00:00:08 Speaker 1: And I invited you here. I thought I made myself perfectly clear. When you're a guest in my home, you gotta come to me empty. And I said, no guests. You're our presences presents enough. I already had too much stuff, So how do you dare to surbey me? 00:00:47 Speaker 2: Welcome to? I said, no gifts. I'm Bridgard Wineger. Here we are. 00:00:54 Speaker 3: It's you, it's me. We're dancing, we're having a wonderful time. You're listening. I'm speaking, and we're going to bring in our guest almost immediately. We've got to get to the guest. You're dying to hear the guest. I'm dying to speak to the guest. We're all gonna have a fantastic time. It's John Gabris. 00:01:15 Speaker 2: Welcome to. I said, no gifts. 00:01:17 Speaker 4: Hey, thank you for having me on. I said, no gifts. This is thrilling. 00:01:21 Speaker 2: John. 00:01:22 Speaker 3: We don't know each other, but all I know you go by gabriis largely, and I feel deeply uncomfortable calling you John. 00:01:31 Speaker 4: Oh whatever you call me is kosher, Well, John or Gabris. I'll answer to both. I would say, if I were introducing myself to you, I'd be like Hi, John Gabris, but everybody calls me Gabris, right, and you may do the same. 00:01:44 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:01:45 Speaker 3: I just feel like we share enough mutual people in our lives that I never hear of you refer to as John. 00:01:52 Speaker 4: And if you were, like I had John on my podcast, people will be like you gotta get mulaney. Then set up for a letdown when you're like, no, Gabrish. 00:02:01 Speaker 2: Absolutely absolutely not. 00:02:05 Speaker 3: But yeah, I think just for the rest of this recording, well, who knows what'll happen. 00:02:09 Speaker 2: I may just go back and forth. I'm going to refer to you however I want. 00:02:15 Speaker 4: Please, and I will answer. I mean, it is just the two of us, so I'll assume if you're addressing anyone, it would be me. You might not even ever need to use my name again. 00:02:24 Speaker 3: If there's a name, another name comes up, maybe suddenly there's someone behind you. 00:02:28 Speaker 4: Oh right, fair enough, And if there is someone behind me, please let me know. That's like a horrifying zoom movie. 00:02:36 Speaker 3: Oh I would love it. Halloween has just happened. Did you do anything for Halloween? 00:02:41 Speaker 4: I hosted some friends at my house for a little Halloween soare how was it was a delight? You know, It was just like ten forty plus year olds having a vegan stew that my wife made for dinner, and you know, just getting wasted in talking about. Hardly anything Halloween related happened except for scary movies and candy. 00:03:04 Speaker 2: No cast. 00:03:05 Speaker 4: There was a cau we had to dress. Everyone had to dress up, according to my wife, and all the women were just sort of like variations on a witch or a goth woman, and all the men were actually we had two of the guys were Barbin Starr, which was pretty tough, and I and I had like a real low rent, last minute costume because my wife sprung the whole no, you have to wear a costume at the last minute. I was like for a dinner party, like, that's different. So I went as sexy Michael Myers, which was just a coveralls unzipped, no mask. Just happened to own coveralls and never getting rid of them. For that reason alone. 00:03:42 Speaker 3: I like that when Michael Myers is feeling sexy, he takes the mask off, he takes off the real iconic part of his out. 00:03:49 Speaker 4: Well, he's feeling himself. He doesn't need to hide himself. He's like, this is what my face looks like, I'm just a normal psychiatric patient. That's the pure embodiment of evil. That's all I feel like. 00:03:58 Speaker 3: The mask is the last thing comes off of Michael Myers when he's feeling sex. 00:04:02 Speaker 2: See what scary movies. 00:04:06 Speaker 4: Did you watch? We watched Exorcists, poulter Geist, and Rosemary's Baby, but they were just sort of playing, Oh, okay, you know like that. Yeah, everyone down for nine hours? Yeah, gave them black bean stew and then spent nine hours farting watching horror movies. 00:04:24 Speaker 2: Okay, So was the volume even on? 00:04:27 Speaker 4: We had the volume on, and then we transitioned to spooky music and just some visuals. My wife and I have been watching like a as we call it, a spooky movie every night for like since October first or whatever. So I did not care. I did not We already had them all saved on the fucking Apple TV. So we're just like, oh, let's run them through. Uh. Shutter has a cool like shutter as channels the horror movie app and they have like channels that'll just play movies back to back. So we had that on for a little bit. It was it was it was a good time. 00:04:58 Speaker 2: How many channels the Shutter have. 00:05:02 Speaker 4: They just have two and one is called like slash Hicks, and one is called it Came from Shutter and it's just like arbitrary deliney. One of them was playing the Halloween movies as many as they had the rights to, back to back to back on Halloween, which was kind of thrilling. 00:05:16 Speaker 2: Oh that's fantastic. 00:05:17 Speaker 3: I was picturing kind of like an NBC style app where you've got like a sports channel, you've got everything. 00:05:23 Speaker 4: Now you've got like a great selection of movies, and then just two no pausing, no rewinding, just two channels running that are just playing, so like if you just want to because I missed that feeling. I mean, as I mentioned earlier, I'm forty thirty nine to be on a forty by the time this comes back to thirty nine, please, it's the last couple of months as I'm a thirty nine year old, so I miss clicking through and catching a movie or being like, oh this is on. I would never have picked this on demand, like, but I want to watch it from the middle on. You know, we're like, oh, this is my favorite part of Goodfellas and I want to leave it on. So that is kind of thrilling to me. I think every app should have a channel that just plays their shit in like random rotation. 00:06:08 Speaker 3: The luxury of just dropping in halfway through movie, not having to make any decision, and just figuring it out. 00:06:15 Speaker 4: Oh it's oh, just so now you know your life is pretty privileged when you're like, thank God, I don't have to choose a movie the biggest stress of my day. I'm speaking for myself, not you. I would not assume please do. 00:06:30 Speaker 3: Please from a throne. Did you watch anything particularly scary? Do scary movies actually scare you? 00:06:40 Speaker 4: Not really anymore? But I do really like and I try to let myself get scared by them, so I, you know, get very high and kind of like allow myself to get caught up in the moment. You know. A couple that I saw that like kind of affected me. I wouldn't like. I saw a Possessor Uncut directed by Something Cronenberg, David Cronenberg's son, and it was a really fucked up wasn't fully scary, but I was unsettled after I finished it. Oh, because we went away for our ten year anniversary to an Airbnb, and that changes the entire vibe if you watch a scary movie not in your own house. It adds a whole layer of like new sounds, new creeks. Oh my god, the air conditioner came on. That's louder than I expected, like, and that was really fun. That was part of the fun of watching Possessor. There I was like kind of fucking unsettled, sleeping in like a random bed that night. 00:07:31 Speaker 2: What is the general plot of Possessor? 00:07:35 Speaker 4: It is sort of in the near distant future, there is a way in which you could take over someone's psyche, like possess them via some sort of surgical means and control them. And a company is using it for assassinations where they like take over. Bridger invites Gabras on his podcast, Bridger shoots Gabris, Bridger shoots himself. Cut to Joe Rogan waking up in the Possess. I'm trying to think who would be rivaled by our podcast notoriety, and I guess Rogan is the first one that comes to mind. 00:08:09 Speaker 2: Oh, Rogangan, Rogan. 00:08:12 Speaker 3: I do feel like I can see that chain of events leading to Rogan. Yes, that all kind of adds up for me. 00:08:20 Speaker 4: Are you a scary movie person? 00:08:22 Speaker 3: I like scary movies. Almost none of them scare me. At this point, I feel like I'm my nerves are fried. One movie that I at least remember scaring me was The Strangers. 00:08:33 Speaker 4: Oh, that one fucked me up too, And that came out long enough ago that I was like younger and that now we've had so many like home invasion hers, but that one fucking hit those burlap sack masks. I've only watched it once in the It was like the month it came out, and I have not revisited that movie. 00:08:49 Speaker 3: Oh, that's the first scary movie that I like, I tried watching alone. I had, I had the general idea of what the movie was in my head, and like ten minutes in the knock on the door and I just had to turn it off and wait for someone else to watch it with me. 00:09:03 Speaker 2: It's horrible. 00:09:05 Speaker 4: It makes sense, It makes sense, man. Uh. The scariest movie from my childhood, The movie that fucked me up the most was Cat's Eye, which is sort of like an anthology horror movie based on Stephen King's stories. Okay, and the last story is a young Drew Barrymore who has a troll that comes in her room at night and closes her nose and steals her breath and she and eventually the cat fights it and saves her. But that fucked me up, so I have chills talking about it now. I'm like, it's upset, Like I think it gave me claustrophobia, Like I panic if I wake up and my face is in my pillow or my dog is or my wife whoever is like too close to my face. I'm like, Okna, fucking die. It's the troll, you know, and like that little dag. He's got a creepy little dagger. 00:09:47 Speaker 3: I highly recommend that was sneaking in pinching her nose. Is he like doing a CPR style thing and like kissing her or is it? 00:09:55 Speaker 2: Yeah? 00:09:55 Speaker 4: More or less now that you've yeah, you've really defanged it by explaining it that way, But yes, that is more or less what it looks like he's I rewatched it a few years ago because I was like, Okay, this movie fucked me up so bad. I put it on and it is it's like they're cool little horror movies vignettes, but the troll is like a is like a kid's toy, like you know what I mean. It's like so unscary, it's so cute, and it's like, oh aw man, the things I have changed I've changed. 00:10:23 Speaker 3: I mean, the idea of somebody pinching your nose while your mouth is closed and you're not aware is horrifying. 00:10:29 Speaker 4: Horror. Waking up not able to breathe seems like a very terrifying experience. 00:10:34 Speaker 2: Absolutely awful. 00:10:35 Speaker 3: I mean it's in the same realm of uh, what is it sleep paralysis? 00:10:39 Speaker 4: Yeah, waking up unable to move, or waking up underwater or in the ground. I don't think that happens that frequently. 00:10:46 Speaker 2: More often than you'd like to than you would know. Have you ever had sleep paralysis? 00:10:52 Speaker 4: No, I've never really. I've had some like horrifying dreams where I couldn't move in the dreams, right, But I never really had like what some people like. The way I understand sleep paralysis, or at least I do from like a documentary I watched on Netflix. 00:11:07 Speaker 3: Have you I'd like to give it a shot. I'd like to get a taste of sleep paralysis. I don't want it to haunt me. 00:11:14 Speaker 4: Yeah, I too would like to just know once what it feels like. I want to wake up with a little demon on my chest, being like you're not moving yet. Gabris or John? Which one should I call you? 00:11:23 Speaker 1: Is? 00:11:23 Speaker 4: I feel uncomfortable calling you John? 00:11:25 Speaker 2: This is your sleep paralysis. 00:11:28 Speaker 3: You're going to wake up in any moment and this will all be in your past. 00:11:33 Speaker 4: No, that's sort of fucking God. 00:11:35 Speaker 3: Look, rabies. I would probably give it a shot. There are certain things. 00:11:39 Speaker 4: Very curious about rabies. Very I keep reaching my hand into raccoon nests just I'm very curious about rabies. 00:11:47 Speaker 3: What does it actually do? Do you turn into kind of a wild animal. 00:11:51 Speaker 4: It's the closest we have to zombie ism, right, So, like that's what's appealing about it, is like what does it do to people that we all go fucking mad? Let's find out. 00:12:00 Speaker 3: And we've got some you know, you'd get a shot or something. So I feel like it's not that scary anymore. 00:12:07 Speaker 4: Just the way you said it sounded so unsure. It can a shot or something. It can't be that bad. That's you talking to the doctor. The Doctor's like, Bro, you're fucking toast man. You have rabies. I'll just get a shot or so, I'll take some turmeric. 00:12:18 Speaker 2: Medicaid, shampoo or what have you. 00:12:21 Speaker 3: And they'll take care of the raccoon bite as I'm like foaming and shaking. But look, we don't know how to these things work until we do them so. 00:12:33 Speaker 4: Right, and that's why we are the pioneers of self rabies application. I mean, I am very this is funny you triggered this part in me, but I am a very much like an experience based guy, Like I love to have new experiences and have tried things. I think it all stems from, like if someone's having a conversation about something, I want to be like, I too went skydiving. Like that's the narcissistic side of it, but I like to pretend it's like my curiosity run amok. But I think it's truly like I need to be all knowing and have tried everything. Everyone must like me, I must engage with But so like this shit appeals to me of like I would like to get myself in a situation where I try that shit. 00:13:13 Speaker 3: Of course, and then to be at a party where multiple people are talking about their rabies experiences and then you pop in, I did it too. 00:13:21 Speaker 4: Oh well, I just had a little shot or something and I was totally fine, Like just bragging about how you did better at rabies than everyone else. Like so it's like both of my children died. You're like, ooh, week, huh. 00:13:35 Speaker 3: Wait, what are some experiences you've done just to have the experience. 00:13:40 Speaker 4: I mean a lot of them are like physical events, because that's something that gets me motivated. So like I've ran a half marathon and being three hundred pounds. I've ran too, I've skydived, lied about my weight so I could be under the guided weight to skydive. 00:13:56 Speaker 2: Stupid, there's skydiving. 00:13:59 Speaker 4: It might have changed in case they still want to make business in America. But I think when I went in two thousand and three, you had to be two hundred and twenty five pounds. I was two thirty five. I assume there was a ten pound margin you. 00:14:11 Speaker 2: Can squeeze in there. 00:14:12 Speaker 4: Give me a breath, yeah exactly. They're like, I'm like, come on, you can't have a if you have a ten pound margin error. It's like, no, take your boots off, we're gonna die like you like I've I've scuba dived, I've cliff jumped, you know, Like I don't really say no to stuff. I guess is like the main the main thing. As a matter of fact, if you invite me to a party, I say yes and then just don't go. 00:14:36 Speaker 3: I do feel like the last year and a half has kind of awoken that in me of like at least saying yeah and then figuring out on the day if I'm actually going to do it right. 00:14:46 Speaker 4: Well, it's just like a full year of no one asking you anything. So then when you come back, you're like, yes, I'm definitely gonna come to your Honestly, it's it's all the way on the East Side and what time, o man, I wanted to go to the forget it your toast, You're out. 00:15:00 Speaker 2: Any Thanksgiving plans or your Thanksgiving person. 00:15:03 Speaker 4: I'm a bit of a Thanksgiving My wife is a mage Thanksgiving person. I'm a bit of it. I like food and consult I usually host an annual power hour on the Thanksgiving Eve where I get blasted. Previous years they were all live at UCB for my pot. Now they've been on Zoom and live stream to plug and then uh yeah, just google that. Good luck assholes. But almost every year my wife's mom and stepdad have come out for Thanksgiving. 00:15:35 Speaker 2: Oh wonderful. 00:15:37 Speaker 4: Because all our family lives in New York, right, and her mom always comes out for Thanksgiving, so it's always been. And then we have like a couple of our like you know, loner friends, A couple of misfits come over and I have My wife cooks like an insane spread. She spends like two days in the kitchen. She loves this shit. But this year, my mother in law and my mother are coming to Thanksgiving. My mom's flying out. She's only been in LA twice since I've moved here ten years ago. 00:16:03 Speaker 2: So do they know each other very well? 00:16:06 Speaker 4: They know each other pretty well because of when we go to visit New York, Tiffer, my wife and I will like line up some two birds one stone. Oh, we're gonna be in the city hanging out with friends, but we have one night to do a family dinner and it better be all the family, both sides, so we don't have to do two separate fucking dinners. They so they know each other pretty well, and I'm really I'm really stoked because oh, and then this is the real highlight after Thanksgiving. My wife and I and her mom and stepdad not my mom because she has to work, are going on a like sailboat cruise around French Polynesia. What, Yeah, it was that what you spent what we spent most of my wife's severance on, or like a large portion my wife got laid off in the quarantine. This thing came across the plate like. We had like a bucket lie conversation with my mother in law and father in law because they come to Hawaii every come to LA every year for Thanksgiving and we always end up having to like hang out in LA for a week with them. We were like, We're like, we gotta go to Hawaii or something. We gotta do something cool. And then they go on these like bougie old people cruises and they were like you should go on one of these cruises with us. And we were like, oh, is there a Hawaii one? And then there was like a French Polynesian one in December And with the way my stepfather in law, I was like, this is like a bucket list thing for me, and he's like seventy something and I'm thirty nine, and I said, it's a bucket list thing for me. I think maybe let's do it sooner rather than later, like let's go. So I'm stoked for that. That's like eight days on the boat. 00:17:42 Speaker 2: And it's a sail boat. 00:17:44 Speaker 4: They have some sail boats in their fleet, but this is like a small it's like a small boat. It's not like a big cruise boat. 00:17:50 Speaker 2: It's like like a giant. 00:17:53 Speaker 4: There's no Mickey Mouse or there's no pool on it. There's no none of that stuff. It's like doc somewhere. They open up the back and you've off and played in the ocean. 00:18:01 Speaker 2: Speech incredible. 00:18:03 Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm really really giddy about it. I'm very excited. It's the most amount of money I've spent on like fun in my entire But it. 00:18:11 Speaker 2: Sounds expensive, you know. 00:18:13 Speaker 3: It's like, there's no way you're going to do that thing and it's gonna be like, oh, we got it for three hundred bucks. 00:18:18 Speaker 4: That was the thing too. It's like, well, I mean, if anything's going to be expensive, it should be round trip flights to Tahiti in eight days on a cruise. It's like, yeah, oh okay, Like then that's but it was just like, you know, sweat on the back of your neck and mustache as you're clicking yes typing in your credit card info, like woo o. 00:18:39 Speaker 3: Oh, I'm thrilled for you. That actually you're talking about bucket lists and boats. I was actually recently thinking about this. There's I think the only thing left. Well I don't well I don't have a bucket list, let's be honest, but if there was one, I want to be on a row boat in a foggy lake, someone rowing me across a foggy lake in a boat like And this is all based off of the Garfield Halloween special. 00:19:00 Speaker 2: This has been haunting. 00:19:01 Speaker 4: Yeah, I knew you didn't have to say that. That was so apparent. 00:19:06 Speaker 3: Since probably nineteen ninety one. I have been wanting to be in a rowboat on a foggy lake. If anyone could make that happen for me, let's do it. 00:19:16 Speaker 4: That sounds fun as hell and like a little spooky, a little eerie and like that, like, oh, maybe it's like a rowboat where and it's nighttime, it's foggy, and you're in like a big cable knit cardigan and like. 00:19:26 Speaker 2: Dream Yeah, oh my god. I mean I can't row a boat to save my life. But if somebody can row me in the boat, I'm I'm letty and available. 00:19:35 Speaker 4: If someone has fog lake and a boat, I can handle the rowing. And I too as like previously, I'm a box checker, a bucket list or a events guy. So I'm down to say yeah, I don't want to be at a party with you someday and you turn and you're like, yeah, I got I rode on like like the Garfields. I want to be able to push my way into the circle and go me too, the Garfield Special right like and just be like, ha I too, am cool like you, Bridger. 00:20:03 Speaker 3: I feel like this this boat ride is gonna be both of us and it's going to lead to us both getting rabies as well. 00:20:08 Speaker 4: Yeah, I ideally fingers crossed or tag teaming a mermaid or something like that. Like, well, it's a bucket list, bro do it with me, Bridger, Please, you got it? You got it? 00:20:21 Speaker 2: Man. 00:20:22 Speaker 3: Well, look, I've now revealed that I feel like I've made my big revelation for the episode, and I now I'd like to get into something else. It's a little bit more touchy, a little bit that's more sensitive subject. 00:20:34 Speaker 4: Please. 00:20:35 Speaker 3: You agreed to be on this podcast a little while ago, and I was obviously thrilled. Gabris is you know one of the podcasts Royalty. Everyone loves Gabris on a podcast. 00:20:46 Speaker 4: Thank you. 00:20:47 Speaker 2: Yes, I was like, oh, wonderful, we're gonna have a nice time. I'm sure. 00:20:52 Speaker 3: You agreed to be on this podcast. I said, no gifts. Emails were exchanged, and so I was a little surprised when I opened the door the other day and there's a box lying on my porch. I'm addressed to Bridger quote podcast gift quote Wineger, and I thought, I want. 00:21:14 Speaker 4: You to be startled. I didn't want you to be like, I'm not opening this shit. It could be anthrax, you know, Like, I don't know what kind of fans you've developed. 00:21:21 Speaker 3: Going back to experiences hasn't happened to me yet. Look, if I come across an envelope full of anthrax one day, it'll be a story to tell. It's kind of bound to happen to me. At this point, I guess I'm I'm really begging the university. 00:21:36 Speaker 4: You're legitimately asking for it at this point, like directly asking for it. Please world send me anthrax. 00:21:46 Speaker 3: Okay, that may be the one experience. I'm not quite let's keep that from my eighties. I'm like, if I get to my eighties, I'm happy to get a just a face full of anthrax. 00:21:55 Speaker 2: But for now, let's keep that off the docket. 00:21:57 Speaker 4: Well, because you didn't work in the NBC mail room late nineties, early two thousands, my chance, because you would already have that check. 00:22:04 Speaker 2: Till I should say. 00:22:05 Speaker 3: I was employee of the month multiple times, but I did push off a lot of my work on my co workers, and it was absent frequently, so I missed the opportunity. Okay, gets okay, but you know, look, I don't want to get an anthrax in the mail. 00:22:19 Speaker 2: There's the second on the list gifts. So I was a little upset. And now I'm looking at this thing. 00:22:26 Speaker 3: It's now in kind of this trashy paper bag, which I'll. 00:22:30 Speaker 2: Blame you for. 00:22:31 Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, that's fair, Cabris. 00:22:34 Speaker 2: Should I open this here on the podcast? 00:22:37 Speaker 4: I guess now I understand the name of your podcast, So I really am sorry for sending you something. I just always send anyone when I guess on their podcast, I send them something that means a lot to me and them. So I sent you this, but you did say at the be in the podcast, we really don't know each other, So I went, I don't a live and yeah, let's just let's just open it. Open it on the pod. I apologize. I know you said no gifts, but that's not me, babe. That's just that, ain't me. 00:23:11 Speaker 2: I'm gonna open this up. 00:23:12 Speaker 4: Please do get some tissue here, and. 00:23:17 Speaker 2: We're gonna get in here. 00:23:18 Speaker 3: We've got a box and it was shipped to my home, so I'm gonna get my scissor. 00:23:24 Speaker 2: I'm trying to learn to cut away from the body. 00:23:28 Speaker 4: I think those packages are like tear away. 00:23:31 Speaker 3: They are tear away, that's true, and I never tear away. You know, the billions of dollars this company poured into a tear away tape that sticks around, I should take advantage. 00:23:41 Speaker 2: So I'm gonna just rip it. Ooh sounds good. 00:23:45 Speaker 4: There we go. 00:23:48 Speaker 2: This is a weighty gift. I mean, this is you know. 00:23:52 Speaker 4: Yeah, we'll get into it, but it was I really was scrambling. Okay, well, let's I know you said no gifts, but I took it's a weird ask, and I stressed about this. I don't know how you said no gifts. I panic, and we said I gotta get him a gift, and then I was like, forgot about it because usually, uh, guessing on someone else's podcast doesn't require a shit like, but I do this to myself because I love to get gifts. So I was panicked, and then uh, you know, I was got reminded, hey, don't forget this is this coming Wednesday. I feel like you haven't responded to an email in a while. So I had a full panic, tried a bunch of stuff, and that's why I had to fucking throw another few bucks into Bezos's ass because I had to use Amazon to rush get it to you. 00:24:39 Speaker 3: We're all trapped in Bezos this world. But okay, I'm gonna. 00:24:42 Speaker 5: Oh this is incredible, I'll tell you I don't okay, So listener, I now have three pounds of pistachios, lightly salted. 00:24:53 Speaker 4: Oh those are the best. I'm a man. 00:24:55 Speaker 3: Who's constantly ordering about this size of bag of brazil Yes, and so now I've got a beautiful bag of pistachios to put next to the brazil nuts. But I'm curious as to why this whole choice in general. 00:25:11 Speaker 4: You know, someone got that for me as a gift once, and I still have pistachios. They don't go bad, you know, right. It tastes amazing. They're a very nutritious snack. And I was eating shelled pistachios for ale already unshelled, and that's a very easy way to consume like seven hundred calories and a couple of handfuls. So if you go, I went shell on because it's at least for me, I can just kind of eyeball that we don't have some of the same health issues, but like, at least for me, it slows me down enough that it forces me to pace myself. And the lightly salted from whatever that farm is, they make good pistachio. 00:25:53 Speaker 3: Let's give the farm a little plug here. It's I actually love the name of this. I'm pronouncing it. Yeah, it's like, yeah, fittymint or fiddlemint. I have no idea fittymint farms. It's a California pistachio. But from what I can tell, it's, Oh, it is coming from California. I was going to say it's coming from Nebraska because I saw the word Lincoln. It's coming from Lincoln, California. Hell yeah, vitamin farms. I And going back to what you're saying, though, I love a food that makes you work for it. I don't want, you know, a handful of almonds. Who cares? I love the puzzle element of a pistachio. It gives you a little game that you have to deal with, and then you get a set one of the best nuts right there. 00:26:35 Speaker 4: It's a great nut that I enjoy the game as well. It's so funny that I really do like opening them. But nothing makes me happier than finding just like like loose meat and like you you know, and you're like, I love opening them. Oh sick. I didn't have to open It feels like a little extra victory to have like some loose pistachio meat rolling around in. 00:26:55 Speaker 3: There, right, But I don't feel right when I do buy a pistachio a can of pistafa and they're all naked, it doesn't feel it feels unnatural to me. I like to have the shell there. I need to see the full product. But I don't know what that says about the rest of nuts. Like these brazil nuts, I have no idea what form they are on a tree. 00:27:16 Speaker 4: Yeah, you're like, I like to work for them. They send you a fucking like twenty foot Amazonian tree that has nuts on the top, and you're like, I don't know how the fuck I'm gonna get these. 00:27:25 Speaker 2: Each one in a cinderblock. Just set the hammer away. 00:27:29 Speaker 3: I mean, actually I would probably be into that. But yeah, I do love a pistachio. Do you is a pistasho your favorite nut? 00:27:36 Speaker 4: I think a pistachio is up there is my favorite nut? Big? I like cashews, I don't. I love brazil nuts too. 00:27:43 Speaker 2: Brazil nuts. 00:27:44 Speaker 3: If nothing else, this podcast is trying to just launch the brazil nut into a more mainstream thing. 00:27:51 Speaker 4: Is it is? 00:27:51 Speaker 2: It is? 00:27:52 Speaker 1: It? 00:27:53 Speaker 4: Is it cook down. 00:27:54 Speaker 3: Upon anytime brazil nuts in a nut mixed people are complaining. 00:27:58 Speaker 4: People are like, what's this big fucking in apple looking thing. I'm like, dude, that's a brazil nut. Those things fucking rule. They're better than chestnuts. Fuck chestnuts. 00:28:07 Speaker 2: Wait, I don't know that I've ever actually had a chestnut. 00:28:10 Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm not positive I have either. I just backvetdled immediately upon you go not going, yeah, chestnuts suck. I was like, well, maybe I haven't had a chest nut. Bolt. I think I have had a chestnut because my grandma used to have something where we would have to crack it at the table and like and when you're a kid and you're just like the adults are all drunk and fighting. You're like, I just need a snack or camp or some kind of treat, and all you have are these weird, like acorn looking fucking things in a dish because your grandma's weird and poor. 00:28:41 Speaker 3: Chestnuts are the thing that you use a nutcracker for. So I have had it, right. 00:28:46 Speaker 4: Yeah, I would think so there's probably other nuts, but I think the nutcracker is traditionally used on chestnuts, and that's like their Christmas tie in. I'm assuming because chestnuts. 00:28:57 Speaker 3: All coming together for me now yeah, but now, but now that I'm looking back, I basically had that exact experience as a kid, where it's like I'm starving. I do I know, I like peanuts and almonds. I imagine it'll be fine, and it tastes like mud. 00:29:11 Speaker 4: Yeah, it does not taste scary. It tastes like, oh, I think I ate the shell and people are like, no, you ate the. 00:29:16 Speaker 2: Right cart You've got the thing. 00:29:17 Speaker 4: People like, Oh, this is why people are rute, this is what they're looking for. Fuck that, dude. 00:29:25 Speaker 3: Wow, I haven't I haven't had that taste memory in a long time, and I probably won't ever have it again. 00:29:30 Speaker 4: But I like pecans as well, if they're if they're like a little flavored, like glaze or something, I mean I like them. I like them raw as well. I don't know if that's how you say it. 00:29:40 Speaker 3: But I think that is. I you don't say plain, and that's what I said. Yeah, I'll take one plain pecan place. 00:29:48 Speaker 4: I'll have one raw pecan. Sir, you need to leave. Oh baby, I like my pecans raw. Get the fuck out of here, man, totally fair, I got you. Uh, pecans are pecans. Now I'm panicking. I'm from New York, so I don't know how to say. 00:30:02 Speaker 2: I say pecan. 00:30:04 Speaker 3: It's almost an impossible word. 00:30:07 Speaker 4: I say pecan, but I think I say pecan pie, interesting because pecan pie sounds weird to me. But maybe I say peacans. I don't even know. 00:30:17 Speaker 3: Well, the weird thing is this pecan sounds kind of snobby, but pecan sounds real stupid, winning with this word. 00:30:25 Speaker 4: As someone who's done some camping. Pecan has certain names. You know, has a different connotation for a pea can. I like a sliced almond in a salad. 00:30:37 Speaker 2: For sure. 00:30:38 Speaker 3: Oh I love an almond in a solid I love it. Do you know what I love is an almond eminem, and I feel like that eminem is not widely available enough. 00:30:46 Speaker 4: I think you're right. Uh. Growing up, there used to be oh, it'll come to me in one second. In Eastern Jordan almonds which, yes, which are sort of like knockoff almond eminem's with like the pestel easter colors. Not to gentile myself out of a you know, into cancelation here, but yeah, those were fucking great. And those were like low key, like you don't want the chocolate bunny, but you get the candy shell the nut. Like, oh, I've always I've never been a real candy person. I need like a little sustenance with my candy. Almond eminem's I am a fan of. 00:31:25 Speaker 3: Yeah, they almost feel like like one step above candy. 00:31:29 Speaker 4: Yeah, it's it's like trail mix a little weird way, like like like, oh, I love trail Mix. It's like, no, dude, you like emin ms and we'll also eat nuts with them. 00:31:39 Speaker 3: I like em and ms rich. By the way, Mars company just put salt in the packages. 00:31:45 Speaker 4: Fuck yeah, just kill us faster. Mars Death put anthrax in Bridgers and put salt in min Uh. Well, the pretzel eminems that gets us into a little bit of a salty region. Chocolate filled pretz pretzel filled chocolate, peanut butter filled pretzels like that shit. That shit rolls. 00:32:05 Speaker 3: I am completely on board for that, although I haven't seen a pretzel eminem in a minute. 00:32:11 Speaker 2: What's going on in my life? 00:32:13 Speaker 4: What the fuck are we doing? We got to be milling around more CVS is in ours as adults? I want to just be kind of chilling by a. My wife was at CVS the other day getting our boosters, Oh congrats, and she saw a dude just shoplift like some candy, like walk in, take some candy, put in his pocket, leave, and Tiffany like looks at an employee like whoa, And the employee is like, he does that like twice a day. It's like what She's like, Yeah, She's like it's not worth Like I just want him to know that he's not getting that. I know he's doing it. So she always like eyeballs him and says like you're not getting away with it, but I'm also letting you just take it. But it shouldn't be up to like the CVS cashier to be like sirs. 00:32:59 Speaker 2: I'm not gonna be a he about the stolen candy situation. 00:33:02 Speaker 4: I'll misread a situation and if you're gruff enough with me, I'll open the register and give you the cash inside of it. I'm not trying to say I'm not trying to die for fucking mister Veronica Smith or whatever his name is. I'm trying to guess his initials. 00:33:15 Speaker 3: No, but I remember reading years ago walmart In state at a policy that was like, if it's below twenty five dollars, just leave them alone, it's not worth it. It's like, I think, like the legal fees and all of that just costs more than the stolen twenty five dollars. 00:33:31 Speaker 4: Yeah, and if you can't afford health insurance because we've been paying Garbach this whole time, you probably don't want to put your life on the line for a fucking, you know, ten dollars t. 00:33:43 Speaker 2: Shirt, right. 00:33:43 Speaker 3: I feel like most retail the employees are basically instructed just let people shoplift or like it's not worth anybody. 00:33:50 Speaker 4: I mean, it's probably a bigger liability. Like if you step in front of a shoplifter and he decks you, and you can like, all right, well, now I'm suing Lean Bryant or whatever wherever you happen to work. 00:34:00 Speaker 3: I know, so I have that thought constantly haunting me. You know, I'm I'm just fine, but there's the always the thought, maybe I could just take this, Maybe it's time I just take this bag of M and m's. 00:34:12 Speaker 4: I got shoplifting out of my system when I was younger. I did do a I did do a bunch of it. To be if I'm being on this. 00:34:18 Speaker 2: What kind of stuff are your shoplifting? 00:34:20 Speaker 4: Lighters, candy, stuff from Starbucks? You know, like random shit that they have. I would steal things I wanted. I would steal things I needed, and then I would steal things because I was bored, like just being in. My friend worked at Starbucks in high school, and I would like go there, and he like worked at like the first like early Starbucks. It felt like no one was really drinking it. Everyone was like, what the fuck is this bougie ass thing. That's also more of a sign about Long Island than anything else. But my friend would like worked. I don't think I think there's statu of limitations is far enough that I would go up to the counter buy a coffee and he would give me a bag with my in the bag would just be like a bunch of snacks, so like a bunch of shit from the back. He would just be we'd be like doing dual missions. And then one time he was like, you got to come buy and order a coffee tonight. I got a plan. I was like, okay, yeah, I came buy. I got a coffee. I didn't even drink coffee until I was like twenty five, but came by. I got like, you know, the decaf milkshake that's like seven hundred calories. I got it. He gave me a little bag. I walked out. The back is a spreadsoe machine in the back. He sold it on eBay for like five hundred dollars. He's like, I don't even care that the manager takes the tips. I just made five hundred. I made an entire month's paycheck by selling this shit on eBay? Did you ever do like I mean, I feel like you would have jumped in with I also used the shoplift I. 00:35:44 Speaker 2: Used to shoplift from. 00:35:45 Speaker 1: Uh. 00:35:46 Speaker 3: There was like a thrift store chain in Utah called Deseret Industries, which we would you know, you donate all of your old clothes too, So I just felt justified in being like, oh, I'm gonna just take these clothes. 00:35:56 Speaker 4: If you get caught, you'd be like, this is actually mine. My mom gave you that. 00:36:03 Speaker 3: Someone I went to high school with walked into the retail or into this thrift store, stole a suitcase as well, it filled it with things, and then walked out with the suitcase. One of the things was a Burger King employee uniform, which he then used to go to a Burger King and give away hamburger. So that's an incredible chain of events. 00:36:23 Speaker 4: Holy shit, that's like the fucking low Steaks Robin hood there. 00:36:31 Speaker 3: Well, I'm thrilled to have these pistachios this. I mean, I wonder how many pistachios is normal to eat a day. It's always hard to say, but pistasios last a really long time. 00:36:41 Speaker 4: Yeah, I've been I've been eating off. I got to shout out my buddy Ryan Stanger, who I co host a podcast with, who sent me this as a gift. He's a real health nut pun intended, I guess he's a real healthy guy. And he's like, I've tried all different pistachios from all different places. These lightly salted are my favorites. So I'm like, oh, what's the friends brawl? And he sent them to me and I was like, fuck, these are good pistachios. So when I couldn't get you a barbecue lighter in time, I was like, all right, pistachios because the barbecue latter nine dollars pistachios forty It's fine. I'm fucking loaded, dude, I'm going to fucking team. 00:37:22 Speaker 2: You can't come on and. 00:37:24 Speaker 3: Talk about going to French Polynesia then complain about a forty dollars back of pistachios. 00:37:28 Speaker 4: Was not complaining. Was really wanted to get you the Flexi barbecue lighter because it's more versatile. Oh sure, But when I couldn't find I was like, not to spoil anyone else's potential. No gifts, but the pistachios. I was proud to like get another person turned onto them. And then I find out that you're a nuts fan of nuts maniac. You know nut me. 00:37:50 Speaker 3: I'm telling you, I have to I have to repeat this as often as I can. 00:37:54 Speaker 2: Brazil nuts lower cholesterol. 00:37:57 Speaker 4: It's changed my life. 00:37:59 Speaker 3: I love the Still not anyone out there if your cholesterol is at the high end of normal like it was mine. It's time to get those brazil nuts happening. It's a delicious nut and just a hearty snack. 00:38:12 Speaker 2: Who can resist yum. 00:38:15 Speaker 3: Well, I think this has all worked out very well and I'll be snacking on these for months to come. But I think it's time to play a game. Hell yeah, do you want to play a game called Gift Master or a game called gift or a curse? 00:38:27 Speaker 4: I'll do Gift Master. 00:38:28 Speaker 2: Okay, I need a number between one and ten. 00:38:31 Speaker 4: Can I choose one of the two numbers you listed? 00:38:34 Speaker 2: Of course, nobody's ever done that before. 00:38:36 Speaker 3: Actually, I mean one would probably be real annoying because I you know, I use it too for randomization. Ah okay, okay, okay, I have to do some like calculating to get our game pieces. You can promote something, you can recommend something. Oh, you've got the mic do whatever you want. 00:38:53 Speaker 4: Well, I mentioned it earlier, but I'm doing a Thanksgiving Eve power Hour live streamed with some wonderful comedy guess Nicole Byer, Betsy Sadaro, Mono, a Gapian, Mike Mitchell, and Nick Wiger of The dough Boys. We get blasted play along. It'll be up all weekend on location Live Backslash, Power Hour or look at my social media. I'm gonna be promoting the fuck out of it from now until Thanksgiving. Eve don't even know when this podcast comes out. If this podcast goes out after Thanksgiving, that's a very funny specific plug. 00:39:22 Speaker 3: Ah, it comes out before this is excellent. Rarely works out. 00:39:28 Speaker 2: I know. 00:39:29 Speaker 4: I'm constantly like, I hope people check out that YouTube video that came out seven months ago that I plugged for some dumb reason. 00:39:36 Speaker 3: So listener, Now you have Thanksgiving plans, your family turns you away, but now you've got a little something to look forward to. Okay, this is how we're gonna play gift Master. I'm gonna name three potential gifts items you can give away, and then three celebrities, famous Ish people, and you're gonna tell me which person you're gonna give which gift and why does that make sense? 00:39:58 Speaker 4: Yes? 00:39:59 Speaker 2: Okay. 00:40:00 Speaker 3: The three gifts you're giving today are a garment steamer, which is a nice gift. I think everyone can use a garment steamer, A pair of heelis the shoe that with the wheel on the back. 00:40:14 Speaker 4: Say no more. I told you. I'm thirty nine. Really, I nearly blew my back out as a child playing with those fucking things precursor to heelies, though the real thing from my childhood was soap shoes. 00:40:25 Speaker 2: The shoes, like the Clan built sopes. 00:40:30 Speaker 3: Soap are maybe one of the most dangerous pieces of footwear ever designed. 00:40:34 Speaker 4: Dude, I fell down the stairs in my fucking junior high because the middle is plastic and slippery and you're just like trying to It's cool for grinding, but brutal for just going up and down the stairs while carrying seventy five pounds worth of books and shit. 00:40:48 Speaker 3: Yeah, when you're not slipping and sliding down your local banisters, you're kind of in a weirdly shaped high heel. 00:40:56 Speaker 4: Yeah you are. It's weirdly clog heel. 00:40:59 Speaker 3: A jac It's okay, So a pair of healeys, and then finally a bowl cut. 00:41:05 Speaker 2: So that's just a haircut. 00:41:06 Speaker 3: You'll be giving to the following three people who are Zach Braf got it, fran Lebowitz okay, and this last one is a little less conventional. Fans of Maroon five all over the globe. So it's a gift for the fans. I love a gift for the fans, you. 00:41:25 Speaker 4: Know, Okay, I think I got it. I think fran Lebowitz. I want to give the garment steamer, Okay, out of fear of giving her anything that was like her roasting me and you know, writing some skating cuts me down in some having a perfect retort. Yeah, some New York NPR presents at fuckings the Tribeca. Something. I can't handle that. So I want to give her something real that maybe she can use. Maybe she could give it to, you know, a kid or some shit. 00:41:58 Speaker 2: Right. 00:41:58 Speaker 4: As for he, I would like to give those to the Maroon five fans around the world, because I would like nothing more than for Adam Levine to be blown away by like coming out to play at whatever, god they play stadiums, don't they fuck it, comes out to play at whatever huge venue he's playing at and everyone is just shot, like shooting around. That would be so like what the fuck is going on here? Very specific sort of like I guess I would give the short answer. I would give the Heelies to the fans of Maroon five around the globe, specifically as a sy op to blow Adam Levine's mind. 00:42:35 Speaker 3: He walks out on stage and just immediately passes out, seeing all of his fans kind of scooting around the stadia. 00:42:41 Speaker 4: They all have like two giant eighteen dollars beers and shooting down the aisles at Madison Square Garden, wiping out down the fucking nosebleed seats. And then bowl cut has got to go to Brath. A bowl cut, Honestly, a bowl cut is not something that many people could pull off except for Charlist there in in Fast nine. But other than her, I would say, Braf can't pull off a bowl cut. But it won't it won't lower his nice sandy. 00:43:13 Speaker 3: See a picture with a bowl cut too easy to picture. 00:43:16 Speaker 4: I imagine Florence Pugh might be into it, you know, because it might be like trendy in a weird way. Oh no, I would give him a bowl cut, yes. 00:43:25 Speaker 3: Just immediately. I can picture him with that haircut. That's not a good sign for anyone. Oh that's perfectly played. I really feel like you did that very well, fran. I mean, she's got the sport coat so she's always wearing, or the jacket thing. Those are probably need to be steamed constantly. She's got a uniform. 00:43:43 Speaker 4: Yeah, the bowl cut could go for fran too, but I don't want to do that to her. I like her too much for that. 00:43:49 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a bit of an active aggression giving someone a bowl cut. 00:43:52 Speaker 4: Yeah, I like her too much of that, So give it the braf who I have less feelings to it. 00:44:00 Speaker 3: Beautifully played. This is the last part of the podcast. It's called I Said No Emails. People are writing into I Said No Gifts at gmail dot com. Every one of these people has some problem that they've decided we have to be involved in, and we do it expertly. 00:44:14 Speaker 2: Will you answer a question with me? 00:44:17 Speaker 4: Of course, I'd love nothing more. 00:44:18 Speaker 2: Okay, this is what this person is saying. Let's see. 00:44:22 Speaker 3: Okay, here's a good one. It says, dear Bridger, and this is a nice qualifier for you and arguably the greatest I Said No Gifts podcast guest yet. So this person took a shot in the dark, and I think they nailed it. 00:44:34 Speaker 4: They were accidentally right. No shade to the rest of your guests, But I at least agree with your this person. I mean, you find it's like signed bearded in West Hollywood, or it's like, uh hi, I did a lot of work leading up to this podcast, I got your pistachios. I created a fake email account. 00:44:54 Speaker 2: I've been leading a double live. 00:44:57 Speaker 3: Uh, this says, Okay, I started ating someone who had recently separated from her husband. 00:45:02 Speaker 2: Okay, oh wow. 00:45:04 Speaker 3: She was visiting my hometown of Los Angeles, where she and I met and formed a quick whirlwind of a relationship, but ultimately she had to go back home to North Carolina, where she still shared a house with her eventual ex husband. This isn't very dramatic already, we see, I know, psycho sexual. 00:45:24 Speaker 4: Yeah, this is like the plot of every nineties movie. I love this. 00:45:28 Speaker 3: We stayed in touch over the next few weeks, but I could feel the fire between us slightly starting to fade due to the long distance and other obvious hurdles required to keep the relationship alive. However, I happened to be planning a few months vacation to a nearby state, which was only a five hour drive from her very convenient. Okay, this is getting dark. She asks if I wanted to come visit and stay at her house for a week or so. I was a bit hesitant to be her guest while the husband still lived there, but she insisted that he was fine with it, and even speculated that he and I could become friends. Oh my god, what is happening? 00:46:02 Speaker 4: Dude? Just enjoy your trip, get sor right, Let's get to the rest of the price. 00:46:08 Speaker 3: Like ten thousand things could go wrong here. I decided to take her up on the offer to spend some time with her and see if our relationship had anything. Okay, it's also I feel like someone's hiding. He just didn't want to pay for a hotel. He saw free lodging, and he went for Here comes the twist. The twist. The act of telling her husband that I was coming sparked a new motivation in the husband to try harder to make their marriage work. 00:46:32 Speaker 2: What is happening? 00:46:33 Speaker 3: By the time I had arrived at their house, he had won her over and convinced her to give it another shot. Although I was disappointed that my relationship was over, I was strangely proud to be the catalyst for potentially saving a marriage. I ended up staying in the guest bedroom and for the next week played board games, watch movies, cooked meals, and I had a delightful time with them. Maybe I've already done enough for them but I can't shake this feeling of needing to send them a gift for their hospitality. Any ideas, thanks, And that's from Josh, who has apparently almost ruined a marriage and then saved it, gotten free lodging, played board games, and somehow not ended up a third. 00:47:13 Speaker 4: I was gonna say, I was just gonna say that's from Josh was afraid to admitting he did a threesome where a married couple and his email to a podcast the pieces were there, or I will say the only possibility that he didn't get involved sexually with the two of them, or one of them in front of the other is they were all juiced up off having him there. 00:47:34 Speaker 2: Oh my god, you know what I mean? 00:47:35 Speaker 4: Like toy, Yeah, He's like, yeah, I'm gonna go fuck my wife. I know you went on this whirlwind date with her, but I'm gonna fuck my wife while you're in the guest room. It feels fucking weird. But I do think you should send a gift for hospitality because no matter if you especially if you're in third them, you owe it to them. You stayed to someone's house for a week, no matter what the insane dynamics are, you should send them a little something. 00:48:01 Speaker 3: This is one of the most deranged emails I've ever received. Everything that happened here is beyond what I could possibly imagine. 00:48:11 Speaker 4: The twist driving five hours Yeah, I'm going five hours ago hang out with this woman I used to hook up with in her new husband. They're like back together. I Josh, he could have been killed. La has board game spot man Like, I don't know what to tell you, truly. 00:48:28 Speaker 3: I mean, I mean, let's give credit to this woman. She's really just doing an incredible job. She's Josh it interested. She's got the husband doing everything he can to win her back. I think they're all playing board games together. She must be the most perfect person in the world. 00:48:43 Speaker 4: Now, she like exemplifies an expression I don't understand it all. She's having her cake and eating it too. I do not understand it. I might have even said it wrong, but I think this is a clear example of someone having cake and eating it. I think that she's your cake and fucking it too. 00:49:02 Speaker 3: Okay, So, assuming that Josh needs to send these people a gift, what do you send you? 00:49:09 Speaker 1: Know? 00:49:09 Speaker 2: This love triangle? 00:49:11 Speaker 4: I got you board Games's games. There's a ton of them, so you know which ones they have because you spent a week playing them. I'm sure you got all the way down to fucking you know, Railroad Tycoon before we were like, let's figure something out. There are some great board games, and you know what they're into, right, I know, I'm sounding like you thirded you're really aware of what their preferences are. You know, you're versat all. 00:49:34 Speaker 1: So. 00:49:37 Speaker 3: Assume that they I mean, it was just a sexual fantasia this entire week, just with the occasional board game. 00:49:46 Speaker 2: I think board games are a perfect thing. And I also think it's a nice slight because you send them board games and it's a little like you didn't quite cut it with your board games. Maybe tried this on. 00:49:55 Speaker 4: For these are some elite board games that us LA people play. 00:49:59 Speaker 3: Right, then maybe there's you know, you're kind of giving a new crack to the relationship. Maybe it cracks wide open, and then the opportunity will present itself again. Maybe she comes back to LA. 00:50:10 Speaker 4: But it's probably easier to find someone to date in your hometown. Day married woman who lives across the country five hours from the nearest friend of yours. 00:50:19 Speaker 2: For all we know, she doesn't live there. 00:50:20 Speaker 3: Either she might have you know, various romances happening all over the country. 00:50:24 Speaker 4: Oh yeah, she's got like eleven fake families and shit, she's just like changing wigs in the car and stuff. 00:50:31 Speaker 3: It's kind of a gone girl situation that we've got on our hands. She's dyeing her hair at the gas station. She's going to Big Lots for a new outfit every three days. Josh, I mean thank you for I mean, look, do whatever you want. You've this experience is one that few people can claim they've had. And you've obviously left out some erotic details that we probably all would have appreciated. 00:50:57 Speaker 4: Yeah, don't make us fill them in, right. 00:51:01 Speaker 3: I hope you enjoyed your trip, Josh, and I'm sure they'll enjoy the fresh copy of Apples to Apples. Oh wow, Gabrius, what a ride we've been on here. I now have forty pounds or forty dollars worth of pistachios that I'm just going to savor. 00:51:19 Speaker 4: Oh please go ham on them, enjoying them thoroughly. Bridgard, thank you so much. This was a pleasure. Like you said earlier, we don't really know each other, but this was a true delight. You're I mean, I know you're funny, and so that's not enough of a pass for me to like someone. I'm always like that. We are like this person's an asshole. I'm like, I know, but at least they're funny. It could be worse. It could be not funny. 00:51:40 Speaker 2: Oh, an unfunny asshole. 00:51:42 Speaker 4: No plea again by on being a funny asshole my whole life. 00:51:49 Speaker 3: Listener, This is the end of the podcast. I hope you go out there and find your North Carolina romance and get hangled up in something, or get in a boat and row yourself across a misty lake. 00:52:04 Speaker 2: Bring me with you, please. 00:52:05 Speaker 3: I need the fog, I need the garfieldness this and then I can die. 00:52:11 Speaker 2: So everyone go off. 00:52:13 Speaker 4: Ooh, that's a good deal. If someone does take you on the rowboat in the fog, they do get to kill you. Yeah, I think guarant totally fair offer. That's you should put that in your will. 00:52:24 Speaker 3: I mean, I do actually have something similar in my will, which is going to be the well, not my grandchildren, but my grand nieces and nephews have to push me. 00:52:31 Speaker 2: Out of a plane. 00:52:32 Speaker 4: Ooh. 00:52:32 Speaker 3: I like to get the money and then I get the thrill, but I think that that's also a nice equivalent getting, you know, row me across the thing, chop my head off. 00:52:41 Speaker 4: I love someone who says grand nieces and nephews. That's my wheelhouse as well. I'm not ever none of the fucking kids. No, my brothers and my brother in laws have kids, and I get to see them enough. And then I'd get to sleep as late as I want. 00:52:56 Speaker 2: I get to be a child for the rest of my life. 00:52:58 Speaker 4: I get to have extra money to go to French Polynesia by a stranger. Pistachios. You can really live your life without a child. 00:53:04 Speaker 3: Right, And I can save up to pay this person to row me across and dismember me. 00:53:10 Speaker 4: I will do it for free. If for some weird reason I outlive you, well. 00:53:16 Speaker 2: I'm going to. I will do everything to protect you until that moment. 00:53:19 Speaker 4: Thank you. 00:53:19 Speaker 3: I make you that promise. Listener, I can't protect you. You have to go do your own thing. And look, we're fragile, and be careful. It's the holiday season for you. Make it through the rest of the year. It would be a shame to die at the end of the year. Goodbye, I said. No gifts is an exactly right production. It's produced and engineered by our dear friend Anna Lise Nelson and the theme song is by miracle worker Amy Mann. You must follow the show on Instagram at I said no gifts, that's. 00:53:56 Speaker 2: Where you're going to see. 00:53:57 Speaker 3: Pictures of all these wonderful gifts. I'm you have to see the gifts. Listen and subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher or wherever you found me. And why not leave a review while you're there. It's really the least you could do, considering everything I do for you. And if you're interested in advertising on the show, go to midrol dot com slash ads. 00:54:22 Speaker 1: Hell. I invited you, hear gonta mad myself perfectly clear. When you're a guest to me, you gotta come to me empty and. 00:54:39 Speaker 4: A satin no guest. 00:54:41 Speaker 1: Your presences presents enough and I'm already too much stuff, So how do you dare to survey mean