WEBVTT - Alynda Segarra 0:00:08.640 --> 0:00:12.720 Welcome, Welcome, Welcome back to the Bob Leftstets Podcast. My 0:00:12.960 --> 0:00:16.639 guest today is a Lindas Cigara of Hooray for the 0:00:16.760 --> 0:00:21.560 riff Raff. Alinda is Hooray for the riff Raff. Basically 0:00:21.640 --> 0:00:24.439 you and a roving cast of characters or is it 0:00:24.480 --> 0:00:24.960 a band? 0:00:26.920 --> 0:00:34.040 It's both. It's definitely my project, it's my songwriting, but 0:00:34.479 --> 0:00:37.960 I really, you know, I'm in it for the band feeling. 0:00:38.200 --> 0:00:40.600 I'm in it for the family of the band. So 0:00:41.800 --> 0:00:44.360 even though it is a rotating cast of characters throughout 0:00:44.400 --> 0:00:47.800 the years, I definitely get attached to the bands of 0:00:47.840 --> 0:00:48.800 certain records. 0:00:50.040 --> 0:00:53.040 Okay, So presently, how many members in the band. 0:00:54.320 --> 0:00:58.800 Altogether? There's four of us, sometimes five when I'm lucky. 0:00:59.680 --> 0:01:02.760 Okay, let's start with the four. How long have the 0:01:02.800 --> 0:01:05.680 same four been together? Uh? 0:01:05.720 --> 0:01:09.160 They joined for this record, So we've been all playing 0:01:09.200 --> 0:01:10.400 together since February. 0:01:11.400 --> 0:01:15.520 Okay, so every record might be a new band. 0:01:16.240 --> 0:01:18.880 Yeah, I think. You know, for a while I was 0:01:19.000 --> 0:01:23.120 rolling with the same crew of people. But then with 0:01:23.319 --> 0:01:26.920 moving around, you know, and also just like life changes 0:01:27.000 --> 0:01:31.440 that the transition of late twenties into early thirties into 0:01:31.560 --> 0:01:36.240 pandemic times was very interesting with having band members. So 0:01:36.240 --> 0:01:40.360 everyone goes through like huge life changes. So I would 0:01:40.440 --> 0:01:43.360 love to hold onto this band as long as possible. 0:01:44.240 --> 0:01:47.080 I'd love to continue playing with them for next record too. 0:01:47.920 --> 0:01:51.080 Okay, let's break this down. Tell me about the transition 0:01:51.240 --> 0:01:52.600 from twenties to thirties. 0:01:53.360 --> 0:01:58.200 Well, people start having kids. I'm not, but you know, 0:01:58.320 --> 0:02:01.880 sometimes your drummer does, or a bassist or you know, 0:02:02.000 --> 0:02:06.600 people start just having different lifestyles. So I thought that 0:02:06.680 --> 0:02:11.400 was a really interesting time to be a semi hustling 0:02:12.280 --> 0:02:13.880 touring musician in a van. 0:02:16.480 --> 0:02:20.120 Okay, since not everybody is familiar with you, how old. 0:02:19.919 --> 0:02:22.120 Are you today, I'm thirty seven. 0:02:22.600 --> 0:02:28.640 Oh, you look so much younger. So you say, you know, 0:02:29.000 --> 0:02:31.640 I'm older than you are, And I find every decade, 0:02:31.720 --> 0:02:34.279 especially as you get older, it's really quite a transition. 0:02:35.280 --> 0:02:39.120 Have you find a straight evolution or can you sympathize 0:02:39.120 --> 0:02:42.320 and identify with them going from their twenties to their thirties. 0:02:43.240 --> 0:02:47.920 Oh, I can definitely sympathize. I feel like, you know, 0:02:48.200 --> 0:02:54.360 my transitions have been artistic for sure. I feel like 0:02:54.800 --> 0:02:59.200 I don't really have this urge to start a family 0:02:59.360 --> 0:03:02.920 per se in the typical sense of the word. But 0:03:03.720 --> 0:03:08.079 I definitely feel like I'm looking for more stability. I'm 0:03:08.080 --> 0:03:13.200 looking for more Also when it comes to creating art, 0:03:13.280 --> 0:03:17.639 I'm looking for something that feels more fresh to me, 0:03:17.880 --> 0:03:20.440 or I guess realer. I'm trying to get to this 0:03:21.160 --> 0:03:24.920 root feeling of making something that feels very true to me. 0:03:25.680 --> 0:03:30.959 So I guess that's my That's the track that I'm 0:03:31.000 --> 0:03:32.360 on as I get older. 0:03:33.320 --> 0:03:37.720 When you say about having a family that is something, 0:03:38.280 --> 0:03:39.480 just go a little deeper on that. 0:03:40.800 --> 0:03:45.720 Well, I've always wanted a family in a certain sense 0:03:46.200 --> 0:03:50.119 since I was a kid. I grew up feeling very 0:03:50.160 --> 0:03:54.200 out of place, very a bit like an alien, like 0:03:54.240 --> 0:03:56.720 I was drop. I grew up in the Bronx. I'm 0:03:56.800 --> 0:04:00.880 from a Puerto Rican family, and I was interested in 0:04:00.960 --> 0:04:05.480 things that weren't necessarily what is typical like at the 0:04:05.560 --> 0:04:10.920 time for a kid like me, and I felt very 0:04:10.920 --> 0:04:14.080 out of place. So I went to music, to going 0:04:14.160 --> 0:04:17.680 to live shows, and then eventually to making a band 0:04:18.279 --> 0:04:21.040 because I wanted to feel like I was a part 0:04:21.080 --> 0:04:23.800 of something and I had people to depend on and 0:04:23.880 --> 0:04:26.880 people that I was getting vulnerable with. 0:04:27.120 --> 0:04:27.279 You know. 0:04:27.320 --> 0:04:31.120 I just didn't want to go through this life alone. 0:04:31.160 --> 0:04:34.200 And I never felt that urge to become a mother 0:04:34.600 --> 0:04:39.520 or to you know, to get married or something. So 0:04:39.520 --> 0:04:42.599 songwriting and creating a band is a way that I 0:04:42.640 --> 0:04:45.880 put those It's a place for those feelings. 0:04:45.960 --> 0:04:49.040 I think, let's go back to growing up in the Bronx. 0:04:49.080 --> 0:04:50.719 You know, the Box has been through a lot of 0:04:50.760 --> 0:04:53.520 transitions in the seventies and eighties, or a lot of 0:04:53.520 --> 0:04:56.960 movies about the South Bronx. Tell us about growing up 0:04:57.000 --> 0:04:59.400 in the Bronx. It was. 0:05:01.720 --> 0:05:06.760 It was a very friendly neighborhood for me to grow 0:05:06.839 --> 0:05:10.560 up in. I feel really lucky. It was pretty old school. 0:05:10.760 --> 0:05:15.239 Everybody talked to each other, a lot of older people 0:05:15.320 --> 0:05:18.520 and families, a lot of working class people, a lot 0:05:18.560 --> 0:05:24.200 of like union talk. It felt Now that I look back, 0:05:24.400 --> 0:05:28.560 it feels very special. It feels like something I don't 0:05:28.600 --> 0:05:31.599 really see that much anymore, you know, as in terms 0:05:31.600 --> 0:05:37.480 of neighborhood and neighbors communicating with each other. But at 0:05:37.480 --> 0:05:40.760 the same time, I felt like it was horribly boring 0:05:41.680 --> 0:05:44.719 and all I wanted to do was be in the 0:05:44.720 --> 0:05:48.240 Lower east Side because I heard that that's where the 0:05:48.240 --> 0:05:53.920 weirdos were. I started listening to punk music and I 0:05:53.960 --> 0:05:56.599 heard that everybody who was a punk was in the 0:05:56.640 --> 0:05:59.240 Lower east Side. So I would take the train and 0:05:59.240 --> 0:06:02.880 it would take me about two hours, and I loved 0:06:02.920 --> 0:06:04.839 every second of it because I just wanted to be 0:06:05.080 --> 0:06:06.480 like where that action was. 0:06:08.400 --> 0:06:13.839 Okay? You know, on one hand, you have the Rolling 0:06:13.880 --> 0:06:17.120 Stone song Miss You, which they now sing live. I 0:06:17.160 --> 0:06:19.760 just saw and they left this line out. You know, 0:06:20.440 --> 0:06:24.440 there's some Puerto Rican girls just dying to meet you, okay, 0:06:24.960 --> 0:06:28.920 and then in New York, you know, uh, there's just 0:06:29.000 --> 0:06:33.839 there's been racism. You know. What was it like growing 0:06:33.920 --> 0:06:36.880 up being a Puerto Rican kid in the Bronx. 0:06:38.480 --> 0:06:43.600 Well, I feel like for me, I was really confused 0:06:43.640 --> 0:06:46.320 because I was constantly told that I didn't act like 0:06:46.480 --> 0:06:49.599 what a Puerto Rican kid or girl was supposed to act. 0:06:49.720 --> 0:06:55.680 Like the idea of what that was was Jlo, you know, 0:06:56.000 --> 0:07:01.720 like or before her it was West Side Story. There 0:07:01.880 --> 0:07:06.520 just like wasn't a lot of representation or a lot 0:07:06.560 --> 0:07:09.080 of that in the media that I understood, you know, 0:07:09.120 --> 0:07:13.240 that I could see. So I just was constantly told 0:07:13.320 --> 0:07:17.640 that I wasn't doing you know, whatever I am correctly, 0:07:18.880 --> 0:07:22.560 and that was from kids that weren't Puerto Rican that 0:07:22.760 --> 0:07:26.000 you know, or kids that were So I guess my 0:07:26.240 --> 0:07:30.320 experience of it was just constantly feeling like Okay, I 0:07:30.320 --> 0:07:33.600 guess I'm doing everything wrong, and this is just naturally 0:07:34.320 --> 0:07:36.520 the way I am and the things that I'm interested in. 0:07:36.640 --> 0:07:39.760 You know, as I got older and when I made 0:07:39.920 --> 0:07:43.880 my record in twenty seventeen, The Navigator, I started doing 0:07:43.880 --> 0:07:47.920 more research into just Puerto Rican activism and I found 0:07:47.960 --> 0:07:51.440 out about the Young Lords, and that's when everything starting 0:07:51.800 --> 0:07:54.480 started to make sense to me. You know, here's like 0:07:54.520 --> 0:08:02.360 these really inspired and serious intellectual Puerto Rican women and men, 0:08:02.520 --> 0:08:06.520 like all in their twenties, who were all into revolution 0:08:06.760 --> 0:08:11.640 and they were into revolutionary art and community activism. And 0:08:11.720 --> 0:08:13.960 suddenly all these things that people told me, I'm like, 0:08:14.600 --> 0:08:18.520 that's not true. I come from these from these people 0:08:18.680 --> 0:08:22.080 very obviously, you know, like these are my ancestors in 0:08:22.120 --> 0:08:23.600 a way, or like my elders. 0:08:23.640 --> 0:08:26.679 You know, what do your parents do for a living? 0:08:27.640 --> 0:08:33.320 My mother was, she actually worked for Giuliani. She was, Yeah, 0:08:33.360 --> 0:08:36.440 she was the deputy mayor for Rudolph Giuliani for both 0:08:36.440 --> 0:08:39.520 of his terms. And my dad, well, whoa whoa, whoa, 0:08:39.520 --> 0:08:39.920 whoa woah. 0:08:39.960 --> 0:08:44.040 Not everybody's familiar, including myself. Is the deputy mayor an 0:08:44.080 --> 0:08:45.640 appointed position. 0:08:45.360 --> 0:08:49.560 Elected position? No, well actually appointed, yeah, it's not elected. 0:08:49.679 --> 0:08:50.760 And I think there are four. 0:08:51.400 --> 0:08:52.440 That was my next question. 0:08:52.559 --> 0:08:54.880 Okay, yeah, yeah, wait wait wait, wait, wait. 0:08:54.640 --> 0:08:57.200 Wait, your mother isn't walking down the street and all 0:08:57.200 --> 0:08:59.959 of a sudden, Juliani says, oh you I want you. 0:09:01.240 --> 0:09:04.240 You have to climb the ladder to get to that job. 0:09:04.960 --> 0:09:08.040 So what did she do to ultimately get that gig? 0:09:08.960 --> 0:09:11.880 To be honest, I don't know. I didn't grow up 0:09:11.880 --> 0:09:14.120 with her. I grew up with my with my aunt, 0:09:14.160 --> 0:09:18.600 that's actually my dad's sister, and she's who raised me. 0:09:18.880 --> 0:09:22.960 So my relationship with my mother is very strained. You know. 0:09:23.120 --> 0:09:27.079 I grew up seeing her a couple of times a year, 0:09:27.520 --> 0:09:30.040 or I would live with her for a stint in 0:09:30.120 --> 0:09:32.400 elementary school, and then I would get sent back to 0:09:32.440 --> 0:09:35.560 my aunt. You know. It was a lot of where 0:09:35.559 --> 0:09:38.080 am I gonna end up? And my aunt always being 0:09:38.120 --> 0:09:41.360 the person who was like, I will take a Linda, 0:09:41.440 --> 0:09:46.600 you know. So yeah, so the relationship is it remains 0:09:47.360 --> 0:09:50.160 mysterious for me. It's like one of the big mysteries 0:09:50.320 --> 0:09:50.800 in my life. 0:09:50.880 --> 0:09:56.120 Okay, were your parents ever married? Yes? And you have 0:09:56.280 --> 0:09:58.000 brothers and sisters? Yeah? 0:09:58.000 --> 0:09:59.559 I have a brother. I have an older brother. 0:10:00.040 --> 0:10:01.480 And did they share the same parents? 0:10:01.920 --> 0:10:02.360 Yeah? 0:10:03.040 --> 0:10:05.400 And when you were growing up with your aunt? Who 0:10:05.520 --> 0:10:06.360 was he living with? 0:10:06.840 --> 0:10:08.239 He was with my dad. 0:10:09.240 --> 0:10:13.280 Okay, so do you ever remember living under the same 0:10:13.400 --> 0:10:15.880 roof with both your parents and your brother. 0:10:17.600 --> 0:10:23.839 In elementary school, like in kindergarten and first grade, which 0:10:23.880 --> 0:10:27.480 is when she was first she first got her appointment. 0:10:27.679 --> 0:10:29.760 You know, I don't know how you'd say it, right, 0:10:30.120 --> 0:10:32.160 So I think that there was a bit of like, let's, 0:10:32.640 --> 0:10:36.560 you know, look like a normal family. She had already 0:10:37.240 --> 0:10:39.520 split up with my dad though, so there was this 0:10:39.600 --> 0:10:44.080 brief period of living under the same roof, but my 0:10:44.200 --> 0:10:49.840 aunt still being our caretaker, and that ended pretty quickly. 0:10:50.400 --> 0:10:52.240 Okay. And what did your father do for a living. 0:10:53.000 --> 0:10:55.400 He was a music teacher at a public school and 0:10:55.440 --> 0:10:57.040 then he became vice principal. 0:10:58.679 --> 0:11:02.160 Okay, now you say your Puerto Rican heritage? How many 0:11:02.280 --> 0:11:04.920 generations was your family in New York? 0:11:06.000 --> 0:11:09.400 My aunt and dad were both born in Puerto Rico, 0:11:10.320 --> 0:11:13.720 but they grew up here, so I'm second. 0:11:15.320 --> 0:11:17.760 Okay, So what's your relationship with your mother today? 0:11:19.160 --> 0:11:25.160 Uh, there isn't one, really, I'm just kinda yeah, there 0:11:25.320 --> 0:11:31.200 there isn't one. It's it's become more. I don't know, 0:11:31.240 --> 0:11:34.600 it's one that I'm working through but the older I get, 0:11:35.160 --> 0:11:38.360 the more it becomes you know, I'm not waiting for 0:11:38.480 --> 0:11:41.840 some kind of change. It's more of accepting this is 0:11:41.880 --> 0:11:47.000 the story of us, and I'm happy with the life 0:11:47.000 --> 0:11:47.520 that I have. 0:11:47.679 --> 0:11:52.680 You know, what do you speculate happened such that you 0:11:52.920 --> 0:11:55.960 lived with your aunt as opposed to your biological mother. 0:11:58.720 --> 0:12:01.800 I'm not sure. I mean, honestly, that was a question 0:12:01.880 --> 0:12:04.640 that was asked a lot of me when I was 0:12:04.679 --> 0:12:09.800 a kid, and I would always be a little bit 0:12:09.840 --> 0:12:12.040 confused about how to answer. When I was younger, I 0:12:12.040 --> 0:12:19.080 would give a very you know, generous answer of well, 0:12:19.360 --> 0:12:22.240 and I do think that this is still true. You know, 0:12:22.600 --> 0:12:25.160 my mother is of a generation where you really had 0:12:25.160 --> 0:12:29.120 to choose between being a mother or being a professional, 0:12:29.280 --> 0:12:31.640 and it seemed like those two things were very in 0:12:31.760 --> 0:12:35.720 conflict with each other. So I think that being a 0:12:35.760 --> 0:12:39.040 professional person was really where her heart was and where 0:12:39.040 --> 0:12:43.480 her passion was, and I don't think that motherhood was 0:12:43.640 --> 0:12:48.040 where she was called, you know which, you know, as 0:12:48.040 --> 0:12:50.400 I get older, it definitely makes sense for me. This 0:12:50.559 --> 0:12:53.760 idea of becoming a mother is a very big deal 0:12:53.920 --> 0:12:56.760 to me. Like I would not want to do it 0:12:56.920 --> 0:13:03.160 unless I was completely ready and ready to put my 0:13:03.240 --> 0:13:06.560 obsession with songwriting a little bit to the side, you know, 0:13:06.840 --> 0:13:09.079 because I don't I'm so afraid that I wouldn't be 0:13:09.080 --> 0:13:11.840 able to do it well. I see other people juggle 0:13:11.880 --> 0:13:15.520 it just perfectly or you know, beautifully. But for me, 0:13:17.200 --> 0:13:20.640 I've learned from being a kid that was like, well, 0:13:20.960 --> 0:13:23.160 I you know what's going on here? 0:13:24.400 --> 0:13:28.680 So, yeah, okay, what is your mother doing now? 0:13:30.280 --> 0:13:33.880 I don't know, not sure. 0:13:34.520 --> 0:13:38.600 You were living with your aunt. Yeah, brother was living 0:13:38.679 --> 0:13:41.600 with his father, also your father. Why were the two 0:13:41.640 --> 0:13:44.000 of you living in different locations. 0:13:44.960 --> 0:13:47.880 I think it was just easier for my dad to handle, 0:13:48.320 --> 0:13:52.800 you know. He Yeah, I don't know. I mean I 0:13:52.840 --> 0:13:54.800 grew up with my aunt and uncle and it was 0:13:54.840 --> 0:13:59.760 like a really stable household. So I felt really lucky. 0:14:00.120 --> 0:14:02.120 And my brother grew up with my dad and it 0:14:02.120 --> 0:14:05.680 seemed like that worked out really well. So I never 0:14:05.720 --> 0:14:09.800 really asked a lot of questions about it because I 0:14:09.880 --> 0:14:12.080 was really happy with staying with them. 0:14:12.840 --> 0:14:15.240 Okay, and then when your brother was living with your 0:14:15.280 --> 0:14:18.160 father and you're living with his sister and her husband, 0:14:18.440 --> 0:14:20.920 how much contact are you having with the father and 0:14:20.960 --> 0:14:21.400 the brother. 0:14:22.360 --> 0:14:24.360 Oh, I would see them a lot. We would do 0:14:24.440 --> 0:14:27.440 we would do these big trips every summer when we 0:14:27.440 --> 0:14:30.280 were out of school, where we would all drive from 0:14:30.360 --> 0:14:33.480 New York to Florida together because we had family down there. 0:14:34.800 --> 0:14:37.000 So we would do big trips like that and like 0:14:37.080 --> 0:14:40.040 be together all summer. Or I would see my dad 0:14:40.400 --> 0:14:42.520 I don't know, like every other week or something and 0:14:42.520 --> 0:14:45.720 talk to him on the phone a lot. So that 0:14:45.840 --> 0:14:50.120 was a pretty you know, in contact relationship. 0:14:51.040 --> 0:14:54.480 Okay, your aunt and your uncle, did they have any 0:14:54.520 --> 0:14:55.400 of their own kids? 0:14:56.200 --> 0:15:00.920 Yeah? They had two, two daughters that are my older cousins, 0:15:01.000 --> 0:15:03.880 but kind of like my older sisters. They were all 0:15:04.920 --> 0:15:06.480 they're like in their fifties now. 0:15:07.320 --> 0:15:10.000 Okay, so they were good fifteen odd years older than you. 0:15:10.640 --> 0:15:15.720 Yeah. Yeah, So you know, this decision to take on 0:15:16.120 --> 0:15:20.160 a new kid, you know, when you're done raising your own. 0:15:20.680 --> 0:15:24.200 I mean, as I get older, it's something I also 0:15:24.280 --> 0:15:27.800 think about that it was such a big decision to 0:15:27.880 --> 0:15:33.280 make and they did, and I never felt any type 0:15:33.320 --> 0:15:37.600 of I don't know, it was like they made that 0:15:37.640 --> 0:15:39.680 decision and they never looked back, and it was like, 0:15:40.080 --> 0:15:40.840 I'm their kid. 0:15:41.880 --> 0:15:43.440 And what did they do for a living? 0:15:44.320 --> 0:15:47.600 My uncle worked in the housing project that we lived in. 0:15:47.760 --> 0:15:50.760 He would do maintenance and stuff like that. And then 0:15:50.760 --> 0:15:53.920 before that he was a construction worker, but he got 0:15:54.000 --> 0:15:58.680 hurt on the job at one point. So just jobs 0:15:58.720 --> 0:15:59.200 like that. 0:16:00.640 --> 0:16:05.000 And your aunt worked in the home. Yeah, you know, 0:16:05.120 --> 0:16:09.080 I have to ask, is it ignorant suburbanite? One thinks 0:16:09.120 --> 0:16:12.880 of bronx and one thinks of projects, and one thinks 0:16:12.920 --> 0:16:16.800 of crime and danger. Is that an accurate or a 0:16:16.840 --> 0:16:19.320 fantasy thought about it? 0:16:20.360 --> 0:16:24.200 I mean, I think it's both. It's definitely accurate, and 0:16:24.360 --> 0:16:28.920 also at the same time, there's a lot there is normalcy, 0:16:29.280 --> 0:16:33.760 you know. I think people get used to the environment 0:16:33.800 --> 0:16:36.600 that they're in and you learn to watch out for 0:16:36.680 --> 0:16:40.600 certain things, and you also learn to acknowledge Yeah, there 0:16:40.600 --> 0:16:44.920 are people who are addicted to drugs and they're standing 0:16:44.920 --> 0:16:48.960 outside the building, but also they're just people, you know. 0:16:49.120 --> 0:16:54.200 And I think, especially growing up in New York, everybody 0:16:54.240 --> 0:16:56.640 that I was growing up around was just very matter 0:16:56.720 --> 0:16:59.840 of fact of here are the dangers, and here is 0:16:59.880 --> 0:17:04.159 you can maneuver them. But at the same time, I 0:17:04.520 --> 0:17:09.520 also feel like it was a really like great neighborhood. 0:17:09.720 --> 0:17:11.840 You know, I could walk at night by myself and 0:17:11.880 --> 0:17:16.119 never feel nervous, and I could go there were like 0:17:16.200 --> 0:17:18.320 a lot of really great parks and stuff like that. 0:17:18.520 --> 0:17:21.880 So in that way, I mean, especially when I moved 0:17:21.920 --> 0:17:26.800 to New Orleans, I felt like I was naive about, 0:17:26.880 --> 0:17:30.160 you know, certain dangers and stuff. I felt really independent 0:17:30.280 --> 0:17:33.360 when I was growing up in New York and. 0:17:33.320 --> 0:17:35.800 The neighborhood you grew up in. Was that a mixed 0:17:35.800 --> 0:17:39.199 neighborhood race wise mostly Puerto Rican? What was it like? 0:17:39.840 --> 0:17:45.600 It was really mixed. It was Irish for sure, definitely 0:17:45.720 --> 0:17:50.639 Jewish population. Yeah, also like Middle Eastern. I felt like 0:17:51.080 --> 0:17:53.959 there were people from every part of the world. 0:18:01.600 --> 0:18:06.160 Okay, you're going to school. You good student, bad student, 0:18:06.320 --> 0:18:08.120 have friends, don't have friends. 0:18:09.480 --> 0:18:13.800 I was a good student in certain ways. I was 0:18:14.920 --> 0:18:19.760 really obsessed with poetry early on. In English class in 0:18:19.880 --> 0:18:23.480 like you know classes that have a lot of conversation, 0:18:23.680 --> 0:18:27.879 discussion stuff about the arts, I was all in. And 0:18:27.920 --> 0:18:31.639 when it came to subjects like math and science, I 0:18:31.720 --> 0:18:36.480 was just I couldn't do it. I just felt like 0:18:37.760 --> 0:18:41.160 I couldn't. I don't know, I couldn't handle the pressure 0:18:41.240 --> 0:18:45.120 of it or something. And I was a good student 0:18:45.160 --> 0:18:49.560 really until I got into high school. Pretty quickly. Into 0:18:49.640 --> 0:18:53.359 high school is when I started making friends and hanging 0:18:53.359 --> 0:18:56.879 out more like in the Lower East side scene, and 0:18:56.920 --> 0:18:59.280 that was when most of my friends were outside of 0:18:59.280 --> 0:19:05.760 my school, and I just started really questioning this kind 0:19:05.760 --> 0:19:07.840 of track I was on. I started questioning, like, would 0:19:07.880 --> 0:19:10.560 I really ever be able to go to college? What 0:19:10.720 --> 0:19:13.560 kind of college could I really afford? Anyway, it was 0:19:13.560 --> 0:19:20.520 a lot of these existential questionings of this track that 0:19:20.560 --> 0:19:22.359 everybody was telling me I should be on. 0:19:22.560 --> 0:19:29.879 You know, Okay, you're obviously there's a few years of 0:19:29.960 --> 0:19:33.720 gone by, but you're wise and you have insight into 0:19:33.760 --> 0:19:37.560 the landscape. Did you have friends that felt the same 0:19:37.600 --> 0:19:40.240 way or did you feel kind of you were out 0:19:40.280 --> 0:19:42.479 of place and you had these thoughts and there were 0:19:42.640 --> 0:19:44.760 people really you could relate to you or you couldn't 0:19:44.800 --> 0:19:46.240 relate to them. 0:19:46.840 --> 0:19:50.080 I feel really lucky to have found the punk scene 0:19:50.119 --> 0:19:53.199 when I did, because I definitely felt like I wasn't alone. 0:19:54.000 --> 0:19:57.520 And also, you know, in my freshman year, I pretty 0:19:57.600 --> 0:20:01.360 much in the first week of school, if I remember correctly, 0:20:02.200 --> 0:20:09.840 was nine to eleven, and that experience really changed all 0:20:09.880 --> 0:20:14.199 of my generation at the time, you know, and I 0:20:14.240 --> 0:20:18.200 felt really lucky to well, I'd feel really lucky now 0:20:18.240 --> 0:20:22.560 to have gone through such an intense historic moment with 0:20:22.760 --> 0:20:28.240 other kids that were like minded that were. I don't know. 0:20:28.280 --> 0:20:31.240 I just I didn't feel alone, you know, during it, 0:20:31.359 --> 0:20:35.320 and I think if I had, it would have been 0:20:35.320 --> 0:20:36.240 really bad for me. 0:20:38.320 --> 0:20:41.359 So how did you find out about THEE And where 0:20:41.359 --> 0:20:43.920 were you when the planes hit the towers. 0:20:44.160 --> 0:20:49.159 I was in art class and my somebody came in 0:20:49.200 --> 0:20:51.879 and westbood in my teacher's ear and she yelled holy 0:20:52.080 --> 0:20:54.520 shit or like oh shit or something like that. It 0:20:54.560 --> 0:20:59.000 was like this moment of you see your teacher break 0:20:59.080 --> 0:21:03.080 the facade for a second. And what I remember after 0:21:03.119 --> 0:21:08.480 that was just pretty much chaos, like kids immediately needing 0:21:08.560 --> 0:21:12.520 to find out if their parents are okay, just total 0:21:12.840 --> 0:21:16.360 madness in the school, them trying to basically get all 0:21:16.400 --> 0:21:20.040 of us out and finding out how we can get home. 0:21:20.480 --> 0:21:22.280 You know. I don't remember a lot of it, but 0:21:22.320 --> 0:21:25.479 I remember the chaotic feeling, and none of us have 0:21:25.520 --> 0:21:29.800 cell phones obviously at the time. And I remember going 0:21:29.840 --> 0:21:33.520 into one office and there being a little TV and 0:21:33.560 --> 0:21:39.320 it playing on the TV. It I didn't recognize at 0:21:39.320 --> 0:21:44.640 that age how big of a shift it was for 0:21:44.680 --> 0:21:51.679 me to see this bubble of normalcy get popped like that, 0:21:52.000 --> 0:21:56.239 you know, at the time, because I was, you know, 0:21:56.320 --> 0:21:59.720 fourteen going on fifteen, I was just like, Wow, something's 0:21:59.720 --> 0:22:02.680 happen happening. Life has been so boring, and now something 0:22:02.760 --> 0:22:11.120 is happening. But it did create just a really different 0:22:11.240 --> 0:22:16.919 view of, you know, what is possible, and it was 0:22:17.000 --> 0:22:19.800 really interesting to be so young and to watch people 0:22:19.840 --> 0:22:22.760 deal with grief in different ways, and to watch certain 0:22:22.760 --> 0:22:25.600 people want revenge, and you know, to just really get 0:22:25.640 --> 0:22:29.879 this look outside of just me and my personal life 0:22:29.880 --> 0:22:33.679 and my home. Suddenly I was looking out at the 0:22:33.720 --> 0:22:37.520 world and at our country, and that was the first 0:22:37.520 --> 0:22:38.880 time I really started to do that. 0:22:40.080 --> 0:22:42.240 Okay, so you say you were a freshman in high 0:22:42.240 --> 0:22:44.600 school and you started getting into the punk scene. How 0:22:44.600 --> 0:22:46.920 did you get into the punk scene. 0:22:47.240 --> 0:22:50.679 It started off with pretty like mainstream bands, you know, 0:22:50.840 --> 0:22:56.000 like I went to go see Wheezer or I I 0:22:56.840 --> 0:22:58.840 I'm trying to think of some other bands, like the 0:22:58.920 --> 0:23:02.960 band Rancid. You know, there are definitely bands that you 0:23:03.040 --> 0:23:05.879 hear of, and then it leads you to smaller and 0:23:05.960 --> 0:23:09.080 smaller bands and more local bands. You go to a 0:23:09.160 --> 0:23:11.879 show because you bought a CD that looked cool in 0:23:12.000 --> 0:23:15.439 Tower Records, and then you go to the show and 0:23:15.480 --> 0:23:19.520 somebody hands you a flyer and it's like handwritten photocopied 0:23:19.560 --> 0:23:21.040 and you're like, what is this? I got to go 0:23:21.080 --> 0:23:24.840 to this, you know, it was like this treasure map 0:23:25.080 --> 0:23:30.959 of finding out the deeper and deeper road where you 0:23:31.000 --> 0:23:34.439 could make more friends and go see a band that 0:23:34.480 --> 0:23:37.360 nobody had ever heard of because like they're playing out 0:23:37.359 --> 0:23:40.840 of a basement or something like that. It became like 0:23:41.920 --> 0:23:46.880 a reason for me to live. Really, all of a sudden, 0:23:46.920 --> 0:23:49.720 I was like, this is what I'm supposed to do. 0:23:50.280 --> 0:23:54.439 You know, Okay, I live through this myself, and I 0:23:54.560 --> 0:23:56.679 certainly go on to see a lot of bands in 0:23:56.760 --> 0:24:00.359 nowhere spots. Yeah, were you so young that it was 0:24:00.440 --> 0:24:04.119 just so exciting that you said, well, you know, these 0:24:04.160 --> 0:24:06.480 people really aren't that good, but I'm here and this 0:24:06.560 --> 0:24:07.040 is something. 0:24:08.560 --> 0:24:13.040 Oh yeah. I didn't care if anybody was good. I 0:24:13.119 --> 0:24:16.320 just loved I mean, probably if they were, you know, 0:24:16.400 --> 0:24:19.880 quote unquote bad, I probably liked it more because I 0:24:19.960 --> 0:24:23.760 was just really excited. I think at that age, I 0:24:23.760 --> 0:24:26.600 didn't even want to be entertained, and I didn't even 0:24:27.680 --> 0:24:32.240 want to really be blown away by artistry. I mostly 0:24:32.280 --> 0:24:36.960 wanted to feel like there was no separation between me 0:24:37.040 --> 0:24:39.480 and the band. I wanted to feel like we could 0:24:39.520 --> 0:24:43.000 become friends, right after this, and that anyone in the 0:24:43.080 --> 0:24:46.679 room was actually capable of doing what the band was doing. 0:24:47.200 --> 0:24:52.120 We were all just like shifting our positions for temporarily 0:24:52.240 --> 0:24:56.800 between like audience and performer or something. So it was 0:24:56.840 --> 0:24:58.359 all about being connected. 0:24:58.720 --> 0:25:01.119 Okay, let's just go a little bit lower. You're a girl, 0:25:01.200 --> 0:25:04.280 you're going on a freshman year in high school. Yeah, 0:25:04.320 --> 0:25:06.439 how do you literally hear punk? Do you have a 0:25:06.440 --> 0:25:08.240 friend say, oh, you have to listen to this record, 0:25:08.320 --> 0:25:10.359 or you hear something on the radio, or were you 0:25:10.480 --> 0:25:13.720