Speaker 1: Hi of Heather Dubreu, and I'm doctor Terry debrou And
Speaker 1: we're going to keep this between us.
Speaker 2: For about thirty minutes. The will share with you.
Speaker 1: People are always asking about our relationship. We are married
Speaker 1: twenty seven years, we decided and in December we will
Speaker 1: be together thirty years.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, it's incredible. You know. What's so good?
Speaker 2: Is my favorite thing And every time it happens, I
Speaker 2: in my mind, I said, should I say it? Or
Speaker 2: is this just like I say it too much? And
Speaker 2: we don't say enough. But I look at you and
Speaker 2: I go, I can't believe. This is where I want
Speaker 2: to be right now, always just to be here talking
Speaker 2: to you. Right. Remember we were in Cabo, yeah, and
Speaker 2: we were trying to avoid the wedding party, and we
Speaker 2: sat down just to have coffee before going to the gym,
Speaker 2: and we have It's amazing when you can just sit
Speaker 2: down and just yack gack yack yack like two little
Speaker 2: sorority girls that have, you know, no concept of time.
Speaker 2: You and I can do that every single day. It's
Speaker 2: so nice, you know. But it's funny because our marriage
Speaker 2: has had its ebbs and flows. Of course, right i'd say,
Speaker 2: more flows than ebbs, but a couple of ebbs. Yep.
Speaker 2: And although you you lectured me yesterday about a certain
Speaker 2: something I did, Yes, And then you went on to
Speaker 2: enlarge that conversation to encompass anything I've ever done for
Speaker 2: the last thirty years. Oh, yes, you did. I really.
Speaker 2: I remember when you ran over my cut that whole thing.
Speaker 3: I did not, Yeah, you did, I didn't.
Speaker 2: But anything. So we have some questions about our marriage
Speaker 2: because I think people know a lot about it. But
Speaker 2: so one question is what are what are things that
Speaker 2: we do in front of each other after a decade
Speaker 2: that would have horrified you when we were horrified as
Speaker 2: we were dating each other.
Speaker 3: I don't think we do anything.
Speaker 2: It's weird. We we don't go to the bathroom in
Speaker 2: front of each other. No, I don't pass We don't
Speaker 2: pass gas. Although you occasionally sleep, I don't. Just don't
Speaker 2: tell you about it. I Oh, I know what I do.
Speaker 2: The floss floss.
Speaker 1: Yes, remember you used to have a FLOSSI problem. You
Speaker 1: would floss everywhere, was disgusting.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I do. I'm starting to floss again, a lot
Speaker 2: of it.
Speaker 3: I know, you guys.
Speaker 2: One thing I do which grosses you out.
Speaker 1: You blow your nose in a cloth napkin.
Speaker 3: Yes, it is disgusting.
Speaker 1: At a restaurant full nose blow in a cloth napkin?
Speaker 3: Yes, disgusting.
Speaker 2: Rarely, by the way, not rare. Not okay, what percent
Speaker 2: of the meals we go out seven nights a week,
Speaker 2: what percent of the meals do I blow the nose
Speaker 2: in a cloth napp That is such a lie. My
Speaker 2: nose is a night like that?
Speaker 3: No, I don't tell you, no, nine No.
Speaker 2: My mother blows her nose a lot. So you're triggered
Speaker 2: about nose blowing.
Speaker 3: But it's also disgusting.
Speaker 1: You cannot, I am sure in the etiquette books it
Speaker 1: would say to go to the restroom and blow your nose.
Speaker 1: And certainly, or if you had to sneeze or something
Speaker 1: at the table, you would have a tissue or something
Speaker 1: not into your.
Speaker 3: Linen napkin that you're using on your life.
Speaker 2: But in general, we sort of treat each other at
Speaker 2: least in terms of like disgusting things that human beings
Speaker 2: do as if we're still dating, right, like I would not, Well,
Speaker 2: there's just I don't have to list them the disgusting
Speaker 2: things that humans do, right I would.
Speaker 3: Let's not do that.
Speaker 2: No, but I could you imagine do that? Would imagine
Speaker 2: pooping in front of me? No?
Speaker 3: I think that's gross.
Speaker 2: But I bet your husbands and wives do that really
Speaker 2: poop with the door the bathroom door open. I don't know,
Speaker 2: like if you're in the bat well to have separate bathrooms.
Speaker 2: But but but this weekend's share a bathroom. We shared
Speaker 2: a bathroom in Cabo. We usually get a room with
Speaker 2: two I will help, boug. You were usually we always
Speaker 2: get rooms with two bathrooms. Yes, and I get the
Speaker 2: little guest bathroom with the you know, the nothing in it,
Speaker 2: with the bar of soap.
Speaker 3: You get the two the king bathroom, the.
Speaker 2: King with all this stuff. But so we actually I
Speaker 2: had to go in there to use the bathroom to
Speaker 2: pee when you were in there, and I thought, I
Speaker 2: don't want to pee with the door closed. But I
Speaker 2: still didn't really want to do That's funny.
Speaker 1: So I was looking I saw on Instagram. I saw
Speaker 1: this couple and I don't remember what her handle is,
Speaker 1: but she was showing she and her husband live in
Speaker 1: this very nice house and you know people do the
Speaker 1: sleep divorce thing.
Speaker 3: Yes, this I had not seen before.
Speaker 1: It wasn't just like one sleeps in another Yes, it's
Speaker 1: not like one sleeps in in another room. It's like
Speaker 1: they have completely separate situations.
Speaker 2: Sooms no, No.
Speaker 1: He has a living room area, bedroom, bathroom, sweet closet,
Speaker 1: and their roommates right, and she has her whole own that.
Speaker 1: I love this.
Speaker 3: I said this to you yesterday. Remember we were talking about.
Speaker 2: You accused me of wanting this.
Speaker 3: Yesterday you just said you loved it.
Speaker 2: It's a joke.
Speaker 3: Well, maybe you do love it.
Speaker 1: That's why I bring it up for conversation. But this
Speaker 1: is so I guess there's different stages of this. I
Speaker 1: think I understand in my brain. Why you know, listen,
Speaker 1: you snore this whatever. People don't want to sleep in
Speaker 1: the same bed. They want better rest. I totally get that.
Speaker 3: But to me, as a couple, when you don't.
Speaker 1: Interface with each other a lot, meaning you don't cross paths, right,
Speaker 1: you don't spend time together.
Speaker 3: That's just the truth.
Speaker 2: Except you and I spend But.
Speaker 3: You and I also cross paths.
Speaker 1: We sleep in the same bed even though we have
Speaker 1: separate bathrooms. They're near each other, or were we walk
Speaker 1: through the same hall.
Speaker 2: We're the perfect couple to do that because we spend
Speaker 2: so much time together anyway, wouldn't be nice for you
Speaker 2: we had our own sections.
Speaker 3: I think it would.
Speaker 1: I personally think it would be hurtful to a relationship.
Speaker 2: I don't know. We share unfortunately in office right now.
Speaker 3: That's not that doesn't work that I agree with.
Speaker 2: I liked having my own office in that old house
Speaker 2: that I could go in and like.
Speaker 3: But we're fixing that.
Speaker 1: Yes, we're going to get you your own office. But
Speaker 1: aside from the office, Yeah.
Speaker 2: What are your occurring arguments you both accepted will never
Speaker 2: be resolved. I think, by the way, if you want
Speaker 2: to hear us get into an argument, let's answer this question.
Speaker 2: Uh yeah, I don't think this. I think we should
Speaker 2: pass on this.
Speaker 1: But it is important to note that when you get
Speaker 1: to an impasse about things, you can't bring it back
Speaker 1: up again.
Speaker 3: It's got to go.
Speaker 2: Scheduling intimacy. Does it plan It killed the mood. Planning
Speaker 2: it killed the mood. To save your marriage, I think
Speaker 2: it saves your marriage. Yeah, yeah, Sometimes we will be
Speaker 2: so busy and so burnt out that it's a problem,
Speaker 2: so we have to plan it.
Speaker 1: Also, sometimes it's even simple things like planning ahead. And
Speaker 1: this might be Tami and our kids are going to
Speaker 1: kill us for saying this. But I mean if we
Speaker 1: have an event we have to go to and we
Speaker 1: are both looking to have a moment of love and
Speaker 1: we're like, oh, tonight whatever. There are times I it
Speaker 1: happened recently I texted you and oh, yeah, it's like,
Speaker 1: where are you come downstairs? Because I thought, oh, by
Speaker 1: the time we get back from this thing, yeah, we're
Speaker 1: gonna have liquor on board.
Speaker 3: We're gonna be tired.
Speaker 2: Like, yeah, I think it's better to have sex at
Speaker 2: these days before we go out. Yeah, therapy, do you
Speaker 2: go together? Have you ever gone? We have never gone
Speaker 2: to therapy.
Speaker 3: We've talked about it, We've talked about it, but we
Speaker 3: never went.
Speaker 2: Yeah. And I think one of the reasons we have
Speaker 2: not gone to therapies because we're having issues. We tend
Speaker 2: to get past them, but you're also afraid it's going
Speaker 2: to bring up some terrible things that will that one
Speaker 2: or both of us will say something that you won't
Speaker 2: be able to get past.
Speaker 1: No, I don't know that. I just think, to me,
Speaker 1: I think they're we've I'm not stopping us from going.
Speaker 2: Well, I we don't need to go right now, but
Speaker 2: there are times when we could have benefited from it.
Speaker 1: I'm sure, and I think also you told me once,
Speaker 1: was it Rob Lowe who was saying he and his
Speaker 1: wife go it's like having a trainer for your relationship, Yes,
Speaker 1: which I thought was fascinating and so good. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I think just therapy and general for me. I think
Speaker 1: I've said this before, but to me, it's like there's
Speaker 1: some can of worms that don't necessarily need to be opened. However,
Speaker 1: if I felt like we were at an impasse and
Speaker 1: we could not get past it, I would a thousand
Speaker 1: percent go.
Speaker 2: Is it possible to a small degree that you don't
Speaker 2: want to go to therapy because you're afraid the therapist
Speaker 2: will agree with me?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 2: No, I'm not okay, sorry about that.
Speaker 1: By the way, that almost makes me want to go
Speaker 1: to therapy.
Speaker 2: Uh, share your secret weapon of your marriage, the one
Speaker 2: thing most couples skip that you swear by. It's funny.
Speaker 2: Remember when that couple was getting married and then we
Speaker 2: went to the wedding just recently, yea, and they were
Speaker 2: giving the someone was barking out advice don't go to
Speaker 2: sleep mad, remember that one? And I thought you are
Speaker 2: so wrong. Don't go to sleep, well, he s was
Speaker 2: fight till five am.
Speaker 1: Well, you've always said that go to sleep mad you're
Speaker 1: and I agree with you, because you know what, in
Speaker 1: the morning things look differently.
Speaker 2: That it's the same reason why when you're really mad
Speaker 2: about something, you shouldn't send an email or a text,
Speaker 2: particularly an email, because you may regret that. Always put
Speaker 2: some sleep on these really stressful things.
Speaker 1: I think one of our superpowers. I guess if I,
Speaker 1: like I had to put a list together, I think
Speaker 1: we Yes, we love each other obviously, we are best
Speaker 1: friends hopefully and do you ever have that best friend
Speaker 1: that you have almost none of the same interests. That's
Speaker 1: we don't have any we don't have hobbies together like that.
Speaker 3: But we we love being together.
Speaker 1: We could, like Terry was saying before, like we could
Speaker 1: talk for hours.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and we could be on a vacation alone for days,
Speaker 3: come home and be like where we having dinner.
Speaker 1: We're just we love spending time together. I also think
Speaker 1: we very much.
Speaker 3: Respect each other. Yeah, we are very supportive of each.
Speaker 1: Other, and like I could be so insanely mad at him,
Speaker 1: but if something's wrong with him, I'm.
Speaker 3: There because I just well, of course, yes, well, that's
Speaker 3: not always, of course, for people.
Speaker 1: But I will say this, I think the thing that
Speaker 1: we've done the best over the years, and I think
Speaker 1: the reason we've been together so long is because and
Speaker 1: this kind of leads to the therapy thing, but I
Speaker 1: think we have been able through the difficulties in our lives,
Speaker 1: our relationships, things with our kids, all the money, whatever
Speaker 1: it was, we have been able to even if we
Speaker 1: get to a low point, we've been able to sit down,
Speaker 1: hash it out and come out on such a good
Speaker 1: side and really hear each other.
Speaker 3: And I think the way we do it.
Speaker 1: Now is so like he was saying before, we had
Speaker 1: a little tiff yesterday, but it was fine and.
Speaker 3: We got through it very quickly.
Speaker 1: I mean, that same argument five years ago could have
Speaker 1: gone on for two.
Speaker 3: Weeks right right, it would, It would have. But that's
Speaker 3: what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: I think as the years go on, we've become we
Speaker 1: learn what works, we learn how to listen to the
Speaker 1: other one, and how to move forward about it. I
Speaker 1: think we've done that well.
Speaker 2: Better towards that end. What after a decade, what do
Speaker 2: men still get completely wrong about what their wives want
Speaker 2: and what and women about their.
Speaker 3: Husbands so women want romance.
Speaker 2: Well, I think the wives want to be heard. You know,
Speaker 2: I think it isn't always necessarily give a solution.
Speaker 1: Why don't I say what the wives want and you
Speaker 1: say what the guys want?
Speaker 3: Oh, okay, tell me because you're just proselytizing.
Speaker 2: Yes, I was saying, based on my experience with what
Speaker 2: I think about you, I'm.
Speaker 3: Telling you you want.
Speaker 1: What want is they want to be cherished and treasured
Speaker 1: and romanced because that's what goes.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and guys want to be left alone. I'm kidding. Uh,
Speaker 2: guys want to be not bugged. To be honest, it's like,
Speaker 2: don't nag, nag, don't nag me, don't overtalk this thing.
Speaker 2: Let's if there's an issue, tell me what it is
Speaker 2: and don't repeat it five thousand times. I get it,
Speaker 2: and I'll try my best, and uh, let's let's move on.
Speaker 1: You know, I think sometimes women nag their husbands because
Speaker 1: they want interaction.
Speaker 2: Well, you don't need that obviously, Why don't No, no, no,
Speaker 2: I'm saying, no, no, you don't nag me.
Speaker 3: I don't think so.
Speaker 2: No, no, you don't nag me at all. So that's
Speaker 2: I think. Okay, And what Yeah, guys want some peace
Speaker 2: and quiet and guys want Yeah, make your point and
Speaker 2: let's move on. That's a guy thing. That's fair, isn't it.
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Do you have more sex on vacation or at home
Speaker 1: on vacation?
Speaker 2: Vacation?
Speaker 3: Definitely, there's nothing like hotel sex.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And so that in a nutshell.
Speaker 1: You both have knowledge on plastic surgery, aging, et cetera.
Speaker 1: How does that expertise change the way you to experience
Speaker 1: attraction and getting older together?
Speaker 2: Interesting? Well, you're kind of a dory and gray female
Speaker 2: sort of age, so it's not very fair. You're welcome,
Speaker 2: I guess I. I I went through a phase when
Speaker 2: my necks first started to loosen and I started to
Speaker 2: sort of get tired because I'm always, you know, running,
Speaker 2: pushing it hard. When I realized, oh my god, I'm
Speaker 2: really getting older looking that I thought, and you aren't changing,
Speaker 2: and you look so feminine, so perfect all the time,
Speaker 2: I thought, you know, I get get to the point
Speaker 2: where they think I'm your dad. And I considered the
Speaker 2: plastic surgery thing. But plastic surgery, if you're ever considering
Speaker 2: plast surgery as a guy, just look at some celebrities.
Speaker 2: Guys who've had plastic surgery. You will change it right now.
Speaker 2: All my friends, one hundred percent of my male friends,
Speaker 2: we go, no way am I having plastic surgery. It
Speaker 2: looks weird, and even well executed facelifts on guys my age,
Speaker 2: it doesn't. It looks I call it discordant. It's like,
Speaker 2: what what you know? What doesn't work here?
Speaker 3: It's not good.
Speaker 2: It's not good. Uh so, No, you.
Speaker 3: Saw someone at the airport, not.
Speaker 2: Good, man, Some of these feminized looking guys recently not good. Yeah.
Speaker 2: And we were in Saint Bart's and this guy came
Speaker 2: up to our table and was talking to us, and
Speaker 2: I'm looking at him and he's you can tell he's
Speaker 2: exactly my age, maybe slightly younger or older and zero
Speaker 2: neck laxing. I thought, yeah, dude, that just looks weird.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry.
Speaker 3: I mean, you're too tight.
Speaker 2: You're too tight. And you know, it's funny when you see.
Speaker 3: A guy.
Speaker 2: My age who's really ripped. Even though I immediately think steroids.
Speaker 1: It's not anymore, but it's testosterone.
Speaker 2: It's well will that is steroids. Asteroid? They I think, oh, steroids.
Speaker 2: It still looks okay, but I think steroids when I
Speaker 2: see a guy in my age has no facial laxity,
Speaker 2: I think plastic surgery, and it does. It's not okay,
Speaker 2: it's just weird.
Speaker 3: But maybe that's because that's what you're you.
Speaker 2: Like, Yeah, I guess. I just think maybe I'm still
Speaker 2: in the area even though I'm a plastic surgeon, where
Speaker 2: a guy having a lot of plastic surgery just sounds wrong, weird.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I think what we keep seeing in the media and
Speaker 1: also what we've seen in real life, is that men
Speaker 1: are getting such a feminized version of plastic surgery that
Speaker 1: it just looks bizarre. Because if you do eyes and
Speaker 1: a facelift on a guy, especially a brown.
Speaker 3: Lift, it's so weird. It's so weird, it's too feminine.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So, but and women having plastic surgery, I mean,
Speaker 2: I think women are having very good plastic surgery these days.
Speaker 2: And let's be honest, who has more plastic surgery than
Speaker 2: real housewives in general? No one, no one. And so
Speaker 2: the real housewives, by and large, except for a few
Speaker 2: that look like plastic surgery really hit them hard, look great.
Speaker 3: Yeah, everyone looks good.
Speaker 2: Really really good. Yea yeah, yeah, they just look pretty
Speaker 2: and preserved and they don't look altered.
Speaker 1: But I think the question is about us aging, Like
Speaker 1: I don't think about you as older. Look at the
Speaker 1: way you look, feel nothing than when we met.
Speaker 2: Right, Well, in many ways I look better.
Speaker 3: I agree with that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you grew into yourself, like I think your jaw,
Speaker 1: your head, I don't know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I still have some hair, which is very
Speaker 2: good too.
Speaker 3: Hair.
Speaker 2: I have hair, not tons, but I have hair, so
Speaker 2: I'm very happy about that. But yeah, no plasterdal enough
Speaker 2: for me. And you know it's funny cut too. I
Speaker 2: think there's Terry cut to next season of Real Housewives
Speaker 2: Orange County Terry Terry I was done, So yeah, there's that.
Speaker 2: But anyway, it's been a wonderful This was about marriage.
Speaker 2: I've already forgot. I'm so sleep deprived.
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, we're celebrating our twenty seven years.
Speaker 2: So it's been a wonderful twenty seven years. So I'm
Speaker 2: looking forward to another seven because I'm like, be dead
Speaker 2: by that.
Speaker 3: That's terrible. Don't end like that.
Speaker 2: It's sort of like I feel like we're at the
Speaker 2: stage where it's not the you know, what do they say,
Speaker 2: don't buy any green bananas?
Speaker 1: No green bananas that's what we say. No green bananas,
Speaker 1: you can't wait for them to ripen.
Speaker 2: Yeah, at some point soon, I'm going to adopt an
Speaker 2: animal that it's expected to live about as long as
Speaker 2: I do.
Speaker 3: And see who makes it. Yeah, it's excellent. I love that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that is the time I adopted the animal that
Speaker 2: was like fourteen years old. We are just setting yourself
Speaker 2: up for heartbreak with that one.
Speaker 1: Speaking of weddings, check out my substock.
Speaker 3: I'm going to do a whole thing on weddings. Did
Speaker 3: you see what I wrote about last week? It was
Speaker 3: kind of funny.
Speaker 1: No, it was all about the Santrope Saint Bart's slut
Speaker 1: sparkle epidemic.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that's crazy.
Speaker 3: All right, everybody, we'll say thanks for being here with.
Speaker 1: Us, and we will see you next time.
Speaker 2: Thank