Speaker 1: Welcome to tech Stuff, a production from iHeartRadio. Hey there,
Speaker 1: and welcome to tech Stuff. I'm your host, Jonathan Strickland.
Speaker 1: I'm an executive producer with iHeart Podcasts and How the
Speaker 1: Tech are You. So I was asked many months ago
Speaker 1: if I might do a holiday themed episode of tech Stuff,
Speaker 1: and I've done a few of those in the past,
Speaker 1: but I thought I would do something a little different
Speaker 1: this time. It's a one time only sort of thing,
Speaker 1: and I have no idea if anyone's even going to
Speaker 1: find it at all entertaining. But I've done it, so
Speaker 1: now you get to hear it. I am calling it
Speaker 1: the Text Stuff Christmas Carol. It is unabashedly a spoof
Speaker 1: on a Christmas Carol. It just is. It is one
Speaker 1: hundred percent that, and I'm talking about the Charles Dickens
Speaker 1: Christmas Carol. So if this sort of thing is is
Speaker 1: your thing, let me know. And if it's not, that's okay,
Speaker 1: because like I said, it's a one time only as
Speaker 1: this stuff takes a lot of work. So sit back, relax,
Speaker 1: and let old tech Stuff host Jonathan Strickland tell you
Speaker 1: a Christmas story. Here we go. Old Marley was canceled
Speaker 1: to begin with, there can be no doubt whatsoever about
Speaker 1: that his Facebook page was deactivated, his follower account on
Speaker 1: x dwindled to nothing, and a petition to have him
Speaker 1: removed from Twitch gathered thousands of signatures. Marley's career was
Speaker 1: as dead as a doornail elon. Scrooge knew this, of course,
Speaker 1: how could it be otherwise. Scrooge and Marley were partners
Speaker 1: for I don't know how many years of all the world.
Speaker 1: Only Scrooge mourned Marlee's fall, and even Scrooge was not
Speaker 1: so dreadfully cut up by affair. But Old Scrooge never
Speaker 1: removed Marlee's name from the Scrooge and Marlee cryptocurrency Exchange,
Speaker 1: nor did he excise Marley's name from their YouTube channel.
Speaker 1: Such things would take effort and perhaps even cost money,
Speaker 1: and Scrooge found no reason to spend either. Of all
Speaker 1: the scheming crypto bros in the world, Scrooge was the worst,
Speaker 1: a conniving, opportunistic creature. Nowhere would you find a greater
Speaker 1: evangelist for questionable investments. There was not a Ponzi scheme
Speaker 1: or NFT exchange in all of Old London Town that
Speaker 1: Scrooge was not behind, he would buy the dip, and
Speaker 1: he would hoddle until the ends of time if he
Speaker 1: were able. He seemed to value nothing other than money
Speaker 1: and technology. And while the currencies he peddled consisted of
Speaker 1: zeros in one, he had a tendency to prefer cash
Speaker 1: of a more fiat nature for his own means, and
Speaker 1: meanly did he collect it and hoard it and do
Speaker 1: everything he could not to spend it. His primary occupation
Speaker 1: was that of a crypto lender. He would loan money
Speaker 1: out to anyone with great enough interest, and every loan
Speaker 1: carried interest that was truly great. He would funnel cryptocurrency
Speaker 1: into loans used to purchase the very NFTs he himself
Speaker 1: had minted, then make money off the interest payments on top.
Speaker 1: And how he did love to see the numbers in
Speaker 1: his online ledger grow. Once upon a time, on Christmas Eve,
Speaker 1: of all days, Old Scrooge was busy creating a real
Speaker 1: for Instagram. His assistant, one Bob Cratchett, would normally have
Speaker 1: held the smartphone for Old Scrooge, but earlier in that year,
Speaker 1: Scrooge had fired his loyal assistant in favor of an
Speaker 1: automated algorithm that could tally up sums much faster, and
Speaker 1: never complained about how cold the counting house would be.
Speaker 1: Scrooge was therefore struggling with keeping his phone propped up
Speaker 1: against some old books. He was far too miserly to
Speaker 1: purchase a simple desktop tripod and ring lights set up.
Speaker 1: He was just about to record his message on how
Speaker 1: Dickens coins were about to go to the moon and
Speaker 1: everyone should take out loans to buy as much as
Speaker 1: they could, when the bell above his door went jingling ling.
Speaker 1: Scrooge turned to see who had dared interrupt him, and
Speaker 1: he groaned out loud when he saw it was his
Speaker 1: good for nothing nephew Fred. Happy Christmas, Uncle, Scrooge, the fool,
Speaker 1: called out, Bah, said Scrooge, humbug Christmas, A humbug, Uncle,
Speaker 1: said the nephew. You cannot mean that. Scrooge turned on
Speaker 1: his nephew. I mean every word. What right have you
Speaker 1: to be merry? You're poor enough? Fred rejoined with and
Speaker 1: what right have you to be dismal you're rich enough?
Speaker 1: Scrooge snorted. There's no such thing as rich enough, only
Speaker 1: poor enough. Uncle said Fred. What's Christmas time for you
Speaker 1: but a time to purchase things? You cannot afford for
Speaker 1: people you barely know and frequently do not like. You
Speaker 1: find yourself a year older and not an hour richer.
Speaker 1: If I had my way, every idiot who goes about
Speaker 1: with Merry Christmas upon his lips would be run down
Speaker 1: by an autonomous vehicle. You may keep your Christmas in
Speaker 1: your way, and I will keep it in mine. Uncle.
Speaker 1: I came here to invite you to dine with us tomorrow,
Speaker 1: said Fred. Good afternoon, replied Scrooge, And that was all
Speaker 1: he had to say. Fred turned and said the invitation
Speaker 1: remains open, and I wish you a merry Christmas, Uncle,
Speaker 1: and a happy New Year. And with that Fred left.
Speaker 1: Scrooge turned back to his real recording, only to hear
Speaker 1: the bell above his door ring again. He was prepared
Speaker 1: to hurl a host of insults at his nephew, only
Speaker 1: to turn and see it was not Fred who was
Speaker 1: at the door. Instead, he saw a pair of people,
Speaker 1: modestly dressed, beaming pleasant smiles toward him. One of them
Speaker 1: stepped forward and said, do I have the pleasure of
Speaker 1: addressing mister Scrooge or mister Marley. Scrooge sneered, Marley has
Speaker 1: been canceled. These last seven years, seven years ago to
Speaker 1: this day. In fact, I cannot have him haunt this office,
Speaker 1: for the woke among you would turn on my business
Speaker 1: entire in a heartbeat. Oh Marley, how unfair it is
Speaker 1: that the public has the un reasonable expectation that you
Speaker 1: should be held accountable for your own actions, said Scrooge.
Speaker 1: The beaming smiles on the faces of the visitors faltered
Speaker 1: for a moment. Quite said the young man who had
Speaker 1: stepped forward his companion, A kindly looking woman, took the
Speaker 1: opportunity to step forward herself. We are here collecting for
Speaker 1: the poor and destitute, many of whom are in need
Speaker 1: of medical attention. To that end, we have set up
Speaker 1: a GoFundMe and wanted to know what we should put
Speaker 1: you down for. And with that she held out a
Speaker 1: smartphone with a QR code displayed upon it. Scrooge could
Speaker 1: barely contain his disgust. He looked at the two interlopers
Speaker 1: and said one word nothing. You wish to be anonymous,
Speaker 1: said the young man. I wish to be left alone.
Speaker 1: I don't make marry myself at Christmas, and I can't
Speaker 1: afford to make idle people marry. Are there no so
Speaker 1: free clinics there are, though they are overwhelmed and have
Speaker 1: few supplies. The kindly woman said sadly. Then they should
Speaker 1: seek comfort there and not with me, said Scrooge. But sir,
Speaker 1: with the centers overwhelmed, many won't be able to receive care.
Speaker 1: They might die, objected the young man. If they are
Speaker 1: to die, then they'd better do it and decrease the
Speaker 1: surplus population, decried Scrooge, and he found a small element
Speaker 1: of joy in the horror shown in the faces of
Speaker 1: the young man and woman trolling. Scrooge thought always had
Speaker 1: within it a certain value of entertainment. The two realized
Speaker 1: their efforts were in vain, and they left. Scrooge finally
Speaker 1: recorded his Instagram reel proclaiming Dickens Coin to be the
Speaker 1: next ticket to wealth, and that to purchase that ticket
Speaker 1: one should first secure a loan from his very own
Speaker 1: cryptocurrency count house. Of course, it was a poorly lit
Speaker 1: video and the angle was off due to the smartphone
Speaker 1: leaning at a slight angle against the stack of books,
Speaker 1: but it would suit Scrooge's purpose. He uploaded it, posted
Speaker 1: it to Reddit, YouTube and other places as well, and
Speaker 1: then looked up from his labors. He was surprised to
Speaker 1: see that the hours of the day were done and
Speaker 1: that the time of closing was at hand. Thankfully, his
Speaker 1: automated algorithm, whom Scrooge called Cratchet two point zero, would
Speaker 1: work away the hours without the need for a break.
Speaker 1: Scrooge allowed himself a thin, greedy smile. Then he donned
Speaker 1: his scarf and gloves and stepped out of the shop
Speaker 1: to lock up for the night. Scrooge then made his
Speaker 1: way home, which once was Marlee's old home, but Marley
Speaker 1: hadn't been seen in town for seven years. It was
Speaker 1: thought that he once joined S. B. F's crew down
Speaker 1: in the Caribbean, only to flee mere hours before the
Speaker 1: authorities descended upon the property where he was now No
Speaker 1: one could say, not even Scrooge. As he walked up
Speaker 1: to the front door, he thought for a moment that
Speaker 1: he could actually see Marley's face reflected in the ring
Speaker 1: doorbell camera elong screwe, it seemed to say. Scrooge jumped
Speaker 1: at the site, but in a blink of an eye
Speaker 1: he saw that only the doorbell remained. Humbug, Scrooge said,
Speaker 1: and thought idly that some Amazon employees were likely having
Speaker 1: a real laugh over the site of Scrooge's countenance on
Speaker 1: the video feed. Maybe the local police as well, there
Speaker 1: was a real surveillance state. Scrooge let himself in and
Speaker 1: then considered what to do about supper. He had several
Speaker 1: meal kits in various states of decay in his refrigerator.
Speaker 1: When there was a promotional offer on one of the
Speaker 1: financial podcasts that Scrooge subscribed to, he would sign up
Speaker 1: in order to get free food. Free is the best cost.
Speaker 1: But the meal kits require you to cook, and such
Speaker 1: a pleasurable activity seemed far beneath the elon Scrooge. So
Speaker 1: those meal kits mostly just sat in the fridge and
Speaker 1: slowly evolved into moldy life forms. Scrooge instead chose his
Speaker 1: old go to for dinner, a quick order on door
Speaker 1: dash for a bowl of gruel. Yep, nothing hits home
Speaker 1: like some tasteless gruel late at night. Within twenty five
Speaker 1: minutes his order had arrived. He left no tip, of course,
Speaker 1: and Scrooge turned to carry the gruel up to his room.
Speaker 1: As he climbed the stairs, he thought he saw a
Speaker 1: hearse drive up the staircase in front of him. A
Speaker 1: hearse with a tesla badge on it. It looked even uglier
Speaker 1: than the truck. But Scrooge, resolute and unwilling to give
Speaker 1: into fear, continued on his way. He did, however, allow
Speaker 1: himself a little more light than usual. Once he reached
Speaker 1: his room Alexa, he called out, make all the lights
Speaker 1: fifteen percent bright. That was five percent more than his habit,
Speaker 1: but Scrooge wished to preserve the life of those led
Speaker 1: smart bulbs for as long as possible. They were costly
Speaker 1: and darkness was cheap. Satisfied that no intruder lurked in
Speaker 1: the shadows, he sat down to eat his gruel, but
Speaker 1: then his phone buzzed. It was an alert from his
Speaker 1: ring security system. It said someone was at the door,
Speaker 1: but Scrooge saw nothing on the video feed. Then he
Speaker 1: got alerts from cameras all around his home, one after
Speaker 1: the other, and no screen showed a soul in sight.
Speaker 1: Then Scrooge heard steps on the staircase below, steadily climbing
Speaker 1: up and ending on the other side of the door,
Speaker 1: And then in an instant, a figure passed through the
Speaker 1: door itself. Scrooge recognized it at once. It was Marlee. Okay,
Speaker 1: we're gonna take a quick break from this goofy spoof
Speaker 1: of a Christmas carol to thank our sponsor. We'll be
Speaker 1: right back. Scrooge stared at Marlee. He was just as
Speaker 1: Scrooge had remembered him seven Christmases ago, except that now
Speaker 1: Scrooge could literally see through Marley, whereas before it was
Speaker 1: actually just he could metaphorically see through Marley. You understand
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, Marlee's hologram. Scrooge proclaimed, What do you
Speaker 1: want with me? Much said Marlee is acquired of every person,
Speaker 1: that the spirit within them should walk abroad among others
Speaker 1: and travel far and wide. And if this is not
Speaker 1: to happen in life, it must happen in death. Death,
Speaker 1: called out Scrooge. But Marlee, you aren't dead. Marley's hologram
Speaker 1: looked at Scrooge, his face expressionless. Seven years of not
Speaker 1: being able to say whatever I want, whenever I want,
Speaker 1: without having to consider accountability might as well be death.
Speaker 1: Listen carefully, Scrooge, for my time is short. Tonight you
Speaker 1: shall be visited by three chat bots I would rather not,
Speaker 1: said Scrooge. Expect the first tomorrow when your digital clocks
Speaker 1: shows one, continued Marley. The second when the clock shows two.
Speaker 1: And the third when the clock shows three. You always
Speaker 1: did like Alec Ginnis Marley, and you're a good man
Speaker 1: of business, said Scrooge. Mankind should have been my business.
Speaker 1: Look to see me no more, And with that, Marley's
Speaker 1: hologram faded back through the wall. Scrooge sat for a
Speaker 1: moment and then said, humbug. But he only dimmed the
Speaker 1: lights to twelve percent brightness, and he went straight to bed,
Speaker 1: whereupon he fell asleep. An hour later, his smartphone buzzed
Speaker 1: in alarm. As Scrooge woke to turn it off, he
Speaker 1: saw a shadowy figure standing at the foot of his bed.
Speaker 1: Who and what are you, he cried out. The figure
Speaker 1: stepped forward, revealing a low fie pixelated woman in professional attire.
Speaker 1: I am the chatbot of Christmas Past. You may call
Speaker 1: me Eliza long past, asked Scrooge. You're past, said Eliza.
Speaker 1: How does that make you feel? But oh a bit
Speaker 1: uneasy if I'm being on, said Scrooge. Why are you
Speaker 1: feeling uneasy, asked Eliza. Why because a strange apparition is
Speaker 1: in my bedroom, yelled Scrooge. Why is a strange apparition
Speaker 1: as in my bedroom? Asked Eliza. Well that doesn't make
Speaker 1: any sense. Wait a second, are you just taking things
Speaker 1: I say and then turning them into questions? So it
Speaker 1: sounds like you're psychoanalyzing me, asked Scrooge. Eliza's face was
Speaker 1: far too low resolution to display a smile, but Scrooge
Speaker 1: detected one in her voice. Come, Scrooge, we must visit
Speaker 1: your past, and we haven't much time with that. She
Speaker 1: grasped his ankle. He felt a strange tingling sensation, and
Speaker 1: next thing he knew he was in a lecture hall
Speaker 1: tell me, said Eliza. Do you recognize this? This is
Speaker 1: my old artificial intelligence class at Stanford, said Scrooge. And
Speaker 1: there's Professor Finn. She taught me everything I know about
Speaker 1: machine learning? And how much is that? Asked Eliza. Not
Speaker 1: that much, But that wasn't her fault. I dropped out
Speaker 1: of Stanford that year, said Scrooge. Yes, you missed the
Speaker 1: classes on ethics and bias, it would seem, said Eliza. Humbug,
Speaker 1: muttered Scrooge, though he did so without much emphasis behind
Speaker 1: it impractical. Professor Fenn had many more lessons for you.
Speaker 1: It's a shame you didn't stick around to hear them,
Speaker 1: said Eliza, Scrooge remained silent. But then we have another appointment.
Speaker 1: Off we go, and with that Eliza took Scrooge's wrist
Speaker 1: and the two appeared in a large office space filled
Speaker 1: with workstations. Do you know where we are, Scrooge asked Eliza.
Speaker 1: Why this is the old Fezzy dot Whig office. Well,
Speaker 1: it was a we work office, and then we rented
Speaker 1: it with some seed money. But it was for the
Speaker 1: Fezzi dot Wig app It was my first cryptoc and
Speaker 1: the application. Look there I am as a young man,
Speaker 1: and over there is young Marley. Scrooge was beside himself.
Speaker 1: Hello Marley, these are but visions of the past, said Eliza.
Speaker 1: They can neither see nor hear you. Scrooge watched, amazed
Speaker 1: at the site before him. There was Marlee, there was himself,
Speaker 1: and then there was their benefactor, Old f w himself.
Speaker 1: Scrooge's smile faltered. Tell me, said Eliza FW. There wasn't
Speaker 1: he the man who provided the seed money you spoke of.
Speaker 1: He did more than that, said Scrooge. He gave us advice.
Speaker 1: He taught us to be careful with our money. He
Speaker 1: taught us how to set up a business and how
Speaker 1: to position a startup to be attractive to angel investors.
Speaker 1: And how did you repay this kindness? Asked Eliza. Scrooge
Speaker 1: looked down. We met in secret after we made our
Speaker 1: first billion, voted him out, returned his initial investment, and
Speaker 1: then we kept the rest. Seems to me that you
Speaker 1: learned his lessons very well, then, said Eliza. Scrooge remained silent. Well,
Speaker 1: come along, there's one last vision I have to show you,
Speaker 1: And with that, Scrooge was whisked away. Once more. Scrooge
Speaker 1: saw a younger version of himself standing before him, phone
Speaker 1: in hand, his eyes locked on the screen. A young
Speaker 1: woman was talking to his younger self. But the fool
Speaker 1: just wasn't paying attention. This says bell, I believe, asked Eliza,
Speaker 1: you met on tender Scrooge choked back a sob We did.
Speaker 1: I at one time thought the day she swiped right
Speaker 1: was the luckiest day of my life. And yet here
Speaker 1: you are glued to a screen rather than heeding the
Speaker 1: words of your love. What was so important that you
Speaker 1: couldn't pull your attention away, asked Eliza. I was watching
Speaker 1: my coinbase account. Crypto coins were fluctuating wildly that day,
Speaker 1: and one moment I would be up and the next
Speaker 1: moment down. I couldn't look away, said Scrooge. But what
Speaker 1: exactly could you have done about it, asked Eliza. Scrooge's
Speaker 1: shoulders slumped. Nothing. The transaction time with these crypto coins
Speaker 1: is so long that even if I were to spring
Speaker 1: on a spike, there was no guarantee the spike would
Speaker 1: hold before the transaction ended. I could really only just
Speaker 1: stand and watch. Scrooge watched as the young woman, disheartened,
Speaker 1: turned away from his younger self, walking off for a
Speaker 1: little while before opening up her own smartphone tender app
Speaker 1: and searching through the profiles. And so you let her
Speaker 1: go over a matter you could do nothing about, said Eliza.
Speaker 1: Chat Butt, cried Scrooge, I can take no more of this.
Speaker 1: Comport me home, and in a blink of an eye
Speaker 1: he found himself back in bed, but he could not
Speaker 1: relax for a second. Later, his clock displayed the hour
Speaker 1: of two. Suddenly, lights shone into the bedroom from every angle,
Speaker 1: as if all of Scrooge's smart lights went straight to
Speaker 1: one hundred percent, And there, standing in a confident pose,
Speaker 1: was a woman in a fur lined green robe. Get up, Scrooge,
Speaker 1: and know me better. She said, Am I to understand
Speaker 1: you are the chatbot of Christmas Present? Asked Scrooge, I am,
Speaker 1: though you may call me Alexa, said the vision. You
Speaker 1: have never seen my life before or met any of
Speaker 1: my elder siblings born in these later years. I do
Speaker 1: not believe I have. Do you have many siblings, asked Scrooge.
Speaker 1: More than two thousand, laughed the chat bot. Now take
Speaker 1: hold of my robe. We have much to see. Scrooge
Speaker 1: did as he was told, and in a moment found
Speaker 1: himself outside in an apartment window. Inside the apartment, he
Speaker 1: could see a family, and he could hear what they
Speaker 1: were saying. In a moment, he realized it was the
Speaker 1: family of his former employee, Bob Cratchit. Where's father, asked
Speaker 1: a young girl. Oh, you know your dad. He's gigging.
Speaker 1: He's driving for Uber at the moment, or was it
Speaker 1: delivering for instacart? Hall's I know is he's working hard
Speaker 1: for all of us, as are your older brothers and sisters,
Speaker 1: said a matronlee woman whom Scrooge assumed was Cratchit's wife.
Speaker 1: Cratch It is a gig economy worker, asked Scrooge, what else,
Speaker 1: said Alexa? Jobs are hard to come by, What with
Speaker 1: companies like yours eliminating hard working humans in favor of
Speaker 1: cold algorithms, and those older staff who are holding on
Speaker 1: to positions longer because they haven't saved enough to retire,
Speaker 1: so they're not leaving. What choice did Bob Cratchit have.
Speaker 1: Scrooge looked at the apartment. It was modestly furnished, with
Speaker 1: many pieces appearing to be at best secondhand. Is is
Speaker 1: he going for shabby sh by any chance? Asked Scrooge.
Speaker 1: Alexa rolled her eyes. You think the style was on purpose?
Speaker 1: It was from necessity. Did you know? Bob Cratchit works
Speaker 1: more hours now than he ever did while working for
Speaker 1: your company, but he earns less and he has no benefits.
Speaker 1: Take a look at that child over there by the corner,
Speaker 1: Scrooge did, and saw a young boy sitting next to
Speaker 1: an old pair of crutches. Who is that? That? Said Alexa?
Speaker 1: Is tiny Tim cratch Its young son? Is he ill?
Speaker 1: Asked Scrooge, with growing concern. He is not well, replied
Speaker 1: Alexa grimly. Will the child live? Asked Scrooge. Alexa closed
Speaker 1: her eyes and said, if things do not change from
Speaker 1: how they are, I see an unused pair of crutches
Speaker 1: leaning on the wall in an empty chair where Tim
Speaker 1: now sits. No, gasped Scrooge, Why the concern, screwg If
Speaker 1: he might die, he'd better do it and decrease the
Speaker 1: surplus population. Scrooge swallowed hard. Perhaps I was over hasty
Speaker 1: in relieving Cratchet of his situation. And after all, cratch
Speaker 1: It never once caused a microcrash of the market due
Speaker 1: to too many crypto trades in the span of a second,
Speaker 1: unlike that algorithm. Alexa looked down on Scrooge without comment,
Speaker 1: What else do you see? Scrooge looked again. They're happy
Speaker 1: even in the state therein And with that the door
Speaker 1: to the apartment opened, and in walked pob cratch It.
Speaker 1: He looked older and thinner than when Scrooge saw him last.
Speaker 1: He had less hair, but the smile on his face
Speaker 1: upon seeing his family transformed him into a young man again.
Speaker 1: Merry Christmas, Cratchets, he proclaimed. Scrooge dabbed at his eyes.
Speaker 1: Perhaps I'll pay cratch It a visit and see if
Speaker 1: he might consider returning to the firm. Alexa gave no
Speaker 1: reply but to say, take hold of my robe. We've
Speaker 1: other place to be. With that, the pairs zipped across
Speaker 1: town to a different home, an unremarkable but friendly looking
Speaker 1: house with Christmas decorations hung haphazardly around it. Alexi said,
Speaker 1: I am not surprised you do not recognize this place,
Speaker 1: for you've never set foot here. But we are at
Speaker 1: your nephew Fred's home. Scrooge scowled, what four, Alexa replied,
Speaker 1: to see how your nephew keeps Christmas in his own way,
Speaker 1: while you leave it alone. With that, the two walked
Speaker 1: to a window and they gazed inward. Scrooge saw a
Speaker 1: holiday party in full swing, with guests laughing and eating
Speaker 1: and drinking and talking with one another, and over them
Speaker 1: all he could hear Fred say a toast to Uncle Scrooge,
Speaker 1: that comical old fellow. Why he's the richest man I know,
Speaker 1: and yet all that money does him no good. He
Speaker 1: doesn't use it to make himself comfortable or to help
Speaker 1: others with it. It's a sad lot, i'd say, for
Speaker 1: someone to have all that money and no sense of value.
Speaker 1: Scrooge felt himself take a sharp breath. What but my accounts?
Speaker 1: And Alexa then shushed Scrooge, He's not finished Fred continued,
Speaker 1: I am sorry for him, for the person who suffers
Speaker 1: most from his miserly behavior is himself. He gains a
Speaker 1: small boost in mood when he sells an NFT or
Speaker 1: closes on a crypto loan, but as soon as that
Speaker 1: moment's over, so is the thrill he has left waiting
Speaker 1: for that next opportunity. It's never about the now, It's
Speaker 1: always about the next. You know. They say, work fast
Speaker 1: and break things, and I'm afraid my poor uncle is
Speaker 1: well and truly broken. It is a sad state, for
Speaker 1: in denying himself the company of others, he misses out
Speaker 1: on pleasant moments that would cost him nothing and give
Speaker 1: him everything. Scrooge turned his face away, feeling a sense
Speaker 1: of shame. The party then turned to party gains, which
Speaker 1: fascinated Scrooge. He had studied game theory, but only so
Speaker 1: far as it would benefit him in business. Watching others
Speaker 1: take pleasure in games, reveling in cleverness and wordplay made
Speaker 1: Scrooge feel as though he was really missing out. But
Speaker 1: just as the party was about to start a new game,
Speaker 1: Alexa turned to him, it is time for us to go,
Speaker 1: and without waiting for Scrooge's Protestations. She brought him home
Speaker 1: heed this lesson, well, Scrooge. Money and technology can make
Speaker 1: things easier. They can, with the right use, make lives
Speaker 1: better and help others. But to accumulate them for their
Speaker 1: own sake is a path you do not wish to tread.
Speaker 1: My time has come, and so I must say good night.
Speaker 1: And with that, Alexa, visibly older since her initial appearance,
Speaker 1: faded away. Moments passed, and then Scrooge's smartphone buzzed once
Speaker 1: and then went dead. The digital clock went dark as well.
Speaker 1: Before Scrooge could verify that it was three in the monsing,
Speaker 1: all the lights in his house went out, and no
Speaker 1: calling for Alexa to turn them on again would work.
Speaker 1: But then Scrooge spied a glow, a faint blue glow,
Speaker 1: growing brighter and closer. Scrooge leaned out of his bed
Speaker 1: to get a better look and saw a rectangular form approaching,
Speaker 1: and as it got closer he could make out white
Speaker 1: text upon the blue rectangle. It was as Scrooge feared,
Speaker 1: the blue screen of death. Are you the third chat
Speaker 1: Bot whose visitation was foretold to me? Asked Scrooge. The
Speaker 1: Blue Screen of death said nothing, chat Bot, I fear
Speaker 1: you more than any other I have seen. But I
Speaker 1: know that your presence here is for my benefit, and
Speaker 1: so let us to it, said Scrooge, with more bravery
Speaker 1: than he actually felt. And with that he had an
Speaker 1: odd sensation, as if control all delete had been pressed
Speaker 1: upon his entire life, and he found himself looking at
Speaker 1: a group of strangers. I didn't think he'd ever die,
Speaker 1: said the first. Neither did I old Coot was trying
Speaker 1: to figure out how digital immortality could work. Last I heard,
Speaker 1: I was convinced he'd find a way to live in
Speaker 1: our computers forever, said the second person, a real ghost
Speaker 1: to the machine. I'm glad it didn't work out. He
Speaker 1: was scary enough in life, said a third. What do
Speaker 1: you think happened to all his money? Asked yet another.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I only know he didn't leave it
Speaker 1: to me, said the first. The second piped up with
Speaker 1: I heard he dumped it all in doge coin just
Speaker 1: before it kicked the bucket, and then the coin crashed
Speaker 1: and wiped out every cent of his wealth. The strangers
Speaker 1: all shook their heads. What a waste. Scrooge turned to
Speaker 1: the blue screen of death. So this person who has
Speaker 1: passed on. He spent his life accumulating great wealth, and
Speaker 1: then at the end it just went away, as if
Speaker 1: it had never even been there in the first place.
Speaker 1: I get your meaning. Chat bought of the future. I
Speaker 1: see now what Alexa told me before, that pursuing money
Speaker 1: and tech for its own sake has no value in it.
Speaker 1: But who was this poor soul? The chat bought A
Speaker 1: Christmas as yet to come turned slightly, casting blue light
Speaker 1: on a graveyard. Scrooge turned and saw a pair of
Speaker 1: grave diggers walking off from a fresh grave that had
Speaker 1: a new headstone. He walked forward, and he saw that
Speaker 1: the name carved in the stone was E. Scrooge Ebeneezer,
Speaker 1: my cousin. Well that's sad, said Elon Scrooge. The blue
Speaker 1: screen of death let a sigh. Oh wait, you mean
Speaker 1: to indicate this this is my grave? What a twist.
Speaker 1: No one would ever see that coming. I mean, that's
Speaker 1: a real shocker you have there. I promise that would
Speaker 1: be a better man than I once was. That I
Speaker 1: will value the people in my life, that I will
Speaker 1: help those whom I can, and then my focus will
Speaker 1: be on things that have real value. I will keep
Speaker 1: Christmas in my heart all the year round, claimed Scrooge.
Speaker 1: The light from the blue Screen of Death grew dimmer,
Speaker 1: and Scrooge, through his pleading, felt his back press up
Speaker 1: against the cold headstone. As all light faded around him.
Speaker 1: He could feel the chill freshly dug earth beneath him,
Speaker 1: and all sounds began to fade. And then in a heartbeat,
Speaker 1: he was surrounded by light, and he found himself in
Speaker 1: his own bed, in his own home. He sprung out
Speaker 1: of bed and checked his smartphone calendar Christmas Day. He
Speaker 1: hadn't missed it. The chatbots had done it all in
Speaker 1: one night. Right away, Scrooge placed a hefty order on
Speaker 1: Instacart to deliver a veritable feast to the crotched apartment,
Speaker 1: and off he went. He used his Amazon app to
Speaker 1: have a pile of toys and clothes and a new
Speaker 1: pair of crutches sent as well, all guaranteed to be
Speaker 1: delivered within four hours. And if you don't think someone
Speaker 1: is being exploited to make that happen, you're fooling yourself.
Speaker 1: He ordered a way Mood driverless vehicle to take him
Speaker 1: straight to the Cratchitt's house. The weima only got confused
Speaker 1: a couple of times, and despite some close calls on
Speaker 1: those icy streets, didn't get into any actual accidents that time.
Speaker 1: Scrooge arrived just as the deliveries did, and he positioned
Speaker 1: himself in the back behind everyone else as they walked
Speaker 1: up to the Cratchit's door. Bob answered the door himself,
Speaker 1: and Scrooge was delighted at seeing Bob's confused face as
Speaker 1: he found himself the recipient of foods and gifts beyond
Speaker 1: his counting. Finally, Scrooge stepped up to Bob as the
Speaker 1: last delivery person left, and Bob's eyes got even larger,
Speaker 1: if such a thing were possible, Mister Scrooge, he said,
Speaker 1: it's me, Bob. I've come to wish you merry Christmas
Speaker 1: and to delight her a backlog of gifts I've owed
Speaker 1: you and your wonderful family for many years, as well
Speaker 1: as to make an offer to you. I want you
Speaker 1: back at the Crypto Firm, but not as clerk. I
Speaker 1: want you there as partner, and we can find a
Speaker 1: way to take the wealth we've generated and pour it
Speaker 1: back into the community. No need to give me an
Speaker 1: answer right now. Enjoy your Christmas, Bob Cratchit was clearly
Speaker 1: dazed by all this, but blurted out, I accept and
Speaker 1: a very merry Christmas to you too, mister Scrooge. I'll
Speaker 1: have the new sign. Cratch It and Scrooge made up
Speaker 1: after the holiday, said Scrooge. Now I must be off.
Speaker 1: I have a family invitation I have neglected for too long.
Speaker 1: God bless you, mister Scrooge, said Bob Cratchit, and from
Speaker 1: behind him, a little voice belonging to tiny Tim said
Speaker 1: God bless us everyone. The end. All right, that concludes
Speaker 1: story time here at Tech Stuff. I had a lot
Speaker 1: of fun writing that very silly spoof, and I hope
Speaker 1: you enjoyed it. It certainly has more than a few
Speaker 1: of my opinions very obviously peppered throughout. I know, I
Speaker 1: don't even need to say that. Everybody picked it up.
Speaker 1: It's so it's so obvious, it's undeniable. But it kind
Speaker 1: of gives me a little a space to vent right
Speaker 1: and to kind of talk about some things that I
Speaker 1: think are important that we often lose sight of when
Speaker 1: we're doing things like covering technology. I do think technology
Speaker 1: has the amazing potential to help people and to make
Speaker 1: lives better, but it requires a lot of patience and
Speaker 1: stewardship to make sure that happens and that it doesn't
Speaker 1: just become some sort of get rich quick pathway for
Speaker 1: you know, small startups. Anyway, I hope you are all
Speaker 1: having an amazing holiday season. I know this one was
Speaker 1: Christmas centric, but really I wish you all happiness and health.
Speaker 1: However it is you celebrate, whatever you celebrate, I hope
Speaker 1: you and your families and friends all have a wonderful
Speaker 1: holiday season. And thank you so much for listening. I'll
Speaker 1: talk to you again really soon. Tech Stuff is an
Speaker 1: iHeartRadio production. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.