kate and I are literally

602
00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:49,159
Speaker 1: we we literally just did this. We are going to

603
00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:52,480
Speaker 1: be having dinner with some a couple. They're college friends

604
00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:54,760
Speaker 1: of ours, and we invited them over to our house

605
00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:57,600
Speaker 1: before we're gonna and this is gonna happen tomorrow. Uh,

606
00:26:57,640 --> 00:26:59,720
Speaker 1: and we're gonna have a drink at the house before

607
00:26:59,760 --> 00:27:01,919
Speaker 1: we go to dinner. Uh. And it's for us, it's

608
00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:04,560
Speaker 1: kind of less about being super frugal. The fact is

609
00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:07,600
Speaker 1: four drinks at home is going to be a fraction

610
00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:09,720
Speaker 1: of the cost of actually going out and all of

611
00:27:09,760 --> 00:27:12,120
Speaker 1: us getting a cocktail while we're out. But then again,

612
00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:13,639
Speaker 1: it comes down to the conversation how we're going to

613
00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:15,840
Speaker 1: split the actual dinner bill. And I feel like we

614
00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:18,240
Speaker 1: know them enough well enough to like I'm going to

615
00:27:18,359 --> 00:27:20,680
Speaker 1: be the one probably to suggest that let's just play

616
00:27:20,720 --> 00:27:22,520
Speaker 1: it down the middle, but just you know, given the

617
00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:24,679
Speaker 1: conversation that we're having right now, like I am instead

618
00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:27,440
Speaker 1: going instead of like suggesting it, I'm gonna maybe ask

619
00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:28,760
Speaker 1: it and be like, hey, yeah, cool, if we just

620
00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:31,000
Speaker 1: split it down the middle, because I think the act

621
00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:34,000
Speaker 1: of asking rather than suggesting even that right there, can

622
00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:36,320
Speaker 1: kind of open the conversation up to where someone feels

623
00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:38,800
Speaker 1: a little less pressure to just go along with it,

624
00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:40,920
Speaker 1: as opposed to being like, well, actually, do you mind

625
00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:42,680
Speaker 1: if we kind of separate out where you know, maybe

626
00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:45,080
Speaker 1: we're maybe they would say that they're on a budget regardless,

627
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:46,600
Speaker 1: you kind of want to set the table for just

628
00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:49,399
Speaker 1: a nice, healthy conversation. I thought your classic move was

629
00:27:49,440 --> 00:27:51,520
Speaker 1: when the bill came to go to the restroom for

630
00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:55,120
Speaker 1: an extended period of time, maybe out the window. You've

631
00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:59,120
Speaker 1: never actually done that, right, I'll cost you A friend

632
00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:01,800
Speaker 1: keep saying it's almost like like, I mean, you say

633
00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:06,440
Speaker 1: it with much confidence, uh, and it sounds like almost experience. No,

634
00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:09,240
Speaker 1: I never pulled that one. Uh, never done the dining dash.

635
00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:12,080
Speaker 1: Never done that to a friend either, And that's that

636
00:28:12,119 --> 00:28:14,359
Speaker 1: would be the opposite of etiquette, So that would be cheap.

637
00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:16,639
Speaker 1: Don't do that, all right, Let's let's talk to you

638
00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:19,040
Speaker 1: mad about just kind of other maybe money things that

639
00:28:19,080 --> 00:28:22,160
Speaker 1: pop up. This one is something that we've experienced as parents.

640
00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:25,639
Speaker 1: Let's say, like, what's the etiquette surrounding contributing to a

641
00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:28,199
Speaker 1: gift for a teacher at like your kids school. I mean,

642
00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:31,879
Speaker 1: I feel like, similarly to planning ahead, you have to

643
00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:34,119
Speaker 1: make sure you have room in the budget for stuff

644
00:28:34,160 --> 00:28:37,600
Speaker 1: like that, and you have to know that those quote

645
00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:40,880
Speaker 1: unquote unexpected expenses are going to happen, right. I think

646
00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:44,640
Speaker 1: it's it's easy to get blindsided and say, wait, I

647
00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:46,480
Speaker 1: don't I don't have money for that, like and you

648
00:28:46,480 --> 00:28:49,200
Speaker 1: didn't know it was coming. But really, those are the

649
00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:51,760
Speaker 1: things that we shouldn't cheap out on, and we should

650
00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:55,280
Speaker 1: give something towards. And like, I think just setting aside

651
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:57,840
Speaker 1: something to the tune of twenty bucks a month for

652
00:28:58,120 --> 00:29:02,440
Speaker 1: requests like teacher um or other things in that similar

653
00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:05,080
Speaker 1: vein is a good idea. And I think that takes

654
00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:07,440
Speaker 1: a whole lot of stress out of these requests for money,

655
00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:10,040
Speaker 1: because yeah, they don't really come out of left field,

656
00:29:10,080 --> 00:29:12,760
Speaker 1: even though we feel like they do. So playing ahead

657
00:29:12,760 --> 00:29:16,280
Speaker 1: for them, give accordingly instead of like getting that stress

658
00:29:16,360 --> 00:29:18,360
Speaker 1: ulcer every time that email comes through and you're like,

659
00:29:18,760 --> 00:29:20,280
Speaker 1: I am I supposed to give money that now I'm

660
00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:24,160
Speaker 1: supposed to do. And even just something simple like for instance,

661
00:29:24,520 --> 00:29:26,920
Speaker 1: my son's school, he's too he's going to school a

662
00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:29,240
Speaker 1: few days a week and they had a pumpkin patch

663
00:29:29,240 --> 00:29:31,120
Speaker 1: and we took the time one to go volunteer and

664
00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:33,120
Speaker 1: help set it up. But then we're gonna buy an

665
00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:36,920
Speaker 1: overpriced pumpkin there because of the good that that money does.

666
00:29:37,080 --> 00:29:38,920
Speaker 1: Like I could go to Aldi and give me a

667
00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:42,840
Speaker 1: five dollar pumpkin, but I would rather spend the extra money.

668
00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:46,440
Speaker 1: And this money goes to literally benefit his school and

669
00:29:46,520 --> 00:29:48,760
Speaker 1: refugee families. And I'm like, I'm not cheating out of

670
00:29:48,760 --> 00:29:50,440
Speaker 1: the pumpkin, Like, of course I'm putting my money there,

671
00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:53,960
Speaker 1: but I have budgeted money for these kinds of purposes.

672
00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:56,560
Speaker 1: And really that's what it takes so that you're not like, yeah,

673
00:29:56,600 --> 00:29:58,520
Speaker 1: getting freaked out every time you get asked for money

674
00:29:58,600 --> 00:30:00,560
Speaker 1: or something like this. Yeah, that doesn't mean that you

675
00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:03,200
Speaker 1: should feel compelled to give to everything, right, Like, I

676
00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:06,200
Speaker 1: think one of the other etiquette conundrums is when people

677
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:08,800
Speaker 1: ask for money in the moment, and even if it's

678
00:30:08,840 --> 00:30:11,360
Speaker 1: not to our faces. Right. I'm talking about the rise

679
00:30:11,360 --> 00:30:14,000
Speaker 1: of go fund me's online that you might see on

680
00:30:14,040 --> 00:30:16,720
Speaker 1: social media. See them on Facebook, for instance, if someone

681
00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:18,520
Speaker 1: has a birthday coming up, they might be raising money

682
00:30:18,520 --> 00:30:20,000
Speaker 1: for a cause that they care about. But that doesn't

683
00:30:20,040 --> 00:30:22,600
Speaker 1: necessarily mean that you have to be giving to that

684
00:30:22,640 --> 00:30:24,920
Speaker 1: particular organization. Man, I see it all the time now,

685
00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:27,080
Speaker 1: and I'm like, sorry, it doesn't mean I don't love you,

686
00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:28,920
Speaker 1: and it doesn't mean I don't wish you a happy birthday.

687
00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:31,600
Speaker 1: But there's I'm not contributing to pay well, and I

688
00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:33,560
Speaker 1: don't feel guilted into that. Like. It also makes me

689
00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:36,080
Speaker 1: think of two like giving money like in the grocery

690
00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:39,040
Speaker 1: store checkoutline, that that is not something I participate in

691
00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:42,800
Speaker 1: because almost all of my giving is pre planned, uh,

692
00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:45,160
Speaker 1: and it is funneled towards the organization that I know

693
00:30:45,240 --> 00:30:47,720
Speaker 1: and that I love. So this is an example where

694
00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:50,320
Speaker 1: I think we believe it's better to be proactive and

695
00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:53,640
Speaker 1: intentional with our giving rather than being you know, passive

696
00:30:53,680 --> 00:30:56,080
Speaker 1: and casual about it. We don't want you to be cheap.

697
00:30:56,360 --> 00:30:58,080
Speaker 1: Do give your money, but just make sure instead that

698
00:30:58,080 --> 00:31:00,600
Speaker 1: you're taking the time to look up and read search charities.

699
00:31:00,600 --> 00:31:03,560
Speaker 1: And you can do that via a site like Charity Navigator.

700
00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:06,000
Speaker 1: That's a fantastic site that we've mentioned multiple times here

701
00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:07,800
Speaker 1: on the show, where you can go online, you can

702
00:31:07,840 --> 00:31:10,600
Speaker 1: look up the different organizations, you can see how much

703
00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:12,200
Speaker 1: of the money that you give to give to them,

704
00:31:12,720 --> 00:31:14,960
Speaker 1: how much of it goes towards expenses, how much of

705
00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:19,240
Speaker 1: it actually goes towards the cause exactly. But you got

706
00:31:19,240 --> 00:31:20,840
Speaker 1: I mean, but kind of going back to what you said, Jill,

707
00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:22,480
Speaker 1: you kind of have to find that balance between being

708
00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:24,880
Speaker 1: intentional and proactive. I feel like this is a perfect

709
00:31:24,880 --> 00:31:26,239
Speaker 1: example of you and me, because I feel like you're

710
00:31:26,240 --> 00:31:28,800
Speaker 1: a little more you know, a little going, you know, shooting,

711
00:31:28,800 --> 00:31:31,560
Speaker 1: shooting from the hip a little bit um, whereas I'm

712
00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:35,080
Speaker 1: like overly structured and or you know, organized. But at

713
00:31:35,120 --> 00:31:36,959
Speaker 1: the same time, I feel like I do need to

714
00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:39,680
Speaker 1: allow some margin in my life when it comes to

715
00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:42,480
Speaker 1: maybe something like a over price pumpkin. Yeah, I have

716
00:31:42,520 --> 00:31:44,600
Speaker 1: to be okay with that. I think there's like a

717
00:31:44,640 --> 00:31:47,160
Speaker 1: difference in how I feel too when I give to

718
00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:50,400
Speaker 1: something spur of the moment, usually like and I don't

719
00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:52,160
Speaker 1: mind setting So I think it's okay to set aside

720
00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:54,480
Speaker 1: in your budget some money for spur of the moment

721
00:31:54,520 --> 00:31:56,920
Speaker 1: gifts if that's your thing. But for me, at least,

722
00:31:57,160 --> 00:32:01,680
Speaker 1: they provide a really small, like feeling that I've done

723
00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:04,560
Speaker 1: something good for a really short period of time. But

724
00:32:04,640 --> 00:32:06,360
Speaker 1: when I have pre planned my giving, and I give

725
00:32:06,400 --> 00:32:09,520
Speaker 1: it consistently to the organizations I already know and love

726
00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:13,040
Speaker 1: and am connected to the work they're doing. That feeling

727
00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:15,200
Speaker 1: the way I feel about where my money is going,

728
00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:18,720
Speaker 1: it lasts longer and uh and so yeah, it really

729
00:32:18,720 --> 00:32:20,640
Speaker 1: it's up to each individual how they want to give

730
00:32:20,640 --> 00:32:23,280
Speaker 1: their money. But just be prepared in advance, know that

731
00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:26,520
Speaker 1: you're going to get maybe asked at the grocery store,

732
00:32:26,560 --> 00:32:28,880
Speaker 1: and be comfortable, like, you're not a cheap skate. You're

733
00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:30,920
Speaker 1: not a bad person if you decide not to give

734
00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:33,400
Speaker 1: in the moment consistently, Like if you always say no

735
00:32:33,480 --> 00:32:35,920
Speaker 1: to that, that doesn't make you a bad person. If

736
00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:38,440
Speaker 1: you feel like you're being generous, there you go with

737
00:32:38,480 --> 00:32:41,000
Speaker 1: your money overall total. And let's talk about generosity, Matt,

738
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:43,720
Speaker 1: when it comes to like giving or a gift giving

739
00:32:43,760 --> 00:32:46,040
Speaker 1: with family and friends. We are in October, and so

740
00:32:46,120 --> 00:32:49,120
Speaker 1: people are planning for the holidays and there, um, if not,

741
00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:52,600
Speaker 1: you should be because of shipping delays exactly. We talked

742
00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:54,640
Speaker 1: about that a while back. You should be, yeah, actively

743
00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:57,160
Speaker 1: looking to buy your Christmas presents now, not waiting till

744
00:32:57,160 --> 00:32:59,920
Speaker 1: at the last minute because of some of those Yeah,

745
00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:02,920
Speaker 1: shipping delays leading to product shortages. But this is really

746
00:33:02,920 --> 00:33:06,160
Speaker 1: another uncomfortable spot that a lot of people find themselves in. Uh.

747
00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:09,320
Speaker 1: And yeah, they're bound to be some awkward moments for

748
00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:14,320
Speaker 1: lots of families who haven't communicated expectations well around holiday

749
00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:17,200
Speaker 1: gift giving. And this is just another instance where it

750
00:33:17,240 --> 00:33:20,560
Speaker 1: makes the most sense to get ahead of things and

751
00:33:20,600 --> 00:33:23,560
Speaker 1: to clearly let your family know that one you love them,

752
00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:26,520
Speaker 1: and to that maybe you're also working really hard to

753
00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:29,720
Speaker 1: finally destroy your student loans. Can once and for all

754
00:33:29,760 --> 00:33:31,520
Speaker 1: you can do both of those things at the same time.

755
00:33:31,520 --> 00:33:33,760
Speaker 1: I can love you and destroy my student loans, but

756
00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:35,400
Speaker 1: that doesn't the means I also, I'm not going to

757
00:33:35,440 --> 00:33:37,040
Speaker 1: buy you a fifty dollar gifts and that doesn't mean

758
00:33:37,080 --> 00:33:39,800
Speaker 1: that's going to destroy our relationship because we're talking about

759
00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:42,560
Speaker 1: it exactly, And that's really what it comes down to,

760
00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:45,360
Speaker 1: right Like, maybe instead of giving those expensive gifts this

761
00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:48,680
Speaker 1: year up to exchange time spent together or do some

762
00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:51,000
Speaker 1: sort of secret Santa. But those are the conversations you

763
00:33:51,080 --> 00:33:54,320
Speaker 1: probably want to start having now. You want to communicate

764
00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:56,800
Speaker 1: the expectations, just like you're planning ahead in your budget,

765
00:33:56,840 --> 00:34:00,720
Speaker 1: plan ahead and communicate well with your family so that

766
00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:03,880
Speaker 1: you don't show up on Christmas morning or whatever it

767
00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:06,480
Speaker 1: is and you've got nothing in hand, and you're like, well,

768
00:34:07,160 --> 00:34:10,120
Speaker 1: I'm saving money, guys exactly, don't you get it? But

769
00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:12,479
Speaker 1: if you talk about that and open up those lines

770
00:34:12,520 --> 00:34:15,840
Speaker 1: of communication far in advance, it's less of a shock.

771
00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:19,720
Speaker 1: It feels less like you just didn't you just weren't thoughtful,

772
00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:22,359
Speaker 1: and it feels more like, wait, they're being intentional here.

773
00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:25,239
Speaker 1: We want to help them, support support them in that goal. Yeah.

774
00:34:25,239 --> 00:34:27,359
Speaker 1: So on the note of gift giving, another real quick

775
00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:29,320
Speaker 1: one here, what are your thoughts as far as the

776
00:34:29,320 --> 00:34:33,040
Speaker 1: etiquette surrounding giving money as a gift? Uh? And as

777
00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:35,560
Speaker 1: you think about this, I'll say, as a half Korean

778
00:34:35,920 --> 00:34:39,480
Speaker 1: who has received my fair share of money, just straight

779
00:34:39,560 --> 00:34:43,480
Speaker 1: up cash gifts from my mom's friends, fully Korean, I

780
00:34:43,520 --> 00:34:46,200
Speaker 1: feel like it's maybe more of an Asian thing. But like, dude, like,

781
00:34:46,239 --> 00:34:50,240
Speaker 1: as a practical guy that likes to talk about money,

782
00:34:51,320 --> 00:34:53,800
Speaker 1: welcome cash the you know, like for like one of

783
00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:55,479
Speaker 1: our kids, like when they're born, like when a baby

784
00:34:55,520 --> 00:34:57,880
Speaker 1: is born, or for a wedding, It's easy for me

785
00:34:57,920 --> 00:35:00,960
Speaker 1: to lash onto practical little side of that. But what

786
00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:03,240
Speaker 1: are your thoughts on that? Okay, So I think money

787
00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:06,000
Speaker 1: is actually a better etiquette move than giving a gift card.

788
00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:09,240
Speaker 1: And that's really I do. And I think it feels

789
00:35:09,239 --> 00:35:11,880
Speaker 1: the opposite because a gift card feels more specific, it

790
00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:15,160
Speaker 1: feels like a little bit. I know you like this store,

791
00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:16,960
Speaker 1: so go buy yourself something night, but you get to

792
00:35:16,960 --> 00:35:19,200
Speaker 1: pick something from that store. I'm not going to order

793
00:35:19,239 --> 00:35:21,520
Speaker 1: you a meal. That's too personal. But when you look

794
00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:23,160
Speaker 1: at the stats and you see the amount of money

795
00:35:23,160 --> 00:35:26,120
Speaker 1: that goes unspent on gift cards each year, people get

796
00:35:26,160 --> 00:35:28,080
Speaker 1: gift cards, they get tossed in the drawer, they never

797
00:35:28,120 --> 00:35:30,480
Speaker 1: get spent. But do you ever not spend a hundred

798
00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:32,400
Speaker 1: dollar bill that comes into your into your life or

799
00:35:32,400 --> 00:35:34,560
Speaker 1: a fifty dollar bill. Yeah, it's cash, you're gonna spend it.

800
00:35:34,840 --> 00:35:37,360
Speaker 1: So I think from that aspect, like I think the

801
00:35:37,360 --> 00:35:39,920
Speaker 1: better etiquette is to give cash, and I think we

802
00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:42,919
Speaker 1: can like bring less stigma around that and start giving

803
00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:44,880
Speaker 1: cash more. I think the thing is to include a

804
00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:47,680
Speaker 1: note that that is thoughtful and I says, hey, I

805
00:35:47,760 --> 00:35:49,799
Speaker 1: know you and I know that this is something you like,

806
00:35:49,920 --> 00:35:51,480
Speaker 1: and I don't know what you're gonna spend it on,

807
00:35:51,480 --> 00:35:53,880
Speaker 1: maybe this, this or this, But yeah, I think that

808
00:35:53,960 --> 00:35:56,279
Speaker 1: helps make it feel a little more personal and a

809
00:35:56,280 --> 00:35:59,759
Speaker 1: little less like you just didn't know what they like,

810
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:01,920
Speaker 1: what they care about. Right. I like that, dude, I

811
00:36:01,960 --> 00:36:03,520
Speaker 1: like that a lot. I think you could even include

812
00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:06,799
Speaker 1: some stats about the percentage of gift cards that go

813
00:36:07,120 --> 00:36:09,759
Speaker 1: on untapped. Yeah, just to convince them that you made

814
00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:14,160
Speaker 1: the right This guy's a total do we a total nerd.

815
00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:17,359
Speaker 1: But that is how we roll. All Right, we're gonna

816
00:36:17,360 --> 00:36:19,040
Speaker 1: take a quick break, but after the break, we're finally

817
00:36:19,040 --> 00:36:22,200
Speaker 1: going to get to talking about money and relationships. When

818
00:36:22,239 --> 00:36:33,680
Speaker 1: it comes to dating, we'll get to that right after this. Okay,

819
00:36:33,680 --> 00:36:35,680
Speaker 1: we're back. We're going to get to dating and marriage

820
00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:38,040
Speaker 1: in just a second, I promise. But first I wanted

821
00:36:38,040 --> 00:36:40,120
Speaker 1: to talk about we we just talked about gift giving.

822
00:36:40,480 --> 00:36:42,680
Speaker 1: Let's talk about lending money to family and friends, because

823
00:36:42,920 --> 00:36:46,360
Speaker 1: that is another zone of money that it's fraught with peril.

824
00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:49,000
Speaker 1: And it's like, well, that's the etiquette there when someone

825
00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:52,160
Speaker 1: I love asks me for money. So we would suggest

826
00:36:52,440 --> 00:36:55,480
Speaker 1: to really try at all costs to avoid being the

827
00:36:55,560 --> 00:37:00,360
Speaker 1: borrower or the lender in this scenario whenever possible, And

828
00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:02,640
Speaker 1: if you're the one borrowing money from a friend, pay

829
00:37:02,680 --> 00:37:05,480
Speaker 1: them back as soon as possible, or at least when

830
00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:07,080
Speaker 1: you say you're going to. If you're like, hey, I'm

831
00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:09,400
Speaker 1: gonna get paid two weeks from now, I promise that

832
00:37:09,480 --> 00:37:11,040
Speaker 1: hunter Bucks is hitting you back, hit you up at

833
00:37:11,040 --> 00:37:13,480
Speaker 1: the end of the month, exactly. Friendships can easily get

834
00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:16,200
Speaker 1: damaged if you don't, and if you're the one who's

835
00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:18,920
Speaker 1: lending the money. It's also helpful to not think of

836
00:37:18,960 --> 00:37:20,319
Speaker 1: it as a loan. So if your friend comes to

837
00:37:20,320 --> 00:37:23,120
Speaker 1: you and says, hey, let me can I can I

838
00:37:23,160 --> 00:37:26,360
Speaker 1: borrow Hunter Bucks and you say yes, don't expect to

839
00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:28,080
Speaker 1: get paid back. Think of it as a gift that

840
00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:30,560
Speaker 1: you're making to the person that you care about instead,

841
00:37:30,840 --> 00:37:32,840
Speaker 1: and if you somehow get paid back, it's icing on

842
00:37:32,880 --> 00:37:35,000
Speaker 1: the cake. Because if you don't view it that way

843
00:37:35,280 --> 00:37:39,200
Speaker 1: and that person, uh, this abuses your trust and doesn't

844
00:37:39,200 --> 00:37:41,520
Speaker 1: pay you back in a timely fashion, it's gonna be

845
00:37:41,560 --> 00:37:45,040
Speaker 1: frustrating and it could cause damage to the relationship. But

846
00:37:45,080 --> 00:37:47,080
Speaker 1: if you mentally are thinking of it like, you know what,

847
00:37:47,120 --> 00:37:49,399
Speaker 1: I'm gonna give them some money, it's no big deal.

848
00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:51,480
Speaker 1: If I don't give this money back and then, and also,

849
00:37:51,520 --> 00:37:53,719
Speaker 1: don't lend any money that you can't afford to lend

850
00:37:53,719 --> 00:37:55,720
Speaker 1: if you can't afford it, just be honest and say, listen,

851
00:37:55,880 --> 00:37:57,399
Speaker 1: I don't have the money to give you right now.

852
00:37:57,560 --> 00:37:59,879
Speaker 1: I love you, but how else can I help you out? Yes?

853
00:38:00,320 --> 00:38:02,200
Speaker 1: I love that so much, dude. This also makes me

854
00:38:02,239 --> 00:38:04,480
Speaker 1: think of co signing because this is kind of another

855
00:38:04,560 --> 00:38:06,880
Speaker 1: form of lending your You're lending your good name, you're

856
00:38:06,960 --> 00:38:10,040
Speaker 1: lending your credit to somebody, and even in parents in

857
00:38:10,120 --> 00:38:13,160
Speaker 1: child relationships, it can become a source of contention. And

858
00:38:13,200 --> 00:38:15,399
Speaker 1: so if someone wants you to help them to buy

859
00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:17,480
Speaker 1: a car, for instance, with your good credit, like this

860
00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:19,319
Speaker 1: is probably going to be a bad idea for you.

861
00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:21,919
Speaker 1: When you co sign, you are telling the lender that

862
00:38:22,080 --> 00:38:24,480
Speaker 1: you are going to be good for the money. Uh.

863
00:38:24,480 --> 00:38:27,360
Speaker 1: And so instead, we would recommend that you kind of

864
00:38:27,360 --> 00:38:29,840
Speaker 1: maybe see that ask from that individual as kind of

865
00:38:29,840 --> 00:38:32,600
Speaker 1: the perfect way to start a conversation about how they're

866
00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:34,200
Speaker 1: handling their money, like what is it that they can

867
00:38:34,200 --> 00:38:37,200
Speaker 1: actually afford? Hopefully that can lead to I mean, if

868
00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:39,840
Speaker 1: they feel comfortable enough asking you to co sign, hopefully

869
00:38:39,840 --> 00:38:43,919
Speaker 1: they're open enough to handle some additional conversations about money. Right. Yeah,

870
00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:45,239
Speaker 1: it's like, hey, mom, dad, can you help me co

871
00:38:45,280 --> 00:38:47,839
Speaker 1: sign for this brand? New Hanta Civic and it's like, wait,

872
00:38:47,960 --> 00:38:50,000
Speaker 1: slow down there, let's let's let's see you know what

873
00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:52,120
Speaker 1: I'm unwilling to do that. How much money do you

874
00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:55,560
Speaker 1: have on hand? Can I help you purchase a used

875
00:38:55,560 --> 00:38:57,640
Speaker 1: one and find the right used card that's gonna cost

876
00:38:57,680 --> 00:38:59,520
Speaker 1: you a whole lot less? Like that opens up a

877
00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:02,719
Speaker 1: gateway for a better conversation. And I do think I

878
00:39:02,719 --> 00:39:05,680
Speaker 1: mean that parent child relationship it is a little bit different,

879
00:39:05,719 --> 00:39:07,160
Speaker 1: like like there's I feel like there is a gray

880
00:39:07,239 --> 00:39:09,440
Speaker 1: area here, especially if you have an adult child who

881
00:39:09,480 --> 00:39:11,960
Speaker 1: maybe doesn't have a credit score and they're asking you

882
00:39:12,120 --> 00:39:14,160
Speaker 1: essentially like you know that they're good for it, you

883
00:39:14,200 --> 00:39:16,480
Speaker 1: know that they are incredibly responsible, but you just want

884
00:39:16,480 --> 00:39:18,319
Speaker 1: to make sure that you've had these conversations with them

885
00:39:18,320 --> 00:39:20,120
Speaker 1: ahead of time. You want to make sure that they

886
00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:23,200
Speaker 1: are open to sitting down periodically and taking a look

887
00:39:23,239 --> 00:39:26,440
Speaker 1: at how those payments are going. That type of thing. Uh,

888
00:39:26,480 --> 00:39:28,680
Speaker 1: in real quick to joll there's actually another kind of

889
00:39:28,840 --> 00:39:31,759
Speaker 1: awkward situation regarding the parent child thing. What are your

890
00:39:31,800 --> 00:39:34,719
Speaker 1: thoughts when it comes to adult children who are also

891
00:39:34,800 --> 00:39:37,640
Speaker 1: hanging out with their parents who are presumably adults, right,

892
00:39:38,840 --> 00:39:41,000
Speaker 1: But like, when you get to that point to where

893
00:39:41,440 --> 00:39:44,279
Speaker 1: the child starts to pay their own way for things,

894
00:39:44,280 --> 00:39:46,480
Speaker 1: like saying you're gonna go out. You're in a situation

895
00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:49,160
Speaker 1: where you can you can both afford things. But it's

896
00:39:49,200 --> 00:39:50,840
Speaker 1: kind of like, all right, do we revert back to

897
00:39:50,880 --> 00:39:53,360
Speaker 1: the mom and dad take care of everything kind of mindset?

898
00:39:53,400 --> 00:39:55,319
Speaker 1: Are like, where do you think that line is? That's

899
00:39:55,320 --> 00:39:57,680
Speaker 1: a really good question. I think it depends on both

900
00:39:58,640 --> 00:40:02,640
Speaker 1: financial situations of both individuals, and I think as a parent, like,

901
00:40:02,880 --> 00:40:04,640
Speaker 1: that's what I want to do for my kids at

902
00:40:04,680 --> 00:40:07,560
Speaker 1: some point, once they've proven that they're responsible with money,

903
00:40:07,560 --> 00:40:09,759
Speaker 1: like once they get get out on their own, once

904
00:40:09,760 --> 00:40:12,680
Speaker 1: they have a solid job earning their own income. Once

905
00:40:12,680 --> 00:40:14,359
Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, they know what they're doing. I want

906
00:40:14,360 --> 00:40:16,560
Speaker 1: to treat them in that way. But if it's one

907
00:40:16,560 --> 00:40:18,799
Speaker 1: of those things where they keep coming back to the well,

908
00:40:19,760 --> 00:40:22,319
Speaker 1: then I'm gonna be less enthusiastic. I think about, you know,

909
00:40:22,360 --> 00:40:24,840
Speaker 1: paying for paying for dinner or paying for anything for

910
00:40:24,880 --> 00:40:26,719
Speaker 1: them totally. Yeah. Like I think as a parent, like,

911
00:40:26,760 --> 00:40:28,480
Speaker 1: as I see many kids get older, I mean, and

912
00:40:28,520 --> 00:40:32,160
Speaker 1: we're like we're like that gates from this, But I'm

913
00:40:32,160 --> 00:40:33,920
Speaker 1: trying to imagine what this would feel like. And I

914
00:40:33,920 --> 00:40:36,680
Speaker 1: think I would want them to show some initiative, you know,

915
00:40:36,760 --> 00:40:38,920
Speaker 1: like like say they're gonna come back home to visit. Uh,

916
00:40:38,920 --> 00:40:41,000
Speaker 1: They've got a solid, you know, decent paying job. I'm

917
00:40:41,040 --> 00:40:44,480
Speaker 1: I'm not expecting them to like pay a certain thing,

918
00:40:44,560 --> 00:40:45,640
Speaker 1: but like for them just to be like, hey, you

919
00:40:45,640 --> 00:40:47,319
Speaker 1: wanted to pick up any groceries on the on the

920
00:40:47,360 --> 00:40:49,920
Speaker 1: way back to the house for the weekend, Like that

921
00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:51,760
Speaker 1: kind of thing that goes a long way and making

922
00:40:51,760 --> 00:40:53,799
Speaker 1: you want to them. Yeah. And I feel the same

923
00:40:53,840 --> 00:40:56,000
Speaker 1: thing like with my parents, Like they they're in the

924
00:40:56,040 --> 00:40:59,440
Speaker 1: place now where they offer to buy things, but then

925
00:40:59,520 --> 00:41:01,880
Speaker 1: I different things too, Like my parents they still do that.

926
00:41:01,880 --> 00:41:03,960
Speaker 1: They came around and stayed in the beach house that

927
00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:06,080
Speaker 1: we rented this past summer, and they were like, hey,

928
00:41:06,160 --> 00:41:07,360
Speaker 1: can we pay for some of it? And I'm like,

929
00:41:07,480 --> 00:41:09,839
Speaker 1: no way, Like this is my treat and it felt

930
00:41:09,840 --> 00:41:11,560
Speaker 1: really good to do that. But then other times they'll

931
00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:13,719
Speaker 1: pick up the tab at the restaurant when we're all

932
00:41:13,719 --> 00:41:15,680
Speaker 1: go out, and it's like that's super sweet. It kind

933
00:41:15,680 --> 00:41:17,520
Speaker 1: of depends on the situation, right, Like if you had

934
00:41:17,520 --> 00:41:19,480
Speaker 1: like a few years of just really tough times at

935
00:41:19,480 --> 00:41:21,480
Speaker 1: a job, maybe that you hated for them to have

936
00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:23,520
Speaker 1: offered that would have not only been incredibly generous, but

937
00:41:23,560 --> 00:41:25,680
Speaker 1: maybe welcome on your on your part. So I think

938
00:41:25,719 --> 00:41:26,880
Speaker 1: a lot of it does kind of come down to

939
00:41:26,880 --> 00:41:29,760
Speaker 1: the individual relationship with with you and your parents exactly,

940
00:41:29,800 --> 00:41:32,920
Speaker 1: timing circumstances, that all that, that all really matters. Let's

941
00:41:33,040 --> 00:41:36,040
Speaker 1: talk Matt about like more intense relationships. Welln't that more

942
00:41:36,080 --> 00:41:40,319
Speaker 1: intense but more romantic? More romantic. Yeah, and we're gonna

943
00:41:40,360 --> 00:41:42,640
Speaker 1: get into marriage too, But let's talk about dating for

944
00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:46,919
Speaker 1: a second. And it can be really hard to know

945
00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:49,319
Speaker 1: what the etiquette should be like when it comes to dating,

946
00:41:49,360 --> 00:41:51,080
Speaker 1: and Matt, we just to be honest, we've been out

947
00:41:51,080 --> 00:41:53,080
Speaker 1: of the dating world for quite a while at this

948
00:41:53,080 --> 00:41:55,960
Speaker 1: point in time, you for like what fourteen fifteen years

949
00:41:56,080 --> 00:41:58,799
Speaker 1: or fifteen years and me for eleven twelve years, and

950
00:41:58,840 --> 00:42:02,120
Speaker 1: so we would suggest getting the uncomfortable stuff out of

951
00:42:02,120 --> 00:42:04,960
Speaker 1: the way upfront. It's again, it's so much more awkward

952
00:42:05,040 --> 00:42:06,879
Speaker 1: after the bill comes to talk about who is paying

953
00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:09,719
Speaker 1: for what? And if you asked someone out, if you said, hey,

954
00:42:09,840 --> 00:42:11,879
Speaker 1: I like you, can I take you out to eat

955
00:42:12,040 --> 00:42:14,480
Speaker 1: or to wherever, offer to pay for the meal. That

956
00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:17,920
Speaker 1: might sound old school, but it's our opinion that if

957
00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:19,960
Speaker 1: you like someone enough to ask him out on a

958
00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:22,520
Speaker 1: date and you plan something cool, then you pay for it.

959
00:42:23,040 --> 00:42:25,399
Speaker 1: And of course it doesn't have to be fancy. I mean,

960
00:42:25,560 --> 00:42:28,200
Speaker 1: it probably can't be McDonald's, but it certainly doesn't have

961
00:42:28,239 --> 00:42:30,319
Speaker 1: to be the three fork restaurants, but more between three

962
00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:35,000
Speaker 1: forks and plastic forks. Right, And if you don't have

963
00:42:35,120 --> 00:42:37,640
Speaker 1: boatloads of dough for dating though, that's okay too. You

964
00:42:37,680 --> 00:42:40,520
Speaker 1: could still date people. And so yeah, we would say,

965
00:42:40,560 --> 00:42:42,880
Speaker 1: offer to pick up that love interest in your fancy

966
00:42:42,960 --> 00:42:45,239
Speaker 1: like two Honda Kord or whatever it is, and then

967
00:42:45,320 --> 00:42:47,719
Speaker 1: go for a hike. But yeah, or maybe meat for

968
00:42:47,760 --> 00:42:49,680
Speaker 1: a picnic in a cool park on a beautiful day.

969
00:42:49,960 --> 00:42:52,239
Speaker 1: You really don't need big money to wow someone who

970
00:42:52,280 --> 00:42:54,879
Speaker 1: you've got a crush on. Sometimes sweet and Goofy goes

971
00:42:54,880 --> 00:42:57,760
Speaker 1: a lot further, and just putting your actual foot forward

972
00:42:57,800 --> 00:43:00,880
Speaker 1: like who you are, as opposed to putting like you forward,

973
00:43:01,520 --> 00:43:03,319
Speaker 1: making it seem like you've got it all together. I

974
00:43:03,320 --> 00:43:05,799
Speaker 1: think sometimes people appreciate that. Most of the time, people

975
00:43:05,800 --> 00:43:09,480
Speaker 1: appreciate that authenticity, even if it doesn't seem like that's

976
00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:11,160
Speaker 1: what's going to be received. All seems like you're putting

977
00:43:11,160 --> 00:43:12,719
Speaker 1: a whole lot of stock in the sweet and goofy guy.

978
00:43:14,400 --> 00:43:17,080
Speaker 1: That's all I got. Someone's like talking to their their friends,

979
00:43:17,080 --> 00:43:20,080
Speaker 1: they're like, well, downside he's he's broke, he doesn't make

980
00:43:20,080 --> 00:43:22,200
Speaker 1: a lot of money, but on the up side, he's

981
00:43:22,200 --> 00:43:26,560
Speaker 1: really sweet and goofy. And you know, we we feel

982
00:43:26,560 --> 00:43:28,319
Speaker 1: that if like you're more or less like the one

983
00:43:28,360 --> 00:43:31,239
Speaker 1: who's being treated to a date, like, definitely don't be

984
00:43:31,280 --> 00:43:34,120
Speaker 1: the person who orders like the most expensive thing on

985
00:43:34,160 --> 00:43:37,160
Speaker 1: the menu and then also like the second, third, fourth

986
00:43:37,200 --> 00:43:40,640
Speaker 1: glass of wine. Uh. Instead, you know, be respectful, take

987
00:43:40,680 --> 00:43:43,239
Speaker 1: the lead of the person who you're on the date with.

988
00:43:43,760 --> 00:43:46,160
Speaker 1: That certainly feels like the respectful kind of path to take,

989
00:43:46,320 --> 00:43:48,680
Speaker 1: at least for in my opinion. One other thing, I

990
00:43:48,719 --> 00:43:50,480
Speaker 1: think it can be kind of sweet to offer to

991
00:43:50,480 --> 00:43:53,640
Speaker 1: go Dutch as well, where you you're both paying your way.

992
00:43:53,680 --> 00:43:56,000
Speaker 1: But you know, bottom line, we don't need to be

993
00:43:56,000 --> 00:43:58,080
Speaker 1: the ones here to to tell you that virtually everything

994
00:43:58,120 --> 00:43:59,759
Speaker 1: you do and say feels like it's under kind of

995
00:43:59,800 --> 00:44:02,160
Speaker 1: like the the dating microscope when you're out on a date, right,

996
00:44:02,480 --> 00:44:05,799
Speaker 1: But it is true that there are counless decisions that

997
00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:09,200
Speaker 1: communicates something specifically your thoughts on money to a date.

998
00:44:09,280 --> 00:44:11,239
Speaker 1: While you're out on a date, and if you're the

999
00:44:11,239 --> 00:44:13,799
Speaker 1: one ordering that fourth glass of wine, well, whether you

1000
00:44:13,840 --> 00:44:16,600
Speaker 1: realize it or not, you are communicating something to them,

1001
00:44:16,640 --> 00:44:18,719
Speaker 1: and so you just want to make sure that you

1002
00:44:18,760 --> 00:44:21,480
Speaker 1: are sending the right signals. Yeah, and it goes both

1003
00:44:21,520 --> 00:44:24,600
Speaker 1: ways too, because if you are crushing on somebody and

1004
00:44:24,600 --> 00:44:27,240
Speaker 1: you've initiated multiple dates and you show up to every

1005
00:44:27,239 --> 00:44:29,680
Speaker 1: one of them with like a gift every time, it's

1006
00:44:29,680 --> 00:44:34,560
Speaker 1: like flowers. Yeah, yeah, and I like care, I'm all

1007
00:44:34,600 --> 00:44:36,960
Speaker 1: about giving my wife gifts, bringing flower some stuff like that.

1008
00:44:37,080 --> 00:44:40,120
Speaker 1: You've talked about your tulips, but especially as you're getting

1009
00:44:40,120 --> 00:44:42,839
Speaker 1: to know somebody, um, and you don't know that very well.

1010
00:44:42,840 --> 00:44:45,120
Speaker 1: If you're bringing something fancy every single time, it starts

1011
00:44:45,160 --> 00:44:47,120
Speaker 1: getting out of hand. Yeah, you're communicating that you're a

1012
00:44:47,120 --> 00:44:49,880
Speaker 1: big spender, whether or not you have your finances in

1013
00:44:49,960 --> 00:44:52,880
Speaker 1: shape and a more frugal receiver of these gifts. They

1014
00:44:52,920 --> 00:44:55,360
Speaker 1: might not be used to you know what, these lavish

1015
00:44:55,400 --> 00:44:58,319
Speaker 1: gifts that you're bestowing, And that's okay. But if that's

1016
00:44:58,360 --> 00:45:01,040
Speaker 1: something that matters to you and you know, hopefully you

1017
00:45:01,040 --> 00:45:04,080
Speaker 1: have your money game together, that's okay, go for it.

1018
00:45:04,120 --> 00:45:06,200
Speaker 1: But more than anything else, just make sure that you're

1019
00:45:06,200 --> 00:45:08,919
Speaker 1: being yourself. I think sometimes in the dating world it's

1020
00:45:09,040 --> 00:45:11,880
Speaker 1: easy to get caught up in spending more money than

1021
00:45:11,880 --> 00:45:14,640
Speaker 1: you feel comfortable doing. And you know, if you're actually

1022
00:45:14,680 --> 00:45:17,719
Speaker 1: trying to find like a life partner, that's not really

1023
00:45:17,760 --> 00:45:19,279
Speaker 1: what you're going for. You want them to kind of

1024
00:45:19,320 --> 00:45:22,640
Speaker 1: recognize who you are, corks and all and somebody. I

1025
00:45:22,680 --> 00:45:26,200
Speaker 1: promise somebody will love you for for those for those things.

1026
00:45:26,400 --> 00:45:28,359
Speaker 1: You don't have to put on a front to win

1027
00:45:28,440 --> 00:45:30,279
Speaker 1: somebody over. Sure. Yeah. So on a related note, we

1028
00:45:30,280 --> 00:45:33,279
Speaker 1: actually had a listener who emailed recently about dating etiquette

1029
00:45:33,440 --> 00:45:35,880
Speaker 1: and they wanted to know about using a coupon on

1030
00:45:35,920 --> 00:45:37,759
Speaker 1: a on a date. So Joel, Yeah, what is your

1031
00:45:37,800 --> 00:45:40,560
Speaker 1: money etiquette meter say in regards to that, Okay, I

1032
00:45:40,600 --> 00:45:42,680
Speaker 1: don't want to date anybody or like be married to

1033
00:45:42,719 --> 00:45:45,960
Speaker 1: anybody who isn't cool with me using a pupon right, So, like,

1034
00:45:46,000 --> 00:45:48,320
Speaker 1: we likely you found the right person, right. So we

1035
00:45:48,320 --> 00:45:51,680
Speaker 1: we regularly get these like mailers every month, and one

1036
00:45:51,680 --> 00:45:54,160
Speaker 1: of our favorite restaurant almost always has a coupon in there.

1037
00:45:54,200 --> 00:45:56,120
Speaker 1: It's right around the corner. It's a nice restaurant too,

1038
00:45:56,160 --> 00:45:58,840
Speaker 1: It's like a two fourth place and uh, it's so

1039
00:45:59,719 --> 00:46:01,600
Speaker 1: I'm I'm totally going to use the coupon if I've

1040
00:46:01,600 --> 00:46:03,399
Speaker 1: got it, and you know what, it's a nice place

1041
00:46:03,400 --> 00:46:05,960
Speaker 1: to eat out. And I think if you feel shame

1042
00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:08,879
Speaker 1: in the coupon game because of what someone else might think,

1043
00:46:09,239 --> 00:46:11,640
Speaker 1: then you need to get over it, because if they're

1044
00:46:11,640 --> 00:46:14,520
Speaker 1: gonna if you're a coupon type of person used to coupon,

1045
00:46:14,920 --> 00:46:16,879
Speaker 1: and if the person that you're going on a date

1046
00:46:16,880 --> 00:46:20,360
Speaker 1: with isn't down with that, I think, um, maybe it

1047
00:46:20,440 --> 00:46:23,200
Speaker 1: wasn't meant to be. And again, like each one of

1048
00:46:23,200 --> 00:46:26,319
Speaker 1: these decisions is like, these are instances where you're communicating

1049
00:46:26,320 --> 00:46:29,640
Speaker 1: to your your date, to your partner where you stand. Uh,

1050
00:46:29,680 --> 00:46:32,160
Speaker 1: and yeah, if you are all about coupons, you want

1051
00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:34,359
Speaker 1: to make sure that you've got somebody who can join

1052
00:46:34,440 --> 00:46:37,440
Speaker 1: you on the coupon filled future. All right, Joe, let's

1053
00:46:37,440 --> 00:46:39,120
Speaker 1: take it to the next level. Let's talk about kind

1054
00:46:39,120 --> 00:46:41,080
Speaker 1: of like want to clarify I'm not a crazy extreme

1055
00:46:41,160 --> 00:46:43,400
Speaker 1: cupon Okay, Now, honestly, I think this is like the

1056
00:46:43,400 --> 00:46:45,400
Speaker 1: only time in your life when you do use coupons. Right,

1057
00:46:45,520 --> 00:46:48,600
Speaker 1: It's very rare that I actually use coupons, But I mean,

1058
00:46:48,640 --> 00:46:50,239
Speaker 1: if I get one and it's a place that I love.

1059
00:46:50,239 --> 00:46:51,920
Speaker 1: I'm going to use it. All. Right, let's talk about marriage.

1060
00:46:51,960 --> 00:46:53,839
Speaker 1: Let's take it to the next level. There's this term

1061
00:46:53,880 --> 00:46:56,120
Speaker 1: that's kind of gotten more popular in recent years, and

1062
00:46:56,160 --> 00:46:59,120
Speaker 1: that phrase is getting financially naked. Have you you've heard,

1063
00:46:59,200 --> 00:47:01,080
Speaker 1: you know, we've talked about this. For sure. Once you've

1064
00:47:01,120 --> 00:47:03,880
Speaker 1: progressed beyond the dating phase, you're considering spending maybe some

1065
00:47:03,960 --> 00:47:06,560
Speaker 1: serious amount of time with an individual, maybe you're thinking

1066
00:47:06,520 --> 00:47:08,920
Speaker 1: about getting married, then it is time to get naked

1067
00:47:09,239 --> 00:47:13,040
Speaker 1: financially speaking. And that's because we feel that relationships that

1068
00:47:13,080 --> 00:47:16,360
Speaker 1: are going to endure, uh, they have a foundation of honesty,

1069
00:47:16,400 --> 00:47:20,120
Speaker 1: Like they are based on transparency and honesty. And so, man,

1070
00:47:20,160 --> 00:47:23,160
Speaker 1: this is the period of time that, yes, it's important

1071
00:47:23,160 --> 00:47:26,279
Speaker 1: to understand how your partner communicates, and yes it is

1072
00:47:26,280 --> 00:47:28,719
Speaker 1: important to be respectful. But man, I feel that all

1073
00:47:28,719 --> 00:47:30,680
Speaker 1: etiquett kind of goes out the window at this point

1074
00:47:30,719 --> 00:47:32,600
Speaker 1: in time. It's about kind of stripping it down to

1075
00:47:32,640 --> 00:47:34,840
Speaker 1: the numbers. Uh, there's no hiding at this point in

1076
00:47:34,880 --> 00:47:36,359
Speaker 1: your relationship. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, you don't

1077
00:47:36,360 --> 00:47:38,759
Speaker 1: want to necessarily do this on the first date, right, No, No, no,

1078
00:47:38,880 --> 00:47:41,719
Speaker 1: of course, not like Hey, what's your name again? By

1079
00:47:41,719 --> 00:47:43,640
Speaker 1: the way, here's my credit score and the amount of

1080
00:47:43,680 --> 00:47:45,600
Speaker 1: dat I mean it. Uh, that's that's a bad time

1081
00:47:45,600 --> 00:47:48,799
Speaker 1: to be a little too forward, just like other ways.

1082
00:47:48,800 --> 00:47:50,840
Speaker 1: You could be more forward with a date, right, but

1083
00:47:50,880 --> 00:47:53,120
Speaker 1: you've been dating for eight or nine months and you've

1084
00:47:53,120 --> 00:47:56,239
Speaker 1: talked about getting serious and marriages maybe even on the

1085
00:47:56,320 --> 00:47:59,560
Speaker 1: radar whatever. That's when you do want to start sharing

1086
00:47:59,600 --> 00:48:01,560
Speaker 1: some of these things. You don't want to hide, even

1087
00:48:01,560 --> 00:48:05,040
Speaker 1: your financial mistakes. And you know what, even those mistakes

1088
00:48:05,239 --> 00:48:08,759
Speaker 1: probably have bread some better habits, right, we all learn

1089
00:48:08,840 --> 00:48:11,120
Speaker 1: from those mistakes. So it's important to yea even in

1090
00:48:11,120 --> 00:48:14,160
Speaker 1: that conversation, say, you know what, here's almost student loan debt.

1091
00:48:14,200 --> 00:48:16,680
Speaker 1: But um guess what I'm gonn listening to this podcast.

1092
00:48:16,719 --> 00:48:20,040
Speaker 1: I'm getting better with my money. And that's a good

1093
00:48:20,080 --> 00:48:23,319
Speaker 1: spur for a conversation. And you being open is going

1094
00:48:23,360 --> 00:48:25,880
Speaker 1: to make them feel more comfortable being open to and

1095
00:48:25,920 --> 00:48:28,080
Speaker 1: that's a good thing because yeah, who doesn't want to

1096
00:48:28,440 --> 00:48:30,560
Speaker 1: someone to love them warts and all. Like that's what

1097
00:48:30,600 --> 00:48:33,359
Speaker 1: we always say, you know, we want someone to love

1098
00:48:33,440 --> 00:48:35,640
Speaker 1: all of us and then richer for poor baby, and

1099
00:48:35,680 --> 00:48:37,719
Speaker 1: then we hide a lot of who we are. Oftentimes

1100
00:48:38,000 --> 00:48:40,279
Speaker 1: and yeah, you don't want to continue down the path

1101
00:48:40,280 --> 00:48:44,080
Speaker 1: of a relationship if it feels superficial, because yeah, beyond

1102
00:48:44,120 --> 00:48:46,640
Speaker 1: this point, you're committed to each other and you know

1103
00:48:46,719 --> 00:48:49,400
Speaker 1: that your partner's problems are going to become your problems

1104
00:48:49,440 --> 00:48:51,200
Speaker 1: when you tie the knot, And so you want to

1105
00:48:51,239 --> 00:48:53,839
Speaker 1: know what you're actually getting into. And if this is

1106
00:48:53,920 --> 00:48:57,520
Speaker 1: a topic you've managed to avoid so far, let's say

1107
00:48:57,560 --> 00:48:59,800
Speaker 1: you have been dating someone seriously for quite a while,

1108
00:49:00,360 --> 00:49:03,520
Speaker 1: maybe waiting into those waters with a conversation talking about

1109
00:49:03,520 --> 00:49:05,399
Speaker 1: employer benefits in four oh one case is the way

1110
00:49:05,440 --> 00:49:07,840
Speaker 1: to go, Like, ease on into it, don't like immediately

1111
00:49:07,880 --> 00:49:10,400
Speaker 1: jumped to like how much debt do you have? Right? Yeah,

1112
00:49:10,440 --> 00:49:12,520
Speaker 1: and you you can start easy. You can start simple,

1113
00:49:12,920 --> 00:49:16,040
Speaker 1: get more comfortable as you go, getting a little bit deeper.

1114
00:49:16,080 --> 00:49:19,200
Speaker 1: But it's time, like if you are getting serious with somebody,

1115
00:49:19,400 --> 00:49:22,680
Speaker 1: you gotta know their financial standing and you've gotta be

1116
00:49:23,080 --> 00:49:26,640
Speaker 1: honest about yours too, one man, you know, like, honestly,

1117
00:49:26,640 --> 00:49:28,839
Speaker 1: the more financial secure I get, the more I get

1118
00:49:28,840 --> 00:49:31,520
Speaker 1: excited about being generous. And that's not something we're really

1119
00:49:31,560 --> 00:49:33,719
Speaker 1: talking a whole lot here, but it's like I've become

1120
00:49:33,719 --> 00:49:35,640
Speaker 1: more likely to pick up that breakfast check with a

1121
00:49:35,719 --> 00:49:38,320
Speaker 1: friend when we go out, or maybe even kind of

1122
00:49:38,360 --> 00:49:40,719
Speaker 1: tipping more than I usually would, And I think that's

1123
00:49:40,719 --> 00:49:42,800
Speaker 1: pretty cool, Like it's it's it's where I want to

1124
00:49:42,800 --> 00:49:45,719
Speaker 1: see my money and going. But realize that, like I

1125
00:49:45,760 --> 00:49:47,719
Speaker 1: know that not everyone is in that position, and that's

1126
00:49:47,760 --> 00:49:49,680
Speaker 1: kind of what we're talking about here today. You know,

1127
00:49:49,719 --> 00:49:51,279
Speaker 1: when you're talking with your friends, it can be tough

1128
00:49:51,320 --> 00:49:54,120
Speaker 1: to hit all the right notes on the money etiquette front.

1129
00:49:54,360 --> 00:49:56,640
Speaker 1: But hopefully we feel that this episode will we'll give

1130
00:49:56,680 --> 00:50:00,319
Speaker 1: you a little more confidence to maybe suggest something more

1131
00:50:00,360 --> 00:50:03,080
Speaker 1: affordable when you're making plans with your friends, or you know,

1132
00:50:03,120 --> 00:50:05,600
Speaker 1: to create that custom tip amount for maybe a little

1133
00:50:05,600 --> 00:50:08,239
Speaker 1: bit less than the suggested amount, or maybe this will

1134
00:50:08,280 --> 00:50:10,720
Speaker 1: encourage you to talk about money a bit more freely,

1135
00:50:10,760 --> 00:50:13,600
Speaker 1: just in general and definitely upfront. Communication is going to

1136
00:50:13,640 --> 00:50:17,680
Speaker 1: be key when your etiquette moves involve others. We're all

1137
00:50:17,719 --> 00:50:19,759
Speaker 1: likely gonna kind of come down on different sides of

1138
00:50:19,760 --> 00:50:22,880
Speaker 1: the issue based on our individual circumstances. And here's the

1139
00:50:22,920 --> 00:50:25,319
Speaker 1: thing that is okay, Like that is the thing that

1140
00:50:25,400 --> 00:50:27,600
Speaker 1: makes each of us unique, that makes each of us

1141
00:50:27,640 --> 00:50:30,440
Speaker 1: our own. But when it comes to our friends or

1142
00:50:30,640 --> 00:50:33,160
Speaker 1: our romantic partners. You want to make sure that you're

1143
00:50:33,200 --> 00:50:36,840
Speaker 1: having open and clear conversations about these things, uh, and

1144
00:50:36,920 --> 00:50:38,640
Speaker 1: that you're not afraid to talk about it. Right. If

1145
00:50:38,640 --> 00:50:40,880
Speaker 1: I had warm buffet money, I'd probably tip five dollars

1146
00:50:40,880 --> 00:50:43,640
Speaker 1: on every coffee I got, and no matter what, on

1147
00:50:43,680 --> 00:50:46,239
Speaker 1: every meal I ate out right. So you know, as

1148
00:50:46,280 --> 00:50:50,799
Speaker 1: you reach different levels of financial fitness financial independence, you

1149
00:50:50,880 --> 00:50:54,040
Speaker 1: can be if you want, more generous with that money

1150
00:50:54,080 --> 00:50:55,880
Speaker 1: that's coming into your life. But I think to some

1151
00:50:55,920 --> 00:50:57,799
Speaker 1: of these norms, Matt, like you said about choosing your

1152
00:50:57,800 --> 00:51:00,239
Speaker 1: own tip amount, like that, those norms are worth break, king,

1153
00:51:00,560 --> 00:51:03,480
Speaker 1: it's uh, And these are some of these are barely established,

1154
00:51:03,560 --> 00:51:05,760
Speaker 1: not even new norms, and so why are we holding

1155
00:51:05,760 --> 00:51:08,440
Speaker 1: to them? Like we're gonna be booted out of civilized

1156
00:51:08,480 --> 00:51:11,400
Speaker 1: society if if we don't, you know, and the the

1157
00:51:11,880 --> 00:51:14,680
Speaker 1: you're not welcome here anymore? Right, And the norms for

1158
00:51:14,680 --> 00:51:16,640
Speaker 1: for so many people is to be in debt up

1159
00:51:16,640 --> 00:51:19,120
Speaker 1: to their eyeballs because they are they're buying everything. They're

1160
00:51:19,840 --> 00:51:22,600
Speaker 1: being um generous with money they don't even have sometimes

1161
00:51:22,840 --> 00:51:25,040
Speaker 1: and you know, you and I were all about living differently,

1162
00:51:25,080 --> 00:51:28,120
Speaker 1: being even a little weird. Sometimes, Um, you don't want

1163
00:51:28,120 --> 00:51:32,239
Speaker 1: to necessarily needlessly ruffle feathers. But we think that there

1164
00:51:32,239 --> 00:51:34,440
Speaker 1: are ways for you to handle your money well, to

1165
00:51:34,840 --> 00:51:38,879
Speaker 1: have solid etiquette, but not necessarily doing what everyone else

1166
00:51:38,920 --> 00:51:42,280
Speaker 1: around you is doing, and ultimately communicate well, be honest,

1167
00:51:42,600 --> 00:51:44,439
Speaker 1: be honest with yourself, and be honest with the people

1168
00:51:44,440 --> 00:51:46,839
Speaker 1: around you. I think if you are doing those things,

1169
00:51:46,840 --> 00:51:50,800
Speaker 1: if you're being authentically you, then you're gonna come out okay.

1170
00:51:50,840 --> 00:51:52,480
Speaker 1: But Matt, let's come back to the beer. This is

1171
00:51:52,520 --> 00:51:56,080
Speaker 1: a collaboration beer by Burial up there in Asheville, North Carolina,

1172
00:51:56,120 --> 00:51:58,759
Speaker 1: one of our favorites, A fantastic New England style I

1173
00:51:58,800 --> 00:52:01,359
Speaker 1: P A and I was I feel like I picked

1174
00:52:01,400 --> 00:52:04,120
Speaker 1: up on some kind of like tropical, some sort of

1175
00:52:04,160 --> 00:52:07,000
Speaker 1: fruit vibes which you oftentimes don't get with the New

1176
00:52:07,000 --> 00:52:10,239
Speaker 1: England style I P A and I was happy to

1177
00:52:10,239 --> 00:52:12,200
Speaker 1: see that on the label it talked about some freeze

1178
00:52:12,280 --> 00:52:16,000
Speaker 1: dried New Zealand savignon blanc skins, and so I'm kind

1179
00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:17,719
Speaker 1: of like, oh, okay, maybe that's where some of the

1180
00:52:17,920 --> 00:52:20,799
Speaker 1: maybe slightly more fruity notes came from. But it lent

1181
00:52:20,920 --> 00:52:24,279
Speaker 1: it this brightness, uh that I appreciated and that you

1182
00:52:24,320 --> 00:52:27,040
Speaker 1: oftentimes don't find with the New England I p A. Yeah,

1183
00:52:27,040 --> 00:52:29,520
Speaker 1: it also had some hops from New Zealand as well

1184
00:52:29,600 --> 00:52:31,560
Speaker 1: in this beer, and I feel like some of those

1185
00:52:31,600 --> 00:52:33,720
Speaker 1: hops from like literally the other side of the planet

1186
00:52:33,880 --> 00:52:36,040
Speaker 1: have some really interesting flavor. Some of the coolest I

1187
00:52:36,120 --> 00:52:39,360
Speaker 1: pas I've had have had like Australian or New Zealand hops,

1188
00:52:39,560 --> 00:52:41,279
Speaker 1: and so this was a really good beer. I don't

1189
00:52:41,320 --> 00:52:42,959
Speaker 1: know what they're doing differently when it comes to hops

1190
00:52:43,000 --> 00:52:45,040
Speaker 1: down there. Maybe they can just grow stuff that we

1191
00:52:45,120 --> 00:52:47,360
Speaker 1: can't appear in the States. But yeah, this was a

1192
00:52:47,400 --> 00:52:50,480
Speaker 1: really good beer. And really, anytime Barrel makes a beer,

1193
00:52:50,719 --> 00:52:52,400
Speaker 1: I'm down to try it down there in New Zealand,

1194
00:52:52,440 --> 00:52:55,319
Speaker 1: they the hops grow count of clockwise stuff clockwise, right,

1195
00:52:55,400 --> 00:52:58,279
Speaker 1: they grow like down into the ground like carrots. Yeah,

1196
00:52:58,280 --> 00:53:00,200
Speaker 1: I'm glad you know I got to each into way

1197
00:53:00,239 --> 00:53:02,520
Speaker 1: one of these beers during this episode. And we will

1198
00:53:02,560 --> 00:53:05,000
Speaker 1: make sure to share a picture of this beer, as

1199
00:53:05,000 --> 00:53:08,080
Speaker 1: well as any other additional resources or links that we

1200
00:53:08,200 --> 00:53:10,560
Speaker 1: may may have mentioned during this episode up on our

1201
00:53:10,600 --> 00:53:13,279
Speaker 1: website at how to Money dot com. Yeah, and of course,

1202
00:53:13,320 --> 00:53:16,440
Speaker 1: Matt and I, we appreciate you listening, especially to the

1203
00:53:16,520 --> 00:53:18,799
Speaker 1: very end of the episode like this, right, Yeah, I mean,

1204
00:53:18,840 --> 00:53:22,280
Speaker 1: we wouldn't be anywhere without the kind folks, the awesome

1205
00:53:22,280 --> 00:53:25,120
Speaker 1: folks at least, the people we've met that listen, and

1206
00:53:25,320 --> 00:53:27,480
Speaker 1: the how the money crowd is a special crowd. So

1207
00:53:27,760 --> 00:53:30,080
Speaker 1: thanks for thanks for always being there for the show.

1208
00:53:30,400 --> 00:53:31,880
Speaker 1: And yeah, we hope you have a great rest of

1209
00:53:31,920 --> 00:53:34,200
Speaker 1: your day. So Matt, that's gonna do it. Until next time.

1210
00:53:34,480 --> 00:53:36,320
Speaker 1: Best friends Out, Best Friends Out,