WEBVTT - The Dr. Chandra Richardson Episode Part.2 0:00:01.080 --> 0:00:03.920 Yea. Yet you know boys, it's back and reot it 0:00:04.280 --> 0:00:07.240 all in your mind. Yeah, and that deep throating. This 0:00:07.320 --> 0:00:10.960 is for the streets, the real the railroading, the distant franchise, 0:00:11.039 --> 0:00:14.040 the truth escapegoating, and they ain't know when we speak 0:00:14.120 --> 0:00:16.680 the truth. So they quoted because we wrote it. The 0:00:16.720 --> 0:00:19.640 North South East coat is the g be my tree, 0:00:19.760 --> 0:00:22.880 keeping your head bobbing. It ain't no stopping and wants 0:00:22.920 --> 0:00:25.840 to be drops head by. And then the system is 0:00:25.880 --> 0:00:28.000 so corrupted they throw the rock out of their heads 0:00:28.000 --> 0:00:32.080 and then blame it on us. Don't get it twisted 0:00:32.240 --> 0:00:38.800 on code And we danced for no buttament biscuits. So 0:00:38.800 --> 0:00:44.800 so the crazy thing is like when you are teaching, 0:00:46.720 --> 0:00:51.000 especially in like underprivileged areas right from town. You know 0:00:51.040 --> 0:00:53.000 you're at the schools and you're trying to your best, 0:00:53.080 --> 0:00:57.920 you know, to to get these kids on the right track. 0:00:59.400 --> 0:01:01.720 Oftentimes these kids you don't know what these kids are 0:01:01.760 --> 0:01:04.800 going through at home. You don't know. Kids come to 0:01:04.800 --> 0:01:09.959 school hungry. Sometimes if they don't come to school, they 0:01:09.959 --> 0:01:14.880 will not eat. They come come to school after being 0:01:15.280 --> 0:01:23.560 assaulted by family members. Um sometimes dirty. Yeah, they come. 0:01:24.319 --> 0:01:28.039 It's the same outfit where the average person may think, oh, 0:01:28.080 --> 0:01:31.800 they must really like that outfit. They may not have 0:01:31.920 --> 0:01:36.520 another outfit, right. And then it's also the peer pressure 0:01:36.680 --> 0:01:41.280 of that kid who noticed that they're wearing the same 0:01:41.319 --> 0:01:44.440 thing that might tease them, you know, because that happened 0:01:44.440 --> 0:01:47.920 to me. You know, crazy thing. I had a guy 0:01:48.240 --> 0:01:52.040 in my classroom, you know, he started making fun about 0:01:52.040 --> 0:01:59.960 my clothes and we started fighting. We gotta suspended three day, 0:02:00.480 --> 0:02:03.880 came back to school. The first day back, he was like, 0:02:04.480 --> 0:02:08.639 I'm still gonna talk about you. So we started fighting again. 0:02:09.280 --> 0:02:12.320 This time they put us in sack, you know, detention, right, 0:02:13.680 --> 0:02:16.919 and uh, he was one of those people that I 0:02:17.280 --> 0:02:20.880 kind of put in that same uh, you know cluster 0:02:20.960 --> 0:02:24.079 of the tractors that I wanted to get back at 0:02:24.120 --> 0:02:30.519 when I got paid, right, And so after I got paid, 0:02:30.960 --> 0:02:34.840 I got to the money. Yeah, I wrote up to 0:02:35.800 --> 0:02:41.160 I was riding around and Maserati and I'm in I 0:02:41.280 --> 0:02:47.760 come through the McDonald's parking lot and I see him 0:02:47.840 --> 0:02:53.400 and uh, you know, I called his name. See this guy, 0:02:53.480 --> 0:02:59.280 he's like, he looks like a crackhead, skinny, dirty clothes. 0:03:00.720 --> 0:03:08.600 I called his name. He turned around teeth on and uh, 0:03:08.960 --> 0:03:11.400 I called his name, and I said, oh, you said yo, 0:03:11.480 --> 0:03:14.520 what's up? WILLI D I said, what's up? Man? I say, 0:03:15.560 --> 0:03:17.640 so you are right, yeah, yeah, yeah, I said, you 0:03:17.639 --> 0:03:21.320 need to ride now I'm good, I say, we're here 0:03:21.639 --> 0:03:23.880 back then. You know, I just started making money, so 0:03:23.919 --> 0:03:27.760 I want to show off. So I always had thousands 0:03:27.800 --> 0:03:30.560 of dollars in my pockets, so I probably had about 0:03:30.560 --> 0:03:32.520 ten thousand dollars in them one of the pockets, and 0:03:32.560 --> 0:03:34.920 I pulled it out and gave it to him. Wow. 0:03:36.120 --> 0:03:41.040 And at first he refused, and I said, no, take it, man, 0:03:41.120 --> 0:03:42.800 take it. You know what I'm saying, I don't need it. 0:03:43.840 --> 0:03:46.320 And I gave it to him and I drove off. 0:03:47.080 --> 0:03:49.680 But it goes to show you about life. I thought 0:03:50.360 --> 0:03:54.240 that it was gonna make me feel good to snub him, 0:03:54.280 --> 0:03:55.920 you know, to put it and rubb it in his face. 0:03:56.000 --> 0:03:58.440 You know that I had made it. Look at me, 0:03:58.520 --> 0:04:02.080 I'm this big successful look at me. But I felt 0:04:02.080 --> 0:04:04.120 sorry for him. I felt really bad, and I felt 0:04:04.160 --> 0:04:06.840 bad that I even felt that when in the first 0:04:06.920 --> 0:04:10.000 place like that, I felt like I had to like 0:04:10.560 --> 0:04:14.760 accomplish something great, you know, to be accepted by a 0:04:14.880 --> 0:04:18.120 person you know or someone you know. I felt like 0:04:18.160 --> 0:04:21.080 I had to come back and and and prove that 0:04:21.120 --> 0:04:26.960 I was worthy, you know, uh of of somebody else's 0:04:27.040 --> 0:04:31.920 you know, praise, you know, a recognition, like you said earlier, attention. Yeah, 0:04:33.080 --> 0:04:35.120 you want to be recognized. You want to be known 0:04:36.000 --> 0:04:40.880 literally for doing something. Unfortunately, now a lot of young 0:04:40.960 --> 0:04:43.280 and even some older people want to be known for 0:04:43.440 --> 0:04:47.279 doing something, and it may not be good that seconds 0:04:47.320 --> 0:04:52.359 of fame. Everybody just wants everybody just wants that that attention. 0:04:53.520 --> 0:04:56.880 And you know, it's crazy because you know, I'm gonna 0:04:56.920 --> 0:04:59.719 tell you something, like I I double salute you for 0:05:00.120 --> 0:05:02.719 you do because you don't just you know, teach. I 0:05:02.720 --> 0:05:07.080 mean you're really ingrained, and like I really like the 0:05:07.760 --> 0:05:11.480 correction and the rehabilitation of our young people, you know, 0:05:11.520 --> 0:05:14.719 who are out there who are going through it. That's 0:05:14.760 --> 0:05:18.400 a tough position to be in because you live with that, 0:05:18.440 --> 0:05:20.599 you go to sleep with that, you wake up with that, 0:05:20.800 --> 0:05:24.320 you know, you eat with that. You know, it's constantly 0:05:24.960 --> 0:05:27.000 you know, on your mind, you know, so you know 0:05:27.080 --> 0:05:30.000 it's it's it's a it's a very difficult thing to 0:05:30.040 --> 0:05:33.039 deal with, you know, especially if if you've already had 0:05:33.080 --> 0:05:37.080 your own traumatic experiences, right, you know, which which you 0:05:37.120 --> 0:05:39.200 can speak to. I mean, I don't know if you 0:05:39.240 --> 0:05:43.200 want to, but yeah, you know so. So you know 0:05:43.480 --> 0:05:47.560 with the situation with your mother, you know, it came 0:05:47.600 --> 0:05:52.480 a time when you didn't feel safe around her. Um. 0:05:52.480 --> 0:05:57.560 That's why I said dysfunctional family. You get this picture 0:05:57.640 --> 0:06:00.680 and it it looks great, but you don't know what's 0:06:00.720 --> 0:06:04.560 on the back side of the picture frame. And as 0:06:04.680 --> 0:06:09.520 I got older, my mom started to be more I 0:06:09.560 --> 0:06:13.640 guess you would just say, down right me and abusive 0:06:14.480 --> 0:06:18.560 because she had been done wrong by so many men. 0:06:19.520 --> 0:06:21.760 Did you feel like she was jealous of you at all? 0:06:22.240 --> 0:06:27.640 Sometimes yes, she had made comments about or you, thank 0:06:27.680 --> 0:06:33.120 you pretty, we'll mess up your face. I wore glasses 0:06:33.920 --> 0:06:37.360 and she would say things like break up your glasses. 0:06:37.640 --> 0:06:41.359 Oh god, I really can't see now. But it's like, okay, 0:06:42.080 --> 0:06:45.440 just be quiet, just be quiet, don't don't poke the bear, 0:06:45.600 --> 0:06:49.320 don't don't give it any more energy. I would just 0:06:49.839 --> 0:06:55.280 be quiet. And I wasn't the kind of young teenager 0:06:55.360 --> 0:06:59.680 who did stuff to get in trouble. All I had 0:06:59.680 --> 0:07:03.040 to do was breathe oxygen. All I had to do 0:07:03.160 --> 0:07:07.599 was be there. And if she had a bad day 0:07:07.800 --> 0:07:12.440 at work or someone had just literally piste her off, 0:07:13.760 --> 0:07:17.280 I was gonna get it. I was gonna get it, 0:07:18.080 --> 0:07:21.239 and my grandmother would be the one to say, run, 0:07:23.040 --> 0:07:27.760 get out of the house, and I would run and 0:07:27.800 --> 0:07:31.080 I would run to my neighbor's house and I would 0:07:31.160 --> 0:07:35.480 stay until my grandmother will say, Okay, you could come 0:07:35.480 --> 0:07:41.320 home now. And I grew up with that in my teens, 0:07:42.920 --> 0:07:50.280 and I didn't think it was abnormal. I thought, maybe 0:07:50.320 --> 0:07:54.000 this is what everybody goes through. I had nothing to 0:07:54.040 --> 0:08:01.880 compare it to. But every family has something then, But 0:08:02.000 --> 0:08:07.120 what is that something? It might be, um, you know 0:08:07.440 --> 0:08:13.400 grandparents like my grandparents who took care of you. But 0:08:13.520 --> 0:08:16.160 when I got older, I understood, Oh, my grandmother Mary 0:08:16.200 --> 0:08:19.560 and my grandfather because he could take care of her 0:08:19.600 --> 0:08:23.640 when she was fourteen fifteen years old. That's like you 0:08:23.680 --> 0:08:28.080 said that nobody would do that. They not normally don't 0:08:28.120 --> 0:08:31.160 do that here in the United States and other countries. Yoh, yeah, 0:08:31.160 --> 0:08:33.760 that's quite normal. But who would have thought of that? 0:08:33.800 --> 0:08:37.200 Who would have pawned her off like that? But my 0:08:37.360 --> 0:08:44.000 great grandmother, I know, loved my grandmother hugely. But with 0:08:44.120 --> 0:08:48.400 my mother, she, according to where my cousins and aunts 0:08:48.440 --> 0:08:50.960 would tell me, she just had this mean streak in 0:08:51.040 --> 0:08:56.400 her and the physical abuse that she received just accentuated it. 0:08:58.080 --> 0:09:03.400 She had one other set of children, supposedly with my 0:09:03.520 --> 0:09:07.040 biological father, and I say a set because they were 0:09:07.080 --> 0:09:11.400 twins and they didn't live, so I literally was the 0:09:11.440 --> 0:09:16.840 oldest and then the only child. But in my twenties 0:09:16.960 --> 0:09:19.560 I always worked. I always wanted to work because I 0:09:19.600 --> 0:09:22.120 want to have my own money, because there were things 0:09:22.160 --> 0:09:24.040 that I wanted, and she, oh, I'm not buying that, 0:09:24.520 --> 0:09:28.720 I'm not paying that. And we didn't know allowance. It 0:09:28.840 --> 0:09:32.360 was just if you ask, you would get if it 0:09:32.480 --> 0:09:36.360 was feasible, if it was possible. And one particular time, 0:09:36.400 --> 0:09:40.600 I had a really really decent job. I didn't have 0:09:40.640 --> 0:09:44.480 a degree yet and Uh, I said, come on, let 0:09:44.480 --> 0:09:47.560 me take you out. My mother and my grandmother and 0:09:47.600 --> 0:09:51.520 we were riding in the car going down to I 0:09:51.559 --> 0:09:53.480 don't remember where we were coming from, but I said, 0:09:53.559 --> 0:09:56.720 let's go to the UH, which is now chaos. On 0:09:56.800 --> 0:10:00.960 six ten. I said, let's go to Bennigan's and sit 0:10:01.000 --> 0:10:05.480 down and eat, because my grandmother always cooked. And my 0:10:05.559 --> 0:10:07.400 mother said, I don't. I don't want to go there. 0:10:07.800 --> 0:10:11.240 I want to go home. And I said, okay. I said, well, 0:10:11.360 --> 0:10:14.720 to keep her from having to cook, let's go there. 0:10:14.840 --> 0:10:16.840 And we get it to go and we bring it 0:10:16.880 --> 0:10:20.640 home and she said, I told you I don't want 0:10:20.679 --> 0:10:23.280 to go there. I said, we're not going to stay. 0:10:23.320 --> 0:10:25.680 I'm just going to buy the food and we take 0:10:25.720 --> 0:10:30.160 it home to eat. And right about then I heard 0:10:32.440 --> 0:10:35.880 and she had a gun to my temple and she said, 0:10:35.880 --> 0:10:39.000 if you don't turn this motherfucking car around, we'll blow 0:10:39.040 --> 0:10:44.440 your goddamn brains out. And I pulled over the side 0:10:44.440 --> 0:10:48.040 of the road. My grandmother was hysterical. She was just 0:10:48.160 --> 0:10:51.080 out of control, crying and telling her, don't do that, 0:10:51.160 --> 0:10:53.240 don't do that. Put the gun down. Put the gun down. 0:10:54.480 --> 0:10:56.560 And she said, no, she's gonna take me home. That's 0:10:56.600 --> 0:11:00.480 what I said, She's gonna take me home, and stopped 0:11:00.480 --> 0:11:06.280 the car. I got out and went running down the freeway, 0:11:06.880 --> 0:11:12.000 yelling and screaming. Somebody helped me. Somebody helped me, and 0:11:12.640 --> 0:11:20.080 somebody stopped and it was like a bad movie, but 0:11:20.200 --> 0:11:23.720 I was the star and said, my mother's trying to 0:11:23.800 --> 0:11:27.200 kill me. I need somebody to call the police. And 0:11:27.400 --> 0:11:30.200 someone did call the police. It was like I was 0:11:30.360 --> 0:11:35.640 just they's a free falling and I couldn't control anything, 0:11:36.960 --> 0:11:39.880 and it was totally gone from my mind. It was 0:11:39.920 --> 0:11:42.760 like I couldn't see anything, I couldn't hear anything, I 0:11:42.760 --> 0:11:46.880 couldn't remember anything. It was just that traumatic for me. 0:11:47.600 --> 0:11:51.240 And police came to my mother to jail, and we 0:11:51.280 --> 0:11:54.640 went on took my grandmother home. Keep in mind, we're 0:11:54.640 --> 0:11:56.760 all living together, me and my mother and my grandmother, 0:11:57.480 --> 0:12:03.160 so you know, I'm sure she did not. She did not. 0:12:04.200 --> 0:12:07.000 Points we voting podcast will be right back back to 0:12:07.040 --> 0:12:16.320 the point. M M. My mother called, she got her 0:12:16.559 --> 0:12:20.400 her jail call, and said, did if you still in 0:12:20.400 --> 0:12:23.280 that house when I get out, I'm still a kid. Yeah, 0:12:25.520 --> 0:12:30.320 I told my grandmother's act, I gotta go. I was 0:12:30.640 --> 0:12:36.720 maybe twenty one, maybe twenty one years old. I left 0:12:37.080 --> 0:12:39.160 and I went and stayed with my No, I didn't. 0:12:39.679 --> 0:12:42.199 I actually went and stay with my aunt, my grandmother's sister. 0:12:43.120 --> 0:12:48.720 And not a problem, not a problem. And I paid 0:12:48.760 --> 0:12:52.439 them pay them rent because I couldn't stay for free. 0:12:53.360 --> 0:12:56.080 But they let me come and go. You know. I 0:12:56.120 --> 0:12:58.240 went to work or not, and then I would go out. 0:12:58.360 --> 0:13:01.440 But otherwise I was was like a hermit. Was like, no, 0:13:01.720 --> 0:13:05.800 I'm not trying to do anything to cause anymore issues 0:13:05.840 --> 0:13:09.400 with anybody. And though I say making good money in 0:13:09.520 --> 0:13:11.480 terms of what can you pay rent and can you 0:13:11.480 --> 0:13:13.720 pay your card? Okay, Well it wasn't that kind of 0:13:13.720 --> 0:13:19.440 good money. So um, my grandmother had started to get 0:13:19.440 --> 0:13:25.040 real sick, and she said, I really want you to 0:13:25.080 --> 0:13:27.040 come home, she said. And I talked to your mother 0:13:27.080 --> 0:13:31.480 and I told her, you're killing me. I need her 0:13:31.559 --> 0:13:36.240 to be able to come back home. So like a relationship, 0:13:36.320 --> 0:13:38.880 you know, where somebody says I'm gonna beat you, I'm 0:13:38.880 --> 0:13:40.559 gona beat you. Oh, I'm sorry, I'm not gonna beat 0:13:40.559 --> 0:13:43.800 you anymore. I apologize and you come back, and then 0:13:43.800 --> 0:13:45.679 as they beat you again, Oh, I didn't mean to 0:13:45.720 --> 0:13:48.240 do that again. It was that kind of a cycle. 0:13:49.520 --> 0:13:52.720 But I came back and helped take care of my mother. 0:13:53.320 --> 0:13:56.200 And that's when I went on and got in HCC 0:13:56.440 --> 0:13:59.200 and got the good job learning how to do the 0:13:59.240 --> 0:14:03.920 surgery piece. So that redeemed me. And I helped take 0:14:03.920 --> 0:14:08.080 care of my grandmother until she succumbed to cancer. But 0:14:08.240 --> 0:14:15.160 my mother's mind, things had started to change tremendously with her, 0:14:15.280 --> 0:14:18.560 and I could see it. And if I said something 0:14:19.080 --> 0:14:23.680 to anyone, and other people would say, oh, you know, 0:14:23.720 --> 0:14:26.200 your mama was had a crazy way. There are you're crazy, mama? 0:14:26.760 --> 0:14:30.000 Like my pastor said, you ought to start asking, but 0:14:30.120 --> 0:14:34.760 why are they crazy? Yeah, we say it flippantly, jokingly. 0:14:36.480 --> 0:14:39.040 Why do you think she was acting like that? Why 0:14:39.080 --> 0:14:45.640 do you think Well, when some years had passed, married, 0:14:45.680 --> 0:14:49.400 family and everything like that, I didn't realize my mother 0:14:49.480 --> 0:14:54.560 had really started to go in the wrong direction mentally. 0:14:58.920 --> 0:15:02.880 She when she went in the hospital this last time, 0:15:04.280 --> 0:15:06.720 I had not talked to my mother in probably five 0:15:06.840 --> 0:15:10.720 or six years. She took herself away from us. We 0:15:10.760 --> 0:15:15.400 didn't take ourselves away from her. I found out my 0:15:15.520 --> 0:15:17.920 mother had gone through a homeless stage. She was living 0:15:17.920 --> 0:15:23.240 in a car, She had lost everything, she had lost 0:15:23.240 --> 0:15:26.360 her home, house had caught on fire. She didn't want 0:15:26.360 --> 0:15:30.680 to tell anyone. She didn't have insurance. Um, she had 0:15:30.680 --> 0:15:34.080 been sick and ended out of the hospital. She was 0:15:34.120 --> 0:15:38.000 just really in dire straits. But she would never reach out. 0:15:40.320 --> 0:15:43.320 I would kind of keep tabs on her, like get 0:15:43.360 --> 0:15:45.760 so close just enough to see and know where she 0:15:45.920 --> 0:15:48.640 was and how she was doing, but never approached because 0:15:48.640 --> 0:15:52.400 I knew that was probably set her off. Yeah, and 0:15:52.440 --> 0:15:55.880 I didn't want to do that. Ironically, when I was 0:15:55.920 --> 0:15:58.760 working at another school in the district on the northwest side, 0:15:58.960 --> 0:16:00.960 I'm a thrifter. I love going to the the drift store. 0:16:01.520 --> 0:16:03.440 And I was in the thrift store and I saw 0:16:03.480 --> 0:16:04.920 a lady at the corner of my eye and I 0:16:04.960 --> 0:16:08.560 was like, that looks no, no, that is definitely not her. 0:16:09.280 --> 0:16:13.000 And sure enough, I go and see, just go and see. 0:16:13.480 --> 0:16:15.880 And I turned around and I called her by name, 0:16:16.880 --> 0:16:22.080 and she turned around and looked at me, and she said, 0:16:23.000 --> 0:16:27.160 don't come close to me. I knew it was her, 0:16:28.320 --> 0:16:31.840 but I knew how she was. I didn't know how 0:16:31.960 --> 0:16:34.360 she was at that moment. I should say I know 0:16:34.480 --> 0:16:36.560 how she was previously. I didn't know how she was 0:16:36.600 --> 0:16:38.920 at that moment. And at that point you hadn't seen 0:16:38.960 --> 0:16:42.480 it in five years at least. The first thing that 0:16:42.560 --> 0:16:45.000 comes to her mind, the first words that you you 0:16:45.080 --> 0:16:47.440 hear her uttered when she sees you, when she laid 0:16:47.480 --> 0:16:52.120 his eyes on her daughter, the child she gave birth two, 0:16:52.320 --> 0:16:57.720 is don't come close to it. And she told someone 0:16:57.760 --> 0:17:03.360 in the store that latest allowing me because I was watching, 0:17:03.440 --> 0:17:06.320 and I was and so and so it has to 0:17:06.359 --> 0:17:08.440 be in the back of your mind. She probably have 0:17:08.520 --> 0:17:10.879 a gun. So yeah, I am. I'm gonna keep my 0:17:10.960 --> 0:17:15.159 distance exactly. So I turned and I went out the 0:17:15.200 --> 0:17:18.119 store and went to my car, and I cried, and 0:17:18.200 --> 0:17:21.359 I cried and I cried, and I didn't try to 0:17:22.119 --> 0:17:26.399 get in touch with her. One of my fraternity brothers, 0:17:26.400 --> 0:17:28.240 he and I would always chop it up and talking 0:17:28.400 --> 0:17:31.840 and say, you ever wonder where your mom is? And 0:17:31.880 --> 0:17:33.920 I said, yeah, but I'm kind of afraid to find 0:17:33.960 --> 0:17:37.520 out because I don't want to. I just don't want 0:17:37.520 --> 0:17:39.960 to be in there. I can't deal with that, I 0:17:40.000 --> 0:17:43.919 really can't. And he said, well, at least just know 0:17:43.960 --> 0:17:47.080 where she is. And I said to my daughter, I said, 0:17:47.119 --> 0:17:49.360 with China, you know I've been thinking you. Her name 0:17:49.440 --> 0:17:52.160 is China. I said, I don't know if your grandmother 0:17:52.240 --> 0:17:55.720 is alive or dead. And it's on my mind more 0:17:55.760 --> 0:18:01.000 and more, which means that's that God is trying to 0:18:01.000 --> 0:18:04.760 tell you something you need to know. So I reached 0:18:04.800 --> 0:18:07.600 out to my my frat brother again and he said, okay, 0:18:07.640 --> 0:18:09.200 let me check and see what I can find out. 0:18:09.920 --> 0:18:12.520 And he he would talk, you know, every so often, 0:18:12.560 --> 0:18:16.320 he said, I keep checking. He said, she doesn't want 0:18:16.359 --> 0:18:20.119 to be found. He said, I'm coming up empty on 0:18:20.200 --> 0:18:25.040 a lot of my leads. But somewhere in the heights, 0:18:25.200 --> 0:18:29.359 somewhere over the heights, but I don't know where. And 0:18:29.400 --> 0:18:32.000 It was the very next week I got a phone 0:18:32.040 --> 0:18:36.679 call from Memorial Herman over in the Heights, and at 0:18:36.680 --> 0:18:38.800 that particular time, I was still at work. My husband 0:18:38.840 --> 0:18:41.960 answered the phone and they asked for me, and he said, well, 0:18:42.000 --> 0:18:44.080 she's not here. I can't take a message. And he said, 0:18:44.160 --> 0:18:48.679 was Marrie Herman. We need to talk to her, and 0:18:48.880 --> 0:18:52.000 we can't give any information. So when I came in, 0:18:52.280 --> 0:18:54.160 he told me, but it was too late to call 0:18:54.320 --> 0:18:56.720 then until I called the next morning, got the social 0:18:56.760 --> 0:19:01.320 worker and she said, I think we have your mother, 0:19:02.560 --> 0:19:04.800 but I need to ask you some questions so we 0:19:04.840 --> 0:19:08.919 can verify your identity. And they asked me everything and 0:19:08.960 --> 0:19:11.880 I answered, because I knew all her information, social secure number, 0:19:11.920 --> 0:19:14.639 everything I knew and she said, well, we have your 0:19:15.760 --> 0:19:20.600 social Security number. You you really are a NERD can 0:19:20.760 --> 0:19:24.840 say yes, I know my children? Well, so yes, but 0:19:24.960 --> 0:19:30.600 I did so I could very investigators, borderline, next job baby, 0:19:31.200 --> 0:19:34.760 but I told she said yeah, you're definitely her daughter. 0:19:35.440 --> 0:19:37.800 And we asked her if she had any family and 0:19:37.840 --> 0:19:40.960 she said no. She said, but we're calling it because 0:19:41.280 --> 0:19:44.480 and I said, oh lord, what is this. I don't 0:19:44.480 --> 0:19:46.480 even know if I'm ready for this. And I was 0:19:46.520 --> 0:19:49.600 at work and she said, um, your mother is not 0:19:49.720 --> 0:19:53.360 in good health and we don't expect her to survive. 0:19:54.320 --> 0:19:57.040 We want to know if you're willing to take on 0:19:57.119 --> 0:20:02.240 the responsibility and make all decisions for her. And I called, man, 0:20:02.440 --> 0:20:05.879 what what a phone call? All that week, I had 0:20:05.960 --> 0:20:11.240 been listening to gospel music, just getting infused, infused, infused. Okay, 0:20:11.280 --> 0:20:13.440 I listened to it, but not quite like this, but 0:20:13.800 --> 0:20:16.399 just every day I would put it on driving past 0:20:16.440 --> 0:20:19.119 the gallerya bump of the bumper traffic, sometimes get a 0:20:19.119 --> 0:20:22.640 whole church sermon in. And I said, I know why now, 0:20:23.359 --> 0:20:26.240 because I was getting built up to be able to 0:20:26.280 --> 0:20:28.199 handle this journey, because I didn't know what that was 0:20:28.200 --> 0:20:32.200 gonna be like. So the lady told me. I said, well, yes, man, 0:20:32.960 --> 0:20:36.880 I said, I'll be there this afternoon. And I went 0:20:37.240 --> 0:20:39.560 and asked for the social worker and I said, how 0:20:39.600 --> 0:20:42.840 did you find me? She said, we went on the computer. 0:20:43.000 --> 0:20:45.120 She said, your mom. She said, we could tell she's 0:20:45.119 --> 0:20:48.240 not the kind of person that wouldn't have anybody, but 0:20:48.359 --> 0:20:52.000 she was adamant she had no family. But the last 0:20:52.119 --> 0:20:56.400 name was Nick Spatten. It was amazing name, family name, 0:20:57.400 --> 0:20:58.960 she said, and it's not a lot of people with 0:20:59.000 --> 0:21:02.040 that spelling. And you go online and you look and 0:21:02.080 --> 0:21:04.560 you start pulling up names and he'll say, oh, this 0:21:04.600 --> 0:21:08.359 person may be associated with she said, and you and 0:21:08.400 --> 0:21:11.159 your husband's name came up, but not your number, your 0:21:11.240 --> 0:21:14.000 husband's name and phone number, so that's why they call. 0:21:14.880 --> 0:21:17.439 And I said, oh okay, she said, what do you 0:21:17.480 --> 0:21:24.239 want to see her? H yeah, I'm here, so yeah. 0:21:24.359 --> 0:21:26.800 So we went to the room and opened the door. 0:21:27.359 --> 0:21:31.680 And I had always called my mother Melanie because when 0:21:31.680 --> 0:21:33.960 I was small, I thought my mother was my sister, 0:21:34.880 --> 0:21:37.720 because my grandmother was raising me. She lived with us, 0:21:37.960 --> 0:21:40.920 but she was usually gone or gone on the road 0:21:41.080 --> 0:21:44.159 with the entertainers or things like that. So was she 0:21:44.240 --> 0:21:49.800 incapacitated when I saw her? Yes, she had just had 0:21:49.840 --> 0:21:55.359 her kidney removed cancer and she looked at me and 0:21:55.400 --> 0:22:01.119 her eyes just and she didn't say anything. And I said, 0:22:01.880 --> 0:22:06.879 it's me. I don't know you. I said, now you 0:22:06.920 --> 0:22:09.600 know what you know? You know me because I looked 0:22:09.640 --> 0:22:14.320 just like you. And the social worker said, oh my gosh, 0:22:14.400 --> 0:22:20.680 y'all sound just alike. My mother was in her eighties. 0:22:22.600 --> 0:22:25.840 And the social workers said, you have the same eyes, 0:22:27.520 --> 0:22:31.320 your voice, it's the same. So how many days that 0:22:31.480 --> 0:22:34.800 you have her before she passed. I had six weeks. 0:22:35.320 --> 0:22:37.879 Six weeks and how often did you go to the 0:22:37.920 --> 0:22:44.439 hospital as much as my heart could stand. Uh. I 0:22:44.480 --> 0:22:48.720 brought my kids because she had not seen them in years. 0:22:48.760 --> 0:22:51.760 And what was her reaction when she saw them. She 0:22:51.760 --> 0:22:53.880 would talk to them like she just saw him yesterday. 0:22:55.400 --> 0:22:59.840 Same with my husband. And we were able to get 0:22:59.840 --> 0:23:04.440 her moved into a nursing home because I could do it. 0:23:04.840 --> 0:23:06.480 I just couldn't do it. It was so much that 0:23:06.560 --> 0:23:11.240 she needed. It was beyond anything that I was emotionally 0:23:11.320 --> 0:23:15.080 able to do. And I call it the nursing home 0:23:15.119 --> 0:23:19.720 from Hell because I had no idea it was a 0:23:19.800 --> 0:23:23.439 good one, but then management changed and it became the 0:23:23.600 --> 0:23:27.800 nursing home from Hell. While she was there, I had 0:23:27.880 --> 0:23:35.200 to act like she was destituted, which technically she was. Uh. 0:23:35.440 --> 0:23:38.040 During that time when she was in the hospital, the 0:23:38.119 --> 0:23:41.080 apartment complex that she was in, they went and had 0:23:41.119 --> 0:23:45.880 a court order done to have her evicted. Unfortunately, the 0:23:45.960 --> 0:23:49.960 apartment people wouldn't tell me anything, but one lady who 0:23:50.000 --> 0:23:52.280 worked there work the night ship, and she said, I'm 0:23:52.320 --> 0:23:55.359 not supposed to tell you anything, but I'm going to 0:23:55.480 --> 0:23:58.680 tell you because what they're doing isn't right. She said, 0:23:58.720 --> 0:24:02.399 they're going to court tomorrow and they'll take everything that 0:24:02.520 --> 0:24:06.480 she owns. You need to go to court. I said, 0:24:06.480 --> 0:24:08.919 where do I go? And she told me and she 0:24:08.920 --> 0:24:12.480 gave the information and I showed up at court the 0:24:12.560 --> 0:24:16.560 next day and I prayed and I said, I'm pleading 0:24:16.600 --> 0:24:19.920 on the blood of Jesus that this judge will show 0:24:19.960 --> 0:24:22.679 me favor for my mother, because I had been calling 0:24:22.720 --> 0:24:25.840 the apartment where my mother lived and they would never 0:24:25.880 --> 0:24:29.880 call me back. So when the apartment people came up 0:24:29.960 --> 0:24:32.320 in front of the judge and he says, there anyone else? 0:24:32.359 --> 0:24:35.000 And I came up and the apartment people looked at 0:24:35.000 --> 0:24:37.639 me and they said, do you notice lady? And they 0:24:37.720 --> 0:24:40.439 said no, and they asked me this, and do you 0:24:40.480 --> 0:24:44.600 know them? I said, I've seen them because I went. 0:24:45.560 --> 0:24:48.440 But they wouldn't talk to me. And the judge said, 0:24:48.520 --> 0:24:52.080 why wouldn't you talk to her? And they said because 0:24:52.320 --> 0:24:55.920 Ms Max Patton said she didn't have any family. He said, 0:24:55.920 --> 0:24:58.720 so you didn't try to investigate to find out. Didn't 0:24:58.720 --> 0:25:00.560 that seem odd to you? And well, she said she 0:25:00.600 --> 0:25:02.840 didn't have any family. They had got my mother to 0:25:02.880 --> 0:25:10.120 sign over everything everything, so um. The judge then said, well, 0:25:11.400 --> 0:25:14.840 if I give you seven days to take care of 0:25:14.840 --> 0:25:19.560 your mother's affairs? Will you do it? And I know 0:25:19.640 --> 0:25:22.880 seven is a number of completion, and I said, yes, sir, 0:25:22.920 --> 0:25:27.440 I will. So within seven days, I had packed up everything, 0:25:27.720 --> 0:25:31.600 moved it away, some of stored, some I gave away 0:25:31.640 --> 0:25:34.480 to family and friends, and said she may not be 0:25:34.520 --> 0:25:37.600 able to have it. I may not want it, but 0:25:37.680 --> 0:25:39.399 I'll be dog on if you get to take it. 0:25:40.240 --> 0:25:44.320 That's not fair to her. My mother told me she 0:25:44.400 --> 0:25:50.040 had no insurance, So okay, I still got you. She said, 0:25:50.080 --> 0:25:53.240 you know I'm dying, don't you. I said, yes, ma'am, 0:25:53.280 --> 0:25:55.240 I do. I need you to tell me what you 0:25:55.320 --> 0:25:57.679 want because if you don't tell me, I'm gonna do 0:25:57.720 --> 0:26:00.320 what I want to do. She would never but tell 0:26:00.359 --> 0:26:03.199