1 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:06,640 Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha. 2 00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:08,319 Speaker 2: I'm welcome to stuff I've never told you prediction if 3 00:00:08,320 --> 00:00:21,320 Speaker 2: I hurt, are you? And for today's classic, as we're 4 00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:25,960 Speaker 2: in the holiday season, we're bringing back one on gifting 5 00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:31,560 Speaker 2: gifting dynamics because you and I have been talking about this, 6 00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:36,960 Speaker 2: and you were asking about the stigma perhaps of women 7 00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:39,120 Speaker 2: giving homemade. 8 00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:43,280 Speaker 3: Gifts as you're thinking about your punch needle era. 9 00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:48,520 Speaker 1: It's an a, y'all, And you know, we've done a lot. 10 00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:50,360 Speaker 2: Of episodes and we've had a lot of conversations about 11 00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:53,800 Speaker 2: ethical gift giving and all this stuff. But I do 12 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:57,520 Speaker 2: think there are a lot of dynamics that go into 13 00:00:58,680 --> 00:01:02,080 Speaker 2: what you give somebody. Why you give someone something like 14 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:05,520 Speaker 2: matching financially what they're doing, and if you can't. And 15 00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:09,240 Speaker 2: the homemade gifts is an interesting we'll have to come 16 00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:10,360 Speaker 2: back and look at that. 17 00:01:10,440 --> 00:01:13,280 Speaker 4: Moore will also you'll be getting some so you can 18 00:01:13,319 --> 00:01:16,640 Speaker 4: tell them your feelings about my homemade gifts. 19 00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:20,600 Speaker 3: So I should have a review. I shouldn't be on here. 20 00:01:23,319 --> 00:01:25,680 Speaker 3: I should have like that should be on our Patreon 21 00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:32,399 Speaker 3: if we ever do it. Any reviews, samanthasm I will 22 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:32,760 Speaker 3: love them. 23 00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:35,880 Speaker 2: I'm very excited about it. To be honest, but please 24 00:01:35,959 --> 00:01:44,920 Speaker 2: enjoy this classic episode. Hey, this is Annie and Samantha 25 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:47,240 Speaker 2: and welcome to Steff Whenever told your picture of iHeart Radio. 26 00:01:56,880 --> 00:02:00,440 Speaker 2: And if you've listened to our recent episode, we are 27 00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:03,080 Speaker 2: in the final stretch listeners of the year. This is 28 00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:07,520 Speaker 2: our last recording session, I believe, unless something wild happens. 29 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:10,480 Speaker 4: Yes, I mean, we've had some technical issues this year, 30 00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:11,680 Speaker 4: so mate. 31 00:02:11,480 --> 00:02:12,120 Speaker 3: It's possible. 32 00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:13,359 Speaker 1: We don't want to say that too loudly. 33 00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:17,080 Speaker 3: Gosh, my birthday will never be the same. 34 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:22,400 Speaker 2: Anyway, So we've already had some some mishaps, but we're 35 00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:24,920 Speaker 2: powering through, and we're powering through with this episode that 36 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:27,200 Speaker 2: I think we could come back and revisit in a 37 00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:29,320 Speaker 2: much more research episode, But for today, we're just going 38 00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:33,760 Speaker 2: to kind of have an informal discussion around gift giving 39 00:02:33,919 --> 00:02:38,960 Speaker 2: and some of the interesting, interesting i'll say, dynamics that 40 00:02:39,080 --> 00:02:41,840 Speaker 2: can occur with gift giving since a lot of us 41 00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:48,120 Speaker 2: are in that season where you're buying gifts frantically. I gosh, 42 00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:50,639 Speaker 2: I spent like three hours rapping gifts the other day 43 00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:55,240 Speaker 2: at my back, my back, but the gifts look great 44 00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:56,800 Speaker 2: except on the bottom not good. 45 00:02:57,720 --> 00:02:58,840 Speaker 3: But you know, you put it on the floor. 46 00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:01,600 Speaker 2: They can't see that, right, I'll let you know, listeners, 47 00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:06,040 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you kid, that's okay. We need to be 48 00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:08,119 Speaker 2: more honest about all of this, which is what we're 49 00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:12,240 Speaker 2: talking about. So this is meant to be kind of 50 00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:15,320 Speaker 2: more of a humorous thing though a lot of what 51 00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:19,480 Speaker 2: we're talking about stings, but there are larger issues here, 52 00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:21,920 Speaker 2: especially around money, especially around a lot of things we're 53 00:03:21,919 --> 00:03:24,000 Speaker 2: going to talk about that we could explore in more depth. 54 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:25,200 Speaker 2: So I just want to say that we're more and 55 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:29,640 Speaker 2: more just talking about our anecdotal stories and experiences. 56 00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:33,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, honestly, I know you said that. 57 00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:37,400 Speaker 4: This came from the story that I was told I 58 00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:40,720 Speaker 4: had told for my birthday, And just to kind of 59 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:45,200 Speaker 4: put it loosely, essentially, my relationship with my family has 60 00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:47,200 Speaker 4: been a little difficult in the last ten years. 61 00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:48,960 Speaker 1: I have changed a lot. 62 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:49,880 Speaker 3: And I will say they have noted. 63 00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:52,640 Speaker 4: And I did not realize the differences that we had 64 00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:56,400 Speaker 4: because for so long I was trying to acclimate to 65 00:03:56,560 --> 00:04:02,160 Speaker 4: their beliefs, to their standards, which I find problematic and 66 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:06,040 Speaker 4: I think most people in our listenership would find problematic. 67 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:11,160 Speaker 4: They are that modern racist where they feel like what 68 00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:13,680 Speaker 4: they're thinking is not as bad as way back when, 69 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:16,840 Speaker 4: so therefore their opinions are not that bad, which I 70 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:21,160 Speaker 4: would disagree with wholeheartedly, especially today as we've come full 71 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:24,240 Speaker 4: circle to a lot of that same issues that you know, 72 00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:28,719 Speaker 4: we've been talking about for the last one hundred years. Honestly, right, 73 00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:32,960 Speaker 4: and I say we as in like the all of 74 00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:35,880 Speaker 4: people in this fight, not me personally, I am not 75 00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:36,760 Speaker 4: one hundred years old. 76 00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:37,359 Speaker 1: Let's go ahead and. 77 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:39,440 Speaker 4: Put that out there, just in case that is a 78 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:44,400 Speaker 4: confusing statement. And as getting older and actually having money 79 00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:48,800 Speaker 4: and coming into my own adulthood and my own independence, 80 00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:51,080 Speaker 4: I have I feel like I have up my game 81 00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:54,440 Speaker 4: in gift giving, which I'm pretty proud of. I will 82 00:04:54,440 --> 00:04:56,920 Speaker 4: say right again, last year talked about is money. A 83 00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:58,479 Speaker 4: lot of that is because I could not afford to 84 00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:01,080 Speaker 4: give the things that they truly want, and so I 85 00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:04,400 Speaker 4: think I'm a pretty good gift giver. So I tried 86 00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:06,680 Speaker 4: my best to do all of these things. And as 87 00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:09,640 Speaker 4: of reason, I haven't seen my parents as much as 88 00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:12,960 Speaker 4: they would like me to. We've kind of gotten distant again, 89 00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:15,240 Speaker 4: not only because of our beliefs, but when it comes 90 00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:18,760 Speaker 4: down to the pandemic, our attitudes have been different and 91 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:22,359 Speaker 4: so therefore we have not seen each other. Their fiftieth 92 00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:25,280 Speaker 4: anniversary happened, and I did not go because it was 93 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:28,080 Speaker 4: in the middle of the pandemic. They went forward because 94 00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:30,719 Speaker 4: celebrating to them was more important than the help of others, 95 00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:33,520 Speaker 4: and I felt that was not as important from my 96 00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:35,560 Speaker 4: stame point, because if I were to get someone sick, 97 00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:38,160 Speaker 4: I would be wrought with guilt, like because at that 98 00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:41,839 Speaker 4: point there was no vaccine. All these things, so there was. 99 00:05:41,839 --> 00:05:42,640 Speaker 1: A big wedge. 100 00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:47,000 Speaker 4: Yeah, and it's understandable on both ends, if that makes sense. 101 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:49,320 Speaker 4: If the fiftieth year anniversary, which it is is a 102 00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:52,920 Speaker 4: big thing, is important, your daughter who did not show 103 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:56,040 Speaker 4: up would feel a slight to them, and I think 104 00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:59,960 Speaker 4: it did. All these things happened as we finally came together. 105 00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:02,720 Speaker 4: I should try to make things. You know, with gift giving, 106 00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:04,560 Speaker 4: you can't buy love. I know this, but I trying 107 00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:07,280 Speaker 4: to show that, Hey, I know you, I thought about 108 00:06:07,279 --> 00:06:10,640 Speaker 4: this for you, whatever whatnot. I went home and typically 109 00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:12,840 Speaker 4: when for our celebration, because we don't see each other 110 00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:14,719 Speaker 4: all the time, I live an hour and a half away. 111 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:19,400 Speaker 4: Everybody's busy, Like they celebrate birthdays at the beginning of 112 00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:24,040 Speaker 4: months and September. You know, this is heavy with birthdays 113 00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:27,760 Speaker 4: and celebrations, and mine's included, my mom's included, is included, 114 00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:30,000 Speaker 4: There were anniversary was included. So I assumed we were 115 00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:32,680 Speaker 4: all celebrating that I showed up. I had all the 116 00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:35,360 Speaker 4: gifts ready. My partner, you know, came in. We were 117 00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:38,960 Speaker 4: very excited, and they kind of didn't have anything for me, 118 00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:41,240 Speaker 4: which was surprising because I've talked about the fact that 119 00:06:41,279 --> 00:06:42,880 Speaker 4: they used to make me cheesecake every year and it 120 00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:46,480 Speaker 4: was just a tradition that didn't happen. They were kind 121 00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:48,120 Speaker 4: of surprised that I came in, but it was like 122 00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:50,160 Speaker 4: two days before their anniversary, so of course I've brought 123 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:52,160 Speaker 4: them an anniversary gift that I came in with all 124 00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:52,560 Speaker 4: these gifts. 125 00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:53,480 Speaker 1: I was like, I'm not going to see you for 126 00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:53,920 Speaker 1: your birthday. 127 00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:58,040 Speaker 4: Here's this and this, and they were like, oh, we'll 128 00:06:58,080 --> 00:07:00,960 Speaker 4: send you a gift, which was so awkward. So none, 129 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:03,440 Speaker 4: nothing happened because I literally prepared my partner or we're 130 00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:04,960 Speaker 4: gonna get a cheesecake. This is why I think my 131 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:06,000 Speaker 4: mom's doing the celebration. 132 00:07:06,279 --> 00:07:08,560 Speaker 1: This an assumption. It's an assumption, and I. 133 00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:11,960 Speaker 4: So strongly apparently, and so none of that happened, and 134 00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:17,400 Speaker 4: I was like, oh, okay, well that that felt weird. 135 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:21,000 Speaker 4: And this happened after an instance in which this is 136 00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:22,800 Speaker 4: always not it's not as humorous. 137 00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:23,520 Speaker 1: It's not as humorous. 138 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:25,360 Speaker 4: I wish it was, but it it kind of I 139 00:07:25,440 --> 00:07:28,040 Speaker 4: kind of got othered, as in like they talked about 140 00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:30,280 Speaker 4: my grandparents, who was really close to at one point, 141 00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:32,640 Speaker 4: like before their deaths, and I still miss them very much. 142 00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:35,040 Speaker 4: And it was my niece and myself and were talking 143 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,280 Speaker 4: about it, and at one point she she my mother 144 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:40,400 Speaker 4: went essentially saying saying that it was my sister's grandmother, 145 00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:42,360 Speaker 4: not mine, and to the point that my niece had 146 00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:42,880 Speaker 4: to defend me. 147 00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:45,920 Speaker 1: And I was like, wow, what just happened? 148 00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:48,920 Speaker 4: Okay, like it was the and that was never had 149 00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:51,160 Speaker 4: that happened in my life until that point to my face. 150 00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:53,280 Speaker 1: That that's to my face. So that's the whole thing. 151 00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:55,640 Speaker 4: So all of these things were like cants that that 152 00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:57,320 Speaker 4: things were changing, and I was like, I don't know 153 00:07:57,360 --> 00:08:00,560 Speaker 4: what to do about this. And so for my birth 154 00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:02,120 Speaker 4: I get my call from my mom. She's like, oh, 155 00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:04,080 Speaker 4: we got your birthday present. It should be coming. It 156 00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:05,960 Speaker 4: should be coming. I was like, oh, cool, cool, My 157 00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:07,800 Speaker 4: thought is they always give me gift cards. 158 00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:09,840 Speaker 1: Cool, I love that. Give me that. No, I'm not 159 00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:11,840 Speaker 1: a big deal. I love the gift cars. Give it 160 00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:14,400 Speaker 1: to me. I'll spin that. Waited, waited, it was late, 161 00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:16,360 Speaker 1: it was late, it was late, and finally it showed 162 00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:20,280 Speaker 1: up and I kind of looked at it and. 163 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:22,040 Speaker 4: I opened it up, and it was a nice like 164 00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:24,800 Speaker 4: one of those gift giving places obviously, like they that's 165 00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:28,160 Speaker 4: their whole thing. If you look up nice gifts to send, 166 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:29,640 Speaker 4: this is going to be one. 167 00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:30,160 Speaker 1: Of those places. 168 00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:33,760 Speaker 4: And it's like baskets of things, them things, you know, 169 00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:34,440 Speaker 4: stuff like that. 170 00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:37,040 Speaker 1: And it was literally a tray of dried fruit. 171 00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:40,120 Speaker 4: And I sat there and stared at it, and I 172 00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:42,319 Speaker 4: looked at my partner because both of us were like 173 00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:45,640 Speaker 4: what Because I have never in my life said anything 174 00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:47,920 Speaker 4: that I liked dried fruit. I have never in my 175 00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:50,600 Speaker 4: life said anything about this company. So it made no 176 00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:52,880 Speaker 4: sense for my mother, who typically is a really great 177 00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:56,480 Speaker 4: gift giver, like she's amazing and very considerate for the most. 178 00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:59,320 Speaker 1: Part, that I just sat there. 179 00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:02,600 Speaker 4: And I laughed, and I was like, what am I 180 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:04,680 Speaker 4: supposed to do with this? I don't eat this, I 181 00:09:04,679 --> 00:09:07,200 Speaker 4: don't do this. And when I looked it up. I 182 00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:09,920 Speaker 4: was like, it's a nice gift for someone you don't know. 183 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:12,600 Speaker 4: It's literally like if you're sending it to an older 184 00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:15,640 Speaker 4: person or someone that you had not seen, it was 185 00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:20,760 Speaker 4: a condolence's gift essentially, right if nothing. And I was 186 00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:24,600 Speaker 4: just like, oh, I think they are really mad at me. 187 00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:27,080 Speaker 4: Like that's all I could think was this was one 188 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:30,360 Speaker 4: of those last minute they forgot I did something super 189 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:33,280 Speaker 4: super nice. They were not going to do anything. They 190 00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:36,240 Speaker 4: were just gonna or very minimal at anything, and that 191 00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:41,920 Speaker 4: was the end. So essentially I was like huh huh, 192 00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:43,720 Speaker 4: And I'm trying to figure it out, to the point 193 00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:46,880 Speaker 4: that I was so taken aback that I did. 194 00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:48,280 Speaker 1: Not immediately call them. 195 00:09:48,559 --> 00:09:50,320 Speaker 4: I finally did, and I got a voicemail, and then 196 00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:52,280 Speaker 4: I kind of never talked about it again, and then 197 00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:54,640 Speaker 4: my dad asked about it because I could tell my 198 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:56,760 Speaker 4: dad was hurt that I was not appreciative that they 199 00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:59,839 Speaker 4: sent me a gift and that it probably bothered my 200 00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:02,200 Speaker 4: especially because she was really worried it wasn't even get 201 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:02,400 Speaker 4: to me. 202 00:10:02,679 --> 00:10:04,040 Speaker 1: So I really think. 203 00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:07,320 Speaker 4: It was well intended, but felt like it's something you 204 00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:11,240 Speaker 4: give to a stranger, right, Yeah, So This started this 205 00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:14,440 Speaker 4: whole moment of like wow, and I know it's just 206 00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:17,000 Speaker 4: a gift, but it felt like it was a testament 207 00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:18,680 Speaker 4: to our relationship. 208 00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:19,880 Speaker 3: Right right, And that's the thing. 209 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:22,160 Speaker 2: That's the thing, because originally when you told me this story, 210 00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:24,040 Speaker 2: we kind of joked about, like your bitter field. 211 00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:27,560 Speaker 4: It's still here, by the way, it has nothing. One 212 00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:30,000 Speaker 4: person touched it. When I set it out for a party. 213 00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:32,880 Speaker 3: I was there and I was trying to be very 214 00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:34,840 Speaker 3: delicate about it. I'm not sure I exceeded. 215 00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:51,120 Speaker 2: And we've talked about gift giving and especially gift giving 216 00:10:51,160 --> 00:10:55,040 Speaker 2: with women before we called it passive aggressive gift giving, 217 00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:57,240 Speaker 2: and just all these dynamics we're going to run through 218 00:10:57,280 --> 00:10:59,120 Speaker 2: some really quick. I did want to share I have 219 00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:01,320 Speaker 2: a story that similar. But it's also funny to me 220 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:03,760 Speaker 2: because we recently Samantha and I did kind of a 221 00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:06,360 Speaker 2: comparison of the holiday movies we watch every year, and 222 00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:10,439 Speaker 2: the differences between them are clear and made me laugh. 223 00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:13,400 Speaker 2: But one big theme in a lot of the movies 224 00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:16,320 Speaker 2: I watch is the dad who's never there. Finally is like, 225 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:18,360 Speaker 2: oh God, the power of Christmas, let me get this 226 00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:21,360 Speaker 2: gift to you. But it like, did the bare minimum 227 00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:25,040 Speaker 2: let's be honest, like he should have done that forever ago, 228 00:11:26,040 --> 00:11:29,040 Speaker 2: given the circumstances he had. It was just that he 229 00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:33,040 Speaker 2: wasn't there. But my dad once was not there on Christmas. 230 00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:37,000 Speaker 2: Eve didn't give an explanation why, but we all knew 231 00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:39,800 Speaker 2: what it was. And then he came back and he 232 00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:41,480 Speaker 2: was like, I was out getting you a Christmas gift. 233 00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:44,559 Speaker 2: He didn't even wrap it, and it was a football, 234 00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:46,840 Speaker 2: a manager football that I believe they hand out for 235 00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:48,200 Speaker 2: free at football games. 236 00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:49,960 Speaker 1: Yes, they throw into the stands. 237 00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:52,960 Speaker 2: And I was a grown ass woman at this point 238 00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:58,160 Speaker 2: listeners who had never shown any interest in football, like, 239 00:11:58,280 --> 00:11:59,000 Speaker 2: nothing would have. 240 00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:02,960 Speaker 3: Been better at that point, thank you. 241 00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:03,280 Speaker 1: Yes. 242 00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:05,880 Speaker 4: Essentially, it's kind of like that level of like, I 243 00:12:05,920 --> 00:12:10,360 Speaker 4: don't know what her thought process was, and I could 244 00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:12,920 Speaker 4: be taking it completely out of context in that she 245 00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:16,160 Speaker 4: literally looked up something different. She wanted to give me 246 00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:20,240 Speaker 4: something different than gift cards, and when she googled it 247 00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:25,640 Speaker 4: on her phone in her limited experience in technical prowess, 248 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:27,400 Speaker 4: this is what popped up because it is one of 249 00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:29,280 Speaker 4: those things that first pops up as an act, right 250 00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:32,800 Speaker 4: that that and that's why she's like perfect, which is 251 00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:36,440 Speaker 4: hilarious because growing up I did love fresh fruit. I 252 00:12:36,480 --> 00:12:38,880 Speaker 4: was very, very obsessed with fresh fruit, to the point 253 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:40,920 Speaker 4: that it was because it was expensive, which it shouldn't be, 254 00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:43,959 Speaker 4: and so my pop parents didn't get it often because 255 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:47,840 Speaker 4: it wasn't as sustainable as getting any of these dry 256 00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:50,400 Speaker 4: things or box things. 257 00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:52,040 Speaker 1: A lot of artificial stuff. 258 00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:54,360 Speaker 4: So she knows I'm like fresh fruit, which is an 259 00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,520 Speaker 4: option in those baskets. 260 00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:59,280 Speaker 1: So I'm like, even that would have made a lot 261 00:12:59,320 --> 00:12:59,959 Speaker 1: more soon. 262 00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:04,559 Speaker 2: Right right, Well, this is you know, we're talking a 263 00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:08,800 Speaker 2: lot about the kind of like parent relationship, but it 264 00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:11,120 Speaker 2: is a big deal with like couples as well. And 265 00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:13,440 Speaker 2: then you see that so many times in sitcoms where 266 00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:17,000 Speaker 2: it's like you gave me this, like you haven't been 267 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:19,080 Speaker 2: listening to me, you didn't pay attention to me, this 268 00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:22,160 Speaker 2: is what you thought I wanted. And speaking of that, like, 269 00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:24,960 Speaker 2: we see that a lot with women, particularly on sitcoms, 270 00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:26,679 Speaker 2: I think, And so I was just thinking of a 271 00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:29,559 Speaker 2: couple of examples, like, for one, you know, there's a 272 00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:33,720 Speaker 2: lot of gendered gift giving and a lot of maybe 273 00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:36,040 Speaker 2: not well thought out gift giving when it comes to women. 274 00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:37,920 Speaker 2: And one big joke is like when you give a 275 00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:40,280 Speaker 2: woman a vacuum or some kind of like cleaning, like 276 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:41,000 Speaker 2: this is a thing. 277 00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:43,000 Speaker 3: You're gonna have to do, which I will say, don't 278 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:43,440 Speaker 3: get me wrong. 279 00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:45,479 Speaker 2: If you ask for a vacuum, you want a good vacuum, 280 00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:47,079 Speaker 2: that's great, good vacuum. 281 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,240 Speaker 1: I'm looking for a good stick vacuum. 282 00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:50,280 Speaker 3: Right, Like, you can actually want that. 283 00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:51,720 Speaker 2: But a lot of times it was just be like 284 00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:54,559 Speaker 2: the house is dirty, you are the one that cleans it. 285 00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:59,480 Speaker 2: Here's a vacuum, right, like kind of that underlying message, 286 00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:01,040 Speaker 2: this is what I asked. 287 00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:04,800 Speaker 4: For, right right, And like there's in Love actually, which 288 00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:06,640 Speaker 4: was one of the movies that I made you watch. 289 00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:12,440 Speaker 4: That the fact that Emma Thompa's character which she saw, Yeah, 290 00:14:12,559 --> 00:14:14,240 Speaker 4: we knew something was wrong. 291 00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:22,000 Speaker 2: I know that's heartbreaking, Oh I know, but I mean 292 00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:24,160 Speaker 2: that's the same thing. Like my mom would always tell 293 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:25,960 Speaker 2: my dad like I want this, which we all do, 294 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,760 Speaker 2: but she would like go out and buy it herself. 295 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:31,760 Speaker 2: She would buy it and then wrap her own present yep, 296 00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:34,440 Speaker 2: which is like you know, again, if that's what you 297 00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:36,680 Speaker 2: want and that works for you, and communicated it fine, 298 00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:37,960 Speaker 2: But to me, it just felt like he was not 299 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:38,480 Speaker 2: going to do it. 300 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:41,040 Speaker 3: She was not going to get her something. She actually wanted, 301 00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:43,720 Speaker 3: so she had to go out and buy the thing 302 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:47,240 Speaker 3: and then wrap it herself. Yeah. 303 00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:51,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, And then a couple of years ago, oh peloton, 304 00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:55,800 Speaker 2: oh peloton, not having a good time of it. But like, 305 00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:58,480 Speaker 2: that's a big theme I see with gifting and women, 306 00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:03,320 Speaker 2: which can feel either passive, aggressive or outright offensive. Because 307 00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:06,720 Speaker 2: there was that commercial that it was like the husband 308 00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:10,840 Speaker 2: gave his wife, who was very thin, a peloton and like, 309 00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:14,080 Speaker 2: you'll be able to get in shape finally, honey. And again, 310 00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:17,080 Speaker 2: if that's what you want, if you want to feel better, 311 00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:19,280 Speaker 2: be healthy, that's fine, but it was much more framed 312 00:15:19,280 --> 00:15:21,840 Speaker 2: and like you need to lose weight for it. 313 00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:25,480 Speaker 4: Right and for our family, and you need to do 314 00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:27,600 Speaker 4: this in the waking hours when you don't have to 315 00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:29,040 Speaker 4: like handle the kids. 316 00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:32,120 Speaker 2: Right, like spit this into your schedule, and then it 317 00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:33,360 Speaker 2: doesn't it Like cut to a. 318 00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:35,760 Speaker 3: Year later and she's like supposed to be so much 319 00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:36,160 Speaker 3: more fit. 320 00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:39,440 Speaker 4: You're like, you look the same, right, and then cut 321 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:43,160 Speaker 4: to Ryan Reynolds taking her off the same actress and 322 00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:45,080 Speaker 4: it looked like she had been in like a hostage 323 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:46,200 Speaker 4: situation essentially. 324 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:48,960 Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, I mean that's the thing I've seen 325 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:51,600 Speaker 2: that happen too. Where people will give those kinds of gifts, 326 00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:54,680 Speaker 2: which I can't hark on this enough. If that's something 327 00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:56,960 Speaker 2: you want, that's fine, But we're more talking about sort 328 00:15:57,000 --> 00:16:00,280 Speaker 2: of the when a gift is more about you and 329 00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:04,920 Speaker 2: it's about Yes, oh that is a big one. Yeah, 330 00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:07,440 Speaker 2: Victoria's secret. Around this time of year, it's like the 331 00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:09,080 Speaker 2: only time you see a lot of men in there, 332 00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:11,680 Speaker 2: they soundly reason. 333 00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:14,160 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a good point. 334 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:17,160 Speaker 2: My uncle gave me clothes from the maternity section once, 335 00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:19,040 Speaker 2: and I have to feel like that was a very 336 00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:20,720 Speaker 2: mean spirited gifts. 337 00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:21,680 Speaker 1: Could you do it? 338 00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:27,200 Speaker 2: He said something like, I wasn't sure if anything else 339 00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:28,360 Speaker 2: would fit you. 340 00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:33,560 Speaker 1: Yes, Is this the same uncle that I have problems with? 341 00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:36,920 Speaker 3: I could, Well, I think you have problems with multiple 342 00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:37,520 Speaker 3: of my uncles. 343 00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:40,160 Speaker 1: Yeah. That might be the show. Your family is fun. 344 00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:45,080 Speaker 2: It's it's a yeah, you know, it's a well put 345 00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:46,440 Speaker 2: the idol though. 346 00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:49,520 Speaker 1: Our families are amazing, are amazing. 347 00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:53,960 Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, Like that's the thing is like my 348 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:56,680 Speaker 4: mother also not because I don't have a lot of 349 00:16:56,680 --> 00:17:00,160 Speaker 4: relationship content to that that gifts that I've typically got 350 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:02,680 Speaker 4: from any partners. I don't think I've had many partners 351 00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:05,640 Speaker 4: during Christmas. I purposely stayed away from partners through Christmas. 352 00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:10,240 Speaker 4: But like, like my experiences had been like, because I 353 00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:13,800 Speaker 4: don't like Christmas, I've been given gifts to make me 354 00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:15,520 Speaker 4: try to like Christmas. I'm like this, this is not 355 00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:18,040 Speaker 4: gonna work because I don't I'm not religious. I've been 356 00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:21,320 Speaker 4: given religious gifts to change my ways. Yeah, and that's 357 00:17:21,359 --> 00:17:24,280 Speaker 4: just more than one person on that one. But that's like, 358 00:17:24,359 --> 00:17:27,359 Speaker 4: why why would you do this? Why would you make 359 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:30,919 Speaker 4: me really despise you more? Am I doing this to me? 360 00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:34,199 Speaker 3: Yeah? No, for sure. And one you bought up that 361 00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:35,480 Speaker 3: I had totally forgotten. 362 00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:39,760 Speaker 2: About is married gifts, the gifts once you get married. 363 00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:44,080 Speaker 4: This is right, I mean honestly, because I said this 364 00:17:44,119 --> 00:17:46,120 Speaker 4: is the Sex and in the City episode. We've heard 365 00:17:46,119 --> 00:17:49,080 Speaker 4: so many times we have put this away for your wedding, 366 00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:51,800 Speaker 4: we have put this away for your this that you 367 00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:54,160 Speaker 4: have to hit a specific mark. And I've thought about 368 00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:58,040 Speaker 4: that because I know, no shade, because I'm happy for 369 00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:01,840 Speaker 4: people like they have, sayd money a lot of the 370 00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:07,000 Speaker 4: tradition for weddings. So therefore, my sister had a budget 371 00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:09,080 Speaker 4: specifically paid for by my parents. 372 00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:10,560 Speaker 1: I will never see that money. 373 00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:12,640 Speaker 4: Unless I get married, and even then I think I'm 374 00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:14,600 Speaker 4: an adult now, so I probably won't because she was 375 00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:18,679 Speaker 4: not necessarily like in career life yet when you got married. 376 00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:22,760 Speaker 4: But like we know that's a lot of people that, 377 00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:25,000 Speaker 4: especially when it's the bride'side, which is a whole different 378 00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:28,080 Speaker 4: conversation in itself, but like the tradition is that the 379 00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:30,560 Speaker 4: bride's family pays for the wedding. I think it has 380 00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:33,240 Speaker 4: a lot to do with a dowry way back when. 381 00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:36,119 Speaker 4: But like that's that level of like, I've saved this 382 00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:39,520 Speaker 4: for your wedding, right, so unless you do this, you're 383 00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:41,159 Speaker 4: not going to get this. In the Sex and the 384 00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:44,719 Speaker 4: City's episode, it literally was that, like, once you get married, 385 00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:46,399 Speaker 4: you'll get part of my fortune, but if you never 386 00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:47,320 Speaker 4: get married, you're never going. 387 00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:50,080 Speaker 3: To get it. Yeah, And that's so strange. 388 00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:54,080 Speaker 2: That's such a like I feel my mom had a 389 00:18:54,119 --> 00:18:57,000 Speaker 2: lot of that kind of stuff, which I've always been 390 00:18:57,080 --> 00:19:02,679 Speaker 2: quizzical about with like plates, Like when she got married, 391 00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:05,199 Speaker 2: she got of a bunch of like nice silverware and 392 00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:08,480 Speaker 2: nice plates and stuff, and I like that's nice in 393 00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:10,680 Speaker 2: one level of Okay, you're married now and you can 394 00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:12,480 Speaker 2: have that, but it's also like what if they never 395 00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:14,440 Speaker 2: got married, But they're still in a state relationship. 396 00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:19,399 Speaker 4: Well, but then that's kind of goes into the like wedding, 397 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:24,040 Speaker 4: bridal showers and maybe showers. I have given so much 398 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:28,040 Speaker 4: money to friends right for wedding gifts, baby gifts, all 399 00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:30,280 Speaker 4: these things, and I have never once thrown any of 400 00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:36,040 Speaker 4: those kinds of parties. Where's my housewarming something? 401 00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:39,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, no, it's true, it's true. 402 00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:43,760 Speaker 3: Oh gosh. And then I did. 403 00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:46,400 Speaker 2: Want to mention just because this is a huge thing 404 00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:49,679 Speaker 2: during this time as well, with gifts like gendered gift giving. 405 00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:54,879 Speaker 2: I have recently come across several that are aimed at men, because, 406 00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:56,399 Speaker 2: as I told you, a friend of mine got me 407 00:19:56,480 --> 00:20:01,800 Speaker 2: these Star Wars themed soaps because of course, and she 408 00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:03,880 Speaker 2: didn't realize when she gave them to me. But they're 409 00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:07,919 Speaker 2: for men, it says, like for men, which cracks me 410 00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:11,320 Speaker 2: up because it's like, one, you're trying to trick men 411 00:20:11,359 --> 00:20:13,800 Speaker 2: into like buying soaps so they'll be clean, I guess. 412 00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:17,920 Speaker 2: But two, it's implying that Star Wars isn't for women. 413 00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:20,440 Speaker 1: Right once again once again. 414 00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:23,240 Speaker 2: Yes, but also they smell really get I'm excited to 415 00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:25,399 Speaker 2: use them. It just makes me laugh. I'm like, it's sad, 416 00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:28,360 Speaker 2: but it's so funny to me that it like literally 417 00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:33,000 Speaker 2: says soaps for men. Yeah, you don't want to use 418 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:33,720 Speaker 2: those soaps for. 419 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:37,280 Speaker 4: Women obviously, Like the dude wipes, they're obviously only for 420 00:20:37,359 --> 00:20:41,800 Speaker 4: men to wipe the bus, right, everything else is women's 421 00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:44,119 Speaker 4: even though there's no gender outside of that. There's no 422 00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:46,800 Speaker 4: women's wipes outside of being like douche projects, which we 423 00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:48,040 Speaker 4: don't love anyway, no. 424 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:49,280 Speaker 1: One should be using them. 425 00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:52,960 Speaker 4: But like any of the like cottonell all that, which 426 00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:56,359 Speaker 4: also are bad for the environment, bt dubs, but dude 427 00:20:56,359 --> 00:20:58,200 Speaker 4: wipes just because. 428 00:20:58,119 --> 00:21:01,240 Speaker 2: Right, well, and there's just so much like it's such 429 00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:04,879 Speaker 2: a clear time when you look at gifts to see 430 00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:07,840 Speaker 2: that the the ginger divides that still exist based on 431 00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:10,800 Speaker 2: what gifts are, like these are manly men gifts, you 432 00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:13,000 Speaker 2: get this, and these are for women, you get this, 433 00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:15,320 Speaker 2: And like it's still even when you come to children, 434 00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:18,159 Speaker 2: which we've done multiple episodes on, like the gendering of 435 00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:22,560 Speaker 2: children's toys, it's still like women kind of doing how 436 00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:24,200 Speaker 2: domestic stuff and men. 437 00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:27,760 Speaker 3: Drinking whiskey and grilling out. 438 00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:31,480 Speaker 4: Yes, that's which makes me laugh because yeah, all of 439 00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:35,359 Speaker 4: them are like brown leather or any and you're like, 440 00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:39,600 Speaker 4: but why also, whiskey, I'm confused. 441 00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:42,080 Speaker 2: I know we need to we need to put an 442 00:21:42,119 --> 00:22:00,840 Speaker 2: end to this, okay. And then I did briefly want 443 00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:04,399 Speaker 2: to talk about regifting, which I'm actually not opposed to 444 00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:07,679 Speaker 2: regifting without disclosing I think is the issue I. 445 00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:12,520 Speaker 4: O doh't know if it's something like we've definitely gotten 446 00:22:13,119 --> 00:22:16,320 Speaker 4: things that we are supposed to endorse that were like, 447 00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:19,000 Speaker 4: we're not going to use this, but I do. Is 448 00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:20,760 Speaker 4: it a really regift, I'm probably just going to give 449 00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:24,159 Speaker 4: it away and then just gifts. 450 00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:27,040 Speaker 1: Yeah, it is. It's different, but I've definitely had those moments. 451 00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:29,480 Speaker 4: When I was younger and I was making twenty nine 452 00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:32,399 Speaker 4: thousand a year, I had three niees and nephews. I 453 00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:34,720 Speaker 4: had been given gift cards from people that I'm like, okay, 454 00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:36,920 Speaker 4: want to use this for them, and they would use it, 455 00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:38,120 Speaker 4: so the I'm like. 456 00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:40,440 Speaker 1: This is their gift. This makes it easier for me. 457 00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:43,359 Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, Like I said, I'm not really opposed. 458 00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:45,800 Speaker 2: I think what I'm specifically thinking about there's an episode 459 00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:47,520 Speaker 2: of Seinfeld for this place out it's more in a 460 00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:49,199 Speaker 2: like romantic relationship. 461 00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:50,040 Speaker 1: That's fair. 462 00:22:50,119 --> 00:22:52,640 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, but I do I. 463 00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:54,280 Speaker 2: Want to mention this because when I was very young. 464 00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:55,880 Speaker 2: I didn't have any money, but I was very I've 465 00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:58,919 Speaker 2: actually I did have money, but I didn't spend it. 466 00:22:58,960 --> 00:22:59,960 Speaker 3: Maybe that's the issue. 467 00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:04,359 Speaker 2: But I regifted all of these things to my relatives 468 00:23:04,359 --> 00:23:06,239 Speaker 2: and I made them a bunch of gifts. And I 469 00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:08,479 Speaker 2: was nine years old because I wanted to give everybody 470 00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:12,160 Speaker 2: a gift, and I overd them making fun of me. 471 00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:14,880 Speaker 1: About yeah. 472 00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:18,760 Speaker 2: And so now it's become like I I can't forget 473 00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:21,840 Speaker 2: that conversation. It haunts me, and so I feel like 474 00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:24,360 Speaker 2: part of the reason I go out of the way 475 00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:27,560 Speaker 2: with gifts, which I feel I'm pretty give with my friends. 476 00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:28,520 Speaker 2: My friends not so much. 477 00:23:28,520 --> 00:23:33,280 Speaker 1: But yeah, I feel like I'm pretty good, but you 478 00:23:34,359 --> 00:23:34,760 Speaker 1: get up. 479 00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:38,840 Speaker 2: No. But that's the thing is it's turned into because 480 00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:41,959 Speaker 2: of like, at least in part because of this memory, 481 00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:44,320 Speaker 2: I have to redeem myself. 482 00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:46,800 Speaker 3: Yeah, even though I was like nine, and what does 483 00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:47,280 Speaker 3: it matter. 484 00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:51,200 Speaker 4: Honestly, I've never had that countrymatic experience, and I would 485 00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:53,240 Speaker 4: be traumatized by that for real, for real, like it 486 00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:55,240 Speaker 4: would see her into my memory. Obviously it has to 487 00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:58,399 Speaker 4: you as well, but for me, like it's literally that 488 00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:01,000 Speaker 4: level of I want to be able to give anything 489 00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:04,840 Speaker 4: I want to give without right, without question, and again like, 490 00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:07,280 Speaker 4: not until recently have I been able to have the 491 00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:10,520 Speaker 4: capability to do so. But I still have to rein 492 00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:14,199 Speaker 4: it in because there's this level of disparity when it 493 00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:16,239 Speaker 4: comes to what you're giving and what you're getting, and 494 00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:19,200 Speaker 4: so you don't want to make that other person feel worse. 495 00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:20,720 Speaker 4: And I would be that person if you can be 496 00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:25,440 Speaker 4: saying something amazing and I gave you something minute, Oh right, damn. 497 00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:25,959 Speaker 1: It, what do I do? 498 00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:28,720 Speaker 4: It's kind of like that Office episode which he brings 499 00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:31,280 Speaker 4: the iPod Touch, which is like two hundred dollars, and 500 00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:33,120 Speaker 4: everybody was like, we're supposed to send twenty dollars. 501 00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:33,879 Speaker 1: Why are you doing this? 502 00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:36,919 Speaker 4: And he makes a big deal. Not that I make 503 00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:39,760 Speaker 4: the big deal, but you don't want that to happen either. 504 00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:43,119 Speaker 4: It's such a bad balance, Like gift givings feels so awful, 505 00:24:43,119 --> 00:24:46,359 Speaker 4: which I just read a tradition in Iceland that I'm like, 506 00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:48,840 Speaker 4: maybe we should do this. You know what I'm talking about, 507 00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:53,240 Speaker 4: essentially the night before Christmas or maybe some New Years 508 00:24:53,280 --> 00:24:55,800 Speaker 4: I can't remember, in which instead of giving all. 509 00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:57,360 Speaker 1: These big gifts, you just give books. 510 00:24:57,560 --> 00:24:59,280 Speaker 4: And what you do is you sit around as a 511 00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:01,520 Speaker 4: family reading your own books. 512 00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:06,560 Speaker 1: That's the it. That's it, And I'm like, that's sounds amazing, ye. 513 00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:10,440 Speaker 2: That yeah, I mean no, that's a good point because 514 00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:15,040 Speaker 2: I think, just to wrap this up, there is a 515 00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:20,359 Speaker 2: stress around finance and sometimes I get the I was 516 00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:21,879 Speaker 2: talking about this with some friends of mine the other 517 00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:25,199 Speaker 2: day because I'm of the opinion like I love giving gifts. 518 00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:27,760 Speaker 3: I love getting gifts, but I don't like it. 519 00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:30,040 Speaker 2: If you're just doing it to do it, like oh, 520 00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:31,800 Speaker 2: I have to do it, and I have to find 521 00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:33,520 Speaker 2: you a gift, and I know it's not perfect for you, 522 00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:35,240 Speaker 2: but I can't think of anything else. I would much 523 00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:37,359 Speaker 2: rather like throughout the year see something to be like, 524 00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:38,840 Speaker 2: oh Samantha would love that. I'm going to get that 525 00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:42,000 Speaker 2: and give it to her, as opposed to like, oh god, 526 00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:45,640 Speaker 2: it's December. I can't think of a single thing, which 527 00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:46,919 Speaker 2: is why I have my post it note where I 528 00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:49,560 Speaker 2: make notes throughout the year. But you know, I do 529 00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:52,480 Speaker 2: like that idea, and that's why my group of friends 530 00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:54,360 Speaker 2: that I've grown up with we had a rule where 531 00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:55,919 Speaker 2: you couldn't spend any money. 532 00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:58,200 Speaker 3: It was like a regifting or if you found something 533 00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:01,640 Speaker 3: and I just loved it, you got the most interesting gifts. 534 00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:04,440 Speaker 2: I got a big bird ornament that had its legs 535 00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:08,080 Speaker 2: broken off, and I love it. How did you find 536 00:26:08,119 --> 00:26:10,840 Speaker 2: that I love it? 537 00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:13,320 Speaker 1: That's interesting. I feel like i'd been they dug it 538 00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:15,160 Speaker 1: out of a trash can and I like it. There, 539 00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:16,199 Speaker 1: Oh I love it. 540 00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:20,399 Speaker 2: I legitimately love it because it's just so when I 541 00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:21,880 Speaker 2: opened it, of course I had to laugh. 542 00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:23,480 Speaker 1: Amazing. 543 00:26:24,359 --> 00:26:27,200 Speaker 4: But that's the thing, Like, yeah, that's and then also, yeah, 544 00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:30,560 Speaker 4: having that clear communication of like, yeah, doing gifts. Who yeah, 545 00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:32,400 Speaker 4: Like I think you're a gift person, but you don't 546 00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:33,640 Speaker 4: think I'm a good person. 547 00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:36,119 Speaker 2: Right, You do need to have that conversation, And I 548 00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:40,080 Speaker 2: think it is it's good to establish because I've seen 549 00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:42,679 Speaker 2: that play out in rom comms as well, where they're like, oh, 550 00:26:42,720 --> 00:26:44,320 Speaker 2: we're not doing gifts, and then one of them gets 551 00:26:44,320 --> 00:26:46,040 Speaker 2: a gift and then the other person's just mad because 552 00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:48,000 Speaker 2: you agreed not to get any gifts, right, Like, I 553 00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:50,120 Speaker 2: think you need to be very clear on those kinds 554 00:26:50,119 --> 00:26:54,719 Speaker 2: of uh parameters, because I mean, this is is supposed 555 00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:55,960 Speaker 2: to be a fun, nice thing, and I think it 556 00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:57,520 Speaker 2: can be, but clearly there's a lot. 557 00:26:57,359 --> 00:27:00,560 Speaker 4: Of because I feel like the capitalist of it all 558 00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:01,720 Speaker 4: makes it a little more. 559 00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:02,800 Speaker 1: It takes out the magic. 560 00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:06,280 Speaker 4: Sometimes I will say, I do want to redeem the 561 00:27:06,320 --> 00:27:07,160 Speaker 4: story about my. 562 00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:11,560 Speaker 1: Bitter fruit my better dried fruit in. 563 00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:14,360 Speaker 4: That that I think my parents have come back round 564 00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:17,440 Speaker 4: in that, Oh, this is something else that maybe we 565 00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:19,440 Speaker 4: should go back to what it was with Christmas. They've 566 00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:21,479 Speaker 4: kind of done some things, and they've actually done some 567 00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:24,800 Speaker 4: really good boundaries for themselves because they have so many grandkids, 568 00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:27,600 Speaker 4: step kids, like family members that they are trying to 569 00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:29,240 Speaker 4: give for, and they're retired and they don't need to 570 00:27:29,240 --> 00:27:30,960 Speaker 4: be doing any of that. I don't want to seem 571 00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:33,960 Speaker 4: like I'm being ungrateful because I know that least they tried, 572 00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:34,480 Speaker 4: I do. 573 00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:36,600 Speaker 1: And I've tried to like come back to that, but 574 00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:37,560 Speaker 1: it was so out. 575 00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:40,320 Speaker 4: Of left field and so not pretending to me that 576 00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:45,120 Speaker 4: it felt it felt like it was passive aggressive. And again, 577 00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:47,800 Speaker 4: this is my own feelings and I have to like 578 00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:51,199 Speaker 4: own that. But I do know that my mother, like 579 00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:53,600 Speaker 4: I said, has been an amazing person when it comes 580 00:27:53,640 --> 00:27:55,960 Speaker 4: to gifts. My dad is very sentimental, but he doesn't 581 00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:56,800 Speaker 4: buy things necessarily. 582 00:27:56,880 --> 00:27:57,800 Speaker 1: He likes the moments. 583 00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:01,280 Speaker 4: But my mom, she really does put an effort to 584 00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:03,080 Speaker 4: the point that she makes herself so anxious that she 585 00:28:03,119 --> 00:28:04,320 Speaker 4: hates everything. 586 00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:05,879 Speaker 1: And BT dubs. 587 00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:08,160 Speaker 4: She's probably one of the most crafty people I've seen 588 00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:10,840 Speaker 4: in my life. Her packages look like they need to 589 00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:13,720 Speaker 4: be in shopping malls as displays, Like you don't want 590 00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:16,159 Speaker 4: to open her presence. It's one of those you have 591 00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:20,479 Speaker 4: big floral ribbons with like decor, pine cones, mistletoe in there, 592 00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:23,720 Speaker 4: and you're like, what the hell is happening with this package? Yes, 593 00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:25,560 Speaker 4: so she is that person. So I feel like it 594 00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:27,760 Speaker 4: does come back round. But there is a lot to 595 00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:31,199 Speaker 4: be said that when it comes to gift giving and 596 00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:34,959 Speaker 4: if you're trying to be sentimental in trying to knowing somebody, 597 00:28:34,960 --> 00:28:36,440 Speaker 4: and some people are good and some people aren't. 598 00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:38,880 Speaker 1: That's the thing that's true. There isn't an. 599 00:28:38,880 --> 00:28:39,200 Speaker 3: Art to it. 600 00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:43,080 Speaker 2: It is this, yes, And I don't want to ever 601 00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:45,800 Speaker 2: As we said, we were kind of just having an 602 00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:50,320 Speaker 2: informal discussion, you know, I don't want people to feel 603 00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:53,920 Speaker 2: more guilty than than not, Like I can't think of 604 00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:55,360 Speaker 2: a gift, but I have to get them something. 605 00:28:55,640 --> 00:28:57,280 Speaker 3: We've all been there, we all do it right. Some 606 00:28:57,360 --> 00:28:59,040 Speaker 3: people are better at it than others, and that's just 607 00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:00,600 Speaker 3: that's just how it is, and that's okay. 608 00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:03,120 Speaker 1: And some people have more hobbies so it makes it easier. 609 00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:03,920 Speaker 3: That's true. 610 00:29:04,080 --> 00:29:08,120 Speaker 2: And I've gotten some amazing paintings from a good friend 611 00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:10,800 Speaker 2: of mine, Katie, who does that, and they're like so good, 612 00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:11,400 Speaker 2: like I love it. 613 00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:12,320 Speaker 3: Like I think. 614 00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:14,440 Speaker 2: I think it's another one of those areas where you 615 00:29:14,560 --> 00:29:18,480 Speaker 2: don't have to relegate it into one thing, like gift 616 00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:20,000 Speaker 2: giving can look like a lot of ways, like I 617 00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:21,360 Speaker 2: really like it when people just take me up for 618 00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:22,280 Speaker 2: a drink or something. 619 00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:26,200 Speaker 3: Like, it doesn't have to be physical love. Yeah, exactly. 620 00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:31,960 Speaker 2: So hopefully it's not super stressful for everybody listening. I 621 00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:35,760 Speaker 2: know it can be, but there is there's something like 622 00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:37,560 Speaker 2: giving that perfect gift and like, oh. 623 00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:39,480 Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, it's powerful. 624 00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:41,000 Speaker 3: It's a powerful it is it is. 625 00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:46,120 Speaker 2: It is all right, Well, good luck everyone, hopefully good luck, 626 00:29:46,520 --> 00:29:47,400 Speaker 2: gift shopping done. 627 00:29:47,640 --> 00:29:49,520 Speaker 4: For those of you who are having a hard time, 628 00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:51,600 Speaker 4: we love you. And then we know that this was 629 00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:53,840 Speaker 4: a very privileged conversation and we're so sorry, but just 630 00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:56,240 Speaker 4: know you're not alone, no matter what. 631 00:29:56,960 --> 00:29:57,840 Speaker 3: No, no, no no. 632 00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:02,480 Speaker 2: And if you I would like to contact us, you can. 633 00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:05,040 Speaker 2: Our email is Stephania Mom Steph at iHeartMedia dot com. 634 00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:06,840 Speaker 2: You can find us on Twitter at mom Stuff Podcast 635 00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:08,280 Speaker 2: or on Instagram at steff I've Never told you. 636 00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:10,640 Speaker 3: Thanks as always to our super producer. 637 00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:13,000 Speaker 1: Christina the best, Merry Christmas. 638 00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:16,240 Speaker 3: And thanks to you for listening. Stefan never told you 639 00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:17,160 Speaker 3: This prodictionive of iHeartRadio. 640 00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:18,840 Speaker 2: For more podcasts from My Heart Radio, you can check 641 00:30:18,840 --> 00:30:20,880 Speaker 2: out the iHeart Radio ap Apple Podcasts wherever you listen 642 00:30:20,920 --> 00:30:21,680 Speaker 2: to your favorite shows.