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Speaker 1: From twenty one to twenty five, I was running my

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Speaker 1: own PR business, a nightlife PR business. I was totally

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Speaker 1: hooked on drugs and alcohol. I was totally addicted to relationships,

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Speaker 1: addicted to work, addicted to being seen, just food issues,

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Speaker 1: so multi addicted.

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Speaker 2: Gabby Ben Seen everyone is on her tenth book. You're

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Speaker 2: a spiritual leader to so many people. You've helped so

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Speaker 2: many people make it through different parts of their journeys

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Speaker 2: in their life.

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Speaker 1: I was cracking, I was falling apart. I was having

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Speaker 1: a mental breakdown only to have a dream, and in

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Speaker 1: that dream, I remembered sexual abuse from my childhood that

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Speaker 1: I had completely dissociated from first.

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Speaker 2: The first time you had a memory of it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, these moments of wreckage are our assignments. We have

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Speaker 1: a choice in this lifetime. Are we going to show

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Speaker 1: up for them or we're going to play small? Can

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Speaker 1: you just try on something with me? Would you just

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Speaker 1: place your hand on your heart and your other hand

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Speaker 1: on your belly. That's really nice? Thank you.

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Speaker 2: I'm rather Dabukiah and on my podcast A Really Good Cry,

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Speaker 2: we embrace the messy and the beautiful, providing a space

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Speaker 2: for raw, unfiltered conversations that celebrate vulnerability and allow you

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Speaker 2: to tune in to learn, connect and find comfort together.

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Speaker 2: Thank you so much for being on the podcast. I

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Speaker 2: am just obsessed with you and been such a big fan.

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Speaker 2: And I know I came on your podcast and you

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Speaker 2: were just the most incredible host. But I can't believe

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Speaker 2: you're on your tenth book? Are you joking? Gaby Bernstein?

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Speaker 2: Everyone is on her tenth book, and you're so many

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Speaker 2: things like I feel like you're a spiritual leader to

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Speaker 2: so many people. You've helped so many people make it

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Speaker 2: through different parts of their journeys in their life. And

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Speaker 2: I just think that the work that you've done, I

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Speaker 2: think there's only certain types of people that can do that,

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Speaker 2: is people who've really done the work themselves. And I

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Speaker 2: think that's what's so beautiful about your book is I

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Speaker 2: can really read and I can feel the work that

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Speaker 2: you've done to be able to speak on a topic

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Speaker 2: like that. And so I know we've known each other

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Speaker 2: for a while, but I want to take it back

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Speaker 2: because I realized I don't actually know how you started, Like, oh,

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Speaker 2: all of it.

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Speaker 1: Go back, because I need to know, Okay, Roddie, I

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Speaker 1: first of all, I want to just say to you

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Speaker 1: that to reflect back to me that when you're reading

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Speaker 1: the book, you feel the work is really meaningful to me,

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Speaker 1: Because if we're going to go backwards, all I can

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Speaker 1: say is that for the last nineteen years, I have

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Speaker 1: been deeply devoted to the inner work more than anyone

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Speaker 1: I know, more than anyone I know, more than some

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Speaker 1: of the greatest spiritual teachers I've ever had. Not to

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Speaker 1: compare myself to anyone, but I've seen so many people

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Speaker 1: that have done great transformational work in the world, and

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Speaker 1: I think the greatest transformational work we can do is

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Speaker 1: on ourselves, definitely. And what does that look like like, Well, yeah,

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Speaker 1: to take you back, to take you back nineteen years,

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Speaker 1: but it's actually really this past October. Second, I just

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Speaker 1: celebrated nineteen years of sobriety. That's amazing, yes, And that

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Speaker 1: is really kind of That really is where my big

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Speaker 1: spiritual journey began. I was introduced to spirituality and personal

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Speaker 1: development and meditation as a child though so way before

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Speaker 1: I even got clean. And I was a kid, and

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Speaker 1: my mom would bring me to ashrums and I would

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Speaker 1: named by Gurumai and I was, you know, was sitting

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Speaker 1: in meditation with My mother taught to meditate when I

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Speaker 1: was twelve, really really taught to meditate. I was given

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Speaker 1: a meditation practice as a result of having a lot

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Speaker 1: of anxiety. My mom taught me. I would witness my

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Speaker 1: mother go into her room with incense and the mantras,

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Speaker 1: and I would just feel this really strange sense that

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Speaker 1: there was something happening that was magical in that room,

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Speaker 1: and she'd come out, and she'd be totally in a

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Speaker 1: different space. Yeah, because she would go in crazy and

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Speaker 1: come out come Yeah. And I think that the biggest,

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Speaker 1: the biggest part of my journey was that I really

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Speaker 1: lived a lot of life without knowing a lot of

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Speaker 1: who I was or what had happened to me as

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Speaker 1: a child. And so by the time I was twenty five,

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Speaker 1: I was running my From twenty one to twenty five,

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Speaker 1: I was running my own PR business, a nightlife PR business.

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Speaker 1: I was totally hooked on drugs and alcohol. I was

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Speaker 1: totally addicted to relationships, addicted to work, addicted to being seen,

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Speaker 1: just food issues like all of you name it, like

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Speaker 1: so multi addicted and how don't that lasso. I think

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Speaker 1: I was living with all forms of addiction up to

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Speaker 1: that point, but the drugs and the alcohol for me

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Speaker 1: thankfully brought me to my knees very quickly. So within

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Speaker 1: a two to three year period I was I went

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Speaker 1: from lots of drinking and partying to daily cocaine use,

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Speaker 1: which is such a gnarly drug that it will bring

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Speaker 1: you to your knees. It will it will either kill

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Speaker 1: you these days, it'll kill you right on the dot

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Speaker 1: because of the fent and all and everything else. And

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Speaker 1: so thank god that was what was happening when I

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Speaker 1: was using. It was just horrible that it is now.

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Speaker 1: But it brought me to my knees fast, and I

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Speaker 1: was but right away when I got twenty five, when

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Speaker 1: I turned twenty five, was sober. I very quickly started

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Speaker 1: to recollect those spiritual imprints that my mother had imprinted

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Speaker 1: on me, and I began meditating, and I awakened my

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Speaker 1: spiritual practice and started to develop a higher power of

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Speaker 1: my own, and I became such an incredible spiritual student.

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Speaker 1: Just would soak up everything and anything and reading metaphysical

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Speaker 1: texts and nurturing my connection to spirit and started to

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Speaker 1: channel and just became very very awakened. And in that

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Speaker 1: journey I started to teach very quickly, and so through

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Speaker 1: my journey of teaching spiritual personal development tools, I was

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Speaker 1: also very much healing myself. And I've been now you know,

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Speaker 1: ten books. So I started writing books in two thousand

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Speaker 1: and eight. But the big part of my story that

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Speaker 1: I think is very reflective of the work that's in

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Speaker 1: this tenth book, which is in self Help, my new book.

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Speaker 1: The big part of my story was that when I

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Speaker 1: was thirty six, I was ten years sober, I'd been

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Speaker 1: on Oprah, I'd written probably like six or seven books.

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Speaker 1: At this point, I was on stages all over the world.

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Speaker 1: I was at this place where you're on the outside

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Speaker 1: you'd be like, oh, she's got it together. She's a

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Speaker 1: self help author and she's a spiritual teacher. And I

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Speaker 1: was cracking. I was falling apart as having a mental breakdown,

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Speaker 1: only to have a dream. And in that dream, I

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Speaker 1: remembered sexual abuse from my childhood that I had completely

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Speaker 1: dissociated from.

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Speaker 2: For thirty first time you had memory of it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, although if you, if anyone listening has had the

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Speaker 1: memories resurface of Trump trauma memories resurface, they know what

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Speaker 1: I'm about to say, which is you don't know, but

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Speaker 1: you know, there's always a sense of did something happen

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Speaker 1: to me? Or there's fragmented images that you might see,

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Speaker 1: or there's and then of course with that knowing or

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Speaker 1: not knowing, there's extreme explosive behaviors and patterns and protection

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Speaker 1: mechanisms that you build up to protect yourself from that

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Speaker 1: impro simple trauma. Yes, and so to give you to

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Speaker 1: this moment, the greatest part of my recovery in life

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Speaker 1: has been my trauma recovery and a huge element in

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Speaker 1: all kinds of somatic and sematic experiencing in EMDR and

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Speaker 1: EFT and I have had the privilege of having all

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Speaker 1: these great trauma therapies in my life and spiritual support.

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Speaker 1: But the greatest device for my healing was a therapy

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Speaker 1: called Internal Family Systems Therapy, and IFS is what has

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Speaker 1: informed my tenth book Self Help, which is where we

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Speaker 1: are today. And that therapy was so healing for me

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Speaker 1: that I befriended the founder. He became sort of my buddy,

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Speaker 1: my mentor. He guided me as I went and I

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Speaker 1: got to the practitioner training with the IFS Institute. I

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Speaker 1: was one of the last students to go through it.

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Speaker 1: That isn't actually a therapist, so they've stopped teaching it

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Speaker 1: to people. They've stopped training people who aren't therapists, which

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Speaker 1: I completelyunderstand. They're training in other ways, many other trainings though,

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Speaker 1: And so I've got the level two training. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I've got this tool. I can use this in my work,

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Speaker 1: not one on one, but I was wanting to use

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Speaker 1: it in my lectures and my coaching and in my

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Speaker 1: podcast coaching. And then I realized, I got to write

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Speaker 1: a book about this. But I have to make it

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Speaker 1: self help, because not everyone's going to have the privilege

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Speaker 1: of getting an IFS therapist or finding their way to therapy,

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Speaker 1: or even having enough willingness to go do that work

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Speaker 1: in therapy. So I wrote this, I wrote the book

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Speaker 1: self Help.

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Speaker 2: Wow, Well, thank you for sharing that, And I'm so

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Speaker 2: sorry that you had to go through something like that.

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Speaker 1: Don't be sorry, because you want to know why I

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Speaker 1: am in the I am the happiest person I know.

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Speaker 1: I am in such a great place in my life.

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Speaker 1: I am literally so clear, so confident, I have so

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Speaker 1: much courage. I feel so great in this life right now,

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Speaker 1: in this moment. And if I hadn't lived all the

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Speaker 1: life experience that I've had, I wouldn't be right here.

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Speaker 2: And that's such a beautiful thing to be able to say.

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Speaker 2: And only when someone has truly done the work and healed,

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Speaker 2: are you able to truly be able to say something

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Speaker 2: like that, especially after having been something so traumatic, when

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Speaker 2: you've been younger. Yes, So you mentioned the therapy that

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Speaker 2: this is all based around mention it again.

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Speaker 1: So it's called internal family Systems therapy. It's also known

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Speaker 1: as IFS.

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Speaker 2: IFS yes, IFS therapy, And so could you explain a

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Speaker 2: little bit around the IFS therapy because the first time

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Speaker 2: I heard about it was reading your book.

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Speaker 1: Oh wow, great, Yeah, that's my hold that that's the

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Speaker 1: first time I had about it because here you are,

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Speaker 1: you know, like you and Jay are like this is

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Speaker 1: your space, and like this is your first time hearing

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Speaker 1: about it. So that's showing me that it's definitely my

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Speaker 1: duty to sort of light the fire under this and

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Speaker 1: really let people who wouldn't otherwise necessarily find this life

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Speaker 1: changing healing. Yeah, it's very in the zeitgeist right now,

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Speaker 1: so you're going to be healing hearing about it a

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Speaker 1: lot more and more and more. And it's been around

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Speaker 1: for forty three years maybe around that roughly, Doctor Richard

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Speaker 1: Schwartz was originally a family therapist, and then he started

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Speaker 1: working with women who were binging and Beliemeck, and he

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Speaker 1: found that these women were talking about these parts of themselves,

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Speaker 1: like a part of me wants to harm myself or

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Speaker 1: a part of me wants to shut down, and then

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Speaker 1: they also started speaking about this other part of themselves,

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Speaker 1: that part of me feels a lot of compassion for

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Speaker 1: this experience. And so he started to sort of rework it,

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Speaker 1: and through his systems, family training, and his intuition and

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Speaker 1: I believe higher power, he created a model that has

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Speaker 1: this premise that when we're children, we have these extreme experiences.

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Speaker 1: Some may be as extreme as mine or even far

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Speaker 1: more extreme, right, Or they may just be being bullied

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Speaker 1: by the big kid right, or being told you were

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Speaker 1: stupid by a teacher, or or all of the above

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Speaker 1: little impressions to begin, little impressions, or your dad just

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Speaker 1: wasn't around a lot because he was working, or mom

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Speaker 1: left dad, or you know, things that sometimes you might

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Speaker 1: be like, I had a really great upbringing, but you know,

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Speaker 1: they'll be like, but my dad was an alcoholic. You know, yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know, you don't always like even really equate it

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Speaker 1: because you just have normalized it. But the experiences from

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Speaker 1: our childhood imprint these wounds, frankly, and those experiences are

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Speaker 1: often so extreme that our child brain cannot handle it

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Speaker 1: or process it. And it's far too often the majority

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Speaker 1: of the time that we don't have an adult parent

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Speaker 1: or caregiver who can help us process it.

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Speaker 2: Oh, we don't even know to express it, for someone

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Speaker 2: to help us throw it.

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Speaker 1: Like, we have shame around it, whatever it might be.

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Speaker 1: It's too shameful. I mean, I have a six year old, right,

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Speaker 1: so I can see that when I I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 1: how do you feel about the kid in the class

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Speaker 1: that wasn't nice? We don't want to talk about mommy.

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Speaker 1: It's fine, you know what I mean, he likes me.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 1: It's just too much shame that it won't even come

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Speaker 1: to the surface. So these young parts of us that

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Speaker 1: were so traumatized very young became exiled. And that's an

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Speaker 1: IFS called the exiles. Okay, So they're like these impermissible,

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Speaker 1: huge feelings of terror and fear and shame, and they're

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Speaker 1: just we're just deppressed, suppressed, and we subconsciously are like,

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Speaker 1: I never want to feel that again. So at a

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Speaker 1: very young age, we start to build up these protectors,

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Speaker 1: protection mechanisms.

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Speaker 2: I loved hearing about this in your book.

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Speaker 1: Yes, so the protectors are all the ways that we

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Speaker 1: learned how to cope with those horrible feelings as little children. Right.

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Speaker 1: So for my son's example, right, he was three years old,

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Speaker 1: he went into a class, a Montessori class was three

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Speaker 1: year olds and six year olds. There was a six

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Speaker 1: year old in the class, and he was obsessed with him.

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Speaker 1: He only wanted to be friends with the six year old,

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Speaker 1: and the six year old was like, I hate you.

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Speaker 1: I want to have nothing to do with you, and

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Speaker 1: I you know, kids are mean, right, and also like

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Speaker 1: what is the six year old want of people? And

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Speaker 1: with a three year old for you know, like they don't.

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Speaker 1: It's just he's like, I don't want to be around you.

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Speaker 1: And he was bullying him a little bit, but natural

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Speaker 1: stuff that happens. But this sent in and press my

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Speaker 1: son that said to him, the only way to make

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Speaker 1: myself feel good enough and protect myself from that feeling

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Speaker 1: is to always be the boss R. And so even

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Speaker 1: to this day, three years later, I see in my

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Speaker 1: son that he has a protector part that's like, I'm

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Speaker 1: the boss. When new people come around, he'll go grab

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Speaker 1: his NERF gun and he'll walk around with his NERF gun, which,

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Speaker 1: by the way, I would never wanted to give him,

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Speaker 1: but eventually you just give it to them because then

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Speaker 1: you think they'll get over it. But like or some

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Speaker 1: like weapon, they I'll have a sword with him. He

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Speaker 1: walks around with it when new people around because he

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Speaker 1: needs to be the boss, right And it's this misguided

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Speaker 1: believe that I'm not the boss, I don't belong. And

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Speaker 1: so that's an example of a moment in time, not

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Speaker 1: that big a deal, but it was extreme for him,

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Speaker 1: and he didn't have a process that and even with

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Speaker 1: mom it was Gabby Bernstein. It was a lot. And

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Speaker 1: so we're still processing it, you know. And so it

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Speaker 1: told him I'm going to protect myself by being a boss.

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Speaker 1: So that was a protector part that was established for

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Speaker 1: this little guy. Okay, so imagine the more extreme things

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Speaker 1: that have and we build up these protectors. You know,

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Speaker 1: we weren't loved as kids. I'm going another protector could

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Speaker 1: be I'm going to be a perfectionist, so nobody ever

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Speaker 1: has to so I feel good enough, or I'm going

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Speaker 1: to control everything because they didn't feel safe at that time.

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Speaker 1: High that's me, And so that becomes this way that

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Speaker 1: we manage our big, impermissible feelings. And so the good

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Speaker 1: news is that, well, let's talk about the tough news. First,

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Speaker 1: most of us are living our lives in these protector

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Speaker 1: parts were when something gets when that childhood feeling gets triggered,

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Speaker 1: we go right into a control We go into you know,

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Speaker 1: some kind of trauma response. Right, so it's going to

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Speaker 1: be judgment or it's going to be you know, freaking out,

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Speaker 1: or ways of protecting, being the boss, whatever it might be.

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Speaker 1: Those are called manager protectors, where we're just kind of

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Speaker 1: keeping it together. But those managers aren't working. It gets

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Speaker 1: to really extreme levels, and those are called the firefighter protectors.

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Speaker 1: And that's like drug addiction or love addiction, because the

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Speaker 1: pain is so big that we have to put out

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Speaker 1: the fire. So internal family, we have an inner family

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Speaker 1: of lots of little children inside of us, these locked up,

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Speaker 1: little exile, traumatized kids, and these protection mechanisms that are

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Speaker 1: literally like little children running our fucking lives.

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Speaker 2: You know what this is reminding me of? Did you

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Speaker 2: watch the show with Tom Holland.

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Speaker 1: What's the show?

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Speaker 2: You have to watch it? Do you know what the

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Speaker 2: show is called? Tom Holland's it's literally what you are

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Speaker 2: saying right now, is that a cartoon? No? No, no,

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Speaker 2: it's a really it's like it's a drama. Its specifically

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Speaker 2: speaking about basically this where he's and in that they

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Speaker 2: say that he's schizophrenic, but really what he has is

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Speaker 2: every single thing that's happened to him as he has

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Speaker 2: grown up. You realize at the end that he's actually

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Speaker 2: created these people, these personalities that he becomes as protective

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Speaker 2: mechanisms to the trauma that he's had. So every time

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Speaker 2: he's in that situation, this protected person, which eventually you

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Speaker 2: see them inside his heart. You see all these little people,

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Speaker 2: and each one represents a different pain or trauma that

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Speaker 2: he has created. This personality or this person he's speaking to,

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Speaker 2: that's protecting him, that's with him, that's his safety blanket

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Speaker 2: that he is turning into or speaking as there you go, and.

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Speaker 1: I have to guess that it's based on ifs.

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Speaker 2: Yes, and from everything you're saying, I'm sure, I'm sure

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Speaker 2: the crowded.

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Speaker 1: Room, I'm sure it's based on ifs it has to be.

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Speaker 1: And it's not like this is an uncommon under awareness,

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Speaker 1: but the idea that we're not one mono human, right,

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Speaker 1: this is what Dick Schwartz teaches, but that we have

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Speaker 1: multiple types of protection mechanisms that are little children inside

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Speaker 1: of us. And it's a very non pathologizing way of

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Speaker 1: looking at yourself. Right, It's like, I'm not a schizophrenic

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Speaker 1: as a lots of parts of me, I'm not a

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Speaker 1: drug addict. I just have a protection mechanism that's called

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Speaker 1: a drug addict that that puts out the fire with

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Speaker 1: the drugs because it's too scary to live in this world.

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Speaker 2: And I love that because I do think that nowadays

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Speaker 2: everything has just gotten so much much smaller and smaller,

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Speaker 2: and minds have just gone smaller and smaller, where you

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Speaker 2: just can't believe that someone can be have duality, that

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Speaker 2: someone can be both happy as you were but still

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Speaker 2: have trauma, that someone can be a self help teacher

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Speaker 2: and philosopher. And I've done a lot of work but

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Speaker 2: still have a lot of work to do. And I

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Speaker 2: think that is that what you're explaining I think would

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Speaker 2: help one where if people learned it, even if they

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Speaker 2: don't have to use the therapy for me. It makes

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Speaker 2: me think, Oh, like my friend who drinks a little

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Speaker 2: bit too much, or my friend who has these sudden

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Speaker 2: outbursts in this specific way, or my mum or my sister,

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Speaker 2: whatever it is, it's making me understand them so much

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Speaker 2: more just by you saying that. And I'm looking at

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Speaker 2: my life and I'm thinking, oh, wow, when I have this.

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Speaker 2: There are some times when to my husband, to J

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Speaker 2: I'll be like, I'll have this sudden response that's really

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Speaker 2: bigger than it ever needs to be. I'm like, why

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Speaker 2: do I respond to him in that way? Because what

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Speaker 2: he's saying actually isn't triggering, and what he's saying and

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Speaker 2: the way he's saying it isn't triggering at all. But

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Speaker 2: the way I've reacted it's way larger than what he

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Speaker 2: was saying.

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Speaker 1: It's way bigger.

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Speaker 2: And the only thing I can think of there is like, oh,

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Speaker 2: it's definitely And I've broken some of those down for myself,

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Speaker 2: where you know, if I'm if he's even if he's

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Speaker 2: trying to help me in some way, my automatic response

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Speaker 2: is I can do it myself. I can do it,

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Speaker 2: like you don't need to do it for me, I

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Speaker 2: can do it myself. And at first for him that

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Speaker 2: was like, wait, I'm just trying to help you, like

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Speaker 2: I actually love you and I'm trying to help you.

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Speaker 2: For me, I interpret it as people didn't think I

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Speaker 2: could do anything by myself when I was younger, So

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Speaker 2: now I have to show that I can do this

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Speaker 2: all by myself. And so I don't want your help.

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Speaker 2: I don't want you to promote this. I don't want

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Speaker 2: you to do this for me. I want to do

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Speaker 2: it by myself and I don't want your help. And

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Speaker 2: so that so when you're saying that, that's the first

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Speaker 2: thing that came to my mind. I was like, I

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Speaker 2: would never understand why I would have that response to

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Speaker 2: someone who's just trying to pour love into me, and

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Speaker 2: that would be my response. And so I'm like, oh, wow,

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Speaker 2: that was my protective mechanism or me trying to suppress

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Speaker 2: something that I haven't yet worked through, and that's how

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Speaker 2: it's coming out of me.

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Speaker 1: Do you want to check in with that part? We

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Speaker 1: don't have to go deep deep, we can just have

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Speaker 1: a conversation with it. Yesday. So this is the step

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Speaker 1: that I've created in the book. Yeah, this is now

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Speaker 1: we'll teach it, and it's actually not meant to go

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Speaker 1: to the exile. It's not meant to go to like

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Speaker 1: like it'll the young memories might come through, but that's

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Speaker 1: not what I'm trying to do here. This is an

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Speaker 1: IFS informed self help book. And before we go into it,

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Speaker 1: I have to really tell you the most important part,

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Speaker 1: which is that we have these little children that are

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Speaker 1: kind of controlling and running our lives and they're always

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Speaker 1: on high alert. But we also have an internal parent.

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Speaker 1: We also have an adult resourced, undamaged self with a

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Speaker 1: capital S. It self is compassionate. It's eight C qualities. Compassion,

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Speaker 1: the energy the essence of compassion, connection, courage, confidence, clarity, creativity,

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Speaker 1: calm and connected. Think I said already that.

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Speaker 2: Sounds like all the things where in our scriptures it

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Speaker 2: talks about our super soul, and it's like the the

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Speaker 2: part of us that is as deeply connected to the

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Speaker 2: universe to God. So like there's this small spark in

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Speaker 2: us that has all of that that embraces it's all loving,

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Speaker 2: all kind, all compassionate, and we all have that seated

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Speaker 2: in us, but it's just covered up with all the

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Speaker 2: layers and layers and layers of material existence.

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Speaker 1: And so you just nailed it. Which is there's a

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Speaker 1: beautiful quote in the book that I quote one of

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Speaker 1: an I F. S teacher and it talks about how

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Speaker 1: the sun is self, and.

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Speaker 2: I just loved it. Yeah, it's the sun. The self

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Speaker 2: is the sun behind the clouds. The sun always the

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Speaker 2: Self always exists, but it is just behind the clouds.

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Speaker 2: Even though we can't see the sun, we know it's

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Speaker 2: always there. Just like the sun. The self isn't something

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Speaker 2: we have to find, It's already there. We just have

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Speaker 2: to let ourselves be revealed from behind the clouds of

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Speaker 2: our protect is. I loved that.

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Speaker 1: I have to remember who was at We'll say we'll

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Speaker 1: pick it up. I'll pick it up because I want

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Speaker 1: to make sure that I give him all the credit.

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Speaker 1: But I mean, there it is.

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Speaker 2: It is beautiful there. It is so true.

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Speaker 1: And his point is, it's the self is the Sun

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Speaker 1: behind the clouds. We have access to it at all times.

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Speaker 1: It's always there, but we've built up these protection mechanisms

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Speaker 1: like a wall that block that presence or the clouds

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Speaker 1: that block the light. And so when we do what

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Speaker 1: we're about to do together, of course, if you took

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Speaker 1: it further and did it in IFS therapy. Particularly starting

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Speaker 1: here with the self help check in process, which is

432
00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:42,440
Speaker 1: what I'm calling it, you begin to release that cloud

433
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:47,800
Speaker 1: and reveal the presence of self. Now this is a

434
00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:50,120
Speaker 1: four step process, but now you understand why the book

435
00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:52,959
Speaker 1: is called self Help. Self be there to help your

436
00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:57,080
Speaker 1: little parts. You have an inner parent. And this right here,

437
00:21:57,160 --> 00:22:00,719
Speaker 1: right now, Roddy, is why I'm so happy. It's everything,

438
00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:03,320
Speaker 1: it's all my sober recovery, it's all kinds of therapy,

439
00:22:03,359 --> 00:22:07,440
Speaker 1: but it's really this practice living in this way, knowing

440
00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:09,919
Speaker 1: that I'm not alone, knowing that I can tend to

441
00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:13,119
Speaker 1: these inner parts of myself in any given moment and

442
00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:17,159
Speaker 1: redirect and reorganize my energy. It's the greatest gift of

443
00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:17,560
Speaker 1: my life.

444
00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:19,760
Speaker 2: And I just love that you've turned into something that

445
00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:22,359
Speaker 2: like I am assuming this four step process is the

446
00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:24,360
Speaker 2: process people have to go through every time they come

447
00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:26,640
Speaker 2: across something like this. But the fact that I can

448
00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:28,440
Speaker 2: do it with you now, but the fact that people

449
00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:30,800
Speaker 2: can do it at home by themselves, that I have

450
00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:34,680
Speaker 2: it as their constant check in process every time they

451
00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:37,159
Speaker 2: feel something like this happened, Like it's just such a

452
00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:39,760
Speaker 2: beautiful thing that you've created for people to have at

453
00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:43,159
Speaker 2: home as a mechanism to cope versus maybe turning to

454
00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:44,040
Speaker 2: something else.

455
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:46,359
Speaker 1: And a way to befriend every part of who you

456
00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:54,239
Speaker 1: are instead of shaming yourself, blaming yourself, or overriding the

457
00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:57,840
Speaker 1: protection mechanism with another protection mechanism. Right, So it's like

458
00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:00,760
Speaker 1: you might be protected, you know, protector rage and then

459
00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:03,160
Speaker 1: later be in protector judgment of yourself and then being

460
00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:05,919
Speaker 1: protector or addict because you don't like the judgment and

461
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:08,080
Speaker 1: it's just going from to protect or to protect or

462
00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:11,679
Speaker 1: to protect her living so blended in that way. But

463
00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:15,960
Speaker 1: this practice teases it out in the moment and gives

464
00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:20,560
Speaker 1: you that distance between the trigger and the response, and

465
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:24,119
Speaker 1: it allows you space to be present with the feeling

466
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:28,240
Speaker 1: and the experience and be curious about that part of you,

467
00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:32,119
Speaker 1: to give it some space to soften. And the more

468
00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:36,320
Speaker 1: you habitually practice that, the more second nature it becomes,

469
00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:39,080
Speaker 1: the more you learn to rely on that self energy

470
00:23:39,119 --> 00:23:40,200
Speaker 1: inside God.

471
00:23:40,240 --> 00:23:42,080
Speaker 2: I feel like we need it so much now, more

472
00:23:42,119 --> 00:23:44,680
Speaker 2: than ever, because I think we're so used to being

473
00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:49,600
Speaker 2: so stimulated and having such immediate reactions and receiving immediate

474
00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:54,520
Speaker 2: reactions to things that sitting in something is not you know,

475
00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:57,919
Speaker 2: whether it's you writing something on your Instagram story when

476
00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:00,560
Speaker 2: you're angry about something, or whether it's message your friends

477
00:24:00,560 --> 00:24:03,320
Speaker 2: as soon as something happens, or calling someone or there's

478
00:24:03,359 --> 00:24:07,240
Speaker 2: just so many options of how you can how you

479
00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:11,120
Speaker 2: can have a lash out or have your feelings expressed

480
00:24:11,119 --> 00:24:14,400
Speaker 2: in a very extreme way before you've even had time

481
00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:18,280
Speaker 2: to sit and process it. And I think having that moment,

482
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:20,359
Speaker 2: I think having this practice allows people to have that

483
00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:25,639
Speaker 2: moment by themselves, without anybody else's view, opinion, thoughts being

484
00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:28,320
Speaker 2: shoved into their mind when they're in a vulnerable state

485
00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:30,959
Speaker 2: or when they're in an impressionable state, which is usually

486
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:33,640
Speaker 2: when we're in those emotions. We are in those states.

487
00:24:34,359 --> 00:24:37,440
Speaker 1: When we're in those emotions, we are in those states,

488
00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:41,679
Speaker 1: and we are blended with the part. Right. So you

489
00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:45,199
Speaker 1: said this beautifully before, which is that we can we

490
00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:48,160
Speaker 1: can speak. We can learn how to speak for these parts,

491
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:51,520
Speaker 1: not as them. So the next time that that thing

492
00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:53,520
Speaker 1: happens with Jay, we're going to work on it now. YEA,

493
00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:57,000
Speaker 1: the next time that thing happens with Jay, you can say, WHOA,

494
00:24:57,040 --> 00:25:01,040
Speaker 1: I'm noticing I'm feeling that feeling again, and I want

495
00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:05,280
Speaker 1: to just say it and name it. And maybe it's

496
00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:06,879
Speaker 1: nothing to do with you. Maybe it is and I

497
00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:08,639
Speaker 1: don't know, let's let me tease it up. But you

498
00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:11,560
Speaker 1: could have that awareness, or you can step away and

499
00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:13,720
Speaker 1: just say I'm gonna go check in the bathroom and

500
00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:15,879
Speaker 1: you guys are going checking it all over the place

501
00:25:16,359 --> 00:25:19,639
Speaker 1: or whatever feels like you need in that moment. Okay,

502
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:23,040
Speaker 1: So how would you call that protector or was there

503
00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:24,680
Speaker 1: like a way that you would reference it or it's

504
00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:27,200
Speaker 1: sort of I want to do it myself protector.

505
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:32,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like the prove yourself like protect yourself. Okay, Yeah,

506
00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:33,920
Speaker 2: probably beautiful.

507
00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:39,720
Speaker 1: So this is a beautiful opportunity to Step one choose

508
00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:40,400
Speaker 1: to check in.

509
00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:40,959
Speaker 2: Okay.

510
00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:43,960
Speaker 1: And the reason that Step one is choose to check

511
00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:47,239
Speaker 1: in is because we can't like a little kid, right

512
00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:48,919
Speaker 1: when you have a kid, you're gonna get this. I mean,

513
00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:50,320
Speaker 1: you're gonna call me like how do I do this?

514
00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:54,520
Speaker 1: So my son if I if I see he's agitated

515
00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:56,840
Speaker 1: about something and I'm like, so Allie, like let's talk

516
00:25:56,880 --> 00:26:00,240
Speaker 1: about it. He well, I don't want to. I need

517
00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:04,640
Speaker 1: his buy in. Usually it's like right before bed, always

518
00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:07,400
Speaker 1: like those are the mudget or it's you know, when

519
00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:10,639
Speaker 1: we're in the car driving, and so I need that

520
00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:15,280
Speaker 1: that can't be in the heated moment necessarily the wolves correct,

521
00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:17,920
Speaker 1: So you have there has to be a crack that's

522
00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:21,560
Speaker 1: been opening, and so that choice is going to be

523
00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:24,040
Speaker 1: there when you take that for a step, because you're

524
00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:26,680
Speaker 1: going to be have enough separation or enough awareness, or

525
00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:30,040
Speaker 1: enough desire or enough willingness to witness and say, oh no,

526
00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:32,639
Speaker 1: I just went into that trigger again. Okay, I'm going

527
00:26:32,680 --> 00:26:35,440
Speaker 1: to choose to check in. That's step one, and without

528
00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:38,720
Speaker 1: that buy in, the parts of us will get really agitated,

529
00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:40,440
Speaker 1: kids like children.

530
00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:41,760
Speaker 2: Yeah.

531
00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:47,400
Speaker 1: Step two is curiosity. So I'll ask the questions to you,

532
00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:49,960
Speaker 1: but really you're asking them to your part myself. Okay,

533
00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:53,920
Speaker 1: So first, just maybe even close your eyes if you

534
00:26:53,960 --> 00:27:00,359
Speaker 1: feel comfortable, and just tune your attention inward. Notice if

535
00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:03,280
Speaker 1: you have access at this moment to that what did

536
00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:05,600
Speaker 1: we say? What did we call it? Again? Prove yourself

537
00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:10,119
Speaker 1: protect your self protector. And as you focus your attention

538
00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:12,399
Speaker 1: a little bit on this, prove your self protector. If

539
00:27:12,480 --> 00:27:16,320
Speaker 1: there's anything physical sensations that you notice, you can speak

540
00:27:16,359 --> 00:27:21,560
Speaker 1: for them. Yeah, but it's suffocating suffocating great, okay, and

541
00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:25,840
Speaker 1: any thoughts, ideas, sensations.

542
00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:30,159
Speaker 2: It definitely feels very childlike, like it's not an adult emotion.

543
00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:38,359
Speaker 2: It's very like immediate and almost like not tantrumy, but

544
00:27:38,440 --> 00:27:40,720
Speaker 2: it feels that way like it will be very it

545
00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:43,639
Speaker 2: will be irrational a little bit. It feels rational, but

546
00:27:43,760 --> 00:27:50,280
Speaker 2: I know in my adult self that it's irrational. Okay.

547
00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:53,240
Speaker 1: If there's any images, thoughts, sensations, anything it wants us

548
00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:53,560
Speaker 1: to know.

549
00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:57,560
Speaker 2: Oh, it definitely takes me. My trigger is definitely school

550
00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:02,160
Speaker 2: and education, Okay, always has been for this emotion.

551
00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:04,880
Speaker 1: Anything else it wants us to know.

552
00:28:10,080 --> 00:28:13,840
Speaker 2: A younger child thing like from like being the younger

553
00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:17,560
Speaker 2: child in my family, having a lot of intelligent cousins

554
00:28:17,560 --> 00:28:20,640
Speaker 2: and sisters around me, and that was definitely a big part.

555
00:28:20,760 --> 00:28:25,200
Speaker 1: But right, okay, Yeah, I think there's are like beautiful,

556
00:28:25,560 --> 00:28:28,520
Speaker 1: really good, really nice, nice druggle Okay. And then the

557
00:28:28,600 --> 00:28:32,600
Speaker 1: third step is to compassionately connect to this part. So

558
00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:35,760
Speaker 1: this is where you might check it. Do you feel

559
00:28:35,760 --> 00:28:37,840
Speaker 1: like you have a connection to it in this moment? Yeah,

560
00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:42,040
Speaker 1: definitely great, So checking in with the part, ask it

561
00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:46,640
Speaker 1: what it needs, let me think, well, let me feel, yeah, exactly,

562
00:28:46,720 --> 00:28:49,479
Speaker 1: don't think too much what it needs.

563
00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:59,400
Speaker 2: I think it needs me to let go mm hmm, yeah,

564
00:28:59,520 --> 00:29:01,800
Speaker 2: let go of things that are like, aren't relevant anymore.

565
00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:07,480
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, beautiful and now if we yeah, beautiful, already

566
00:29:07,880 --> 00:29:12,560
Speaker 1: beautiful and feel that right now with me, don't don't

567
00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:14,800
Speaker 1: override it. Be with me. I'm with you completely, and

568
00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:19,080
Speaker 1: I'm with the part. And notice how you feel in

569
00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:22,120
Speaker 1: this moment this is the four step.

570
00:29:22,360 --> 00:29:26,800
Speaker 2: A bit vulnerable, Yeah, definitely, like an emotion that I

571
00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:30,600
Speaker 2: found difficult to work through.

572
00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:39,280
Speaker 1: Perfect, Perfect? Do you feel? How do you feel towards

573
00:29:39,280 --> 00:29:39,800
Speaker 1: that part of you?

574
00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:45,400
Speaker 2: A bit like it's been around for longer than it should,

575
00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:49,520
Speaker 2: like if it doesn't feel as relevant anymore, but I

576
00:29:49,560 --> 00:29:52,360
Speaker 2: he like it's there's smaller parts of it that I

577
00:29:52,440 --> 00:29:55,440
Speaker 2: hold on to when that's not who I am anymore.

578
00:29:56,560 --> 00:29:58,400
Speaker 1: So can you just try on something with me which

579
00:29:58,440 --> 00:30:00,560
Speaker 1: you just poast your hand on your heart and your

580
00:30:00,560 --> 00:30:02,800
Speaker 1: other hand on your belly and just breathe with me

581
00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:06,880
Speaker 1: for a moment and just real deep breath in and

582
00:30:06,880 --> 00:30:09,000
Speaker 1: out and just give it some presents, give the part

583
00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:11,800
Speaker 1: a little bit of presence and breath. Really, just give

584
00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:22,000
Speaker 1: it some deep breaths. Just breathe with it another moment,

585
00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:28,080
Speaker 1: just let it know that it's totally safe here with

586
00:30:28,200 --> 00:30:34,480
Speaker 1: me and you, and let it know that I'm really

587
00:30:34,520 --> 00:30:36,560
Speaker 1: excited to get to know it, and I'm really happy.

588
00:30:40,360 --> 00:30:42,680
Speaker 1: Let it know anything else that you want it to know. Okay,

589
00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:48,920
Speaker 1: you can just take another deep breath and just let

590
00:30:48,960 --> 00:30:54,920
Speaker 1: it let it know you're here. That's really nice. Thank

591
00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:56,240
Speaker 1: you you did it.

592
00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:01,800
Speaker 2: That was really powerful. That was really really powerful. I

593
00:31:01,800 --> 00:31:04,800
Speaker 2: feel like sometimes even with the smaller emotions, when you

594
00:31:04,880 --> 00:31:07,200
Speaker 2: end up having them. One thing I've realized is with

595
00:31:07,240 --> 00:31:10,400
Speaker 2: even emotions like this, where it may not affect me

596
00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:13,160
Speaker 2: every single day, or it does in smaller ways, but

597
00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:16,120
Speaker 2: even if it doesn't, when you end up addressing it,

598
00:31:16,280 --> 00:31:19,240
Speaker 2: you automatically feel like even something small because you've suppressed

599
00:31:19,240 --> 00:31:22,200
Speaker 2: it constantly or haven't worked through it fully, it feels

600
00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:24,400
Speaker 2: really big in the moment. So when you're like addressing it,

601
00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:25,880
Speaker 2: what you said at the beginning, like you have to

602
00:31:25,960 --> 00:31:29,200
Speaker 2: choose to buy into it. At first, I was like,

603
00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:31,240
Speaker 2: I really don't want to do it. Like in my mind,

604
00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:33,440
Speaker 2: I honestly was like, oh God, and know I'm gonna cry.

605
00:31:33,760 --> 00:31:35,200
Speaker 2: I know this is what's going to I know what

606
00:31:35,240 --> 00:31:37,120
Speaker 2: my emotions are going to get heightened, because that's how

607
00:31:37,120 --> 00:31:39,840
Speaker 2: I feel in the moment when someone's asking me questions

608
00:31:39,920 --> 00:31:43,880
Speaker 2: or it's getting triggered. But it's definitely a process of

609
00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:47,160
Speaker 2: like getting extremely vulnerable with yourself where you don't like

610
00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:49,440
Speaker 2: to go like that's the it was really uncomfortable.

611
00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:53,040
Speaker 1: First of all, you're very good at these steps because

612
00:31:53,800 --> 00:31:56,560
Speaker 1: you have such strong awareness already. Right, You've done a

613
00:31:56,600 --> 00:32:00,200
Speaker 1: tremendous manner work on yourself. You know yourself, right. But

614
00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:03,920
Speaker 1: what I think is so beautiful is that the way

615
00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:07,680
Speaker 1: that you just defined exactly what I think most people's

616
00:32:07,680 --> 00:32:11,280
Speaker 1: protector is is the fear of that vulnerability. How do

617
00:32:11,320 --> 00:32:13,920
Speaker 1: you feel about the How do you feel right now now?

618
00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:18,160
Speaker 2: I feel definitely relieved because I've let the emotion flow.

619
00:32:18,920 --> 00:32:21,479
Speaker 2: If I hadn't, I would have probably cried throughout the

620
00:32:21,520 --> 00:32:23,680
Speaker 2: episode in some way because it would have built up

621
00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:28,360
Speaker 2: or pen up in me. But also that it's an

622
00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:30,760
Speaker 2: easier process than I thought to work through it in

623
00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:36,080
Speaker 2: that moment versus having an irrational response to something like

624
00:32:36,160 --> 00:32:40,440
Speaker 2: this feels a lot clearer and cleaner, Like my mind

625
00:32:40,480 --> 00:32:41,240
Speaker 2: feels clearer.

626
00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:45,400
Speaker 1: So clarity is one of the c qualities itself. Yeah,

627
00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:47,760
Speaker 1: so you let self help.

628
00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:49,640
Speaker 2: Amazing.

629
00:32:51,840 --> 00:32:56,400
Speaker 1: That was a really so imagine a world where when

630
00:32:56,440 --> 00:33:00,200
Speaker 1: you have those moments or that awareness, whether it's in

631
00:33:00,240 --> 00:33:02,880
Speaker 1: the moment or it's three days later, it does not

632
00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:06,680
Speaker 1: matter that you're had a part that's present and it

633
00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:10,360
Speaker 1: needs some attention, and you just choose to check in

634
00:33:10,400 --> 00:33:15,880
Speaker 1: step one, become curious, Step two compassionately connect by asking

635
00:33:15,920 --> 00:33:19,120
Speaker 1: what do you need? Step three and step four check

636
00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:22,920
Speaker 1: for c's, check for those c qualities. So what I

637
00:33:23,480 --> 00:33:24,800
Speaker 1: did it with you? But I was like, and then

638
00:33:24,800 --> 00:33:27,320
Speaker 1: you got into the place where you said, I feel clear, Yeah,

639
00:33:27,440 --> 00:33:30,880
Speaker 1: there's your quality. That is your sign that self energy

640
00:33:31,080 --> 00:33:34,840
Speaker 1: has come through, and it's a sign. And so these steps,

641
00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:38,320
Speaker 1: this is not IFS. IFS is very different. This is

642
00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:41,480
Speaker 1: IFS informed. Okay, i FS is going to take you

643
00:33:41,480 --> 00:33:43,200
Speaker 1: on a very different journey because you have a therapist

644
00:33:43,320 --> 00:33:45,560
Speaker 1: with you, holding you. This is a much This is

645
00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:49,280
Speaker 1: a very safe and contained Richard Schwartz, the founder of IFS,

646
00:33:49,520 --> 00:33:54,040
Speaker 1: very approved model for doing this for yourself right. And

647
00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:57,280
Speaker 1: the beauty of it is that you can befriend that

648
00:33:57,520 --> 00:34:03,440
Speaker 1: part of yourself. You can begin to establish relationship with

649
00:34:03,600 --> 00:34:07,120
Speaker 1: that part of yourself so that she doesn't have to

650
00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:09,600
Speaker 1: run the show she doesn't have to flow about and

651
00:34:09,680 --> 00:34:13,880
Speaker 1: instead she can feel seen because what she wants to

652
00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:17,960
Speaker 1: feel seen. But who does she need to feel seen by? Yeah? Yeah, right,

653
00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:21,000
Speaker 1: so true And as soon as she feels that truthful,

654
00:34:21,239 --> 00:34:23,920
Speaker 1: be this will change your life. This will change change

655
00:34:23,960 --> 00:34:25,439
Speaker 1: everything about your life.

656
00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:28,680
Speaker 2: It's also like the heaviness of you think that then

657
00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:31,880
Speaker 2: even if they feel like smaller things and to the

658
00:34:31,960 --> 00:34:34,520
Speaker 2: grand scale of what people can go through, what my

659
00:34:34,680 --> 00:34:38,520
Speaker 2: emotion is is somewhat small. But what I've realized is

660
00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:40,560
Speaker 2: that these little small things that you carry, like you

661
00:34:40,719 --> 00:34:42,480
Speaker 2: pick them up along the way, and if you're not

662
00:34:42,600 --> 00:34:45,160
Speaker 2: letting them go as you got to, like, you feel

663
00:34:45,239 --> 00:34:48,200
Speaker 2: so heavy. And it's not a physical heavy, it's like

664
00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:53,160
Speaker 2: you have heavy, heavy emotional emotions. It's like a heaviness

665
00:34:53,200 --> 00:34:55,320
Speaker 2: that you feel in your heart every time it's happening.

666
00:34:55,360 --> 00:34:57,480
Speaker 2: So even this release that I just had with you

667
00:34:58,360 --> 00:34:59,879
Speaker 2: for me, I'm like, had I not done that now,

668
00:35:00,040 --> 00:35:02,040
Speaker 2: it would have kept building and building and building, and

669
00:35:02,200 --> 00:35:06,359
Speaker 2: then the release would have felt so much more dramatic. Yeah,

670
00:35:06,600 --> 00:35:08,800
Speaker 2: And I just think that that it's because we we

671
00:35:09,080 --> 00:35:11,640
Speaker 2: pent up these emotions over and over again, and these

672
00:35:11,719 --> 00:35:14,040
Speaker 2: traumas that you're talking about over and over again, and

673
00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:16,920
Speaker 2: without releasing one, all you're doing is adding to the

674
00:35:17,560 --> 00:35:19,320
Speaker 2: weight of it all over and over again.

675
00:35:20,160 --> 00:35:24,120
Speaker 1: Think about how little kids manage their feelings. Right, they tantrum,

676
00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:28,640
Speaker 1: they they or if they shut down, right, they hide,

677
00:35:29,520 --> 00:35:32,760
Speaker 1: or they you know, let it all out, it burst.

678
00:35:32,960 --> 00:35:33,080
Speaker 2: Right.

679
00:35:33,480 --> 00:35:35,840
Speaker 1: That's how we that's how we are. We are running.

680
00:35:36,080 --> 00:35:38,880
Speaker 1: It does not shoulder your adulthood, and it's not. It

681
00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:41,680
Speaker 1: really doesn't, because we get stuck in time and we

682
00:35:41,800 --> 00:35:44,480
Speaker 1: become stuck in that pattern and that behavior and that

683
00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:47,360
Speaker 1: behaviors and these protection mechanisms because the only way we

684
00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:50,400
Speaker 1: can feel safe. So it's shifted your energy here right now,

685
00:35:50,480 --> 00:35:53,640
Speaker 1: you're in clarity. We can be more connected, you can

686
00:35:53,719 --> 00:35:56,640
Speaker 1: feel more calm later. So that self energy that you

687
00:35:56,800 --> 00:36:00,520
Speaker 1: established in this moment can carry you. Also gives you

688
00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:02,880
Speaker 1: this spiritual proof that there is help inside.

689
00:36:03,080 --> 00:36:04,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's so true.

690
00:36:04,920 --> 00:36:06,600
Speaker 1: That's the power and that's confidence.

691
00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:09,719
Speaker 2: Like I always think about that every time I work

692
00:36:09,880 --> 00:36:13,759
Speaker 2: through different parts of me, it increases the love and

693
00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:16,640
Speaker 2: confidence that I feel, and then that spreads into different

694
00:36:16,640 --> 00:36:19,120
Speaker 2: parts of my life, and then that spreads into my relationships,

695
00:36:19,160 --> 00:36:21,680
Speaker 2: and then that spreads into the other people I interact with.

696
00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:24,080
Speaker 2: On the street. It's like, it's such a knock on

697
00:36:24,200 --> 00:36:26,840
Speaker 2: effect of what you just said. As soon as you

698
00:36:26,880 --> 00:36:29,400
Speaker 2: feel you can help yourself and someone else isn't doing

699
00:36:29,480 --> 00:36:31,960
Speaker 2: it for you, and someone else isn't the savior in

700
00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:34,160
Speaker 2: your life. Whatever it is that you can do it

701
00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:37,880
Speaker 2: for yourself, it's just a completely different experience.

702
00:36:38,680 --> 00:36:41,720
Speaker 1: You nailed it, Yeah, because confidence is a sea equality.

703
00:36:42,400 --> 00:36:53,120
Speaker 1: So when you start to let these qualities of confidence, courage, curiosity, right, clarity, yeah, creativity,

704
00:36:53,440 --> 00:36:57,360
Speaker 1: when we let these sea qualities start to come forward,

705
00:36:58,120 --> 00:37:02,719
Speaker 1: they have a massive ripple effect because when you start

706
00:37:02,760 --> 00:37:04,919
Speaker 1: to develop that self energy, it starts to get really

707
00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:06,880
Speaker 1: big in your life. And so you walk in the

708
00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:08,320
Speaker 1: door and people are like, I don't know why that

709
00:37:08,400 --> 00:37:11,080
Speaker 1: girl makes me feel really good? Yeah, and you have

710
00:37:11,160 --> 00:37:13,400
Speaker 1: the energy, by the way, but you know, thank you

711
00:37:13,600 --> 00:37:17,560
Speaker 1: very much, and it's the self help work. It's period

712
00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:20,840
Speaker 1: end of story, right, because it can feel I mean,

713
00:37:20,880 --> 00:37:22,440
Speaker 1: if you'd met me five years ago and Jay's known

714
00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:25,399
Speaker 1: me for you know, eleven twelve years, like a really

715
00:37:25,480 --> 00:37:27,560
Speaker 1: long time, and when he knew me, then he knows

716
00:37:27,600 --> 00:37:28,200
Speaker 1: a different woman.

717
00:37:28,360 --> 00:37:28,520
Speaker 2: You know.

718
00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:30,640
Speaker 1: Jay and Lewis are like my brothers because they knew

719
00:37:30,680 --> 00:37:35,359
Speaker 1: me at a time when I was had a lot

720
00:37:35,440 --> 00:37:39,759
Speaker 1: of self like qualities, but it was it was intermittent, right,

721
00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:42,120
Speaker 1: and it wasn't And I had a lot of purpose

722
00:37:42,160 --> 00:37:43,560
Speaker 1: and had a lot of love in my heart, but

723
00:37:43,640 --> 00:37:46,439
Speaker 1: I wasn't. It wasn't integrated. Yeah, and that's just because

724
00:37:46,440 --> 00:37:48,080
Speaker 1: I was on the path and I'm still on the path.

725
00:37:48,440 --> 00:37:50,279
Speaker 1: I did self help check in last night, and I

726
00:37:50,480 --> 00:37:54,200
Speaker 1: totally changed my life around, completely changed my day around.

727
00:37:54,520 --> 00:37:56,440
Speaker 1: I had the most The other thing is is, you

728
00:37:56,480 --> 00:37:59,080
Speaker 1: know people want to talk about manifesting, like, if you

729
00:37:59,160 --> 00:38:01,840
Speaker 1: want to manifest, do self help, honey.

730
00:38:02,120 --> 00:38:02,279
Speaker 2: Right.

731
00:38:02,360 --> 00:38:06,000
Speaker 1: It's like when you heal here, that confident energy, that

732
00:38:06,160 --> 00:38:10,640
Speaker 1: courageous energy, that compassionate energy, that calm present is what

733
00:38:10,800 --> 00:38:12,000
Speaker 1: makes you a super attractor.

734
00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:12,760
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh.

735
00:38:12,840 --> 00:38:13,400
Speaker 1: And that you know.

736
00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:15,839
Speaker 2: I've been talking to my team actually about the manifesting

737
00:38:16,120 --> 00:38:20,040
Speaker 2: stuff because I was saying to them that you have

738
00:38:20,120 --> 00:38:22,920
Speaker 2: to be so careful and you know, on to what

739
00:38:23,080 --> 00:38:25,000
Speaker 2: you were saying about doing the self help. When you're

740
00:38:25,080 --> 00:38:28,239
Speaker 2: trying to manifest and you're you don't have clarity in

741
00:38:28,360 --> 00:38:30,719
Speaker 2: what you actually want, you will manifest something you do

742
00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:33,120
Speaker 2: not want in your life. And so I was talking

743
00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:35,000
Speaker 2: about this to do with things that I'm you know,

744
00:38:35,200 --> 00:38:39,720
Speaker 2: been been dipping my feet in with work. And yesterday

745
00:38:39,719 --> 00:38:41,879
Speaker 2: I said to one of the girls, I was like, fundamentally,

746
00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:44,040
Speaker 2: it is not making me feel happy, like it is

747
00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:46,360
Speaker 2: not I thought I wanted it. And the funny thing is,

748
00:38:46,520 --> 00:38:48,800
Speaker 2: last year I was talking about it so much I

749
00:38:48,960 --> 00:38:51,840
Speaker 2: was I was putting it, putting the words into my

750
00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:54,239
Speaker 2: life of this is what I want to happen next year,

751
00:38:54,760 --> 00:38:57,200
Speaker 2: And funnily enough, a year later, it happened.

752
00:38:57,239 --> 00:38:58,120
Speaker 1: That's that thing.

753
00:38:58,120 --> 00:39:00,720
Speaker 2: Happened, and I'm in it, and I could keep dipping

754
00:39:00,800 --> 00:39:02,680
Speaker 2: my feet in it, and I was like, it is

755
00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:07,000
Speaker 2: not it's happened. But actually I was not in a

756
00:39:07,080 --> 00:39:09,520
Speaker 2: clear place last year when I started deciding I wanted

757
00:39:09,560 --> 00:39:11,800
Speaker 2: to do this. So it's happened, but it's actually not

758
00:39:11,960 --> 00:39:14,560
Speaker 2: something I want. And now I've realized it's not what

759
00:39:14,640 --> 00:39:16,480
Speaker 2: I want because the more I'm dipping my feet in it,

760
00:39:16,560 --> 00:39:19,759
Speaker 2: the more I realize how unhappy it's making me. And

761
00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:23,520
Speaker 2: so it's so interesting because because I didn't have the

762
00:39:23,600 --> 00:39:26,839
Speaker 2: clarity then what I manifested in my life, whether it's

763
00:39:26,880 --> 00:39:29,239
Speaker 2: in by the way, this is the case in relationships,

764
00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:33,600
Speaker 2: in work, in your personal life, in everything if you

765
00:39:33,719 --> 00:39:35,840
Speaker 2: are not in clarity when you start to decide what

766
00:39:36,000 --> 00:39:38,960
Speaker 2: you want in your life, you will end up manifesting

767
00:39:39,040 --> 00:39:42,880
Speaker 2: something and realizing, actually, my dream has come true, but

768
00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:46,359
Speaker 2: it wasn't really the dream I wanted. And it's been

769
00:39:46,400 --> 00:39:48,759
Speaker 2: a really this week has been a big reflective week

770
00:39:48,800 --> 00:39:52,040
Speaker 2: for and I've been like, wow, I just that is

771
00:39:52,120 --> 00:39:53,480
Speaker 2: not who I want, what I want to be known for,

772
00:39:53,600 --> 00:39:55,880
Speaker 2: That's not who I want to be. And I'm going

773
00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:58,440
Speaker 2: to have to take my toes out of that water.

774
00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:01,759
Speaker 1: It tows out because but there's clarity right there. Yes,

775
00:40:02,239 --> 00:40:04,239
Speaker 1: that's clarity right there. Oh you know, that's actually not

776
00:40:04,320 --> 00:40:08,120
Speaker 1: what I want anymore. Yeah, that's cool right. And And

777
00:40:08,239 --> 00:40:10,520
Speaker 1: the thing is is that we're just living in this

778
00:40:11,280 --> 00:40:14,120
Speaker 1: life where we're unlearning fear and remembering the love of

779
00:40:14,120 --> 00:40:14,400
Speaker 1: who we.

780
00:40:14,440 --> 00:40:18,640
Speaker 2: Are, unlearning fear and remembering the love of who we are.

781
00:40:19,800 --> 00:40:24,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's this is our classroom, right, These these moments

782
00:40:24,120 --> 00:40:27,480
Speaker 1: of wreckage are our assignments. We have a choice in

783
00:40:27,520 --> 00:40:29,239
Speaker 1: this lifetime. Are we going to show up for them

784
00:40:29,680 --> 00:40:31,680
Speaker 1: or we're going to play small? Are we going to

785
00:40:31,719 --> 00:40:33,640
Speaker 1: stay stuck? Are we going to feel the burdens of

786
00:40:33,760 --> 00:40:37,080
Speaker 1: these parts of us and the beautiful thing that happens

787
00:40:37,560 --> 00:40:39,840
Speaker 1: is that when you start to befriend these parts of

788
00:40:39,880 --> 00:40:41,800
Speaker 1: yourself and you start to have this kind of relief

789
00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:44,920
Speaker 1: and you start to feel self presence come through the

790
00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:47,239
Speaker 1: parts of you don't have to go away, right, Like

791
00:40:47,360 --> 00:40:52,120
Speaker 1: my controlling part gets a lot done. Yeah, yeah, for

792
00:40:52,480 --> 00:40:54,800
Speaker 1: for a lot of time, even in her darkest moments,

793
00:40:55,040 --> 00:40:56,520
Speaker 1: she did a lot of good work. You know, she

794
00:40:56,560 --> 00:40:59,360
Speaker 1: wrote ten books in fourteen years. Right, She's served a

795
00:40:59,440 --> 00:41:02,200
Speaker 1: lot of And so you can still be going through

796
00:41:02,280 --> 00:41:05,640
Speaker 1: really difficult times and do really good things. And that's

797
00:41:05,680 --> 00:41:07,800
Speaker 1: really important because not everybody's going to be feeling the

798
00:41:07,840 --> 00:41:10,480
Speaker 1: freedom I'm feeling in this moment in a week. But

799
00:41:10,600 --> 00:41:12,920
Speaker 1: you can feel that freedom and that light can enter in,

800
00:41:13,000 --> 00:41:14,480
Speaker 1: and that light can enter in, and that light can

801
00:41:14,600 --> 00:41:17,600
Speaker 1: enter in, and it really adds up and you can

802
00:41:17,680 --> 00:41:19,960
Speaker 1: doing beautiful things in your life even when you're going

803
00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:20,680
Speaker 1: through tough stuff.

804
00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:23,239
Speaker 2: How do you This is the kind of off topic question,

805
00:41:23,320 --> 00:41:25,440
Speaker 2: but it just came to mind. How did you go

806
00:41:25,680 --> 00:41:28,160
Speaker 2: through all of those things while you were also helping

807
00:41:28,200 --> 00:41:32,200
Speaker 2: other people and not feel like you, like, aren't being

808
00:41:32,239 --> 00:41:33,799
Speaker 2: truthful to them? Does that make sense?

809
00:41:33,880 --> 00:41:38,480
Speaker 1: Like, because I was always telling the truth because whatever

810
00:41:38,719 --> 00:41:41,239
Speaker 1: stage I was at in my teaching was where I

811
00:41:41,480 --> 00:41:46,920
Speaker 1: was at in my learning. Yeah, yes, okay, So at

812
00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:48,800
Speaker 1: the time when I was most you know, when I

813
00:41:48,880 --> 00:41:50,960
Speaker 1: didn't remember the trauma, but I was just looking for

814
00:41:51,120 --> 00:41:54,960
Speaker 1: answers and I was finding it through metaphysics, that's what

815
00:41:55,040 --> 00:41:59,600
Speaker 1: I was teaching. I was finding my safety through specific yoga,

816
00:41:59,800 --> 00:42:02,000
Speaker 1: That's what I was teaching. Yeah, I was finding you

817
00:42:02,040 --> 00:42:04,960
Speaker 1: know when I in these in these through breath work,

818
00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:07,759
Speaker 1: and that's what I was teaching. And every book I

819
00:42:07,880 --> 00:42:10,879
Speaker 1: have shows you. This shows you the journey. All ten

820
00:42:10,960 --> 00:42:15,839
Speaker 1: books show you fourteen years of spiritual recovery because each

821
00:42:16,320 --> 00:42:19,400
Speaker 1: level is the level that I was at. And I

822
00:42:19,480 --> 00:42:22,160
Speaker 1: always write my books for myself first. Yeah, that's that's

823
00:42:22,200 --> 00:42:24,040
Speaker 1: such good advice. I always fine.

824
00:42:24,080 --> 00:42:26,759
Speaker 2: I think there's a difference between how you feel and

825
00:42:26,960 --> 00:42:29,359
Speaker 2: always the perception of other people and then well how

826
00:42:29,400 --> 00:42:31,759
Speaker 2: they view as and you can't change that. Like I

827
00:42:31,840 --> 00:42:33,680
Speaker 2: can keep saying I'm a beginner in this, but if

828
00:42:33,760 --> 00:42:36,360
Speaker 2: you see me as an expert, I can't change. I

829
00:42:36,400 --> 00:42:38,759
Speaker 2: can keep telling someone I'm a beginner, but I think

830
00:42:38,800 --> 00:42:41,920
Speaker 2: it's really difficult when the perception is for example, if

831
00:42:41,920 --> 00:42:45,240
Speaker 2: you meditate, if you're someone who meditates, no one expects

832
00:42:45,280 --> 00:42:46,600
Speaker 2: you to have road rage. Let's just give that as

833
00:42:46,600 --> 00:42:49,240
Speaker 2: an example. It's like, if you are showing that you meditate,

834
00:42:49,880 --> 00:42:52,120
Speaker 2: no one expects you to send a voice note back

835
00:42:52,200 --> 00:42:54,720
Speaker 2: to someone who's just been rude to you and schooling

836
00:42:54,800 --> 00:42:56,520
Speaker 2: them on that. You know, what I'm trying to say

837
00:42:56,640 --> 00:42:59,040
Speaker 2: is there's a perception that people can have of you,

838
00:42:59,760 --> 00:43:02,880
Speaker 2: no matter how much you share where you're at, if

839
00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:05,719
Speaker 2: they want to perceive you in a certain way, you

840
00:43:05,840 --> 00:43:07,760
Speaker 2: can't control that. It's just the narrative.

841
00:43:08,000 --> 00:43:10,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think if you're telling the truth and you're

842
00:43:11,719 --> 00:43:13,640
Speaker 1: that's all you have to that's all that matters. And

843
00:43:14,120 --> 00:43:16,640
Speaker 1: other people are always going to put pretenses and projections

844
00:43:16,680 --> 00:43:19,359
Speaker 1: onto you. They're gonna they're going to idolize you, They're

845
00:43:19,400 --> 00:43:21,719
Speaker 1: going to shame you. It's just the nature of the

846
00:43:21,800 --> 00:43:24,359
Speaker 1: world that we live in. But the realities if you're

847
00:43:24,400 --> 00:43:27,720
Speaker 1: good with you, yeah, straight on your side, the street

848
00:43:27,800 --> 00:43:30,759
Speaker 1: is clean, whatever. Yeah.

849
00:43:31,000 --> 00:43:33,560
Speaker 2: What do you think is the biggest of the biggest

850
00:43:33,640 --> 00:43:36,600
Speaker 2: hurdles you mentioned, you know, changing passions? What do you

851
00:43:36,600 --> 00:43:38,920
Speaker 2: think are the biggest hurdles that people have to actually

852
00:43:39,640 --> 00:43:42,840
Speaker 2: one make change and then be able to sustain the

853
00:43:42,960 --> 00:43:45,720
Speaker 2: change of passions, beautiful.

854
00:43:45,360 --> 00:43:48,920
Speaker 1: Question, Well, making the change. I think the biggest hurdle

855
00:43:49,600 --> 00:43:53,680
Speaker 1: is the absolute terror of facing into these exiles right

856
00:43:53,960 --> 00:43:58,360
Speaker 1: or even slightly textrating into recognizing that there's a protection mechanism,

857
00:43:58,719 --> 00:44:00,279
Speaker 1: which is why in the book, I don't want to

858
00:44:00,320 --> 00:44:02,800
Speaker 1: work with these firefighter addicts or any of the exiles.

859
00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:04,880
Speaker 1: I just want to work with the managers, right, Like

860
00:44:05,280 --> 00:44:06,600
Speaker 1: I want to work with the parts of you that are,

861
00:44:06,760 --> 00:44:08,560
Speaker 1: you know, controlling your life in that moment. I want

862
00:44:08,560 --> 00:44:10,359
Speaker 1: to work with the parts of you that are a perfectionist. Yeah,

863
00:44:10,360 --> 00:44:11,840
Speaker 1: I want. I want you to start to get to

864
00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:16,440
Speaker 1: know the day to day protection mechanisms so that you

865
00:44:16,480 --> 00:44:18,600
Speaker 1: can just soften them a touch, and then if you

866
00:44:18,640 --> 00:44:20,680
Speaker 1: start to feel some relief, you might be like, hmm,

867
00:44:20,800 --> 00:44:22,840
Speaker 1: this is kind of working. Let me go where Gabby

868
00:44:22,880 --> 00:44:24,640
Speaker 1: told me to go to the IFS Institute and find

869
00:44:24,640 --> 00:44:27,359
Speaker 1: a therapist, or or I go find that coach that's

870
00:44:27,400 --> 00:44:29,800
Speaker 1: going to help me, whatever that might be. But you

871
00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:33,160
Speaker 1: start with yourself, you start being your own inner healer,

872
00:44:33,520 --> 00:44:35,920
Speaker 1: and then you can know what the next right actions that.

873
00:44:36,160 --> 00:44:39,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, I completely agree, and I feel like with the

874
00:44:39,760 --> 00:44:42,800
Speaker 2: different parts of you know, I think one of the

875
00:44:42,920 --> 00:44:46,040
Speaker 2: reasons that people end up not being able to stick

876
00:44:46,120 --> 00:44:48,640
Speaker 2: to patterns or change. Is that feeling of not thinking

877
00:44:48,719 --> 00:44:49,280
Speaker 2: you even.

878
00:44:49,200 --> 00:44:53,080
Speaker 1: Can, Like, yes, you know, this is why it's so

879
00:44:53,080 --> 00:44:55,759
Speaker 1: exciting right now, right you just showed them that you can.

880
00:44:56,480 --> 00:44:58,839
Speaker 1: So there's a four step practice that you just got

881
00:44:58,920 --> 00:45:03,480
Speaker 1: relief from. You gave everyone watching spiritual proof that there's

882
00:45:03,520 --> 00:45:05,440
Speaker 1: a four step practice that can give you relief in

883
00:45:05,480 --> 00:45:09,160
Speaker 1: the moment, and so that in itself is healing. That

884
00:45:09,480 --> 00:45:11,760
Speaker 1: proof is healing. This isn't just we're not just talking

885
00:45:11,960 --> 00:45:14,520
Speaker 1: around an idea. We're not just like, hey, here's the

886
00:45:14,600 --> 00:45:16,840
Speaker 1: new trick that you can try, or this is the

887
00:45:16,880 --> 00:45:20,880
Speaker 1: new thing that somebody suggested. You showed them that relief

888
00:45:21,000 --> 00:45:23,880
Speaker 1: is on the other side of this four steps And

889
00:45:24,120 --> 00:45:26,480
Speaker 1: if you want a little bit of relief every day,

890
00:45:27,160 --> 00:45:29,640
Speaker 1: four step check in. And in the book there's ways

891
00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:31,759
Speaker 1: I said, you know, journaling check ins, I have prayer

892
00:45:31,840 --> 00:45:35,319
Speaker 1: based check ins, I have meditative check ins. Every chapter

893
00:45:35,400 --> 00:45:38,359
Speaker 1: has a check in. And there's also a chapter called

894
00:45:38,840 --> 00:45:42,560
Speaker 1: Anxious Parts, all dedicated to the anxiety as a protector.

895
00:45:43,080 --> 00:45:46,760
Speaker 1: Body Parts is another chapter, how our somatic, our physical

896
00:45:46,840 --> 00:45:48,200
Speaker 1: experience is a protector.

897
00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:49,120
Speaker 2: Right.

898
00:45:49,360 --> 00:45:52,160
Speaker 1: The work of doctor John sarnaw how our back pain

899
00:45:52,320 --> 00:45:54,000
Speaker 1: is protecting our impermissible rage.

900
00:45:54,680 --> 00:45:56,440
Speaker 2: But don't you think it takes like a whole lot,

901
00:45:56,719 --> 00:45:58,960
Speaker 2: Like I think the first step to wanting to change

902
00:45:59,560 --> 00:46:02,759
Speaker 2: is you need a small amount of well either it's

903
00:46:02,840 --> 00:46:05,880
Speaker 2: rock bottom or it's you need a small amount of

904
00:46:06,640 --> 00:46:09,400
Speaker 2: at least of self love or love for yourself to

905
00:46:09,440 --> 00:46:11,640
Speaker 2: want to change, because you have to want to be

906
00:46:11,760 --> 00:46:14,400
Speaker 2: a better person or you have to love the future

907
00:46:14,480 --> 00:46:17,839
Speaker 2: version of yourself to be able to want to take

908
00:46:17,920 --> 00:46:21,799
Speaker 2: steps towards change. So for someone who feels like they

909
00:46:22,080 --> 00:46:26,040
Speaker 2: really are struggling with their worth with with love for themselves, like,

910
00:46:26,160 --> 00:46:28,640
Speaker 2: what are the first steps that people should start taking

911
00:46:29,320 --> 00:46:33,680
Speaker 2: to really create that feeling of like worth in themselves.

912
00:46:34,520 --> 00:46:37,560
Speaker 1: Well, the thing is this, the work only works if

913
00:46:37,600 --> 00:46:40,680
Speaker 1: you want to do the work, and you don't need

914
00:46:40,719 --> 00:46:43,440
Speaker 1: a lot of willingness, but you need a slight willingness. Yeah, right,

915
00:46:43,520 --> 00:46:46,239
Speaker 1: you need a little mustard seed of willingness because that

916
00:46:46,320 --> 00:46:48,960
Speaker 1: mustard's willingness will be like hmmm, let me go listen

917
00:46:49,000 --> 00:46:52,160
Speaker 1: to that podcast with Gabby and Riddy, right, or hmm,

918
00:46:52,239 --> 00:46:54,759
Speaker 1: maybe I'll pick up that book called self help, right, yeah,

919
00:46:54,840 --> 00:46:57,680
Speaker 1: But the nice thing about this book in particular is

920
00:46:57,760 --> 00:47:00,239
Speaker 1: like it says what it is on the chin, you're

921
00:47:00,280 --> 00:47:03,560
Speaker 1: either in or you're out. And so I know that

922
00:47:03,680 --> 00:47:06,440
Speaker 1: anyone that's picked this book up opened the first page,

923
00:47:06,880 --> 00:47:08,880
Speaker 1: whether it was given to them or they purchased it themselves,

924
00:47:09,080 --> 00:47:12,719
Speaker 1: if they opened that page, then they're willing because it's

925
00:47:12,920 --> 00:47:15,319
Speaker 1: telling you point blank what this is. Yeah.

926
00:47:15,360 --> 00:47:17,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're choosing to self help.

927
00:47:17,080 --> 00:47:19,640
Speaker 1: You're opening a self help book. It says, called self help.

928
00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:22,120
Speaker 1: And I think that, Look, not everybody's going to get

929
00:47:22,160 --> 00:47:24,440
Speaker 1: there in this lifetime. But if anyone who is here

930
00:47:24,520 --> 00:47:28,080
Speaker 1: right now watching and listening to us, they're here. They

931
00:47:28,120 --> 00:47:32,279
Speaker 1: wouldn't be listening if they weren't here. Yeah, So congratulations people, Yeah,

932
00:47:32,320 --> 00:47:32,680
Speaker 1: well done.

933
00:47:32,719 --> 00:47:38,080
Speaker 2: You showed up What was some of your protectors or

934
00:47:38,480 --> 00:47:40,880
Speaker 2: that were coming up for you, like the ways that

935
00:47:41,000 --> 00:47:42,560
Speaker 2: it showed up for you in your life.

936
00:47:43,239 --> 00:47:46,120
Speaker 1: Okay, So I've named them, Yeah, very intimate with them.

937
00:47:47,680 --> 00:47:51,279
Speaker 1: There was the cocaine addict. There was the and I

938
00:47:51,320 --> 00:47:53,080
Speaker 1: say it was because she's been clean and sober, but

939
00:47:53,120 --> 00:47:55,919
Speaker 1: I still recognize as a as a recovering cocaine addict.

940
00:47:57,280 --> 00:48:01,680
Speaker 1: There's the controller who now is not in her extreme role,

941
00:48:01,760 --> 00:48:04,080
Speaker 1: but she's still around because you know what, I got

942
00:48:04,120 --> 00:48:06,000
Speaker 1: lots of good things happening, and I got to keep

943
00:48:06,239 --> 00:48:08,080
Speaker 1: control over all of these balls in the air.

944
00:48:08,280 --> 00:48:08,400
Speaker 2: Right.

945
00:48:08,800 --> 00:48:11,720
Speaker 1: So she's doing it, and she's like calling her assistant

946
00:48:11,760 --> 00:48:13,759
Speaker 1: and she's like, I love you. Can you do me

947
00:48:13,760 --> 00:48:15,400
Speaker 1: a favor and just make like five phone calls so

948
00:48:15,440 --> 00:48:17,120
Speaker 1: we can move that flight so I can be there

949
00:48:17,120 --> 00:48:19,279
Speaker 1: at this time. And she's thinking and getting shit done.

950
00:48:19,320 --> 00:48:21,360
Speaker 1: She's getting herself on the plane, and she's getting herself

951
00:48:21,400 --> 00:48:23,640
Speaker 1: home to make the dinner, and she's got a little

952
00:48:23,680 --> 00:48:24,640
Speaker 1: bit of control. And it's good.

953
00:48:24,800 --> 00:48:27,200
Speaker 2: Actually, Yeah, I like how you're sharing what it was

954
00:48:27,440 --> 00:48:30,400
Speaker 2: and now how it's still there but it's not burdened.

955
00:48:30,560 --> 00:48:33,839
Speaker 1: Yes, these parts flourish when they're in there, when they're

956
00:48:33,880 --> 00:48:36,839
Speaker 1: no longer burdened. Yes, these parts of us become their

957
00:48:36,960 --> 00:48:41,120
Speaker 1: greatest assets. I've read one of them was your wlkoholic workaholic.

958
00:48:41,960 --> 00:48:46,280
Speaker 1: She does not she she doesn't exist. She just thrives

959
00:48:46,680 --> 00:48:51,120
Speaker 1: because she loves her work. So she can be here

960
00:48:51,280 --> 00:48:55,319
Speaker 1: with you and then fly home tomorrow and then maybe

961
00:48:55,400 --> 00:48:56,920
Speaker 1: on the plane write a little bit of the next

962
00:48:56,960 --> 00:48:59,960
Speaker 1: book that she's working on. But she's not a work ahole.

963
00:49:00,360 --> 00:49:04,040
Speaker 1: She's not harming herself she's in a flow, she's asking

964
00:49:04,120 --> 00:49:07,200
Speaker 1: for help. The biggest one for me that I still

965
00:49:07,239 --> 00:49:10,239
Speaker 1: work with today is the part of me that has

966
00:49:10,280 --> 00:49:13,640
Speaker 1: a belief that if I don't do it, nobody else

967
00:49:13,719 --> 00:49:17,399
Speaker 1: will yes. And that's the little girl right who lived

968
00:49:17,440 --> 00:49:20,160
Speaker 1: in a world where she couldn't control anything, where she

969
00:49:20,320 --> 00:49:23,439
Speaker 1: had so much fear and rage and she and she'd

970
00:49:23,520 --> 00:49:26,440
Speaker 1: no caregiver that was making her feel safe, and so

971
00:49:26,600 --> 00:49:29,360
Speaker 1: she just had to take care of herself. And so

972
00:49:29,480 --> 00:49:32,799
Speaker 1: that belief is something I've been working with tremendously. I've

973
00:49:32,840 --> 00:49:36,040
Speaker 1: been even two nights ago, just like checking in with her,

974
00:49:36,960 --> 00:49:40,120
Speaker 1: listening to her. And the more I work with her,

975
00:49:40,200 --> 00:49:42,960
Speaker 1: the more I can let other people help. The more

976
00:49:43,000 --> 00:49:45,000
Speaker 1: I can let my husband, who I work with as well,

977
00:49:45,320 --> 00:49:48,440
Speaker 1: I can let him just take the lead. I can

978
00:49:49,160 --> 00:49:52,000
Speaker 1: just see a vision of a future where I don't

979
00:49:52,040 --> 00:49:53,640
Speaker 1: have my hand in certain things. I sat with one

980
00:49:53,640 --> 00:49:56,440
Speaker 1: of my employees this morning and he flew in from

981
00:49:56,480 --> 00:49:57,800
Speaker 1: San Francisco, and I looked at him and I was like,

982
00:49:58,239 --> 00:50:00,560
Speaker 1: I'm so excited to give all this to you, because

983
00:50:00,600 --> 00:50:02,360
Speaker 1: my vision is that you can just play with all

984
00:50:02,400 --> 00:50:06,640
Speaker 1: this and I can stem step away. These are huge things. Yeah,

985
00:50:07,239 --> 00:50:08,480
Speaker 1: she's run the show for a long time.

986
00:50:09,040 --> 00:50:11,120
Speaker 2: She's run the show for a long time. I feel

987
00:50:11,160 --> 00:50:13,759
Speaker 2: like with in New Year, people end up sticking, like

988
00:50:14,280 --> 00:50:16,600
Speaker 2: they end up committing to a lot of new goals

989
00:50:16,880 --> 00:50:20,319
Speaker 2: and new patterns and trying to keep them consistent. How

990
00:50:20,400 --> 00:50:23,360
Speaker 2: does someone who and I think what happens is usually

991
00:50:23,560 --> 00:50:25,680
Speaker 2: even my gym trainers tell me this. They're like, it's

992
00:50:25,800 --> 00:50:29,120
Speaker 2: so busy at the beginning of January and then suddenly

993
00:50:29,600 --> 00:50:32,319
Speaker 2: it quietens down and is just the regulars. How does

994
00:50:32,400 --> 00:50:34,640
Speaker 2: someone stop? Because I noticed for myself when I stick,

995
00:50:34,719 --> 00:50:37,120
Speaker 2: when I start committing to a pattern or a new

996
00:50:37,200 --> 00:50:41,040
Speaker 2: habit and then I somehow end up having a break

997
00:50:41,120 --> 00:50:42,800
Speaker 2: in it, or I don't end up committing to it

998
00:50:42,880 --> 00:50:45,480
Speaker 2: that day. You go into like this spiral, which is

999
00:50:45,560 --> 00:50:47,799
Speaker 2: like a shame spiral that stops you then from going

1000
00:50:47,920 --> 00:50:50,239
Speaker 2: back to that pattern because you're like, oh, okay, well

1001
00:50:50,400 --> 00:50:51,880
Speaker 2: I didn't do it for the last three days. Do

1002
00:50:51,960 --> 00:50:53,480
Speaker 2: I even deserve to go back to it? Do you

1003
00:50:53,560 --> 00:50:55,719
Speaker 2: know that I'm out with dueling right now and I'm

1004
00:50:55,760 --> 00:50:58,520
Speaker 2: getting so shamed? Duo is like Shito is like, where

1005
00:50:58,560 --> 00:51:00,600
Speaker 2: the fuck are you? I did?

1006
00:51:00,840 --> 00:51:02,920
Speaker 1: I did thirty three hundred days of duo and then

1007
00:51:02,960 --> 00:51:05,400
Speaker 1: I fell off a day and then now it's like

1008
00:51:05,480 --> 00:51:09,080
Speaker 1: every two days. Now you feel like me back down

1009
00:51:09,120 --> 00:51:11,640
Speaker 1: to this like low level where it's like, oh, lamas

1010
00:51:11,680 --> 00:51:15,320
Speaker 1: ass and I'm like, what like I am I, and

1011
00:51:15,880 --> 00:51:18,800
Speaker 1: it's it's messing with my brain. So yes, and I

1012
00:51:18,920 --> 00:51:21,960
Speaker 1: think that the real message here is that I believe

1013
00:51:22,080 --> 00:51:25,800
Speaker 1: in small shifts for big change. And so if you

1014
00:51:25,920 --> 00:51:27,920
Speaker 1: can make the commitment to do one check in a

1015
00:51:28,000 --> 00:51:31,799
Speaker 1: day for two minutes, right or read a page a day,

1016
00:51:32,560 --> 00:51:34,120
Speaker 1: if that'd be my work, whatever work it is that

1017
00:51:34,200 --> 00:51:36,080
Speaker 1: you like to do, you know, if it's five pages

1018
00:51:36,120 --> 00:51:38,839
Speaker 1: of journaling a day, if it's just listening to your

1019
00:51:38,960 --> 00:51:41,239
Speaker 1: Jay on the podcast right like these are, there's a

1020
00:51:41,280 --> 00:51:45,520
Speaker 1: spiritual transmission. If you miss a day indications, just jump

1021
00:51:45,560 --> 00:51:47,000
Speaker 1: right back in, just jump right it back in.

1022
00:51:47,400 --> 00:51:49,640
Speaker 2: It's weird that we shame ourselves and that we literally

1023
00:51:50,560 --> 00:51:54,440
Speaker 2: it's it's it's hard because your mind is shaming you

1024
00:51:54,800 --> 00:51:56,640
Speaker 2: for not doing it, but then it's also stopping you

1025
00:51:56,760 --> 00:51:59,400
Speaker 2: from doing it in the next few days or the

1026
00:51:59,440 --> 00:52:02,120
Speaker 2: week after, all the month after, so you almost jeopardize

1027
00:52:02,120 --> 00:52:05,600
Speaker 2: it's self sabotage in one way because you're telling yourself

1028
00:52:05,640 --> 00:52:07,400
Speaker 2: you didn't do it today. But that means you shouldn't

1029
00:52:07,400 --> 00:52:09,160
Speaker 2: do it tomorrow or the next day or the next day.

1030
00:52:09,440 --> 00:52:13,000
Speaker 1: It's also remember it's a protector. So when we get

1031
00:52:13,080 --> 00:52:16,520
Speaker 1: into that pattern of just some of it, some of

1032
00:52:16,560 --> 00:52:19,080
Speaker 1: its protector and some of it's just sort of well,

1033
00:52:19,120 --> 00:52:23,880
Speaker 1: protectors are habits, right. Protectors are habitual behaviors, and so

1034
00:52:24,160 --> 00:52:27,840
Speaker 1: to undo the habitual behavior of the rage or undo

1035
00:52:27,960 --> 00:52:32,680
Speaker 1: the control, it is about doing something different, right, And

1036
00:52:32,920 --> 00:52:36,480
Speaker 1: I think that if someone just hears me say, it's

1037
00:52:36,640 --> 00:52:41,960
Speaker 1: never too late to start again, period and do one

1038
00:52:42,080 --> 00:52:43,640
Speaker 1: minute a day, one small thing a day.

1039
00:52:43,640 --> 00:52:43,759
Speaker 2: You know.

1040
00:52:43,840 --> 00:52:46,319
Speaker 1: I have my Gabby Coaching app. It's a membership app,

1041
00:52:46,600 --> 00:52:48,839
Speaker 1: and it's the first thing you do is pull a card.

1042
00:52:48,840 --> 00:52:50,919
Speaker 1: You pull an affirmation card. We'll pull on for you today.

1043
00:52:51,320 --> 00:52:52,680
Speaker 1: The second thing you do is you land on the

1044
00:52:52,719 --> 00:52:55,000
Speaker 1: home screen and it's two minute practice.

1045
00:52:55,440 --> 00:52:55,640
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1046
00:52:55,680 --> 00:52:58,719
Speaker 1: Now, there's long meditations in there. There's ten, you know,

1047
00:52:58,960 --> 00:53:02,359
Speaker 1: thirteen fifteen minute sessions to our talks. But it's all

1048
00:53:02,360 --> 00:53:04,759
Speaker 1: I'm asking is to pull an affirmation into it and

1049
00:53:04,800 --> 00:53:07,200
Speaker 1: listen to a two minute practice. That's it, and that's enough.

1050
00:53:07,480 --> 00:53:09,239
Speaker 1: And that simplicity, I think, is where people are at.

1051
00:53:09,280 --> 00:53:11,960
Speaker 1: It's what people need and then you're like, Okay, well

1052
00:53:12,000 --> 00:53:13,839
Speaker 1: I fell off, but I can just do two minutes, right.

1053
00:53:15,160 --> 00:53:17,160
Speaker 2: What do you Is there anything else from the book

1054
00:53:17,239 --> 00:53:19,280
Speaker 2: that you feel like people would really benefit from hammering

1055
00:53:19,320 --> 00:53:20,719
Speaker 2: now or do they just really have to go read

1056
00:53:20,800 --> 00:53:22,239
Speaker 2: it and through the whole thing.

1057
00:53:22,640 --> 00:53:26,320
Speaker 1: Well they do. Here's the thing. If they're still listening

1058
00:53:26,600 --> 00:53:28,560
Speaker 1: and they're still here, then I think that's a sign.

1059
00:53:28,880 --> 00:53:30,839
Speaker 1: The subtitle of this book is this is your Chance

1060
00:53:30,920 --> 00:53:34,399
Speaker 1: to change your life I have. This is my tenth book.

1061
00:53:34,560 --> 00:53:36,840
Speaker 1: I have been on the front lines of personal growth

1062
00:53:36,880 --> 00:53:41,880
Speaker 1: and spiritual development for nineteen years. I have moved through addiction,

1063
00:53:42,160 --> 00:53:46,360
Speaker 1: I've moved through repressed trauma, I've moved through extreme trauma

1064
00:53:46,480 --> 00:53:49,319
Speaker 1: with birthing, and I carried a child for almost six months.

1065
00:53:49,400 --> 00:53:53,680
Speaker 1: I released that child. I've lived life. I've had my traumas.

1066
00:53:54,160 --> 00:53:57,600
Speaker 1: And the reason I have had the resilience and the

1067
00:53:58,040 --> 00:54:00,439
Speaker 1: joy that I can live in now and the faith

1068
00:54:00,560 --> 00:54:03,239
Speaker 1: no matter what, is because I've worked my spiritual and

1069
00:54:03,280 --> 00:54:07,120
Speaker 1: personal development like a muscle. I built the muscle every

1070
00:54:07,160 --> 00:54:10,000
Speaker 1: single day, every single day. And so if someone's looking

1071
00:54:10,040 --> 00:54:11,200
Speaker 1: at you and me and they're like, I want what

1072
00:54:11,280 --> 00:54:13,759
Speaker 1: they have, or I want that feeling, or I want

1073
00:54:13,840 --> 00:54:17,560
Speaker 1: to just feel from freedom or relief, then here's an answer.

1074
00:54:17,680 --> 00:54:21,759
Speaker 1: Here's the solution. If I'm resonating, if it's resonating, or

1075
00:54:21,960 --> 00:54:23,840
Speaker 1: whether it's again, I always say, like, whether it's my

1076
00:54:23,880 --> 00:54:27,160
Speaker 1: book or anyone else, just take that first step. Just

1077
00:54:27,920 --> 00:54:32,080
Speaker 1: just just press order or open the page. Take the

1078
00:54:32,120 --> 00:54:32,600
Speaker 1: first step.

1079
00:54:32,920 --> 00:54:37,440
Speaker 2: Thank you so much. This was honestly such a phenomenal episode,

1080
00:54:37,560 --> 00:54:40,040
Speaker 2: and this conversation was so useful for me, and I

1081
00:54:40,080 --> 00:54:42,200
Speaker 2: can't even imagine how many other people it's going to help.

1082
00:54:42,320 --> 00:54:43,200
Speaker 2: So thank you.

1083
00:54:44,560 --> 00:54:45,640
Speaker 1: Dial and we can just check.

1084
00:54:46,000 --> 00:54:48,680
Speaker 2: So excited you're going to block my number. I'm really

1085
00:54:49,040 --> 00:54:49,600
Speaker 2: looking forward to.

1086
00:54:49,680 --> 00:54:51,360
Speaker 1: I actually came over here today and I'm like, I

1087
00:54:51,400 --> 00:54:53,960
Speaker 1: think we're going to become really good friends. Like I

1088
00:54:54,080 --> 00:54:56,480
Speaker 1: had that sense, I feel like that, why not, right?

1089
00:54:56,920 --> 00:54:59,400
Speaker 1: But it happens when we go deep like this.

1090
00:55:00,000 --> 00:55:01,920
Speaker 2: You look forward to dive deeper into the book. And

1091
00:55:02,360 --> 00:55:03,040
Speaker 2: thank you so much.

1092
00:55:03,040 --> 00:55:04,759
Speaker 1: I love you all. Thank you for your vulnerability.

1093
00:55:06,120 --> 00:55:12,000
Speaker 2: M m hmmmmmm.