Speaker 1: Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home?
Speaker 2: Either way, we want to be there.
Speaker 3: Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim.
Speaker 2: Give us time and a termino and gay. We want
Speaker 2: to send you off in style. You wanna welcome you
Speaker 2: back home?
Speaker 1: Tell us all about it. We scared her? Was it fine? Malborn?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need ride?
Speaker 2: Do you do you.
Speaker 1: With Karen and Chris.
Speaker 4: Welcome to Do you need a ride? My name's Chris Fairbanks.
Speaker 4: I am by myself in the car. Usually I'm I'm
Speaker 4: usually one, I'm not chewing gum, very unprofessional, and and
Speaker 4: and B. I can't remember if I started numerically or alphabetically.
Speaker 4: Buh no, it's part two. Karen and kel Garaf is
Speaker 4: usually hosting with me. And then thirdly, I forgot this
Speaker 4: was a three parter.
Speaker 1: We usually have a guest.
Speaker 4: I am driving myself to Flappers, the name of a
Speaker 4: comedy club that I have mixed feelings about. Honestly, I
Speaker 4: you know, it's nineteen twenties themed, so that's what Flappers
Speaker 4: is referencing. But I, you know, I think all of us,
Speaker 4: and when I say flappers to you, the word flappers
Speaker 4: makes flappers makes us think of any number of genitalia
Speaker 4: on men or women.
Speaker 1: And the sport of jogging.
Speaker 4: If you call jogging a sport, A lot of people
Speaker 4: don't consider anything that you do by yourself a sport,
Speaker 4: and with those people, I take argument all the time, golf, skateboarding, reading,
Speaker 4: just about everything I do by myself.
Speaker 1: I'm kidding. I don't read anyway. Usually Karen's with me.
Speaker 1: She is very busy. This week.
Speaker 4: She is in the middle of two writing jobs. She
Speaker 4: has to do an outline for tomorrow. I'm not sure
Speaker 4: what that is. I think it's a rough version of
Speaker 4: something written, and I have my set at tit flappers,
Speaker 4: So we're just gonna sorry, flappers, We're just gonna listen
Speaker 4: to my voice and you can stop.
Speaker 1: At this point. I have anxiety about.
Speaker 4: Not coming out with an episode because I heard that
Speaker 4: that's bad mojo, and I've never used the phrase bad mojo.
Speaker 1: In my life.
Speaker 4: It makes me think of someone that lights candles and
Speaker 4: then kills chickens. It's a gypsy word used by those
Speaker 4: in the art of.
Speaker 1: Voodoo. So sorry, I said bad.
Speaker 4: Mojo, but I I do think that it's bad luck.
Speaker 4: Let's just say, look, if you want to be all
Speaker 4: Caucasian Middle America about it, it's bad luck to not
Speaker 4: have an episode come out every week. So this is
Speaker 4: my and I I am gonna put a disclaimer or
Speaker 4: at least a colon, either an illustration or that word
Speaker 4: spelled out where it says Chris Fairbanks by himself cool
Speaker 4: and you don't have to listen to this. And I'm
Speaker 4: now having better ideas. But anyway, we're going to Flappers Ways.
Speaker 4: It's and you know, a lot of people for a
Speaker 4: long time, I'd show up late and they're like.
Speaker 1: Well, you gotta get ways, whether you're using.
Speaker 4: Google Maps, someone's grandpa, or they just would call me
Speaker 4: my grandpa. And I didn't get it. I didn't get it.
Speaker 4: I didn't see the benefits of it. But man, they
Speaker 4: have got an algorithm that will keep you from losing
Speaker 4: your way, that's for certain.
Speaker 1: They have used.
Speaker 4: Zigzagging down roads. The point is with Ways, and of
Speaker 4: course they're now a sponsor.
Speaker 1: Do you need a ride? Ways will have us zigzagging through.
Speaker 4: You know, sometimes areas you don't like routes that you're
Speaker 4: unfamiliar with. If you don't trust Ways, if you try
Speaker 4: and add your own shortcuts, you're not believing in the system.
Speaker 4: So you gotta put your trust in Ways. And ever since,
Speaker 4: I just I pulled down the walls and I let
Speaker 4: them grab hold of my life.
Speaker 1: Ways. There's a book I'd like you to read.
Speaker 4: That's sorry, it seemed like I was talking about a religion,
Speaker 4: but I'm very impressed with Ways as an application.
Speaker 1: I know it's nothing more.
Speaker 4: And I'm not about to slip on some purple nikes
Speaker 4: and slip my throat in a bunk bed. Okay, here
Speaker 4: we go. I'm taking a left on Normandy. I'm leaving
Speaker 4: the Larchmond area. I should have mentioned that earlier and
Speaker 4: heading to Flappers. That's Dick Flappers in Burbank, regular Flappers.
Speaker 1: How many times? And I'm here to read Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: we got it. Also, usually I think I mentioned this.
Speaker 4: We usually have a guest. I think tonight there will
Speaker 4: be other common accept the show. I don't know a
Speaker 4: lot of their names. You know, I go to Flappers
Speaker 4: with a lot of questions. It's not my scene. They
Speaker 4: have you sign a contract that literally says you will
Speaker 4: be paid zero dollars, the number zero with a dollar
Speaker 4: sign in front of it. That is in a contract
Speaker 4: that they insist you sign, and that just that means
Speaker 4: you're agreeing to be mistreated. That's all you're doing by
Speaker 4: signing that. But you know, give you a longer set
Speaker 4: in LA. A lot of people don't know that. In
Speaker 4: Los Angeles as a comedian, it's not always easiest thing
Speaker 4: to do, like an hour of material, or it's hard
Speaker 4: to come by.
Speaker 1: Rather easy.
Speaker 4: I mean, it's easy for me to talk for an hour. Clearly,
Speaker 4: I don't like that joke where people fake laugh and
Speaker 4: I just did it. I'm gonna apologize anyway. I'm excited
Speaker 4: to go there. I want to get some stuff off
Speaker 4: my chest. I'm not that kind of comic that's like, oh,
Speaker 4: I got some stuff to get off my tits chest,
Speaker 4: but I you know I do.
Speaker 1: But I got some new jokes I'm working on.
Speaker 4: It's a good place to fire them off into some
Speaker 4: human's ear holes and then you know, next week, though,
Speaker 4: Karen and I will be boarding.
Speaker 1: M all aboard fresh Fish. I won't do anything like
Speaker 1: that again. I'm sorry. I thought i'd do some folly
Speaker 1: work came out of left field. Pey nuts. Getch you peanuts?
Speaker 1: That was a left field. That's a baseball reference.
Speaker 4: I anyway, we're getting on a boat for the Atlantic
Speaker 4: Ocean Comedy Festival. It's gonna be very fun. I'm taking
Speaker 4: a right on Santa Monica Boulevard. There's a street urchin
Speaker 4: smoking appears to be a handmade cigarette, and he gave
Speaker 4: me full eye contact. I did not waste any time
Speaker 4: on him. Last episode, we had a lot of violence.
Speaker 4: The todd last episode there was a biker that tried
Speaker 4: to attack us. That wasn't the last episode anyway, the
Speaker 4: one before. It's so hard to keep track of the
Speaker 4: dozen we've done. I am anyway, I'm not.
Speaker 1: I didn't. I'm not off route. We're gonna be getting
Speaker 1: on a boat.
Speaker 4: Karen and I for the Atlantic Ocean Comedy Festival. Very exciting,
Speaker 4: put on by the Max Fun Maximum Fun dot org
Speaker 4: podcast collective. Jesse Thorn, my friend Jordan Morris Aldi's I wonder.
Speaker 1: If I don't think Jordan's gonna be there.
Speaker 4: But there's gonna be fans of podcasting and fans of podcasting,
Speaker 4: and there's a cop behind me. I think he thinks
Speaker 4: I'm schizophrenic, you know, in this age of blue tooths
Speaker 4: and everything and the freedom to just express yourself to yourself.
Speaker 4: Isn't he just being a little paranoid? If you ask me,
Speaker 4: he really is on my ass, really on it. Well
Speaker 4: that's the thing about me and cops. All they have
Speaker 4: to do is see my mustache and they just give
Speaker 4: me that nod all of a sudden, like he's not
Speaker 4: one of us. I would have recognized him. But he
Speaker 4: must work for the city. Fuck, I'm in the wrong lane.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, Oh really you got You're in a hurry?
Speaker 4: What do you got a date?
Speaker 1: I doubt it. Your laundry is in the back seat, asshole. Okay,
Speaker 1: here we go.
Speaker 4: Here we go taking a left on Vermont. I I
Speaker 4: got a little nervous there.
Speaker 1: Sorry. I lashed out at that guy, but he was
Speaker 1: being aggressive.
Speaker 4: So uh yeah, I'm excited to get on the boat.
Speaker 4: And on the boat we will have access to uh
Speaker 4: some of your favorite comedians and uh bands, the bands.
Speaker 4: I'm the comman, you know, Kyle Kanang.
Speaker 1: There's there's uh, there's there's there's more. There's many comics.
Speaker 4: I I it's am Isn't it amazing that out of
Speaker 4: a dozen names that I've read on a list.
Speaker 1: For months now, all I could think of was Kyle.
Speaker 4: Maybe that says something about me, Maybe that says something
Speaker 4: about my flapper ha uh. Come on, jokes jokes by
Speaker 4: yourself in a car. If you guys don't mind, I'm
Speaker 4: just gonna roll down the window a little bit. Oh boy,
Speaker 4: it's a nice night. It's one of those crisp l
Speaker 4: a Nikes.
Speaker 1: Nikes. Yeah, I said Nikes. You know what, It's funny.
Speaker 4: There's there's some people that are consonant Nazis and I'm
Speaker 4: not one of them. So I'll say it's a beautiful Nike,
Speaker 4: and you just jump on board. You don't think of
Speaker 4: oh you mean the opposite of to day. No, you
Speaker 4: start thinking about a running shoe because I said Nikes.
Speaker 1: That's it's a beautiful Nike.
Speaker 4: Okay, So don't abandon me and just assume that I
Speaker 4: made a mistake. But oh, man, on this boat, though,
Speaker 4: we're gonna have so many podcasts because I think technically
Speaker 4: we are giving rides. I'm not going to be the
Speaker 4: captain of the boat. And Nora Karen my co captain.
Speaker 4: I don't think that's what they call it.
Speaker 1: Captain. Uh.
Speaker 4: Part two, I think is what they call that. Anyway,
Speaker 4: we're gonna have come back with so many great episodes.
Speaker 4: I can see it right now. You know it's you're
Speaker 4: gonna love it. It's just and I guess this episode, which
Speaker 4: I can't believe you're still listening to. I mean, come on,
Speaker 4: I know you have a day job, but good and
Speaker 4: there's something you could do clerically or data entry wise
Speaker 4: that would keep you from just this is one of
Speaker 4: the most I think I'm having problems with it. I mean,
Speaker 4: podcasts in general are this way, but it's pretty self
Speaker 4: indulgent for it just.
Speaker 1: To be me here with my mouth flapper just going
Speaker 1: at you.
Speaker 4: I'll be at Flappers tonight at nine thirty headlining. That
Speaker 4: was an impression of Brodie Stevens. I just you know,
Speaker 4: it's weird to just do it by yourself. I thought
Speaker 4: it was an idea. I don't even know if I'll
Speaker 4: post this. I don't think it's called posting. Uploading better
Speaker 4: better word than posting. But you know, what do I know?
Speaker 4: I've never had a blog, barely have a website. For
Speaker 4: God's site, had presence is my biggest downfall.
Speaker 1: No, there's other things.
Speaker 4: I'm worse at a terrible son and a horrible husband. Well,
Speaker 4: I've never been married, but isn't that the worst thing
Speaker 4: about me being a husband?
Speaker 1: I won't.
Speaker 4: I can't even get married. I can't even get a wife.
Speaker 4: That makes me an awful husband. I will someday. You know,
Speaker 4: it's me I think I have. Honestly, I was gonna
Speaker 4: say commitment issues, but the word intimacy came up, and
Speaker 4: I think that I have problems with all that.
Speaker 1: You know. I think, come on, take a left turn,
Speaker 1: you dunce fuck. I think you know.
Speaker 4: There's a few times my mom had loud sex with
Speaker 4: strange men. I don't know who they were. One guy
Speaker 4: was named Dale. He had missing your lived in a van.
Speaker 4: I liked him though, because he had a lot of
Speaker 4: cool rock shirts. I was more of a cure new
Speaker 4: order guy. But man, did he have some Van Halen
Speaker 4: shirts that on the market here in LA at some
Speaker 4: thrift store man sixty seventy bucks.
Speaker 1: They'd pull in and uh, he'd pull it.
Speaker 4: Off and give it to you. Probably was a nice guy.
Speaker 4: And then with ease cause he only had one ear.
Speaker 4: I think I mentioned that they'd stay in a van.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 4: My mom met him in AA and I guess that
Speaker 4: becomes your social network when when uh, all of a sudden,
Speaker 4: you're not going out and dancing to blues.
Speaker 1: Music or whatever she used to do.
Speaker 4: One time, one time, I I smelled weed in her room,
Speaker 4: and I s I knew what that was like, cause
Speaker 4: my sister had a party, had.
Speaker 1: Smelled marijuana before, and uh, she was there.
Speaker 4: She was there with her friend, Uh Connie or s No,
Speaker 4: it wasn't Connie, who was it? Not?
Speaker 1: Only anyway, they were naked.
Speaker 4: And then explain the play boys that I used to
Speaker 4: look at under her bed. But she said, and in
Speaker 4: her def I kind of believe this. She was like,
Speaker 4: I have a hustler and a playboy on her my
Speaker 4: bed because my boyfriend was showing me the difference between
Speaker 4: the two.
Speaker 1: And even at that.
Speaker 4: Edge, that edge, that age, that was the age I
Speaker 4: was playing for you two.
Speaker 1: It's popular. I was called the edge.
Speaker 4: God, damn it so hard to tell jokes sometimes when
Speaker 4: the main focus with joke telling is being able to
Speaker 4: deliver a standard word like age. Oh, it was at
Speaker 4: a very young edge. And then someone interrupts me, you
Speaker 4: mean you too, and you know, put a kick me
Speaker 4: sign on my back. That's what I deserve. There should
Speaker 4: be a bully in this car, some consonant bully. I
Speaker 4: said consonant Nazi before, but I think that was a
Speaker 4: bit harsh. People don't like hearing about that anyway. My
Speaker 4: mom used to slap her friends tits around, So I'm
Speaker 4: going to flappers. That reminds me and I'm gonna get
Speaker 4: into it. You know, I'm gonna have some Uh, I'm
Speaker 4: gonna have some fun tonight. Matt Kershon. I was gonna
Speaker 4: ask him to do the H podcast, and I don't
Speaker 4: know if you know that guy, but he's the best dude. Uh,
Speaker 4: I'll just go ahead and have him be my virtual
Speaker 4: guest tonight.
Speaker 1: H Matt, how are you? Oh?
Speaker 4: I'm fine, Love. I'm from the UK or the United
Speaker 4: Kingdom all uh you Britain, Oh, great Britain, Old England.
Speaker 1: There's so many names for that one island.
Speaker 4: I mean, I know that some of them are excluding
Speaker 4: or including Scotland, but I d you know, it's just
Speaker 4: it's another country, and I'll tell you something about myself.
Speaker 4: I am only willing to learn about this goddamn country
Speaker 4: right now that we reside in. It's funny to do
Speaker 4: the two accents and what am I like an actor person?
Speaker 1: Why did I That's so dumb that I did that.
Speaker 4: I apologize, but in my defense, I'm I that was
Speaker 4: one of the better English accents I've ever done. It
Speaker 4: was an okay domestic one. And I say domestic because
Speaker 4: I'm proud of where my great great great grandparents fucked.
Speaker 1: I am at a red light. I think I'm approaching.
Speaker 4: You know, it'll be up to me at that point,
Speaker 4: of course, because you have no saying this, You're only
Speaker 4: using your ears. But I might just stop podcasting once
Speaker 4: I get to Flappitti's and you know, or I have
Speaker 4: the option of either grabbing a comic in there. You know,
Speaker 4: if I see a Arsenio Hall or a Nerd Burfler
Speaker 4: or a you know, I'm just saying comics from the
Speaker 4: old timey days.
Speaker 1: I might grab them put them in the car.
Speaker 4: But as of now, this is just an apology from
Speaker 4: from Karen and I that we don't.
Speaker 1: Have, like a full legit episode.
Speaker 4: But I didn't want to leave you hanging, you know,
Speaker 4: I didn't want to just have there be this void
Speaker 4: between you and I because that's something I've learned in
Speaker 4: my marriage that doesn't exist is a void turns into
Speaker 4: other problems. You know, avoid avoid the void.
Speaker 1: Someone write that down.
Speaker 4: You know, when it comes to relationships, colon and colon spilled.
Speaker 4: Avoid the void. And that's easy enough. That's an easy
Speaker 4: way to live your life with other people. You know,
Speaker 4: don't create voids. Be consistent. Let people know you're there
Speaker 4: for them. I'm there for you. Fuck I miss the
Speaker 4: five these fucking freeway. Okay, I'm getting a chance to
Speaker 4: do your turn. I got Karen's so much better at
Speaker 4: multitasking and driving.
Speaker 1: She really is. I really screwed the pooch on that one.
Speaker 1: I might Okay, let's uh.
Speaker 4: I just want to abruptly stop and apologize for the
Speaker 4: phrase screwed the pooch. I that's never ever come out
Speaker 4: of my talk hole. I that's I hate that it did.
Speaker 4: I guess what I'm saying is I'm becoming my grandmother
Speaker 4: or I'm getting her hips. Okay, here, we're gonna go
Speaker 4: right on. I guess I got it. Like I said before,
Speaker 4: trust the ways. Don't try and add your own data.
Speaker 4: I'm turning right on Glenn Fold.
Speaker 1: Fuck. Sorry.
Speaker 4: See that's the thing with when I'm driving, it becomes
Speaker 4: more about the routes and me vocalizing things. Karen's cool
Speaker 4: as a cucumber in the car. Cool it's a cucumber
Speaker 4: in the car. And so now I'm in a residential area.
Speaker 1: I got a little off track on the way to flappities.
Speaker 1: By the way, I'm not afraid to you know.
Speaker 4: I'm a bit of a rebel, not the kind that
Speaker 4: has a mohawk and spray paints.
Speaker 1: I hate my dad on a wall. But I will
Speaker 1: show up late to a show.
Speaker 4: The contract, which again agrees that I will receive zero dollars,
Speaker 4: also said, you know, show up at eight thirty, man,
Speaker 4: it's nine twenty two. But come on, who shows up
Speaker 4: an hour before showtime? I'll tell you who the opener? Yeah,
Speaker 4: and I'm no opener. I've been doing this sixteen seventeen.
Speaker 4: Oh god, that's depressing. It's weird that right now everyone
Speaker 4: that's listening, you know, upwards of two two thousand a
Speaker 4: dozen people. It's possibly you're new to me, and oh man,
Speaker 4: so many years doing this.
Speaker 1: But you know what, I'm not here to I'm not
Speaker 1: here to complain.
Speaker 4: I've had a great time, and I'm having more fun
Speaker 4: lately doing stand up than ever in my life and
Speaker 4: that's that's actually just a genuine thought. But yeah, it's
Speaker 4: stand up fun it's getting funner or more fun you
Speaker 4: know what. We can say funner and you can look
Speaker 4: it up now, Dick, if you're about to be a
Speaker 4: word nazi, sorry a word coach on me, it's it's
Speaker 4: it's a word now funner. It got entered into either
Speaker 4: Funk and Wagnalls. Sorry those are encyclopedias. I think it
Speaker 4: got entered into you know, the Random House and the
Speaker 4: Webster and all that great show.
Speaker 1: Random House not a great book. Confusing title. It's alphabetized,
Speaker 1: not random. Okay, here we go. I'm taking a right. Oh,
Speaker 1: here's the five. Wow. See you gotta trust Ways. I
Speaker 1: just went. I basically drove.
Speaker 4: Through people's living rooms and here I gotta shoot out.
Speaker 1: Gotta shoot out. Okay, which do I do? You gotta
Speaker 1: give me the info? Fuck?
Speaker 4: Okay, here we go. Ways saved me. I do believe,
Speaker 4: and damn it. Okay, this is ridiculous. I just want
Speaker 4: to on an upper level. I was supposed to go
Speaker 4: on the lower level, but you know what, fucking.
Speaker 1: Mark your shit.
Speaker 4: Ah, this is so frustrating. Some you know, I don't
Speaker 4: know how I survive in this city. I'm basically if
Speaker 4: you can think of a perfect figure eight, that's what
Speaker 4: I just created. Like some idiots avant that's into geometry
Speaker 4: and symmetry, symmetrical semetry.
Speaker 1: I fucking missed the god damn it and nollen.
Speaker 4: Taking a welcome to traffic talk with a mentally ill person.
Speaker 4: I'll be your host and guest and featured commentator, Chris Fairbanks.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm gonna take him right here on Rowena, Rowena.
Speaker 1: A lot of people do joke about that.
Speaker 4: I don't don't feel comfortable doing jokes about ethnic sounding names.
Speaker 4: I don't think that's funny and I don't feel comfortable
Speaker 4: doing it. Incidentally, if you are a black person, you
Speaker 4: should move to Philadelphia.
Speaker 1: I spent some time there last weekend.
Speaker 4: I was working at Helium and what a what a
Speaker 4: cool town for black people? And I don't I don't
Speaker 4: know of that if I have the right to say that,
Speaker 4: but it is everyone. I had the best interactions there
Speaker 4: with everyone, and all you know, I'm like most thirty
Speaker 4: something white dudes that were born in Montana. I just
Speaker 4: want the approval of like an older black man, like
Speaker 4: a with a cane and a sweater that just, you know,
Speaker 4: looks like he could have been my grandpa had it
Speaker 4: not been for some genetic you know situations. And uh,
Speaker 4: just had some great talks.
Speaker 1: And I had a good time there.
Speaker 4: I like I like Philly as far as when they're
Speaker 4: all in a group together and uh listening to my jokes.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't like him as much. I'll be honest.
Speaker 4: It looks like New York, but it's not new It's
Speaker 4: New York of New York hated art of any kind.
Speaker 1: But you know, it was a It's.
Speaker 4: Cool to be there where all the Declaration of Independence
Speaker 4: and all that was signed. Okay, I have no idea
Speaker 4: where I am. Are you fucking kidding me? Okay, No,
Speaker 4: here we go. They're giving me a second chance. I
Speaker 4: just basically did. I'm back on Los Felis Boulevard. I'm
Speaker 4: gonna be late for my show. It's funny that while
Speaker 4: that happened. Isn't that funny how life is? I was
Speaker 4: making light of the fact that I might be late,
Speaker 4: and it distracted me.
Speaker 1: And now I'm gonna be late because of all my
Speaker 1: light making.
Speaker 4: And that's the thing about driving. You gotta pay attention
Speaker 4: to the room. I have a feeling I'm making weird
Speaker 4: noises with rubbing the I have a law which they
Speaker 4: in the business is known as a clip on microphone.
Speaker 4: And then, on top of that, because I'm professional and
Speaker 4: listening to the sound quality through some earphones, those cords
Speaker 4: of those two items have become entangled, affecting the sound
Speaker 4: owned and possibly the power source. I'm not sure about
Speaker 4: the power source, but it's definitely there's a rubbing and
Speaker 4: you can hear that.
Speaker 1: Hear that. Yeah, that's not good. Hey, I'm not some boom.
Speaker 4: Operator, boom operator coat.
Speaker 1: Ohh okay there?
Speaker 4: Why is it every time I express myself alone in
Speaker 4: my car, some cop as they are like staring at me.
Speaker 1: Well, at least he works for the city, is what
Speaker 1: he'll say.
Speaker 4: Not'll be like, yeah, look at me. Look at these hands.
Speaker 4: I've been working. I've been working for the city for you.
Speaker 4: Look at my fingers look like ginger root. You want
Speaker 4: to fucking hell? Long have I been in Philly?
Speaker 1: Fuck that city.
Speaker 4: But it's funny though, because my fingers I've as I
Speaker 4: get older, my fingers look more and more like a
Speaker 4: professional geisha. It's just soft, pale and uh and okay,
Speaker 4: I really have to pay attention. Here we go, Do
Speaker 4: not cut me off or I will knife you. Okay,
Speaker 4: here we go, and I'm taking a right sack down
Speaker 4: the Airy Impact Way? Am I going to Sacramento? What
Speaker 4: the fuck is this?
Speaker 1: Well? Trust the trust the app again?
Speaker 4: You're listening to do you need a ride with Chris
Speaker 4: Fairbanks and Karen Gaff? Karen couldn't be here. Uh, probably
Speaker 4: because she's upset that I can't fucking say her name.
Speaker 4: And uh we are sponsored by Ways the application that
Speaker 4: gets you there colon. I don't know why they put
Speaker 4: the colon at the end. They they should be in
Speaker 4: the middle of their slogan or their logo slogan.
Speaker 1: Okay, I think I'm on the right track now. Yep,
Speaker 1: ol of AV.
Speaker 4: That's always good when you're in Burbank. You aren't in
Speaker 4: Burbank unless.
Speaker 1: You're on olive AV.
Speaker 4: I've always said that, and I think it would be
Speaker 4: a top selling shirt in that area. Let's be honest.
Speaker 4: I mean that you're only gonna sell that shirt on
Speaker 4: ol of AV. But I'm buying. I mean I'm selling.
Speaker 4: I'll buy. I probably won't sell a lot of my Uh,
Speaker 4: you're not in Burbank unless you're on olive av unquote
Speaker 4: T shirts, so I'll probably have.
Speaker 1: To buy them.
Speaker 4: And so I'm buying and selling. Basically, I'm in the
Speaker 4: wholesale business. Now know how that works. But I think
Speaker 4: you have to have a warehouse and know someone that
Speaker 4: breaks legs for a living. Yeah, I work in wholesale.
Speaker 4: Maybe you'd like to have a shipment of your kneecaps.
Speaker 1: At the bottom of the ocean.
Speaker 4: You you you jerks? Lost character when I said jerk
Speaker 4: that would I'd certainly say something harsher, but hey, don't
Speaker 4: point your fingers at me. I didn't watch that Sopranos
Speaker 4: you all love so goddamn much.
Speaker 1: Yeah, let's be honest. I did.
Speaker 4: I just tapered off at the end. Hey, how are
Speaker 4: you big murderers of the road. That's what my mom
Speaker 4: used to call eighteen wheelers. I thought that was a
Speaker 4: little harsh. They're just trying to make a living, Mom.
Speaker 4: They're hauling cherries or.
Speaker 1: Rocket fuel.
Speaker 4: You know that doesn't make them a murderer. It gives
Speaker 4: them the tools to murder. I mean, have you ever
Speaker 4: choked on a cherry pit? You think it's the end?
Speaker 4: And also, rocket fuel can be dangerous. Okay, we are approaching.
Speaker 4: This is going well one thirty four. Okay, no, I'm
Speaker 4: ignoring that. You're right, You're right to have chimed in.
Speaker 4: Thank you head voice. And here we go that guy. Oh,
Speaker 4: it's so funny because I mentioned that. And there is
Speaker 4: a truck that has oil drums pouring out that is
Speaker 4: literally either covering illegal oil dumpage or bodies.
Speaker 1: There's bodies in there. Oh my goodness, I am so lost.
Speaker 1: Fuck this noise? How am I what? No?
Speaker 4: Oh? Kiss, I don't know where I am. All right,
Speaker 4: it's funny. I don't know how I survived back when
Speaker 4: it was like, you know, opening up at Thomas Guide
Speaker 4: in this city, because.
Speaker 1: It's difficult, it's difficult to keep track.
Speaker 4: I just did the biggest Well this might be a
Speaker 4: full one hour episode, and you know, I apologize while
Speaker 4: saying you're welcome, because I don't know what you're thinking
Speaker 4: or feeling.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm not a mind reader.
Speaker 4: Incidentally, speaking of mind readers, warpy goldberge, I say warpy
Speaker 4: goldberge because as a joke once I had my friend
Speaker 4: Henry Phillips, who has been on the show.
Speaker 1: He's terrific.
Speaker 4: You all love him, he said, drunkenly in attempt to
Speaker 4: say WHOOPI Goldberg?
Speaker 1: He said, warpy gold BArch And.
Speaker 4: I'm not going to drop names, but the car was
Speaker 4: filled with celebrities, and boy did we laugh our tits off.
Speaker 4: Most of those celebrities are you know, they're having gender
Speaker 4: issues now, but you know, you can't be a lady
Speaker 4: without your flappers.
Speaker 1: What if that's what they said before the show? Horrible? Horrible,
Speaker 1: No one's listening anymore. Okay, gonna take Western. Oh shit,
Speaker 1: guess who fucking missed?
Speaker 4: No, no, no, sorry, all of all of is what
Speaker 4: I'm taking. How soon did I forget about my hit
Speaker 4: T shirt design?
Speaker 1: Olive? Good lord?
Speaker 4: Anyway, Henry uh I said warping, Oh yeah, I just
Speaker 4: saw ghosts at the musical. That's what we're getting at
Speaker 4: mind readers. She played a clairvoyant like Miss Cleo type.
Speaker 4: I mean, in the eighties people, you know, there's there's
Speaker 4: there's lines like oh he's pretty cute for a white guy.
Speaker 4: Now that's offensive to all of us. You know, that's
Speaker 4: you know that, it's just that's the kind of comedy
Speaker 4: that was of that eighties era. But the musical, I
Speaker 4: mean when I got over snickering at the fact that
Speaker 4: people have you know, they have lines where they're like, oh,
Speaker 4: this is going to be a beautiful apartment once we
Speaker 4: paint the walls. If these waltz could talk, date have
Speaker 4: mouths and say things.
Speaker 1: My mother said, you know that it's so dumb.
Speaker 4: Musicals, just the whole the whole concept of them just
Speaker 4: made me laugh like a fifteen year old kid.
Speaker 1: But then boy, I got into Ghosts. The musical I did.
Speaker 4: It was and it sounds funny, but because it's a
Speaker 4: stage play. But the special effects, I'm telling you, they
Speaker 4: had like a mesh screen in front of the stage
Speaker 4: and then an additional screen like behind the stage. So
Speaker 4: during the performances, which as you know, it's just people
Speaker 4: well standing on stage, and some of them, you know,
Speaker 4: they were miked. That was as technical as usually it gets.
Speaker 4: They project images and lights and pre shot footage, you know,
Speaker 4: layering this live performance. So when they're on the subway,
Speaker 4: they're showing footage of a subway car and it looks
Speaker 4: like the way they line it up and the way
Speaker 4: everyone shit, I missed, the way everyone stands on their mark.
Speaker 4: You know, it looks like they're on a subway.
Speaker 1: It was the Coolet.
Speaker 4: If you live in LA and I know it sounds
Speaker 4: funny because I went to it so hesitantly, and you
Speaker 4: haven't seen ghosts of the musical. You know, don't go.
Speaker 4: It's expensive. But if someone gives you tickets and then
Speaker 4: you end up going accidentally, god, you're gonna love it.
Speaker 1: It was so amazing. I loved it.
Speaker 4: I was like, Okay, so I'll take it back, buy
Speaker 4: the tickets. I'm maybe it's me not I'm just all
Speaker 4: of a sudden realizing I might like musicals.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 4: I'm not like a tough guy or something, or phobic
Speaker 4: in any way, but I'm passing flappers. So I'm here.
Speaker 4: I'm here, and I'm gonna find a place to park.
Speaker 4: That's you've been listening to. Do you need a ride
Speaker 4: with Karen and Chris. I've been Chris Fairbanks.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 4: I think this was a good episode, and I'm I'm
Speaker 4: gonna go ahead and keep telling myself that we'll be
Speaker 4: back next week with a bunch of great comics that
Speaker 4: are on the Atlantic Ocean Comedy Festival. Until then, this
Speaker 4: has been d y n aar. Sorry, no, don't be
Speaker 4: a dick, I'm just a fucking honking weird lady.
Speaker 2: Are leaving you wanna way that?
Speaker 1: Either way you want.
Speaker 3: To be there, doesn't matter how much baggage you this
Speaker 3: time and day, Turman Alingay, we.
Speaker 2: Want to send you off inside. Do you want to
Speaker 2: welcome you back home? Tell us all about it?
Speaker 1: Rescared her? Was it fine?
Speaker 4: Melcourn? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride? Do you need ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need with Karen
Speaker 1: and Chriss