1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:01,800 Speaker 1: You have to be with people who are excited to 2 00:00:01,840 --> 00:00:05,040 Speaker 1: see you, who see your light, appreciate your light, that 3 00:00:05,240 --> 00:00:07,440 Speaker 1: love what you bring to the table. And what's the 4 00:00:07,440 --> 00:00:11,600 Speaker 1: point of having a lukewarm relationship where it's not really 5 00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:14,960 Speaker 1: exciting at all, you know, and there's not really any 6 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:17,400 Speaker 1: spark there. It's kind of like, what are you doing? 7 00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:19,279 Speaker 1: Are you just doing it to like occupy your time? 8 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,600 Speaker 1: And there's so many other things that you could possibly 9 00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:25,000 Speaker 1: be doing. If a relationship is lukewarm, maybe best to 10 00:00:25,040 --> 00:00:25,599 Speaker 1: step back. 11 00:00:40,760 --> 00:00:44,840 Speaker 2: Hey everyone, Emily a body here bringing you another installment 12 00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:47,720 Speaker 2: of Hurdle Moment from her at All. Now, if you're 13 00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:50,360 Speaker 2: new to the show, welcome, I'm happy to have you. 14 00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:53,640 Speaker 2: Let me give you the stick about what Hurdle Moment 15 00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:58,200 Speaker 2: Wednesdays are all about. On the Hurdle Moment episodes, I 16 00:00:58,240 --> 00:01:01,880 Speaker 2: am tackling the topics that are on your mind, often 17 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:04,959 Speaker 2: related to popular messages I'm getting in my inbox or 18 00:01:04,959 --> 00:01:08,520 Speaker 2: my dms, or topics of conversation in the Super Secret 19 00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:11,200 Speaker 2: Hurdler's Facebook group. Now, if you're not in, that link 20 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:14,360 Speaker 2: to join in is in the show notes. So related 21 00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:17,520 Speaker 2: to those I connect with top experts to give you 22 00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:21,760 Speaker 2: the information The tips, the tricks that you need to 23 00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:26,240 Speaker 2: live healthier, happier, more motivated lives. So today's topic, I 24 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:32,000 Speaker 2: am diving into friendship, specifically how to make friends as 25 00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:34,880 Speaker 2: an adult, and it is certainly something that I've navigated 26 00:01:34,959 --> 00:01:38,160 Speaker 2: both between getting older and having friends leaving the city. 27 00:01:38,319 --> 00:01:40,840 Speaker 2: And so to wrap about this, I'm bringing in one 28 00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:43,560 Speaker 2: of my good friends. Her name is Christina Rudolfo. She 29 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:48,080 Speaker 2: is the beauty director at Woman's Health magazine and, as 30 00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:50,760 Speaker 2: she says in her Instagram bio, which we laugh about today, 31 00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:54,720 Speaker 2: your new beauty bff. We talk about it all in 32 00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:58,800 Speaker 2: today's episode, from strategies to making friends, where to find 33 00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:01,840 Speaker 2: said friends, what to do if you want to befriend 34 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:05,760 Speaker 2: someone that you only know via social media, how to 35 00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:08,480 Speaker 2: deal with someone that may not want to be your friend, 36 00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:10,120 Speaker 2: what you do if you go on a friend day 37 00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:12,760 Speaker 2: and you're just not jiving, the right way to walk 38 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:16,760 Speaker 2: away from that potential non friendship, and how to protect 39 00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:20,080 Speaker 2: your boundaries, How to be smart in your friendship so 40 00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:22,880 Speaker 2: that you're really getting both the most out of the 41 00:02:22,919 --> 00:02:27,200 Speaker 2: relationship and looking out for your best interest. Lots of 42 00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:30,240 Speaker 2: good stuff in here. Super grateful to Christina for her time. 43 00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:33,560 Speaker 2: If you don't follow her on Instagram, do it. The 44 00:02:33,680 --> 00:02:35,600 Speaker 2: link to do that is in the show notes. I 45 00:02:35,639 --> 00:02:37,920 Speaker 2: am just blown away by her wealth of knowledge on 46 00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:41,560 Speaker 2: all things beauty and if you need a solid foundation 47 00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:45,960 Speaker 2: or mascara recommendation, Christina is your girl. Make sure you're 48 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:49,000 Speaker 2: following along on Hurdle over at Hurdle Podcast. You can 49 00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:51,880 Speaker 2: find me over at Emily A Body and I've got 50 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:54,960 Speaker 2: a really fun hurdle session in the works for next week. 51 00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:57,800 Speaker 2: It is with Lindsay Clayton and Amber Reese a Brave 52 00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:01,480 Speaker 2: Body project. We are going to be so you want 53 00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:05,040 Speaker 2: to run a marathon, demystifying the marathon, whether you want 54 00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:07,440 Speaker 2: to run a half or a full, giving you all 55 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:11,040 Speaker 2: the tips, tricks and tools you need to cross the 56 00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:13,760 Speaker 2: finish line and cross off that big bucket list item 57 00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:16,960 Speaker 2: from your to do list. I think that's it. With that, 58 00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:19,160 Speaker 2: let's get to hurdling. 59 00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:28,480 Speaker 3: Today. 60 00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:31,560 Speaker 2: I'm sitting down with Christina Rudolfo. She is the beauty 61 00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:34,680 Speaker 2: director at A Woman's Health magazine. She's also as Cheaper 62 00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:39,800 Speaker 2: claims in her Instagram bio your beauty BFF. Hi, Hi. 63 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:42,520 Speaker 2: If you're going to be my beauty BFF, then you 64 00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:44,160 Speaker 2: can be my actual bff. 65 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:46,320 Speaker 3: I'm everyone's just actual bff. 66 00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:49,320 Speaker 2: I love that for you, I love that for us. 67 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:51,800 Speaker 2: You and I have become close over the last year 68 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:54,040 Speaker 2: in this pandemic life. You and I were chatting the 69 00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:57,600 Speaker 2: other day and I was talking to you about a 70 00:03:57,760 --> 00:04:01,240 Speaker 2: concern that arised in the c at Hurdler's Facebook group, 71 00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:04,720 Speaker 2: which was that everyone is chatting about how to make 72 00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:06,440 Speaker 2: friends when you get older. 73 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:07,480 Speaker 3: It's so tough. 74 00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:08,520 Speaker 2: It's so tough. 75 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:10,520 Speaker 1: It's something that people don't warn you about. 76 00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:12,040 Speaker 3: That along with you know. 77 00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:15,680 Speaker 1: Saving, saving for your four oh one k and you 78 00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:18,440 Speaker 1: know all this, all the all the real life things 79 00:04:18,440 --> 00:04:20,320 Speaker 1: that no one really tells you when you're a kid. 80 00:04:20,839 --> 00:04:22,720 Speaker 2: No one really tells you. And friends come and go 81 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:25,640 Speaker 2: as you become an adult. Because when you're younger and 82 00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:28,000 Speaker 2: you're mostly staying in the same place. You're going to 83 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,760 Speaker 2: elementary school, middle school, high school. Okay, cool, you've got 84 00:04:30,839 --> 00:04:33,000 Speaker 2: like a solid chunk of time there. Then you go 85 00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:35,039 Speaker 2: to college and you meet all of these people and hey, 86 00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:37,400 Speaker 2: you're going to be there for four years. Cool, great 87 00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:39,720 Speaker 2: solid chunk of time there. Then you go through a 88 00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:42,040 Speaker 2: little transition when you move to wherever you're going to move. 89 00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:45,920 Speaker 2: But after that like all bets are off, like everyone 90 00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:47,080 Speaker 2: can go anywhere. 91 00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:51,359 Speaker 1: It's so unpredictable too, especially this past year, you know, 92 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:54,200 Speaker 1: we've been seeing so many people leaving the city and 93 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:57,680 Speaker 1: moving across the country and quitting their jobs or just 94 00:04:57,760 --> 00:05:01,359 Speaker 1: having such huge life changes that just sets everybody on 95 00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:04,560 Speaker 1: different paths. And it also happens with life milestones too, 96 00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:07,520 Speaker 1: you know, people getting married, people having kids. That just 97 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:10,279 Speaker 1: changes the dynamic of friendships as well. So as you 98 00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:12,480 Speaker 1: get older and you're trying to you know, find your 99 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:15,800 Speaker 1: core group of people or just your person, you know, 100 00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:19,279 Speaker 1: it's it gets really hard and lonely. And I think 101 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:23,520 Speaker 1: that something people don't really think about is how to 102 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:27,440 Speaker 1: maintain friendships as an adult, just because it all becomes 103 00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:29,200 Speaker 1: all about convenience and proximity. 104 00:05:30,279 --> 00:05:32,440 Speaker 2: It is very difficult, and I think what you just 105 00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:35,800 Speaker 2: said is really important that it can become about proximity 106 00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:39,440 Speaker 2: or convenience. Like when you get older and you have 107 00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:42,919 Speaker 2: good friends and you happen to end up in different locations, 108 00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:47,760 Speaker 2: those relationships no longer are because of convenience. These are 109 00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:51,279 Speaker 2: relationships that you have to choose to both work on. 110 00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:54,279 Speaker 2: If one person is willing to put in a hell 111 00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:56,599 Speaker 2: of a lot of effort into your friendship and the 112 00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:59,640 Speaker 2: other person isn't. It could be because of a circumstance 113 00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:01,440 Speaker 2: or something going on in their life, or maybe they 114 00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:04,600 Speaker 2: just don't have the capacity or the interest. Sometimes you've 115 00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:06,919 Speaker 2: got to walk away from that kind of friendship. 116 00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:09,760 Speaker 1: Yes, and that is sometimes the most difficult thing because 117 00:06:10,279 --> 00:06:13,200 Speaker 1: speaking as a very sentimental person, you know, whenever I 118 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:16,320 Speaker 1: have history with somebody, if I grew up with them, 119 00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:19,280 Speaker 1: if we work together, you know, you just have that 120 00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:23,040 Speaker 1: sense of closeness that might not exist in the present moment, 121 00:06:23,080 --> 00:06:25,680 Speaker 1: but because you had that closeness before, it gets so 122 00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:29,000 Speaker 1: hard to let go of that. If you know that 123 00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:31,480 Speaker 1: life season is over. And this is another thing. You know, 124 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:34,080 Speaker 1: it's like sometimes friends just come for a season in 125 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:37,400 Speaker 1: your life and that's okay. You know, I had a 126 00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:40,360 Speaker 1: hard time really letting go of people, and as I've 127 00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:43,039 Speaker 1: gotten older, I've become more comfortable with the idea because 128 00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:45,440 Speaker 1: everyone's just you know, trying to make it on their 129 00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:48,839 Speaker 1: own and just doing their best, and it gets really hard. 130 00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:52,000 Speaker 1: But you know, if you really care about a relationship, 131 00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:54,120 Speaker 1: you're going to put in the effort. I always compare 132 00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:56,480 Speaker 1: it to dating because it's so similar. You know, like 133 00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:59,279 Speaker 1: whatever energy you're putting out, the other person has to 134 00:06:59,320 --> 00:07:01,599 Speaker 1: be putting in the same amount of energy, because I 135 00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:03,240 Speaker 1: can't tell you the number of times I feel like 136 00:07:03,279 --> 00:07:05,880 Speaker 1: I've put my energy out there and like tried to 137 00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:09,720 Speaker 1: connect with people and it wasn't reciprocated and I felt 138 00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:12,160 Speaker 1: almost rejected in a way, you know, like, oh, you 139 00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:13,240 Speaker 1: don't want to be my friend? 140 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:15,280 Speaker 3: Why not? What's wrong with me? 141 00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:18,360 Speaker 1: But I've come to realize that if you know, people 142 00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:20,560 Speaker 1: don't see your light or if they don't respond to you, 143 00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:23,080 Speaker 1: then it's okay, you could keep going. 144 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,080 Speaker 2: And we just kind of jumped like right into the 145 00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:27,480 Speaker 2: swing of things here and wrapping about friendships and whatnot. 146 00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:30,480 Speaker 2: But really, what I think we want to focus on 147 00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:37,320 Speaker 2: today is chatting about strategies to implement to possibly make 148 00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:41,000 Speaker 2: new friends as you get older. Correct, Yes, okay, So 149 00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:43,080 Speaker 2: I do want to touch on before we get into 150 00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:46,840 Speaker 2: like these specific actionable takeaways, to touch on what you 151 00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:49,880 Speaker 2: were saying about letting friends go, because I think that's 152 00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:52,160 Speaker 2: the hardest thing. And it wasn't until I think I 153 00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:56,080 Speaker 2: had my first friend breakup, so to speak, maybe like 154 00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:58,640 Speaker 2: four or five years ago. I had just gotten out 155 00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:02,240 Speaker 2: of a long term relationship, and I will lie I 156 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:05,360 Speaker 2: was going through it and like I was completely like 157 00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:09,800 Speaker 2: self serving, self focused, and I think at that time, 158 00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:14,760 Speaker 2: you know, some people that I was close with, or 159 00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:17,960 Speaker 2: perhaps an individual that I was close with, like maybe 160 00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:20,559 Speaker 2: just didn't want to entertain that kind of friend which 161 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:22,600 Speaker 2: was difficult for me at the time for sure, But 162 00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:26,000 Speaker 2: the way that she went about it, I'll never forget that, 163 00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:29,640 Speaker 2: Like she just completely ghosted me. Oh gosh, it was 164 00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:32,880 Speaker 2: so sad. It was very similar to like an actual 165 00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:36,440 Speaker 2: romantic breakup in that I just had placed so much 166 00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:39,040 Speaker 2: trust in her and I relied on her, and then 167 00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:41,400 Speaker 2: one day she just stopped answering all my messages. 168 00:08:42,320 --> 00:08:45,280 Speaker 1: Oh man, I feel the pain of that. Yeah, I 169 00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:46,480 Speaker 1: feel that for sure. 170 00:08:46,679 --> 00:08:48,440 Speaker 2: It was hard. It was hard, and you know what, 171 00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:50,960 Speaker 2: with time, though, because that was the first time that 172 00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:54,240 Speaker 2: something like that had happened to me, I came to 173 00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:57,880 Speaker 2: learn what you just referenced, which was that some relationships 174 00:08:57,920 --> 00:09:01,959 Speaker 2: have seasons, including friendships, and you're not going to be 175 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:05,680 Speaker 2: a person for everybody. Yes, I recognize again, like I 176 00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:08,120 Speaker 2: said at the start of that small little story blip, 177 00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:11,320 Speaker 2: that I was in a certain place and I actually 178 00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:14,280 Speaker 2: had reached out to her uh, and wrote her a letter. 179 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:17,760 Speaker 3: Oh wow, like a handwritten letter. Yeah, old school. 180 00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:20,600 Speaker 2: And I apologized that I had not been in the 181 00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:24,880 Speaker 2: best place and I'm sorry if I had made her 182 00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:26,920 Speaker 2: feel like what was going on in her life didn't matter, 183 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:29,679 Speaker 2: and that I really cared about her. And I never 184 00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:30,160 Speaker 2: heard back. 185 00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:31,080 Speaker 3: Wow. 186 00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:33,679 Speaker 2: Yeah, I actually removed her as an Instagram follower. 187 00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:34,560 Speaker 3: Oh wow. 188 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:35,839 Speaker 2: Well years later. 189 00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:38,360 Speaker 1: That is one of the best tools that you have 190 00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:41,560 Speaker 1: on Instagram, especially if someone is taking up your mental 191 00:09:41,559 --> 00:09:44,640 Speaker 1: space for whatever reason. If you're this is like a 192 00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:46,840 Speaker 1: different topic, I guess, but if you're posting something and 193 00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:48,960 Speaker 1: you're worried about what so and so will think about 194 00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:51,440 Speaker 1: what you're posting or because all of us get caught 195 00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:53,040 Speaker 1: up in that, just remove them as a follower. 196 00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:56,120 Speaker 2: Yeah. And I only realized like recently that I could 197 00:09:56,120 --> 00:09:58,800 Speaker 2: do that. I thought you, I thought the only option 198 00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:00,720 Speaker 2: was to block someone. But you you can just remove 199 00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:02,400 Speaker 2: them and then they'll go to Instagram one day and 200 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:05,959 Speaker 2: they'll be like, wait, when did I Unfollow'll be. 201 00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:08,959 Speaker 3: Like it's the best thing. It's a very empowering attack. 202 00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:11,800 Speaker 2: Okay. So I hope that we just educated all of 203 00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:14,400 Speaker 2: you on ways to better your mental health on social media. 204 00:10:14,679 --> 00:10:16,760 Speaker 2: Now we're going to talk about strategies for making friends 205 00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:19,280 Speaker 2: as you get older. So, as Christina and I spoke 206 00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:22,800 Speaker 2: about we became better friends over the last year and change, 207 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:24,600 Speaker 2: what would you attribute that to. 208 00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:27,360 Speaker 1: It's so weird because I feel like I've been following 209 00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:30,320 Speaker 1: you on Instagram before I even met you in person. 210 00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:33,040 Speaker 1: I think that we just because we work in media, 211 00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:35,240 Speaker 1: we had a lot of mutual people that we know 212 00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:39,200 Speaker 1: and hang out with. So I think that after following 213 00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:41,679 Speaker 1: you on social media for a while and like responding 214 00:10:41,679 --> 00:10:44,320 Speaker 1: to each other on dms and comments and things, I 215 00:10:44,360 --> 00:10:47,440 Speaker 1: had a familiarity with you that I felt like, Oh, 216 00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:49,720 Speaker 1: why don't we just hang out in real life? And 217 00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:52,440 Speaker 1: I think that you know, you're so great about reaching 218 00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:55,240 Speaker 1: out and like creating plans and following through with plans, 219 00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:58,079 Speaker 1: which is such a big hurdle, you know for people 220 00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:00,800 Speaker 1: when they're creating friendships, just to make that first move. 221 00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:04,360 Speaker 1: It's kind of like I felt nervous, like, oh, we're 222 00:11:04,679 --> 00:11:06,520 Speaker 1: you know, we're Instagram friends, but like, can we be 223 00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:11,760 Speaker 1: like real life friends? Because I think you're really cool and. 224 00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:13,400 Speaker 2: And I think sometimes like just saying that to start 225 00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:16,400 Speaker 2: off with something you just said or hinted at was 226 00:11:16,440 --> 00:11:17,920 Speaker 2: that you felt like you and I had a lot 227 00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:21,480 Speaker 2: in common. Yes, and I think that having something in common, 228 00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:24,000 Speaker 2: but also reaching out to people who you feel like 229 00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:28,240 Speaker 2: have similar values to you. The reality is is that 230 00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:30,320 Speaker 2: and you've heard this on the show before, but you 231 00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:32,560 Speaker 2: are some of the people that you keep closest to you. 232 00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:35,600 Speaker 2: So as you get older, I'm in the mental space 233 00:11:35,800 --> 00:11:38,920 Speaker 2: that there isn't like a lot of time for bullshit 234 00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:41,040 Speaker 2: for lack of a better term, like I don't need 235 00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:44,680 Speaker 2: just extra friends to collect in my friend basket. If 236 00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:47,679 Speaker 2: I'm going to invest in a relationship and give someone 237 00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:49,840 Speaker 2: some of my time, which I think we can all 238 00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:53,080 Speaker 2: agree is one of our most valuable things, then you 239 00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:54,880 Speaker 2: want to make sure that that's someone in your life 240 00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:57,800 Speaker 2: that adds to your life, that builds you up, that 241 00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:01,040 Speaker 2: encourages you, that you are align with, because why are 242 00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:02,559 Speaker 2: you going to waste time on something that doesn't fill 243 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:03,240 Speaker 2: those buckets? 244 00:12:03,559 --> 00:12:07,040 Speaker 1: Absolutely, and I think that you know, just like any 245 00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:10,080 Speaker 1: other relationship, it's something that builds organically. I think that 246 00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:13,360 Speaker 1: there's nothing that replaces like real life connection. So no 247 00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:16,600 Speaker 1: matter how much you interact with somebody on social media, 248 00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:17,840 Speaker 1: and I think a lot of us fall into this 249 00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:21,320 Speaker 1: trap as well, where you think that social media interactions 250 00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:25,479 Speaker 1: also amount to an actual friendship. But again, nothing replaces 251 00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:27,439 Speaker 1: seeing a person in real life, looking at them in 252 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:30,840 Speaker 1: the eye, sharing your actual energy with them. I think 253 00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:34,640 Speaker 1: that that is what can help grow closeness to people. 254 00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:37,800 Speaker 1: And I think social media is like such an amazing 255 00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:41,440 Speaker 1: tool for being introduced to somebody, you know, like it 256 00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:44,640 Speaker 1: opens the door up to friendship. And I have met 257 00:12:44,679 --> 00:12:48,360 Speaker 1: so many people through Instagram because we would follow each 258 00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:50,959 Speaker 1: other and then we're in the same city and they 259 00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:52,760 Speaker 1: ask me to coffee, and next thing you know, we're 260 00:12:52,760 --> 00:12:54,400 Speaker 1: going to dinner, and next thing you know, we're going 261 00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,120 Speaker 1: to drinks. And I think that it's just such an 262 00:12:56,160 --> 00:13:00,680 Speaker 1: organic way to find like minded people because you already 263 00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:03,000 Speaker 1: have a sense of what they like, and you also 264 00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:06,120 Speaker 1: already have something to talk about. So I see something 265 00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:08,440 Speaker 1: that you post on your Instagram stories or on your feed, 266 00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:10,120 Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh, like, I see you just you 267 00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:12,440 Speaker 1: finished a race, and you did and you had an 268 00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:14,680 Speaker 1: amazing accomplishment, and that's something that I can ask you 269 00:13:14,679 --> 00:13:17,880 Speaker 1: about because it's already on your social media. And likewise, 270 00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:19,880 Speaker 1: with me, if you see that I do something or 271 00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:21,679 Speaker 1: if you see that I'm posting about a beauty product, 272 00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:23,240 Speaker 1: you can ask me a question about it. You know, 273 00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:26,199 Speaker 1: I feel like it just helps establish so many points 274 00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:31,200 Speaker 1: of connection. And taking that offline is you know, it 275 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,280 Speaker 1: can be nerve wracking because you don't again, you don't 276 00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:37,040 Speaker 1: want to feel rejected by anybody, but you just go 277 00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:38,960 Speaker 1: for it. Don't be afraid to be the first person 278 00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:40,040 Speaker 1: to say hi. 279 00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:42,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think I mean saying hi is one thing. 280 00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:45,520 Speaker 2: Making an actionable plan is another thing. So if you 281 00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:49,520 Speaker 2: actually want to get together with someone, I would suggest 282 00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:52,520 Speaker 2: proposing like a very specific thing that the two of 283 00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:55,000 Speaker 2: you could go do. So it's not just like, oh, 284 00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:58,440 Speaker 2: would you want to hang out next week? It's like, no, Hey, 285 00:13:58,559 --> 00:14:00,280 Speaker 2: do you want to get a glass of wine next week? 286 00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:01,840 Speaker 2: Do you want to meet up for coffee next week? 287 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:05,000 Speaker 2: Just be mindful about what it is exactly that you 288 00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:08,720 Speaker 2: want to do with that person, because when you take 289 00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:11,040 Speaker 2: some of the decisions out of the equation, it's just 290 00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:14,400 Speaker 2: like committing to a workout routine or becoming a morning person. 291 00:14:14,559 --> 00:14:16,960 Speaker 2: The better you set up yourself to do either of 292 00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:19,400 Speaker 2: those things. Be a morning person, have a good workout routine, 293 00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:21,480 Speaker 2: the less decision making that you have to do in 294 00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:23,880 Speaker 2: the moment, the more likely you're going to stick with it. 295 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:27,680 Speaker 2: So when it comes to proposing this hang so to speak, 296 00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:30,520 Speaker 2: make it easy on that person, accommodate them. You could 297 00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:32,600 Speaker 2: even do something like, Hey, I'm going to be in 298 00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:36,160 Speaker 2: your area next week. Now, don't be creepy. But I 299 00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:38,720 Speaker 2: remember when I went on an informational interview in college. 300 00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:41,880 Speaker 2: I went and met with a deputy web editor or 301 00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:44,400 Speaker 2: something at Shape magazine, and I was living in Connecticut, 302 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:45,720 Speaker 2: and I was like, I'm so going to be in 303 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:48,240 Speaker 2: the city next Thursday. Could you have some time just 304 00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:50,160 Speaker 2: for me to ask you a few questions? Was not 305 00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:51,480 Speaker 2: going to be in the city next Thursday, And I 306 00:14:51,480 --> 00:14:53,560 Speaker 2: was like, let us do it, and she was like, sure, 307 00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:56,640 Speaker 2: you can come for lunch, and I was like, great's 308 00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:58,080 Speaker 2: So I went in and I was like a junior 309 00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:00,320 Speaker 2: in college and I took the train into this and 310 00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:02,880 Speaker 2: met up with her. Long story short, you can do 311 00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:06,240 Speaker 2: that with friends, potential friends. Just be like, Hey, I'm 312 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:08,760 Speaker 2: going to be in Brooklyn next week or New York 313 00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:11,000 Speaker 2: next wherever you're going to be. If you actually happen 314 00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:13,080 Speaker 2: to live like in a proximity where this would make sense. 315 00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:15,720 Speaker 2: But make it easy for them, ask them to do 316 00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:18,720 Speaker 2: something in their neighborhood, and then if you two click 317 00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:21,040 Speaker 2: the next time, you might not have to travel so 318 00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:23,000 Speaker 2: far to put an effort on this relationship. 319 00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:23,480 Speaker 3: Yeah. 320 00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:26,640 Speaker 1: I'm big on making a calendar invite as well and 321 00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:29,560 Speaker 1: treating it just like any other appointment on your calendar. 322 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:31,040 Speaker 2: This is why you and I are cool. 323 00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:33,200 Speaker 3: And Emily is so good about this too. 324 00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:35,920 Speaker 1: She always sends a calendvite and like, love this girl 325 00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:39,680 Speaker 1: because it's like that's kind of what sets it in 326 00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:42,160 Speaker 1: stone and makes the plans very real and everyone knows 327 00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:44,840 Speaker 1: exactly what time, exactly what place, and then you can 328 00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:47,360 Speaker 1: always follow up with each other on other details. And 329 00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:50,200 Speaker 1: I just think that making that commitment to each other 330 00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:52,960 Speaker 1: on the calendar, it just like solidifies it. 331 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:56,960 Speaker 2: Oh one hundred percent. Okay, So the first tip was 332 00:15:57,280 --> 00:15:59,440 Speaker 2: someone's going to make the ask, so get out, get 333 00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:01,520 Speaker 2: out of your comfort its own, maybe ask someone to 334 00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:05,280 Speaker 2: do something. The next tip is be specific in that ask. 335 00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:06,880 Speaker 2: So if you're going to ask someone to do something, 336 00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:10,640 Speaker 2: make sure that you are giving them a very detailed 337 00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:12,840 Speaker 2: proposal of what you would like to do, maybe within reason, 338 00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:15,160 Speaker 2: like don't be like you can also wear your black 339 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:17,280 Speaker 2: tank top and your black jeans. I'm gonna be wearing heels. 340 00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:18,160 Speaker 2: What are you gonna be wearing? Like? 341 00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:21,680 Speaker 1: Maybe not yet, maybe not combine activities either, you know, 342 00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:23,800 Speaker 1: like we're gonna get coffee and then we're gonna do 343 00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:25,520 Speaker 1: a workout class and then we're gonna do lunch. 344 00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:26,680 Speaker 3: And I think that's a bit much. 345 00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:29,120 Speaker 2: It's a little it's a little much, because remember even 346 00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:32,520 Speaker 2: though if you're if you're courting this friendship based off 347 00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:35,280 Speaker 2: of social media, you still don't know a lot about them, 348 00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:36,840 Speaker 2: Like you might think you know a lot about them, 349 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:39,040 Speaker 2: but you don't know. It's a date, just like a 350 00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:41,520 Speaker 2: date is a date. So you could go on this 351 00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:44,280 Speaker 2: one outing and it could be great, or you could 352 00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:46,240 Speaker 2: go on this outing and be like, not my style. 353 00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:49,120 Speaker 2: And there's nothing wrong with either of those. Now that 354 00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:52,760 Speaker 2: we've covered those two introductory tactics, what you got for me, Christina? 355 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:56,000 Speaker 1: So I would say, especially as people start going back 356 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:59,560 Speaker 1: into offices and working in an office environment, that's probably 357 00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:02,400 Speaker 1: the best that you can make friends, honestly. And I 358 00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:05,400 Speaker 1: know that some people say you shouldn't like mix personal 359 00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:08,960 Speaker 1: with professional, but I couldn't, you know, I would disagree 360 00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:12,440 Speaker 1: just because having people in your workplace is so crucial 361 00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:15,480 Speaker 1: to you, just your well being and thriving in that environment. 362 00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:19,560 Speaker 1: So I think making the transition from work friends to 363 00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:23,480 Speaker 1: IRL friends is something that a lot of people wonder 364 00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:25,359 Speaker 1: how to do. Say you like somebody that you work 365 00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:28,920 Speaker 1: with and they are really cool, I would say that 366 00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:31,880 Speaker 1: you should start out with like start small, like get 367 00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:34,760 Speaker 1: lunches during the work day, or get coffee during the workday, 368 00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:38,080 Speaker 1: and then after that, you know, if you guys are 369 00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:42,080 Speaker 1: really vibing well, then you can invite them to a 370 00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:45,840 Speaker 1: group thing, you know, like you have a casual birthday drinks, 371 00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:47,800 Speaker 1: then you invite them and then that could turn into 372 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:50,520 Speaker 1: dinner later that month. You know. I feel like it's 373 00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:54,840 Speaker 1: like any other relationship, just things happened organically and you 374 00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:57,280 Speaker 1: have to give it some time, you know. Like I 375 00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:59,960 Speaker 1: have made some of my closest friends in my adulthood 376 00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:02,879 Speaker 1: within the past few years from my workplace, and a 377 00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:04,480 Speaker 1: lot of times they were people and I didn't even 378 00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:07,040 Speaker 1: work with directly. We were just in the same company, 379 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:09,160 Speaker 1: you know. We would see each other in the cafeteria, 380 00:18:09,359 --> 00:18:13,400 Speaker 1: we would see each other by the watering the watering hole, watering. 381 00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:17,800 Speaker 2: Hole, by the water color. This is like like irl, 382 00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:20,520 Speaker 2: mean girls in the cafeteria and they're all like scraping 383 00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:22,720 Speaker 2: at each other and reas just what it. 384 00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:23,640 Speaker 3: Was a watering hole. 385 00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:26,720 Speaker 1: I literally haven't been inside of an office clearly in 386 00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:27,480 Speaker 1: over a year. 387 00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:30,000 Speaker 3: Oh god, the watering hole. 388 00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:33,080 Speaker 1: But yeah, And I think another thing is when you 389 00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:36,080 Speaker 1: leave a job, making sure to maintain those friendships that 390 00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:39,520 Speaker 1: you really enjoy, just because it's so easy again to 391 00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:43,400 Speaker 1: get caught up in only wanting convenience or proximity. So 392 00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:46,840 Speaker 1: I have a really good friend. Her name's Alyssa, and 393 00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:50,479 Speaker 1: we work together. We met in twenty fifteen and we 394 00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:52,760 Speaker 1: were both both working at l and she still works 395 00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:55,560 Speaker 1: there right now. But she's so amazing at maintaining friendships 396 00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:59,600 Speaker 1: because she really makes the effort all the time, and 397 00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:03,840 Speaker 1: she plans themed parties where she invites people, she plans picnics, 398 00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:06,920 Speaker 1: and you know, it's just I'm like, well, she's she's amazing. 399 00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:09,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, can be my friend. 400 00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:13,640 Speaker 1: Alyssa's wonderful. She but she she's just so great because 401 00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:18,120 Speaker 1: she constantly follows up with you and checks on you. 402 00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:20,960 Speaker 1: And I think that's another thing too, like don't and 403 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:23,560 Speaker 1: you're so good at this too, Like don't be afraid 404 00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:25,479 Speaker 1: to just check in, just to check in. 405 00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:27,760 Speaker 2: Mm hmmm. And that's a good point when it comes 406 00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:30,679 Speaker 2: to making solid friendships as you get older, it's really 407 00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:33,480 Speaker 2: really important to make sure that it is a two 408 00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:36,080 Speaker 2: way street. I talked about a time where I wasn't 409 00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:38,359 Speaker 2: in the mental space to provide that for a friend, 410 00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:40,720 Speaker 2: so I can understand why that might have been troublesome. 411 00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:43,720 Speaker 2: You want to make sure if you're establishing a new 412 00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:46,840 Speaker 2: friendship with someone that it is a true give and take. 413 00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:51,560 Speaker 2: We don't have time to you know, divv dilly dabble, 414 00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:55,359 Speaker 2: divvy dp dilly daddle, dilly daddle. We don't have time 415 00:19:55,800 --> 00:20:00,040 Speaker 2: to dilly daddle in like surface level relationships. We we 416 00:20:00,119 --> 00:20:02,800 Speaker 2: are looking for the real. If you're looking for like 417 00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:04,920 Speaker 2: a surface I don't know. I'm not here to talk 418 00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:06,640 Speaker 2: to you about surface level relationships. 419 00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:07,720 Speaker 3: Who has time for that. 420 00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:09,959 Speaker 1: I'm just like, life is too short, men, and you 421 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:12,920 Speaker 1: want to have every relationship in your life add value 422 00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:13,679 Speaker 1: to your life. 423 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:15,640 Speaker 2: I feel that. So, yeah, you want to make sure 424 00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:18,240 Speaker 2: that as you go about your friend making journey that 425 00:20:18,359 --> 00:20:22,480 Speaker 2: you are establishing give and take relationships and that again 426 00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:27,640 Speaker 2: you feel filled up by these relationships. Now another tactic 427 00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:31,240 Speaker 2: that we can chat about when it comes to making friends. 428 00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:33,200 Speaker 2: And you kind of brought this up with your work friend, 429 00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:36,600 Speaker 2: kicking things off perhaps in a group way, if you're 430 00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:39,920 Speaker 2: not ready to go one on one again. With the pandemic, 431 00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:42,640 Speaker 2: that kind of method has been a little difficult. Hopefully 432 00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:45,560 Speaker 2: for many of us in some sort of safe capacity, 433 00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:49,159 Speaker 2: opportunities like this may be coming back. So why do 434 00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:51,960 Speaker 2: you think, Christina, that the group paying is a great 435 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,680 Speaker 2: way to kind of get in with someone. 436 00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:57,719 Speaker 1: I think it takes the pressure off of you. You know, 437 00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:01,520 Speaker 1: one on one can be awkward, honestly, especially if you've 438 00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:04,399 Speaker 1: never seen if you are social media friends for example, 439 00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:05,959 Speaker 1: you've never met in real life. It can be really 440 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:08,800 Speaker 1: awkward if you don't know somebody. So when you have 441 00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:12,080 Speaker 1: a group I feel like it helps because there's always 442 00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:14,320 Speaker 1: going to be one or two other people or however 443 00:21:14,359 --> 00:21:16,720 Speaker 1: many other people there to kind of add to the 444 00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:21,320 Speaker 1: conversation to make it feel more comfortable. And honestly, I've 445 00:21:21,359 --> 00:21:25,119 Speaker 1: met people through groups a lot. I feel like, you know, 446 00:21:25,359 --> 00:21:27,359 Speaker 1: one time a friend invited me to go get dim 447 00:21:27,359 --> 00:21:29,960 Speaker 1: sum with her friends, and I didn't know anyone else there. 448 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,960 Speaker 1: I just knew her and we were work friends, and 449 00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:36,160 Speaker 1: that was so much fun, you know. And then one 450 00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:38,800 Speaker 1: girl that was at that brunch we ended up going 451 00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:40,760 Speaker 1: to a Broadway show together, just the two of us, 452 00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:42,399 Speaker 1: not with my other friends. So it's kind of like, 453 00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:46,400 Speaker 1: you never know. I'm a big proponent of going alone 454 00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:50,679 Speaker 1: to functions, to social events, someone's birthday party or you know, 455 00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:53,760 Speaker 1: after works drink thing, even if no one that you 456 00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:56,080 Speaker 1: know is really going to it, or if you're not 457 00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:58,879 Speaker 1: close to anyone who's really going, just because you really 458 00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:01,399 Speaker 1: never know what connection you can make there and what 459 00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:03,439 Speaker 1: people are there. And I think when I'm alone at 460 00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:05,159 Speaker 1: an event and I don't have anyone to kind of 461 00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:07,880 Speaker 1: lean on, a lot of times I become a lot 462 00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:11,520 Speaker 1: more open and social, like you're kind of forced to 463 00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:13,800 Speaker 1: say hi to people and introduce yourself. 464 00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:23,199 Speaker 2: Taking a break from today's episode to talk to you 465 00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:26,760 Speaker 2: all about my sponsor at Element now. Element is a 466 00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:30,520 Speaker 2: tasty electrolyte drink mix with everything you need and nothing 467 00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:34,320 Speaker 2: you don't. 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Head 486 00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:46,360 Speaker 2: on over to drink Element dot com slash Hurdle that's 487 00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:51,040 Speaker 2: drink lmnt dot com slash Hurdle and get a free 488 00:23:51,119 --> 00:23:55,320 Speaker 2: Element sample pack. For just the cost of shipping only 489 00:23:55,359 --> 00:23:58,639 Speaker 2: five dollars. Again, head on over to drink Element dot com. 490 00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:02,680 Speaker 2: That's drink l Mete dot com slash hurdle and get 491 00:24:02,720 --> 00:24:06,760 Speaker 2: your free sample pack today for just five dollars shipping. 492 00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:18,520 Speaker 2: Trust me, you won't regret it. I also feel like 493 00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:21,280 Speaker 2: now is a good time to disclaim, even after you 494 00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:25,040 Speaker 2: telling that story, that Christina's engaged. And I think that 495 00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:28,040 Speaker 2: a lot of the time, if you happen to be 496 00:24:28,280 --> 00:24:31,679 Speaker 2: a single woman listening to this show, you may feel 497 00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:34,119 Speaker 2: some kind of way about the fact that some of 498 00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:37,959 Speaker 2: your friends are in relationships, they are married, and you 499 00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:41,680 Speaker 2: may be like, well, this person can't go somewhere without 500 00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:45,200 Speaker 2: their person, Like, don't make that decision for them. 501 00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:49,639 Speaker 1: Yeah, people make that assumption about me sometimes because you know, Michael, 502 00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:51,640 Speaker 1: my fiance and I are like joined at the hip, 503 00:24:52,119 --> 00:24:54,240 Speaker 1: but most of the most of the time, but a 504 00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:56,760 Speaker 1: lot of times we make the point to really hang 505 00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:59,199 Speaker 1: out with our friends separately because it's so necessary to 506 00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:02,159 Speaker 1: just have like individual lives apart from each other. And 507 00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:05,520 Speaker 1: in order to you know, foster those relationships, you need 508 00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:07,760 Speaker 1: to make sure that you're like watering that garden, you know, 509 00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:10,119 Speaker 1: just because you're in a relationship. And I've seen this 510 00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:13,000 Speaker 1: happen to other friends of mine. You know, you get 511 00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:15,240 Speaker 1: in a relationship and all of a sudden, that person 512 00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:17,439 Speaker 1: is your world. You don't really see anyone else outside 513 00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:20,800 Speaker 1: of your bubble. And I totally understand that honeymoon phase, 514 00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:23,359 Speaker 1: you know, but after a while, you really need to 515 00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:27,000 Speaker 1: take stock of your relationships and ask yourself, when is 516 00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:29,040 Speaker 1: the last time I saw the person I call my 517 00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:29,600 Speaker 1: best friend? 518 00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:33,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, And like, if you are the friend of this person, 519 00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:38,480 Speaker 2: that doesn't mean that this person, because they have a partner, 520 00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:42,480 Speaker 2: doesn't feel lonely like you feel lonely sometimes, like they're 521 00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:46,480 Speaker 2: going through their day just like you're going through your day. 522 00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:50,360 Speaker 2: And there is still a need for that companionship that 523 00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:54,280 Speaker 2: they need outside of that partnership. So again I would 524 00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:56,480 Speaker 2: just say, and this is kind of a total tangent, 525 00:25:56,560 --> 00:25:59,679 Speaker 2: but just don't throw them into a box that they 526 00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:03,480 Speaker 2: didn't ask to be put in. Yes, okay, yeah, cool, 527 00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:06,080 Speaker 2: I'm glad that we had that little chat. So back 528 00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:08,040 Speaker 2: to friendship making strategies. 529 00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:10,280 Speaker 1: What do you got Take up a new hobby where 530 00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:13,760 Speaker 1: you'll see familiar faces. So I have friends who are 531 00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:17,239 Speaker 1: very into indoor climbing, and because it's a very tight 532 00:26:17,359 --> 00:26:20,520 Speaker 1: knit community, they have met some of their closest friends 533 00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:23,080 Speaker 1: through that. And even though I'm not an indoor climbing person, 534 00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:24,760 Speaker 1: I see that and I'm like, that is such a 535 00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:27,560 Speaker 1: cool thing. You know, as we get older, a lot 536 00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:31,600 Speaker 1: of times our lives revolve around work and just socializing 537 00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:34,800 Speaker 1: at work, doing things at work, thinking about work, so 538 00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:38,960 Speaker 1: it's so essential to create hobbies outside of your job. 539 00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:42,000 Speaker 1: And seeing my friends get into indoor climbing over the 540 00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:44,480 Speaker 1: last few years has been so cool. And also you 541 00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:47,520 Speaker 1: literally need somebody there to help you with billaying, so 542 00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:50,040 Speaker 1: it's kind of like you even if you go alone, 543 00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:52,679 Speaker 1: you have to approach somebody being like, hey, can you 544 00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:55,840 Speaker 1: spot me? Or I don't know if that's the right terminology, sorry, climbers. 545 00:26:56,920 --> 00:26:58,800 Speaker 1: Other things that I've seen people get into that are 546 00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:01,320 Speaker 1: very cool, as like pop you know, like going to 547 00:27:01,359 --> 00:27:04,800 Speaker 1: pottery class, taking up sewing lessons. Like when you're in 548 00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:08,000 Speaker 1: a class environment, you're already in a kind of ecosystem 549 00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:10,439 Speaker 1: of people who you have to collaborate with, So I 550 00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:12,919 Speaker 1: feel like those are great ways to meet new people. 551 00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:13,879 Speaker 3: Have you ever done that? 552 00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:16,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I definitely see that here in the New 553 00:27:16,359 --> 00:27:18,320 Speaker 2: York running community, and I think that there are a 554 00:27:18,359 --> 00:27:21,240 Speaker 2: couple of different approaches to getting involved in something like that, right, 555 00:27:21,359 --> 00:27:24,520 Speaker 2: So the first step is actually getting involved, putting yourself 556 00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:27,159 Speaker 2: in that situation, which in itself is kind of a 557 00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:30,240 Speaker 2: big win for many putting yourself out there. And then 558 00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:33,120 Speaker 2: in that scenario, if you meet someone that you really 559 00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:35,119 Speaker 2: vibe with, that's when you can be like, hey, do 560 00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:38,239 Speaker 2: you want to grab a drink after practice? Or hey, like, 561 00:27:38,320 --> 00:27:40,240 Speaker 2: I'm doing this thing on Saturday, would you want to 562 00:27:40,280 --> 00:27:43,160 Speaker 2: come with me. Now, I understand that putting yourself out 563 00:27:43,160 --> 00:27:46,280 Speaker 2: there in that way can feel a little bit intimidating, 564 00:27:46,760 --> 00:27:51,560 Speaker 2: So look to that club or organization because often times 565 00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:55,040 Speaker 2: in situations like that, there are going to be different 566 00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:58,239 Speaker 2: opportunities to continue to engage with these people outside of 567 00:27:58,359 --> 00:28:01,159 Speaker 2: just like that once weekly practice or whatever you have 568 00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:03,600 Speaker 2: going on. And also something else I'll add to this 569 00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:06,639 Speaker 2: is you have to go into that scenario feeling really 570 00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:11,040 Speaker 2: open to the idea of making friendships, which means like 571 00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:13,240 Speaker 2: when you get there, you're not like standing in the 572 00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:16,159 Speaker 2: corner on your phone if someone looks at you, like, 573 00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:19,640 Speaker 2: smile at them. Making friends is just it's a two 574 00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:22,959 Speaker 2: way street. And if you're not there giving off that vibe, 575 00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:25,119 Speaker 2: giving up the vibe that you want to be friendly, 576 00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:27,640 Speaker 2: that you want to get to know these people, then 577 00:28:28,160 --> 00:28:32,680 Speaker 2: you won't make friends period. Just being there isn't enough. 578 00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:36,560 Speaker 1: I love that you're saying this because I think with 579 00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:38,800 Speaker 1: our phones and all of us glued to our phones, 580 00:28:38,920 --> 00:28:41,680 Speaker 1: especially in this city, that can be very antisocial. 581 00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:44,040 Speaker 3: You know, everyone in their own bubbles. 582 00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:47,000 Speaker 1: I think that it's so important to engage with people 583 00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:50,600 Speaker 1: face to face, you know, say hello, introduce yourself, put 584 00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:51,240 Speaker 1: on a big. 585 00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:53,880 Speaker 2: Smile, and I feel like I hear it, even though 586 00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:55,719 Speaker 2: none of you are actually here with us, but I 587 00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:58,440 Speaker 2: hear your questions. You're like, oh, but I'm still I'm 588 00:28:58,440 --> 00:28:59,640 Speaker 2: just not in the place where I want to be 589 00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:02,280 Speaker 2: in big like what am I supposed to do? And 590 00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:05,640 Speaker 2: there are plenty of ways to engage with like minded 591 00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:08,360 Speaker 2: people online. I'm not just gonna like sit here and 592 00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:12,120 Speaker 2: plug the Secret Hurdler's Facebook group. If you like something 593 00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:16,280 Speaker 2: like a podcast, like a TV show, like a magazine, 594 00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:22,560 Speaker 2: like a whatever, there are groups that center around that product. 595 00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:25,320 Speaker 2: And just like we were saying about social media before, 596 00:29:25,760 --> 00:29:28,960 Speaker 2: this gives you a mutual interest to talk to other 597 00:29:29,080 --> 00:29:34,040 Speaker 2: people about in that space. So maybe in the digital 598 00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:38,400 Speaker 2: world you'll see that a podcast you love is hosting 599 00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:42,160 Speaker 2: a workshop. Well, that digital workshop is a great place 600 00:29:42,360 --> 00:29:44,880 Speaker 2: for you to jump in and meet like minded people. 601 00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:47,320 Speaker 2: You're both there because you're into the same thing, and 602 00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:49,440 Speaker 2: that is a great jumping off point. 603 00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:51,960 Speaker 1: Clubhouse has been great for that. If you guys don't know, 604 00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:54,200 Speaker 1: it's an app that's audio based and you can go 605 00:29:54,240 --> 00:29:56,880 Speaker 1: into rooms with different topics and obviously everyone in the 606 00:29:56,960 --> 00:29:59,560 Speaker 1: room is interested in the topic. And then a lot 607 00:29:59,560 --> 00:30:02,600 Speaker 1: of people there's social media accounts to Clubhouse because you 608 00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:04,880 Speaker 1: can't actually chat on the app, and I haven't been 609 00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:07,320 Speaker 1: on it as much lately, but it's been amazing for 610 00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:10,720 Speaker 1: meeting people. Like there was another woman who's also in 611 00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:13,440 Speaker 1: the beauty industry who met me through Clubhouse, and we 612 00:30:13,480 --> 00:30:15,240 Speaker 1: live in the same neighborhood, so we're planning to go 613 00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:17,240 Speaker 1: get coffee, and that wouldn't have happened if I didn't 614 00:30:17,320 --> 00:30:19,160 Speaker 1: just walk into that virtual room. 615 00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:23,560 Speaker 2: I adore that. I adore that. Okay, so other friendship 616 00:30:23,720 --> 00:30:25,840 Speaker 2: making strategies, what do you have for me? 617 00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:28,000 Speaker 1: I think you can ask friends to set you up 618 00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:29,680 Speaker 1: in the same way that they would set you up 619 00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:30,760 Speaker 1: with a romantic partner. 620 00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:33,280 Speaker 2: I dig this, I really dig this. 621 00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:35,120 Speaker 3: Yes, bikesmand Yeah. 622 00:30:35,280 --> 00:30:37,320 Speaker 1: So, say you moved to a new city, or say 623 00:30:37,360 --> 00:30:39,360 Speaker 1: you're visiting a city and you're going to be there 624 00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:42,080 Speaker 1: for a while. I think it's it's fun to just 625 00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:44,520 Speaker 1: ask people that you're already friends with if they know 626 00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:46,640 Speaker 1: anyone in the area that they think that you would 627 00:30:46,720 --> 00:30:49,600 Speaker 1: vibe with, because chances are if you have a mutual friend, 628 00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:51,560 Speaker 1: you probably would get along with each other too, and 629 00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:53,640 Speaker 1: then you already have a common point to talk about 630 00:30:53,680 --> 00:30:55,480 Speaker 1: as well, how did you meet so and so that's 631 00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:57,320 Speaker 1: such an easy entryway into a conversation. 632 00:30:57,560 --> 00:31:00,280 Speaker 3: You never know who knows somebody who like it's the 633 00:31:00,280 --> 00:31:01,200 Speaker 3: same thing that you do. 634 00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:03,960 Speaker 1: I feel like I have a friend who's always introducing 635 00:31:03,960 --> 00:31:07,760 Speaker 1: people via email. You know, she's like, Christina likes Broadway musicals. 636 00:31:07,840 --> 00:31:10,200 Speaker 1: This person likes Broadway musicals. You guys should like just 637 00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:13,440 Speaker 1: get to know each other. And sometimes at first that 638 00:31:13,520 --> 00:31:16,120 Speaker 1: took I was taken aback by that because I was like, oh, 639 00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:17,880 Speaker 1: that's such a strange thing to do. But when I 640 00:31:17,880 --> 00:31:20,520 Speaker 1: think about it, actually, no, it's just expanding your horizons. 641 00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:23,640 Speaker 2: I also think that now would be a good time 642 00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:26,320 Speaker 2: for us to maybe rap a little bit about when 643 00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:32,080 Speaker 2: to fall back. Right. So two things to kind of 644 00:31:32,120 --> 00:31:35,120 Speaker 2: throw into the mix here. The first thing is, like 645 00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:38,240 Speaker 2: I said before, if you get together with someone and 646 00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:40,480 Speaker 2: you're like kind of realizing that it might not be 647 00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:44,000 Speaker 2: your vibe, there's no shade in that at all. What 648 00:31:44,080 --> 00:31:49,320 Speaker 2: you do in that situation next is completely up to you. 649 00:31:49,320 --> 00:31:52,000 Speaker 2: You can just kind of in a gracious way, I 650 00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:54,960 Speaker 2: would say, bow out a little bit, what would you 651 00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:55,800 Speaker 2: do in that situation? 652 00:31:56,440 --> 00:32:00,280 Speaker 1: I think the mutual ghost is something that happens lot 653 00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:03,160 Speaker 1: if friends. If a friendship isn't not working out for 654 00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:04,960 Speaker 1: bad reasons, you know, but maybe you just didn't really 655 00:32:05,040 --> 00:32:06,920 Speaker 1: vibe with each other like you thought you would, or 656 00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:10,080 Speaker 1: our schedules are conflicting and you just you can't put 657 00:32:10,120 --> 00:32:13,640 Speaker 1: in the time to create that relationship, you know. I 658 00:32:13,680 --> 00:32:16,880 Speaker 1: think that it's okay to kind of just step back 659 00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:19,760 Speaker 1: from it and again, like you said, always be kind 660 00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:22,640 Speaker 1: and if you see them again, it's okay you could 661 00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:24,520 Speaker 1: just say, hey, maybe you'd want to pick it up again. 662 00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:27,000 Speaker 1: Maybe there's something else that you guys can connect on, 663 00:32:27,080 --> 00:32:28,920 Speaker 1: but if not, it's all right to kind of let 664 00:32:28,960 --> 00:32:29,160 Speaker 1: that go. 665 00:32:29,400 --> 00:32:35,719 Speaker 2: I would also say, be aware of what's actually happening, Like, 666 00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:39,640 Speaker 2: don't tell yourself stories about what could be happening. So 667 00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:43,680 Speaker 2: if you notice that with someone who maybe isn't your 668 00:32:43,720 --> 00:32:46,360 Speaker 2: best friend, if you keep asking them to get together 669 00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:51,280 Speaker 2: and they keep not getting together, then give them the space, 670 00:32:51,640 --> 00:32:55,200 Speaker 2: like you deserve a better friend than that. And that 671 00:32:55,280 --> 00:32:58,280 Speaker 2: person can't give you whatever it is that you're looking for, 672 00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:01,080 Speaker 2: and there's no shade in that they could be going 673 00:33:01,120 --> 00:33:03,320 Speaker 2: through something that you have no idea what's going on. 674 00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:07,520 Speaker 2: Let them, let them deal with whatever they have to 675 00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:11,320 Speaker 2: do on their own time, and maybe just maybe seek 676 00:33:11,360 --> 00:33:13,920 Speaker 2: out that friendship in someone else, at least for the 677 00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:16,000 Speaker 2: time being. That doesn't mean that you can't check in 678 00:33:16,040 --> 00:33:18,280 Speaker 2: again in like a few months. But if you keep 679 00:33:18,360 --> 00:33:20,360 Speaker 2: checking in and keep checking in and keep checking in 680 00:33:20,600 --> 00:33:24,160 Speaker 2: and that person isn't giving you something, then let them go. 681 00:33:24,760 --> 00:33:26,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, preach, you have to be with people who are 682 00:33:26,800 --> 00:33:30,240 Speaker 1: excited to see you, who see your light, appreciate your light, 683 00:33:30,520 --> 00:33:32,800 Speaker 1: that love what you bring to the table. And my 684 00:33:32,880 --> 00:33:35,360 Speaker 1: favorite thing to say to friends, whether it's romantic relationships 685 00:33:35,440 --> 00:33:37,760 Speaker 1: or friendships or anything, is what's the point of having 686 00:33:37,800 --> 00:33:39,280 Speaker 1: a lukewarm relationship? 687 00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:39,880 Speaker 2: Yeah? 688 00:33:39,880 --> 00:33:44,360 Speaker 1: You know where it's not really exciting at all, you know, 689 00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:47,080 Speaker 1: and there's not really any spark there. It's kind of like, 690 00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:48,760 Speaker 1: what are you doing? Are you just doing it to 691 00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:51,360 Speaker 1: like occupy your time? And there's so many other things 692 00:33:51,360 --> 00:33:54,320 Speaker 1: that you could possibly be doing. If a relationship is lukewarm, 693 00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:56,480 Speaker 1: maybe best to step back. 694 00:33:56,480 --> 00:33:58,880 Speaker 2: Best to step back. And I also think that this 695 00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:01,840 Speaker 2: is a good time for us to touch on the 696 00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:04,680 Speaker 2: idea that if you find yourself with a lot of 697 00:34:04,720 --> 00:34:09,240 Speaker 2: those lukewarm relationships, which I think can unfortunately happen, especially 698 00:34:09,239 --> 00:34:11,160 Speaker 2: as we're talking about over the pandemic, a lot of 699 00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:13,799 Speaker 2: people moving, a lot of things in flux, if you 700 00:34:13,880 --> 00:34:17,200 Speaker 2: find yourself with a lot of those types of relationships, 701 00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:20,200 Speaker 2: I would encourage you to focus on the things that 702 00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:24,759 Speaker 2: bring you joy maybe more than these lukewarm relationships. So 703 00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:26,640 Speaker 2: there can be a lot of things that you can 704 00:34:26,719 --> 00:34:30,120 Speaker 2: do with your time that don't involve just putting yourself 705 00:34:30,160 --> 00:34:33,040 Speaker 2: in situations that don't make you feel good, that don't 706 00:34:33,080 --> 00:34:33,919 Speaker 2: fill you up. 707 00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:37,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, And I've definitely been in that position before where 708 00:34:37,600 --> 00:34:39,760 Speaker 1: I didn't say no, or I didn't set a boundary, 709 00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:43,120 Speaker 1: and I felt like, oh, why am I here, you know, 710 00:34:43,680 --> 00:34:46,239 Speaker 1: sitting through you know something that I don't want to 711 00:34:46,280 --> 00:34:49,600 Speaker 1: be at and you know, I wasn't really honoring myself 712 00:34:49,640 --> 00:34:50,799 Speaker 1: because I was afraid. 713 00:34:50,520 --> 00:34:51,080 Speaker 3: To be alone. 714 00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:53,920 Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, And I mean all of these really really, 715 00:34:53,960 --> 00:34:57,320 Speaker 2: really really important topics, especially as we're getting older and 716 00:34:57,400 --> 00:35:00,560 Speaker 2: kind of redefining what it means to be into or 717 00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:03,120 Speaker 2: be a good friend or be a good partner. What 718 00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:04,480 Speaker 2: else do you want to rap about? 719 00:35:04,840 --> 00:35:06,520 Speaker 1: I feel like the last point that I would make 720 00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:10,160 Speaker 1: is be open to apps, because there are apps that 721 00:35:10,239 --> 00:35:13,600 Speaker 1: exist that can pare you with friends. I know, bumble does. 722 00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:17,080 Speaker 1: I actually wrote a story a couple years ago about 723 00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:20,320 Speaker 1: using one of these apps. I don't think it exists anymore, 724 00:35:20,400 --> 00:35:22,880 Speaker 1: but I use one of these apps to try and 725 00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:26,400 Speaker 1: find a friend because I realized that my friend group 726 00:35:26,719 --> 00:35:29,440 Speaker 1: was only my childhood friends, and because everyone is still 727 00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:31,000 Speaker 1: in New York City and I grew up here, it's 728 00:35:31,040 --> 00:35:33,319 Speaker 1: kind of easy to just be in that comfort zone. 729 00:35:33,320 --> 00:35:35,880 Speaker 1: But I was eager to make other friends as well. 730 00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:39,120 Speaker 1: And I think when I tried out this app, it 731 00:35:39,120 --> 00:35:41,200 Speaker 1: was very much like a dating app. You create a profile, 732 00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:43,920 Speaker 1: you kind of swipe through other people's profiles, and you 733 00:35:43,960 --> 00:35:47,440 Speaker 1: see they like the same music that you do, or 734 00:35:47,480 --> 00:35:50,239 Speaker 1: that you both like. Fitness classes and whatnot. So I 735 00:35:50,280 --> 00:35:52,719 Speaker 1: remember matching with a girl and we decided to get 736 00:35:52,760 --> 00:35:55,120 Speaker 1: drinks with each other, and it was as if we 737 00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:57,719 Speaker 1: had known each other for so long, you know, and 738 00:35:58,200 --> 00:36:01,239 Speaker 1: the experience completely surprised me. I remember when we had 739 00:36:01,320 --> 00:36:03,759 Speaker 1: drinks with each other, we actually realized that we both 740 00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:08,200 Speaker 1: love the same hip hop dance cardio class. And I 741 00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:10,160 Speaker 1: was because I would go to that class by myself 742 00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:12,200 Speaker 1: and wish that I had a friend to go with 743 00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:14,000 Speaker 1: because it's Vixen. 744 00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:17,279 Speaker 3: Yeah, so it's like, you know. 745 00:36:17,239 --> 00:36:20,640 Speaker 1: Beyonce inspired. I came across it like through just work, 746 00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:22,319 Speaker 1: and then when I decided to take a class, I 747 00:36:22,360 --> 00:36:24,480 Speaker 1: was like, this is so much fun. I wish that 748 00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:26,480 Speaker 1: I had friends who were into this. Of course, none 749 00:36:26,520 --> 00:36:27,920 Speaker 1: of my friends were into this, so I was like, 750 00:36:27,920 --> 00:36:29,440 Speaker 1: all right, well, I'm going to go buy myself to 751 00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:32,560 Speaker 1: these classes. It's great, shake it out like sweat a 752 00:36:32,640 --> 00:36:35,120 Speaker 1: ton and have so much fun. But I remember when 753 00:36:35,120 --> 00:36:36,720 Speaker 1: we were when I was having drinks with this girl, 754 00:36:37,000 --> 00:36:39,120 Speaker 1: she ended up telling me, oh, there's this hip hop 755 00:36:39,200 --> 00:36:42,319 Speaker 1: dance cardio class that I love, and I was like no, wait, wait, 756 00:36:42,400 --> 00:36:44,680 Speaker 1: wait wait, And I remember we connected on this and 757 00:36:44,719 --> 00:36:47,400 Speaker 1: then after we got drinks decided to go and go 758 00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:49,439 Speaker 1: to a class together and that was so much fun 759 00:36:49,440 --> 00:36:52,480 Speaker 1: and unexpected, and again it was all from meeting somebody 760 00:36:52,480 --> 00:36:53,040 Speaker 1: on an app. 761 00:36:53,280 --> 00:36:56,319 Speaker 2: I love that. I love that well. I hope that 762 00:36:56,360 --> 00:36:57,360 Speaker 2: this was very helpful. 763 00:36:57,480 --> 00:36:58,239 Speaker 3: I hope so too. 764 00:36:58,280 --> 00:37:01,160 Speaker 1: There's so much to say on this topic, because as 765 00:37:01,160 --> 00:37:03,880 Speaker 1: you get older, things change even more, you know, like 766 00:37:03,920 --> 00:37:06,920 Speaker 1: you said, people keep moving away, people have career changes, 767 00:37:07,040 --> 00:37:11,360 Speaker 1: people's priorities change as well, And I think the older 768 00:37:11,400 --> 00:37:14,480 Speaker 1: we get, the more isolated we get in a way 769 00:37:14,680 --> 00:37:15,400 Speaker 1: with our lives. 770 00:37:16,440 --> 00:37:19,160 Speaker 2: And I would say, if you're listening to this and 771 00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:23,040 Speaker 2: you came here because you are feeling alone or lonely, 772 00:37:23,440 --> 00:37:25,960 Speaker 2: or that you're just like in this really stuck place 773 00:37:26,080 --> 00:37:29,440 Speaker 2: with your friendships, know that you are not alone in that, 774 00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:34,000 Speaker 2: and that is very real and something that literally everyone 775 00:37:34,080 --> 00:37:37,440 Speaker 2: struggles with. And remember again that what you see on 776 00:37:37,440 --> 00:37:40,439 Speaker 2: social media isn't the full picture. So you might think 777 00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:42,880 Speaker 2: that you know that someone is super filled up in 778 00:37:42,920 --> 00:37:45,279 Speaker 2: their relationships and you see them out and they're doing 779 00:37:45,320 --> 00:37:47,320 Speaker 2: all these things, but you don't know how they really feel. 780 00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:51,640 Speaker 2: So don't judge yourself based on the highlight reel of 781 00:37:51,680 --> 00:37:54,600 Speaker 2: someone else, and stay true to yourself, be willing to 782 00:37:54,640 --> 00:37:57,040 Speaker 2: put yourself out there and good things could come from it. 783 00:37:57,320 --> 00:37:58,680 Speaker 3: Yeah, just be yourself. 784 00:37:58,760 --> 00:38:00,839 Speaker 1: There are people out there who will appreciate you and 785 00:38:00,880 --> 00:38:03,320 Speaker 1: meet you where you are. I think that you should 786 00:38:03,360 --> 00:38:06,200 Speaker 1: never forget just how special you are. And I think 787 00:38:06,239 --> 00:38:09,440 Speaker 1: it's so easy to because it's easy to compare ourselves 788 00:38:09,680 --> 00:38:12,920 Speaker 1: and our lives to other people and see, oh, they 789 00:38:12,920 --> 00:38:14,880 Speaker 1: have such a strong friendship group. I wish I had 790 00:38:14,920 --> 00:38:17,759 Speaker 1: that friendship group, or like, oh they have you know, 791 00:38:17,880 --> 00:38:20,799 Speaker 1: such like you said, such a full life. But don't 792 00:38:20,800 --> 00:38:24,120 Speaker 1: compare yourself. You are so special. Don't forget it. Someone 793 00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:25,239 Speaker 1: out there will appreciate you. 794 00:38:25,680 --> 00:38:28,319 Speaker 2: Christina, how do the hurdlers keep up with you? How 795 00:38:28,320 --> 00:38:30,480 Speaker 2: do they follow along with you? Give us all of 796 00:38:30,520 --> 00:38:31,239 Speaker 2: the details. 797 00:38:31,440 --> 00:38:34,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, you could find me on at Christina Rodolpho k 798 00:38:34,440 --> 00:38:36,960 Speaker 1: R I S T I N A r O, d 799 00:38:37,160 --> 00:38:40,760 Speaker 1: U LFO on all social platforms. I love to DM people. 800 00:38:41,040 --> 00:38:43,920 Speaker 2: She loves to dm people. Get ready, your new BFA 801 00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:47,080 Speaker 2: is waiting in the messages. I'm over at Emily a 802 00:38:47,120 --> 00:38:50,960 Speaker 2: Body and at Hurdle Podcast Another Hurdle Conquered. Catch you 803 00:38:50,960 --> 00:38:51,560 Speaker 2: guys next time.