Speaker 1: How can we share honestly with love? Ask yourself that
Speaker 1: always when you're going to share something, how can you
Speaker 1: share it with love? I've been thinking about this a
Speaker 1: lot lately. Also, is that love is what changes someone's
Speaker 1: life and heart. There's a beautiful quote by Russell Barkley
Speaker 1: where he said that the people who need the most
Speaker 1: love often ask for it in the most unloving way. Hey, everyone,
Speaker 1: welcome back to Our Purpose, the number one health podcast
Speaker 1: in the world, and I just want to start off
Speaker 1: by saying welcome to all of our listeners who've always
Speaker 1: been with us, and welcome to all of our new listeners.
Speaker 1: I am blown away by just how many incredible new
Speaker 1: listeners we've had in the last seven to ten days,
Speaker 1: and I want to thank you all for joining me
Speaker 1: on this journey. I really hope that on Purpose is
Speaker 1: serving you. I really hope and believe that on Purpose
Speaker 1: is trying to help you get to the next level
Speaker 1: in your life. And I am just so grateful that
Speaker 1: you're taking the time to be present here with me.
Speaker 1: Every single week, we have new episodes on Monday and Friday.
Speaker 1: We have hundreds of episode in our library with some
Speaker 1: phenomenal guests and themes and topics that I truly believe
Speaker 1: will be powerful even this year. And of course you're
Speaker 1: here right now. Thank you for tuning in, Thank you
Speaker 1: for being here, Thank you for leaving reviews. They mean
Speaker 1: so much to podcasters, And when I read your reviews,
Speaker 1: I feel so humbled, I feel so grateful, and I
Speaker 1: feel so touched, And it, truly, truly is phenomenal to
Speaker 1: see the love that you all have for this show.
Speaker 1: So today I want to dive straight in because we
Speaker 1: all know when we think about the question what defines
Speaker 1: the quality of our life, the number one answer is relationships.
Speaker 1: The studies say it, the science says it, the spiritual
Speaker 1: text say it. Relationships are what creates quality, meaning in
Speaker 1: our life. And when you ask yourself the question, well,
Speaker 1: what makes a good relationship, the answer is people say love,
Speaker 1: people say trust, and truly it's communication. Communication is the
Speaker 1: heartbeat of a relationship, and relationships are the heartbeat of
Speaker 1: our lives. What makes a good life good relationships? What
Speaker 1: makes good relationships good communication? So today's episode is dedicated
Speaker 1: to the communication mistakes and mishaps in our life and
Speaker 1: how to improve them. Now I'm going to get really specific,
Speaker 1: really dialed in. We're going to look at some fascinating
Speaker 1: research as while in this space, and I want to
Speaker 1: make sure that you take an opportunity to journal, make notes,
Speaker 1: take screenshots, whatever it is that works for you. So
Speaker 1: let's dive straight in. When we think about mistakes we
Speaker 1: make in our communication, in our relationships. Maybe some of
Speaker 1: the mistakes you make you don't even know you're making.
Speaker 1: And I'm going to be sharing a lot of mistakes
Speaker 1: today that you may not even be aware are mistakes,
Speaker 1: and we're really not aware of the consequences or the
Speaker 1: damaging effects of that kind of language and communication. Now,
Speaker 1: there are other mistakes we make where I know you're
Speaker 1: already thinking, Jay, how do you know? Why do you know?
Speaker 1: I know exactly what I'm doing wrong. I'm already aware,
Speaker 1: but I'm struggling to make the shift. I'm struggling to
Speaker 1: actually figure this out. And we're going to dive into
Speaker 1: both of those today. So here's the first mistake we make.
Speaker 1: When our partner is sharing their pain, we choose to complain.
Speaker 1: Don't complain when they're sharing their pain. Their moment of
Speaker 1: vulnerability should be received with empathy, not with your complaint.
Speaker 1: If your partner is complaining about their pain and what
Speaker 1: they're experiencing. That is not your opportunity and your moment
Speaker 1: to share what you're struggling with. Let's say your partner
Speaker 1: comes home from work and you come home from work
Speaker 1: at the same time, and they say to you, I
Speaker 1: had a really tough day to day. That is not
Speaker 1: the time to say I had a really tough day too.
Speaker 1: That is not the time to say I've had a
Speaker 1: tough week. That is not the time to say, tell
Speaker 1: me about it. I feel the same every week. That
Speaker 1: is not the time to say, yeah, I need to
Speaker 1: tell you about this. That's the time to say, tell
Speaker 1: me more, what's going on? How are you feeling? Do
Speaker 1: you want to talk about it? Those simple switches creates space.
Speaker 1: We think that our pain connected to their pain creates space. Actually,
Speaker 1: when we meet their pain with our pain, we remove space.
Speaker 1: We remove the sanctity and the sacredness of what's about
Speaker 1: to happen in this vulnerable, intimate, connected moment with someone
Speaker 1: we love. When we're able to accept that they want
Speaker 1: to share their pain, let's meet this with compassion, with empathy,
Speaker 1: with openness, Let's ask them about it. You actually develop
Speaker 1: your relationship. Now, why do we do this? Why do
Speaker 1: we choose to complain when someone else shares their pain.
Speaker 1: The first thing is we've been suppressing it. We've been
Speaker 1: keeping it locked inside because we didn't want to bother someone.
Speaker 1: We want it to be a people pleased that. We
Speaker 1: didn't want to weigh someone down. So we've been holding
Speaker 1: it all in and now as soon as someone's open up,
Speaker 1: we open up too. So we're opening up not because
Speaker 1: someone hasn't allowed us to open up, but because we
Speaker 1: haven't allowed ourselves to open up. So the moment you
Speaker 1: spot that psychologically someone else has given themselves permission to
Speaker 1: be vulnerable and open, you finally give yourself permission. The
Speaker 1: only issue is you're giving yourself permission at a time
Speaker 1: when their pain needs to be a priority. So that's
Speaker 1: one of the reasons why we do it. Another reason
Speaker 1: why we do it is because we want to be seen,
Speaker 1: We want to be heard. We want to feel like
Speaker 1: we can get some empathy and sympathy too. We want
Speaker 1: to feel like we can get some love and understanding too.
Speaker 1: We feel, well, if they want some love and understanding
Speaker 1: right now, I need some too. I'm struggling, I'm carrying
Speaker 1: all this weight, I'm dealing with all this going on
Speaker 1: right now and they don't even know. But again, our
Speaker 1: sharing in that moment doesn't get the response we want
Speaker 1: because what the other person now feels is they don't
Speaker 1: really want to listen to me, or if they're really
Speaker 1: loving and caring, they then shift it on to us
Speaker 1: and we forget about them. Take a moment to say,
Speaker 1: tell me more, do you want to talk about it,
Speaker 1: how's it going, what's up? Walk through it? And then
Speaker 1: ask them, hey, how actually wanted to tell you about
Speaker 1: my day? Two? When's the best time? When you've just
Speaker 1: helped someone through something, it's an instinctual response to say,
Speaker 1: all right, well, let's talk about me now or let's
Speaker 1: focus on me now, and that kind of ping pong
Speaker 1: pain reflection doesn't really solve the problem because that person
Speaker 1: is still processing and digesting what you've just shared and
Speaker 1: what you've learned together, and now asking them to focus
Speaker 1: on you distracts them from their pain. Don't complain when
Speaker 1: they're sharing their pain. It's a big mistake we make
Speaker 1: in our relationships and something we can easily solve. We
Speaker 1: just have to resist the urge of being validated in
Speaker 1: that moment and in that time, knowing that we'll actually
Speaker 1: be better validated if we postpone the sharing of how
Speaker 1: we feel. Mistake number two. A lot of people are
Speaker 1: scared to say they need distance or space from their partner.
Speaker 1: Raise your hands right now if you enjoy alone time
Speaker 1: or your own friend time away from your partner. I
Speaker 1: am guessing that nearly every person who's listening right now
Speaker 1: is raising their hands. Even if you're walking a dog,
Speaker 1: or you're editing, or you're cooking food, as long as
Speaker 1: you're not driving, Please do not do this. If your
Speaker 1: dramming everyone else raise your hand, and all of us
Speaker 1: have raised your hands. We all enjoy alone time, we
Speaker 1: all enjoy our time in solitude. But here's what we
Speaker 1: do wrong. We say to our partner or I just
Speaker 1: need space this weekend. Oh you know what, I just
Speaker 1: need some time out. When we say that, most people
Speaker 1: hear that and they take it personally. They think you
Speaker 1: want space from them. They think you want distance from them,
Speaker 1: And really, what you're saying is I want space for
Speaker 1: myself right like, when I say I want space, I'm
Speaker 1: not saying I want space from anyone else. That may
Speaker 1: be part of it. But what I'm really saying is
Speaker 1: I want space for myself to do some reading, to
Speaker 1: do some journaling, to dive into some meditation, to do
Speaker 1: some work, whatever it may be. Communicate why you need
Speaker 1: space and what you are using it for. If you
Speaker 1: simply say what you want but not why you want
Speaker 1: it or how you're going to use it, that what
Speaker 1: can be massively misinterpreted. So many people in relationships are
Speaker 1: struggling because they tell their partner what they want, but
Speaker 1: not why they want it or how they're going to
Speaker 1: use it. If you say to your partner, I just
Speaker 1: want time now, you may be saying, well, Jay, your
Speaker 1: partner should just understand. Sure, great if they do. But
Speaker 1: the majority of us love an explanation. The majority of
Speaker 1: us would love some clarity. And actually, if we don't
Speaker 1: provide clarity, we let the other person populate the open space.
Speaker 1: And when someone populates with their imagination and their fatigue, right, imagination,
Speaker 1: fatigue are a terrible recipe. Like those are bad ingredients
Speaker 1: when they go together. If you're tired and exhausted and
Speaker 1: you let your imagination loose, chances are you're going to
Speaker 1: come to a pretty scary realization or a pretty scary takeaway.
Speaker 1: And that's why a lot of people, when they're tired
Speaker 1: and their imagination runs wild and they hear the words
Speaker 1: I need space, they go, oh, they bored me. Oh
Speaker 1: they don't want to be around me. Oh, maybe I'm
Speaker 1: not interesting enough. And self doubt is such a big
Speaker 1: thing that we all deal with that we can't just
Speaker 1: expect our partners to be fully secure, confident human beings.
Speaker 1: If you expect your partner to be a fully evolved, mature,
Speaker 1: emotionally intelligent, confident human being, we're kidding ourselves because the
Speaker 1: truth is we are not that either. So don't expect
Speaker 1: that completion and perfection from your partner and fill in
Speaker 1: the gaps for them. Help answer some of those questions,
Speaker 1: help color it in a little bit by providing a
Speaker 1: little bit of clarity. What do you lose? Sure it
Speaker 1: affects your ego, Sure it affects your desire that we
Speaker 1: should just understand each other, We should be able to
Speaker 1: read each other's minds. But why do we want to
Speaker 1: do that? Why not help them out? Why not give
Speaker 1: really clear direction as to what we're going to do?
Speaker 1: Now with this point, I also want to make the
Speaker 1: principle clear that it is healthy to spend time apart.
Speaker 1: Study show that healthy relationships follow the seventy thirty rule,
Speaker 1: So the most harmonious relationships spend about seventy percent of
Speaker 1: their time together and thirty percent of their time apart. Now,
Speaker 1: this has been really difficult during the pandemic because we've
Speaker 1: all been around each other more than ever. But as
Speaker 1: things begin to open up, it's really healthy to think, well,
Speaker 1: how can we spend seventy percent of our time? Now,
Speaker 1: this doesn't just apply to work. I believe it applies
Speaker 1: to our evenings and our weekends as well. And making
Speaker 1: sure that your partner gets away for a weekend with
Speaker 1: their friends or on their own, and making sure you
Speaker 1: get away on your own or with your friends is
Speaker 1: a really healthy commitment to make once a year, make
Speaker 1: sure your partner has time to go away with their friends,
Speaker 1: and make sure you have time to go away with
Speaker 1: your friends. Now you may say, well, Jay, where does
Speaker 1: the time come for that? Even if it's three days,
Speaker 1: even if it's just a weekend, even if it's just
Speaker 1: a day, it's so healthy to take that time apart
Speaker 1: for each other, for yourself, for your children, for every
Speaker 1: single person. If involved in this relationship, and I think
Speaker 1: we're so scared that spending time apart actually will pull
Speaker 1: us apart. But spending time apart can actually pull you
Speaker 1: closer together and brings you back to this really beautiful connection. Now,
Speaker 1: the next mistake we make in our relationships is we
Speaker 1: use what I call unsafe or unhealthy language. Language that
Speaker 1: pertains to things ending, language that pertains to things being over,
Speaker 1: language that borderline's threatening. Any language that puts the relationship
Speaker 1: into question, or puts your connection into question, or makes broad,
Speaker 1: overarching statements that are not factually correct can be really
Speaker 1: damaging in a relationship. Things like, well, I guess it's over, Then,
Speaker 1: well I guess you're over me. Well, it seems like
Speaker 1: you don't care at all anymore. That's not really true,
Speaker 1: is it right? That's not really true. Does someone not
Speaker 1: care anymore at all? You may feel that way, but
Speaker 1: is that reality. We need to look at what's real
Speaker 1: as different from how we feel. You may feel that
Speaker 1: someone doesn't care anymore, but investigate that feeling a bit
Speaker 1: deeper yourself before you communicate it. One of the biggest
Speaker 1: mistakes we make is we communicate our feelings without investigating
Speaker 1: them or without being curious about them. If we get
Speaker 1: curious and investigate, Okay, well, I feel like they don't
Speaker 1: care about me anymore at all. Let me investigate that. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's not true. Last week, when they brought me dinner,
Speaker 1: they ordered dinner, I could tell they cared about me. Okay,
Speaker 1: you know what this morning, actually, they they asked me
Speaker 1: if I know if I wanted to sleep in a
Speaker 1: little more. Okay, So let me investigate it. Okay. So
Speaker 1: when do I feel that way? Okay? Well, when they
Speaker 1: come home late from work, that's when I feel that way. Okay,
Speaker 1: when they don't clean up after dinner, that's when I
Speaker 1: feel that way. So it's not that they don't care
Speaker 1: at all, it's that there are times of the day
Speaker 1: when I feel they don't care. What don't they care about?
Speaker 1: I feel like they don't care about my time. Okay.
Speaker 1: So it's not that they don't care at all. It's
Speaker 1: that there are certain times that I don't feel they
Speaker 1: care about my time. Now, when you communicate to them,
Speaker 1: you say, hey, there are a couple of times a
Speaker 1: day where I feel you don't care about my time.
Speaker 1: But I also want to acknowledge there are times this
Speaker 1: week that you've made me feel so loved, You've made
Speaker 1: me feel so appreciated, But I wanted to understand why
Speaker 1: you do certain things and how that makes me feel
Speaker 1: at those times. Notice how you are communicating and having
Speaker 1: a completely different conversation. Now, this is, without a doubt,
Speaker 1: one of the biggest issues in relationships, because what we're
Speaker 1: doing is we do none of the thinking and expect
Speaker 1: our partner to do all the thinking. So we just
Speaker 1: want to feel and we want our partners to think
Speaker 1: and feel. We don't want to do any thinking, we
Speaker 1: don't want to do any reflecting, we don't want to
Speaker 1: do any introspecting, and we go and dump all of
Speaker 1: it onto them and we expect them to think, feel,
Speaker 1: reflect and introspect in that moment. Now, when you go
Speaker 1: to that person and say, hey, I don't feel you
Speaker 1: care at all, the first thing that comes to their
Speaker 1: mind is, but I I just brought you coffee this morning.
Speaker 1: And you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, but no, but that's
Speaker 1: not what I mean. And they're like, but what do
Speaker 1: you mean? Like I would have done it for you
Speaker 1: last week, Like you know, I was looking out for you.
Speaker 1: I knew you're working hard and you're like, yea, yeah,
Speaker 1: but not that that's not what I mean. So then
Speaker 1: they're saying, well, give me an example, and now you
Speaker 1: go into something when they're already on the defensive. You're
Speaker 1: on the offensive and trying to prove a point, and
Speaker 1: now you get lost in an argument that no one
Speaker 1: wants to be in. Don't use unsafe, threatening, or unhealthy
Speaker 1: language in your relationship. It will truly create so many
Speaker 1: dents and so many blemishes, and so many cuts and
Speaker 1: wounds that they're really hard to repair and heal. Don't
Speaker 1: put your partner in a position where you're not noticing
Speaker 1: the good as well as noticing the challenges, and recognize
Speaker 1: that when you share the challenges, make sure you also
Speaker 1: share the positives and the powerful things that they do,
Speaker 1: because otherwise someone feels underappreciated, someone feels completely unlooked at
Speaker 1: or overlooked. I want to share with you the biggest
Speaker 1: news of the year. How many of you want to meditate?
Speaker 1: I can see your heads nodding, I can see you
Speaker 1: raising your hands. I can see you saying, yesterday, I
Speaker 1: really want to learn to meditate. How many of you
Speaker 1: would like to learn to meditate? With me? Every single day. Now,
Speaker 1: I already know what the answer is because I know
Speaker 1: how many men messages DMS reviews notes that I get
Speaker 1: saying Jay, I'd love to meditate with you. Last year,
Speaker 1: we took meditation to Instagram and I meditated for around
Speaker 1: forty days live and twenty million of you tuned in.
Speaker 1: Now I am taking that same focus, that same presence
Speaker 1: to Calm. I've partnered up with Calm to release a
Speaker 1: new series called The Daily J where you can meditate
Speaker 1: with me every single day for seven minutes to make
Speaker 1: it a real habit. I would love for you to
Speaker 1: come and join me and take part in building a
Speaker 1: really powerful meditation practice. And guess what, We're going to
Speaker 1: do it together? Head over right now Atcalm dot com
Speaker 1: forward slash J to get forty percent off a premium membership.
Speaker 1: That's Calm dot com Forward slash J. Point number four
Speaker 1: is honesty plus love. Honesty plus love has to be
Speaker 1: the way it works. I've been reading this great book
Speaker 1: called The Culture Code, and there's a brilliant example of
Speaker 1: it of the San Antonio Spurs coach Popovich. Now, I
Speaker 1: didn't know who this individual was because I'm not as
Speaker 1: familiar with basketball in the history in basketball as I
Speaker 1: am with football or soccer, but this really stuck out
Speaker 1: to me and I wanted to share this with you.
Speaker 1: This is from the book called The Culture Code, and
Speaker 1: when they interviewed his assistant coach, he said, a lot
Speaker 1: of coaches can yell or be nice, but what Pop
Speaker 1: does is different. Says assistant coach Chip England. He delivers
Speaker 1: two things over and over. He'll tell you the truth
Speaker 1: and then he'll love you to death. And I think
Speaker 1: when we bring these two things together, when we unify
Speaker 1: this approach in our language with our partners, it transforms
Speaker 1: everything because what we do is one or the other.
Speaker 1: We either love them to death but inside where we're
Speaker 1: not happy with what they're doing, or we're honest with them,
Speaker 1: but then we don't share that love, that attention, that absorption.
Speaker 1: And so I think that's really important for us to
Speaker 1: think about, is how can we share honestly with love?
Speaker 1: Ask yourself that always when you're gonna share something, how
Speaker 1: can you share it with love? I've been thinking about
Speaker 1: this a lot lately. Also, is that love is what
Speaker 1: changes someone's life and heart. There's a beautiful quote by
Speaker 1: Russell Barkley where he said that the people who need
Speaker 1: the most love often ask for it in the most
Speaker 1: unloving ways. Let that blow your mind for a moment.
Speaker 1: He said that the people who need the most love
Speaker 1: often ask for it in the most unloving ways. When
Speaker 1: you see someone acting out of arrogance, when you see
Speaker 1: someone acting out of cockiness, when you see someone acting
Speaker 1: out of bravado or insecurity or vanity, or pressure or stress,
Speaker 1: what they're really seeking is love. So if you meet
Speaker 1: their ego with more ego, what does it do? It
Speaker 1: just compounds the ego. If you meet their pain with
Speaker 1: more pain, what does it do Just it increases the pain.
Speaker 1: If you meet their arrogance or their insecurity with more insecurity,
Speaker 1: it just doubles insecurity. But if you meet their insecurity,
Speaker 1: their vanity, their ego, their pain with love and honesty,
Speaker 1: you've just given them what they're actually asking for without
Speaker 1: even knowing they're asking for it. Love is undefeatable. And
Speaker 1: you may say, well, that person doesn't deserve love. They're
Speaker 1: not acting in a way where they deserve love. Now.
Speaker 1: Of course, as a caveat, I always recommend if someone
Speaker 1: is being physically, mentally, psychologically, verbally abusive, this does not apply,
Speaker 1: and I would recommend getting professional help to take care
Speaker 1: of that situation. But in our arguments of the day
Speaker 1: to day, we have to realize that ultimately everyone is
Speaker 1: simply seeking love. Now point number five, if you're going
Speaker 1: to tell them how you want them to improve, you
Speaker 1: have to tell them and communicate that you believe they can.
Speaker 1: One of the biggest mistakes we make when we're giving
Speaker 1: feedback or sharing things that we want our partner to
Speaker 1: work on or improve on, we put them down. We
Speaker 1: say you never do this, you always do this. You know, well,
Speaker 1: look at so and So's partner. They don't do stuff
Speaker 1: like this, and none of it is actually building confidence
Speaker 1: or making them feel they can do it. Now, this
Speaker 1: study researchers discovered, and this was also from the book
Speaker 1: The Culture Code that I Loved, researchers discovered that one
Speaker 1: particular form of feedback boosted student effort and performance so
Speaker 1: immensely that they deemed it magical feedback. Students who received
Speaker 1: it chose to revise their papers far more often than
Speaker 1: students who did not, and their performance improved significantly. The
Speaker 1: feedback was not complicated. In fact, it consisted of one
Speaker 1: simple phrase, Now before I share that one simple phrase
Speaker 1: with you. Think about this. Students are beginning given feedback
Speaker 1: on their papers, and this one simple phrase is making
Speaker 1: them perform better. Can you guess what it is? This
Speaker 1: is what it is. Listen to this. I'm giving you
Speaker 1: these comments because I have very high expectations and I
Speaker 1: know that you can reach them. That's it, the author
Speaker 1: says in Culture Code, Daniel Coyle just nineteen words. None
Speaker 1: of these words contain any information on how to improve.
Speaker 1: Yet they are powerful because they deliver a burst of
Speaker 1: belonging cues. Actually, when you look more closely at the sentence,
Speaker 1: it contains three separate cues, says Daniel Coyle. Number one,
Speaker 1: you are part of this group. Number two, this group
Speaker 1: is special. We have high standards here. Number three, I
Speaker 1: believe you can reach those standards. He says, Here is
Speaker 1: a safe place to give effort. Notice how when we
Speaker 1: give feed back to our partners, we don't say this
Speaker 1: is a safe stay. We said, well, this is what
Speaker 1: I want, this is what I need. That's just the
Speaker 1: way it is. What does that sound like? It sounds
Speaker 1: like an ultimatum. And guess what, Well, I don't think
Speaker 1: you can. I mean you never do, you never have.
Speaker 1: I keep telling you this. Look at that language and
Speaker 1: what it creates. It creates an unsafe environment for someone
Speaker 1: to change, for someone to grow, for someone to build,
Speaker 1: for someone to heal. Tell them you believe they can.
Speaker 1: When you say something, you say, hey, I really want
Speaker 1: a powerful relationship with you, and I know that we
Speaker 1: can figure this out together. What do you think about this?
Speaker 1: How different is that too? You know you just never change.
Speaker 1: I just don't know where this is going to go.
Speaker 1: I have no idea. We say that thinking that's going
Speaker 1: to get a response from them, right, We all say
Speaker 1: that hoping that someone hears them goes, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: I need to save this relationship. I have to sort
Speaker 1: myself out. And actually they hear that and they go oh.
Speaker 1: They feel demoralized, they feel dejected. They feel there's nothing
Speaker 1: I can do. There's nothing I can do to solve this.
Speaker 1: Then they don't try because it feels unreachable and unattainable.
Speaker 1: I'm going to share with you one last principle, which
Speaker 1: has stop trying to get their respect indirectly tell them
Speaker 1: you need it, put your ego aside, and tell them
Speaker 1: your love language. Gary Chapman talks about the five love, languages,
Speaker 1: quality time, acts of service, gifts, words of affirmation, and touch.
Speaker 1: Put your ego aside and tell them you need words
Speaker 1: of affirmation. Put your ego aside and tell them you
Speaker 1: want more quality time. We're so scared to ask for
Speaker 1: what we actually want that we try and get it
Speaker 1: through indirect means. For example, we start saying, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: I did so much today. I did this and this
Speaker 1: and this and this, And what we're really saying is,
Speaker 1: please tell me that you know I work hard. Please
Speaker 1: tell me that you validate me. Please tell me that
Speaker 1: you recognize me. What we want is words of affirmation,
Speaker 1: but we don't ask for words of affirmation. We real
Speaker 1: off a list of what we've been doing and they say, hey,
Speaker 1: that's great. That sounds like you've got a lot done today,
Speaker 1: And then we walk away going, well, are they not
Speaker 1: gonna tell me how great I am. Oh, it's the
Speaker 1: other way around, where what we're really wanting is quality time,
Speaker 1: and we say, oh, you know what, we just haven't
Speaker 1: had any time together recently. Oh you know what, Oh gosh,
Speaker 1: I just saw them. They just spent like a whole
Speaker 1: weekend together, and they've been having so much fun. It's amazing,
Speaker 1: isn't it. How we are so scared to tell people
Speaker 1: what we want and we're really hoping they'll figure it out,
Speaker 1: but it's so confusing for that individual. They don't know
Speaker 1: what to do with it. Stop trying to get people's
Speaker 1: respect indirectly. Put your ego aside and tell them respect
Speaker 1: what you need and want. Respect what you need and want,
Speaker 1: and share it openly with your partner. Don't hide it
Speaker 1: from them. Thank you so much for listening to today.
Speaker 1: I am so grateful for the amazing community we're building
Speaker 1: here on on Purpose. I cannot wait to start doing
Speaker 1: live events and being with you in person. Giving you
Speaker 1: all big hugs. Please share what you're learning from this episode,
Speaker 1: pass it on, recommend an episode, and dive deep. We're
Speaker 1: just getting started. Thanks everyone, have an amazing week and
Speaker 1: look out for the next episode.