1 00:00:01,080 --> 00:00:03,920 Speaker 1: Yea. Yet you know boys, it's back and reot it 2 00:00:04,280 --> 00:00:07,240 Speaker 1: all in your mind. Yeah, and that deep throating. This 3 00:00:07,320 --> 00:00:10,960 Speaker 1: is for the streets, the real the railroading, the distant franchise, 4 00:00:11,039 --> 00:00:14,040 Speaker 1: the truth escapegoating, and they ain't know when we speak 5 00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:16,680 Speaker 1: the truth. So they quoted because we wrote it. The 6 00:00:16,720 --> 00:00:19,640 Speaker 1: North South East coat is the g be my tree, 7 00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:22,880 Speaker 1: keeping your head bobbing. It ain't no stopping and wants 8 00:00:22,920 --> 00:00:25,840 Speaker 1: to be drops head by. And then the system is 9 00:00:25,880 --> 00:00:28,000 Speaker 1: so corrupted they throw the rock out of their heads 10 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:32,080 Speaker 1: and then blame it on us. Don't get it twisted 11 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:38,800 Speaker 1: on code And we danced for no buttament biscuits. So 12 00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:44,800 Speaker 1: so the crazy thing is like when you are teaching, 13 00:00:46,720 --> 00:00:51,000 Speaker 1: especially in like underprivileged areas right from town. You know 14 00:00:51,040 --> 00:00:53,000 Speaker 1: you're at the schools and you're trying to your best, 15 00:00:53,080 --> 00:00:57,920 Speaker 1: you know, to to get these kids on the right track. 16 00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:01,720 Speaker 1: Oftentimes these kids you don't know what these kids are 17 00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:04,800 Speaker 1: going through at home. You don't know. Kids come to 18 00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:09,959 Speaker 1: school hungry. Sometimes if they don't come to school, they 19 00:01:09,959 --> 00:01:14,880 Speaker 1: will not eat. They come come to school after being 20 00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:23,560 Speaker 1: assaulted by family members. Um sometimes dirty. Yeah, they come. 21 00:01:24,319 --> 00:01:28,039 Speaker 1: It's the same outfit where the average person may think, oh, 22 00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:31,800 Speaker 1: they must really like that outfit. They may not have 23 00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:36,520 Speaker 1: another outfit, right. And then it's also the peer pressure 24 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:41,280 Speaker 1: of that kid who noticed that they're wearing the same 25 00:01:41,319 --> 00:01:44,440 Speaker 1: thing that might tease them, you know, because that happened 26 00:01:44,440 --> 00:01:47,920 Speaker 1: to me. You know, crazy thing. I had a guy 27 00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:52,040 Speaker 1: in my classroom, you know, he started making fun about 28 00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:59,960 Speaker 1: my clothes and we started fighting. We gotta suspended three day, 29 00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:03,880 Speaker 1: came back to school. The first day back, he was like, 30 00:02:04,480 --> 00:02:08,639 Speaker 1: I'm still gonna talk about you. So we started fighting again. 31 00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:12,320 Speaker 1: This time they put us in sack, you know, detention, right, 32 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:16,919 Speaker 1: and uh, he was one of those people that I 33 00:02:17,280 --> 00:02:20,880 Speaker 1: kind of put in that same uh, you know cluster 34 00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:24,079 Speaker 1: of the tractors that I wanted to get back at 35 00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:30,519 Speaker 1: when I got paid, right, And so after I got paid, 36 00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:34,840 Speaker 1: I got to the money. Yeah, I wrote up to 37 00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:41,160 Speaker 1: I was riding around and Maserati and I'm in I 38 00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:47,760 Speaker 1: come through the McDonald's parking lot and I see him 39 00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:53,400 Speaker 1: and uh, you know, I called his name. See this guy, 40 00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:59,280 Speaker 1: he's like, he looks like a crackhead, skinny, dirty clothes. 41 00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:08,600 Speaker 1: I called his name. He turned around teeth on and uh, 42 00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:11,400 Speaker 1: I called his name, and I said, oh, you said yo, 43 00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:14,520 Speaker 1: what's up? WILLI D I said, what's up? Man? I say, 44 00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:17,640 Speaker 1: so you are right, yeah, yeah, yeah, I said, you 45 00:03:17,639 --> 00:03:21,320 Speaker 1: need to ride now I'm good, I say, we're here 46 00:03:21,639 --> 00:03:23,880 Speaker 1: back then. You know, I just started making money, so 47 00:03:23,919 --> 00:03:27,760 Speaker 1: I want to show off. So I always had thousands 48 00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:30,560 Speaker 1: of dollars in my pockets, so I probably had about 49 00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:32,520 Speaker 1: ten thousand dollars in them one of the pockets, and 50 00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:34,920 Speaker 1: I pulled it out and gave it to him. Wow. 51 00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:41,040 Speaker 1: And at first he refused, and I said, no, take it, man, 52 00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:42,800 Speaker 1: take it. You know what I'm saying, I don't need it. 53 00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:46,320 Speaker 1: And I gave it to him and I drove off. 54 00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:49,680 Speaker 1: But it goes to show you about life. I thought 55 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:54,240 Speaker 1: that it was gonna make me feel good to snub him, 56 00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:55,920 Speaker 1: you know, to put it and rubb it in his face. 57 00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:58,440 Speaker 1: You know that I had made it. Look at me, 58 00:03:58,520 --> 00:04:02,080 Speaker 1: I'm this big successful look at me. But I felt 59 00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:04,120 Speaker 1: sorry for him. I felt really bad, and I felt 60 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:06,840 Speaker 1: bad that I even felt that when in the first 61 00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:10,000 Speaker 1: place like that, I felt like I had to like 62 00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:14,760 Speaker 1: accomplish something great, you know, to be accepted by a 63 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:18,120 Speaker 1: person you know or someone you know. I felt like 64 00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:21,080 Speaker 1: I had to come back and and and prove that 65 00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:26,960 Speaker 1: I was worthy, you know, uh of of somebody else's 66 00:04:27,040 --> 00:04:31,920 Speaker 1: you know, praise, you know, a recognition, like you said earlier, attention. Yeah, 67 00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:35,120 Speaker 1: you want to be recognized. You want to be known 68 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:40,880 Speaker 1: literally for doing something. Unfortunately, now a lot of young 69 00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:43,280 Speaker 1: and even some older people want to be known for 70 00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:47,279 Speaker 1: doing something, and it may not be good that seconds 71 00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:52,359 Speaker 1: of fame. Everybody just wants everybody just wants that that attention. 72 00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:56,880 Speaker 1: And you know, it's crazy because you know, I'm gonna 73 00:04:56,920 --> 00:04:59,719 Speaker 1: tell you something, like I I double salute you for 74 00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:02,719 Speaker 1: you do because you don't just you know, teach. I 75 00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:07,080 Speaker 1: mean you're really ingrained, and like I really like the 76 00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:11,480 Speaker 1: correction and the rehabilitation of our young people, you know, 77 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:14,719 Speaker 1: who are out there who are going through it. That's 78 00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:18,400 Speaker 1: a tough position to be in because you live with that, 79 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:20,599 Speaker 1: you go to sleep with that, you wake up with that, 80 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:24,320 Speaker 1: you know, you eat with that. You know, it's constantly 81 00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:27,000 Speaker 1: you know, on your mind, you know, so you know 82 00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:30,000 Speaker 1: it's it's it's a it's a very difficult thing to 83 00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:33,039 Speaker 1: deal with, you know, especially if if you've already had 84 00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:37,080 Speaker 1: your own traumatic experiences, right, you know, which which you 85 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:39,200 Speaker 1: can speak to. I mean, I don't know if you 86 00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:43,200 Speaker 1: want to, but yeah, you know so. So you know 87 00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:47,560 Speaker 1: with the situation with your mother, you know, it came 88 00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:52,480 Speaker 1: a time when you didn't feel safe around her. Um. 89 00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:57,560 Speaker 1: That's why I said dysfunctional family. You get this picture 90 00:05:57,640 --> 00:06:00,680 Speaker 1: and it it looks great, but you don't know what's 91 00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:04,560 Speaker 1: on the back side of the picture frame. And as 92 00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:09,520 Speaker 1: I got older, my mom started to be more I 93 00:06:09,560 --> 00:06:13,640 Speaker 1: guess you would just say, down right me and abusive 94 00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:18,560 Speaker 1: because she had been done wrong by so many men. 95 00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:21,760 Speaker 1: Did you feel like she was jealous of you at all? 96 00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:27,640 Speaker 1: Sometimes yes, she had made comments about or you, thank 97 00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:33,120 Speaker 1: you pretty, we'll mess up your face. I wore glasses 98 00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:37,360 Speaker 1: and she would say things like break up your glasses. 99 00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:41,359 Speaker 1: Oh god, I really can't see now. But it's like, okay, 100 00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:45,440 Speaker 1: just be quiet, just be quiet, don't don't poke the bear, 101 00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:49,320 Speaker 1: don't don't give it any more energy. I would just 102 00:06:49,839 --> 00:06:55,280 Speaker 1: be quiet. And I wasn't the kind of young teenager 103 00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:59,680 Speaker 1: who did stuff to get in trouble. All I had 104 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:03,040 Speaker 1: to do was breathe oxygen. All I had to do 105 00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:07,599 Speaker 1: was be there. And if she had a bad day 106 00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:12,440 Speaker 1: at work or someone had just literally piste her off, 107 00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:17,280 Speaker 1: I was gonna get it. I was gonna get it, 108 00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:21,239 Speaker 1: and my grandmother would be the one to say, run, 109 00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:27,760 Speaker 1: get out of the house, and I would run and 110 00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:31,080 Speaker 1: I would run to my neighbor's house and I would 111 00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:35,480 Speaker 1: stay until my grandmother will say, Okay, you could come 112 00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:41,320 Speaker 1: home now. And I grew up with that in my teens, 113 00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:50,280 Speaker 1: and I didn't think it was abnormal. I thought, maybe 114 00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:54,000 Speaker 1: this is what everybody goes through. I had nothing to 115 00:07:54,040 --> 00:08:01,880 Speaker 1: compare it to. But every family has something then, But 116 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:07,120 Speaker 1: what is that something? It might be, um, you know 117 00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:13,400 Speaker 1: grandparents like my grandparents who took care of you. But 118 00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:16,160 Speaker 1: when I got older, I understood, Oh, my grandmother Mary 119 00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:19,560 Speaker 1: and my grandfather because he could take care of her 120 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:23,640 Speaker 1: when she was fourteen fifteen years old. That's like you 121 00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:28,080 Speaker 1: said that nobody would do that. They not normally don't 122 00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:31,160 Speaker 1: do that here in the United States and other countries. Yoh, yeah, 123 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:33,760 Speaker 1: that's quite normal. But who would have thought of that? 124 00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:37,200 Speaker 1: Who would have pawned her off like that? But my 125 00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:44,000 Speaker 1: great grandmother, I know, loved my grandmother hugely. But with 126 00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:48,400 Speaker 1: my mother, she, according to where my cousins and aunts 127 00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:50,960 Speaker 1: would tell me, she just had this mean streak in 128 00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:56,400 Speaker 1: her and the physical abuse that she received just accentuated it. 129 00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:03,400 Speaker 1: She had one other set of children, supposedly with my 130 00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:07,040 Speaker 1: biological father, and I say a set because they were 131 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:11,400 Speaker 1: twins and they didn't live, so I literally was the 132 00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:16,840 Speaker 1: oldest and then the only child. But in my twenties 133 00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:19,560 Speaker 1: I always worked. I always wanted to work because I 134 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:22,120 Speaker 1: want to have my own money, because there were things 135 00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:24,040 Speaker 1: that I wanted, and she, oh, I'm not buying that, 136 00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:28,720 Speaker 1: I'm not paying that. And we didn't know allowance. It 137 00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:32,360 Speaker 1: was just if you ask, you would get if it 138 00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:36,360 Speaker 1: was feasible, if it was possible. And one particular time, 139 00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:40,600 Speaker 1: I had a really really decent job. I didn't have 140 00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:44,480 Speaker 1: a degree yet and Uh, I said, come on, let 141 00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:47,560 Speaker 1: me take you out. My mother and my grandmother and 142 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:51,520 Speaker 1: we were riding in the car going down to I 143 00:09:51,559 --> 00:09:53,480 Speaker 1: don't remember where we were coming from, but I said, 144 00:09:53,559 --> 00:09:56,720 Speaker 1: let's go to the UH, which is now chaos. On 145 00:09:56,800 --> 00:10:00,960 Speaker 1: six ten. I said, let's go to Bennigan's and sit 146 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:05,480 Speaker 1: down and eat, because my grandmother always cooked. And my 147 00:10:05,559 --> 00:10:07,400 Speaker 1: mother said, I don't. I don't want to go there. 148 00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:11,240 Speaker 1: I want to go home. And I said, okay. I said, well, 149 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:14,720 Speaker 1: to keep her from having to cook, let's go there. 150 00:10:14,840 --> 00:10:16,840 Speaker 1: And we get it to go and we bring it 151 00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:20,640 Speaker 1: home and she said, I told you I don't want 152 00:10:20,679 --> 00:10:23,280 Speaker 1: to go there. I said, we're not going to stay. 153 00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:25,680 Speaker 1: I'm just going to buy the food and we take 154 00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:30,160 Speaker 1: it home to eat. And right about then I heard 155 00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:35,880 Speaker 1: and she had a gun to my temple and she said, 156 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:39,000 Speaker 1: if you don't turn this motherfucking car around, we'll blow 157 00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:44,440 Speaker 1: your goddamn brains out. And I pulled over the side 158 00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:48,040 Speaker 1: of the road. My grandmother was hysterical. She was just 159 00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:51,080 Speaker 1: out of control, crying and telling her, don't do that, 160 00:10:51,160 --> 00:10:53,240 Speaker 1: don't do that. Put the gun down. Put the gun down. 161 00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:56,560 Speaker 1: And she said, no, she's gonna take me home. That's 162 00:10:56,600 --> 00:11:00,480 Speaker 1: what I said, She's gonna take me home, and stopped 163 00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:06,280 Speaker 1: the car. I got out and went running down the freeway, 164 00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:12,000 Speaker 1: yelling and screaming. Somebody helped me. Somebody helped me, and 165 00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:20,080 Speaker 1: somebody stopped and it was like a bad movie, but 166 00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:23,720 Speaker 1: I was the star and said, my mother's trying to 167 00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:27,200 Speaker 1: kill me. I need somebody to call the police. And 168 00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:30,200 Speaker 1: someone did call the police. It was like I was 169 00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:35,640 Speaker 1: just they's a free falling and I couldn't control anything, 170 00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:39,880 Speaker 1: and it was totally gone from my mind. It was 171 00:11:39,920 --> 00:11:42,760 Speaker 1: like I couldn't see anything, I couldn't hear anything, I 172 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:46,880 Speaker 1: couldn't remember anything. It was just that traumatic for me. 173 00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:51,240 Speaker 1: And police came to my mother to jail, and we 174 00:11:51,280 --> 00:11:54,640 Speaker 1: went on took my grandmother home. Keep in mind, we're 175 00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:56,760 Speaker 1: all living together, me and my mother and my grandmother, 176 00:11:57,480 --> 00:12:03,160 Speaker 1: so you know, I'm sure she did not. She did not. 177 00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:07,000 Speaker 1: Points we voting podcast will be right back back to 178 00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:16,320 Speaker 1: the point. M M. My mother called, she got her 179 00:12:16,559 --> 00:12:20,400 Speaker 1: her jail call, and said, did if you still in 180 00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:23,280 Speaker 1: that house when I get out, I'm still a kid. Yeah, 181 00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:30,320 Speaker 1: I told my grandmother's act, I gotta go. I was 182 00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:36,720 Speaker 1: maybe twenty one, maybe twenty one years old. I left 183 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:39,160 Speaker 1: and I went and stayed with my No, I didn't. 184 00:12:39,679 --> 00:12:42,199 Speaker 1: I actually went and stay with my aunt, my grandmother's sister. 185 00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:48,720 Speaker 1: And not a problem, not a problem. And I paid 186 00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:52,439 Speaker 1: them pay them rent because I couldn't stay for free. 187 00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:56,080 Speaker 1: But they let me come and go. You know. I 188 00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:58,240 Speaker 1: went to work or not, and then I would go out. 189 00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:01,440 Speaker 1: But otherwise I was was like a hermit. Was like, no, 190 00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:05,800 Speaker 1: I'm not trying to do anything to cause anymore issues 191 00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:09,400 Speaker 1: with anybody. And though I say making good money in 192 00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:11,480 Speaker 1: terms of what can you pay rent and can you 193 00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:13,720 Speaker 1: pay your card? Okay, Well it wasn't that kind of 194 00:13:13,720 --> 00:13:19,440 Speaker 1: good money. So um, my grandmother had started to get 195 00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:25,040 Speaker 1: real sick, and she said, I really want you to 196 00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:27,040 Speaker 1: come home, she said. And I talked to your mother 197 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:31,480 Speaker 1: and I told her, you're killing me. I need her 198 00:13:31,559 --> 00:13:36,240 Speaker 1: to be able to come back home. So like a relationship, 199 00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:38,880 Speaker 1: you know, where somebody says I'm gonna beat you, I'm 200 00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:40,559 Speaker 1: gona beat you. Oh, I'm sorry, I'm not gonna beat 201 00:13:40,559 --> 00:13:43,800 Speaker 1: you anymore. I apologize and you come back, and then 202 00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:45,679 Speaker 1: as they beat you again, Oh, I didn't mean to 203 00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:48,240 Speaker 1: do that again. It was that kind of a cycle. 204 00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:52,720 Speaker 1: But I came back and helped take care of my mother. 205 00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:56,200 Speaker 1: And that's when I went on and got in HCC 206 00:13:56,440 --> 00:13:59,200 Speaker 1: and got the good job learning how to do the 207 00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:03,920 Speaker 1: surgery piece. So that redeemed me. And I helped take 208 00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:08,080 Speaker 1: care of my grandmother until she succumbed to cancer. But 209 00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:15,160 Speaker 1: my mother's mind, things had started to change tremendously with her, 210 00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:18,560 Speaker 1: and I could see it. And if I said something 211 00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:23,680 Speaker 1: to anyone, and other people would say, oh, you know, 212 00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:26,200 Speaker 1: your mama was had a crazy way. There are you're crazy, mama? 213 00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:30,000 Speaker 1: Like my pastor said, you ought to start asking, but 214 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:34,760 Speaker 1: why are they crazy? Yeah, we say it flippantly, jokingly. 215 00:14:36,480 --> 00:14:39,040 Speaker 1: Why do you think she was acting like that? Why 216 00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:45,640 Speaker 1: do you think Well, when some years had passed, married, 217 00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:49,400 Speaker 1: family and everything like that, I didn't realize my mother 218 00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:54,560 Speaker 1: had really started to go in the wrong direction mentally. 219 00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:02,880 Speaker 1: She when she went in the hospital this last time, 220 00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:06,720 Speaker 1: I had not talked to my mother in probably five 221 00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:10,720 Speaker 1: or six years. She took herself away from us. We 222 00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:15,400 Speaker 1: didn't take ourselves away from her. I found out my 223 00:15:15,520 --> 00:15:17,920 Speaker 1: mother had gone through a homeless stage. She was living 224 00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:23,240 Speaker 1: in a car, She had lost everything, she had lost 225 00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:26,360 Speaker 1: her home, house had caught on fire. She didn't want 226 00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:30,680 Speaker 1: to tell anyone. She didn't have insurance. Um, she had 227 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:34,080 Speaker 1: been sick and ended out of the hospital. She was 228 00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:38,000 Speaker 1: just really in dire straits. But she would never reach out. 229 00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:43,320 Speaker 1: I would kind of keep tabs on her, like get 230 00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:45,760 Speaker 1: so close just enough to see and know where she 231 00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:48,640 Speaker 1: was and how she was doing, but never approached because 232 00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:52,400 Speaker 1: I knew that was probably set her off. Yeah, and 233 00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:55,880 Speaker 1: I didn't want to do that. Ironically, when I was 234 00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:58,760 Speaker 1: working at another school in the district on the northwest side, 235 00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:00,960 Speaker 1: I'm a thrifter. I love going to the the drift store. 236 00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:03,440 Speaker 1: And I was in the thrift store and I saw 237 00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:04,920 Speaker 1: a lady at the corner of my eye and I 238 00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:08,560 Speaker 1: was like, that looks no, no, that is definitely not her. 239 00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:13,000 Speaker 1: And sure enough, I go and see, just go and see. 240 00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:15,880 Speaker 1: And I turned around and I called her by name, 241 00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:22,080 Speaker 1: and she turned around and looked at me, and she said, 242 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:27,160 Speaker 1: don't come close to me. I knew it was her, 243 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:31,840 Speaker 1: but I knew how she was. I didn't know how 244 00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:34,360 Speaker 1: she was at that moment. I should say I know 245 00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:36,560 Speaker 1: how she was previously. I didn't know how she was 246 00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:38,920 Speaker 1: at that moment. And at that point you hadn't seen 247 00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:42,480 Speaker 1: it in five years at least. The first thing that 248 00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:45,000 Speaker 1: comes to her mind, the first words that you you 249 00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:47,440 Speaker 1: hear her uttered when she sees you, when she laid 250 00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:52,120 Speaker 1: his eyes on her daughter, the child she gave birth two, 251 00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:57,720 Speaker 1: is don't come close to it. And she told someone 252 00:16:57,760 --> 00:17:03,360 Speaker 1: in the store that latest allowing me because I was watching, 253 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:06,320 Speaker 1: and I was and so and so it has to 254 00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,440 Speaker 1: be in the back of your mind. She probably have 255 00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:10,879 Speaker 1: a gun. So yeah, I am. I'm gonna keep my 256 00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:15,159 Speaker 1: distance exactly. So I turned and I went out the 257 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:18,119 Speaker 1: store and went to my car, and I cried, and 258 00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:21,359 Speaker 1: I cried and I cried, and I didn't try to 259 00:17:22,119 --> 00:17:26,399 Speaker 1: get in touch with her. One of my fraternity brothers, 260 00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:28,240 Speaker 1: he and I would always chop it up and talking 261 00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:31,840 Speaker 1: and say, you ever wonder where your mom is? And 262 00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:33,920 Speaker 1: I said, yeah, but I'm kind of afraid to find 263 00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:37,520 Speaker 1: out because I don't want to. I just don't want 264 00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:39,960 Speaker 1: to be in there. I can't deal with that, I 265 00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:43,919 Speaker 1: really can't. And he said, well, at least just know 266 00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:47,080 Speaker 1: where she is. And I said to my daughter, I said, 267 00:17:47,119 --> 00:17:49,360 Speaker 1: with China, you know I've been thinking you. Her name 268 00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:52,160 Speaker 1: is China. I said, I don't know if your grandmother 269 00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:55,720 Speaker 1: is alive or dead. And it's on my mind more 270 00:17:55,760 --> 00:18:01,000 Speaker 1: and more, which means that's that God is trying to 271 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:04,760 Speaker 1: tell you something you need to know. So I reached 272 00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:07,600 Speaker 1: out to my my frat brother again and he said, okay, 273 00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:09,200 Speaker 1: let me check and see what I can find out. 274 00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:12,520 Speaker 1: And he he would talk, you know, every so often, 275 00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:16,320 Speaker 1: he said, I keep checking. He said, she doesn't want 276 00:18:16,359 --> 00:18:20,119 Speaker 1: to be found. He said, I'm coming up empty on 277 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:25,040 Speaker 1: a lot of my leads. But somewhere in the heights, 278 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:29,359 Speaker 1: somewhere over the heights, but I don't know where. And 279 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:32,000 Speaker 1: It was the very next week I got a phone 280 00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:36,679 Speaker 1: call from Memorial Herman over in the Heights, and at 281 00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:38,800 Speaker 1: that particular time, I was still at work. My husband 282 00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:41,960 Speaker 1: answered the phone and they asked for me, and he said, well, 283 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:44,080 Speaker 1: she's not here. I can't take a message. And he said, 284 00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:48,679 Speaker 1: was Marrie Herman. We need to talk to her, and 285 00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:52,000 Speaker 1: we can't give any information. So when I came in, 286 00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:54,160 Speaker 1: he told me, but it was too late to call 287 00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:56,720 Speaker 1: then until I called the next morning, got the social 288 00:18:56,760 --> 00:19:01,320 Speaker 1: worker and she said, I think we have your mother, 289 00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:04,800 Speaker 1: but I need to ask you some questions so we 290 00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:08,919 Speaker 1: can verify your identity. And they asked me everything and 291 00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:11,880 Speaker 1: I answered, because I knew all her information, social secure number, 292 00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:14,639 Speaker 1: everything I knew and she said, well, we have your 293 00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:20,600 Speaker 1: social Security number. You you really are a NERD can 294 00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:24,840 Speaker 1: say yes, I know my children? Well, so yes, but 295 00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:30,600 Speaker 1: I did so I could very investigators, borderline, next job baby, 296 00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:34,760 Speaker 1: but I told she said yeah, you're definitely her daughter. 297 00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:37,800 Speaker 1: And we asked her if she had any family and 298 00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:40,960 Speaker 1: she said no. She said, but we're calling it because 299 00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:44,480 Speaker 1: and I said, oh lord, what is this. I don't 300 00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:46,480 Speaker 1: even know if I'm ready for this. And I was 301 00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:49,600 Speaker 1: at work and she said, um, your mother is not 302 00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:53,360 Speaker 1: in good health and we don't expect her to survive. 303 00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:57,040 Speaker 1: We want to know if you're willing to take on 304 00:19:57,119 --> 00:20:02,240 Speaker 1: the responsibility and make all decisions for her. And I called, man, 305 00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:05,879 Speaker 1: what what a phone call? All that week, I had 306 00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:11,240 Speaker 1: been listening to gospel music, just getting infused, infused, infused. Okay, 307 00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:13,440 Speaker 1: I listened to it, but not quite like this, but 308 00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:16,399 Speaker 1: just every day I would put it on driving past 309 00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:19,119 Speaker 1: the gallerya bump of the bumper traffic, sometimes get a 310 00:20:19,119 --> 00:20:22,640 Speaker 1: whole church sermon in. And I said, I know why now, 311 00:20:23,359 --> 00:20:26,240 Speaker 1: because I was getting built up to be able to 312 00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:28,199 Speaker 1: handle this journey, because I didn't know what that was 313 00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:32,200 Speaker 1: gonna be like. So the lady told me. I said, well, yes, man, 314 00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:36,880 Speaker 1: I said, I'll be there this afternoon. And I went 315 00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:39,560 Speaker 1: and asked for the social worker and I said, how 316 00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:42,840 Speaker 1: did you find me? She said, we went on the computer. 317 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:45,120 Speaker 1: She said, your mom. She said, we could tell she's 318 00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:48,240 Speaker 1: not the kind of person that wouldn't have anybody, but 319 00:20:48,359 --> 00:20:52,000 Speaker 1: she was adamant she had no family. But the last 320 00:20:52,119 --> 00:20:56,400 Speaker 1: name was Nick Spatten. It was amazing name, family name, 321 00:20:57,400 --> 00:20:58,960 Speaker 1: she said, and it's not a lot of people with 322 00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:02,040 Speaker 1: that spelling. And you go online and you look and 323 00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:04,560 Speaker 1: you start pulling up names and he'll say, oh, this 324 00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:08,359 Speaker 1: person may be associated with she said, and you and 325 00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:11,159 Speaker 1: your husband's name came up, but not your number, your 326 00:21:11,240 --> 00:21:14,000 Speaker 1: husband's name and phone number, so that's why they call. 327 00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:17,439 Speaker 1: And I said, oh okay, she said, what do you 328 00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:24,239 Speaker 1: want to see her? H yeah, I'm here, so yeah. 329 00:21:24,359 --> 00:21:26,800 Speaker 1: So we went to the room and opened the door. 330 00:21:27,359 --> 00:21:31,680 Speaker 1: And I had always called my mother Melanie because when 331 00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:33,960 Speaker 1: I was small, I thought my mother was my sister, 332 00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:37,720 Speaker 1: because my grandmother was raising me. She lived with us, 333 00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:40,920 Speaker 1: but she was usually gone or gone on the road 334 00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:44,159 Speaker 1: with the entertainers or things like that. So was she 335 00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:49,800 Speaker 1: incapacitated when I saw her? Yes, she had just had 336 00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:55,359 Speaker 1: her kidney removed cancer and she looked at me and 337 00:21:55,400 --> 00:22:01,119 Speaker 1: her eyes just and she didn't say anything. And I said, 338 00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:06,879 Speaker 1: it's me. I don't know you. I said, now you 339 00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:09,600 Speaker 1: know what you know? You know me because I looked 340 00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:14,320 Speaker 1: just like you. And the social worker said, oh my gosh, 341 00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:20,680 Speaker 1: y'all sound just alike. My mother was in her eighties. 342 00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:25,840 Speaker 1: And the social workers said, you have the same eyes, 343 00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:31,320 Speaker 1: your voice, it's the same. So how many days that 344 00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:34,800 Speaker 1: you have her before she passed. I had six weeks. 345 00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:37,879 Speaker 1: Six weeks and how often did you go to the 346 00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:44,439 Speaker 1: hospital as much as my heart could stand. Uh. I 347 00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:48,720 Speaker 1: brought my kids because she had not seen them in years. 348 00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:51,760 Speaker 1: And what was her reaction when she saw them. She 349 00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:53,880 Speaker 1: would talk to them like she just saw him yesterday. 350 00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:59,840 Speaker 1: Same with my husband. And we were able to get 351 00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:04,440 Speaker 1: her moved into a nursing home because I could do it. 352 00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:06,480 Speaker 1: I just couldn't do it. It was so much that 353 00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:11,240 Speaker 1: she needed. It was beyond anything that I was emotionally 354 00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:15,080 Speaker 1: able to do. And I call it the nursing home 355 00:23:15,119 --> 00:23:19,720 Speaker 1: from Hell because I had no idea it was a 356 00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:23,439 Speaker 1: good one, but then management changed and it became the 357 00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:27,800 Speaker 1: nursing home from Hell. While she was there, I had 358 00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:35,200 Speaker 1: to act like she was destituted, which technically she was. Uh. 359 00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:38,040 Speaker 1: During that time when she was in the hospital, the 360 00:23:38,119 --> 00:23:41,080 Speaker 1: apartment complex that she was in, they went and had 361 00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:45,880 Speaker 1: a court order done to have her evicted. Unfortunately, the 362 00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:49,960 Speaker 1: apartment people wouldn't tell me anything, but one lady who 363 00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:52,280 Speaker 1: worked there work the night ship, and she said, I'm 364 00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:55,359 Speaker 1: not supposed to tell you anything, but I'm going to 365 00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:58,680 Speaker 1: tell you because what they're doing isn't right. She said, 366 00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:02,399 Speaker 1: they're going to court tomorrow and they'll take everything that 367 00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:06,480 Speaker 1: she owns. You need to go to court. I said, 368 00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:08,919 Speaker 1: where do I go? And she told me and she 369 00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:12,480 Speaker 1: gave the information and I showed up at court the 370 00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:16,560 Speaker 1: next day and I prayed and I said, I'm pleading 371 00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:19,920 Speaker 1: on the blood of Jesus that this judge will show 372 00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:22,679 Speaker 1: me favor for my mother, because I had been calling 373 00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:25,840 Speaker 1: the apartment where my mother lived and they would never 374 00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:29,880 Speaker 1: call me back. So when the apartment people came up 375 00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:32,320 Speaker 1: in front of the judge and he says, there anyone else? 376 00:24:32,359 --> 00:24:35,000 Speaker 1: And I came up and the apartment people looked at 377 00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:37,639 Speaker 1: me and they said, do you notice lady? And they 378 00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:40,439 Speaker 1: said no, and they asked me this, and do you 379 00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:44,600 Speaker 1: know them? I said, I've seen them because I went. 380 00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:48,440 Speaker 1: But they wouldn't talk to me. And the judge said, 381 00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:52,080 Speaker 1: why wouldn't you talk to her? And they said because 382 00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:55,920 Speaker 1: Ms Max Patton said she didn't have any family. He said, 383 00:24:55,920 --> 00:24:58,720 Speaker 1: so you didn't try to investigate to find out. Didn't 384 00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:00,560 Speaker 1: that seem odd to you? And well, she said she 385 00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:02,840 Speaker 1: didn't have any family. They had got my mother to 386 00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:10,120 Speaker 1: sign over everything everything, so um. The judge then said, well, 387 00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:14,840 Speaker 1: if I give you seven days to take care of 388 00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:19,560 Speaker 1: your mother's affairs? Will you do it? And I know 389 00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:22,880 Speaker 1: seven is a number of completion, and I said, yes, sir, 390 00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:27,440 Speaker 1: I will. So within seven days, I had packed up everything, 391 00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:31,600 Speaker 1: moved it away, some of stored, some I gave away 392 00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:34,480 Speaker 1: to family and friends, and said she may not be 393 00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:37,600 Speaker 1: able to have it. I may not want it, but 394 00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:39,399 Speaker 1: I'll be dog on if you get to take it. 395 00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:44,320 Speaker 1: That's not fair to her. My mother told me she 396 00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:50,040 Speaker 1: had no insurance, So okay, I still got you. She said, 397 00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:53,240 Speaker 1: you know I'm dying, don't you. I said, yes, ma'am, 398 00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:55,240 Speaker 1: I do. I need you to tell me what you 399 00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:57,679 Speaker 1: want because if you don't tell me, I'm gonna do 400 00:25:57,720 --> 00:26:00,320 Speaker 1: what I want to do. She would never but tell 401 00:26:00,359 --> 00:26:03,199 Speaker 1: me what she wanted. I was able to move my 402 00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:07,919 Speaker 1: mother out of the the place that just did not 403 00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:11,680 Speaker 1: breathe life into anyone, and I got her into Harbor Hospice. 404 00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:16,160 Speaker 1: She survived twenty three hours. And what was the last 405 00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:20,320 Speaker 1: word she said to you? I always knew you would 406 00:26:20,359 --> 00:26:24,400 Speaker 1: be okay, and I love you. Man. That is crazy 407 00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:26,920 Speaker 1: that that sounds like something my mama would have said. 408 00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:30,760 Speaker 1: Because my mama was particularly hard on me, you know, 409 00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:34,800 Speaker 1: she told me one day, like, you know, after beating 410 00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:38,560 Speaker 1: the hell out of me, She's like, the reason why 411 00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:41,080 Speaker 1: I'm hard on you because you better, You're gonna be 412 00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:44,639 Speaker 1: better than the rest of it. And I remember saying, 413 00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:46,680 Speaker 1: I don't want to be the rest better than the 414 00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:50,320 Speaker 1: rest him if I got to go through this. Yeah. Um, 415 00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:55,520 Speaker 1: so after all of that, you you eulogize your mother. 416 00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:59,520 Speaker 1: What did you say? Like? What like? What like? What 417 00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:03,520 Speaker 1: are the most pleignant things that you remember saying during 418 00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:07,480 Speaker 1: the eulogy? And then you also, I guess you use 419 00:27:07,520 --> 00:27:11,360 Speaker 1: your money to bury her, right? You know you said 420 00:27:11,359 --> 00:27:15,800 Speaker 1: she didn't have insurance or whatever. Right. Well, after going 421 00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:20,399 Speaker 1: through my mother's things, my mother was a hoarder, A 422 00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:26,320 Speaker 1: horrible hoarder, I could say, a good hoarder. She hid money, 423 00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:36,119 Speaker 1: she hid money orders, cash enough to give her the 424 00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:43,680 Speaker 1: homegoing that she wanted and to bless my children. So no, 425 00:27:43,800 --> 00:27:45,640 Speaker 1: we're not millionaires. Iss why I still go to work, 426 00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:50,600 Speaker 1: But I'd brought to go to work anywhere. But I 427 00:27:50,600 --> 00:27:52,399 Speaker 1: had enough to pay for and I pay for a 428 00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:57,159 Speaker 1: thing in cash, so there were no extenuating bills. She 429 00:27:57,520 --> 00:28:03,040 Speaker 1: um never told me I had planned to do the 430 00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:08,320 Speaker 1: cremation and we had everything set up at the church, 431 00:28:08,359 --> 00:28:13,280 Speaker 1: and our youth pastor ray Baby, shout out to ray Baby, 432 00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:15,920 Speaker 1: and I asked him, and I had to tell him 433 00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:18,440 Speaker 1: my story, he said, because I don't know your mom. 434 00:28:18,480 --> 00:28:21,320 Speaker 1: And when I told him, he's like, my god, oh 435 00:28:21,359 --> 00:28:24,399 Speaker 1: my god. If anybody knows ray Baby, that's something he 436 00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:27,400 Speaker 1: always says. And he said, yeah, I'll do it for you. 437 00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:32,840 Speaker 1: And the sermon that he did was entitled Maximized the dash. 438 00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:37,080 Speaker 1: You get a birthdate, get an end date. What did 439 00:28:37,119 --> 00:28:42,520 Speaker 1: you do with your dash? Yeah? So he talked about 440 00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:45,560 Speaker 1: me and the family and how he knew us and 441 00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:48,840 Speaker 1: that we were the fruit of my mom. Why thought 442 00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:53,640 Speaker 1: you eulogized that he did, and then I came behind 443 00:28:53,760 --> 00:28:57,959 Speaker 1: him and I got to speak, and I talked about 444 00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:03,840 Speaker 1: tough love and forgiveness, the power that's in forgiveness. Which 445 00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:06,360 Speaker 1: is why I could do that, I said, because I 446 00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:09,560 Speaker 1: had to pray. I mean, everybody has to find some 447 00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:11,880 Speaker 1: kind of way to deal with it. Mindest to prayer. 448 00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:17,760 Speaker 1: And something that my pastor has said, hating somebody, it's 449 00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:20,560 Speaker 1: like you drink and drain on hoping they would die. 450 00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:25,720 Speaker 1: And I never forgot that. That allowed me to just 451 00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:29,960 Speaker 1: really started to release a whole lot of stuff, a 452 00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:35,600 Speaker 1: whole lot of baggage, and to understand that. Like Oprah, 453 00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:38,240 Speaker 1: I would say, you know, when you know better, you 454 00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:42,320 Speaker 1: do better. So all these things, Mike, thank you. She 455 00:29:42,440 --> 00:29:44,760 Speaker 1: was on Oprah show when she said, at that particular time, 456 00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:47,760 Speaker 1: thank you. Uh. Just hearing all of these things that 457 00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:53,160 Speaker 1: people have said to give me peace and to be 458 00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:56,720 Speaker 1: a strong tower to knock coward and be broken down 459 00:29:56,920 --> 00:29:59,080 Speaker 1: like old beautiful me. I could have been this with 460 00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:03,959 Speaker 1: my mama. Mm hmmmm. That wasn't in my fiber. If anything, 461 00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:06,640 Speaker 1: I just needed to be undergirded to stay strong. I 462 00:30:06,720 --> 00:30:09,920 Speaker 1: was already strong, I just didn't know it and needed 463 00:30:09,960 --> 00:30:15,560 Speaker 1: their support. And I talked about mental health and I said, 464 00:30:15,560 --> 00:30:20,479 Speaker 1: my mother was mentally ill. When you jokingly say, oh 465 00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:26,640 Speaker 1: crazy and Sally, oh duhn, Uncle Bubba everything, Hey, I 466 00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:31,920 Speaker 1: got uncle Bubba. Now had you know, everybody's shout un 467 00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:38,040 Speaker 1: Bubble my favorite uncle. Everybody's family has it. But the 468 00:30:38,200 --> 00:30:43,880 Speaker 1: question is, but why are they What makes them crazy? 469 00:30:44,080 --> 00:30:47,600 Speaker 1: What makes them goofy, what makes them silly in their eyes? 470 00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:53,840 Speaker 1: And that's what as a as a people, as a 471 00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:57,960 Speaker 1: people culturally, we like to sweep it under the table 472 00:30:58,680 --> 00:31:04,040 Speaker 1: and act like it doesn't existest, but having been the 473 00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:08,080 Speaker 1: the beaten child, it's like, oh, but it does exist 474 00:31:08,840 --> 00:31:11,520 Speaker 1: because I lived through it and I lived to tell 475 00:31:11,560 --> 00:31:13,920 Speaker 1: the story. Why did I get to live to tell 476 00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:16,920 Speaker 1: the story. Because I'm supposed to help somebody. I'm supposed 477 00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:20,760 Speaker 1: to help somebody else. Understand that when you start seeing 478 00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:23,160 Speaker 1: when they say, if it looks like a duck and 479 00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:25,800 Speaker 1: it's cracking like a duck, guess what. It's a duck. 480 00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:29,720 Speaker 1: What are you gonna do about it? And a little 481 00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:33,920 Speaker 1: roasted duck tastes pretty good sometimes, but don't ignore it. 482 00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:37,840 Speaker 1: The science and symptoms are there. There's so many. I 483 00:31:37,960 --> 00:31:42,120 Speaker 1: have a granddaughter who's five years old. Smartest could be 484 00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:44,240 Speaker 1: smart as a whip. Of course I say it because 485 00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:47,840 Speaker 1: it's my grandchild. But still the teachers at the school say, 486 00:31:48,000 --> 00:31:51,080 Speaker 1: she is so smart. She's an old person. She's been 487 00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:56,240 Speaker 1: here before. She talks like you know, she's seven, eight, nine, 488 00:31:56,360 --> 00:31:59,840 Speaker 1: ten years old. Yeah, she's been around us. We didn't 489 00:31:59,840 --> 00:32:04,240 Speaker 1: talk to her in baby talk. We started off talking 490 00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:09,160 Speaker 1: regular English, where she was walking at nine months. That's 491 00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:11,840 Speaker 1: scary to have a nine month old that's already walking, 492 00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:16,680 Speaker 1: and was saying Mama and dad. But otherwise it was 493 00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:21,320 Speaker 1: the regular words. But does she have some issues? I 494 00:32:21,320 --> 00:32:25,920 Speaker 1: could say genetically maybe, so she's and I don't want 495 00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:30,200 Speaker 1: to say she is, but she's showing a little sign 496 00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:35,600 Speaker 1: of being hyper. She's got to be busy. So knowing that, 497 00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:40,640 Speaker 1: I could just say, oh, isn't that cute? Or say okay, 498 00:32:40,720 --> 00:32:44,320 Speaker 1: let me see what I need to do exactly. How 499 00:32:44,360 --> 00:32:48,640 Speaker 1: did you meet Maryland Gambrella with no more victims, my 500 00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:51,880 Speaker 1: dear sweet friend. I was working at Stirling High School. 501 00:32:51,880 --> 00:32:55,800 Speaker 1: I've been all over Histy. I was working as a 502 00:32:55,800 --> 00:33:01,840 Speaker 1: graduation coach, working with kids making them graduate because they 503 00:33:01,880 --> 00:33:05,000 Speaker 1: didn't seem to want to. And some of the kids 504 00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:08,720 Speaker 1: would come in and would say, oh, Mama Jesus and 505 00:33:08,800 --> 00:33:12,840 Speaker 1: Mama Mama G. Who is Mama Ge. We have somebody 506 00:33:12,880 --> 00:33:17,920 Speaker 1: on this campus, ame Mama Gi. Yeah, you don't know her, No, miss, 507 00:33:17,920 --> 00:33:21,800 Speaker 1: you need to meet her. So a couple of them 508 00:33:21,880 --> 00:33:23,920 Speaker 1: they took me to where she was and she was 509 00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:26,880 Speaker 1: in a conference room and they introduced me and they said, oh, 510 00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:28,920 Speaker 1: this is Mama Ge. And I said, I'm sorry, what 511 00:33:29,080 --> 00:33:31,480 Speaker 1: is your real name? She saw the kids call me that. 512 00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:34,720 Speaker 1: She said, I'm Marylyn Gambriell. But that's so nice to 513 00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:38,320 Speaker 1: meet you, Dr Britarson. Chandra whatever you want calling, she said, 514 00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:45,000 Speaker 1: I am the great Maryland Gambrill, friend of Willie d. 515 00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:49,720 Speaker 1: I guess she didn't want to run me off on 516 00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:52,520 Speaker 1: the first meeting, but I said what do you do? 517 00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:54,280 Speaker 1: And she said, well, I have this program called No 518 00:33:54,320 --> 00:33:57,880 Speaker 1: More Victims? So what is that? So she said, well, basically, 519 00:33:57,920 --> 00:34:02,240 Speaker 1: it's a program that works with students whose parents or 520 00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:06,600 Speaker 1: family members have been incarcerated. Wow, I never even knew 521 00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:11,120 Speaker 1: that existed. And what do you do? And in essence, 522 00:34:11,200 --> 00:34:15,640 Speaker 1: it was an opportunity for for kids to unleash and 523 00:34:15,760 --> 00:34:17,760 Speaker 1: let it out and let the hurt and the anger 524 00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:23,000 Speaker 1: and the pain go in a protected environment. And she 525 00:34:23,080 --> 00:34:26,920 Speaker 1: would also take the kids to a prison, not to 526 00:34:26,920 --> 00:34:29,240 Speaker 1: see their parents or anything like that, but to speak 527 00:34:29,280 --> 00:34:32,399 Speaker 1: to inmates and let them know, this is how your 528 00:34:32,480 --> 00:34:35,359 Speaker 1: kids feel when you do the things that you do. 529 00:34:36,280 --> 00:34:41,160 Speaker 1: So they would tell their own personal experiences, and um, 530 00:34:41,239 --> 00:34:44,719 Speaker 1: I noticed the kids were always they might act a 531 00:34:44,760 --> 00:34:46,640 Speaker 1: fool out in the hallway, but when they got in 532 00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:50,760 Speaker 1: there with her, it was like they were different people. 533 00:34:51,360 --> 00:34:55,319 Speaker 1: They were calm and lacks. They might be energized and 534 00:34:55,760 --> 00:34:59,000 Speaker 1: you know, talking loud and stuff. But otherwise they were 535 00:34:59,040 --> 00:35:01,759 Speaker 1: just so much more piece that's right, that's right, and 536 00:35:01,880 --> 00:35:06,560 Speaker 1: and and shot salute because you know, it's like they 537 00:35:06,600 --> 00:35:09,239 Speaker 1: gotta want it right, and they all wanted and and 538 00:35:09,320 --> 00:35:12,160 Speaker 1: she has done such a remarkable job. I mean, not 539 00:35:12,280 --> 00:35:16,120 Speaker 1: for years, for decades with that with that program, and 540 00:35:16,160 --> 00:35:19,719 Speaker 1: the kids that come through that program, all of them 541 00:35:19,719 --> 00:35:24,479 Speaker 1: have experienced various degrees of pain and and just being 542 00:35:24,520 --> 00:35:27,600 Speaker 1: neglected and let down by the adults in their lives. 543 00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:31,440 Speaker 1: And to their credit, all of them, I'm talking about 544 00:35:31,480 --> 00:35:36,120 Speaker 1: every single one of them have just shown like incredible 545 00:35:36,160 --> 00:35:39,200 Speaker 1: progress and just I mean, if you could tell when 546 00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:43,279 Speaker 1: from the time that they come in to the time 547 00:35:43,320 --> 00:35:45,319 Speaker 1: that they get just a few weeks under them, it's 548 00:35:45,360 --> 00:35:48,680 Speaker 1: like she doesn't give up. And she also empowers them. 549 00:35:48,760 --> 00:35:51,040 Speaker 1: That's a big part of it too, is she empowers 550 00:35:51,080 --> 00:35:53,640 Speaker 1: and put them in leadership roles and things like she does. 551 00:35:55,160 --> 00:35:59,680 Speaker 1: She's really good. I just felt so honored, first of all, 552 00:35:59,719 --> 00:36:02,960 Speaker 1: to him met her. But then we were talking one 553 00:36:03,040 --> 00:36:06,920 Speaker 1: day and she was, you know, kind of laid back. 554 00:36:06,960 --> 00:36:09,680 Speaker 1: But I would say Maryland is a cry baby. So 555 00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:14,720 Speaker 1: when something touches her heart, she's just spewing tears like crazy. 556 00:36:14,719 --> 00:36:16,960 Speaker 1: And I thought, oh, what is wrong with this lady. 557 00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:21,600 Speaker 1: She's crying every time you turn around. And one day, um, 558 00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:24,480 Speaker 1: some of the kids. I guess they probably had a 559 00:36:24,480 --> 00:36:27,120 Speaker 1: conversation with her because I didn't go to the meetings. 560 00:36:27,680 --> 00:36:31,319 Speaker 1: But then I got invited to a meeting and I 561 00:36:31,360 --> 00:36:34,520 Speaker 1: was given the opportunity of telling what I say, is 562 00:36:34,560 --> 00:36:38,080 Speaker 1: my truth, tell my story. So I told a little 563 00:36:38,080 --> 00:36:41,880 Speaker 1: bit of my story and the kids were shocked because 564 00:36:41,920 --> 00:36:44,239 Speaker 1: they know me as Dr Richardson, you know, the the 565 00:36:44,320 --> 00:36:48,040 Speaker 1: lady who has it together. And I said this, this 566 00:36:48,120 --> 00:36:50,680 Speaker 1: is like a lucky accident that y'all get to know 567 00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:53,600 Speaker 1: me this way. I was not the one who had 568 00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:56,120 Speaker 1: it all together either, and I told him about my 569 00:36:56,200 --> 00:36:57,920 Speaker 1: mom and stuff that I had gone through, and they 570 00:36:57,920 --> 00:37:01,560 Speaker 1: were just really really shocked. And next thing I know, 571 00:37:01,680 --> 00:37:04,160 Speaker 1: the offer came if I wanted to be sworn in, 572 00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:08,760 Speaker 1: and as well, I guess, so if that if y'all 573 00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:11,440 Speaker 1: want me, and they said yes, So I was sworn 574 00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:15,520 Speaker 1: in and they got on the course that they had 575 00:37:15,520 --> 00:37:18,040 Speaker 1: a graduation. They even gave me an honor core that 576 00:37:18,080 --> 00:37:22,720 Speaker 1: I could wear, and I was really impressed. Well yearsually, 577 00:37:22,800 --> 00:37:26,319 Speaker 1: I moved went to another school and over the last 578 00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:29,320 Speaker 1: two years, I wound up being at a school again. 579 00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:35,160 Speaker 1: I taught it Worthy twenty one years ago, actually a teacher, 580 00:37:35,960 --> 00:37:38,440 Speaker 1: and now I'm back at Worthy in another role as 581 00:37:38,480 --> 00:37:42,560 Speaker 1: the coordinator Girl Points Relogal podcast will be right back 582 00:37:42,640 --> 00:37:52,080 Speaker 1: back to the point. M tell me about these scholarships 583 00:37:52,160 --> 00:37:58,239 Speaker 1: that you have raised. Uh, how you like, like responsible 584 00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:01,600 Speaker 1: for raising millions of dollars? Yes, sir, I've been blessed, 585 00:38:02,000 --> 00:38:07,640 Speaker 1: truly blessed, and I blessed the kids. Uh. Relationships not 586 00:38:07,840 --> 00:38:11,680 Speaker 1: just with the students, but outside relationships. And when I 587 00:38:11,800 --> 00:38:14,719 Speaker 1: tell people what I do, and I said, do you 588 00:38:15,080 --> 00:38:17,680 Speaker 1: do you have any or does your foundation do or 589 00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:20,800 Speaker 1: do you recommend somebody? Do you know somebody? And sometimes 590 00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:24,000 Speaker 1: they say yes. And then for the record, I am 591 00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:27,360 Speaker 1: a coordinator for college Access, but I say, I'm a 592 00:38:27,440 --> 00:38:32,440 Speaker 1: coordinator for college, Military and career Access. I cover all 593 00:38:32,520 --> 00:38:37,920 Speaker 1: the basis literally life access. I come in, I introduced 594 00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:40,880 Speaker 1: myself and I tell them my name. I said, but 595 00:38:42,239 --> 00:38:45,200 Speaker 1: just because I give you that name, that's not who 596 00:38:45,239 --> 00:38:47,520 Speaker 1: I am. That's just something that I have, something that 597 00:38:47,600 --> 00:38:50,680 Speaker 1: I've earned, something that I work for. You see the 598 00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:53,920 Speaker 1: outside cover, but you don't know the inside story. And 599 00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:56,920 Speaker 1: I tell the story and they look at me in disbelief. 600 00:38:58,080 --> 00:39:01,160 Speaker 1: I say, if I can do it, I can also 601 00:39:01,280 --> 00:39:04,320 Speaker 1: help you do it. And I don't care if you 602 00:39:04,440 --> 00:39:06,400 Speaker 1: go to college. And they look at me like, what 603 00:39:06,960 --> 00:39:09,399 Speaker 1: she's to college? Lady? What is she talking about? I said, 604 00:39:09,440 --> 00:39:11,480 Speaker 1: I really don't care if you go to college. What 605 00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:14,120 Speaker 1: I care about is do you have a plan and 606 00:39:14,360 --> 00:39:17,200 Speaker 1: is it a workable plan? Because if you come to 607 00:39:17,280 --> 00:39:20,799 Speaker 1: me and you got a what a point seven five 608 00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:23,880 Speaker 1: g p A and then you tell me all this, 609 00:39:24,160 --> 00:39:26,480 Speaker 1: I want to go to Yale, I want to go 610 00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:30,680 Speaker 1: to Harvard. Uh, let's let's sit down and look at 611 00:39:30,719 --> 00:39:34,200 Speaker 1: this realistically. And I'm not gonna tell you no. I'm 612 00:39:34,280 --> 00:39:37,840 Speaker 1: just gonna say not right now. Let's see what we 613 00:39:37,920 --> 00:39:41,560 Speaker 1: need to do. And sometimes it maybe started Houston Community College, 614 00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:45,560 Speaker 1: I had to go backwards because I messed up. Nobody 615 00:39:45,680 --> 00:39:48,120 Speaker 1: missed me up. I messed up. I made all those 616 00:39:48,200 --> 00:39:52,120 Speaker 1: choices myself. But then once I figured out what I 617 00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:55,200 Speaker 1: needed to do, I got my act together and I graduated, 618 00:39:55,840 --> 00:39:58,000 Speaker 1: and I was making the Dean's list, and I got 619 00:39:58,160 --> 00:40:02,480 Speaker 1: what I would call a good job, a decent salary 620 00:40:03,360 --> 00:40:06,479 Speaker 1: where I could help my family and get my kids 621 00:40:06,520 --> 00:40:09,160 Speaker 1: to understand you can do whatever you want to do. 622 00:40:10,280 --> 00:40:13,160 Speaker 1: You have some paper behind you. You said that people 623 00:40:14,200 --> 00:40:18,360 Speaker 1: are in disbelief when you tell your story. What's the 624 00:40:18,440 --> 00:40:21,760 Speaker 1: most remarkable part of your story? That they don't believe 625 00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:25,960 Speaker 1: that I came up in Sunnyside, that I was born 626 00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:30,600 Speaker 1: in Third War, or that idea come from a dysfunctional family. 627 00:40:32,360 --> 00:40:35,799 Speaker 1: That uh, when my mother passed away, that I eulogized 628 00:40:35,920 --> 00:40:39,800 Speaker 1: my mother, and in that eulogy I talked about mental 629 00:40:39,880 --> 00:40:44,160 Speaker 1: illness and how it affects a family because my mother 630 00:40:44,280 --> 00:40:48,200 Speaker 1: had it. And so what made your family dysfunctional? Because 631 00:40:48,640 --> 00:40:50,560 Speaker 1: you know from what I heard, you know you had 632 00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:56,000 Speaker 1: a loving mother, loving grandmother, loving father, and that was 633 00:40:56,400 --> 00:40:59,960 Speaker 1: the tribe, or at least the immediate part of your tribe. 634 00:41:00,600 --> 00:41:06,279 Speaker 1: So what what made where did this function comes from? Well, 635 00:41:06,320 --> 00:41:11,440 Speaker 1: when you look at societies analysis and definition of what 636 00:41:12,360 --> 00:41:15,480 Speaker 1: family is, family is a mother, father and children in 637 00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:20,439 Speaker 1: the same house. Well it was a mom, no dad 638 00:41:21,719 --> 00:41:27,160 Speaker 1: in the legal aspect, and you shouldn't be on welfare, 639 00:41:28,239 --> 00:41:33,520 Speaker 1: but we were, and my mother was. And my mother 640 00:41:34,120 --> 00:41:38,480 Speaker 1: had not graduated from high school, so she was of 641 00:41:38,719 --> 00:41:41,319 Speaker 1: no help to me. But she was adamant or you're 642 00:41:41,320 --> 00:41:43,520 Speaker 1: gonna go to school you're gonna go to high school. 643 00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:47,800 Speaker 1: When it came to going to college, I what do 644 00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:50,720 Speaker 1: I know about that? Who was I talking to about 645 00:41:50,760 --> 00:41:53,680 Speaker 1: college other than the people at school or my classmates? 646 00:41:54,239 --> 00:41:57,880 Speaker 1: And I distinctly remember my councilor Miss Jane Foster from 647 00:41:57,920 --> 00:42:01,279 Speaker 1: Medicine High School, who said, and what are you going 648 00:42:01,360 --> 00:42:03,480 Speaker 1: to do? Where are you going to school? And I said, oh, 649 00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:06,919 Speaker 1: I'm not going to question why? Uh, because my mother said, 650 00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:10,279 Speaker 1: we don't have money for that. Uh, well do you 651 00:42:10,360 --> 00:42:13,480 Speaker 1: want to go? Well, yeah, I guess well if I 652 00:42:13,520 --> 00:42:17,480 Speaker 1: get you some money, where you go. Yeah. So she 653 00:42:17,800 --> 00:42:19,640 Speaker 1: gave me papers to take them home, let your mother 654 00:42:19,680 --> 00:42:21,640 Speaker 1: feel them out. Oh no, ma'am, I can't take this 655 00:42:21,719 --> 00:42:24,400 Speaker 1: home to my mother. Why because she said, I'm not 656 00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:27,880 Speaker 1: going girl, take that stuff home. And I took it 657 00:42:27,960 --> 00:42:29,799 Speaker 1: home when my mother said, I'm not feeling this out 658 00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:32,920 Speaker 1: and mess with my welfare check. I'm not doing that. Now. 659 00:42:33,400 --> 00:42:37,960 Speaker 1: Was your mom? Did she use welfare to subsidize her income? 660 00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:39,880 Speaker 1: Did she? Did she have a job? But she did? 661 00:42:39,960 --> 00:42:44,080 Speaker 1: She just My mother was the most talented seamstress in 662 00:42:44,120 --> 00:42:48,000 Speaker 1: the city of Houston. She sold for all the entertainers 663 00:42:48,160 --> 00:42:53,560 Speaker 1: like James Brown, Tina Turner, the t s U Toronados 664 00:42:54,280 --> 00:43:02,320 Speaker 1: Ali head for the wife. The wife is a She 665 00:43:02,920 --> 00:43:08,000 Speaker 1: did it in Houston, Melanie's fashions. Uh. She was in 666 00:43:08,120 --> 00:43:11,680 Speaker 1: a shop next door to Ray Barnett's Center Club, the 667 00:43:11,760 --> 00:43:16,680 Speaker 1: old Center Club, next to the Palletroyal. Uh. She was 668 00:43:16,760 --> 00:43:20,440 Speaker 1: at the Continental Showcase. Whatever she wore, it was an 669 00:43:20,480 --> 00:43:24,360 Speaker 1: original design by Melanie. Her name was Melanie Emmy L 670 00:43:24,600 --> 00:43:30,400 Speaker 1: l O w n E. Melanie max Bay. And she 671 00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:33,040 Speaker 1: did it. She was around all the entertainers and she 672 00:43:33,160 --> 00:43:36,200 Speaker 1: took me to I was ten, eleven, twelve years old 673 00:43:36,200 --> 00:43:39,200 Speaker 1: sitting in the Continental Showcase with my mother, who had 674 00:43:39,680 --> 00:43:43,080 Speaker 1: a front and center table. Now, you said, well, that's 675 00:43:43,120 --> 00:43:46,240 Speaker 1: not normal, but back then a lot of stuff wasn't normal. 676 00:43:46,760 --> 00:43:50,320 Speaker 1: But that's what we did, and we had matching outfits 677 00:43:50,400 --> 00:43:53,520 Speaker 1: and things of that nature. But my mother was in 678 00:43:54,040 --> 00:44:02,759 Speaker 1: abusive relationships where men beat her. Man beat her, and 679 00:44:02,880 --> 00:44:05,960 Speaker 1: I saw it. I saw the aftermath. I saw the 680 00:44:06,040 --> 00:44:10,000 Speaker 1: black eyes, I saw the bites on her face. Um. 681 00:44:10,520 --> 00:44:12,080 Speaker 1: I was in a car with her once when I 682 00:44:12,239 --> 00:44:17,920 Speaker 1: was about ten, and one of the gentlemen that she married. 683 00:44:19,640 --> 00:44:25,319 Speaker 1: I'm being gracious, I'm being I have to be g Yeah, 684 00:44:25,920 --> 00:44:29,399 Speaker 1: I was shooting at her down the street, driving down 685 00:44:30,360 --> 00:44:34,960 Speaker 1: Coloring and Airport. I remember, I remember him shooting out 686 00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:38,400 Speaker 1: the glass. I remember having glass in my hair. I 687 00:44:38,560 --> 00:44:43,440 Speaker 1: remember it. And she buried him after my grandfather had passed. 688 00:44:43,640 --> 00:44:45,799 Speaker 1: As long as my grandfather's last she went there because 689 00:44:45,840 --> 00:44:48,759 Speaker 1: my grandfather said, no, he was no good for her. 690 00:44:49,760 --> 00:44:55,160 Speaker 1: But the heart up. Oh my grandfather would have probably 691 00:44:55,360 --> 00:44:59,239 Speaker 1: did more than that. Well I'm saying, yeah, oh, yeah, 692 00:44:59,320 --> 00:45:03,719 Speaker 1: I know, and made him disappear after. But yeah, she 693 00:45:03,960 --> 00:45:06,680 Speaker 1: was in a lot of abusive relationships, but she was 694 00:45:06,880 --> 00:45:11,759 Speaker 1: very popular because of her clothing. She was a certified 695 00:45:12,160 --> 00:45:17,400 Speaker 1: licensed beautician, she was a barber. This was from the 696 00:45:17,440 --> 00:45:21,200 Speaker 1: woman who didn't graduate from high school. But when I 697 00:45:21,360 --> 00:45:24,160 Speaker 1: was graduated from high school, trade though, And that's why 698 00:45:24,320 --> 00:45:28,240 Speaker 1: it's those trades back. We got to take the trades 699 00:45:28,360 --> 00:45:30,560 Speaker 1: out of the prisons and put them back into the 700 00:45:30,640 --> 00:45:35,319 Speaker 1: schools exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, beautiful, beautiful. I learned from 701 00:45:35,360 --> 00:45:38,160 Speaker 1: her how to do hair, but I didn't want to 702 00:45:38,239 --> 00:45:40,919 Speaker 1: do it, And I learned from her how to sew. 703 00:45:41,960 --> 00:45:44,560 Speaker 1: I didn't want to do it, but my calling was different, 704 00:45:45,480 --> 00:45:51,320 Speaker 1: still different. Do you think that your mother's abusive relationships 705 00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:55,879 Speaker 1: had any type of effect on your own personal relationships. 706 00:45:56,520 --> 00:46:01,560 Speaker 1: Was you ever in an abusive relationship? Well, I'll just 707 00:46:01,640 --> 00:46:09,160 Speaker 1: say yes. I wasn't beaten, I wasn't sexually assaulted, but 708 00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:12,959 Speaker 1: um there was a guy that I had dated once 709 00:46:13,360 --> 00:46:18,000 Speaker 1: in college and he was kind of jealous. But we 710 00:46:18,120 --> 00:46:21,960 Speaker 1: were always around his friends, which was fine because they 711 00:46:22,120 --> 00:46:27,359 Speaker 1: treated me like the sister. In one particular time, I said, oh, well, 712 00:46:27,400 --> 00:46:30,840 Speaker 1: i've I wasn't ready to go yet or something like that, 713 00:46:31,080 --> 00:46:33,560 Speaker 1: and and he grabbed my arm and twisted it behind 714 00:46:33,640 --> 00:46:38,400 Speaker 1: my back and I used some choice non dr Richardson 715 00:46:38,480 --> 00:46:42,680 Speaker 1: words on him, and our friends were like, dude, what 716 00:46:42,760 --> 00:46:46,200 Speaker 1: you're doing. You don't do her like that. In fact, 717 00:46:46,440 --> 00:46:51,040 Speaker 1: you leave, you leave. And I made the mistake of 718 00:46:51,760 --> 00:46:55,279 Speaker 1: telling my mother. And at the time, I was living 719 00:46:55,320 --> 00:46:59,080 Speaker 1: in Beaumont and working in going to school in Beaumont 720 00:46:59,120 --> 00:47:01,120 Speaker 1: because remember I hel I couldn't go back to your age, 721 00:47:01,160 --> 00:47:04,920 Speaker 1: so I was moving around. But my mother said I'm coming. 722 00:47:05,920 --> 00:47:08,000 Speaker 1: It was like the movie I'm coming and I'm bringing 723 00:47:08,080 --> 00:47:10,640 Speaker 1: hell with me. And I was like, oh, what I 724 00:47:10,760 --> 00:47:13,239 Speaker 1: tell her far She goes, that's the one that's gonna 725 00:47:13,320 --> 00:47:15,960 Speaker 1: kill somebody, and I was like, no, don't. I'm not 726 00:47:16,040 --> 00:47:18,960 Speaker 1: even talking to him. Anymore. You get one time, so 727 00:47:19,080 --> 00:47:22,920 Speaker 1: you shut it down all the way down. Yeah, no, no, 728 00:47:24,120 --> 00:47:28,480 Speaker 1: what do you call it? No looking back over my shop? Nope, 729 00:47:30,120 --> 00:47:32,680 Speaker 1: I refused to look back. That's how you do it. 730 00:47:33,040 --> 00:47:40,360 Speaker 1: And never huge salute to the friends, because that's what 731 00:47:40,560 --> 00:47:47,120 Speaker 1: it takes. It takes men to educate men. Men listen 732 00:47:47,160 --> 00:47:48,960 Speaker 1: to me. I mean, you know, you can listen to 733 00:47:49,040 --> 00:47:53,959 Speaker 1: woman whatever, but most men, you know, uh, they're gonna listen. 734 00:47:54,280 --> 00:47:57,279 Speaker 1: They're gonna listen to men because they feel like women 735 00:47:57,360 --> 00:47:59,960 Speaker 1: have an arterior motive. And just like women, women listen 736 00:48:00,040 --> 00:48:02,440 Speaker 1: to women. Women feel like if a man go to 737 00:48:02,520 --> 00:48:05,160 Speaker 1: talking to stuff, it is because he has an arterior motive, 738 00:48:05,200 --> 00:48:07,120 Speaker 1: he wants something from us, something he's trying to benefit 739 00:48:07,160 --> 00:48:09,879 Speaker 1: in some way. So men listen to men. And that's 740 00:48:09,880 --> 00:48:13,399 Speaker 1: why it is important for men to step up when 741 00:48:13,440 --> 00:48:18,360 Speaker 1: they see their homeboy, their brother, cousin or whatever getting 742 00:48:18,360 --> 00:48:21,839 Speaker 1: out of line being aggressive with women. Uh, shut it down, 743 00:48:22,080 --> 00:48:24,080 Speaker 1: we don't do that. We don't do that around here. Bro. 744 00:48:24,520 --> 00:48:27,239 Speaker 1: The same thing even with you know, just taking care 745 00:48:27,280 --> 00:48:29,839 Speaker 1: of your kids, are being neglected, you know what I'm saying, 746 00:48:29,960 --> 00:48:32,440 Speaker 1: you know, being neglectful. Hey man, hey, we don't do 747 00:48:32,520 --> 00:48:36,520 Speaker 1: that home boy, take care your kids. Because if a 748 00:48:36,680 --> 00:48:41,480 Speaker 1: dude will bring a child, be responsible for bringing a 749 00:48:41,560 --> 00:48:44,200 Speaker 1: child into this world and turn his back on his 750 00:48:44,360 --> 00:48:47,600 Speaker 1: own flesh and blood, his own seed, I know what 751 00:48:47,680 --> 00:48:50,480 Speaker 1: he'll do to me. Now. He he may have not 752 00:48:50,640 --> 00:48:53,400 Speaker 1: done it yet because you know, we haven't gotten to 753 00:48:53,520 --> 00:48:58,080 Speaker 1: that point, but that's what he's capable of doing. So yeah, 754 00:48:58,560 --> 00:49:01,520 Speaker 1: big shot out man. You you resemble who you assemble. 755 00:49:02,280 --> 00:49:14,160 Speaker 1: M Yeah, beautiful. Dr Chandra Chandra, Chandra, Chira Richardson, I 756 00:49:14,280 --> 00:49:17,800 Speaker 1: got it, man, Dr Sandra Richardson. Hey, thank you for 757 00:49:17,880 --> 00:49:20,680 Speaker 1: coming over. We can do this again though, because some 758 00:49:20,840 --> 00:49:24,040 Speaker 1: other things that I wanted to talk about, but uh, 759 00:49:25,320 --> 00:49:30,320 Speaker 1: we're gonna talk coming out of abuse when it's the family, 760 00:49:31,000 --> 00:49:34,000 Speaker 1: coming out of abuse when it's in the family, when 761 00:49:34,040 --> 00:49:37,640 Speaker 1: it's in the family, and we deal with that at 762 00:49:37,680 --> 00:49:43,000 Speaker 1: school more than people would imagine. It's a lot of 763 00:49:43,040 --> 00:49:47,560 Speaker 1: her kids. It's most people in the world, I think 764 00:49:48,840 --> 00:49:54,600 Speaker 1: come from some form of abusive you know, family situation, 765 00:49:55,000 --> 00:49:58,239 Speaker 1: like some kind of abuses that you know, whether it's 766 00:49:58,560 --> 00:50:03,560 Speaker 1: physical abuse, emotional abuse is something there almost all the time. 767 00:50:03,640 --> 00:50:05,480 Speaker 1: I just think that a lot of people just don't 768 00:50:05,480 --> 00:50:09,520 Speaker 1: have the tools to the parent, you know. But everybody 769 00:50:09,600 --> 00:50:12,920 Speaker 1: got the tuols to have sex, you know, and everybody 770 00:50:12,960 --> 00:50:16,919 Speaker 1: get horny. You know what I'm saying. But again, thank 771 00:50:16,960 --> 00:50:19,319 Speaker 1: you for coming on the show. Thank you for How 772 00:50:19,440 --> 00:50:25,600 Speaker 1: can people reach you? I can be reached at M 773 00:50:27,080 --> 00:50:29,799 Speaker 1: well I an email address or something you can gain. 774 00:50:29,840 --> 00:50:34,040 Speaker 1: Believe employed, I can say, well, yes, I'm with the 775 00:50:34,080 --> 00:50:37,040 Speaker 1: Houston Independent School District and I'm at Worthy High School 776 00:50:37,080 --> 00:50:40,720 Speaker 1: and the South Side and the Pride of Sunny Side. 777 00:50:41,520 --> 00:50:44,759 Speaker 1: Uh there, definitely can reach out there. My email address 778 00:50:45,440 --> 00:50:49,320 Speaker 1: is Chandra c h A N D R A dot 779 00:50:50,120 --> 00:50:53,040 Speaker 1: Richardson r I C h A R D s O 780 00:50:53,360 --> 00:50:59,120 Speaker 1: N at A T T dot net. That is, ladies 781 00:50:59,160 --> 00:51:03,239 Speaker 1: and gentlemen. We thank you for your co operation. All right, 782 00:51:03,360 --> 00:51:09,200 Speaker 1: no more talk. This episode was produced by Aching and 783 00:51:09,360 --> 00:51:13,120 Speaker 1: brought to you by The Black Effect Podcast Network and 784 00:51:13,440 --> 00:51:14,760 Speaker 1: I Heart Radio.