WEBVTT - "MY EX'S FAMILY ADOPTED ME" 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:03.440 Attention, Gek Nation. I am going on tour across the 0:00:03.600 --> 0:00:07.080 US to nine different cities to be a Gecko and 0:00:07.160 --> 0:00:10.400 talk to people just like I do on this podcast, 0:00:10.480 --> 0:00:13.440 except I will be on a stage at a place 0:00:13.720 --> 0:00:16.479 doing it live. If you want to come see the 0:00:16.520 --> 0:00:20.360 podcast live, tickets are available now for these cities Washington, 0:00:20.440 --> 0:00:30.280 d C. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, New York City, Boston, Massachusetts, Miami, Florida, Chicago, Illinois, Denver, Colorado, Nashville, Tennessee, 0:00:30.600 --> 0:00:34.159 and Seattle, Washington. So if you live in any of 0:00:34.200 --> 0:00:36.960 those cities and you want to come catch the podcast live, 0:00:37.159 --> 0:00:40.239 the link to buy tickets will be in the episode description. 0:00:40.800 --> 0:00:42.720 The tickets will sell out fast, so if you want 0:00:42.720 --> 0:00:45.960 to go, you should get them now. Anyway, let's get 0:00:45.960 --> 0:00:51.639 into the calls. Hello, Hello, Gek, Hey, is this Shelby? 0:00:53.720 --> 0:00:54.400 Yes it is. 0:00:55.600 --> 0:00:59.400 How is life going go? 0:00:59.560 --> 0:01:01.360 Actually? Really well? 0:01:03.840 --> 0:01:06.000 You said everything is good? Things are going up for you? 0:01:06.080 --> 0:01:06.960 That's good? 0:01:08.560 --> 0:01:09.479 Yeah, definitely. 0:01:10.920 --> 0:01:13.320 What's what's been going up? What's what's happening? That is 0:01:13.360 --> 0:01:15.000 so so well? 0:01:19.240 --> 0:01:22.600 I just felt a lot more relieved lately. I'm just 0:01:22.600 --> 0:01:24.479 so happier, you know what I mean? 0:01:25.120 --> 0:01:27.200 Okay, can you can you peg that to anything, or 0:01:27.240 --> 0:01:28.760 it's just sort of an arethrow feeling. 0:01:32.800 --> 0:01:36.679 I don't like my family life is good. My life is 0:01:36.720 --> 0:01:39.800 my family and my boyfriend and things like that. 0:01:41.160 --> 0:01:47.199 Okay, yeah, you're in a better place than before. 0:01:47.240 --> 0:01:57.680 You say, yeah. 0:01:53.520 --> 0:01:56.960 Well, Shelby, it says you were legally adopted by your 0:01:57.000 --> 0:02:00.840 ex boyfriend's parents. What's that story? 0:02:01.640 --> 0:02:06.960 Yes, sir, so I dated this guy for like three years, 0:02:07.360 --> 0:02:11.840 and you know, when you know, when the time came, like, 0:02:13.000 --> 0:02:15.799 you know, we broke up, and then I created like 0:02:15.840 --> 0:02:18.800 a really good relationship with his parents. So when we 0:02:18.840 --> 0:02:20.720 broke up, I really didn't have anywhere to go. So 0:02:21.440 --> 0:02:23.040 I asked his parents if I can move back in, 0:02:23.400 --> 0:02:26.600 and you know, they were kind of already preparing for it. 0:02:26.880 --> 0:02:31.799 So I moved back in with them, and it's kind 0:02:31.800 --> 0:02:34.480 of a history from there. They take me in, you know, 0:02:34.520 --> 0:02:37.160 as their own childs and everything. I have an amazing 0:02:37.200 --> 0:02:43.000 relationship with them. It's a little it's a little bizarre, 0:02:43.080 --> 0:02:44.320 but I understand. 0:02:45.880 --> 0:02:49.600 So, okay, tell me this. You were dating this guy. 0:02:49.639 --> 0:02:53.160 How long have you dated this guy for? 0:02:53.160 --> 0:02:54.480 For almost three years? 0:02:55.160 --> 0:02:58.560 So you dated this guy for three years and then 0:02:59.080 --> 0:03:02.400 you had nowhere else to go. So his parents legally 0:03:02.400 --> 0:03:06.320 adopted you when you guys broke up. How old are 0:03:06.360 --> 0:03:07.200 you when this happened. 0:03:09.960 --> 0:03:14.720 I was nineteen, so we got together when I was sixteen, 0:03:14.919 --> 0:03:16.720 so I've none them for like a while. 0:03:17.360 --> 0:03:19.680 Can you get well, how do you get legal? Can 0:03:19.680 --> 0:03:22.600 you get legally adopted by someone at the age of nineteen? 0:03:25.800 --> 0:03:30.680 Yeah, I mean, I mean you can sign like your 0:03:30.720 --> 0:03:33.919 papers over for them to be your legal guardians, if 0:03:33.919 --> 0:03:38.120 that makes sense. I kind of simplify it as to 0:03:38.320 --> 0:03:43.200 like being adopted, but they're my legal guardians. 0:03:43.520 --> 0:03:45.440 Do you can did? What do you have a legal 0:03:45.480 --> 0:03:46.480 guardian when you're nineteen? 0:03:51.440 --> 0:03:55.960 So my mom wasn't really around, like she left when 0:03:56.000 --> 0:04:00.760 I was about eight years old, and then I passed 0:04:00.800 --> 0:04:06.040 away a little after I moved in with them, and 0:04:06.080 --> 0:04:10.080 then my biological side of my family is just a 0:04:10.120 --> 0:04:14.160 little weird and I don't really speak with them that 0:04:14.280 --> 0:04:19.679 often and I don't really trust them. So I had, 0:04:19.920 --> 0:04:23.720 you know, my ex boyfriend's parents take over, you know, 0:04:23.880 --> 0:04:27.520 the parental responsibilities, right. 0:04:27.680 --> 0:04:29.400 Uh, well, no, I was just talking about how if 0:04:29.440 --> 0:04:31.600 you're nineteen, I don't know if you need a legal guardian, but. 0:04:33.200 --> 0:04:38.000 Like the legalities, yeah you don't. But it's like if 0:04:38.040 --> 0:04:41.200 anything were to happen to me. I wouldn't want my 0:04:41.920 --> 0:04:47.159 biological family to be the ones to make that choice 0:04:47.560 --> 0:04:49.240 if anything would have happened to me, like if you 0:04:49.279 --> 0:04:50.640 got to pull the plug or some shit like that. 0:04:51.200 --> 0:04:55.000 Okay, Okay, that makes sense. Honestly, it's not really that important. 0:04:55.040 --> 0:04:58.400 So tell me that feel better? So tell me this. 0:04:58.480 --> 0:05:00.000 Tell me this. Okay, so you used to be really 0:05:00.120 --> 0:05:01.640 with them when you're in nineteen, so tell me this. 0:05:02.279 --> 0:05:05.320 What is your relationship like with the ex boyfriend? How 0:05:05.360 --> 0:05:07.920 does he fit into all this? Uh? 0:05:08.800 --> 0:05:14.400 None of us talk to him. Actually about a year 0:05:14.440 --> 0:05:18.400 and a half of us dating, he he really he 0:05:18.440 --> 0:05:22.440 really fucked up. Like like his relationship with his parents, 0:05:22.480 --> 0:05:27.160 he he really just blew it. So his parents just 0:05:27.960 --> 0:05:31.279 didn't really want anything to do them, Like they obviously 0:05:31.320 --> 0:05:33.599 love him, but there were just things that he was 0:05:33.640 --> 0:05:36.520 doing where they kind of just had to turn away 0:05:37.040 --> 0:05:39.080 and just be like, all right, you do you and 0:05:39.120 --> 0:05:44.120 then whenever you're ready even come back. But they had 0:05:44.160 --> 0:05:48.600 he hasn't contacted them in a long time, so all 0:05:48.600 --> 0:05:52.640 of us kind of just keep moving forward, I guess, 0:05:53.279 --> 0:05:55.599 but I for him really. 0:05:56.240 --> 0:06:00.640 Well, well let's get into this. What what the timeline here? 0:06:00.680 --> 0:06:04.200 You break up? With your boyfriends and then almost immediately 0:06:04.600 --> 0:06:07.200 it sounds you start living with his parents. 0:06:09.320 --> 0:06:15.839 Yeah, we broke up Valentine's Day night of twenty twenty. 0:06:16.000 --> 0:06:21.279 So I kind of just packed up all my stuff 0:06:21.360 --> 0:06:25.200 and called his call, called his mom. I was like, 0:06:26.720 --> 0:06:28.760 I'm done, Will you pick me up? And she was like, 0:06:28.920 --> 0:06:30.000 I already got my shoes on. 0:06:30.520 --> 0:06:30.719 You know. 0:06:32.040 --> 0:06:34.640 Okay, the night that you guys broke up, What was 0:06:34.640 --> 0:06:37.279 the relationship like between your ex boyfriend and his parents. 0:06:39.839 --> 0:06:41.840 Oh, they didn't. They didn't speak in that at all. 0:06:42.160 --> 0:06:45.120 They they were really disappointed. They they kind of saw 0:06:45.160 --> 0:06:50.080 it coming by just everything that he was doing to 0:06:50.160 --> 0:06:55.160 me and to them, and okay, they just didn't really have. 0:06:56.120 --> 0:06:59.159 What tell me, Well, okay, tell me, tell me. What 0:06:59.279 --> 0:07:00.839 is it that the boyfriend and did to make his 0:07:00.960 --> 0:07:06.400 parents discontinue their relationship with him? Oh? 0:07:06.560 --> 0:07:11.040 Just not keeping up with responsibilities and just being an adult. 0:07:11.800 --> 0:07:14.560 Like I lived with him, like I had an apartment 0:07:14.560 --> 0:07:18.200 with him and everything. And it's not like things were 0:07:18.200 --> 0:07:22.120 going good or anything. We always really had problems. But 0:07:22.800 --> 0:07:25.760 I was in high school of a sophomore in high school, 0:07:26.200 --> 0:07:28.920 and I had three jobs. I was paying most of 0:07:28.960 --> 0:07:31.960 the rent I paid for just about everything, and he 0:07:32.000 --> 0:07:36.080 could barely hold his weight with his parents. That his 0:07:36.120 --> 0:07:39.559 parents kind of always tried to implement that worth work 0:07:39.640 --> 0:07:40.520 ethic in him. 0:07:41.440 --> 0:07:45.960 Well, Shelby, you know we're talking about him where I'm 0:07:46.000 --> 0:07:49.560 talking about what what things did he do to make them? 0:07:49.600 --> 0:07:51.880 I mean to selling your son like that. I mean, 0:07:51.920 --> 0:07:55.680 that's like, that's a really big deal. I'm looking for, Like, 0:07:55.760 --> 0:07:57.760 what is the you know, besides him not having a 0:07:57.840 --> 0:08:00.160 job at sixteen, what is the thing? 0:08:02.160 --> 0:08:04.960 He was just absolutely narcissistic. He thought it was his 0:08:05.080 --> 0:08:10.679 way or nothing. He was very abusive with his words 0:08:11.080 --> 0:08:13.640 and making people feel guilty, and he would always try 0:08:13.640 --> 0:08:17.400 to make people feel bad for him in that sort 0:08:17.440 --> 0:08:22.560 of way. I don't I don't really know how to 0:08:22.560 --> 0:08:29.120 explain that without being too intrusive and over sharing, if 0:08:29.160 --> 0:08:29.840 that makes sense. 0:08:31.400 --> 0:08:33.520 Sure, I mean, yeah, you know, this is your story 0:08:33.520 --> 0:08:38.400 in your life. It's just to me, you know, an 0:08:38.480 --> 0:08:43.040 interesting thing that they're like, you know, trading the son 0:08:44.000 --> 0:08:46.920 for you know, his ex girlfriend. And I'm trying to 0:08:46.920 --> 0:08:50.200 get to the bottom as to why and what's going 0:08:50.240 --> 0:08:51.880 on with him and if he's still in the picture, 0:08:52.080 --> 0:08:54.560 and why he's not in the picture and all of that. 0:08:56.040 --> 0:08:57.960 Well, he's not really in the picture because he doesn't 0:08:58.200 --> 0:09:01.040 reach out. I would say if he reached out and 0:09:01.240 --> 0:09:03.640 just showed that he was doing better. You know, last 0:09:03.679 --> 0:09:05.480 time I heard like he was living in his car, 0:09:06.080 --> 0:09:11.120 and you know, we always argued about bills and things 0:09:11.200 --> 0:09:14.480 like that because he was always borrowing money from people 0:09:15.400 --> 0:09:18.320 and just taking so much from other people to where 0:09:18.360 --> 0:09:20.480 they didn't even want to talk to him anymore because 0:09:20.480 --> 0:09:23.360 of how much he was taking and not giving. Or 0:09:23.360 --> 0:09:27.720 he would always lie about things and go behind you know, 0:09:27.760 --> 0:09:30.720 people's back that were like trying to help him, Like 0:09:30.800 --> 0:09:36.320 everyone gave him so much help and he just kind 0:09:36.320 --> 0:09:38.199 of screwed it all up. 0:09:38.559 --> 0:09:44.760 I would think I would say, Okay, well, I'll listen. 0:09:44.760 --> 0:09:47.839 I'm glad to hear that things are going better with 0:09:47.840 --> 0:09:54.080 with with you. You know, I hope that you know, 0:09:54.280 --> 0:09:58.719 this guy feels like he's in a position where he 0:09:59.040 --> 0:10:01.800 can come back to his parents, you know, if he 0:10:01.880 --> 0:10:02.320 wants to. 0:10:02.640 --> 0:10:11.560 Yeah, yeah, if it wouldn't really affect anything in my life, 0:10:11.600 --> 0:10:14.360 if that makes sense. It did make dating a little 0:10:14.400 --> 0:10:22.240 bit hard for me, trying to explain that when I 0:10:22.280 --> 0:10:26.000 wanted to have a relationship with somebody, I feel like 0:10:26.000 --> 0:10:27.040 a little intimidating. 0:10:28.640 --> 0:10:36.080 Yeah, definitely, definitely. Yeah, I mean it's a whole it's 0:10:36.120 --> 0:10:38.360 it's a strange situation. I'm not going to pretend like 0:10:38.440 --> 0:10:42.800 I have all the details on this, but I'm glad 0:10:42.800 --> 0:10:46.680 that you are doing well. And i mean, what, you're 0:10:46.760 --> 0:10:48.920 twenty one now, are you? Are you? Do you still 0:10:48.920 --> 0:10:50.920 live with them? 0:10:51.200 --> 0:10:51.440 Yeah? 0:10:51.480 --> 0:10:53.840 I still live with them. There's really no rush to 0:10:53.960 --> 0:10:56.080 move out, honestly, Okay. 0:10:55.840 --> 0:10:57.559 Are you playing? Are you planning on moving out at all? 0:10:57.640 --> 0:11:02.720 But yeah, probably in the future, live in the next 0:11:02.720 --> 0:11:05.440 few years. I love them that I have a great 0:11:05.440 --> 0:11:07.920 relationship with them, my mom and my dad, my sister 0:11:08.679 --> 0:11:09.680 and stuff like that. 0:11:11.120 --> 0:11:15.480 Uh, you were so we gloss over? Does he Is 0:11:15.520 --> 0:11:16.880 there a sibling in this as well? 0:11:18.520 --> 0:11:20.160 Yeah? 0:11:20.200 --> 0:11:25.760 Okay, so so your ex boyfriend's sister, Yeah okay, so 0:11:25.920 --> 0:11:27.760 and you can you consider her your sister? 0:11:29.679 --> 0:11:29.880 Yeah? 0:11:30.040 --> 0:11:33.079 Of course, Okay, And you and so and your ex 0:11:33.120 --> 0:11:35.160 boyfriend's mom and dad? Do you call them mom and 0:11:35.240 --> 0:11:35.680 dad too? 0:11:37.240 --> 0:11:38.000 Yeah? 0:11:38.080 --> 0:11:44.200 It's with the tricky situation. I mean, I obviously consider them, 0:11:44.360 --> 0:11:46.920 you know, my parents and my sister. I've been with 0:11:47.000 --> 0:11:49.120 them for so long and they treat me like family, 0:11:49.400 --> 0:12:01.960 you know. I fonnies uh. They yeah, but I'm sorry. 0:12:02.120 --> 0:12:03.960 What do you what are you trying to explain? 0:12:05.800 --> 0:12:07.000 I lost my train of thought. 0:12:07.000 --> 0:12:07.640 I'm so sorry. 0:12:07.760 --> 0:12:09.320 What's your relationship like with the sister? 0:12:12.400 --> 0:12:16.320 And it's good, It's it's just sibling. I mean, we 0:12:16.400 --> 0:12:18.559 live in the same house together. We have a lot 0:12:18.600 --> 0:12:27.319 of things in commons. I don't know. Okay, well, listen, 0:12:28.840 --> 0:12:31.760 person close to my age, So is. 0:12:31.880 --> 0:12:33.000 There anything else you want to say to the people 0:12:33.000 --> 0:12:33.880 of the computer before we go. 0:12:37.559 --> 0:12:39.839 Shout out to my mom, my dad, and my sister. 0:12:40.080 --> 0:12:40.680 I love them. 0:12:40.800 --> 0:12:44.199 And also shout out to Avery and Keel. Avery's honestly 0:12:44.280 --> 0:12:44.880 my biggest hater. 0:12:45.960 --> 0:12:48.480 Who's Avery? 0:12:49.280 --> 0:12:53.000 Avery is uh one of my friends that I work with, 0:12:53.160 --> 0:12:56.880 and I actually put them onto the podcast and he 0:12:56.960 --> 0:12:58.840 really liked it, and I always told him that I 0:12:58.880 --> 0:12:59.400 was going to get in. 0:13:00.080 --> 0:13:06.160 Yeah, beautiful, Well, thanks for calling Shelby. Thank you, as 0:13:06.200 --> 0:13:12.680 I say, okay, chat. Did anyone else get very strange 0:13:12.720 --> 0:13:18.160 vibes from that call? Am I am I crazy? Or 0:13:18.160 --> 0:13:22.640 did anyone else get very very strange vibes from that call? 0:13:25.440 --> 0:13:27.440 I do not know what to do with that at all, 0:13:27.800 --> 0:13:30.280 because here's here was the thing, and I was going 0:13:30.360 --> 0:13:33.360 to bring this up with her and whatever, because like 0:13:35.920 --> 0:13:42.319 she literally fucking this man's family and here was here 0:13:42.400 --> 0:13:44.440 was my problem. And I just wasn't going to keep 0:13:44.440 --> 0:13:47.440 pressing her on it because whatever. But I tried to 0:13:47.520 --> 0:13:51.960 ask her what he did, and she wouldn't fucking say 0:13:52.000 --> 0:13:57.319 what he did. She wouldn't say anything that he did. 0:13:58.840 --> 0:14:01.160 She just will we couldn't. We would. She would say 0:14:01.280 --> 0:14:06.840 he messed up this and that I have It's so crazy, 0:14:06.840 --> 0:14:12.360 it's that was that was bizarre to me. Okay, she 0:14:12.360 --> 0:14:14.440 wouldn't say what he did. And then I asked her 0:14:14.480 --> 0:14:17.680 about like, and then I did try to press her 0:14:17.720 --> 0:14:20.360 on it, and she said, yeah, when I was sixteen, 0:14:20.480 --> 0:14:22.720 I had three jobs. What is that? Okay? But that 0:14:22.720 --> 0:14:25.880 has nothing to do with him, do you Why are 0:14:25.880 --> 0:14:28.120 you talking about you having three jobs when you're sixteen? 0:14:28.200 --> 0:14:32.000 Is that like he didn't have enough jobs? What happened? 0:14:32.520 --> 0:14:34.200 Did I let her go to I really needed to 0:14:34.240 --> 0:14:37.080 know what happened. I tried pressing on it, and I 0:14:37.080 --> 0:14:41.560 feel like I wasn't gonna get it. What do you mean? 0:14:41.600 --> 0:14:44.160 She said? He wouldn't pay rent. If you're sixteen and 0:14:44.200 --> 0:14:50.640 you're living with your family, you shouldn't have to pay rent. God, 0:14:50.680 --> 0:14:54.560 I wish I could talk to the boyfriend. I really do. Hey, listen, 0:14:54.680 --> 0:14:56.600 if you're if you're the boy if you're this girl's 0:14:56.640 --> 0:14:59.240 ex boyfriend, and you're hearing this podcast and you're out there, 0:14:59.240 --> 0:15:02.560 please call in. I am dying to get this story 0:15:02.600 --> 0:15:07.960 from your perspective, because it's it's it's weird. It definitely 0:15:07.960 --> 0:15:11.560 feels weird to me. I don't know how I would 0:15:11.560 --> 0:15:16.400 feel if I was that guy, and you know my mind, 0:15:16.400 --> 0:15:18.240 and I don't I fucking don't know. I don't know 0:15:18.240 --> 0:15:20.280 what this guy did. But so I know this guy's young. 0:15:20.400 --> 0:15:24.400 I mean, like, you know, the dudes whatever he was. 0:15:24.520 --> 0:15:29.120 He was seventeen when all this stuff is going on. 0:15:31.720 --> 0:15:37.040 I don't know. It's super that we definitely did not 0:15:37.200 --> 0:15:39.600 have the full story on that. I feel a little 0:15:39.640 --> 0:15:41.200 bit weird that I don't know if we're ever going 0:15:41.280 --> 0:15:43.440 to get it. But yeah, that whole thing had weird 0:15:43.520 --> 0:15:47.960 vibes to me. Hello, how are you? 0:15:48.200 --> 0:15:48.760 Is this a guy? 0:15:49.760 --> 0:15:49.960 Yeah? 0:15:53.880 --> 0:15:54.800 Yeah, so this is Neil. 0:15:56.640 --> 0:15:57.320 What's going on with you? 0:15:57.400 --> 0:15:57.480 Now? 0:15:59.720 --> 0:15:59.920 You know? 0:16:00.000 --> 0:16:04.480 I'm just currently in rehab deck? How are you? 0:16:04.480 --> 0:16:05.880 You're like in rehab right now? 0:16:07.480 --> 0:16:09.400 Yeah? Like I'm literally about to get my phone taken 0:16:09.440 --> 0:16:13.080 away because we have like only a little bit of time. 0:16:13.640 --> 0:16:15.720 We only get our phones for about an hour a day. 0:16:16.760 --> 0:16:18.360 Okay. How much more time do you have with your phone? 0:16:20.000 --> 0:16:21.520 I got about like fifteen minutes? 0:16:22.200 --> 0:16:24.000 All right, we can wrap it up with them fifteen minutes. 0:16:25.640 --> 0:16:27.520 Why do you only tell tell me? Okay, so you 0:16:27.560 --> 0:16:28.960 only get to use your phone for an hour? 0:16:29.040 --> 0:16:29.240 Deck? 0:16:30.960 --> 0:16:31.320 Yes? 0:16:32.240 --> 0:16:32.480 Uh? 0:16:32.520 --> 0:16:37.400 And previous to being in rehab were how often were 0:16:37.440 --> 0:16:38.320 you on your phone. 0:16:40.000 --> 0:16:42.200 All the time? I'm in the military. I don't really 0:16:42.280 --> 0:16:44.960 do crap in my opinion, okay. 0:16:45.520 --> 0:16:49.520 And has being on your phone less had a positive 0:16:49.520 --> 0:16:50.160 impact on you? 0:16:53.080 --> 0:16:57.000 It hasn't really changed it. I mean, I'm not rehab 0:16:57.040 --> 0:16:59.360 for my phone USAGEM and rehab for my alcohol. 0:17:00.520 --> 0:17:02.400 Okay. And when did you get into rehab? 0:17:05.760 --> 0:17:07.240 It was the eleventh of this month. 0:17:08.400 --> 0:17:10.159 The eleventh of this month. Okay, So you've only been 0:17:10.160 --> 0:17:10.960 there for about two weeks. 0:17:13.000 --> 0:17:16.200 Yeah, yeah, about fifteen days. 0:17:16.480 --> 0:17:18.760 And how is that going for you? 0:17:20.680 --> 0:17:20.920 Yeah? 0:17:21.040 --> 0:17:23.560 It's you know, honestly, it's kind of happy as I've 0:17:23.560 --> 0:17:24.680 been in about a year. 0:17:25.640 --> 0:17:31.399 Really, Yeah, why why is it? Tell me? Tell me 0:17:31.440 --> 0:17:34.680 how it has become the happiest you've been in a year. 0:17:35.080 --> 0:17:36.119 That's pretty great? 0:17:36.400 --> 0:17:38.680 Well, what I was what I was doing for my 0:17:38.800 --> 0:17:43.200 job in the military. I hated it. I absolutely couldn't 0:17:43.240 --> 0:17:46.520 stand it. And I really just, you know, drank every 0:17:46.600 --> 0:17:50.040 day to forget my problems. And now I feel like 0:17:50.080 --> 0:17:52.320 that stress of that job's not on me, so I'm 0:17:52.320 --> 0:17:53.160 feeling a lot better. 0:17:54.880 --> 0:17:59.120 Interesting, But how how much of the of the alcohol 0:17:59.160 --> 0:18:02.439 abuse would you credit to the job? Is it like 0:18:02.480 --> 0:18:05.440 one hundred percent? Ah? 0:18:05.680 --> 0:18:08.280 No, No, No, drinking was fun. I would say it 0:18:08.320 --> 0:18:10.800 was to the job. Is about sixty. 0:18:10.480 --> 0:18:14.720 Forty sixty forty okay, So the job is sixty and 0:18:14.720 --> 0:18:15.679 then what's the other forty? 0:18:17.600 --> 0:18:19.200 Just me having a good time having fun? 0:18:20.000 --> 0:18:22.879 Okay. And so I don't know how rehab works. So 0:18:23.000 --> 0:18:26.359 they are you like drinking like a little bit so 0:18:26.359 --> 0:18:28.359 that you don't go through withdrawal? Like, how does how 0:18:28.359 --> 0:18:29.200 does it work in there? 0:18:30.800 --> 0:18:34.720 Well, I handled the withdrawals before going to rehab because 0:18:34.760 --> 0:18:36.960 I basically got locked in a room and was told 0:18:37.000 --> 0:18:37.439 to suffer. 0:18:39.119 --> 0:18:40.320 Oh, that was the beginning of rehab. 0:18:42.000 --> 0:18:43.840 No, that wasn't even at the beginning to rehab. That 0:18:44.000 --> 0:18:47.720 was the week prior or basically the friday prior checking in, 0:18:48.440 --> 0:18:50.399 I had all my withdrawals. 0:18:51.080 --> 0:18:54.000 Okay, So would you say you're over them. 0:18:54.240 --> 0:18:57.760 Oh yeah, by far, I'm over the withdrawals. The cravings 0:18:57.800 --> 0:18:58.440 is the hard part. 0:18:59.160 --> 0:19:00.760 Okay, So you're ever the with but you have your 0:19:00.840 --> 0:19:02.760 having cravings. How are you having cravings every day? 0:19:04.680 --> 0:19:05.160 Uh? 0:19:05.200 --> 0:19:07.960 Well, when I first got here, the cravings lasted about 0:19:07.960 --> 0:19:11.399 two weeks, but now it's every other day or so. 0:19:12.920 --> 0:19:18.840 Okay, so there's a positive upward trajectory. Yes, that's awesome. 0:19:19.440 --> 0:19:21.760 What else are you enjoying about the rehab life. 0:19:24.440 --> 0:19:27.119 There's also a group of messed up people here with me, 0:19:27.200 --> 0:19:28.960 so I don't feel like the only one who has 0:19:28.960 --> 0:19:37.040 a messed up life. We have people who also have 0:19:37.160 --> 0:19:42.240 alcohol addiction opiate addictions, so that's cool. And we just 0:19:42.280 --> 0:19:44.840 sit in this common area. I'm surrounded by a bunch 0:19:44.880 --> 0:19:49.080 of military people. And uh we watched cracky TV shows. 0:19:51.080 --> 0:19:55.320 So would you say you're having fun some days? 0:19:55.520 --> 0:19:58.040 Some days it's depressing because you can't leave. We go 0:19:58.119 --> 0:19:59.960 outside for only twenty minutes at a time. 0:20:03.520 --> 0:20:05.560 Did you check yourself into rehab or did other people? 0:20:05.600 --> 0:20:07.120 I don't know how this works, but did other people 0:20:07.200 --> 0:20:08.520 check you in? Or did you check yourself in? 0:20:10.119 --> 0:20:12.000 It was just a team effort with me and my 0:20:12.080 --> 0:20:17.240 command because I was I was keeping forced to regardless, 0:20:17.240 --> 0:20:19.280 because it's fourth of July. I just drank way too 0:20:19.400 --> 0:20:22.720 much and blacked out and did some crazy stuff. 0:20:25.440 --> 0:20:25.639 You know. 0:20:25.760 --> 0:20:28.280 I gotta say, it's kind of amazing to me that 0:20:28.880 --> 0:20:31.440 I mean fourth of July. Fourth of July. It's the 0:20:31.480 --> 0:20:33.720 day of July twenty seven. So that was, Oh god, 0:20:33.960 --> 0:20:36.440 I don't know if my math is right, but that was. Yeah, 0:20:36.440 --> 0:20:38.280 it was twenty three days ago, So it's about three 0:20:38.280 --> 0:20:41.280 weeks ago, fourth of July. I think it was twenty 0:20:41.320 --> 0:20:43.919 seven months, right, it's about three weeks ago, okay, And 0:20:44.000 --> 0:20:47.360 so three weeks ago you were getting completely totally fucked up, 0:20:47.920 --> 0:20:49.680 and then you went through withdrawals and now you're still 0:20:49.680 --> 0:20:53.639 have in cravings. But it sounds like, at the very least, 0:20:54.720 --> 0:20:55.920 and tell me if I'm wrong, I don't want the 0:20:55.960 --> 0:20:57.119 words in your mouth, but it sounds like, at the 0:20:57.200 --> 0:21:01.560 very least, you are noticing a positive change. You know, 0:21:01.640 --> 0:21:05.159 you went from crazy withdrawals to cravings every day to 0:21:05.440 --> 0:21:06.760 now cravings every other day. 0:21:08.480 --> 0:21:12.440 Yes, I've been three weeks sober on Tues or yesterday, 0:21:12.480 --> 0:21:15.440 so twenty two days sober today. So yeah, it's it's 0:21:15.480 --> 0:21:18.119 it's getting a lot better, Jack. I appreciate that. 0:21:19.480 --> 0:21:23.520 That's pretty that's pretty good, you know, going from getting 0:21:23.560 --> 0:21:27.040 super fucked up to being able to go, you know, 0:21:27.119 --> 0:21:28.159 twenty two days sober. 0:21:30.280 --> 0:21:33.200 Yeah, fourth of July, I drank a bottle of tequila, 0:21:33.359 --> 0:21:37.280 a bottle of sangria, nine white claws and six PBRs. 0:21:37.720 --> 0:21:38.920 That's that's a lot of alcohol. 0:21:43.240 --> 0:21:45.520 Yeah, it was, it was. It was a good time. 0:21:46.600 --> 0:21:47.919 Oh it sounds like it was a great time. But 0:21:48.400 --> 0:21:53.280 either way, what else are you doing in rehab that 0:21:53.640 --> 0:21:57.480 is uh, taking your mind off the cravings? 0:21:58.800 --> 0:22:03.440 Well, there's like we have group therapy three times a day, 0:22:03.520 --> 0:22:07.400 so that kind of helps. We have activity therapy where 0:22:07.400 --> 0:22:12.280 we do stuff like listen to music or play games, pictionary. 0:22:12.359 --> 0:22:19.879 Sometimes we have TV time and homework time. Today they 0:22:19.880 --> 0:22:21.800 made us watch Inside Out like a bunch of nine 0:22:21.840 --> 0:22:22.680 year olds. 0:22:23.280 --> 0:22:28.840 They made you watch inside Out? Yes, like as a 0:22:28.880 --> 0:22:35.600 commentary on your brain or something like that. Yes, what 0:22:35.600 --> 0:22:36.320 what was the lesson? 0:22:38.680 --> 0:22:41.439 I haven't got to that part. I just I just 0:22:41.440 --> 0:22:43.480 felt the anger character in that, and I thought I 0:22:43.520 --> 0:22:46.440 was supposed to connect to him. 0:22:46.760 --> 0:22:48.399 What did you connect to about the anger character? 0:22:50.560 --> 0:22:51.320 He was angry? 0:22:52.440 --> 0:22:57.280 That makes sense? How much long are you there for? 0:23:00.119 --> 0:23:04.800 I'm here for another another two weeks. Basically, I leave 0:23:04.840 --> 0:23:07.160 all your says and is. 0:23:07.080 --> 0:23:13.320 This all being paid for by the military. Yes, that's 0:23:13.320 --> 0:23:17.520 actually pretty rad. Are you glad that you made the 0:23:17.600 --> 0:23:18.240 decision to go? 0:23:20.240 --> 0:23:20.480 Yes? 0:23:22.119 --> 0:23:24.840 Are you optimistic looking towards the future. 0:23:26.760 --> 0:23:30.000 I'm nervous. I won't lie to anyone. I'm scared I 0:23:30.000 --> 0:23:33.680 won't be able to keep my sobriety. It's very challenging. 0:23:33.920 --> 0:23:37.600 I've had a lot of good moments on alcohol, so 0:23:37.640 --> 0:23:38.480 that's the hard part. 0:23:41.640 --> 0:23:43.479 Let me ask you something. I know that they have 0:23:43.560 --> 0:23:46.440 therapists and group therapy and all that stuff, and what 0:23:46.880 --> 0:23:51.040 sorts of things do people tell you in rehab? You know, 0:23:51.119 --> 0:23:54.800 people in those sort of counselor positions, when you tell 0:23:54.840 --> 0:23:59.280 them that you're nervous that you might succumb to cravings 0:23:59.280 --> 0:23:59.480 in the. 0:23:59.480 --> 0:24:05.760 Future, they go, It's just part of the outbound process. 0:24:05.920 --> 0:24:07.800 Is something you just got to work on. Go to 0:24:07.880 --> 0:24:09.800 these groups such as AA. 0:24:10.119 --> 0:24:17.679 Stuff like that, And has has that all been helpful 0:24:17.760 --> 0:24:19.320 for you? The things that they've told you in response 0:24:19.359 --> 0:24:19.560 to that. 0:24:22.080 --> 0:24:25.680 Kind of But you know, like, I've been using alcohol 0:24:25.720 --> 0:24:28.440 for ten years and it's like, am I gonna win 0:24:28.480 --> 0:24:30.199 this battle? Am I gonna be able to get to 0:24:30.240 --> 0:24:32.919 these groups. So still a little nerve wracking. 0:24:34.280 --> 0:24:36.280 In the ten years that you've been using alcohol, have 0:24:36.560 --> 0:24:40.000 do you think there has been twenty two sober you said, 0:24:40.000 --> 0:24:44.879 you said for twenty three days? Twenty two days? Yes, okay? 0:24:46.520 --> 0:24:49.560 Has there been a twenty three day sobriety streak in 0:24:49.600 --> 0:24:50.280 those ten years? 0:24:51.760 --> 0:24:51.879 Oh? 0:24:51.960 --> 0:24:54.320 Yeah, for sure. I've done multiple deployments where I wasn't 0:24:54.320 --> 0:24:54.960 allowed to drink. 0:24:59.160 --> 0:25:02.800 Let me ask you this have Is there anything I 0:25:02.800 --> 0:25:03.880 know that you say you have a lot of good 0:25:03.920 --> 0:25:08.080 times and you know you're you're trying to have fun 0:25:08.160 --> 0:25:11.800 and you're also escaping the stress of your job. Is 0:25:11.800 --> 0:25:14.679 there anything that you can think of that helps you 0:25:14.800 --> 0:25:17.280 do those things you don't have fun and escape the 0:25:17.280 --> 0:25:19.000 stress of your job that is not alcohol. 0:25:21.000 --> 0:25:24.080 Yeah, there's a couple like I think of cornhole. I 0:25:24.119 --> 0:25:31.400 really like to play cornhole. I'm going to the beach 0:25:31.480 --> 0:25:37.280 is nice, but they stationed me in Denver, so there's 0:25:37.359 --> 0:25:38.400 no beaches. 0:25:44.720 --> 0:25:45.359 Anything else. 0:25:47.640 --> 0:25:50.280 No gek. But I really appreciate your time and thank 0:25:50.320 --> 0:25:51.359 you for taking my call. 0:25:52.320 --> 0:25:54.399 Oh for sure? Man? Are you are they about to 0:25:54.400 --> 0:25:55.919 take your phone away? 0:25:57.160 --> 0:25:59.680 I only got about three minutes. If you have any 0:25:59.680 --> 0:26:01.960 more questions. 0:26:01.880 --> 0:26:03.320 Do you have anything else you want to say to 0:26:03.440 --> 0:26:05.680 the chat or to the people of the computer. 0:26:08.240 --> 0:26:12.080 A BALLACEYVC this, I love you while thank you for everything. 0:26:12.080 --> 0:26:13.400 I appreciate your time. 0:26:14.080 --> 0:26:16.600 For sure, man, and listen. I'm rooting for you. I 0:26:16.640 --> 0:26:19.160 think if you can do twenty three days, I think 0:26:19.160 --> 0:26:21.560 you can do the rest of your life. And you 0:26:21.640 --> 0:26:27.199 seem like a very down to earth and caring person 0:26:27.200 --> 0:26:28.960 at least from what I can hear over the phone. 0:26:29.000 --> 0:26:31.240 And you know I have faith in you. 0:26:31.840 --> 0:26:35.960 Okay, thank you, I appreciate it. 0:26:37.200 --> 0:26:38.000 Take care, Neil. 0:26:39.440 --> 0:26:39.920 Bye wow. 0:26:46.160 --> 0:26:53.159 I liked Neil. He had an interesting cadence to him. 0:26:53.560 --> 0:26:59.520 He I liked his description of of rehab was interesting. 0:27:00.480 --> 0:27:03.560 It sounded like it was kind of like camp. It 0:27:03.600 --> 0:27:05.639 reminded me a lot of of what day camp was 0:27:05.680 --> 0:27:10.920 like when I was a kid, because we also were 0:27:10.920 --> 0:27:15.720 not allowed to drink alcohol at the day camp that 0:27:15.760 --> 0:27:17.920 I went to when I was nine, and we also 0:27:17.960 --> 0:27:21.520 watched Inside Out. Actually no, we didn't watch Inside Out, 0:27:21.520 --> 0:27:23.640 but we watched like whatever Pixar movie was out when 0:27:23.640 --> 0:27:29.840 I was nine. I'm rooting for Neil. I'm rooting for 0:27:29.920 --> 0:27:34.879 Neil Yellow Yo. 0:27:34.960 --> 0:27:35.760 It's just a gag. 0:27:36.800 --> 0:27:41.440 Yeah, this is Josh, this is indeed, Josh, how's it going, man, 0:27:41.960 --> 0:27:44.000 it's going to go. It's going on with you? Josh? 0:27:45.359 --> 0:27:47.159 See, I just I don't know. I just kind of 0:27:47.160 --> 0:27:50.920 wanted to talk. I don't know if you read the 0:27:51.400 --> 0:27:52.600 pre screener. 0:27:52.240 --> 0:27:58.879 But I didn't even read those anymore. Mom's kidding. Okay, 0:27:59.280 --> 0:28:01.240 I do, I do, but I don't like people knowing 0:28:01.280 --> 0:28:03.120 that I do. If that makes sense? 0:28:03.520 --> 0:28:05.320 Oh, for sure, for sure, I get it. I get it. 0:28:05.359 --> 0:28:07.120 You know you want to you want to come off 0:28:07.160 --> 0:28:09.679 like with no freakonceptions ready you know? 0:28:10.560 --> 0:28:13.720 Yeah? Yeah, well I know what's going on. Let's let's 0:28:13.800 --> 0:28:16.680 let's let's we're too or we're too meta. Let's get 0:28:16.800 --> 0:28:17.760 not meta? 0:28:19.080 --> 0:28:22.760 All right, understandable, understandable. Uh well, I guess my whole 0:28:22.880 --> 0:28:27.600 thing is I was I was bored with a disability, uh, 0:28:27.720 --> 0:28:32.240 a physical disability. So I've been using a manual witch 0:28:32.320 --> 0:28:33.040 in my entire life. 0:28:34.600 --> 0:28:37.160 Interesting, Okay, it says here, I know, I just said 0:28:37.160 --> 0:28:42.600 that to not whatever it says here that you are 0:28:42.640 --> 0:28:48.680 both optimistic as well as pessimistic about having a disability. 0:28:48.920 --> 0:28:50.680 Can you explain that to me? What? 0:28:50.680 --> 0:28:50.760 What? 0:28:51.000 --> 0:28:51.160 Uh? 0:28:51.640 --> 0:28:53.680 Yeah, economy that you're living in? 0:28:56.040 --> 0:28:58.760 For sure? I mean, let's let's start off the bat, right, 0:28:58.800 --> 0:29:03.520 I like sending off bad for me. I think my 0:29:03.640 --> 0:29:08.760 disability kind of represents it represents me not being able 0:29:08.800 --> 0:29:10.960 to do as much things as other people. You know, 0:29:11.080 --> 0:29:14.360 I am, I am, I'm stopped from doing doing certain 0:29:14.400 --> 0:29:19.040 physical things. And that's like, uh, that's that's definitely been 0:29:19.120 --> 0:29:23.040 hard sometimes, you know, and and that has definitely affected 0:29:23.080 --> 0:29:27.040 my mental state, you know, seeing that dichotomy between like 0:29:27.160 --> 0:29:30.960 able bodied people and my ability, you know, and seeing 0:29:31.000 --> 0:29:32.840 the way people treat me differently as you are built 0:29:32.880 --> 0:29:34.320 to you know, that's pretty hard. 0:29:35.440 --> 0:29:37.080 What what are some of the ways that people treat 0:29:37.120 --> 0:29:37.560 you differently? 0:29:41.240 --> 0:29:43.680 That's it's a lot, man, I think you'd be surprised. 0:29:45.000 --> 0:29:48.200 I think from from a very young age, I've had 0:29:48.560 --> 0:29:51.600 people staring at me because you know, being a witch 0:29:51.720 --> 0:29:56.520 is pretty visible, right, So I've always understood that I 0:29:57.200 --> 0:30:00.280 was different, that I looked different, that I I had 0:30:00.280 --> 0:30:04.800 to be different. Uh. People love to offer your help 0:30:04.920 --> 0:30:07.600 when even I just out of the blue, when I'm 0:30:07.640 --> 0:30:09.719 when I'm not asking for it, and I know if 0:30:09.760 --> 0:30:12.240 that kind of pisses me off sometimes, I mean like 0:30:13.000 --> 0:30:14.959 I'm just living my life, you know, and they need 0:30:15.040 --> 0:30:17.480 to ask, like what you're doing? But do you need help? Man, 0:30:17.480 --> 0:30:19.880 I'm like, excuse me, did I ask? Right? 0:30:20.080 --> 0:30:20.160 So? 0:30:20.840 --> 0:30:20.959 Right? 0:30:21.360 --> 0:30:26.760 Yeah, yeah, yeah, let me try to think. 0:30:27.520 --> 0:30:29.920 No, it's an interesting perspective to hear that that you 0:30:30.200 --> 0:30:32.240 that you really don't like when people ask you for help. 0:30:34.600 --> 0:30:37.080 I think I have no qualms with you need personally 0:30:37.120 --> 0:30:39.959 asking for help, But it's just like people asking for 0:30:40.000 --> 0:30:43.320 help when I don't prompt it, you know, m m no. 0:30:43.360 --> 0:30:44.240 I can totally see. 0:30:44.400 --> 0:30:50.400 Sorry people asking if I need help? Right, yeah, yeah, yeah, Well, 0:30:50.440 --> 0:30:52.560 I mean I don't like to talk about the negatives 0:30:52.560 --> 0:30:52.960 that much. 0:30:53.520 --> 0:30:55.240 Well sure, okay, let's get into the positives. 0:30:55.240 --> 0:30:59.239 Then the positives. All right, all right, let's talk about it. 0:30:59.360 --> 0:31:02.720 I think I think recently I've been really realizing that, 0:31:02.880 --> 0:31:06.440 like I've had a pretty fundamental view from the world, 0:31:07.040 --> 0:31:12.840 at least for a very young age. I've kind of 0:31:12.880 --> 0:31:17.320 always known that that life was unfair, you know, that 0:31:17.320 --> 0:31:20.560 that life was was was it is kind of inherently 0:31:20.640 --> 0:31:24.240 unequal to an extent, and that's that's a hard thing 0:31:24.280 --> 0:31:26.680 to go through as a young person. Like I feel 0:31:26.720 --> 0:31:29.640 like most able bodied people or or most people go 0:31:29.680 --> 0:31:32.840 through experience with the one experience would I realized the 0:31:32.880 --> 0:31:35.840 world was unfair? Right, and this happens fairly early on 0:31:35.920 --> 0:31:39.240 in there in there in the development. But for me, 0:31:39.360 --> 0:31:41.880 I never really had that experience. It was always like, 0:31:42.720 --> 0:31:45.720 this is this his life? You know, it's it's it 0:31:45.800 --> 0:31:47.800 kind of sucks. And that's a strength, you know. I 0:31:47.800 --> 0:31:51.520 don't think that's a bad thing. I think it gives 0:31:51.520 --> 0:31:55.240 you perspectives on what is really important in life and 0:31:55.240 --> 0:31:58.320 and how do you maximize your the outcomes that you're 0:31:58.360 --> 0:31:59.640 you're able to come by. 0:32:01.080 --> 0:32:07.960 Hmm. Interesting. So you're you're happy with the fact that 0:32:08.880 --> 0:32:12.440 you learned that the world was unfair or you've known 0:32:12.480 --> 0:32:15.800 it since the beginning of time, not the beginning of time, 0:32:15.840 --> 0:32:20.320 since the beginning of your existence, and you didn't have 0:32:20.400 --> 0:32:23.080 to sort of learn it any sort of hard way later. 0:32:23.840 --> 0:32:25.280 And it's a perspective that I don't know if. 0:32:25.240 --> 0:32:29.000 I'm happy about that. Yeah, Yeah, I don't know if 0:32:29.040 --> 0:32:34.480 I'm happy about that. I think it's a I'm appreciative 0:32:34.560 --> 0:32:36.560 of it, you know. Sure, I don't know if I'm 0:32:36.640 --> 0:32:40.040 happy that. The happy is a strong word. M. 0:32:41.720 --> 0:32:43.880 So, so tell me a little bit more about this. 0:32:44.280 --> 0:32:50.000 What do you think that this perspective has done for 0:32:50.120 --> 0:32:53.200 you throughout your life that is positive? 0:32:55.320 --> 0:33:02.800 M I think I think that I have a a 0:33:02.960 --> 0:33:07.040 very strong will, and I have a very my attitude 0:33:07.080 --> 0:33:11.160 is that of of of someone who can always push 0:33:11.160 --> 0:33:16.479 through any barrier, you know. I mean because in life, 0:33:17.000 --> 0:33:20.680 I think the ultimate barrier is not society, but rather 0:33:20.800 --> 0:33:22.360 the physical environment. 0:33:22.000 --> 0:33:22.480 We live in. 0:33:23.000 --> 0:33:28.000 Right. If if we are we are physically impeded by something, right, 0:33:28.080 --> 0:33:32.640 how do we how do we overcome that? And and 0:33:32.640 --> 0:33:35.680 and I think that that perspective has given me this 0:33:35.920 --> 0:33:41.160 strength to fight through, to fight through a lot of 0:33:41.360 --> 0:33:46.360 just like societal bullshit and emotional bullshit. Because like if 0:33:46.600 --> 0:33:50.000 if I, if I am able to overcome this physical barrier, right, 0:33:50.680 --> 0:33:54.240 then what's stopping me from from overcoming this emotional or 0:33:54.280 --> 0:33:55.000 social barrier? 0:33:56.320 --> 0:34:00.000 Interesting, So you have a perspective that you know, Okay, 0:34:00.000 --> 0:34:03.880 I'm in a wheelchair, but I'm able to overcome that. 0:34:03.960 --> 0:34:07.920 I'm able to live my life despite that. Therefore I 0:34:07.920 --> 0:34:09.240 should be able to live my life. 0:34:09.480 --> 0:34:09.640 You know. 0:34:09.680 --> 0:34:12.200 If I can live my life despite my physical limitations, 0:34:12.719 --> 0:34:16.040 I could live my life despite any sort of emotional 0:34:16.160 --> 0:34:19.600 limitations I might be experiencing or emotional adversity. 0:34:19.719 --> 0:34:24.759 Yeah, definitely, definitely, I like that. 0:34:24.840 --> 0:34:26.600 Man, can you give me is there any sort of 0:34:26.600 --> 0:34:30.760 emotional adversity that you've that you've faced throughout your life 0:34:30.760 --> 0:34:33.960 that you want to share, you know, overcoming. 0:34:35.680 --> 0:34:41.280 Yeah, I mean, I think at least with my parents. 0:34:41.680 --> 0:34:44.520 I mean, I love my parents very much. I think 0:34:44.520 --> 0:34:47.600 they're wonderful people, and I recognize how much they've done 0:34:47.600 --> 0:34:51.200 for me. But yeah, growing up in a family where 0:34:51.200 --> 0:34:55.000 they haven't really experienced disability, right, it's just kind of 0:34:55.520 --> 0:34:59.319 they don't really understand what that's like. And so it's 0:34:59.480 --> 0:35:02.719 it's just kind of lonely, you know. Uh, it was 0:35:02.840 --> 0:35:04.880 I always had to kind of have to fend for myself, 0:35:05.320 --> 0:35:07.399 at least emotionally. I just didn't feel like I could 0:35:07.480 --> 0:35:11.560 reach out to anyone and so and so recently I've 0:35:11.600 --> 0:35:14.520 been really trying hard to reach out to other people 0:35:14.640 --> 0:35:18.399 and and and just try to share more experiences more 0:35:18.440 --> 0:35:22.440 because I think I think it's it's it's a different perspective, 0:35:22.640 --> 0:35:25.000 and it's it's a it's a valuable perspective. 0:35:27.239 --> 0:35:29.759 Why did you feel like you couldn't reach out to 0:35:29.760 --> 0:35:32.160 your parents when you were growing up? 0:35:33.880 --> 0:35:38.240 My parents are I feel like they're very emotionally unavailable. 0:35:40.840 --> 0:35:45.640 My mom is a typical Asian mom. She's kind of 0:35:45.719 --> 0:35:49.240 just like distant and doesn't really want to talk about 0:35:49.239 --> 0:35:53.600 emotions or anything like that. And then my dad is 0:35:53.600 --> 0:35:57.720 a whole other case where he's like a bipolar and 0:35:57.719 --> 0:35:59.759 and he's been through a lot as well, and it's 0:35:59.800 --> 0:36:03.200 just in in my at least in my instance, he 0:36:03.400 --> 0:36:05.920 is often suck it up and just deal with it, 0:36:06.000 --> 0:36:07.560 and that's how I dealt with it. And I mean 0:36:08.000 --> 0:36:11.000 that can work, but at some point down the line, 0:36:11.760 --> 0:36:15.160 you such a break, you such a fracture, and it 0:36:15.200 --> 0:36:17.799 becomes hard, you know. M hmm. 0:36:20.360 --> 0:36:22.439 What is your relationship like with them now? 0:36:25.160 --> 0:36:27.960 I think it's still along that path. I do want 0:36:28.000 --> 0:36:31.200 to I want to have a closer relationship with my parents, 0:36:31.680 --> 0:36:34.040 but I don't know if they're ready to have that conversation. 0:36:34.640 --> 0:36:36.880 I've been ready for for quite a long time to 0:36:36.920 --> 0:36:39.960 have that conversation with them, but I think whenever I 0:36:40.000 --> 0:36:44.000 try to reach out, it's it's often a denial or 0:36:44.200 --> 0:36:47.239 a rejection on their part, and that's that's pretty hard. 0:36:48.640 --> 0:36:50.360 Do you feel like you'll ever come to terms with, 0:36:52.360 --> 0:36:53.880 you know, not having that conversation. 0:36:57.000 --> 0:37:03.799 Mmm, I don't know. I really want to have the 0:37:03.880 --> 0:37:08.400 conversation and I want to be closer with my parents, 0:37:09.440 --> 0:37:12.200 but I think at a certain point, I might have 0:37:12.280 --> 0:37:16.600 to If it doesn't look like it's improving, then I 0:37:16.680 --> 0:37:19.560 might just have to accept that and just look elsewhere. 0:37:21.040 --> 0:37:21.359 Mm hm. 0:37:22.239 --> 0:37:24.479 Who else are you very close with in your life? 0:37:26.880 --> 0:37:30.280 I'm I'm really close with my sister. I love my sister. 0:37:30.360 --> 0:37:30.839 She's great. 0:37:32.520 --> 0:37:33.040 Mm hmm. 0:37:34.719 --> 0:37:35.360 In Portland. 0:37:36.200 --> 0:37:39.719 That's awesome. What what what's her what's her relationship like 0:37:39.800 --> 0:37:40.360 with your parents? 0:37:43.120 --> 0:37:45.719 It's strained as well. She has a better relationship with 0:37:45.760 --> 0:37:53.400 my mom, but yeah, my dad it's had some very 0:37:53.440 --> 0:37:58.399 hurtful things or and that's strained the relationship a lot. 0:37:59.719 --> 0:38:02.200 And so my sister moved out pretty much as soon 0:38:02.239 --> 0:38:05.480 as she could after she went through college. 0:38:06.800 --> 0:38:11.040 And are you moved out too, No, I'm currently. 0:38:10.800 --> 0:38:13.000 In college, so I'm doing an internship right now, but 0:38:13.040 --> 0:38:14.640 I usually live at a home when I'm out of 0:38:14.640 --> 0:38:16.680 college or during summers. 0:38:17.200 --> 0:38:20.920 Okay, so you're not completely you know, on your own 0:38:20.960 --> 0:38:24.080 from your family. You're still in college and you return 0:38:24.160 --> 0:38:25.680 back home when you're not in college. 0:38:26.320 --> 0:38:27.960 Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely. 0:38:29.080 --> 0:38:30.240 Well can I ask what you're studying? 0:38:32.040 --> 0:38:33.960 Yeah, I'm studying mechanical engineering. 0:38:35.000 --> 0:38:37.320 Okay, what do you want out of life? 0:38:39.520 --> 0:38:41.720 What do I want out of life? That is the answer. 0:38:41.800 --> 0:38:43.879 I've been trying to or that is the question I've 0:38:43.880 --> 0:38:46.960 been trying to answer for a while now. And you know, 0:38:47.239 --> 0:38:50.640 I have a really wide array of interest. I think 0:38:51.840 --> 0:38:54.640 I really love learning and I love everything that I 0:38:54.680 --> 0:38:58.280 come across. You really, So I'm still I'm still keeping 0:38:58.280 --> 0:39:00.279 my options open and trying to figure that out up 0:39:00.640 --> 0:39:03.000 grow a little bit more emotionally. You know, I think 0:39:03.440 --> 0:39:07.239 I haven't experienced that much relatively speaking, and I need to. 0:39:07.480 --> 0:39:09.040 I need to figure out what I really want to 0:39:09.040 --> 0:39:11.240 impart on the world. Mhm. 0:39:12.440 --> 0:39:17.680 So in your sort of day to day life, you know, 0:39:17.719 --> 0:39:19.080 I know, you see you you were in a wheelchair 0:39:19.120 --> 0:39:23.279 since you were born, But is there you know? And 0:39:23.960 --> 0:39:26.520 I don't. This is why I'm asking this because in 0:39:26.600 --> 0:39:35.560 my perspective, I would think that holdanominous sneeze. Two all right? 0:39:35.719 --> 0:39:38.080 What the fuck was I saying? I would think of 0:39:38.120 --> 0:39:41.000 my perspective. From my perspective, if you're you know, in 0:39:41.040 --> 0:39:45.040 a wheelchair for twenty years, you would get used to 0:39:46.320 --> 0:39:51.040 any sort of frustrations that one might encounter on a 0:39:51.120 --> 0:39:54.400 day to day basis, uh, you know, living life in 0:39:54.440 --> 0:39:57.000 a wheelchair. And I want to know if that is 0:39:57.239 --> 0:39:59.440 that is true or if day to day. There are 0:39:59.480 --> 0:40:02.560 still things that are frustrating you about just navigating. 0:40:03.840 --> 0:40:07.879 Yeah, that's very insightful, and it's I think it's true 0:40:07.880 --> 0:40:12.920 to an extent. But there are things that I'm constantly 0:40:12.960 --> 0:40:15.360 aware of and I just know not to expect. I 0:40:15.360 --> 0:40:19.520 think it's it's really a matter of expectations. I generally 0:40:19.560 --> 0:40:25.000 have rock bottom expectations for most things regarding what accessibility 0:40:25.200 --> 0:40:28.879 or my access to things, so so that I don't 0:40:28.880 --> 0:40:33.359 get hurt and that I don't ever expect anything. And 0:40:33.400 --> 0:40:36.480 then I get this, I don't get disappointed, right, And 0:40:36.920 --> 0:40:39.439 I think what I've gotten used to, what I've gotten 0:40:39.480 --> 0:40:43.000 used to, is a lack of care, a lack of access, 0:40:43.320 --> 0:40:47.919 and so as a result of that, my my expectations 0:40:47.920 --> 0:40:51.560 have been lowered as a defense mechanism to make sure 0:40:51.600 --> 0:40:56.839 I don't I don't get hurt. Interesting, But yes, yeah 0:40:56.920 --> 0:41:00.960 there are there's absolutely an element of getting used to it. 0:41:01.640 --> 0:41:05.919 But it hurts. It definitely hurts when when I see 0:41:05.920 --> 0:41:10.680 that visible, stark difference in the things that I can't do. 0:41:10.880 --> 0:41:17.240 You know, you know, this whole thing about low expectations, Hmmm, 0:41:17.320 --> 0:41:19.080 it's weird. I don't know how to respond to this 0:41:19.200 --> 0:41:23.080 because I am a fan of low expectations. I myself 0:41:23.120 --> 0:41:26.839 try to have very low expectations, uh, to not get 0:41:26.920 --> 0:41:30.439 hurt because I think, uh, I don't know, I don't 0:41:30.440 --> 0:41:32.879 know what someone I don't know. If there if there 0:41:33.000 --> 0:41:37.400 existed a person who had all the perfect answers in 0:41:37.440 --> 0:41:40.759 the world about how to be a human being, I 0:41:40.800 --> 0:41:43.040 wonder what they would say about whether or not to 0:41:43.080 --> 0:41:48.840 have expectations for things, because I feel like, you know, 0:41:48.920 --> 0:41:52.160 I'm a fan of having low expectations to not set 0:41:52.239 --> 0:41:55.839 yourself up to get hurt. You know, it's weird because 0:41:55.880 --> 0:41:59.480 it sounds like a sad thing. You know, I never 0:41:59.560 --> 0:42:03.400 expect anything as a defects as a defense mechanism for 0:42:03.480 --> 0:42:07.000 not getting hurt. Boss, I feel like, isn't that the moves? 0:42:07.440 --> 0:42:09.520 Isn't that what you want to do? Not expect anything? 0:42:09.640 --> 0:42:12.040 I mean, you're over here talking about you know, the 0:42:12.360 --> 0:42:15.960 one of the greatest lessons that you have obtained in 0:42:16.000 --> 0:42:20.839 your life is that life is unfair. And part of 0:42:20.840 --> 0:42:24.360 life being unfair is that you know you accept that 0:42:24.440 --> 0:42:29.280 as true and therefore you expect nothing from life, which, guess, 0:42:29.280 --> 0:42:32.680 on paper, I guess to many sounds like a depressing thing. 0:42:33.800 --> 0:42:38.279 But does it? Does it have to be like, why 0:42:38.320 --> 0:42:40.680 why is it so great to have expectations. It's great 0:42:40.680 --> 0:42:45.840 to have desires, you know, it's great to have things 0:42:45.880 --> 0:42:49.160 that make you happy and want to get out of bed, 0:42:49.239 --> 0:42:52.359 But expectations, I mean, what the fuck are those doing 0:42:52.400 --> 0:42:52.880 for anybody? 0:42:52.960 --> 0:42:53.240 Really? 0:42:55.000 --> 0:42:56.840 Yeah? I think I think that's a good point, and 0:42:56.920 --> 0:42:58.960 I think maybe it comes from the fact that I 0:42:59.000 --> 0:43:02.320 have pretty sky high expectations for myself, and maybe I 0:43:02.640 --> 0:43:06.439 impart out on other people a little bit. So when 0:43:07.239 --> 0:43:11.200 when I guess, I guess no, no, I guess. The 0:43:11.239 --> 0:43:14.479 thing is that I already have low expectations. And when 0:43:14.480 --> 0:43:17.799 I expect those low expectations aren't even met. That's when 0:43:17.800 --> 0:43:18.280 it's hard. 0:43:19.840 --> 0:43:21.560 Mm hmm. Interesting. 0:43:21.760 --> 0:43:26.439 It's when they even when they go below those low expectations. 0:43:27.960 --> 0:43:33.040 Again, when I do like, yeah, no, please please, I'll 0:43:33.080 --> 0:43:33.840 sell my things. 0:43:33.719 --> 0:43:37.560 Okay, yeah, yeah. So in my case, I try to 0:43:37.600 --> 0:43:40.799 make it as easy as possible for other people to 0:43:40.880 --> 0:43:44.960 accommodate in my needs. Right. I believe that that it's 0:43:45.000 --> 0:43:47.160 a it's a dance that we all have to play, right, 0:43:47.600 --> 0:43:50.600 that society plays and I play. I have to give 0:43:50.719 --> 0:43:53.319 something and they have to give something in return. Right, 0:43:53.719 --> 0:43:57.800 And when I when I give them all the options 0:43:58.719 --> 0:44:01.879 to help me out or to help the access things, 0:44:01.960 --> 0:44:04.960 and they don't even they don't even do that, right, 0:44:05.160 --> 0:44:08.120 then that's that's that's difficult, right because I am doing 0:44:08.160 --> 0:44:10.759 everything in my power to accommodate them as well, and 0:44:10.800 --> 0:44:13.239 they won't do anything on there and to accommodate me. 0:44:14.239 --> 0:44:20.839 Yeah, yeah, it sucks, man, But uh, you know, fuck, 0:44:20.880 --> 0:44:25.560 I'm really I'm really uh, you know, wrestling with thought 0:44:25.560 --> 0:44:28.360 to think about this here, because like what I totally 0:44:28.400 --> 0:44:30.880 want to say is uh And this is why I 0:44:30.920 --> 0:44:33.279 wonder what the person who you know, has all the 0:44:33.280 --> 0:44:35.799 perfect answers on how to be a human being would say, 0:44:36.280 --> 0:44:41.440 But you can't fucking control what other people do. You can't. 0:44:41.480 --> 0:44:44.520 You just fucking can't. And I think that there's a 0:44:44.560 --> 0:44:47.799 lot of freedom and happiness in accepting that, And part 0:44:47.800 --> 0:44:50.360 of accepting that is having low expectations. You mentioned you 0:44:50.440 --> 0:44:53.600 had high expectations of yourself, which is a different thing 0:44:53.640 --> 0:44:56.239 because you can control what it is that you do 0:44:56.320 --> 0:45:01.520 and how you you know, navigate the world. But I 0:45:01.520 --> 0:45:05.640 think it's okay to feel disappointment, man. But uh, you 0:45:05.680 --> 0:45:08.239 know what I like about what I like about you know, 0:45:08.280 --> 0:45:10.239 what I've heard from you so far about how you 0:45:10.280 --> 0:45:13.200 approach your situation and how you approach the world is 0:45:13.239 --> 0:45:18.000 that you're not over here, you know, kicking rocks because 0:45:18.080 --> 0:45:21.200 the world is unfair. You know, you seem like you're 0:45:21.200 --> 0:45:24.040 not just going to sit there and let the world 0:45:24.160 --> 0:45:27.279 thrash you around. You're going to do the things that 0:45:27.320 --> 0:45:29.239 you want to do to make your life better and 0:45:29.320 --> 0:45:32.640 to be happier. And I think that that's a good 0:45:32.640 --> 0:45:35.279 way to go about living. But I don't know. I'm 0:45:35.320 --> 0:45:37.840 not the person who has all the answers as to 0:45:37.880 --> 0:45:39.120 how to be a perfect human being. 0:45:44.800 --> 0:45:47.839 That's that's an interesting point. And I might, I might 0:45:47.880 --> 0:45:50.399 disagree with you there a little bit to say that 0:45:51.239 --> 0:45:56.880 that that I can't control that. I maybe I should 0:45:56.880 --> 0:46:00.000 accept that I can't control what other people do, because 0:46:00.200 --> 0:46:04.640 I mean, I think at recently, in an instance of disability, 0:46:04.680 --> 0:46:08.839 there's a legal element, right, there is a moral obligation 0:46:09.239 --> 0:46:14.440 or not moral, but rather a legal obligation to accommodate 0:46:14.560 --> 0:46:17.520 some of my needs. Right, And when that isn't me, 0:46:17.880 --> 0:46:20.560 that's just that's kind of like a sucker punch, right, 0:46:21.040 --> 0:46:23.600 It's just like, I know this is morally aly belied 0:46:24.000 --> 0:46:27.640 offensive to me, you know, Yeah, I. 0:46:27.640 --> 0:46:29.839 Mean, look in that situation if something is you know, 0:46:30.239 --> 0:46:33.600 uh uh. And by the way, I'm totally down, by 0:46:33.600 --> 0:46:35.960 the way, in all instances of every single thing I 0:46:36.000 --> 0:46:39.040 say on this podcast, I am always extremely down to 0:46:39.080 --> 0:46:42.880 be wrong. But yeah, dude, I mean in that instance 0:46:43.280 --> 0:46:45.359 where you know, you go into a place and they 0:46:45.360 --> 0:46:48.919 don't have the accessibility options that are required by you know, 0:46:49.480 --> 0:46:53.239 the law, the question becomes to you, what do you 0:46:53.280 --> 0:46:54.919 want to do about it? You know, do you want 0:46:55.000 --> 0:46:59.680 to go and rally the troops and you know, sue 0:46:59.680 --> 0:47:03.040 them or or start a whole thing that The question 0:47:03.120 --> 0:47:04.480 is whether or not you want to go do that. 0:47:04.880 --> 0:47:06.160 And if you do want to go do that, you 0:47:06.160 --> 0:47:07.799 should do that. But I think that that's the thing 0:47:07.800 --> 0:47:09.760 that you you got to ask yourself. 0:47:13.120 --> 0:47:19.160 Okay, interesting. Interesting. You know, I'm glad because people don't 0:47:19.160 --> 0:47:22.879 often say this to me now. They usually just say, oh, 0:47:23.280 --> 0:47:26.239 it's all right, you know, poor you, right. I appreciate 0:47:26.280 --> 0:47:30.200 you for pushing back. It's uh, it's it's it's really 0:47:30.239 --> 0:47:33.680 good to hear someone that that's willing to think about 0:47:33.719 --> 0:47:34.520 it a little deeper. 0:47:35.280 --> 0:47:37.040 Well, I'm telling you all this because you seem like 0:47:37.200 --> 0:47:41.280 you're a guy with you know, despite all of your 0:47:41.360 --> 0:47:44.160 your your disabilities and the things that you have going 0:47:44.160 --> 0:47:47.600 against you. You you strike me as a person who 0:47:47.640 --> 0:47:51.759 has a high internal locus of control, and so I 0:47:51.800 --> 0:47:53.839 want to feed into that. You know, So, so you're 0:47:53.840 --> 0:47:55.800 not a kind of guy that sits around and goes, oh, 0:47:55.960 --> 0:47:58.439 you know, poor me, blah blah blah. You know, you're 0:47:58.480 --> 0:48:01.640 you're a man with the high locus of control. And 0:48:01.800 --> 0:48:04.040 so as a person with the high locus of control, 0:48:04.920 --> 0:48:06.799 I I would get the sense that you look at 0:48:06.800 --> 0:48:10.000 situations and you go, Okay, what can I do about this? 0:48:11.400 --> 0:48:14.160 And if if, if, if, if this is egregious to me, 0:48:14.800 --> 0:48:19.040 and I have it within my power to take action 0:48:19.200 --> 0:48:21.400 against this thing I find egregious, then I will. But 0:48:21.840 --> 0:48:24.360 you're always, at least you know, from from what I 0:48:24.400 --> 0:48:27.600 get from you, thinking about what is the best way 0:48:27.680 --> 0:48:30.719 for you to move forward and not taking so much time, 0:48:31.160 --> 0:48:32.759 you know, crying over the way. This is this is 0:48:32.800 --> 0:48:35.800 what we started with. Is here is you're you already 0:48:35.840 --> 0:48:39.840 know that things are unfair. You already know that, uh 0:48:39.920 --> 0:48:41.960 you know, life is nonlinear, and so you're not going 0:48:42.040 --> 0:48:44.400 to waste any time crying about it. That's that's what 0:48:44.480 --> 0:48:46.680 I like about you, you know. So I'm trying to 0:48:46.680 --> 0:48:47.279 feed into that. 0:48:49.120 --> 0:48:51.960 I appreciate that. I think I think that describes me perfectly. 0:48:52.040 --> 0:48:54.480 You know, I I tend not to dwell on the 0:48:55.000 --> 0:48:57.799 on the things that make me sad as I. As 0:48:57.840 --> 0:49:02.399 I've said, he and thank you for that. I appreciate it. 0:49:04.000 --> 0:49:08.680 Mm hmm. Well, Josh, is there is there anything else 0:49:08.920 --> 0:49:13.399 that I've really enjoyed having this this conversation with you? 0:49:14.080 --> 0:49:16.759 Is is there anything else that you feel like we 0:49:16.800 --> 0:49:20.240 didn't cover that you wanted to talk about today? 0:49:20.680 --> 0:49:24.120 Oh? I don't know. I don't know, man, I mean 0:49:24.280 --> 0:49:26.560 I kind of want to. I do want to say 0:49:26.560 --> 0:49:30.439 to anyone out there that you know you are never 0:49:30.480 --> 0:49:34.319 a burden, You are always valuable. You know that you 0:49:34.360 --> 0:49:37.200 are always a beautiful person, and to never forget that. 0:49:39.640 --> 0:49:43.239 I love it. Ship. Was there anything else is gonna 0:49:43.239 --> 0:49:43.760 say to you? Josh? 0:49:43.800 --> 0:49:43.920 Oh? 0:49:44.000 --> 0:49:46.800 Yeah, final thing? What's what's next for you in the 0:49:46.840 --> 0:49:49.440 immediate future? I'm curious. We kind of covered your past, 0:49:49.480 --> 0:49:52.120 we kind of covered where you're at. Now what does 0:49:52.160 --> 0:49:53.799 the the future of Josh look like? 0:49:55.880 --> 0:49:57.160 A fucking mega bitches? 0:49:57.200 --> 0:49:59.960 That's what beautiful? 0:50:00.640 --> 0:50:04.160 Thank you for calling Josh, appreciate it, Thank you, Yes, 0:50:04.320 --> 0:50:05.360 You're the best. 0:50:07.040 --> 0:50:11.800 Hello. Hello Daniel, it says here that you accidentally created 0:50:11.800 --> 0:50:17.520 a persona called basketball Dan, and now your friends won't 0:50:17.520 --> 0:50:21.920 stop calling you that, and it's became a significant conflict 0:50:21.960 --> 0:50:28.440 in your life. Yeah, tell me more about this. 0:50:28.680 --> 0:50:30.680 Yeah, so pretty much, I was at my Beta house 0:50:31.280 --> 0:50:33.840 and we were playing basketball, and I just happened to 0:50:33.880 --> 0:50:36.359 be holding the basketball, and then it goes, hey, let's 0:50:36.360 --> 0:50:39.640 get a basketball band. And that kind of stuck at 0:50:39.640 --> 0:50:42.200 that point, which is also kind of my fault because 0:50:42.200 --> 0:50:45.000 it changed all my social media names the basketball band, 0:50:45.840 --> 0:50:47.400 So I kind of brought it on myself. 0:50:50.800 --> 0:50:55.680 Interesting, So you changed all your social media, you embraced 0:50:56.160 --> 0:51:00.399 the moniker of basketball Dan almost immediately, and I won't. 0:51:01.040 --> 0:51:03.239 Oh yeah, of course I walk in the bar if 0:51:03.280 --> 0:51:04.960 people start yelling basketball Dan. 0:51:06.960 --> 0:51:10.680 Mm hmm. And so let's get into this here, because 0:51:12.840 --> 0:51:16.320 let's get into this here, because you know, you changed 0:51:16.360 --> 0:51:20.120 your social media handles to basketball Dan for a reason. 0:51:20.640 --> 0:51:22.600 I feel like, and please correct me if I'm wrong. 0:51:22.640 --> 0:51:25.200 I'm not trying to, you know, uh, tell you who 0:51:25.239 --> 0:51:27.879 you are. But it sounds to me like, at the 0:51:28.000 --> 0:51:34.280 very beginning of basketball Dan, you actually enjoyed and found 0:51:34.400 --> 0:51:37.879 identity in basketball Dan, and that's why you changed your 0:51:38.320 --> 0:51:39.680 social media handles to it. 0:51:41.160 --> 0:51:42.680 Yeah, Now I kind of don't want to go back 0:51:42.680 --> 0:51:45.759 to being Daniel anymore. Now I feel like I kind 0:51:45.760 --> 0:51:48.879 of want to stick with basketball dand I don't well, 0:51:49.560 --> 0:51:52.560 I don't know how I get away. 0:51:52.680 --> 0:51:57.080 So so so where are we now? 0:51:57.120 --> 0:51:57.360 Are we? 0:51:57.880 --> 0:52:01.000 Do we like basketball Dan? Are we sick of basketball Dan? 0:52:03.320 --> 0:52:05.319 I thought I would have gotten took a basketball Dan 0:52:05.440 --> 0:52:07.480 right now, but I think I kind of want to 0:52:07.480 --> 0:52:08.480 be basketball band now. 0:52:10.040 --> 0:52:12.759 Okay, what do you like about being basketball Dan? 0:52:15.160 --> 0:52:18.560 I don't know. People just yelled basketball Dan. I mean 0:52:18.680 --> 0:52:20.920 people singing songs and just replace all the words of 0:52:21.000 --> 0:52:22.799 basketball band. So you know. 0:52:24.880 --> 0:52:25.960 It's gotta pros. 0:52:27.000 --> 0:52:28.440 Now do you think I'm gonna have to learn how 0:52:28.480 --> 0:52:29.360 to play basketball? 0:52:29.440 --> 0:52:31.839 Because I have, I have, I have, I have, I 0:52:31.880 --> 0:52:35.719 have better. I have different questions for you. You you you. 0:52:35.760 --> 0:52:37.719 I asked you what you like about basketball Dan, and 0:52:37.719 --> 0:52:40.000 then you deflected and said people sing songs? But that's 0:52:40.000 --> 0:52:43.240 not an answer. What do you like about being called 0:52:43.280 --> 0:52:46.239 basketball Dan? What do you like about these people that 0:52:46.280 --> 0:52:48.440 are singing songs? What do you get out of it? 0:52:49.320 --> 0:52:51.640 I mean it has a certain ring to it, basketball band? 0:52:52.400 --> 0:52:54.120 Don't you think better than Daniel? 0:52:54.960 --> 0:52:57.320 Okay? It has a ring to it people sing songs. 0:52:57.320 --> 0:53:00.160 Still not answers to the question, though, what do you 0:53:00.200 --> 0:53:02.600 get out of being basketball Dan? How does it make 0:53:02.640 --> 0:53:03.080 you feel? 0:53:05.680 --> 0:53:08.600 It makes me feel a basketball Dan, I think. I 0:53:08.640 --> 0:53:10.080 think that's what I get out of it. 0:53:15.440 --> 0:53:18.000 Tell me about how you feel about just the name Dan. 0:53:21.760 --> 0:53:24.480 It's und as fun as basketball Dan. Doesn't seem as energetic. 0:53:26.960 --> 0:53:29.960 Okay. Do you consider yourself an energetic guy? 0:53:31.760 --> 0:53:31.880 No? 0:53:31.960 --> 0:53:33.279 But I am when I'm basketball Dan. 0:53:34.840 --> 0:53:37.359 Would you say that Dan and basketball Dan are two 0:53:37.400 --> 0:53:38.040 different people? 0:53:41.800 --> 0:53:51.120 Kind of a kind of not dan, one playing basketball 0:53:51.160 --> 0:53:53.760 allegedly and the only one doesn't really care about sports? 0:53:53.800 --> 0:53:54.239 Then much? 0:53:55.360 --> 0:53:58.640 Okay, Well, everything that you're telling me about basketball Dan 0:53:58.760 --> 0:54:04.080 seems like it's not really even related to basketball. 0:54:04.120 --> 0:54:08.319 I don't hate it, No, it's really not. I don't 0:54:08.320 --> 0:54:09.520 even know how I get away with it. 0:54:10.200 --> 0:54:12.880 Okay, So tell me what what basketball Dan is like. 0:54:16.480 --> 0:54:23.279 Basketball Dana likes getting drunk, and that's pretty much it. 0:54:24.920 --> 0:54:30.319 Okay. So the only difference between Dan and basketball Dan, 0:54:30.480 --> 0:54:34.960 from what you're telling me, from the information I've ascertained 0:54:34.960 --> 0:54:37.239 from you on the phone call right now, is that 0:54:37.440 --> 0:54:41.520 Dan likes being sober and basketball Dan likes being drunk. 0:54:45.360 --> 0:54:47.279 Well, I think regular Dan. My teat is drunk too. 0:54:48.000 --> 0:54:50.719 Dan. You understand that we can't I I did. We 0:54:50.760 --> 0:54:53.239 can't go anywhere, and this is we're gonna just we 0:54:53.320 --> 0:54:55.799 can't have this phone. We're gonna go in fucking circles here. 0:54:55.840 --> 0:54:58.000 If you don't give me real answers to these questions, 0:54:58.239 --> 0:54:59.799 we don't know, we can't have time to go in 0:55:00.239 --> 0:55:02.400 complete in other circles. Dan, We need to have a 0:55:02.480 --> 0:55:04.600 through line two. 0:55:05.560 --> 0:55:06.600 Isn't that what you do? 0:55:08.280 --> 0:55:10.520 I feel like, yeah, I feel like I'm playing the 0:55:10.520 --> 0:55:11.200 part pretty well. 0:55:13.000 --> 0:55:13.680 What is the part? 0:55:17.280 --> 0:55:19.239 I don't know? Basketball? Dan? That's as far as I. 0:55:19.200 --> 0:55:22.520 Got, as as far as you got. OK, let's go further. 0:55:22.560 --> 0:55:25.120 Don't you want to go further? Basketball? Dan? Do you 0:55:25.120 --> 0:55:27.080 really do? We do? We want to stop here? Do 0:55:27.120 --> 0:55:29.480 we want to call it quits here? Don't you see 0:55:29.520 --> 0:55:33.759 a farther mountain to figuring out what the fuck basketball? 0:55:33.880 --> 0:55:36.319 Dan is? We're here right now. Let's figure it out. 0:55:36.360 --> 0:55:39.120 Don't bullshit me, Dan? Who is basketball? 0:55:39.200 --> 0:55:39.359 Dan? 0:55:39.480 --> 0:55:42.200 Don't say he plays basketball, don't say he gets drunk. 0:55:42.320 --> 0:55:44.600 Take a second, don't answer right after I'm done talking. 0:55:44.680 --> 0:55:47.480 Really fucking think about this. Who is basketball? Dan? 0:55:51.640 --> 0:55:55.960 That's a good question. I actually never really thought about 0:55:56.000 --> 0:56:00.000 it like that. I kind of just took it at 0:56:00.040 --> 0:56:01.840 face value. I'm basketball band. 0:56:15.040 --> 0:56:15.239 Dan? 0:56:17.920 --> 0:56:20.080 Yeah? 0:56:20.120 --> 0:56:21.200 Who is basketball Dan? 0:56:24.600 --> 0:56:25.600 Who is basketball? 0:56:25.680 --> 0:56:25.919 Tayer? 0:56:26.840 --> 0:56:29.480 Well, I know he doesn't play basketball. I know that much. 0:56:30.480 --> 0:56:34.160 I know people call him basketball band, and I think 0:56:34.160 --> 0:56:37.040 that's pretty much as far as I've gotten. I don't 0:56:37.040 --> 0:56:38.760 think I'm making it to the playoffs. 0:56:47.160 --> 0:57:00.480 I don't think you are either. Thanks thanks for calling basketball. Then, Okay, 0:57:02.320 --> 0:57:04.320 what do you guys think of that guy? Do you think? 0:57:04.560 --> 0:57:04.640 Like? 0:57:04.719 --> 0:57:09.120 Who? Okay? There are many different things that that guy 0:57:09.160 --> 0:57:13.920 could have been. He could have been somebody who just 0:57:14.120 --> 0:57:18.040 wanted to completely make something up to get in and talk. 0:57:18.480 --> 0:57:20.720 But even then, I don't think that that's as shallow 0:57:20.960 --> 0:57:24.919 as it would seem. Like, what's the underlying reason as 0:57:24.920 --> 0:57:27.280 to why he wanted to do that? We could go deeper. Okay, 0:57:27.320 --> 0:57:29.320 there's one. Maybe he just wanted to call in just 0:57:29.360 --> 0:57:37.040 to talk. Maybe maybe this is what I would love, 0:57:37.160 --> 0:57:41.040 This is the one I would like to think. Maybe 0:57:41.080 --> 0:57:47.320 there is like a real drama going on in his 0:57:47.480 --> 0:57:52.240 life between his two identities of Dan and basketball Dan, 0:57:53.160 --> 0:58:00.760 and to shatter the wall between those two would be 0:58:00.800 --> 0:58:06.920 incredibly painful for him. And so he denies that the 0:58:06.960 --> 0:58:11.400 wall even exists and refuses to get into it with 0:58:11.440 --> 0:58:17.760 me because he knows that he'll have to have a 0:58:17.800 --> 0:58:24.040 painful conversation if we were to truly understand the difference 0:58:24.040 --> 0:58:29.080 between Dan and basketball Dan. I don't think that that 0:58:29.320 --> 0:58:34.400 is what is going on there. I have no idea, 0:58:37.880 --> 0:58:41.800 but no, I don't think. I don't think he's going 0:58:41.840 --> 0:58:48.320 to the playoffs. Somebody said, Lyle, you're trying to derive 0:58:48.360 --> 0:58:51.080 Somebody said, Lyle, you're trying to derive meaning from a 0:58:51.120 --> 0:58:56.000 puddle in a driveway right now, not like some sort 0:58:56.000 --> 0:58:59.440 of crazy poetic meaning. But people do things for reasons. 0:59:01.960 --> 0:59:04.600 Anything anyone does who could probably give a reason to 0:59:04.720 --> 0:59:08.720 nobody does. Nobody fucking does anything for no reason. I 0:59:08.760 --> 0:59:12.120 think everything you know that you know the cause, you 0:59:12.160 --> 0:59:15.080 know the phrase everything happens for a reason. I believe 0:59:15.120 --> 0:59:18.479 in that. I don't believe in that in some like oh, 0:59:18.520 --> 0:59:22.960 there's like a external force determinate determining why things happen. 0:59:23.600 --> 0:59:29.840 But things do happen for reasons. Like why am I 0:59:29.920 --> 0:59:32.040 talking right now? I mean, we could go very deep 0:59:32.040 --> 0:59:34.560 into that reason as to why I'm talking into this 0:59:34.640 --> 0:59:37.200 microphone right now, because why we do a podcast. Why 0:59:37.200 --> 0:59:41.000 do I do a podcast? Uh? To do a thing 0:59:41.080 --> 0:59:42.600 with Earth? Why do I want to do a thing? 0:59:43.120 --> 0:59:46.280 Because human beings are propelled to progret whatever it is 0:59:46.280 --> 0:59:49.560 we get. I'm doing things for reasons, and so whatever 0:59:49.640 --> 0:59:55.600 the reason is. Basketball Dan did call in for a reason, 0:59:56.360 --> 0:59:59.240 and he wasn't vulnerable enough to tell me what that 0:59:59.320 --> 1:00:05.080 reason is. Yes, but he had one, and I'm and 1:00:05.160 --> 1:00:07.919 if he's not gonna give it to me, I'll sit 1:00:07.960 --> 1:00:17.800 here and speculate it. H all right, I've had enough 1:00:17.800 --> 1:00:21.320 of basketball Dan. There. Repy Cant goes on the line 1:00:21.560 --> 1:00:22.760 taking your phone calls. 1:00:22.840 --> 1:00:23.400 Every night. 1:00:23.760 --> 1:00:25.640 The Rep Can goes to his hide. 1:00:25.760 --> 1:00:27.920 He's teaching you cloud in the mind of your life, 1:00:28.280 --> 1:00:30.480 but he's not really an expert.