1 00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:05,040 Speaker 1: What's up as lip service. I'm Angela Yee. 2 00:00:05,240 --> 00:00:08,959 Speaker 2: I'm Jazz my brand, Geordie George, I'm a Keen Woods baby. 3 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:11,400 Speaker 3: I'm your favorite doc, doctor Shyan Bryant. 4 00:00:11,080 --> 00:00:12,840 Speaker 1: Doctor Shyan bro I can't first of all, I can't 5 00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:15,840 Speaker 1: believe this is your first time here, because everybody's always like, 6 00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:18,079 Speaker 1: y'all need to get her on lip service. But I 7 00:00:18,079 --> 00:00:20,440 Speaker 1: feel like the timing is good, The timing is right. 8 00:00:20,560 --> 00:00:24,040 Speaker 1: Mental detox, oh man, let go of what's not working 9 00:00:24,120 --> 00:00:27,200 Speaker 1: and build a life that does. We want to do this. 10 00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:29,840 Speaker 1: We want to do this, and I feel like this 11 00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:31,920 Speaker 1: book is going to help us. And I'm so excited 12 00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:33,720 Speaker 1: for you to sit down with us and just kind 13 00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:36,440 Speaker 1: of like, I like how you walk us through things 14 00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:39,520 Speaker 1: firmly and you stand in your truth and make people 15 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:45,040 Speaker 1: mad and you know sometimes and go viral sometimes, you know. 16 00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:50,120 Speaker 1: But that's we're actually here on a friendly terms today. Okay, 17 00:00:50,159 --> 00:00:52,040 Speaker 1: we're not trying to row the people up, but we 18 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:53,680 Speaker 1: are trying to make sure that we dig into some 19 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:57,080 Speaker 1: things that we know are relatable totally absolutely, So let's 20 00:00:57,120 --> 00:00:59,360 Speaker 1: each of us. Let's talk about like just because I 21 00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:02,160 Speaker 1: went at the China and to have like a picture 22 00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:04,400 Speaker 1: of who we are, just so you know when we're 23 00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:07,600 Speaker 1: talking what space we're coming from. So let's start with you, 24 00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:11,600 Speaker 1: miss Jasmine Brand, when it comes to relationships, And how 25 00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:13,080 Speaker 1: would you describe yourself. 26 00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:18,160 Speaker 2: When it comes to romantic relationship? Yes, I would describe myself. 27 00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:19,280 Speaker 2: Why don't you're my friend? 28 00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:20,040 Speaker 4: I don't know. 29 00:01:20,959 --> 00:01:23,320 Speaker 1: And that's exactly how she is in a relationship. 30 00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:26,160 Speaker 3: So when you say crazy, is it like a toxic crazy, 31 00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:29,720 Speaker 3: dysfunctional crazy, or a healthy type of crazy. 32 00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:31,479 Speaker 2: I would hope it's healthy, but I'm kind of. 33 00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:37,040 Speaker 1: I don't know, and help. I can't help you describe yourself. 34 00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:40,520 Speaker 3: I mean, do you show up as a one that's 35 00:01:40,520 --> 00:01:43,039 Speaker 3: toxic and controlling? Are yourself as a one that's more 36 00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:46,520 Speaker 3: like subtle and calm and more submissive? Are you the 37 00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:48,080 Speaker 3: one that's a hybrid where you can be a mix 38 00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:48,760 Speaker 3: between both? 39 00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:54,520 Speaker 1: I'm not too submissive, Jasmine? Want me to give my assessment. 40 00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:55,440 Speaker 2: Of you an agree or disagree? 41 00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:58,440 Speaker 1: Jasmine likes attention, So in order for you to like 42 00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:03,120 Speaker 1: really be with her, she needs like constant like checking in. 43 00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:06,440 Speaker 1: She's also really quick to jump to like the worst 44 00:02:06,440 --> 00:02:12,200 Speaker 1: case scenario and things, and so yeah, you gotta be 45 00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:15,280 Speaker 1: on her and it could be like something really small 46 00:02:15,320 --> 00:02:16,720 Speaker 1: that could really turn her off. 47 00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:18,239 Speaker 4: Yeah, you're a virgo. 48 00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:20,400 Speaker 3: Nope, I'm said, honey, I'm gonna say, you sound a 49 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:24,720 Speaker 3: little bit like me. If you're not checking in too much. 50 00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:26,520 Speaker 3: I'm kind of like you know me too much. I 51 00:02:26,639 --> 00:02:29,280 Speaker 3: like to be hunted. Come get me, come grab me. 52 00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:31,839 Speaker 3: I a would say love me like this, Yes, don't 53 00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:34,400 Speaker 3: love me like that. I can be by myself and 54 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:35,960 Speaker 3: I'm loved over here and I need you up and 55 00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:37,519 Speaker 3: close like love me up in here. 56 00:02:37,720 --> 00:02:42,280 Speaker 1: Yes, yes, the way it sounds like love bombing. 57 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:44,640 Speaker 3: You know what. I love that you said that, because 58 00:02:44,639 --> 00:02:48,120 Speaker 3: there is a thin line between love bombing and a 59 00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:51,680 Speaker 3: healthy way of showing your love and affection and desire 60 00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:54,400 Speaker 3: for somebody. And I do believe that today's society has 61 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:57,919 Speaker 3: taken love bombing, put that title on it, and it's 62 00:02:57,919 --> 00:03:00,919 Speaker 3: really excuse me, my land, which fucked up people are men, 63 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:03,640 Speaker 3: let me say, from chasing and hunting their woman in 64 00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:05,680 Speaker 3: a way that is appropriate and healthy, that tells her 65 00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:08,200 Speaker 3: I want you. And then this is the point at 66 00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:10,320 Speaker 3: where the woman says, I'm desired. Let me turn around 67 00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:13,240 Speaker 3: and be you know, be catchable. I think this whole 68 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:17,600 Speaker 3: culture of love bombing is bad. No, come get me 69 00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:19,480 Speaker 3: the fuck, like do you want me? 70 00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:22,840 Speaker 5: I feel like lovembing is like lately I've heard like love, barmbing, 71 00:03:22,919 --> 00:03:25,480 Speaker 5: and narcissism more. The words I've heard most in the 72 00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:27,400 Speaker 5: last three or four years is I'm like, okay, gird, 73 00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:30,160 Speaker 5: do we all have to the sources? Like that's the 74 00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:32,320 Speaker 5: book that I keep hearing that over and over and over, 75 00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:34,000 Speaker 5: not saying that's not true, but I just keep hearing. 76 00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:35,720 Speaker 2: I feel like you and I talked about this a while, 77 00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:38,360 Speaker 2: Like people like misdiagnose people. So we're saying terms that 78 00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:41,200 Speaker 2: are not actually appropriate or they don't fit and they're 79 00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:43,240 Speaker 2: not accurate, and then you know, we kind of run 80 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:43,520 Speaker 2: with them. 81 00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:44,920 Speaker 6: I think the thing is, you can. 82 00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:49,960 Speaker 3: Have traits of depression, narcissism, any type personality disorder, move 83 00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:52,240 Speaker 3: doesn't mean that you are diagnosed with it. And so 84 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:54,800 Speaker 3: like I'm very careful with saying you are a narcissist 85 00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:58,480 Speaker 3: versus like I see narcissistic traits in you, because traits 86 00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:00,680 Speaker 3: does not mean you are a narcissist, just you have traits. 87 00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:04,160 Speaker 3: And there's almost not one person that doesn't have a 88 00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:07,600 Speaker 3: trait of something in the DSM, which is where we 89 00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:11,440 Speaker 3: the diagnostic manual of where psychiatrists and psychologists diagnose people. 90 00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:12,440 Speaker 4: And if you look. 91 00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:15,520 Speaker 3: Through everything, it's just characteristics that are describing of human behavior, 92 00:04:15,560 --> 00:04:18,039 Speaker 3: and we all have something other human behavior that we 93 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:20,560 Speaker 3: can identify with, Like there are narcissist traits that myself 94 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:24,960 Speaker 3: that I go, WHOA, I'm definitely that ye myself the right. 95 00:04:24,839 --> 00:04:27,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, total, That's how a Ride recently said that he 96 00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:31,919 Speaker 1: was trying to overcome his narcissism like he But it's the. 97 00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:35,000 Speaker 3: Thing, so people in power right mail are female. It 98 00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:39,160 Speaker 3: takes a certain level of confidence on steroids that almost 99 00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:43,800 Speaker 3: mirrors arrogance that then almost mirrors are can mirror narcissisic traits. 100 00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:46,000 Speaker 3: There's no way to be the best of the best 101 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:48,200 Speaker 3: in your industry, in your field and you don't have 102 00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:52,200 Speaker 3: some level of arrogance that can mirror some traits of narcissists. 103 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:54,840 Speaker 3: It's just not possible, right, because it takes a level 104 00:04:54,880 --> 00:05:00,480 Speaker 3: of sense of self right, of selfishness to stand in 105 00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:03,600 Speaker 3: a room and occupy space with big dogs. You can't 106 00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:06,800 Speaker 3: be a king Corso right in a room with other 107 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:09,560 Speaker 3: king Corsos and not feel like I'm the motherfuckering king 108 00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:11,440 Speaker 3: Corso in this room right, not to take from the 109 00:05:11,440 --> 00:05:13,719 Speaker 3: other king Coursols, But I have to stand on my 110 00:05:13,839 --> 00:05:16,680 Speaker 3: dog square too, which can make me look like it's 111 00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:21,160 Speaker 3: a narcissistic persona, but it's really me saying this is 112 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:24,000 Speaker 3: the way I have to survive or thrive in this environment. 113 00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:26,400 Speaker 3: It's impossible to come in tim as a Yorky and go. 114 00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:28,640 Speaker 3: All I can do is bark and there's king Corsos around, 115 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:31,400 Speaker 3: and I'm gonna give everybody else the crown. It's like, yo, 116 00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:32,719 Speaker 3: I'm here to get mines too. 117 00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:33,479 Speaker 1: Yeah, you got it. 118 00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:35,760 Speaker 4: So is there such a thing as healthy narcissism? 119 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:39,240 Speaker 3: So I don't think there's a healthy narcissism. I think 120 00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:43,760 Speaker 3: certain traits, when used in particular environments, can assist or 121 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:47,240 Speaker 3: aid in that particular goal. I think in a relationship 122 00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:51,560 Speaker 3: where there's love and reciprocity, narcissism is never healthy. I 123 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:56,040 Speaker 3: think when you're talking about in a transactional space like business, 124 00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:59,360 Speaker 3: right in the boardroom, some of those traits where you 125 00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:02,760 Speaker 3: are very dominant, right or dogmatic, or you can come 126 00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:05,200 Speaker 3: in and demand and command your presence in a room 127 00:06:05,279 --> 00:06:07,080 Speaker 3: to get the deal done, that's when. 128 00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:07,479 Speaker 4: It does work. 129 00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:09,560 Speaker 3: Yeah, and if you think about it, those people have 130 00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:11,719 Speaker 3: to be hybrids. Like I'm a hybrid. When I'm in 131 00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:14,000 Speaker 3: the boardroom, I'm the president of the biggest civils organization 132 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:15,960 Speaker 3: in the world, INAACP. I am one of the most 133 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,600 Speaker 3: south out psychology experts in the world right now, my 134 00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:24,240 Speaker 3: first gay. And when I'm in that space, i am dominant. 135 00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:26,960 Speaker 3: I am muscle, and I'm not going back down. I 136 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:29,200 Speaker 3: am the cane of the cane coursos. It is what 137 00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:31,880 Speaker 3: it is. Doesn't mean I won't crown y'all though, doesn't 138 00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:34,440 Speaker 3: mean I'm gatekeeping. But when I go home to my partner, 139 00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:36,760 Speaker 3: I am soft, I am loving. I am what do 140 00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:39,800 Speaker 3: you need, daddy? I am extremely submissive. I actually love 141 00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:42,440 Speaker 3: being submissive. Submissive is my love language. So I'm not 142 00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:44,680 Speaker 3: submitting to you because it does something for you. I'm 143 00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:47,160 Speaker 3: submitting to you because it turns me on, right. But 144 00:06:47,279 --> 00:06:49,880 Speaker 3: that's a hybrid. But if I go into the boardroom 145 00:06:50,279 --> 00:06:53,000 Speaker 3: or a nice conversation or on my talk show True Talks, 146 00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:54,719 Speaker 3: and I'm just like, I'm just here, what do you 147 00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:56,760 Speaker 3: guys need? And I'll just roll over for you, That's 148 00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:58,400 Speaker 3: just not gonna work. When a gang of dogs and 149 00:06:58,400 --> 00:06:59,839 Speaker 3: pit bulls who's looking for some red meat. 150 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:04,280 Speaker 1: Doesn't work like that. Oh see So with that, Jasmine, 151 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:07,720 Speaker 1: do you feel like really accurately. 152 00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:10,920 Speaker 2: Yes, I think I do. Yeah, I think I do 153 00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:14,679 Speaker 2: want someone on me, and I do jump to conclusions 154 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:16,960 Speaker 2: and yeah that's how I'm gonna. 155 00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:17,280 Speaker 1: Can I. 156 00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:20,720 Speaker 3: Can I kind of like dig dig at what that 157 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:23,480 Speaker 3: is a little bit so no, because I've been there before. 158 00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:29,680 Speaker 3: What you're describing are characteristics of anxious attachment. So secure 159 00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:33,040 Speaker 3: attachment is where everybody is supposed to be. And I 160 00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:34,760 Speaker 3: do the air quotes because it's like I don't like 161 00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:36,400 Speaker 3: to say supposed to write. I think we all should 162 00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:38,280 Speaker 3: be where we need to be, depending on the season 163 00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:40,440 Speaker 3: and the propyness of our healthiness and the trauma that 164 00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:43,560 Speaker 3: we work through. But anxious attachment is where you need 165 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:46,360 Speaker 3: someone to constantly be attached, plugged in and fuse to you. 166 00:07:46,440 --> 00:07:49,840 Speaker 3: And it stems from abandonment and neglect, right, and so 167 00:07:50,360 --> 00:07:52,640 Speaker 3: as we become a doll, so a little girl or boy, 168 00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:55,680 Speaker 3: and us is like, yo, I'm still abandoned. You may 169 00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:57,520 Speaker 3: be okay as in a woman, but I'm still abandoned. 170 00:07:57,600 --> 00:07:59,400 Speaker 3: I need you to stay plugged into me the whole time. 171 00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:02,400 Speaker 3: Because a moment I feel unplugged, I feel like you're 172 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,520 Speaker 3: not there. Even if you're in the room with me 173 00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:07,760 Speaker 3: physically there, if emotionally you're unplugged, you ain't fucking here. 174 00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:09,880 Speaker 3: And my abandonment can go in flame. And then I 175 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:12,600 Speaker 3: go into assumption, and now I go into overthinking, and 176 00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:14,560 Speaker 3: now we have a problem, and tok city is going 177 00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:17,360 Speaker 3: to inflame. And at that point I may shut down, 178 00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:20,520 Speaker 3: I may withdraw, I may even sabotage this because working 179 00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:24,000 Speaker 3: formally right, because what happens is she gets uncomfortable in 180 00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:27,240 Speaker 3: certain emotion. The emotion that's just that's uncomfortable for her 181 00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:29,720 Speaker 3: is that abandonment emotion because she hasn't worked through it 182 00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:32,559 Speaker 3: all the way and she's had to fight in that abandonment. 183 00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:35,760 Speaker 1: And the other thing is, yeah, I will also say 184 00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:38,920 Speaker 1: that it's hard for you to like commit to saying 185 00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:41,040 Speaker 1: this is my boyfriend. 186 00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:44,240 Speaker 3: But you know why, you know why because she doesn't 187 00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:46,240 Speaker 3: want to every she doesn't ever want to have to 188 00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:49,480 Speaker 3: say it is no longer my boyfriend, it is no 189 00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:52,600 Speaker 3: longer my husband. Because that's also that's also a form 190 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:55,240 Speaker 3: of abandonment. Like a lot of us won't get into 191 00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:58,120 Speaker 3: something that we are too afraid to fucking lose. Like 192 00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:00,719 Speaker 3: we're just knocked. I'm saying I've been there. I'm like, yo, look, 193 00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:03,880 Speaker 3: I'd rather just keep it, you know something that's easy 194 00:09:03,880 --> 00:09:05,880 Speaker 3: for my emotions to deal with. 195 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:07,439 Speaker 4: Yeah. 196 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:10,760 Speaker 3: Absolutely, But this is where it becomes when do you 197 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:13,360 Speaker 3: give yourself the real chance, an opportunity to be loved 198 00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:15,880 Speaker 3: and to be in love and to fully feel what 199 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:16,280 Speaker 3: that is. 200 00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:18,439 Speaker 1: This is not this is not the episode I wanted to. 201 00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:25,880 Speaker 4: Surprise, surprised. 202 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:29,959 Speaker 1: I came for a second. I think who's by the way, 203 00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:31,280 Speaker 1: never had a boyfriend? 204 00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:32,000 Speaker 6: Never? 205 00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:35,559 Speaker 1: You came out at twenty five, twenty five years old, 206 00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:38,280 Speaker 1: and he's thirty five. Now, I've never been in a 207 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:39,360 Speaker 1: relationship though. 208 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:41,800 Speaker 3: Hold on, hold on, hold on. Got a question and 209 00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:46,480 Speaker 3: live if you never had a boyfriend, have you had 210 00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:47,000 Speaker 3: a girlfriend? 211 00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:47,240 Speaker 6: No? 212 00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:48,559 Speaker 3: Okay, hold on, hold on, So you never had a 213 00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:50,760 Speaker 3: boyfriend or a girlfriend, So what is your preference? 214 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:52,880 Speaker 6: Imayd I've had a lot of sex. 215 00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:55,560 Speaker 3: Okay, Okay, God, that's when I was going, okay, I 216 00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:57,719 Speaker 3: was gonna say, you never had those experiences, right, how 217 00:09:57,720 --> 00:09:59,440 Speaker 3: do we know what you like? Okay? 218 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:03,280 Speaker 1: I'm and I tried to challenge him. I tried to 219 00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:06,719 Speaker 1: challenge him today to actually date and not sleep with 220 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:07,679 Speaker 1: somebody right away. 221 00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:10,160 Speaker 3: It went how long did you go? 222 00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:12,040 Speaker 6: First of all? Like a few days? 223 00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:16,080 Speaker 5: But you know, the problem was she told me I 224 00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:17,560 Speaker 5: was talking to this guy, and she was like, oh, 225 00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:20,800 Speaker 5: don't sleep on the first day. Specifically, if I'm interested 226 00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:24,520 Speaker 5: in someone, I'm just like it. And I took her advice, 227 00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:26,240 Speaker 5: so I'm like, okay, let me give it away. But 228 00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:29,720 Speaker 5: now to she kind of sucked it up because he 229 00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:31,520 Speaker 5: thought I wasn't interested. 230 00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:32,960 Speaker 1: Because you didn't sleep with him right away for her 231 00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:33,440 Speaker 1: first day. 232 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:36,000 Speaker 5: And then we ended up well, actually ended up moving 233 00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:37,160 Speaker 5: that life, so it didn't matter anyway. 234 00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:42,280 Speaker 3: But got a question. So over sexualization, right, that is 235 00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:46,280 Speaker 3: just it's it's a it's a result of you over 236 00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:49,959 Speaker 3: compensating for something that's lacking. So what are you overcompensating 237 00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:54,760 Speaker 3: for through your expression of being over sexualized? 238 00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:57,600 Speaker 6: What do you mean so you're having a. 239 00:10:57,559 --> 00:11:00,240 Speaker 5: Whole lot of sex, not lately, but like you have, 240 00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:02,319 Speaker 5: I've had a lot of sex in my life. 241 00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:05,880 Speaker 3: Yes, that's a transactional, baby. What do you mean transactional? 242 00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:08,760 Speaker 3: What about you want me to be blunt? Your penis 243 00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:12,240 Speaker 3: is in someone's mouth or okay, thank you? Yeah, So 244 00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:15,679 Speaker 3: that's a transaction. If I sleep with this woman just 245 00:11:15,679 --> 00:11:19,120 Speaker 3: for an orgasm, but no emotional attachment, no marriage, no 246 00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:23,240 Speaker 3: futuristic plans, this is a transaction. We come and then 247 00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:26,400 Speaker 3: we go, and then we come back again to come again, 248 00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:29,959 Speaker 3: and then we go to be done. That's transactional. That 249 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:34,000 Speaker 3: means that in the relational space, you are lacking something 250 00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:36,880 Speaker 3: that you're over compensating for because you are being super 251 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:38,080 Speaker 3: hyper transactional. 252 00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:43,360 Speaker 5: I think that for I think the beginning of it was, uh, 253 00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:45,080 Speaker 5: because I didn't come out to her late in life, 254 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:45,719 Speaker 5: like twenty five. 255 00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:47,280 Speaker 6: Yeah, so I think that's why. 256 00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:50,000 Speaker 5: But I think the reason why for why was it 257 00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:53,760 Speaker 5: just sex and then leaving is I have always been 258 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:57,440 Speaker 5: kind of just like a worker, harlic I'm a comedian 259 00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:01,080 Speaker 5: and I wasn't really trying to a comedian. 260 00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:05,600 Speaker 3: Yeah, so you're really overcompensate. I love. 261 00:12:06,360 --> 00:12:07,440 Speaker 6: Yeah, I got a lot of trauma. 262 00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:11,920 Speaker 3: So I want to thank you first for being transparent 263 00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:14,240 Speaker 3: and being real about it, because so many people go 264 00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:17,679 Speaker 3: into denial and they personalize lot of trauma. No, but 265 00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:19,080 Speaker 3: thank you for doing welcome. 266 00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:20,800 Speaker 6: I talk about it on stage. I have a lot 267 00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:21,200 Speaker 6: of trauma. 268 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:22,880 Speaker 3: But are you talking about the root of what the 269 00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:23,760 Speaker 3: trauma really. 270 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:26,600 Speaker 6: Is in my new hour, Yeah, what is it? 271 00:12:27,679 --> 00:12:30,079 Speaker 5: I was adopted, I grew up in foster care. My 272 00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:34,560 Speaker 5: biological mom died. Unfortunately it was a long time ago, 273 00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:37,040 Speaker 5: like ten years ago. Now, she died before I came out. 274 00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:38,600 Speaker 5: I have a joke that I did about her on 275 00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:40,840 Speaker 5: Late Night, but like that was a big deal for me. 276 00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:43,480 Speaker 5: A lot of stuff like in that realm. So then 277 00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:47,000 Speaker 5: I think all gay people have trauma. 278 00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:49,760 Speaker 3: Let me correct you though, because I just I do. 279 00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:54,280 Speaker 3: Because what I'm not going to do is I'm not 280 00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:58,400 Speaker 3: going to align with gay people have trauma. What I'm 281 00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:01,959 Speaker 3: going to align with is people all people have trauma, yes, 282 00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:05,000 Speaker 3: because I don't want to make it a gay thing, heterosexual, 283 00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:08,560 Speaker 3: gay people, whatever your preference is. I think all humans 284 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:10,679 Speaker 3: have trauma. When I do think the black community has 285 00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:13,520 Speaker 3: a very different cultural trauma. Well, you have to have 286 00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:15,679 Speaker 3: a culture competence to understand. Now I will say this, 287 00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:21,680 Speaker 3: does gay trauma look different than maybe heterosexual trauma? 288 00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:22,600 Speaker 1: Or like, I. 289 00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:25,360 Speaker 5: Think all gay people have similar trauma because we all 290 00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:29,480 Speaker 5: have to. I grew up in the nineties, so we 291 00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:32,280 Speaker 5: all have to have two versions of ourselves. The closetive 292 00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:34,160 Speaker 5: version got it and then the version of we came 293 00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:34,720 Speaker 5: out or whatever. 294 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:35,960 Speaker 3: So let's say it looks different. 295 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:37,959 Speaker 6: Correct, perfect, Okay, So that's the trauma I think. 296 00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:40,520 Speaker 5: I think we have similar trauma in that aspect, Like 297 00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:42,000 Speaker 5: we all have to be two separate people. 298 00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:44,920 Speaker 3: Talk about the split, talk about who you're in closet 299 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:47,640 Speaker 3: gay person is, and talk about who your out closet 300 00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:50,280 Speaker 3: gay person is. Give me him, give me to You 301 00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:51,080 Speaker 3: just said there's a split. 302 00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:52,840 Speaker 5: Give I think because when I was when I was 303 00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:56,200 Speaker 5: in the closet, I was very I was very I 304 00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:58,439 Speaker 5: didn't dress I dressed very straight. 305 00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:00,520 Speaker 6: I didn't I was trying to. 306 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:03,560 Speaker 5: My inflection was different, my talking was different, my manners, 307 00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:05,520 Speaker 5: everything was different because I was trying to portray I 308 00:14:05,559 --> 00:14:06,480 Speaker 5: didn't want to be too femine. 309 00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:07,040 Speaker 6: I didn't want to be. 310 00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:09,360 Speaker 5: I used to talk about this. I didn't take theater 311 00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:11,040 Speaker 5: in high school because I didn't want people to think 312 00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:12,160 Speaker 5: I was gay. Wow. 313 00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:14,280 Speaker 6: Yeah, so I took RGC, which is just a gay 314 00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:19,000 Speaker 6: but exactly about muscles. 315 00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:21,800 Speaker 5: I was like, oh, but like, I didn't do a 316 00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:23,920 Speaker 5: lot of things that I wish I would have done 317 00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:26,760 Speaker 5: because I didn't want to be perceived as gay. 318 00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:28,800 Speaker 6: So I did all of the macho things. 319 00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:31,680 Speaker 5: So that was me from I knew I was gay 320 00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:34,000 Speaker 5: since fourth grade, So from fourth grade when. 321 00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:37,440 Speaker 3: You were overcompensating then yeah, from fourth grade to twenty five. 322 00:14:38,360 --> 00:14:42,520 Speaker 6: In fourth grade to twenty five, yeah, I was. It 323 00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:42,880 Speaker 6: was bad. 324 00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:45,920 Speaker 5: I used to like I used to watch, like put 325 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:48,360 Speaker 5: straight porn in my shirt's history. 326 00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:49,080 Speaker 6: Just so people. 327 00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:51,760 Speaker 5: So if anyone fought my phone and they see, they're 328 00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:52,280 Speaker 5: going to think. 329 00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:55,000 Speaker 3: That I think you're Yeah, but you know what else 330 00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:58,440 Speaker 3: that is? That is a huge identity crisis. 331 00:14:59,000 --> 00:14:59,240 Speaker 6: Yeah. 332 00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:03,160 Speaker 3: Yeah, So with that, who do you identify with now? 333 00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:03,320 Speaker 2: Like? 334 00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:04,160 Speaker 3: Who are you today? 335 00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:05,560 Speaker 6: I'm just me? 336 00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:06,640 Speaker 3: I think what is me? 337 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:11,040 Speaker 5: I'm funny, I'm I'm openly gay, I'm charismatic, I'm loud, 338 00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:12,320 Speaker 5: I'm very opinionated. 339 00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:15,720 Speaker 3: What what are still some of the narratives you tell 340 00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:18,560 Speaker 3: yourself about being gay and being gay black man? 341 00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:25,720 Speaker 5: I think sometimes to this day, I'm still not I 342 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:30,200 Speaker 5: try to be more masculine, like it's femin like fem 343 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:31,840 Speaker 5: gay dudes have. 344 00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:33,760 Speaker 6: It just rougher in society. 345 00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:37,840 Speaker 5: So I feel like sometimes I'm less because I think 346 00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:40,080 Speaker 5: I'm I'm I don't think I'm massulin femine. I think 347 00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:41,520 Speaker 5: I'm very much in the middle of but I think 348 00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:44,560 Speaker 5: sometimes I try to play more masculine. 349 00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:46,680 Speaker 3: What would be the payoff for that? 350 00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:51,160 Speaker 1: I think you do that to make other people comfortable 351 00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:55,520 Speaker 1: also comfortably yes, yeah, like I noticed, like if Mano 352 00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:55,920 Speaker 1: is there? 353 00:15:56,160 --> 00:15:58,120 Speaker 6: Yeah, well like not anymore, but I used. 354 00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:00,920 Speaker 1: To you would like I was like, are you straight now? 355 00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:05,960 Speaker 1: Because but I think that is like a way of 356 00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:08,000 Speaker 1: making someone else feel comfortable. 357 00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:09,600 Speaker 5: I used to do it on stage too. I don't 358 00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:11,640 Speaker 5: do it on stage anymore. I used to do on stage, though, 359 00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:12,480 Speaker 5: I used to know. 360 00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:13,280 Speaker 3: That people pleasing. 361 00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:14,920 Speaker 6: Correct, Yes, I. 362 00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:16,840 Speaker 1: Did that for we met you you were coming from 363 00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:20,840 Speaker 1: a gay cruise. I know we met, Yeah, he got 364 00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:22,560 Speaker 1: on stage like, I'm late, sorry, guys, I was on 365 00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:29,320 Speaker 1: a gay cruise. Yeah, you know what you're thinking. There's 366 00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:31,880 Speaker 1: an exercise in here for you, because I also because 367 00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:33,680 Speaker 1: I came. I don't know what you're looking for. But 368 00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:38,000 Speaker 1: there's this ideal partner part of the book on page 369 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:41,120 Speaker 1: one eight one where you can write down the qualities 370 00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:43,080 Speaker 1: that you're looking for. And I'm mate, this is your book. 371 00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:45,160 Speaker 1: So I'm over here. 372 00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:49,720 Speaker 3: That one is yours. 373 00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:52,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, full of the pages. Oh I see this okay, yeah, 374 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:54,560 Speaker 1: And so I think this would be a good exercise 375 00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:57,280 Speaker 1: because I don't really know, Like, I don't know if 376 00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:58,800 Speaker 1: you want to be in a relationship. 377 00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:01,000 Speaker 6: I feel like you just don't. My thing is. 378 00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:04,480 Speaker 5: The only issue is I don't feel like and this 379 00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:07,280 Speaker 5: is my problem. I'm not in the gay scene because 380 00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:10,600 Speaker 5: comedy is so straight dominated. Most of my friends are 381 00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:12,919 Speaker 5: comedians and it's almostly straight man. 382 00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:14,600 Speaker 6: So I'm in a from what you know? 383 00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:19,960 Speaker 1: Correct, I mean, girl, yes, seeing you hang out with 384 00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:20,720 Speaker 1: gay people. 385 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:24,320 Speaker 5: I don't be in that realm and that. 386 00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:27,000 Speaker 3: But hold on, I gotta say this though, because a 387 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:30,159 Speaker 3: lot of the people that were saying are heterosexual are straight. 388 00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:32,159 Speaker 3: A lot of them are in the closet. We're not 389 00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:34,119 Speaker 3: gonna play that game right now, so we're not going 390 00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:36,840 Speaker 3: to act like, you know, the comedy world is a 391 00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:40,239 Speaker 3: more heterosexual industry because hold on, you got a lot 392 00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:42,160 Speaker 3: of folks who were where you were at some point 393 00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:43,040 Speaker 3: in the closet. 394 00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:46,600 Speaker 5: But it's still from the framework, it's more heterosexual because yes, 395 00:17:47,359 --> 00:17:47,800 Speaker 5: the gay. 396 00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:50,600 Speaker 1: People, he hasn't gotten a gig because they said he's 397 00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:51,040 Speaker 1: too gay. 398 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:56,280 Speaker 6: Correct, yeah, egos, yeah that too gay. We don't feel 399 00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:58,399 Speaker 6: comfortable blah blah blah. I've gotten that numerous times. 400 00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:02,320 Speaker 3: TV show discrimination discrimination totally. 401 00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:05,359 Speaker 6: So I feel like I wish I was more active 402 00:18:05,359 --> 00:18:06,080 Speaker 6: in the gay space. 403 00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:08,520 Speaker 5: And I think another drawback is I don't not to 404 00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:11,000 Speaker 5: say that our gay people drink and do drugs and party, 405 00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:13,800 Speaker 5: but that is a scene and I've never drink in 406 00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:15,800 Speaker 5: my life, and I just I've never been interested in 407 00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:18,639 Speaker 5: that type ofode okay, and then the sporty games that 408 00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:20,119 Speaker 5: are like super Rip and fit and I just like 409 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:21,600 Speaker 5: Kate go Back and it's. 410 00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:23,600 Speaker 3: On a relationship. And I want to hear this because 411 00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:27,280 Speaker 3: what I'm picking up is that you want it, but 412 00:18:27,359 --> 00:18:30,639 Speaker 3: you do not have the tools or any ideology of 413 00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:34,760 Speaker 3: how to be in a relationship relationally correct. 414 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:37,560 Speaker 6: I want it, but I don't know the where. I 415 00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:38,560 Speaker 6: don't know how to get it. 416 00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:42,080 Speaker 5: And I also I don't know if I'm even gonna 417 00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:45,000 Speaker 5: I'm not pursuing it, really, but I'm an opposed to it. 418 00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:49,240 Speaker 3: But you're not pursuing it because of the uncertainty of it. 419 00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:52,240 Speaker 5: And which I don't know how to navigate. I still 420 00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:54,880 Speaker 5: don't know how to navigate the world of like going 421 00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:55,840 Speaker 5: out and meeting gay people. 422 00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:57,359 Speaker 6: Right, asking is how did. 423 00:18:57,240 --> 00:19:00,600 Speaker 3: You learn to navigate the over sexualized transactional world. 424 00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:03,480 Speaker 1: Oh, because this is apps such, sex is easy, he'd 425 00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:06,879 Speaker 1: be on the maps jacket when you've started, When you 426 00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:10,040 Speaker 1: first started, right, and you didn't know how to be 427 00:19:10,119 --> 00:19:12,360 Speaker 1: with another man, You didn't know how to be transactional, 428 00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:14,600 Speaker 1: you didn't know how to be over sexualized. 429 00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:16,879 Speaker 3: Take me there? When it first started? How did you 430 00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:18,160 Speaker 3: learn how to become that? 431 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:21,560 Speaker 6: I think it's sex and sex? Do you mean, like, 432 00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:23,160 Speaker 6: how do I learn how to be sexual? 433 00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:25,159 Speaker 3: How did you learn how to be transactional? How did 434 00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:28,800 Speaker 3: you learn how to be able to just penetrate and 435 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,000 Speaker 3: and and and get on? How did you learn? 436 00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:32,360 Speaker 5: I think I think sex for me, not all the time, 437 00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:34,240 Speaker 5: but a lot of times it's always just been we're 438 00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:37,240 Speaker 5: having fun and then we're but but it's because I 439 00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:39,560 Speaker 5: started having sex when I was in the closet. So 440 00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:41,359 Speaker 5: when I was having sex in the closet, it was 441 00:19:41,359 --> 00:19:44,200 Speaker 5: all transactional. Because I'm in the closet. We're not walking, 442 00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:47,280 Speaker 5: we're not holding hands, not going out, we're doing the secret. 443 00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:49,760 Speaker 5: You're gonna go back home to your whatever. I'm going 444 00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:53,199 Speaker 5: to continue on being straight. Right, So I think it 445 00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:55,600 Speaker 5: started there, and if it starts there, it's easy to 446 00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:56,400 Speaker 5: keep it going there. 447 00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:58,320 Speaker 3: There you go, this is what I'm getting at. Okay, 448 00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:01,040 Speaker 3: how you just said it started the I mean it 449 00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:03,960 Speaker 3: had to start somewhere. There was a point a to 450 00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:08,119 Speaker 3: your introduction to sex with the same sex period. You 451 00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:09,760 Speaker 3: weren't you didn't just come out of the wound and 452 00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:12,560 Speaker 3: you're just like screwing another boy and you're freaking one month. Oh, 453 00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:14,919 Speaker 3: there was a starting point of that. Just like you 454 00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:17,720 Speaker 3: started to learn and understand how to be transactional, how 455 00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:20,840 Speaker 3: to be over sexualized with other partners, you can also 456 00:20:21,119 --> 00:20:23,560 Speaker 3: start learning how to be relational, which means you put 457 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:26,399 Speaker 3: yourself out there. You take the risk of talking and 458 00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:29,359 Speaker 3: speaking and socializing and being vulnerable enough to be like, look, 459 00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:31,760 Speaker 3: I've been very transactional my whole life. You don't have 460 00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:35,120 Speaker 3: to say I've been just fucking. But this is the thing, 461 00:20:35,119 --> 00:20:37,119 Speaker 3: and I'm saying is because as an abandoned little girl 462 00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:39,119 Speaker 3: who grew up to be an abandoned woman, I have 463 00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:41,760 Speaker 3: this very raw conversation with the folks i've dated. My 464 00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:43,680 Speaker 3: ex fiance I was with when he first told me 465 00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:46,000 Speaker 3: across the dinner table we were having sushi, that he 466 00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:47,639 Speaker 3: wanted me to be as woman. I said, I would 467 00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:50,520 Speaker 3: love to. However, I'm an abandoned woman, and let me 468 00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:52,520 Speaker 3: tell you what she looks like and how she shows up. 469 00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:54,280 Speaker 3: And after you hear that, then you can choose to 470 00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:55,960 Speaker 3: be with me steal or choose to want to be 471 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:57,320 Speaker 3: with me, because you're gonna have to deal with her 472 00:20:57,320 --> 00:21:00,199 Speaker 3: ass too, because what I don't do is compartmentalize to 473 00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:02,480 Speaker 3: need you to help me facilitate the little girl on 474 00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:04,919 Speaker 3: me who comes up and she is a motherfucker. So 475 00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:07,840 Speaker 3: if you can help me facilitate that, we can move forward. 476 00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:11,359 Speaker 3: And he said, sign me up. So what I'm saying 477 00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:13,399 Speaker 3: to you is you have to gain a sense of 478 00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:16,359 Speaker 3: self of saying, listen, this is where I know what 479 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:19,040 Speaker 3: I'm doing at. It's transactional. I don't know what the 480 00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:20,919 Speaker 3: hell going on this relational space. I know that I 481 00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:22,760 Speaker 3: like you, I know that I want to try something. 482 00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:24,920 Speaker 3: I want a date, I actually want love. At some point, 483 00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:27,080 Speaker 3: I may want a family, but I don't know how 484 00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:28,840 Speaker 3: to do this part. Do you know how to do it? 485 00:21:29,119 --> 00:21:32,240 Speaker 3: And if so, can we do this together? That's vulnerability, 486 00:21:32,359 --> 00:21:35,680 Speaker 3: that's emotional intelligence, that's maturity, and that's how you start 487 00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:39,680 Speaker 3: to curate relationships outside of just being transactional. Because relationship 488 00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:43,280 Speaker 3: foundation is all about vulnerability. But vulnerability only comes from 489 00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:44,920 Speaker 3: knowing who the hell you are, which is a sense 490 00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:47,520 Speaker 3: of self. I have to know what the little girl 491 00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:49,240 Speaker 3: on me is capable of doing, and what the woman 492 00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:51,960 Speaker 3: in me needs. And like Jasmine, the woman in me 493 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:54,440 Speaker 3: and the little girl on me needs someone who's gonna 494 00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:57,120 Speaker 3: attach to me like a fucking pigs in a blanket 495 00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:58,920 Speaker 3: and let me explain something to you. I'm not embarrassed 496 00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:01,000 Speaker 3: about it. I stand on it because if you can't 497 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:03,200 Speaker 3: do it, you ain't for me. So the person who 498 00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:07,000 Speaker 3: I'm dating, they are calling and checking in and facetiming 499 00:22:07,119 --> 00:22:09,680 Speaker 3: all day. I always say, I rather tell you, baby, 500 00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:11,960 Speaker 3: can you pipe down a little bit? Then we have 501 00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:15,639 Speaker 3: to say step it up where you at? If I 502 00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:18,120 Speaker 3: got to tap to say where you at? You are 503 00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:22,160 Speaker 3: inflaming the little girl who is abandoning me. And your 504 00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:25,120 Speaker 3: job as my partner is to help me help her 505 00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:27,480 Speaker 3: stay calm. And my job as your partner is to 506 00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:31,280 Speaker 3: help you with your trauma or your inadequacies. Being a 507 00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:34,479 Speaker 3: place of healthiness, then we create a healthy bond and 508 00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:36,800 Speaker 3: not a trauma bond. See, people are bonding at trauma 509 00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:39,440 Speaker 3: because they're not coming putting the trauma on the table saying, baby, 510 00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:43,000 Speaker 3: look this is my trauma, where's yours. Okay, let's figure 511 00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:44,560 Speaker 3: out how we can help each other get through that. 512 00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:47,840 Speaker 3: So we're healing. They're leading with their trauma. So my 513 00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:50,399 Speaker 3: trauma is choosing your trauma. And now we're bonding. And 514 00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:53,439 Speaker 3: trauma has to be fed trauma to stay alive. And 515 00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:55,040 Speaker 3: so the whole time I'm with you are trauma is 516 00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:57,680 Speaker 3: just gonna continue to feed each other because it got 517 00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:00,280 Speaker 3: to stay alive. Because once we decipate our trauma does 518 00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:02,760 Speaker 3: our heels self even like each other. That's when people 519 00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:05,040 Speaker 3: say we grew apart. No, you didn't grew apart. Your 520 00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:07,879 Speaker 3: trauma bond failed. Your trauma bond is now healthy. The 521 00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:10,400 Speaker 3: trauma ain't bonding no more. Your feeding stations are now 522 00:23:11,359 --> 00:23:14,760 Speaker 3: in a depth. There's no nothing else to feed because 523 00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:16,439 Speaker 3: if my trauma leaves and that's all your feed and 524 00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:18,120 Speaker 3: we have nothing else here, just like if the sex 525 00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:20,280 Speaker 3: leaves and that's all we're doing, there's nothing here to 526 00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:21,480 Speaker 3: sustain this relationship. 527 00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:23,880 Speaker 1: And look, I've been trying to I would love to see. 528 00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:25,760 Speaker 1: That's why I challenged you that time. That's how I 529 00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:29,080 Speaker 1: love that, doctor Shyanne Brian is here because this is like, 530 00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:32,119 Speaker 1: you know, somebody who actually does this, rather than just 531 00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:34,280 Speaker 1: me being like I can't even I'd rather see you X, 532 00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:36,359 Speaker 1: Y and Z. But I think this gives you, like 533 00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:36,960 Speaker 1: some homework. 534 00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:39,080 Speaker 6: No, I think it's good, make very good points. 535 00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:43,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, well let's get to Jordie Jore. How much time 536 00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:47,240 Speaker 1: do we have? Yes? So describe yourself when it comes 537 00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:48,160 Speaker 1: to relationships. 538 00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:51,679 Speaker 4: I have trust issues. 539 00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:53,960 Speaker 3: I can tell y'all call. 540 00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:56,920 Speaker 1: Language. 541 00:23:57,200 --> 00:24:00,879 Speaker 3: Communication is like listen, honey over there. 542 00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:06,359 Speaker 4: I like a lot of freedom. What's a capricorn? 543 00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:08,240 Speaker 3: Okay? Yeah, yeah, I don't listen to shit. 544 00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:10,720 Speaker 1: I'm a capricorn. 545 00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:11,199 Speaker 3: You do. 546 00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:12,080 Speaker 1: You don't like. 547 00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:15,000 Speaker 6: My birthday next week? 548 00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:20,119 Speaker 4: My mom passed when I was seventeen, which I think 549 00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:24,040 Speaker 4: is where a lot of abandonment issues come from, and 550 00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:28,200 Speaker 4: not feeling adequate or thinking someone's always going to leave. 551 00:24:28,280 --> 00:24:33,680 Speaker 4: So I pick people that I know will fulfill that control. Yeah, prophecy, Yeah, 552 00:24:33,720 --> 00:24:37,399 Speaker 4: and that gives me a full sense of control, which 553 00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:40,199 Speaker 4: then makes me feel safe. It's it's really the cycle 554 00:24:40,280 --> 00:24:41,320 Speaker 4: of dysfunction. 555 00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:44,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, it feels like you go to therapy though I do. Yeah, yeah, 556 00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:46,560 Speaker 1: I have a therapist because even the way that you 557 00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:47,560 Speaker 1: describe it is. 558 00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:49,080 Speaker 3: That she articulate it really well. 559 00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:50,760 Speaker 4: I'm definitely aware of it. 560 00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:54,840 Speaker 6: I just haven't oh, I need to go to therapy. 561 00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:57,800 Speaker 4: Pushed through it yet. And now I've reached a point 562 00:24:57,840 --> 00:25:01,879 Speaker 4: where it feels like I don't don't even want a relationship, 563 00:25:03,359 --> 00:25:05,879 Speaker 4: or that it'll be there when it's time. It's not 564 00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:08,119 Speaker 4: really on the forefront of my mind. 565 00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:11,399 Speaker 3: Why did where did you lose the hope of not 566 00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:15,680 Speaker 3: wanting the relationship? Is it because you feel like there's 567 00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:20,600 Speaker 3: not a person that can sustain the trauma per se 568 00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:22,639 Speaker 3: or what you have going on that you're attempting to 569 00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:25,800 Speaker 3: process through, So you kind of want to wait until 570 00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:30,520 Speaker 3: you feel like you are processed good enough. I think 571 00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:33,600 Speaker 3: that a burden or baggage or a luggage or they 572 00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:36,320 Speaker 3: won't disappoint you by not being able to sustain you. 573 00:25:36,359 --> 00:25:41,560 Speaker 3: Because you're a gallon. You're a gallon, and you keep 574 00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:49,000 Speaker 3: running into ranks and gallons. If the pipe pours everything 575 00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:51,680 Speaker 3: into you, there's still so much more left. And if 576 00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:55,080 Speaker 3: the gallon pours everything into the pipe, system overload, system overload, 577 00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:58,240 Speaker 3: and what happens is gallons tend to be folks who 578 00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:00,240 Speaker 3: went through a lot of adversity that have a lot 579 00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:02,520 Speaker 3: of issues that are trying to work through it, and 580 00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:05,200 Speaker 3: so it feels lonely because there's so many little pints 581 00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:06,960 Speaker 3: and you're like, where in the hell are my gallons? 582 00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:10,679 Speaker 3: Where's my equally yokeness? So because they're not there and 583 00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:12,560 Speaker 3: I haven't found them, I should say not that they're 584 00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:14,439 Speaker 3: not there and't found them, I'll just go into my 585 00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:17,840 Speaker 3: little cubby hole and say forget it because y'alloge is 586 00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:18,840 Speaker 3: too disappointing for me. 587 00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:23,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, basically, and Jeordia is very close to her father also. 588 00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:25,399 Speaker 1: I want to point that out too, like super close. 589 00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:28,879 Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean you think that's That's part of the 590 00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:33,679 Speaker 4: issue is my parents were married until my mom passed, 591 00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:38,359 Speaker 4: but they had a very interesting relationship that I didn't 592 00:26:38,359 --> 00:26:42,399 Speaker 4: find out about until my mom passed, and so that 593 00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:49,000 Speaker 4: changed our dynamic a lot because there was infidelity and whatever, 594 00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:53,920 Speaker 4: and so it changed how I looked at men for sure. 595 00:26:54,119 --> 00:26:57,960 Speaker 3: What now, how do you look at them? 596 00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:00,640 Speaker 4: I mean, this is gonna sound bad, but I look 597 00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:04,119 Speaker 4: at them as less than I think they're inferior. I 598 00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:08,040 Speaker 4: feel like women go through so much every day that 599 00:27:08,119 --> 00:27:13,879 Speaker 4: it's hard for me to respect them. 600 00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:14,240 Speaker 1: Like they can't be trusted too. That's the test, like. 601 00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:17,840 Speaker 4: They can't be trusted. But also I'm like, take, for instance, 602 00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:20,960 Speaker 4: they get they catch a cold, and they're like dying 603 00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:25,159 Speaker 4: and floundering on the floor, right, and we're just like 604 00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:27,800 Speaker 4: we're cleaning the house, we're cooking our meals, we're you know. 605 00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:29,879 Speaker 1: Doing carrying it all down. 606 00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:33,160 Speaker 4: Yeah, And I feel like that just gives me the itck. 607 00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:36,000 Speaker 3: But do you think all men are like that? I 608 00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:41,280 Speaker 3: think part of me does all ninety five ninety five? 609 00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:45,400 Speaker 3: So are you are you into polyamorous or you want 610 00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:46,119 Speaker 3: one person? 611 00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:47,000 Speaker 4: One person? 612 00:27:47,119 --> 00:27:49,280 Speaker 3: So you're looking for ninety five percent? Are you looking 613 00:27:49,320 --> 00:27:49,720 Speaker 3: for one? 614 00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:52,440 Speaker 4: I'm looking for one. 615 00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:54,760 Speaker 3: So if the ninety five percent are like that and 616 00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:56,879 Speaker 3: the five percent or not, that means your one percent 617 00:27:56,920 --> 00:27:58,840 Speaker 3: is in the five percent. And I always say when 618 00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:00,880 Speaker 3: people tell me because I don't date men with kids, 619 00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:03,480 Speaker 3: they say, there's not many men out there with no kids. 620 00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:07,600 Speaker 3: I'm not looking for many men. I'm not polyamorous. I 621 00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:09,120 Speaker 3: just need one fucking guy. 622 00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:13,640 Speaker 1: They were so mad for that. 623 00:28:14,359 --> 00:28:16,400 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, no kids. 624 00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:17,640 Speaker 6: It was like I feel. 625 00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:23,040 Speaker 1: It was like, I feel, you're not if he has 626 00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:25,920 Speaker 1: like a grown twenty five don't care kid. 627 00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:28,000 Speaker 3: Is zero to he can't. 628 00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:29,680 Speaker 2: Well, there are men that are older, but he has 629 00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:31,000 Speaker 2: to be like a certain age because I feel like 630 00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:32,240 Speaker 2: the older men get the more. 631 00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:32,720 Speaker 6: Yeah. 632 00:28:33,359 --> 00:28:36,000 Speaker 5: We were saying, yeah, so I think your age you 633 00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:37,120 Speaker 5: said twenty six? 634 00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:40,000 Speaker 3: No, no, no, at least at least at least thirty 635 00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:42,840 Speaker 3: and up. But let me say this, there are many 636 00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:45,280 Speaker 3: men out there with no kids. See, we are only 637 00:28:46,120 --> 00:28:49,200 Speaker 3: limited by our limited thinking. And so the man who 638 00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:51,239 Speaker 3: says he can, who says he can, are both using right. 639 00:28:51,280 --> 00:28:53,200 Speaker 3: And I always say the Bible says, what reports? Would 640 00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:56,320 Speaker 3: you believe? Whatever report you believe is right for you. 641 00:28:56,680 --> 00:29:00,960 Speaker 3: And so the question to everyone here and even our viewership, 642 00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:05,440 Speaker 3: is you have dominion over your thoughts. The Bible says 643 00:29:05,440 --> 00:29:07,760 Speaker 3: your job is to possess it, so you are supposed 644 00:29:07,800 --> 00:29:11,280 Speaker 3: to believe what it is that you want to actualize. 645 00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:14,880 Speaker 3: So I believe there's many men out there with no kids. 646 00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:18,680 Speaker 3: And I have dated and only been involved with to 647 00:29:18,760 --> 00:29:20,840 Speaker 3: this day with men with no kids, and I have 648 00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:23,040 Speaker 3: not had a problem. Do I attract men with kids, 649 00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:25,680 Speaker 3: of course, but I have not had a problem whatsoever 650 00:29:25,760 --> 00:29:28,680 Speaker 3: with dating a man with no kids, being treated well 651 00:29:28,720 --> 00:29:30,480 Speaker 3: by a man with no kids, whether they're in their 652 00:29:30,520 --> 00:29:32,840 Speaker 3: thirties or even men who are forty five and saying, 653 00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:35,280 Speaker 3: look at I was in college my whole life. I 654 00:29:35,360 --> 00:29:37,320 Speaker 3: became an attorney, and now I have my whole law firm, 655 00:29:37,360 --> 00:29:38,520 Speaker 3: and now I'm ready to be married, and I have 656 00:29:38,520 --> 00:29:40,360 Speaker 3: no kids and I want to set up shop. I 657 00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:42,000 Speaker 3: did the same thing. I wanted to wait till I 658 00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:43,520 Speaker 3: was a doctor. I have my degrees. I want to 659 00:29:43,560 --> 00:29:45,680 Speaker 3: wait till my career was where it is now, and 660 00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:47,520 Speaker 3: now I'm ready to be married. I didn't want it 661 00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:49,280 Speaker 3: while I was trying to figure my career out. 662 00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:51,280 Speaker 1: And you know, when you talk about your ex fiance, 663 00:29:51,400 --> 00:29:52,360 Speaker 1: why did that not work? 664 00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:52,840 Speaker 3: Which one? 665 00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:55,760 Speaker 1: I have to Oh, I'm the latest one, the latest 666 00:29:55,800 --> 00:29:57,280 Speaker 1: one one, Yeah. 667 00:29:57,200 --> 00:30:00,800 Speaker 3: The last one, you know there was. He was fourteen 668 00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:04,080 Speaker 3: years older than me and a retired basketball player. And 669 00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:07,080 Speaker 3: I say fourteen years older on purpose because age doesn't 670 00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:11,080 Speaker 3: dictate emotional intelligence, and so there was a lot of 671 00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:14,160 Speaker 3: immaturity on his behalf minds too, I'm sure, and a 672 00:30:14,200 --> 00:30:16,760 Speaker 3: lack of emotional intelligence. And what do I mean by 673 00:30:16,760 --> 00:30:21,760 Speaker 3: that is his inability to problem solve would have never 674 00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:24,720 Speaker 3: allowed us to sustain the long term marriage. Because what 675 00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:26,440 Speaker 3: I've learned in my eighteen years of being in my field, 676 00:30:26,480 --> 00:30:31,360 Speaker 3: is the moment that couples either forget to, don't want to, 677 00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:35,120 Speaker 3: or stop problem solving. The relationship is over. The relationship 678 00:30:35,160 --> 00:30:37,440 Speaker 3: will always sustain if you and I, even friendship can 679 00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:39,560 Speaker 3: solve a problem. Even if I don't like you for 680 00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:41,520 Speaker 3: a week, I can't stand you for a month. If 681 00:30:41,560 --> 00:30:44,120 Speaker 3: I can stay because the commitment is doing what you 682 00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:45,800 Speaker 3: said you would doue regards to how you feel. If 683 00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:47,640 Speaker 3: I can stay until the light comes back, to the 684 00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:50,440 Speaker 3: laughter comes back. But I'm willing to solve the problem 685 00:30:50,480 --> 00:30:53,600 Speaker 3: with you, or sometimes solving the problem is letting it dissolve. 686 00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:55,800 Speaker 3: It's not always having to come to the table with 687 00:30:55,880 --> 00:30:56,720 Speaker 3: an actual resolution. 688 00:30:56,880 --> 00:30:57,320 Speaker 1: Just move on. 689 00:30:57,480 --> 00:30:57,640 Speaker 3: You know. 690 00:30:57,640 --> 00:31:00,400 Speaker 1: It's interesting because with professional athletes, but I've known noticed. 691 00:31:01,480 --> 00:31:05,280 Speaker 1: One of my friends was dated a professional athlete who 692 00:31:05,440 --> 00:31:09,320 Speaker 1: was since he was super young, like in sports, and 693 00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:12,720 Speaker 1: he was so taken care of. He couldn't do simple 694 00:31:12,800 --> 00:31:15,720 Speaker 1: things because he was used to having people do everything 695 00:31:15,760 --> 00:31:16,200 Speaker 1: for him. 696 00:31:17,520 --> 00:31:19,000 Speaker 3: See but this is life. 697 00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:21,760 Speaker 1: He didn't know how to pay his cell phone, he 698 00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:23,720 Speaker 1: didn't know how to make a dent self wayman. 699 00:31:24,640 --> 00:31:26,880 Speaker 3: See so so my ex fiance I was a kept 700 00:31:26,880 --> 00:31:29,160 Speaker 3: woman and that was the first time I was ever 701 00:31:29,240 --> 00:31:30,880 Speaker 3: kept and loved it. And I didn't pay a bill. 702 00:31:30,880 --> 00:31:31,840 Speaker 3: I didn't do anything at all. 703 00:31:31,960 --> 00:31:32,560 Speaker 6: Just be honest. 704 00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:34,800 Speaker 3: I was still a doctor right and still still have 705 00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:38,400 Speaker 3: my practice. I close up everything and just was pretty 706 00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:41,320 Speaker 3: much at his back and call. And I didn't know 707 00:31:41,360 --> 00:31:43,160 Speaker 3: if I would like that position because I've always been 708 00:31:43,200 --> 00:31:45,160 Speaker 3: in the power position. And I did it, and I 709 00:31:45,160 --> 00:31:47,160 Speaker 3: fell in love with myself even more doing it because 710 00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:48,320 Speaker 3: I learned the part of me that I'm like yo, 711 00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:50,600 Speaker 3: I love this submissive, soft woman, and so did he. 712 00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:53,520 Speaker 3: So the issue wasn't the caretaking, because he did a 713 00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:55,840 Speaker 3: great job. It was if you are going to sit 714 00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:58,560 Speaker 3: around for multiple days and not solve a problem because 715 00:31:58,560 --> 00:32:02,200 Speaker 3: you don't have the emotional capacity to communicate. I cannot 716 00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:04,520 Speaker 3: fucking be marriage, you know, damn sure I can bear 717 00:32:04,640 --> 00:32:06,520 Speaker 3: children with you, because if I'm pregnant or there's kids 718 00:32:06,560 --> 00:32:07,840 Speaker 3: in this house, we are not going to be in 719 00:32:07,840 --> 00:32:10,720 Speaker 3: this house for three for five days not talking because 720 00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:12,680 Speaker 3: you don't know how to problem solve. That is not 721 00:32:12,720 --> 00:32:14,440 Speaker 3: what you do when you are at the age of 722 00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:16,880 Speaker 3: forty eight or fifty years old. Because I was his 723 00:32:16,960 --> 00:32:19,280 Speaker 3: age and I was in my thirties and so one 724 00:32:19,320 --> 00:32:21,120 Speaker 3: thing I know about myself that I'm really good at 725 00:32:21,160 --> 00:32:24,360 Speaker 3: and why I don't it's the opposite to you. I'm 726 00:32:24,480 --> 00:32:29,160 Speaker 3: very okay with dating and being vulnerable. My strong suit 727 00:32:29,280 --> 00:32:32,080 Speaker 3: is pivoting. I ain't got a motherfucking problem with leaving, 728 00:32:32,720 --> 00:32:35,680 Speaker 3: So that's my strong suit. My my suit that I'm 729 00:32:35,680 --> 00:32:39,760 Speaker 3: working on right now as I'm dating is it's staying put, 730 00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:42,200 Speaker 3: learning how to stay with you, but being mad while 731 00:32:42,240 --> 00:32:44,440 Speaker 3: I'm with you, learning how to say I'm not leaving you. 732 00:32:44,760 --> 00:32:47,480 Speaker 3: But I still didn't like this. So I'm doing really 733 00:32:47,520 --> 00:32:49,840 Speaker 3: good in that. But I you know, to that it 734 00:32:49,920 --> 00:32:51,400 Speaker 3: was just I know I'm not going to do long 735 00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:52,600 Speaker 3: term with someone who doesn't motion on. 736 00:32:52,560 --> 00:32:54,080 Speaker 6: Intelligence before you. 737 00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:56,720 Speaker 2: I know my friends. So can we just have her 738 00:32:56,800 --> 00:32:59,320 Speaker 2: discuss her thing and then we can go to your question? 739 00:33:00,240 --> 00:33:04,840 Speaker 1: Oh how am I I think that I am in 740 00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:09,600 Speaker 1: a relationship. I'm very generous, I'm very I am submissive, 741 00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:13,520 Speaker 1: but also like taking control when I need to do that. Right, 742 00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:16,760 Speaker 1: But I think I'm so used to being independent and 743 00:33:16,800 --> 00:33:18,600 Speaker 1: doing stuff myself. It's hard for me to be like 744 00:33:18,680 --> 00:33:20,280 Speaker 1: I need this, I need that because I'm used to 745 00:33:20,360 --> 00:33:24,000 Speaker 1: doing it all on my own. Marriage is not a 746 00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:27,640 Speaker 1: big deal to me because I think my parents were married, 747 00:33:27,640 --> 00:33:29,520 Speaker 1: but it wasn't like a great marriage, and when they 748 00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:32,360 Speaker 1: got divorced, they still live together to this day, even 749 00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:34,440 Speaker 1: though they've been divorced since I was like in college. 750 00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:37,520 Speaker 6: That's interesting, that's very unique. 751 00:33:37,320 --> 00:33:39,320 Speaker 1: And I feel like they both have never like had 752 00:33:39,360 --> 00:33:43,400 Speaker 1: the life that they should have lived. But you know, 753 00:33:43,560 --> 00:33:45,920 Speaker 1: I could see myself. I'm very much like when I 754 00:33:45,960 --> 00:33:47,840 Speaker 1: lock in, I'm locked in and that's it for me. 755 00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:53,560 Speaker 1: But yeah, I think that's how I would describe myself. 756 00:33:54,200 --> 00:33:56,640 Speaker 1: I think I'm a really good girlfriend. I want to 757 00:33:56,680 --> 00:33:58,040 Speaker 1: say that too, what. 758 00:33:58,080 --> 00:33:59,160 Speaker 3: Makes your really good girlfriend? 759 00:33:59,440 --> 00:34:04,640 Speaker 1: Because I think I'm very thoughtful, I'm caring, I do communicate, 760 00:34:04,760 --> 00:34:08,040 Speaker 1: I have fun. I'm not like a I don't really stress. 761 00:34:08,200 --> 00:34:09,160 Speaker 3: My man, got it. 762 00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:13,120 Speaker 1: I'm pretty chill about everything. And I'm the type of 763 00:34:13,200 --> 00:34:16,600 Speaker 1: person like when I'm with somebody, I'm not you know, 764 00:34:16,600 --> 00:34:18,600 Speaker 1: I'm cool because I'm so busy. I think that I 765 00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:21,240 Speaker 1: don't harp on things for too long, so I can 766 00:34:21,600 --> 00:34:23,239 Speaker 1: be mad about something and then get over it. 767 00:34:23,239 --> 00:34:25,560 Speaker 3: Pretty petting because you're busy, just because you got that 768 00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:27,600 Speaker 3: good character trait, Because baby, I'm busy and I will 769 00:34:27,600 --> 00:34:31,200 Speaker 3: harp on something I wouldn't get I. 770 00:34:31,120 --> 00:34:32,240 Speaker 1: Was mad, let me say, I will. 771 00:34:32,160 --> 00:34:34,840 Speaker 3: Get mad, and I will no, I will not answer 772 00:34:34,920 --> 00:34:41,120 Speaker 3: a call and want to shut down. Hate. That's the number. 773 00:34:41,239 --> 00:34:45,200 Speaker 3: They're like, I hate when you don't want to talk. Oh, 774 00:34:45,239 --> 00:34:46,799 Speaker 3: and I let me tell you and I have to 775 00:34:46,840 --> 00:34:48,960 Speaker 3: t Nobody can get me out the show. I have 776 00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:52,319 Speaker 3: to talk to myself. I'm talking about like self talk 777 00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:53,920 Speaker 3: at a five hundred. For me to get up out 778 00:34:53,920 --> 00:34:56,279 Speaker 3: of that, I have to literally be like, girl, come 779 00:34:56,280 --> 00:34:58,560 Speaker 3: on now, this person is pursuing, they are trying, they 780 00:34:58,560 --> 00:34:59,879 Speaker 3: love you, They're doing all stop. 781 00:35:00,560 --> 00:35:03,600 Speaker 1: I'm so calm that it takes a lot for me 782 00:35:03,640 --> 00:35:04,239 Speaker 1: to get mad. 783 00:35:05,040 --> 00:35:07,760 Speaker 3: But what has been your what has been your issues 784 00:35:07,800 --> 00:35:12,399 Speaker 3: in relationships? Thus? Far from you and from the other side. 785 00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:14,200 Speaker 1: I think, well, before this, I will say I will 786 00:35:14,280 --> 00:35:15,839 Speaker 1: let something drag out for a long time. 787 00:35:16,719 --> 00:35:18,359 Speaker 3: What do you mean drag out? Like state relationship too? 788 00:35:18,400 --> 00:35:20,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, And I would like act like I'm not but 789 00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:23,359 Speaker 1: I'm still in it. But I haven't officially been like 790 00:35:23,520 --> 00:35:25,560 Speaker 1: I'm like a fade to black type of person. So 791 00:35:25,719 --> 00:35:27,920 Speaker 1: I'll wait till it just kind of like fizzles out. 792 00:35:28,320 --> 00:35:31,600 Speaker 1: Instead of saying something because I'm not confrontational like that 793 00:35:32,320 --> 00:35:35,280 Speaker 1: I would just let it like I'd be like whatever, 794 00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:38,920 Speaker 1: you know, and keep it moving, and then one day 795 00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:41,720 Speaker 1: I'm just you know, I'll finally be like, this isn't working. 796 00:35:41,719 --> 00:35:43,480 Speaker 3: What are your deal breakers in fidelities? A deal work 797 00:35:43,560 --> 00:35:45,400 Speaker 3: or I have you don't dealt with in fidelity? 798 00:35:45,600 --> 00:35:49,640 Speaker 1: Is I haven't ever stayed with somebody who cheated on me, 799 00:35:49,680 --> 00:35:52,040 Speaker 1: and I think you and so, But I can't say 800 00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:54,560 Speaker 1: that that would be it if it did happen. But 801 00:35:54,840 --> 00:35:57,439 Speaker 1: in the past, yes, that's definitely a deal breaker, because 802 00:35:57,440 --> 00:36:00,279 Speaker 1: I also think I just the type of pers that 803 00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:02,000 Speaker 1: I don't know that I could, like, I could forgive it, 804 00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:04,200 Speaker 1: but I don't know that I could forget that. Yeah, 805 00:36:04,280 --> 00:36:06,200 Speaker 1: And what else is a deal break? 806 00:36:06,200 --> 00:36:06,760 Speaker 5: Ever cheated? 807 00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:10,680 Speaker 1: Yes, not now but in the past. But when I've cheated, 808 00:36:10,719 --> 00:36:13,120 Speaker 1: it's always been because I knew the other person cheated, 809 00:36:13,520 --> 00:36:16,480 Speaker 1: and so I might I might not break up, right. 810 00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:18,359 Speaker 1: It's also because I'm kind of like halfway out of it, 811 00:36:18,680 --> 00:36:20,600 Speaker 1: so I know it's going to end, So I might 812 00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:23,520 Speaker 1: have already moved on before I officially move on. So 813 00:36:23,560 --> 00:36:26,920 Speaker 1: it's not necessarily for revenge. But if somebody cheats on 814 00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:27,359 Speaker 1: me and my. 815 00:36:27,320 --> 00:36:29,520 Speaker 3: Head is over gotcha what you say. 816 00:36:29,680 --> 00:36:32,719 Speaker 1: But I won't break up right away, like I'll be 817 00:36:32,840 --> 00:36:35,919 Speaker 1: like I'll let it kind of like, you know, die down. 818 00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:37,960 Speaker 1: And in my head, I'm not together. 819 00:36:38,040 --> 00:36:40,440 Speaker 3: So you're not setting appropriate boundaries then. 820 00:36:41,239 --> 00:36:44,200 Speaker 1: I think now I have, but just in the past, 821 00:36:44,719 --> 00:36:47,080 Speaker 1: also because I've done a lot of long distance relationships 822 00:36:47,080 --> 00:36:48,040 Speaker 1: and I think that's harder. 823 00:36:48,320 --> 00:36:49,200 Speaker 3: Oh, I don't know how you do. 824 00:36:49,560 --> 00:36:52,319 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a lot harder that you do that because yeah, 825 00:36:52,440 --> 00:36:53,759 Speaker 1: so I think that was part of it too, Like 826 00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:57,879 Speaker 1: a long distance relationship. It's harder to you know, keep 827 00:36:57,920 --> 00:37:00,000 Speaker 1: that light it because it doesn't feel all the time. 828 00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:01,200 Speaker 1: I'm like, you're in a relationship. 829 00:37:01,239 --> 00:37:03,600 Speaker 3: There you go. Yeah, it's really challenging. So now you 830 00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:06,319 Speaker 3: do set boundaries or now what how are you different now? 831 00:37:06,640 --> 00:37:06,839 Speaker 2: Yeah? 832 00:37:06,880 --> 00:37:07,920 Speaker 1: I think I mean, do you use. 833 00:37:07,880 --> 00:37:10,520 Speaker 3: Your voice now, because what you just described was you 834 00:37:10,640 --> 00:37:13,680 Speaker 3: go along with what is and then you kind of 835 00:37:13,719 --> 00:37:16,800 Speaker 3: like backdoor it. Well, and you're not using that voice. 836 00:37:16,840 --> 00:37:19,799 Speaker 1: I haven't had that problem, and I feel like we're 837 00:37:19,880 --> 00:37:22,440 Speaker 1: together a lot more than I have been because I 838 00:37:22,480 --> 00:37:24,279 Speaker 1: could be in a relationship and not see somebody for 839 00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:26,400 Speaker 1: like a month and you're okay with that. Not now, 840 00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:28,600 Speaker 1: But that's how it used to be gotcha right, So 841 00:37:28,719 --> 00:37:31,319 Speaker 1: now I feel like, yeah, now we're like together all 842 00:37:31,360 --> 00:37:34,160 Speaker 1: the time, and so some thing's happening, I can't not 843 00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:36,080 Speaker 1: address it because you you're right here. 844 00:37:36,760 --> 00:37:38,919 Speaker 3: Good for you, So now you do use your voice? Yeah, 845 00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:40,000 Speaker 3: and doesn't work for you? 846 00:37:40,120 --> 00:37:42,080 Speaker 1: It does because I feel like he's receptive when I 847 00:37:42,120 --> 00:37:44,040 Speaker 1: tell him something. But when I tell him something, he 848 00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:46,279 Speaker 1: might not be receptive right away, but then later on 849 00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:49,280 Speaker 1: he'll be like, you know, I thought about what you said, and. 850 00:37:49,719 --> 00:37:51,400 Speaker 3: It sounds like you're offering him grace to have that 851 00:37:51,440 --> 00:37:53,520 Speaker 3: space to kind of come back and be thought provoking 852 00:37:53,560 --> 00:37:55,000 Speaker 3: and say, Okay, I did think about what you said, 853 00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:55,959 Speaker 3: And I agree. 854 00:37:55,680 --> 00:37:57,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, because I know how he is, Like, I know 855 00:37:57,480 --> 00:37:59,799 Speaker 1: that he may not process it right away, but I 856 00:37:59,880 --> 00:38:02,600 Speaker 1: know that in a day or two he's gonna come 857 00:38:02,800 --> 00:38:04,799 Speaker 1: and if I tell him something bothers me, he will 858 00:38:04,840 --> 00:38:06,279 Speaker 1: really like work to change it. 859 00:38:06,640 --> 00:38:07,239 Speaker 4: Will you do something? 860 00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:08,080 Speaker 3: A good girlfriend? 861 00:38:08,239 --> 00:38:14,680 Speaker 1: Mm hmm. I'm a good friend. I'm comfortable with like 862 00:38:14,719 --> 00:38:16,560 Speaker 1: who I am because I know that I always have 863 00:38:16,640 --> 00:38:19,120 Speaker 1: good intentions and I think that's important. Like I'm not 864 00:38:19,120 --> 00:38:22,399 Speaker 1: the type of person that's a backstabber, but I will 865 00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:26,760 Speaker 1: say that I will cut somebody off like permanently forever. 866 00:38:27,080 --> 00:38:28,959 Speaker 3: Do the back though, because you don't tell I will. 867 00:38:29,560 --> 00:38:31,520 Speaker 1: I will let they will know, but I will. 868 00:38:31,600 --> 00:38:32,320 Speaker 3: There be signs. 869 00:38:32,400 --> 00:38:36,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, there's times, there's some things that I just not verbal. Yeah, 870 00:38:36,280 --> 00:38:39,080 Speaker 1: signs you just can't access me anymore. But I also 871 00:38:39,080 --> 00:38:41,040 Speaker 1: feel like I've put up with so much from people 872 00:38:41,680 --> 00:38:44,600 Speaker 1: that as soon as you betray me, I can't see 873 00:38:44,600 --> 00:38:47,120 Speaker 1: like going back because I just feel like I've gone 874 00:38:47,160 --> 00:38:49,640 Speaker 1: back before and given people grace and this is friendships 875 00:38:49,680 --> 00:38:52,080 Speaker 1: more than anything, and so I feel like when it 876 00:38:52,120 --> 00:38:55,400 Speaker 1: comes to that, I'm not anymore gonna put myself in 877 00:38:55,400 --> 00:38:57,239 Speaker 1: a position for somebody to keep on doing the same 878 00:38:57,239 --> 00:38:58,160 Speaker 1: thing over and over to me. 879 00:38:58,960 --> 00:39:01,080 Speaker 3: So now you are you do put a little hard 880 00:39:01,120 --> 00:39:04,759 Speaker 3: boundary of like this enough is enough and it's no absolutely. 881 00:39:04,400 --> 00:39:06,040 Speaker 1: And I think people know that about me now too. 882 00:39:06,080 --> 00:39:09,920 Speaker 1: So you know you get right or get left. 883 00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:11,239 Speaker 5: I love that. 884 00:39:12,400 --> 00:39:15,440 Speaker 1: Yes, that's me, am I right, uh huh uh huh. 885 00:39:15,719 --> 00:39:15,919 Speaker 5: Yeah. 886 00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:17,400 Speaker 3: You know you sound like you're a good partner. You 887 00:39:17,440 --> 00:39:19,520 Speaker 3: sound like you're very mature and fair in a relationship. 888 00:39:19,560 --> 00:39:21,400 Speaker 3: I've learned a lot that's healthy, that's good. 889 00:39:21,360 --> 00:39:23,399 Speaker 1: And that's why I loved reading this because we're back 890 00:39:23,440 --> 00:39:26,719 Speaker 1: to this mental detox. So there are some exercises in 891 00:39:26,760 --> 00:39:29,560 Speaker 1: this book, yes, which I love. Okay, and shout out 892 00:39:29,560 --> 00:39:33,120 Speaker 1: to Llah Anthony, who did. 893 00:39:33,600 --> 00:39:34,040 Speaker 4: I love you? 894 00:39:34,480 --> 00:39:38,080 Speaker 3: I can't answer that question. Well, then she said in 895 00:39:38,080 --> 00:39:40,959 Speaker 3: the forward, did you read the board? 896 00:39:41,400 --> 00:39:43,880 Speaker 1: She sounded like to me, that's what she said. Well, then. 897 00:39:45,680 --> 00:39:48,919 Speaker 3: Y'all read the book, she said. 898 00:39:48,920 --> 00:39:50,959 Speaker 1: When we did finally talk, I was blown away. Doctor 899 00:39:50,960 --> 00:39:53,360 Speaker 1: Bryan created a safe space for me to be completely myself, 900 00:39:53,680 --> 00:39:55,799 Speaker 1: no filter. She understood me, not just from what she 901 00:39:55,880 --> 00:39:59,160 Speaker 1: saw online, but at my core. Our conversation was a breakthrough. 902 00:39:59,200 --> 00:40:00,800 Speaker 1: I laid it all out. 903 00:40:01,200 --> 00:40:03,080 Speaker 3: So then that tells you what that she's a client. 904 00:40:03,160 --> 00:40:08,399 Speaker 1: Okay, Yeah, well you know what the client always don't kidding. Yeah, 905 00:40:08,520 --> 00:40:10,880 Speaker 1: But anyway, so one of the things on here early 906 00:40:10,920 --> 00:40:14,600 Speaker 1: on in the book the Garden of Wounds, tracing our wounds, 907 00:40:15,320 --> 00:40:17,920 Speaker 1: and you have to like honestly answer some of these questions. 908 00:40:18,920 --> 00:40:21,560 Speaker 1: What I dis like most about myself? That's a hard one. 909 00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:25,399 Speaker 3: Yeah, But you know what's funny sometimes that's the easiest one, 910 00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:27,920 Speaker 3: is for people to say what they don't like about themselves, 911 00:40:27,920 --> 00:40:29,560 Speaker 3: to over criticize it. 912 00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:33,040 Speaker 1: Yes, but I said it's hard because there might be 913 00:40:33,080 --> 00:40:35,640 Speaker 1: so many things you're like, what do I dislike the most? 914 00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:39,319 Speaker 3: You know, people know what they don't like and they 915 00:40:39,480 --> 00:40:41,719 Speaker 3: kind of get stuck on, like what the good things 916 00:40:41,760 --> 00:40:44,360 Speaker 3: are about themselves. You know, people are like, you know, 917 00:40:44,440 --> 00:40:45,600 Speaker 3: I don't like that I do this, So I don't 918 00:40:45,600 --> 00:40:46,960 Speaker 3: like that, don't set about it. I don't like that I'm 919 00:40:47,160 --> 00:40:48,239 Speaker 3: you were able to just go right in and till 920 00:40:48,239 --> 00:40:50,319 Speaker 3: I'm a good girlfriend. Yeah right, that's you, So that's 921 00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:52,480 Speaker 3: not your problem. But majority of people, me being in 922 00:40:52,480 --> 00:40:54,640 Speaker 3: my field for so long, coming session and they're able 923 00:40:54,680 --> 00:40:57,760 Speaker 3: to just rip themselves apart to shreds, and they don't 924 00:40:57,800 --> 00:40:59,920 Speaker 3: have the capacity to say, well, like, but I am 925 00:41:00,080 --> 00:41:02,360 Speaker 3: good mom, even though I have mommy guilt right, or 926 00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:04,160 Speaker 3: I am a good wife although I may come up 927 00:41:04,160 --> 00:41:06,959 Speaker 3: short in these areas. And they need to be in power. 928 00:41:07,040 --> 00:41:09,520 Speaker 3: They need someone to help them identify work. They are 929 00:41:09,560 --> 00:41:11,320 Speaker 3: a worthy person when you think. 930 00:41:11,200 --> 00:41:14,359 Speaker 1: About what when I just like most about myself, do 931 00:41:14,440 --> 00:41:16,960 Speaker 1: we tend to like go straight to the physical things 932 00:41:16,960 --> 00:41:19,640 Speaker 1: that we're doing. You know, it was interesting I was 933 00:41:19,680 --> 00:41:21,680 Speaker 1: at this spot and they were doing a retreat there 934 00:41:21,719 --> 00:41:26,200 Speaker 1: and the woman recognized me I was in Arizona and 935 00:41:26,280 --> 00:41:28,120 Speaker 1: she was like girl, we out here for this retreat. 936 00:41:28,200 --> 00:41:30,719 Speaker 1: She said. One of the exercises they did was they 937 00:41:30,719 --> 00:41:33,399 Speaker 1: looked at themselves in the mirror and they had to 938 00:41:33,440 --> 00:41:35,600 Speaker 1: like describe what they saw. And she said, people were 939 00:41:35,640 --> 00:41:39,040 Speaker 1: like tearing themselves apart looking at themselves in the mirror 940 00:41:39,080 --> 00:41:41,279 Speaker 1: about all the things they didn't like about themselves. 941 00:41:42,160 --> 00:41:45,040 Speaker 5: Look yourself in the mirror, I think objectively, you think physical. 942 00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:46,200 Speaker 6: Well, yeah, no, I was. 943 00:41:46,239 --> 00:41:48,919 Speaker 1: Just wondering because I thought about that when I read 944 00:41:48,920 --> 00:41:52,880 Speaker 1: that question, and I did because I didn't think about physical. 945 00:41:53,200 --> 00:41:55,200 Speaker 2: I don't think when you say that, I don't think 946 00:41:55,239 --> 00:41:57,960 Speaker 2: about it. I think about like character flaws things. 947 00:41:58,000 --> 00:41:59,520 Speaker 5: But I think it was written in the book. I 948 00:41:59,560 --> 00:42:01,480 Speaker 5: think if if it was the mirror thing, I think 949 00:42:01,520 --> 00:42:02,800 Speaker 5: you'd immediately think physical. 950 00:42:02,920 --> 00:42:04,960 Speaker 1: All right, so let's go through what do you dislike 951 00:42:05,040 --> 00:42:06,080 Speaker 1: most about yourself? 952 00:42:06,239 --> 00:42:07,640 Speaker 2: I'm not saying that on. 953 00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:12,279 Speaker 3: Give us one thing, one thing, one thing, one thing? 954 00:42:14,520 --> 00:42:14,880 Speaker 6: Do you do? 955 00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:17,480 Speaker 3: What about you sabotage and relationship? Do you not like that? 956 00:42:19,200 --> 00:42:19,520 Speaker 5: Sure? 957 00:42:19,760 --> 00:42:20,680 Speaker 3: Are you shutting down? 958 00:42:21,280 --> 00:42:21,480 Speaker 4: Yes? 959 00:42:22,440 --> 00:42:22,759 Speaker 6: That part? 960 00:42:22,840 --> 00:42:24,200 Speaker 1: You don't like all of them, all of it? 961 00:42:24,400 --> 00:42:26,120 Speaker 2: But what don't I mean, I don't like a lot 962 00:42:26,120 --> 00:42:28,920 Speaker 2: of things about myself. But well, I don't like me 963 00:42:29,040 --> 00:42:29,680 Speaker 2: starting either. 964 00:42:30,920 --> 00:42:36,400 Speaker 1: You should have sat there right in the eye line. 965 00:42:38,719 --> 00:42:40,080 Speaker 1: All right, Well, let's have at any doing. 966 00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:45,480 Speaker 4: What don't I like? I don't like my struggle with vulnerability. 967 00:42:45,960 --> 00:42:51,920 Speaker 4: It's very hard for me. I'm also very observant, so 968 00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:55,920 Speaker 4: it takes me a minute to see what's going on 969 00:42:56,040 --> 00:43:00,440 Speaker 4: and like feel comfortable in certain circumstances. I would say 970 00:43:00,480 --> 00:43:01,479 Speaker 4: those are my big two. 971 00:43:02,600 --> 00:43:05,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, I would say for me, I think that sometimes 972 00:43:05,840 --> 00:43:07,360 Speaker 1: I put work above everything else. 973 00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:08,880 Speaker 6: Oh that's mine too. 974 00:43:08,840 --> 00:43:11,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think that's tough because I don't like 975 00:43:11,200 --> 00:43:15,000 Speaker 1: prioritize that as much as I should, So sometimes I 976 00:43:15,000 --> 00:43:17,319 Speaker 1: feel like I'm not doing the most. Like I was 977 00:43:17,360 --> 00:43:19,680 Speaker 1: at my friend's birthday party her and her husband over 978 00:43:19,719 --> 00:43:21,440 Speaker 1: the weekend. I was like, damn, I ain't see my 979 00:43:21,480 --> 00:43:23,440 Speaker 1: friends in so long because I feel like all I 980 00:43:23,480 --> 00:43:25,880 Speaker 1: do is work is work all the time. And I 981 00:43:25,920 --> 00:43:29,640 Speaker 1: put that, like you know, top priority over everything. 982 00:43:30,800 --> 00:43:31,040 Speaker 3: Yeah. 983 00:43:32,080 --> 00:43:34,480 Speaker 6: I think I do that as well in comedy. 984 00:43:34,640 --> 00:43:38,319 Speaker 5: And then I also think my big thing I don't 985 00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:39,959 Speaker 5: like ourself that I don't know if I'm gonna change. 986 00:43:40,040 --> 00:43:41,680 Speaker 2: Is I love that? 987 00:43:41,760 --> 00:43:42,120 Speaker 1: Okay? 988 00:43:42,680 --> 00:43:46,560 Speaker 5: Period? Honestly, I don't like being out of my comfort zone, 989 00:43:46,640 --> 00:43:49,080 Speaker 5: like I get invited to things and I'm just like, 990 00:43:49,560 --> 00:43:51,680 Speaker 5: if it's like a loud musical loud party, or if 991 00:43:51,680 --> 00:43:54,560 Speaker 5: it's like or if I'm not into it, like I'm 992 00:43:54,600 --> 00:43:56,320 Speaker 5: not going like somebody's grandfather. 993 00:43:56,640 --> 00:43:59,839 Speaker 6: Oh man, what is this like? 994 00:44:00,280 --> 00:44:01,560 Speaker 3: Why do you not like that? Though? 995 00:44:01,640 --> 00:44:03,719 Speaker 6: I don't like that, I don't like being around. 996 00:44:03,440 --> 00:44:04,840 Speaker 3: Why do you not like that about yourself? 997 00:44:05,640 --> 00:44:07,840 Speaker 5: Because I feel like I'm missing on an opportunity to 998 00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:11,360 Speaker 5: meet people and and have experiences and do these things 999 00:44:11,360 --> 00:44:14,759 Speaker 5: that I'm missing out on by not being at these 1000 00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:17,839 Speaker 5: social social events. I remember you invite me to your thing. 1001 00:44:18,400 --> 00:44:20,279 Speaker 5: I forgot when it was like that. I don't know, 1002 00:44:20,320 --> 00:44:24,479 Speaker 5: but oh, you're the way up thing. Remember you had yeah? 1003 00:44:24,760 --> 00:44:24,960 Speaker 6: Girl? 1004 00:44:25,040 --> 00:44:27,279 Speaker 5: When I tell you, I left like I was there. 1005 00:44:27,520 --> 00:44:29,520 Speaker 5: I saw you, I hugged you. A few people knew 1006 00:44:29,520 --> 00:44:31,560 Speaker 5: me from comedy. I saw them, girl. As soon as 1007 00:44:31,560 --> 00:44:33,600 Speaker 5: I was able to leave, I was gone. I was 1008 00:44:33,640 --> 00:44:37,680 Speaker 5: not trying to be in that space because which is 1009 00:44:37,680 --> 00:44:39,839 Speaker 5: weird because people when people find that, find that out 1010 00:44:39,840 --> 00:44:42,040 Speaker 5: about me though, like they're so confused because I perform 1011 00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:43,720 Speaker 5: for a living, I'm in front of hundreds and thousands 1012 00:44:43,719 --> 00:44:44,080 Speaker 5: of people. 1013 00:44:44,400 --> 00:44:46,160 Speaker 6: I do not like big groups of people. If I'm 1014 00:44:46,160 --> 00:44:46,680 Speaker 6: on stage. 1015 00:44:46,920 --> 00:44:49,040 Speaker 3: That's one thing you could turn it on exactly? 1016 00:44:49,160 --> 00:44:50,440 Speaker 1: Is that like social anxiety? 1017 00:44:50,520 --> 00:44:52,879 Speaker 6: I don't like. Yeah, it could be socialistic. 1018 00:44:53,120 --> 00:44:53,640 Speaker 1: I'm just wondering. 1019 00:44:53,719 --> 00:44:55,960 Speaker 3: I think some traits of social anxiety. But I have 1020 00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:57,880 Speaker 3: a question. So, for all of what y'all said you 1021 00:44:57,920 --> 00:45:01,160 Speaker 3: didn't like, right, what would be the opposite of how 1022 00:45:01,200 --> 00:45:03,160 Speaker 3: you would be for you to like it about yourself? 1023 00:45:04,880 --> 00:45:05,399 Speaker 6: What do you mean? 1024 00:45:05,719 --> 00:45:07,120 Speaker 1: I mean, like, what could you do to Yeah? 1025 00:45:07,120 --> 00:45:08,279 Speaker 3: What would be the like of like? 1026 00:45:08,280 --> 00:45:08,360 Speaker 1: Like? 1027 00:45:08,400 --> 00:45:10,200 Speaker 3: For example, like me say if I didn't like about 1028 00:45:10,200 --> 00:45:15,240 Speaker 3: myself that I sometimes pivot relationships too quick before giving 1029 00:45:15,280 --> 00:45:18,719 Speaker 3: it a chance to take on the full potential that 1030 00:45:18,719 --> 00:45:19,000 Speaker 3: it could. 1031 00:45:19,080 --> 00:45:19,200 Speaker 5: Right. 1032 00:45:19,280 --> 00:45:20,880 Speaker 3: So if someone is even saying, look, I want to 1033 00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:22,319 Speaker 3: love you, I want to learn to love you. I'm 1034 00:45:22,360 --> 00:45:24,359 Speaker 3: willing to do whatever it is you need me to do, 1035 00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:26,839 Speaker 3: I can sometimes be like, nah, you ain't there yet. 1036 00:45:26,840 --> 00:45:27,239 Speaker 3: Good day. 1037 00:45:27,680 --> 00:45:29,320 Speaker 1: See. I feel like that's the opposite of what I 1038 00:45:29,320 --> 00:45:31,360 Speaker 1: would expect from you. Because of the work that you 1039 00:45:31,440 --> 00:45:32,160 Speaker 1: do well. 1040 00:45:32,040 --> 00:45:33,759 Speaker 3: Because of the work that I do, I know that 1041 00:45:33,800 --> 00:45:38,839 Speaker 3: potential doesn't exist. See, And so when somebody says there's 1042 00:45:38,920 --> 00:45:42,120 Speaker 3: potential that I want to offer you, I say that 1043 00:45:42,239 --> 00:45:44,279 Speaker 3: is an illusion. Because the only thing that exists is 1044 00:45:44,280 --> 00:45:47,160 Speaker 3: what's on this table, and we could potentially say that 1045 00:45:47,200 --> 00:45:49,719 Speaker 3: we can bring in some other alcohol beverages, but it 1046 00:45:49,760 --> 00:45:52,240 Speaker 3: ain't here right So if it ain't here right now, 1047 00:45:52,400 --> 00:45:54,640 Speaker 3: guess what, there's a chance it could never be here. 1048 00:45:54,719 --> 00:45:57,640 Speaker 3: So potential is bullshit. It's an illusion. It doesn't exist. 1049 00:45:58,000 --> 00:46:02,240 Speaker 3: So for me, I looking at it going, you're offering 1050 00:46:02,360 --> 00:46:05,920 Speaker 3: a potential to me. You're saying, potentially you can possibly 1051 00:46:05,920 --> 00:46:09,600 Speaker 3: become this. But if he ain't bad, then I pivot. However, 1052 00:46:10,320 --> 00:46:13,920 Speaker 3: to your point, the opposite of that, Just give you, 1053 00:46:13,920 --> 00:46:15,880 Speaker 3: guys example, what the question I'm asking. The opposite of 1054 00:46:15,880 --> 00:46:18,160 Speaker 3: me doing that would be if you're willing to put 1055 00:46:18,200 --> 00:46:21,719 Speaker 3: in the effort right and you're willing to learn how 1056 00:46:21,760 --> 00:46:23,799 Speaker 3: to love me. The Bible says love your partner by 1057 00:46:23,800 --> 00:46:25,960 Speaker 3: knowledge of them. If you're telling me you're willing to 1058 00:46:26,040 --> 00:46:28,759 Speaker 3: do a biblical principle, which is, learn to love me 1059 00:46:28,800 --> 00:46:30,959 Speaker 3: by knowledge of me, and I want to be loved 1060 00:46:30,960 --> 00:46:33,439 Speaker 3: by you? Why and the hell am I not letting 1061 00:46:33,440 --> 00:46:36,000 Speaker 3: you love love me down and learn how? That would 1062 00:46:36,040 --> 00:46:38,160 Speaker 3: be the opposite. That would be me doing what I 1063 00:46:38,160 --> 00:46:39,880 Speaker 3: would like for myself to do, which I'm doing now. 1064 00:46:40,200 --> 00:46:47,120 Speaker 1: I'm doing mine and it it feels good. 1065 00:46:47,160 --> 00:46:49,680 Speaker 3: But to your point about the discomfort in yours, to 1066 00:46:49,719 --> 00:46:52,399 Speaker 3: how you're uncomfortable in the emotion, that's why you would 1067 00:46:52,480 --> 00:46:57,960 Speaker 3: draw I've just have learned to be very uncomfortable at 1068 00:46:57,960 --> 00:47:00,520 Speaker 3: times and be okay in that discomfort because pay off 1069 00:47:00,560 --> 00:47:04,560 Speaker 3: of having a really loving, long term relationship is priceless. 1070 00:47:04,560 --> 00:47:06,440 Speaker 3: And that's where the real wealth is. And when we 1071 00:47:06,480 --> 00:47:08,640 Speaker 3: get to the place of maturity, we understand, well, the 1072 00:47:08,680 --> 00:47:12,120 Speaker 3: wealth is in all of the deposits that I'm making. 1073 00:47:12,480 --> 00:47:14,680 Speaker 3: And the deposits that I'm making are the work. It's 1074 00:47:14,680 --> 00:47:17,200 Speaker 3: the sticking through, it's the maturity, it's the emotional intelligence, 1075 00:47:17,239 --> 00:47:19,440 Speaker 3: it's I'm uncomfortable with my emotional let me communicating with 1076 00:47:19,480 --> 00:47:21,560 Speaker 3: you as my partner. And the wealth is we get 1077 00:47:21,560 --> 00:47:24,120 Speaker 3: these ten, fifteen, twenty years of you knowing me and 1078 00:47:24,160 --> 00:47:27,480 Speaker 3: you loving me the way nobody else can fucking love me, 1079 00:47:27,520 --> 00:47:30,719 Speaker 3: because now you've invested this time and knowledge in me. 1080 00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:32,920 Speaker 3: But I have to be willing to one let you 1081 00:47:33,600 --> 00:47:37,040 Speaker 3: and to give you the knowledge of me. So with y'all, 1082 00:47:37,120 --> 00:47:40,080 Speaker 3: what would your opposite be of what you don't like 1083 00:47:40,200 --> 00:47:42,120 Speaker 3: about yourself? Like, how would you need to show up 1084 00:47:42,320 --> 00:47:44,400 Speaker 3: to say, that is exactly what I love about this 1085 00:47:44,800 --> 00:47:45,239 Speaker 3: part of me. 1086 00:47:45,640 --> 00:47:49,320 Speaker 4: I think being figuring out how to be more consistent, 1087 00:47:49,360 --> 00:47:50,440 Speaker 4: because sometimes. 1088 00:47:50,080 --> 00:47:52,520 Speaker 1: I am the way I would want to be right and. 1089 00:47:52,440 --> 00:47:57,840 Speaker 3: Then sometimes and I don't know what that stems from, 1090 00:47:57,920 --> 00:47:59,760 Speaker 3: where it's like, I can do it sometimes and sometimes 1091 00:47:59,760 --> 00:48:03,400 Speaker 3: I can yet, So I think being consistently just more 1092 00:48:03,719 --> 00:48:07,880 Speaker 3: forward in my behavior. It's a barrier because if you 1093 00:48:07,880 --> 00:48:10,279 Speaker 3: already know how to do it and you're not doing 1094 00:48:10,360 --> 00:48:12,719 Speaker 3: it sometimes, then what's the barrier? How come you can't 1095 00:48:12,800 --> 00:48:14,480 Speaker 3: just say I'm doing that thing that I do that 1096 00:48:14,480 --> 00:48:17,440 Speaker 3: I don't like. Let me switch it over and reprogram 1097 00:48:17,520 --> 00:48:19,640 Speaker 3: into what I know I want to do, and just 1098 00:48:19,680 --> 00:48:22,000 Speaker 3: be dominant in what you want to be and do. 1099 00:48:22,360 --> 00:48:25,520 Speaker 4: I don't know, because this happened to me recently. I 1100 00:48:25,560 --> 00:48:27,719 Speaker 4: was on a podcast and I was so out of 1101 00:48:27,719 --> 00:48:30,960 Speaker 4: my element, and I was recognizing I was shrinking and 1102 00:48:31,000 --> 00:48:33,279 Speaker 4: I was so out of my element, and even in 1103 00:48:33,320 --> 00:48:37,520 Speaker 4: that acknowledgment, I couldn't snap out of it, and I 1104 00:48:37,520 --> 00:48:42,040 Speaker 4: didn't know where to draw me from, and so I 1105 00:48:42,120 --> 00:48:43,080 Speaker 4: kind of just shut down. 1106 00:48:43,320 --> 00:48:46,080 Speaker 3: Yeah, and that's you dominating yourself. See, there is a 1107 00:48:46,120 --> 00:48:49,480 Speaker 3: healthy form of manipulation, y'all. And that manipulation is on ourself, 1108 00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:52,879 Speaker 3: meaning at that moment, you would have had to use 1109 00:48:52,920 --> 00:48:56,440 Speaker 3: that healthy manipulation of telling yourself or doing whatever you 1110 00:48:56,480 --> 00:48:58,160 Speaker 3: need to to get you exactly where you need to 1111 00:48:58,160 --> 00:49:00,440 Speaker 3: be in that moment. And that's what self talk is. 1112 00:49:00,480 --> 00:49:03,000 Speaker 3: Whatever thoughts, And I'm going biblical again. The Bible says, 1113 00:49:03,040 --> 00:49:06,200 Speaker 3: think only on these thoughts that are prosperous, good, peer, 1114 00:49:06,239 --> 00:49:08,920 Speaker 3: and praiseworthy, meaning if you win, pray for them, then 1115 00:49:08,920 --> 00:49:11,520 Speaker 3: you shouldn't think them. And when you start to stand 1116 00:49:11,560 --> 00:49:14,799 Speaker 3: on that principle, you think whatever. The Bible even tells 1117 00:49:14,840 --> 00:49:17,359 Speaker 3: you think only on these thoughts. So what's telling you 1118 00:49:17,640 --> 00:49:21,960 Speaker 3: to healthily use thoughts that will in a healthy positive 1119 00:49:21,960 --> 00:49:25,080 Speaker 3: way manipulate your mind. That would then change your emotion, 1120 00:49:25,239 --> 00:49:27,120 Speaker 3: that then would change how you show up? 1121 00:49:27,440 --> 00:49:28,920 Speaker 4: So what would that have sounded like? 1122 00:49:30,200 --> 00:49:32,000 Speaker 3: How do I want to show up? Right now? I'm shrinking? Fuck, 1123 00:49:32,080 --> 00:49:33,800 Speaker 3: this is this is me off. I cursed myself. Okay, 1124 00:49:33,840 --> 00:49:35,960 Speaker 3: oh fuck, I'm shrinking. This is in my mind. How 1125 00:49:36,000 --> 00:49:36,960 Speaker 3: do I want to show up? I want to show 1126 00:49:37,000 --> 00:49:38,440 Speaker 3: up confidence, I want to show up strong, I want 1127 00:49:38,440 --> 00:49:39,920 Speaker 3: to speak. Okay, So then what does that mean? The 1128 00:49:40,000 --> 00:49:41,839 Speaker 3: means I have to talk? Although I'm scared. Oh shit, 1129 00:49:42,040 --> 00:49:44,400 Speaker 3: So what do I say? Say anything, even if it's 1130 00:49:44,400 --> 00:49:48,239 Speaker 3: two sentence okay, okay, So Jasmine just curious, like when 1131 00:49:48,280 --> 00:49:50,160 Speaker 3: you say you sabotage, Like, what does that look like? Okay, 1132 00:49:50,200 --> 00:49:51,720 Speaker 3: I did it? I did I did it? You see, 1133 00:49:51,760 --> 00:49:55,400 Speaker 3: but I just dominated myself. I thought only the thoughts 1134 00:49:55,440 --> 00:49:56,920 Speaker 3: of like what do I want to do right now? 1135 00:49:56,920 --> 00:49:58,800 Speaker 3: I want to be confident. I want to talk. Okay, 1136 00:49:58,800 --> 00:50:00,440 Speaker 3: So what is confident? What it is talking look like? 1137 00:50:00,760 --> 00:50:03,200 Speaker 3: Once you get the vision, do exactly what it is 1138 00:50:03,360 --> 00:50:05,560 Speaker 3: and don't even think about it. You just have to 1139 00:50:05,600 --> 00:50:08,200 Speaker 3: go for the gust. So and dominate your own thoughts, 1140 00:50:08,400 --> 00:50:10,600 Speaker 3: because if you don't dominate your thoughts, life will have 1141 00:50:10,640 --> 00:50:12,240 Speaker 3: its way with you and you would get the crumbs 1142 00:50:12,360 --> 00:50:17,239 Speaker 3: from the people who already dominated the loaf somebody, Yeah, 1143 00:50:17,280 --> 00:50:22,520 Speaker 3: be the king course. 1144 00:50:22,520 --> 00:50:28,280 Speaker 1: Or so cute. But because because this is lip service, 1145 00:50:28,280 --> 00:50:29,240 Speaker 1: we got some questions. 1146 00:50:29,239 --> 00:50:29,439 Speaker 5: Now. 1147 00:50:29,800 --> 00:50:34,640 Speaker 1: They have to do with sex and intimacy. Okay, So 1148 00:50:34,719 --> 00:50:36,560 Speaker 1: I want to ask you this. Let's just say you're 1149 00:50:36,560 --> 00:50:39,040 Speaker 1: in a relationship with somebody and they want you to 1150 00:50:39,080 --> 00:50:41,319 Speaker 1: do something that you don't feel in your element with, 1151 00:50:41,360 --> 00:50:43,239 Speaker 1: but you want to at the same time, please this 1152 00:50:43,320 --> 00:50:46,480 Speaker 1: person right, Like, let me give what's a good example. 1153 00:50:46,560 --> 00:50:49,360 Speaker 1: Like let's just say, let's start small. Let's say he's small, 1154 00:50:49,560 --> 00:50:51,200 Speaker 1: he wants to spit in your mouth and you don't 1155 00:50:51,239 --> 00:50:59,080 Speaker 1: really necessarily Yeah, okay, now tell me what does that 1156 00:50:59,120 --> 00:51:01,200 Speaker 1: look like as far as as do you compromise or 1157 00:51:01,239 --> 00:51:02,440 Speaker 1: do you say, I'm not into that. 1158 00:51:02,800 --> 00:51:04,200 Speaker 3: And this is with with. 1159 00:51:04,320 --> 00:51:05,319 Speaker 1: The person you're with. 1160 00:51:05,400 --> 00:51:06,960 Speaker 3: So let me say, let me just say it's it's 1161 00:51:06,960 --> 00:51:08,400 Speaker 3: with the person I married to, so it makes me 1162 00:51:08,400 --> 00:51:15,200 Speaker 3: feel more comfortable, Okay, because who I'm married to, I'm 1163 00:51:15,239 --> 00:51:17,480 Speaker 3: they can have their way with me in any way 1164 00:51:17,880 --> 00:51:19,560 Speaker 3: that they want, they want, any way that they want, 1165 00:51:19,600 --> 00:51:23,239 Speaker 3: anyway that they want. So even if it's as long 1166 00:51:23,360 --> 00:51:27,120 Speaker 3: as I have the capacity to do it, meaning it's 1167 00:51:27,120 --> 00:51:27,840 Speaker 3: not paining me. 1168 00:51:28,280 --> 00:51:29,200 Speaker 1: What about a threesome? 1169 00:51:30,080 --> 00:51:34,480 Speaker 3: No, no, that's hard, that's no negotiable hard I said capacity. 1170 00:51:34,520 --> 00:51:36,720 Speaker 1: I don't have the capacity my camera. 1171 00:51:37,080 --> 00:51:41,000 Speaker 3: I do not have the capacity to do anything after 1172 00:51:41,080 --> 00:51:42,920 Speaker 3: the number two. That's me and you a No. 1173 00:51:43,040 --> 00:51:45,600 Speaker 1: Three four. But I have no zero about with the doll, 1174 00:51:45,840 --> 00:51:46,759 Speaker 1: like a sex doll. 1175 00:51:50,239 --> 00:51:54,040 Speaker 3: You know what if it's not another human, I'm down, Okay, 1176 00:51:54,440 --> 00:51:59,000 Speaker 3: I'm down, I'm pretty open. I'm yes, yes, it's not. 1177 00:51:58,920 --> 00:52:00,520 Speaker 2: If it doesn't pain you. 1178 00:52:01,120 --> 00:52:04,239 Speaker 3: But okay, like even if even if it was physical 1179 00:52:04,320 --> 00:52:08,120 Speaker 3: pain that I could sustain and it wasn't abused, And 1180 00:52:08,160 --> 00:52:11,040 Speaker 3: this is what my partner wanted. I am a huge 1181 00:52:11,040 --> 00:52:14,200 Speaker 3: team player. And remember, submission is a sex language and 1182 00:52:14,200 --> 00:52:16,480 Speaker 3: love language for me, so meaning me submitting to that 1183 00:52:16,520 --> 00:52:17,719 Speaker 3: person is what turns me on. 1184 00:52:18,000 --> 00:52:19,560 Speaker 6: What if the thing he wanted you to do was 1185 00:52:19,680 --> 00:52:21,439 Speaker 6: you dominating to him? 1186 00:52:21,719 --> 00:52:24,520 Speaker 3: To him, I would that would be challenging because even 1187 00:52:24,520 --> 00:52:29,720 Speaker 3: though I'm super dominantd I'm very I'm more of a yes, daddy, 1188 00:52:29,960 --> 00:52:31,880 Speaker 3: tell me when, tell me how, what position? 1189 00:52:32,360 --> 00:52:32,520 Speaker 6: How? 1190 00:52:32,719 --> 00:52:35,400 Speaker 3: I'm more of a like okay, yes, I'm that I 1191 00:52:35,520 --> 00:52:37,440 Speaker 3: like and I like that role. And I tend to 1192 00:52:37,520 --> 00:52:40,600 Speaker 3: choose people who like to dominate, so I don't run 1193 00:52:40,640 --> 00:52:44,520 Speaker 3: into the dominate me. Yeah, I run into like, you know, 1194 00:52:44,640 --> 00:52:46,600 Speaker 3: grab my throat and this is my ship. And what 1195 00:52:46,680 --> 00:52:48,319 Speaker 3: I said, I'm like, what if. 1196 00:52:49,200 --> 00:52:50,880 Speaker 1: What if he was like you're a select, you're a 1197 00:52:50,880 --> 00:52:52,560 Speaker 1: dirty whore and that turned him on. 1198 00:52:53,160 --> 00:53:01,160 Speaker 7: I've had that too, and I was like, oh my god, 1199 00:53:04,600 --> 00:53:06,800 Speaker 7: and say that again. Or I would text to me 1200 00:53:06,920 --> 00:53:09,800 Speaker 7: like can you call me a letting into? 1201 00:53:11,239 --> 00:53:13,239 Speaker 3: Yeah? I like all that stuff I like that. That's 1202 00:53:13,280 --> 00:53:14,919 Speaker 3: my that's my thing, y'all. Don't get. 1203 00:53:21,080 --> 00:53:21,560 Speaker 6: Engage. 1204 00:53:21,719 --> 00:53:25,120 Speaker 3: You only one person could slept me out, and it's 1205 00:53:25,160 --> 00:53:27,000 Speaker 3: not on a casual term, So don't try it. 1206 00:53:27,040 --> 00:53:30,319 Speaker 1: Okay, good period. Now, when let's just say that you 1207 00:53:30,360 --> 00:53:34,719 Speaker 1: do have trauma, right, Like we discussed this earlier. Do 1208 00:53:34,800 --> 00:53:37,920 Speaker 1: you think that and we talked about trauma bonding, but 1209 00:53:38,000 --> 00:53:40,640 Speaker 1: what does that look like when people are getting together 1210 00:53:40,880 --> 00:53:44,880 Speaker 1: and they're having sex and everything, but maybe one person, 1211 00:53:44,880 --> 00:53:46,920 Speaker 1: you know, maybe they're having like a lot of issues 1212 00:53:46,960 --> 00:53:49,319 Speaker 1: with that. Do you think that people can really form 1213 00:53:49,640 --> 00:53:52,239 Speaker 1: a real intimate relationship if they're both going through like 1214 00:53:52,280 --> 00:53:54,000 Speaker 1: a lot of trauma and how does that play out 1215 00:53:54,000 --> 00:53:54,520 Speaker 1: in the bedroom? 1216 00:53:54,600 --> 00:53:57,799 Speaker 3: Oh my god. I think that trauma bonds have the 1217 00:53:57,840 --> 00:54:01,480 Speaker 3: highest peak of passionate intimacy. I think that's what makes 1218 00:54:01,520 --> 00:54:07,759 Speaker 3: trauma bonds such an intense bond the season. It's it's 1219 00:54:08,480 --> 00:54:13,440 Speaker 3: I mean, it's because trauma is so intense, and people 1220 00:54:13,480 --> 00:54:16,680 Speaker 3: who are so used of trauma don't know how to 1221 00:54:17,360 --> 00:54:20,920 Speaker 3: be intense outside of the trauma. See, people make healthy 1222 00:54:21,160 --> 00:54:24,520 Speaker 3: so boring, and it's not right. Instead of making healthy 1223 00:54:24,560 --> 00:54:29,600 Speaker 3: passionate and making healthy deep, and making healthy the whole 1224 00:54:29,800 --> 00:54:33,440 Speaker 3: love intensity of cleaving. They make it boring, like we're 1225 00:54:33,480 --> 00:54:35,919 Speaker 3: sitting here and we're just articulating our emotions. 1226 00:54:36,680 --> 00:54:39,080 Speaker 5: Healthy and they think missionary sex. I think they think 1227 00:54:39,120 --> 00:54:40,000 Speaker 5: those are the same thing. 1228 00:54:40,080 --> 00:54:44,080 Speaker 3: But healthy can be slept me out, Healthy can be 1229 00:54:44,160 --> 00:54:47,760 Speaker 3: I'm totally submitting to you. Healthy could be I'm communicating 1230 00:54:47,800 --> 00:54:50,680 Speaker 3: my trauma to you. And healthy could be we are 1231 00:54:50,719 --> 00:54:53,719 Speaker 3: so intense and so passionate that, yes, we may have 1232 00:54:54,120 --> 00:54:58,319 Speaker 3: arguments that that reach a high tone, right, but we're not. 1233 00:54:58,480 --> 00:55:01,239 Speaker 3: It's not abusive, but we know that this high tone 1234 00:55:01,280 --> 00:55:03,000 Speaker 3: does something for us. So when we get to this 1235 00:55:03,080 --> 00:55:07,360 Speaker 3: high tone, right, then we are intimately or intimate, and 1236 00:55:07,440 --> 00:55:09,520 Speaker 3: then we are sexual, and then things tend to flame 1237 00:55:09,760 --> 00:55:12,000 Speaker 3: and flame for us that are healthy. It's all about 1238 00:55:12,000 --> 00:55:14,320 Speaker 3: I always say this. People are so worried about finding 1239 00:55:14,360 --> 00:55:17,640 Speaker 3: a relationship that they have to change for instead of 1240 00:55:17,680 --> 00:55:20,239 Speaker 3: finding the relationship that fix your toxicity and fix your 1241 00:55:20,280 --> 00:55:23,200 Speaker 3: dysfunction at a healthy level. What I mean is some 1242 00:55:23,239 --> 00:55:26,040 Speaker 3: people will say that you and I Jasmin are it 1243 00:55:26,080 --> 00:55:28,520 Speaker 3: talks and dysfunctional because we need someone to be plugged 1244 00:55:28,520 --> 00:55:30,759 Speaker 3: into us all day long. We're just needy as fuck, 1245 00:55:30,840 --> 00:55:35,839 Speaker 3: right however, and are and however, however, watch this. We 1246 00:55:35,880 --> 00:55:40,800 Speaker 3: are only that for somebody who doesn't fit that level 1247 00:55:40,920 --> 00:55:44,160 Speaker 3: of a relationship style. A person who says, I can't 1248 00:55:44,160 --> 00:55:45,919 Speaker 3: be with the woman who I can't call all day, 1249 00:55:46,080 --> 00:55:47,560 Speaker 3: I can't be with the woman who I can't love 1250 00:55:47,560 --> 00:55:48,880 Speaker 3: on all day. I can't be the woman who I 1251 00:55:48,880 --> 00:55:52,280 Speaker 3: can't check in with all day. Guess what, that's our person. Yeah, 1252 00:55:52,360 --> 00:55:55,120 Speaker 3: the woman who don't doesn't want it, that's not your person. 1253 00:55:55,560 --> 00:55:58,120 Speaker 3: So what I'm saying is it's about us finding our 1254 00:55:58,320 --> 00:56:01,839 Speaker 3: fit are equally yoke, not finding someone who we just 1255 00:56:01,880 --> 00:56:04,680 Speaker 3: want to be together so bad because we're desperate to 1256 00:56:04,680 --> 00:56:06,520 Speaker 3: be in a relationship, not because we want to be 1257 00:56:06,560 --> 00:56:08,800 Speaker 3: with each other. So now you've got to change everything. 1258 00:56:08,840 --> 00:56:10,319 Speaker 3: I got to change everything. Why in the fuck are 1259 00:56:10,360 --> 00:56:11,239 Speaker 3: we in this relationship? 1260 00:56:11,360 --> 00:56:14,080 Speaker 1: Well, is there such a thing as being sexually incompatible? 1261 00:56:14,280 --> 00:56:14,879 Speaker 1: Would you say? 1262 00:56:15,760 --> 00:56:19,160 Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely, yes, yes, totally. But I do think that 1263 00:56:19,160 --> 00:56:22,800 Speaker 3: that hinders the relationship because sex isn't just about an orgasm. 1264 00:56:22,840 --> 00:56:26,160 Speaker 3: It's also a huge expression of expression of love, a 1265 00:56:26,239 --> 00:56:29,319 Speaker 3: huge expression of yourself. So while you are giving your 1266 00:56:29,400 --> 00:56:33,120 Speaker 3: vagina to this person, you're giving them really you, your 1267 00:56:33,200 --> 00:56:37,280 Speaker 3: soul and your dignity and your personality and your umph 1268 00:56:37,520 --> 00:56:42,000 Speaker 3: and your your internalness and your vulnerability. You're giving them 1269 00:56:42,080 --> 00:56:45,160 Speaker 3: so many moving parts. When we we we water it 1270 00:56:45,200 --> 00:56:49,040 Speaker 3: down to just pussy in an orgasm. When I'm making 1271 00:56:49,120 --> 00:56:51,600 Speaker 3: love to somebody, I am fully indulged. 1272 00:56:51,640 --> 00:56:53,560 Speaker 1: I don't know what y'all be doing, but I am. 1273 00:56:53,760 --> 00:56:55,080 Speaker 3: I got a lot of moving parts. 1274 00:56:55,320 --> 00:56:58,760 Speaker 1: But if you love somebody but you don't love having 1275 00:56:58,760 --> 00:57:00,080 Speaker 1: sex with them. 1276 00:57:00,880 --> 00:57:05,360 Speaker 3: But then that's like that's like saying, you know, parents 1277 00:57:05,360 --> 00:57:07,239 Speaker 3: love their kids, right, but there's limits to what they 1278 00:57:07,280 --> 00:57:09,319 Speaker 3: do with them. So there's different kind of loves. There's 1279 00:57:09,320 --> 00:57:12,040 Speaker 3: a romantic love and then there is a very platonic love. 1280 00:57:12,239 --> 00:57:14,600 Speaker 3: If you're talking about marriage, you don't want the platonic love. 1281 00:57:14,920 --> 00:57:18,920 Speaker 3: You want the romantic love, the love that consists of everything. 1282 00:57:18,960 --> 00:57:20,640 Speaker 1: Because you know what I think is the problem for 1283 00:57:20,720 --> 00:57:23,480 Speaker 1: and I was having this conversation with the woman who 1284 00:57:24,360 --> 00:57:26,160 Speaker 1: with pat Ma Lakshmi. Actually she was talking about her 1285 00:57:26,400 --> 00:57:30,080 Speaker 1: endometriosis and how sex was really hard for her. It 1286 00:57:30,200 --> 00:57:34,160 Speaker 1: was painful and her husband at the time was not 1287 00:57:34,320 --> 00:57:37,280 Speaker 1: understanding of that. And then I was having another conversation 1288 00:57:37,440 --> 00:57:41,880 Speaker 1: today with another woman who was going through menopause and 1289 00:57:41,960 --> 00:57:44,040 Speaker 1: it has made her, It's changed her hormones to the 1290 00:57:44,040 --> 00:57:47,160 Speaker 1: point where she's not enjoying it. And so I'm just 1291 00:57:47,240 --> 00:57:50,640 Speaker 1: asking that because sometimes it can be like it's a 1292 00:57:50,680 --> 00:57:52,240 Speaker 1: physical thing where. 1293 00:57:52,120 --> 00:57:55,800 Speaker 3: For health conditions there has to be an understanding and compassion. Right, 1294 00:57:55,840 --> 00:57:58,000 Speaker 3: that's totally different. But if I'm saying we're in a 1295 00:57:58,040 --> 00:58:00,800 Speaker 3: relationship and I just have no interest and being intimate 1296 00:58:00,840 --> 00:58:03,360 Speaker 3: with you and there's no health condition going on, then 1297 00:58:03,400 --> 00:58:07,400 Speaker 3: there is an impairment in that relationship because part, a 1298 00:58:07,480 --> 00:58:11,760 Speaker 3: gigantic part of relationships is not just the orgasm. It's 1299 00:58:11,760 --> 00:58:16,120 Speaker 3: the sexual connection of me and this person sharing an 1300 00:58:16,160 --> 00:58:20,360 Speaker 3: outer body experience that goes deeper than just physical. It 1301 00:58:20,400 --> 00:58:23,320 Speaker 3: takes us to a place of ecstasy. If you're really 1302 00:58:23,400 --> 00:58:26,360 Speaker 3: making love the right way and it's not just transactional, 1303 00:58:26,720 --> 00:58:29,000 Speaker 3: then you're taking it to a place of ecstasy right 1304 00:58:29,040 --> 00:58:32,040 Speaker 3: where now you're not just having an external orgasm physically, 1305 00:58:32,240 --> 00:58:35,320 Speaker 3: you are having an internal orgasm. And so you know, 1306 00:58:35,480 --> 00:58:38,440 Speaker 3: when I've been in love and I am giving myself 1307 00:58:38,440 --> 00:58:41,840 Speaker 3: to somebody in a submissive way with no conditions, the 1308 00:58:41,920 --> 00:58:46,080 Speaker 3: external orgasm was the least orgasm that I had from 1309 00:58:46,120 --> 00:58:49,520 Speaker 3: the internal orgasm of just the sexual experience of this 1310 00:58:49,560 --> 00:58:52,040 Speaker 3: person being inside of me. And this person being on 1311 00:58:52,080 --> 00:58:53,960 Speaker 3: me and skin to skin and all these things that 1312 00:58:53,960 --> 00:58:56,880 Speaker 3: we're doing in the act of it. That was orgasmic 1313 00:58:56,960 --> 00:58:58,919 Speaker 3: for me. So by the time the orgasm came, which 1314 00:58:58,920 --> 00:59:02,720 Speaker 3: I was trying to prolong because the act was so amazing, right, 1315 00:59:03,120 --> 00:59:06,160 Speaker 3: it was like fireworks. When you're doing it from a 1316 00:59:06,200 --> 00:59:11,240 Speaker 3: place of I'm fully giving myself to this person. I'm 1317 00:59:11,280 --> 00:59:13,080 Speaker 3: not here because I want a quick nut or a 1318 00:59:13,120 --> 00:59:17,120 Speaker 3: quick orgasm. Then sex becomes ecstasy and it becomes an 1319 00:59:17,160 --> 00:59:20,680 Speaker 3: intimate space, not just a transactional place to have a 1320 00:59:20,760 --> 00:59:21,400 Speaker 3: night of passion. 1321 00:59:22,440 --> 00:59:24,040 Speaker 1: Well, listen, I want to say, I know you got 1322 00:59:24,040 --> 00:59:25,680 Speaker 1: to go because you have a flight to catch and 1323 00:59:25,720 --> 00:59:30,360 Speaker 1: we are still like government, yes, yes, yeah, And I 1324 00:59:30,360 --> 00:59:32,840 Speaker 1: don't want you to miss that, but mental detax, let 1325 00:59:32,840 --> 00:59:35,320 Speaker 1: go what's not working and build a life that does. 1326 00:59:36,080 --> 00:59:38,600 Speaker 1: Make sure y'all guys pick this up. This is available now, 1327 00:59:39,040 --> 00:59:41,040 Speaker 1: so the day that this interview is out, this book 1328 00:59:41,080 --> 00:59:42,080 Speaker 1: is available. 1329 00:59:41,680 --> 00:59:44,640 Speaker 3: Audio and there's an audiobook opponent too. And I do 1330 00:59:44,720 --> 00:59:46,800 Speaker 3: want to shout out La La my girl, for writing 1331 00:59:46,800 --> 00:59:50,880 Speaker 3: the forward. Also to Curtis fifty cent Jackson Jackson for 1332 00:59:51,520 --> 00:59:53,720 Speaker 3: even being the one that took the lead on me 1333 00:59:53,840 --> 00:59:57,520 Speaker 3: being able to have the privilege of being with my publisher, 1334 00:59:57,520 --> 00:59:59,960 Speaker 3: which is hey House Random House, the biggest publishing company 1335 01:00:00,160 --> 01:00:06,840 Speaker 3: world fifty to Mark who was my literal agent, and 1336 01:00:07,040 --> 01:00:09,360 Speaker 3: even Winny my publicist who is here now, Ian who 1337 01:00:09,400 --> 01:00:11,320 Speaker 3: is my travel assistant who's always with me, and my 1338 01:00:11,360 --> 01:00:14,480 Speaker 3: best friend and the actual backbone and spine of the 1339 01:00:14,480 --> 01:00:18,040 Speaker 3: Doctor Brian Institute, the Doctor Bryant brand, my best friend 1340 01:00:18,080 --> 01:00:21,000 Speaker 3: Lola aka Diszel Yates. I got to shout out my 1341 01:00:21,000 --> 01:00:23,840 Speaker 3: people because you got, you know, with no without them. Literally, 1342 01:00:23,840 --> 01:00:25,560 Speaker 3: I tell you all all the time, I don't care 1343 01:00:25,600 --> 01:00:28,840 Speaker 3: what nobody say. There ain't no brand, there ain't no business, 1344 01:00:28,880 --> 01:00:31,800 Speaker 3: There is no money without your team. And if folks 1345 01:00:31,840 --> 01:00:34,200 Speaker 3: don't understand that, you would never make it. You only 1346 01:00:34,240 --> 01:00:36,760 Speaker 3: go as fast as your team, right. And I literally 1347 01:00:36,840 --> 01:00:38,240 Speaker 3: tell them like, I don't know how I would do 1348 01:00:38,280 --> 01:00:40,439 Speaker 3: it without I don't know I would even travel without them. 1349 01:00:40,760 --> 01:00:45,320 Speaker 1: We need to sit down with Yeah, I would love 1350 01:00:45,360 --> 01:00:45,840 Speaker 1: to see. 1351 01:00:45,640 --> 01:00:46,960 Speaker 3: That give five on here. 1352 01:00:47,120 --> 01:00:49,400 Speaker 1: Absolutely. I think you knew that. I would love to 1353 01:00:49,400 --> 01:00:52,440 Speaker 1: hear what he has to say. Yes, but no, this 1354 01:00:52,600 --> 01:00:54,640 Speaker 1: was has been amazing. I feel like we all got 1355 01:00:54,920 --> 01:00:57,520 Speaker 1: Is it hard to like hear somebody assess you and. 1356 01:00:57,760 --> 01:01:00,760 Speaker 2: I'm in therapy, so it's kind of like, yeah, girl, 1357 01:01:01,040 --> 01:01:01,480 Speaker 2: I love it. 1358 01:01:01,680 --> 01:01:03,040 Speaker 4: Yeah, it was. 1359 01:01:03,040 --> 01:01:04,760 Speaker 3: It challenging for you because you're not in therapy. 1360 01:01:04,880 --> 01:01:07,000 Speaker 6: I'm not I can tell I can tell you. 1361 01:01:07,840 --> 01:01:09,840 Speaker 3: It was more like I love that you. I felt 1362 01:01:09,840 --> 01:01:12,120 Speaker 3: the resistance, but you were like fuck that. I want this. 1363 01:01:12,280 --> 01:01:14,720 Speaker 5: I do want it, but my worry with therapy and 1364 01:01:14,760 --> 01:01:17,080 Speaker 5: I know this is toxic and not true. 1365 01:01:18,440 --> 01:01:19,760 Speaker 6: I don't want it. 1366 01:01:19,800 --> 01:01:21,520 Speaker 5: I don't want to get fixed, and then I'm not 1367 01:01:21,560 --> 01:01:22,560 Speaker 5: as funny. 1368 01:01:23,120 --> 01:01:26,120 Speaker 6: Oh my god, how toxic that was. 1369 01:01:26,200 --> 01:01:27,680 Speaker 5: But I'm in my head, I'm like, but I don't 1370 01:01:27,720 --> 01:01:29,920 Speaker 5: want to go to therapy, and then I'm not out 1371 01:01:30,080 --> 01:01:31,520 Speaker 5: to like can you used to be so funny? 1372 01:01:31,920 --> 01:01:34,400 Speaker 2: He was like not drinking, and then now you're like, 1373 01:01:34,400 --> 01:01:34,920 Speaker 2: I'm not funny. 1374 01:01:36,080 --> 01:01:39,040 Speaker 5: Yeah, I And I'm like putting it off, but I 1375 01:01:39,040 --> 01:01:40,360 Speaker 5: definitely need to do it at some point. 1376 01:01:40,440 --> 01:01:43,520 Speaker 3: But okay, but but if you don't know this is good. 1377 01:01:43,640 --> 01:01:46,480 Speaker 3: I want to make sure that you. I want to 1378 01:01:46,480 --> 01:01:49,120 Speaker 3: ask you if you can commit to getting out there 1379 01:01:49,320 --> 01:01:53,120 Speaker 3: and getting a starting point would becoming more relational. And 1380 01:01:53,640 --> 01:01:57,960 Speaker 3: there's a second part to it, being vulnerable with what 1381 01:01:58,040 --> 01:02:01,280 Speaker 3: you don't know and what you the guidance you need 1382 01:02:01,640 --> 01:02:05,040 Speaker 3: from whoever you're sitting across from and not caring about 1383 01:02:05,040 --> 01:02:06,840 Speaker 3: the risk of Oh my god, I look stupid, I 1384 01:02:06,840 --> 01:02:09,240 Speaker 3: look like I don't know who cares like you don't know? 1385 01:02:09,520 --> 01:02:11,360 Speaker 3: And that is the authenticity of who you are and 1386 01:02:11,400 --> 01:02:14,560 Speaker 3: where you are. And allow God to use people to 1387 01:02:14,800 --> 01:02:19,000 Speaker 3: show you his blessings and his guidance and the stairs 1388 01:02:19,000 --> 01:02:20,800 Speaker 3: that He has for you, the steps he has for you, 1389 01:02:20,840 --> 01:02:22,440 Speaker 3: because we are the only way to get through it 1390 01:02:22,480 --> 01:02:24,240 Speaker 3: is through vessels. If we don't let people help us, 1391 01:02:24,280 --> 01:02:26,520 Speaker 3: which is God's vessels, we don't get nowhere. 1392 01:02:26,560 --> 01:02:28,800 Speaker 1: And you feel like one of the biggest decisions and 1393 01:02:28,880 --> 01:02:30,560 Speaker 1: choices we can make in our life. 1394 01:02:30,320 --> 01:02:34,360 Speaker 3: No, not one. The biggest biggest decision you will ever 1395 01:02:34,400 --> 01:02:35,960 Speaker 3: make in your life is the person you choose to 1396 01:02:35,960 --> 01:02:37,800 Speaker 3: live your life with. Period. It is your partner. 1397 01:02:38,160 --> 01:02:38,600 Speaker 1: Period. 1398 01:02:39,320 --> 01:02:42,120 Speaker 3: I don't care who you're choosing. That is the biggest 1399 01:02:42,160 --> 01:02:44,600 Speaker 3: decision you're making your entire life, and you have to 1400 01:02:44,680 --> 01:02:47,080 Speaker 3: choose wisely. But you got to put your shit out 1401 01:02:47,080 --> 01:02:49,440 Speaker 3: there so they know this is what they choosing, and 1402 01:02:49,480 --> 01:02:52,640 Speaker 3: you got to make sure that they are capable of 1403 01:02:52,720 --> 01:02:55,080 Speaker 3: choosing you. That's the main thing we are hiding. Parts 1404 01:02:55,080 --> 01:02:57,040 Speaker 3: of us just because choose me, choose me. But look, 1405 01:02:57,080 --> 01:02:59,640 Speaker 3: it's only it's only one issue I got. I'm like, look, 1406 01:02:59,640 --> 01:03:03,440 Speaker 3: I got, don't want an issue. I want to be 1407 01:03:03,600 --> 01:03:05,880 Speaker 3: loved and I want to be cared for and I 1408 01:03:05,920 --> 01:03:09,800 Speaker 3: want to be clean to Jasmine, I love me like this. 1409 01:03:12,480 --> 01:03:14,760 Speaker 6: Well, does any gays in New York watch this episode? 1410 01:03:16,040 --> 01:03:17,080 Speaker 1: They got to be in New York? 1411 01:03:19,080 --> 01:03:19,880 Speaker 4: But you don't. 1412 01:03:20,480 --> 01:03:25,480 Speaker 6: I don't. Yeah, I had the guys didn't work out. 1413 01:03:25,480 --> 01:03:34,640 Speaker 1: So New Jersey, Connecticut. Okay, yeah, all right, Well doctor 1414 01:03:34,680 --> 01:03:37,920 Speaker 1: Seanne Bryant, this is amazing, like you are always. You know, 1415 01:03:38,000 --> 01:03:40,880 Speaker 1: I love watching everything that you're doing. I love when 1416 01:03:40,880 --> 01:03:44,280 Speaker 1: you get the feathers ruffled. You know, it means a lot. 1417 01:03:44,840 --> 01:03:47,880 Speaker 1: It means a lot to us enjoy watching the people 1418 01:03:47,960 --> 01:03:49,880 Speaker 1: that I like. I love Nick Cannon, but I love 1419 01:03:49,880 --> 01:03:51,320 Speaker 1: your conversations with Nick Cannon. 1420 01:03:52,000 --> 01:03:52,240 Speaker 3: Yeah. 1421 01:03:52,920 --> 01:03:56,520 Speaker 5: Yeah, I watched the interview with camera earlier. Yes, and 1422 01:03:56,560 --> 01:03:57,640 Speaker 5: it was a fun watch. 1423 01:03:57,960 --> 01:03:59,640 Speaker 1: He'll still be bringing that ship up if you do it. 1424 01:04:00,040 --> 01:04:04,000 Speaker 1: I was like every episode, it don't matter where he is, 1425 01:04:04,080 --> 01:04:11,000 Speaker 1: he's gonna be like and then that damn shyly. 1426 01:04:11,280 --> 01:04:13,840 Speaker 3: Yes, yes, but thank y'all for having me on. Y'all, 1427 01:04:13,880 --> 01:04:16,040 Speaker 3: don't forget to Uh. I was gonna say pre order, 1428 01:04:16,080 --> 01:04:19,160 Speaker 3: but guess what orders the book. It's on every single platform, 1429 01:04:19,200 --> 01:04:21,120 Speaker 3: bars and nowhere. Amamon just put a mentality talks and 1430 01:04:21,320 --> 01:04:23,680 Speaker 3: to come up and I want to google, audiobook or 1431 01:04:23,920 --> 01:04:27,400 Speaker 3: print book. Go get your audience. I did it. It's 1432 01:04:27,400 --> 01:04:29,520 Speaker 3: my voice. 1433 01:04:30,680 --> 01:04:33,400 Speaker 1: Do this with your significant other. It's fun, it is, 1434 01:04:33,520 --> 01:04:36,360 Speaker 1: and you'll learn a lot. Yeah, man, not the right word, 1435 01:04:36,400 --> 01:04:37,120 Speaker 1: but you'll learn a lot. 1436 01:04:37,160 --> 01:04:39,480 Speaker 3: It's fun, though it gets deep. And if you're going 1437 01:04:39,520 --> 01:04:41,840 Speaker 3: to be in a relationship, I always say this, before 1438 01:04:41,840 --> 01:04:44,920 Speaker 3: you let him penetrate your vagina, ladies, make sure he 1439 01:04:44,960 --> 01:04:46,280 Speaker 3: can penetrate your heart. 1440 01:04:46,560 --> 01:04:51,480 Speaker 1: Or your booty hole. Oh lord, Okay, we don't want 1441 01:04:51,520 --> 01:04:52,400 Speaker 1: you to fell left out. 1442 01:04:55,200 --> 01:04:59,680 Speaker 6: Petrating every distress. 1443 01:05:00,120 --> 01:05:01,800 Speaker 1: Okay, she's a hybrid. 1444 01:05:01,920 --> 01:05:05,840 Speaker 6: Okay, hybrid vegetable words. 1445 01:05:07,560 --> 01:05:07,600 Speaker 1: I