1 00:00:00,640 --> 00:00:03,120 Speaker 1: Okay, so John Rowa is here. I mean, you're kind 2 00:00:03,120 --> 00:00:05,160 Speaker 1: of in the hot seat today. I feel confused on 3 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:07,120 Speaker 1: whether I should say thanks for being here for our 4 00:00:07,120 --> 00:00:12,760 Speaker 1: male perspective, or I'm sorry, like I'm sorry, Oh my god, 5 00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:19,680 Speaker 1: you're gonna make a more We'll take it as easiest. Yeah, 6 00:00:19,840 --> 00:00:22,440 Speaker 1: don't be too scared. I mean, this is just friends talking, 7 00:00:22,480 --> 00:00:24,599 Speaker 1: you know, like, there's nothing to be nervous about here. 8 00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,160 Speaker 1: There's just a lot of people listening to our conversation. 9 00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:32,400 Speaker 1: It's no big deal. Yeah, exactly. Well, I mean Chip 10 00:00:32,479 --> 00:00:34,159 Speaker 1: and I were just telling you we both read your 11 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:36,600 Speaker 1: book The Practical Way to Get Rich and Died Trying, 12 00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:40,519 Speaker 1: And it's obviously about your entrepreneurial journey and just your 13 00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:43,320 Speaker 1: business life, but also mixed in there, there's a lot 14 00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:48,040 Speaker 1: about your sexual escapade and the craziness that goes on 15 00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:51,000 Speaker 1: in the business world that I, personally I didn't even 16 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:56,120 Speaker 1: know that existed. Yeah, yeah, listen, I can't tell anyone 17 00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:59,000 Speaker 1: else's story. I've heard a lot of similar accounts, but 18 00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:02,560 Speaker 1: you know, mine was pretty wild, and there's a lot 19 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:05,800 Speaker 1: of times I look back on I'm glad I'm not 20 00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:08,399 Speaker 1: in that world anymore. But some of it was pretty fun. 21 00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:10,840 Speaker 1: So yeah, it sounds like I mean, it kind of 22 00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:13,280 Speaker 1: reminds me of what we talked about this on the 23 00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:16,080 Speaker 1: last podcast we did. But what I see like new 24 00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:18,920 Speaker 1: artists in the music world doing or like, you know, 25 00:01:18,959 --> 00:01:21,120 Speaker 1: it's just kind of you equate it to like that 26 00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:25,560 Speaker 1: rock star lifestyle a little bit. Yeah, a lot of sex, drugs, 27 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:29,920 Speaker 1: and rock and roll people are the new rock stars 28 00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:34,600 Speaker 1: you know about to say, yeah, which is kind of depressing, right, like, 29 00:01:34,880 --> 00:01:37,440 Speaker 1: like the nerdiest people ever shouldn't be our new rock stars, 30 00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:40,560 Speaker 1: so we are for some reason, um, you know, like 31 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:42,880 Speaker 1: it's it's a shame we don't have more real rock 32 00:01:42,959 --> 00:01:45,920 Speaker 1: stars these days. But regardless of that, Yeah, the lifestyles 33 00:01:45,959 --> 00:01:48,760 Speaker 1: can get pretty insane. When you give young people a 34 00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:51,200 Speaker 1: bit too much access and too much money and too 35 00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:54,000 Speaker 1: much you know kind of like risk and stress and 36 00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:57,720 Speaker 1: pressure they're running from, it can create a pretty crazy dynamic. 37 00:01:57,760 --> 00:02:00,200 Speaker 1: And you know, the stories I told are not common 38 00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:03,240 Speaker 1: amongst entrepreneurs. Yeah, I thought it was interesting. You mentioned 39 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:05,880 Speaker 1: a lot about just the amount of stress that you 40 00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:07,920 Speaker 1: were under and said then on the opposite and the 41 00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:09,919 Speaker 1: spectrum you would go and just kind of like need 42 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:12,400 Speaker 1: to numb out, and so that's where all the partying 43 00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:15,120 Speaker 1: came in. That's where just like you needed to not 44 00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:19,560 Speaker 1: be responsible for a couple of days, That's exactly it. 45 00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:21,840 Speaker 1: And and this is not the right way to cope. 46 00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:25,520 Speaker 1: I'm not advocating for this method of coping, but this 47 00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:28,760 Speaker 1: was this was my method. And I figured that, you know, 48 00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:31,440 Speaker 1: quote unquote not and decide, even though it's more like 49 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:34,000 Speaker 1: you know, steven to nine every day, but whatever, I 50 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:38,400 Speaker 1: figured I had too much control, I had too much responsibility. 51 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:40,240 Speaker 1: And so when no one was looking, when I could 52 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:43,600 Speaker 1: go and blow off scheme, I want the other direction. 53 00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:45,520 Speaker 1: And I was like, how little control can I have? 54 00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:48,520 Speaker 1: How fucking wild can I kind of make this night? 55 00:02:48,760 --> 00:02:51,160 Speaker 1: How many bad decisions can I make? Because I'm forced 56 00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:53,799 Speaker 1: to make good decisions all day? And you know that 57 00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:56,799 Speaker 1: that is a that self destruction one on one. Um, 58 00:02:57,440 --> 00:03:00,560 Speaker 1: you know, it definitely led to some interesting nights. Yes, 59 00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:02,960 Speaker 1: some interesting stories for sure. I mean, and that's part 60 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:05,320 Speaker 1: of the book. You actually do talk about the meltdown 61 00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:08,440 Speaker 1: that happened after. So without giving too many spoilers away, 62 00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:11,120 Speaker 1: you guys, go read the book. It's super interesting and 63 00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:13,519 Speaker 1: there's lots of juicy details about all of that stuff. 64 00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:15,040 Speaker 1: But with some One of the things that I found 65 00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:18,120 Speaker 1: really interesting is the part that you were talking about 66 00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:21,760 Speaker 1: just the amount of sales and confidence that it takes 67 00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:24,760 Speaker 1: to be an entrepreneur. And we were Chip and I 68 00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:27,440 Speaker 1: were talking earlier just about how that would kind of 69 00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:30,600 Speaker 1: translate into your dating life, and you mentioned that your 70 00:03:30,680 --> 00:03:33,880 Speaker 1: game was pretty strong with these with ladies just because 71 00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:38,040 Speaker 1: you had that sales experience. So do you still feel 72 00:03:38,040 --> 00:03:40,560 Speaker 1: yourself doing that like in your dating life now? Do 73 00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:42,840 Speaker 1: you find it hard to be completely authentic? Like are 74 00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:47,560 Speaker 1: you constantly just like the natural salesman? Completely not the 75 00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:52,160 Speaker 1: opposite now? Like so, I'm a very shy person. People 76 00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:55,120 Speaker 1: who who have known me outside of the business world, 77 00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:57,600 Speaker 1: I'm always the quiet one at the table. I'm quite shy. 78 00:03:57,720 --> 00:04:01,920 Speaker 1: I'm quite private, despite what you guys just read um 79 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:04,960 Speaker 1: And so you know, like today, I'm not running a company. 80 00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:07,240 Speaker 1: I'm not in this high pressure CEO kind of role. 81 00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:10,400 Speaker 1: I live what I consider a pretty chill typical life now, 82 00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:13,400 Speaker 1: typical for me, not for some people, but like comparative 83 00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:15,760 Speaker 1: what I like used to be a stypical now and 84 00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:19,480 Speaker 1: I when I meet women, I'm very shy. I don't 85 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:22,160 Speaker 1: have that bluster and that confidence that I did, not 86 00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:24,760 Speaker 1: that I'm not confident now. But I don't have that overconfidence, 87 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:28,520 Speaker 1: you know, like I described in the book, because I'm 88 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:31,400 Speaker 1: not playing that role anymore. In fact, I don't even 89 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:34,760 Speaker 1: tell women who I am. I don't. When somebody asked 90 00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:35,919 Speaker 1: what I do for a living, I say, I'm an 91 00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:38,520 Speaker 1: aspiring writer. Like I don't. I don't like to talk 92 00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:40,440 Speaker 1: about it. I don't want anything away, I don't. I 93 00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:42,839 Speaker 1: don't brag anything. I don't. I don't wear fancy clothes, 94 00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:45,280 Speaker 1: I don't do any of that stuff. So I was 95 00:04:45,279 --> 00:04:47,200 Speaker 1: gonna ask because we had a question from one of 96 00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:50,440 Speaker 1: our listeners, and um, I mean, I guess I think 97 00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:53,080 Speaker 1: that's interesting. So it's sort of like a false persona 98 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:55,200 Speaker 1: that when you're doing these sales pitches and maybe in 99 00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:57,800 Speaker 1: the past with women. But she said, how do I 100 00:04:57,839 --> 00:05:00,520 Speaker 1: get the courage to talk to someone? I'm much acted too. 101 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:03,360 Speaker 1: I feel so self conscious and not confident, are pretty enough? 102 00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:08,000 Speaker 1: And I need to change that? How? Yeah, well, I 103 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:11,080 Speaker 1: think this is obviously a problem for for everyone, right, 104 00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:15,560 Speaker 1: you know, for any perspective, and and listen, I have 105 00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:17,920 Speaker 1: a lot of empathy for that the person you asked 106 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:20,560 Speaker 1: the question, because I struggle with it too, like you know, 107 00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:24,040 Speaker 1: and people are surprised by this because in business, I 108 00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:26,359 Speaker 1: was so ferocious and I had this confidence that like 109 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:29,320 Speaker 1: was it was almost over the top. But that's why 110 00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:31,440 Speaker 1: it works. And that's also why it worked with women. 111 00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:33,599 Speaker 1: I would be in these nightclubs and just you know, 112 00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:36,800 Speaker 1: probably high on my mind or whatever, but I was 113 00:05:36,839 --> 00:05:39,679 Speaker 1: like convincing myself. I was the top of the world. 114 00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:43,080 Speaker 1: I had this ferocious confidence, and so if I looked 115 00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:44,880 Speaker 1: at a woman, it was like it was game over, 116 00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,640 Speaker 1: like I was I was going to impress her, I 117 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:49,760 Speaker 1: was going to do these things. But I was also 118 00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:52,200 Speaker 1: inventing all of that even though it worked, which is 119 00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:54,440 Speaker 1: weird where today, if I were to see like a 120 00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:56,840 Speaker 1: pretty girl at the bar, I'm not sure I'd even 121 00:05:56,880 --> 00:05:58,960 Speaker 1: have the confidence to go, say high to work. Really, 122 00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:01,880 Speaker 1: my friends are always like, yeah, my friends are like really, 123 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:04,839 Speaker 1: like you can't go, you know, like of what you've 124 00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:08,080 Speaker 1: done and who you are. And I really struggle with it. 125 00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:12,240 Speaker 1: I'm I have on very few women in my life. 126 00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:15,000 Speaker 1: It's not the way I am, but I'm getting I 127 00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:16,960 Speaker 1: want to get better at that, and so you know, 128 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:18,920 Speaker 1: the way I work on it, and the only advice 129 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:23,680 Speaker 1: I could give is like just people can really detect confidence, 130 00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:26,799 Speaker 1: may even detect so you know, kind of false confidence 131 00:06:26,839 --> 00:06:29,200 Speaker 1: and real competence, but they can really detect it. And 132 00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:32,160 Speaker 1: so you really have to kind of find your confidence 133 00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:34,400 Speaker 1: with whatever you can get it from and presented to 134 00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:38,000 Speaker 1: that person, you know, very very quickly, and to truly 135 00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:40,840 Speaker 1: be confident. And that comes in the form of being 136 00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:43,279 Speaker 1: funny and humble, but also just knowing what you want 137 00:06:43,279 --> 00:06:46,159 Speaker 1: and telling somebody that you're you're there for that. Yeah, 138 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:48,800 Speaker 1: I like that. So it's more to me. The order 139 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:51,680 Speaker 1: I've gotten, the more I've found that internal confidence is 140 00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:54,880 Speaker 1: really kind of everything right, like in business and dating 141 00:06:54,880 --> 00:06:57,440 Speaker 1: and friendships, and it's like having that inner peace within 142 00:06:57,480 --> 00:07:03,160 Speaker 1: yourself just translates into everything else in life did and 143 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:06,960 Speaker 1: and I'm guessing that some of these, like instances in 144 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:10,640 Speaker 1: the book with acts, the escapades in Vegas, like these 145 00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:14,640 Speaker 1: it's it's a little different situation because these women are 146 00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:17,840 Speaker 1: coming after you because it's really about the money. I mean, 147 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:23,480 Speaker 1: it sounds like some of these people are so Yeah, 148 00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:25,320 Speaker 1: a lot of it was like nightclubs and we're at 149 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:27,600 Speaker 1: tables that cost tens of thousands of dollars that was 150 00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:31,080 Speaker 1: part of it, but they're also was that confidence and right, 151 00:07:31,120 --> 00:07:33,160 Speaker 1: it's funny because we can say that it was like 152 00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:37,960 Speaker 1: manufactured but there's not a huge difference between manufactured confidence 153 00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:40,200 Speaker 1: and real confidence. Right, It's still a confidence. And so 154 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:44,440 Speaker 1: I was so like bullish and so like on back 155 00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:47,280 Speaker 1: then that women loved it, and women were drawn to 156 00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:50,200 Speaker 1: that level of confidence. But you didn't have to hit 157 00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:53,840 Speaker 1: on them. They were coming to you. It went both directions. 158 00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:56,360 Speaker 1: You know, you saw somebody across the you know, the 159 00:07:57,040 --> 00:07:59,400 Speaker 1: area you're in a at a nightclub, and it was 160 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:02,480 Speaker 1: very simple to you know, kind of just say what 161 00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:05,000 Speaker 1: you want and you know whatever, And and that that 162 00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:07,360 Speaker 1: was that confidence in that drive. And and it's funny 163 00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:09,160 Speaker 1: because again, as I mentioned earlier, that's not really how 164 00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:10,840 Speaker 1: I am as a person like today, if we were 165 00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:13,400 Speaker 1: all out of the bar, i'd be and he said, hey, 166 00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:14,800 Speaker 1: that girl is pretty just hi the way I'd have 167 00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:17,280 Speaker 1: to really like get myself going for that. It's less 168 00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:20,320 Speaker 1: confidence and more shyness, I think. But it is true 169 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:23,960 Speaker 1: that human beings are just drawn to confidence. We really 170 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:26,320 Speaker 1: really are, and confidence you make up for so many 171 00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:28,680 Speaker 1: other things. And and yeah, I think you know people 172 00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:31,240 Speaker 1: that that struggle with it, like I get it and 173 00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:34,320 Speaker 1: I feel that. So you talk a lot in the 174 00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:36,880 Speaker 1: book about these crazy, wild days, like Chip just mentioned 175 00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:39,200 Speaker 1: a lot of times in Vegas specifically, But you were 176 00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:46,120 Speaker 1: actually in a relationship at the beginning of building your business, right, Yeah, 177 00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:51,400 Speaker 1: how is that dynamic? Well, you know, before the business started, 178 00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:54,040 Speaker 1: you know, I was in a pretty I don't know, 179 00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:58,320 Speaker 1: kind of traditional twenty something lifestyle. Like I worked pretty 180 00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:01,360 Speaker 1: uninteresting job that I just bribe in the book of 181 00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:05,000 Speaker 1: like in sales job for little agency, of living in Chicago, 182 00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:08,199 Speaker 1: a little apartment, Like my life was more typical than 183 00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:10,760 Speaker 1: than it has been since. And so I was dating 184 00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:13,760 Speaker 1: this great woman called Courtney and we lived together in 185 00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:17,520 Speaker 1: an apartment. And and really when I started the business, 186 00:09:17,559 --> 00:09:19,920 Speaker 1: she was really important to the beginning of the the business. 187 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:22,280 Speaker 1: She was supportive and she was kind of an anchor 188 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:25,360 Speaker 1: for me. And as the business started to grow, and 189 00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:28,760 Speaker 1: that that that stress and pressure and risk started building, 190 00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:33,040 Speaker 1: I made what I can acknowledge now was a fatal air, 191 00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:36,400 Speaker 1: and that was convincing myself that I can't do that 192 00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:40,920 Speaker 1: well having a partner. My mindset said, the business is 193 00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:43,600 Speaker 1: going to consume you and anybody that like you have 194 00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:45,720 Speaker 1: to give all your attention to or be a good 195 00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:49,400 Speaker 1: boyfriend or partner to. You're gonna sail because you can't 196 00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:53,000 Speaker 1: do both. And that is ridiculous. That is a stupid 197 00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:55,880 Speaker 1: way of seeing things. And I was just simply wrong. 198 00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:58,880 Speaker 1: And I've learned now that the majority of people that 199 00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:02,440 Speaker 1: I know who are high, we're successful and more kind 200 00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:06,080 Speaker 1: of balanced and stable, can it can attribute that to 201 00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:09,440 Speaker 1: a great partner in their life. And so you know, 202 00:10:09,559 --> 00:10:12,240 Speaker 1: I broke up with her a couple of years in 203 00:10:12,559 --> 00:10:15,600 Speaker 1: and used the mental excuse of I can't do both, 204 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:19,640 Speaker 1: And I truly do you believe that that was a 205 00:10:19,679 --> 00:10:22,400 Speaker 1: mass of error of money? Do you look back now 206 00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:24,720 Speaker 1: at that relationship, because I mean you say that you 207 00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:28,040 Speaker 1: were mentally convincing yourself that it was because of the business. 208 00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:30,400 Speaker 1: But do you think it was just y'all weren't incompatible 209 00:10:30,559 --> 00:10:33,160 Speaker 1: or the right situation, or was it truly that you 210 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:37,520 Speaker 1: were just so focused on business? Well, again, I think 211 00:10:38,679 --> 00:10:42,360 Speaker 1: I convinced myself that I couldn't do both. I'm not 212 00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:45,280 Speaker 1: saying that that that she was, you know, necessarily going 213 00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:47,640 Speaker 1: to be my forever partner in my life or something, 214 00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:50,800 Speaker 1: but it certainly shouldn't have been because of that, it 215 00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:54,679 Speaker 1: shouldn't have been this blanket you cannot be with somebody, Well, 216 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:57,280 Speaker 1: you're an entrepreneur, that that's it can silly. People have 217 00:10:57,400 --> 00:11:01,240 Speaker 1: proved over and over and and I've even if I've 218 00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:03,360 Speaker 1: got older, I met more and more of my friends 219 00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:06,959 Speaker 1: and people who are in highly stable and you know, 220 00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:10,960 Speaker 1: nurturing relationships, and they are so much more successful than 221 00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:12,840 Speaker 1: people who try to go out of a loan or 222 00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:15,280 Speaker 1: say they can't be with somebody or kind of live 223 00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:18,160 Speaker 1: a Bassler lifestyle. Will doing this. It's it's a very 224 00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:20,680 Speaker 1: different dynamic. And I realized that was an error of mine. 225 00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:24,240 Speaker 1: Then I think it's so interesting because as a woman, 226 00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:27,559 Speaker 1: I feel like we balanced that a little better. Like 227 00:11:27,679 --> 00:11:30,240 Speaker 1: I've never I think maybe one time in my life 228 00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:32,040 Speaker 1: I was just like not in a place where I 229 00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:35,000 Speaker 1: thought I could have a relationship. And We've actually got 230 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:37,400 Speaker 1: a lot of questions about that from women, just like 231 00:11:37,920 --> 00:11:40,199 Speaker 1: why you meant you know, I'm shoot this one girl, Sabrina. 232 00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:42,319 Speaker 1: She says, I'm so tired of dating men who aren't 233 00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:45,760 Speaker 1: ready for a relationship. Even outside of dating apps, men 234 00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:48,400 Speaker 1: have asked me out only to be told shortly after 235 00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:50,720 Speaker 1: that they're not ready or they don't know what they want. 236 00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:53,600 Speaker 1: She said, I have been having these conversations earlier and 237 00:11:53,640 --> 00:11:55,320 Speaker 1: earlier because I don't want to waste my time and 238 00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:58,040 Speaker 1: I'm not interested in just hooking up. But what do 239 00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:02,800 Speaker 1: I do help? Yeah, you know, it's funny because you know, 240 00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:06,160 Speaker 1: I associate with a lot of men that fit that profile, 241 00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:09,880 Speaker 1: especially guys in bigger cities who are more successful. It 242 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:13,920 Speaker 1: sometimes comes along with success, and I think, you know, 243 00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:16,599 Speaker 1: there's probably a lot of reasons, and I'm sure we 244 00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:18,959 Speaker 1: can get deeper in like the more psychological reasons, but 245 00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:21,679 Speaker 1: I think at the surface level, one of the things 246 00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:24,960 Speaker 1: that successful men get caught up with more than other 247 00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:28,760 Speaker 1: folks is they kind of done and seemed too much. 248 00:12:29,520 --> 00:12:33,160 Speaker 1: And after you're exposed to kind of certain aspect to 249 00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:35,760 Speaker 1: the world that most people aren't, it can be tough 250 00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:38,080 Speaker 1: to let those go. And this is why I'm saying 251 00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:40,400 Speaker 1: more with successful man once you kind of like lived 252 00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:43,800 Speaker 1: at a certain level and and you're around certain wealth 253 00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:47,360 Speaker 1: and access and women and partying these kind of things, 254 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:51,200 Speaker 1: that this kind of living between two worlds where you 255 00:12:51,240 --> 00:12:53,560 Speaker 1: can see yourself. And I've been through this. I've actually 256 00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:57,800 Speaker 1: worked with my therapist on this exact thing is to say. 257 00:12:57,920 --> 00:13:00,439 Speaker 1: On one hand, you're like, I can imagine house and 258 00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:03,160 Speaker 1: the dog and and the cars and the life and like, 259 00:13:03,559 --> 00:13:05,560 Speaker 1: you know, living in a in a beautiful place and 260 00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:08,160 Speaker 1: not worrying about the hustle and the grind and dating 261 00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:11,119 Speaker 1: and the cities and like having a peaceful life and 262 00:13:11,120 --> 00:13:13,880 Speaker 1: and having kids and like thinking that, and then you're like, 263 00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:17,240 Speaker 1: but man, what I'd be giving up or what would 264 00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:20,120 Speaker 1: at all those fun things I used to do? And 265 00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:22,080 Speaker 1: what if I never do those again? And then you 266 00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:25,880 Speaker 1: just kind of like battle yourself, you know, until you 267 00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:29,440 Speaker 1: either do this until you're sixty and realize that you're unhappy, 268 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:32,760 Speaker 1: or you're able to mentally get there and realize that 269 00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:34,600 Speaker 1: those things aren't never gonna make you happy. It didn't, 270 00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:36,360 Speaker 1: then they're not going to the future and you got 271 00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:39,440 Speaker 1: to move on. But that is a difficult road to cross, 272 00:13:39,679 --> 00:13:41,680 Speaker 1: and I've seen it with a lot of my friends. 273 00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:44,240 Speaker 1: I have a lot of people who I respect, great men, 274 00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:47,679 Speaker 1: who are probably going to be perpetually single because they 275 00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:53,000 Speaker 1: can't get over that messal Barya and asked, like, do 276 00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:54,480 Speaker 1: you think some of that has to do with the 277 00:13:54,640 --> 00:14:00,160 Speaker 1: entrepreneurial spirit, because you know it's not dissimilar to what 278 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:03,280 Speaker 1: was happening in your work life. You were constantly like 279 00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:07,760 Speaker 1: every win you had became history really quickly, like you 280 00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:11,360 Speaker 1: needed another wind just sort of you know, it was 281 00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:15,920 Speaker 1: that needle to your vein um was the wind. So 282 00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:18,960 Speaker 1: it's like in the same way, like you, I could 283 00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:22,400 Speaker 1: imagine not wanting to like settle for a girl or 284 00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:24,680 Speaker 1: miss out on the other things in life because you 285 00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:28,280 Speaker 1: were settling down. Yeah, I mean, I think we do 286 00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:30,480 Speaker 1: have this spear of slowing down. And again I can 287 00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:33,240 Speaker 1: speak espreneurial side, but it's kind of anybody who's like 288 00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:35,400 Speaker 1: super type A right, Like we don't want to be 289 00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:37,160 Speaker 1: held down. We don't want to not be able to 290 00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:39,640 Speaker 1: go do something when it's presented to us. And this 291 00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:42,760 Speaker 1: is why people, especially men who were more successful, that 292 00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:45,840 Speaker 1: we get to do and see stuff as not typical, 293 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:48,040 Speaker 1: like but I was when I grew up, like I 294 00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:50,560 Speaker 1: never imagined having any of this ship. I grew up 295 00:14:50,560 --> 00:14:53,000 Speaker 1: in a suburb of Detroit to you know, a middle 296 00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:57,200 Speaker 1: class family and a conservative area, a bunch of auto workers. 297 00:14:57,280 --> 00:14:59,600 Speaker 1: Like I didn't. I didn't know any of this this stuff 298 00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:01,240 Speaker 1: exists it right, And then all of a sudden you 299 00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:03,800 Speaker 1: just throw us into this world where it's like, you 300 00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:06,040 Speaker 1: know what I described in the book, it's like drugs 301 00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:09,360 Speaker 1: and threesomes and private jets and celebrities and you're just like, 302 00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:12,360 Speaker 1: what the fund is going on? And it's crazy because 303 00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:15,320 Speaker 1: especially when that happens at a young age, they're impressionable, 304 00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:17,920 Speaker 1: and you kind of go from like thinking this stuff 305 00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:20,440 Speaker 1: only exists in like music videos and then doing it 306 00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:25,080 Speaker 1: every weekend, and it can be difficult to turn that 307 00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:27,880 Speaker 1: off and to then say I never want to do 308 00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:30,560 Speaker 1: that ever again, because you know what it is. You 309 00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:32,600 Speaker 1: didn't just see it on TV. You fucking did it. 310 00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:35,960 Speaker 1: And some of it is quite fun, and so you 311 00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:39,200 Speaker 1: know that that kind of feeling like anything but that 312 00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:43,200 Speaker 1: is settling, is it? It's very hard to get over 313 00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:46,560 Speaker 1: and it's not It's not different than probably any addiction, right, 314 00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:48,520 Speaker 1: you know where you know, if you're trying to you're 315 00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:50,880 Speaker 1: trying to stop drinking, walking past that bar at night, 316 00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:54,760 Speaker 1: you're like, you know, it's because you know what that 317 00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:57,040 Speaker 1: drinking feels like, and you've had that dopamine hit and 318 00:15:57,080 --> 00:16:00,240 Speaker 1: you want it again, and so you know, sometimes got 319 00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:02,960 Speaker 1: settling down, which is a kind of a shitty term, right, 320 00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:04,800 Speaker 1: You're not really settling down, you're moving on to a 321 00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:08,560 Speaker 1: new life. It's probably better, but that your brain can 322 00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:12,200 Speaker 1: get very complicated then and and I've done it. I've 323 00:16:12,240 --> 00:16:15,280 Speaker 1: met some great women in the past number of years, 324 00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:17,240 Speaker 1: but such that I was living in geekinos that I 325 00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:18,920 Speaker 1: didn't get a real chance to because I didn't want 326 00:16:18,920 --> 00:16:22,400 Speaker 1: to stop that lifestyle. And it's only been the last 327 00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:25,840 Speaker 1: maybe two years, eighteen months kind of thing, especially the 328 00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:28,720 Speaker 1: last year in New York, that I've really really been 329 00:16:28,760 --> 00:16:31,000 Speaker 1: working on this. This is like a core part of 330 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:35,120 Speaker 1: my therapy um is to really, you know, move on 331 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:36,680 Speaker 1: to the next page of my life that I know 332 00:16:36,840 --> 00:16:39,120 Speaker 1: I want. I want that family, I want to not 333 00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:41,480 Speaker 1: be in the hustle, you know. I want like a 334 00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:45,520 Speaker 1: real home somewhere. I'm getting a dog, so like you know, 335 00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:48,720 Speaker 1: but that is is not an easy bridge to cross, 336 00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:52,280 Speaker 1: especially when you've done it all, you've only heard about it. 337 00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:54,800 Speaker 1: It's one thing you've done it. It's like, fuck, those 338 00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:56,520 Speaker 1: are some of that stuff. It's hard to let go of. 339 00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:59,560 Speaker 1: But doesn't I get kind of old too. I mean again, 340 00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:02,200 Speaker 1: I keep you feel like this entrepreneur world is very 341 00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:04,679 Speaker 1: similar to the music business, and I hear artists a 342 00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:08,480 Speaker 1: lot of times say, you know, there's all the fun 343 00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:09,800 Speaker 1: you can have on the road, but they're like, but 344 00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:11,520 Speaker 1: it just gets kind of old after a while, and 345 00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:13,600 Speaker 1: you really do want to have a place to come 346 00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:18,560 Speaker 1: back to and that foundation and that security in a relationship. Well, 347 00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:20,679 Speaker 1: and this is the funny part is it's not unlike 348 00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:24,480 Speaker 1: drugs in this way to my analogy earlier, because like 349 00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:27,439 Speaker 1: when you when you actually are out doing drugs, I'm 350 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:29,720 Speaker 1: talking party drugs, you're out doing modelly and code, you're 351 00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:33,679 Speaker 1: doing drugs are kind of all uppers. The thought of 352 00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:36,639 Speaker 1: it is always more fun than doing it, right, because 353 00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:39,440 Speaker 1: like to say, you know, to reminisce about a weekend, 354 00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:41,560 Speaker 1: you know, six months ago, where you put a bunch 355 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:44,360 Speaker 1: of drugs in were in Vegas or whatever, and then 356 00:17:44,359 --> 00:17:46,280 Speaker 1: you think about how awful you ast expelled when you 357 00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:48,240 Speaker 1: woke up the next morning, and how many bad desisions 358 00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:50,280 Speaker 1: you've probably made, how depressed and made you you know, 359 00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:52,040 Speaker 1: three days later, and there's no dope main left in 360 00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:54,560 Speaker 1: your prey and all the things. But all you think, 361 00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:57,120 Speaker 1: that's kind of the fun parts, right, And so as 362 00:17:57,240 --> 00:18:00,440 Speaker 1: humans we're naturally thinking back to all the fun parts. 363 00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:03,560 Speaker 1: But I can, but I can absolutely tell you. It's 364 00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:05,600 Speaker 1: like it's also with the women. I know that we're 365 00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:08,720 Speaker 1: on kind of the sex and dating talk in this conversation, 366 00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:12,800 Speaker 1: so I'll kind of use that is, you know, random 367 00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:15,840 Speaker 1: sex with random women is normally the worst sex you 368 00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:18,520 Speaker 1: can have. You're normally like blacked out or some kind 369 00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:20,680 Speaker 1: of you know, train wrecking. In the first place, there's 370 00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:24,280 Speaker 1: all sorts of drama, there's all sorts of bullshit, and 371 00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:27,359 Speaker 1: and it not only gets old, it's not even usually 372 00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:30,439 Speaker 1: fun in the first place. What's fun is the retrospective, 373 00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:33,480 Speaker 1: the thinking back at just those fun times or the 374 00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:36,280 Speaker 1: stories or whatever, and that is what we get more 375 00:18:36,359 --> 00:18:38,320 Speaker 1: drawn through than the actual act of doing it. You 376 00:18:38,359 --> 00:18:39,919 Speaker 1: talked a lot about I mean, it's kind of these 377 00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:41,800 Speaker 1: partying days that you're talking about. I think it's really 378 00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:45,600 Speaker 1: interesting to think about only thinking back to the positive parts. 379 00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:49,119 Speaker 1: But you know, you did mention you you had a relationship, 380 00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:51,280 Speaker 1: then you were also doing all this crazy stuff. And 381 00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:54,920 Speaker 1: you mentioned Kevin's bachelor party as sort of like the 382 00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:57,439 Speaker 1: place where all these escapades are happening. That's like the 383 00:18:57,480 --> 00:19:00,199 Speaker 1: first place we're introduced to it in the book. That 384 00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:02,720 Speaker 1: actually the case or was that going on in your 385 00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:06,760 Speaker 1: life like all along. It was definitely not all along. 386 00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:10,040 Speaker 1: Definitely all along. I never cheated on my girlfriend, so 387 00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:13,679 Speaker 1: I was I started to seed the kind of you know, 388 00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:16,200 Speaker 1: the decision I was gonna make. I broke up with her, 389 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:19,760 Speaker 1: and then it was basically sodom and gomorrah after her, 390 00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:23,800 Speaker 1: Like it was after that. I never cheated on her 391 00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:25,720 Speaker 1: or anybody else, and that's one thing that I would 392 00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:28,600 Speaker 1: never do to anybody. So I broke up with her. 393 00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:31,520 Speaker 1: Knowing people make a much of very bad videos. Yeah, 394 00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:34,760 Speaker 1: and so Levin Sacher Party was definitely not the first one, 395 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,920 Speaker 1: but it was one of the more iconic ones. Yeah, yeah, 396 00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:39,959 Speaker 1: I mean in the timeline of the book, it was 397 00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:41,800 Speaker 1: it was a little hard to tell whether or not 398 00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:46,480 Speaker 1: you were cheating. And well, and to be perfectly honest, 399 00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:49,080 Speaker 1: like the way you start the book, it comes in 400 00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:51,920 Speaker 1: so hot that like I'm like, where is it gonna start? 401 00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:56,240 Speaker 1: Where is it gonna start? So yeah, I mean, look, 402 00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,199 Speaker 1: you and your child Bill was really interesting what you 403 00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:01,800 Speaker 1: talked about a lot in the book. So I'm curious, Um, 404 00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:04,480 Speaker 1: and you so you like peg yourself to be a 405 00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:08,120 Speaker 1: bit of a nerd, which, um, you know that's sort 406 00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:10,400 Speaker 1: of more in your words than mine, because I thought 407 00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:13,920 Speaker 1: you you come across really cool. Um, but like, when 408 00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:16,040 Speaker 1: did you lose your virginity? Was that in high school? 409 00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:19,119 Speaker 1: Or wasn't that until later in life? Hey, man, nerds 410 00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:25,840 Speaker 1: can be cool too. I'm a proper nerd man. Don't 411 00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:28,040 Speaker 1: want the cool stuff cool you don't want the Instagram. 412 00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:33,679 Speaker 1: I'm I am a fucking nerd. But I love virginity 413 00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:39,639 Speaker 1: at age seventeen, So I don't know, maybe average. I 414 00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:43,119 Speaker 1: think that's average. Yeah, yeah it was. It wasn't like 415 00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:45,760 Speaker 1: it wasn't like insanely early. It wasn't like college. I 416 00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:48,280 Speaker 1: think it was pretty average, like junior year of high 417 00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:53,160 Speaker 1: school or something. Yeah, here's some questions from listeners. This 418 00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:55,960 Speaker 1: is kind of in regards to you know, you talk 419 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:57,919 Speaker 1: a lot about the threesomes and all the women and 420 00:20:58,040 --> 00:21:00,840 Speaker 1: just like how the sex is really actually not that 421 00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:03,919 Speaker 1: great with the stranger. But esther wants to know. Is 422 00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:07,359 Speaker 1: it true that men can engage into sexual activities without 423 00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:11,240 Speaker 1: feeling any connection or attachment to the woman? Um? However 424 00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:13,679 Speaker 1: mild that maybe? Or do they feel connection but just 425 00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:16,080 Speaker 1: numb themselves to it, ignore it, or shut it down. 426 00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:20,600 Speaker 1: It's a great question. So obviously I need to call 427 00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:22,520 Speaker 1: you out all the answers. What I can't speak for 428 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:28,720 Speaker 1: men right in your experience, I know, but in my experience, 429 00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:33,959 Speaker 1: you know, I certainly was able to have sex and 430 00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:38,680 Speaker 1: sexual connections that had meant himself absolutely nothing. And I'm 431 00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:40,960 Speaker 1: not terribly proud of that fact. But I'm gonna be honest. 432 00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:44,600 Speaker 1: You know, when you're you know, when you're having a 433 00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:47,879 Speaker 1: one night hand and you know it vis are Las Vegas, 434 00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:52,040 Speaker 1: You're you're not thinking about much else except that, and 435 00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:54,439 Speaker 1: many times like wake up, they're gone anyway, and so 436 00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:57,639 Speaker 1: it's not like there's any even long tail to it 437 00:21:57,760 --> 00:22:01,240 Speaker 1: at all. And I listen, in goes both ways. It's 438 00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:03,480 Speaker 1: not like they're looking to get married to me. Like 439 00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:07,000 Speaker 1: generally there's two people who are looking for something quite 440 00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:10,800 Speaker 1: short term and it ends, um, you know, and that's 441 00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:16,159 Speaker 1: not that I would say common. It's also not that satisfying, right, Um, 442 00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:19,280 Speaker 1: But yeah, I would say that I I have been 443 00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:21,400 Speaker 1: able to do that, and I would say that's pretty 444 00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:25,040 Speaker 1: common amongst guys. I know, Yeah, that's crazy. I mean, 445 00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:27,040 Speaker 1: I think girls are just always way more connected. I 446 00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:28,600 Speaker 1: think girls can do it too. There, Like you said, 447 00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:31,720 Speaker 1: it just depends on the kind of scenario. Um, yeah, 448 00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:33,760 Speaker 1: I mean listen, like if if you need somebody in 449 00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:35,320 Speaker 1: New York City and you're at the bar and like, 450 00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:38,040 Speaker 1: you know, you kind of have more of like a connection. 451 00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:41,320 Speaker 1: But listen, if you're walking out of a nightclub and 452 00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:44,119 Speaker 1: into loom and it's like, all right, you want to 453 00:22:44,119 --> 00:22:48,560 Speaker 1: do this, We'll go. I mean terribly considering want anything 454 00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:51,359 Speaker 1: else than that, next, you know, hour or whatever, right exactly, 455 00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:53,879 Speaker 1: Mary Liz wants to know, how do you tell the 456 00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:56,119 Speaker 1: difference between a guy when he's being nice to you 457 00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:59,199 Speaker 1: because he likes you, versus being nice to you just 458 00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:06,639 Speaker 1: because he wants to you know, it's and again this 459 00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:08,879 Speaker 1: is where I'm sure it's just it's a bit of 460 00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:12,720 Speaker 1: a you know's there's too many possibilities depending on the guy. 461 00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:17,080 Speaker 1: With me. I am genuinely nice to people, and I 462 00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:19,280 Speaker 1: struggled to not be nice people as people don't know 463 00:23:19,359 --> 00:23:22,960 Speaker 1: and so like, I treat people well. Um, and I 464 00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:26,000 Speaker 1: can speak myself today. So obviously in the past of 465 00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:28,880 Speaker 1: being I've been more of my bachelor party years or 466 00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:32,160 Speaker 1: living in nik and Ols or whatever it was. If 467 00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:34,760 Speaker 1: I was being super nice to you, it was probably 468 00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:36,600 Speaker 1: kind of long to sleep with you be honest, Like 469 00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:38,800 Speaker 1: if I was in Meek and Oos and met somebody 470 00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:40,800 Speaker 1: in my beach club, and if I'm like, you know, 471 00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:43,360 Speaker 1: rolling out the red carpet, it's, let's be honest, that's 472 00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:45,960 Speaker 1: probably what it was. UM. But I also think there's 473 00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:49,359 Speaker 1: just a lot of genuinely nice guys out there, you know, 474 00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:51,560 Speaker 1: and and that's who I kind of associate with. And 475 00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:54,800 Speaker 1: what's funny is that women seem to be very confused 476 00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:56,879 Speaker 1: by niceness sometimes. And I'll tell you a story of 477 00:23:56,920 --> 00:23:59,040 Speaker 1: which has happened to me. I mean a friend of 478 00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:03,200 Speaker 1: New York, a girl, and we had our connection was 479 00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:06,919 Speaker 1: another mutual friend that I had a previous relationship with, 480 00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:10,119 Speaker 1: UM and so I think one of her friends. And 481 00:24:10,119 --> 00:24:13,639 Speaker 1: so to me, it's like platonic, kind of all limits, 482 00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:16,640 Speaker 1: like I dated her friends. So her and I were buddies. 483 00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:19,560 Speaker 1: It drinks a couple of times. You know, I actually 484 00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:22,200 Speaker 1: trained people in martial arts, and so she had trained 485 00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:24,879 Speaker 1: with me a couple of times and were friends. And 486 00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:27,800 Speaker 1: all of a sudden, UM, she had seen me. So 487 00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:30,879 Speaker 1: I was on a couple of days another girl and 488 00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:32,879 Speaker 1: and she kind of knew about that. And then she 489 00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:35,239 Speaker 1: kind of came to me and said, if you know, 490 00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:38,320 Speaker 1: I actually liked you more than a friend, which which 491 00:24:38,359 --> 00:24:40,359 Speaker 1: was news to me. I had I thought we were 492 00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:44,320 Speaker 1: purely pasonic, just friends. And she basically said, and because 493 00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:46,680 Speaker 1: it's clear you don't want that with me, we can't 494 00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:49,639 Speaker 1: even be friends. And I was like, wow, that's crazy. 495 00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:52,000 Speaker 1: And I kind of got some intel from another person 496 00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:53,960 Speaker 1: who was like, you were just being so nice to 497 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:56,639 Speaker 1: her that she figured you were really into her, and 498 00:24:56,680 --> 00:25:00,560 Speaker 1: I was like, wow, okay, so so apparently you can't 499 00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:04,919 Speaker 1: even like if you're you know, guys have probably treated 500 00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:07,320 Speaker 1: women so poorly that if you're just nice as to 501 00:25:07,359 --> 00:25:10,200 Speaker 1: a girl, it must mean that you want them or 502 00:25:10,359 --> 00:25:12,800 Speaker 1: like them more or whatever. Can't just be that you're 503 00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:15,680 Speaker 1: being nice. And I'm not sure if that's a good 504 00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:17,600 Speaker 1: thing for us nice guys or a really good pressing 505 00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:20,639 Speaker 1: thing for men overall. Yeah, it's so confusing, though, I 506 00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:23,000 Speaker 1: do I relate to what that girl felt, because I 507 00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:25,760 Speaker 1: don't think as a woman it's like very easy to 508 00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:28,720 Speaker 1: judge a guy's intentions all the time, and we have 509 00:25:29,040 --> 00:25:32,760 Speaker 1: been probably programmed to be like on guard with that, 510 00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:34,960 Speaker 1: you know, because a lot of guys like what you said, 511 00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:37,960 Speaker 1: if you're in mechanos and a club being overly nice, 512 00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:39,800 Speaker 1: then you just want to sleep with that girl, So 513 00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:43,560 Speaker 1: like that's what the programming is. And either you kind 514 00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:46,440 Speaker 1: of go into like he likes me or he wants 515 00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:49,199 Speaker 1: to sleep with me. Do you think that men and 516 00:25:49,240 --> 00:25:54,040 Speaker 1: women can just be friends? So I personally do, And 517 00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:56,920 Speaker 1: I know that this is a controversial topic that a 518 00:25:56,920 --> 00:25:59,479 Speaker 1: lot of people would disagree with me. Some of my 519 00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:03,760 Speaker 1: close fist friends are women, um, some of which I've 520 00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:09,720 Speaker 1: known for decades and um, almost none of them have 521 00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:12,920 Speaker 1: been anything other than but friends even for that entire time. 522 00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:16,160 Speaker 1: Like my literal closest friends in the world is fill 523 00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:19,919 Speaker 1: name Amanda. We've been friends since late high school and 524 00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:21,960 Speaker 1: we've gone through relationships in and out, in and out, 525 00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:24,080 Speaker 1: and that we've been single. We can together. She's not married, 526 00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:27,679 Speaker 1: but we've never been even for a middle second, anything 527 00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:31,119 Speaker 1: but true friends. And she is so important to me 528 00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:35,600 Speaker 1: it's indescribable and so uh and she listened to your 529 00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:43,240 Speaker 1: podcast hopefully. Yeah, Amanda, I love you so so yeah. 530 00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:45,720 Speaker 1: I you know. And she's not the only one. I 531 00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:48,960 Speaker 1: have a number of incredible females in my life that 532 00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:51,600 Speaker 1: are only friends. It's funny because of some of these 533 00:26:51,680 --> 00:26:53,359 Speaker 1: what I just told like that other story with the 534 00:26:53,359 --> 00:26:56,359 Speaker 1: girl that like kind of got confusing. I actually called 535 00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:59,760 Speaker 1: a couple of my closest female friends this is totally true. 536 00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:02,360 Speaker 1: It recently and I was like, you're not in love 537 00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:05,600 Speaker 1: with me right like this? You want to clear things, 538 00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:09,280 Speaker 1: making sure I'm making sure that like I'm not putting 539 00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:10,960 Speaker 1: on the wrong singles, and they're like, no, you're fucking 540 00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:16,159 Speaker 1: idiot like yourself. I was like, great, because, like you know, 541 00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:17,760 Speaker 1: because you kind of are start to like, fuck, am 542 00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:21,080 Speaker 1: I inadvertently leading people on or something? And so no, 543 00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:24,120 Speaker 1: I've re established that, you know, a number of very 544 00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:28,000 Speaker 1: important friendships with femails are just that. So I do 545 00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:30,399 Speaker 1: believe to take this. Um, is this the girl that 546 00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:34,480 Speaker 1: I saw trying to kick you in the face on Instagram? 547 00:27:35,119 --> 00:27:38,240 Speaker 1: That was a different I was gonna say, she really 548 00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:41,720 Speaker 1: went for it, huh. I I was thinking, I wonder 549 00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:47,200 Speaker 1: how many girls who saw that were like yeah, um, okay, 550 00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:49,760 Speaker 1: Well we have a couple of sex questions that will 551 00:27:49,840 --> 00:27:55,080 Speaker 1: kind of shift the trajectory here, but so um, one 552 00:27:55,119 --> 00:27:58,040 Speaker 1: of let's see this is from Gina and she says, 553 00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:01,119 Speaker 1: can you just tell me where men learn how to 554 00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:03,240 Speaker 1: go down on a girl? Because the majority of men 555 00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:06,240 Speaker 1: I've been with seem clueless, and I wonder if it's 556 00:28:06,280 --> 00:28:09,879 Speaker 1: an effect of the porn industry or lack of awareness 557 00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:13,200 Speaker 1: or good education. Sometimes slow and steady wins the race 558 00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:16,399 Speaker 1: until the last hundred yards. You know, personally, I need 559 00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:18,800 Speaker 1: more sensuality to get me going. And I feel let 560 00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:22,840 Speaker 1: down by men I have been with. What sorry that 561 00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:25,680 Speaker 1: they just don't get it, or that that they know 562 00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:28,280 Speaker 1: I can't read that she's saying, I don't know that 563 00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:33,240 Speaker 1: they just don't get it. Okay, So John, Yeah, maybe 564 00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:36,320 Speaker 1: they think they know, but they have no idea. I don't. Yeah, 565 00:28:36,320 --> 00:28:38,880 Speaker 1: So how do you feel out your cunn of lingness skills? Here? 566 00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:42,640 Speaker 1: Can you give us any tips? All right? So here 567 00:28:43,080 --> 00:28:45,160 Speaker 1: I have a couple of insights here. So the first 568 00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:49,200 Speaker 1: is that I'm not good at very many things. This 569 00:28:49,320 --> 00:28:52,680 Speaker 1: is this is one thing I'm good at where this 570 00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:55,880 Speaker 1: is going? Okay? Yeah, And so so that that I 571 00:28:55,920 --> 00:29:01,600 Speaker 1: can unabashardly say, how are you so confident? I mean, 572 00:29:02,120 --> 00:29:06,440 Speaker 1: at some point you you you get feedback over time, 573 00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:09,920 Speaker 1: and okay, I'm clearly good at that. And I can 574 00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:11,800 Speaker 1: tell you where it came from. It was, it was 575 00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:15,480 Speaker 1: it was a long time ago. Of having girlfriends who 576 00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:20,360 Speaker 1: we're fond of that being done, and we're very instructive 577 00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:22,720 Speaker 1: on how to do it. And so I was really 578 00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:27,040 Speaker 1: put through like boot camps, and it also took that 579 00:29:27,080 --> 00:29:30,080 Speaker 1: I quite enjoyed doing that. It's like I think some 580 00:29:30,160 --> 00:29:33,600 Speaker 1: guys might find it as to be like it's turning 581 00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:35,280 Speaker 1: the keys at the car, like you've got to do 582 00:29:35,320 --> 00:29:38,400 Speaker 1: it to get going. For me, it's I really enjoy it. 583 00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:41,600 Speaker 1: So I think I was with girls who knew I 584 00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:44,280 Speaker 1: enjoyed it, and then we're like, Okay, here's exactly what 585 00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:47,080 Speaker 1: you want. I want and sort of practice you get 586 00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:50,960 Speaker 1: good at something. And so I definitely think that the 587 00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:55,200 Speaker 1: porn thing is probably a great uh indicator of why 588 00:29:55,320 --> 00:29:56,640 Speaker 1: a lot of men might be bad out of the 589 00:29:56,680 --> 00:29:59,200 Speaker 1: think they're good, which is probably a ton of things 590 00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:04,520 Speaker 1: with porn, right, And so I think it's so um 591 00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:07,160 Speaker 1: the word of it. It's so rampant today of of 592 00:30:07,160 --> 00:30:09,080 Speaker 1: of how much porn is out there and how much 593 00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:12,520 Speaker 1: you know, men consume it, that they're probably pretty off 594 00:30:12,520 --> 00:30:14,360 Speaker 1: based on a lot of things, especially younger men. I 595 00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:18,400 Speaker 1: can't imagine how bad like late teens, early twenties men are. 596 00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:21,520 Speaker 1: A second, yeah, I mean that it's got to just 597 00:30:21,560 --> 00:30:26,240 Speaker 1: be an absolute nightmare, right, And so you know, I 598 00:30:26,320 --> 00:30:28,760 Speaker 1: definitely think porn could be a thing, but I also 599 00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:33,160 Speaker 1: think it's because it is really more kind of personal 600 00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:37,160 Speaker 1: and intimate than other sexual things, right, Um, And I 601 00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:40,960 Speaker 1: don't think that women are nearly as instructive on what 602 00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:42,760 Speaker 1: they actually want. And so if a guy is not 603 00:30:42,840 --> 00:30:44,640 Speaker 1: doing something right, I don't know how many women are 604 00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:46,280 Speaker 1: stopping them and saying no, no no, no, no no, like 605 00:30:46,360 --> 00:30:48,560 Speaker 1: do that, we're not doing that, or gilt level or 606 00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:50,880 Speaker 1: go faster. I don't think women want to do that. 607 00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:54,360 Speaker 1: They're probably scared of hurting the guy's feeling or you know, 608 00:30:54,480 --> 00:30:57,880 Speaker 1: like fashion cause ego or whatever. And so if the 609 00:30:58,000 --> 00:31:00,360 Speaker 1: dude things he's doing it right and she seems to 610 00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:02,600 Speaker 1: be enjoying it, why would they ever change that? Right? 611 00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:04,959 Speaker 1: And so what I would say, and this is probably 612 00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:07,520 Speaker 1: a bigger, I guess, more general piece of advice that 613 00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:10,160 Speaker 1: I've learned, it's like, say what you want and don't 614 00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:12,600 Speaker 1: be afraid of doing that, because if the person then 615 00:31:12,600 --> 00:31:15,680 Speaker 1: starts doing it better, your bulk can enjoy this experience more. 616 00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:18,560 Speaker 1: It's like, just let let go of the ego and 617 00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:20,800 Speaker 1: bull side and just be like no, this is not 618 00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:22,280 Speaker 1: how you do with do this and then get what 619 00:31:22,400 --> 00:31:26,960 Speaker 1: you want. So when you say you've got a lot 620 00:31:26,960 --> 00:31:28,600 Speaker 1: of feedback, because I do think you're right that a 621 00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:31,400 Speaker 1: lot of women have a hard time just saying what 622 00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:33,520 Speaker 1: they want. That is it's like, I don't know if 623 00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:36,800 Speaker 1: it's our programming from forever ago or what that is, 624 00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:41,000 Speaker 1: but it takes a lot for a woman, especially younger women, 625 00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:44,840 Speaker 1: to say what they want. How did you hear the feedback? Like, 626 00:31:44,880 --> 00:31:47,040 Speaker 1: how did you accept that? Was it delivered to you 627 00:31:47,080 --> 00:31:49,720 Speaker 1: in a way that was like maybe gentler, or like 628 00:31:49,760 --> 00:31:50,920 Speaker 1: what do we need to do? What do we need 629 00:31:50,960 --> 00:31:54,920 Speaker 1: to say? Well? I think that like and that's where 630 00:31:54,960 --> 00:31:57,480 Speaker 1: some of you know I addressed earlier. When you're having 631 00:31:57,800 --> 00:32:01,880 Speaker 1: random sex with random women, not very good usually gets 632 00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:03,920 Speaker 1: better when you're with somebody and you're more consistent with 633 00:32:03,960 --> 00:32:06,520 Speaker 1: them because you're learning each other whatever. And once you're 634 00:32:06,560 --> 00:32:08,920 Speaker 1: in that dynamic, it doesn't need to be marriage, It 635 00:32:08,920 --> 00:32:10,720 Speaker 1: doesn't even need to be a long relationship. If you're 636 00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:14,920 Speaker 1: just consistently seeing somebody, you would hope that trust gets 637 00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:18,120 Speaker 1: built up enough where you can have that conversation or 638 00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:20,920 Speaker 1: you know, the best advice ever given to me when 639 00:32:20,960 --> 00:32:24,240 Speaker 1: it comes to sex, was make it one percent about 640 00:32:24,280 --> 00:32:29,240 Speaker 1: the other person, and that has that has gotten me 641 00:32:29,280 --> 00:32:31,520 Speaker 1: a long way when it comes to that and when 642 00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:33,880 Speaker 1: when it comes to you know, having more quality sex, 643 00:32:33,920 --> 00:32:38,840 Speaker 1: because if both people are in that mindset, invariably you're 644 00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:41,440 Speaker 1: both going to have the best time and get what 645 00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:45,640 Speaker 1: you want right and and so it's hard to have 646 00:32:45,680 --> 00:32:48,240 Speaker 1: both people immediately in that mindset. But if if one 647 00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:50,680 Speaker 1: person really making about you a person, then the other 648 00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:53,240 Speaker 1: person might say, hey, I'm going to kind of reciprocate, 649 00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:55,200 Speaker 1: and then you kind of get to that dynamic and 650 00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:57,320 Speaker 1: that trust is built that you can say, like what 651 00:32:57,400 --> 00:32:58,920 Speaker 1: do you like? How do you want me to do this? 652 00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:01,640 Speaker 1: And those are per typically find questions to ask somebody 653 00:33:01,720 --> 00:33:03,920 Speaker 1: once you have trust build. Listen, you're in a one 654 00:33:04,040 --> 00:33:06,320 Speaker 1: night stand after a bar, it's probably more difficult, but 655 00:33:06,920 --> 00:33:09,520 Speaker 1: it's probably not going to be as good, that's true. 656 00:33:09,760 --> 00:33:12,320 Speaker 1: I Mean, that's such a good point about giving and 657 00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:14,880 Speaker 1: making sure your partner is happy, because like what else 658 00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:17,240 Speaker 1: is it turns me on so much when my partner 659 00:33:17,320 --> 00:33:20,000 Speaker 1: is actually like super into it and you're right, then 660 00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:22,960 Speaker 1: it's like reciprocated. And I didn't even thought about that, 661 00:33:23,040 --> 00:33:28,000 Speaker 1: but that, Yeah, that's interesting. Um, both people to do that, 662 00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:31,600 Speaker 1: that becomes brilliant. Yeah, and it's funny. Like I'll tell 663 00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:33,960 Speaker 1: you what's what. This is very indicative of what we're 664 00:33:33,960 --> 00:33:36,840 Speaker 1: talking about and probably why men have screwed up this 665 00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:40,240 Speaker 1: programming so much. It's so there are times and like 666 00:33:40,280 --> 00:33:42,760 Speaker 1: you're you're with a girl, and maybe it's because of 667 00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:46,960 Speaker 1: any any number of situations where like all you might 668 00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:48,920 Speaker 1: do is like go down on them and that's it, 669 00:33:49,080 --> 00:33:52,320 Speaker 1: and that's gonna be it's they are so like but wait, 670 00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:54,160 Speaker 1: don't I don't I now have to do that back? 671 00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:57,480 Speaker 1: If not, just like if they are never women are 672 00:33:57,560 --> 00:34:01,160 Speaker 1: really weird about like just getting like taking care of Yeah, 673 00:34:01,240 --> 00:34:02,840 Speaker 1: I would like you. When you said that, I'm like, 674 00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:06,960 Speaker 1: wait what exactly? But like, but that should the same 675 00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:09,719 Speaker 1: way that, like, you know, I think most men would 676 00:34:09,800 --> 00:34:13,200 Speaker 1: be like a random blowjob like I would. I would 677 00:34:13,200 --> 00:34:15,480 Speaker 1: take that, you know, Like that doesn't seem that weird. 678 00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:19,799 Speaker 1: The fact that women like they they they're so like, Okay, 679 00:34:20,040 --> 00:34:21,879 Speaker 1: he touched me, and now I gotta like touch him back. 680 00:34:21,960 --> 00:34:24,040 Speaker 1: I think that mindset needs to go. It should be 681 00:34:24,080 --> 00:34:26,480 Speaker 1: purely like you know, make the other person feel as 682 00:34:26,520 --> 00:34:29,359 Speaker 1: good as possible and it, and then once it's reciprocated, 683 00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:34,000 Speaker 1: it becomes epic set interesting. I like those points. Yeah, 684 00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:37,680 Speaker 1: Jojo wants to know what turns a guy on the most, 685 00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:40,160 Speaker 1: which is such a general question. So I guess we'll 686 00:34:40,200 --> 00:34:41,960 Speaker 1: just have to say what turns to you want the most? 687 00:34:43,120 --> 00:34:45,560 Speaker 1: You know, I can answer this one. I just had 688 00:34:45,600 --> 00:34:49,040 Speaker 1: this conversation. Actually, um, what you be on the most 689 00:34:49,160 --> 00:34:53,719 Speaker 1: is anticipation, And so I really like knowing kind of 690 00:34:53,760 --> 00:34:57,400 Speaker 1: like what's gonna happen or like talking about it or 691 00:34:57,480 --> 00:35:02,640 Speaker 1: planning for it or whatever. Like me, kind of knowing 692 00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:05,440 Speaker 1: something's gonna happened tonight or this weekend or whatever is 693 00:35:05,560 --> 00:35:07,560 Speaker 1: a huge turn on from me, and like by the 694 00:35:07,680 --> 00:35:12,080 Speaker 1: time it's there, it's it's like great, instead of things 695 00:35:12,600 --> 00:35:15,320 Speaker 1: that are more spontaneous. And this might be driven because 696 00:35:15,400 --> 00:35:18,759 Speaker 1: I have been so spontaneous, right My sex life has 697 00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:23,080 Speaker 1: basically been you know, kind of one night stands and 698 00:35:23,239 --> 00:35:26,680 Speaker 1: brand down girls. So I think that like talking to 699 00:35:26,760 --> 00:35:28,840 Speaker 1: somebody knowing it's coming and planning for it and getting 700 00:35:28,880 --> 00:35:31,600 Speaker 1: mentally like that really turns me on. So are you 701 00:35:31,680 --> 00:35:34,800 Speaker 1: talking about actually sex or just like the dating experience 702 00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:39,000 Speaker 1: in general? Sex? Like you said, like what turns you 703 00:35:39,040 --> 00:35:44,840 Speaker 1: on for sex, Yeah, exactly, like the build up and 704 00:35:44,960 --> 00:35:49,160 Speaker 1: then like even you know, I think just like going slow, 705 00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:50,839 Speaker 1: which is one of those things I think is lost 706 00:35:50,920 --> 00:35:54,080 Speaker 1: on most younger men, right and maybe younger women too, 707 00:35:54,239 --> 00:35:57,759 Speaker 1: But like there's you know, really starting slow. I doesn't 708 00:35:57,760 --> 00:36:00,320 Speaker 1: need to all be slow, but like everyone get everyone, 709 00:36:00,320 --> 00:36:02,600 Speaker 1: a lot of it will go too fast in general 710 00:36:02,920 --> 00:36:05,040 Speaker 1: with the whole experience, and so it's like slow the 711 00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:08,919 Speaker 1: funk down and it all becomes a much bigger turn on. Yeah, 712 00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:11,719 Speaker 1: the build up, right, Yeah, we we've talked about them 713 00:36:11,760 --> 00:36:15,320 Speaker 1: a lot um here about you know, for for me, 714 00:36:15,680 --> 00:36:18,400 Speaker 1: for play is where it's at, Um, how do we know? 715 00:36:19,160 --> 00:36:22,200 Speaker 1: But it's funny too because we've also talked about, like, 716 00:36:22,719 --> 00:36:25,560 Speaker 1: you know, the complications of being in a relationship where 717 00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:29,320 Speaker 1: two people are really busy and the need to schedule sex. 718 00:36:30,080 --> 00:36:32,400 Speaker 1: Is that something I mean, you're you're not in a 719 00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:35,879 Speaker 1: relationship right now, but like is that something that um, 720 00:36:36,640 --> 00:36:41,200 Speaker 1: you know, you could see yourself enjoying the fact that 721 00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:44,600 Speaker 1: sex is scheduled or does is that sort of a 722 00:36:44,680 --> 00:36:46,600 Speaker 1: turn off for you to think that, like, oh god, 723 00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:48,239 Speaker 1: life could get to a place where it's like it 724 00:36:48,320 --> 00:36:51,520 Speaker 1: has to be you know, that would that wouldn't. I 725 00:36:51,560 --> 00:36:53,080 Speaker 1: don't think that would feel great for me. I've never 726 00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:55,120 Speaker 1: been there, so I can't tell you if it was 727 00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:58,360 Speaker 1: scheduled as if it was like scheduling picking up laundry, 728 00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:00,680 Speaker 1: like when we got to do tonight, that wouldn't be 729 00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:04,800 Speaker 1: great for me. But planning for it is like for 730 00:37:04,880 --> 00:37:09,239 Speaker 1: the anticipation standpoint, I think is kind of a nuance there. Um, 731 00:37:10,360 --> 00:37:13,239 Speaker 1: But I think, yeah, like I understand people are busy 732 00:37:13,320 --> 00:37:16,560 Speaker 1: and I don't have that like nine to five lifestyle 733 00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:19,200 Speaker 1: and certainly not like very good kids. So I'm imagining 734 00:37:19,280 --> 00:37:22,920 Speaker 1: it would be very different. If scheduling is your biggest challenge. 735 00:37:22,960 --> 00:37:26,719 Speaker 1: I've never had that. I can't really speak that. Yeah, 736 00:37:27,160 --> 00:37:29,840 Speaker 1: I've said the scheduling could be a little bit like 737 00:37:29,960 --> 00:37:33,680 Speaker 1: what you're describing about the anticipation, because if you're like, hey, 738 00:37:34,040 --> 00:37:36,200 Speaker 1: this is what the day looks like, but like I 739 00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:38,960 Speaker 1: gotta have you, and then you like build up through 740 00:37:39,040 --> 00:37:41,480 Speaker 1: the day or you're like texting each other whatever it 741 00:37:41,719 --> 00:37:46,759 Speaker 1: is like, that can actually get pretty hot. Yeah for sure. Yeah, 742 00:37:47,040 --> 00:37:49,000 Speaker 1: more men, if it's scheduled in like an errand you 743 00:37:49,080 --> 00:37:52,800 Speaker 1: gotta do right, and it's probably not that that's what 744 00:37:52,880 --> 00:37:55,560 Speaker 1: ship always says he's like, if it's scheduled every Tuesday 745 00:37:55,600 --> 00:38:03,560 Speaker 1: at seven pm, Like, sorry, I'd rather be the words. Um, okay. 746 00:38:03,600 --> 00:38:06,520 Speaker 1: We have a couple of questions as far as guys 747 00:38:06,600 --> 00:38:09,800 Speaker 1: go with like communicating and ghosting. You know, ghosting is 748 00:38:09,880 --> 00:38:11,960 Speaker 1: such a big thing nowadays, which I just think is 749 00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:14,400 Speaker 1: such a ship move. Like can we all put on 750 00:38:14,480 --> 00:38:17,480 Speaker 1: our big girl panties and our big boy panties underwear 751 00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:20,680 Speaker 1: whatever you call them and talk to each other, you know, 752 00:38:21,040 --> 00:38:23,800 Speaker 1: just like say what you're feeling and if you're not 753 00:38:23,920 --> 00:38:25,919 Speaker 1: into it, just does not be into it. But yeah, 754 00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:29,040 Speaker 1: so Barbara said, I have a lot of questions about ghosting. 755 00:38:29,160 --> 00:38:31,920 Speaker 1: It seems like a common practice now Guys ghost and 756 00:38:31,960 --> 00:38:34,239 Speaker 1: think nothing of it. They just go from woman to 757 00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:37,480 Speaker 1: woman without second thought. Is this isn't this rude? Or 758 00:38:37,680 --> 00:38:40,040 Speaker 1: is are there just too many fish in the sea 759 00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:44,520 Speaker 1: to distract? I think, well, I think it's both. I 760 00:38:44,560 --> 00:38:48,200 Speaker 1: think it's rude, and it's probably a uh not actual 761 00:38:48,280 --> 00:38:50,560 Speaker 1: too many fish in the sea. It's probably the same 762 00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:52,200 Speaker 1: number of fish in the sea. We just have more 763 00:38:52,320 --> 00:38:54,840 Speaker 1: visibility into the sea, like like the water is clearer, 764 00:38:55,480 --> 00:38:57,520 Speaker 1: you know, and that's because of dating apps and whatever. 765 00:38:57,640 --> 00:39:00,680 Speaker 1: And it's like if you want to, you can probably 766 00:39:00,840 --> 00:39:04,439 Speaker 1: have access in some way two hundreds of single people 767 00:39:04,560 --> 00:39:07,040 Speaker 1: per day if you live in like a big city 768 00:39:07,120 --> 00:39:09,560 Speaker 1: or whatever, like here in New York. It's you know, 769 00:39:09,920 --> 00:39:11,719 Speaker 1: you could spend a few hours on some maps and 770 00:39:11,840 --> 00:39:13,480 Speaker 1: go to a bar and go to restaurant and you're 771 00:39:13,480 --> 00:39:17,000 Speaker 1: exposed to literally hundreds of single people. Now they're all 772 00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:19,040 Speaker 1: about who you desire. They're not all going to be 773 00:39:19,239 --> 00:39:22,879 Speaker 1: available to you. But like, I think it's the concept 774 00:39:23,080 --> 00:39:26,120 Speaker 1: of that that gets people. So you know, kind of 775 00:39:26,239 --> 00:39:28,960 Speaker 1: like you know, honey bee between flowers kind of thing, 776 00:39:29,080 --> 00:39:32,839 Speaker 1: because it's like, you know, I stop with this one, 777 00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:35,560 Speaker 1: what if the next one is better? Kind of attitude. 778 00:39:35,880 --> 00:39:37,759 Speaker 1: And that's probably where a lot of the ghosting comes from, 779 00:39:37,920 --> 00:39:40,880 Speaker 1: is because talking to women can be kind of that 780 00:39:41,080 --> 00:39:44,200 Speaker 1: dopamine hit, like a drug ken, right, So it's like 781 00:39:44,440 --> 00:39:47,640 Speaker 1: you that first time that a woman's like into you, 782 00:39:47,880 --> 00:39:49,640 Speaker 1: or the first time you have sex. So the first 783 00:39:49,640 --> 00:39:52,120 Speaker 1: for the first time, you like, you know you're gonna 784 00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:54,080 Speaker 1: have sex right when she shows up, you know, and 785 00:39:54,120 --> 00:39:57,800 Speaker 1: you're like, damn. That can be such an addictive feeling that, 786 00:39:58,120 --> 00:40:01,040 Speaker 1: you know, after you're after you're somebody for a few times, 787 00:40:01,080 --> 00:40:02,920 Speaker 1: you're like, no, I need the grist stuff again. I 788 00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:05,759 Speaker 1: need that like dope mean hit again and again in 789 00:40:06,360 --> 00:40:10,120 Speaker 1: I think in centuries or even decades, asked it wasn't 790 00:40:10,400 --> 00:40:13,359 Speaker 1: that easy to do, you know, to talk to a woman, 791 00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:14,920 Speaker 1: Like you have to put in a bunch of efforts 792 00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:17,719 Speaker 1: and like physically go somewhere and whatever. If you could 793 00:40:17,719 --> 00:40:20,239 Speaker 1: just open your phone while you're watching TV and like 794 00:40:20,440 --> 00:40:23,040 Speaker 1: get that dope mean hit. You see why people are 795 00:40:23,120 --> 00:40:26,879 Speaker 1: so you know it's hard to break that like any 796 00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:30,359 Speaker 1: dope meine hit and you get right. Do you feel 797 00:40:30,440 --> 00:40:32,759 Speaker 1: like if you are going out with a woman, I 798 00:40:32,800 --> 00:40:34,840 Speaker 1: mean you've mentioned that you've been kind of dating around, 799 00:40:34,880 --> 00:40:36,319 Speaker 1: so like if you go in a couple of days 800 00:40:36,360 --> 00:40:38,759 Speaker 1: with someone you just realize maybe it's not a good fit. 801 00:40:39,239 --> 00:40:41,200 Speaker 1: Do you have a conversation with them or do you 802 00:40:41,280 --> 00:40:47,480 Speaker 1: just kind of let it fizzle Out's assuming we've got 803 00:40:47,560 --> 00:40:51,680 Speaker 1: starting up along where we're talking and like we're consistently talking, 804 00:40:51,840 --> 00:40:55,080 Speaker 1: I would one hundred percent reach out, Like I don't 805 00:40:56,120 --> 00:40:58,800 Speaker 1: I would feel kind of like a douche if I 806 00:40:59,120 --> 00:41:01,239 Speaker 1: just said nothing. Actually, if it was someone who like 807 00:41:01,320 --> 00:41:02,960 Speaker 1: lives in your means, you're not gonna run into like 808 00:41:03,280 --> 00:41:05,360 Speaker 1: that's just not how I am. I have no problem 809 00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:07,520 Speaker 1: reaching out to a woman and saying, hey, look it 810 00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:09,879 Speaker 1: was it was an absolute pleasure. You know. I don't 811 00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:11,520 Speaker 1: think this is the right thing for me right now 812 00:41:11,640 --> 00:41:13,839 Speaker 1: like I would have I have no I can't even 813 00:41:13,840 --> 00:41:15,800 Speaker 1: say it wouldn't. I don't have a problem doing that, 814 00:41:16,120 --> 00:41:18,400 Speaker 1: and I have. I have sept that that text or 815 00:41:18,440 --> 00:41:21,480 Speaker 1: made that phone call a number of times. Um, I 816 00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:23,440 Speaker 1: think it requires a certain point. If I go off 817 00:41:23,440 --> 00:41:25,680 Speaker 1: for drinks with the girl once, I might not send 818 00:41:25,719 --> 00:41:27,759 Speaker 1: with the whole breakup text, you know what I mean. Yes, 819 00:41:27,880 --> 00:41:31,399 Speaker 1: I do think after a certain point. I think after 820 00:41:31,440 --> 00:41:35,759 Speaker 1: a certain point it's just respectful, you know. And but listen, 821 00:41:35,800 --> 00:41:37,800 Speaker 1: it happens in both ways. I'd like the girl a 822 00:41:37,840 --> 00:41:40,239 Speaker 1: couple of times and just like poof disappears and you'll 823 00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:42,840 Speaker 1: see here on social media or whatever with like somebody 824 00:41:42,920 --> 00:41:44,960 Speaker 1: else and you're like damn Like so it definitely don't 825 00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:47,239 Speaker 1: go both ways. I think men are worse at it, 826 00:41:47,320 --> 00:41:50,000 Speaker 1: probably because they're more drawn to that. Do Yeah, I 827 00:41:50,080 --> 00:41:52,560 Speaker 1: think that's a really good point. Nicole asked a pretty 828 00:41:52,640 --> 00:41:54,920 Speaker 1: specific question, and I actually want your take on it 829 00:41:54,960 --> 00:41:57,080 Speaker 1: because I have my own and we can get into 830 00:41:57,120 --> 00:41:59,399 Speaker 1: that in a second, But Nicole says, I've been seeing 831 00:41:59,440 --> 00:42:02,759 Speaker 1: a guy for two months, been in daily communication. He 832 00:42:02,920 --> 00:42:05,560 Speaker 1: goes on a boys trip for his birthday and goes 833 00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:08,680 Speaker 1: m I a like, doesn't even respond to my text 834 00:42:08,800 --> 00:42:11,880 Speaker 1: asking how it's going. Is he intentionally not making me 835 00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:16,640 Speaker 1: a priority yet or unintentionally being a dumb boy? John? 836 00:42:16,680 --> 00:42:20,840 Speaker 1: What do you think so my my guests would be 837 00:42:20,920 --> 00:42:25,840 Speaker 1: if intentional? It is very hard to unintentionally ignore somebody 838 00:42:27,440 --> 00:42:30,120 Speaker 1: in our day and age. Right Like you, you're looking 839 00:42:30,120 --> 00:42:32,880 Speaker 1: at your phone for ender time to day. You know 840 00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:37,640 Speaker 1: the person exists, and so it might be subconsciously intentional, 841 00:42:37,800 --> 00:42:42,400 Speaker 1: but it's still intentional. Um. You know, I've I've often 842 00:42:42,680 --> 00:42:47,160 Speaker 1: used the too busy card to get out of relationships 843 00:42:47,280 --> 00:42:50,799 Speaker 1: or to get potential relationships because it's easier to say, like, oh, 844 00:42:50,800 --> 00:42:53,720 Speaker 1: I'm sorry I forgot to call you back. That's not true. 845 00:42:54,120 --> 00:42:56,920 Speaker 1: It's not a human being on the planet that is 846 00:42:56,960 --> 00:42:59,120 Speaker 1: so busy they can't call or check somebody back. That 847 00:42:59,280 --> 00:43:01,880 Speaker 1: is not how the world works, right, But some of 848 00:43:01,960 --> 00:43:04,200 Speaker 1: the literal most busy people in the world have very 849 00:43:04,239 --> 00:43:07,399 Speaker 1: speciful relationships and if they weren't calling their spouse back 850 00:43:07,560 --> 00:43:10,239 Speaker 1: or texting back, they wouldn't have to sef relationships and 851 00:43:10,360 --> 00:43:13,600 Speaker 1: so buzziness and whatever in a boy's trip. You know, 852 00:43:13,760 --> 00:43:16,160 Speaker 1: it was probably super intentional. It was probably wanted to 853 00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:19,040 Speaker 1: blow off steam or want to be more available, or 854 00:43:19,160 --> 00:43:22,880 Speaker 1: making make himself feel better about being available. If he 855 00:43:22,920 --> 00:43:24,920 Speaker 1: went there and wanted to sleep with girls. It's like, 856 00:43:25,000 --> 00:43:28,120 Speaker 1: if I ignore that conversation, I feel better about what 857 00:43:28,200 --> 00:43:30,959 Speaker 1: I'm doing. So he certainly could be that. Like, listen, 858 00:43:31,040 --> 00:43:32,880 Speaker 1: I've used that too. I've been like, oh sorry, I was. 859 00:43:33,000 --> 00:43:35,560 Speaker 1: I've been just with my boys at weekend. I've been offline, 860 00:43:35,600 --> 00:43:39,000 Speaker 1: I've been bullshit. It's all intentional and somewhere. That was 861 00:43:39,080 --> 00:43:41,320 Speaker 1: my first reaction to. I was like, I hate to 862 00:43:41,400 --> 00:43:43,839 Speaker 1: feel this way from a coal, but like, the thing 863 00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:46,680 Speaker 1: I've learned about guys is like if guy, if a 864 00:43:46,719 --> 00:43:49,000 Speaker 1: guy wants to talk to you, he fucking talks to you. 865 00:43:49,239 --> 00:43:52,399 Speaker 1: Like it's just not that complicated. Everyone, like you said, 866 00:43:52,520 --> 00:43:56,200 Speaker 1: has the time, and we're also connected to our phones 867 00:43:56,400 --> 00:43:58,560 Speaker 1: at all times, Like I don't care who you are, 868 00:43:58,920 --> 00:44:01,360 Speaker 1: you can send a fucking XT. Like it's just not 869 00:44:01,520 --> 00:44:07,239 Speaker 1: that hard. Yeah, so I kind of here. Yeah, it's 870 00:44:07,400 --> 00:44:12,040 Speaker 1: it's never been easier to communicate, right, I got a 871 00:44:12,120 --> 00:44:15,200 Speaker 1: vibe like he's on a boy's trip, and probably in 872 00:44:15,360 --> 00:44:17,920 Speaker 1: my head, of course I always go super dark, but 873 00:44:18,080 --> 00:44:21,640 Speaker 1: like I would just I just feel like he's probably 874 00:44:21,680 --> 00:44:23,879 Speaker 1: like fucking around or there's a bunch of girls around 875 00:44:23,920 --> 00:44:25,799 Speaker 1: and he doesn't want to feel guilty, and so if 876 00:44:25,840 --> 00:44:29,040 Speaker 1: he doesn't communicate with her, then he doesn't have that 877 00:44:29,200 --> 00:44:33,440 Speaker 1: contact to like feel like he's sucking up. That's exactly it. 878 00:44:33,560 --> 00:44:35,640 Speaker 1: And it's out of sight, out of mind kind of thing. Yeah, 879 00:44:36,040 --> 00:44:39,279 Speaker 1: and yeah, like you know again, I'm not one under 880 00:44:39,400 --> 00:44:42,040 Speaker 1: two the girl. I wouldn't start now, but I certainly 881 00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:44,400 Speaker 1: have been like talking to a girl rock then like 882 00:44:44,560 --> 00:44:46,719 Speaker 1: you know, ends up on a quote unquote boys trip. 883 00:44:47,040 --> 00:44:49,719 Speaker 1: And if I'm going silent, it's because I'm doing something right. 884 00:44:50,280 --> 00:44:53,360 Speaker 1: That's just how it's going, right. Yeah, silence has never 885 00:44:53,440 --> 00:44:58,880 Speaker 1: been good in my experience, Nicole. But um, yeah, sorry Nicole. Uh, 886 00:44:59,280 --> 00:45:01,600 Speaker 1: let's talk about your dating life now. So I've actually 887 00:45:01,640 --> 00:45:04,840 Speaker 1: heard New York is like vicious when it comes to dating, 888 00:45:04,960 --> 00:45:07,719 Speaker 1: Like there's just people just like date a lot. Is 889 00:45:07,760 --> 00:45:12,719 Speaker 1: that true? You know I've heard that too. I've been 890 00:45:12,800 --> 00:45:17,480 Speaker 1: here a year now. Um, I don't feel it that way. 891 00:45:17,560 --> 00:45:20,359 Speaker 1: I really don't. I would say the majority of people 892 00:45:20,400 --> 00:45:22,839 Speaker 1: have the majority of news friends I've made in New 893 00:45:22,920 --> 00:45:27,120 Speaker 1: Yorker in relationships and in consistent relationships, and so I've 894 00:45:27,160 --> 00:45:30,080 Speaker 1: actually met more people who are who are with somebody 895 00:45:30,120 --> 00:45:34,959 Speaker 1: than not with somebody. And I've dated handful of women 896 00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:38,960 Speaker 1: I met here, um only only one so far that's 897 00:45:39,040 --> 00:45:42,880 Speaker 1: been you know, kind of official or whatever. And and 898 00:45:43,040 --> 00:45:47,840 Speaker 1: honestly it's all been like compared to other places. So 899 00:45:47,960 --> 00:45:51,239 Speaker 1: let let's use like Los Angeles as another example to 900 00:45:51,280 --> 00:45:54,960 Speaker 1: go kind of east and West coast. There's nowhere in 901 00:45:55,080 --> 00:45:57,320 Speaker 1: my life I've been that's been worse for dating in 902 00:45:57,440 --> 00:46:00,360 Speaker 1: Los Angeles. You want to talk about flipping, injured, matic 903 00:46:00,640 --> 00:46:04,640 Speaker 1: and flaky, all those things, that is every female I 904 00:46:04,760 --> 00:46:07,719 Speaker 1: mess in Los Angeles. It was unbelievably bad to date, 905 00:46:08,040 --> 00:46:10,360 Speaker 1: one of the prior reasons I left New York. For 906 00:46:10,520 --> 00:46:12,839 Speaker 1: me has been quite the opposite, And New York has 907 00:46:12,920 --> 00:46:16,759 Speaker 1: been really great women and like and yeah, it's it's 908 00:46:16,800 --> 00:46:18,800 Speaker 1: no bullshit. So maybe it's a bit more like fierce 909 00:46:18,880 --> 00:46:21,400 Speaker 1: insofar as that like if a person is not stealing it, 910 00:46:21,440 --> 00:46:25,520 Speaker 1: they're gonna tell you or it's like you know where, Yeah, 911 00:46:26,320 --> 00:46:28,879 Speaker 1: but it's but to me, that's fine like I don't. 912 00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:32,120 Speaker 1: I'd prefer that over like games and bullshit at least 913 00:46:32,360 --> 00:46:35,920 Speaker 1: wasting time. That's what I'm saying, Like, if you, if 914 00:46:35,960 --> 00:46:37,360 Speaker 1: you're going to date with somebody in one of you 915 00:46:37,440 --> 00:46:39,400 Speaker 1: wasn't feeling it like I don't want to go on 916 00:46:39,440 --> 00:46:42,920 Speaker 1: a second date, nor should get a person. So, um yeah, 917 00:46:42,960 --> 00:46:46,040 Speaker 1: New Yorkers might be a little more like direct, I guess, 918 00:46:46,440 --> 00:46:50,120 Speaker 1: but to me that's probably better. But but overall, in 919 00:46:50,239 --> 00:46:53,480 Speaker 1: terms of like maturity, this is the best dating scene 920 00:46:53,520 --> 00:46:55,840 Speaker 1: I've been in that that people are adults, they know 921 00:46:55,920 --> 00:46:58,239 Speaker 1: what they're looking for, you're not afraid to tell you. 922 00:46:58,560 --> 00:47:01,480 Speaker 1: They're also not afraid to date. Like there's no there's 923 00:47:01,520 --> 00:47:03,960 Speaker 1: not like all those games. There's nothing that's worse to 924 00:47:04,080 --> 00:47:06,680 Speaker 1: me than games. And to me, I don't get that here. 925 00:47:07,320 --> 00:47:10,640 Speaker 1: Um so yeah, So so you know, I found it 926 00:47:10,680 --> 00:47:13,000 Speaker 1: to be pretty good. My Deadn't life has been you 927 00:47:13,080 --> 00:47:14,960 Speaker 1: know good. I've been making a new network in New 928 00:47:15,040 --> 00:47:18,400 Speaker 1: York and being some great people. Um met somebody recently 929 00:47:18,400 --> 00:47:21,040 Speaker 1: I'm really excited about who is kind of not my 930 00:47:21,280 --> 00:47:25,759 Speaker 1: normal Um I don't know my normal profile and it's 931 00:47:25,800 --> 00:47:29,399 Speaker 1: been really exciting and so you know, but but I'm 932 00:47:29,560 --> 00:47:31,840 Speaker 1: I'm in that mindset where I've done that work. I 933 00:47:32,000 --> 00:47:34,360 Speaker 1: kind of crossed that chasm. You know, I used to 934 00:47:35,239 --> 00:47:38,640 Speaker 1: live a life that that you know, I don't. I 935 00:47:38,640 --> 00:47:40,400 Speaker 1: wouldn't want to take that I had. We did a 936 00:47:40,440 --> 00:47:41,640 Speaker 1: lot of things, had a lot of fun. I had 937 00:47:41,640 --> 00:47:44,440 Speaker 1: a lot of experiences, learned a lot, saw a lot, 938 00:47:44,520 --> 00:47:46,800 Speaker 1: did a lot, tried a lot, and it was awesome. 939 00:47:47,080 --> 00:47:49,600 Speaker 1: But I've worked very hard on myself in the last 940 00:47:49,640 --> 00:47:51,640 Speaker 1: twelve or eighteen months to move by from that and 941 00:47:51,760 --> 00:47:55,239 Speaker 1: not trave that chaos and that you know, that uncertainty 942 00:47:55,320 --> 00:47:58,600 Speaker 1: and whatever. And I'm definitely there. I don't chase anymore, 943 00:47:58,760 --> 00:48:01,200 Speaker 1: I don't think about it anymore. Aren't um and so 944 00:48:01,560 --> 00:48:03,360 Speaker 1: you know, so it makes a lot easier for me 945 00:48:03,440 --> 00:48:06,239 Speaker 1: to date. I can see things through different lens. It's 946 00:48:06,239 --> 00:48:08,880 Speaker 1: not about sleeping with everyone I see. It's it's a 947 00:48:09,000 --> 00:48:11,719 Speaker 1: much different perspective, and it's it's been great. Actually. So 948 00:48:12,320 --> 00:48:16,719 Speaker 1: do you feel like you're completely ready to settle down? Yeah? 949 00:48:16,960 --> 00:48:19,920 Speaker 1: I am. Yeah, it's gonna take the right person. And 950 00:48:20,040 --> 00:48:22,839 Speaker 1: I think the the settled part of settled down isn't 951 00:48:22,840 --> 00:48:24,600 Speaker 1: what I would do right, So it's not gonna be 952 00:48:25,000 --> 00:48:27,359 Speaker 1: the first person that I think is interesting. It's got 953 00:48:27,440 --> 00:48:29,959 Speaker 1: to be expery specific and I do know what I want, 954 00:48:30,080 --> 00:48:33,960 Speaker 1: but yes, when that person is available, um, and the 955 00:48:34,080 --> 00:48:36,680 Speaker 1: timing is right, and I'm I'm done. All I want 956 00:48:36,800 --> 00:48:39,160 Speaker 1: is like kids and house and the dogs. So so 957 00:48:39,360 --> 00:48:43,919 Speaker 1: you're thirty six, is that right? Okay? So what kind 958 00:48:43,960 --> 00:48:49,520 Speaker 1: of age range are you dating in right now? So? 959 00:48:50,040 --> 00:48:53,920 Speaker 1: I would say for me, probably like twenty eight to 960 00:48:54,120 --> 00:48:58,120 Speaker 1: thirty four. That's been kind of my range, I would say. 961 00:48:58,719 --> 00:49:00,879 Speaker 1: And and some of that is just I think from 962 00:49:00,960 --> 00:49:04,960 Speaker 1: a position and life standpoint, you know, I like, I 963 00:49:05,040 --> 00:49:08,320 Speaker 1: think women mature faster than men, but I think women 964 00:49:08,440 --> 00:49:11,839 Speaker 1: that are, you know, before they're like nine, we're still 965 00:49:11,920 --> 00:49:14,480 Speaker 1: kind of kids. I think for men it's like it's 966 00:49:14,520 --> 00:49:18,960 Speaker 1: like thirty four until until they're adults. Um. And so 967 00:49:19,080 --> 00:49:20,600 Speaker 1: I think that that's kind of drive some of it, 968 00:49:20,800 --> 00:49:23,239 Speaker 1: but some of its altso practicality is like I kind 969 00:49:23,280 --> 00:49:27,080 Speaker 1: of know what timeline that ideally be on the family 970 00:49:27,160 --> 00:49:30,160 Speaker 1: and stuff, and so you know, it's not if I 971 00:49:30,239 --> 00:49:32,759 Speaker 1: met somebody who was twenty seven or thirty five, it 972 00:49:32,840 --> 00:49:34,279 Speaker 1: would be like we're not going to go on a date. 973 00:49:34,760 --> 00:49:37,200 Speaker 1: It's more that's just kind of where it's trended. That's 974 00:49:37,200 --> 00:49:39,920 Speaker 1: not the biggest. I don't really think about it that much. 975 00:49:40,239 --> 00:49:41,959 Speaker 1: It's just kind of how it lines up with your life. 976 00:49:44,200 --> 00:49:46,279 Speaker 1: It's kind of just how it lines up with your life. 977 00:49:46,280 --> 00:49:48,719 Speaker 1: They're right, like I've I've had guy friends who are 978 00:49:48,800 --> 00:49:51,800 Speaker 1: my age, but they're dating women much younger than me 979 00:49:52,040 --> 00:49:54,239 Speaker 1: because of I mean, honestly what you're saying. And like 980 00:49:54,360 --> 00:49:57,239 Speaker 1: my boyfriend is nine years older than me. So I 981 00:49:57,360 --> 00:50:00,880 Speaker 1: do think it's what it's true about, like just the 982 00:50:00,960 --> 00:50:03,680 Speaker 1: maturity levels, maybe what you're looking for at the different 983 00:50:03,719 --> 00:50:06,640 Speaker 1: times in your life and all of those things. Yeah, 984 00:50:06,640 --> 00:50:09,399 Speaker 1: I mean, the majority of men that I know are 985 00:50:09,640 --> 00:50:12,239 Speaker 1: fucking idiots until about age thirty three thirty four and 986 00:50:12,280 --> 00:50:15,960 Speaker 1: they start to become a subious and so and listen, 987 00:50:16,080 --> 00:50:18,839 Speaker 1: I was as well. I fit firmly in that demographic. 988 00:50:18,880 --> 00:50:20,719 Speaker 1: And so, you know, it's a couple of years ago, 989 00:50:20,760 --> 00:50:23,080 Speaker 1: my mindset was different. I chase different things. There is 990 00:50:23,200 --> 00:50:27,280 Speaker 1: something exciting about it. Yeah, exactly know why it's so exciting. 991 00:50:27,560 --> 00:50:30,000 Speaker 1: But it can be, at least you tell yourself it 992 00:50:30,080 --> 00:50:31,680 Speaker 1: is until you realize that, like you can't have a 993 00:50:31,680 --> 00:50:34,320 Speaker 1: conversation with him, but like in the in the moment 994 00:50:34,480 --> 00:50:37,200 Speaker 1: or in the chase, it can be quite exciting. And listen, 995 00:50:37,239 --> 00:50:39,719 Speaker 1: I did that too, I am, I will admit to 996 00:50:39,840 --> 00:50:42,160 Speaker 1: that one. Um. But I think that, like you know, 997 00:50:42,280 --> 00:50:46,360 Speaker 1: in the last year or two years, I've evolved and 998 00:50:47,440 --> 00:50:50,320 Speaker 1: and just my my my drivers are different, my my needs, 999 00:50:50,440 --> 00:50:52,880 Speaker 1: my goals are different. Yeah, And don't you think the 1000 00:50:53,000 --> 00:50:55,440 Speaker 1: younger women thing being exciting. It's like, I mean, it's 1001 00:50:55,920 --> 00:50:59,520 Speaker 1: especially if you're talking about partying days like I mean, 1002 00:50:59,760 --> 00:51:01,600 Speaker 1: when I was in my young twenties, I mean, that's 1003 00:51:01,600 --> 00:51:03,200 Speaker 1: all I wanted to do and I didn't care about 1004 00:51:03,320 --> 00:51:06,920 Speaker 1: being serious or anything like that. So again it's like 1005 00:51:07,080 --> 00:51:11,800 Speaker 1: life lines up the same in that capacity. And listen, like, 1006 00:51:11,960 --> 00:51:14,520 Speaker 1: no matter no matter what age you are, there's somebody 1007 00:51:14,600 --> 00:51:16,960 Speaker 1: there who's on the same page as you. And so 1008 00:51:17,200 --> 00:51:19,439 Speaker 1: like when I was, you know, thirty three or something, 1009 00:51:19,560 --> 00:51:21,719 Speaker 1: living in like Greece, you know, the biggest party island 1010 00:51:21,760 --> 00:51:24,320 Speaker 1: in the fucking planet on the beach club. It's like, 1011 00:51:24,640 --> 00:51:26,320 Speaker 1: trust me, there was a lot of access. And so 1012 00:51:26,960 --> 00:51:28,960 Speaker 1: the thing is is like if you're there in your 1013 00:51:29,000 --> 00:51:31,879 Speaker 1: mindset is like two to three days of fun per 1014 00:51:32,239 --> 00:51:33,920 Speaker 1: awesome girl you meet and you're gonna kill him a 1015 00:51:33,960 --> 00:51:36,080 Speaker 1: great time and like party and then they're gonna go 1016 00:51:36,120 --> 00:51:38,480 Speaker 1: swoop into me. There there are plenty of women with 1017 00:51:38,600 --> 00:51:41,920 Speaker 1: that exact same mindset. But the moment, the moment that 1018 00:51:42,000 --> 00:51:45,000 Speaker 1: you're like, okay, I'm good with that, you know, like 1019 00:51:45,160 --> 00:51:47,840 Speaker 1: I've done that, been there, and I'm now ready to 1020 00:51:48,239 --> 00:51:51,239 Speaker 1: move on, there are now women, you know that are 1021 00:51:51,440 --> 00:51:53,560 Speaker 1: of the right age, of the right mindset. So I 1022 00:51:53,680 --> 00:51:55,879 Speaker 1: think it's just you have to shift what you want. 1023 00:51:55,920 --> 00:51:58,880 Speaker 1: It's not really that there's that that it's a limit 1024 00:51:58,960 --> 00:52:02,000 Speaker 1: on kind of supply. It's more like your own mindset. Yeah, 1025 00:52:02,200 --> 00:52:04,799 Speaker 1: I think that makes total sense. We actually right now, 1026 00:52:04,960 --> 00:52:06,600 Speaker 1: like if I were into a twenty one year old 1027 00:52:06,600 --> 00:52:10,040 Speaker 1: at the bar, I couldn't be less interested in, right, 1028 00:52:11,280 --> 00:52:14,120 Speaker 1: because like, what do you have in common? Honestly? Like 1029 00:52:14,920 --> 00:52:17,400 Speaker 1: maybe she's hot to you, you know, like that. I've 1030 00:52:17,440 --> 00:52:20,359 Speaker 1: always just when I see guys dating, I just said, Mom, 1031 00:52:20,400 --> 00:52:21,920 Speaker 1: Woven's nine years older than me, so I don't know 1032 00:52:21,960 --> 00:52:24,319 Speaker 1: what this speeds. But when I see you guys dating 1033 00:52:24,400 --> 00:52:26,560 Speaker 1: like much younger, I'm just like, what the funk do 1034 00:52:26,640 --> 00:52:30,400 Speaker 1: y'all talk about? Though? Like for and that's why you 1035 00:52:30,760 --> 00:52:33,680 Speaker 1: work out and and it and it usually forrest farms 1036 00:52:33,880 --> 00:52:35,879 Speaker 1: like you know, the girls wasn't if you're if you're 1037 00:52:36,000 --> 00:52:38,720 Speaker 1: funny one year old and econos, you're probably a model. 1038 00:52:39,040 --> 00:52:48,280 Speaker 1: You're yeah. Um, And so she's not she's not funny 1039 00:52:48,320 --> 00:52:51,520 Speaker 1: one no um. And so you know, usually it's it's 1040 00:52:51,600 --> 00:52:54,320 Speaker 1: that right. It's like they're they're super hot and they're exciting, 1041 00:52:54,360 --> 00:52:56,440 Speaker 1: and they're like a little party girls. Any be fun 1042 00:52:56,520 --> 00:52:58,120 Speaker 1: for a moment, Like yeah, if you start dating one 1043 00:52:58,120 --> 00:52:59,800 Speaker 1: of them, it's never gonna go anywhere, which is she 1044 00:52:59,880 --> 00:53:03,800 Speaker 1: never does. Um. And the thing is is that my 1045 00:53:03,880 --> 00:53:08,719 Speaker 1: experience sex that's better with with age with women, there 1046 00:53:08,880 --> 00:53:11,359 Speaker 1: is there is no worst sex than a super young girl. 1047 00:53:12,320 --> 00:53:14,879 Speaker 1: Like it's twenty one, Like you wanna talk about bad sex? 1048 00:53:15,400 --> 00:53:17,439 Speaker 1: I mean, like I know that's kind of the topic 1049 00:53:17,520 --> 00:53:19,360 Speaker 1: of this podcast will hit that, but like it is, 1050 00:53:19,640 --> 00:53:22,319 Speaker 1: it's never been good. It should be excited? Why tell 1051 00:53:22,440 --> 00:53:24,000 Speaker 1: us more? Like what do you mean? Because they just 1052 00:53:24,040 --> 00:53:27,520 Speaker 1: don't know what they're doing, right, Yeah, absolute lack experience, 1053 00:53:27,600 --> 00:53:31,440 Speaker 1: but also just like just you know, usually they're like 1054 00:53:31,920 --> 00:53:34,600 Speaker 1: they're kind of new to the whole thing, including like partying, 1055 00:53:34,680 --> 00:53:37,000 Speaker 1: so they're usually just like out of their minds drinking 1056 00:53:37,040 --> 00:53:39,800 Speaker 1: too much like in that party world. So like, you know, 1057 00:53:39,920 --> 00:53:42,359 Speaker 1: it's never good and and a lot of times it's 1058 00:53:42,360 --> 00:53:46,640 Speaker 1: even a correlation with the hottest girls. Like literally I've 1059 00:53:47,000 --> 00:53:49,839 Speaker 1: you know, and this is like maybe absolute douche bag 1060 00:53:49,880 --> 00:53:52,000 Speaker 1: to say, but I'll say it anyway because just kind 1061 00:53:52,000 --> 00:53:54,440 Speaker 1: of an opening conversation is like I've been with some 1062 00:53:54,600 --> 00:53:59,000 Speaker 1: extremely beautiful women. It's like big models and actresses and 1063 00:53:59,320 --> 00:54:03,480 Speaker 1: women that anybody can objectively say are about as beautiful 1064 00:54:03,480 --> 00:54:08,200 Speaker 1: as they get, and generally they are far worse than 1065 00:54:08,280 --> 00:54:11,040 Speaker 1: someone that's not quite as attractive. I've actually heard that 1066 00:54:11,160 --> 00:54:13,560 Speaker 1: before too from other guys, and it's they say it's 1067 00:54:13,600 --> 00:54:16,320 Speaker 1: because they don't know, they never have to work for anything, 1068 00:54:16,680 --> 00:54:19,120 Speaker 1: Like it's usually like the guys are chasing them. It's 1069 00:54:19,160 --> 00:54:21,120 Speaker 1: just like they don't you know. Like there's a lot 1070 00:54:21,239 --> 00:54:25,239 Speaker 1: of I hate to like put models into this little 1071 00:54:25,320 --> 00:54:27,800 Speaker 1: blanket statement, but like that's where I've heard about it 1072 00:54:27,840 --> 00:54:29,880 Speaker 1: a lot. It's just they're so used to guys chasing 1073 00:54:29,920 --> 00:54:32,400 Speaker 1: them they can't even have a conversation like a flirty 1074 00:54:32,920 --> 00:54:34,919 Speaker 1: dynamic that you know, where you could have the feel 1075 00:54:34,920 --> 00:54:37,160 Speaker 1: of the chemistry and all of that stuff, just because 1076 00:54:37,239 --> 00:54:40,319 Speaker 1: that's not been the way that their life has worked well. 1077 00:54:40,520 --> 00:54:43,720 Speaker 1: And this is this is probably this isn't the nicest 1078 00:54:43,760 --> 00:54:45,600 Speaker 1: thing to say, but it's I have a lot of 1079 00:54:45,640 --> 00:54:47,960 Speaker 1: friends who are models, and this is something that's very 1080 00:54:48,000 --> 00:54:51,759 Speaker 1: consistent in that world, is that guys, guys want to 1081 00:54:51,960 --> 00:54:54,640 Speaker 1: fuck models, right, that's what they're trying to do. So 1082 00:54:54,880 --> 00:54:57,880 Speaker 1: it is a kind of a one way transaction, like 1083 00:54:58,040 --> 00:55:00,360 Speaker 1: it is for the guys benefit to have fun to 1084 00:55:00,440 --> 00:55:03,279 Speaker 1: the model. And it's not like sex. It's not like 1085 00:55:03,960 --> 00:55:07,120 Speaker 1: people trying to you know, to have fun and and 1086 00:55:07,239 --> 00:55:09,400 Speaker 1: make each other feel X, Y and z. It's like 1087 00:55:09,600 --> 00:55:12,200 Speaker 1: the guy trying to do this, and it's a lot 1088 00:55:12,239 --> 00:55:15,600 Speaker 1: of adgo and whatever. So um, that's what you hear 1089 00:55:15,640 --> 00:55:19,160 Speaker 1: a lot. It's like they've never and liken't as exposed 1090 00:55:19,200 --> 00:55:21,520 Speaker 1: to like two people really enjoying themselves for a few 1091 00:55:21,560 --> 00:55:23,319 Speaker 1: hours in bed. It's like, no, I've been I got 1092 00:55:23,360 --> 00:55:26,880 Speaker 1: strucked by a guy. That is not a nice thing. 1093 00:55:27,360 --> 00:55:29,759 Speaker 1: But that's a lot of the way that goes. And 1094 00:55:29,920 --> 00:55:32,920 Speaker 1: also they probably you know, have been in relationships at 1095 00:55:32,920 --> 00:55:34,680 Speaker 1: a far younger age. A lot of the models I know, 1096 00:55:34,880 --> 00:55:37,440 Speaker 1: like you know, started dating and partying with way too 1097 00:55:37,480 --> 00:55:39,200 Speaker 1: early because they were a bit prettier and like look 1098 00:55:39,280 --> 00:55:42,560 Speaker 1: more mature than others, and so they're probably used to 1099 00:55:42,640 --> 00:55:45,919 Speaker 1: like older guys that you know instead of like their peers. 1100 00:55:45,960 --> 00:55:47,440 Speaker 1: You know, when we were all screwing around is like 1101 00:55:47,520 --> 00:55:50,920 Speaker 1: college kids with each other. They were probably dating five 1102 00:55:51,000 --> 00:55:54,400 Speaker 1: year old and so they probably never went through those phases. 1103 00:55:54,520 --> 00:55:58,240 Speaker 1: And so there's there's definitely a correlation between like extremely 1104 00:55:58,360 --> 00:56:01,399 Speaker 1: pretty women and like incredible lack of experience or even 1105 00:56:01,880 --> 00:56:05,320 Speaker 1: interest in sexts. It's so fascinating to me. I always say, like, 1106 00:56:05,400 --> 00:56:07,719 Speaker 1: the greatest gift that the universe gave me was being 1107 00:56:07,840 --> 00:56:10,480 Speaker 1: super ugly and junior high, because it like made me 1108 00:56:10,600 --> 00:56:13,279 Speaker 1: develop a personality and you just have to work for 1109 00:56:13,400 --> 00:56:18,719 Speaker 1: things a little bit more, you know. Listen, I tell you, like, 1110 00:56:19,080 --> 00:56:22,400 Speaker 1: if I think being that pretty, we're talking like as 1111 00:56:22,440 --> 00:56:24,960 Speaker 1: pretty as a gift, is as a massive purse. Yeah, 1112 00:56:25,120 --> 00:56:28,080 Speaker 1: I actually feel bad for for any woman that is 1113 00:56:28,440 --> 00:56:30,920 Speaker 1: like out that level, especially if they get there too young. 1114 00:56:31,840 --> 00:56:34,919 Speaker 1: The biggest curses in our society today. Yeah, I would 1115 00:56:34,960 --> 00:56:37,960 Speaker 1: agree with that. So as a person who is you know, 1116 00:56:38,000 --> 00:56:39,960 Speaker 1: you've had a lot of success business wise, I mean 1117 00:56:39,960 --> 00:56:44,439 Speaker 1: you're obviously very independent. Are you also attracted to people 1118 00:56:44,480 --> 00:56:46,440 Speaker 1: who have their own ship going on? Or is that 1119 00:56:46,760 --> 00:56:49,759 Speaker 1: like intimidating to you? What? What would you say you're 1120 00:56:49,800 --> 00:56:55,839 Speaker 1: looking for in a woman. Um, it's interesting. I've gone through, 1121 00:56:55,880 --> 00:56:58,600 Speaker 1: I think, multiple iterations of this, and there was a 1122 00:56:58,719 --> 00:57:01,920 Speaker 1: period where I saw myself it's one half of a 1123 00:57:02,000 --> 00:57:05,480 Speaker 1: power couple. I thought a lot about like the other 1124 00:57:05,520 --> 00:57:07,920 Speaker 1: relationships out seeing where both people are like crushing it 1125 00:57:08,360 --> 00:57:10,920 Speaker 1: and they're really like taking on the world together equally. 1126 00:57:11,040 --> 00:57:13,279 Speaker 1: Were like, you know, you could have like one high 1127 00:57:13,320 --> 00:57:16,800 Speaker 1: powered you know, one's the CEO and one's a big 1128 00:57:16,920 --> 00:57:19,040 Speaker 1: real estate agent and they're out there like crushing life. 1129 00:57:19,520 --> 00:57:22,680 Speaker 1: I actually saw myself in that dynamic for a long time, 1130 00:57:23,000 --> 00:57:26,280 Speaker 1: and so I was actually somewhat drawn the women, not 1131 00:57:26,720 --> 00:57:29,240 Speaker 1: not turned off, but be quite the opposite, drawn the 1132 00:57:29,320 --> 00:57:31,920 Speaker 1: women that were very high powered or that had a 1133 00:57:31,960 --> 00:57:35,880 Speaker 1: lot going on or whatever. And I dained a couple 1134 00:57:35,880 --> 00:57:39,080 Speaker 1: of women like that, and it was not nearly as 1135 00:57:39,160 --> 00:57:41,520 Speaker 1: much as I thought it was gonna be. Um, it can. 1136 00:57:41,640 --> 00:57:45,000 Speaker 1: It can be very challenging because I know who I am, 1137 00:57:45,080 --> 00:57:48,360 Speaker 1: and even though life is slower today than it has 1138 00:57:48,400 --> 00:57:50,800 Speaker 1: been in the past, my life still not slow and 1139 00:57:51,160 --> 00:57:54,000 Speaker 1: I will always be involved in a million projects and 1140 00:57:54,200 --> 00:57:57,880 Speaker 1: hustling and traveling and doing stuff. And I've realized, in 1141 00:57:58,120 --> 00:58:00,680 Speaker 1: kind of shifting my my focus and when I'm what 1142 00:58:00,800 --> 00:58:04,240 Speaker 1: I realized I'm looking for is somebody who you know 1143 00:58:04,480 --> 00:58:07,320 Speaker 1: is obviously you know, smart and ambitious whatever, but it 1144 00:58:07,560 --> 00:58:11,040 Speaker 1: doesn't really have that like type a drive because if 1145 00:58:11,120 --> 00:58:14,160 Speaker 1: we both have it, you'll never slow down, find balance 1146 00:58:14,200 --> 00:58:17,840 Speaker 1: of anything. You'll always be read life. And I do 1147 00:58:17,960 --> 00:58:20,920 Speaker 1: that enough to myself, and so I need somebody who's 1148 00:58:20,920 --> 00:58:23,560 Speaker 1: going to kind of counteract that, to be able to 1149 00:58:23,640 --> 00:58:27,120 Speaker 1: slow me down and pump the brakes and create balance 1150 00:58:27,200 --> 00:58:29,680 Speaker 1: and those kind of things. And and I talked about 1151 00:58:29,840 --> 00:58:31,880 Speaker 1: the first time recently Matt, who is a bit of 1152 00:58:31,920 --> 00:58:35,440 Speaker 1: a different dynamic or profile that I'm used to, and 1153 00:58:35,520 --> 00:58:38,480 Speaker 1: that's how she is, you know, lives a much um 1154 00:58:39,080 --> 00:58:43,479 Speaker 1: more balanced life than I do. And it's actually amazing participating. Yeah, 1155 00:58:43,560 --> 00:58:45,959 Speaker 1: I love that idea of balancing each other out because 1156 00:58:46,000 --> 00:58:48,880 Speaker 1: if you are exactly alike, like you said, it's so difficult, 1157 00:58:49,000 --> 00:58:52,480 Speaker 1: especially schedule wise even and each person thinks like, well, 1158 00:58:52,560 --> 00:58:54,640 Speaker 1: I have all this going on, so you know, like 1159 00:58:55,320 --> 00:58:57,920 Speaker 1: you need to adjust to me, and there really can't 1160 00:58:57,960 --> 00:59:01,720 Speaker 1: be two people in that dynamic, you know, And you 1161 00:59:01,800 --> 00:59:05,560 Speaker 1: do see it happen sometimes, but then whenever else don't happen, 1162 00:59:05,960 --> 00:59:09,000 Speaker 1: Like I know, a couple of people who are She's 1163 00:59:09,200 --> 00:59:12,120 Speaker 1: incredibly successful. I'm talking like, you know, the top top 1164 00:59:12,240 --> 00:59:14,680 Speaker 1: top tiers of their games, both of them. And what 1165 00:59:14,800 --> 00:59:18,480 Speaker 1: you realize is that the marriage becomes pretty transactional and 1166 00:59:18,560 --> 00:59:21,720 Speaker 1: it's almost like their deal making with between each other, right, 1167 00:59:21,840 --> 00:59:25,040 Speaker 1: and it's and it's not a dynamic I'd ever want 1168 00:59:25,080 --> 00:59:26,920 Speaker 1: to be in. And that's what I've observed of like 1169 00:59:27,000 --> 00:59:30,760 Speaker 1: these power couples. Sometimes it's literally transactional and both like 1170 00:59:30,840 --> 00:59:33,280 Speaker 1: have quite friends and girlfriends, and like the marriage is 1171 00:59:33,360 --> 00:59:36,880 Speaker 1: literally that of like power or whatever. You actually see 1172 00:59:36,920 --> 00:59:40,840 Speaker 1: that in real life. Like so so for me, what 1173 00:59:40,920 --> 00:59:43,200 Speaker 1: I've realized is like that you know, somebody who creates 1174 00:59:43,280 --> 00:59:46,320 Speaker 1: that balance and can slow me down, um and can 1175 00:59:46,400 --> 00:59:49,280 Speaker 1: act like that kind of opposing force to me is 1176 00:59:49,600 --> 00:59:53,160 Speaker 1: a super nice feeling. And that's what I know I'll 1177 00:59:53,200 --> 00:59:56,360 Speaker 1: ultimately need. Now. That doesn't mean boring, it doesn't mean 1178 00:59:56,520 --> 00:59:59,360 Speaker 1: like somebody who doesn't have ambition or doesn't do anything 1179 00:59:59,680 --> 01:00:01,680 Speaker 1: and he's like sitting around all day. It's just somebody 1180 01:00:01,720 --> 01:00:04,920 Speaker 1: who who approaches life from a different kind of power 1181 01:00:05,000 --> 01:00:07,560 Speaker 1: system that I do. Yeah, well, I think the idea 1182 01:00:07,600 --> 01:00:10,240 Speaker 1: of balance is really great. You know, I have always 1183 01:00:10,280 --> 01:00:12,720 Speaker 1: been a very self made and independent and a lot 1184 01:00:12,760 --> 01:00:15,520 Speaker 1: of my friends are like that too, and it's in 1185 01:00:15,600 --> 01:00:18,840 Speaker 1: the dating world. It's been difficult for me to date, uh, 1186 01:00:19,320 --> 01:00:22,000 Speaker 1: you know, either like people in my music business world, 1187 01:00:22,360 --> 01:00:25,240 Speaker 1: or just like anyone who's like super successful. Because as 1188 01:00:25,360 --> 01:00:28,440 Speaker 1: much as guys say they want someone who's super independent, 1189 01:00:28,960 --> 01:00:31,800 Speaker 1: a lot of guys in my experience can't deal with it. 1190 01:00:32,440 --> 01:00:34,520 Speaker 1: And so we have a couple of questions about that. 1191 01:00:34,920 --> 01:00:38,200 Speaker 1: Um Carter asked, do men want to wife up an 1192 01:00:38,240 --> 01:00:43,840 Speaker 1: independent lady or are they intimidated? Yeah? I mean, listen, 1193 01:00:43,920 --> 01:00:45,960 Speaker 1: I know a lot of guys who get intimidated by that. 1194 01:00:46,440 --> 01:00:48,880 Speaker 1: You know, I think I can see a place in 1195 01:00:48,920 --> 01:00:51,040 Speaker 1: my life where I wouldn't like you know, think back 1196 01:00:51,080 --> 01:00:52,640 Speaker 1: to what I said when I started my company, I 1197 01:00:52,720 --> 01:00:56,840 Speaker 1: was um, but when I was struggling, when I was 1198 01:00:56,920 --> 01:00:58,640 Speaker 1: still didn't know what I was doing, I was in 1199 01:00:58,760 --> 01:01:01,240 Speaker 1: death whatever. That I met a girl, even who was 1200 01:01:01,240 --> 01:01:02,880 Speaker 1: the same age as me or whatever, who was like 1201 01:01:03,160 --> 01:01:04,760 Speaker 1: killing it, I think would have made me feel a 1202 01:01:04,840 --> 01:01:07,160 Speaker 1: bit weird. I think I would have struggled with that 1203 01:01:07,280 --> 01:01:11,240 Speaker 1: a bit because you know, listen that the gender roles 1204 01:01:11,320 --> 01:01:13,480 Speaker 1: are such that men are supposed to be more successful 1205 01:01:13,480 --> 01:01:15,200 Speaker 1: I mean, it's all bullshit, and like I know so 1206 01:01:15,320 --> 01:01:18,480 Speaker 1: many hyper successful women, but those of what we're taught, 1207 01:01:18,600 --> 01:01:21,520 Speaker 1: we're told, like especially you know when we grew up 1208 01:01:21,560 --> 01:01:24,000 Speaker 1: more than today, is that that's the man's role in 1209 01:01:24,040 --> 01:01:28,080 Speaker 1: this toxic manuality kind of bullshit. So I could definitely 1210 01:01:28,240 --> 01:01:33,240 Speaker 1: see why that would happen and listen. I actually truly 1211 01:01:33,320 --> 01:01:37,480 Speaker 1: do believe that men are more insecure than women. I 1212 01:01:37,600 --> 01:01:42,240 Speaker 1: think men have incredible levels of insecurity overall that they 1213 01:01:42,320 --> 01:01:44,200 Speaker 1: don't deal with and that's probably why if they're worse 1214 01:01:44,280 --> 01:01:48,320 Speaker 1: than women, because women are far more I think adapted 1215 01:01:48,440 --> 01:01:51,240 Speaker 1: dealing with them and talking about them and acknowledging them, 1216 01:01:51,600 --> 01:01:54,840 Speaker 1: where men just bury that ship down and like fight 1217 01:01:54,960 --> 01:01:57,720 Speaker 1: it and whatever. So I think men are our overall 1218 01:01:58,000 --> 01:02:03,440 Speaker 1: incredibly insecure and have very fragile egos, etcetera. So you know, 1219 01:02:03,640 --> 01:02:07,000 Speaker 1: in today, I could meet the most successful first woman 1220 01:02:07,080 --> 01:02:09,880 Speaker 1: in the world and you're fine. But that's also because 1221 01:02:09,880 --> 01:02:11,920 Speaker 1: I'm very comfortable and confident with where I am. I 1222 01:02:12,080 --> 01:02:14,720 Speaker 1: very secure as a person today, but I can definitely 1223 01:02:14,880 --> 01:02:17,640 Speaker 1: see other times in my life where I would have struggled. Yeah, 1224 01:02:17,800 --> 01:02:19,960 Speaker 1: And I do think the balance thing, the balance point 1225 01:02:19,960 --> 01:02:22,560 Speaker 1: you made is such a great point, because if it 1226 01:02:22,680 --> 01:02:24,200 Speaker 1: just depending on where you were in your life, like 1227 01:02:24,280 --> 01:02:26,040 Speaker 1: you said, your life has slowed down a little bit. 1228 01:02:26,160 --> 01:02:28,240 Speaker 1: I mean, you're obviously never going to just stand still, 1229 01:02:28,360 --> 01:02:30,760 Speaker 1: but like maybe now you could handle someone who had 1230 01:02:30,760 --> 01:02:32,600 Speaker 1: a little bit of a busier schedule than you could 1231 01:02:32,640 --> 01:02:34,200 Speaker 1: have when you were in the mix of all of 1232 01:02:34,280 --> 01:02:37,000 Speaker 1: the stuff. It would have just been too much. Um 1233 01:02:37,160 --> 01:02:40,320 Speaker 1: Ashley asked, why do men run away from strong women. 1234 01:02:40,400 --> 01:02:42,760 Speaker 1: I've recently been talking to someone for a month straight 1235 01:02:42,840 --> 01:02:44,840 Speaker 1: and we went on a few dates, then got into 1236 01:02:44,880 --> 01:02:48,440 Speaker 1: one disagreement. We talked it through, but he started back pedaling. 1237 01:02:48,800 --> 01:02:51,040 Speaker 1: He said we were still good seeing each other and 1238 01:02:51,160 --> 01:02:53,280 Speaker 1: taking it slow. Then bam, it's been five days since 1239 01:02:53,280 --> 01:02:56,080 Speaker 1: I've heard from him. Help. I think the insecurity point 1240 01:02:56,120 --> 01:02:58,520 Speaker 1: you just made is a really interesting for this question. 1241 01:02:58,840 --> 01:03:01,919 Speaker 1: I think I think us be underlying the underlying theme 1242 01:03:02,000 --> 01:03:04,440 Speaker 1: that that you know, this guy and other men are 1243 01:03:04,560 --> 01:03:07,840 Speaker 1: probably more insecure than you think you know because because 1244 01:03:07,880 --> 01:03:09,680 Speaker 1: we're we're kind of and it kind of goes back 1245 01:03:09,680 --> 01:03:12,000 Speaker 1: to the topic of my book, right, we're kind of trained, 1246 01:03:12,560 --> 01:03:16,560 Speaker 1: like entrepreneurs and like men and other roles to come 1247 01:03:16,640 --> 01:03:20,360 Speaker 1: off as strong and and confident and whatever. When we're not. 1248 01:03:20,560 --> 01:03:23,800 Speaker 1: And so you know, she might think that this guy 1249 01:03:23,960 --> 01:03:27,640 Speaker 1: was like, you know, super secure or super confident until 1250 01:03:27,920 --> 01:03:30,120 Speaker 1: there was a bit of an issue and now you're 1251 01:03:30,120 --> 01:03:33,080 Speaker 1: seeing his real self come out and you know, And 1252 01:03:33,120 --> 01:03:36,280 Speaker 1: so what I would say is you can't choose somebody 1253 01:03:36,360 --> 01:03:40,320 Speaker 1: down or or you know, or crucify them for being insecure. 1254 01:03:40,440 --> 01:03:42,520 Speaker 1: We all have insecurities. I still do, and I think 1255 01:03:42,560 --> 01:03:46,280 Speaker 1: most of us do. But I think that like at 1256 01:03:46,360 --> 01:03:49,840 Speaker 1: least understanding most probably are the issues and to look 1257 01:03:49,920 --> 01:03:53,360 Speaker 1: past oh oh is it him he's scared. I'm strong. 1258 01:03:53,720 --> 01:03:56,600 Speaker 1: He's not scared. You're strong. That's ridiculous, Like what is 1259 01:03:56,640 --> 01:04:00,640 Speaker 1: it to be scared of? Likely something else triggered his insecurity, 1260 01:04:01,040 --> 01:04:03,320 Speaker 1: and so to really think about what else might it be, 1261 01:04:03,840 --> 01:04:06,280 Speaker 1: even even asking it more directly and trying to get 1262 01:04:06,360 --> 01:04:09,200 Speaker 1: there instead of just writing it off of strong women 1263 01:04:09,920 --> 01:04:12,320 Speaker 1: what that means, Like, I mean, if a woman is 1264 01:04:12,360 --> 01:04:17,320 Speaker 1: like you know, if a woman is confident herself, that 1265 01:04:17,400 --> 01:04:19,360 Speaker 1: could draw from insecurity. But no, a man is going 1266 01:04:19,400 --> 01:04:22,760 Speaker 1: to be scared of that. They might feel awkward or 1267 01:04:22,840 --> 01:04:25,600 Speaker 1: the dynamics are off or doesn't meet those gender roles 1268 01:04:25,720 --> 01:04:28,240 Speaker 1: or whatever. But I would I think you're going to 1269 01:04:28,320 --> 01:04:30,959 Speaker 1: diminish it and probably miss a point where you could 1270 01:04:31,040 --> 01:04:34,040 Speaker 1: become closer with him if you really dig into why 1271 01:04:34,280 --> 01:04:36,160 Speaker 1: it's it's actually happening and kind of get out of 1272 01:04:36,240 --> 01:04:39,960 Speaker 1: this generalization that he's scared of you. Yeah. I actually 1273 01:04:40,040 --> 01:04:42,960 Speaker 1: think what's something I've learned probably the last year is 1274 01:04:43,120 --> 01:04:45,680 Speaker 1: most of the time when people are either backing away 1275 01:04:46,080 --> 01:04:49,120 Speaker 1: or fighting off something or even defensive like it actually 1276 01:04:49,160 --> 01:04:51,120 Speaker 1: has nothing to do with you, you know, like it's 1277 01:04:51,160 --> 01:04:54,040 Speaker 1: just their own projection of their own insecurity. And so 1278 01:04:54,320 --> 01:04:56,360 Speaker 1: the second you can kind of remove yourself from that 1279 01:04:56,560 --> 01:05:00,160 Speaker 1: place and then you being defensive and just understand there's 1280 01:05:00,160 --> 01:05:02,040 Speaker 1: probably something else going on with him, it just makes 1281 01:05:02,040 --> 01:05:06,200 Speaker 1: it a lot easier. U Chip, Do you have anything 1282 01:05:06,280 --> 01:05:08,280 Speaker 1: else you need to get off your chest for John? 1283 01:05:08,320 --> 01:05:09,960 Speaker 1: I mean, I know you feel like you've learned a 1284 01:05:10,000 --> 01:05:15,440 Speaker 1: lot about him in the last two days. Yeah. I 1285 01:05:15,480 --> 01:05:18,280 Speaker 1: feel like we touched on a lot of the stuff. Um, 1286 01:05:18,560 --> 01:05:20,800 Speaker 1: you know, I I have stuff that doesn't really pertain 1287 01:05:20,920 --> 01:05:23,160 Speaker 1: to this podcast that I can talk to you about. 1288 01:05:25,080 --> 01:05:28,680 Speaker 1: He'll send you an email after Yeah. The book The 1289 01:05:28,760 --> 01:05:30,640 Speaker 1: Practical Way to Get Rich and Die Try And comes 1290 01:05:30,680 --> 01:05:33,720 Speaker 1: out on September eight, John, you also have a podcast 1291 01:05:34,040 --> 01:05:35,720 Speaker 1: this is how we met. He has a podcast on 1292 01:05:35,800 --> 01:05:38,280 Speaker 1: I Heart as well. It's called The John row A Show. 1293 01:05:38,680 --> 01:05:41,439 Speaker 1: Where else can people find you? Other than the book? 1294 01:05:41,520 --> 01:05:45,840 Speaker 1: The podcast is can you give us your Instagram handle? Totally? 1295 01:05:46,040 --> 01:05:50,640 Speaker 1: So Instagram is just my name, John Rowa, okay r 1296 01:05:50,680 --> 01:05:53,880 Speaker 1: O and my website is roa dot com r o 1297 01:05:54,040 --> 01:05:56,360 Speaker 1: a dot com, so you can go there all yep, 1298 01:05:56,520 --> 01:05:59,600 Speaker 1: it's all the fun stuff. Um, you know, I love 1299 01:05:59,680 --> 01:06:02,160 Speaker 1: the che people they read the book and answer questions. 1300 01:06:02,160 --> 01:06:04,959 Speaker 1: I'll probably do a couple like Q and a Instagram things, 1301 01:06:05,080 --> 01:06:07,000 Speaker 1: so kind of follow me shooting some d M s 1302 01:06:07,040 --> 01:06:10,320 Speaker 1: there and and yeah. So, so the book is I'm 1303 01:06:10,320 --> 01:06:12,240 Speaker 1: guessing by time people hear this, it will be within 1304 01:06:12,320 --> 01:06:15,760 Speaker 1: the week. You can pre order the book on Amazon 1305 01:06:16,000 --> 01:06:19,360 Speaker 1: and will arrive to you on September eight, um, and 1306 01:06:19,480 --> 01:06:23,360 Speaker 1: then every after the every bookseller and bookstore should have it. 1307 01:06:23,480 --> 01:06:26,200 Speaker 1: So I can't wait to hear people's feedback. I am 1308 01:06:26,360 --> 01:06:30,760 Speaker 1: so excited and so fucking nervous. No needs to be nervous. 1309 01:06:30,880 --> 01:06:33,120 Speaker 1: I both said it was such a great read. We 1310 01:06:33,240 --> 01:06:35,280 Speaker 1: both read it within like two days, so it was 1311 01:06:35,400 --> 01:06:38,560 Speaker 1: just really fast and easy but also informational and I 1312 01:06:38,680 --> 01:06:41,600 Speaker 1: learned a time so I appreciate you sharing. We really 1313 01:06:41,640 --> 01:06:44,600 Speaker 1: appreciate you giving us some male perspective today. We've needed it. 1314 01:06:44,680 --> 01:06:46,160 Speaker 1: I'm a Chip, I know you're a male too, but 1315 01:06:46,240 --> 01:06:48,200 Speaker 1: he gives us the gay perspective. So we needed we 1316 01:06:48,280 --> 01:06:50,640 Speaker 1: needed a heteroga to come in and tell us what 1317 01:06:50,720 --> 01:06:55,160 Speaker 1: it's like. Yeah, listen, I hope it was interesting. You know, 1318 01:06:55,280 --> 01:06:57,800 Speaker 1: I can't speak for all men, but I've had some experience, 1319 01:06:57,880 --> 01:07:00,800 Speaker 1: and so I hope some of that is interesting to people. Um, 1320 01:07:01,400 --> 01:07:03,200 Speaker 1: and we should, you know, and do this again some time. 1321 01:07:03,440 --> 01:07:05,720 Speaker 1: We'll talk about and some of other stuff, and and 1322 01:07:05,840 --> 01:07:08,080 Speaker 1: Chip and Kelly. I do appreciate you guys taking time 1323 01:07:08,120 --> 01:07:10,520 Speaker 1: having me on. Yes, well, it was so great to 1324 01:07:10,640 --> 01:07:13,640 Speaker 1: talk to you. You guys, slide into John's dams if 1325 01:07:13,640 --> 01:07:15,400 Speaker 1: you have any other questions. It sounds like he might 1326 01:07:15,440 --> 01:07:17,920 Speaker 1: be taken now. But ladies, if you're looking for somebody, 1327 01:07:18,320 --> 01:07:20,880 Speaker 1: you know, you never know. This could be a matchmaking 1328 01:07:20,960 --> 01:07:25,800 Speaker 1: service for you. We never know. We go. I'm in 1329 01:07:26,920 --> 01:07:28,720 Speaker 1: all right. Thank you so much for being here, and 1330 01:07:28,760 --> 01:07:29,840 Speaker 1: thank you guys for listening.