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Speaker 1: Welcome to All the Smoke, a production of The Black

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Speaker 1: Effect and our Heart Radio in partnership with Showtime. Welcome

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Speaker 1: back to All the Smoke. Jack Shoes Man, he came

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Speaker 1: through this week week. Yeah, you have me feeling like

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Speaker 1: I'm an elementary school versus working with someone in college.

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Speaker 1: I know you'm fly. Like I said, I'm just putting

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Speaker 1: more pressure on you to go on that closet because

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Speaker 1: it's in there. Yeah. I don't want to though. Man,

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Speaker 1: today we got a man that former number two pick,

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Speaker 1: Hell of a Journey just released Hell Long Relicia Doctor.

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Speaker 1: We released in mid football season. We just kind of

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Speaker 1: we just we did. We released it every Tuesday and

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Speaker 1: it was a series, right. We did ten episodes My

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Speaker 1: story from my birth until where I'm at right now? Man,

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Speaker 1: how was that for you? I mean, you know, obviously

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Speaker 1: very well documented, but it's it's been a rocky journey.

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Speaker 1: How do you are? Are you in a space now

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Speaker 1: we're talking about the bad times? Doesn't bother you? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: there's a ton of acceptance right and surrender to like

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Speaker 1: I have no control over that anymore. I can just

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Speaker 1: control now and I know that it's going to help

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Speaker 1: somebody maybe struggling or where I'm at, and I'm super

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Speaker 1: relatable now, Like when people listen to it, they go, yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's my dude up all the time too. I'm just

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Speaker 1: like him, and there's a way out of it, there's

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Speaker 1: a solution to it. Also, like I watched Tom Brady

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Speaker 1: and we have one of the most most amazing things

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Speaker 1: in common. We both played professional football. But I look

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Speaker 1: at that dude and I'm just like, I can't relate

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Speaker 1: to him. He is too perfect, right, And so this

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Speaker 1: was just an opportunity for me to kind of do

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Speaker 1: what I do, but do it in a raw, uncensored, vulnerable,

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Speaker 1: transparent way in my voice. So it's me in front

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Speaker 1: of a microphone for ten episodes telling you exactly how story.

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Speaker 1: No one can tell your story better. And really that's

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Speaker 1: the first step being accountable. That's on the way you can,

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Speaker 1: you know, get to the next But when people want

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Speaker 1: to listen, you know what I mean, that's that was beautiful.

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Speaker 1: What was it like for you? Because I remember, I mean,

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Speaker 1: obviously I've been through some ship on and off the court,

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Speaker 1: and I feel like if I'll be forty two next month,

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Speaker 1: but I feel like at like thirty being able to

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Speaker 1: just really look at yourself in the mirror and like

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Speaker 1: find your faults in what you did, being able to

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Speaker 1: forgive yourself and move forward. How was that process for you?

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Speaker 1: It happened in prison. Um Like, when I went to prison,

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Speaker 1: I had never been marginalized before. I grew up in

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Speaker 1: a predominantly you know, white suburban um. And when that

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Speaker 1: judge kind of you know, he looked at me and said,

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Speaker 1: you have no value to society. I'm gonna warehouse you

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Speaker 1: and give you a number. You know, I never experienced

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Speaker 1: anything like that. So I went in there with a

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Speaker 1: well defeat his attitude at first, and for about two years,

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Speaker 1: I didn't I didn't do anything. I got fat, I

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Speaker 1: got lazy. I thought I was doing everybody a service

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Speaker 1: by not being in the public, being around my community.

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Speaker 1: You know, that was the most selfish thing I could

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Speaker 1: have done. My family wanted me back, and my roommate

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Speaker 1: he was he was an Afghan Iraqi war bet and

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Speaker 1: he just one day had enough of my ship, I guess,

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Speaker 1: and was just like, you don't understand the value that

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Speaker 1: you have not only the men in here, but when

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Speaker 1: you get out, because you're gonna get out at some

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Speaker 1: point Ryan. So he says, we're going down to the

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Speaker 1: prison library and we're helping prisoners learn how to read

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Speaker 1: who don't know how to read. And I was just

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Speaker 1: like I had many of those that come to Jesus

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Speaker 1: moments in my life, coaches, mentors and stuff, and I

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Speaker 1: just flipped in the bird, you know, and I went begrudgingly.

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Speaker 1: I mean I went, maybe because I don't know why

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Speaker 1: I went to tell you the truth, but I remember

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Speaker 1: walking down that hallwins Red jumpsuited in prison, thinking this

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Speaker 1: is stupid. This isn't gonna help me, Like, doesn't even

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Speaker 1: know how I'm poor, and I am the irony of that.

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Speaker 1: And a guy and I've read prisons who thinks he's

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Speaker 1: still important. So I walked into this room and there's

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Speaker 1: these men where you're not supposed to show any vulnerability

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Speaker 1: at all because I get you hurt or and fifty

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Speaker 1: year old man look at me and go, Ryan, I

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Speaker 1: can't read, you know, can you help me? Growing up

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Speaker 1: in Montana, where's a huge cowboy culture that in locker

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Speaker 1: rooms my whole life, I've never seen another man look

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Speaker 1: at me and say, I'm sucking hurt in here? Can

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Speaker 1: you help me? Never seen it, so how am I

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Speaker 1: supposed to do it or understand it? And so it

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Speaker 1: flipped a switch in terms of perspective and what I

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Speaker 1: needed to do, and it was about being a service

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Speaker 1: and it could never be about me again selfless. What

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Speaker 1: did you learn about yourself from the year ten part

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Speaker 1: series and how has the response been? Kind of a

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Speaker 1: two part question. Well, I I didn't know if I

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Speaker 1: was a great storyteller or not, but I had a

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Speaker 1: really good teacher, essentially Kevin Connolly. I don't know ifage.

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Speaker 1: So Kevin produced it with me and my wife, and

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Speaker 1: they know me better than anybody, and I needed to

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Speaker 1: trust somebody. So when I sat in there and we

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Speaker 1: recorded probably twenty five hours worth of stuff, and there

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Speaker 1: were days where I could roll five hours, but then

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Speaker 1: there were days like like the prison episode, it was

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Speaker 1: it was, you know, the hour and a half and

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Speaker 1: I was just emotionally drained. But I also know it's

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Speaker 1: not gonna hurt me anymore. It's going to be a reminder.

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Speaker 1: So I think I learned that to your question there,

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Speaker 1: I learned that from all this, And then the response

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Speaker 1: has been overwhelming. Right, I've never thought that, you know,

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Speaker 1: simply my story, but the people reaching out who are

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Speaker 1: either going through something or a family or have gone

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Speaker 1: through something, and how meaningful it's meant. I would have

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Speaker 1: never had this kind of impact if I had a

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Speaker 1: you know, played twenty years in the NFL on a

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Speaker 1: couple of Super Bowl they just wouldn't have. Well, I

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Speaker 1: think that's what you know. Sometimes the athletes we were

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Speaker 1: forgetten and people who aren't athletes forget like we're normal people,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I think you sharing your

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Speaker 1: story makes and Jack and I, you know, because we

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Speaker 1: had a misconception of who we were as athletes, and

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Speaker 1: we've been able to kind of really tell who we

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Speaker 1: are and tell our own narrative. You know, you're telling

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Speaker 1: your own story, but we don't don't sometimes like device versa.

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Speaker 1: We don't realize they don't realize, but how relatable we

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Speaker 1: are and we go through the same ship, but it's

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Speaker 1: just on the biggest stage, you know what I mean,

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Speaker 1: Like we can't recover in private like we recovered in

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Speaker 1: front of the world. Yeah, And it's uh, I think

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Speaker 1: that just because we're good at something like like the

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Speaker 1: best in the world at doing it, that we're not

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Speaker 1: really messed up everywhere else pretty much like a terrible

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Speaker 1: coping mechanisms and everything else I did, like if I

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Speaker 1: couldn't play football or sports in general, Like I was

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Speaker 1: a mess. I was bad with girls. I was bad

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Speaker 1: with with communication. I mean anything outside of being on

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Speaker 1: a court or being on a football field trying to

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Speaker 1: kick your ass. That was it tell us about your upbringing?

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Speaker 1: Well it was. It was different because I'm the old me.

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Speaker 1: I'm the only Montana who's ever been drafted in the

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Speaker 1: first round. They're more first round draft picks in the

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Speaker 1: Manning family Montana ever, so I didn't have a trailblazer,

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Speaker 1: you know. I was just breaking eggs as I went.

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Speaker 1: All I knew is I wanted to get out. I

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Speaker 1: wanted to be My heroes were the Fat Five, like

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Speaker 1: Jalen Rose was my that was my dude, right, I

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Speaker 1: wanted to be him. I cut my hair like like it,

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Speaker 1: my black socks and my my yellow shoes, and we

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Speaker 1: had unis like that, and I and I warmed down

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Speaker 1: to my knees. And I was not in a very

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Speaker 1: conservative white Montana town. It was not well received and

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Speaker 1: there was a lot of backlash um and I didn't

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Speaker 1: feel like I could be myself. And then when I

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Speaker 1: finally started being myself, I wasn't accepted and I just

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Speaker 1: said it, I need to get out of this place.

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Speaker 1: Whatever I can to do it. And it was about competing.

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Speaker 1: I didn't care who you were, what you did. And

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Speaker 1: I burned a ton of bridges through that process, but

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Speaker 1: I got I got where I needed. Um, multi sport athlete,

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Speaker 1: what made you decide to choose Washington State could have

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Speaker 1: pretty much one anywhere? Yeah. Um, they head coach of

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Speaker 1: the football team, he was gonna let me play basketball.

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Speaker 1: A lot of the other football coaches were saying like, no,

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Speaker 1: we don't. We don't want to see the quarterback. That's

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Speaker 1: that's a risk to play anything else but football. They're

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Speaker 1: like yeah, And he was like He's like, whatever you

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Speaker 1: want to do to to keep competitive, keep that edge. Um.

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Speaker 1: But I also think he was doing whatever he could

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Speaker 1: to recruit me. And I bought it. Hook client a sinker,

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Speaker 1: Come here, you can play whatever you want. We're gonna

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Speaker 1: go to a Rose Bowl together. Yeah. I buy what

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Speaker 1: you're selling. I didn't do any research. I hadn't realized

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Speaker 1: they han't been to a Rose Bowl since ninety one. Um,

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Speaker 1: so it was a leap of faith, right, it was

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Speaker 1: a leap of faith. I walked on the basketball team,

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Speaker 1: UH played shorte stuff for the baseball team that freshman year.

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Speaker 1: And then after that he came to me and he said,

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Speaker 1: you know you could you could make a living right stop.

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Speaker 1: That's a tough position. That's the best athlete right there

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Speaker 1: in baseball. Shops up lead Washington State to their for

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Speaker 1: is tim pec PEC ten championship finalists for the Heisman

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Speaker 1: named All American. I mean it seems like in Kyege

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Speaker 1: you had everything you can ever imagine. Yeah, it was

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Speaker 1: pretty special. I mean I had a great team. Though

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Speaker 1: I got a lot of the accolades, but I mean

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Speaker 1: we had we had five wide receivers, we had an

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Speaker 1: offense line of defense that made huge plays, and we

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Speaker 1: were really senior laden I was, I was underclassman, but

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Speaker 1: but we had a lot of guys that have put

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Speaker 1: in the work. And we had a bunch of guys

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Speaker 1: that back in the day where you can do Prop

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Speaker 1: forty eight. So I don't know if you guys remember

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Speaker 1: that or not, where you don't qualify and they can

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Speaker 1: get you to junior college or get you there and

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Speaker 1: get you ready playing with a ton of those guys,

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Speaker 1: especially from down here in l a Um that became

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Speaker 1: some of my best friends and some of our best players.

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Speaker 1: And coach Price did a tremendous job of I mean,

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Speaker 1: you walk into a room in south central l a

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Speaker 1: And tell the mom of a prospect that you know

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Speaker 1: your son is gonna be up here in Pullman. He

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Speaker 1: doesn't have to lock his doors anything in life. Different life.

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Speaker 1: You know, we can he can feel, you can feel

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Speaker 1: safe and and get to be and express who he is.

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Speaker 1: And that was pretty cool. And that's I learned a

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Speaker 1: lot that way too. I mean, all the accolades, you know,

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Speaker 1: seemingly seemingly in college. What was it like for you

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Speaker 1: mentally though? Were you at that point fighting any demon

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Speaker 1: struggling or was it what did that come a little

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Speaker 1: bit later? I mean, it's always been there. I think,

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Speaker 1: you know, once you get placed on that pedestal and

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Speaker 1: consequences aren't the same for you, You kind of there's

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Speaker 1: a bit of arrested development. I didn't develop some of

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Speaker 1: the key things or life skills that I needed to

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Speaker 1: deal with adversity. And then I always want, like I

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Speaker 1: always go back onto a quarter or field and and

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Speaker 1: and dominate no matter how I messed up or something

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Speaker 1: like that, be like, wipe it away. You're so good,

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Speaker 1: they would wipe it away. And college was kind of

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Speaker 1: the same thing. You know, if I acted out or

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Speaker 1: if I misbehaved, or I was just you know, and

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Speaker 1: I used the bravado of who I was on the

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Speaker 1: football field and who I was off it. I almost

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Speaker 1: had to like Dennis Robin was a huge influence. He

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Speaker 1: became a friend of mine when I got to the NFL,

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Speaker 1: and I just I saw ah who he wasn't. He

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Speaker 1: just went all in on who that was because people

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Speaker 1: already telling him he was that. So when people started

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Speaker 1: attributing the black hat to me, I was just like,

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Speaker 1: fuck it, Yeah, I'm fine with that. We want to

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Speaker 1: be the golden child. I'm gonna I'm gonna whoop your

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Speaker 1: ass and I'm gonna tell you about it. And I

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Speaker 1: don't I don't know why. I don't know why I

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Speaker 1: did it. I wasn't that guy. I didn't think that way.

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Speaker 1: I just wanted to be like, I'm just his redneck

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Speaker 1: from Montana who loves sports and wants to be liked.

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Speaker 1: That's that's pretty much who I was. And and I

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Speaker 1: never really truly could be that guy. And and when

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Speaker 1: things get tough and when things get bad, um, my

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Speaker 1: talent wasn't wasn't enough to carry me through it all

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Speaker 1: before ago you're saying your season and the draft, Well,

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Speaker 1: how did that process come about? Well, I mean I

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Speaker 1: was coach came to me and said, after the Rose Boys,

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Speaker 1: like you know, the draft, the scouts say you're gonna

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Speaker 1: be the first pick of the second pick, and Peyton

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Speaker 1: are going to be the guy ponny. So what am

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Speaker 1: I supposed to do? I'm supposed to be out to college,

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Speaker 1: maybe get hurt, uh, maybe not play as well because

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Speaker 1: we were gonna lose twenty eight seniors. Um, and now

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Speaker 1: I'm drafted you know later where we're talking about maybe

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Speaker 1: you know, my contract was thirty million dollars as a

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Speaker 1: twenty one year old kid, So I didn't know what

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Speaker 1: That's the only thing I knew what to do. And

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Speaker 1: I also loved the idea that I was so good

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Speaker 1: that I could leave college early to go do it

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Speaker 1: like that was even a more prideful thing in all

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Speaker 1: of it. And so I jumped at it and went

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Speaker 1: through the whole process. Uh, And you know I was

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Speaker 1: going to be the first to the second pick in

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Speaker 1: the NFL draft. And that's the way it all shaped out.

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Speaker 1: NFL combine, Randy Moss, all these people in your class.

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Speaker 1: What was that like? That was pretty cool? Um. Peyton

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Speaker 1: and I were roommates and we we we we weren't

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Speaker 1: gonna do nothing. We looked at each other, We're like,

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Speaker 1: we're going one and two. Man, let's you know, how

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Speaker 1: was he though? How was he as a person when

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Speaker 1: we've we met during my my sophomore year, simply because

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Speaker 1: we both knew we were gonna be tied to one another,

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Speaker 1: and our s I D S put us in touch.

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Speaker 1: And back in the day right where no cell phones,

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Speaker 1: you had to set a time where you're gonna be

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Speaker 1: at home wine rings, and I remember my boys were

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Speaker 1: all sitting around drinking beers and playing dominoes and and

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Speaker 1: uh and the phone rings and it was that time.

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Speaker 1: And I go pick it up and actually telling him,

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Speaker 1: and I hear the Southern draw on the end, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, it's it was always that guy, because

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Speaker 1: I thought I was. I don't know if I ever

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Speaker 1: felt like I was there, peers it was I should

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Speaker 1: have been, because I was just a talented. It's just good.

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Speaker 1: But I just could never like after games, I'd be

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Speaker 1: not like these days where they exchanged autographed jerseys and

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Speaker 1: like doing for pictures. Like we beat Steve Young and

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Speaker 1: the fourty niners in my first preseason game. I whipped

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Speaker 1: his ass and I walked. I walked up to him

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Speaker 1: in the shaking his hand, and I'm like an autograph,

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Speaker 1: you know, And it's so I don't know it. I

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Speaker 1: still look back in those days finally, but it was

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Speaker 1: it was I just didn't necessarily think I'd probably fit.

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Speaker 1: That's interesting. So when it comes down, I mean again,

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Speaker 1: he's your roommate in the combined it's one too. It

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Speaker 1: could a flip with the coin. Really, you end up

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Speaker 1: going to San Diego, beautiful city, by the way, what's

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Speaker 1: your first impression of that? Well, that was, you know,

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Speaker 1: and he was really close to draft in me and

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Speaker 1: my agent and I went to and said, then't go there.

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Speaker 1: I wasn't thinking about the right thing. So I wasn't

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Speaker 1: thinking about having Marshall Falcon, Marvin Harrison in the backfield, beach,

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Speaker 1: the babes money all that I was. I wasn't thinking

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Speaker 1: about the right For whatever reason, I wanted. That was

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Speaker 1: the goal. It was always the goal to be a

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Speaker 1: professional athlete. And maybe I didn't. I didn't see past that.

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Speaker 1: And when I got there, I was like boom. And

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Speaker 1: I also didn't think money was going to change me.

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Speaker 1: I didn't think it. My dad is a two tour

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Speaker 1: Vietnam veteran. He's worked his tail off. Um, we never

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Speaker 1: wanted for anything, but we never saw any moneys they

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Speaker 1: went through, but you know they did. They just didn't

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Speaker 1: let us see it. And I just thought I would.

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Speaker 1: He was frugal. I just thought what I Money changed me?

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Speaker 1: You know, all those character defects that were there are

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Speaker 1: now louder, were just louder because of the money. And

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Speaker 1: I thought that money, power and prestige made you success.

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Speaker 1: It's everything I thought I had seen. Right, I had

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Speaker 1: all this money, all this power, and now the prestige

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Speaker 1: should be in a starting NFL quarterback. Like, no one

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Speaker 1: could tell me anything. You rarely hear someone admit that

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Speaker 1: ship though, like money changed me. I don't think I've

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Speaker 1: ever heard be honest about that, you know what I mean?

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Speaker 1: Although it changes a lot of people, is interesting that

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Speaker 1: you know, to have that perspective. Um, when you don't

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Speaker 1: experience the media success you had not only in college

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Speaker 1: but throughout your playing career when you get to the NFL.

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Speaker 1: How hard is that? Well, I had a media six success.

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Speaker 1: We won our first two starts that hadn't happened since,

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Speaker 1: and John Elway, so like PEPSI came in and gave

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Speaker 1: me a big deal Rolex Toyota, and I'm just like

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Speaker 1: Peyton lost his first two starts. I'm like, okay, I'm

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Speaker 1: killing a ship, right, And then we go to then

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Speaker 1: we go to Arrowhead, Kansas City, and uh, who's the

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Speaker 1: quarterback there at the time, Rich Gannon. And the week

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Speaker 1: before we played Tennessee Steve McNair Eddie George in in

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Speaker 1: Tennessee and we beat him, and I slide on the

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Speaker 1: turf and it was in the old Vanderbilt Stadium before

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Speaker 1: they built a with the new spot, and I got

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Speaker 1: a turf burning. I was wearing these tights outside of

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Speaker 1: uh my socks and like melted and burnt into my skin.

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Speaker 1: And I got a staff affection that week. So I

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Speaker 1: was in the hospital all week long leading up to

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Speaker 1: Kansas City, and I was I didn't care. I was

336
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Speaker 1: gonna play like I was just tough s O B.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna show the team I'm here, I'm I'm a winner.

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Speaker 1: So they're bringing film over to me in the hospital

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Speaker 1: and and uh, I go, I fly, Um we warm up.

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Speaker 1: They shoot me up with whatever they needed to. I

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00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:56,440
Speaker 1: don't felt like adrenaline. Then I was firing it around.

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Speaker 1: All of a sudden, the skies start closing in and

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00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:04,080
Speaker 1: dumping and it becomes a monsoon. I complete my first

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Speaker 1: pass and then proceed to go one for fifteen four yards,

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Speaker 1: two interceptions, three phonels like seven sacks. The worst performance,

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Speaker 1: humiliating performance of my life. And it's not just about that.

347
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Speaker 1: It's what I do after the game. I came remember

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Speaker 1: back in the day, those cameras with a huge battery

349
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Speaker 1: in the locker room. They're spinning around sometimes while standing up,

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Speaker 1: and he spun it around. It smoked me right in

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Speaker 1: the head and like split me and I lost it

352
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Speaker 1: on this dude, like dressed him down. I just played

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Speaker 1: the worst game of my life. Was completely embarrassed, you know,

354
00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:43,280
Speaker 1: took it out on a guy. You know. The reporter

355
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Speaker 1: was inside there. He was a beat writer documented it. Monday.

356
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Speaker 1: I'm driving into the facility. It's all over the papers

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Speaker 1: that incident. So, um, we do the gaggle, you know,

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Speaker 1: postgame stuff with the reporters. I asked him to stand

359
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Speaker 1: around a little bit later. Um, and then I proceed

360
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Speaker 1: to tell him why it is right. I'm the big

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00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:07,840
Speaker 1: tough to make football life. Grab his ass, I throw

362
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Speaker 1: him in the chair and I start motherfucking him up

363
00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:14,080
Speaker 1: and down. And the cameraman in the corner flips around

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Speaker 1: and starts getting this. And this is the viral video

365
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Speaker 1: which didn't it was viral videos didn't exist back then,

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Speaker 1: and this is like one of the first ones. And

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Speaker 1: that's the picture you see of me acting like a

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Speaker 1: petulant child braiding the reporter. Junior say, I was gonna

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Speaker 1: come in and grab me. He pulls me into the shower,

370
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Speaker 1: turns it on cold. He used to call me baby boy,

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Speaker 1: Uh said, baby boy. Cooled down. We'll get some dinner

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Speaker 1: after this. Just just cool down. And uh, it became

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Speaker 1: this big thing, right Um. And then then my dad

374
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Speaker 1: was in town some of his clients and everything like that,

375
00:18:49,119 --> 00:18:52,360
Speaker 1: and uh, inside the NFL which is on the showtime

376
00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:55,600
Speaker 1: was on HBO at the time, and it it played uncensored,

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00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:58,840
Speaker 1: you know, and we're all watching, and my dad clients

378
00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:01,200
Speaker 1: are there watching in the house. I'm on, damn boy,

379
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:05,679
Speaker 1: your son looks great. He helps me craft an apology.

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Speaker 1: And if you watch me the next day reading this apology,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to be there. I think it. I

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00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:14,040
Speaker 1: think what I'm doing is wrong. I believe I'm the

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Speaker 1: victim and all this, and you can see the disdain.

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Speaker 1: I read it then and then just kind of flip

385
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Speaker 1: it into the locker and that, and then I fight

386
00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:24,159
Speaker 1: the media the rest of the year, and I play poorly.

387
00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:26,600
Speaker 1: You know, you can go be an asshole and go

388
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Speaker 1: out and ball and it doesn't matter. That's always been

389
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Speaker 1: my life, Like I could have been an asshole to

390
00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:33,440
Speaker 1: everybody else, but I go get it done on the field.

391
00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:37,239
Speaker 1: I threw four picks against the Giants. Next week, they

392
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Speaker 1: had to make a wish commercial that I did up

393
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:41,480
Speaker 1: on the jump with on midgame and it got booed.

394
00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:45,720
Speaker 1: It was it precipitous boom like that. I don't remember

395
00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:47,600
Speaker 1: another positive thing in my NFL career, and I would

396
00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:51,160
Speaker 1: go on play for four years simply because I couldn't

397
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:54,600
Speaker 1: deal with failure in a healthy positive What was the

398
00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:57,080
Speaker 1: locker room light? What was it teammates. Like around this time,

399
00:19:57,720 --> 00:20:00,440
Speaker 1: it started to get progressively worse because report We're writing

400
00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:02,920
Speaker 1: things in the paper, guys on the team, we're leaking

401
00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:08,040
Speaker 1: stuff bacons teammates and I just had a relationship, had

402
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:11,240
Speaker 1: a relationship with my teammates through the media. There wasn't

403
00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:14,760
Speaker 1: a right there was one guy in a team, uh,

404
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:17,720
Speaker 1: I mean, Rodney Harrison was like was my roll dog.

405
00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:20,480
Speaker 1: We did everything together, and I I should have just

406
00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:23,320
Speaker 1: I should have grasped it onto their him and juniors

407
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:28,200
Speaker 1: like coattails and just saw how they did it and

408
00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:29,919
Speaker 1: went about my business that way. And I did, and

409
00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:31,600
Speaker 1: I just thought I had all the answers, and it

410
00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:35,320
Speaker 1: just there's a reason why at this level you only

411
00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:39,199
Speaker 1: get one shot. If you you mess it up, you

412
00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:41,520
Speaker 1: don't get that you don't get that other shot. When

413
00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:45,280
Speaker 1: you look back now, obviously very self aware and the

414
00:20:45,359 --> 00:20:47,679
Speaker 1: accepting of the way you used to be. When you

415
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:51,600
Speaker 1: know when the labels arrogant or too good or any

416
00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:53,600
Speaker 1: you hear any of that stuff, like how does that

417
00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:57,440
Speaker 1: make you feel? Now? I mean, I'm human, right, so

418
00:20:57,760 --> 00:21:00,640
Speaker 1: any kind of anything critical it's just it's it's hard

419
00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:08,080
Speaker 1: to here, but I'm I'm more self aware The definition

420
00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:10,119
Speaker 1: humility I found to be is that the guy I

421
00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:13,120
Speaker 1: look in the mirror at, I'm okay with that guy.

422
00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:15,119
Speaker 1: That's what humility is. I understand who I am, and

423
00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:17,160
Speaker 1: I'm okay with it. I'm on this flawed human being

424
00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:19,960
Speaker 1: like everybody else, trying to be better every single day

425
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:22,720
Speaker 1: and fucking mess up all the time. I'm a new dad,

426
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:25,639
Speaker 1: really screwing up with that, you know, you know, raising

427
00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:27,880
Speaker 1: a kid, being a partner to my wife, all these things,

428
00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:31,320
Speaker 1: trying to navigate the business world. Uh, you know when

429
00:21:31,359 --> 00:21:35,200
Speaker 1: when you're when you're labeled this thing. And also I'm

430
00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:39,840
Speaker 1: a seven time felon right, That's that's that's it. That's

431
00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:45,280
Speaker 1: that's who I am. And I know, like I don't

432
00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:47,399
Speaker 1: take things for granted anymore because I know that I

433
00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:50,000
Speaker 1: am blessed if I do the next right thing, Like

434
00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:52,359
Speaker 1: amazing things happened for me, where it doesn't maybe for

435
00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:54,080
Speaker 1: other people who have gone through the same things I have,

436
00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:57,520
Speaker 1: especially guys that don't look like me. And so I'm

437
00:21:57,520 --> 00:22:00,720
Speaker 1: really aware of that, and so I try to try

438
00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:02,840
Speaker 1: to be his understanding about it. And when things don't

439
00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:05,080
Speaker 1: go my way, I just I'm not quick to react

440
00:22:05,119 --> 00:22:08,879
Speaker 1: and go fuck them. You know, I'm just like, I

441
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:11,760
Speaker 1: only can control what I can control, right, I just

442
00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:15,679
Speaker 1: gotta work harder. And I wasn't that guy before, and

443
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:17,920
Speaker 1: so I had to be had. I had to wake

444
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:21,560
Speaker 1: up on the floor of the prison cell floor and

445
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:24,040
Speaker 1: for me to be humbled. Maybe you know, you thought

446
00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:25,920
Speaker 1: when somebody would slapped you around the head and staid

447
00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:28,720
Speaker 1: get get right, or or or you lose everything, or

448
00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:31,960
Speaker 1: your drug, drug addict, all that stuff, it wasn't that.

449
00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:34,520
Speaker 1: It was it was waking up on that floor just

450
00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:37,320
Speaker 1: going like, this is your life and if you're okay

451
00:22:37,359 --> 00:22:40,560
Speaker 1: with it, then you can just stay here. When you

452
00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:44,800
Speaker 1: start getting all this and like you said back then,

453
00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:46,760
Speaker 1: it's the papers and and in the TV a little bit.

454
00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:52,960
Speaker 1: But all this negative press, what is that? When? What

455
00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:54,920
Speaker 1: do you do to cope with that? Surround myself with

456
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:59,000
Speaker 1: yes man who tell me that, uh, that I'm the victim,

457
00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:03,200
Speaker 1: that's they're fucking fault. It's not yours. Uh. And then

458
00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:07,080
Speaker 1: everybody that was you know who unconditionally loved me and

459
00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:09,359
Speaker 1: wanted to show me the mirror I pushed out of

460
00:23:09,359 --> 00:23:12,280
Speaker 1: my life. Right, Um, I was the golden goose. So

461
00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:14,080
Speaker 1: the guys that were the yes men they weren't gonna

462
00:23:14,119 --> 00:23:16,439
Speaker 1: they We're gonna turn down that ride. They'll be like,

463
00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:18,720
Speaker 1: co man, we gotta get you some help. We gotta

464
00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:21,119
Speaker 1: we gotta try to right this train. They were like,

465
00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:23,359
Speaker 1: I mean, we're going to Vegas every weekend. We're on

466
00:23:23,400 --> 00:23:27,719
Speaker 1: private planes, you know, the women going to the Playboy mansion.

467
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:31,280
Speaker 1: I'm being a huge football fan. Obviously the world misses him,

468
00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:33,639
Speaker 1: but this is one of your best. Um, explain your

469
00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:36,240
Speaker 1: relationship with Junior. Say, Julian, we went to dinner with

470
00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:39,280
Speaker 1: Julian Edelman and Brenda marshall night and it was Juliane

471
00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:41,119
Speaker 1: we's talking about him about Jia said, oh yeah, what

472
00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:43,160
Speaker 1: kind of guy he was. Say, Junior played with Julian

473
00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:46,640
Speaker 1: and at the end of his career. I mean, he

474
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:50,960
Speaker 1: he's the epitome of a football player that it just dude,

475
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:54,320
Speaker 1: show up at six. It was the hardest worker, practiced

476
00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:56,720
Speaker 1: his ass off. Any I mean, when you go see

477
00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:59,000
Speaker 1: Hall of Famers, you see Hall of Famers and you

478
00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:02,919
Speaker 1: see great players and you see, you know, NFL guys,

479
00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:07,120
Speaker 1: dude six five to fifty and can outrun everybody, right,

480
00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:13,520
Speaker 1: just a monster and played so hard and uh but

481
00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:16,760
Speaker 1: just like everybody else, like he was a great football player.

482
00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:20,080
Speaker 1: He struggled with some other things, right, He struggled with

483
00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:22,480
Speaker 1: how to how to be seen in the public and

484
00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:25,000
Speaker 1: be supposed to be the savior of San Diego, you know,

485
00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:26,879
Speaker 1: because he's from there and everything like that. There's a

486
00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:30,639
Speaker 1: ton of pressure on him. And then ultimately, you know,

487
00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:35,119
Speaker 1: he remember I was I saw the news when he

488
00:24:35,520 --> 00:24:37,240
Speaker 1: when he was in the accident where he drove off

489
00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:40,760
Speaker 1: a bluff in San Diego, and everybody was just like, oh,

490
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:42,679
Speaker 1: you know, he fell asleep or this, that and the other.

491
00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:44,920
Speaker 1: And I remember point of a couple my boys down here,

492
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:48,080
Speaker 1: I said that dude, he tried to kill himself. I

493
00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:52,479
Speaker 1: knew it because I I had the same feeling. And

494
00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:55,880
Speaker 1: then so when you know, about a year later, when

495
00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:57,560
Speaker 1: we heard that he took his own life, I was

496
00:24:57,640 --> 00:25:00,240
Speaker 1: just I mean, sometimes I have so much survivors guilt

497
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:01,840
Speaker 1: because I'm like, why the funk am I here? Like

498
00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:04,000
Speaker 1: if that guy would have a better message than I would,

499
00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:08,760
Speaker 1: he would make such a more impactful statement or platform

500
00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:11,919
Speaker 1: than I would, So I have this guilt around it.

501
00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:17,560
Speaker 1: And because his message would have been so impactful, and um,

502
00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:20,280
Speaker 1: I missed him. I mean, we we lost touch for

503
00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:23,320
Speaker 1: a while, but I think it's a big reason why

504
00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:27,880
Speaker 1: what I do now is about the NFL brotherhood. There's

505
00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:31,640
Speaker 1: only twenty seven thousand of us ever hundred years less

506
00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:34,640
Speaker 1: with you guys, I'm assuming. And we've seen guys die

507
00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:39,240
Speaker 1: alone in hotel rooms since Jackson, and I was, and

508
00:25:39,280 --> 00:25:41,240
Speaker 1: I know exactly how they feel because I was there.

509
00:25:41,280 --> 00:25:46,000
Speaker 1: I was alone in a hotel room dying and I

510
00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:48,919
Speaker 1: couldn't ask for help, and if I did, I didn't

511
00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:53,119
Speaker 1: believe anybody would be there for me anyway. Uh, And

512
00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:55,080
Speaker 1: so it makes me incredibly sad, and I don't ever

513
00:25:55,080 --> 00:25:57,720
Speaker 1: want to see it happen again. So we're trying to

514
00:25:57,760 --> 00:25:59,720
Speaker 1: be there for one another. That's why people need to

515
00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:02,680
Speaker 1: see that dot because like people don't understand everybody is

516
00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:06,000
Speaker 1: human and everybody is going through something something. It might

517
00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:08,159
Speaker 1: not be on TV, you know, it might not be

518
00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:12,040
Speaker 1: all do social media and the tablist, but everybody, regardless rich, poor, not,

519
00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:14,600
Speaker 1: everybody's going through something, you know what I mean. And

520
00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:16,800
Speaker 1: if you look at life like that, you can never assume,

521
00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:20,640
Speaker 1: you know. And when I get angry at somebody, I'm like, well,

522
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:22,880
Speaker 1: I don't know what's going on with him or her,

523
00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:26,800
Speaker 1: just on your own ship, Ryan, and and and move forward.

524
00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:30,640
Speaker 1: And that's that's worked. Every single day is different, it's

525
00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:33,400
Speaker 1: a different adjustment, it's different things. But you know, when

526
00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:36,280
Speaker 1: I decided to do this podcast, it was in the

527
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:38,560
Speaker 1: hopes that somebody who needed to hear it. And it's

528
00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:40,600
Speaker 1: every green right, and you can listen to it tomorrow,

529
00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:42,760
Speaker 1: you can listen to it a year from now, five

530
00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:44,400
Speaker 1: years from now, ten years from now, if you need

531
00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:47,439
Speaker 1: it or your family needs it. It's just it's always

532
00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:50,960
Speaker 1: going to be there. And that's the transition of wh

533
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:53,120
Speaker 1: when we leave our sports, when we take our uniforms off,

534
00:26:53,359 --> 00:26:57,199
Speaker 1: because the identity is so who we are, and if

535
00:26:57,280 --> 00:26:59,760
Speaker 1: you were failed one or if you had a misstep

536
00:26:59,760 --> 00:27:02,280
Speaker 1: along the way, that's attached to it too, and dreads

537
00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:04,960
Speaker 1: with you. You have to find that new purpose. What

538
00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:07,119
Speaker 1: is that going to be? And I didn't know what

539
00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:08,879
Speaker 1: that was gonna be. I didn't know what it was

540
00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:11,720
Speaker 1: going to be, and now I do, And so there's

541
00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:22,679
Speaker 1: purpose every morning when I wake up. You finish your

542
00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:25,000
Speaker 1: rookie season on the sideline due to a shoulder injury,

543
00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:29,600
Speaker 1: what's that like on the professional level? Being there watching

544
00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:32,280
Speaker 1: it struggling but then not being able to get out

545
00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:34,320
Speaker 1: there and kind of redeem yourself. I've never been hurt

546
00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:36,640
Speaker 1: in my life right ankle, you know, turning it ankle,

547
00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:38,480
Speaker 1: go up and dunk on somebody come down on their ankle.

548
00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:41,879
Speaker 1: I still get shivers when I think about that, not

549
00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:45,720
Speaker 1: the dunking part, broke blowing your ankle out part. But

550
00:27:45,760 --> 00:27:48,520
Speaker 1: I've never been hurt where I couldn't play, like bones

551
00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:50,000
Speaker 1: had to be coming out of my body where I

552
00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:52,480
Speaker 1: wouldn't play. But I tore my labor im in my

553
00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:55,480
Speaker 1: right shoulder, which was my life. I couldn't throw the football,

554
00:27:56,160 --> 00:27:58,880
Speaker 1: so I went and I missed my entire second season

555
00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:02,200
Speaker 1: where you're supposed to make that jump as a rookie, right,

556
00:28:03,359 --> 00:28:06,000
Speaker 1: and I couldn't do it. And I and if I'm

557
00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:09,720
Speaker 1: not active, like if I'm not moving like a shark

558
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:13,080
Speaker 1: at all times, like you don't want to be inside

559
00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:17,800
Speaker 1: my head, right, it's fucked up, right, And so you

560
00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:19,280
Speaker 1: know I need help with that. And I just I

561
00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:24,040
Speaker 1: surrounded myself the wrong people. I wasn't playing um all

562
00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:26,199
Speaker 1: of it and every day because I'm supposed to be

563
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:29,520
Speaker 1: the savior it's written about and talked about and this

564
00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:31,280
Speaker 1: that and the other, and the word bust started being

565
00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:34,120
Speaker 1: brought up, and I'm just it just took me down

566
00:28:34,119 --> 00:28:38,720
Speaker 1: a terrible path. Um. I ultimately came back, uh and

567
00:28:38,840 --> 00:28:41,479
Speaker 1: was named the starter in year three, but we had

568
00:28:41,480 --> 00:28:44,320
Speaker 1: a new head coach. We didn't win our first two games.

569
00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:48,360
Speaker 1: I got benched. Um, it's good story about that in

570
00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:49,760
Speaker 1: the podcast. I don't know if I could just go

571
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:52,120
Speaker 1: listen to. I was so angry. I got bench through

572
00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:53,760
Speaker 1: the media. I was driving in and I heard it

573
00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:55,680
Speaker 1: on the radio and I pulled it into the facility.

574
00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:59,200
Speaker 1: I walked up the stairs and head coach's office is

575
00:28:59,280 --> 00:29:01,160
Speaker 1: like hangs over the back and he's got a balcony there,

576
00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:03,240
Speaker 1: and I was so like, I walked in and motherfucked

577
00:29:03,280 --> 00:29:05,479
Speaker 1: him up and down and I feel like I got

578
00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:06,840
Speaker 1: black eyes, Like I don't know if I hung him

579
00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:08,560
Speaker 1: out over the top of the bottony here, so I

580
00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:09,960
Speaker 1: don't know if his kids were there. I didn't know

581
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:12,440
Speaker 1: what was going on. I was just so pissed and

582
00:29:12,480 --> 00:29:15,560
Speaker 1: like the oppulsive nature of of a football player and

583
00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:17,760
Speaker 1: who thought he was wrong and all that ship. So

584
00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:22,200
Speaker 1: it's it's Um. The storytelling has been a trip. Two thousand,

585
00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:24,720
Speaker 1: two thousand one, he was preparing for a comeback talk

586
00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:27,760
Speaker 1: about that. Yeah, you know the surgery, right, you go

587
00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:29,920
Speaker 1: take the surgery, go down and work with the specialists

588
00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:32,959
Speaker 1: in Birmingham, Alabama. Get right, come back, go up against

589
00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:35,200
Speaker 1: the likes of Jim Harbaugh, who ended up being my backup.

590
00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:36,920
Speaker 1: I win the job. I go down to Atlanta in

591
00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:39,200
Speaker 1: our last preseason game at ball right, nine for nine

592
00:29:39,200 --> 00:29:41,960
Speaker 1: in the first drive, a touchdown, Get handed the job,

593
00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:47,840
Speaker 1: cover Sports Illustrated right back from the brink, you know,

594
00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:56,600
Speaker 1: and we weren't very good. I wasn't very good, um,

595
00:29:56,600 --> 00:30:01,320
Speaker 1: you know. I I didn't understand what kind of work

596
00:30:01,320 --> 00:30:03,920
Speaker 1: ethic it took, especially when things got bad, and I

597
00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:06,400
Speaker 1: didn't realize what I was starting to develop was a

598
00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:10,960
Speaker 1: mental illness depression, right because I was I felt lazy.

599
00:30:11,040 --> 00:30:12,720
Speaker 1: I was having a hard time getting out of bed.

600
00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:16,800
Speaker 1: I felt sad all the time. I wasn't in joying

601
00:30:16,880 --> 00:30:18,720
Speaker 1: what I was getting to do, which is what I

602
00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:21,800
Speaker 1: love to do since I was four years old. I

603
00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:25,160
Speaker 1: didn't understand it. I just thought I was you know,

604
00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:29,160
Speaker 1: I just thought I was weak. And so after that

605
00:30:29,240 --> 00:30:32,480
Speaker 1: comeback didn't pay out and I popped around from Tampa

606
00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:35,200
Speaker 1: to Dallas to Seattle, I just I just thought I

607
00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:37,520
Speaker 1: was so sick and tired of getting beat up physically

608
00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:41,360
Speaker 1: and mentally from from critics and everything like that. I

609
00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:43,600
Speaker 1: just I thought I'd be able to disappear drained. You

610
00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:47,880
Speaker 1: was drained. I was just physically and mentally done. But

611
00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:49,800
Speaker 1: I thought I had all those things that still made

612
00:30:49,840 --> 00:30:52,600
Speaker 1: me a success, the money, power, prestige. The prestige was

613
00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:54,200
Speaker 1: gonna be tarnished a little bit now because I was

614
00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:56,880
Speaker 1: I wasn't a starting NFL quarterback, but I was still

615
00:30:56,880 --> 00:31:01,080
Speaker 1: a former quarterback. Come on, now, still walk me into

616
00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:03,520
Speaker 1: Vegas and get everything I need and want and all

617
00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:06,800
Speaker 1: the I guess, the notoriety I want. I like being famous,

618
00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:09,160
Speaker 1: right care if it was for the negative or positive things.

619
00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:10,840
Speaker 1: At that point, people looked at me and I was

620
00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:15,720
Speaker 1: a rich, famous person. So you write your risk step back?

621
00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:19,800
Speaker 1: What was going on there in your mind? Uh? They're like,

622
00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:23,000
Speaker 1: now this ship just I just figured out I've never

623
00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:24,720
Speaker 1: I just thought I was never going to be the

624
00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:28,840
Speaker 1: guy again, and that wasn't okay with me. I also

625
00:31:28,880 --> 00:31:31,840
Speaker 1: had this mindset that like, if I'm not a starting quarterback,

626
00:31:32,120 --> 00:31:35,840
Speaker 1: then I can't play. When I realized that you can,

627
00:31:35,880 --> 00:31:38,240
Speaker 1: you tell me you can pay like these backups now,

628
00:31:38,280 --> 00:31:41,240
Speaker 1: they make seven ten million dollars and they never take

629
00:31:41,280 --> 00:31:43,280
Speaker 1: a snap. There's a bunch of guys that have played

630
00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:45,520
Speaker 1: like ten twelve years that I have more touchdowns and

631
00:31:45,600 --> 00:31:49,640
Speaker 1: more passing yards and and they've made fifty sixty million dollars.

632
00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:53,240
Speaker 1: I mean, it's great for them, but that was available

633
00:31:53,280 --> 00:31:55,520
Speaker 1: to me if I do have just chosen instead, I'm

634
00:31:55,560 --> 00:31:58,720
Speaker 1: in Seattle. Then I walked into Mike home Wars office

635
00:31:58,720 --> 00:32:02,040
Speaker 1: and I said, I'm done. I'm out out after four years. Right,

636
00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:03,560
Speaker 1: I think I wanted to do since I was four

637
00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:05,720
Speaker 1: years old, because I couldn't tell him like, I'm really

638
00:32:05,720 --> 00:32:09,480
Speaker 1: struggling here. Damn, I can't get out of bed. I'm lazy.

639
00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:13,040
Speaker 1: And you would have hoped he would have looked at

640
00:32:13,080 --> 00:32:15,160
Speaker 1: me and said, all right, let's get you, let's figure

641
00:32:15,160 --> 00:32:16,760
Speaker 1: it out. It's get you some help. Maybe I'm a

642
00:32:16,840 --> 00:32:21,640
Speaker 1: starting quarterback in Super Bowl forty gains the Steelers, you know,

643
00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:24,920
Speaker 1: who knows, who knows. But I wasn't capable at that

644
00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:27,880
Speaker 1: time of asking for help. And I just figured I'll

645
00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:30,200
Speaker 1: be fine. Football will go away, people forget about me,

646
00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:35,200
Speaker 1: and I'll just live this lifestyle. So you damn you

647
00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:38,680
Speaker 1: walk away after four years? Where if you don't mind

648
00:32:38,720 --> 00:32:42,959
Speaker 1: sharing light. The drugs came in and how deep did

649
00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:48,520
Speaker 1: you get into drugs? Yeah, in Vegas about three months

650
00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:54,479
Speaker 1: after I retired. Quit. Uh, We're at the MGM Grand

651
00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:57,440
Speaker 1: I think it was Dala Hoya fight or something like that.

652
00:32:57,680 --> 00:33:00,280
Speaker 1: You guys have been to Vegas for fighting be the

653
00:33:00,320 --> 00:33:03,680
Speaker 1: coolest thing in States, Like the adrenaline in the room

654
00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:05,760
Speaker 1: and everything like that leading up to it. And I

655
00:33:05,840 --> 00:33:09,240
Speaker 1: like that, um, and I like Vegas because I wasn't

656
00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:11,120
Speaker 1: the most famous guy in Vegas, so I could kind

657
00:33:11,120 --> 00:33:12,560
Speaker 1: of go and do whatever the hell I want and

658
00:33:12,560 --> 00:33:17,320
Speaker 1: people really weren't focused on Yeah. And so we're there

659
00:33:17,800 --> 00:33:20,479
Speaker 1: and when they give you those great seats ringside and stuff,

660
00:33:20,520 --> 00:33:23,320
Speaker 1: they announced Susan in the audience. So they announced there

661
00:33:23,360 --> 00:33:26,120
Speaker 1: was Tiger was in the audience. Was Charles Barkley and

662
00:33:26,320 --> 00:33:29,800
Speaker 1: Dr Dre and all these The audience just went nuts.

663
00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:33,400
Speaker 1: And then and I'm just kind of like, don't, don't

664
00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:39,120
Speaker 1: and they'd say my name and that whole Grand Garden arena,

665
00:33:39,200 --> 00:33:43,760
Speaker 1: fucking boot. It's not like that hadn't happened before. We're

666
00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:46,040
Speaker 1: going to the Posting Stadium, you know what it's supposed

667
00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:48,000
Speaker 1: to happen there, though, right, and you have arm aroun

668
00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:50,080
Speaker 1: when you play football, like you can want to do

669
00:33:50,120 --> 00:33:52,720
Speaker 1: something about it? What my attic mine? Because I was

670
00:33:52,760 --> 00:33:54,600
Speaker 1: a drug a drug addict long before I ever took

671
00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:57,959
Speaker 1: a drug, I believe that my attic mind heard not

672
00:33:58,000 --> 00:33:59,800
Speaker 1: only you were a terrible football player, but you were

673
00:33:59,840 --> 00:34:02,760
Speaker 1: a shitty human being. That's what I heard it sure enough,

674
00:34:03,160 --> 00:34:05,680
Speaker 1: an acquaintance of mind. That night at a party where

675
00:34:05,680 --> 00:34:08,640
Speaker 1: there were Super Bowl champions and Hall of Famers were

676
00:34:08,640 --> 00:34:13,200
Speaker 1: I always felt less than and judged, offered me some

677
00:34:13,360 --> 00:34:16,000
Speaker 1: Viking And now I'd taken Vica in my whole life

678
00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:18,120
Speaker 1: after surgeries, I knew what it did. It worked, It

679
00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:20,279
Speaker 1: dealt with my physical pain. This would be the first

680
00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:25,160
Speaker 1: time I took it from my emotional pain and the

681
00:34:25,280 --> 00:34:27,560
Speaker 1: call of pain killers for a reason. Man, it did

682
00:34:28,560 --> 00:34:31,480
Speaker 1: it made me feel better, made me feel nothing. And

683
00:34:31,560 --> 00:34:37,720
Speaker 1: I've been searching for that feeling of not feeling anything

684
00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:39,640
Speaker 1: for so long and I found it. And that would

685
00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:42,239
Speaker 1: be the next eight years of my life, guys, just

686
00:34:42,360 --> 00:34:45,759
Speaker 1: chasing that initial like not feeling the guilt and shame

687
00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:47,400
Speaker 1: of who I'd become or what I had done, or

688
00:34:47,400 --> 00:34:48,759
Speaker 1: what I was going to have to do. All of

689
00:34:48,800 --> 00:34:52,360
Speaker 1: it I had friends in high school that got addicted

690
00:34:52,520 --> 00:34:55,520
Speaker 1: to pain killers and and I it was I saw,

691
00:34:55,640 --> 00:34:59,319
Speaker 1: I mean from Viking into Norcos and you know, i'd

692
00:34:59,360 --> 00:35:03,640
Speaker 1: see kids take how was it that heavy? I had

693
00:35:03,680 --> 00:35:05,440
Speaker 1: to take a hunterd milligram, So yeah, I would, depending

694
00:35:05,440 --> 00:35:08,120
Speaker 1: on what kind of potency it was. Right. I'm just

695
00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:10,839
Speaker 1: surprised my liver didn't crap out from all the tile

696
00:35:10,840 --> 00:35:14,759
Speaker 1: and all that was in that um and I and

697
00:35:14,760 --> 00:35:16,440
Speaker 1: I didn't search for anything else, like, I didn't move

698
00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:18,799
Speaker 1: on to heroin or something like. I liked what it

699
00:35:18,800 --> 00:35:21,160
Speaker 1: made me feel like. That made me feel like like

700
00:35:21,200 --> 00:35:23,560
Speaker 1: I wasn't looking for uppers. I wasn't looking for coke

701
00:35:23,640 --> 00:35:26,080
Speaker 1: or anything like that. I felt like I was already wired.

702
00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:29,879
Speaker 1: I wanted to be sedated, you know. I didn't want

703
00:35:29,880 --> 00:35:32,120
Speaker 1: to feel anything. I didn't want to feel all that failure.

704
00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:33,960
Speaker 1: I didn't want to feel when people booed me or

705
00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:35,719
Speaker 1: told me I was a piece of ship or or

706
00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:37,600
Speaker 1: a bust. I didn't want to feel any of that stuff.

707
00:35:37,840 --> 00:35:40,279
Speaker 1: And this worked. Now, it goes away quickly, and that's

708
00:35:40,280 --> 00:35:43,040
Speaker 1: what the what tolerance does and what your addiction does.

709
00:35:43,080 --> 00:35:44,560
Speaker 1: Then I had to then I had to chase it

710
00:35:45,719 --> 00:35:47,360
Speaker 1: and I had to chase it so I didn't feel

711
00:35:47,360 --> 00:35:48,839
Speaker 1: that way every and I would look in the mirror

712
00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:50,920
Speaker 1: every night, thinking, you fucking junkie, you piece of shit.

713
00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:54,319
Speaker 1: But the only way to get rid of that take more.

714
00:35:54,400 --> 00:35:56,359
Speaker 1: Let's take more, because then you don't feel like it's

715
00:35:56,400 --> 00:35:59,000
Speaker 1: just vicious cycle, the psychology of it all. And I

716
00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:02,560
Speaker 1: would find them. I ultimately started breaking into houses right

717
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:06,960
Speaker 1: in around my hometown, um to find these bills because

718
00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:10,680
Speaker 1: I didn't know what drug dealer, and they were in

719
00:36:10,719 --> 00:36:12,640
Speaker 1: my hand. They weren't even my system, but they got

720
00:36:12,640 --> 00:36:14,120
Speaker 1: in my hand. I'm leaving a house and getting my

721
00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:15,920
Speaker 1: car going, they were in my hand, and I knew

722
00:36:15,960 --> 00:36:19,000
Speaker 1: everything was gonna be okay for damn, a little bit right,

723
00:36:19,040 --> 00:36:22,560
Speaker 1: for a little bit. So arrested on burglary, theft, drug

724
00:36:22,640 --> 00:36:26,120
Speaker 1: charges in your hometown, like criminal, I'm a bad criminal.

725
00:36:26,719 --> 00:36:28,640
Speaker 1: How does it are you still so much in a

726
00:36:28,800 --> 00:36:31,520
Speaker 1: fog that you don't realize like damn, like I was

727
00:36:31,560 --> 00:36:33,719
Speaker 1: the man here, got out. Now I'm back in my

728
00:36:33,840 --> 00:36:36,680
Speaker 1: hometown for the wrong reasons, doing the wrong thing. Did

729
00:36:36,680 --> 00:36:39,359
Speaker 1: it hit you then or hit you later? Nothing hits

730
00:36:39,400 --> 00:36:42,040
Speaker 1: you then because all you're chasing is that you don't

731
00:36:42,080 --> 00:36:47,480
Speaker 1: care what the consequences. You're ultimately the ultimate. Not feeling

732
00:36:47,520 --> 00:36:49,879
Speaker 1: that anything would be to die and I wouldn't feel

733
00:36:49,920 --> 00:36:53,000
Speaker 1: anything ever again. So I was like at that point

734
00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:55,960
Speaker 1: after I got arrested. I got arrested on a like

735
00:36:56,000 --> 00:37:00,600
Speaker 1: a Friday, and I bonded out because I'm so fearful. Um.

736
00:37:00,640 --> 00:37:02,239
Speaker 1: But then I didn't have pills and I had to

737
00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:04,120
Speaker 1: figure out and I couldn't figure it out, so I

738
00:37:04,320 --> 00:37:07,120
Speaker 1: googled how to kill myself. I'd slit my wrist. You

739
00:37:07,120 --> 00:37:09,719
Speaker 1: can see the scar still there. I see it every day.

740
00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:12,320
Speaker 1: It's a reminder. It didn't work. I went and found

741
00:37:12,360 --> 00:37:15,480
Speaker 1: more pills. I took them um, and got arrested for

742
00:37:15,520 --> 00:37:17,960
Speaker 1: the second time in forty eight hours. And then I

743
00:37:18,000 --> 00:37:21,719
Speaker 1: wouldn't get out after that one help thirty two thirty

744
00:37:21,760 --> 00:37:24,120
Speaker 1: two months in prison, and that's where you kind of

745
00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:26,360
Speaker 1: felt like you hit rock bottom. And two there was

746
00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:30,080
Speaker 1: nowhere up. It wasn't even that, you know. I almost

747
00:37:30,080 --> 00:37:32,319
Speaker 1: felt like that, Okay, this is where, this is where

748
00:37:32,360 --> 00:37:35,600
Speaker 1: life is. So I don't think I ever hit rock bottom.

749
00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:37,440
Speaker 1: Tell you the truth, like rock bottom is when you

750
00:37:37,480 --> 00:37:42,880
Speaker 1: don't get back up, that's rock bottom. You know. I bounced,

751
00:37:43,239 --> 00:37:46,840
Speaker 1: I didn't and it for how long ever it took

752
00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:50,959
Speaker 1: me to figure out how to be a human being.

753
00:37:51,040 --> 00:37:55,200
Speaker 1: It it took what it took, and so um and

754
00:37:55,280 --> 00:37:58,279
Speaker 1: luckily I'm still here because a lot of guys, and

755
00:37:58,520 --> 00:38:02,960
Speaker 1: in particular, I think that the act that I was

756
00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:06,799
Speaker 1: famous and the consequences were quick and severe, and the

757
00:38:06,840 --> 00:38:09,080
Speaker 1: spotlight was on me. I feel I could save my

758
00:38:09,120 --> 00:38:13,520
Speaker 1: life because there's so many of my peers or people

759
00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:16,520
Speaker 1: who go through what I went through. Do it in

760
00:38:16,520 --> 00:38:19,080
Speaker 1: the shadows or do it in the dark, and then

761
00:38:19,080 --> 00:38:23,719
Speaker 1: they're gone and no one knows. And so you know

762
00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:27,520
Speaker 1: a lot of people say to me like, hey, you know, uh,

763
00:38:28,040 --> 00:38:29,279
Speaker 1: that must have been so hard to do in the

764
00:38:29,280 --> 00:38:33,799
Speaker 1: public eye. Yeah, but it probably saved my life. Said

765
00:38:33,840 --> 00:38:34,839
Speaker 1: it would have been in the dark, and no one

766
00:38:34,840 --> 00:38:38,000
Speaker 1: would have sayn that I would have been dead. What

767
00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:41,680
Speaker 1: was it like once you got out? Where was your

768
00:38:41,719 --> 00:38:45,600
Speaker 1: mind that at that particular time. Well, you know, I

769
00:38:45,640 --> 00:38:48,279
Speaker 1: had hope, and I had developed that hope because of

770
00:38:48,280 --> 00:38:49,880
Speaker 1: the things I told you guys about earlier. We I

771
00:38:49,880 --> 00:38:53,480
Speaker 1: started helping guys, being of service. But I had nothing right.

772
00:38:54,200 --> 00:38:58,440
Speaker 1: I did have my mom and dad, who God bless him,

773
00:38:58,560 --> 00:39:01,359
Speaker 1: unconditionally loved me. They never wanted the famous football playing son.

774
00:39:01,400 --> 00:39:05,960
Speaker 1: They just wanted me, and they were there outside the

775
00:39:05,960 --> 00:39:11,319
Speaker 1: prison that day December and they picked me up. Now

776
00:39:11,480 --> 00:39:14,160
Speaker 1: I had nothing. I had no money left. I couldn't

777
00:39:14,239 --> 00:39:16,160
Speaker 1: rub two pennies together, had no place to go. I

778
00:39:16,200 --> 00:39:20,920
Speaker 1: had no prospects, like you know, Fox and ESPN were

779
00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:22,960
Speaker 1: coming knocking on my door, Hey Ryan, you want to come,

780
00:39:23,120 --> 00:39:25,640
Speaker 1: you know and work for us. Nothing at a credit

781
00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:29,680
Speaker 1: score like five um curls weren't lined up to date me.

782
00:39:31,520 --> 00:39:35,400
Speaker 1: I just had this hope it was maybe I don't know.

783
00:39:35,520 --> 00:39:39,400
Speaker 1: So when I get back, my parole officers like I

784
00:39:39,400 --> 00:39:40,840
Speaker 1: wanted to go to treatment. I knew I needed to

785
00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:44,120
Speaker 1: go to treatment for physically, it's like three pounds to

786
00:39:44,160 --> 00:39:46,759
Speaker 1: stroke out from high blood pressure, and I needed I

787
00:39:46,760 --> 00:39:49,560
Speaker 1: needed physical and emotional rehabilitation. So I asked to go

788
00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:53,160
Speaker 1: to treatment. It's like, no, we don't hear that. I

789
00:39:53,200 --> 00:39:55,560
Speaker 1: gets out of institution, wants to go to an institution again.

790
00:39:55,880 --> 00:39:57,719
Speaker 1: I said, you're gonna punish me because I want to

791
00:39:57,719 --> 00:40:01,359
Speaker 1: set a president h So I still got stuck there

792
00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:04,400
Speaker 1: in that hometown, in my parents basement on their couch.

793
00:40:05,040 --> 00:40:06,400
Speaker 1: Now it's more than a lot of people get when

794
00:40:06,440 --> 00:40:08,520
Speaker 1: they get out of prison, right they don't have anywhere

795
00:40:08,560 --> 00:40:10,160
Speaker 1: to go, so they go back to doing what they're doing.

796
00:40:10,920 --> 00:40:13,319
Speaker 1: So I'm incredibly grateful, and I understand that I had

797
00:40:13,520 --> 00:40:15,279
Speaker 1: much more than a lot of people. Get at a

798
00:40:15,400 --> 00:40:18,799
Speaker 1: roof over my head which started and then I thought, Okay,

799
00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:20,279
Speaker 1: what was I doing in there? How do I go

800
00:40:20,280 --> 00:40:22,160
Speaker 1: about doing that? And it was about being a service.

801
00:40:22,160 --> 00:40:24,839
Speaker 1: So I started. I was a Nike rep. I had Nike.

802
00:40:25,120 --> 00:40:28,080
Speaker 1: Nike was my my endorser, and I, you know, every

803
00:40:28,120 --> 00:40:30,200
Speaker 1: year we get that a lot mint and I spent

804
00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:32,719
Speaker 1: it every year, and I kept all that stuff and

805
00:40:32,719 --> 00:40:35,920
Speaker 1: it was all in the storage facility. So I started

806
00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:38,040
Speaker 1: going to my storage facility, and when guys that I

807
00:40:38,120 --> 00:40:40,400
Speaker 1: knew in prison were getting out, I put together a

808
00:40:40,440 --> 00:40:42,960
Speaker 1: duffle bed and I would go down to the mission

809
00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:45,320
Speaker 1: and I said, if you were in Great Falls, Montana

810
00:40:45,960 --> 00:40:48,640
Speaker 1: in the winter of two thousand fourteen, you saw the

811
00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:56,320
Speaker 1: most swagged out homeless and people Jordan's and uh everything.

812
00:40:56,400 --> 00:40:58,520
Speaker 1: Nike and I got rid of it all and I

813
00:40:58,560 --> 00:41:00,879
Speaker 1: didn't tell anybody about it. I just went and did

814
00:41:00,920 --> 00:41:04,080
Speaker 1: it um And then I started volunteering for that stuff,

815
00:41:04,080 --> 00:41:06,319
Speaker 1: and either my parole officer saw what I had done

816
00:41:06,360 --> 00:41:08,400
Speaker 1: and there was some evidential reproof. He let me go

817
00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:10,640
Speaker 1: to California to seek treatment, and that's where this all

818
00:41:10,680 --> 00:41:13,239
Speaker 1: started and how I got to l A and it

819
00:41:13,360 --> 00:41:16,239
Speaker 1: really paved the way for for how I got here

820
00:41:16,239 --> 00:41:26,120
Speaker 1: to You guys, how long do you feel like it

821
00:41:26,360 --> 00:41:29,400
Speaker 1: really took you once you got to that treatment facility

822
00:41:29,440 --> 00:41:32,160
Speaker 1: to feel like but what do we call it? A

823
00:41:32,200 --> 00:41:35,040
Speaker 1: new person or yourself? What would you call it? I don't.

824
00:41:35,120 --> 00:41:38,120
Speaker 1: I mean, it's I'm ever evolving. Still, I'm better today

825
00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:42,240
Speaker 1: than I was last year, and that's always going to continue.

826
00:41:42,239 --> 00:41:45,920
Speaker 1: And once that starts stopping, and then I gotta have

827
00:41:46,000 --> 00:41:48,440
Speaker 1: to go back to the drawing board, right and figure

828
00:41:48,440 --> 00:41:52,640
Speaker 1: out where I'm where I'm when I'm messing up. A

829
00:41:52,680 --> 00:41:56,000
Speaker 1: couple of weeks into treatment prison, still kind of in

830
00:41:56,040 --> 00:41:57,880
Speaker 1: my head, I was watching TV. Guy comes in and

831
00:41:57,880 --> 00:41:59,319
Speaker 1: wants to watch something else, and I just kind of,

832
00:42:00,560 --> 00:42:02,640
Speaker 1: you know, big, big time in a little bit, you

833
00:42:02,680 --> 00:42:03,960
Speaker 1: get the hell out of here. And I was, you know,

834
00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:07,000
Speaker 1: I'm I'm a big guy. And when I say that,

835
00:42:07,120 --> 00:42:09,920
Speaker 1: when I say fuck it, kind of it's there's a

836
00:42:10,560 --> 00:42:16,560
Speaker 1: incentivized way about the way I do it. And uh,

837
00:42:16,719 --> 00:42:19,200
Speaker 1: and I can't imagine these people. They're looking at this

838
00:42:19,280 --> 00:42:21,839
Speaker 1: dude six seven, you know at the time, two eight

839
00:42:22,080 --> 00:42:28,880
Speaker 1: pounds or something like that, you know, like being impulsively angry,

840
00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:31,839
Speaker 1: and they're going through their own stuff. And then when

841
00:42:31,880 --> 00:42:33,879
Speaker 1: I got shown them mirror like, Ryan, this is who

842
00:42:33,880 --> 00:42:36,160
Speaker 1: you were in this moment. This was old behavior. I

843
00:42:36,200 --> 00:42:38,200
Speaker 1: was like, fuck you, I'm gone. That's always been my thing.

844
00:42:38,440 --> 00:42:41,640
Speaker 1: And I left treatment. But the difference in me that

845
00:42:41,719 --> 00:42:44,800
Speaker 1: time as I went back and said I was sorry

846
00:42:44,840 --> 00:42:46,359
Speaker 1: and asked if I could come back, and I'd never

847
00:42:46,440 --> 00:42:48,439
Speaker 1: done that in my life. I'd always pointed my finger

848
00:42:48,440 --> 00:42:52,279
Speaker 1: to everybody else and said it's your fault. And that

849
00:42:52,360 --> 00:42:54,520
Speaker 1: was the switch. And I think back now to it now,

850
00:42:54,560 --> 00:42:56,240
Speaker 1: and I feel like that was the switch, the change

851
00:42:56,280 --> 00:42:59,560
Speaker 1: that that was completely degrees different than who I had

852
00:42:59,600 --> 00:43:03,520
Speaker 1: been my whole life. So you get out of treatment, um,

853
00:43:03,680 --> 00:43:06,840
Speaker 1: do you feel like you can accomplish anything? At that point,

854
00:43:07,520 --> 00:43:11,320
Speaker 1: you feel like you can. But then you realize that,

855
00:43:11,360 --> 00:43:14,040
Speaker 1: I go get a job and the job pays fifteen

856
00:43:14,040 --> 00:43:18,120
Speaker 1: bucks an hour, and you've made millions of the story. Right.

857
00:43:18,160 --> 00:43:20,200
Speaker 1: I went and got this job working in a recovery house.

858
00:43:20,239 --> 00:43:22,160
Speaker 1: I was gonna be a driver for the guys who

859
00:43:22,160 --> 00:43:24,680
Speaker 1: were newly sober and everything like that. And he tells

860
00:43:24,680 --> 00:43:27,520
Speaker 1: me it's fifteen bucks an hour. And the only reason

861
00:43:27,560 --> 00:43:29,279
Speaker 1: I say that because I was making five million dollars

862
00:43:29,320 --> 00:43:31,880
Speaker 1: a year and I felt like I was miserable and

863
00:43:31,920 --> 00:43:34,120
Speaker 1: I was a miserable person and this guy had just

864
00:43:34,200 --> 00:43:36,719
Speaker 1: offered me a job fifteen bucks an hour, you know,

865
00:43:36,840 --> 00:43:38,919
Speaker 1: Like I felt more value than I ever felt my life.

866
00:43:38,920 --> 00:43:42,440
Speaker 1: I remember that first paycheck, it was like three something

867
00:43:42,440 --> 00:43:44,279
Speaker 1: like that, and I took a picture and I sent

868
00:43:44,360 --> 00:43:49,800
Speaker 1: to my parents, like money. I know what money is

869
00:43:49,840 --> 00:43:54,120
Speaker 1: for now. Money makes the lives better for my son

870
00:43:54,239 --> 00:43:58,000
Speaker 1: and my family. It's not about me. And every time

871
00:43:58,040 --> 00:44:01,480
Speaker 1: I had any money in my pocket, I made it

872
00:44:01,480 --> 00:44:08,080
Speaker 1: about me and it just exacerbated my character defects. So um,

873
00:44:08,160 --> 00:44:12,280
Speaker 1: I understand the value of it and the inherent value

874
00:44:12,280 --> 00:44:15,520
Speaker 1: it gives me and what it makes me being uh,

875
00:44:15,680 --> 00:44:18,120
Speaker 1: someone who speaks on your past and kind of a

876
00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:20,359
Speaker 1: public speaker. Now, what is it that you preach and

877
00:44:20,520 --> 00:44:24,359
Speaker 1: hope that people take away from listening to you that

878
00:44:24,400 --> 00:44:27,759
Speaker 1: if I can do this, anybody can that. My hope

879
00:44:27,800 --> 00:44:32,839
Speaker 1: is to destigmatize mental illness and substance abuse. Everybody deals

880
00:44:32,880 --> 00:44:34,920
Speaker 1: with it. Everybody goes through it, whether you know somebody

881
00:44:34,920 --> 00:44:39,000
Speaker 1: you've been through it or or you've dealt with it yourself. Uh,

882
00:44:39,080 --> 00:44:42,000
Speaker 1: And it's okay not to be okay, Like we're all

883
00:44:42,040 --> 00:44:45,680
Speaker 1: funked up, And I don't think that the last two

884
00:44:45,719 --> 00:44:49,000
Speaker 1: years couldn't have shown that better to all right, and

885
00:44:49,000 --> 00:44:50,839
Speaker 1: how we need to be here for one another, like

886
00:44:50,920 --> 00:44:56,160
Speaker 1: every life is precious and fully understanding that, So um,

887
00:44:56,280 --> 00:44:59,520
Speaker 1: that's the hope. And then the understanding is that it

888
00:44:59,560 --> 00:45:01,640
Speaker 1: can never be about me again. So when I go

889
00:45:01,719 --> 00:45:04,600
Speaker 1: speak somewhere, it can't be about me ultimately at the end,

890
00:45:04,600 --> 00:45:08,080
Speaker 1: getting some applause for sharing my story, but it's about

891
00:45:08,120 --> 00:45:10,200
Speaker 1: that one individual in the back of the room. It

892
00:45:10,239 --> 00:45:13,320
Speaker 1: couldn't take his eyes off me because guess what, Uh

893
00:45:13,400 --> 00:45:15,480
Speaker 1: you know, he knows as soon as he gets home,

894
00:45:15,520 --> 00:45:17,000
Speaker 1: he's got to get some more pills to make sure

895
00:45:17,040 --> 00:45:21,120
Speaker 1: his life is in order. And so, like I told

896
00:45:21,160 --> 00:45:24,400
Speaker 1: you guys earlier, I I would never have the impact

897
00:45:24,480 --> 00:45:27,040
Speaker 1: that I'm going to have if I had just been

898
00:45:27,080 --> 00:45:30,600
Speaker 1: a good football player. This is your path, crazy foot

899
00:45:30,640 --> 00:45:34,560
Speaker 1: path back in TV and radio now talking football. Yeah,

900
00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:36,600
Speaker 1: I mean you start grinning instantly. How good does that

901
00:45:36,640 --> 00:45:40,920
Speaker 1: make you? Feel football gave me everything and for a

902
00:45:40,960 --> 00:45:45,879
Speaker 1: long time it was toxic for me. But football didn't

903
00:45:45,920 --> 00:45:49,320
Speaker 1: do anything to me. I did it to myself. Um,

904
00:45:49,360 --> 00:45:52,759
Speaker 1: and I love talking about it. I've I've forgotten more

905
00:45:52,760 --> 00:45:57,120
Speaker 1: football than most people know, right, and I'm really good

906
00:45:57,160 --> 00:45:58,400
Speaker 1: at it. I didn't know if I was gonna be

907
00:45:58,440 --> 00:46:00,880
Speaker 1: good at it or not. And I went shadow guys

908
00:46:00,920 --> 00:46:02,080
Speaker 1: that have been in the business for a while, and

909
00:46:02,080 --> 00:46:05,680
Speaker 1: I'm like, I really would like to do that. And luckily,

910
00:46:06,480 --> 00:46:09,160
Speaker 1: and I don't take this for granted anyway. People have

911
00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:13,239
Speaker 1: given me an opportunity when they didn't have to, Like

912
00:46:13,320 --> 00:46:16,600
Speaker 1: these these corporations didn't have to, Like you know, when

913
00:46:16,600 --> 00:46:19,040
Speaker 1: I fill out the background background check, right, I'm I'm

914
00:46:19,080 --> 00:46:22,600
Speaker 1: a felon, and that's always going to be there, right.

915
00:46:22,640 --> 00:46:26,160
Speaker 1: So if I don't get hired because of that, there's

916
00:46:26,200 --> 00:46:29,480
Speaker 1: consequences to my action, I fully understand it. Um. My

917
00:46:29,560 --> 00:46:31,759
Speaker 1: hope is that they get to know me. They see

918
00:46:31,760 --> 00:46:33,560
Speaker 1: how hard I work, how good I'm at what I do,

919
00:46:33,600 --> 00:46:36,960
Speaker 1: and my character is different from what they know and here,

920
00:46:36,960 --> 00:46:38,640
Speaker 1: and that's what you want to see when people get

921
00:46:38,640 --> 00:46:41,160
Speaker 1: out of prison, every everybody, and so we do a

922
00:46:41,200 --> 00:46:44,640
Speaker 1: ton of work with with my my foundation and anybody

923
00:46:44,680 --> 00:46:49,879
Speaker 1: I can to help those so the recidivism rate goes down. Right.

924
00:46:49,920 --> 00:46:53,560
Speaker 1: We don't want people going back because this country loves

925
00:46:53,600 --> 00:46:59,920
Speaker 1: guys going back. They're playing on money, these prisons business.

926
00:47:00,640 --> 00:47:02,040
Speaker 1: And I was in one in Montana. I was in

927
00:47:02,040 --> 00:47:04,880
Speaker 1: a private, for profit prison, and so I see how

928
00:47:04,920 --> 00:47:08,560
Speaker 1: it works. Right. It's more beneficial for d a's and

929
00:47:08,800 --> 00:47:12,400
Speaker 1: UH judges to send you to prison and anything anything

930
00:47:12,440 --> 00:47:14,520
Speaker 1: else because if you're not in there, there's the states

931
00:47:14,560 --> 00:47:19,160
Speaker 1: still paying for bed, whether it's filled or not a

932
00:47:19,200 --> 00:47:22,399
Speaker 1: cap on it. So we're working hard for it. I mean,

933
00:47:23,640 --> 00:47:26,280
Speaker 1: I don't get down when things don't go right because

934
00:47:26,280 --> 00:47:30,080
Speaker 1: I'm like, we're just gonna We're gonna eat a piece

935
00:47:30,120 --> 00:47:31,839
Speaker 1: every day. Somebody told me to how do you eat?

936
00:47:31,840 --> 00:47:34,359
Speaker 1: How do you eat an elephant? You're like one bite

937
00:47:34,400 --> 00:47:38,879
Speaker 1: at a time to be part of the solution, real quick,

938
00:47:38,920 --> 00:47:42,319
Speaker 1: coming down to the end, um fatherhood, What does that

939
00:47:42,360 --> 00:47:44,279
Speaker 1: mean to you? And like you said early on, you

940
00:47:44,280 --> 00:47:46,040
Speaker 1: you struggle that at the beginning, where are you at

941
00:47:46,040 --> 00:47:50,400
Speaker 1: in that process? The best thing I've ever done? Right, Um,

942
00:47:50,440 --> 00:47:53,280
Speaker 1: there's something about when they lay them in your arms

943
00:47:54,880 --> 00:47:59,680
Speaker 1: and you realize or this wave of selflessness just overwhelms.

944
00:47:59,719 --> 00:48:01,560
Speaker 1: You're like, everything I do from this point on it

945
00:48:01,760 --> 00:48:08,640
Speaker 1: is going to be about him. That's it. And I'm fearful. Um,

946
00:48:08,680 --> 00:48:12,480
Speaker 1: you know, you know d N a mental illness. I'm

947
00:48:12,520 --> 00:48:14,920
Speaker 1: fearful of all those things. But I also have a

948
00:48:14,920 --> 00:48:19,320
Speaker 1: lot more knowledge. How about go about being a dad differently?

949
00:48:19,560 --> 00:48:22,680
Speaker 1: My dad, I love him, He's my hero. You know,

950
00:48:23,080 --> 00:48:24,879
Speaker 1: he came home from the war. They spit on him.

951
00:48:25,120 --> 00:48:28,719
Speaker 1: He wasn't really vulnerable or transparent or anything like that.

952
00:48:28,760 --> 00:48:31,520
Speaker 1: So I never saw it. I'm I want my son

953
00:48:31,600 --> 00:48:36,279
Speaker 1: to understand fully that, like it's okay to show that

954
00:48:36,600 --> 00:48:42,319
Speaker 1: it's not weakness, it's it's actually a strength and uh

955
00:48:42,480 --> 00:48:44,960
Speaker 1: and you'll be more relatable to people and everything like that. So,

956
00:48:45,040 --> 00:48:47,680
Speaker 1: I mean, he's only four right now that cares about

957
00:48:47,719 --> 00:48:51,760
Speaker 1: his Uh it's gymnastics training, but he calls it ninja training.

958
00:48:51,880 --> 00:48:55,400
Speaker 1: Right now. What he cares about that transformers and his

959
00:48:55,480 --> 00:48:58,920
Speaker 1: swords and so, um, you know, we're working on working

960
00:48:58,960 --> 00:49:00,120
Speaker 1: on the things that we need to work. And I

961
00:49:00,120 --> 00:49:02,759
Speaker 1: got a great partner, m HM who helps me along

962
00:49:02,800 --> 00:49:07,319
Speaker 1: the way. She uh she produced the podcast as well. Um,

963
00:49:07,840 --> 00:49:11,000
Speaker 1: just really talented and she knows me better than anybody. Um.

964
00:49:11,040 --> 00:49:14,239
Speaker 1: So she she can call me all that ship better

965
00:49:14,239 --> 00:49:18,480
Speaker 1: than anybody being a parent. Like we have a lot

966
00:49:18,520 --> 00:49:21,080
Speaker 1: of success in sports, but what is what do we

967
00:49:21,120 --> 00:49:23,960
Speaker 1: have that's really ours? Like that's that feeling you have

968
00:49:24,040 --> 00:49:26,200
Speaker 1: Like I got kids to him when I felt my

969
00:49:26,360 --> 00:49:28,640
Speaker 1: youngest daughter and already had kid. But just the feeling

970
00:49:29,040 --> 00:49:30,719
Speaker 1: of holding it, like you have something that's yours that

971
00:49:30,760 --> 00:49:33,200
Speaker 1: you can say that's actually yours, but tell of your things, No,

972
00:49:33,400 --> 00:49:35,560
Speaker 1: not like that, but you made this child. This is

973
00:49:35,600 --> 00:49:37,560
Speaker 1: your seed, you know what I mean? The feeling of

974
00:49:37,640 --> 00:49:40,400
Speaker 1: saying something that is actually yours is the best feeling

975
00:49:40,800 --> 00:49:43,600
Speaker 1: of being a father for me. And I never understood it.

976
00:49:43,800 --> 00:49:46,680
Speaker 1: And I'm so glad I didn't have a child until

977
00:49:46,719 --> 00:49:52,239
Speaker 1: I was ready mentally forty forty years old is when

978
00:49:52,280 --> 00:49:56,640
Speaker 1: I have my kids, you know. And UM so grateful

979
00:49:56,680 --> 00:50:00,279
Speaker 1: for that because he's never gonna see his dad as

980
00:50:00,280 --> 00:50:04,440
Speaker 1: a funked up addict or or a guy that that

981
00:50:04,560 --> 00:50:07,160
Speaker 1: yells at people and and I mean, he's just never

982
00:50:07,160 --> 00:50:11,080
Speaker 1: gonna see that version of me, And so I'm really

983
00:50:11,120 --> 00:50:15,480
Speaker 1: appreciative for that nice quick hitters. First thing that comes

984
00:50:15,520 --> 00:50:18,520
Speaker 1: to mind. Let us know, if you had a life

985
00:50:18,560 --> 00:50:21,680
Speaker 1: message put on a billboard, what would it be what

986
00:50:21,719 --> 00:50:27,919
Speaker 1: it is? It is? Yeah, Stuck on the Island. Three

987
00:50:27,960 --> 00:50:32,719
Speaker 1: movies or shows you will watch on repeat, The West Wing, Uh,

988
00:50:34,560 --> 00:50:40,520
Speaker 1: let's see here, I probably oh, Miracle the Hockey. Yeah yeah,

989
00:50:41,480 --> 00:50:49,000
Speaker 1: um what those the Dark Knight Dark Nights? I've seen that.

990
00:50:50,880 --> 00:50:52,680
Speaker 1: It's probably in the works. But if you had a

991
00:50:52,719 --> 00:50:57,920
Speaker 1: biopic of your life, who would play you? Oh? I

992
00:50:57,960 --> 00:51:02,680
Speaker 1: don't know. Um. I got a buddy named Jeff Stults. Uh,

993
00:51:02,719 --> 00:51:07,400
Speaker 1: he's an actor. A train with him sometimes he played quarterback. Uh.

994
00:51:08,840 --> 00:51:11,680
Speaker 1: I like him. I think I think he would do

995
00:51:11,840 --> 00:51:13,160
Speaker 1: you pull it off? I think he would do a

996
00:51:13,200 --> 00:51:15,960
Speaker 1: hell I love the job. We've to your point. We've

997
00:51:15,960 --> 00:51:18,840
Speaker 1: been talking to people and I a couple of people

998
00:51:18,840 --> 00:51:26,560
Speaker 1: they approaches like Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum. You know cool. Yeah,

999
00:51:29,280 --> 00:51:30,840
Speaker 1: I don't want it to be a boy I wanted

1000
00:51:30,880 --> 00:51:34,640
Speaker 1: to be a documentary. I'll, you know, I'll, I don't know.

1001
00:51:34,960 --> 00:51:38,520
Speaker 1: Did you guys ever see a Tania? No. I wanted

1002
00:51:38,800 --> 00:51:40,319
Speaker 1: if I could do it that way, I would do

1003
00:51:40,360 --> 00:51:43,120
Speaker 1: it in that format, kind of make it self deprecating

1004
00:51:43,239 --> 00:51:45,279
Speaker 1: and have a comedic flare to it because it's a

1005
00:51:45,320 --> 00:51:47,560
Speaker 1: serious subject. But I want it's kind of like how

1006
00:51:47,600 --> 00:51:50,440
Speaker 1: I take myself. I don't take myself very seriously, subject seriously,

1007
00:51:50,960 --> 00:51:53,160
Speaker 1: but I don't take mysel my pain. Is that what

1008
00:51:53,239 --> 00:51:56,359
Speaker 1: Kevin Hart said, laugh at my pain? Give me your

1009
00:51:56,360 --> 00:52:02,280
Speaker 1: top five college programs of all time? H Washington State one,

1010
00:52:03,040 --> 00:52:07,720
Speaker 1: uh U c l A basketball for sure. We played

1011
00:52:08,680 --> 00:52:13,360
Speaker 1: abandoned brothers, TOLDE. Bailey j R. Henderson tyas Sedney always

1012
00:52:13,440 --> 00:52:16,200
Speaker 1: running to the national title that year I fit. That's

1013
00:52:16,200 --> 00:52:17,880
Speaker 1: where I fitl That's really where I figured out, like,

1014
00:52:18,120 --> 00:52:23,399
Speaker 1: you're not playing bad in Notre Dame. I grew up

1015
00:52:23,480 --> 00:52:26,680
Speaker 1: a West Virginia fan. Major Harris. It was a quarterback

1016
00:52:26,680 --> 00:52:30,000
Speaker 1: for that team. I wanted to be him, and so

1017
00:52:30,120 --> 00:52:31,880
Speaker 1: I put him up there. I put that team up

1018
00:52:31,880 --> 00:52:33,960
Speaker 1: there on what they were able to accomplish there in Morgantown.

1019
00:52:34,239 --> 00:52:37,120
Speaker 1: I love the bulls they were during my the nineties run.

1020
00:52:37,960 --> 00:52:42,200
Speaker 1: But g P and the Sonics for me with Sean

1021
00:52:42,280 --> 00:52:45,640
Speaker 1: Camp and Debt Left and and McMillan and it's just

1022
00:52:46,080 --> 00:52:50,600
Speaker 1: uh ope, those dudes used to be a fake police

1023
00:52:50,600 --> 00:52:54,799
Speaker 1: officer and pull people over it. I would fly had

1024
00:52:54,800 --> 00:52:56,920
Speaker 1: season tickets for the Sonics and I'd fly up in

1025
00:52:57,120 --> 00:53:01,000
Speaker 1: g P and then and every was shot. Lewis there

1026
00:53:01,000 --> 00:53:04,040
Speaker 1: at the end, we all go out to Julian's, a

1027
00:53:04,080 --> 00:53:07,239
Speaker 1: billiard place up there in Seattle, and we would we

1028
00:53:07,360 --> 00:53:10,000
Speaker 1: play crafts and play pool and drink our faces off.

1029
00:53:10,719 --> 00:53:13,479
Speaker 1: Ah man, I love those guys. They didn't they didn't

1030
00:53:13,520 --> 00:53:15,200
Speaker 1: care at all where my career kind of went that.

1031
00:53:15,320 --> 00:53:17,520
Speaker 1: They just still love you. They wanted to embrace me.

1032
00:53:17,560 --> 00:53:20,120
Speaker 1: So that's that Sonics team that played the Bulls in

1033
00:53:21,800 --> 00:53:26,520
Speaker 1: that like that that team was. That's one of my

1034
00:53:26,560 --> 00:53:32,240
Speaker 1: top five five dinner guess that are alive. Uh John F. Kennedy,

1035
00:53:32,560 --> 00:53:41,160
Speaker 1: Michael Jordan's um Kobe Uh Kobe and I came into

1036
00:53:41,160 --> 00:53:43,239
Speaker 1: the league's at the same time in San Diego in

1037
00:53:43,400 --> 00:53:45,799
Speaker 1: l A. His assistant at the time and my assistant

1038
00:53:46,400 --> 00:53:48,279
Speaker 1: went to the same high school, so we did a

1039
00:53:48,320 --> 00:53:51,680
Speaker 1: lot of things together. His career started going like this,

1040
00:53:52,000 --> 00:53:56,319
Speaker 1: might I started going like this. Remember he called me

1041
00:53:56,320 --> 00:53:58,719
Speaker 1: from Italy one time. It was just like it was

1042
00:53:58,760 --> 00:54:01,600
Speaker 1: like trying to be my therapist in the process his

1043
00:54:01,719 --> 00:54:06,640
Speaker 1: mentality that where it got to. So definitely, definitely I

1044
00:54:06,680 --> 00:54:10,319
Speaker 1: still have his original KB eate Adidas as we go

1045
00:54:10,360 --> 00:54:12,279
Speaker 1: to games and given to my brothers, and I got

1046
00:54:13,000 --> 00:54:15,400
Speaker 1: to the black one with the white stripes yeah, the

1047
00:54:15,400 --> 00:54:21,800
Speaker 1: white ones with yeah crazy eights, yeah and uh yeah,

1048
00:54:21,880 --> 00:54:24,480
Speaker 1: so so Kobe would be one of them. Two more,

1049
00:54:24,680 --> 00:54:35,919
Speaker 1: two more? Okay, President Obama? Um and uh um. I'd

1050
00:54:35,920 --> 00:54:38,000
Speaker 1: probably say Aaron Rodgers because I think he's an amazing

1051
00:54:38,000 --> 00:54:40,120
Speaker 1: football player. But I'd like to know what the is

1052
00:54:40,120 --> 00:54:43,440
Speaker 1: going on in that mind sometimes, right, I'd like to

1053
00:54:43,480 --> 00:54:46,160
Speaker 1: ask Pepper in with questions, but golf a couple of times,

1054
00:54:46,160 --> 00:54:49,839
Speaker 1: but it was I wasn't, I wasn't those those those

1055
00:54:49,880 --> 00:54:54,080
Speaker 1: are probably good five guys. I probably want to ask questions.

1056
00:54:54,120 --> 00:54:56,160
Speaker 1: If you could have a guest on All the Smoke,

1057
00:54:56,760 --> 00:54:59,000
Speaker 1: who would it be? But before you answer, you, before

1058
00:54:59,040 --> 00:55:01,359
Speaker 1: you answer this question, you have to help us get

1059
00:55:01,400 --> 00:55:07,440
Speaker 1: your answer on the show. Okay, Okay, got it, I

1060
00:55:07,520 --> 00:55:11,600
Speaker 1: got it. Accept the challenge. I accept that challenge. Um,

1061
00:55:11,640 --> 00:55:18,000
Speaker 1: I would say, um, I always find it incredibly guy

1062
00:55:18,040 --> 00:55:22,200
Speaker 1: named Rob Mendez, Okay, haven't heard that name. He is

1063
00:55:22,280 --> 00:55:25,600
Speaker 1: a He is a guy with no arms, no legs,

1064
00:55:26,719 --> 00:55:30,680
Speaker 1: and coaches in foh. I played football with him on

1065
00:55:30,680 --> 00:55:33,799
Speaker 1: on Tuesday night of this week, and I had him

1066
00:55:33,800 --> 00:55:36,239
Speaker 1: on my radio show this week too, and I was

1067
00:55:37,920 --> 00:55:40,920
Speaker 1: you know, I read this book in prison, Unbroken, about

1068
00:55:40,920 --> 00:55:46,400
Speaker 1: Louis Zamparini, who was an unbelievable sprinter at Torrance, California.

1069
00:55:46,440 --> 00:55:50,600
Speaker 1: Here went to the Olympics in the thirties in Nazi Germany.

1070
00:55:51,000 --> 00:55:52,960
Speaker 1: And if it weren't for a guy named of Jesse

1071
00:55:53,040 --> 00:55:58,799
Speaker 1: owens Uh. He comes home, he goes to war, he

1072
00:55:58,840 --> 00:56:02,800
Speaker 1: gets shot down uh in a plane, lives for forty

1073
00:56:02,880 --> 00:56:06,680
Speaker 1: some days in a raft um, gets thrown into pow

1074
00:56:06,840 --> 00:56:10,120
Speaker 1: camp with the Japanese and the in the Pacific, and

1075
00:56:10,160 --> 00:56:14,200
Speaker 1: then gets out. And I thought to myself, I'm like, like,

1076
00:56:14,280 --> 00:56:17,919
Speaker 1: if that dude, I can go through all of that

1077
00:56:18,800 --> 00:56:20,440
Speaker 1: and then come out as a better man. And it

1078
00:56:20,480 --> 00:56:24,120
Speaker 1: wasn't until he got home that he found he had

1079
00:56:24,160 --> 00:56:26,520
Speaker 1: a ton of problems until you addressed him and fixed him.

1080
00:56:26,520 --> 00:56:28,839
Speaker 1: And I'm like, so I look at a guy like

1081
00:56:28,880 --> 00:56:33,240
Speaker 1: that who has no arms and no legs but continues

1082
00:56:33,280 --> 00:56:35,960
Speaker 1: to wake up every day with this optimism and drive.

1083
00:56:37,560 --> 00:56:40,600
Speaker 1: I would recommend it. The dude is amazing. That's a

1084
00:56:40,680 --> 00:56:43,560
Speaker 1: great suggestion. And I got you for Jack, Would you

1085
00:56:43,640 --> 00:56:45,279
Speaker 1: like to do what you normally do at the end

1086
00:56:45,280 --> 00:56:48,240
Speaker 1: of the show. Now, well, we don't like our guests

1087
00:56:48,239 --> 00:56:50,440
Speaker 1: to come and leave him to hand it, okay, But

1088
00:56:50,520 --> 00:56:51,920
Speaker 1: for you guys, you have to go to All the

1089
00:56:51,960 --> 00:56:54,200
Speaker 1: Smoke Store to get yours. But for you, my brother,

1090
00:56:55,040 --> 00:56:57,960
Speaker 1: we got you some power and a nice little All

1091
00:56:57,960 --> 00:57:00,239
Speaker 1: the Smoke bag coming back. So we are pretty state.

1092
00:57:00,320 --> 00:57:02,520
Speaker 1: You're coming in your time. Honestly, Bro, I appreci you

1093
00:57:02,560 --> 00:57:05,600
Speaker 1: guys taking the time. I mean, I mean, when you

1094
00:57:05,640 --> 00:57:11,239
Speaker 1: have a platform, use it. Yeah. Absolutely, And you know,

1095
00:57:11,280 --> 00:57:13,480
Speaker 1: like I said, the first time, really getting a chance

1096
00:57:13,520 --> 00:57:15,200
Speaker 1: to meet. But we're not too far off in the age.

1097
00:57:15,200 --> 00:57:17,040
Speaker 1: So I've always followed your story and I just said,

1098
00:57:17,400 --> 00:57:19,440
Speaker 1: I'm a fan of the person, you know what I mean,

1099
00:57:19,520 --> 00:57:22,720
Speaker 1: Like the humility to being able to look yourself in

1100
00:57:22,720 --> 00:57:26,440
Speaker 1: the mirror, be able to bounce back and just understand

1101
00:57:26,480 --> 00:57:28,040
Speaker 1: why you're here. You know, like you said, you could

1102
00:57:28,040 --> 00:57:29,800
Speaker 1: have played twenty years, but your purpose was to go

1103
00:57:29,840 --> 00:57:32,960
Speaker 1: down this to help people. And that's something that you know,

1104
00:57:33,000 --> 00:57:35,120
Speaker 1: we don't we don't get every day, especially in these

1105
00:57:35,200 --> 00:57:36,600
Speaker 1: kind of times. I mean, we just want to say

1106
00:57:36,600 --> 00:57:39,600
Speaker 1: we really appreciate you. Man. Best of luck on, continue

1107
00:57:39,600 --> 00:57:43,560
Speaker 1: to get better yourself, fatherhood and man, everything else you

1108
00:57:43,600 --> 00:57:45,360
Speaker 1: have going on. He as real as they come. He

1109
00:57:45,400 --> 00:57:46,840
Speaker 1: as real as they come, you know what I mean.

1110
00:57:46,920 --> 00:57:50,360
Speaker 1: So you you cross a lot of people and and

1111
00:57:50,680 --> 00:57:52,600
Speaker 1: they you can't really relate to him because they went

1112
00:57:52,600 --> 00:57:55,160
Speaker 1: through nothing. You know what I'm saying. The best people

1113
00:57:55,200 --> 00:57:56,680
Speaker 1: that I could set of friends out of people that

1114
00:57:56,720 --> 00:57:58,240
Speaker 1: I love to be around, all the people that went

1115
00:57:58,280 --> 00:58:00,040
Speaker 1: through something, you know what I'm saying, because you and

1116
00:58:00,160 --> 00:58:02,360
Speaker 1: learn something from it and you can also build. So

1117
00:58:02,760 --> 00:58:05,400
Speaker 1: I appreciate you being here. Bro. And like I said,

1118
00:58:05,600 --> 00:58:07,400
Speaker 1: coming on the show, because the guy from Entourage, you

1119
00:58:07,440 --> 00:58:09,480
Speaker 1: called me. Kevin called me in my d M. You

1120
00:58:09,480 --> 00:58:11,120
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. We talked about it a while back.

1121
00:58:11,160 --> 00:58:13,120
Speaker 1: So I'm glad we made it happen that a little

1122
00:58:13,280 --> 00:58:16,360
Speaker 1: Kevin has been great. Uh he's a big sports fan.

1123
00:58:16,520 --> 00:58:19,000
Speaker 1: I mean, I told you guys, you guys are like

1124
00:58:19,120 --> 00:58:22,280
Speaker 1: we're the same manche the real house. I want appreciate.

1125
00:58:22,360 --> 00:58:27,280
Speaker 1: So this is mean. This was meaning just town appreciate

1126
00:58:27,320 --> 00:58:29,960
Speaker 1: that man. Thank you. Man. That's a rap. Ryan Leaf.

1127
00:58:30,000 --> 00:58:32,520
Speaker 1: You can find this on Showtime Basketball, YouTube and the

1128
00:58:32,600 --> 00:58:36,080
Speaker 1: I Heart platforms Black Effects. We'll see you all next week.

1129
00:58:36,600 --> 00:58:39,560
Speaker 1: L A. This is all a smoke a production of

1130
00:58:39,600 --> 00:58:42,480
Speaker 1: The Black Effect and Our Heart Radio in partnership with

1131
00:58:42,520 --> 00:58:43,040
Speaker 1: Showtime