Speaker 1: This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2: Everybody.
Speaker 3: Welcome to the most dramatic podcast ever. Lauren Zema coming
Speaker 3: to you a solo because my husband is on the
Speaker 3: go today, Chris Harrison playing in his member guest golf
Speaker 3: tournament and I support it and I love it, and
Speaker 3: it's for him kind of a little mini guys trip.
Speaker 3: His best friend has come in to town for them
Speaker 3: to play in this golf tournament together and they are
Speaker 3: busy with it for three days.
Speaker 2: And here's the thing.
Speaker 3: I fully support it because I fully support friendships for
Speaker 3: both of us guys' trips, girls trips, golf trips. I mean,
Speaker 3: for me, it's never a golf trip, but it is
Speaker 3: a girl's trip. And I think that these friendship outings
Speaker 3: are so vital for the health of our romantic relationships
Speaker 3: and for the health of us as individuals. And that
Speaker 3: brings us to the playbook today. What we are getting
Speaker 3: into is this Reddit post that has gone viral, and
Speaker 3: the headline on People Magazine's website is woman refuses to
Speaker 3: go on girls trip says she quote doesn't want to
Speaker 3: talk about marriage and babies for three days.
Speaker 2: That's a very strong headline. It's very quickworthy.
Speaker 3: I wanted before I get into it, give a little
Speaker 3: more to the post. So here's what this woman says.
Speaker 3: She identifies herself as a twenty seven year old woman,
Speaker 3: and she says that she and her close group of
Speaker 3: seven friends have known each other for over a decade
Speaker 3: and they go on a couple trips a year. Great,
Speaker 3: all sounding good, but now she's going to skip a trip.
Speaker 3: She says, quote, I am content with my life. I'm single,
Speaker 3: I'm dating, I don't know if I want children. But
Speaker 3: she says that five of the women in her friend
Speaker 3: group are either married or in very long term relationships,
Speaker 3: and two either have kids or are pregnant. She says
Speaker 3: she is declining this trip, telling her friends it is
Speaker 3: going to be a massive financial expense for her, and
Speaker 3: that for three days she's just gonna talk about people's
Speaker 3: upcoming engagements, weddings, and babies, and that she feels like
Speaker 3: her friends do not show an interest unless she's talking
Speaker 3: about her dating life.
Speaker 2: Okay, this is interesting to me, and I'll be honest.
Speaker 3: At first, you see that headline and I'm like, okay, babe,
Speaker 3: that's not fair. You can't say that you don't want
Speaker 3: to talk to your friends because they just want to
Speaker 3: talk about marriage and babies, like that's what's important to
Speaker 3: them and that's what matters. And for our friends. If
Speaker 3: you want long term friendships, I think you got to
Speaker 3: like support both the similarities and the differences in your lives.
Speaker 3: Your lives are not going to always be in the
Speaker 3: same status, in the same place at the same time.
Speaker 3: But then when she's like, Okay, all they want to
Speaker 3: do is talk about me if I'm dating, Well, okay,
Speaker 3: we're getting into a different realm now, aren't we. Because
Speaker 3: I don't think women should be defined by their relationships.
Speaker 3: And this is a tough call because I, as a woman,
Speaker 3: I love to talk about relationships.
Speaker 2: This podcast is all about talking.
Speaker 3: About relationships, and that is certainly something my friends and
Speaker 3: I bond over. But we can't be sidelining the women
Speaker 3: who don't want.
Speaker 2: To talk about it.
Speaker 3: And here's where I would say that, like they're missing
Speaker 3: the mark. I think you can talk about relationships more
Speaker 3: so than the dating relationships, like this girl's trip. While
Speaker 3: it's fun to talk about our husband's, our boyfriends, our girlfriends,
Speaker 3: whatever it is that you know that like relationship drama,
Speaker 3: and that helps us relate what about our work relationships,
Speaker 3: what about our familial relationships, what about all the dynamic
Speaker 3: relationships that are making up the social fabric of our lives?
Speaker 3: Like if our friends only want to talk about our
Speaker 3: dating life, I agree, I support that. I don't think
Speaker 3: we can be narrowing it down to that, yea. And
Speaker 3: I will admit that there have been moments where, like,
Speaker 3: you know, my friends are just talking about motherhood, and
Speaker 3: I certainly can relate, like having Chris's kids in my life,
Speaker 3: but like I never raised young kids. Sometimes I'm like, oh,
Speaker 3: I don't know how much I have to offer here,
Speaker 3: but I think it's okay also to be like a
Speaker 3: little bit quieter in those moments. I don't know, we
Speaker 3: don't always all have to say something about everything. Now
Speaker 3: the big question becomes should she have fully bowed out
Speaker 3: on the trip? And I have to take out her
Speaker 3: saying it was a big financial expense.
Speaker 2: I think she should have stuck with it. I do.
Speaker 3: And here's why. These friends she's saying are her friends
Speaker 3: of over a decade. These friendships have clearly like stood
Speaker 3: the test of time, and I think you have to
Speaker 3: keep investing in relationships even when it's.
Speaker 2: Not always easy.
Speaker 3: Like I look at I do an annual trip with
Speaker 3: my girlfriends, not every trip has has been our best trip,
Speaker 3: and sometimes people were in different states of hardship, like
Speaker 3: and but we keep going because we keep investing and
Speaker 3: we keep connecting.
Speaker 2: I have said no to some trips where like.
Speaker 3: The activities were no for me, like like, uh, you know,
Speaker 3: if I look at an itinerary and I'm like, I
Speaker 3: don't like to do any of that, well, then I
Speaker 3: kind of know I'm going to be a I don't
Speaker 3: want to be like a bummer and a downer and
Speaker 3: crapping on the experience the whole time. So maybe I'm out,
Speaker 3: you know, like maybe if it's going to be a
Speaker 3: golf trip, I'm out on that. I don't want to
Speaker 3: do that. But I don't want to be out on people.
Speaker 3: I don't want to be out on people who have
Speaker 3: been my friends of ten years because sometimes when you
Speaker 3: do that, like we've had people I do the Samuel
Speaker 3: trip with my girlfriends and we've had people who like
Speaker 3: said Noah couple times and they stop getting the invitation
Speaker 3: and those people have later come back and regretted it.
Speaker 3: And I'm not saying we like tried to ice them out.
Speaker 3: I just think like trips and friendships take a lot
Speaker 3: of work and commitment, and and if you're somebody who's
Speaker 3: saying no, well, relationships are a two way street, and
Speaker 3: people kind of start to be like, well, I don't know,
Speaker 3: you know, you were out. Like if I was going
Speaker 3: to say no to a golf trip, if that's what
Speaker 3: all my friends were doing, then I'm going to plan
Speaker 3: something else.
Speaker 2: You know, I'm going to plan a trip.
Speaker 3: To NAPA and be like, hey, I miss the golf trip,
Speaker 3: but I have this coming up if anybody would like
Speaker 3: to partake. If I say no to a dinner, I
Speaker 3: try to be the next one to plan the happy hour.
Speaker 3: A little more from this woman's post, She said that
Speaker 3: one of the women spoke about her breastfeeding plans despite
Speaker 3: not being pregnant. This woman says, quote truthfully, it's boring. Well,
Speaker 3: you know, I'm also a big fan of like if
Speaker 3: your friends are going on and on, if these are
Speaker 3: your good friends. I think sometimes a gentle way to
Speaker 3: call people out is with a joke. My friends and
Speaker 3: I do that to each other a lot, like, not
Speaker 3: in a mean way, but just if somebody's talking about
Speaker 3: their plans for breastfeeding for over an hour. It's like, babe,
Speaker 3: I love you, I don't what are we I got
Speaker 3: nothing left on breastfeeding? Can we go and feed ourselves
Speaker 3: a margarita and like change the topic, change the location,
Speaker 3: do it in a gentle or joking way. I will say,
Speaker 3: on our girls' trips, it's a lot of talking, just
Speaker 3: like I'm doing now. We joke that talking is the activity,
Speaker 3: but we like talking. But sometimes I'll be like, hey,
Speaker 3: let's change the venue, like let's get up out of
Speaker 3: the pool and like go to dinner, or hey, you know,
Speaker 3: we were kind of all riding, like some of us
Speaker 3: are riding in this car. In this car, let's switch
Speaker 3: up who's in the car with the other people. We
Speaker 3: literally will do that because like different conversations come out
Speaker 3: of it, Like we'll trade who's riding in the car
Speaker 3: so that we can catch up with each other and
Speaker 3: different topics can come up, and we also go deep quick.
Speaker 2: I'm a fan of that. On trips.
Speaker 3: She's saying that her friends spoke about her breastfeeding plans
Speaker 3: for over an hour. I'd be curious, did you dig
Speaker 3: in with a deeper question for your friend and say like, hey,
Speaker 3: I noticed that, like you're planning the parenting thing a lot,
Speaker 3: Like where's your head out on that? It feels like
Speaker 3: becoming a mom is so important to you right now?
Speaker 2: Like why is that?
Speaker 3: And maybe dig a little deeper past because while you
Speaker 3: know things like motherhood or marriage or work are not
Speaker 3: surface level, you do got to go even deeper than that,
Speaker 3: get to the why why is this job important to
Speaker 3: you right now? That you're talking about? Why is becoming
Speaker 3: a mom important to you right now? Why this moment?
Speaker 3: Or why are you hurt that something isn't happening? Or
Speaker 3: why have you stopped dating? Why are you taking a
Speaker 3: break from dating? Which apparently I think this person is
Speaker 3: so you know, I think get to the why switch
Speaker 3: it up, change the venue. But I don't love saying
Speaker 3: no to the trip.
Speaker 2: She says.
Speaker 3: It feels like the group has two distinct life stages
Speaker 3: and I'm in the minority and it focuses on one stage.
Speaker 3: Maybe it's not the weekend for me at the moment. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I go back to like I think this is this
Speaker 3: spotlights kind of looking at friendships that are sometimes for
Speaker 3: a reason and sometimes for a season, and sometimes for life.
Speaker 3: I'm not sitting here saying you have to maintain every
Speaker 3: friendship in your life forever. Like I've had friendships come
Speaker 3: and go, and it wasn't necessarily because something bad happened.
Speaker 3: But you know, maybe you move away and that friendship
Speaker 3: doesn't last, or you know, maybe you kind of went
Speaker 3: deep with a friendship quickly and then realize maybe we
Speaker 3: don't have that much in common, just like a romantic relationship,
Speaker 3: or maybe you don't work together anymore, or whatever, maybe
Speaker 3: a person changed. Friendships can come and go. But again
Speaker 3: I kind of go back to her saying, like these
Speaker 3: people have been her friends for over a decade. That
Speaker 3: means you've been through seasons before, and I don't want
Speaker 3: you to lose like that friendship. Now I don't know
Speaker 3: this woman, so maybe maybe there is a pause moment.
Speaker 3: I do believe that in any relationship, you have to
Speaker 3: feel like you put all the effort in to, you know,
Speaker 3: before you say goodbye.
Speaker 2: But sometimes it's okay to pause.
Speaker 3: Sometimes it's okay to like circle back later and then
Speaker 3: maybe that later won't happen. But like before she said
Speaker 3: no to this weekend, I would be interested to know,
Speaker 3: like is she willing to say no to these friendships,
Speaker 3: to be done with these friendships. So yeah, I do
Speaker 3: think you can. You can naturally go your separate ways
Speaker 3: in friendships.
Speaker 2: And I've had some friendships.
Speaker 3: Where, you know, like maybe we were friends in college,
Speaker 3: and then once they got married and once they had kids,
Speaker 3: and once they moved to a different state, we just
Speaker 3: didn't have that much in common anymore. Like maybe we
Speaker 3: had a lotment in college with our activities and living
Speaker 3: down the hall from each other. But you know, I
Speaker 3: see what this woman is saying about, maybe like the
Speaker 3: commonality of their lives. If all of her friends are
Speaker 3: in relationships and married and have kids and she doesn't.
Speaker 2: She isn't married and isn't.
Speaker 3: A serious relationship and doesn't have any kids, it can
Speaker 3: feel like you're in really different places. And if that's
Speaker 3: how she feels like, and you really can't connect anymore.
Speaker 3: I am not an advocate of keeping relationships in your
Speaker 3: life that like aren't. Like, I do think relationships should
Speaker 3: be a value, They should be two way streets, and
Speaker 3: they should be of value. And if she feels like
Speaker 3: these people really aren't listening to her, aren't supporting her,
Speaker 3: and she doesn't have anything in common anymore. Okay, take
Speaker 3: that pause or even say goodbye, But I just want
Speaker 3: to know that she asked herself those questions before she
Speaker 3: said no to a weekend and thought about, Okay, if
Speaker 3: I say no to this, does that hurt my friends?
Speaker 3: If I say no, do I stop getting you know?
Speaker 3: Do people pull away from me because she's pulling away
Speaker 3: from them? And I'm a big advocate like, no matter
Speaker 3: how much social media connects us all in that, we
Speaker 3: need in person interaction. We need that girl's trip to reconnect.
Speaker 3: And you'd be surprised by how much more you get
Speaker 3: out of an in person interaction than you do out of.
Speaker 2: A phone call or a text.
Speaker 3: So all that being said, I love a girl's trip,
Speaker 3: I love a guy's trip, and I do think we
Speaker 3: have to support our friends whatever life stage they're in.
Speaker 2: It might be different from us.
Speaker 3: But sometimes I think if you get to the deeper
Speaker 3: why in people's lives, you're surprised by the commonality that's there,
Speaker 3: Like why does someone want to get married? What might
Speaker 3: be the exact same reason is why somebody else is
Speaker 3: looking for a new job. Maybe you're looking for stability
Speaker 3: or you're wanting change in your life. Why someone wants
Speaker 3: to leave a job might be the exact same reason
Speaker 3: somebody wants to go through a breakup.
Speaker 2: I am still an.
Speaker 3: Advocate for Like, if this person really feels like this
Speaker 3: was going to be a super unhealthy experience, these relationships
Speaker 3: have gotten unhealthy and she was going to feel like
Speaker 3: crap going okay, well then don't go. Just just know
Speaker 3: you know what not going might mean for the relationships overall.
Speaker 3: At the end of the day, make sure you have
Speaker 3: friends in your life. Friendships are so important. I think
Speaker 3: we do a lot of focusing on like do you
Speaker 3: have a romantic relationship? Do you have friendships? We need
Speaker 3: it all and the friendships help support the romantic relationships,
Speaker 3: and the romantic relationships should help support the friendships. And
Speaker 3: thank you guys for your relationship with us, for always
Speaker 3: listening and chatting. There might be some reaction to this,
Speaker 3: so shoot me a DM let me know what you think,
Speaker 3: and we will talk to you next time because as always,
Speaker 3: we will have a lot more to talk about.
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Speaker 1: next time,