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Speaker 1: Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shonda land Audio

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Speaker 1: in partnership with I Heart Radio. Whatever the pain is,

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Speaker 1: I could do it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

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Speaker 1: Little did I know that my son would be sunny

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Speaker 1: side up and with every contraction it felt like my

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Speaker 1: back was breaking. I just felt like this baby was

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Speaker 1: gonna push out the wrong hole was because I felt

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Speaker 1: like he was gonna come out my butt. Everybody, Welcome

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Speaker 1: back to Katie's Crib. I am uh like so so

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Speaker 1: so fan girling out to this guest today. I think

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Speaker 1: she's incredible from Afar. I think she's so pretty inside

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Speaker 1: and out like it's and it's just taken me asking

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Speaker 1: her to be a guest on Katie's Crib for me

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Speaker 1: to have ever met her. And I just feel very

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Speaker 1: lucky that that day is today and you all get

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Speaker 1: to hear uh the electric chemistry we will be having.

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Speaker 1: I am talking about the one and only Milana Vine

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Speaker 1: drew Um. She is an actress, comedian, writer, director, activist.

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Speaker 1: She's known for eight billion things, I mean for for

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Speaker 1: people who don't know her well enough and her work

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Speaker 1: which you should. She's the A T and T television

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Speaker 1: commercials portraying the saleswoman Lily. She's recurring role in the

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Speaker 1: NBC drama This Is Us. She voices squirrel Girl in

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Speaker 1: the Marvel's squirrel Girl The Unbeatable radio show. It's available

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Speaker 1: now on all podcast platforms. Her other credits include writing

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Speaker 1: for shows like Adult Swims, Robot Chicken, her Comedy Central

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Speaker 1: digital series Making Fun with the Kila, and Milana. Her

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Speaker 1: most recent film Werewolves Within. Also Rebecca Henderson was in that,

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Speaker 1: and she's been on Katie's Crib, premiered at the Tribeca Festival.

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Speaker 1: She tours speaks on activism global citizenship at various colleges

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Speaker 1: and organizations. She gave birth to a baby boy at

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Speaker 1: the time of this recording a year ago. Milana weine true,

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Speaker 1: Welcome to Katie's Crib. Vine Troupe, am I saying that correctly, Sure,

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Speaker 1: I don't care. I actually don't even know, But how

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Speaker 1: do you? I was walking with my husband before and

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Speaker 1: he was like, it's like trouble, like trub, like vine trump,

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Speaker 1: and then we listen to you say it and you

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Speaker 1: were like, no, it's Vine trube, which I don't know.

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Speaker 1: Leave me alone. This is already the hardest podcast I've

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Speaker 1: ever been on No, I genuinely I think because wine

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Speaker 1: true means wine grapes in German, and then that was

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Speaker 1: translated into Russian, and then that Russian was translated into English.

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Speaker 1: And so we're saying a word that shouldn't be set out.

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Speaker 1: It's not a thing, so right, just if you could

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Speaker 1: just mumble through whatever two syllables come out, I will

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Speaker 1: accept it. Okay, Okay, Milana, Oh that was very sexy.

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Speaker 1: You have just celebrated a one year old. One year

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Speaker 1: is such a milestone and such a awesome time to

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Speaker 1: reflect and just share where you're at. Katie, I'm like

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Speaker 1: already a little of a climpse, because motherhood is so

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Speaker 1: all encompassing, Um, even when you have help, nobody could

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Speaker 1: have warned me for and and it feels so obvious

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Speaker 1: to say now, and it maybe even feels obvious to

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Speaker 1: people who are listening who aren't parents. But no one

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Speaker 1: could have warned me for what having a child does

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Speaker 1: to your time. Him Like, there just is no there

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Speaker 1: is no time. Yeah, there is no time, and there's

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Speaker 1: no way um to prepare. I mean we're talking and

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Speaker 1: I'm looking down the barrel at an almost five year

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Speaker 1: old and it's such a mind fuck. I mean, I

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Speaker 1: find myself on my phone before bed looking at him

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Speaker 1: as a one year old and a two year old,

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Speaker 1: and I like, it's thank god I have those photos

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Speaker 1: because I don't. It's such a practice in being present

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Speaker 1: that do you even remember really well? Do you remember? Well,

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Speaker 1: I've read about your labor, and I know it was

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Speaker 1: beautifully traumatic in some ways, really really intense. Um, but

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Speaker 1: do you remember the early days? You know, it's a blur.

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Speaker 1: I actually just got like one of these like notebooks

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Speaker 1: were you you know, you journal about every step, and

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Speaker 1: I got it at a year, which is like, what's

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Speaker 1: the point I already give up? But like, um, you know,

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Speaker 1: at this point he started rolling over, and at this

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Speaker 1: point he started sitting up, and you know, at this

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Speaker 1: point he was curious about avocado. Like I, it's it's

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Speaker 1: very blurry. I think the things that I remember are

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Speaker 1: things that were like part of training in terms of

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Speaker 1: not not sleep training, but just like the advice that

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Speaker 1: other parents gave me, like at four months, move him

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Speaker 1: into another room, and so I have that ingrained in

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Speaker 1: my head. But in terms of like the organic growth

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Speaker 1: of him, it's all very blurry. In fact, I have

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Speaker 1: a friend who was like, Hey, my best friend just

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Speaker 1: had a baby. What should I send her? And I

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Speaker 1: was like, uh shit, I remember adult diapers? Um, I

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Speaker 1: remember these ice packs that I thought I would need

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Speaker 1: a lot of but actually ended up not using that many. Up,

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Speaker 1: I think every vagina heels differently. UM, tell her to

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Speaker 1: do a six bath. Do the shirts bath? I like,

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Speaker 1: if act, when I go over a new mom's house,

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Speaker 1: that's what I do. I'm like, I know you think

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Speaker 1: you don't have time for this, but sit put soak

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Speaker 1: your vagina in this t for a little bit. Wait.

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Speaker 1: I never ever fucking did this. I tried, and I

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Speaker 1: was super confused. Can you take the listeners through? Someone

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Speaker 1: dropped me off a bucket, like a bucket that was

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Speaker 1: shaped like where your ass would fit. I tried to

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Speaker 1: fill it with lukewarm water and like this lovely satchel

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Speaker 1: of fucking roses or some ship that I was supposed

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Speaker 1: to sit my funked up vagina on, and I couldn't.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if it's the way my ass is built,

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Speaker 1: but I felt like my vagina wasn't like hitting the water.

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Speaker 1: What was I doing? Was I doing something wrong? Can

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Speaker 1: you explain the sits bath. I actually think this is

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Speaker 1: very valuable if this is what you go over to

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Speaker 1: new mom's houses and this is your gem. This has

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Speaker 1: not yet been shared on Katie's crib, and I think

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Speaker 1: someone okay, okay, well, for fust of all, I think

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Speaker 1: it's fair to say that it is your ass is fault.

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Speaker 1: Um No, I think uh true, true. I think you

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Speaker 1: probably just didn't put enough water in it. So the

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Speaker 1: thing that I had is like an insert you put

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Speaker 1: over your toilet, so if it's spills, it just spills

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Speaker 1: into your toilet. But it's a t that has all

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Speaker 1: sorts of healing herbs in it. I'm not I actually

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Speaker 1: have no idea what it is camrameal maybe dandelion, no idea. Um,

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Speaker 1: but you buy it pre you can buy it pre made. Yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: it was one of the things that came in like

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Speaker 1: a like a postpartum pack. So um you make you

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Speaker 1: put this little it's like a little bed pan that

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Speaker 1: you put over your toilet and you fill it with

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Speaker 1: like basically as warm water as you can handle um

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Speaker 1: without burning your vagina, and you put this tea bag

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Speaker 1: in it and you just sit and sometimes it makes

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Speaker 1: you pee. And if you pee, then you pee, and

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Speaker 1: you forgive yourself. But sitting in warm water and feeling

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Speaker 1: um clean, it was a big deal for me. I

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Speaker 1: felt so like gross and dirty and muggy down there

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Speaker 1: and and you know, doing like the layers of pads

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Speaker 1: and diapers and just like not really having time to shower,

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Speaker 1: but not ever feeling clean. One of the best piece

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Speaker 1: of advice that my midwife gave me was just like,

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Speaker 1: put down a chuck's pad and go lay outside and

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Speaker 1: just bleed on the chuck's pad and just be without

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Speaker 1: a tampon or I mean not a tampon, a pad

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Speaker 1: or a diaper for a while. Pad. Yeah, because you sit.

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Speaker 1: You can get pretty fucked up from sitting and just liquids,

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Speaker 1: Like you're just there's so much liquid involved, you know,

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Speaker 1: there's so much liquid involved, you're basically like it's a

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Speaker 1: very juicy time neotic. Yeah, all this amniotic fluid is

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Speaker 1: coming out for for some people weeks and weeks and

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Speaker 1: weeks at a time, and bleeding for weeks and weeks

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Speaker 1: and weeks at a time. So you can get pretty

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Speaker 1: frustrated just sitting in that in a pad, in a diaper. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's gross. So you're like, this sits bath for you.

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Speaker 1: Made you feel like you were sort of starting at zero,

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Speaker 1: Like great, let's just like clean this all up, sit

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Speaker 1: outside on a Chuck's pad and feel free. Yes, so

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Speaker 1: I needed to go and just warm and clean and

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Speaker 1: be nice to this incredible body part that just did

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Speaker 1: so much work, has gone through so much trauma. Let's

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Speaker 1: just go and be a little nice to her. And honestly,

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Speaker 1: for me, it was it was really hard for me

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Speaker 1: to take ten minutes for myself. And it still is.

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Speaker 1: It's still is so hard. And it's a conversation. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I'm going off topic now, but Hi, Katie, this is

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Speaker 1: just us hanging out. I'm excited. My husband and I

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Speaker 1: were just having a conversation yesterday about like he was like,

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Speaker 1: you have to tell me what your needs are, and

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Speaker 1: I'm like, first of all, I don't know how to

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Speaker 1: do that. Secondly, I don't know what they are. You know,

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Speaker 1: maybe since my son's birth, but probably like epo genetically,

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Speaker 1: for generations, the women in my family have been martyrs

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Speaker 1: for motherhood and they have always put themselves after their

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Speaker 1: children and grandchildren and nieces and nephews and so um.

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Speaker 1: Since my son was born, I was like, I don't matter,

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Speaker 1: and that's fine, until now, you know, my son is

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Speaker 1: a year and I'm like, oh wait, I really got

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Speaker 1: to matter a little bit because I'm holding a lot

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Speaker 1: of ship together. Were you the first woman in your

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Speaker 1: you know, close line, your mother, your grandmother that does

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Speaker 1: have help? Like is your mom stay at home mom?

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Speaker 1: Was your grandmother stay at home mom? Like? Was there?

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Speaker 1: What did they put their children so far ahead that

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Speaker 1: they also didn't work or did they have did they

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Speaker 1: have to work? I come from working people, my um. Ever,

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Speaker 1: everyone worked, um, but the work always felt like it

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Speaker 1: was for the family. And it's true. I do believe

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Speaker 1: that they really worked for us and my dad too, um,

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Speaker 1: but it was at the cost of themselves, and not

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Speaker 1: that they ever let it show. Really. I mean, I

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Speaker 1: think my you know, my mom probably worked herself to

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Speaker 1: the bone in terms of sacrificing her own mental health

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Speaker 1: for sure. UM. But you know the times that we

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Speaker 1: did have help, and this is true for me now,

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Speaker 1: was so that they could go work. Right. So that's

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Speaker 1: really what's coming into your identity shift of like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: if I do have this nanny for five hours, than

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Speaker 1: it means I better be fucking working my ass off

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Speaker 1: that I'm not currently mothering him, and I'm not currently

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Speaker 1: you know, filling my mother's shoes. So it's not like

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Speaker 1: I should take that five hours and do something what

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Speaker 1: some people my nap selfish or self care, oh god,

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Speaker 1: I know, or go to like go just fucking drink

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Speaker 1: at lunch with a friend or whatever, like yeah, like

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Speaker 1: you would. I know, it's a real I have to say.

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Speaker 1: I can't. I don't know if it gets better. I'm

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Speaker 1: sitting here again, like I think a five year old is. Maybe,

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Speaker 1: you know, I feel like I'm coming on this sort

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Speaker 1: of milestone in a way, and I don't know if

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Speaker 1: I'm I don't know if that's gotten any better. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I've definitely paid for nanny's to watch my children while

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Speaker 1: I've taken a nap. That's definitely happened, and I've definitely

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Speaker 1: felt bad about it. So that's definitely also how happened. Um,

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Speaker 1: did you always want to be a mom? I did.

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Speaker 1: I think we were a little where you maternal. Were

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Speaker 1: you like I it was never a question that you

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Speaker 1: were going to do this. I felt like I love

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Speaker 1: my future children. I remember saying that in high school, like,

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Speaker 1: I love my future children, um, but also it's hard

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Speaker 1: for me to separate how much of that is conditioning

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Speaker 1: because it was never really an option. It was like

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Speaker 1: growing up, it's like, and when you have children, this

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Speaker 1: is what you're going to do. And so I never

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Speaker 1: I don't know that I was ever able to imagine

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Speaker 1: my life without it. But when my husband and I

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Speaker 1: first started dating, we were living in New York and

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Speaker 1: had really full, crazy lives, and we had the conversation

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Speaker 1: you know, or we would hang out with people who

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Speaker 1: have kids and see how hard it is, and we're like,

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Speaker 1: are we going to opt into that? Like let's let's

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Speaker 1: let's think about this consciously. And then we got married

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Speaker 1: and on our wedding night we were like, do you

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Speaker 1: want to just see if our parts work together? And

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Speaker 1: then nine months how beautiful? Oh my god, I was

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Speaker 1: so beautiful. And then nine months and one day later

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Speaker 1: my son was born. Book the fuck out of here.

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Speaker 1: Not did I did not see that coming. I have

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Speaker 1: goose bumps all over my body. That's insane and incredible. This. Um,

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Speaker 1: I love that you've made this so public, but you

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Speaker 1: do you have an opinion piece for the Daily Beast

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Speaker 1: that is about how you were pregnant once before and

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Speaker 1: opted to have an abortion. Now, can you talk to

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Speaker 1: me through how you knew? Like what I love so

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Speaker 1: much about the article and for people listening read it,

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Speaker 1: it's really a wonderful It's of one you did, such

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Speaker 1: a beauty. It's a great, great piece. But I love

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Speaker 1: about it is that you knew in your body that

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Speaker 1: that was the choice you had to make. And what

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Speaker 1: I love about hearing the story about making your son

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Speaker 1: is you knew that that was the choice you had

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Speaker 1: that you wanted to make. How did you know you

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Speaker 1: were ready for something like that? How did you know

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Speaker 1: so through and through? And I asked, because I'm really

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Speaker 1: bad at making decisions. Well, I mean, you know it's

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Speaker 1: right when you don't have to second guess it, at

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Speaker 1: least for me. Um, And that's not you know, there

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Speaker 1: are a lot of things that I'm second guessing all

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Speaker 1: the time and asking for too many people's opinions on.

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Speaker 1: But when it came to having an abortion, it felt

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Speaker 1: like a no brainer. I was not in a place

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Speaker 1: to have a child. I was not in a relationship

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Speaker 1: with a person that was going to be my forever person.

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Speaker 1: I was working at a smoothie shop. Um that didn't

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Speaker 1: allow us to receive tips, which I think should be illegal. Um.

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Speaker 1: I was just barely, barely, barely holding on. And I

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Speaker 1: didn't ever feel like the thing I was pregnant with

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Speaker 1: was my kid. I didn't ever feel like I'm going

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Speaker 1: to go aboard a child. I felt like, there is

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Speaker 1: this thing I am impregnated with. I mean, I'm not

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Speaker 1: like I felt like I was sick with something that

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Speaker 1: I have to go clean cure myself of. Um, there

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Speaker 1: is a medical procedure that is very common that will

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Speaker 1: cure me of this thing that is uncomfortable and scary

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Speaker 1: and not here at the right time. So I went

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Speaker 1: to I just went to my kind of coologist, and

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Speaker 1: I was lucky enough to have health insurance at the time,

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Speaker 1: and I just underwent this very big, sick medical procedure

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Speaker 1: and I was fine afterwards and it didn't eat me up.

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Speaker 1: And I honestly, the only time I ever even think

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Speaker 1: about it is when I think about all of the

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Speaker 1: people who want an abortion and cannot have one. That's

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Speaker 1: when I think back to myself at twenty two years old,

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Speaker 1: being like, oh fuck, what if I was forced two

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Speaker 1: grow and birth and raise a person that I was

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Speaker 1: not able to care for. All of the sacrifices that

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Speaker 1: that would have been to my personal life and all

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Speaker 1: of the ways that that would have affected this little

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Speaker 1: being's upbringing, who was who would be entirely under resourced,

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Speaker 1: entirely under served in every way, And then I get

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Speaker 1: to make a choice about having my son, and it's

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Speaker 1: it was just it was a hell. Yeah. I mean

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Speaker 1: we were we were so excited. We were We hugged

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Speaker 1: and kissed and called everyone before we should call people,

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Speaker 1: you know, they tell you to wait, and I didn't,

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Speaker 1: and I was just stoked. I also think I have

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Speaker 1: some thoughts on this, like how women should wait until

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Speaker 1: they tell people that they're pregnant. Oh yeah, talk to

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Speaker 1: me about that. Sure. I think it just stigmatizes miscarriage

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Speaker 1: and it makes people feel like it's something they should

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Speaker 1: deal with on their own. And I mean, you know,

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Speaker 1: you don't have to make like an Instagram announcement, but

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Speaker 1: you can. You could definitely tell the people close to you,

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Speaker 1: because those are the people who are there to support

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Speaker 1: you through good times and bad. Yeah. I I had

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Speaker 1: a miscarriage before my son, and I was so and

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Speaker 1: it was like eleven and a half weeks, and I

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Speaker 1: remember it was really helpful actually that I had told

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Speaker 1: the people I told. I told the people that it

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Speaker 1: I would have told had it not worked out, if

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Speaker 1: that makes sense, you know what I mean, Like my

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Speaker 1: best friends, my parents, my grandmother, like people who I

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Speaker 1: called afterwards and was like, I'm no longer pregnant. I'm

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Speaker 1: so sad. Um. And I do think keeping it just

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Speaker 1: to yourself is really really hard. Um. And I wouldn't

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Speaker 1: recommend that either. I couldn't. Oh no way, yeah, I

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Speaker 1: I don't think. So you got pregnant right on your

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Speaker 1: freaking wedding night, you take a pregnancy test. You were

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Speaker 1: just stoked, so excited, calling all of your family members

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Speaker 1: like I'm pregnant. Were you afraid? Were you scared? Were you?

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Speaker 1: I mean, we definitely had a what the fuckness happened?

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Speaker 1: Of like is this real? Are we really going to do?

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Speaker 1: Because like you're like I didn't even work for like

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Speaker 1: that's that's huge. Some people are usually like, okay, I didn't,

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Speaker 1: like I was spa when I got my period and

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Speaker 1: we started trying. But I also was like it was

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Speaker 1: kind of cool to like try for a while and

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Speaker 1: not to want it. Holy sh it, this worked. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I know. I was looking forward to trying for a

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Speaker 1: little bit. Um. Yeah, I was looking forward to, you know,

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Speaker 1: being married for a little bit. But we were also like,

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Speaker 1: you know, this person is coming into our lives and

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Speaker 1: it's meant to be for whatever reason. So I felt

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Speaker 1: very lucky and grateful um and scared um yeah, and

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Speaker 1: and and honestly, just the world was a scary place.

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Speaker 1: This was, um. I found out in September and nobody

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Speaker 1: was vaccinated yet that didn't exist. I was like receiving

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Speaker 1: death threats from trolls online. Um for what, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: for existing, for being a woman, for becoming a meme.

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Speaker 1: I'm not really sure what happened, but all of a

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Speaker 1: sudden I started getting the attention of just a lot

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Speaker 1: of gross men. And you know, it was just I

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Speaker 1: just felt so unsafe in the world for a variety

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Speaker 1: of reasons. Um. And so for that to happen at

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Speaker 1: a time where I was also feeling those things, UM,

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Speaker 1: I just really wanted to keep everything private. You know,

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Speaker 1: there's this shift that happens that every person that carries

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Speaker 1: a child feels, where all of a sudden, your body

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Speaker 1: is not yours, not just yours. Your body is now

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Speaker 1: your family, and I felt like I needed to protect

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Speaker 1: my family in ways that I never felt like I

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Speaker 1: needed to protect just myself. I felt pretty comfortable putting

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Speaker 1: myself on the front lines of trolledom and activision and

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Speaker 1: just just just soaking in every kind of cortisol stress hormone.

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Speaker 1: I could whatever, I can take it. But when it

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Speaker 1: was about this little thing, I was like, well, there's

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Speaker 1: no reason for them to take it. There's no reason

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Speaker 1: for you know, they didn't ask to be an activist

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Speaker 1: and they didn't ask to be fight fighting a fight.

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Speaker 1: Yet let them make that choice. So I kind of, um,

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Speaker 1: I kind of went underground a little bit. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: did too. With my second I can remember making the

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Speaker 1: choice of like when I was pregnant with Vera, and

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Speaker 1: it was like Los Angeles was on fire, and um,

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Speaker 1: it was Black Lives Matter, and it was I mean,

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Speaker 1: it still is, but it was just so George Floyd

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Speaker 1: had just been murdered and everyone was taking to the

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Speaker 1: streets and I had such fight and anger and and

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Speaker 1: my body and I would drive, but I would make

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Speaker 1: Adam drive me by protests and marches and things like that,

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Speaker 1: but I wouldn't get out of the car because I

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00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:14,960
Speaker 1: was It was really we didn't know about COVID a

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Speaker 1: lot then, and we didn't know how it affected pregnancy.

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Speaker 1: We didn't know how it affected babies. And I felt

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Speaker 1: like that too, like I had to kind of hide

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Speaker 1: and it wasn't about me anymore. It was about how

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Speaker 1: am I going to keep us safe from things we

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Speaker 1: don't know? Um, how was your pregnancy? It was pretty textbook. Um,

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Speaker 1: I had a very nauseous first trimester. I was just

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Speaker 1: working a lot. It was to be working and pregnant

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Speaker 1: during a pandemic. Well, I mean I'm sure you were

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Speaker 1: working through your pregnancies as well, right, not the pandemic pregnancy,

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Speaker 1: but my first pregnancy. I worked the whole time. And

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Speaker 1: I can't even believe you just said working pandemic pregnancy

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Speaker 1: all in one fucking sense. I cannot imagine that while

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Speaker 1: being like nauseous, like the first trimester where you're just like,

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Speaker 1: and I have the flu, but it could be COVID,

378
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Speaker 1: but I have to be working and please God, let

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Speaker 1: everything or please whoever let this fucking like, let everything

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Speaker 1: be okay? Like this is Did you have anxiety? Were

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Speaker 1: you trying to stay really chill. Did you have, um,

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Speaker 1: what were your what was your support? Like, I just

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Speaker 1: like kicked into boss mode. I have a husband who

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Speaker 1: is the best, most supportive, most kind, most hands on.

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Speaker 1: I just I'm so so lucky. And um, he came

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Speaker 1: to set with me almost every time, and he likes

387
00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:49,240
Speaker 1: he's a working person too, that doesn't work in this

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Speaker 1: industry at all. And he would bring his giant fucking

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Speaker 1: computer into my dressing room and work in there and

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Speaker 1: then come to set and bring me crackers and little

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Speaker 1: peppermin oil to sniff and put on my nausea bracelets

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Speaker 1: for me and then go back to my dressing room

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Speaker 1: and take a meeting. And um, oh my god, I

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Speaker 1: love this guy. I love this human being. Oh my god.

395
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Speaker 1: So so you had a lot of support. You were nauseous,

396
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Speaker 1: and then did you get the second try mmr stride

397
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Speaker 1: where you were like, I have the most energy I've

398
00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:25,040
Speaker 1: ever had in my life. Yes, absolutely, Um, but also

399
00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:28,840
Speaker 1: I gained so much weight and and honestly, one of

400
00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:31,840
Speaker 1: my one of my friends was like, Hey, your whole

401
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:34,439
Speaker 1: job right now is just get fat and be happy.

402
00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:36,920
Speaker 1: And I was like, I can do that. I took

403
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Speaker 1: it very seriously, so you know, I was not one

404
00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:44,840
Speaker 1: of those like jazzer size moms. I ate whatever I wanted,

405
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:47,920
Speaker 1: and I worked really hard at work. There's something very

406
00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:54,640
Speaker 1: cruel about watching yourself become like gained so much weight

407
00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:58,440
Speaker 1: so fast on camera. Um as somebody who you know

408
00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:01,119
Speaker 1: who works in an industry that is so vain, and

409
00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:04,159
Speaker 1: I am so vain in that way that I'm not

410
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Speaker 1: proud of. But that was that was kind of hard.

411
00:26:07,520 --> 00:26:13,600
Speaker 1: And then also because I was dealing with so much, um,

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Speaker 1: crazy people showing up to addresses and all sorts of things,

413
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:21,600
Speaker 1: I was keeping my pregnancy private and it was just

414
00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:25,159
Speaker 1: a gross, a gross time in terms of like my

415
00:26:25,280 --> 00:26:27,960
Speaker 1: relationship to my body and the internet and like and

416
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:32,119
Speaker 1: the perception of of the gaze of the world. But

417
00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:37,000
Speaker 1: then also internally, the flip side of that, Katie, is

418
00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:40,520
Speaker 1: that like, um, in terms of like my I r

419
00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:43,960
Speaker 1: L world, my in real life world, it was fucking amazing,

420
00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:46,960
Speaker 1: Like I love the people I work with. My A

421
00:26:47,119 --> 00:26:52,679
Speaker 1: d is a mother of two. Um my producer is

422
00:26:53,119 --> 00:26:57,880
Speaker 1: a father of two. Um. I was directing and acting,

423
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Speaker 1: which is one of my favorite ways to be acting,

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00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:04,719
Speaker 1: and I want oh my god, I felt like I

425
00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:07,480
Speaker 1: was like working really hard. I was building my nest

426
00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:09,360
Speaker 1: so that then I could chill the funk out when

427
00:27:09,359 --> 00:27:12,199
Speaker 1: my baby got here. Which is not true. Actually I

428
00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:14,240
Speaker 1: didn't end up chilling the funk out for very long

429
00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:17,680
Speaker 1: at all. But I did you take a maternity leave?

430
00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:21,120
Speaker 1: Did you take a maternity leave? I had like three

431
00:27:21,119 --> 00:27:24,080
Speaker 1: and a half months, which is not enough time. I

432
00:27:24,119 --> 00:27:31,840
Speaker 1: think also illegal. That should be illegal, Lee, go a year?

433
00:27:32,240 --> 00:27:34,480
Speaker 1: You should everyone should have a year. Yeah. My sister

434
00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:37,240
Speaker 1: in law works at a company where they have one

435
00:27:37,359 --> 00:27:40,800
Speaker 1: year paid maternity leave. Um, they also have one year

436
00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:48,320
Speaker 1: paid paternity leave and it's nest most loveliest and because

437
00:27:48,359 --> 00:27:50,879
Speaker 1: of that, she will she is so loyal to this

438
00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:54,280
Speaker 1: company and she works her fucking ass off because she

439
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:58,840
Speaker 1: will never it will never be lost on her that

440
00:27:58,960 --> 00:28:01,520
Speaker 1: she got to be with her baby and sort of

441
00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:05,520
Speaker 1: go through the transition into motherhood. And really, I mean

442
00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:08,399
Speaker 1: when you were speaking earlier, when we were talking, I

443
00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:12,679
Speaker 1: didn't feel like myself. Like I remember looking in the

444
00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:16,359
Speaker 1: mirror when my son was eighteen months old, so around

445
00:28:16,359 --> 00:28:18,240
Speaker 1: a year and a half, and I remember looking in

446
00:28:18,280 --> 00:28:21,960
Speaker 1: the mirror being like, oh, I think I see me

447
00:28:22,040 --> 00:28:24,879
Speaker 1: in there a little bit like and it took that long.

448
00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:27,359
Speaker 1: Um and I'm just in a year and a half

449
00:28:27,359 --> 00:28:31,680
Speaker 1: now with my daughter, and it's starting to like I

450
00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:33,639
Speaker 1: feel a little bit again. I think for me it

451
00:28:33,680 --> 00:28:38,760
Speaker 1: has to do with um breastfeeding too, but um, where

452
00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:43,840
Speaker 1: are you at do breastfeed? I think if I could

453
00:28:43,880 --> 00:28:50,560
Speaker 1: still be nursing, I would still be nursing. I UM,

454
00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:58,040
Speaker 1: around ten months got just so busy with work and

455
00:28:58,080 --> 00:29:01,880
Speaker 1: I was no longer on um my sets. I was

456
00:29:01,960 --> 00:29:05,280
Speaker 1: on other people's sets, and I couldn't keep up the

457
00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:10,960
Speaker 1: pumping schedule and um and and my body wasn't receiving

458
00:29:11,240 --> 00:29:14,400
Speaker 1: the hormone feedbacks that it needed to keep producing milk.

459
00:29:14,480 --> 00:29:17,440
Speaker 1: You know, I just wasn't seeing I wasn't able to

460
00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:21,960
Speaker 1: actually feed my kid enough. UM. So that's when we

461
00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:25,840
Speaker 1: switched to formula. But also luckily at that time, he

462
00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:29,120
Speaker 1: was eating so much. The kid like loves like sardines

463
00:29:29,240 --> 00:29:32,120
Speaker 1: and sour kraut and like he's just an old Jewish man.

464
00:29:32,600 --> 00:29:36,040
Speaker 1: He's a kid after my own heart. I love it. Yeah. Yeah,

465
00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:38,239
Speaker 1: So I'm like, I'm not worried about him getting is

466
00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:41,160
Speaker 1: like iron and you know, he's he's good. So I

467
00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:48,960
Speaker 1: felt okay about stopping for him. But also learning to

468
00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:53,440
Speaker 1: breastfeed was the hardest thing I've ever done. I he

469
00:29:53,480 --> 00:29:58,120
Speaker 1: didn't latch until he was three weeks old, and you know,

470
00:29:58,400 --> 00:30:02,160
Speaker 1: every day that your kid it isn't latching feels like

471
00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:06,720
Speaker 1: a crisis every day where you're like, I can't figure

472
00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:09,360
Speaker 1: out how to feed this kid and he's crying and

473
00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:14,200
Speaker 1: he needs this thing. Is is a catastrophe, you know.

474
00:30:14,320 --> 00:30:17,320
Speaker 1: I remember talking to like lactation consultants on like a

475
00:30:17,360 --> 00:30:19,360
Speaker 1: Monday and They're like, I can see you on Thursday,

476
00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:22,520
Speaker 1: and I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? I can

477
00:30:22,640 --> 00:30:24,720
Speaker 1: make it? Four days like this, like I can't make it.

478
00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:26,680
Speaker 1: I cannot make it. We're not going to make it.

479
00:30:26,840 --> 00:30:28,800
Speaker 1: We're not gonna make it. You're not going to make it.

480
00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:32,160
Speaker 1: You have to come over today, Yeah, today, right now,

481
00:30:32,600 --> 00:30:36,160
Speaker 1: fucking day? Yeah yeah yeah. How did the latch finally

482
00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:41,560
Speaker 1: work itself out? Um? I found an incredible lactation consultant

483
00:30:41,680 --> 00:30:47,680
Speaker 1: who came over every day, and she's a saint. Every

484
00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:49,720
Speaker 1: woman that I dealt with I could cry now just

485
00:30:49,760 --> 00:30:52,720
Speaker 1: thinking about it. But every woman that I dealt with

486
00:30:52,960 --> 00:31:02,760
Speaker 1: in my pregnancy, delivery, postpartum process deserves a metal Like

487
00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:10,959
Speaker 1: my midwife was incredible. My dula was like stepped in

488
00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:16,400
Speaker 1: like I can't even imagine Carson Meyer. Um, I delivered

489
00:31:16,400 --> 00:31:19,200
Speaker 1: at this tiny I was planning a home birth. It

490
00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:21,320
Speaker 1: didn't go that way. I ended up going to this

491
00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:24,760
Speaker 1: tiny hospital that had two delivery rooms. Wait, can you

492
00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:26,840
Speaker 1: tell me more about this? Why did you always know

493
00:31:26,960 --> 00:31:29,280
Speaker 1: you wanted a home birth? Was the home birth decision

494
00:31:29,920 --> 00:31:33,840
Speaker 1: COVID based? Did you want that? Like? What what made

495
00:31:33,880 --> 00:31:35,680
Speaker 1: the change when you had to go to the hospital?

496
00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:38,360
Speaker 1: Tell me all of this? Um, it was it was

497
00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:42,360
Speaker 1: a little COVID based. Yeah. Um. But also my son

498
00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:44,680
Speaker 1: was born in May and it was like it was

499
00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:49,120
Speaker 1: like this point of levity. Ultimately in like the cycle,

500
00:31:49,960 --> 00:31:53,560
Speaker 1: I was vaccinated my you know, my husband or doctor.

501
00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:55,600
Speaker 1: So it all felt like we were like maybe starting

502
00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:58,560
Speaker 1: to take our masks off around each other. But before that, yes,

503
00:31:58,560 --> 00:32:00,280
Speaker 1: it was a little bit COVID based. And it was

504
00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:04,840
Speaker 1: also I watched the business of being born and I

505
00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:08,480
Speaker 1: was very scared by that. The hospital experience I had

506
00:32:08,600 --> 00:32:11,720
Speaker 1: was nothing like that. It was a beautiful hospital experience,

507
00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:15,120
Speaker 1: and I wish my hospital experience on every birthing person.

508
00:32:16,040 --> 00:32:19,560
Speaker 1: But um, honestly the biggest thing for me is that

509
00:32:19,600 --> 00:32:21,760
Speaker 1: I wanted to move around. I did not like this

510
00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:27,040
Speaker 1: idea of being attached to tubes and monitors and not

511
00:32:27,240 --> 00:32:34,080
Speaker 1: being able to move or squats or walk. Um, that

512
00:32:34,280 --> 00:32:37,320
Speaker 1: felt the most natural to me. And I also, I'm like,

513
00:32:37,680 --> 00:32:39,800
Speaker 1: I could do the pain. Whatever the pain is, I

514
00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:42,680
Speaker 1: could do it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

515
00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:49,040
Speaker 1: Little did I know? Little did I know that my

516
00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:54,160
Speaker 1: son would be sunny side up, which means that he

517
00:32:55,080 --> 00:33:00,440
Speaker 1: was facing forward, which means that his head and spine

518
00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:05,520
Speaker 1: was pushing against my spine. And with every contraction it

519
00:33:05,680 --> 00:33:10,040
Speaker 1: felt like my back was breaking and my I I

520
00:33:10,320 --> 00:33:12,280
Speaker 1: as a joke. I knew this was funny when I

521
00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:15,280
Speaker 1: was doing it, but I meant it where with every

522
00:33:15,320 --> 00:33:21,520
Speaker 1: contraction I would yell my bottole like I was. I

523
00:33:21,600 --> 00:33:24,880
Speaker 1: just felt like this baby was gonna push out the

524
00:33:24,880 --> 00:33:27,719
Speaker 1: wrong hole. I was like, he was gonna come out

525
00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:31,080
Speaker 1: my butt. Um. And I did it for days. I

526
00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:36,800
Speaker 1: was in I had contractions for days. UM. I started

527
00:33:36,800 --> 00:33:42,640
Speaker 1: having contractions on a Sunday night. Um. On Tuesday, I

528
00:33:42,680 --> 00:33:45,520
Speaker 1: saw my midwife and I was like, are these bracts

529
00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:47,560
Speaker 1: and hikes? Are these contractions? And then I had one

530
00:33:47,600 --> 00:33:49,000
Speaker 1: in front of her and she's like, oh honey, those

531
00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:53,760
Speaker 1: are contractions and UM. And then that night I didn't

532
00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:55,640
Speaker 1: sleep and I, you know, we did the thing. We

533
00:33:55,680 --> 00:33:58,479
Speaker 1: had a toub blown up in our bedroom. UM. And

534
00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:02,560
Speaker 1: then the next a you know, did all the curb walking,

535
00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:04,840
Speaker 1: did everything I could to make this baby come, and

536
00:34:04,920 --> 00:34:09,200
Speaker 1: he did not. UM. And then so after the second

537
00:34:10,760 --> 00:34:14,360
Speaker 1: sleepless nights of having contractions, UM, this was like, you know,

538
00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:19,719
Speaker 1: two am in the bathtub and I'm having peyton like

539
00:34:19,760 --> 00:34:24,239
Speaker 1: I've never thought possible. I UM. I called my midwife

540
00:34:24,600 --> 00:34:31,640
Speaker 1: and she very lovingly was like, you know, I don't

541
00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:36,160
Speaker 1: think that anyone should have to have back labor without medication,

542
00:34:37,719 --> 00:34:40,080
Speaker 1: and if you wanted to go to the hospital, that

543
00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:45,480
Speaker 1: would be okay. And I needed that permission for some reason.

544
00:34:45,520 --> 00:34:49,279
Speaker 1: I needed to take the pressure off myself. And so

545
00:34:49,440 --> 00:34:54,040
Speaker 1: like at three am and I pack we pack up

546
00:34:54,080 --> 00:34:56,839
Speaker 1: the stuff and we get in the car and I

547
00:34:56,880 --> 00:35:00,600
Speaker 1: am in the best mood. I am so grateful that

548
00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:03,520
Speaker 1: these days of contractions are coming to an end, that

549
00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:07,040
Speaker 1: we're about to meet our baby. We drive to the hospital,

550
00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:08,600
Speaker 1: I cannot sit down. They make me sit in a

551
00:35:08,600 --> 00:35:10,600
Speaker 1: wheelchair to get to the room and I'm like, no, no no, no,

552
00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:13,160
Speaker 1: I'll walk. I literally can't sit. This baby's in my butt.

553
00:35:13,239 --> 00:35:17,400
Speaker 1: I cannot sit and they're like, you have to. You

554
00:35:17,440 --> 00:35:19,600
Speaker 1: have to The insurance company says you have to sit.

555
00:35:19,960 --> 00:35:23,239
Speaker 1: So anyway, we go to the hospital and they were

556
00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:26,759
Speaker 1: just like, well, you're not dilated enough, so why don't

557
00:35:26,800 --> 00:35:29,799
Speaker 1: we just give you some some pain medication so you

558
00:35:29,800 --> 00:35:31,920
Speaker 1: can sleep. I don't remember what it was called, but

559
00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:34,680
Speaker 1: it was just so you could sleep tonight and we'll

560
00:35:34,719 --> 00:35:36,640
Speaker 1: talk about it in the morning. So this was not

561
00:35:36,719 --> 00:35:39,439
Speaker 1: an epidural. You didn't like get right you didn't pull

562
00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:42,400
Speaker 1: right in, and they didn't give you an epidural right away. No,

563
00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:45,000
Speaker 1: I wasn't my my body wasn't ready for that yet.

564
00:35:45,120 --> 00:35:47,799
Speaker 1: And they were like I was like, oh, yeah, well,

565
00:35:47,840 --> 00:35:49,520
Speaker 1: if you're gonna maybe to this hospital, what if I

566
00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:51,799
Speaker 1: want to like leave And they're like that's fine. There's

567
00:35:51,800 --> 00:35:54,279
Speaker 1: a really good burrito shop down the street. You can

568
00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:56,640
Speaker 1: go get a burrito. You know. They were just like

569
00:35:56,800 --> 00:35:58,719
Speaker 1: the nice They're like, you don't have to make any

570
00:35:58,760 --> 00:36:01,799
Speaker 1: decisions right now. We're not crushing into anything. I think

571
00:36:01,880 --> 00:36:06,120
Speaker 1: you should just sleep tonight. And I was like hell yeah.

572
00:36:06,239 --> 00:36:08,799
Speaker 1: So I slept for the first time in like, you know,

573
00:36:09,160 --> 00:36:14,279
Speaker 1: two and a half days and it was great. And

574
00:36:14,320 --> 00:36:19,120
Speaker 1: then the next morning, um, we started doing a zide attech,

575
00:36:19,160 --> 00:36:22,800
Speaker 1: which is like a pill, yeah, to open up your cervix.

576
00:36:22,920 --> 00:36:25,440
Speaker 1: Try to do that. That worked a little bit, and

577
00:36:25,480 --> 00:36:29,040
Speaker 1: then they started the induction. And the one downside of

578
00:36:29,040 --> 00:36:32,400
Speaker 1: delivering at a small hospital is that there wasn't a

579
00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:35,759
Speaker 1: m and a psiologist to do the epidural, so I

580
00:36:35,800 --> 00:36:38,640
Speaker 1: had to wait a long ass time for that doctor

581
00:36:38,680 --> 00:36:42,440
Speaker 1: to get there. And then another fun twist is that

582
00:36:42,520 --> 00:36:45,480
Speaker 1: my epid you just I would have been screaming my

583
00:36:45,560 --> 00:36:48,840
Speaker 1: fucking ass off, like at what, Yeah, I did six hours?

584
00:36:48,920 --> 00:36:52,319
Speaker 1: I think with my son, just like I made it

585
00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:57,480
Speaker 1: to like yeah, no, but I did six hours. No, no,

586
00:36:57,600 --> 00:37:01,240
Speaker 1: but you're the coue. I could never like after six hours,

587
00:37:01,280 --> 00:37:04,560
Speaker 1: I made it to like six and a half centimeters

588
00:37:04,600 --> 00:37:11,760
Speaker 1: until I was like I am fucking sobbing between every

589
00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:16,560
Speaker 1: single one of these. Like and I my goal with

590
00:37:16,600 --> 00:37:20,000
Speaker 1: my Duela was I just want to have a really fun,

591
00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:23,840
Speaker 1: good memory of this. That's such a good goal to

592
00:37:23,880 --> 00:37:27,600
Speaker 1: look back and be like I don't care what happens,

593
00:37:27,719 --> 00:37:29,680
Speaker 1: but I just want to look back and be like,

594
00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:32,520
Speaker 1: you know, I think also because I had this podcast,

595
00:37:32,560 --> 00:37:33,919
Speaker 1: is like that was like, so I knew things could

596
00:37:33,960 --> 00:37:39,000
Speaker 1: get pretty fucking traumatic. It was just like I just

597
00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:43,680
Speaker 1: wanna enjoy it, Like I really really want to enjoy it,

598
00:37:43,760 --> 00:37:45,560
Speaker 1: and I really want to be there for it. And

599
00:37:45,640 --> 00:37:47,800
Speaker 1: I got to the point where I was just hysterical

600
00:37:47,880 --> 00:37:50,480
Speaker 1: and I just was like, I fucking hate this. I

601
00:37:50,560 --> 00:37:55,000
Speaker 1: hate this, this sucks, I hate it. I'm not having

602
00:37:55,040 --> 00:37:57,520
Speaker 1: a good time. This blows, and I really want to

603
00:37:57,560 --> 00:38:01,560
Speaker 1: be excited to meet him. Can we fucking fix this? Yeah,

604
00:38:01,800 --> 00:38:05,279
Speaker 1: that's when I um called for the epidural, which I

605
00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:08,799
Speaker 1: got both times. But um, I I asked for the epidural,

606
00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:12,440
Speaker 1: but it wouldn't stick for some reason. Oh yes, I

607
00:38:12,560 --> 00:38:16,600
Speaker 1: read this. Some people the epidural. It's crazy, but some

608
00:38:16,640 --> 00:38:20,320
Speaker 1: people in an epidural doesn't work. Some people they miss

609
00:38:20,520 --> 00:38:23,560
Speaker 1: the artery or whatever. The funking They're trying a million

610
00:38:23,600 --> 00:38:28,160
Speaker 1: times and it doesn't take. So you've felt everything. Um,

611
00:38:28,239 --> 00:38:31,279
Speaker 1: I had like three hours of an epidural maybe, and

612
00:38:31,360 --> 00:38:34,399
Speaker 1: so I just used that to sleep. But it wasn't

613
00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:37,080
Speaker 1: until so my contraction started on Sunday night. The following

614
00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:42,640
Speaker 1: Saturday morning, I'm like, call the president of the hospital.

615
00:38:43,160 --> 00:38:46,279
Speaker 1: Some someone's getting fired. This is unethical. This is not

616
00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:48,200
Speaker 1: how it should work. And they're like, sorry, this is

617
00:38:48,239 --> 00:38:51,960
Speaker 1: just what natural birth is. A fucking full week basically

618
00:38:51,960 --> 00:38:54,960
Speaker 1: a week, yeah, like five and a half days basically.

619
00:38:55,360 --> 00:38:58,400
Speaker 1: Um that they call this the moment of the transition

620
00:38:58,400 --> 00:39:00,799
Speaker 1: where you're like, I can't take any more her. And

621
00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:03,080
Speaker 1: in that moment, my water broke and the nurse was like,

622
00:39:03,120 --> 00:39:06,000
Speaker 1: you're ready to push. And then I pushed for two

623
00:39:06,080 --> 00:39:09,319
Speaker 1: hours and I loved pushing. Actually, I mean I hated

624
00:39:09,320 --> 00:39:14,320
Speaker 1: the ring of fire, but I loved finally having progress.

625
00:39:14,680 --> 00:39:19,279
Speaker 1: I loved the support team around me. Um. My midwife

626
00:39:19,320 --> 00:39:22,640
Speaker 1: told me about a couple that had that she had

627
00:39:22,719 --> 00:39:25,279
Speaker 1: worked with where the man sat on the toilet and

628
00:39:25,320 --> 00:39:29,040
Speaker 1: the woman sat on his lap and so so that

629
00:39:29,080 --> 00:39:31,319
Speaker 1: the midwife had room to catch the baby, you know,

630
00:39:31,360 --> 00:39:33,319
Speaker 1: the baby would fall into the toilet. And I was like, oh,

631
00:39:33,440 --> 00:39:38,280
Speaker 1: I love the she being cuddled, was being cuddled while

632
00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:41,040
Speaker 1: she's giving birth, and so in that moment, I was

633
00:39:41,160 --> 00:39:43,800
Speaker 1: you know, I ended up pushing in mostly a squat

634
00:39:43,840 --> 00:39:45,920
Speaker 1: and then a little bit on my back, and so

635
00:39:45,960 --> 00:39:48,480
Speaker 1: when I transitioned to my back, my midwife remembered that

636
00:39:48,520 --> 00:39:50,600
Speaker 1: I said this, and she had my husband Clymb behind

637
00:39:50,640 --> 00:39:54,960
Speaker 1: me and He basically spooned me while I pushed. It

638
00:39:55,160 --> 00:39:58,960
Speaker 1: was it was like a little bit um handmaids tails

639
00:39:59,400 --> 00:40:01,960
Speaker 1: now in red respect looking back at the photos, Yeah,

640
00:40:02,000 --> 00:40:04,280
Speaker 1: I know that position. I know that position, but it's beautiful.

641
00:40:04,280 --> 00:40:07,719
Speaker 1: But it's beautiful. We did not have handmaid's tail mentality

642
00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:11,680
Speaker 1: around that. No. I feel very supported. He was supporting

643
00:40:11,680 --> 00:40:14,080
Speaker 1: your back. He was giving you like a big He

644
00:40:14,160 --> 00:40:18,919
Speaker 1: was the big spoon. You were the little spoon. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

645
00:40:19,040 --> 00:40:22,200
Speaker 1: and it was. I was just so grateful. I was

646
00:40:22,239 --> 00:40:24,719
Speaker 1: so grateful he was born. I wanted I wanted that

647
00:40:24,760 --> 00:40:27,520
Speaker 1: to be over. But you know, I will say I

648
00:40:27,600 --> 00:40:30,920
Speaker 1: don't look back on it as a traumatic memory. For

649
00:40:30,960 --> 00:40:34,359
Speaker 1: some reason. I think I'm just like now, in the

650
00:40:34,440 --> 00:40:38,160
Speaker 1: leagues of women who have done this or not. I'm

651
00:40:38,200 --> 00:40:41,640
Speaker 1: in the leagues of people who have done this incredible thing,

652
00:40:42,480 --> 00:40:55,839
Speaker 1: and I'm honored to have had that rite of passage.

653
00:40:57,840 --> 00:40:59,799
Speaker 1: How was the when you met him? Did you have

654
00:40:59,880 --> 00:41:03,879
Speaker 1: a lot of tearing? Did? Uh? What did the ring

655
00:41:03,920 --> 00:41:06,600
Speaker 1: of fire feel like? I have not felt these things? Oh?

656
00:41:06,800 --> 00:41:09,240
Speaker 1: The ring of fire was yeah. It was like your

657
00:41:09,719 --> 00:41:13,280
Speaker 1: your vagina is ripping um. And there was a moment

658
00:41:13,360 --> 00:41:15,200
Speaker 1: where I was like, oh, this is the worst part,

659
00:41:15,360 --> 00:41:18,400
Speaker 1: and but in retrospect it wasn't. It was just it

660
00:41:18,520 --> 00:41:21,600
Speaker 1: was stinging. It was a stinging pain, which compared to

661
00:41:22,760 --> 00:41:26,880
Speaker 1: feeling like your back is breaking is five. It wasn't great,

662
00:41:27,000 --> 00:41:32,000
Speaker 1: But the tearing was was I think, very average. And

663
00:41:32,120 --> 00:41:34,799
Speaker 1: I got like a couple of stitches and it was

664
00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:40,640
Speaker 1: you know, it's crazy to know be like pretty much

665
00:41:40,680 --> 00:41:44,000
Speaker 1: back to normal. Like in my terms of my vagina,

666
00:41:44,120 --> 00:41:50,080
Speaker 1: that is wild. No, the vagina is the fucking coolest, coolest,

667
00:41:50,239 --> 00:41:55,560
Speaker 1: wildest thing of all time. I didn't videotape our son

668
00:41:55,680 --> 00:42:00,720
Speaker 1: being born, but my second I actually asked my Duela

669
00:42:00,760 --> 00:42:05,600
Speaker 1: to videotape her birth and she videotaped it, and I

670
00:42:05,880 --> 00:42:09,200
Speaker 1: actually watch it and I can't believe what my vagina

671
00:42:09,320 --> 00:42:13,319
Speaker 1: or vaginas do and how they go back together, and

672
00:42:13,360 --> 00:42:16,239
Speaker 1: then how you have sex and you actually enjoy it,

673
00:42:16,440 --> 00:42:21,239
Speaker 1: Like what the fuck? It's incredible. And even for people

674
00:42:21,239 --> 00:42:23,560
Speaker 1: who don't have vaginal births, people who have c sections,

675
00:42:23,600 --> 00:42:27,440
Speaker 1: I mean, you're still walking around holding up pounds and

676
00:42:27,680 --> 00:42:31,319
Speaker 1: pounds of weight on your uterus, on your vagina, on

677
00:42:31,360 --> 00:42:34,360
Speaker 1: your bulb, on all of this and all and that

678
00:42:34,520 --> 00:42:38,480
Speaker 1: the fact that your body does what it does and

679
00:42:38,520 --> 00:42:40,080
Speaker 1: then comes back to the I think about the women

680
00:42:40,080 --> 00:42:43,000
Speaker 1: in the olden days who like didn't even have like stitches.

681
00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:45,640
Speaker 1: I mean, their ship just like went back together right

682
00:42:46,760 --> 00:42:49,520
Speaker 1: with like scark t issue. I don't even know. Yeah,

683
00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:52,440
Speaker 1: I mean two things. The women who or or the

684
00:42:52,480 --> 00:42:59,440
Speaker 1: people that have had um uh C sections. I think

685
00:42:59,480 --> 00:43:04,120
Speaker 1: about how amazing their bodies are to heal because the

686
00:43:04,239 --> 00:43:07,360
Speaker 1: things that their muscles have to go through, that the

687
00:43:07,640 --> 00:43:10,960
Speaker 1: that the baby was taken out and their body rehabilitates

688
00:43:10,960 --> 00:43:15,399
Speaker 1: in some way miracle miracle. But the friends that I've

689
00:43:15,440 --> 00:43:20,200
Speaker 1: talked to that are older, that have had children before

690
00:43:20,280 --> 00:43:22,680
Speaker 1: there were epidurals or before there was really just like

691
00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:25,920
Speaker 1: a consciousness around birth, which I think is honestly from

692
00:43:25,960 --> 00:43:27,960
Speaker 1: a lot of the stories I hear still very much

693
00:43:28,040 --> 00:43:30,960
Speaker 1: forming in terms of like the medical industry catching up

694
00:43:30,960 --> 00:43:39,279
Speaker 1: to the actual needs and the very spiritual process of birth. Um.

695
00:43:39,320 --> 00:43:44,399
Speaker 1: I have a friend who's in her seventies and her

696
00:43:44,440 --> 00:43:47,600
Speaker 1: story is nothing but traumatic. My mother's story is nothing

697
00:43:47,640 --> 00:43:50,719
Speaker 1: but traumatic. My mother delivered in the Soviet Union with

698
00:43:50,880 --> 00:43:53,840
Speaker 1: seven other women in the room who were also in

699
00:43:54,000 --> 00:43:56,759
Speaker 1: labor or giving birth. She did not have her own room,

700
00:43:57,320 --> 00:44:00,880
Speaker 1: she didn't have any medicine, my didn't know she was

701
00:44:00,920 --> 00:44:03,600
Speaker 1: having twins. She delivered one and then she had another.

702
00:44:04,160 --> 00:44:08,399
Speaker 1: Oh my god, and my husband's my husband's grandmother was like, oh,

703
00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:10,799
Speaker 1: they just knocked me out and I woke up and

704
00:44:10,800 --> 00:44:13,400
Speaker 1: they handed me my child. I'm like, I mean, she

705
00:44:13,560 --> 00:44:17,080
Speaker 1: just skipped labor and birth altogether. Like it was just

706
00:44:17,120 --> 00:44:19,880
Speaker 1: like you're just put under and they like, your body

707
00:44:19,960 --> 00:44:21,680
Speaker 1: just does it while you're like asleep and you don't

708
00:44:21,680 --> 00:44:23,719
Speaker 1: know what the funks gone on or what's happened to you.

709
00:44:24,239 --> 00:44:28,759
Speaker 1: Fucked up, fucked us. We've come a long way and

710
00:44:28,800 --> 00:44:31,279
Speaker 1: we have a long way to go. How is your

711
00:44:31,320 --> 00:44:39,400
Speaker 1: postpartum journey? How were the first six weeks um survival mode?

712
00:44:40,920 --> 00:44:43,399
Speaker 1: I am I couldn't have done it without the help

713
00:44:43,440 --> 00:44:46,000
Speaker 1: of my mom and my mother in law and my

714
00:44:46,040 --> 00:44:48,520
Speaker 1: sister in law. And then like every person who dropped

715
00:44:48,560 --> 00:44:52,160
Speaker 1: off like a salmon, I'm going to shout out, Mikaela

716
00:44:52,160 --> 00:44:55,120
Speaker 1: Watkins and Fred Kramer are our friends and neighbors who

717
00:44:55,560 --> 00:44:59,439
Speaker 1: dropped off, um salmon. Thank you for that salmon. You'll

718
00:44:59,480 --> 00:45:02,440
Speaker 1: never forget amn't. I'll never forget it. I'll never forget it.

719
00:45:02,440 --> 00:45:04,560
Speaker 1: I remember working with Helen Hunt and she introduced me

720
00:45:04,600 --> 00:45:07,840
Speaker 1: to a woman and she was like, this woman dropped

721
00:45:07,880 --> 00:45:10,480
Speaker 1: off lasagna when my son was born. And I was like, noted,

722
00:45:11,120 --> 00:45:14,360
Speaker 1: make a lasagna like one of my friend Sam Shelton

723
00:45:14,440 --> 00:45:18,799
Speaker 1: dropped off like a chicken that had apricots cooked and olives,

724
00:45:19,200 --> 00:45:21,600
Speaker 1: like cooked olives and apricots, and she just dropped it

725
00:45:21,640 --> 00:45:25,040
Speaker 1: off in like an old school, fucking nineteen fifties pan

726
00:45:25,360 --> 00:45:26,840
Speaker 1: with toil. And she was like, just put it in

727
00:45:26,880 --> 00:45:29,360
Speaker 1: the oven at three fifty and dinner will be served

728
00:45:29,840 --> 00:45:33,279
Speaker 1: within twenty minutes. And I was like, this is the

729
00:45:33,320 --> 00:45:39,320
Speaker 1: fucking coolest, nicest thing ever. Like that's the ship you remember, Okay,

730
00:45:39,320 --> 00:45:44,479
Speaker 1: So survival and tell me as we're wrapping up, what

731
00:45:44,560 --> 00:45:49,520
Speaker 1: have you learned in this first year? That's a big question. Sorry,

732
00:45:50,000 --> 00:45:55,120
Speaker 1: as we're wrapping up quick, we have thirty seconds. Um,

733
00:45:53,440 --> 00:45:56,600
Speaker 1: I want to be with you like all my long.

734
00:45:56,640 --> 00:46:00,719
Speaker 1: I'm like, tell me, like, what is this past year?

735
00:46:00,800 --> 00:46:06,719
Speaker 1: Like you just celebrated a first birthday. Yeah, there are

736
00:46:06,800 --> 00:46:09,600
Speaker 1: chambers in my heart that have opened that I did

737
00:46:09,640 --> 00:46:13,200
Speaker 1: not know where possible, Like my capacity for love for

738
00:46:13,280 --> 00:46:16,440
Speaker 1: this thing that like kind of maybe loves me back

739
00:46:16,480 --> 00:46:20,719
Speaker 1: slash just depends on me for sustenance. The fact that

740
00:46:20,719 --> 00:46:24,440
Speaker 1: I could love something that much is is nuts. Um.

741
00:46:24,480 --> 00:46:27,320
Speaker 1: I think one of the things that I'm now just learning,

742
00:46:27,360 --> 00:46:35,759
Speaker 1: like maybe this week, is how to prioritize my marriage

743
00:46:36,160 --> 00:46:39,800
Speaker 1: in terms of like the advice that I've gotten, Nobody

744
00:46:39,840 --> 00:46:44,760
Speaker 1: ever really talked about that that like your marriage could

745
00:46:44,920 --> 00:46:47,840
Speaker 1: really quickly go to ship if you don't prioritize it

746
00:46:47,880 --> 00:46:53,959
Speaker 1: with a child, because there's so much task managing. There's

747
00:46:54,040 --> 00:46:58,200
Speaker 1: so much get this, wash this, hold this, feed this,

748
00:46:59,480 --> 00:47:03,840
Speaker 1: that there's not a lot of like how are you feeling?

749
00:47:04,120 --> 00:47:07,560
Speaker 1: And um, and can we just like go to sleep

750
00:47:07,640 --> 00:47:11,200
Speaker 1: early and hold each other. It's so much logistics, and

751
00:47:11,320 --> 00:47:14,480
Speaker 1: especially if you are considering ever having more than one,

752
00:47:14,560 --> 00:47:20,200
Speaker 1: it's so many logistics of pickups and drop offs and

753
00:47:20,320 --> 00:47:23,439
Speaker 1: food and shelter and clothing and the basics and get

754
00:47:23,440 --> 00:47:25,920
Speaker 1: more milk and and not not to say like prioritize

755
00:47:25,920 --> 00:47:29,439
Speaker 1: your marriage over your baby, but like that's what I'm

756
00:47:29,440 --> 00:47:33,080
Speaker 1: figuring out right now, is that I got to take

757
00:47:33,080 --> 00:47:35,839
Speaker 1: care of this thing because also, you know, this guy

758
00:47:36,040 --> 00:47:38,880
Speaker 1: in my house is going to leave in seventeen years

759
00:47:38,960 --> 00:47:44,000
Speaker 1: plus or minus and and I will still be with

760
00:47:44,280 --> 00:47:47,279
Speaker 1: my husband. And in fact, when I think about what

761
00:47:47,320 --> 00:47:49,239
Speaker 1: I want at the very end of my life. Like

762
00:47:49,280 --> 00:47:53,640
Speaker 1: what my actual goals of goals is, it's to be

763
00:47:53,800 --> 00:47:56,720
Speaker 1: old and happy with my husband. I was just thinking

764
00:47:56,719 --> 00:47:59,560
Speaker 1: of five hours you have with the nanny, go to

765
00:47:59,600 --> 00:48:02,400
Speaker 1: a lot, go to a what do you guys like

766
00:48:02,480 --> 00:48:05,160
Speaker 1: to do? Like go on that walk, go on that?

767
00:48:05,320 --> 00:48:11,040
Speaker 1: Just just goddamn Adam and I. Sometimes this is real

768
00:48:11,120 --> 00:48:15,920
Speaker 1: insider ship. But yes, sometimes Adam and I literally go

769
00:48:16,040 --> 00:48:19,440
Speaker 1: on hotel. We love hotels and so and we love

770
00:48:19,480 --> 00:48:22,279
Speaker 1: hotel sex. So we'll be like we'll go on hotels

771
00:48:22,320 --> 00:48:27,000
Speaker 1: tonight or whatever, hotel tonight dot com room. Yes, yes,

772
00:48:27,280 --> 00:48:29,600
Speaker 1: we don't go for the night. We go for the afternoon.

773
00:48:30,080 --> 00:48:34,000
Speaker 1: We do a sex, a nap, a shower, and then

774
00:48:34,000 --> 00:48:36,919
Speaker 1: we go home. That is like I roll up there

775
00:48:37,600 --> 00:48:41,080
Speaker 1: at four o'clock and we we only get the nanny

776
00:48:41,160 --> 00:48:43,440
Speaker 1: from like four to ten, you know what I mean.

777
00:48:43,480 --> 00:48:45,399
Speaker 1: She does like the bedtime, and then we go home

778
00:48:45,440 --> 00:48:47,400
Speaker 1: and sleep in our own We don't even sleep in

779
00:48:47,440 --> 00:48:52,160
Speaker 1: the hotel that we paid for. But you get a

780
00:48:52,280 --> 00:48:55,920
Speaker 1: sealed you know, it'll be like two hundred dollars or whatever.

781
00:48:56,040 --> 00:48:58,200
Speaker 1: And I know that seems like a lot, but it's

782
00:48:58,239 --> 00:49:01,360
Speaker 1: like and we do that in like Malibu, or Santa

783
00:49:01,400 --> 00:49:05,719
Speaker 1: Monica or somewhere that's like close. Um, although don't I

784
00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:09,840
Speaker 1: don't know what if you come across any gems anyone listening,

785
00:49:09,880 --> 00:49:12,400
Speaker 1: if you've got any gems on how to prioritize your marriage,

786
00:49:12,400 --> 00:49:14,960
Speaker 1: because you are right, what a crazy ride we're on

787
00:49:15,080 --> 00:49:21,240
Speaker 1: that if we do a great, fulfilled, loving, purposeful job

788
00:49:21,680 --> 00:49:26,080
Speaker 1: raising our children, they will leave us. That means we

789
00:49:26,160 --> 00:49:28,600
Speaker 1: will have done you know what I mean, Like you're

790
00:49:28,640 --> 00:49:31,480
Speaker 1: gonna love something so much for them to fly and

791
00:49:31,560 --> 00:49:34,520
Speaker 1: to go away, and to live on their own and

792
00:49:34,520 --> 00:49:38,759
Speaker 1: not listen, like follow their own direction and and and

793
00:49:40,600 --> 00:49:43,919
Speaker 1: be their own person and things like that, and then

794
00:49:43,960 --> 00:49:47,120
Speaker 1: we're just there with our people that were also very

795
00:49:47,160 --> 00:49:50,200
Speaker 1: lucky to have and it's like, I, yeah, how do

796
00:49:50,239 --> 00:49:52,480
Speaker 1: you take care of that? I don't know, it's really

797
00:49:52,920 --> 00:49:55,160
Speaker 1: but I have heard from a lot of people who

798
00:49:55,200 --> 00:49:59,719
Speaker 1: have older kids teenagers that the first five years with

799
00:50:00,040 --> 00:50:06,160
Speaker 1: the ones is the hardest, That it is epically epically

800
00:50:06,239 --> 00:50:11,440
Speaker 1: hard for the relationship. UM. Because exhaustion is a huge

801
00:50:11,440 --> 00:50:15,400
Speaker 1: part of it, Identity shifting is a huge part of it, UM,

802
00:50:15,600 --> 00:50:20,320
Speaker 1: but also just little kids are are really they need

803
00:50:20,440 --> 00:50:22,719
Speaker 1: you a lot, and we're going to get to a

804
00:50:22,760 --> 00:50:26,919
Speaker 1: place where our children are in school for a lot

805
00:50:26,960 --> 00:50:28,640
Speaker 1: of the hours of the day and then they're going

806
00:50:28,680 --> 00:50:31,960
Speaker 1: to have whatever activities they are or into, you know.

807
00:50:32,120 --> 00:50:35,279
Speaker 1: Like so I think we're also kind of in it

808
00:50:35,680 --> 00:50:40,919
Speaker 1: right now. M M. Feels like, just make it through

809
00:50:40,960 --> 00:50:43,560
Speaker 1: this part. But this is all very important because Adam

810
00:50:43,600 --> 00:50:45,960
Speaker 1: and I are coming up on our ten year wedding anniversary,

811
00:50:46,000 --> 00:50:48,680
Speaker 1: where he was like, we're just gonna be coming home.

812
00:50:48,920 --> 00:50:51,640
Speaker 1: Let's celebrate that we've been together sixteen years, but it's

813
00:50:51,640 --> 00:50:53,840
Speaker 1: our ten year wedding anniversary. And he's like, let's just

814
00:50:53,880 --> 00:50:56,360
Speaker 1: celebrate it later in the summer, and I was like, ab,

815
00:50:56,640 --> 00:51:02,560
Speaker 1: it's a fucking lootly not. I want to be with

816
00:51:02,640 --> 00:51:08,960
Speaker 1: you alone for our the weekend of our tenth wedding anniversary.

817
00:51:09,080 --> 00:51:12,440
Speaker 1: I want it on the fucking magical day that I

818
00:51:12,480 --> 00:51:16,960
Speaker 1: swore my life to you. Yes, because it matters, It

819
00:51:17,000 --> 00:51:21,399
Speaker 1: means something to me. Yeah, there's nothing matter, not a

820
00:51:21,440 --> 00:51:30,320
Speaker 1: matter of convenience. It is no exactly. That's how I feel. Um.

821
00:51:30,360 --> 00:51:37,400
Speaker 1: In closing, parenthood is dot dot dot. Parent is fucking awesome.

822
00:51:38,160 --> 00:51:43,680
Speaker 1: It is It's everything. It's it's all the ups and downs.

823
00:51:43,719 --> 00:51:51,680
Speaker 1: But I know myself and love myself in ways there

824
00:51:52,800 --> 00:51:56,560
Speaker 1: that means so much to me and I I think

825
00:51:56,600 --> 00:52:01,239
Speaker 1: my kid is so cool. I'm in too. As hard

826
00:52:01,280 --> 00:52:04,480
Speaker 1: as it is, I'm into it. Well. If he's as

827
00:52:04,480 --> 00:52:10,520
Speaker 1: cool as his mommy, if he's his mommy, Um, I

828
00:52:10,600 --> 00:52:15,600
Speaker 1: cannot thank you enough for taking so much time. And

829
00:52:16,239 --> 00:52:20,560
Speaker 1: I think you're the coolest mom ever. And if you

830
00:52:20,640 --> 00:52:22,759
Speaker 1: are down, I would love to have you on like

831
00:52:23,160 --> 00:52:30,000
Speaker 1: next year for his two year birthday and we could talk. Yeah,

832
00:52:30,120 --> 00:52:34,120
Speaker 1: we'll do a circle back and we'll see how you're doing.

833
00:52:34,239 --> 00:52:38,720
Speaker 1: How it's going. Sounds good. Thank you so much, very cool,

834
00:52:38,840 --> 00:52:41,799
Speaker 1: You're very smart, You're very pretty. Honestly, I've been a

835
00:52:41,840 --> 00:52:50,799
Speaker 1: fan since I mean forever. Thank you guys so much

836
00:52:50,840 --> 00:52:53,480
Speaker 1: for listening to today's episode. I want to hear from you.

837
00:52:54,520 --> 00:52:57,960
Speaker 1: Let's chat questions, comments, concerns. Let me know. You can

838
00:52:58,000 --> 00:53:04,120
Speaker 1: always find me at Katie's Crib at Shonda land dot com.

839
00:53:04,200 --> 00:53:06,560
Speaker 1: Katie's Crib is a production of Shonda Land Audio in

840
00:53:06,600 --> 00:53:10,080
Speaker 1: partnership with I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio,

841
00:53:10,239 --> 00:53:12,840
Speaker 1: visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever

842
00:53:12,880 --> 00:53:14,200
Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.