1
00:00:01,600 --> 00:00:04,880
Speaker 1: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space, and I

2
00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:07,720
Speaker 1: think about the freedom that we can gain when we

3
00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:10,960
Speaker 1: truly are not driven by the opinions of other people,

4
00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:12,680
Speaker 1: and we really do what works best for us and

5
00:00:12,720 --> 00:00:15,200
Speaker 1: not what society says we should do, or what our

6
00:00:15,240 --> 00:00:17,159
Speaker 1: parents or our family thinks we should do. Like we

7
00:00:17,239 --> 00:00:20,080
Speaker 1: really do what works best for our situation, just how

8
00:00:20,160 --> 00:00:24,360
Speaker 1: much freedom and happiness can come from that. Today's episode

9
00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:28,000
Speaker 1: is sure to provides you with motivation, inspiration, or a

10
00:00:28,040 --> 00:00:32,440
Speaker 1: fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments or appreciate

11
00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:35,960
Speaker 1: anything from this episode, please leave us a review to

12
00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:39,080
Speaker 1: let us know we're on the right track. Also, we

13
00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:43,080
Speaker 1: release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe on

14
00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:48,479
Speaker 1: iTunes and visit cultivatingheurspace dot com to access our exclusive

15
00:00:48,560 --> 00:00:52,280
Speaker 1: after show and other bonus content from the Patreon tab.

16
00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:58,440
Speaker 2: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting

17
00:00:58,440 --> 00:01:03,160
Speaker 2: women like you. We're your hosts doctor Dominique Broussard, a

18
00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:05,720
Speaker 2: college professor and psychologist.

19
00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:09,399
Speaker 1: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a

20
00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:14,440
Speaker 1: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please

21
00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:19,240
Speaker 1: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from

22
00:01:19,319 --> 00:01:22,399
Speaker 1: five roids to fake friends, and create a safe space

23
00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:24,760
Speaker 1: where black women can just be.

24
00:01:28,520 --> 00:01:31,360
Speaker 2: Hey, lady, it's doctor dom here from the Cultivating her

25
00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:35,399
Speaker 2: Space podcast. Are you currently a resident of the state

26
00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:40,840
Speaker 2: of California in contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well, if so,

27
00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:45,920
Speaker 2: please reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brusard dot com.

28
00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:51,240
Speaker 2: That's d R D O M I N I q

29
00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:56,919
Speaker 2: U E b R O U ss ar D dot

30
00:01:56,960 --> 00:02:01,880
Speaker 2: com to schedule a free fifteen men consultation. I look

31
00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:05,720
Speaker 2: forward to hearing from you. Our quote of the day

32
00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:11,680
Speaker 2: comes to us from our forever first Lady, one of

33
00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:17,520
Speaker 2: our favorite aunties, Do what works for you because there

34
00:02:17,520 --> 00:02:23,160
Speaker 2: will always be someone who thinks differently. I'm gonna say

35
00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:25,160
Speaker 2: that one more time for the people in the back,

36
00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:28,519
Speaker 2: because we all need to hear this at various points,

37
00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:34,079
Speaker 2: and some of y'all need it today. Michelle Obama says,

38
00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:39,000
Speaker 2: do what works for you because there will always be

39
00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:45,079
Speaker 2: someone who thinks differently. Now, Tee, I know today we're

40
00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:49,280
Speaker 2: talking about some hot topics. When you hear this quote

41
00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:53,400
Speaker 2: of the day, what comes up for you as you're

42
00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:55,680
Speaker 2: thinking about these hot topics we're about to get into.

43
00:02:57,240 --> 00:02:59,880
Speaker 1: Yes, girl, that is a quote. Indeed, that is a whole,

44
00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:02,400
Speaker 1: a whole sermon. And when I hear that quote, Dom,

45
00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:05,880
Speaker 1: it makes me think about a time in my life

46
00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:10,520
Speaker 1: where I was very much letting the perception of other

47
00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:14,800
Speaker 1: people and their opinions and their perspectives shape the life

48
00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:21,520
Speaker 1: I was building, and how unhappy and unfulfilled and confused

49
00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:24,280
Speaker 1: and low key resentful that I was because I didn't

50
00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:26,600
Speaker 1: do what was best for me. I was doing what

51
00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:28,880
Speaker 1: other people said was best for me. So that's what

52
00:03:28,919 --> 00:03:31,120
Speaker 1: makes that's what it makes me think about. And I

53
00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:33,920
Speaker 1: think about the freedom that we can gain when we

54
00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:37,200
Speaker 1: truly are not driven by the opinions of other people

55
00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:38,960
Speaker 1: and we really do what works best for us and

56
00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:41,480
Speaker 1: not what society says we should do, or what our

57
00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:43,400
Speaker 1: parents or our family things we should do. Like we

58
00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:46,360
Speaker 1: really do what works best for our situation. Just how

59
00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:48,440
Speaker 1: much freedom and happiness can come from that. And so

60
00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:50,840
Speaker 1: that's what I think about when I hear that quote.

61
00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:51,760
Speaker 1: What about you, girl?

62
00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:59,920
Speaker 2: Similarly right that, like, there is a freedom in true

63
00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:08,720
Speaker 2: living in your truth and doing what really works for you. Because,

64
00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:12,200
Speaker 2: like some really sage person said years ago when we

65
00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:20,320
Speaker 2: keep repeating it. Opinions are like assholes. Everybody's got one, right,

66
00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:28,040
Speaker 2: and so the reality is that no matter what you do,

67
00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:36,360
Speaker 2: somebody's gonna have an opinion about it, and it's up

68
00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:42,680
Speaker 2: to you to decide how much value you place in

69
00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:49,719
Speaker 2: their opinion. And so, you know, I think we should

70
00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:55,520
Speaker 2: just dive right into these hot topics because hopefully, with

71
00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:59,440
Speaker 2: the considerations that will offer for each of these topics,

72
00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:03,039
Speaker 2: people will be able to find a level of personal

73
00:05:03,279 --> 00:05:08,800
Speaker 2: freedom if the particular situation applies to them.

74
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:12,480
Speaker 1: Mm hm, yes, indeed, I'm gonna get my phone ready

75
00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:14,320
Speaker 1: for these comments because I got some comments on every

76
00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:17,320
Speaker 1: dom you want, you want to gear us up for

77
00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:18,440
Speaker 1: this first topic?

78
00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:24,560
Speaker 2: All right, so you know we're talking about hot topics,

79
00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:28,200
Speaker 2: and lady, depending on when you're listening, just want to

80
00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:31,760
Speaker 2: lay the groundwork that we are in the summer of

81
00:05:31,839 --> 00:05:37,080
Speaker 2: twenty twenty three, and at this particular moment in time,

82
00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:43,960
Speaker 2: we are coming off of several news stories, several pop

83
00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:50,479
Speaker 2: culture situations. The first situation is not new, This is

84
00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:55,800
Speaker 2: something that has been going on for centuries, but because

85
00:05:55,960 --> 00:06:01,320
Speaker 2: of the new Netflix movie The Perfect Find, we are

86
00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:06,960
Speaker 2: seeing this conversation pop up around us about older women

87
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:12,559
Speaker 2: dating younger men. For those of you who haven't seen

88
00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:18,159
Speaker 2: the movie or read the book by Tia Williams. Without

89
00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:24,000
Speaker 2: giving too much away, essentially, it's about a woman who's

90
00:06:24,279 --> 00:06:29,680
Speaker 2: around forty who is dating a man who is fresh

91
00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:34,160
Speaker 2: out of college. So we're talking twenty two twenty three,

92
00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:38,840
Speaker 2: and lots of people have opinions about it. So Tae,

93
00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:42,599
Speaker 2: what are some of these opinions that people are putting

94
00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:43,000
Speaker 2: out there?

95
00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:46,560
Speaker 1: Girl? This comment section is hot as spicy as juicy.

96
00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:48,320
Speaker 1: You going have to tell me when to stop, because

97
00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:51,520
Speaker 1: I'm just I've been this shit had me Roland all day. Okay.

98
00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:55,040
Speaker 1: I want to shout out Milan Harris from Milano de

99
00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:57,680
Speaker 1: Rouge because she posted this question on her Instagram and

100
00:06:57,720 --> 00:06:59,360
Speaker 1: it got my attention and I've been in the comments

101
00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:02,479
Speaker 1: looking also a Filly native, a fellow Affilly native. So girl,

102
00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:04,760
Speaker 1: we gotta have you on the podcast one day. All right,

103
00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:06,960
Speaker 1: here we go. So what she asked was, have you

104
00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:10,480
Speaker 1: ever dated someone younger than you? How did they go? Girl?

105
00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:13,840
Speaker 1: Don we ready for this? Somebody in the comment said,

106
00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:17,160
Speaker 1: he said, I'm gonna play your music for you, and

107
00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:19,040
Speaker 1: he went on to play old ass hip hop music

108
00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:21,400
Speaker 1: from when she was a toddler. She said, never again.

109
00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:26,520
Speaker 1: That's hilarious, girl. Somebody else said, and I think many

110
00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:29,320
Speaker 1: people who have experienced this can resonate with this. She said,

111
00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:32,640
Speaker 1: bombed dick, horrible communication skills.

112
00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:35,920
Speaker 2: Sounds pretty accurate.

113
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:39,080
Speaker 1: When I heard somebody said that young boy had me

114
00:07:39,080 --> 00:07:43,200
Speaker 1: in a chokehold, good lord. Some people also have successful stories.

115
00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:46,280
Speaker 1: Someone like, we've been married for fifteen years. Someone said,

116
00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:51,080
Speaker 1: this person, this man, this young, this young, and wanted

117
00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:56,080
Speaker 1: to share his rap music, his his mixtape with her, Oh.

118
00:07:55,920 --> 00:08:00,400
Speaker 2: His mixtape. Like he was trying to be Oh, oh, okay, hey.

119
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,600
Speaker 1: You want you want to hear my mixtape? You're trying

120
00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:04,960
Speaker 1: to hear these bars? Yeah, some of them. I learned

121
00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:07,440
Speaker 1: from him and married him. I guess it's okay. Eight

122
00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:10,120
Speaker 1: years later, he's still right here. Someone said that, like

123
00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:12,760
Speaker 1: they're like older men, So I think it varies. Experiences vary.

124
00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:15,120
Speaker 1: I mean, you want to dive into considerations or you

125
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,440
Speaker 1: want to hear more of these comments?

126
00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:20,160
Speaker 2: Well, like what that really looks like?

127
00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,240
Speaker 1: Right? Yeah? What does it look like? Yeah?

128
00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:27,640
Speaker 2: Because for me, when I think about that, I got questions, right,

129
00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:33,319
Speaker 2: what kind of questions? Like? Well, one a favorite question

130
00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:36,480
Speaker 2: that I like to put put out there in healthy communication,

131
00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:41,120
Speaker 2: is like, how are we defining this? Like what, let's

132
00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:48,640
Speaker 2: let's give a definition to younger, right, because for some people,

133
00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:55,400
Speaker 2: younger is anything a day younger than me. Right. Other people,

134
00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:58,319
Speaker 2: their standard might be, well, if he's more than five

135
00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:03,120
Speaker 2: years younger than me, then I consider him younger. Other

136
00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:06,800
Speaker 2: people look at it based on well, where you are

137
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:14,240
Speaker 2: in life. If I'm twenty five younger, you know, I

138
00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:19,760
Speaker 2: legally cannot go under the age of eighteen. We know

139
00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:24,000
Speaker 2: stories of people who have who Yeah, but if I'm

140
00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:30,760
Speaker 2: eighty and he's sixty five, like, is that really younger? Like?

141
00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:35,200
Speaker 2: And so for me engaging in this type of conversation,

142
00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:38,040
Speaker 2: like I need to know, like, let's let's define this,

143
00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:45,360
Speaker 2: like what does younger really mean? And going back to

144
00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:48,520
Speaker 2: our quote of the day, like, younger to me really

145
00:09:48,559 --> 00:09:51,240
Speaker 2: depends on who the person is that we're engaging with.

146
00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:57,199
Speaker 2: And so I would ask anybody like each individual, Right, Okay,

147
00:09:57,559 --> 00:10:00,400
Speaker 2: you say you date younger men, what does I mean

148
00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:00,719
Speaker 2: to you?

149
00:10:00,920 --> 00:10:02,960
Speaker 1: Like? How young for you? What does that mean? Yeah?

150
00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:04,800
Speaker 1: Now I feel that because I'm with you. If it's

151
00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:07,440
Speaker 1: like a year, a couple of months, I'm like, even

152
00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:08,920
Speaker 1: when I have friends who like a couple of years

153
00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:10,600
Speaker 1: younger or a couple, you know, a couple of months.

154
00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:13,040
Speaker 1: It's like, really, like you six months younger than.

155
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:17,360
Speaker 2: Me, especially if we have the same birth year, Like yeah,

156
00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:22,360
Speaker 2: that's nice, like for real, like like legit contemporaries like

157
00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:24,040
Speaker 2: younger than me, right.

158
00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:24,720
Speaker 1: For sure, for sure.

159
00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:27,640
Speaker 2: But it really depends on the person.

160
00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:30,600
Speaker 1: I will say, kind of going back to the code

161
00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:33,160
Speaker 1: of the day. I feel like whatever works best for you,

162
00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:36,160
Speaker 1: do you. But I do think it's also important. I

163
00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:37,760
Speaker 1: feel like a lot of times when I hear people

164
00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:41,559
Speaker 1: are dating younger this is not all of the time,

165
00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:44,640
Speaker 1: but a lot of times, it's usually around sex, Like

166
00:10:44,679 --> 00:10:47,920
Speaker 1: that's the most appealing aspect of being with a younger person.

167
00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:52,160
Speaker 1: The younger guy may have the stamina, may be able

168
00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:54,720
Speaker 1: to keep up with a woman in her authorities who's

169
00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:56,800
Speaker 1: you know, we we drop peak a lot later, so

170
00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:58,439
Speaker 1: we be with it, you know what I mean, we'd

171
00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:00,520
Speaker 1: be like I'm trying to get that dick and that

172
00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:02,920
Speaker 1: young person, you know. So you hear that a lot,

173
00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:06,440
Speaker 1: and so I think it's also important to determine like

174
00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:09,000
Speaker 1: what is this really like are you my fuck buddy?

175
00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:11,040
Speaker 1: Are we just you know, having a good time, but

176
00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:12,400
Speaker 1: it's not going to be a long time, Like what

177
00:11:12,559 --> 00:11:14,800
Speaker 1: is the vibe? So that you're clear on that too,

178
00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:16,960
Speaker 1: because this is we're speaking about dating right now, but

179
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:19,520
Speaker 1: it could just be a situationship. So I feel like

180
00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:21,440
Speaker 1: getting clarity on that is important as well. But then

181
00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:23,760
Speaker 1: also it's like whatever works for you if you find

182
00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:26,679
Speaker 1: that young dick it or yeah, if you find that

183
00:11:26,679 --> 00:11:29,319
Speaker 1: that young person is doing what needs to get done

184
00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:31,640
Speaker 1: and it works for you in your life. Fuck would

185
00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:33,280
Speaker 1: everybody else say, like, do what works for you? And

186
00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:35,559
Speaker 1: of course we're talking about people that are legal and

187
00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:39,960
Speaker 1: other age y'all, yeah you need Some.

188
00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:43,719
Speaker 2: People are looking for loopholes and we're not offering no

189
00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:46,960
Speaker 2: loopholes or any illegal activity. We are not. That's not

190
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:47,800
Speaker 2: what we're here for.

191
00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:50,839
Speaker 1: Hey lady, it's Terry here, dom and I want to

192
00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:52,800
Speaker 1: take a moment to thank you for choosing to listen

193
00:11:52,840 --> 00:11:55,360
Speaker 1: to our podcast. We love you for real, and we

194
00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:57,120
Speaker 1: want to give you a chance to learn more about

195
00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:59,839
Speaker 1: what's important to us. So tell us what you think

196
00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:00,240
Speaker 1: of this.

197
00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:03,680
Speaker 2: Imagine a world where you have a chance to get

198
00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:08,239
Speaker 2: featured on the Cultivating her Space podcast and share your business,

199
00:12:08,559 --> 00:12:14,000
Speaker 2: brand or perspective with millions around the globe. Imagine joining

200
00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:17,679
Speaker 2: our monthly virtual video check ins where you can connect

201
00:12:17,679 --> 00:12:20,839
Speaker 2: with like minded black women like you and share your

202
00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:25,160
Speaker 2: ideas and episode suggestions with Terry and I. Now, I

203
00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:27,719
Speaker 2: want you to imagine a world where you're in the

204
00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:33,520
Speaker 2: exclusive Cultivating her Space Sanctuary Slack channel, and throughout your

205
00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:36,520
Speaker 2: day and week, you are conversing with us about what's

206
00:12:36,559 --> 00:12:39,599
Speaker 2: happening in your life and sharing funny gifts and or

207
00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:42,400
Speaker 2: personal wins. How does that sound?

208
00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:45,080
Speaker 1: Hopefully this is of your alley, lady, because we are

209
00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:47,200
Speaker 1: taking things to the next level of this year, and

210
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:51,040
Speaker 1: we're doubling down on investing in our community. That means you.

211
00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:55,040
Speaker 1: We want to meet you, connect with you, and create

212
00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:58,640
Speaker 1: communities of genuine women who love on black women and

213
00:12:58,720 --> 00:13:02,240
Speaker 1: push our culture and movement forward. We launched this podcast

214
00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:05,040
Speaker 1: in twenty nineteen, and to date we have not missed

215
00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:08,520
Speaker 1: a week. We've been great stewards of our platform, all

216
00:13:08,559 --> 00:13:12,240
Speaker 1: while working full time and navigating our own ups and downs.

217
00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:17,359
Speaker 1: We release fresh new content every single Friday like clockwork,

218
00:13:17,679 --> 00:13:20,760
Speaker 1: and we have hundreds of valuable episodes and workshops that

219
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:23,520
Speaker 1: can really help you up level your life. So if

220
00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:26,640
Speaker 1: you love our mission, or you've gotten value from us,

221
00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:29,640
Speaker 1: we invite you to give back and help us push

222
00:13:29,679 --> 00:13:35,040
Speaker 1: this community effort forward. Visit herspacepodcast dot com and click Patreon.

223
00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:38,120
Speaker 1: You can learn more about our goals and exclusive offerings

224
00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:42,320
Speaker 1: on Patreon, and we highly highly encourage you to join

225
00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:44,840
Speaker 1: the Sister Frontier so that you can get someone on

226
00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:47,320
Speaker 1: one time with us. We also have an option for

227
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:49,800
Speaker 1: you to donate on a one time basis if that

228
00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:53,720
Speaker 1: meets your needs. Again herspace podcast dot com and you

229
00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:57,280
Speaker 1: can click that link that says Patreon. All right, lady,

230
00:13:57,559 --> 00:13:59,199
Speaker 1: we'll hop right back into the conversation.

231
00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:05,000
Speaker 2: You're alluding to some of our considerations, right, that we

232
00:14:05,160 --> 00:14:08,400
Speaker 2: have in terms of thinking about what it looks like

233
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:15,640
Speaker 2: to have a healthy engagement with a younger man, Right,

234
00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:21,520
Speaker 2: Like I think about the movie and the book How

235
00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:22,400
Speaker 2: Stella Got Her.

236
00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:24,640
Speaker 1: Groove Back, right, Yes.

237
00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:29,040
Speaker 2: That, and essentially these are stories that are based on

238
00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:35,600
Speaker 2: real life experiences. And one of the things that you

239
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:40,360
Speaker 2: mentioned in terms of like a good consideration is the

240
00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:44,680
Speaker 2: importance of finding your common ground, right, And so to me,

241
00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:47,840
Speaker 2: when I think about that importance of finding your common ground,

242
00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:52,720
Speaker 2: what that really entails is thinking about being on the

243
00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:57,680
Speaker 2: same page in terms of what you both want. So,

244
00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:04,360
Speaker 2: like you mentioned, what are your intentions? Are you in

245
00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:09,600
Speaker 2: this just for the sex or are you trying to

246
00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:14,280
Speaker 2: date in the hopes of finding something long term? And

247
00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:18,200
Speaker 2: what does your partner want? Are they in it just

248
00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:21,840
Speaker 2: for the sex? Are they just trying to figure things

249
00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:27,560
Speaker 2: out and see what happens. Just making sure that you're

250
00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:33,640
Speaker 2: on the same page, right and that you have things

251
00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:39,720
Speaker 2: in common. So even if you're like, I'm in it

252
00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:44,800
Speaker 2: for the sex, Okay, what are your sexual needs? Have

253
00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:48,960
Speaker 2: you communicated that to them? What are their sexual needs?

254
00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:52,280
Speaker 2: Have you all had a conversation about it, like, because

255
00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:56,040
Speaker 2: no point in having sex if y'all aren't on the

256
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:59,040
Speaker 2: same page. But you got to want the same or

257
00:15:59,080 --> 00:15:59,920
Speaker 2: similar things.

258
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,920
Speaker 1: No, that's a great point in time, and I think

259
00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:04,680
Speaker 1: we kind of alluded to this earlier. But you may

260
00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:07,520
Speaker 1: not have the support of family and friends because people

261
00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:09,760
Speaker 1: can be judgy. I remember a guy that I worked

262
00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:13,040
Speaker 1: with years ago. He had gotten divorced and already had

263
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:15,280
Speaker 1: some children, and he had a new girlfriend and she

264
00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:17,440
Speaker 1: was younger, like in her twenties, and I think he

265
00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:19,640
Speaker 1: was in his thirties or so, like late thirties, and

266
00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:22,120
Speaker 1: his friends were all like, damn man, like you did

267
00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:23,760
Speaker 1: the right you got the right move, you got that

268
00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:26,800
Speaker 1: young young whoop a snap or whatever. They you know

269
00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:29,040
Speaker 1: what I mean, They were like yeah, like they were like,

270
00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:31,880
Speaker 1: you know, giving him, giving him props because he got

271
00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:33,880
Speaker 1: this young John or whatever. He got this young girl,

272
00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:37,480
Speaker 1: and they had their older women who were around there

273
00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:40,280
Speaker 1: who were their contemporaries. Right, So he was like the

274
00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:43,080
Speaker 1: hot the hot guy on campus because he had this

275
00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:46,280
Speaker 1: youngin And so I think that just being aware that

276
00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:47,480
Speaker 1: you may not have the support of out this, you

277
00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:48,920
Speaker 1: might have some hating. Ask people who were like, well

278
00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:51,080
Speaker 1: I wish I had that too, or people who were

279
00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:54,280
Speaker 1: just judgmental, or you ever have a situation. I remember

280
00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:56,280
Speaker 1: years ago, I'm not going to call any names out,

281
00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:59,600
Speaker 1: but one of my uncles was dating a woman and

282
00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:02,080
Speaker 1: also there was like a man who's like a father figure.

283
00:17:02,280 --> 00:17:04,359
Speaker 1: They were dating women who are around my age. And

284
00:17:04,359 --> 00:17:05,880
Speaker 1: because I was that age and I had a different

285
00:17:05,920 --> 00:17:07,720
Speaker 1: perspective at the time, I thought that was so gross.

286
00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:10,840
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, I'm just like I can't.

287
00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:13,280
Speaker 1: But as you get older, it's like, well, they're not

288
00:17:13,359 --> 00:17:16,119
Speaker 1: dating me, they're dating someone. They're dating someone who is

289
00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:18,640
Speaker 1: my age and they have a different rapport and there's

290
00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:22,680
Speaker 1: a connection and you don't know, it's just it ain't

291
00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:24,960
Speaker 1: in my business really, you know, And I feel weird,

292
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:26,639
Speaker 1: but it really isn't none of my business. And the

293
00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:30,280
Speaker 1: older I get, I think about that because it's just, yeah,

294
00:17:30,359 --> 00:17:33,000
Speaker 1: it's different, you know, right.

295
00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:35,600
Speaker 2: Like I think about It's funny as you were bringing

296
00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:39,000
Speaker 2: up that situation, like I think about, I was that

297
00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:41,800
Speaker 2: twenty something who was dating, who dated an older guy

298
00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:46,240
Speaker 2: really who had just was just going through a divorce,

299
00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:53,879
Speaker 2: and and that thought at the time, Yeah, but no,

300
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:54,920
Speaker 2: he didn't have kids my age.

301
00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:57,520
Speaker 1: Oh okay, okay, he was older.

302
00:17:57,119 --> 00:18:01,080
Speaker 2: But he had kids, and there was like a twelve

303
00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:07,639
Speaker 2: year age difference me. And so I remember thinking like, okay, yeah,

304
00:18:09,119 --> 00:18:13,320
Speaker 2: I could see where his peers might be judging, looking, yeah,

305
00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:15,560
Speaker 2: judging and looking at him a certain way.

306
00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:16,320
Speaker 1: Yeah.

307
00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:22,560
Speaker 2: But also like part of why the relationship did not

308
00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:29,280
Speaker 2: work out was because we were in different spaces in life, right,

309
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:37,359
Speaker 2: he's newly divorced. I'm in graduate school and I you know,

310
00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:40,680
Speaker 2: And so that takes me to like our third consideration, right,

311
00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:46,840
Speaker 2: that you all may be in different places developmentally and

312
00:18:47,119 --> 00:18:50,679
Speaker 2: in terms of life goals and trajectory at the time,

313
00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:53,520
Speaker 2: Like I said, he's completing like he's finishing a divorce,

314
00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:57,680
Speaker 2: and I'm in graduate school focused more career focused right,

315
00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:03,080
Speaker 2: not thinking about truly trying to start a family or

316
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:10,240
Speaker 2: come into and have this blended family. Right in reality,

317
00:19:10,359 --> 00:19:15,520
Speaker 2: at at that stage, what I wanted long term was

318
00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:18,359
Speaker 2: different than what he could bring to the table.

319
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:21,400
Speaker 1: Okay, I have a couple of questions before we move

320
00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:24,680
Speaker 1: on to the next topic. I'm a rapid fire one.

321
00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:27,240
Speaker 1: How was that relationship compared to being in a relationship

322
00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:28,920
Speaker 1: with your contemporaries, And how was the sex.

323
00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:32,919
Speaker 2: Well, we ain't gonna talk about the sexual relationship.

324
00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:36,560
Speaker 1: After maybe maybe.

325
00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:37,520
Speaker 2: Okay, so we're not gonna talk about that.

326
00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:40,240
Speaker 1: I tried. I tried to get it out of her, y'all.

327
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:44,000
Speaker 2: If y'all listen to the previous episode, y'all already know

328
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:47,280
Speaker 2: that I said that there are some things that I

329
00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:52,200
Speaker 2: keep to myself. And while I do put a lot

330
00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:54,680
Speaker 2: out there, there are some things that I keep to myself,

331
00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:58,240
Speaker 2: and so I won't speak on what the sexual relationship

332
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:01,680
Speaker 2: was like. What I will say speak on though, is

333
00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:10,600
Speaker 2: that we, like we had different trajectories and at that

334
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:15,639
Speaker 2: time he was still trying to heal from that relationship,

335
00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:24,919
Speaker 2: and ultimately we wanted different things in that moment. I

336
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:29,480
Speaker 2: think long term we wanted the same things, but in

337
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:32,600
Speaker 2: that moment we were in different spaces.

338
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:35,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, now that makes sense. That's a lot to put

339
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:37,159
Speaker 1: on YouTube, being in the stage that you were in

340
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:39,639
Speaker 1: where you're like, you're kind of like the guy in

341
00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:42,359
Speaker 1: the movie that you were referencing. Right, Yeah, you're like

342
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:44,480
Speaker 1: fresh out. You're still still in grad school, but you're

343
00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:47,800
Speaker 1: like out here doing no. That makes sense.

344
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:50,760
Speaker 2: He's more established, right exactly. And I think that's the

345
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:53,360
Speaker 2: thing that you want to consider, right when you are

346
00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:56,280
Speaker 2: dating a younger when you're dating a younger man, when

347
00:20:56,320 --> 00:21:00,760
Speaker 2: there's a considerable age difference between you all. And this

348
00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:02,960
Speaker 2: is not just that if you're dating a younger man,

349
00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:09,240
Speaker 2: but in any relationship, right, are you looking for marriage?

350
00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:16,239
Speaker 2: Do you all want children? What's your retirement plan? Do

351
00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:25,480
Speaker 2: you have a job with benefits? And benefits meaning like life, insurance, vision, dental, medical,

352
00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:27,720
Speaker 2: those types of things like a four O one K?

353
00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:28,720
Speaker 1: Like what.

354
00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:34,520
Speaker 2: Those are the conversations that most of us are having

355
00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:36,200
Speaker 2: when we are moving into our careers.

356
00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:39,080
Speaker 1: Yes, it's the financial part too, Like who's covering what

357
00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:40,920
Speaker 1: all that stuff, all of.

358
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:42,760
Speaker 2: Those things, and so you need to be on the

359
00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:46,000
Speaker 2: same page in that regard, and if you're not, no

360
00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:49,520
Speaker 2: matter how many years you all have in between you,

361
00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:54,119
Speaker 2: it's not it won't work if you're not on the

362
00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:58,960
Speaker 2: same page. One bonus consideration that falls under the you

363
00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:05,119
Speaker 2: may be in different places is your health. So you

364
00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:10,320
Speaker 2: know a lot of y'all in your twenties are the

365
00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:14,480
Speaker 2: majority of y'all are generally very healthy, and you aren't

366
00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:23,160
Speaker 2: thinking about menopause, high cholesterol, high pain, pressure, back pain,

367
00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:30,960
Speaker 2: knee pain, yips, like the rectile dysfunction. You're not thinking

368
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:33,320
Speaker 2: about none of that in your twenties. Most of you,

369
00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:36,040
Speaker 2: the majority of people in your twenties are not thinking

370
00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:39,360
Speaker 2: about that. The majority of people under thirty five are

371
00:22:39,359 --> 00:22:43,919
Speaker 2: not thinking about these things. Right if you are dating

372
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:51,520
Speaker 2: someone who is older, the older you are, the more

373
00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:55,399
Speaker 2: likely you have to consider these things like does this

374
00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:59,320
Speaker 2: person have diabetes? Do they have high blood pressure? Like

375
00:22:59,359 --> 00:23:01,520
Speaker 2: what kind of medication? You got to look at that

376
00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:05,520
Speaker 2: medicine cabinet and find out what medications they're taking, because

377
00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:09,800
Speaker 2: that impacts your particularly if you are looking to establish

378
00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:13,520
Speaker 2: a long term relationship with this person. That impacts y'all's

379
00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:17,160
Speaker 2: long term outcome. What is their health outcomes? What are

380
00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:20,720
Speaker 2: your current what's your current health situation, and how is

381
00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:24,160
Speaker 2: that going to impact this relationship in the long run.

382
00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:29,560
Speaker 1: That's an excellent bonus one. All right, shall we move

383
00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:32,640
Speaker 1: on to the next hot topic here? I think it's

384
00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:36,080
Speaker 1: time and this one is just difficult topics in the news.

385
00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:38,600
Speaker 1: I know I'm going to be broiled with y'all. I

386
00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:40,960
Speaker 1: should definitely pay attention to the news a lot more.

387
00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:43,440
Speaker 1: I find that just in I guess, in the phase

388
00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:46,120
Speaker 1: i'm in a lifetime, I usually just get my news

389
00:23:46,119 --> 00:23:48,200
Speaker 1: from social media. I used to be a news washer

390
00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:50,040
Speaker 1: back in the day, but now I get it from

391
00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:52,639
Speaker 1: social media. And even then, if I see something I

392
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:55,280
Speaker 1: don't like, I usually I'm just like scrolling off because

393
00:23:55,359 --> 00:23:57,560
Speaker 1: I feel like my mental health suffers when I tune

394
00:23:57,600 --> 00:23:59,639
Speaker 1: into stories because a lot of the times the news

395
00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:02,240
Speaker 1: is so depressing and I'm like, I already have too

396
00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:04,960
Speaker 1: much stuff going on. So I'm gonna let you take

397
00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:07,360
Speaker 1: this one down and we can chime in on the considerations.

398
00:24:07,359 --> 00:24:09,400
Speaker 1: But yeah, lady, I just wanted to preface the conversation

399
00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:12,640
Speaker 1: by saying, yeah, I'll be tuning into the news like that.

400
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:18,920
Speaker 2: My initial flippant response is that the world is going

401
00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:22,359
Speaker 2: to shit. The world is falling apart, right, that's my

402
00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:24,440
Speaker 2: initial flippant response.

403
00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:26,160
Speaker 1: Yeah.

404
00:24:26,359 --> 00:24:30,400
Speaker 2: The reality is that there is a lot of horrible

405
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:33,879
Speaker 2: things happening in the news. There are a lot of

406
00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:40,000
Speaker 2: things that are happening that are negatively impacting the lives

407
00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:46,679
Speaker 2: of black folks. And you know, at the time of

408
00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:51,040
Speaker 2: this recording, we're coming on the heels of several Supreme

409
00:24:51,119 --> 00:24:58,760
Speaker 2: Court decisions, and we are coming on the heels of

410
00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:08,479
Speaker 2: several instances of violence against black folks. And I'm not

411
00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:10,880
Speaker 2: going to repeat because I also want to be aware

412
00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:17,280
Speaker 2: of people's ability to in people's need to not be

413
00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:23,840
Speaker 2: activated by hearing the bad news. And so we'll say, lady,

414
00:25:23,880 --> 00:25:26,560
Speaker 2: if you're curious, if you haven't been keeping up with

415
00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:33,119
Speaker 2: the news, to go and do your research, right. And

416
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:35,879
Speaker 2: I think it's important to be aware of the things

417
00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:39,720
Speaker 2: that are going on, particularly things that might be impacting

418
00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:44,919
Speaker 2: you on more so on a local level than you

419
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:47,199
Speaker 2: know than a world level. It's still important to know

420
00:25:47,280 --> 00:25:50,960
Speaker 2: all of the things, but have some I think it's

421
00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:53,280
Speaker 2: important to have some level of awareness of some of

422
00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:59,240
Speaker 2: the things that are happening around us and recognizing Terry,

423
00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:02,840
Speaker 2: like you pointed out that your mental health is your

424
00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:08,760
Speaker 2: top priority, and so if taking in the news every

425
00:26:08,880 --> 00:26:12,879
Speaker 2: day is having a negative impact on your mental health,

426
00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:17,960
Speaker 2: then I definitely say don't do it right and what

427
00:26:18,119 --> 00:26:21,560
Speaker 2: I would encourage folks to do. We in twenty twenty,

428
00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:26,760
Speaker 2: when there was a lot of news happening, we had

429
00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:29,960
Speaker 2: an episode where we talked about how to engage with

430
00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:32,600
Speaker 2: the news in a way that was healthy for your

431
00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:39,040
Speaker 2: mental health. And so some of those considerations is limiting,

432
00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:44,199
Speaker 2: Like you mentioned, limiting your news consumption. One of the

433
00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:50,640
Speaker 2: things that I tell folks is, you know once a day,

434
00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:58,800
Speaker 2: once a day is all you really need, so typically

435
00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:08,840
Speaker 2: either in the evening or in the morning, but constantly

436
00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:12,399
Speaker 2: checking the news throughout the day keeps your adrenaline levels

437
00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:20,600
Speaker 2: at a high level. That that's stress right, because you're

438
00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:25,800
Speaker 2: on edge, and so limiting your news consumption to once

439
00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:29,719
Speaker 2: a day, and it doesn't even require that you have

440
00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:34,600
Speaker 2: to go in depth, right, You don't have to read

441
00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:39,879
Speaker 2: dissertations worth of all the news that is happening everywhere,

442
00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:44,440
Speaker 2: but enough to have an awareness of what's going.

443
00:27:44,240 --> 00:27:47,520
Speaker 1: On around That makes sense Toime. I think you made

444
00:27:47,520 --> 00:27:50,119
Speaker 1: a really good point too, about it is important to

445
00:27:50,119 --> 00:27:52,640
Speaker 1: be aware, especially when it comes to the local news

446
00:27:52,720 --> 00:27:54,959
Speaker 1: and what's going on. So I, lady, I'm still working progress.

447
00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:57,200
Speaker 1: I still have to find a balance that works well

448
00:27:57,240 --> 00:27:59,600
Speaker 1: for me. I think having a partner that's very tapped

449
00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:01,880
Speaker 1: in can be helpful because then I'm like, Wow, what's

450
00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:03,679
Speaker 1: going on? What'd you hear about? He I feel like

451
00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:05,679
Speaker 1: he can like filter out some of the stuff for me.

452
00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:07,720
Speaker 1: But I do think it's important for us to have

453
00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:10,800
Speaker 1: our own you know, knowledge and independence, independence of that

454
00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:13,120
Speaker 1: and not necessarily to be dependent. But I'm a working

455
00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:15,679
Speaker 1: progress lady, So just being transparent here with you all.

456
00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:17,600
Speaker 1: But I think you made a really good point with that. Dom.

457
00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:22,119
Speaker 1: The next consideration here is consider your sources. Lord, Okay,

458
00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:24,119
Speaker 1: this is I feel like, I'm all I'm into the

459
00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:26,960
Speaker 1: pop culture side of the game. Okay, with the news news,

460
00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:29,960
Speaker 1: I'm like pop culture, I'm all end. So recently, let

461
00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:31,440
Speaker 1: me just tell you all this quick story down because

462
00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:33,119
Speaker 1: I feel like this is going to tie back to

463
00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:37,000
Speaker 1: what we're talking about. So years ago, y'all know, Offset

464
00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:40,120
Speaker 1: and Cardi bre married right at this time of the recording,

465
00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:43,160
Speaker 1: But years ago, he was cheating. He was called cheating, right,

466
00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:46,480
Speaker 1: and he had posted a picture of him online kind

467
00:28:46,480 --> 00:28:48,440
Speaker 1: of looking off in the distance. He's like, I think

468
00:28:48,480 --> 00:28:50,200
Speaker 1: he was like sitting on the car, his hands folded,

469
00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:54,520
Speaker 1: he looking off at the distance, and the caption said

470
00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:58,040
Speaker 1: on the caption said I missed my granny, And so

471
00:28:58,080 --> 00:29:02,520
Speaker 1: everybody had next comments like, whenever ninjas be getting caught cheating,

472
00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:08,480
Speaker 1: they all of a sudden mistake granny. So recently him

473
00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:10,400
Speaker 1: and Cardi were in the news again because there were

474
00:29:10,440 --> 00:29:14,880
Speaker 1: allegations that he was cheating again, and so people fans

475
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:18,800
Speaker 1: went and photoshopped a picture of her sitting somewhere looking

476
00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:21,640
Speaker 1: at the distance, and they captioned I missed my granny,

477
00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:23,640
Speaker 1: and people it was circulating on social media and people

478
00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:26,400
Speaker 1: thought it was real. So then I don't know they

479
00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:29,440
Speaker 1: if they did the same thing for him with this story,

480
00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:32,040
Speaker 1: but he had allegedly posted like all my girl was

481
00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:33,719
Speaker 1: out here cheating or whatever, and I don't know they

482
00:29:33,720 --> 00:29:37,880
Speaker 1: photoshopped that. But that's a situation. It's a little wretchet situation,

483
00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:40,640
Speaker 1: but it's a situation of people not considering their sources

484
00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:42,320
Speaker 1: and you run with it and you think, oh, this

485
00:29:42,440 --> 00:29:44,560
Speaker 1: is the truth, this is what I saw on social media,

486
00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:47,520
Speaker 1: but with AI, with what is called deep faking, is

487
00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:51,640
Speaker 1: that what it's called deep fakes, deep fakes, all this

488
00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:54,360
Speaker 1: AI safd like you never know, Like it's scary out here.

489
00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:56,240
Speaker 1: I hope no one ever tries to get us done

490
00:29:56,320 --> 00:29:59,600
Speaker 1: and have us talk in some bullshit with this new technology,

491
00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:03,400
Speaker 1: because you just you sometimes you puts. They got these

492
00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:05,520
Speaker 1: robots that are doing the news for us. I mean,

493
00:30:05,520 --> 00:30:08,520
Speaker 1: it's getting scary out here. Okay, it's really is.

494
00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:14,400
Speaker 2: And it's becoming harder and harder to determine pools an accurate, credible,

495
00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:19,640
Speaker 2: reliable source. I tell people all the time, TikTok University

496
00:30:19,720 --> 00:30:20,600
Speaker 2: is not accredited.

497
00:30:21,560 --> 00:30:22,480
Speaker 1: Yeah that part.

498
00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:26,040
Speaker 2: So I want to be clear that I'm not coming

499
00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:28,920
Speaker 2: only for TikTok, that I'm coming for all forms of

500
00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:33,280
Speaker 2: social media, and that you have to be mindful of

501
00:30:33,320 --> 00:30:38,239
Speaker 2: the sources. Just because someone is offering you what you

502
00:30:38,360 --> 00:30:43,120
Speaker 2: what they consider to be news or tips on how

503
00:30:43,160 --> 00:30:48,040
Speaker 2: to navigate XYZ situation does not mean that they are

504
00:30:48,080 --> 00:30:53,880
Speaker 2: an a credible, reliable source. And even some of our

505
00:30:54,280 --> 00:31:00,880
Speaker 2: actual news outlets these days, unfortunately, are not credible and reliable.

506
00:31:02,040 --> 00:31:07,240
Speaker 2: So just truly be mindful of what you're taking in

507
00:31:07,520 --> 00:31:11,960
Speaker 2: and how you're taking it in, And that takes us

508
00:31:12,040 --> 00:31:17,560
Speaker 2: to the final consideration for navigating the news, and that's

509
00:31:18,040 --> 00:31:24,400
Speaker 2: focusing on what's within your control. So you are coming

510
00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:30,440
Speaker 2: across all these negative headlines, well, you can't control. While

511
00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:34,520
Speaker 2: you cannot control what is happening in the news, you

512
00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:38,000
Speaker 2: can control again the sources in what you're getting it

513
00:31:38,040 --> 00:31:43,120
Speaker 2: from and how often you are taking it in, and

514
00:31:43,280 --> 00:31:46,280
Speaker 2: you can decide. Like Terry, you pointed out that while

515
00:31:46,320 --> 00:31:51,000
Speaker 2: you personally might not be taking in the news, you

516
00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:56,640
Speaker 2: to protect your own mental health, you ask your partner

517
00:31:56,760 --> 00:32:01,560
Speaker 2: to share that information with you, right, and so he's

518
00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:05,040
Speaker 2: giving you a high level he's probably already because he

519
00:32:05,160 --> 00:32:09,640
Speaker 2: knows you. He probably has already filtered out what might

520
00:32:09,760 --> 00:32:12,800
Speaker 2: be what might have a negative impact on your mental

521
00:32:12,840 --> 00:32:15,040
Speaker 2: health and has found a way to give it to

522
00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:18,280
Speaker 2: you and share it with you in a way that

523
00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:23,640
Speaker 2: reduces the negative impact that you'll have. And that's something

524
00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:25,800
Speaker 2: that's was in your control.

525
00:32:26,160 --> 00:32:28,200
Speaker 1: Absolutely down, you hit the nail on the head, and

526
00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:30,200
Speaker 1: that takes us to our third hot topic here, which

527
00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:33,360
Speaker 1: I thought was such a good one, especially considering your

528
00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:37,720
Speaker 1: expertise and industry dom. So let's see this topic is

529
00:32:37,760 --> 00:32:41,600
Speaker 1: just about therapists opening up about client experiences. Nadam, Let's

530
00:32:41,640 --> 00:32:45,400
Speaker 1: tell this story about Sabrina Herring Antoine because this has

531
00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:47,520
Speaker 1: been going by on social media for a couple of

532
00:32:47,520 --> 00:32:50,680
Speaker 1: weeks now, and I thought it was so interesting. And

533
00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:55,360
Speaker 1: basically what happened was Sabrina was chatting with one of

534
00:32:55,360 --> 00:32:57,880
Speaker 1: her clients. She didn't reveal their name or any of

535
00:32:57,920 --> 00:33:00,520
Speaker 1: their information, but she basically said that, yeah, I wish

536
00:33:00,560 --> 00:33:02,400
Speaker 1: I had was one of my clients. And long story short,

537
00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:05,320
Speaker 1: he says, yeah, you're the only woman my wife lets

538
00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:10,120
Speaker 1: me talk to you late at night. And she's like, crickets,

539
00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:12,880
Speaker 1: because wait, we don't talk late at night. But okay,

540
00:33:13,880 --> 00:33:14,720
Speaker 1: you just say number A.

541
00:33:15,360 --> 00:33:15,760
Speaker 2: I did.

542
00:33:16,480 --> 00:33:18,280
Speaker 1: I did, because that's what it's given, right, it's given

543
00:33:18,360 --> 00:33:21,560
Speaker 1: number A. Come on. So he's like, well, I have

544
00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:24,640
Speaker 1: your name stored on my phone as different women that

545
00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:28,040
Speaker 1: I talked to, and she's like hold up and basically

546
00:33:28,080 --> 00:33:29,600
Speaker 1: letting him know you can't do this. And one of

547
00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:32,160
Speaker 1: the things that I thought was very funny that she

548
00:33:32,240 --> 00:33:36,520
Speaker 1: said was she said, one, you don't know what your

549
00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:38,520
Speaker 1: wife is capable of, and you can't be doing that

550
00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:40,240
Speaker 1: to somebody who can't fight because I'm not trying to

551
00:33:40,280 --> 00:33:42,480
Speaker 1: get my license taken and be beat up out here.

552
00:33:42,680 --> 00:33:44,280
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I feel you said, It's like you

553
00:33:44,320 --> 00:33:46,240
Speaker 1: can't be You just can't be doing that because there's

554
00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:48,160
Speaker 1: so many implications that it can really put her in

555
00:33:48,240 --> 00:33:52,120
Speaker 1: danger and put our practice in jeopardy. So, Dom, can

556
00:33:52,160 --> 00:33:54,760
Speaker 1: you just tell us about this from a a therapist

557
00:33:54,840 --> 00:33:56,800
Speaker 1: perspective and add more context on the situation.

558
00:33:59,440 --> 00:34:07,160
Speaker 2: Yes, So, first of all, unless you are in crisis,

559
00:34:08,320 --> 00:34:10,799
Speaker 2: most therapists are not going to be texting with you

560
00:34:10,880 --> 00:34:15,920
Speaker 2: late at night or after hours anyway. So if you

561
00:34:16,000 --> 00:34:20,120
Speaker 2: have a partner out there that is telling you that

562
00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:26,600
Speaker 2: they are texting with their therapists at midnight or one am,

563
00:34:26,719 --> 00:34:29,000
Speaker 2: and they aren't currently in the midst of a mental

564
00:34:29,040 --> 00:34:33,840
Speaker 2: health crisis, let me see the messages.

565
00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:38,120
Speaker 1: Let me call a number and see who is this.

566
00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:41,640
Speaker 2: Can I see what y'all are talking about? Because I

567
00:34:41,760 --> 00:34:44,759
Speaker 2: want to Now let me back up, Really, you don't

568
00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:46,759
Speaker 2: need to be trying to see your person's phone, but

569
00:34:47,480 --> 00:34:51,400
Speaker 2: let's have a conversation about what you're talking about with

570
00:34:51,480 --> 00:34:55,400
Speaker 2: your therapist this late at night, right like, Because unless

571
00:34:55,440 --> 00:35:02,399
Speaker 2: it's a mental health crisis, most therapists ethical moral therapists

572
00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:06,680
Speaker 2: are not going to be texting clients texting and communicating

573
00:35:06,680 --> 00:35:14,520
Speaker 2: with clients at midnight or one am. So there's that, Okay.

574
00:35:15,880 --> 00:35:18,239
Speaker 2: Every therapist has their own set of boundaries and they

575
00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:21,560
Speaker 2: usually communicate that with their clients within the first couple

576
00:35:21,600 --> 00:35:25,520
Speaker 2: of sessions, right, and of what their preference is for communication.

577
00:35:27,480 --> 00:35:29,800
Speaker 2: So that's a conversation you should have with your therapists

578
00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:33,880
Speaker 2: upfront early on what's the method, how are y'all communicating? Right,

579
00:35:35,320 --> 00:35:37,720
Speaker 2: there's that piece of it. But I think the bigger issue,

580
00:35:37,760 --> 00:35:40,800
Speaker 2: the bigger piece of the conversation that has been coming

581
00:35:40,920 --> 00:35:45,440
Speaker 2: up is around the therapists getting on social media and

582
00:35:45,719 --> 00:35:52,400
Speaker 2: sharing the story, right, And some folks have been in

583
00:35:52,440 --> 00:35:56,239
Speaker 2: an uproar about well, you're putting that man's business in

584
00:35:56,280 --> 00:36:01,080
Speaker 2: the streets. So let me step back and let me

585
00:36:01,160 --> 00:36:11,560
Speaker 2: clarify that she did not give any personal identifying information.

586
00:36:13,360 --> 00:36:16,319
Speaker 2: There was no protected health information, just so I can

587
00:36:16,400 --> 00:36:18,919
Speaker 2: be clear for all you medical folks out there who

588
00:36:19,480 --> 00:36:24,440
Speaker 2: are like talking about hippo, there was no protected health

589
00:36:24,480 --> 00:36:30,600
Speaker 2: information that was shared. Okay, So there's that piece of it.

590
00:36:33,080 --> 00:36:38,920
Speaker 2: Then let's be real, Okay, if you are paying attention

591
00:36:39,080 --> 00:36:44,239
Speaker 2: to most therapists social media accounts. They are providing you

592
00:36:44,320 --> 00:36:49,160
Speaker 2: with lots of examples about real life situations and how

593
00:36:49,200 --> 00:36:53,200
Speaker 2: to navigate them. Right, Well, where do y'all think we're

594
00:36:53,239 --> 00:37:02,839
Speaker 2: getting this information from. Most of it is from client experiences.

595
00:37:06,120 --> 00:37:10,440
Speaker 2: And so if the therapist, as long as a therapist

596
00:37:10,480 --> 00:37:13,680
Speaker 2: is not sharing one again, I'm a stress again, protected

597
00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:21,560
Speaker 2: health information and or any identifying information that would let

598
00:37:21,680 --> 00:37:32,160
Speaker 2: you know that, oh, she's over there spreading information about

599
00:37:32,880 --> 00:37:42,160
Speaker 2: Kevin Jones. And we all know because she works in Houston, Texas,

600
00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:50,200
Speaker 2: that Kevin Jones who also lives in Houston, Texas. And

601
00:37:50,280 --> 00:37:52,880
Speaker 2: we just found out that Kevin Jones was cheating on

602
00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:57,040
Speaker 2: his wife using his therapist's name as cold for all

603
00:37:57,160 --> 00:38:00,840
Speaker 2: his women. Then we know, Oh, we done went and

604
00:38:00,880 --> 00:38:03,040
Speaker 2: put the pieces together and figured out that it was

605
00:38:03,320 --> 00:38:05,840
Speaker 2: that this was Kevin Jones that she was talking about.

606
00:38:07,040 --> 00:38:10,239
Speaker 2: First of all, I gave that exaggerated example just to

607
00:38:10,280 --> 00:38:13,320
Speaker 2: be clear because Houston, Texas is like the fourth largest

608
00:38:13,320 --> 00:38:17,440
Speaker 2: city in the country, so and Kevin Jones is a

609
00:38:17,480 --> 00:38:26,799
Speaker 2: common name. So what's the likelihood that the information that

610
00:38:26,880 --> 00:38:31,160
Speaker 2: she's sharing is specifically about the person that you know?

611
00:38:32,640 --> 00:38:36,960
Speaker 2: Chances are you're therapist when they are sharing information on

612
00:38:37,000 --> 00:38:45,000
Speaker 2: social media, they are sharing general information about client experiences,

613
00:38:46,480 --> 00:38:52,200
Speaker 2: and if they give a specific example, oftentimes either one

614
00:38:52,640 --> 00:38:57,920
Speaker 2: they have that client's permission to share that example, or

615
00:38:58,040 --> 00:39:02,960
Speaker 2: two they have pieced together For this one example, they

616
00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:12,000
Speaker 2: have pieced together data points from multiple clients so as

617
00:39:12,040 --> 00:39:17,240
Speaker 2: not to give any one specific client's information.

618
00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:21,960
Speaker 1: Mm hm, that makes sense. It sounds like within what

619
00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:26,080
Speaker 1: you share DOM the considerations would be one, it's okay

620
00:39:26,120 --> 00:39:29,000
Speaker 1: for a therapist to discuss clients in general but not

621
00:39:29,120 --> 00:39:32,319
Speaker 1: be specific, right, Yes, that's something to just keep in mind, because,

622
00:39:32,360 --> 00:39:34,480
Speaker 1: like you said, the comments were going crazy like, oh

623
00:39:34,520 --> 00:39:36,920
Speaker 1: my gosh, she's telling his business and it's like, girl,

624
00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:37,800
Speaker 1: whose business?

625
00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:38,120
Speaker 2: Well?

626
00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:42,080
Speaker 1: Who the man? What's his name? Right then?

627
00:39:42,160 --> 00:39:43,919
Speaker 2: And let me back up and say.

628
00:39:43,760 --> 00:39:46,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, so.

629
00:39:48,120 --> 00:39:52,160
Speaker 2: Y'all are up in arms about this therapist talking about

630
00:39:52,239 --> 00:39:55,400
Speaker 2: Kevin Jones, and we're just going with that name, okay,

631
00:39:56,040 --> 00:39:58,040
Speaker 2: So I don't even know, I don't know what Kevin Jones.

632
00:39:58,080 --> 00:40:01,400
Speaker 2: Were just going with it. So y'all all up in

633
00:40:01,560 --> 00:40:08,520
Speaker 2: arms about this therapist talking about Kevin Jones. But y'all

634
00:40:08,520 --> 00:40:16,600
Speaker 2: readily spread other people's business too, right, And there are

635
00:40:16,680 --> 00:40:22,400
Speaker 2: lots of people who are out here who could benefit

636
00:40:22,760 --> 00:40:27,880
Speaker 2: from the information that that therapist shared in that example

637
00:40:27,960 --> 00:40:36,120
Speaker 2: that she provided that probably again is not about anyone specific,

638
00:40:38,840 --> 00:40:41,919
Speaker 2: And if she's actually putting it out there, it might

639
00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:45,000
Speaker 2: be that she's had multiple clients who have engaged in

640
00:40:45,040 --> 00:40:50,960
Speaker 2: that behavior or something similar and decided to share it.

641
00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:54,279
Speaker 1: That's a good point, Tom, And I'm surprised people are

642
00:40:54,280 --> 00:40:56,120
Speaker 1: not paying well. I guess some people are concerned about

643
00:40:56,160 --> 00:40:59,200
Speaker 1: her safety, because that's forgitiment. You could really have a

644
00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:03,440
Speaker 1: partner who is on their snacks vibe and they're like, oh, okay,

645
00:41:03,360 --> 00:41:05,319
Speaker 1: this is the therapist, let me go find her. It's

646
00:41:05,360 --> 00:41:08,160
Speaker 1: just like you're putting someone else unnecessarily in danger.

647
00:41:08,520 --> 00:41:14,320
Speaker 2: And so I can we we take most therapists, Yeah,

648
00:41:14,440 --> 00:41:21,279
Speaker 2: take confidentiality seriously for sure. So most therapists are not

649
00:41:21,320 --> 00:41:25,000
Speaker 2: going to be out here violating your confidentiality and putting

650
00:41:25,040 --> 00:41:29,239
Speaker 2: out information that could cause harm to you or bring

651
00:41:29,320 --> 00:41:33,480
Speaker 2: harm to them, right exactly. And they're not going to

652
00:41:33,520 --> 00:41:37,600
Speaker 2: be sharing any identifying information. I can't struss that enough

653
00:41:37,680 --> 00:41:41,320
Speaker 2: that we that we are not out here sharing identifying information,

654
00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:45,640
Speaker 2: right And I will say, you know, one consideration then

655
00:41:46,120 --> 00:41:49,359
Speaker 2: is that if your therapist is out here, you find

656
00:41:49,360 --> 00:41:55,120
Speaker 2: your therapist on social media sharing specifics about your unique

657
00:41:55,160 --> 00:42:00,640
Speaker 2: situation and things that you shared in therapy. Then you

658
00:42:00,680 --> 00:42:03,719
Speaker 2: have the right to file a complaint on that therapist,

659
00:42:05,239 --> 00:42:07,480
Speaker 2: and you have a right to find a new therapist.

660
00:42:07,880 --> 00:42:12,799
Speaker 1: Exactly. Question for you, don how would one even go

661
00:42:12,880 --> 00:42:15,360
Speaker 1: about filing a complaint on a therapist? Is there like

662
00:42:15,360 --> 00:42:16,680
Speaker 1: a formalized process for that?

663
00:42:17,480 --> 00:42:22,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, so in every state you have a licensing board,

664
00:42:23,400 --> 00:42:27,680
Speaker 2: and so you know, for most psychologists, I can't speak

665
00:42:27,680 --> 00:42:31,720
Speaker 2: to other professions, but most psychologists there's a X state

666
00:42:32,400 --> 00:42:35,960
Speaker 2: Board of Psychology or something to that effect, right, Like,

667
00:42:36,040 --> 00:42:40,520
Speaker 2: so there is a consumer a consumer affairs board in

668
00:42:40,560 --> 00:42:44,720
Speaker 2: every state where you can file a complaint. The same

669
00:42:45,239 --> 00:42:49,600
Speaker 2: overall state run agency where you can file a complaint

670
00:42:49,600 --> 00:42:55,440
Speaker 2: against your nail tech, your hairdresser, anybody who has a license,

671
00:42:55,480 --> 00:43:02,319
Speaker 2: a state license to operate, your nurse at anybody who

672
00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:08,239
Speaker 2: has a state license to operate. That state license is

673
00:43:08,360 --> 00:43:13,840
Speaker 2: run by a state governing board and they have numbers

674
00:43:13,880 --> 00:43:18,480
Speaker 2: online that you can reach out to to file a complaint.

675
00:43:18,920 --> 00:43:20,480
Speaker 1: Some of y'all may have known that. I did not

676
00:43:20,600 --> 00:43:22,160
Speaker 1: know that, and I'm so glad you share it, don

677
00:43:22,200 --> 00:43:24,640
Speaker 1: because now I can stop going to yelp if I

678
00:43:24,680 --> 00:43:29,600
Speaker 1: have issue license too. That's good to know. And I

679
00:43:29,600 --> 00:43:32,120
Speaker 1: mean you y so people still do yop right, so

680
00:43:32,160 --> 00:43:33,880
Speaker 1: other people know, but like if you really want to

681
00:43:33,880 --> 00:43:36,480
Speaker 1: make a difference, you're the board. I love that. Thank

682
00:43:36,520 --> 00:43:39,200
Speaker 1: you for sharing and letting letting the people know. And

683
00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:41,360
Speaker 1: I don't know if we call this consideration out, but

684
00:43:41,400 --> 00:43:43,440
Speaker 1: I think one of the keys of the story as

685
00:43:43,440 --> 00:43:45,120
Speaker 1: well is like just be honest with your therapist. Like

686
00:43:45,120 --> 00:43:47,160
Speaker 1: it's so important to be honest with your therapist. And

687
00:43:47,200 --> 00:43:48,920
Speaker 1: I feel like you may have mentioned this in either

688
00:43:49,200 --> 00:43:51,879
Speaker 1: the last episode or one episode recently where you were saying,

689
00:43:51,920 --> 00:43:54,280
Speaker 1: how you know you can't help them as a therapist

690
00:43:54,320 --> 00:43:57,080
Speaker 1: if they're not being honest with you about whatever's going on.

691
00:43:57,560 --> 00:43:59,920
Speaker 1: And I know for me, like in being a therapy

692
00:44:00,120 --> 00:44:02,000
Speaker 1: it did take a while to get to those points

693
00:44:02,040 --> 00:44:04,879
Speaker 1: where you felt comfortable enough with this new person to share,

694
00:44:05,320 --> 00:44:08,360
Speaker 1: you know, deep parts of yourself. But that honeste is

695
00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:10,000
Speaker 1: so important. It's like going to the doctor not telling

696
00:44:10,000 --> 00:44:11,480
Speaker 1: them what's going on. It's like, how are they going

697
00:44:11,520 --> 00:44:11,960
Speaker 1: to help you?

698
00:44:13,040 --> 00:44:17,680
Speaker 2: Why? I mean, you know, I've had I've had clients

699
00:44:17,719 --> 00:44:22,399
Speaker 2: that have gone and again I'm being general, not specific, right,

700
00:44:23,440 --> 00:44:30,440
Speaker 2: I have had clients that have gone multiple sessions before

701
00:44:30,719 --> 00:44:38,520
Speaker 2: sharing a very important piece of who they are because

702
00:44:38,560 --> 00:44:47,200
Speaker 2: they needed to feel comfortable in the therapy relationship. In

703
00:44:47,239 --> 00:44:52,000
Speaker 2: most of those cases, I had a sense that there

704
00:44:52,160 --> 00:44:58,759
Speaker 2: was something else that they weren't sharing. But my job

705
00:44:58,800 --> 00:45:00,799
Speaker 2: as a therapist is not to force you to say it.

706
00:45:02,600 --> 00:45:05,040
Speaker 2: But like I mentioned before, like I can only help

707
00:45:05,080 --> 00:45:09,240
Speaker 2: you with what you share with me. And I also

708
00:45:09,440 --> 00:45:13,520
Speaker 2: know that therapy is a very vulnerable space to be in,

709
00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:19,040
Speaker 2: and so I try to make sure that I'm doing

710
00:45:19,160 --> 00:45:22,800
Speaker 2: my job to make clients feel comfortable and safe enough

711
00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:26,799
Speaker 2: to share all of the things that they need to

712
00:45:26,840 --> 00:45:32,960
Speaker 2: share to be honest, and recognizing that part of the

713
00:45:32,960 --> 00:45:35,040
Speaker 2: therapy journey is that that might take some time.

714
00:45:37,160 --> 00:45:40,839
Speaker 1: That makes perfect sense. Well, I guess this concludes our episode. Lady,

715
00:45:40,920 --> 00:45:43,400
Speaker 1: let us know what you think about this hot topics episode.

716
00:45:43,400 --> 00:45:46,480
Speaker 1: We don't really do hot topics or trending topics and

717
00:45:46,520 --> 00:45:49,560
Speaker 1: pop culture all like that. So if you like it,

718
00:45:49,800 --> 00:45:51,600
Speaker 1: let us know. You can still leave us a five

719
00:45:51,640 --> 00:45:53,160
Speaker 1: star review. If you don't like it, just let us

720
00:45:53,160 --> 00:45:54,800
Speaker 1: know in the comments so we can read it. We

721
00:45:55,200 --> 00:45:57,320
Speaker 1: won't mess up the reviews, but we appreciate you for

722
00:45:57,360 --> 00:45:59,200
Speaker 1: tuning in. We're gonna go ahead and head over to

723
00:45:59,200 --> 00:46:01,440
Speaker 1: the after show so you can visit her space podcast

724
00:46:01,520 --> 00:46:03,959
Speaker 1: dot com, click on Patreon and tune into the after

725
00:46:04,000 --> 00:46:06,160
Speaker 1: show where we let our hair down a little bit

726
00:46:06,160 --> 00:46:07,719
Speaker 1: and talking about the episode. I'm going to see if

727
00:46:07,719 --> 00:46:09,799
Speaker 1: I can get some juicy answers out of Don on

728
00:46:09,920 --> 00:46:12,600
Speaker 1: other topics that she feels comfortable sharing, because we are

729
00:46:12,600 --> 00:46:15,960
Speaker 1: all about setting boundaries on the podcast as well, So lady,

730
00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:17,040
Speaker 1: we'll talk to you next week.

731
00:46:17,320 --> 00:46:23,640
Speaker 2: Bye, Thanks for joining us today. Please note that our

732
00:46:23,719 --> 00:46:29,400
Speaker 2: show may contain conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment,

733
00:46:29,920 --> 00:46:33,120
Speaker 2: and mental health, but is by no means meant to

734
00:46:33,160 --> 00:46:37,120
Speaker 2: be a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship with a

735
00:46:37,160 --> 00:46:40,960
Speaker 2: trained mental health provider. If you are someone you know

736
00:46:41,560 --> 00:46:44,520
Speaker 2: is in need of mental health care, please visit a

737
00:46:44,600 --> 00:46:50,000
Speaker 2: Therapy for Black Girls directory Psychology today or contact your

738
00:46:50,000 --> 00:46:50,960
Speaker 2: insurance provider.

739
00:46:51,239 --> 00:46:52,960
Speaker 1: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

740
00:46:53,000 --> 00:46:57,840
Speaker 1: the conversation going, visit our website at herspacepodcast dot com

741
00:46:58,040 --> 00:47:00,279
Speaker 1: and be sure to click the Patreon tab to get

742
00:47:00,320 --> 00:47:04,400
Speaker 1: access to video content bonuses in our weekly after show

743
00:47:05,160 --> 00:47:08,680
Speaker 1: and before we meet again, repeat after me, I am

744
00:47:08,800 --> 00:47:16,240
Speaker 1: worthy of a happy life,