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Speaker 1: Time now for today's Strawberry Letter. And if you need

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Speaker 1: advice on relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting and more. Please

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Speaker 1: submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM dot com and

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Speaker 1: click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your letter

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Speaker 1: live on the air, just like we're going to read

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Speaker 1: this one right here, right now. Bug it up, Hold

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Speaker 1: on tight, We got it for you. Here. It is

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Speaker 1: the Strawberry Letter. Thank you. F subject he wants a baby.

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Speaker 1: He wants a baby, but I need so much more.

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Speaker 1: Dear Stephen Shirley, I'm a thirty three year old woman

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Speaker 1: and I'm dating a thirty five year old man. For

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Speaker 1: some background, we met about three years ago and after

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Speaker 1: dating three years, we are now going on one year

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Speaker 1: of living together. He has a great career, he has

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Speaker 1: no children and he is an only child. I have

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Speaker 1: a great career and I have two teenagers from two

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Speaker 1: previous relationships that I raised as a single mom. For

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Speaker 1: the most part, life is pretty peaceful and full of

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Speaker 1: love between my man and I. The sex is amazing,

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Speaker 1: and he has a great relationship with his kids. The

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Speaker 1: only problem is that now he wants a baby and

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Speaker 1: he brings it up often. It's no secret that he

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Speaker 1: wanted children, and I've always been open to having one

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Speaker 1: or two more with him. I love being a mom,

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Speaker 1: but my terms are as follows. I want to ring,

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Speaker 1: I want my name on his pension and life insurance policy,

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Speaker 1: at least one shared bank account, and a plan for

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Speaker 1: us to move into a bigger house. Right now, his

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Speaker 1: mother is his beneficiary and he shares a savings account

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Speaker 1: with her. I'm not asking for him to remove her

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Speaker 1: totally from everything, and I certainly don't feel like I'm

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Speaker 1: asking for too much. He knows my past and how

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Speaker 1: I trusted men and had babies with them, only to

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Speaker 1: be left alone to do the parenting. He said, my

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Speaker 1: previous experiences have nothing to do with him. Seems to

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Speaker 1: think that I'm jinxing things in some way by setting

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Speaker 1: myself up financially in case we don't work out. I

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Speaker 1: am a warrior and I need things to be in

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Speaker 1: order and organized at all times. So maybe he's right,

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Speaker 1: But I've lived that struggle life and I don't ever

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Speaker 1: want to go back to anything close to that. Am

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Speaker 1: I asking for too much? Or should I be more

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Speaker 1: willing to compromise with him? Oh? My, oh my gosh.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I don't. I don't think you're asking for

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Speaker 1: too much, and I think you're second guessing yourself. I

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Speaker 1: really do. You have every right to want what it

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Speaker 1: is you want, and I love the fact that you're

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Speaker 1: clear about what you want. But babies are not bargaining tools. Okay,

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Speaker 1: this is not a game. Babies are serious business, as

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Speaker 1: you well know, single mom of two, and babies are

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Speaker 1: not to be traded for ringing, a pension plan, a

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Speaker 1: bigger house. What concerns me deeply is that not once

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Speaker 1: did you mention marriage. I mean, why is that? I mean,

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Speaker 1: because making it legal and marrying him would get you

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Speaker 1: those things anyway. The problem is, I think the problem

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Speaker 1: is he doesn't think he has to marry you because

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Speaker 1: you're already playing wife with none of the things that

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Speaker 1: you want. You should already have a ring, a bigger house,

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Speaker 1: a joint bank account, and whatever else you might want

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Speaker 1: as his wife. Okay, that's the difference. You guys have

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Speaker 1: been together long enough for some sort of commitment here

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Speaker 1: three years, and now you've been living together with him

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Speaker 1: for a year, and now he's talking about babies. No.

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Speaker 1: I think he's skipping a few steps here, and I

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Speaker 1: don't think you should allow that to happen when you

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Speaker 1: clearly want more. You say, his mom is his beneficiary

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Speaker 1: and she's shares a bank account. Well maybe he needs

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Speaker 1: to ask his mama for permission or something. Huh Is

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Speaker 1: he a mama's boy along with all this other stuff

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Speaker 1: you got going on, Steve? Ah? Wow, Well, lady, let

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Speaker 1: me help you out a little bit, because I think

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Speaker 1: you're going about this the complete and utter wrong way.

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Speaker 1: I mean, this is how women get jammed up in

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Speaker 1: situations that never find their way in life because they

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Speaker 1: keep going along and they keep letting me and dictate

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Speaker 1: their life. Listen to me, It's okay to compromise and

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Speaker 1: be in a relationship with people. But ladies, I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: remind you again you have every right to know where

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Speaker 1: your life is headed at all times, and you should

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Speaker 1: have a say so in every direction your life is taken.

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Speaker 1: You don't wait on something, dude, So here we go.

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Speaker 1: You've been with this dude one year, y'all living together.

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Speaker 1: He got a great career, he thirty five, great career,

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Speaker 1: no kids, only child, ain't ever been married, thirty five,

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Speaker 1: no kids, great career, ain't ever been married, only child,

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Speaker 1: nw you you had a lot of relationships, I mean

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Speaker 1: a couple of relationships before or no. By the way,

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Speaker 1: his sex is amazing and he got a great relationship

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Speaker 1: with your kids. Okay, cool, But now he wants a

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Speaker 1: baby and that seems to be a problem. But it

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Speaker 1: wasn't a secret that he wanted to cheat kids and

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Speaker 1: you kind of always wanted to have one or two

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Speaker 1: more with him. Okay, cool, y'all got that understanding, And

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Speaker 1: I love being a mom. But my terms are as follows.

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Speaker 1: Number one, I want to ring. Obviously you've never made

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Speaker 1: that a requirement before for having a baby, so congratulations

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Speaker 1: to that. I want my name on his pension, as

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Speaker 1: you should, because if you get a ring, that would

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Speaker 1: make you his wife, so you should be on the

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Speaker 1: pension and life insurance policy as you should. See. This

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Speaker 1: is stuff. This is regular stuff. This is regular stuff.

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Speaker 1: This is not exceptional stuff. This is regular stuff. At

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Speaker 1: least one shared bank account, that's regular stuff. And a

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Speaker 1: plan for us to move into a bigger house. That's

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Speaker 1: called a dream. People have them all the time, that

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Speaker 1: couples get together and make plans. That's nothing wrong with

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Speaker 1: asking for any of that stuff. You're not asking too much.

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Speaker 1: And when I come back, I'm gonna tell you how

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Speaker 1: hang on, Steve. Yeah, we'll have part two of your

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Speaker 1: response coming up at twenty three minutes after he wants

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Speaker 1: a baby, but I need so much more as the subject.

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Speaker 1: We'll be back right after this. You're listening to show,

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Speaker 1: all right, Steve, Come on, let's recap today's Strawberry Letters.

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Speaker 1: Subject he wants a baby, but I need so much more. Well,

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Speaker 1: bless her heart. This thirty three year old woman man

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Speaker 1: to this thirty five year old man, and and they

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Speaker 1: living together, and she got two kids from two previous relationships,

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Speaker 1: and he wants a baby. And it wasn't a secret.

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Speaker 1: He's always wanted the baby. That's fine, and she wants

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Speaker 1: to have one or two with him too. But here's

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Speaker 1: her terms. She number one, walts ane. That's a good term.

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Speaker 1: I'm you know, too bad, you're just not thinking it

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Speaker 1: this one, But that's a that's a good ask. I

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Speaker 1: want my name on this pincheon. If you his wife,

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Speaker 1: that should happen life ensures policy. If you his wife,

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Speaker 1: that should happen at least one shared bank account. If

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Speaker 1: you his wife, that should happen. And I'm playing for

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Speaker 1: us and moving to a bigger house. That's a dream

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Speaker 1: of the vision that should happen right now. Here will

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Speaker 1: go Now, this is what the letter really about. Right now.

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Speaker 1: His mother is his beneficial sha, and she shares a

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Speaker 1: savings account with her. What can't tell you something? I

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Speaker 1: love my mother deally. Of all the people ever been

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Speaker 1: on this planet, I never body like I loved it moment,

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Speaker 1: not my mama. She had a special kind of love.

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Speaker 1: I've been in love more than that. But I ain't

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Speaker 1: never love nobody like I love my mama. Me and

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Speaker 1: my mama didn't never share a bank account, not now time.

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Speaker 1: Oh and the reverence I had for her. We had

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Speaker 1: no bank account, I wasn't an only child. And so

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Speaker 1: a couple of things going on here, and I need

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Speaker 1: you need to pay attention to This is a thirty

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Speaker 1: five year old man, ain't never been married, ain't got

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Speaker 1: no kids, gotta shared bank account with his mama. Hey, hey, hey,

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Speaker 1: this this ain't this ain't add enough real good kind

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Speaker 1: of makes sense? Why he ain't never been married and

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Speaker 1: ain't got no kids right now and he the only child.

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Speaker 1: I'm not asking to remove her totally from everything, And

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Speaker 1: I suddenly don't feel like I'm asking too much. No,

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Speaker 1: you're not. But you got to be in her place.

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Speaker 1: You gotta have the account with your name on it.

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Speaker 1: You got to be the beneficial. He knows my past

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Speaker 1: and how you trusted men and had babies with him,

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Speaker 1: only be left alone due to parent and a lot

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Speaker 1: of women had this to it. He said, my previous

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Speaker 1: experience have nothing to do with him. Now here's where

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Speaker 1: he flipping it on you. He seems to think that

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Speaker 1: I'm jinxing things in some way by setting myself up

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Speaker 1: financially in case we don't work out. I am a

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Speaker 1: worry and I need things to be in order and

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Speaker 1: organized at all time. Well, here's a deal, sister, Like

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Speaker 1: happens with so many women. He ain't stepping up what

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Speaker 1: you're supposed to do, So you're supposed to be unprepared

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Speaker 1: in the event that he don't step up. You're doing

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Speaker 1: what you're supposed to do. You're preparing in the event

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Speaker 1: that it might not work out with this guy. But

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Speaker 1: would why you move in it ain't gonna work out.

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Speaker 1: Why y'all been together three years? You got to start

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Speaker 1: putting your foot down, lady, and start getting some things.

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Speaker 1: This man wants a baby with you. You're not having

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Speaker 1: normal kids without a ring. That's your statement. You're not

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Speaker 1: having normal kids without being somebody's wife. And in order

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Speaker 1: to be his wife, you want your name on the

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Speaker 1: pension and a beneficiary periods. That ain't even a pre

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Speaker 1: numb This is just regular stuff. This is just regular stuff.

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Speaker 1: So stop thinking you asking too much? So maybe he's right,

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Speaker 1: but I've lived that struggle life before and I don't

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Speaker 1: never want to go back to anything closer that. Am

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Speaker 1: I asking too much? And should I be more willing

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Speaker 1: to compromise with him? Let me ask you a question.

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Speaker 1: How much more compromising do you have to do? I mean,

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Speaker 1: you live with him, y'all paying bills together. You don't

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Speaker 1: have an account with him, You ain't a beneficiary of his,

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Speaker 1: You ain't on his pension plan, your name probably ain't

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Speaker 1: on that least that you staying at And now he

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Speaker 1: wants a baby and all you asking for some regular stuff. Lady,

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Speaker 1: stop this. You're not asking for too much? And how

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Speaker 1: much more of a compromise? Let me ask you a question.

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Speaker 1: Here's my next question to you. When is he gonna compromise?

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Speaker 1: When does he have to compromise from you. I think

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Speaker 1: you need to get real assertive legend. I just had

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Speaker 1: a conversation with a lady about this recently. It is amazing, man,

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Speaker 1: how women give up their power of decision to another

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Speaker 1: person when you have the right to be involved in

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Speaker 1: all these decisions. So that's my answer to you. You know,

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Speaker 1: he ain't compromised, he ain't stepped up. You gotta put

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Speaker 1: your foot down to make some demands. He want a baby,

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Speaker 1: I want to I want to be married. Now, I

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Speaker 1: don't want to ring. I want to ring a date

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Speaker 1: and I want to be married. And then we work

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Speaker 1: on having these kids getting married. Stop giving these being

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Speaker 1: everything they won't and then you don't get nothing you want. Right,

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Speaker 1: she has every right to want what she wants. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: she don't have to settle, yea, she has every right, Shirley.

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Speaker 1: And here's a problem, y'all keep doing all these wifey things,

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Speaker 1: y'all building a guy, getting him dressed, cooking, paying bells

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Speaker 1: with him, sharing, sleeping with him, having sex, doing everything

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Speaker 1: he like. You know, all is here, and you ain't

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Speaker 1: getting nothing you won't. You gotta put your foot down, lady,

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Speaker 1: I'm sir, you're checking. Yeah, Yeah, post your comments on

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Speaker 1: today's Strawberry Letters Steve Harvey FM because he's getting ready

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Speaker 1: to go on Instagram and Facebook and check out the

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Speaker 1: Strawberry Letter podcast done demand please coming up it will

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Speaker 1: be our girl from the Talk. You know, we got

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Speaker 1: to hear what Cheryl Underwood has to say. Right after this,

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Speaker 1: you're listening to the Stave Harvey Morning Show