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Speaker 1: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.

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Speaker 2: The biggest advice I can give is don't wait. Find

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Speaker 2: support early, do your investigation, join us support group, have

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Speaker 2: a plan A, and a Plan B and a Plan C.

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Speaker 2: Because nothing goes the way you expect.

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Speaker 1: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration,

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Speaker 1: or a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments

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Speaker 1: or appreciate anything from this episode, please leave us a

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Speaker 1: review to let us know we're on the right track. Also,

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Speaker 1: we release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe

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Speaker 1: on iTunes and visit cultivatinghurspace dot com to access our

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Speaker 1: exclusive after show and other bonus content from the Patreon tab.

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Speaker 3: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting

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Speaker 3: women like you. We're your hosts, Doctor Dominique Bussard, a

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Speaker 3: call professor and psychologists.

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Speaker 4: And Terry Lomax, a techy and motivational speaker. In a

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Speaker 4: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please

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Speaker 4: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from

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Speaker 4: fibroids to faith friends and create a safe space where

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Speaker 4: black women can just be okay, lady. Today, we have

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Speaker 4: a very special guest who's going to be covering an

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Speaker 4: extremely important topic that's probably not talked about enough. So

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Speaker 4: let's jump on in. Pamela d Wilson is a caregiving expert, advocate,

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Speaker 4: and speaker based in Denver, Colorado. For more than twenty years,

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Speaker 4: she has supported older adults and caregivers and the roles

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Speaker 4: of care manager, professional, fiduciary, and subject matter expert. This

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Speaker 4: unique experience serves as Wilson's platform to increase awareness of

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Speaker 4: caregiving as an essential role in life and to support

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Speaker 4: individuals of all ages to navigate healthcare systems and the

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Speaker 4: related financial and legal choices that impact access to care.

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Speaker 4: Wilson hosts and produce the Caring Generation podcast and answers

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Speaker 4: questions from caregivers on our YouTube channel. She is the

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Speaker 4: author of the Caregiving Trap, Solutions for Life's Unexpected Changes,

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Speaker 4: and she's the creator of the online course Support Caring

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Speaker 4: for Aging Parents. She can be contacted through her website,

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Speaker 4: Pamela Dwilson dot com. Pamela, Welcome to cultivating her space.

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Speaker 2: Thank you so much, it's a pleasure to be here.

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Speaker 4: You're so welcome. We're so excited for this conversation. Yes,

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Speaker 4: it is.

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Speaker 5: Like Terry mentioned earlier, it is a much needed conversation

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Speaker 5: that everyone goes through in life but doesn't really talk

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Speaker 5: about it enough. So we are going to start with

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Speaker 5: our quote of the day now, Pamela, you have a podcast,

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Speaker 5: you have a YouTube channel, you have a book, so

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Speaker 5: we've been doing our research and you give a lot

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Speaker 5: of insight and wisdom.

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Speaker 2: But this quote is super simple but so powerful, and

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Speaker 2: these are your words being a caregiver. It's hard, again,

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Speaker 2: super simple, it's so powerful. So Pamela, when you hear that,

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Speaker 2: well your.

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Speaker 5: Words, what comes up for you just.

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Speaker 2: All of the struggles that mainly women go through in life.

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Speaker 2: And when we think of caregiver, it's not only parents,

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Speaker 2: it's raising children, it's aging parents, it's a spouse, it's grandparents,

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Speaker 2: it's everybody. And it is such hard work and the

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Speaker 2: caregivers who do this are not recognized for their efforts,

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Speaker 2: and there are many cases just not appreciate it, honestly,

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Speaker 2: And so oftentimes we think about share giving in terms

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Speaker 2: of taking care of our aging parents, but you just

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Speaker 2: pointed out that it's also about sharing for children, and

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Speaker 2: so can we just just kind of operationalize some of

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Speaker 2: the words that we'll be using today, and can you

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Speaker 2: tell us what is the how do you define sharegiving

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Speaker 2: or versus share taking? Caregiving to me is a really

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Speaker 2: broad subject. So, and caregivers come from all walks of life, right,

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Speaker 2: it's it's us, it's women, But caregivers are doctors. Caregivers

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Speaker 2: can be believe it or not, somebody at the bank

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Speaker 2: who's watching over an older adult. So when we think

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Speaker 2: of caregiving, it's kind of like, well, it should be

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Speaker 2: this balanced effort, right It's not, though, let's just be honest,

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Speaker 2: there's no bivalanc in caregiving. But in a perfect world,

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Speaker 2: it's this balance of you know, I give, you take,

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Speaker 2: we're helping each other. But then when you get in

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Speaker 2: the care taking, that is a whole I call it

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Speaker 2: an environmental factor, right, because we all grow up in

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Speaker 2: our cultures, in our families where we live, whether it's Denver, Colorado,

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Speaker 2: or Los Angeles or New York, and those environments have

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Speaker 2: a huge effect on us and the expectations of our

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Speaker 2: families and our parents. So some people who are care

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Speaker 2: takers take it to a whole different level because they

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Speaker 2: feel a lot of guilt, a lot of responsibility. Oh,

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Speaker 2: I'm this marred or I have to do this, I

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Speaker 2: don't have a choice, and it becomes this negative. It

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Speaker 2: just ruins your self esteem, right, I feel like you

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Speaker 2: can't do anything right and you've lost control and your

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Speaker 2: life just goes down the wrong path.

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Speaker 4: Thank you for that, Pamula, And we'd love to also

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Speaker 4: kind of ground ourselves in this conversation by learning about

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Speaker 4: your experience with caregiving and how you became an expert

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Speaker 4: on the subject, and then we'll dive in a bit

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Speaker 4: deeper after that.

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Speaker 2: Sure. So, so my two minute story. When I was young,

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Speaker 2: I was the youngest of six kids, and I hung

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Speaker 2: around older people and I love them. I mean they

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Speaker 2: were so kind to me and so dear, and so

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Speaker 2: that gave me a love for older adults. And then

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Speaker 2: when I get out of high school, I actually had

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Speaker 2: a social work scholarship that I didn't take, but it

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Speaker 2: was a good thing because I went into corporate America

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Speaker 2: and learn marketing and business planning and all of that.

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Speaker 2: And my parents passed away within four years of each other,

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Speaker 2: and my oldest brother, and then I had a sister

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Speaker 2: killed in a car accident. So so midlife I had

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Speaker 2: all these losses and I'm like, I'm not really doing

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Speaker 2: anything to help people. I don't feel like I'm doing

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Speaker 2: anything rewarding. I was working in consumer products in LA

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Speaker 2: at the time, and so I just started investigating, like

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Speaker 2: how can I help older people? Because that's really what

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Speaker 2: I wanted to do, you know, when I was seventeen

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Speaker 2: or eighteen, and I just did a career change and

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Speaker 2: I went back and got a lot of education. I

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Speaker 2: started two companies I sold to companies that do education

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Speaker 2: now and just a number of other things in the

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Speaker 2: healthcare system. So really personal life experience and then taking

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Speaker 2: care of thousands of older adults and working with caregivers

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Speaker 2: and continuing to do that today. Wow.

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Speaker 3: And so.

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Speaker 2: That's such a a unique experience in squirrels of like

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Speaker 2: your pants to being in this space and being a

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Speaker 2: share giving expert, and so in all of your years

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Speaker 2: of experience, I mean, I'm just going to jump right in,

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Speaker 2: it's all of me years of experience. Were what would

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Speaker 2: you say are some of the top things that families

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Speaker 2: and individuals don't consider when it cones to carry for

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Speaker 2: aging parents. There is so much And I'm going to

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Speaker 2: speak about women, okay, because I'm pro women here. Women

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Speaker 2: do not consider the effect on their lives. They want

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Speaker 2: to be the caregivers. They want to take care of everybody, right,

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Speaker 2: but there are huge financial impacts and huge health impacts.

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Speaker 2: A lot of women and their statistics on this so

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Speaker 2: you can find it. But I mean, they spend a

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Speaker 2: lot of time out of the workforce, you know, to

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Speaker 2: raise children, and then maybe they go back to work

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Speaker 2: and then all of a sudden a parent needs care

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Speaker 2: and they're thinking, oh, I need to quit my job again.

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Speaker 2: And then maybe the husband gets sick. You know. The

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Speaker 2: problem is at end of life, the women are left

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Speaker 2: with no money and nobody to take care of them.

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Speaker 2: That is the short story. And so women have to

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Speaker 2: be a little more selfish in my opinion, to navigate

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Speaker 2: this whole caregiving role.

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Speaker 4: Hey lady, it's Terry here dom and I want to

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Speaker 4: lady will hop right back into the conversation. That's powerful

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Speaker 4: and we can probably dive into that deeper in just

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Speaker 4: a bit, because I feel like there's a bunch of

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Speaker 4: other questions that we're going to have around that. But people,

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Speaker 4: can we talk about that? I don't know, this maybe taboo,

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Speaker 4: but can we talk about how one can process the

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Speaker 4: complex emotions that accompany caregiving. I'm thinking like guilt, regret, frustration, anger,

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Speaker 4: or even just like the desire for relief from the situation.

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Speaker 4: Whatever that relief might look like. Right, you might not

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Speaker 4: even want to say what that particular relief outcome is,

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Speaker 4: but it's like I just want this to be over,

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Speaker 4: like over, How does one process Maybe you can elaborate

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Speaker 4: by any of those feelings, but can we talk about

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Speaker 4: how one can process those as well?

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Speaker 2: Now, one of the ways is to actually talk about it.

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Speaker 2: So I have caregiving groups, and you have to find

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Speaker 2: people that you can say, oh, this sucks, or I

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Speaker 2: hate my mother today, or my dad is driving me

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Speaker 2: absolutely crazy, or my siblings are just not helping. You

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Speaker 2: have to be able to be okay talking about it.

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Speaker 2: But then you also have to do this mental shift

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Speaker 2: up here that says, Okay, I'm frustrated, I'm angry. What

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Speaker 2: am I going to do about it? You have to

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Speaker 2: find a way to positively go lose yourself somewhere. So

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Speaker 2: I lose myself at the gym, I lose myself on

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Speaker 2: the hiking trail, I lose myself snowshoeing. You have to

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Speaker 2: find a positive outlet for all of that frustration, because

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Speaker 2: it will make you physically and mentally sick. It's proven.

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Speaker 2: So you got to find something, whether it's the Bible,

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Speaker 2: I mean, I don't care what it is. You got

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Speaker 2: to find something positive if you can. That's a great

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Speaker 2: pro tips. Thank you, Yes, that's so important.

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Speaker 5: So I think about you know, I come from a

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Speaker 5: family with multiple siblings, right, and as you have pointed out,

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Speaker 5: that a lot of the caretaking falls on the women,

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Speaker 5: and there are statistics out there that say that it

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Speaker 5: is typically the daughter, and most times the eldest daughter

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Speaker 5: who is most active in caretaking or aging parents. But

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Speaker 5: a lot of us had complicated relationships with our parents, right,

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Speaker 5: And so tell us about that what you've seen in

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Speaker 5: terms of family navigating when there's multiple siblings navigating the

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Speaker 5: shared giving and caretaking for their aging parents.

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Speaker 2: As you mentioned, a lot of it comes down to

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Speaker 2: and I'm going to say early childhood relationships. So in

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Speaker 2: my family, there were six kids, seventeen years difference between

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Speaker 2: all of us, right, So basically each child experienced our

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Speaker 2: parents at different times in our parents' lives and different

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Speaker 2: things that our parents were going through. So depending on

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Speaker 2: your childhood and your relationship with your parents, good bad.

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Speaker 2: You know they told you couldn't do all these things.

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Speaker 2: Maybe your parents had substance abuse, or maybe they were

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Speaker 2: in prison. I mean, there's just a whole span of things, right.

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Speaker 2: Those relationships in our childhood impact whether we are going

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Speaker 2: to be that caregiver when we're older. And this is

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Speaker 2: what siblings do not understand. And I got. I mean,

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Speaker 2: there's a lot of family secrets out there too, so

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Speaker 2: you know, parents don't want to share stuff, kids don't

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Speaker 2: want to share stuff. You never know what the experiences

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Speaker 2: were with your siblings, with your parents, and maybe they

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Speaker 2: don't want to tell you. What I can tell you

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Speaker 2: is if they are not showing up, there is a

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Speaker 2: reason that they are not showing up to be that caregiver.

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Speaker 2: And it's easy as a brother or a sister to

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Speaker 2: want to judge your siblings and say, oh, my brother's horrible,

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Speaker 2: my sister's horrible. They won't help, but you know what,

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Speaker 2: they have set their boundaries. They know what they can

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Speaker 2: do and they know what they can't do. So if

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Speaker 2: you're in that situation as a sibling, you can get

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Speaker 2: your siblings together and say, hey, we have to take

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Speaker 2: care of mom and dad. What can you do? You know,

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Speaker 2: if you don't want to visit them, can you call

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Speaker 2: them once a week, or if you have a really

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Speaker 2: good job, could you contribute some money. You don't have

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Speaker 2: to see them, you don't have to talk to them.

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Speaker 2: I'll manage everything. But what can you do? And sometimes

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Speaker 2: it may be nothing because maybe they're raising kids and

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Speaker 2: they've got a job and they just can't do it.

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Speaker 2: But you have to ask, and ask more than once.

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Speaker 4: That is such a great tip there because I never

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Speaker 4: even thought about the different ways in which people can

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Speaker 4: support to kind of make it a holistic experience where

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Speaker 4: everyone's contributing. So that is such a great gym. Thank

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Speaker 4: you so much for sharing that, Pamela, You're welcome. Now,

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Speaker 4: can we go back to selfish?

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Speaker 2: Right?

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Speaker 4: Being selfish? You said sometimes women need to be more selfish.

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Speaker 4: What does that look like? You talked a bit about,

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Speaker 4: you know, some best practices on sort of balancing out

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Speaker 4: the caregiving so finding things positive outlets, right, talking about

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Speaker 4: those those complex feelings that one might have. What are

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Speaker 4: some other ways in which people can be selfish when

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Speaker 4: they're in the midst of a caregiving relationship, you know,

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Speaker 4: So there's two ways.

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Speaker 2: One is learning to say no, which is very hard

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Speaker 2: for caregivers, especially you know women. Yes, but caregivers like

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Speaker 2: the guilt, all of that stuff. They feel like they

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Speaker 2: can't say no. It's being really realistic about your time

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Speaker 2: and your life and your health. Somebody asked me to

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Speaker 2: do something today and I said, oh my gosh, my

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Speaker 2: calendar is just so full of the next two weeks.

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Speaker 2: I can't right. So caregivers underestimate the amount of time

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Speaker 2: something takes. Right. You may think, oh, I'm going to

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Speaker 2: take mom or dad to the doctor, and like eight

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Speaker 2: hours later, Oh my god, you've been to the doctor.

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Speaker 2: You had to go to the pharmacy, you had to

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Speaker 2: go pick up groceries, they needed something else at the store.

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Speaker 2: So you're just like, oh my god, I've been doing

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Speaker 2: it self. I'm exhausted. So it's really realizing your time

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Speaker 2: and your ability to get things done with everything else

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Speaker 2: they have to do. You got kids, you got a job,

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Speaker 2: you got a husband, whatever, and being able to say

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Speaker 2: I'd love to do it, but it doesn't fit into

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Speaker 2: my calendar. And also ask other people to help, because

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Speaker 2: caregivers want to believe that they have nobody else can

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Speaker 2: do it as good as I. Kiara, you know, no

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Speaker 2: people are going to say no. But the bigger thing

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Speaker 2: is the person that you care for help them that

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Speaker 2: be more independent. Right, So a lot of caregivers will

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Speaker 2: jump then and they'll start doing all these things for

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Speaker 2: their parents that the parents can still do, but the

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Speaker 2: caregiver can do it faster, quicker, or better. Right, So

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Speaker 2: then the parent becomes more dependent on the caregiver. So basically,

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Speaker 2: you're training your parents to need you more, to rely

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Speaker 2: on you more, to not be able to do anything,

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Speaker 2: and that is not what you want to do, because

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Speaker 2: i'd to fix you.

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Speaker 3: Right.

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Speaker 2: Wow, Oh, that is such a good point that people

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Speaker 2: often don't think about. And so the question that that

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Speaker 2: brought out for me was, I've seen situations where the

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Speaker 2: adult children all live in different places, so nobody lives

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Speaker 2: in the same place as the aging parent, right, and

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Speaker 2: now all of a sudden, the parent needs share. And

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Speaker 2: then there's the argument around, well, I'm I'm agreeing to

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Speaker 2: care for my parent.

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Speaker 5: What I have a family of young children. I'm not

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Speaker 5: going to uproot my children. My parent is going to

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Speaker 5: have to come wherever I am. In your experience, how

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Speaker 5: is how is the what or what is the shealthiest

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Speaker 5: way for families to navigate that type of dynamic in situation?

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Speaker 2: So it depends. Every situation is different, first of all,

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Speaker 2: and it depends on So I've seen both ways. I've

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Speaker 2: seen ways where parents lived let's say here in Denver, Colorado,

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Speaker 2: and the kids were all over the country, and if

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Speaker 2: there's money, right, you can hire a private care manager.

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Speaker 2: I used to do that in my company. We would

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Speaker 2: take care of people's parents and the kids lived all

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Speaker 2: over the country and we would take them the doctor

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Speaker 2: appointments and do all that. But that's not possible for everybody, right,

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Speaker 2: So what you may be able to do is hire

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Speaker 2: just a caregiver if your parents just need a few things, like,

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Speaker 2: you know, maybe some housekeeping, our meals or whatever, and

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Speaker 2: then start having those conversations to say, you know, mom

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Speaker 2: or dad, I have a life and this is not

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Speaker 2: going to get easier. Let's talk about it, and let's

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Speaker 2: talk about the legal things, power of attorney, medical and financial.

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Speaker 2: What do you want if you get really sick, are

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Speaker 2: you willing to move? And you know which child?

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Speaker 4: Right?

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Speaker 2: If people live in five states, where do you want

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Speaker 2: to go? What do you want? Sometimes the parents will say,

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Speaker 2: you know what, I have lived here all my life.

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Speaker 2: I'm not moving, So we got to figure something out,

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Speaker 2: or they'll be willing to move to where one of

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Speaker 2: the children is. Now here's the catch on that every

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Speaker 2: state is different. As far as Medicaid, which is a

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Speaker 2: service for older adults who don't have a lot of

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Speaker 2: money and the kids can't pay for care. Right, So

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Speaker 2: when you look at which child in which state, you

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Speaker 2: really want to do research on how elder care is

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Speaker 2: handled in that state, how it's reimbursed if parents don't

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Speaker 2: have money, because some states are more favorable than others.

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Speaker 2: So you just don't make the move. You've got to

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Speaker 2: do your research.

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Speaker 4: I wanted to ask you a really quickly, what are some

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Speaker 4: of the states that have the best care or the

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Speaker 4: best options if you had to name like the top

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Speaker 4: three divides.

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Speaker 2: So I will tell you the most progressive states. Okay, California,

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Speaker 2: New York, Oregon, Washington, Illinois, North Carolina. They're the most

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Speaker 2: progressive in saying we need an aging plan, right, We've

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Speaker 2: got to do something. We have an aging population, we

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Speaker 2: need supports, and so they're medicaid programs which come under

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Speaker 2: different names. In California it's Medical Calaim. But they're doing

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Speaker 2: a lot of progressive things to help older adults and

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Speaker 2: the caregivers because they see it's a problem.

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Speaker 4: That's so good, Okay, Dom, Like, I feel like we

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Speaker 4: should just wrap it fire with Pamela. Did you have

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Speaker 4: another question, Tom?

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Speaker 7: I did I did, so my my next question is

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Speaker 7: about So we talked about situations where there's multiple siblings, right,

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Speaker 7: but I have several friends who are only children.

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Speaker 2: And have two parents to take care of.

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Speaker 5: And I think particularly about my single friends who have

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Speaker 5: aging parents, so they don't have a partner to assist

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Speaker 5: in this process. And so what are some of the

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Speaker 5: things that they should be taking into consideration as they

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Speaker 5: are caring for their parents by themselves.

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Speaker 2: Early on, you have to have the conversation. Don't just

380
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Speaker 2: start being that caregiver and not discuss how do we

381
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Speaker 2: pay for your care when I can't do it? Who's

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Speaker 2: going to care for you when I can't do it?

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Speaker 2: Because I would have so many parents who would come

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Speaker 2: to me and they'd say, oh, you know what, I know,

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Speaker 2: I'm going to need some help and my kids are

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Speaker 2: going to do it. And I'm like, well, have you

387
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Speaker 2: asked your kids And they're like, no, we just expect

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Speaker 2: them to do it. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no,

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Speaker 2: You've got to have those conversations. So reverse it. If

390
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Speaker 2: you're that only child, you've got to have those conversations

391
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Speaker 2: because you don't want to be that only child who

392
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Speaker 2: and it happens. Who gives up your life and your

393
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Speaker 2: job and you're living in your parents' house and their

394
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Speaker 2: money is supporting you, and and they die and you

395
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Speaker 2: can't get back into the workforce, and you have not

396
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Speaker 2: saved for retirement, and you have no way to take

397
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Speaker 2: care of yourself, and you're sick because you cared for

398
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Speaker 2: your parents. So now you're disabled. I mean, it happens.

399
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Speaker 2: It's a train wreck. She got to have the conversations

400
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Speaker 2: early on, who's going to care for you? How much

401
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Speaker 2: money is there? We need a plan, we need legal.

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Speaker 7: So good.

403
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Speaker 4: Okay. Another question in family little in your opinion, what

404
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Speaker 4: are some of the common misconceptions about caregiving that you

405
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Speaker 4: can either debunk or clarify for the listeners.

406
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Speaker 2: The caregivers do not have power. Okay. So I was

407
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Speaker 2: talking to a lady the other day and she is

408
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Speaker 2: power of attorney for her mom, right, And she's like, well,

409
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Speaker 2: I can't realize I could like complain. I'm like, well,

410
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Speaker 2: of course you can complain. I'm like, you can even

411
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Speaker 2: fire the doctor. So the misperceptions are and this is

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Speaker 2: so you have to be in a position of you know,

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Speaker 2: power attorney gives you a little more leeway, right, but

414
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Speaker 2: you can hire, you can fire. You can't help your

415
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Speaker 2: parents make decisions about their care. Don't let the healthcare system,

416
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Speaker 2: and this is hard to do, right, intimidate you or

417
00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:51,080
Speaker 2: tell you that your parents can get care, or or

418
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Speaker 2: act like they know more than you do. Because here's

419
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Speaker 2: the problem, right, you know more about your health and

420
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Speaker 2: your parents' health, and if you allow them to make

421
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Speaker 2: a choice for you when you know it's wrong, it

422
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Speaker 2: could harm your parent. I mean, I've had to advocate

423
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Speaker 2: for people in hospitals where doctors are like, oh honey,

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Speaker 2: they're too old, just let them pass away, and I'm like, no, no, no, no,

425
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Speaker 2: no no no, I'm old.

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Speaker 4: Responsible.

427
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Speaker 2: You are not going to be biased or deprioritize the

428
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Speaker 2: care of an older person because you have a twenty

429
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Speaker 2: year old and needs and I see you, bedm wow,

430
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Speaker 2: this stuff happens. There's a lot of older people are disposable,

431
00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:37,280
Speaker 2: and caregivers have to You got to like take your power,

432
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Speaker 2: know what you're doing, and learn how to advocate because

433
00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:43,399
Speaker 2: one day you're going to be that older person. Do

434
00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:45,080
Speaker 2: not let the healthcare system do that to you.

435
00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:54,639
Speaker 5: Oh okay, So speaking of when we become that older person, right,

436
00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:57,960
Speaker 5: And I keep thinking, like if the questions keep coming,

437
00:25:57,960 --> 00:26:01,439
Speaker 5: because I think about like situations that like my friends

438
00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:02,320
Speaker 5: and family are in.

439
00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:02,760
Speaker 4: Right.

440
00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:10,720
Speaker 5: So let's say that you're the older person and never married,

441
00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:15,760
Speaker 5: you don't have any children. What does care taking look

442
00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:18,520
Speaker 5: like for the person who is single?

443
00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:24,280
Speaker 2: You have to plan early and you've got to find

444
00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:27,640
Speaker 2: people to take care of you, okay, or who can

445
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:30,520
Speaker 2: at least help out. So I'll use my private prior

446
00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:32,440
Speaker 2: role as a care manager and as a power of attorney.

447
00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:38,600
Speaker 2: I had plenty of interestingly older women who had no

448
00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:41,480
Speaker 2: children and ever married. They lived their lives, they were

449
00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:44,240
Speaker 2: in a good, you know, good position, They saved and everything,

450
00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:47,040
Speaker 2: but they needed somebody who could advocate for them if

451
00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:50,560
Speaker 2: they could not okay. So I was retained as the

452
00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:53,240
Speaker 2: medical and advantage of power attorney, and I helped pay

453
00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:55,560
Speaker 2: their bills and I helped them make medical decisions when

454
00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:59,440
Speaker 2: they needed to. You know, I didn't overstep my boundaries.

455
00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:01,440
Speaker 2: I let them do as much as they could. But

456
00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:04,679
Speaker 2: you have to find somebody, whether it's a friend or

457
00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:07,280
Speaker 2: a professional, to be able to do this for you.

458
00:27:07,359 --> 00:27:10,240
Speaker 2: Because what happens if you get Alzheimer's or dementia or

459
00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:13,240
Speaker 2: you're in a car accident and you don't want to

460
00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:16,639
Speaker 2: be kept alive by machines. You have to have somebody

461
00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:19,879
Speaker 2: who can step in and say, hm hmm, this person

462
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:22,520
Speaker 2: did not want that or this person did want that

463
00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:27,119
Speaker 2: care because in lieu of that, unfortunately the healthcare system

464
00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:27,640
Speaker 2: takes over.

465
00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:29,360
Speaker 8: Oh.

466
00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:33,480
Speaker 4: I'm so glad we're having this conversation because I think

467
00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:36,160
Speaker 4: one of the points you just made, Pamela, it reminded

468
00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:39,520
Speaker 4: me that this is not something that's just for the elderly,

469
00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:41,480
Speaker 4: right Like you could literally anyone could be in a

470
00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:44,919
Speaker 4: car accident tomorrow and it could change the trajectory of

471
00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:46,879
Speaker 4: your life. And so I think it's just such a

472
00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:50,280
Speaker 4: timely conversation but also something that can impact anyone that's sending.

473
00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:53,080
Speaker 4: So you kind of touched on this earlier book. Can

474
00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:56,040
Speaker 4: you talk more about some of the recurring themes that

475
00:27:56,119 --> 00:27:58,440
Speaker 4: you noticed in the caregiving Journey? You talked about women

476
00:27:58,520 --> 00:28:02,720
Speaker 4: primarily being you know, caregivers a lot more than men,

477
00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:06,119
Speaker 4: any other things that you noticed with all of your experience.

478
00:28:07,119 --> 00:28:10,960
Speaker 2: Caregivers will wait and wait and wait to get help

479
00:28:11,119 --> 00:28:13,560
Speaker 2: and search for resources. So I would have people that

480
00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:16,080
Speaker 2: would come to my office and they'll be like, oh,

481
00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:17,720
Speaker 2: you know, I was going to call you six months ago.

482
00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:20,000
Speaker 2: I saw you speak, I was at an event. I

483
00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:23,520
Speaker 2: get your newsletter by watch your YouTube videos. But now

484
00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:27,480
Speaker 2: it's really bad. I'm like, why did you wait? So

485
00:28:27,560 --> 00:28:29,960
Speaker 2: caregivers will just like keep going and going and going,

486
00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:33,439
Speaker 2: and they wait until they're so burned out and so

487
00:28:33,640 --> 00:28:37,720
Speaker 2: exhausted and so resentful and angry to do something. The

488
00:28:37,760 --> 00:28:41,040
Speaker 2: biggest advice I can give is don't wait. Find support early,

489
00:28:41,080 --> 00:28:45,280
Speaker 2: do your investigation, join a support group, have a plan A,

490
00:28:45,560 --> 00:28:48,400
Speaker 2: and a plan B and a plan C. Because nothing

491
00:28:48,520 --> 00:28:51,560
Speaker 2: goes the way you expect.

492
00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:55,600
Speaker 8: Hey, lady, are you ready to get a head start

493
00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:58,960
Speaker 8: on your holiday shopping this year? Well, guess what, We've

494
00:28:58,960 --> 00:29:02,040
Speaker 8: got something special for you, and it's all about self

495
00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:05,920
Speaker 8: care and gifting your loved ones the perfect presence. So

496
00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:09,960
Speaker 8: before we dive in, let us introduce you to Ocia,

497
00:29:10,600 --> 00:29:13,000
Speaker 8: a brand we absolutely love.

498
00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:17,360
Speaker 4: Lady, get into it. Okay. Oca is not just any

499
00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:22,880
Speaker 4: skincare brand. It's clean, vegan, and cruelty free, and it's

500
00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:25,760
Speaker 4: been making waves since nineteen ninety six as a female

501
00:29:25,800 --> 00:29:28,960
Speaker 4: founded and family operated business. And what sets them apart

502
00:29:29,320 --> 00:29:32,520
Speaker 4: is their commitment to being ocean positive and climate neutral,

503
00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:35,880
Speaker 4: making a real impact on our planet and also making

504
00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:38,480
Speaker 4: a real impact on this body because dom let me

505
00:29:38,520 --> 00:29:40,360
Speaker 4: tell you, I'm very particular about what I put on

506
00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:42,240
Speaker 4: my face and what I put on my skin because

507
00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:44,400
Speaker 4: I have very sensitive skin and child and trying to

508
00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:46,640
Speaker 4: get this skin clear and clean for a long time,

509
00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:50,280
Speaker 4: and so I absolutely love their products. My favorite product

510
00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:53,800
Speaker 4: is the Underia Algae body Butter. Okay, lady, let me

511
00:29:53,840 --> 00:29:55,640
Speaker 4: just tell you. Let me give you the visual, close

512
00:29:55,720 --> 00:29:57,800
Speaker 4: eyes and just imagine this with me. It comes in

513
00:29:57,880 --> 00:30:01,600
Speaker 4: this beautiful glass jar, that jar alone. Let you know, Oh,

514
00:30:01,640 --> 00:30:04,960
Speaker 4: this is luxury like this right here, This is high quality,

515
00:30:05,520 --> 00:30:09,480
Speaker 4: this beautiful glass jar. When you open the jar, there

516
00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:14,720
Speaker 4: is this luscious, thick, creamy body butter that smells so good.

517
00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:16,680
Speaker 4: It has like a lemony type of scent to it

518
00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:19,440
Speaker 4: in my opinion, and it just goes on so smooth.

519
00:30:19,720 --> 00:30:22,080
Speaker 4: Some of the key benefits are anti aging and also

520
00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:25,160
Speaker 4: hydrating and down. When I tell you, I am obsessed, like,

521
00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:30,120
Speaker 4: I love this for real. What about you? What's your

522
00:30:30,160 --> 00:30:30,840
Speaker 4: favorite product?

523
00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:34,520
Speaker 8: Well, let me tell you about that body Butter's partner,

524
00:30:34,880 --> 00:30:38,520
Speaker 8: the body Oil. It is clinically proven to instantly improve

525
00:30:38,680 --> 00:30:42,240
Speaker 8: the look of your skin elasticity and leaves your skin

526
00:30:42,440 --> 00:30:46,360
Speaker 8: incredibly glowy. And when I tell you glowy, I mean

527
00:30:46,440 --> 00:30:50,719
Speaker 8: glowy for hours. I put some on early this morning,

528
00:30:51,120 --> 00:30:54,000
Speaker 8: and here we are more than twelve hours later. My

529
00:30:54,080 --> 00:30:58,200
Speaker 8: skin steal feels hydrated, still looks dewy and moist and glowy.

530
00:30:58,360 --> 00:31:01,040
Speaker 8: Let's just go on ahead and read out the noise

531
00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:03,160
Speaker 8: and talk about how you can get ahead of your

532
00:31:03,200 --> 00:31:06,280
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533
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534
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535
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Speaker 8: OCEA has some limited holiday sets that you don't want

536
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Speaker 8: to miss out on. And the best part, you can

537
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Speaker 8: get ahead of your holiday shopping and enjoy amazing savings.

538
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Speaker 4: So if you're looking for the perfect gift for the

539
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Speaker 4: beauty gurus, the clean beauty lovers, or anyone on your list,

540
00:31:33,040 --> 00:31:36,040
Speaker 4: OHCA has got you covered. You can even conquer your

541
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542
00:31:39,560 --> 00:31:41,320
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543
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544
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Speaker 4: dot com or click the link in our show notes.

545
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Speaker 5: Okay, plan A, B, and C. Now, lady, if you're

546
00:31:57,400 --> 00:32:02,240
Speaker 5: listening and you often find yourself flying by the seat

547
00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:04,200
Speaker 5: of your pays and not even having a plan A,

548
00:32:06,560 --> 00:32:07,560
Speaker 5: you've got to be prepared.

549
00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:14,440
Speaker 2: And so, Timla, we know, speaking of preparation, you've already

550
00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:22,920
Speaker 2: mentioned that caregiving can be expensive. And so when I

551
00:32:22,960 --> 00:32:25,800
Speaker 2: think about some of our listeners that might be in

552
00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:30,080
Speaker 2: their twenties and their thirties, what are things that they

553
00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:36,120
Speaker 2: can start doing now to be financially ready when it

554
00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:42,040
Speaker 2: comes to having to take care of parents or take

555
00:32:42,080 --> 00:32:45,760
Speaker 2: care of themselves at the age Thank you for asking that.

556
00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:47,480
Speaker 2: I just did a video on this the other day.

557
00:32:47,560 --> 00:32:50,120
Speaker 2: So if you are young and healthy and you can,

558
00:32:50,840 --> 00:32:54,480
Speaker 2: or if your workplace offers long term care insurance, get it.

559
00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:57,400
Speaker 2: In most cases, if you're young and healthy, it's no

560
00:32:57,440 --> 00:32:59,440
Speaker 2: more than your curR insurance, right And you're thinking, oh,

561
00:32:59,440 --> 00:33:01,080
Speaker 2: I don't want to pay into this, you know, but

562
00:33:01,880 --> 00:33:04,120
Speaker 2: it gives you so many choices when you're older because

563
00:33:04,160 --> 00:33:06,040
Speaker 2: it pays for the things that Medicare doesn't pay for.

564
00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:10,640
Speaker 2: The earlier and this is going to sound crazy, right,

565
00:33:10,720 --> 00:33:13,959
Speaker 2: but the earlier that you learn about medicare and what

566
00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:16,719
Speaker 2: it pays for and what it doesn't for yourself and

567
00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:19,800
Speaker 2: for your parents the better because it's an eye opener

568
00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:21,960
Speaker 2: everybody thinks. Somebody said to me the other day, oh,

569
00:33:22,040 --> 00:33:23,800
Speaker 2: you know, once I turned sixty five, Medicare is just

570
00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:29,000
Speaker 2: going to take care of everything. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no,

571
00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:33,600
Speaker 2: it does not. And even so right now it's Medicare

572
00:33:33,640 --> 00:33:35,800
Speaker 2: opening roma, Right, you see all these crazy commercials on TV.

573
00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:40,360
Speaker 2: You have to know the difference between original Medicare and

574
00:33:40,400 --> 00:33:45,680
Speaker 2: all these advantage plans that you see, because the healthcare

575
00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:49,640
Speaker 2: system and insurance companies are not necessarily your friend, right,

576
00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:52,080
Speaker 2: And a lot of people who are healthy think, well,

577
00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:53,479
Speaker 2: you know, I don't need a doctor. I don't need

578
00:33:53,520 --> 00:33:57,960
Speaker 2: a primary care physician. Get involved in the healthcare system early,

579
00:33:58,360 --> 00:34:01,680
Speaker 2: even if you're not sick, primary care doctor, get your

580
00:34:01,720 --> 00:34:04,000
Speaker 2: blood work done, because you may have health conditions that

581
00:34:04,040 --> 00:34:06,480
Speaker 2: you have no idea that you have, and if you

582
00:34:06,480 --> 00:34:08,799
Speaker 2: don't learn about them, you can't prevent them. And the

583
00:34:08,880 --> 00:34:11,120
Speaker 2: doc in the box at Walgrains or wherever you go

584
00:34:11,239 --> 00:34:15,120
Speaker 2: CBS is not going to follow you. Those records may

585
00:34:15,160 --> 00:34:17,160
Speaker 2: never even get into your health record system. The healthcare

586
00:34:17,160 --> 00:34:20,120
Speaker 2: system is so complicated, which is why consumers don't understand it.

587
00:34:21,239 --> 00:34:23,040
Speaker 2: But the earlier that you can get involved in being

588
00:34:23,080 --> 00:34:26,880
Speaker 2: proactive about your health and understanding. Get a financial planner.

589
00:34:26,880 --> 00:34:28,560
Speaker 2: I don't care if you can only save twenty bucks

590
00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:31,799
Speaker 2: a month. Women, you have to do this because financial

591
00:34:31,840 --> 00:34:37,600
Speaker 2: planners and financial planners have told me this. They're like, oh, yeah,

592
00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:40,080
Speaker 2: we see all these husbands. They ain't taking care of

593
00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:43,319
Speaker 2: their wives because the accounts are in the husband's name.

594
00:34:43,600 --> 00:34:47,080
Speaker 2: So women, get your own accounts. And if you're going

595
00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:49,040
Speaker 2: to take time off work, you make your husband buy

596
00:34:49,080 --> 00:34:51,279
Speaker 2: you a long term care insurance policy. You stand up

597
00:34:51,320 --> 00:34:54,319
Speaker 2: for yourself. Do not think that men are going to

598
00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:56,319
Speaker 2: take care of you when you're older, because all the

599
00:34:56,360 --> 00:34:58,440
Speaker 2: money is going to be spent on them. You're going

600
00:34:58,520 --> 00:34:59,840
Speaker 2: to be that caregiverterrit and you're gonna be left with

601
00:34:59,840 --> 00:35:00,480
Speaker 2: them nothing.

602
00:35:01,880 --> 00:35:04,880
Speaker 4: Oh okay, well okay, I'm like, wait a minute, can

603
00:35:04,920 --> 00:35:06,840
Speaker 4: we dig into that war, Like, what do you notice

604
00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:10,160
Speaker 4: not to say that all husbands or male partners don't

605
00:35:10,200 --> 00:35:11,919
Speaker 4: take care because I know I can hear a male

606
00:35:11,960 --> 00:35:13,640
Speaker 4: listening to the podcast. Now, I know I would take

607
00:35:13,680 --> 00:35:16,880
Speaker 4: care of my us. But what do you notice because

608
00:35:16,920 --> 00:35:19,120
Speaker 4: you you're I mean, you're in this industry. You see

609
00:35:19,600 --> 00:35:21,279
Speaker 4: all that you see behind the scenes. So what do

610
00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:23,640
Speaker 4: you notice when it comes to the male female dynamic

611
00:35:23,960 --> 00:35:27,720
Speaker 4: for couples as the like, when the women need something

612
00:35:27,840 --> 00:35:30,799
Speaker 4: or they're sick, who's taking care of them? Because we

613
00:35:30,840 --> 00:35:32,560
Speaker 4: know the women are usually taking care of the family.

614
00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:34,960
Speaker 4: So if the woman in the relationship is getting sick,

615
00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:37,640
Speaker 4: who's typically taking care of her? How does that sort

616
00:35:37,640 --> 00:35:40,560
Speaker 4: of shift versus when the male is the one that's

617
00:35:40,600 --> 00:35:42,840
Speaker 4: not well? So it could be a sister.

618
00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:45,720
Speaker 2: So I mean, if there are sisters, you know, siblings,

619
00:35:45,760 --> 00:35:48,440
Speaker 2: siblings will take care of each other. Our friends honestly

620
00:35:48,440 --> 00:35:53,800
Speaker 2: will step in. Husbands are very God bless them, uncomfortable,

621
00:35:54,719 --> 00:35:59,160
Speaker 2: you know, with women things, and and you know, I

622
00:35:59,160 --> 00:36:01,480
Speaker 2: mean I've had sons, God bless them, some wonderful sons

623
00:36:01,520 --> 00:36:03,800
Speaker 2: who like bathe their mothers and change their mother's diapery

624
00:36:03,840 --> 00:36:05,960
Speaker 2: all that kind of stuff. But men are very uncomfortable

625
00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:07,319
Speaker 2: with that kind of stuff. And men did not like

626
00:36:07,360 --> 00:36:10,480
Speaker 2: to go to the doctor, right, So God forbid, I'm

627
00:36:10,480 --> 00:36:12,280
Speaker 2: gonna have to take my wife to the doctor because

628
00:36:12,440 --> 00:36:15,200
Speaker 2: because men do not, they'll be like dead before they

629
00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:19,000
Speaker 2: go to the doctor. So so they're very uncomfortable with

630
00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:21,359
Speaker 2: this stuff. So if you're a woman, most likely you're

631
00:36:21,400 --> 00:36:24,439
Speaker 2: asking a friend to help you out. Not to say

632
00:36:24,440 --> 00:36:26,560
Speaker 2: that your husband won't do things if these has to,

633
00:36:26,920 --> 00:36:29,600
Speaker 2: but most likely it's other. It's women helping women.

634
00:36:31,880 --> 00:36:39,160
Speaker 5: Interesting and so I just had so many questions as

635
00:36:39,200 --> 00:36:42,080
Speaker 5: that was because you're saying that's so.

636
00:36:42,239 --> 00:36:42,560
Speaker 3: But I.

637
00:36:44,400 --> 00:36:52,160
Speaker 5: Also think about our queer lgbt QI plus families and

638
00:36:52,840 --> 00:36:56,719
Speaker 5: what are some of the dynamics that you see within

639
00:36:57,000 --> 00:36:58,240
Speaker 5: their family situation.

640
00:36:58,920 --> 00:37:01,279
Speaker 2: So my sister is is, she lives in Portland, she's

641
00:37:01,680 --> 00:37:05,359
Speaker 2: been gay all of her life. It's harder for them.

642
00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:08,160
Speaker 2: So the healthcare system is very let's just be honest,

643
00:37:08,160 --> 00:37:10,880
Speaker 2: it's biased. It's biased against women. They think women are

644
00:37:10,920 --> 00:37:13,400
Speaker 2: hysterical and women make up all these health issues. You know,

645
00:37:13,640 --> 00:37:15,680
Speaker 2: woman could be having a heart attack and a doctor's

646
00:37:15,719 --> 00:37:17,640
Speaker 2: going to ignore her. Where if a man comes in

647
00:37:17,680 --> 00:37:19,320
Speaker 2: and says, oh my god, I'm having an heart attack,

648
00:37:19,800 --> 00:37:24,000
Speaker 2: he gets all the attention. Right, people of other sexual orientation,

649
00:37:25,000 --> 00:37:27,640
Speaker 2: all of that, even people of color. I'm just going

650
00:37:27,719 --> 00:37:30,759
Speaker 2: to be honest, Yeah, oh yeah, absolutely, there's a lot

651
00:37:30,800 --> 00:37:34,560
Speaker 2: of bias and there's a lot of discrimination. So you

652
00:37:34,680 --> 00:37:37,640
Speaker 2: have to be very proactive. If a doctor is not

653
00:37:37,719 --> 00:37:40,360
Speaker 2: paying attention to you, you go find another doctor, you

654
00:37:40,600 --> 00:37:44,120
Speaker 2: fire them. You've got to find people in the healthcare

655
00:37:44,200 --> 00:37:47,319
Speaker 2: system who will respect you for who you are and

656
00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:50,279
Speaker 2: pay attention. But as a woman, you also have to

657
00:37:50,280 --> 00:37:52,799
Speaker 2: be factual. So here's kind of like the drama thing. Right.

658
00:37:53,320 --> 00:37:57,560
Speaker 2: Physicians are very factual. They can only treat you if

659
00:37:57,560 --> 00:37:59,800
Speaker 2: you go in and say I had a temperature of

660
00:37:59,800 --> 00:38:02,279
Speaker 2: a hundred and four, or I've gained twenty pounds or

661
00:38:02,320 --> 00:38:06,640
Speaker 2: I almost fainted yesterday. They are very very factual. So

662
00:38:06,680 --> 00:38:10,640
Speaker 2: if you go in a circle, they're like going to

663
00:38:10,719 --> 00:38:13,640
Speaker 2: just you know, they can't do anything with that, right,

664
00:38:14,480 --> 00:38:16,919
Speaker 2: So if you're working with the healthcare system, you've got

665
00:38:16,960 --> 00:38:20,480
Speaker 2: to be factual, logical, take the facts and take your

666
00:38:20,480 --> 00:38:22,279
Speaker 2: blood pressure for twenty days, go in and say you

667
00:38:22,280 --> 00:38:28,440
Speaker 2: got an issue. You have to be more. You almost

668
00:38:28,480 --> 00:38:30,000
Speaker 2: kind of have to learn how to speak their language,

669
00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:32,760
Speaker 2: which is impossible because they use all these medical terms.

670
00:38:32,760 --> 00:38:34,759
Speaker 2: But you have to learn how they get reimbursed.

671
00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:35,080
Speaker 3: Right.

672
00:38:36,040 --> 00:38:37,640
Speaker 2: They have to be able to diagnose you with a

673
00:38:37,640 --> 00:38:42,400
Speaker 2: condition to get paid, right, they have to write you

674
00:38:42,480 --> 00:38:45,560
Speaker 2: a prescription or give you a treatment or something. So

675
00:38:45,680 --> 00:38:47,239
Speaker 2: you have to be that person that says, well, you know,

676
00:38:47,280 --> 00:38:49,200
Speaker 2: maybe I don't want to take prescriptions? What can I

677
00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:51,600
Speaker 2: do to change my health? You really have to learn

678
00:38:51,640 --> 00:38:56,239
Speaker 2: how to advocate and again find the providers who will

679
00:38:56,239 --> 00:39:00,480
Speaker 2: work with you, you know, and community helps are a

680
00:39:00,480 --> 00:39:06,480
Speaker 2: great place to go, honestly. Okay, So then the situation

681
00:39:06,560 --> 00:39:11,399
Speaker 2: with providers raises another question, right, So for a lot

682
00:39:11,440 --> 00:39:19,600
Speaker 2: of people who don't trust Western medicine, right and fully so,

683
00:39:20,040 --> 00:39:23,640
Speaker 2: like you said, it's a complicated system that's not necessarily

684
00:39:23,680 --> 00:39:28,040
Speaker 2: set up to provide us with the best healthcare, right, right,

685
00:39:29,040 --> 00:39:35,280
Speaker 2: So what does sharegiving look like when we're not using

686
00:39:35,520 --> 00:39:42,160
Speaker 2: traditional Western doctors and hospitals and healthcare providers. So I

687
00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:44,200
Speaker 2: have had I had this couple. Oh my gosh, they

688
00:39:44,239 --> 00:39:45,879
Speaker 2: lived to be one hundred and I'm like, what what

689
00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:47,600
Speaker 2: have you guys done? And they're like, oh my god,

690
00:39:47,600 --> 00:39:49,200
Speaker 2: we've been seeing a natural path for years.

691
00:39:49,280 --> 00:39:49,440
Speaker 9: Right.

692
00:39:50,200 --> 00:39:52,320
Speaker 2: But they also did all the good stuff, they exercised

693
00:39:52,360 --> 00:39:54,640
Speaker 2: and everything. So you have to do and maybe it's

694
00:39:54,680 --> 00:39:55,240
Speaker 2: a combination.

695
00:39:55,320 --> 00:39:55,480
Speaker 8: Right.

696
00:39:55,520 --> 00:39:58,800
Speaker 2: So if you're going to alternative medicine and it's not working,

697
00:40:00,320 --> 00:40:04,040
Speaker 2: you have to really investigate, like what is causing the

698
00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:09,720
Speaker 2: health problem? Okay, So years ago I had a person

699
00:40:09,840 --> 00:40:13,399
Speaker 2: who had thyroid problems right, And of course the first

700
00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:15,560
Speaker 2: thing the doctors wanted to do. They're like, well, we'll

701
00:40:15,600 --> 00:40:19,359
Speaker 2: just take it out, and I'm liked, on there, let's

702
00:40:19,360 --> 00:40:22,160
Speaker 2: figure out what the problem is. Well, this person had

703
00:40:22,200 --> 00:40:26,040
Speaker 2: gone to Mexico and they got H pylori which affected

704
00:40:26,040 --> 00:40:29,960
Speaker 2: their gaserin intestinal system, which you affected their thyroid. So

705
00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:33,280
Speaker 2: they went on medication for a year, thyroid problem gone.

706
00:40:33,640 --> 00:40:36,719
Speaker 2: H pylori solved. So you really have to figure out,

707
00:40:36,760 --> 00:40:39,239
Speaker 2: like what, so I'm talking about nature, peth rite, what

708
00:40:39,320 --> 00:40:42,640
Speaker 2: is making you sick? Is it your environment? Is it

709
00:40:42,719 --> 00:40:46,360
Speaker 2: something else? Is it stress? Is it you know? Is

710
00:40:46,360 --> 00:40:48,439
Speaker 2: it something that can be cured in a different manner

711
00:40:48,520 --> 00:40:51,000
Speaker 2: or do you have to go to traditional medicine to

712
00:40:51,040 --> 00:40:52,279
Speaker 2: figure it out and fix it?

713
00:40:54,640 --> 00:40:56,760
Speaker 4: And well, you just a wealth of knowledge. The questions

714
00:40:56,800 --> 00:40:58,719
Speaker 4: to keep coming. And I think this is just so

715
00:40:58,840 --> 00:41:01,120
Speaker 4: interesting because again we haven't talked about this on the

716
00:41:01,120 --> 00:41:04,480
Speaker 4: podcast after two hundred and sixty plus episodes, and so

717
00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:07,200
Speaker 4: it's just I'm trying to think that what the listener

718
00:41:07,440 --> 00:41:09,279
Speaker 4: to want to know so we can dive into it.

719
00:41:09,320 --> 00:41:11,840
Speaker 4: But I love to know, Pamluch when it comes to

720
00:41:12,800 --> 00:41:15,640
Speaker 4: you being in this field or this industry, how has

721
00:41:15,680 --> 00:41:19,120
Speaker 4: it impacted your life, Like, are there any rituals or

722
00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:22,160
Speaker 4: practices that you are implementing in your own life because

723
00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:24,720
Speaker 4: of what you've witnessed. We'd love to get the inside scoop.

724
00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:25,160
Speaker 5: Yeah.

725
00:41:25,280 --> 00:41:28,759
Speaker 2: Yes, So early on I was that well. I was

726
00:41:28,800 --> 00:41:30,600
Speaker 2: a family caregiver, right, and then when I became what

727
00:41:30,640 --> 00:41:33,319
Speaker 2: I call a professional caregiver, I used to worry about

728
00:41:33,320 --> 00:41:33,720
Speaker 2: my clients.

729
00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:33,880
Speaker 5: Right.

730
00:41:33,920 --> 00:41:35,600
Speaker 2: You're always worried about like, oh my god, what if

731
00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:37,239
Speaker 2: they fall, what if they do this? What if they

732
00:41:37,239 --> 00:41:40,239
Speaker 2: do that? Right, And so you're stressed out all the time.

733
00:41:40,360 --> 00:41:42,759
Speaker 2: And because I was on call twenty four seven, I

734
00:41:42,800 --> 00:41:44,600
Speaker 2: mean my phone would ring in the middle of the night.

735
00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:48,879
Speaker 2: So you're just this very reactive person. So big thing

736
00:41:48,960 --> 00:41:50,600
Speaker 2: is you got to have time for yourself. So I'm

737
00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:54,440
Speaker 2: a big exerciser every day. It doesn't matter if I

738
00:41:54,560 --> 00:41:56,759
Speaker 2: only go for a walk, I go for a hiker, know,

739
00:41:56,760 --> 00:41:59,080
Speaker 2: I want the bike at the gym whatever. I also

740
00:41:59,520 --> 00:42:03,160
Speaker 2: do trans and dental meditation. That has been a life

741
00:42:03,200 --> 00:42:05,359
Speaker 2: saver for me. Twenty minutes in the morning, twenty minutes

742
00:42:05,400 --> 00:42:08,560
Speaker 2: at night. I have to find a way to center yourself.

743
00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:13,080
Speaker 2: And one of the biggest worries that your listeners probably

744
00:42:13,120 --> 00:42:14,520
Speaker 2: would want to know is that they're like, well, why

745
00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:16,319
Speaker 2: do we pay for care? If there is no way

746
00:42:16,360 --> 00:42:19,040
Speaker 2: to pay for care, you got to investigate your state

747
00:42:19,080 --> 00:42:22,319
Speaker 2: medicaid program, and you do it long before you even

748
00:42:22,400 --> 00:42:23,920
Speaker 2: need to. If you think that your parents are going

749
00:42:23,960 --> 00:42:25,759
Speaker 2: to run out of money, you got to have those

750
00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:28,440
Speaker 2: honest conversations and go investigate and find out what it

751
00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:32,640
Speaker 2: takes to qualify for those programs. Because there's look back periods.

752
00:42:33,560 --> 00:42:36,280
Speaker 2: You can be disqualified financially if your parents give away

753
00:42:36,280 --> 00:42:39,839
Speaker 2: money or if you take money from them. You can

754
00:42:39,920 --> 00:42:44,040
Speaker 2: get help, right, but there are there are gates to

755
00:42:44,120 --> 00:42:47,160
Speaker 2: get that help. If you know what those gates are early,

756
00:42:47,239 --> 00:42:50,480
Speaker 2: then you can plan for it again versus being surprised

757
00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:52,239
Speaker 2: at the last minute thinking, oh my god, my parents

758
00:42:52,320 --> 00:42:54,200
Speaker 2: have no money. They can't live at home. How do

759
00:42:54,239 --> 00:42:57,800
Speaker 2: I get them into a nursing home. That's probably money

760
00:42:57,960 --> 00:43:01,120
Speaker 2: is probably one of the biggest caregiver worries, in addition

761
00:43:01,160 --> 00:43:05,000
Speaker 2: to just the stress and nobody helping, right, and my

762
00:43:05,120 --> 00:43:07,239
Speaker 2: grief of like, my loved one is getting sicker and

763
00:43:07,280 --> 00:43:09,080
Speaker 2: sicker and I don't want them to die.

764
00:43:09,880 --> 00:43:14,319
Speaker 5: Yeah, and so timber when you think about all that

765
00:43:14,400 --> 00:43:19,759
Speaker 5: you have seen over the years. Right, what are the

766
00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:25,080
Speaker 5: things that you have the what are the conversations that

767
00:43:25,120 --> 00:43:28,719
Speaker 5: you chat with your own family around This is what

768
00:43:28,800 --> 00:43:31,400
Speaker 5: sharegiving is going to look like in this household.

769
00:43:32,360 --> 00:43:36,440
Speaker 2: So in my family, unfortunately, all of this happened before

770
00:43:36,480 --> 00:43:39,320
Speaker 2: I even got into this field, so we were so naive.

771
00:43:39,400 --> 00:43:42,280
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, my mother was sick from the time

772
00:43:42,400 --> 00:43:46,879
Speaker 2: I was twenty, hospital's heart things, all this stuff. There

773
00:43:46,880 --> 00:43:49,160
Speaker 2: were six of us kids. My dad was older. Right,

774
00:43:49,200 --> 00:43:51,839
Speaker 2: We're thinking, ah, Dad's going to die first. Mom will

775
00:43:51,880 --> 00:43:53,879
Speaker 2: just move around the country, She'll come and live with us.

776
00:43:54,920 --> 00:43:56,960
Speaker 2: She was having an open heart surgery and we are

777
00:43:57,040 --> 00:43:59,239
Speaker 2: not asking the right questions from the doctor. We're like,

778
00:43:59,360 --> 00:44:02,120
Speaker 2: is she going to serve We're not well? She didn't, right,

779
00:44:02,280 --> 00:44:06,160
Speaker 2: She had open heart surgery. She cancer surgery. She passed

780
00:44:06,160 --> 00:44:08,800
Speaker 2: away at age sixty nine, unfortunately from a lot of

781
00:44:08,840 --> 00:44:12,480
Speaker 2: lifestyle issues too. But we were so naive, We had

782
00:44:12,520 --> 00:44:16,279
Speaker 2: no idea. We were like, you know, wearing the rose

783
00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:18,640
Speaker 2: colored sunglasses, think that everything was going to be okay,

784
00:44:19,200 --> 00:44:21,080
Speaker 2: because that's what you want to do as kids. You

785
00:44:21,120 --> 00:44:23,200
Speaker 2: want to thank everything is going to be okay. And

786
00:44:23,239 --> 00:44:25,600
Speaker 2: a lot of times, so if you don't live in

787
00:44:25,680 --> 00:44:27,960
Speaker 2: state when you talk to your parents on the phone,

788
00:44:27,960 --> 00:44:29,880
Speaker 2: they're going to be like, oh, everything is fine, and

789
00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:31,200
Speaker 2: then you go home and you're like, oh my god,

790
00:44:31,239 --> 00:44:35,480
Speaker 2: everything is not fine. This is a mess. So it's

791
00:44:35,880 --> 00:44:40,319
Speaker 2: there's just so much. There's so much, and you you've

792
00:44:40,360 --> 00:44:43,000
Speaker 2: got to talk about health and care and money and

793
00:44:43,080 --> 00:44:45,400
Speaker 2: all the uncomfortable subjects.

794
00:44:45,960 --> 00:44:47,839
Speaker 4: I'm sure you have a bunch of resources on your

795
00:44:47,880 --> 00:44:50,359
Speaker 4: website that can guide people's looks. I feel like we're

796
00:44:50,360 --> 00:44:52,279
Speaker 4: probably not going to get to all the questions that

797
00:44:52,280 --> 00:44:54,560
Speaker 4: we want to tonight, but just to kind of shift

798
00:44:54,560 --> 00:44:58,000
Speaker 4: into a I guess a positive perspective around this conversation.

799
00:44:58,040 --> 00:45:01,360
Speaker 4: What would you say as and like the most rewarding

800
00:45:01,560 --> 00:45:05,560
Speaker 4: aspects of caregiving that you've experienced in this role, whether

801
00:45:05,560 --> 00:45:09,120
Speaker 4: it's your personal story or a beautiful story from someone

802
00:45:09,120 --> 00:45:10,600
Speaker 4: that you've witnessed over the years.

803
00:45:10,920 --> 00:45:12,879
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, just all of the people I've met.

804
00:45:12,920 --> 00:45:16,440
Speaker 2: I mean I have met the most amazing older people

805
00:45:17,080 --> 00:45:20,239
Speaker 2: and the most amazing caregivers, and I mean I have

806
00:45:20,320 --> 00:45:22,640
Speaker 2: been blessed. I mean this was this is not like

807
00:45:23,160 --> 00:45:26,440
Speaker 2: this chose me right because of my family life and

808
00:45:26,480 --> 00:45:29,560
Speaker 2: everything that happened. And I'm going to advocate till the

809
00:45:29,640 --> 00:45:32,799
Speaker 2: day I die for people, and I continue to learn

810
00:45:32,920 --> 00:45:36,600
Speaker 2: every day about you know, legislation and the fact that

811
00:45:36,600 --> 00:45:38,400
Speaker 2: people should get involved because there's a lot of you know,

812
00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:40,279
Speaker 2: people complain about the government a lot and all this

813
00:45:40,320 --> 00:45:42,800
Speaker 2: other kind of stuff because the government does control your healthcare.

814
00:45:42,800 --> 00:45:45,279
Speaker 2: You may not know that, but they do. And so

815
00:45:45,760 --> 00:45:48,680
Speaker 2: just you know, the ability to know what I know

816
00:45:49,160 --> 00:45:52,360
Speaker 2: and to continue learning and to continue to advocate. So

817
00:45:52,400 --> 00:45:56,200
Speaker 2: I had a millennial right on my YouTube channel before

818
00:45:56,200 --> 00:45:57,959
Speaker 2: I came on here, and she's like, oh my gosh,

819
00:45:58,000 --> 00:46:00,200
Speaker 2: I don't teach us this stuff in school. And she

820
00:46:00,239 --> 00:46:02,280
Speaker 2: goes and she goes, and I think that the healthcare

821
00:46:02,280 --> 00:46:04,640
Speaker 2: system wants us to be dumb so they can take control.

822
00:46:04,680 --> 00:46:08,000
Speaker 2: And I'm like, like, that's a very good person. I said,

823
00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:10,759
Speaker 2: maybe you should get more involved and investigate that a

824
00:46:10,840 --> 00:46:11,239
Speaker 2: little bit.

825
00:46:11,760 --> 00:46:11,920
Speaker 5: You know.

826
00:46:12,640 --> 00:46:14,960
Speaker 2: It's it's just the things we don't learn until it's

827
00:46:15,520 --> 00:46:18,240
Speaker 2: it's so late, you know, if we don't get involved early.

828
00:46:19,960 --> 00:46:26,880
Speaker 5: Yeah, And so I'm curious, what has been the most

829
00:46:27,120 --> 00:46:31,000
Speaker 5: surprising thing that you learned in this process? Souse that

830
00:46:31,040 --> 00:46:35,080
Speaker 5: could imagine that after all these years, there's a lot

831
00:46:35,400 --> 00:46:37,879
Speaker 5: that you've learned along the way, But what has been

832
00:46:37,960 --> 00:46:41,640
Speaker 5: like the most surprising or shocking thing that you learn

833
00:46:41,760 --> 00:46:42,120
Speaker 5: so far.

834
00:46:43,239 --> 00:46:49,239
Speaker 2: You know, it's that the healthcare system has so much control,

835
00:46:49,600 --> 00:46:53,120
Speaker 2: okay and good and bad. Right, So there's a lot

836
00:46:53,120 --> 00:46:57,800
Speaker 2: of gates that they put into place, but they treat everybody.

837
00:46:58,160 --> 00:47:00,680
Speaker 2: So there's this thing called population health. Right, if you're this,

838
00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:02,920
Speaker 2: and this and this and you're whatever, they treat everybody

839
00:47:03,000 --> 00:47:07,319
Speaker 2: the same, which is risky if you are that ten

840
00:47:07,360 --> 00:47:10,719
Speaker 2: percent of the population that doesn't have this issue and

841
00:47:10,760 --> 00:47:13,280
Speaker 2: they're trying to say that you fall into this bucket.

842
00:47:13,680 --> 00:47:16,680
Speaker 2: So so the biggest thing that caregivers and anybody has

843
00:47:16,719 --> 00:47:20,200
Speaker 2: to be aware of is that most of the clinical

844
00:47:20,239 --> 00:47:22,919
Speaker 2: trials out there, they're all about men. They got nothing

845
00:47:22,920 --> 00:47:27,719
Speaker 2: to do with women. So it's like you really have

846
00:47:27,840 --> 00:47:31,640
Speaker 2: to understand your health and be willing to ask questions

847
00:47:31,719 --> 00:47:34,719
Speaker 2: and say no if something is not right for you,

848
00:47:35,520 --> 00:47:37,400
Speaker 2: because because the healthcare system is going to try to

849
00:47:37,440 --> 00:47:40,040
Speaker 2: lump you in with everybody and treat you like everybody else,

850
00:47:40,080 --> 00:47:44,160
Speaker 2: and you may not be like everybody else.

851
00:47:46,040 --> 00:47:49,319
Speaker 4: Wow, that is so problematic too to think about the

852
00:47:49,360 --> 00:47:53,040
Speaker 4: fact that these trials are done on men in the mind. Yeah,

853
00:47:53,080 --> 00:47:54,960
Speaker 4: and a lot of times black people are not represented

854
00:47:55,000 --> 00:47:58,040
Speaker 4: their right to be other people of color as well.

855
00:47:58,080 --> 00:48:01,560
Speaker 4: It's just like, no, that's scary, okay, Pamela. You have

856
00:48:01,680 --> 00:48:06,240
Speaker 4: a book, The Caregiving Trap, Solutions for Life's Unexpected Changes,

857
00:48:06,400 --> 00:48:10,400
Speaker 4: you have your podcast, you have online courses anything. We

858
00:48:10,440 --> 00:48:12,120
Speaker 4: can add those links in our showness as well. Are

859
00:48:12,120 --> 00:48:15,000
Speaker 4: there any other books or resources you're welcome that you

860
00:48:15,040 --> 00:48:18,760
Speaker 4: would recommend that listeners tune into to get more savvy

861
00:48:18,840 --> 00:48:19,960
Speaker 4: about this topic.

862
00:48:20,040 --> 00:48:20,239
Speaker 9: You know.

863
00:48:20,320 --> 00:48:25,240
Speaker 2: So in general, so every county has an area office

864
00:48:25,239 --> 00:48:29,040
Speaker 2: on aging, so that office on Aging will have a

865
00:48:29,040 --> 00:48:32,960
Speaker 2: lot of resources for you, as well as the county

866
00:48:33,000 --> 00:48:36,120
Speaker 2: Department of Health and then community health centers, so there's

867
00:48:36,120 --> 00:48:39,160
Speaker 2: this national Association of Community Health Centers. So regardless of

868
00:48:39,160 --> 00:48:41,120
Speaker 2: whether you go to you know, like your own primary

869
00:48:41,160 --> 00:48:45,560
Speaker 2: care doctor or whatever, community health centers have a lot

870
00:48:45,600 --> 00:48:49,360
Speaker 2: of other resources. So many of the things that affect

871
00:48:49,400 --> 00:48:52,920
Speaker 2: health are not health related. Maybe your parents can't get

872
00:48:52,960 --> 00:48:55,960
Speaker 2: transportation to a doctor appointment, or maybe they can't afford groceries,

873
00:48:56,040 --> 00:48:59,320
Speaker 2: or maybe they're having trouble pay and rent. Community health

874
00:48:59,360 --> 00:49:02,640
Speaker 2: centers have access to a lot of resources, and it

875
00:49:02,680 --> 00:49:04,960
Speaker 2: doesn't matter, you know, you may not necessarily have to

876
00:49:04,960 --> 00:49:06,480
Speaker 2: go there, but you could pick up the phone and say, hey,

877
00:49:06,480 --> 00:49:08,520
Speaker 2: I'm looking for this. Can you give me a resource

878
00:49:08,560 --> 00:49:12,000
Speaker 2: for my parents who need transportation or they're not cooking

879
00:49:12,000 --> 00:49:14,759
Speaker 2: and I need meals on wheels or what other resources

880
00:49:14,800 --> 00:49:20,440
Speaker 2: out there exist? So between community health centers and area

881
00:49:20,480 --> 00:49:23,440
Speaker 2: agencies on aging, there's a lot of resources out there

882
00:49:23,480 --> 00:49:31,839
Speaker 2: that caregivers can investigate that can provide support.

883
00:49:29,480 --> 00:49:33,440
Speaker 4: Family, friends, and Loomy whole body dealderant. These are just

884
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885
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886
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887
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888
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889
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890
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891
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892
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893
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894
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895
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896
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898
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899
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900
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901
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902
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903
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904
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905
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906
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907
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909
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911
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912
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913
00:51:31,640 --> 00:51:34,840
Speaker 8: making this holiday season smell a whole lot better.

914
00:51:37,719 --> 00:51:41,160
Speaker 5: Thank you yes who know that all of these resources

915
00:51:41,239 --> 00:51:42,920
Speaker 5: actually like are out there.

916
00:51:43,040 --> 00:51:45,759
Speaker 2: They're out there, It's just it's the time caregivers will say,

917
00:51:45,760 --> 00:51:47,400
Speaker 2: I'm like, I have time, I can't look it up.

918
00:51:47,480 --> 00:51:48,799
Speaker 2: I don't have time. And I'm like, if you don't

919
00:51:48,800 --> 00:51:51,840
Speaker 2: have time, you're going to continue to be like over burden.

920
00:51:52,000 --> 00:51:53,279
Speaker 2: You have to make the time and then you'll have

921
00:51:53,320 --> 00:52:01,680
Speaker 2: more time. Yes, And so when you think about having

922
00:52:01,760 --> 00:52:06,560
Speaker 2: the conversations right that, like the family is saying, okay,

923
00:52:06,719 --> 00:52:09,759
Speaker 2: let's let's talk to our parents and identify what this

924
00:52:09,800 --> 00:52:13,439
Speaker 2: plan is going to look like. How does one get

925
00:52:13,480 --> 00:52:14,960
Speaker 2: that conversation started?

926
00:52:15,040 --> 00:52:18,439
Speaker 5: Because you know, again I'm thinking about some of our

927
00:52:18,480 --> 00:52:22,839
Speaker 5: audience feel are in their explainings and thirties and they're like,

928
00:52:25,840 --> 00:52:29,200
Speaker 5: my mom is fifney, I'm not worried about having this

929
00:52:29,280 --> 00:52:33,000
Speaker 5: conversation when she's seventy. That's twenty years from now. We

930
00:52:33,000 --> 00:52:37,839
Speaker 5: don't have to think about that. How do you initiate

931
00:52:38,040 --> 00:52:38,839
Speaker 5: the conversation?

932
00:52:39,400 --> 00:52:41,719
Speaker 2: So there is this perception that we are all going

933
00:52:41,800 --> 00:52:44,120
Speaker 2: to live forever and none of us are going to die,

934
00:52:44,239 --> 00:52:46,400
Speaker 2: and we're going to have these wonderful retirements and it

935
00:52:46,400 --> 00:52:49,120
Speaker 2: doesn't happen. So a lot of times what I will

936
00:52:49,120 --> 00:52:52,200
Speaker 2: tell caregivers is your parents don't want to be told

937
00:52:52,200 --> 00:52:54,040
Speaker 2: what to do, okay, And they may think you're the

938
00:52:54,040 --> 00:52:56,480
Speaker 2: twenty year old who doesn't know anything, right, So what

939
00:52:56,520 --> 00:52:57,600
Speaker 2: you have to do is you have to put it

940
00:52:57,600 --> 00:52:59,960
Speaker 2: on yourself and you have to say, Andy, you may

941
00:53:00,120 --> 00:53:01,560
Speaker 2: have to like make it a little bit of this

942
00:53:01,680 --> 00:53:03,680
Speaker 2: ub right. But hey, mom or dad, I had this

943
00:53:03,760 --> 00:53:05,719
Speaker 2: friend and I'm my gosh, guess what happened to her

944
00:53:05,760 --> 00:53:08,680
Speaker 2: parents and they didn't have a plan. Or you know,

945
00:53:08,719 --> 00:53:11,840
Speaker 2: I was doing some research and there's this YouTube channel

946
00:53:12,200 --> 00:53:15,920
Speaker 2: because a lot of people will send my videos to

947
00:53:16,000 --> 00:53:19,880
Speaker 2: their parents and there's this lady on YouTube who's talking

948
00:53:19,920 --> 00:53:23,799
Speaker 2: about this. What do you think about planning for this now? Now,

949
00:53:23,840 --> 00:53:26,719
Speaker 2: the perspective will be if those parents cared for their parents, right,

950
00:53:27,120 --> 00:53:29,279
Speaker 2: they'll be more likely to want to talk about it.

951
00:53:30,200 --> 00:53:32,560
Speaker 2: So sometimes there's a lot of denial and parents are

952
00:53:32,560 --> 00:53:34,040
Speaker 2: going to say, oh, we don't need to talk about this.

953
00:53:34,120 --> 00:53:36,040
Speaker 2: You know, it's not going to happen for twenty more years.

954
00:53:36,360 --> 00:53:38,799
Speaker 2: So you, as that younger adult, may have to start

955
00:53:38,880 --> 00:53:41,280
Speaker 2: honestly make on your own plan, Like, hey, mom, I'm

956
00:53:41,840 --> 00:53:44,640
Speaker 2: I just set up primary care doctor, do you have one?

957
00:53:45,320 --> 00:53:48,239
Speaker 2: I'm looking at long term care insurance. Did you guys

958
00:53:48,360 --> 00:53:50,759
Speaker 2: buy any of this for yourself? Have you thought about it?

959
00:53:51,080 --> 00:53:52,880
Speaker 2: So you almost have to like kind of create the

960
00:53:52,880 --> 00:53:55,600
Speaker 2: plan for yourself and then bring your parents in on

961
00:53:55,680 --> 00:53:57,960
Speaker 2: your plan so that they get interested about planning.

962
00:53:59,440 --> 00:54:03,399
Speaker 4: That is so good, So good. Yeah, I definitely feel

963
00:54:03,400 --> 00:54:06,600
Speaker 4: like a lot of older people that I've chatted with

964
00:54:06,680 --> 00:54:08,440
Speaker 4: in my life have been like, oh, it's not going

965
00:54:08,520 --> 00:54:10,960
Speaker 4: to happen. I have more time, and you don't have time, right,

966
00:54:11,000 --> 00:54:13,319
Speaker 4: and then you're trying to scramble around to figure things out.

967
00:54:13,560 --> 00:54:15,440
Speaker 2: Any one of us three men wake up tomorrow.

968
00:54:15,680 --> 00:54:19,919
Speaker 4: I mean exactly. I just did not know exactly. It's

969
00:54:19,960 --> 00:54:23,960
Speaker 4: so true, Pamela. Are there any questions that we did

970
00:54:24,000 --> 00:54:26,959
Speaker 4: not ask you that you either wish we did, or

971
00:54:27,280 --> 00:54:29,360
Speaker 4: a topic or question that you just want to share

972
00:54:29,640 --> 00:54:30,640
Speaker 4: or shed some light on.

973
00:54:33,280 --> 00:54:38,360
Speaker 2: You know, probably be I'm going to go into a

974
00:54:38,400 --> 00:54:41,120
Speaker 2: little bit of the legal stuff. So a lot of

975
00:54:41,160 --> 00:54:44,440
Speaker 2: people don't understand like why would I need you know,

976
00:54:44,440 --> 00:54:46,799
Speaker 2: a medical power attorney or a financial power attorney, or

977
00:54:46,800 --> 00:54:50,319
Speaker 2: even a living will and let's talk about let's talk

978
00:54:50,360 --> 00:54:52,840
Speaker 2: about the living well. So because of COVID, right, you

979
00:54:52,920 --> 00:54:55,640
Speaker 2: heard a lot about like ventilators and people needing all

980
00:54:55,640 --> 00:55:00,319
Speaker 2: this life support and stuff. Well, if you don't have

981
00:55:00,480 --> 00:55:03,239
Speaker 2: this document that says I don't want this or I

982
00:55:03,280 --> 00:55:08,160
Speaker 2: don't want that, then healthcare systems have to keep you

983
00:55:08,160 --> 00:55:12,319
Speaker 2: alive on machines. Right, So it's good to understand the

984
00:55:12,440 --> 00:55:16,040
Speaker 2: extent to which you want to be kept alive, but

985
00:55:16,120 --> 00:55:19,640
Speaker 2: also the fact that the medical system makes mistakes. Okay,

986
00:55:19,760 --> 00:55:22,000
Speaker 2: so there's this there's this green form that you get

987
00:55:22,040 --> 00:55:23,960
Speaker 2: from your doctor and it's called the most Warm Medical

988
00:55:24,000 --> 00:55:27,279
Speaker 2: Scope of Treatment. And one of my clients so filled

989
00:55:27,320 --> 00:55:28,400
Speaker 2: it out and she's like, no, I don't want a

990
00:55:28,400 --> 00:55:31,799
Speaker 2: feeding tube. Well, she broke her hip and she had

991
00:55:31,840 --> 00:55:34,719
Speaker 2: surgery and so they had to intubate her and when

992
00:55:34,719 --> 00:55:38,239
Speaker 2: she woke up she couldn't swallow. And the doctors are like,

993
00:55:39,080 --> 00:55:42,319
Speaker 2: she can't swallow, And I'm like, you're going to put

994
00:55:42,360 --> 00:55:44,839
Speaker 2: in a feeding tube? And they're like, she's got this

995
00:55:44,920 --> 00:55:48,520
Speaker 2: form that says no feeding tube. And I'm like, yeah,

996
00:55:48,560 --> 00:55:53,200
Speaker 2: but you harmed her. So if this doesn't resolve in

997
00:55:53,239 --> 00:55:55,480
Speaker 2: a few days, you're going to put in a feeding

998
00:55:55,520 --> 00:55:57,279
Speaker 2: tube so that we can get her through this and

999
00:55:57,320 --> 00:55:59,760
Speaker 2: do some therapy and then she can eat and swallow again.

1000
00:56:00,280 --> 00:56:02,160
Speaker 2: So you've got to realize that there's a lot of

1001
00:56:02,640 --> 00:56:06,279
Speaker 2: mistakes out there in medical records. So every state has

1002
00:56:06,320 --> 00:56:09,120
Speaker 2: what's called Health Information Exchange. Your information is in there,

1003
00:56:09,440 --> 00:56:11,920
Speaker 2: but that does something that it's accurate, and one doctor

1004
00:56:11,960 --> 00:56:14,280
Speaker 2: may not have the same records as the other records.

1005
00:56:14,560 --> 00:56:16,560
Speaker 2: So you really have to be the steward of your

1006
00:56:16,560 --> 00:56:19,680
Speaker 2: health information and to be very clear on what you

1007
00:56:19,719 --> 00:56:22,040
Speaker 2: want for treatment and not want for treatment. But also

1008
00:56:22,120 --> 00:56:25,720
Speaker 2: understand that doctors make mistakes. Stuff goes wrong all the time.

1009
00:56:26,160 --> 00:56:28,319
Speaker 2: They prescribe a medication that you have a reaction to.

1010
00:56:29,160 --> 00:56:31,680
Speaker 2: You're going into surgery and you need right shoulder surgery,

1011
00:56:31,680 --> 00:56:34,000
Speaker 2: but they do the last you would be shocked.

1012
00:56:35,040 --> 00:56:39,560
Speaker 4: Yes, oh, I've heard those stories too where they had

1013
00:56:39,600 --> 00:56:43,920
Speaker 4: the wrong limber. Limber, that's so scary.

1014
00:56:45,120 --> 00:56:49,800
Speaker 2: So take control of your health and your information. So

1015
00:56:50,040 --> 00:56:52,160
Speaker 2: question about that because that's a lot.

1016
00:56:52,520 --> 00:56:57,840
Speaker 5: And so I can imagine someone speak for myself over here.

1017
00:56:58,440 --> 00:57:02,440
Speaker 2: Looking at that shape board. Now the whole phdal will

1018
00:57:02,480 --> 00:57:05,440
Speaker 2: be here. But my PhD is is not a medical degree,

1019
00:57:05,560 --> 00:57:10,800
Speaker 2: and so I don't understand, don't understand the legal jargon,

1020
00:57:11,160 --> 00:57:15,800
Speaker 2: and don't understand the medical jargon. Who do I talk

1021
00:57:15,880 --> 00:57:20,720
Speaker 2: to to share them break it down in the simplest

1022
00:57:20,800 --> 00:57:24,080
Speaker 2: form so that I understand.

1023
00:57:24,080 --> 00:57:25,560
Speaker 4: The decisions that I'm making.

1024
00:57:26,640 --> 00:57:29,920
Speaker 2: Well, first of all, you have to be okay with asking.

1025
00:57:30,000 --> 00:57:32,480
Speaker 2: So a lot of people don't. They feel like I'm stupid.

1026
00:57:32,520 --> 00:57:34,400
Speaker 2: I don't want to ask, you know. And the doctor's

1027
00:57:34,400 --> 00:57:35,960
Speaker 2: problem is the doctors assume if you don't ask, you

1028
00:57:36,040 --> 00:57:39,400
Speaker 2: know what they're talking about. Usually there is a nurse,

1029
00:57:39,560 --> 00:57:42,680
Speaker 2: sometimes a social worker in your doctor's office that you

1030
00:57:42,680 --> 00:57:44,640
Speaker 2: can call and say, hey, I don't understand this. Can

1031
00:57:44,680 --> 00:57:47,960
Speaker 2: you explain it to me? Or if you get lab work,

1032
00:57:48,280 --> 00:57:50,720
Speaker 2: make another appointment with your doctor. And for these you

1033
00:57:50,720 --> 00:57:52,680
Speaker 2: can do virtual appointments and say, look, can you explain

1034
00:57:52,760 --> 00:57:55,640
Speaker 2: to me what all these numbers mean. This looks high,

1035
00:57:55,680 --> 00:57:57,560
Speaker 2: this looks low. What does that mean? What's the long

1036
00:57:57,640 --> 00:58:00,960
Speaker 2: term effect? Because what people don't ask you, people don't

1037
00:58:01,000 --> 00:58:03,480
Speaker 2: ask the consequences. So it's like, okay, you have high

1038
00:58:03,480 --> 00:58:06,280
Speaker 2: blood pressure, you should take a medication. Well what can

1039
00:58:06,320 --> 00:58:10,240
Speaker 2: I do not to take that medication? And if I

1040
00:58:10,280 --> 00:58:12,800
Speaker 2: have high blood pressure, what's the next condition I'm going

1041
00:58:12,880 --> 00:58:16,280
Speaker 2: to get? So people who have high blood pressure often

1042
00:58:16,320 --> 00:58:18,800
Speaker 2: can get diabetes, or they can have some other condition.

1043
00:58:19,200 --> 00:58:21,960
Speaker 2: So once you have one of these chronic diseases, one

1044
00:58:22,000 --> 00:58:23,800
Speaker 2: turns into the next, and the next and the next.

1045
00:58:23,920 --> 00:58:27,720
Speaker 2: Unless you do something to stop it. So, so to

1046
00:58:27,800 --> 00:58:31,400
Speaker 2: your point, you want to understand your records and ask

1047
00:58:31,440 --> 00:58:33,240
Speaker 2: people to explain them to you, even if you've got

1048
00:58:33,240 --> 00:58:37,320
Speaker 2: to make another doctor appointment to do it. And older people,

1049
00:58:37,360 --> 00:58:40,360
Speaker 2: so through Medicare, there's this thing called this annual wellness

1050
00:58:40,440 --> 00:58:44,520
Speaker 2: visit that Medicare pays for. That's an extended visit where

1051
00:58:44,600 --> 00:58:46,440
Speaker 2: you can talk to your doctor about everything, Like I

1052
00:58:46,480 --> 00:58:48,200
Speaker 2: have this condition, What does that mean? Why do I

1053
00:58:48,200 --> 00:58:51,520
Speaker 2: have to take this medication? It's it's a longer visit

1054
00:58:51,640 --> 00:58:57,960
Speaker 2: to do that for older people. Well, okay, family, we

1055
00:58:58,040 --> 00:59:02,280
Speaker 2: appreciate you so much. This has been and extremely insightful.

1056
00:59:02,880 --> 00:59:05,960
Speaker 2: And at the same time, I'm sure that the sentiment

1057
00:59:06,040 --> 00:59:09,040
Speaker 2: that I feel the audience is going to resonate with

1058
00:59:09,200 --> 00:59:14,360
Speaker 2: I feel informed, I feel grateful for this conversation, and

1059
00:59:14,360 --> 00:59:16,960
Speaker 2: I house will feel a little overwhelmed. So for someone

1060
00:59:17,200 --> 00:59:20,040
Speaker 2: who has never had a conversation like this, who has

1061
00:59:20,040 --> 00:59:22,000
Speaker 2: not had this conversation with parents, you know, we're in

1062
00:59:22,040 --> 00:59:25,160
Speaker 2: our thirties and forties, and I'm sure we have women

1063
00:59:25,200 --> 00:59:27,760
Speaker 2: from people from all over the globe that are different

1064
00:59:27,800 --> 00:59:28,520
Speaker 2: age ranges.

1065
00:59:28,720 --> 00:59:32,200
Speaker 4: Let's say we have not had done any of this legwork.

1066
00:59:32,640 --> 00:59:36,280
Speaker 4: What would three feasible next steps be for us that

1067
00:59:36,440 --> 00:59:39,920
Speaker 4: are digestible that we can we can tackle on the

1068
00:59:39,920 --> 00:59:41,040
Speaker 4: next couple of weeks.

1069
00:59:41,400 --> 00:59:44,480
Speaker 2: So for yourself, right, and so either for yourself or

1070
00:59:44,480 --> 00:59:48,400
Speaker 2: for a parent, understand your health conditions. Even if you

1071
00:59:48,400 --> 00:59:51,040
Speaker 2: think you're healthy, right and you don't have a primary

1072
00:59:51,080 --> 00:59:53,800
Speaker 2: care doctor, go get one. Or if your parents are

1073
00:59:53,800 --> 00:59:57,280
Speaker 2: having health issues, trying to just understand, like if they're

1074
00:59:57,280 --> 01:00:01,080
Speaker 2: taking medications, why are they taking medications? To understand what's

1075
01:00:01,160 --> 01:00:05,440
Speaker 2: going on. And there are disease specific organizations out there,

1076
01:00:05,480 --> 01:00:07,680
Speaker 2: so like you, an American Heart Association can talk you

1077
01:00:07,720 --> 01:00:10,400
Speaker 2: about hand blood pressure. Just you know, pick one. Maybe

1078
01:00:10,440 --> 01:00:12,560
Speaker 2: like my parent has this and I need to learn

1079
01:00:12,560 --> 01:00:14,680
Speaker 2: about this and why they take this medication. Just do

1080
01:00:14,800 --> 01:00:18,200
Speaker 2: one little thing. And again, if you don't have a

1081
01:00:18,200 --> 01:00:20,880
Speaker 2: primary care doctor, do one little thing and get yourself

1082
01:00:20,920 --> 01:00:23,480
Speaker 2: one and go do an annual physical and just find

1083
01:00:23,480 --> 01:00:25,920
Speaker 2: out if you're healthy. Maybe there's something you should know

1084
01:00:25,960 --> 01:00:28,760
Speaker 2: about little self care.

1085
01:00:29,760 --> 01:00:33,439
Speaker 4: Yes goes a long way, and yes it is. Thank

1086
01:00:33,440 --> 01:00:36,120
Speaker 4: you so much, Pamla. This was such a great conversation.

1087
01:00:36,200 --> 01:00:38,760
Speaker 4: We appreciate you. We'll be sure to add links to

1088
01:00:38,880 --> 01:00:41,880
Speaker 4: all of your platforms. Feel free to also just reiterate

1089
01:00:41,920 --> 01:00:43,600
Speaker 4: to our audience where they can find you, how they

1090
01:00:43,640 --> 01:00:45,680
Speaker 4: can connect with you, how they can support you, and

1091
01:00:45,720 --> 01:00:46,880
Speaker 4: all that good stuff as well.

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01:00:47,480 --> 01:00:50,440
Speaker 2: So website is Pamela d Letter d Wilson dot com.

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01:00:50,480 --> 01:00:52,240
Speaker 2: And I do that because there's a doctor out there

1094
01:00:52,240 --> 01:00:54,240
Speaker 2: with my name and I'm trying not to get confused

1095
01:00:54,240 --> 01:00:57,560
Speaker 2: because I'm not a medical doctor. Yes. And then my

1096
01:00:57,680 --> 01:01:01,440
Speaker 2: YouTube channel is Pamela is Debils and care Giving Experts,

1097
01:01:01,440 --> 01:01:03,960
Speaker 2: So that's my handle on those things. Over eight hundred

1098
01:01:04,000 --> 01:01:07,440
Speaker 2: videos there. You can google the Caring Generation. It's the podcast.

1099
01:01:07,840 --> 01:01:09,920
Speaker 2: But you know, again, for a lot of people, if

1100
01:01:09,920 --> 01:01:11,640
Speaker 2: you go to my website and how I help, there's

1101
01:01:11,640 --> 01:01:14,800
Speaker 2: that Caring for Aging Parents course. It's it's sixty hours.

1102
01:01:14,840 --> 01:01:17,480
Speaker 2: It's so detailed. It's all my care management stuff. There'll

1103
01:01:17,520 --> 01:01:19,680
Speaker 2: be stuff you don't understand, but some of it may

1104
01:01:19,840 --> 01:01:23,680
Speaker 2: start to make sense. It's very course like, though you've

1105
01:01:23,680 --> 01:01:27,360
Speaker 2: got to be warning, you know, caveat. It's educational, it's

1106
01:01:27,360 --> 01:01:28,480
Speaker 2: not entertaining.

1107
01:01:31,000 --> 01:01:31,400
Speaker 4: Awesome.

1108
01:01:31,440 --> 01:01:34,200
Speaker 2: Thank you so much, Pamala, Thank you ladies for doing this.

1109
01:01:34,280 --> 01:01:36,640
Speaker 2: I so appreciate how you support women and everything that

1110
01:01:36,680 --> 01:01:39,720
Speaker 2: you do. Your podcast is amazing. I've listened to some episodes.

1111
01:01:40,560 --> 01:01:43,280
Speaker 2: Thank you so much, You're welcome.

1112
01:01:45,160 --> 01:01:47,800
Speaker 9: Hey lady, it is doctor dom here from the Cultivating

1113
01:01:47,840 --> 01:01:51,760
Speaker 9: her Space Podcast. Are you currently a resident of the

1114
01:01:51,800 --> 01:01:56,960
Speaker 9: state of California and contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well,

1115
01:01:57,000 --> 01:02:01,200
Speaker 9: if so, please reach out to me ed doctor Dominique

1116
01:02:01,240 --> 01:02:02,520
Speaker 9: Brusard dot com.

1117
01:02:02,960 --> 01:02:07,840
Speaker 2: That's d R D O M I N I q

1118
01:02:08,160 --> 01:02:10,440
Speaker 2: U E b R.

1119
01:02:10,320 --> 01:02:15,520
Speaker 9: O U ss ar D dot com to schedule a

1120
01:02:15,600 --> 01:02:20,520
Speaker 9: free fifteen minute consultation. I look forward to hearing from you.

1121
01:02:20,000 --> 01:02:25,920
Speaker 9: Thanks for joining us today. Please note that our show

1122
01:02:26,000 --> 01:02:31,920
Speaker 9: may contain conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment, and

1123
01:02:32,040 --> 01:02:35,160
Speaker 9: mental health, but is by no means meant to be

1124
01:02:35,200 --> 01:02:39,480
Speaker 9: a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship with a trained

1125
01:02:39,520 --> 01:02:43,560
Speaker 9: mental health provider. If you are someone you know is

1126
01:02:43,600 --> 01:02:47,040
Speaker 9: in need of mental healthcare, please visit a Therapy for

1127
01:02:47,080 --> 01:02:52,880
Speaker 9: Black Girls directory Psychology today or contact your insurance provider.

1128
01:02:53,240 --> 01:02:55,000
Speaker 4: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

1129
01:02:55,000 --> 01:02:59,440
Speaker 4: the conversation going, visit our website at Herspace podcast dot

1130
01:02:59,480 --> 01:03:02,080
Speaker 4: com and be sure to click the Patreon tab to

1131
01:03:02,080 --> 01:03:06,080
Speaker 4: get access to video content bonuses in our weekly after

1132
01:03:06,160 --> 01:03:10,520
Speaker 4: show and before We Meet Again, repeat after Me every

1133
01:03:10,640 --> 01:03:14,120
Speaker 4: dream within me exists because it's possible.