WEBVTT - Girls Trip Gone Wrong

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<v Speaker 1>This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>Everybody.

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<v Speaker 3>Welcome to the most dramatic podcast ever. Lauren Zema coming

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<v Speaker 3>to you a solo because my husband is on the

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<v Speaker 3>go today, Chris Harrison playing in his member guest golf

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<v Speaker 3>tournament and I support it and I love it, and

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<v Speaker 3>it's for him kind of a little mini guys trip.

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<v Speaker 3>His best friend has come in to town for them

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<v Speaker 3>to play in this golf tournament together and they are

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<v Speaker 3>busy with it for three days.

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<v Speaker 2>And here's the thing.

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<v Speaker 3>I fully support it because I fully support friendships for

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<v Speaker 3>both of us guys' trips, girls trips, golf trips. I mean,

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<v Speaker 3>for me, it's never a golf trip, but it is

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<v Speaker 3>a girl's trip. And I think that these friendship outings

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<v Speaker 3>are so vital for the health of our romantic relationships

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<v Speaker 3>and for the health of us as individuals. And that

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<v Speaker 3>brings us to the playbook today. What we are getting

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<v Speaker 3>into is this Reddit post that has gone viral, and

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<v Speaker 3>the headline on People Magazine's website is woman refuses to

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<v Speaker 3>go on girls trip says she quote doesn't want to

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<v Speaker 3>talk about marriage and babies for three days.

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<v Speaker 2>That's a very strong headline. It's very quickworthy.

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<v Speaker 3>I wanted before I get into it, give a little

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<v Speaker 3>more to the post. So here's what this woman says.

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<v Speaker 3>She identifies herself as a twenty seven year old woman,

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<v Speaker 3>and she says that she and her close group of

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<v Speaker 3>seven friends have known each other for over a decade

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<v Speaker 3>and they go on a couple trips a year. Great,

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<v Speaker 3>all sounding good, but now she's going to skip a trip.

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<v Speaker 3>She says, quote, I am content with my life. I'm single,

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<v Speaker 3>I'm dating, I don't know if I want children. But

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<v Speaker 3>she says that five of the women in her friend

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<v Speaker 3>group are either married or in very long term relationships,

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<v Speaker 3>and two either have kids or are pregnant. She says

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<v Speaker 3>she is declining this trip, telling her friends it is

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<v Speaker 3>going to be a massive financial expense for her, and

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<v Speaker 3>that for three days she's just gonna talk about people's

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<v Speaker 3>upcoming engagements, weddings, and babies, and that she feels like

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<v Speaker 3>her friends do not show an interest unless she's talking

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<v Speaker 3>about her dating life.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, this is interesting to me, and I'll be honest.

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<v Speaker 3>At first, you see that headline and I'm like, okay, babe,

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<v Speaker 3>that's not fair. You can't say that you don't want

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<v Speaker 3>to talk to your friends because they just want to

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<v Speaker 3>talk about marriage and babies, like that's what's important to

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<v Speaker 3>them and that's what matters. And for our friends. If

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<v Speaker 3>you want long term friendships, I think you got to

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<v Speaker 3>like support both the similarities and the differences in your lives.

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<v Speaker 3>Your lives are not going to always be in the

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<v Speaker 3>same status, in the same place at the same time.

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<v Speaker 3>But then when she's like, Okay, all they want to

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<v Speaker 3>do is talk about me if I'm dating, Well, okay,

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<v Speaker 3>we're getting into a different realm now, aren't we. Because

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<v Speaker 3>I don't think women should be defined by their relationships.

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<v Speaker 3>And this is a tough call because I, as a woman,

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<v Speaker 3>I love to talk about relationships.

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<v Speaker 2>This podcast is all about talking.

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<v Speaker 3>About relationships, and that is certainly something my friends and

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<v Speaker 3>I bond over. But we can't be sidelining the women

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<v Speaker 3>who don't want.

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<v Speaker 2>To talk about it.

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<v Speaker 3>And here's where I would say that, like they're missing

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<v Speaker 3>the mark. I think you can talk about relationships more

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<v Speaker 3>so than the dating relationships, like this girl's trip. While

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<v Speaker 3>it's fun to talk about our husband's, our boyfriends, our girlfriends,

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<v Speaker 3>whatever it is that you know that like relationship drama,

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<v Speaker 3>and that helps us relate what about our work relationships,

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<v Speaker 3>what about our familial relationships, what about all the dynamic

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<v Speaker 3>relationships that are making up the social fabric of our lives?

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<v Speaker 3>Like if our friends only want to talk about our

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<v Speaker 3>dating life, I agree, I support that. I don't think

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<v Speaker 3>we can be narrowing it down to that, yea. And

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<v Speaker 3>I will admit that there have been moments where, like,

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<v Speaker 3>you know, my friends are just talking about motherhood, and

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<v Speaker 3>I certainly can relate, like having Chris's kids in my life,

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<v Speaker 3>but like I never raised young kids. Sometimes I'm like, oh,

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<v Speaker 3>I don't know how much I have to offer here,

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<v Speaker 3>but I think it's okay also to be like a

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<v Speaker 3>little bit quieter in those moments. I don't know, we

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<v Speaker 3>don't always all have to say something about everything. Now

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<v Speaker 3>the big question becomes should she have fully bowed out

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<v Speaker 3>on the trip? And I have to take out her

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<v Speaker 3>saying it was a big financial expense.

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<v Speaker 2>I think she should have stuck with it. I do.

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<v Speaker 3>And here's why. These friends she's saying are her friends

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<v Speaker 3>of over a decade. These friendships have clearly like stood

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<v Speaker 3>the test of time, and I think you have to

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<v Speaker 3>keep investing in relationships even when it's.

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<v Speaker 2>Not always easy.

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<v Speaker 3>Like I look at I do an annual trip with

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<v Speaker 3>my girlfriends, not every trip has has been our best trip,

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<v Speaker 3>and sometimes people were in different states of hardship, like

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<v Speaker 3>and but we keep going because we keep investing and

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<v Speaker 3>we keep connecting.

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<v Speaker 2>I have said no to some trips where like.

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<v Speaker 3>The activities were no for me, like like, uh, you know,

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<v Speaker 3>if I look at an itinerary and I'm like, I

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<v Speaker 3>don't like to do any of that, well, then I

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<v Speaker 3>kind of know I'm going to be a I don't

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<v Speaker 3>want to be like a bummer and a downer and

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<v Speaker 3>crapping on the experience the whole time. So maybe I'm out,

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<v Speaker 3>you know, like maybe if it's going to be a

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<v Speaker 3>golf trip, I'm out on that. I don't want to

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<v Speaker 3>do that. But I don't want to be out on people.

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<v Speaker 3>I don't want to be out on people who have

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<v Speaker 3>been my friends of ten years because sometimes when you

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<v Speaker 3>do that, like we've had people I do the Samuel

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<v Speaker 3>trip with my girlfriends and we've had people who like

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<v Speaker 3>said Noah couple times and they stop getting the invitation

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<v Speaker 3>and those people have later come back and regretted it.

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<v Speaker 3>And I'm not saying we like tried to ice them out.

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<v Speaker 3>I just think like trips and friendships take a lot

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<v Speaker 3>of work and commitment, and and if you're somebody who's

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<v Speaker 3>saying no, well, relationships are a two way street, and

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<v Speaker 3>people kind of start to be like, well, I don't know,

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<v Speaker 3>you know, you were out. Like if I was going

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<v Speaker 3>to say no to a golf trip, if that's what

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<v Speaker 3>all my friends were doing, then I'm going to plan

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<v Speaker 3>something else.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, I'm going to plan a trip.

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<v Speaker 3>To NAPA and be like, hey, I miss the golf trip,

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<v Speaker 3>but I have this coming up if anybody would like

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<v Speaker 3>to partake. If I say no to a dinner, I

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<v Speaker 3>try to be the next one to plan the happy hour.

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<v Speaker 3>A little more from this woman's post, She said that

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<v Speaker 3>one of the women spoke about her breastfeeding plans despite

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<v Speaker 3>not being pregnant. This woman says, quote truthfully, it's boring. Well,

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<v Speaker 3>you know, I'm also a big fan of like if

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<v Speaker 3>your friends are going on and on, if these are

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<v Speaker 3>your good friends. I think sometimes a gentle way to

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<v Speaker 3>call people out is with a joke. My friends and

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<v Speaker 3>I do that to each other a lot, like, not

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<v Speaker 3>in a mean way, but just if somebody's talking about

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<v Speaker 3>their plans for breastfeeding for over an hour. It's like, babe,

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<v Speaker 3>I love you, I don't what are we I got

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<v Speaker 3>nothing left on breastfeeding? Can we go and feed ourselves

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<v Speaker 3>a margarita and like change the topic, change the location,

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<v Speaker 3>do it in a gentle or joking way. I will say,

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<v Speaker 3>on our girls' trips, it's a lot of talking, just

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<v Speaker 3>like I'm doing now. We joke that talking is the activity,

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<v Speaker 3>but we like talking. But sometimes I'll be like, hey,

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<v Speaker 3>let's change the venue, like let's get up out of

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<v Speaker 3>the pool and like go to dinner, or hey, you know,

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<v Speaker 3>we were kind of all riding, like some of us

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<v Speaker 3>are riding in this car. In this car, let's switch

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<v Speaker 3>up who's in the car with the other people. We

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<v Speaker 3>literally will do that because like different conversations come out

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<v Speaker 3>of it, Like we'll trade who's riding in the car

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<v Speaker 3>so that we can catch up with each other and

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<v Speaker 3>different topics can come up, and we also go deep quick.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm a fan of that. On trips.

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<v Speaker 3>She's saying that her friends spoke about her breastfeeding plans

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<v Speaker 3>for over an hour. I'd be curious, did you dig

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<v Speaker 3>in with a deeper question for your friend and say like, hey,

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<v Speaker 3>I noticed that, like you're planning the parenting thing a lot,

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<v Speaker 3>Like where's your head out on that? It feels like

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<v Speaker 3>becoming a mom is so important to you right now?

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<v Speaker 2>Like why is that?

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<v Speaker 3>And maybe dig a little deeper past because while you

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<v Speaker 3>know things like motherhood or marriage or work are not

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<v Speaker 3>surface level, you do got to go even deeper than that,

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<v Speaker 3>get to the why why is this job important to

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<v Speaker 3>you right now? That you're talking about? Why is becoming

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<v Speaker 3>a mom important to you right now? Why this moment?

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<v Speaker 3>Or why are you hurt that something isn't happening? Or

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<v Speaker 3>why have you stopped dating? Why are you taking a

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<v Speaker 3>break from dating? Which apparently I think this person is

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<v Speaker 3>so you know, I think get to the why switch

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<v Speaker 3>it up, change the venue. But I don't love saying

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<v Speaker 3>no to the trip.

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<v Speaker 2>She says.

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<v Speaker 3>It feels like the group has two distinct life stages

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<v Speaker 3>and I'm in the minority and it focuses on one stage.

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<v Speaker 3>Maybe it's not the weekend for me at the moment. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 3>I go back to like I think this is this

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<v Speaker 3>spotlights kind of looking at friendships that are sometimes for

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<v Speaker 3>a reason and sometimes for a season, and sometimes for life.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm not sitting here saying you have to maintain every

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<v Speaker 3>friendship in your life forever. Like I've had friendships come

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<v Speaker 3>and go, and it wasn't necessarily because something bad happened.

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<v Speaker 3>But you know, maybe you move away and that friendship

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<v Speaker 3>doesn't last, or you know, maybe you kind of went

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<v Speaker 3>deep with a friendship quickly and then realize maybe we

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<v Speaker 3>don't have that much in common, just like a romantic relationship,

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<v Speaker 3>or maybe you don't work together anymore, or whatever, maybe

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<v Speaker 3>a person changed. Friendships can come and go. But again

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<v Speaker 3>I kind of go back to her saying, like these

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<v Speaker 3>people have been her friends for over a decade. That

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<v Speaker 3>means you've been through seasons before, and I don't want

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<v Speaker 3>you to lose like that friendship. Now I don't know

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<v Speaker 3>this woman, so maybe maybe there is a pause moment.

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<v Speaker 3>I do believe that in any relationship, you have to

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<v Speaker 3>feel like you put all the effort in to, you know,

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<v Speaker 3>before you say goodbye.

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<v Speaker 2>But sometimes it's okay to pause.

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<v Speaker 3>Sometimes it's okay to like circle back later and then

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<v Speaker 3>maybe that later won't happen. But like before she said

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<v Speaker 3>no to this weekend, I would be interested to know,

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<v Speaker 3>like is she willing to say no to these friendships,

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<v Speaker 3>to be done with these friendships. So yeah, I do

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<v Speaker 3>think you can. You can naturally go your separate ways

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<v Speaker 3>in friendships.

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<v Speaker 2>And I've had some friendships.

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<v Speaker 3>Where, you know, like maybe we were friends in college,

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<v Speaker 3>and then once they got married and once they had kids,

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<v Speaker 3>and once they moved to a different state, we just

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<v Speaker 3>didn't have that much in common anymore. Like maybe we

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<v Speaker 3>had a lotment in college with our activities and living

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<v Speaker 3>down the hall from each other. But you know, I

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<v Speaker 3>see what this woman is saying about, maybe like the

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<v Speaker 3>commonality of their lives. If all of her friends are

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<v Speaker 3>in relationships and married and have kids and she doesn't.

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<v Speaker 2>She isn't married and isn't.

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<v Speaker 3>A serious relationship and doesn't have any kids, it can

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<v Speaker 3>feel like you're in really different places. And if that's

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<v Speaker 3>how she feels like, and you really can't connect anymore.

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<v Speaker 3>I am not an advocate of keeping relationships in your

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<v Speaker 3>life that like aren't. Like, I do think relationships should

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<v Speaker 3>be a value, They should be two way streets, and

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<v Speaker 3>they should be of value. And if she feels like

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<v Speaker 3>these people really aren't listening to her, aren't supporting her,

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<v Speaker 3>and she doesn't have anything in common anymore. Okay, take

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<v Speaker 3>that pause or even say goodbye, But I just want

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<v Speaker 3>to know that she asked herself those questions before she

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<v Speaker 3>said no to a weekend and thought about, Okay, if

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<v Speaker 3>I say no to this, does that hurt my friends?

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<v Speaker 3>If I say no, do I stop getting you know?

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<v Speaker 3>Do people pull away from me because she's pulling away

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<v Speaker 3>from them? And I'm a big advocate like, no matter

0:11:54.200 --> 0:11:57.719
<v Speaker 3>how much social media connects us all in that, we

0:11:57.760 --> 0:12:01.960
<v Speaker 3>need in person interaction. We need that girl's trip to reconnect.

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<v Speaker 3>And you'd be surprised by how much more you get

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<v Speaker 3>out of an in person interaction than you do out of.

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<v Speaker 2>A phone call or a text.

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<v Speaker 3>So all that being said, I love a girl's trip,

0:12:13.559 --> 0:12:16.880
<v Speaker 3>I love a guy's trip, and I do think we

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<v Speaker 3>have to support our friends whatever life stage they're in.

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<v Speaker 2>It might be different from us.

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<v Speaker 3>But sometimes I think if you get to the deeper

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<v Speaker 3>why in people's lives, you're surprised by the commonality that's there,

0:12:31.520 --> 0:12:33.480
<v Speaker 3>Like why does someone want to get married? What might

0:12:33.520 --> 0:12:36.240
<v Speaker 3>be the exact same reason is why somebody else is

0:12:36.280 --> 0:12:39.760
<v Speaker 3>looking for a new job. Maybe you're looking for stability

0:12:39.840 --> 0:12:43.120
<v Speaker 3>or you're wanting change in your life. Why someone wants

0:12:43.160 --> 0:12:45.079
<v Speaker 3>to leave a job might be the exact same reason

0:12:45.160 --> 0:12:46.760
<v Speaker 3>somebody wants to go through a breakup.

0:12:47.280 --> 0:12:48.079
<v Speaker 2>I am still an.

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<v Speaker 3>Advocate for Like, if this person really feels like this

0:12:51.559 --> 0:12:54.720
<v Speaker 3>was going to be a super unhealthy experience, these relationships

0:12:54.840 --> 0:12:57.120
<v Speaker 3>have gotten unhealthy and she was going to feel like

0:12:57.160 --> 0:13:01.800
<v Speaker 3>crap going okay, well then don't go. Just just know

0:13:01.520 --> 0:13:05.959
<v Speaker 3>you know what not going might mean for the relationships overall.

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<v Speaker 3>At the end of the day, make sure you have

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<v Speaker 3>friends in your life. Friendships are so important. I think

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<v Speaker 3>we do a lot of focusing on like do you

0:13:15.080 --> 0:13:18.400
<v Speaker 3>have a romantic relationship? Do you have friendships? We need

0:13:18.440 --> 0:13:21.319
<v Speaker 3>it all and the friendships help support the romantic relationships,

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<v Speaker 3>and the romantic relationships should help support the friendships. And

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<v Speaker 3>thank you guys for your relationship with us, for always

0:13:28.080 --> 0:13:30.760
<v Speaker 3>listening and chatting. There might be some reaction to this,

0:13:30.920 --> 0:13:33.440
<v Speaker 3>so shoot me a DM let me know what you think,

0:13:34.800 --> 0:13:37.600
<v Speaker 3>and we will talk to you next time because as always,

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<v Speaker 3>we will have a lot more to talk about.

0:13:39.440 --> 0:13:42.040
<v Speaker 1>Thanks for listening. Follow us on Instagram at the most

0:13:42.080 --> 0:13:44.559
<v Speaker 1>Dramatic pod ever and make sure to write us a

0:13:44.640 --> 0:13:47.320
<v Speaker 1>review and leave us five stars. I'll talk to you

0:13:47.320 --> 0:13:47.800
<v Speaker 1>next time,