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Speaker 1: Attention, Gek Nation. I am going on tour across the

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Speaker 1: US to nine different cities to be a Gecko and

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Speaker 1: talk to people just like I do on this podcast,

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Speaker 1: except I will be on a stage at a place

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Speaker 1: doing it live. If you want to come see the

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Speaker 1: podcast live, tickets are available now for these cities Washington,

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Speaker 1: d C. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, New York City, Boston, Massachusetts, Miami, Florida, Chicago, Illinois, Denver, Colorado, Nashville, Tennessee,

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Speaker 1: and Seattle, Washington. So if you live in any of

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Speaker 1: those cities and you want to come catch the podcast live,

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Speaker 1: the link to buy tickets will be in the episode description.

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Speaker 1: The tickets will sell out fast, so if you want

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Speaker 1: to go, you should get them now. Anyway, let's get

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Speaker 1: into the calls. Hello, Hello, Gek, Hey, is this Shelby?

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Speaker 2: Yes it is.

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Speaker 1: How is life going go?

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Speaker 3: Actually? Really well?

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Speaker 1: You said everything is good? Things are going up for you?

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Speaker 1: That's good?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, definitely.

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Speaker 1: What's what's been going up? What's what's happening? That is

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Speaker 1: so so well?

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Speaker 3: I just felt a lot more relieved lately. I'm just

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Speaker 3: so happier, you know what I mean?

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Speaker 1: Okay, can you can you peg that to anything, or

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Speaker 1: it's just sort of an arethrow feeling.

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Speaker 3: I don't like my family life is good. My life is

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Speaker 3: my family and my boyfriend and things like that.

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Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, you're in a better place than before.

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Speaker 3: You say, yeah.

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Speaker 1: Well, Shelby, it says you were legally adopted by your

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Speaker 1: ex boyfriend's parents. What's that story?

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Speaker 3: Yes, sir, so I dated this guy for like three years,

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Speaker 3: and you know, when you know, when the time came, like,

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Speaker 3: you know, we broke up, and then I created like

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Speaker 3: a really good relationship with his parents. So when we

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Speaker 3: broke up, I really didn't have anywhere to go. So

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Speaker 3: I asked his parents if I can move back in,

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Speaker 3: and you know, they were kind of already preparing for it.

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Speaker 3: So I moved back in with them, and it's kind

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Speaker 3: of a history from there. They take me in, you know,

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Speaker 3: as their own childs and everything. I have an amazing

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Speaker 3: relationship with them. It's a little it's a little bizarre,

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Speaker 3: but I understand.

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Speaker 1: So, okay, tell me this. You were dating this guy.

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Speaker 1: How long have you dated this guy for?

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Speaker 3: For almost three years?

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Speaker 1: So you dated this guy for three years and then

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Speaker 1: you had nowhere else to go. So his parents legally

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Speaker 1: adopted you when you guys broke up. How old are

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Speaker 1: you when this happened.

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Speaker 3: I was nineteen, so we got together when I was sixteen,

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Speaker 3: so I've none them for like a while.

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Speaker 1: Can you get well, how do you get legal? Can

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Speaker 1: you get legally adopted by someone at the age of nineteen?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I mean you can sign like your

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Speaker 3: papers over for them to be your legal guardians, if

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Speaker 3: that makes sense. I kind of simplify it as to

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Speaker 3: like being adopted, but they're my legal guardians.

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Speaker 1: Do you can did? What do you have a legal

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Speaker 1: guardian when you're nineteen?

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Speaker 3: So my mom wasn't really around, like she left when

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Speaker 3: I was about eight years old, and then I passed

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Speaker 3: away a little after I moved in with them, and

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Speaker 3: then my biological side of my family is just a

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Speaker 3: little weird and I don't really speak with them that

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Speaker 3: often and I don't really trust them. So I had,

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Speaker 3: you know, my ex boyfriend's parents take over, you know,

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Speaker 3: the parental responsibilities, right.

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Speaker 1: Uh, well, no, I was just talking about how if

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Speaker 1: you're nineteen, I don't know if you need a legal guardian, but.

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Speaker 3: Like the legalities, yeah you don't. But it's like if

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Speaker 3: anything were to happen to me. I wouldn't want my

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Speaker 3: biological family to be the ones to make that choice

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Speaker 3: if anything would have happened to me, like if you

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Speaker 3: got to pull the plug or some shit like that.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Okay, that makes sense. Honestly, it's not really that important.

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Speaker 1: So tell me that feel better? So tell me this.

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Speaker 1: Tell me this. Okay, so you used to be really

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Speaker 1: with them when you're in nineteen, so tell me this.

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Speaker 1: What is your relationship like with the ex boyfriend? How

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Speaker 1: does he fit into all this? Uh?

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Speaker 3: None of us talk to him. Actually about a year

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Speaker 3: and a half of us dating, he he really he

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Speaker 3: really fucked up. Like like his relationship with his parents,

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Speaker 3: he he really just blew it. So his parents just

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Speaker 3: didn't really want anything to do them, Like they obviously

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Speaker 3: love him, but there were just things that he was

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Speaker 3: doing where they kind of just had to turn away

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Speaker 3: and just be like, all right, you do you and

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Speaker 3: then whenever you're ready even come back. But they had

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Speaker 3: he hasn't contacted them in a long time, so all

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Speaker 3: of us kind of just keep moving forward, I guess,

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Speaker 3: but I for him really.

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Speaker 1: Well, well let's get into this. What what the timeline here?

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Speaker 1: You break up? With your boyfriends and then almost immediately

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Speaker 1: it sounds you start living with his parents.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, we broke up Valentine's Day night of twenty twenty.

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Speaker 3: So I kind of just packed up all my stuff

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Speaker 3: and called his call, called his mom. I was like,

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Speaker 3: I'm done, Will you pick me up? And she was like,

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Speaker 3: I already got my shoes on.

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Speaker 4: You know.

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Speaker 1: Okay, the night that you guys broke up, What was

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Speaker 1: the relationship like between your ex boyfriend and his parents.

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Speaker 3: Oh, they didn't. They didn't speak in that at all.

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Speaker 3: They they were really disappointed. They they kind of saw

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Speaker 3: it coming by just everything that he was doing to

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Speaker 3: me and to them, and okay, they just didn't really have.

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Speaker 1: What tell me, Well, okay, tell me, tell me. What

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Speaker 1: is it that the boyfriend and did to make his

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Speaker 1: parents discontinue their relationship with him? Oh?

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Speaker 3: Just not keeping up with responsibilities and just being an adult.

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Speaker 3: Like I lived with him, like I had an apartment

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Speaker 3: with him and everything. And it's not like things were

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Speaker 3: going good or anything. We always really had problems. But

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Speaker 3: I was in high school of a sophomore in high school,

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Speaker 3: and I had three jobs. I was paying most of

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Speaker 3: the rent I paid for just about everything, and he

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Speaker 3: could barely hold his weight with his parents. That his

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Speaker 3: parents kind of always tried to implement that worth work

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Speaker 3: ethic in him.

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Speaker 1: Well, Shelby, you know we're talking about him where I'm

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Speaker 1: talking about what what things did he do to make them?

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Speaker 1: I mean to selling your son like that. I mean,

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Speaker 1: that's like, that's a really big deal. I'm looking for, Like,

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Speaker 1: what is the you know, besides him not having a

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Speaker 1: job at sixteen, what is the thing?

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Speaker 3: He was just absolutely narcissistic. He thought it was his

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Speaker 3: way or nothing. He was very abusive with his words

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Speaker 3: and making people feel guilty, and he would always try

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Speaker 3: to make people feel bad for him in that sort

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Speaker 3: of way. I don't I don't really know how to

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Speaker 3: explain that without being too intrusive and over sharing, if

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Speaker 3: that makes sense.

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Speaker 1: Sure, I mean, yeah, you know, this is your story

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Speaker 1: in your life. It's just to me, you know, an

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Speaker 1: interesting thing that they're like, you know, trading the son

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Speaker 1: for you know, his ex girlfriend. And I'm trying to

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Speaker 1: get to the bottom as to why and what's going

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Speaker 1: on with him and if he's still in the picture,

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Speaker 1: and why he's not in the picture and all of that.

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Speaker 3: Well, he's not really in the picture because he doesn't

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Speaker 3: reach out. I would say if he reached out and

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Speaker 3: just showed that he was doing better. You know, last

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Speaker 3: time I heard like he was living in his car,

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Speaker 3: and you know, we always argued about bills and things

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Speaker 3: like that because he was always borrowing money from people

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Speaker 3: and just taking so much from other people to where

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Speaker 3: they didn't even want to talk to him anymore because

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Speaker 3: of how much he was taking and not giving. Or

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Speaker 3: he would always lie about things and go behind you know,

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Speaker 3: people's back that were like trying to help him, Like

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Speaker 3: everyone gave him so much help and he just kind

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Speaker 3: of screwed it all up.

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Speaker 1: I would think I would say, Okay, well, I'll listen.

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Speaker 1: I'm glad to hear that things are going better with

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Speaker 1: with with you. You know, I hope that you know,

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Speaker 1: this guy feels like he's in a position where he

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Speaker 1: can come back to his parents, you know, if he

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Speaker 1: wants to.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, if it wouldn't really affect anything in my life,

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Speaker 3: if that makes sense. It did make dating a little

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Speaker 3: bit hard for me, trying to explain that when I

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Speaker 3: wanted to have a relationship with somebody, I feel like

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Speaker 3: a little intimidating.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely, definitely. Yeah, I mean it's a whole it's

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Speaker 1: it's a strange situation. I'm not going to pretend like

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Speaker 1: I have all the details on this, but I'm glad

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Speaker 1: that you are doing well. And i mean, what, you're

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Speaker 1: twenty one now, are you? Are you? Do you still

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Speaker 1: live with them?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: I still live with them. There's really no rush to

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Speaker 3: move out, honestly, Okay.

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Speaker 1: Are you playing? Are you planning on moving out at all?

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Speaker 3: But yeah, probably in the future, live in the next

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Speaker 3: few years. I love them that I have a great

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Speaker 3: relationship with them, my mom and my dad, my sister

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Speaker 3: and stuff like that.

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Speaker 1: Uh, you were so we gloss over? Does he Is

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Speaker 1: there a sibling in this as well?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Okay, so so your ex boyfriend's sister, Yeah okay, so

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Speaker 1: and you can you consider her your sister?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Of course, Okay, And you and so and your ex

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Speaker 1: boyfriend's mom and dad? Do you call them mom and

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Speaker 1: dad too?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: It's with the tricky situation. I mean, I obviously consider them,

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Speaker 3: you know, my parents and my sister. I've been with

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Speaker 3: them for so long and they treat me like family,

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Speaker 3: you know. I fonnies uh. They yeah, but I'm sorry.

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Speaker 1: What do you what are you trying to explain?

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Speaker 3: I lost my train of thought.

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Speaker 5: I'm so sorry.

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Speaker 1: What's your relationship like with the sister?

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Speaker 3: And it's good, It's it's just sibling. I mean, we

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Speaker 3: live in the same house together. We have a lot

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Speaker 3: of things in commons. I don't know. Okay, well, listen,

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Speaker 3: person close to my age, So is.

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Speaker 1: There anything else you want to say to the people

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Speaker 1: of the computer before we go.

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Speaker 3: Shout out to my mom, my dad, and my sister.

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Speaker 4: I love them.

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Speaker 3: And also shout out to Avery and Keel. Avery's honestly

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Speaker 3: my biggest hater.

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Speaker 1: Who's Avery?

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Speaker 3: Avery is uh one of my friends that I work with,

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Speaker 3: and I actually put them onto the podcast and he

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Speaker 3: really liked it, and I always told him that I

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Speaker 3: was going to get in.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, beautiful, Well, thanks for calling Shelby. Thank you, as

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Speaker 1: I say, okay, chat. Did anyone else get very strange

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Speaker 1: vibes from that call? Am I am I crazy? Or

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Speaker 1: did anyone else get very very strange vibes from that call?

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Speaker 1: I do not know what to do with that at all,

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Speaker 1: because here's here was the thing, and I was going

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Speaker 1: to bring this up with her and whatever, because like

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Speaker 1: she literally fucking this man's family and here was here

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Speaker 1: was my problem. And I just wasn't going to keep

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Speaker 1: pressing her on it because whatever. But I tried to

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Speaker 1: ask her what he did, and she wouldn't fucking say

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Speaker 1: what he did. She wouldn't say anything that he did.

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Speaker 1: She just will we couldn't. We would. She would say

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Speaker 1: he messed up this and that I have It's so crazy,

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Speaker 1: it's that was that was bizarre to me. Okay, she

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Speaker 1: wouldn't say what he did. And then I asked her

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Speaker 1: about like, and then I did try to press her

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Speaker 1: on it, and she said, yeah, when I was sixteen,

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Speaker 1: I had three jobs. What is that? Okay? But that

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Speaker 1: has nothing to do with him, do you Why are

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Speaker 1: you talking about you having three jobs when you're sixteen?

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Speaker 1: Is that like he didn't have enough jobs? What happened?

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Speaker 1: Did I let her go to I really needed to

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Speaker 1: know what happened. I tried pressing on it, and I

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Speaker 1: feel like I wasn't gonna get it. What do you mean?

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Speaker 1: She said? He wouldn't pay rent. If you're sixteen and

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Speaker 1: you're living with your family, you shouldn't have to pay rent. God,

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Speaker 1: I wish I could talk to the boyfriend. I really do. Hey, listen,

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Speaker 1: if you're if you're the boy if you're this girl's

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Speaker 1: ex boyfriend, and you're hearing this podcast and you're out there,

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Speaker 1: please call in. I am dying to get this story

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Speaker 1: from your perspective, because it's it's it's weird. It definitely

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Speaker 1: feels weird to me. I don't know how I would

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Speaker 1: feel if I was that guy, and you know my mind,

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Speaker 1: and I don't I fucking don't know. I don't know

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Speaker 1: what this guy did. But so I know this guy's young.

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Speaker 1: I mean, like, you know, the dudes whatever he was.

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Speaker 1: He was seventeen when all this stuff is going on.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. It's super that we definitely did not

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Speaker 1: have the full story on that. I feel a little

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Speaker 1: bit weird that I don't know if we're ever going

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Speaker 1: to get it. But yeah, that whole thing had weird

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Speaker 1: vibes to me. Hello, how are you?

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Speaker 5: Is this a guy?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, so this is Neil.

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Speaker 1: What's going on with you?

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Speaker 4: Now?

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Speaker 1: You know?

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Speaker 5: I'm just currently in rehab deck? How are you?

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Speaker 1: You're like in rehab right now?

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Speaker 5: Yeah? Like I'm literally about to get my phone taken

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Speaker 5: away because we have like only a little bit of time.

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Speaker 5: We only get our phones for about an hour a day.

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Speaker 1: Okay. How much more time do you have with your phone?

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Speaker 5: I got about like fifteen minutes?

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Speaker 1: All right, we can wrap it up with them fifteen minutes.

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Speaker 1: Why do you only tell tell me? Okay, so you

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Speaker 1: only get to use your phone for an hour?

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Speaker 4: Deck?

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Speaker 5: Yes?

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Speaker 4: Uh?

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Speaker 1: And previous to being in rehab were how often were

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Speaker 1: you on your phone.

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Speaker 5: All the time? I'm in the military. I don't really

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Speaker 5: do crap in my opinion, okay.

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Speaker 1: And has being on your phone less had a positive

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Speaker 1: impact on you?

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Speaker 5: It hasn't really changed it. I mean, I'm not rehab

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Speaker 5: for my phone USAGEM and rehab for my alcohol.

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Speaker 1: Okay. And when did you get into rehab?

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Speaker 5: It was the eleventh of this month.

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Speaker 1: The eleventh of this month. Okay, So you've only been

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Speaker 1: there for about two weeks.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, about fifteen days.

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Speaker 1: And how is that going for you?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 5: It's you know, honestly, it's kind of happy as I've

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Speaker 5: been in about a year.

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Speaker 1: Really, Yeah, why why is it? Tell me? Tell me

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Speaker 1: how it has become the happiest you've been in a year.

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Speaker 1: That's pretty great?

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Speaker 5: Well, what I was what I was doing for my

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Speaker 5: job in the military. I hated it. I absolutely couldn't

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Speaker 5: stand it. And I really just, you know, drank every

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Speaker 5: day to forget my problems. And now I feel like

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Speaker 5: that stress of that job's not on me, so I'm

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Speaker 5: feeling a lot better.

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Speaker 1: Interesting, But how how much of the of the alcohol

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Speaker 1: abuse would you credit to the job? Is it like

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Speaker 1: one hundred percent? Ah?

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Speaker 5: No, No, No, drinking was fun. I would say it

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Speaker 5: was to the job. Is about sixty.

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Speaker 1: Forty sixty forty okay, So the job is sixty and

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Speaker 1: then what's the other forty?

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Speaker 5: Just me having a good time having fun?

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Speaker 1: Okay. And so I don't know how rehab works. So

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Speaker 1: they are you like drinking like a little bit so

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Speaker 1: that you don't go through withdrawal? Like, how does how

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Speaker 1: does it work in there?

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Speaker 5: Well, I handled the withdrawals before going to rehab because

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Speaker 5: I basically got locked in a room and was told

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Speaker 5: to suffer.

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Speaker 1: Oh, that was the beginning of rehab.

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Speaker 5: No, that wasn't even at the beginning to rehab. That

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Speaker 5: was the week prior or basically the friday prior checking in,

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Speaker 5: I had all my withdrawals.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So would you say you're over them.

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Speaker 5: Oh yeah, by far, I'm over the withdrawals. The cravings

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Speaker 5: is the hard part.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So you're ever the with but you have your

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Speaker 1: having cravings. How are you having cravings every day?

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Speaker 4: Uh?

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Speaker 5: Well, when I first got here, the cravings lasted about

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Speaker 5: two weeks, but now it's every other day or so.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so there's a positive upward trajectory. Yes, that's awesome.

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Speaker 1: What else are you enjoying about the rehab life.

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Speaker 5: There's also a group of messed up people here with me,

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Speaker 5: so I don't feel like the only one who has

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Speaker 5: a messed up life. We have people who also have

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Speaker 5: alcohol addiction opiate addictions, so that's cool. And we just

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Speaker 5: sit in this common area. I'm surrounded by a bunch

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Speaker 5: of military people. And uh we watched cracky TV shows.

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Speaker 1: So would you say you're having fun some days?

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Speaker 5: Some days it's depressing because you can't leave. We go

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Speaker 5: outside for only twenty minutes at a time.

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Speaker 1: Did you check yourself into rehab or did other people?

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Speaker 1: I don't know how this works, but did other people

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Speaker 1: check you in? Or did you check yourself in?

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Speaker 5: It was just a team effort with me and my

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Speaker 5: command because I was I was keeping forced to regardless,

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Speaker 5: because it's fourth of July. I just drank way too

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Speaker 5: much and blacked out and did some crazy stuff.

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Speaker 4: You know.

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Speaker 1: I gotta say, it's kind of amazing to me that

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Speaker 1: I mean fourth of July. Fourth of July. It's the

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Speaker 1: day of July twenty seven. So that was, Oh god,

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Speaker 1: I don't know if my math is right, but that was. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it was twenty three days ago, So it's about three

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Speaker 1: weeks ago, fourth of July. I think it was twenty

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Speaker 1: seven months, right, it's about three weeks ago, okay, And

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Speaker 1: so three weeks ago you were getting completely totally fucked up,

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Speaker 1: and then you went through withdrawals and now you're still

356
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Speaker 1: have in cravings. But it sounds like, at the very least,

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Speaker 1: and tell me if I'm wrong, I don't want the

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Speaker 1: words in your mouth, but it sounds like, at the

359
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Speaker 1: very least, you are noticing a positive change. You know,

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Speaker 1: you went from crazy withdrawals to cravings every day to

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Speaker 1: now cravings every other day.

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Speaker 5: Yes, I've been three weeks sober on Tues or yesterday,

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Speaker 5: so twenty two days sober today. So yeah, it's it's

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Speaker 5: it's getting a lot better, Jack. I appreciate that.

365
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Speaker 1: That's pretty that's pretty good, you know, going from getting

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Speaker 1: super fucked up to being able to go, you know,

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Speaker 1: twenty two days sober.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, fourth of July, I drank a bottle of tequila,

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Speaker 5: a bottle of sangria, nine white claws and six PBRs.

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Speaker 1: That's that's a lot of alcohol.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, it was, it was. It was a good time.

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Speaker 1: Oh it sounds like it was a great time. But

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Speaker 1: either way, what else are you doing in rehab that

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Speaker 1: is uh, taking your mind off the cravings?

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Speaker 5: Well, there's like we have group therapy three times a day,

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Speaker 5: so that kind of helps. We have activity therapy where

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Speaker 5: we do stuff like listen to music or play games, pictionary.

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Speaker 5: Sometimes we have TV time and homework time. Today they

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Speaker 5: made us watch Inside Out like a bunch of nine

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Speaker 5: year olds.

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Speaker 1: They made you watch inside Out? Yes, like as a

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Speaker 1: commentary on your brain or something like that. Yes, what

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Speaker 1: what was the lesson?

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Speaker 5: I haven't got to that part. I just I just

385
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Speaker 5: felt the anger character in that, and I thought I

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Speaker 5: was supposed to connect to him.

387
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Speaker 1: What did you connect to about the anger character?

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Speaker 4: He was angry?

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Speaker 1: That makes sense? How much long are you there for?

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Speaker 5: I'm here for another another two weeks. Basically, I leave

391
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Speaker 5: all your says and is.

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Speaker 1: This all being paid for by the military. Yes, that's

393
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Speaker 1: actually pretty rad. Are you glad that you made the

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Speaker 1: decision to go?

395
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Speaker 4: Yes?

396
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Speaker 1: Are you optimistic looking towards the future.

397
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Speaker 5: I'm nervous. I won't lie to anyone. I'm scared I

398
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Speaker 5: won't be able to keep my sobriety. It's very challenging.

399
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Speaker 5: I've had a lot of good moments on alcohol, so

400
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Speaker 5: that's the hard part.

401
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Speaker 1: Let me ask you something. I know that they have

402
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Speaker 1: therapists and group therapy and all that stuff, and what

403
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Speaker 1: sorts of things do people tell you in rehab? You know,

404
00:23:51,119 --> 00:23:54,800
Speaker 1: people in those sort of counselor positions, when you tell

405
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Speaker 1: them that you're nervous that you might succumb to cravings

406
00:23:59,280 --> 00:23:59,480
Speaker 1: in the.

407
00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:05,760
Speaker 5: Future, they go, It's just part of the outbound process.

408
00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:07,800
Speaker 5: Is something you just got to work on. Go to

409
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Speaker 5: these groups such as AA.

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Speaker 1: Stuff like that, And has has that all been helpful

411
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Speaker 1: for you? The things that they've told you in response

412
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Speaker 1: to that.

413
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Speaker 5: Kind of But you know, like, I've been using alcohol

414
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Speaker 5: for ten years and it's like, am I gonna win

415
00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:30,199
Speaker 5: this battle? Am I gonna be able to get to

416
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Speaker 5: these groups. So still a little nerve wracking.

417
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Speaker 1: In the ten years that you've been using alcohol, have

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Speaker 1: do you think there has been twenty two sober you said,

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Speaker 1: you said for twenty three days? Twenty two days? Yes, okay?

420
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Speaker 1: Has there been a twenty three day sobriety streak in

421
00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:50,280
Speaker 1: those ten years?

422
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Speaker 4: Oh?

423
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:54,320
Speaker 5: Yeah, for sure. I've done multiple deployments where I wasn't

424
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Speaker 5: allowed to drink.

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Speaker 1: Let me ask you this have Is there anything I

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00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:03,880
Speaker 1: know that you say you have a lot of good

427
00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:08,080
Speaker 1: times and you know you're you're trying to have fun

428
00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:11,800
Speaker 1: and you're also escaping the stress of your job. Is

429
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Speaker 1: there anything that you can think of that helps you

430
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Speaker 1: do those things you don't have fun and escape the

431
00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:19,000
Speaker 1: stress of your job that is not alcohol.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, there's a couple like I think of cornhole. I

433
00:25:24,119 --> 00:25:31,400
Speaker 5: really like to play cornhole. I'm going to the beach

434
00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:37,280
Speaker 5: is nice, but they stationed me in Denver, so there's

435
00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:38,400
Speaker 5: no beaches.

436
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Speaker 1: Anything else.

437
00:25:47,640 --> 00:25:50,280
Speaker 5: No gek. But I really appreciate your time and thank

438
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Speaker 5: you for taking my call.

439
00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:54,399
Speaker 1: Oh for sure? Man? Are you are they about to

440
00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:55,919
Speaker 1: take your phone away?

441
00:25:57,160 --> 00:25:59,680
Speaker 5: I only got about three minutes. If you have any

442
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:01,960
Speaker 5: more questions.

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Speaker 1: Do you have anything else you want to say to

444
00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:05,680
Speaker 1: the chat or to the people of the computer.

445
00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:12,080
Speaker 5: A BALLACEYVC this, I love you while thank you for everything.

446
00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:13,400
Speaker 5: I appreciate your time.

447
00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:16,600
Speaker 1: For sure, man, and listen. I'm rooting for you. I

448
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:19,160
Speaker 1: think if you can do twenty three days, I think

449
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:21,560
Speaker 1: you can do the rest of your life. And you

450
00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:27,199
Speaker 1: seem like a very down to earth and caring person

451
00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:28,960
Speaker 1: at least from what I can hear over the phone.

452
00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:31,240
Speaker 1: And you know I have faith in you.

453
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:35,960
Speaker 5: Okay, thank you, I appreciate it.

454
00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:38,000
Speaker 1: Take care, Neil.

455
00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:39,920
Speaker 5: Bye wow.

456
00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:53,159
Speaker 1: I liked Neil. He had an interesting cadence to him.

457
00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:59,520
Speaker 1: He I liked his description of of rehab was interesting.

458
00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:03,560
Speaker 1: It sounded like it was kind of like camp. It

459
00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:05,639
Speaker 1: reminded me a lot of of what day camp was

460
00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:10,920
Speaker 1: like when I was a kid, because we also were

461
00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:15,720
Speaker 1: not allowed to drink alcohol at the day camp that

462
00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:17,920
Speaker 1: I went to when I was nine, and we also

463
00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:21,520
Speaker 1: watched Inside Out. Actually no, we didn't watch Inside Out,

464
00:27:21,520 --> 00:27:23,640
Speaker 1: but we watched like whatever Pixar movie was out when

465
00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:29,840
Speaker 1: I was nine. I'm rooting for Neil. I'm rooting for

466
00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:34,879
Speaker 1: Neil Yellow Yo.

467
00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:35,760
Speaker 4: It's just a gag.

468
00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:41,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is Josh, this is indeed, Josh, how's it going, man,

469
00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:44,000
Speaker 1: it's going to go. It's going on with you? Josh?

470
00:27:45,359 --> 00:27:47,159
Speaker 4: See, I just I don't know. I just kind of

471
00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:50,920
Speaker 4: wanted to talk. I don't know if you read the

472
00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:52,600
Speaker 4: pre screener.

473
00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:58,879
Speaker 1: But I didn't even read those anymore. Mom's kidding. Okay,

474
00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:01,240
Speaker 1: I do, I do, but I don't like people knowing

475
00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:03,120
Speaker 1: that I do. If that makes sense?

476
00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:05,320
Speaker 4: Oh, for sure, for sure, I get it. I get it.

477
00:28:05,359 --> 00:28:07,120
Speaker 4: You know you want to you want to come off

478
00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:09,679
Speaker 4: like with no freakonceptions ready you know?

479
00:28:10,560 --> 00:28:13,720
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, well I know what's going on. Let's let's

480
00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:16,680
Speaker 1: let's let's we're too or we're too meta. Let's get

481
00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:17,760
Speaker 1: not meta?

482
00:28:19,080 --> 00:28:22,760
Speaker 4: All right, understandable, understandable. Uh well, I guess my whole

483
00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:27,600
Speaker 4: thing is I was I was bored with a disability, uh,

484
00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:32,240
Speaker 4: a physical disability. So I've been using a manual witch

485
00:28:32,320 --> 00:28:33,040
Speaker 4: in my entire life.

486
00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:37,160
Speaker 1: Interesting, Okay, it says here, I know, I just said

487
00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:42,600
Speaker 1: that to not whatever it says here that you are

488
00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:48,680
Speaker 1: both optimistic as well as pessimistic about having a disability.

489
00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:50,680
Speaker 1: Can you explain that to me? What?

490
00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:50,760
Speaker 4: What?

491
00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:51,160
Speaker 3: Uh?

492
00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:53,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, economy that you're living in?

493
00:28:56,040 --> 00:28:58,760
Speaker 4: For sure? I mean, let's let's start off the bat, right,

494
00:28:58,800 --> 00:29:03,520
Speaker 4: I like sending off bad for me. I think my

495
00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:08,760
Speaker 4: disability kind of represents it represents me not being able

496
00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:10,960
Speaker 4: to do as much things as other people. You know,

497
00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:14,360
Speaker 4: I am, I am, I'm stopped from doing doing certain

498
00:29:14,400 --> 00:29:19,040
Speaker 4: physical things. And that's like, uh, that's that's definitely been

499
00:29:19,120 --> 00:29:23,040
Speaker 4: hard sometimes, you know, and and that has definitely affected

500
00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:27,040
Speaker 4: my mental state, you know, seeing that dichotomy between like

501
00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:30,960
Speaker 4: able bodied people and my ability, you know, and seeing

502
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:32,840
Speaker 4: the way people treat me differently as you are built

503
00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:34,320
Speaker 4: to you know, that's pretty hard.

504
00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:37,080
Speaker 1: What what are some of the ways that people treat

505
00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:37,560
Speaker 1: you differently?

506
00:29:41,240 --> 00:29:43,680
Speaker 4: That's it's a lot, man, I think you'd be surprised.

507
00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:48,200
Speaker 4: I think from from a very young age, I've had

508
00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:51,600
Speaker 4: people staring at me because you know, being a witch

509
00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:56,520
Speaker 4: is pretty visible, right, So I've always understood that I

510
00:29:57,200 --> 00:30:00,280
Speaker 4: was different, that I looked different, that I I had

511
00:30:00,280 --> 00:30:04,800
Speaker 4: to be different. Uh. People love to offer your help

512
00:30:04,920 --> 00:30:07,600
Speaker 4: when even I just out of the blue, when I'm

513
00:30:07,640 --> 00:30:09,719
Speaker 4: when I'm not asking for it, and I know if

514
00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:12,240
Speaker 4: that kind of pisses me off sometimes, I mean like

515
00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:14,959
Speaker 4: I'm just living my life, you know, and they need

516
00:30:15,040 --> 00:30:17,480
Speaker 4: to ask, like what you're doing? But do you need help? Man,

517
00:30:17,480 --> 00:30:19,880
Speaker 4: I'm like, excuse me, did I ask? Right?

518
00:30:20,080 --> 00:30:20,160
Speaker 2: So?

519
00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:20,959
Speaker 1: Right?

520
00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:26,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, let me try to think.

521
00:30:27,520 --> 00:30:29,920
Speaker 1: No, it's an interesting perspective to hear that that you

522
00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:32,240
Speaker 1: that you really don't like when people ask you for help.

523
00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:37,080
Speaker 4: I think I have no qualms with you need personally

524
00:30:37,120 --> 00:30:39,959
Speaker 4: asking for help, But it's just like people asking for

525
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:43,320
Speaker 4: help when I don't prompt it, you know, m m no.

526
00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:44,240
Speaker 1: I can totally see.

527
00:30:44,400 --> 00:30:50,400
Speaker 4: Sorry people asking if I need help? Right, yeah, yeah, yeah, Well,

528
00:30:50,440 --> 00:30:52,560
Speaker 4: I mean I don't like to talk about the negatives

529
00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:52,960
Speaker 4: that much.

530
00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:55,240
Speaker 1: Well sure, okay, let's get into the positives.

531
00:30:55,240 --> 00:30:59,239
Speaker 4: Then the positives. All right, all right, let's talk about it.

532
00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:02,720
Speaker 4: I think I think recently I've been really realizing that,

533
00:31:02,880 --> 00:31:06,440
Speaker 4: like I've had a pretty fundamental view from the world,

534
00:31:07,040 --> 00:31:12,840
Speaker 4: at least for a very young age. I've kind of

535
00:31:12,880 --> 00:31:17,320
Speaker 4: always known that that life was unfair, you know, that

536
00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:20,560
Speaker 4: that life was was was it is kind of inherently

537
00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:24,240
Speaker 4: unequal to an extent, and that's that's a hard thing

538
00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:26,680
Speaker 4: to go through as a young person. Like I feel

539
00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:29,640
Speaker 4: like most able bodied people or or most people go

540
00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:32,840
Speaker 4: through experience with the one experience would I realized the

541
00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:35,840
Speaker 4: world was unfair? Right, and this happens fairly early on

542
00:31:35,920 --> 00:31:39,240
Speaker 4: in there in there in the development. But for me,

543
00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:41,880
Speaker 4: I never really had that experience. It was always like,

544
00:31:42,720 --> 00:31:45,720
Speaker 4: this is this his life? You know, it's it's it

545
00:31:45,800 --> 00:31:47,800
Speaker 4: kind of sucks. And that's a strength, you know. I

546
00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:51,520
Speaker 4: don't think that's a bad thing. I think it gives

547
00:31:51,520 --> 00:31:55,240
Speaker 4: you perspectives on what is really important in life and

548
00:31:55,240 --> 00:31:58,320
Speaker 4: and how do you maximize your the outcomes that you're

549
00:31:58,360 --> 00:31:59,640
Speaker 4: you're able to come by.

550
00:32:01,080 --> 00:32:07,960
Speaker 1: Hmm. Interesting. So you're you're happy with the fact that

551
00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:12,440
Speaker 1: you learned that the world was unfair or you've known

552
00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:15,800
Speaker 1: it since the beginning of time, not the beginning of time,

553
00:32:15,840 --> 00:32:20,320
Speaker 1: since the beginning of your existence, and you didn't have

554
00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:23,080
Speaker 1: to sort of learn it any sort of hard way later.

555
00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:25,280
Speaker 1: And it's a perspective that I don't know if.

556
00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:29,000
Speaker 4: I'm happy about that. Yeah, Yeah, I don't know if

557
00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:34,480
Speaker 4: I'm happy about that. I think it's a I'm appreciative

558
00:32:34,560 --> 00:32:36,560
Speaker 4: of it, you know. Sure, I don't know if I'm

559
00:32:36,640 --> 00:32:40,040
Speaker 4: happy that. The happy is a strong word. M.

560
00:32:41,720 --> 00:32:43,880
Speaker 1: So, so tell me a little bit more about this.

561
00:32:44,280 --> 00:32:50,000
Speaker 1: What do you think that this perspective has done for

562
00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:53,200
Speaker 1: you throughout your life that is positive?

563
00:32:55,320 --> 00:33:02,800
Speaker 4: M I think I think that I have a a

564
00:33:02,960 --> 00:33:07,040
Speaker 4: very strong will, and I have a very my attitude

565
00:33:07,080 --> 00:33:11,160
Speaker 4: is that of of of someone who can always push

566
00:33:11,160 --> 00:33:16,479
Speaker 4: through any barrier, you know. I mean because in life,

567
00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:20,680
Speaker 4: I think the ultimate barrier is not society, but rather

568
00:33:20,800 --> 00:33:22,360
Speaker 4: the physical environment.

569
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:22,480
Speaker 5: We live in.

570
00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:28,000
Speaker 4: Right. If if we are we are physically impeded by something, right,

571
00:33:28,080 --> 00:33:32,640
Speaker 4: how do we how do we overcome that? And and

572
00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:35,680
Speaker 4: and I think that that perspective has given me this

573
00:33:35,920 --> 00:33:41,160
Speaker 4: strength to fight through, to fight through a lot of

574
00:33:41,360 --> 00:33:46,360
Speaker 4: just like societal bullshit and emotional bullshit. Because like if

575
00:33:46,600 --> 00:33:50,000
Speaker 4: if I, if I am able to overcome this physical barrier, right,

576
00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:54,240
Speaker 4: then what's stopping me from from overcoming this emotional or

577
00:33:54,280 --> 00:33:55,000
Speaker 4: social barrier?

578
00:33:56,320 --> 00:34:00,000
Speaker 1: Interesting, So you have a perspective that you know, Okay,

579
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:03,880
Speaker 1: I'm in a wheelchair, but I'm able to overcome that.

580
00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:07,920
Speaker 1: I'm able to live my life despite that. Therefore I

581
00:34:07,920 --> 00:34:09,240
Speaker 1: should be able to live my life.

582
00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:09,640
Speaker 4: You know.

583
00:34:09,680 --> 00:34:12,200
Speaker 1: If I can live my life despite my physical limitations,

584
00:34:12,719 --> 00:34:16,040
Speaker 1: I could live my life despite any sort of emotional

585
00:34:16,160 --> 00:34:19,600
Speaker 1: limitations I might be experiencing or emotional adversity.

586
00:34:19,719 --> 00:34:24,759
Speaker 4: Yeah, definitely, definitely, I like that.

587
00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:26,600
Speaker 1: Man, can you give me is there any sort of

588
00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:30,760
Speaker 1: emotional adversity that you've that you've faced throughout your life

589
00:34:30,760 --> 00:34:33,960
Speaker 1: that you want to share, you know, overcoming.

590
00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:41,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, I think at least with my parents.

591
00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:44,520
Speaker 4: I mean, I love my parents very much. I think

592
00:34:44,520 --> 00:34:47,600
Speaker 4: they're wonderful people, and I recognize how much they've done

593
00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:51,200
Speaker 4: for me. But yeah, growing up in a family where

594
00:34:51,200 --> 00:34:55,000
Speaker 4: they haven't really experienced disability, right, it's just kind of

595
00:34:55,520 --> 00:34:59,319
Speaker 4: they don't really understand what that's like. And so it's

596
00:34:59,480 --> 00:35:02,719
Speaker 4: it's just kind of lonely, you know. Uh, it was

597
00:35:02,840 --> 00:35:04,880
Speaker 4: I always had to kind of have to fend for myself,

598
00:35:05,320 --> 00:35:07,399
Speaker 4: at least emotionally. I just didn't feel like I could

599
00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:11,560
Speaker 4: reach out to anyone and so and so recently I've

600
00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:14,520
Speaker 4: been really trying hard to reach out to other people

601
00:35:14,640 --> 00:35:18,399
Speaker 4: and and and just try to share more experiences more

602
00:35:18,440 --> 00:35:22,440
Speaker 4: because I think I think it's it's it's a different perspective,

603
00:35:22,640 --> 00:35:25,000
Speaker 4: and it's it's a it's a valuable perspective.

604
00:35:27,239 --> 00:35:29,759
Speaker 1: Why did you feel like you couldn't reach out to

605
00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:32,160
Speaker 1: your parents when you were growing up?

606
00:35:33,880 --> 00:35:38,240
Speaker 4: My parents are I feel like they're very emotionally unavailable.

607
00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:45,640
Speaker 4: My mom is a typical Asian mom. She's kind of

608
00:35:45,719 --> 00:35:49,240
Speaker 4: just like distant and doesn't really want to talk about

609
00:35:49,239 --> 00:35:53,600
Speaker 4: emotions or anything like that. And then my dad is

610
00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:57,720
Speaker 4: a whole other case where he's like a bipolar and

611
00:35:57,719 --> 00:35:59,759
Speaker 4: and he's been through a lot as well, and it's

612
00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:03,200
Speaker 4: just in in my at least in my instance, he

613
00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:05,920
Speaker 4: is often suck it up and just deal with it,

614
00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:07,560
Speaker 4: and that's how I dealt with it. And I mean

615
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:11,000
Speaker 4: that can work, but at some point down the line,

616
00:36:11,760 --> 00:36:15,160
Speaker 4: you such a break, you such a fracture, and it

617
00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:17,799
Speaker 4: becomes hard, you know. M hmm.

618
00:36:20,360 --> 00:36:22,439
Speaker 1: What is your relationship like with them now?

619
00:36:25,160 --> 00:36:27,960
Speaker 4: I think it's still along that path. I do want

620
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:31,200
Speaker 4: to I want to have a closer relationship with my parents,

621
00:36:31,680 --> 00:36:34,040
Speaker 4: but I don't know if they're ready to have that conversation.

622
00:36:34,640 --> 00:36:36,880
Speaker 4: I've been ready for for quite a long time to

623
00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:39,960
Speaker 4: have that conversation with them, but I think whenever I

624
00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:44,000
Speaker 4: try to reach out, it's it's often a denial or

625
00:36:44,200 --> 00:36:47,239
Speaker 4: a rejection on their part, and that's that's pretty hard.

626
00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:50,360
Speaker 1: Do you feel like you'll ever come to terms with,

627
00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:53,880
Speaker 1: you know, not having that conversation.

628
00:36:57,000 --> 00:37:03,799
Speaker 4: Mmm, I don't know. I really want to have the

629
00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:08,400
Speaker 4: conversation and I want to be closer with my parents,

630
00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:12,200
Speaker 4: but I think at a certain point, I might have

631
00:37:12,280 --> 00:37:16,600
Speaker 4: to If it doesn't look like it's improving, then I

632
00:37:16,680 --> 00:37:19,560
Speaker 4: might just have to accept that and just look elsewhere.

633
00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:21,359
Speaker 5: Mm hm.

634
00:37:22,239 --> 00:37:24,479
Speaker 1: Who else are you very close with in your life?

635
00:37:26,880 --> 00:37:30,280
Speaker 4: I'm I'm really close with my sister. I love my sister.

636
00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:30,839
Speaker 4: She's great.

637
00:37:32,520 --> 00:37:33,040
Speaker 1: Mm hmm.

638
00:37:34,719 --> 00:37:35,360
Speaker 4: In Portland.

639
00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:39,719
Speaker 1: That's awesome. What what what's her what's her relationship like

640
00:37:39,800 --> 00:37:40,360
Speaker 1: with your parents?

641
00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:45,719
Speaker 4: It's strained as well. She has a better relationship with

642
00:37:45,760 --> 00:37:53,400
Speaker 4: my mom, but yeah, my dad it's had some very

643
00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:58,399
Speaker 4: hurtful things or and that's strained the relationship a lot.

644
00:37:59,719 --> 00:38:02,200
Speaker 4: And so my sister moved out pretty much as soon

645
00:38:02,239 --> 00:38:05,480
Speaker 4: as she could after she went through college.

646
00:38:06,800 --> 00:38:11,040
Speaker 1: And are you moved out too, No, I'm currently.

647
00:38:10,800 --> 00:38:13,000
Speaker 4: In college, so I'm doing an internship right now, but

648
00:38:13,040 --> 00:38:14,640
Speaker 4: I usually live at a home when I'm out of

649
00:38:14,640 --> 00:38:16,680
Speaker 4: college or during summers.

650
00:38:17,200 --> 00:38:20,920
Speaker 1: Okay, so you're not completely you know, on your own

651
00:38:20,960 --> 00:38:24,080
Speaker 1: from your family. You're still in college and you return

652
00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:25,680
Speaker 1: back home when you're not in college.

653
00:38:26,320 --> 00:38:27,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely.

654
00:38:29,080 --> 00:38:30,240
Speaker 1: Well can I ask what you're studying?

655
00:38:32,040 --> 00:38:33,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm studying mechanical engineering.

656
00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:37,320
Speaker 1: Okay, what do you want out of life?

657
00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:41,720
Speaker 4: What do I want out of life? That is the answer.

658
00:38:41,800 --> 00:38:43,879
Speaker 4: I've been trying to or that is the question I've

659
00:38:43,880 --> 00:38:46,960
Speaker 4: been trying to answer for a while now. And you know,

660
00:38:47,239 --> 00:38:50,640
Speaker 4: I have a really wide array of interest. I think

661
00:38:51,840 --> 00:38:54,640
Speaker 4: I really love learning and I love everything that I

662
00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:58,280
Speaker 4: come across. You really, So I'm still I'm still keeping

663
00:38:58,280 --> 00:39:00,279
Speaker 4: my options open and trying to figure that out up

664
00:39:00,640 --> 00:39:03,000
Speaker 4: grow a little bit more emotionally. You know, I think

665
00:39:03,440 --> 00:39:07,239
Speaker 4: I haven't experienced that much relatively speaking, and I need to.

666
00:39:07,480 --> 00:39:09,040
Speaker 4: I need to figure out what I really want to

667
00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:11,240
Speaker 4: impart on the world. Mhm.

668
00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:17,680
Speaker 1: So in your sort of day to day life, you know,

669
00:39:17,719 --> 00:39:19,080
Speaker 1: I know, you see you you were in a wheelchair

670
00:39:19,120 --> 00:39:23,279
Speaker 1: since you were born, But is there you know? And

671
00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:26,520
Speaker 1: I don't. This is why I'm asking this because in

672
00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:35,560
Speaker 1: my perspective, I would think that holdanominous sneeze. Two all right?

673
00:39:35,719 --> 00:39:38,080
Speaker 1: What the fuck was I saying? I would think of

674
00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:41,000
Speaker 1: my perspective. From my perspective, if you're you know, in

675
00:39:41,040 --> 00:39:45,040
Speaker 1: a wheelchair for twenty years, you would get used to

676
00:39:46,320 --> 00:39:51,040
Speaker 1: any sort of frustrations that one might encounter on a

677
00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:54,400
Speaker 1: day to day basis, uh, you know, living life in

678
00:39:54,440 --> 00:39:57,000
Speaker 1: a wheelchair. And I want to know if that is

679
00:39:57,239 --> 00:39:59,440
Speaker 1: that is true or if day to day. There are

680
00:39:59,480 --> 00:40:02,560
Speaker 1: still things that are frustrating you about just navigating.

681
00:40:03,840 --> 00:40:07,879
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's very insightful, and it's I think it's true

682
00:40:07,880 --> 00:40:12,920
Speaker 4: to an extent. But there are things that I'm constantly

683
00:40:12,960 --> 00:40:15,360
Speaker 4: aware of and I just know not to expect. I

684
00:40:15,360 --> 00:40:19,520
Speaker 4: think it's it's really a matter of expectations. I generally

685
00:40:19,560 --> 00:40:25,000
Speaker 4: have rock bottom expectations for most things regarding what accessibility

686
00:40:25,200 --> 00:40:28,879
Speaker 4: or my access to things, so so that I don't

687
00:40:28,880 --> 00:40:33,359
Speaker 4: get hurt and that I don't ever expect anything. And

688
00:40:33,400 --> 00:40:36,480
Speaker 4: then I get this, I don't get disappointed, right, And

689
00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:39,439
Speaker 4: I think what I've gotten used to, what I've gotten

690
00:40:39,480 --> 00:40:43,000
Speaker 4: used to, is a lack of care, a lack of access,

691
00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:47,919
Speaker 4: and so as a result of that, my my expectations

692
00:40:47,920 --> 00:40:51,560
Speaker 4: have been lowered as a defense mechanism to make sure

693
00:40:51,600 --> 00:40:56,839
Speaker 4: I don't I don't get hurt. Interesting, But yes, yeah

694
00:40:56,920 --> 00:41:00,960
Speaker 4: there are there's absolutely an element of getting used to it.

695
00:41:01,640 --> 00:41:05,919
Speaker 4: But it hurts. It definitely hurts when when I see

696
00:41:05,920 --> 00:41:10,680
Speaker 4: that visible, stark difference in the things that I can't do.

697
00:41:10,880 --> 00:41:17,240
Speaker 1: You know, you know, this whole thing about low expectations, Hmmm,

698
00:41:17,320 --> 00:41:19,080
Speaker 1: it's weird. I don't know how to respond to this

699
00:41:19,200 --> 00:41:23,080
Speaker 1: because I am a fan of low expectations. I myself

700
00:41:23,120 --> 00:41:26,839
Speaker 1: try to have very low expectations, uh, to not get

701
00:41:26,920 --> 00:41:30,439
Speaker 1: hurt because I think, uh, I don't know, I don't

702
00:41:30,440 --> 00:41:32,879
Speaker 1: know what someone I don't know. If there if there

703
00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:37,400
Speaker 1: existed a person who had all the perfect answers in

704
00:41:37,440 --> 00:41:40,759
Speaker 1: the world about how to be a human being, I

705
00:41:40,800 --> 00:41:43,040
Speaker 1: wonder what they would say about whether or not to

706
00:41:43,080 --> 00:41:48,840
Speaker 1: have expectations for things, because I feel like, you know,

707
00:41:48,920 --> 00:41:52,160
Speaker 1: I'm a fan of having low expectations to not set

708
00:41:52,239 --> 00:41:55,839
Speaker 1: yourself up to get hurt. You know, it's weird because

709
00:41:55,880 --> 00:41:59,480
Speaker 1: it sounds like a sad thing. You know, I never

710
00:41:59,560 --> 00:42:03,400
Speaker 1: expect anything as a defects as a defense mechanism for

711
00:42:03,480 --> 00:42:07,000
Speaker 1: not getting hurt. Boss, I feel like, isn't that the moves?

712
00:42:07,440 --> 00:42:09,520
Speaker 1: Isn't that what you want to do? Not expect anything?

713
00:42:09,640 --> 00:42:12,040
Speaker 1: I mean, you're over here talking about you know, the

714
00:42:12,360 --> 00:42:15,960
Speaker 1: one of the greatest lessons that you have obtained in

715
00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:20,839
Speaker 1: your life is that life is unfair. And part of

716
00:42:20,840 --> 00:42:24,360
Speaker 1: life being unfair is that you know you accept that

717
00:42:24,440 --> 00:42:29,280
Speaker 1: as true and therefore you expect nothing from life, which, guess,

718
00:42:29,280 --> 00:42:32,680
Speaker 1: on paper, I guess to many sounds like a depressing thing.

719
00:42:33,800 --> 00:42:38,279
Speaker 1: But does it? Does it have to be like, why

720
00:42:38,320 --> 00:42:40,680
Speaker 1: why is it so great to have expectations. It's great

721
00:42:40,680 --> 00:42:45,840
Speaker 1: to have desires, you know, it's great to have things

722
00:42:45,880 --> 00:42:49,160
Speaker 1: that make you happy and want to get out of bed,

723
00:42:49,239 --> 00:42:52,359
Speaker 1: But expectations, I mean, what the fuck are those doing

724
00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:52,880
Speaker 1: for anybody?

725
00:42:52,960 --> 00:42:53,240
Speaker 5: Really?

726
00:42:55,000 --> 00:42:56,840
Speaker 4: Yeah? I think I think that's a good point, and

727
00:42:56,920 --> 00:42:58,960
Speaker 4: I think maybe it comes from the fact that I

728
00:42:59,000 --> 00:43:02,320
Speaker 4: have pretty sky high expectations for myself, and maybe I

729
00:43:02,640 --> 00:43:06,439
Speaker 4: impart out on other people a little bit. So when

730
00:43:07,239 --> 00:43:11,200
Speaker 4: when I guess, I guess no, no, I guess. The

731
00:43:11,239 --> 00:43:14,479
Speaker 4: thing is that I already have low expectations. And when

732
00:43:14,480 --> 00:43:17,799
Speaker 4: I expect those low expectations aren't even met. That's when

733
00:43:17,800 --> 00:43:18,280
Speaker 4: it's hard.

734
00:43:19,840 --> 00:43:21,560
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. Interesting.

735
00:43:21,760 --> 00:43:26,439
Speaker 4: It's when they even when they go below those low expectations.

736
00:43:27,960 --> 00:43:33,040
Speaker 1: Again, when I do like, yeah, no, please please, I'll

737
00:43:33,080 --> 00:43:33,840
Speaker 1: sell my things.

738
00:43:33,719 --> 00:43:37,560
Speaker 4: Okay, yeah, yeah. So in my case, I try to

739
00:43:37,600 --> 00:43:40,799
Speaker 4: make it as easy as possible for other people to

740
00:43:40,880 --> 00:43:44,960
Speaker 4: accommodate in my needs. Right. I believe that that it's

741
00:43:45,000 --> 00:43:47,160
Speaker 4: a it's a dance that we all have to play, right,

742
00:43:47,600 --> 00:43:50,600
Speaker 4: that society plays and I play. I have to give

743
00:43:50,719 --> 00:43:53,319
Speaker 4: something and they have to give something in return. Right,

744
00:43:53,719 --> 00:43:57,800
Speaker 4: And when I when I give them all the options

745
00:43:58,719 --> 00:44:01,879
Speaker 4: to help me out or to help the access things,

746
00:44:01,960 --> 00:44:04,960
Speaker 4: and they don't even they don't even do that, right,

747
00:44:05,160 --> 00:44:08,120
Speaker 4: then that's that's that's difficult, right because I am doing

748
00:44:08,160 --> 00:44:10,759
Speaker 4: everything in my power to accommodate them as well, and

749
00:44:10,800 --> 00:44:13,239
Speaker 4: they won't do anything on there and to accommodate me.

750
00:44:14,239 --> 00:44:20,839
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it sucks, man, But uh, you know, fuck,

751
00:44:20,880 --> 00:44:25,560
Speaker 1: I'm really I'm really uh, you know, wrestling with thought

752
00:44:25,560 --> 00:44:28,360
Speaker 1: to think about this here, because like what I totally

753
00:44:28,400 --> 00:44:30,880
Speaker 1: want to say is uh And this is why I

754
00:44:30,920 --> 00:44:33,279
Speaker 1: wonder what the person who you know, has all the

755
00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:35,799
Speaker 1: perfect answers on how to be a human being would say,

756
00:44:36,280 --> 00:44:41,440
Speaker 1: But you can't fucking control what other people do. You can't.

757
00:44:41,480 --> 00:44:44,520
Speaker 1: You just fucking can't. And I think that there's a

758
00:44:44,560 --> 00:44:47,799
Speaker 1: lot of freedom and happiness in accepting that, And part

759
00:44:47,800 --> 00:44:50,360
Speaker 1: of accepting that is having low expectations. You mentioned you

760
00:44:50,440 --> 00:44:53,600
Speaker 1: had high expectations of yourself, which is a different thing

761
00:44:53,640 --> 00:44:56,239
Speaker 1: because you can control what it is that you do

762
00:44:56,320 --> 00:45:01,520
Speaker 1: and how you you know, navigate the world. But I

763
00:45:01,520 --> 00:45:05,640
Speaker 1: think it's okay to feel disappointment, man. But uh, you

764
00:45:05,680 --> 00:45:08,239
Speaker 1: know what I like about what I like about you know,

765
00:45:08,280 --> 00:45:10,239
Speaker 1: what I've heard from you so far about how you

766
00:45:10,280 --> 00:45:13,200
Speaker 1: approach your situation and how you approach the world is

767
00:45:13,239 --> 00:45:18,000
Speaker 1: that you're not over here, you know, kicking rocks because

768
00:45:18,080 --> 00:45:21,200
Speaker 1: the world is unfair. You know, you seem like you're

769
00:45:21,200 --> 00:45:24,040
Speaker 1: not just going to sit there and let the world

770
00:45:24,160 --> 00:45:27,279
Speaker 1: thrash you around. You're going to do the things that

771
00:45:27,320 --> 00:45:29,239
Speaker 1: you want to do to make your life better and

772
00:45:29,320 --> 00:45:32,640
Speaker 1: to be happier. And I think that that's a good

773
00:45:32,640 --> 00:45:35,279
Speaker 1: way to go about living. But I don't know. I'm

774
00:45:35,320 --> 00:45:37,840
Speaker 1: not the person who has all the answers as to

775
00:45:37,880 --> 00:45:39,120
Speaker 1: how to be a perfect human being.

776
00:45:44,800 --> 00:45:47,839
Speaker 4: That's that's an interesting point. And I might, I might

777
00:45:47,880 --> 00:45:50,399
Speaker 4: disagree with you there a little bit to say that

778
00:45:51,239 --> 00:45:56,880
Speaker 4: that that I can't control that. I maybe I should

779
00:45:56,880 --> 00:46:00,000
Speaker 4: accept that I can't control what other people do, because

780
00:46:00,200 --> 00:46:04,640
Speaker 4: I mean, I think at recently, in an instance of disability,

781
00:46:04,680 --> 00:46:08,839
Speaker 4: there's a legal element, right, there is a moral obligation

782
00:46:09,239 --> 00:46:14,440
Speaker 4: or not moral, but rather a legal obligation to accommodate

783
00:46:14,560 --> 00:46:17,520
Speaker 4: some of my needs. Right, And when that isn't me,

784
00:46:17,880 --> 00:46:20,560
Speaker 4: that's just that's kind of like a sucker punch, right,

785
00:46:21,040 --> 00:46:23,600
Speaker 4: It's just like, I know this is morally aly belied

786
00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:27,640
Speaker 4: offensive to me, you know, Yeah, I.

787
00:46:27,640 --> 00:46:29,839
Speaker 1: Mean, look in that situation if something is you know,

788
00:46:30,239 --> 00:46:33,600
Speaker 1: uh uh. And by the way, I'm totally down, by

789
00:46:33,600 --> 00:46:35,960
Speaker 1: the way, in all instances of every single thing I

790
00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:39,040
Speaker 1: say on this podcast, I am always extremely down to

791
00:46:39,080 --> 00:46:42,880
Speaker 1: be wrong. But yeah, dude, I mean in that instance

792
00:46:43,280 --> 00:46:45,359
Speaker 1: where you know, you go into a place and they

793
00:46:45,360 --> 00:46:48,919
Speaker 1: don't have the accessibility options that are required by you know,

794
00:46:49,480 --> 00:46:53,239
Speaker 1: the law, the question becomes to you, what do you

795
00:46:53,280 --> 00:46:54,919
Speaker 1: want to do about it? You know, do you want

796
00:46:55,000 --> 00:46:59,680
Speaker 1: to go and rally the troops and you know, sue

797
00:46:59,680 --> 00:47:03,040
Speaker 1: them or or start a whole thing that The question

798
00:47:03,120 --> 00:47:04,480
Speaker 1: is whether or not you want to go do that.

799
00:47:04,880 --> 00:47:06,160
Speaker 1: And if you do want to go do that, you

800
00:47:06,160 --> 00:47:07,799
Speaker 1: should do that. But I think that that's the thing

801
00:47:07,800 --> 00:47:09,760
Speaker 1: that you you got to ask yourself.

802
00:47:13,120 --> 00:47:19,160
Speaker 4: Okay, interesting. Interesting. You know, I'm glad because people don't

803
00:47:19,160 --> 00:47:22,879
Speaker 4: often say this to me now. They usually just say, oh,

804
00:47:23,280 --> 00:47:26,239
Speaker 4: it's all right, you know, poor you, right. I appreciate

805
00:47:26,280 --> 00:47:30,200
Speaker 4: you for pushing back. It's uh, it's it's it's really

806
00:47:30,239 --> 00:47:33,680
Speaker 4: good to hear someone that that's willing to think about

807
00:47:33,719 --> 00:47:34,520
Speaker 4: it a little deeper.

808
00:47:35,280 --> 00:47:37,040
Speaker 1: Well, I'm telling you all this because you seem like

809
00:47:37,200 --> 00:47:41,280
Speaker 1: you're a guy with you know, despite all of your

810
00:47:41,360 --> 00:47:44,160
Speaker 1: your your disabilities and the things that you have going

811
00:47:44,160 --> 00:47:47,600
Speaker 1: against you. You you strike me as a person who

812
00:47:47,640 --> 00:47:51,759
Speaker 1: has a high internal locus of control, and so I

813
00:47:51,800 --> 00:47:53,839
Speaker 1: want to feed into that. You know, So, so you're

814
00:47:53,840 --> 00:47:55,800
Speaker 1: not a kind of guy that sits around and goes, oh,

815
00:47:55,960 --> 00:47:58,439
Speaker 1: you know, poor me, blah blah blah. You know, you're

816
00:47:58,480 --> 00:48:01,640
Speaker 1: you're a man with the high locus of control. And

817
00:48:01,800 --> 00:48:04,040
Speaker 1: so as a person with the high locus of control,

818
00:48:04,920 --> 00:48:06,799
Speaker 1: I I would get the sense that you look at

819
00:48:06,800 --> 00:48:10,000
Speaker 1: situations and you go, Okay, what can I do about this?

820
00:48:11,400 --> 00:48:14,160
Speaker 1: And if if, if, if, if this is egregious to me,

821
00:48:14,800 --> 00:48:19,040
Speaker 1: and I have it within my power to take action

822
00:48:19,200 --> 00:48:21,400
Speaker 1: against this thing I find egregious, then I will. But

823
00:48:21,840 --> 00:48:24,360
Speaker 1: you're always, at least you know, from from what I

824
00:48:24,400 --> 00:48:27,600
Speaker 1: get from you, thinking about what is the best way

825
00:48:27,680 --> 00:48:30,719
Speaker 1: for you to move forward and not taking so much time,

826
00:48:31,160 --> 00:48:32,759
Speaker 1: you know, crying over the way. This is this is

827
00:48:32,800 --> 00:48:35,800
Speaker 1: what we started with. Is here is you're you already

828
00:48:35,840 --> 00:48:39,840
Speaker 1: know that things are unfair. You already know that, uh

829
00:48:39,920 --> 00:48:41,960
Speaker 1: you know, life is nonlinear, and so you're not going

830
00:48:42,040 --> 00:48:44,400
Speaker 1: to waste any time crying about it. That's that's what

831
00:48:44,480 --> 00:48:46,680
Speaker 1: I like about you, you know. So I'm trying to

832
00:48:46,680 --> 00:48:47,279
Speaker 1: feed into that.

833
00:48:49,120 --> 00:48:51,960
Speaker 4: I appreciate that. I think I think that describes me perfectly.

834
00:48:52,040 --> 00:48:54,480
Speaker 4: You know, I I tend not to dwell on the

835
00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:57,799
Speaker 4: on the things that make me sad as I. As

836
00:48:57,840 --> 00:49:02,399
Speaker 4: I've said, he and thank you for that. I appreciate it.

837
00:49:04,000 --> 00:49:08,680
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. Well, Josh, is there is there anything else

838
00:49:08,920 --> 00:49:13,399
Speaker 1: that I've really enjoyed having this this conversation with you?

839
00:49:14,080 --> 00:49:16,759
Speaker 1: Is is there anything else that you feel like we

840
00:49:16,800 --> 00:49:20,240
Speaker 1: didn't cover that you wanted to talk about today?

841
00:49:20,680 --> 00:49:24,120
Speaker 4: Oh? I don't know. I don't know, man, I mean

842
00:49:24,280 --> 00:49:26,560
Speaker 4: I kind of want to. I do want to say

843
00:49:26,560 --> 00:49:30,439
Speaker 4: to anyone out there that you know you are never

844
00:49:30,480 --> 00:49:34,319
Speaker 4: a burden, You are always valuable. You know that you

845
00:49:34,360 --> 00:49:37,200
Speaker 4: are always a beautiful person, and to never forget that.

846
00:49:39,640 --> 00:49:43,239
Speaker 1: I love it. Ship. Was there anything else is gonna

847
00:49:43,239 --> 00:49:43,760
Speaker 1: say to you? Josh?

848
00:49:43,800 --> 00:49:43,920
Speaker 4: Oh?

849
00:49:44,000 --> 00:49:46,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, final thing? What's what's next for you in the

850
00:49:46,840 --> 00:49:49,440
Speaker 1: immediate future? I'm curious. We kind of covered your past,

851
00:49:49,480 --> 00:49:52,120
Speaker 1: we kind of covered where you're at. Now what does

852
00:49:52,160 --> 00:49:53,799
Speaker 1: the the future of Josh look like?

853
00:49:55,880 --> 00:49:57,160
Speaker 4: A fucking mega bitches?

854
00:49:57,200 --> 00:49:59,960
Speaker 1: That's what beautiful?

855
00:50:00,640 --> 00:50:04,160
Speaker 4: Thank you for calling Josh, appreciate it, Thank you, Yes,

856
00:50:04,320 --> 00:50:05,360
Speaker 4: You're the best.

857
00:50:07,040 --> 00:50:11,800
Speaker 1: Hello. Hello Daniel, it says here that you accidentally created

858
00:50:11,800 --> 00:50:17,520
Speaker 1: a persona called basketball Dan, and now your friends won't

859
00:50:17,520 --> 00:50:21,920
Speaker 1: stop calling you that, and it's became a significant conflict

860
00:50:21,960 --> 00:50:28,440
Speaker 1: in your life. Yeah, tell me more about this.

861
00:50:28,680 --> 00:50:30,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, so pretty much, I was at my Beta house

862
00:50:31,280 --> 00:50:33,840
Speaker 2: and we were playing basketball, and I just happened to

863
00:50:33,880 --> 00:50:36,359
Speaker 2: be holding the basketball, and then it goes, hey, let's

864
00:50:36,360 --> 00:50:39,640
Speaker 2: get a basketball band. And that kind of stuck at

865
00:50:39,640 --> 00:50:42,200
Speaker 2: that point, which is also kind of my fault because

866
00:50:42,200 --> 00:50:45,000
Speaker 2: it changed all my social media names the basketball band,

867
00:50:45,840 --> 00:50:47,400
Speaker 2: So I kind of brought it on myself.

868
00:50:50,800 --> 00:50:55,680
Speaker 1: Interesting, So you changed all your social media, you embraced

869
00:50:56,160 --> 00:51:00,399
Speaker 1: the moniker of basketball Dan almost immediately, and I won't.

870
00:51:01,040 --> 00:51:03,239
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, of course I walk in the bar if

871
00:51:03,280 --> 00:51:04,960
Speaker 2: people start yelling basketball Dan.

872
00:51:06,960 --> 00:51:10,680
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. And so let's get into this here, because

873
00:51:12,840 --> 00:51:16,320
Speaker 1: let's get into this here, because you know, you changed

874
00:51:16,360 --> 00:51:20,120
Speaker 1: your social media handles to basketball Dan for a reason.

875
00:51:20,640 --> 00:51:22,600
Speaker 1: I feel like, and please correct me if I'm wrong.

876
00:51:22,640 --> 00:51:25,200
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to, you know, uh, tell you who

877
00:51:25,239 --> 00:51:27,879
Speaker 1: you are. But it sounds to me like, at the

878
00:51:28,000 --> 00:51:34,280
Speaker 1: very beginning of basketball Dan, you actually enjoyed and found

879
00:51:34,400 --> 00:51:37,879
Speaker 1: identity in basketball Dan, and that's why you changed your

880
00:51:38,320 --> 00:51:39,680
Speaker 1: social media handles to it.

881
00:51:41,160 --> 00:51:42,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, Now I kind of don't want to go back

882
00:51:42,680 --> 00:51:45,759
Speaker 2: to being Daniel anymore. Now I feel like I kind

883
00:51:45,760 --> 00:51:48,879
Speaker 2: of want to stick with basketball dand I don't well,

884
00:51:49,560 --> 00:51:52,560
Speaker 2: I don't know how I get away.

885
00:51:52,680 --> 00:51:57,080
Speaker 1: So so so where are we now?

886
00:51:57,120 --> 00:51:57,360
Speaker 4: Are we?

887
00:51:57,880 --> 00:52:01,000
Speaker 1: Do we like basketball Dan? Are we sick of basketball Dan?

888
00:52:03,320 --> 00:52:05,319
Speaker 2: I thought I would have gotten took a basketball Dan

889
00:52:05,440 --> 00:52:07,480
Speaker 2: right now, but I think I kind of want to

890
00:52:07,480 --> 00:52:08,480
Speaker 2: be basketball band now.

891
00:52:10,040 --> 00:52:12,759
Speaker 1: Okay, what do you like about being basketball Dan?

892
00:52:15,160 --> 00:52:18,560
Speaker 2: I don't know. People just yelled basketball Dan. I mean

893
00:52:18,680 --> 00:52:20,920
Speaker 2: people singing songs and just replace all the words of

894
00:52:21,000 --> 00:52:22,799
Speaker 2: basketball band. So you know.

895
00:52:24,880 --> 00:52:25,960
Speaker 5: It's gotta pros.

896
00:52:27,000 --> 00:52:28,440
Speaker 2: Now do you think I'm gonna have to learn how

897
00:52:28,480 --> 00:52:29,360
Speaker 2: to play basketball?

898
00:52:29,440 --> 00:52:31,839
Speaker 1: Because I have, I have, I have, I have, I

899
00:52:31,880 --> 00:52:35,719
Speaker 1: have better. I have different questions for you. You you you.

900
00:52:35,760 --> 00:52:37,719
Speaker 1: I asked you what you like about basketball Dan, and

901
00:52:37,719 --> 00:52:40,000
Speaker 1: then you deflected and said people sing songs? But that's

902
00:52:40,000 --> 00:52:43,240
Speaker 1: not an answer. What do you like about being called

903
00:52:43,280 --> 00:52:46,239
Speaker 1: basketball Dan? What do you like about these people that

904
00:52:46,280 --> 00:52:48,440
Speaker 1: are singing songs? What do you get out of it?

905
00:52:49,320 --> 00:52:51,640
Speaker 2: I mean it has a certain ring to it, basketball band?

906
00:52:52,400 --> 00:52:54,120
Speaker 2: Don't you think better than Daniel?

907
00:52:54,960 --> 00:52:57,320
Speaker 1: Okay? It has a ring to it people sing songs.

908
00:52:57,320 --> 00:53:00,160
Speaker 1: Still not answers to the question, though, what do you

909
00:53:00,200 --> 00:53:02,600
Speaker 1: get out of being basketball Dan? How does it make

910
00:53:02,640 --> 00:53:03,080
Speaker 1: you feel?

911
00:53:05,680 --> 00:53:08,600
Speaker 2: It makes me feel a basketball Dan, I think. I

912
00:53:08,640 --> 00:53:10,080
Speaker 2: think that's what I get out of it.

913
00:53:15,440 --> 00:53:18,000
Speaker 1: Tell me about how you feel about just the name Dan.

914
00:53:21,760 --> 00:53:24,480
Speaker 2: It's und as fun as basketball Dan. Doesn't seem as energetic.

915
00:53:26,960 --> 00:53:29,960
Speaker 1: Okay. Do you consider yourself an energetic guy?

916
00:53:31,760 --> 00:53:31,880
Speaker 4: No?

917
00:53:31,960 --> 00:53:33,279
Speaker 2: But I am when I'm basketball Dan.

918
00:53:34,840 --> 00:53:37,359
Speaker 1: Would you say that Dan and basketball Dan are two

919
00:53:37,400 --> 00:53:38,040
Speaker 1: different people?

920
00:53:41,800 --> 00:53:51,120
Speaker 2: Kind of a kind of not dan, one playing basketball

921
00:53:51,160 --> 00:53:53,760
Speaker 2: allegedly and the only one doesn't really care about sports?

922
00:53:53,800 --> 00:53:54,239
Speaker 4: Then much?

923
00:53:55,360 --> 00:53:58,640
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, everything that you're telling me about basketball Dan

924
00:53:58,760 --> 00:54:04,080
Speaker 1: seems like it's not really even related to basketball.

925
00:54:04,120 --> 00:54:08,319
Speaker 2: I don't hate it, No, it's really not. I don't

926
00:54:08,320 --> 00:54:09,520
Speaker 2: even know how I get away with it.

927
00:54:10,200 --> 00:54:12,880
Speaker 1: Okay, So tell me what what basketball Dan is like.

928
00:54:16,480 --> 00:54:23,279
Speaker 2: Basketball Dana likes getting drunk, and that's pretty much it.

929
00:54:24,920 --> 00:54:30,319
Speaker 1: Okay. So the only difference between Dan and basketball Dan,

930
00:54:30,480 --> 00:54:34,960
Speaker 1: from what you're telling me, from the information I've ascertained

931
00:54:34,960 --> 00:54:37,239
Speaker 1: from you on the phone call right now, is that

932
00:54:37,440 --> 00:54:41,520
Speaker 1: Dan likes being sober and basketball Dan likes being drunk.

933
00:54:45,360 --> 00:54:47,279
Speaker 2: Well, I think regular Dan. My teat is drunk too.

934
00:54:48,000 --> 00:54:50,719
Speaker 1: Dan. You understand that we can't I I did. We

935
00:54:50,760 --> 00:54:53,239
Speaker 1: can't go anywhere, and this is we're gonna just we

936
00:54:53,320 --> 00:54:55,799
Speaker 1: can't have this phone. We're gonna go in fucking circles here.

937
00:54:55,840 --> 00:54:58,000
Speaker 1: If you don't give me real answers to these questions,

938
00:54:58,239 --> 00:54:59,799
Speaker 1: we don't know, we can't have time to go in

939
00:55:00,239 --> 00:55:02,400
Speaker 1: complete in other circles. Dan, We need to have a

940
00:55:02,480 --> 00:55:04,600
Speaker 1: through line two.

941
00:55:05,560 --> 00:55:06,600
Speaker 4: Isn't that what you do?

942
00:55:08,280 --> 00:55:10,520
Speaker 2: I feel like, yeah, I feel like I'm playing the

943
00:55:10,520 --> 00:55:11,200
Speaker 2: part pretty well.

944
00:55:13,000 --> 00:55:13,680
Speaker 1: What is the part?

945
00:55:17,280 --> 00:55:19,239
Speaker 2: I don't know? Basketball? Dan? That's as far as I.

946
00:55:19,200 --> 00:55:22,520
Speaker 1: Got, as as far as you got. OK, let's go further.

947
00:55:22,560 --> 00:55:25,120
Speaker 1: Don't you want to go further? Basketball? Dan? Do you

948
00:55:25,120 --> 00:55:27,080
Speaker 1: really do? We do? We want to stop here? Do

949
00:55:27,120 --> 00:55:29,480
Speaker 1: we want to call it quits here? Don't you see

950
00:55:29,520 --> 00:55:33,759
Speaker 1: a farther mountain to figuring out what the fuck basketball?

951
00:55:33,880 --> 00:55:36,319
Speaker 1: Dan is? We're here right now. Let's figure it out.

952
00:55:36,360 --> 00:55:39,120
Speaker 1: Don't bullshit me, Dan? Who is basketball?

953
00:55:39,200 --> 00:55:39,359
Speaker 4: Dan?

954
00:55:39,480 --> 00:55:42,200
Speaker 1: Don't say he plays basketball, don't say he gets drunk.

955
00:55:42,320 --> 00:55:44,600
Speaker 1: Take a second, don't answer right after I'm done talking.

956
00:55:44,680 --> 00:55:47,480
Speaker 1: Really fucking think about this. Who is basketball? Dan?

957
00:55:51,640 --> 00:55:55,960
Speaker 2: That's a good question. I actually never really thought about

958
00:55:56,000 --> 00:56:00,000
Speaker 2: it like that. I kind of just took it at

959
00:56:00,040 --> 00:56:01,840
Speaker 2: face value. I'm basketball band.

960
00:56:15,040 --> 00:56:15,239
Speaker 1: Dan?

961
00:56:17,920 --> 00:56:20,080
Speaker 4: Yeah?

962
00:56:20,120 --> 00:56:21,200
Speaker 1: Who is basketball Dan?

963
00:56:24,600 --> 00:56:25,600
Speaker 4: Who is basketball?

964
00:56:25,680 --> 00:56:25,919
Speaker 1: Tayer?

965
00:56:26,840 --> 00:56:29,480
Speaker 2: Well, I know he doesn't play basketball. I know that much.

966
00:56:30,480 --> 00:56:34,160
Speaker 2: I know people call him basketball band, and I think

967
00:56:34,160 --> 00:56:37,040
Speaker 2: that's pretty much as far as I've gotten. I don't

968
00:56:37,040 --> 00:56:38,760
Speaker 2: think I'm making it to the playoffs.

969
00:56:47,160 --> 00:57:00,480
Speaker 1: I don't think you are either. Thanks thanks for calling basketball. Then, Okay,

970
00:57:02,320 --> 00:57:04,320
Speaker 1: what do you guys think of that guy? Do you think?

971
00:57:04,560 --> 00:57:04,640
Speaker 4: Like?

972
00:57:04,719 --> 00:57:09,120
Speaker 1: Who? Okay? There are many different things that that guy

973
00:57:09,160 --> 00:57:13,920
Speaker 1: could have been. He could have been somebody who just

974
00:57:14,120 --> 00:57:18,040
Speaker 1: wanted to completely make something up to get in and talk.

975
00:57:18,480 --> 00:57:20,720
Speaker 1: But even then, I don't think that that's as shallow

976
00:57:20,960 --> 00:57:24,919
Speaker 1: as it would seem. Like, what's the underlying reason as

977
00:57:24,920 --> 00:57:27,280
Speaker 1: to why he wanted to do that? We could go deeper. Okay,

978
00:57:27,320 --> 00:57:29,320
Speaker 1: there's one. Maybe he just wanted to call in just

979
00:57:29,360 --> 00:57:37,040
Speaker 1: to talk. Maybe maybe this is what I would love,

980
00:57:37,160 --> 00:57:41,040
Speaker 1: This is the one I would like to think. Maybe

981
00:57:41,080 --> 00:57:47,320
Speaker 1: there is like a real drama going on in his

982
00:57:47,480 --> 00:57:52,240
Speaker 1: life between his two identities of Dan and basketball Dan,

983
00:57:53,160 --> 00:58:00,760
Speaker 1: and to shatter the wall between those two would be

984
00:58:00,800 --> 00:58:06,920
Speaker 1: incredibly painful for him. And so he denies that the

985
00:58:06,960 --> 00:58:11,400
Speaker 1: wall even exists and refuses to get into it with

986
00:58:11,440 --> 00:58:17,760
Speaker 1: me because he knows that he'll have to have a

987
00:58:17,800 --> 00:58:24,040
Speaker 1: painful conversation if we were to truly understand the difference

988
00:58:24,040 --> 00:58:29,080
Speaker 1: between Dan and basketball Dan. I don't think that that

989
00:58:29,320 --> 00:58:34,400
Speaker 1: is what is going on there. I have no idea,

990
00:58:37,880 --> 00:58:41,800
Speaker 1: but no, I don't think. I don't think he's going

991
00:58:41,840 --> 00:58:48,320
Speaker 1: to the playoffs. Somebody said, Lyle, you're trying to derive

992
00:58:48,360 --> 00:58:51,080
Speaker 1: Somebody said, Lyle, you're trying to derive meaning from a

993
00:58:51,120 --> 00:58:56,000
Speaker 1: puddle in a driveway right now, not like some sort

994
00:58:56,000 --> 00:58:59,440
Speaker 1: of crazy poetic meaning. But people do things for reasons.

995
00:59:01,960 --> 00:59:04,600
Speaker 1: Anything anyone does who could probably give a reason to

996
00:59:04,720 --> 00:59:08,720
Speaker 1: nobody does. Nobody fucking does anything for no reason. I

997
00:59:08,760 --> 00:59:12,120
Speaker 1: think everything you know that you know the cause, you

998
00:59:12,160 --> 00:59:15,080
Speaker 1: know the phrase everything happens for a reason. I believe

999
00:59:15,120 --> 00:59:18,479
Speaker 1: in that. I don't believe in that in some like oh,

1000
00:59:18,520 --> 00:59:22,960
Speaker 1: there's like a external force determinate determining why things happen.

1001
00:59:23,600 --> 00:59:29,840
Speaker 1: But things do happen for reasons. Like why am I

1002
00:59:29,920 --> 00:59:32,040
Speaker 1: talking right now? I mean, we could go very deep

1003
00:59:32,040 --> 00:59:34,560
Speaker 1: into that reason as to why I'm talking into this

1004
00:59:34,640 --> 00:59:37,200
Speaker 1: microphone right now, because why we do a podcast. Why

1005
00:59:37,200 --> 00:59:41,000
Speaker 1: do I do a podcast? Uh? To do a thing

1006
00:59:41,080 --> 00:59:42,600
Speaker 1: with Earth? Why do I want to do a thing?

1007
00:59:43,120 --> 00:59:46,280
Speaker 1: Because human beings are propelled to progret whatever it is

1008
00:59:46,280 --> 00:59:49,560
Speaker 1: we get. I'm doing things for reasons, and so whatever

1009
00:59:49,640 --> 00:59:55,600
Speaker 1: the reason is. Basketball Dan did call in for a reason,

1010
00:59:56,360 --> 00:59:59,240
Speaker 1: and he wasn't vulnerable enough to tell me what that

1011
00:59:59,320 --> 01:00:05,080
Speaker 1: reason is. Yes, but he had one, and I'm and

1012
01:00:05,160 --> 01:00:07,919
Speaker 1: if he's not gonna give it to me, I'll sit

1013
01:00:07,960 --> 01:00:17,800
Speaker 1: here and speculate it. H all right, I've had enough

1014
01:00:17,800 --> 01:00:21,320
Speaker 1: of basketball Dan. There. Repy Cant goes on the line

1015
01:00:21,560 --> 01:00:22,760
Speaker 1: taking your phone calls.

1016
01:00:22,840 --> 01:00:23,400
Speaker 4: Every night.

1017
01:00:23,760 --> 01:00:25,640
Speaker 2: The Rep Can goes to his hide.

1018
01:00:25,760 --> 01:00:27,920
Speaker 5: He's teaching you cloud in the mind of your life,

1019
01:00:28,280 --> 01:00:30,480
Speaker 5: but he's not really an expert.