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Speaker 1: It was like I had died.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, I got so so so so where

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Speaker 2: it was almost like there was no more blood inside

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Speaker 2: of me.

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Speaker 1: I really really felt empty.

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Speaker 2: To your marry.

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Speaker 1: After some producer during in Sister Sister the game Instant.

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Speaker 2: Mind, she has twenty eight million followers on social platforms.

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Speaker 2: My mother she had told my sister and I she

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Speaker 2: was like, none of this is going to last. The

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Speaker 2: lemos are going to stop one day. And we looked

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Speaker 2: at her at first, and we're.

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Speaker 1: Like, why are you hating?

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Speaker 2: I no longer want to live life feeling like this.

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Speaker 2: I deserve to chase the joy and to you know,

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Speaker 2: of course, when you say live happy, I mean life

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Speaker 2: is like this up and down.

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Speaker 1: But that's why I'm.

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Speaker 2: Saying I actually got to the point of no return.

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Speaker 3: I'm Radi de Lucia, and this is a really good

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Speaker 3: cry pot where we talk about the crappy stuff, the

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Speaker 3: great stuff, and everything in between that can be difficult

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Speaker 3: to process alone. Together, my first guest on a really

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Speaker 3: good cry represents so much of what I wanted this

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Speaker 3: podcast to be. We laugh, we shed tears, and we

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Speaker 3: dove deep into some real uncomfortable We chested about everything

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Speaker 3: from how to let go and mourn your past self

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Speaker 3: and learning to be okay with change practical ways she

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Speaker 3: got through the lowest moments in her life and found

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Speaker 3: joy again and an insight into the reality of being

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Speaker 3: in the public eye for over twenty years. Tia Maury

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Speaker 3: is a dear friend, a phenomenally talented actress, producer, and author,

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Speaker 3: and she brings a smile to my face every time

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Speaker 3: I see her dance moves on Instagram. I've also been

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Speaker 3: using her new haircare brand called for You and let

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Speaker 3: me tell you, my curls have never looked better. And

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Speaker 3: if you grew up in the nineties watching sister sister

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Speaker 3: like me, then she was for sure a key part

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Speaker 3: of your childhood. She is definitely an icon you do

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Speaker 3: want to meet in real life. First of all, I

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Speaker 3: just need to say, Okay, you have no idea how

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Speaker 3: weird it is for me to have you on my sofa,

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Speaker 3: because I grew up watching you, obviously. And the best

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Speaker 3: part was when I met you in person. I think

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Speaker 3: it was a couple of years ago. You I already

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Speaker 3: loved you, but then I met you in person and

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Speaker 3: I was like, how is it possible to love you

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Speaker 3: even more?

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Speaker 4: Than meeting you in person.

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Speaker 1: Thank you.

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Speaker 3: So I just want to say that it was so

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Speaker 3: wonderful to have admired someone for such a long time

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Speaker 3: and then to meet them and be like, Wow, she's

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Speaker 3: even better. Not that you weren't amazing, but even better

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Speaker 3: than I ever thought you would be. And everything that

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Speaker 3: you do online now, by the way, the way that

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Speaker 3: you come across the things that you do online, I

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Speaker 3: feel your personality, your energy, and your vibrance through it.

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Speaker 3: But even more than that, I feel the desire you

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Speaker 3: have to help uplift other people. Thank you, And so

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Speaker 3: I just want to say thank you, and I'm so

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Speaker 3: grateful to you for being here, and I'm so grateful

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Speaker 3: for everything that you have given me without you even

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Speaker 3: realizing you've done so. But I also want to ask

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Speaker 3: you where do you get?

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Speaker 4: Like what are you drinking? Because where are you.

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Speaker 3: Getting your energy is unlimited. I need to know what

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Speaker 3: are you doing for this to happen in your life?

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Speaker 4: You know.

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Speaker 2: I just I'm very intentional and I just really really

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Speaker 2: take care of myself. And it wasn't always like that,

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Speaker 2: but I feel like after having children, I had to

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Speaker 2: really learn how to choose me, meaning in regards to

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Speaker 2: like self love and not looking at taking care of

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Speaker 2: myself as selfish. Yeah, I think we, especially as women,

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Speaker 2: we tend to of course put all of our attention

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Speaker 2: and energy on nurturing others. That it was very easy

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Speaker 2: for me to forget about myself so I can be

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Speaker 2: fully transparent. I ended up also just really getting very

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Speaker 2: ill and sick because I was constantly giving, giving, giving.

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Speaker 4: Giving, and not replenishing.

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Speaker 2: Yes, So I was like, okay, I had to hit

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Speaker 2: rock bottom or crash when it came to my health

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Speaker 2: to wake up. And so I make sure that I,

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Speaker 2: you know, sleep, I meditate, I journal, and I'm still

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Speaker 2: learning to try to focus on things that give me

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Speaker 2: joy and that just makes me happy and feel good.

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Speaker 2: And I am into wellness and just eating well. And

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Speaker 2: I'm not saying that this happens all the time, you

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Speaker 2: know what I mean, It's just it doesn't. But I

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Speaker 2: am intentional with it. And I feel like by me

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Speaker 2: working on myself and you know, replenishing myself in this manner,

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Speaker 2: I'm able to give more and.

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Speaker 1: You know, jump around videos and you know, have fun.

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Speaker 4: And what do you you said?

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Speaker 3: Intentional like on those bad days, like the days that

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Speaker 3: we all have. I feel not like your normal self.

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Speaker 3: You feel like things are weighing you down. How do

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Speaker 3: you go from being in a in a mood which

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Speaker 3: doesn't serve you. What are your practices and rituals that

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Speaker 3: you've learned over time that get you from being in

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Speaker 3: that bad mood to then uplifting yourself back into a

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Speaker 3: space that you want to be.

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Speaker 2: I have an incredible friend named Vex King Yes, and

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Speaker 2: one thing that I have been doing more often or

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Speaker 2: just now is with his journal by Vex and his

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Speaker 2: his wife.

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Speaker 1: There's a list of things that give you joy.

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Speaker 2: Right, It's a toolbox, that's basically what what he calls it.

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Speaker 2: And he's like, you can even make this toolbox full

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Speaker 2: of objects, or you can just write down the list.

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Speaker 2: You could have like a toolbox and you put all

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Speaker 2: of these objects in and whenever you're having a chaotic day,

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Speaker 2: you just open up this toolbox. That's a good idea,

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Speaker 2: It's an incredible idea, because when you're in that mind

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Speaker 2: space sometimes you just don't feel you do. So to

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Speaker 2: already have something prepped and planned is awesome. But I

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Speaker 2: do stuff like affirmations are really really important to me,

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Speaker 2: and I've.

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Speaker 4: Been doing that you say, in particular, let's.

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Speaker 2: See today, what I have been focusing on and meditating on,

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Speaker 2: and it's very short, is just be present. I feel

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Speaker 2: like it's very easy for me and people to move

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Speaker 2: through life with an autopilot on autopilot, or for me,

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Speaker 2: especially where I am in my life right now, focusing

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Speaker 2: on the past and then also kind of being obsessed

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Speaker 2: with the future because where I am right now in

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Speaker 2: certain areas in my life, there's a huge unknown, and

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Speaker 2: so that brings a lot of chaotic energy and anxiety.

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Speaker 2: So by me just kind of saying, you know what, stot,

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Speaker 2: just focus on being present. I can feel I'm safe,

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Speaker 2: I can feel that I'm loved, I can feel that

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Speaker 2: I am okay, And it just makes me feel better.

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Speaker 2: So affirmations also reading, like I feel like when I

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Speaker 2: read like a great book. I'm currently reading a book

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Speaker 2: right now called When Things Fall Apart, And when I

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Speaker 2: am in sort of some like chaos with my mind

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Speaker 2: and my anxiety, when I kind of shift that focus

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Speaker 2: and kind of like focus it on kind of like

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Speaker 2: a self help book in some kind of way, it

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Speaker 2: just kind of grounds me.

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Speaker 1: And brings me back to and it makes me you know,

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Speaker 1: feel good.

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Speaker 3: And then my kids, yeah, just like.

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Speaker 4: They really are. All I want to do is cut

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Speaker 4: on my niece to the nest.

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Speaker 3: If I have a bad day, all I need is

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Speaker 3: for them to just look at me and to give

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Speaker 3: me this like warm, fuzzy hug and I'm like, you

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Speaker 3: know what, I'm.

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Speaker 4: Fine, Yeah, I'm great, and it's true.

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Speaker 3: But I love what you said about the unknown of

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Speaker 3: because I do find whenever I think about me, like

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Speaker 3: my mind we were talking about this. We have our

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Speaker 3: minds travel a lot. They are constantly on the move

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Speaker 3: and sometimes more than we'd like them to be. And

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Speaker 3: for me, what I realized in my life is the

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Speaker 3: unknown is where fear lies. Like we always are, like,

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Speaker 3: that's why we're scared of the dog, That's why we're

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Speaker 3: scared of, you know, opening a door that we don't

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Speaker 3: know is what's behind it, And so in life that's

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Speaker 3: the same. When you end up on a path that

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Speaker 3: was unexpected and you don't know what the end goal

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Speaker 3: is or what the end of the road looks like, that's.

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Speaker 4: Scary to us.

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Speaker 3: But I found so much like solace in the concept

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Speaker 3: of through fear, Like if fear is if the unknown

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Speaker 3: is what we're fearing.

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Speaker 4: Knowledge is what we need to get out of that fear.

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Speaker 3: And so I think one of my teachers, rather Thanasami,

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Speaker 3: he always says is he says that to cut through

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Speaker 3: the darkness of fear with the sword of knowledge. And

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Speaker 3: so what I interpreted that to be is whenever, like

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Speaker 3: whenever I'm scared of even doing something, it's usually i'd

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Speaker 3: be scared of exams or whatever it was. The more

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Speaker 3: you prepare for something, the more you end up knowing

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Speaker 3: about something, the easier it ends up feeling, and the

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Speaker 3: more comfortable you get, because you're only comfortable with something

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Speaker 3: that feels welcoming and known to you. And sometimes that's

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Speaker 3: impossible because you don't know something where a path is going.

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Speaker 3: I know, you know, But the knowing that you can

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Speaker 3: do is understanding yourself because you are with because I

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Speaker 3: think even if you don't know where the path is going,

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Speaker 3: but you know yourself on that path, that brings some

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Speaker 3: sort of solace and comfort. And I think that's the

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Speaker 3: work that you're doing, because you're spending time on yourself

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Speaker 3: to figure out who you are. And I remember, oh gosh,

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Speaker 3: something you said where about your children, saying that for

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Speaker 3: me to live in my truth. That was that's the

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Speaker 3: best for my children to see by the way you

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Speaker 3: said that, you saying that, No.

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Speaker 2: I feel like it really is because as a mom,

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Speaker 2: I feel like the best teachings that I could give

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Speaker 2: them is through example.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, definitely so.

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Speaker 2: And you know, kids they learn through observation. I could

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Speaker 2: sit here and all I want, But when they actually

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Speaker 2: see Mommy, you know, moving and you know, being an example,

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Speaker 2: or living an authentic life or just kind of like

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Speaker 2: moving through her fears and or even you know, her

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Speaker 2: desires and working hard and all of that, when they

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Speaker 2: actually see me doing that, then I feel like, you know,

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Speaker 2: they are able to learn. Speaking of learning, because you know,

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Speaker 2: I have anxiety and I am trying to find practices

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Speaker 2: and tools on how.

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Speaker 1: To deal with that.

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Speaker 2: So with you know, not necessarily knowing where I'm going

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Speaker 2: with certain things in my life, it is brought on

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Speaker 2: tons of anxiety. But in this book that I'm reading,

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Speaker 2: When Things Fall Apart, there was a quote or you know,

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Speaker 2: dialogue where she had said, look at people who are

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Speaker 2: experiencing fear or you being afraid of something, consider that

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Speaker 2: being like you are lucky actually, And I was like,

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Speaker 2: it was so like mind blowing to me, like wow,

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Speaker 2: like how is that so? And basically what she was

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Speaker 2: saying is when you are moving through something that you

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Speaker 2: are afraid of, it's actually showing courage. Like when you

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Speaker 2: are looking at fear straight in the eyes and straight

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Speaker 2: in the face, it's actually showing that you are courage

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Speaker 2: and that you are brave. Some people think that when

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Speaker 2: people do things that they're afraid of, it means that

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Speaker 2: they they or when they do things of the unknown,

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Speaker 2: that they don't have fear, you.

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Speaker 3: Know, Yeah, But actually it's the strength and the endurance

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Speaker 3: that it takes to work through it.

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Speaker 4: Yes, that's so true.

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Speaker 3: I think you know, you don't learn anything through avoiding,

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Speaker 3: Like you never learn if you keep taking it. Sec

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Speaker 3: when you're trying to get to a certain place but

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Speaker 3: you're you don't want to take this one route, but

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Speaker 3: you keep trying to take all these roads, they don't

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Speaker 3: actually get you to the place you need to be.

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Speaker 3: And I think going it's always like you either have

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Speaker 3: to go through it or you're gonna end up. I mean,

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Speaker 3: you won't figure anything out otherwise, you really won't. And

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Speaker 3: I think I've noticed that in my life too. I've

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Speaker 3: tried to avoid a lot I've been like no, not

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Speaker 3: going to go that way, but then I've ended up

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Speaker 3: lost because actually I needed to go through that fee.

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Speaker 3: I need to go through what I was going through

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Speaker 3: to actually get to the place where I can start

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Speaker 3: new or I can't start fresh. And you know when

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Speaker 3: you're I love what you said about you know, navigating

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Speaker 3: and going through the different routes that like unexpectedly. But

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Speaker 3: what have you found has been well, a difficult time

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Speaker 3: in your life if you don't have to say what

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Speaker 3: it was, but how did you go from you mentioned

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Speaker 3: your lowest part or your lowest part of your health.

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Speaker 3: What were the steps that you took? Actually, I want

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Speaker 3: to rephrase that, how did you notice you were in

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Speaker 3: a place of unhappiness? Because I think you know what,

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Speaker 3: for a lot of people you can go through, but

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Speaker 3: you can go through your whole life being unhappy and

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Speaker 3: not realizing it because it's your comfort zone. And that's

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Speaker 3: what I've realized. I've gone through a lot of my life,

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Speaker 3: like years where that's deep. I was sitting in my discomfort,

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Speaker 3: but it was I was sitting in unhappiness, but it

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Speaker 3: was comfortable to me. It was a comforting place because

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Speaker 3: I'd been there for a while, and so going into

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Speaker 3: joy or happiness was uncomfortable because it required change. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: and so sometimes it's easiest thing in the crad and

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Speaker 3: being comfortable than being happy and being uncomfortable. So how

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Speaker 3: did you manage to through all the different hats and things? YEA,

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Speaker 3: remain authentic to yourself, keep coming back to who you were.

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Speaker 2: When I felt that there was extreme unhappiness was when

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Speaker 2: I got or how I got to my lowest was

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Speaker 2: when I I, if I'm being very very honest, It's

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Speaker 2: like I couldn't even move anymore.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, do you know what I mean?

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Speaker 2: Like I almost felt like everything inside of me no

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Speaker 2: longer had any energy.

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Speaker 1: It was like I had died. My god, I'm about

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Speaker 1: to cry.

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Speaker 4: It's like I got so so, so so low.

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Speaker 2: Where it was almost like there was no more blood

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Speaker 2: inside of me.

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Speaker 4: Does that make sense?

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Speaker 1: Like I really really felt empty.

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Speaker 2: And then I speaking analogies, and I think for me,

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Speaker 2: when I knew that there was some sort of level

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Speaker 2: of unhappiness.

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Speaker 1: Is when the cup was completely empty. Yeah, do you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean?

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Speaker 2: Like we do go through life where there is water

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Speaker 2: in the cup, and then you know you're giving the water,

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Speaker 2: you're giving the water, but then that water is being replenished.

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Speaker 2: That water is being replenished, you know, whether that's from

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Speaker 2: other people or whether that's you replenishing yourself. But I

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Speaker 2: wasn't doing any of that. I wasn't replenishing myself, and things.

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Speaker 4: Were just it was constant.

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Speaker 2: It was like I was in this constant space of

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Speaker 2: everything was being taken, you know what I mean, Like

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Speaker 2: and then you're so empty that you no longer have

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Speaker 2: anything left that you just couldn't move, like there was

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Speaker 2: just nothing left to give.

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Speaker 3: Every part of you as way physically, mentally.

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Speaker 2: Everything was just like done, and I had to choose.

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Speaker 2: I literally it was like I was at the crossroads

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Speaker 2: and it was like, either you choose to stay down.

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Speaker 1: Or you choose to take the uncomfortable route.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's so brave to do that, to take the

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Speaker 3: uncomfortable route. It can take lifetime, oh yeah, to get

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Speaker 3: us to take that one step. And it's just that

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Speaker 3: one step that it takes. But that one step feels

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Speaker 3: so big, it feels so big and so unreachable, yes,

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Speaker 3: so far away. And then I realized, I said, you

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Speaker 3: know what, life is short?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and we all go yeah, and I no longer

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Speaker 2: want to live life feeling like this. I deserve to

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Speaker 2: not feel like that and to feel replenished and to

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Speaker 2: chase the joy and to you know, of course, when

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Speaker 2: you say live happy, I mean life is like this

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Speaker 2: up and down. But that's why I'm saying, I actually

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Speaker 2: got to the point of no return.

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Speaker 4: So that's yeah, thank you for sharing.

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Speaker 3: And so I feel I mean, I get so many

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Speaker 3: messages from people telling me they feel like they're at

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Speaker 3: their lowest point. And that's why I love having these

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Speaker 3: conversations because I think we all need to hear from

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Speaker 3: people who have had their lows and then to see

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Speaker 3: someone like you who has who has been able to

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Speaker 3: pull yourself out of that. So when you when you

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Speaker 3: realize you were like, okay, cool, I need to make

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Speaker 3: some changes and I need to do this. Do you

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Speaker 3: have any tools or tips for people to what was

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Speaker 3: it after taking that step or to make that step?

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Speaker 4: What did it take?

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Speaker 3: Like, what were the were their practices? Were their people

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Speaker 3: you spoke to? What was it that you ended up

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Speaker 3: being able.

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Speaker 1: To do therapy?

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Speaker 4: Therapy? No, Yeah, that's great. I think there is such

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Speaker 4: a taboo the coulgure my culture in my culture.

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Speaker 3: Yes, so I And I'm so happy you shared that. Yes,

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Speaker 3: I think it's so important.

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Speaker 4: It is.

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Speaker 2: And you know, I actually studied growth in child development

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Speaker 2: and psychology in college. And I love my mother to death, mother,

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Speaker 2: I love you. Yes, But when she found out that

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Speaker 2: I was studying it.

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Speaker 1: It was like, what hell, dare you? What are you

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Speaker 1: talking about?

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Speaker 4: When we tell my mom, we think about why didn't

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Speaker 4: you do that? Do you think is wrong with me?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, So I said, you know what, and it

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Speaker 2: was actually, I will say this too. The therapy was

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Speaker 2: because it's very taboo and not necessarily encouraged and influenced,

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Speaker 2: influenced in my culture. So I have a really really

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Speaker 2: good friend O. T. Fagminley, and he is all about

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Speaker 2: like self awareness and you know, learning about your traumas

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Speaker 2: and just going to therapy. And I've known him since

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Speaker 2: two thousand and eight, and you know, I had shared

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Speaker 2: some you know, things that I was going through and

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Speaker 2: he was like, Tia, I really really would suggest therapy,

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Speaker 2: and I was like whatever, yeah, And then twenty twelve,

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Speaker 2: Tia therapy. I'm like like, what are you talking about?

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Speaker 2: Twenty and sixteen or whatever. It kept on going going

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Speaker 2: going and he's like, look, if you take the time

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Speaker 2: to scare viual hair appointments, workouts, you because I would

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Speaker 2: say I'm too busy and blah lah lah lah, and

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Speaker 2: he was like, no, you need to really like take

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Speaker 2: the time and prioritize this. And it wasn't until my

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Speaker 2: grandmother had passed away five years ago and I had

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Speaker 2: never been to a funeral. Yeah, so this was like

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Speaker 2: the first time I'm experiencing a transition and I was like, whoa,

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Speaker 2: we all, we all will be there one day, Tia.

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Speaker 2: You need to just really get your you know, act

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Speaker 2: together and you know, get on this path of wellness

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Speaker 2: and healing. And that was when I was like, Okay,

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Speaker 2: you know what, I really really need to get into therapy.

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Speaker 2: So I've been in therapy for about five years now.

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Speaker 2: And what was what's so crazy? I thank my grandmother

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Speaker 2: because in her death, I feel like there's been some

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Speaker 2: sort of reworth with me. And that's basically, you know,

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Speaker 2: I credit my growth and kind of really having some

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00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:07,479
Speaker 2: sort of support with that first step. I credit it

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Speaker 2: to my therapist wonderful. She's wonderful, she's very very smart,

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Speaker 2: and that has been very beneficial.

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Speaker 1: And then meditation.

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Speaker 4: What kind of meditation do you do?

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Speaker 2: By the way, so you know I have been doing

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Speaker 2: as of late Joe Dispensa.

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Speaker 1: Crazy, which is incredible.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, which is an interesting approach and in a different

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Speaker 2: approach to yes. So, and I am not no expert, please,

387
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Speaker 2: I just started doing this. But basically with Joe's dispensa,

388
00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:48,000
Speaker 2: it's he's trying to encourage or influence your thought process

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Speaker 2: and not trying to live in the past and move

390
00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:56,320
Speaker 2: through your past experiences which can be extremely stifling to you,

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Speaker 2: and be more present and and move more in the

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Speaker 2: present moment, and also not focusing too much on the future,

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00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:10,800
Speaker 2: but working on your conscious And as you are in

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Speaker 2: your meditation, you go into different brain waves and as

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Speaker 2: you go into one brain wave, I don't know the

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Speaker 2: specific brain wave it is, whether it's I don't know,

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Speaker 2: so please excuse me. But I can literally film myself

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Speaker 2: move to another move.

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Speaker 4: Is it silent meditation?

400
00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:34,879
Speaker 1: No, it's guided. So he guides you and he'll tell you.

401
00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:38,800
Speaker 2: Once you're in this conscious you know, I guess mind

402
00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:44,960
Speaker 2: you start implanting your thoughts and your ideas there instead

403
00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:46,920
Speaker 2: of you He's trying to get you to move away

404
00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:50,600
Speaker 2: from your past experiences, and so you tell yourself what

405
00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:54,440
Speaker 2: you no longer want to be, and then you move

406
00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:59,200
Speaker 2: into telling yourself what you want to be, what you

407
00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:02,199
Speaker 2: see yourself at, or how you see yourself as in

408
00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:03,960
Speaker 2: the future, or what you would like.

409
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Speaker 1: To see yourself as.

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Speaker 2: And I can share with you guys, what I tend

411
00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:10,080
Speaker 2: to do is I say that I want to create

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Speaker 2: more boundaries for myself because I have a hard time

413
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Speaker 2: saying no, and so I will do this in my meditation.

414
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Speaker 2: And it's crazy. It works, Like really, yes, it's crazy

415
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Speaker 2: how all of.

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Speaker 1: A sudden you'll just find yourself like.

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Speaker 3: No, I'm like no before they even open them up.

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Speaker 4: No, no, and no, and you're like this is a

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Speaker 4: great day.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and I'm like, oh my gosh.

421
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Speaker 4: It works.

422
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Speaker 2: So anyway, So that's the meditation that I that I've

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Speaker 2: been doing.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. I think it's so difficult to let go of

425
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Speaker 3: your past sometimes because I do think even if it's painful,

426
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Speaker 3: and even if it's difficult, it's a part. It becomes

427
00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:47,879
Speaker 3: like your past is a part of you, and so

428
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:51,880
Speaker 3: it's so hard. It's almost like cutting ties of versions

429
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Speaker 3: of yourself of you know. I remember someone saying to me.

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Speaker 4: No.

431
00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:57,400
Speaker 3: I think I said it to them when we were

432
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Speaker 3: talking about their relationship and even they had broken up

433
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Speaker 3: with someone, and then I said, you have to mourn

434
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:05,680
Speaker 3: the person. You were like, it's not even about that person.

435
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:08,960
Speaker 3: It's not even about him. It's about you because you

436
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:11,439
Speaker 3: have become a whole new version of yourself, and that

437
00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:14,760
Speaker 3: version of yourself doesn't include this human and so I

438
00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:16,640
Speaker 3: was like, it doesn't even have to be about him.

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Speaker 4: What you're also.

440
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Speaker 3: Mourning is the version of yourself that you are letting

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Speaker 3: go of. And I mean, I think that's true. I

442
00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:27,520
Speaker 3: mean when I think about it for myself, I think

443
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:30,240
Speaker 3: that's true as I'm moving through life changing as a

444
00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:33,640
Speaker 3: human with like regardless of other people, because I hold

445
00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:35,879
Speaker 3: on to versions of myself that people think I was

446
00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:37,879
Speaker 3: or that I was back then. And I'm like, you know,

447
00:23:37,920 --> 00:23:40,720
Speaker 3: with the boundaries thing, it really upset me because I've

448
00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:43,240
Speaker 3: been trying to do the same thing. But sometimes one

449
00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:45,440
Speaker 3: of my friends messaged me about something and I set

450
00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:48,159
Speaker 3: a boundary, and I remember the next time I saw her,

451
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:48,480
Speaker 3: she was.

452
00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:51,000
Speaker 4: Like, oh, wow, like you've really changed.

453
00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:53,159
Speaker 3: So much, And it kind of ends up people end

454
00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:55,760
Speaker 3: up taking it as oh, you're not as sweet anymore,

455
00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:58,120
Speaker 3: or you're not as you're not as nice anymore, you're

456
00:23:58,160 --> 00:23:59,280
Speaker 3: not as welcoming anymore.

457
00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:02,680
Speaker 4: But it's not that, And so it takes a while

458
00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:04,679
Speaker 4: to cut that tie of your old self that was

459
00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:06,080
Speaker 4: people please, that's me.

460
00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:09,280
Speaker 3: Yes, that was always doing things to bend over backwards

461
00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:12,440
Speaker 3: for other people, but then compromising what you want and

462
00:24:12,480 --> 00:24:15,720
Speaker 3: sacrificing what you want and to other people. That's amazing

463
00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:19,399
Speaker 3: because she's always available, she's always ready to help, she's

464
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:20,119
Speaker 3: easy going.

465
00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:22,400
Speaker 4: Oh I'm going to change plans last minute, she won't care.

466
00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:25,000
Speaker 3: But then when you start stating bad like oh, you've

467
00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:27,359
Speaker 3: become a bit firm now, like you're you've become a

468
00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:28,960
Speaker 3: bit harsh now and.

469
00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:32,440
Speaker 2: So unlikable or yeah, and then lovable or.

470
00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:34,240
Speaker 4: I don't know, And it's hard.

471
00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:37,200
Speaker 3: It's hard letting go of that version of yourself because

472
00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:39,280
Speaker 3: you do want people to like you, and you want

473
00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:41,280
Speaker 3: to be felt. You want to be that person that, oh,

474
00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:44,440
Speaker 3: everybody gets along with. And so yeah, I think it's

475
00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:47,879
Speaker 3: it's hard letting go of the past people and yourself

476
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:51,399
Speaker 3: because it's letting go of parts of you that is

477
00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:52,480
Speaker 3: so true.

478
00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:55,920
Speaker 2: Even as I've you know, been on this journey of change.

479
00:24:56,200 --> 00:25:01,520
Speaker 2: And I love butterflies and actually even here, yeah yeah,

480
00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:04,320
Speaker 2: But what I love about butterflies is and I actually

481
00:25:04,359 --> 00:25:05,320
Speaker 2: have a tattoo.

482
00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:07,240
Speaker 4: Here, is that.

483
00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:12,639
Speaker 2: As they are, you know, caterpillars or whatever, and then

484
00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:16,600
Speaker 2: they get into their little cocoon, they have to push

485
00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:21,040
Speaker 2: themselves and break themselves out in order for them to fly.

486
00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:26,160
Speaker 2: And they get their strength from you know, pushing and

487
00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:29,000
Speaker 2: doing that and going through the discomfort and all of that.

488
00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:32,560
Speaker 2: But anyway, I say that to say I feel like

489
00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:35,520
Speaker 2: I am a butterfly right now, meaning I am evolving

490
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:40,240
Speaker 2: and I am growing, and I as I'm growing and

491
00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:46,360
Speaker 2: evolving and turning into this person that I am enjoying

492
00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:50,679
Speaker 2: and desiring to be, I've actually been fearful of, like

493
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:53,760
Speaker 2: even with my career, I'm like, am I gonna like

494
00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:58,479
Speaker 2: doing what I've always wanted to do? Because I'm just

495
00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:00,920
Speaker 2: I just have a different perspect to fun things now.

496
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:02,840
Speaker 2: And I say that to say that I am not

497
00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:05,120
Speaker 2: the same person that I was even a year ago,

498
00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:09,440
Speaker 2: as I've really like started learning more about myself. One

499
00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:12,680
Speaker 2: of my friends, Joel, he's a poet. He's from New York,

500
00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:17,960
Speaker 2: and he he had asked me a question and he said,

501
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:18,879
Speaker 2: who are you?

502
00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:19,639
Speaker 1: If you are not?

503
00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:23,160
Speaker 2: Who am Who are you? If you are not a mother?

504
00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:26,200
Speaker 2: Who are you if you are not an actress?

505
00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:27,000
Speaker 4: Who are you?

506
00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:29,440
Speaker 1: If you are not these roles that you.

507
00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:31,080
Speaker 4: Have beens that you're putting on.

508
00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:35,200
Speaker 2: And I remember when he first asked me, I started

509
00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:37,240
Speaker 2: crying because I had no idea.

510
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:41,600
Speaker 1: Yes, I had no idea.

511
00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:43,680
Speaker 2: So that's the journey that I am on now. I'm

512
00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:45,919
Speaker 2: discovering and finding out who I am. What is it

513
00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:48,800
Speaker 2: that I like I'm working on no longer being that

514
00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:52,159
Speaker 2: people you know, pleaser, And I feel like that is

515
00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:56,080
Speaker 2: how I got to my lowest. I became such a

516
00:26:56,119 --> 00:27:00,760
Speaker 2: people pleaser that I lost sight of me. And I'm

517
00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:04,280
Speaker 2: learning also in therapy that my whole life has been

518
00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:08,280
Speaker 2: about pleasing people. Like as a child, it was all

519
00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:14,960
Speaker 2: about appealing and being criticized, you know, healthy constructive criticism,

520
00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:18,920
Speaker 2: but still it's criticism. Stand here, do that be more?

521
00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:20,040
Speaker 2: More funny?

522
00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:21,560
Speaker 1: Do this?

523
00:27:21,720 --> 00:27:21,919
Speaker 2: You know?

524
00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:25,919
Speaker 1: And you know I had to make people laugh.

525
00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:30,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, So that was the space that I was living

526
00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:33,400
Speaker 2: in that was comfortable for me for so many years,

527
00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:36,440
Speaker 2: and then once it was just so I was so depleted.

528
00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:40,040
Speaker 2: I was like, I can't do this anymore. So, but

529
00:27:40,119 --> 00:27:41,320
Speaker 2: it's hard, it's not easy.

530
00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:42,360
Speaker 4: No, And I in that.

531
00:27:42,359 --> 00:27:45,280
Speaker 3: Transition, Yeah, I feel I went through a similar thing

532
00:27:45,320 --> 00:27:49,760
Speaker 3: in terms of I would constantly focus on other people's lives,

533
00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:52,560
Speaker 3: whether it was attracting friends who needed help or wanting

534
00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:56,160
Speaker 3: to constantly help my family with things, or being the fixer,

535
00:27:56,280 --> 00:28:00,000
Speaker 3: being someone who was always solving problems. And I came

536
00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:03,919
Speaker 3: to this realization that all of that was actually to

537
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:06,480
Speaker 3: avoid one me doing the work to figure out who

538
00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:11,840
Speaker 3: I am too, which was difficult, and two to feel

539
00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:13,000
Speaker 3: like I have value.

540
00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:14,600
Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of women.

541
00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:18,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I don't know if a lot of men,

542
00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:19,480
Speaker 2: you know, kind of.

543
00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:23,800
Speaker 4: Think about this, think about it. Yeah, true, No, but

544
00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:24,399
Speaker 4: it's so too.

545
00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:26,880
Speaker 3: It's like, I do find that if you constantly keep

546
00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:28,800
Speaker 3: focusing on And I used to think of myself as

547
00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:30,679
Speaker 3: just being like, oh, it's because I really want to

548
00:28:30,720 --> 00:28:33,800
Speaker 3: help people, and I do, of course, But actually, if

549
00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:36,560
Speaker 3: I thought about the deep route, reason, it was because

550
00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:38,600
Speaker 3: I was trying to figure out my value, and the

551
00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:42,080
Speaker 3: value I was placing on myself was through how other people.

552
00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:42,680
Speaker 4: Valued it me.

553
00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:45,120
Speaker 3: And so when I moved to New York, I went

554
00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:49,520
Speaker 3: through my caterpillar butterfly phase where I got to a

555
00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:50,800
Speaker 3: place where no one knew me.

556
00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:51,600
Speaker 4: I couldn't.

557
00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:55,880
Speaker 3: I didn't know anyone myself. I was by myself a lot,

558
00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:58,280
Speaker 3: like I was spending full days on my own. I

559
00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:01,560
Speaker 3: couldn't work, I couldn't distract myself, and I had to

560
00:29:01,640 --> 00:29:03,760
Speaker 3: sit with myself and be like, who the hell am I?

561
00:29:04,120 --> 00:29:06,520
Speaker 3: Because I can't be a dietician anymore? Do you tell

562
00:29:06,560 --> 00:29:07,960
Speaker 3: I don't have worry off anymore?

563
00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:08,960
Speaker 1: Yeah?

564
00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:12,320
Speaker 3: And I have no external hats that I'm wearing, And

565
00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:15,680
Speaker 3: so I buried myself in cooking for you know, for Jay,

566
00:29:15,720 --> 00:29:17,720
Speaker 3: I was like following around trying to jump on his

567
00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:21,040
Speaker 3: bandwagon and trying to jump on his purpose. What I

568
00:29:21,120 --> 00:29:24,320
Speaker 3: realized was jumping on someone else's purpose. If you don't

569
00:29:24,320 --> 00:29:27,240
Speaker 3: have it yourself, your energy runs out because you don't

570
00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:30,160
Speaker 3: have the same fuel, the same desire that's that's burning

571
00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:32,280
Speaker 3: inside of you to do it. And so I was

572
00:29:32,360 --> 00:29:34,240
Speaker 3: running out of fuel. I was running out of energy,

573
00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:36,760
Speaker 3: and I was running out of any kind of motivation

574
00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:40,520
Speaker 3: or desire to even continue on every single day because

575
00:29:40,560 --> 00:29:43,600
Speaker 3: I hadn't figured out what I wanted. And so I

576
00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:46,320
Speaker 3: do think we think when as we're growing older, it's

577
00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:48,640
Speaker 3: like you think it's going to be a slow but upward,

578
00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:51,680
Speaker 3: you know movement. What I actually think it is is

579
00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:55,160
Speaker 3: you are on track, you completely fall off by you

580
00:29:55,200 --> 00:29:57,320
Speaker 3: get back on track, you find your way back on track.

581
00:29:57,360 --> 00:29:59,800
Speaker 3: Through that getting back on track, you learn some lessons,

582
00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:01,680
Speaker 3: you stay on track for a little bit longer, you

583
00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:02,520
Speaker 3: then fall back off.

584
00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:06,520
Speaker 2: Try Oh my gosh, that's exactly what this book said,

585
00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:09,680
Speaker 2: when things fall apart, and have that expectation that that's

586
00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:13,120
Speaker 2: what it's going to be, right exactly, because I feel

587
00:30:13,120 --> 00:30:17,360
Speaker 2: like with me and how I've been taught and I

588
00:30:17,680 --> 00:30:22,320
Speaker 2: just learned is kind of like you do do do

589
00:30:22,320 --> 00:30:25,640
Speaker 2: do doo to try to get to this goal right.

590
00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:28,240
Speaker 1: And this goal.

591
00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:31,560
Speaker 2: Is, let's just say, figuratively speaking, like heaven. No matter

592
00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:34,440
Speaker 2: what that goal is, whether it's a house or a

593
00:30:34,520 --> 00:30:38,120
Speaker 2: relationship or work, it's that feeling of you know that

594
00:30:38,360 --> 00:30:39,320
Speaker 2: once you get.

595
00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:42,920
Speaker 1: There, then you're never going to be miserable again. But

596
00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:44,520
Speaker 1: that's not true.

597
00:30:44,560 --> 00:30:47,040
Speaker 2: And in this book that I'm reading, when things fall apart,

598
00:30:47,400 --> 00:30:50,959
Speaker 2: she was basically saying, the author was saying, no, life

599
00:30:51,040 --> 00:30:53,520
Speaker 2: is actually things fall apart, then you get back on

600
00:30:53,680 --> 00:30:55,720
Speaker 2: track again. Things fall apart, then you get back on

601
00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:57,920
Speaker 2: track again. It's amazing things fall apart, then you get

602
00:30:57,960 --> 00:30:59,960
Speaker 2: back on track again. And when you have that perspect

603
00:31:00,680 --> 00:31:06,680
Speaker 2: of life, you will embrace, you know, the falling, and

604
00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:10,200
Speaker 2: you won't look at the falling as judgment.

605
00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:14,560
Speaker 3: And you'll also start if you're expecting it, you start creating.

606
00:31:14,560 --> 00:31:16,280
Speaker 4: What you said, like the toolbox, So.

607
00:31:16,280 --> 00:31:18,880
Speaker 3: If you know it's gonna happen, you're gonna start creating

608
00:31:18,920 --> 00:31:21,120
Speaker 3: a life. And I've started to do this because I

609
00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:24,720
Speaker 3: know for me, when my spiritual practices fall off track,

610
00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:27,960
Speaker 3: my whole life feels like it's falling apart. I go

611
00:31:28,080 --> 00:31:31,000
Speaker 3: through my day, I'm not the same person. I'm not

612
00:31:31,080 --> 00:31:31,720
Speaker 3: as nice as.

613
00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:32,680
Speaker 4: A human I am.

614
00:31:33,560 --> 00:31:36,600
Speaker 3: And also I feel lost, like I feel really lost

615
00:31:36,640 --> 00:31:38,880
Speaker 3: when my practices are not right, and I've recently got

616
00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:42,040
Speaker 3: them back on track the beginning of this week, honestly,

617
00:31:42,640 --> 00:31:45,520
Speaker 3: and what it meane, but I had this whole thing

618
00:31:45,560 --> 00:31:47,720
Speaker 3: of if I'm not waking up at this time and

619
00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:49,400
Speaker 3: if I'm not doing it in this way, and I

620
00:31:49,840 --> 00:31:52,000
Speaker 3: end I'm not doing it, but instead I'm like, no,

621
00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:54,480
Speaker 3: even if I'm showing up and I'm doing it crap,

622
00:31:54,520 --> 00:31:56,880
Speaker 3: and even if I'm sitting on my phone half the time.

623
00:31:57,160 --> 00:31:59,360
Speaker 3: At least I'm showing up and committing to it. It doesn't

624
00:31:59,360 --> 00:32:01,560
Speaker 3: have to be all or nothing. And if I fall

625
00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:04,240
Speaker 3: off track, I don't have to guilt myself, Like I

626
00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:06,040
Speaker 3: don't have to make myself look guilty. I don't have

627
00:32:06,080 --> 00:32:08,360
Speaker 3: to tell myself that I'm a terrible person. What I

628
00:32:08,400 --> 00:32:10,440
Speaker 3: do is the next day I try to get And

629
00:32:10,480 --> 00:32:12,400
Speaker 3: I think it's this pressure we put on ourselves of

630
00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:17,320
Speaker 3: everything being so onward and upward, but actually it's exactly that,

631
00:32:17,360 --> 00:32:20,120
Speaker 3: Like it's okay to go off track, it's part of

632
00:32:20,160 --> 00:32:23,160
Speaker 3: the it's part of the plan. Have it as part

633
00:32:23,200 --> 00:32:25,520
Speaker 3: of the plan, and then throughout your life, like I

634
00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:27,680
Speaker 3: know for me now that it's my spiritual practice. So

635
00:32:27,680 --> 00:32:30,440
Speaker 3: if everything else falls apart around me, if I have

636
00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:34,280
Speaker 3: this anchor that is my spiritual practice in the morning,

637
00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:38,280
Speaker 3: all those other things don't feel as difficult. And I've

638
00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:42,320
Speaker 3: already I'm creating this almost armor around me to be

639
00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:45,800
Speaker 3: able to handle whatever else comes at me. And I

640
00:32:45,800 --> 00:32:47,520
Speaker 3: was thinking about this the other day, because you know,

641
00:32:47,600 --> 00:32:49,880
Speaker 3: we do everything we do for our body. We work

642
00:32:49,880 --> 00:32:51,719
Speaker 3: out right, and we know that that's going to protect

643
00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:54,680
Speaker 3: us in terms of health, and we also get energy

644
00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:57,040
Speaker 3: from that, like you work out, you get dopamine hits.

645
00:32:57,080 --> 00:32:59,200
Speaker 3: You get energy from that. You eat, you get energy

646
00:32:59,240 --> 00:33:03,040
Speaker 3: from that. What I realized was when you stop your

647
00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:05,320
Speaker 3: spiritual practice. And by the way, by that, I don't

648
00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:06,680
Speaker 3: mean religious practices.

649
00:33:06,840 --> 00:33:08,680
Speaker 4: I mean a moment where you.

650
00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:11,560
Speaker 3: Are connecting to yourself, the universe and if you want

651
00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:15,560
Speaker 3: to God. But having those moments where you are tuning

652
00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:19,640
Speaker 3: into yourself without that, you are missing a whole power source.

653
00:33:19,800 --> 00:33:21,960
Speaker 4: You know, like you're shut down. You are shut down.

654
00:33:22,240 --> 00:33:25,160
Speaker 3: There's a whole power source available to you that can

655
00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:28,920
Speaker 3: fuel you in a completely different way, and we're missing

656
00:33:28,960 --> 00:33:31,440
Speaker 3: out on that. And so actually a lot of mind

657
00:33:31,520 --> 00:33:33,640
Speaker 3: low energy. And I'll be waking up in the morning

658
00:33:33,680 --> 00:33:34,800
Speaker 3: and I'd be going to say it, but I feel

659
00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:37,400
Speaker 3: so tired. And I wasn't physically tired, and I wasn't

660
00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:39,400
Speaker 3: emotionally sad. I was spiritually depleted.

661
00:33:39,480 --> 00:33:42,040
Speaker 1: Oh that is deep I was.

662
00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:45,280
Speaker 3: I was so spiritually depleted. And it made me feel lost.

663
00:33:45,320 --> 00:33:47,760
Speaker 3: It made me feel very sad all the time. It

664
00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:50,200
Speaker 3: made me feel like, I you know what, it wasn't

665
00:33:50,200 --> 00:33:53,560
Speaker 3: even it was a whole lot of nothingness. Yes, it's nothing.

666
00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:57,000
Speaker 3: It's That's what I find scary. The feeling of nothingness,

667
00:33:57,040 --> 00:34:00,200
Speaker 3: when nothing feels like it's worth anything. Why am I

668
00:34:00,240 --> 00:34:03,320
Speaker 3: even doing this? Everything feels so blah and energy less.

669
00:34:04,240 --> 00:34:08,480
Speaker 3: But knowing that and then knowing what helps me and

670
00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:10,600
Speaker 3: keeping on going back to that, It's like that it's

671
00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:11,160
Speaker 3: a north light.

672
00:34:11,280 --> 00:34:12,360
Speaker 4: You just keep going back to.

673
00:34:12,480 --> 00:34:14,640
Speaker 2: What I call it, or say, it is like and

674
00:34:14,719 --> 00:34:16,799
Speaker 2: I've heard other people say this too, it's like you

675
00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:20,520
Speaker 2: coming back home, you know what I mean, like to yourself.

676
00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:24,480
Speaker 2: And like I said earlier, I feel like just women

677
00:34:24,560 --> 00:34:28,480
Speaker 2: in general, I feel like, you know, we are. I mean,

678
00:34:29,480 --> 00:34:34,080
Speaker 2: even with like television and cartoons and all of that,

679
00:34:34,719 --> 00:34:38,600
Speaker 2: you see women in their characters, it's like it's always

680
00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:44,279
Speaker 2: dedicated to you know, someone else and searching for that

681
00:34:44,560 --> 00:34:46,359
Speaker 2: instead of searching.

682
00:34:45,920 --> 00:34:46,640
Speaker 1: You know within.

683
00:34:47,280 --> 00:34:50,239
Speaker 2: But what I have learned even as a mother, because

684
00:34:50,239 --> 00:34:53,080
Speaker 2: I feel like, you know, becoming a mother, you're back

685
00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:56,520
Speaker 2: into that nurturing state. It's like the first thing that's

686
00:34:56,600 --> 00:34:59,160
Speaker 2: on your mind is are my kids happy? Are my

687
00:34:59,239 --> 00:35:03,239
Speaker 2: kids fed? My kid's clothe And you know, I grew

688
00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:06,680
Speaker 2: up with the understanding that if you had blood on

689
00:35:06,719 --> 00:35:10,480
Speaker 2: your hands in because of you working so hard, then

690
00:35:10,480 --> 00:35:11,759
Speaker 2: that means you're a great mom.

691
00:35:12,080 --> 00:35:15,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, yes, same if you're doing all the work yourself,

692
00:35:15,320 --> 00:35:17,839
Speaker 3: you're getting tired doing it, you're exhausting yourself. But that's

693
00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:19,839
Speaker 3: a sign that you are a great mom.

694
00:35:19,920 --> 00:35:20,200
Speaker 1: Mom.

695
00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:24,000
Speaker 2: But what I've realized is you said your spiritual practices

696
00:35:24,520 --> 00:35:28,000
Speaker 2: that I am now. I literally have a do not

697
00:35:28,080 --> 00:35:31,520
Speaker 2: disturb sign on my door now, and I am unapologetic

698
00:35:31,600 --> 00:35:35,520
Speaker 2: about it. In the morning, I have my spiritual practices

699
00:35:35,600 --> 00:35:39,240
Speaker 2: and those are it's that those are my non negotiables.

700
00:35:38,760 --> 00:35:39,640
Speaker 4: Manaving them.

701
00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:43,319
Speaker 2: Yes, I will meditate, i will journal, and I will

702
00:35:43,360 --> 00:35:46,600
Speaker 2: do twenty minutes of reading, and that's me tapping into

703
00:35:46,680 --> 00:35:50,160
Speaker 2: me and my spirit. And I feel so much better

704
00:35:50,560 --> 00:35:55,279
Speaker 2: when I start my day like that, because nothing is perfect.

705
00:35:55,360 --> 00:35:57,720
Speaker 2: And then as you navigate through life and things happen,

706
00:35:57,880 --> 00:36:02,680
Speaker 2: I just feel, you know, more connected to you know,

707
00:36:02,800 --> 00:36:09,200
Speaker 2: get through the day. But I completely understand you know

708
00:36:09,719 --> 00:36:12,960
Speaker 2: what you're saying. And when I don't do that, I

709
00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:14,480
Speaker 2: do feel like I'm off.

710
00:36:15,160 --> 00:36:17,279
Speaker 3: I love the coming back home because that makes sense

711
00:36:17,320 --> 00:36:19,680
Speaker 3: because when I'm thinking, when I'm away from it, I

712
00:36:19,719 --> 00:36:21,920
Speaker 3: feel lost, and I do feel I feel like I'm

713
00:36:21,960 --> 00:36:25,000
Speaker 3: in the dark, and coming back home to yourself, it's

714
00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:26,200
Speaker 3: such a beautiful way of putting.

715
00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:26,880
Speaker 4: Putting it.

716
00:36:27,200 --> 00:36:30,680
Speaker 3: I love that you do not disturb side because and

717
00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:32,880
Speaker 3: I love that you are seeing I think our generation

718
00:36:33,360 --> 00:36:38,240
Speaker 3: is now seeing how our practices. Like my sister recently

719
00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:39,919
Speaker 3: has told me that she, you know, she's been doing

720
00:36:39,920 --> 00:36:43,400
Speaker 3: the same thing. She has two children, she is she homeschools.

721
00:36:43,400 --> 00:36:47,839
Speaker 3: She wow, I know, it's a whole different thing. She homeschools,

722
00:36:47,880 --> 00:36:51,400
Speaker 3: and everything was getting them fed, making sure they are okay,

723
00:36:51,440 --> 00:36:54,080
Speaker 3: making sure they've studied, and she was getting so ill,

724
00:36:54,280 --> 00:36:55,120
Speaker 3: so depleted.

725
00:36:55,760 --> 00:36:57,879
Speaker 4: And but now she's like.

726
00:36:57,920 --> 00:37:00,279
Speaker 3: I know, my if I don't have my health, how

727
00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:02,640
Speaker 3: am I going to look after my children? If I

728
00:37:02,680 --> 00:37:05,200
Speaker 3: am not good, I am snapping at them, I am

729
00:37:05,280 --> 00:37:07,760
Speaker 3: getting angry at I'm just I am not the best

730
00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:10,680
Speaker 3: version of who I want to be. And when you

731
00:37:10,719 --> 00:37:14,879
Speaker 3: talked about being an example for your children, I think this,

732
00:37:15,239 --> 00:37:18,560
Speaker 3: like what you're doing right now is the most beautiful example.

733
00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:21,239
Speaker 3: And I saw my mom, like I know my mom

734
00:37:21,239 --> 00:37:22,839
Speaker 3: when I was growing up, she would say do this.

735
00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:25,400
Speaker 3: My mom had great spiritual practices growing up, but she

736
00:37:25,400 --> 00:37:27,120
Speaker 3: would always be telling me to do them, and I'd

737
00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:29,000
Speaker 3: be like, well, I don't want to do this. This

738
00:37:29,120 --> 00:37:30,399
Speaker 3: is not what I want to do. I don't want

739
00:37:30,400 --> 00:37:32,120
Speaker 3: to be in this. I don't want to wake up

740
00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:33,879
Speaker 3: and light this candle. I have no idea why I'm

741
00:37:33,880 --> 00:37:36,400
Speaker 3: doing it. And then my mom stopped telling and I

742
00:37:36,440 --> 00:37:39,560
Speaker 3: started watching her. And I saw her every day wake

743
00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:41,560
Speaker 3: up at the same time. I saw her every day

744
00:37:41,600 --> 00:37:43,680
Speaker 3: sit down for two hours to do her prayers. I

745
00:37:43,719 --> 00:37:47,680
Speaker 3: saw her every day she know, she prays before she eats.

746
00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:50,000
Speaker 3: She does all these things. And I have learned more

747
00:37:50,520 --> 00:37:53,120
Speaker 3: in the few years of that I've chosen to observe

748
00:37:53,160 --> 00:37:55,279
Speaker 3: her than I did from the years of her telling me.

749
00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:59,719
Speaker 3: And the same with my dad's character, like he never

750
00:38:00,239 --> 00:38:02,319
Speaker 3: badly about someone as I was growing up, and he

751
00:38:02,400 --> 00:38:04,600
Speaker 3: was always so gentle and live with integrity.

752
00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:06,239
Speaker 4: Now I learn more about.

753
00:38:05,960 --> 00:38:11,759
Speaker 3: Integrity and criticizing others and gossiping from watching him, not

754
00:38:11,800 --> 00:38:14,839
Speaker 3: even him telling me, from watching how he was in

755
00:38:14,920 --> 00:38:18,200
Speaker 3: horrible situations with people and he said not one bad

756
00:38:18,239 --> 00:38:21,319
Speaker 3: thing about them. That's what I learned through watching him

757
00:38:21,320 --> 00:38:24,520
Speaker 3: do that. And so I think there is such a

758
00:38:24,560 --> 00:38:28,560
Speaker 3: beauty in observation and allowing and let me lead by example,

759
00:38:28,560 --> 00:38:30,279
Speaker 3: because if I'm telling you to do it, it's like

760
00:38:30,320 --> 00:38:32,800
Speaker 3: me saying to you, look, you really shouldn't being sugar.

761
00:38:32,840 --> 00:38:35,319
Speaker 3: And then tomorrow. You're like, you see me, I mean.

762
00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:38,320
Speaker 4: You don't wait, Yeah.

763
00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:43,400
Speaker 2: There's a disconnect exactly when they you know, see like

764
00:38:43,440 --> 00:38:45,879
Speaker 2: I said, observing and see you actually doing it. I've

765
00:38:45,920 --> 00:38:48,640
Speaker 2: been interesting that you say, you know, the dynamic that

766
00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:50,560
Speaker 2: you had between you and your mom when you were younger.

767
00:38:51,320 --> 00:38:54,040
Speaker 2: Meditation has helped and changed my life so much that

768
00:38:54,120 --> 00:38:57,200
Speaker 2: I'm now encouraging my son to Yeah, my son, he's

769
00:38:57,200 --> 00:38:58,000
Speaker 2: twelve years old.

770
00:38:57,880 --> 00:38:59,960
Speaker 1: And I'm like, Creed, do you want to meditate with me?

771
00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:04,000
Speaker 2: He's like no, I'm like, come on, Kree, like, let's

772
00:39:04,040 --> 00:39:07,359
Speaker 2: just do it. But what I've noticed, even just last night,

773
00:39:07,719 --> 00:39:09,399
Speaker 2: and he has been you know, it's like he's kind

774
00:39:09,400 --> 00:39:12,319
Speaker 2: of inquiring, like he was like before I go to bed.

775
00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:15,799
Speaker 2: I've been now trying to meditate more before I go

776
00:39:15,840 --> 00:39:17,400
Speaker 2: to bed, because I always meditate in the morning, but

777
00:39:17,440 --> 00:39:18,960
Speaker 2: now I'm trying to add the practice before I go

778
00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:19,279
Speaker 2: to bed.

779
00:39:19,719 --> 00:39:22,360
Speaker 4: And he's like, Mom, are you a built to meditate?

780
00:39:22,560 --> 00:39:25,600
Speaker 1: And I'm like, yeah, I am. Do you want to

781
00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:27,640
Speaker 1: come with me? He's like no, no, I'm good. I'm good.

782
00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:30,040
Speaker 2: And then the next day he'll be like, Mom, are

783
00:39:30,040 --> 00:39:31,799
Speaker 2: you going to bed now? And I'm like yeah, After

784
00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:33,480
Speaker 2: I tuck him in, I'm like, yeah, I'm going to

785
00:39:33,520 --> 00:39:33,920
Speaker 2: bed now, and.

786
00:39:33,880 --> 00:39:36,680
Speaker 1: He's like, you built to meditate and I'm like, yeah, crazy.

787
00:39:36,719 --> 00:39:38,640
Speaker 1: So hopefully you know.

788
00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:42,120
Speaker 3: As he as he sees your consistency, your commitment, the

789
00:39:42,239 --> 00:39:43,360
Speaker 3: changes that you make as a.

790
00:39:43,400 --> 00:39:45,880
Speaker 2: Pill, he'll want to one day instead of me always

791
00:39:45,960 --> 00:39:47,239
Speaker 2: asking him, you know, to join.

792
00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:49,600
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'll even hold your hand. He's like no, no, no,

793
00:39:50,040 --> 00:39:52,200
Speaker 1: but I did get him to do it once. But

794
00:39:52,520 --> 00:39:53,040
Speaker 1: we'll see.

795
00:39:53,200 --> 00:39:55,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, and you're planting the seeds. That's the point.

796
00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:57,920
Speaker 3: Like my mom planted so many seeds in me that

797
00:39:57,960 --> 00:40:01,319
Speaker 3: I didn't even know she was planting. She planted them

798
00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:04,520
Speaker 3: through a petition, through me watching her, and then slowly

799
00:40:04,600 --> 00:40:07,160
Speaker 3: as I got to what age was it after college

800
00:40:07,200 --> 00:40:13,280
Speaker 3: and university, that's when my spiritual curiosity started actually growing

801
00:40:13,320 --> 00:40:17,120
Speaker 3: into a plant. And then now it's flowering. And I

802
00:40:17,160 --> 00:40:19,200
Speaker 3: look back now and I think there's always like that

803
00:40:19,239 --> 00:40:22,120
Speaker 3: with parents. You never appreciate like it's just it's a part.

804
00:40:22,160 --> 00:40:26,960
Speaker 3: It's part of the children like parent relationship where very

805
00:40:27,040 --> 00:40:28,840
Speaker 3: rarely do you appreciate it in the time and in

806
00:40:28,880 --> 00:40:29,600
Speaker 3: this moment.

807
00:40:29,440 --> 00:40:31,640
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. Yeah, And I think that's.

808
00:40:31,440 --> 00:40:33,840
Speaker 3: The karma of a parent where you just like you

809
00:40:33,920 --> 00:40:35,600
Speaker 3: have chosen to have a child and it comes with

810
00:40:35,640 --> 00:40:38,399
Speaker 3: all of this and as a child, it's it's our karma.

811
00:40:38,440 --> 00:40:39,840
Speaker 3: Where you get older and you're like, I wish I

812
00:40:39,920 --> 00:40:41,359
Speaker 3: had listened a little bit more.

813
00:40:41,400 --> 00:40:45,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's interesting that you say that too, because people

814
00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:49,319
Speaker 2: they'll ask me this question, like how do you feel, like,

815
00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:54,440
Speaker 2: how did you survive childhood? You know, stardom and you

816
00:40:54,520 --> 00:40:57,520
Speaker 2: didn't go, you know, down the deep end. And my

817
00:40:57,680 --> 00:41:02,080
Speaker 2: answer is, you know, my parents because of yeah, them

818
00:41:02,160 --> 00:41:05,600
Speaker 2: and how you know they they nurtured us and and

819
00:41:05,640 --> 00:41:10,399
Speaker 2: my mother I when when we first meaning my sister

820
00:41:10,440 --> 00:41:12,360
Speaker 2: and I, when we were first on sister sister and

821
00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:15,560
Speaker 2: there was success and there was like limousines and all

822
00:41:15,680 --> 00:41:17,879
Speaker 2: this stuff. You know, people were like catering to us.

823
00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:20,239
Speaker 2: And my mother she had told my sister and I

824
00:41:20,320 --> 00:41:22,600
Speaker 2: she was like, none of this is going to last.

825
00:41:23,239 --> 00:41:25,600
Speaker 2: The limos are going to stop one day. And we

826
00:41:25,640 --> 00:41:27,600
Speaker 2: looked at her at first and we're like, why are

827
00:41:27,719 --> 00:41:28,200
Speaker 2: you hating?

828
00:41:30,200 --> 00:41:32,000
Speaker 1: Why are you raining down on our parade?

829
00:41:32,200 --> 00:41:35,480
Speaker 2: Like you know, but it was in all actuality. I

830
00:41:35,560 --> 00:41:38,759
Speaker 2: love the that she you know, said that, because she

831
00:41:38,760 --> 00:41:41,120
Speaker 2: she prepared us, you know what I mean because at

832
00:41:41,120 --> 00:41:43,680
Speaker 2: the end of the day that did happen. Yeah, you know,

833
00:41:43,719 --> 00:41:46,200
Speaker 2: the limos did stop coming. And then there was a

834
00:41:46,239 --> 00:41:48,839
Speaker 2: time where the show ended and my sister and I

835
00:41:48,920 --> 00:41:51,200
Speaker 2: we hadn't worked for a very you know, long period

836
00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:54,520
Speaker 2: of time, but in that moment, you know, when we

837
00:41:54,520 --> 00:41:57,000
Speaker 2: were on sister sister, my sister and I we were

838
00:41:57,040 --> 00:41:57,919
Speaker 2: like ill.

839
00:41:58,280 --> 00:41:59,879
Speaker 1: But it's true, like.

840
00:42:01,360 --> 00:42:04,919
Speaker 2: You may not appreciate it during that time, but as

841
00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:07,680
Speaker 2: you get older, I'm like, gosh, she built.

842
00:42:07,440 --> 00:42:08,560
Speaker 4: That mindset for you.

843
00:42:08,800 --> 00:42:12,560
Speaker 2: I thank God from my parents and then you know,

844
00:42:12,640 --> 00:42:15,640
Speaker 2: being strict in that way.

845
00:42:15,480 --> 00:42:17,120
Speaker 4: And I love that you're at a point in your life.

846
00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:21,200
Speaker 3: You mentioned this before where you started seeing everything beyond

847
00:42:21,239 --> 00:42:23,680
Speaker 3: the hats that you're wearing. And I think sometimes, like,

848
00:42:23,760 --> 00:42:25,640
Speaker 3: I know people who've got to that stage at eighty.

849
00:42:25,840 --> 00:42:28,239
Speaker 3: I know people who've got to that stage at twenty. Yes,

850
00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:31,520
Speaker 3: it happens in different parts of your life, but how

851
00:42:31,600 --> 00:42:35,560
Speaker 3: beautiful that has happened to you so early, because now

852
00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:38,200
Speaker 3: you start to value I think you know you actually

853
00:42:38,320 --> 00:42:41,319
Speaker 3: are born when you realize that, right, Like, I feel

854
00:42:41,360 --> 00:42:42,960
Speaker 3: like it's like you said, it's a whole new rebirth,

855
00:42:43,400 --> 00:42:47,280
Speaker 3: and so I think this, I feel like the essence

856
00:42:47,320 --> 00:42:50,160
Speaker 3: of this podcast that we're doing in this conversation is

857
00:42:50,320 --> 00:42:52,879
Speaker 3: to do with getting back on track and how people

858
00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:55,479
Speaker 3: can do that. But a beautiful way to even start.

859
00:42:55,480 --> 00:42:57,799
Speaker 3: If you are so lost in your life and you

860
00:42:57,880 --> 00:43:00,799
Speaker 3: feel like getting out of bed is difficult, and you

861
00:43:00,920 --> 00:43:02,960
Speaker 3: feel like figuring out what you want to do in

862
00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:06,160
Speaker 3: life is difficult, the first place to start is with

863
00:43:06,400 --> 00:43:10,799
Speaker 3: yourself and everything else, because when you get to and yes,

864
00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:13,520
Speaker 3: of course we need stability and finances and we're not

865
00:43:13,560 --> 00:43:16,279
Speaker 3: taking away any of that, but none of that will

866
00:43:16,360 --> 00:43:19,479
Speaker 3: end up even fueling you at all, Like all those

867
00:43:19,520 --> 00:43:22,640
Speaker 3: things are going to be temporary band aids until you

868
00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:26,920
Speaker 3: start fueling your own spirit and your own self. And

869
00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:29,520
Speaker 3: I think that for me has been the biggest lesson

870
00:43:29,560 --> 00:43:32,080
Speaker 3: because my life has changed so much since being like

871
00:43:33,040 --> 00:43:35,799
Speaker 3: living at home with my parents in London. I was

872
00:43:35,840 --> 00:43:38,560
Speaker 3: living a much like simpler and inverted Comma's life. And

873
00:43:38,560 --> 00:43:41,440
Speaker 3: I think about that by simple, I mean externally simple,

874
00:43:42,239 --> 00:43:45,319
Speaker 3: but I think about internally and I honestly feel like

875
00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:48,839
Speaker 3: and obviously this ebbs and flows, but my simplicity of

876
00:43:49,000 --> 00:43:52,640
Speaker 3: heart and what I actually truly desire has always stayed

877
00:43:52,640 --> 00:43:56,919
Speaker 3: the same. Okay, even if externally things have changed, Like, yes,

878
00:43:56,920 --> 00:43:59,080
Speaker 3: it's wonderful to have more luxuries in life, of course

879
00:43:59,120 --> 00:44:03,839
Speaker 3: it is, but has my desires for safety and security

880
00:44:04,120 --> 00:44:08,319
Speaker 3: and understanding myself and love, Like the basic needs have

881
00:44:08,440 --> 00:44:11,040
Speaker 3: always been the same. Everything else is just a cherry

882
00:44:11,080 --> 00:44:14,120
Speaker 3: on the top. Yeah. And so I think the more

883
00:44:14,120 --> 00:44:17,120
Speaker 3: I figured out what actually brings me joy versus what

884
00:44:17,120 --> 00:44:21,000
Speaker 3: brings me fleeting happiness has been this every time I've

885
00:44:21,040 --> 00:44:23,600
Speaker 3: fallen off track. It has been the start point of

886
00:44:23,680 --> 00:44:28,040
Speaker 3: then figuring everything else out. That's interesting, As you were,

887
00:44:28,280 --> 00:44:34,160
Speaker 3: you know, explaining, I also realized that I, for a

888
00:44:34,160 --> 00:44:37,800
Speaker 3: long time, I was looking for others to make me happy.

889
00:44:37,920 --> 00:44:38,840
Speaker 4: Yeah.

890
00:44:39,320 --> 00:44:44,040
Speaker 1: And I realized that even I was looking for others

891
00:44:44,120 --> 00:44:47,760
Speaker 1: for refuge. Yes, solve my problem.

892
00:44:47,880 --> 00:44:50,880
Speaker 3: You should be the person that will complete whatever it

893
00:44:50,960 --> 00:44:52,560
Speaker 3: is I'm voiding.

894
00:44:52,200 --> 00:44:55,600
Speaker 1: Or you or looking to others.

895
00:44:55,840 --> 00:44:56,120
Speaker 3: Yeah.

896
00:44:56,160 --> 00:45:00,239
Speaker 2: And what I've realized, how exactly like what you said, Like,

897
00:45:00,520 --> 00:45:03,760
Speaker 2: once I come home to myself, and once I change

898
00:45:04,480 --> 00:45:07,960
Speaker 2: and turn the fingers at me and say no, I

899
00:45:08,000 --> 00:45:09,000
Speaker 2: am responsible.

900
00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:13,120
Speaker 4: I can self soothe, I can teach soothe.

901
00:45:13,960 --> 00:45:17,680
Speaker 2: I am responsible, you know. For Yes, of course I'm

902
00:45:17,719 --> 00:45:21,160
Speaker 2: looking for support and need a community of support. Definitely

903
00:45:21,640 --> 00:45:24,600
Speaker 2: the person who's going to take that first step has

904
00:45:24,680 --> 00:45:25,080
Speaker 2: to be you.

905
00:45:25,480 --> 00:45:27,640
Speaker 3: Yes, Well, like I think about this with my friends

906
00:45:27,640 --> 00:45:30,720
Speaker 3: that I used to help a lot, where it can't

907
00:45:30,719 --> 00:45:33,200
Speaker 3: be that you're doing the ten percent and I'm doing

908
00:45:33,239 --> 00:45:36,520
Speaker 3: the ninety percent. That's never gonna last. I can do

909
00:45:37,040 --> 00:45:39,960
Speaker 3: your community can do the ten percent, maybe even the

910
00:45:40,000 --> 00:45:42,839
Speaker 3: thirty percent, but the majority has to be done by

911
00:45:42,880 --> 00:45:45,520
Speaker 3: you for it to be a sustainable change and for

912
00:45:45,560 --> 00:45:48,480
Speaker 3: it to have effects, because if everybody else is And

913
00:45:48,520 --> 00:45:50,560
Speaker 3: I had this in my life growing up, my parents,

914
00:45:50,640 --> 00:45:52,960
Speaker 3: you know what it was. It was such a blessing,

915
00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:54,279
Speaker 3: but at the same time it was a little bit

916
00:45:54,280 --> 00:45:57,040
Speaker 3: of a curse. My parents and my sister and everyone

917
00:45:57,040 --> 00:45:58,640
Speaker 3: loved me so much. I was the youngest child, and

918
00:45:58,680 --> 00:46:01,520
Speaker 3: so everything was. If I was ruggling, everything was helped.

919
00:46:01,600 --> 00:46:04,240
Speaker 3: Everything was done for me. If I had to last

920
00:46:04,239 --> 00:46:06,520
Speaker 3: minute homework, they would help me with it, stay up late,

921
00:46:06,640 --> 00:46:10,080
Speaker 3: if I you know, every single thing was It was

922
00:46:10,120 --> 00:46:11,279
Speaker 3: almost like I got to the.

923
00:46:11,200 --> 00:46:12,880
Speaker 4: Point of it was a little bit difficult and then

924
00:46:12,920 --> 00:46:13,840
Speaker 4: everything was solved for me.

925
00:46:14,760 --> 00:46:17,239
Speaker 3: And as beautiful as that is and how greatful I

926
00:46:17,280 --> 00:46:21,080
Speaker 3: am family that loves me, it also disabled me to

927
00:46:21,200 --> 00:46:24,799
Speaker 3: believe that I could do anything myself. And so that

928
00:46:24,880 --> 00:46:27,160
Speaker 3: was really difficult because I got to New York and

929
00:46:27,200 --> 00:46:28,840
Speaker 3: I was like, I can't even pick a damn spoon

930
00:46:28,880 --> 00:46:33,360
Speaker 3: without putting that's I can't pick bed sheets without getting

931
00:46:33,400 --> 00:46:34,759
Speaker 3: approval from my mom.

932
00:46:35,200 --> 00:46:38,480
Speaker 2: I was very sheltered, you know, and I like, I

933
00:46:38,600 --> 00:46:42,239
Speaker 2: just explained that sheltering saved me from going down a

934
00:46:42,280 --> 00:46:45,520
Speaker 2: wrong path. But I too, you know, feel the same

935
00:46:45,520 --> 00:46:47,719
Speaker 2: way so much to the point, and I know this,

936
00:46:47,960 --> 00:46:52,000
Speaker 2: y'all don't judge me, but I still to this day,

937
00:46:52,360 --> 00:46:55,120
Speaker 2: I have a hard time buttoning up my shirt, like

938
00:46:55,200 --> 00:47:00,640
Speaker 2: it'll just be all disheveled, disheveled because when I was

939
00:47:00,719 --> 00:47:06,719
Speaker 2: on Sister Sister, they dressed me for years, like literally,

940
00:47:06,840 --> 00:47:11,759
Speaker 2: what was your age that it was fourteen fifteen, all

941
00:47:11,800 --> 00:47:14,560
Speaker 2: the way up to twenty oh my god, and all

942
00:47:14,600 --> 00:47:17,560
Speaker 2: the way down to tying your shoes, putting on your tights,

943
00:47:17,800 --> 00:47:18,239
Speaker 2: all of that.

944
00:47:18,719 --> 00:47:21,840
Speaker 1: So and that's just the tip of the iceberg, you

945
00:47:21,880 --> 00:47:22,480
Speaker 1: know what I mean.

946
00:47:22,560 --> 00:47:24,239
Speaker 3: And then just imagine you're after that, standing in your

947
00:47:24,280 --> 00:47:27,640
Speaker 3: bedroom like after your shower, but naked, and you're like,

948
00:47:27,719 --> 00:47:28,680
Speaker 3: where's yeah.

949
00:47:30,080 --> 00:47:33,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I have friends like I was in London

950
00:47:33,960 --> 00:47:38,880
Speaker 2: recently and I had left my bag at the hotel.

951
00:47:39,400 --> 00:47:41,359
Speaker 2: And then I was even traveling with you know, I

952
00:47:41,400 --> 00:47:43,520
Speaker 2: was traveling with some of my friends and they were like, Tia, like,

953
00:47:43,640 --> 00:47:46,360
Speaker 2: you can't. When I lost I left my bag, I

954
00:47:46,400 --> 00:47:48,440
Speaker 2: was traveling alone. But the second trip to London, I

955
00:47:48,480 --> 00:47:50,239
Speaker 2: was with other people and they're like, Tea, you just can't.

956
00:47:50,280 --> 00:47:51,440
Speaker 1: You can't be alone, like.

957
00:47:51,640 --> 00:47:57,520
Speaker 4: You think me too, Pace, No, it's because it is.

958
00:47:57,480 --> 00:47:58,719
Speaker 1: You were Kay too.

959
00:47:59,120 --> 00:48:01,160
Speaker 2: And so she was telling me that, you know what

960
00:48:01,160 --> 00:48:03,600
Speaker 2: I mean, she was like all your life, you know,

961
00:48:04,040 --> 00:48:08,160
Speaker 2: things were done for you in that sense, because you know,

962
00:48:08,600 --> 00:48:11,319
Speaker 2: on set, people are always asking you what do you want?

963
00:48:11,400 --> 00:48:11,920
Speaker 1: What do you need?

964
00:48:11,960 --> 00:48:13,839
Speaker 2: And then I also had parents when I got home,

965
00:48:13,880 --> 00:48:18,560
Speaker 2: they were just very sheltering. And so even now I'm

966
00:48:18,880 --> 00:48:21,640
Speaker 2: I think the hardest adjustment that I'm having with the

967
00:48:21,760 --> 00:48:24,680
Speaker 2: unknown is feeling alone and like.

968
00:48:24,760 --> 00:48:25,760
Speaker 1: Being by myself.

969
00:48:26,600 --> 00:48:29,400
Speaker 2: It's it's it's been challenging, and it's been hard because

970
00:48:30,480 --> 00:48:33,680
Speaker 2: I've I've always had a twin, you know what i mean,

971
00:48:33,840 --> 00:48:38,360
Speaker 2: Like she's you know, up north and she has her family,

972
00:48:38,520 --> 00:48:41,839
Speaker 2: and you know, I'm like, oh my gosh, you know,

973
00:48:41,880 --> 00:48:46,120
Speaker 2: and it's it's trying to learn how to navigate being

974
00:48:46,160 --> 00:48:48,840
Speaker 2: by myself and alone I feel like that's been the

975
00:48:48,880 --> 00:48:51,120
Speaker 2: biggest challenge for me, and I'm learning.

976
00:48:50,880 --> 00:48:54,000
Speaker 3: Feeling and trying to learn how to feel joy from

977
00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:56,919
Speaker 3: it because a lot of joy came from everybody else. Yeah,

978
00:48:56,960 --> 00:48:59,439
Speaker 3: I'm I'm I struggle with that too. I'm always having

979
00:48:59,440 --> 00:49:02,040
Speaker 3: this desire to be back with my family, back at home,

980
00:49:02,120 --> 00:49:05,560
Speaker 3: like this constant torn feeling of having that. But I

981
00:49:05,640 --> 00:49:09,440
Speaker 3: noticed that for me it was a lack of self

982
00:49:09,480 --> 00:49:14,480
Speaker 3: confidence and not even in security, but lack of self

983
00:49:14,560 --> 00:49:18,360
Speaker 3: belief that was not that was stopping me from believing

984
00:49:18,400 --> 00:49:19,239
Speaker 3: I even could do.

985
00:49:19,160 --> 00:49:20,360
Speaker 4: These things by myself.

986
00:49:20,840 --> 00:49:22,960
Speaker 3: And so I was gonna ask you, actually because obviously

987
00:49:23,080 --> 00:49:27,560
Speaker 3: having been I feel like with celebrity culture, people will

988
00:49:27,560 --> 00:49:29,439
Speaker 3: looking and be like, what do you like? You must

989
00:49:29,440 --> 00:49:31,400
Speaker 3: have been so confident throughout your life because you had

990
00:49:31,440 --> 00:49:33,760
Speaker 3: all these people loving you and all these people externally

991
00:49:33,840 --> 00:49:37,000
Speaker 3: validating you. And from an outside perspective, I do think

992
00:49:37,040 --> 00:49:40,360
Speaker 3: a lot of people look into celebrity culture and think that, like,

993
00:49:40,560 --> 00:49:42,759
Speaker 3: what do you How could you be not confident? You

994
00:49:42,840 --> 00:49:46,520
Speaker 3: must be what has been your not even self love

995
00:49:46,560 --> 00:49:49,319
Speaker 3: journey we spoke about that, but your confidence journey throughout

996
00:49:49,360 --> 00:49:52,319
Speaker 3: being all the different versions of yourself that you've been like,

997
00:49:52,360 --> 00:49:54,560
Speaker 3: how have you built confidence in yourself?

998
00:49:55,760 --> 00:49:58,240
Speaker 2: It's very interesting. I'm still on that journey of building

999
00:49:58,280 --> 00:50:04,120
Speaker 2: confidence within myself, but I will say I am extremely

1000
00:50:04,160 --> 00:50:05,560
Speaker 2: confident when it comes to my career.

1001
00:50:05,920 --> 00:50:06,760
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1002
00:50:06,880 --> 00:50:11,320
Speaker 2: So, and I am that way, I think mainly because

1003
00:50:11,560 --> 00:50:17,520
Speaker 2: of experience. So at such a young age, I've been

1004
00:50:17,560 --> 00:50:21,800
Speaker 2: through a lot. I've been through tons of rejection and

1005
00:50:21,960 --> 00:50:25,960
Speaker 2: I have this muscle where I can feel and see

1006
00:50:25,960 --> 00:50:29,000
Speaker 2: and go, Okay, well you know what if that didn't happen,

1007
00:50:29,040 --> 00:50:31,160
Speaker 2: it was meant to be, but I know something else

1008
00:50:31,239 --> 00:50:32,160
Speaker 2: is going to happen.

1009
00:50:32,200 --> 00:50:34,120
Speaker 4: Income has that always been your mindset?

1010
00:50:34,239 --> 00:50:34,359
Speaker 2: No?

1011
00:50:34,640 --> 00:50:35,520
Speaker 1: Okay, not at all.

1012
00:50:35,600 --> 00:50:39,359
Speaker 2: I feel like when sister sister had ended, that was

1013
00:50:39,400 --> 00:50:44,239
Speaker 2: the biggest break. Meaning I was like, like years had

1014
00:50:44,239 --> 00:50:46,960
Speaker 2: gone by where there was no work and I was

1015
00:50:46,960 --> 00:50:49,040
Speaker 2: trying to I was in college. I was trying to

1016
00:50:49,080 --> 00:50:50,799
Speaker 2: figure out what is it that I want to do.

1017
00:50:50,920 --> 00:50:54,400
Speaker 2: Do I want to move towards getting my masters in

1018
00:50:54,440 --> 00:50:57,160
Speaker 2: psychology or do I want to continue to act? And

1019
00:50:57,200 --> 00:50:59,680
Speaker 2: then my parents were pushing me towards more of the

1020
00:50:59,719 --> 00:51:00,880
Speaker 2: get the masters.

1021
00:51:01,040 --> 00:51:03,360
Speaker 1: You know, they were like, we're done with this acting

1022
00:51:03,440 --> 00:51:04,759
Speaker 1: to you, you know what I mean?

1023
00:51:04,920 --> 00:51:08,600
Speaker 2: Like the child actor great, but we don't know how

1024
00:51:08,840 --> 00:51:11,080
Speaker 2: you know this is they wanted some sort of stability

1025
00:51:11,080 --> 00:51:13,120
Speaker 2: for me, which I get. You know, I just had

1026
00:51:13,120 --> 00:51:18,360
Speaker 2: to work through the rejection, the challenges and just really

1027
00:51:18,360 --> 00:51:22,280
Speaker 2: believe in myself. I feel like the more you believe

1028
00:51:22,320 --> 00:51:25,440
Speaker 2: in yourself and the more that you have confidence in yourself,

1029
00:51:25,280 --> 00:51:27,399
Speaker 2: it exudes you know what I mean, and then people

1030
00:51:27,440 --> 00:51:30,480
Speaker 2: will have confidence in you. So again, it starts with

1031
00:51:30,640 --> 00:51:33,839
Speaker 2: yourself and coming home to yourself. But I will say this,

1032
00:51:34,160 --> 00:51:36,279
Speaker 2: it's so easy for me to feel that way with

1033
00:51:36,360 --> 00:51:42,439
Speaker 2: my career, but personally I am struggling. Like so many

1034
00:51:42,440 --> 00:51:44,960
Speaker 2: people can tell me I'm beautiful or so many people

1035
00:51:45,000 --> 00:51:47,400
Speaker 2: can tell me these things, but I have to be

1036
00:51:47,440 --> 00:51:49,480
Speaker 2: able to look in the mirror myself and believe it.

1037
00:51:49,719 --> 00:51:50,480
Speaker 4: Nah.

1038
00:51:50,760 --> 00:51:54,040
Speaker 1: So I'm working on that was.

1039
00:51:54,000 --> 00:51:56,480
Speaker 3: So atune and I think about this all the time

1040
00:51:56,520 --> 00:52:00,200
Speaker 3: because I'm trying to change the habit of looking at

1041
00:52:00,200 --> 00:52:05,080
Speaker 3: myself in the mirror and saying negative things first. But

1042
00:52:05,200 --> 00:52:07,400
Speaker 3: it's such a deep roote thing because you kind of

1043
00:52:07,520 --> 00:52:11,120
Speaker 3: start doing that from a very scarily young age where

1044
00:52:11,160 --> 00:52:13,319
Speaker 3: you start looking at yourself and you start seeing all

1045
00:52:13,360 --> 00:52:15,880
Speaker 3: the things because you start comparing yourself to other people

1046
00:52:15,920 --> 00:52:19,080
Speaker 3: from such a young age and negative self talk. I

1047
00:52:19,120 --> 00:52:21,560
Speaker 3: always think, you know, whenever you're negative in one area

1048
00:52:21,600 --> 00:52:23,160
Speaker 3: of your life, it's very difficult for it to.

1049
00:52:23,120 --> 00:52:25,640
Speaker 4: Just stay in that lane. It seeps through a lot

1050
00:52:25,680 --> 00:52:26,279
Speaker 4: of other things.

1051
00:52:26,320 --> 00:52:28,319
Speaker 3: So yeah, I may just be looking at myself in

1052
00:52:28,320 --> 00:52:32,359
Speaker 3: the mirror and saying negative things, but then that negativity

1053
00:52:32,440 --> 00:52:34,839
Speaker 3: is seeping into how I then think other people are

1054
00:52:34,880 --> 00:52:38,359
Speaker 3: perceiving me, and then how I perceive myself, and then

1055
00:52:38,400 --> 00:52:40,640
Speaker 3: how are confident I am walking into a room with

1056
00:52:40,680 --> 00:52:43,160
Speaker 3: other people, and then how confident I am talking to

1057
00:52:43,200 --> 00:52:47,080
Speaker 3: somebody else, And so it seems like it's an isolated thing,

1058
00:52:47,160 --> 00:52:51,360
Speaker 3: but actually it paus into every other part of our being.

1059
00:52:52,000 --> 00:52:55,160
Speaker 3: And so I do think negative self talk, whether it's

1060
00:52:55,160 --> 00:52:57,000
Speaker 3: to do with someone who's struggling to get back into

1061
00:52:57,120 --> 00:53:00,640
Speaker 3: work or struggling to look at themselves not saying thing

1062
00:53:01,080 --> 00:53:03,840
Speaker 3: like we have to change the language. And a practical

1063
00:53:03,840 --> 00:53:06,640
Speaker 3: way that I started doing that was whether it was

1064
00:53:06,840 --> 00:53:09,840
Speaker 3: negatives talk about other people in my mind or myself,

1065
00:53:10,360 --> 00:53:13,040
Speaker 3: I would write down, like at the end of the

1066
00:53:13,160 --> 00:53:14,719
Speaker 3: day or after I'd done it, and I'd be like,

1067
00:53:14,719 --> 00:53:16,319
Speaker 3: why did I just think of that? Like why did

1068
00:53:16,320 --> 00:53:18,439
Speaker 3: that even come to my mind? I would write it down,

1069
00:53:18,520 --> 00:53:20,400
Speaker 3: and I'd write down what I said in my mind,

1070
00:53:20,760 --> 00:53:22,319
Speaker 3: and then I'd write down what I wish I had

1071
00:53:22,360 --> 00:53:25,120
Speaker 3: said and what I want to be saying. And it

1072
00:53:25,200 --> 00:53:27,480
Speaker 3: was actually a really beautiful practice because for me, it

1073
00:53:27,520 --> 00:53:30,040
Speaker 3: came from I started this practice when I was feeling

1074
00:53:30,040 --> 00:53:32,720
Speaker 3: a lot of jealousy towards other people. And I noticed

1075
00:53:32,719 --> 00:53:35,279
Speaker 3: that jealousy was coming because I hadn't figured out. I

1076
00:53:35,360 --> 00:53:38,560
Speaker 3: kept thinking I wanted the thing that was making them happy,

1077
00:53:38,840 --> 00:53:40,720
Speaker 3: but what I wanted was the feeling of happy.

1078
00:53:41,239 --> 00:53:43,279
Speaker 4: I didn't want the things I didn't want to be.

1079
00:53:43,440 --> 00:53:45,440
Speaker 3: I used to see my friends who were becoming yoga teachers,

1080
00:53:45,440 --> 00:53:47,239
Speaker 3: and I was like, I want to be a yoga teacher, which,

1081
00:53:47,239 --> 00:53:49,360
Speaker 3: by the way, I did teacher train. Language was great,

1082
00:53:50,000 --> 00:53:52,000
Speaker 3: but it wasn't. But I did the yoga teacher train

1083
00:53:52,040 --> 00:53:52,720
Speaker 3: and I was like.

1084
00:53:52,840 --> 00:53:57,040
Speaker 4: What I did not feel how they felt. That is

1085
00:53:57,080 --> 00:53:57,960
Speaker 4: not what I would do.

1086
00:53:59,000 --> 00:54:01,720
Speaker 3: And so I realized, and I was chasing the happy

1087
00:54:01,760 --> 00:54:04,319
Speaker 3: I wasn't chasing the thing that they had or the

1088
00:54:04,360 --> 00:54:07,520
Speaker 3: action that they were doing. Yes, And so what I

1089
00:54:07,600 --> 00:54:09,920
Speaker 3: noticed there was I was meeting people and I was

1090
00:54:09,960 --> 00:54:13,279
Speaker 3: saying things out loud, but my words in my head

1091
00:54:13,320 --> 00:54:15,440
Speaker 3: were matching the words coming out of my mouth, and

1092
00:54:15,480 --> 00:54:17,919
Speaker 3: it felt icky, like it didn't did not feel good

1093
00:54:17,920 --> 00:54:21,560
Speaker 3: to be that person. And my one of my teachers,

1094
00:54:21,640 --> 00:54:24,840
Speaker 3: rather than Swami Away says that integrity is when your words,

1095
00:54:24,880 --> 00:54:26,640
Speaker 3: your actions, and your thoughts.

1096
00:54:26,360 --> 00:54:29,520
Speaker 4: Are all aligned. Wow, and I love that.

1097
00:54:29,719 --> 00:54:31,200
Speaker 3: I love that so much, and so I was like,

1098
00:54:31,320 --> 00:54:34,960
Speaker 3: I want it because when someone speaks and acts with integrity.

1099
00:54:34,560 --> 00:54:35,719
Speaker 4: You feel it to your core.

1100
00:54:36,040 --> 00:54:39,000
Speaker 3: Like when I meet someone who lives with integrity, their

1101
00:54:39,040 --> 00:54:42,360
Speaker 3: words go straight to my heart, their actions feel comforting,

1102
00:54:42,480 --> 00:54:45,480
Speaker 3: I feel at ease around them. But I know when

1103
00:54:45,520 --> 00:54:48,040
Speaker 3: I felt someone saying something out of their mouth but

1104
00:54:48,120 --> 00:54:49,279
Speaker 3: thinking something else, I.

1105
00:54:49,320 --> 00:54:51,880
Speaker 4: Felt that, and so I know other people were feeling it.

1106
00:54:52,360 --> 00:54:54,640
Speaker 3: So anyway, I started it not to do with talk

1107
00:54:54,680 --> 00:54:56,319
Speaker 3: to myself, but it was to do with talk to

1108
00:54:56,360 --> 00:54:58,200
Speaker 3: other people because I was trying to be more.

1109
00:54:58,200 --> 00:55:00,319
Speaker 4: I wanted to I wanted to be a genuine.

1110
00:55:00,040 --> 00:55:01,920
Speaker 3: In person, but I was finding it difficult to be,

1111
00:55:02,560 --> 00:55:04,839
Speaker 3: and so I started writing those things that really helped.

1112
00:55:04,880 --> 00:55:05,840
Speaker 4: And then I changed that.

1113
00:55:05,880 --> 00:55:08,400
Speaker 3: When I recognized the narrative that was going on in

1114
00:55:08,400 --> 00:55:10,200
Speaker 3: my head, I was like, why am I not confident?

1115
00:55:10,480 --> 00:55:12,440
Speaker 3: And I kept thinking why am I so insecure and

1116
00:55:12,440 --> 00:55:14,800
Speaker 3: why am I not? Like, why do I not believe

1117
00:55:14,840 --> 00:55:17,799
Speaker 3: in anything I can do? And I was then registering

1118
00:55:17,880 --> 00:55:19,719
Speaker 3: all these things I was saying to myself throughout the day,

1119
00:55:19,719 --> 00:55:24,319
Speaker 3: and I was like, well, dark, because you've got you're saying, Oh,

1120
00:55:24,400 --> 00:55:28,720
Speaker 3: this person saying I can do this. The constant narrative

1121
00:55:28,719 --> 00:55:31,319
Speaker 3: in my head twenty four hours a day is telling

1122
00:55:31,360 --> 00:55:33,360
Speaker 3: me you can't do this, You're not going to succeed,

1123
00:55:33,480 --> 00:55:34,960
Speaker 3: You're not gonna be able to do this, you won't

1124
00:55:35,000 --> 00:55:40,800
Speaker 3: look good in this. And so I recommend, first of all,

1125
00:55:40,920 --> 00:55:45,319
Speaker 3: the first line practice will be observe your mind. Yeah,

1126
00:55:45,360 --> 00:55:48,920
Speaker 3: what is it saying to you to other people? What

1127
00:55:49,120 --> 00:55:53,240
Speaker 3: is actually happening in your mind? Because again, we find

1128
00:55:53,280 --> 00:55:56,160
Speaker 3: comfort where in things that have happened for a long

1129
00:55:56,200 --> 00:55:58,759
Speaker 3: period of time. So you may be not noticing it

1130
00:55:58,800 --> 00:56:02,040
Speaker 3: because it's become your normal, but that normality does not

1131
00:56:02,200 --> 00:56:03,200
Speaker 3: mean it is okay.

1132
00:56:03,360 --> 00:56:07,120
Speaker 2: Yeah wow, isn't it crazy the narratives that we do

1133
00:56:07,200 --> 00:56:08,920
Speaker 2: have in our head. Like if I were to tell

1134
00:56:08,960 --> 00:56:10,440
Speaker 2: you some of the things that are in my head,

1135
00:56:10,480 --> 00:56:12,680
Speaker 2: I have said some of them out loud and then

1136
00:56:12,760 --> 00:56:15,480
Speaker 2: to you know, my friends are like Tia, I was like, oh,

1137
00:56:15,480 --> 00:56:18,760
Speaker 2: my gosh, I am going to die alone with cats.

1138
00:56:18,760 --> 00:56:22,040
Speaker 2: And I don't even like cats. I mean, you know,

1139
00:56:22,160 --> 00:56:23,520
Speaker 2: for the cat lovers. I'm not saying that.

1140
00:56:23,560 --> 00:56:25,920
Speaker 1: I just I just, you know, cats, I'm allergic.

1141
00:56:26,840 --> 00:56:29,640
Speaker 2: But it's like, Tia, You're not going to die alone, Like,

1142
00:56:29,680 --> 00:56:31,880
Speaker 2: that's so not true. So the advice that was given

1143
00:56:31,920 --> 00:56:36,520
Speaker 2: to me by Kosho, who's Vex King's wife. She told

1144
00:56:36,560 --> 00:56:38,759
Speaker 2: me and I started doing this and I was like,

1145
00:56:38,760 --> 00:56:41,200
Speaker 2: oh my gosh, it's fantastic is look at yourself in

1146
00:56:41,239 --> 00:56:45,160
Speaker 2: the mirror and basically recite the things that you did

1147
00:56:45,200 --> 00:56:46,600
Speaker 2: throughout the day that you were proud of.

1148
00:56:46,800 --> 00:56:49,879
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's so nice like that, And it could be.

1149
00:56:50,239 --> 00:56:53,279
Speaker 2: As simple as you know what, I'm just proud of

1150
00:56:53,320 --> 00:56:56,799
Speaker 2: you that you drank eight glasses of water. Yes, and

1151
00:56:57,200 --> 00:57:01,600
Speaker 2: you're putting those positive affirmations and thought back into you know,

1152
00:57:01,760 --> 00:57:04,919
Speaker 2: your mind instead of focusing on the negative self talk.

1153
00:57:05,120 --> 00:57:07,440
Speaker 2: I'm now looking at myself in the mirror and I'm

1154
00:57:07,520 --> 00:57:10,640
Speaker 2: now saying, you know, positive things to me and things

1155
00:57:10,640 --> 00:57:13,680
Speaker 2: that it's making me actually think about the things that

1156
00:57:13,719 --> 00:57:16,120
Speaker 2: I have done that day that I am proud of.

1157
00:57:16,280 --> 00:57:19,280
Speaker 3: Exactly, except because normally we're thinking about I didn't get

1158
00:57:19,320 --> 00:57:19,680
Speaker 3: this done.

1159
00:57:19,760 --> 00:57:22,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, all of the negative or the you know,

1160
00:57:22,200 --> 00:57:23,400
Speaker 2: the things that you didn't do.

1161
00:57:24,440 --> 00:57:26,120
Speaker 1: So it's been very very healthful.

1162
00:57:26,920 --> 00:57:30,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's gonna I'm gonna do that. Yeah. Oh yeah.

1163
00:57:31,520 --> 00:57:33,400
Speaker 3: It was funny when you said that the dying line thing,

1164
00:57:33,440 --> 00:57:37,360
Speaker 3: that's not gonna happen. So many amazing people. But you

1165
00:57:37,480 --> 00:57:39,000
Speaker 3: did go on a solo trip recently.

1166
00:57:39,040 --> 00:57:41,560
Speaker 1: I did my first ever.

1167
00:57:41,720 --> 00:57:44,400
Speaker 4: How amazing? How was that for you?

1168
00:57:44,480 --> 00:57:46,160
Speaker 3: Because there are a lot of people who are single

1169
00:57:46,200 --> 00:57:48,120
Speaker 3: in this world, well, like don't have a partner, don't

1170
00:57:48,160 --> 00:57:50,560
Speaker 3: have people that are with them all the time. And

1171
00:57:51,240 --> 00:57:53,120
Speaker 3: I've spoken to so many of my friends and like,

1172
00:57:53,120 --> 00:57:55,160
Speaker 3: I feel so awkward going to a restaurant by myself,

1173
00:57:55,240 --> 00:57:58,440
Speaker 3: and yeah, of course, like because our culture is not

1174
00:57:58,800 --> 00:57:59,800
Speaker 3: there's a table for two.

1175
00:58:02,000 --> 00:58:03,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, and then.

1176
00:58:03,200 --> 00:58:05,520
Speaker 3: They have community tables, which I really appreciate in restaurants,

1177
00:58:05,560 --> 00:58:08,160
Speaker 3: by the way. But what took you on that trip

1178
00:58:08,200 --> 00:58:09,959
Speaker 3: and it made you decide I'm not gonna go with friends,

1179
00:58:09,960 --> 00:58:11,880
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna go with family, I'm gonna do this

1180
00:58:11,920 --> 00:58:12,440
Speaker 3: by myself.

1181
00:58:12,960 --> 00:58:16,120
Speaker 2: Okay, So again I go back to this journal that

1182
00:58:16,480 --> 00:58:19,600
Speaker 2: I've been doing, and it is so fantastic. And in

1183
00:58:19,640 --> 00:58:23,920
Speaker 2: this journal there's something called the life will and you

1184
00:58:24,240 --> 00:58:27,440
Speaker 2: shade in like zero to ten how you feel that

1185
00:58:27,480 --> 00:58:32,960
Speaker 2: you're doing, and there's like home, there's fun, there's work,

1186
00:58:33,160 --> 00:58:35,120
Speaker 2: there's finances.

1187
00:58:34,680 --> 00:58:35,240
Speaker 1: And all that.

1188
00:58:35,320 --> 00:58:39,439
Speaker 2: And I realized that again, I have just been constantly giving, given,

1189
00:58:39,480 --> 00:58:42,000
Speaker 2: giving to other people, and I haven't been having fun,

1190
00:58:42,480 --> 00:58:45,320
Speaker 2: Like I just have not been like on that will,

1191
00:58:45,440 --> 00:58:49,280
Speaker 2: I think fun was like it was a two and.

1192
00:58:49,240 --> 00:58:51,280
Speaker 4: You are such a fun person, so that must be

1193
00:58:51,280 --> 00:58:52,320
Speaker 4: hard if it's a two.

1194
00:58:52,400 --> 00:58:55,000
Speaker 2: Right, And I yes, And I feel like also I was,

1195
00:58:55,080 --> 00:58:57,480
Speaker 2: I like and careers on there. So it's like, you know,

1196
00:58:57,720 --> 00:59:00,360
Speaker 2: I'm always giving into my career, which is fun and

1197
00:59:00,440 --> 00:59:06,040
Speaker 2: nice and awesome. But I've realized I love to travel

1198
00:59:06,160 --> 00:59:09,280
Speaker 2: and I love to explore, but I never allowed myself

1199
00:59:09,320 --> 00:59:11,760
Speaker 2: to and I also just didn't give myself time to

1200
00:59:12,960 --> 00:59:14,600
Speaker 2: And I was like, you know what, this is the

1201
00:59:14,600 --> 00:59:18,720
Speaker 2: perfect time. Also, there's a strike going on, you know

1202
00:59:18,840 --> 00:59:21,880
Speaker 2: in my industry. There was a writer strike during that

1203
00:59:22,000 --> 00:59:24,400
Speaker 2: time as well, so I was like, things have completely

1204
00:59:24,440 --> 00:59:26,280
Speaker 2: shut down. This is the perfect time for you to

1205
00:59:26,400 --> 00:59:29,800
Speaker 2: just get out with no responsibilities and just enjoy yourself.

1206
00:59:30,200 --> 00:59:33,840
Speaker 2: And look at that fear, you know, because I was

1207
00:59:33,880 --> 00:59:36,440
Speaker 2: also afraid to you know, travel alone, and I was

1208
00:59:36,480 --> 00:59:40,040
Speaker 2: always thinking about the worst case scenario, that's me.

1209
00:59:40,360 --> 00:59:42,960
Speaker 4: Everywhere on your phone and everywhere. Yeah.

1210
00:59:43,120 --> 00:59:46,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, So I said, you know what, Tia, just do it.

1211
00:59:47,480 --> 00:59:50,280
Speaker 1: And so I took the leap of faith.

1212
00:59:51,800 --> 00:59:56,560
Speaker 2: And when I tell you, I now have the travel bug, like,

1213
00:59:56,920 --> 00:59:57,640
Speaker 2: I'm all.

1214
00:59:57,600 --> 00:59:59,360
Speaker 4: Right, what places did you go to?

1215
00:59:59,480 --> 01:00:03,040
Speaker 2: So I went to Spain. I went to Minorca Majorca.

1216
01:00:03,120 --> 01:00:06,160
Speaker 2: So those are two different islands in Spain. And then

1217
01:00:06,440 --> 01:00:08,520
Speaker 2: I had a layover in London. So I said, why

1218
01:00:08,560 --> 01:00:11,600
Speaker 2: not just, you know, stay a few days in London.

1219
01:00:12,120 --> 01:00:14,880
Speaker 2: And I have friends in London, and I've had friends,

1220
01:00:14,960 --> 01:00:17,640
Speaker 2: you know, for years, but I never was like, I'm

1221
01:00:17,680 --> 01:00:19,840
Speaker 2: just gonna go to London, yeah, see them and to

1222
01:00:20,080 --> 01:00:24,160
Speaker 2: just hang And when I say, I learned so much

1223
01:00:24,240 --> 01:00:27,000
Speaker 2: about myself because I was just sitting with me.

1224
01:00:27,520 --> 01:00:29,240
Speaker 1: I was just sitting with myself and I had to

1225
01:00:29,280 --> 01:00:29,800
Speaker 1: self soothe.

1226
01:00:30,080 --> 01:00:30,520
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1227
01:00:30,600 --> 01:00:32,560
Speaker 2: I think that was the hardest thing. That I didn't

1228
01:00:32,560 --> 01:00:37,560
Speaker 2: have my children to run to when I was feeling lonely,

1229
01:00:37,680 --> 01:00:39,920
Speaker 2: or when I was feeling down, or when you know,

1230
01:00:40,040 --> 01:00:43,400
Speaker 2: some dark thoughts came into my head. I literally had

1231
01:00:43,400 --> 01:00:46,640
Speaker 2: to sit there and self soothe. And I started to

1232
01:00:46,680 --> 01:00:50,400
Speaker 2: see that I am capable, like I can do it,

1233
01:00:51,520 --> 01:00:54,439
Speaker 2: and then not having some sort of schedule because it's

1234
01:00:54,520 --> 01:00:58,200
Speaker 2: just you. Yes, I was like, yeah, use this right,

1235
01:00:58,480 --> 01:01:01,080
Speaker 2: just getting up and leaving whenever I want to. You know.

1236
01:01:02,240 --> 01:01:04,600
Speaker 2: One of my friends, she had invited me out at

1237
01:01:04,600 --> 01:01:06,840
Speaker 2: a party at eleven o'clock at night, and I was like, well,

1238
01:01:06,880 --> 01:01:09,360
Speaker 2: I'm in Pj's. She was like, no, Tier, you're coming.

1239
01:01:09,680 --> 01:01:12,040
Speaker 2: I'm gonna have my car come and grab you. And

1240
01:01:12,080 --> 01:01:15,200
Speaker 2: I went out to this party and I had the

1241
01:01:15,240 --> 01:01:18,240
Speaker 2: best time. So yeah, I learned a lot about myself.

1242
01:01:19,520 --> 01:01:22,880
Speaker 2: It was fantastic and I literally just told.

1243
01:01:22,720 --> 01:01:23,400
Speaker 1: My assistant this.

1244
01:01:23,440 --> 01:01:25,720
Speaker 2: The other day, I saw a plane in the air,

1245
01:01:26,120 --> 01:01:30,120
Speaker 2: and for the first time ever, I was like, I'm jealous,

1246
01:01:30,480 --> 01:01:31,360
Speaker 2: where are they going?

1247
01:01:31,840 --> 01:01:32,640
Speaker 4: Like you know what I mean?

1248
01:01:32,640 --> 01:01:34,800
Speaker 1: Because I know I have.

1249
01:01:34,800 --> 01:01:38,760
Speaker 2: A different perspective now because usually it was just I

1250
01:01:38,800 --> 01:01:41,000
Speaker 2: got on a plane to work, That's what it was.

1251
01:01:41,480 --> 01:01:44,880
Speaker 2: And the furthest I had ever been without my family

1252
01:01:45,400 --> 01:01:46,400
Speaker 2: was to Canada and that.

1253
01:01:46,480 --> 01:01:47,040
Speaker 1: Was to work.

1254
01:01:47,560 --> 01:01:51,200
Speaker 2: So I was like, Wow, where are they going? And

1255
01:01:51,240 --> 01:01:56,400
Speaker 2: I'm so excited to you know, go again and explore.

1256
01:01:57,400 --> 01:01:59,480
Speaker 2: Yeah you explore the well, yeah exactly.

1257
01:01:59,560 --> 01:02:03,040
Speaker 3: And a lot of people do choose travel when they're

1258
01:02:03,040 --> 01:02:05,600
Speaker 3: feeling lost, and I do. I've had so many people

1259
01:02:05,600 --> 01:02:08,960
Speaker 3: say that that when they travel, they find themselves. You

1260
01:02:08,960 --> 01:02:13,120
Speaker 3: can either be you running away from yourself, or.

1261
01:02:12,120 --> 01:02:14,760
Speaker 1: It's running away from responsibilities.

1262
01:02:14,600 --> 01:02:18,600
Speaker 3: Or it's a beautiful journey of seeing new places but

1263
01:02:18,640 --> 01:02:22,440
Speaker 3: then also seeing new places within yourself and understanding yourself better.

1264
01:02:22,920 --> 01:02:23,720
Speaker 4: That's so nice.

1265
01:02:24,040 --> 01:02:24,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was.

1266
01:02:24,880 --> 01:02:27,640
Speaker 2: It was all about learning and growing and self discovery.

1267
01:02:28,160 --> 01:02:30,400
Speaker 2: And one of the first things that happened, and you

1268
01:02:30,560 --> 01:02:33,480
Speaker 2: probably won't even notice this on my Instagram, you know,

1269
01:02:35,040 --> 01:02:39,200
Speaker 2: but I lost my luggage. No way, My whole two

1270
01:02:39,280 --> 01:02:43,560
Speaker 2: weeks of clothes was gone. No And guess what, I

1271
01:02:43,600 --> 01:02:47,000
Speaker 2: still don't know where that that is. It is still

1272
01:02:47,040 --> 01:02:50,400
Speaker 2: not returned. But I feel like that was the first

1273
01:02:50,480 --> 01:02:54,840
Speaker 2: lesson that I learned on this journey was to let go.

1274
01:02:55,840 --> 01:02:58,120
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh. And it was a real practical way

1275
01:02:58,160 --> 01:02:59,240
Speaker 4: of seeing it. It was.

1276
01:02:59,360 --> 01:03:01,680
Speaker 3: It was not it was not what's the word for it,

1277
01:03:01,800 --> 01:03:03,640
Speaker 3: like you didn't see a symbol.

1278
01:03:03,800 --> 01:03:09,120
Speaker 2: It was And the first few days I cried because

1279
01:03:09,320 --> 01:03:12,520
Speaker 2: I had no clothes and I was like and I

1280
01:03:12,560 --> 01:03:18,640
Speaker 2: was on this small island, like this small island, I

1281
01:03:18,680 --> 01:03:21,840
Speaker 2: was like, oh my gosh, Like this is crazy, you

1282
01:03:21,920 --> 01:03:24,040
Speaker 2: know what I mean. And this has never happened to me,

1283
01:03:24,600 --> 01:03:27,840
Speaker 2: why now I've been on so many trips, and so

1284
01:03:28,000 --> 01:03:31,560
Speaker 2: I really took that as a lesson, you know that,

1285
01:03:32,080 --> 01:03:36,000
Speaker 2: all right, Tia, you know, letting go, We gotta do that.

1286
01:03:36,200 --> 01:03:39,720
Speaker 2: And and I felt the more I did that on

1287
01:03:39,840 --> 01:03:44,880
Speaker 2: this trip and not being so structured, you know, to

1288
01:03:44,960 --> 01:03:47,520
Speaker 2: a schedule and just kind of going with the flow,

1289
01:03:48,640 --> 01:03:49,520
Speaker 2: I enjoyed myself.

1290
01:03:50,040 --> 01:03:52,320
Speaker 3: And letting go is so important because even when we

1291
01:03:52,320 --> 01:03:55,840
Speaker 3: were talking about morning past versions of yourself, unless you

1292
01:03:55,880 --> 01:03:58,800
Speaker 3: are able to let go of those ties, you're not

1293
01:03:58,840 --> 01:04:01,520
Speaker 3: going to be able to become the version of yourself

1294
01:04:01,520 --> 01:04:04,160
Speaker 3: that you're trying to be or that you're moving towards.

1295
01:04:04,440 --> 01:04:06,840
Speaker 3: And I think, I, you know, we end up being

1296
01:04:06,880 --> 01:04:09,800
Speaker 3: hoarders of our past so much like we were just

1297
01:04:09,840 --> 01:04:11,680
Speaker 3: going to keep all of this inside of me, ya,

1298
01:04:12,040 --> 01:04:14,960
Speaker 3: but we don't because it's yeah, save, but then there's

1299
01:04:15,000 --> 01:04:17,720
Speaker 3: no space left. There's no space left for other people,

1300
01:04:17,760 --> 01:04:20,760
Speaker 3: there's no space left to receive, there's no space left

1301
01:04:20,800 --> 01:04:24,280
Speaker 3: to experience because it's all clogged up with these things

1302
01:04:24,280 --> 01:04:27,800
Speaker 3: which no longer serve us. Yeah, but we're holding on

1303
01:04:27,880 --> 01:04:29,960
Speaker 3: to just for comfort. And so I think that the

1304
01:04:30,080 --> 01:04:32,080
Speaker 3: idea of letting go. And I think I always think

1305
01:04:32,120 --> 01:04:32,919
Speaker 3: about this when it comes.

1306
01:04:32,840 --> 01:04:33,320
Speaker 4: To New Year.

1307
01:04:33,360 --> 01:04:36,240
Speaker 3: I love New Year because whenever New Year comes around,

1308
01:04:36,280 --> 01:04:39,200
Speaker 3: I feel like it's it's a new way to reset,

1309
01:04:39,720 --> 01:04:42,080
Speaker 3: It's a new opportunity. I always find any opportunity. Right, Oh, great,

1310
01:04:42,080 --> 01:04:46,200
Speaker 3: it's a reset time. It's Christmas, there's a reset. There's reset.

1311
01:04:46,240 --> 01:04:47,800
Speaker 3: But I think New Year is really that, and it

1312
01:04:47,800 --> 01:04:49,760
Speaker 3: doesn't have to be big changes. It doesn't have to

1313
01:04:49,800 --> 01:04:52,760
Speaker 3: be I'm going to become this person, but it's let

1314
01:04:52,760 --> 01:04:55,600
Speaker 3: me reset and come back home. Yeah, like, let me

1315
01:04:55,640 --> 01:04:58,840
Speaker 3: figure out a way another route because this isn't working,

1316
01:04:58,920 --> 01:05:01,360
Speaker 3: or just yeah, letting go of the things of the

1317
01:05:01,440 --> 01:05:03,160
Speaker 3: last year. They no longer serve do you. And I

1318
01:05:03,160 --> 01:05:05,560
Speaker 3: think journaling is a beautiful way to do that. Yeah,

1319
01:05:05,600 --> 01:05:08,080
Speaker 3: I really do. Where you're writing down all the things

1320
01:05:08,120 --> 01:05:10,640
Speaker 3: that you've carried and that you still feel like are

1321
01:05:10,960 --> 01:05:14,000
Speaker 3: holding heavy on your heart and on your mind, and

1322
01:05:14,080 --> 01:05:16,920
Speaker 3: then setting a goal and an intention for yourself to

1323
01:05:16,960 --> 01:05:19,400
Speaker 3: say this is the year, or knowing at the beginning

1324
01:05:19,400 --> 01:05:20,720
Speaker 3: of the year, this is what I want to let

1325
01:05:20,720 --> 01:05:23,200
Speaker 3: go of. It may not happen straight away, but I

1326
01:05:23,320 --> 01:05:25,920
Speaker 3: want to release this and this is something I'm going

1327
01:05:26,000 --> 01:05:28,000
Speaker 3: to work on letting go of because sometimes it can

1328
01:05:28,080 --> 01:05:30,560
Speaker 3: take take months, years, weeks, like it could take a

1329
01:05:30,600 --> 01:05:32,840
Speaker 3: long time depending on how strong those ties are.

1330
01:05:32,960 --> 01:05:33,240
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1331
01:05:33,400 --> 01:05:38,919
Speaker 2: Also I've learned that I found myself even judging myself,

1332
01:05:39,440 --> 01:05:44,040
Speaker 2: like it's weird, like I will the new me, like

1333
01:05:44,120 --> 01:05:46,400
Speaker 2: I love the new me or who I'm becoming. But

1334
01:05:46,440 --> 01:05:50,040
Speaker 2: it's almost like I will judge myself for becoming this same.

1335
01:05:50,400 --> 01:05:54,080
Speaker 4: Isn't that weird? Like why I don't know? I don't know,

1336
01:05:54,360 --> 01:05:55,840
Speaker 4: I do, that's weird.

1337
01:05:55,880 --> 01:06:00,840
Speaker 2: Like judging myself for creating boundaries when person you know

1338
01:06:01,680 --> 01:06:06,040
Speaker 2: was just I don't want to say, like likable, but

1339
01:06:06,120 --> 01:06:08,760
Speaker 2: you know, and I'm still likable, but I will like

1340
01:06:09,560 --> 01:06:11,920
Speaker 2: I have to like be like no, like Tia, it

1341
01:06:12,000 --> 01:06:12,880
Speaker 2: is okay for.

1342
01:06:12,920 --> 01:06:15,520
Speaker 1: You to not judge yourself, you know what I mean?

1343
01:06:15,680 --> 01:06:17,320
Speaker 4: Like and how can we not change?

1344
01:06:17,400 --> 01:06:19,040
Speaker 3: Like I would think if I was the same I

1345
01:06:19,040 --> 01:06:21,040
Speaker 3: think I always try and soothe myself in this way.

1346
01:06:21,080 --> 01:06:23,760
Speaker 3: If I was still the same person I was three

1347
01:06:23,840 --> 01:06:27,200
Speaker 3: years ago, Okay, that would be an issue because because

1348
01:06:27,240 --> 01:06:30,240
Speaker 3: if you're there is no place for stagnancy. Like we

1349
01:06:30,320 --> 01:06:33,760
Speaker 3: are getting older, we are growing, we are experiencing every

1350
01:06:33,800 --> 01:06:37,560
Speaker 3: single day through our senses so many different things. Yes,

1351
01:06:37,960 --> 01:06:39,959
Speaker 3: for that not to change me, that means I would

1352
01:06:39,960 --> 01:06:42,560
Speaker 3: be a robot, like for that not to become me,

1353
01:06:42,720 --> 01:06:46,000
Speaker 3: and not to like change the person that I am.

1354
01:06:46,400 --> 01:06:48,720
Speaker 3: And so I have now tried to see change. And

1355
01:06:48,720 --> 01:06:51,240
Speaker 3: obviously there's bad change, and there still change, but I've

1356
01:06:51,240 --> 01:06:54,400
Speaker 3: tried to recognize that if I am doing the right

1357
01:06:54,440 --> 01:06:57,840
Speaker 3: things and I am trying to grow, that change is

1358
01:06:57,880 --> 01:07:00,560
Speaker 3: who I'm supposed to become. And if I keep trying

1359
01:07:00,600 --> 01:07:04,960
Speaker 3: to stop that, I'm basically stagnating myself and stopping myself.

1360
01:07:05,000 --> 01:07:07,160
Speaker 1: I could totally I could totally see that.

1361
01:07:07,280 --> 01:07:09,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, oh my god, there's so much to do in life,

1362
01:07:09,920 --> 01:07:10,240
Speaker 3: isn't there.

1363
01:07:10,280 --> 01:07:12,800
Speaker 4: I think take a nap.

1364
01:07:14,000 --> 01:07:15,120
Speaker 1: Hey, I'm an apper.

1365
01:07:15,760 --> 01:07:20,880
Speaker 3: Name last few quick fire questions. Okay, I was gonna ask,

1366
01:07:20,960 --> 01:07:22,440
Speaker 3: what are you reading right now? But I know you're

1367
01:07:22,480 --> 01:07:25,320
Speaker 3: reading When Things Fall Apart Everyone.

1368
01:07:25,360 --> 01:07:27,440
Speaker 4: I'm gonna definitely put that on my book list.

1369
01:07:28,720 --> 01:07:31,160
Speaker 3: You're always looking so amazed by the way. Let's just

1370
01:07:31,160 --> 01:07:34,240
Speaker 3: take a second, because not only do you show up online,

1371
01:07:34,280 --> 01:07:38,640
Speaker 3: you show up hair done, make up done, incredible outfits.

1372
01:07:39,200 --> 01:07:40,840
Speaker 3: You're go okay, wait, I just need to put it

1373
01:07:40,840 --> 01:07:44,600
Speaker 3: out there. You have an incredible hair brand that you've

1374
01:07:44,640 --> 01:07:45,160
Speaker 3: just started.

1375
01:07:45,320 --> 01:07:48,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, for you, by the way.

1376
01:07:47,960 --> 01:07:50,520
Speaker 3: It's products for curls that I have just received and

1377
01:07:50,560 --> 01:07:52,600
Speaker 3: I cannot wait to you.

1378
01:07:52,760 --> 01:07:53,920
Speaker 4: My curls need some loving.

1379
01:07:55,040 --> 01:07:57,000
Speaker 3: But what are your go tos like for your self

1380
01:07:57,080 --> 01:07:59,280
Speaker 3: care for the products that you like using right now?

1381
01:07:59,440 --> 01:08:01,520
Speaker 4: Of course, for you for your co yeah, so.

1382
01:08:01,560 --> 01:08:03,280
Speaker 1: For you for my curl.

1383
01:08:04,400 --> 01:08:07,200
Speaker 2: So I love fragrance and just sense I feel like

1384
01:08:07,240 --> 01:08:08,840
Speaker 2: it just really really puts.

1385
01:08:08,600 --> 01:08:12,640
Speaker 1: Me like in a mood, in a mood, a great mood. Well,

1386
01:08:12,720 --> 01:08:13,520
Speaker 1: you know what someone.

1387
01:08:13,320 --> 01:08:15,600
Speaker 2: Else's told me, They're like, be very careful about sharing

1388
01:08:15,640 --> 01:08:17,440
Speaker 2: what your fragrance is, because.

1389
01:08:17,439 --> 01:08:19,519
Speaker 4: You are you know what is your friends.

1390
01:08:19,920 --> 01:08:23,920
Speaker 2: Yes, but I'll just say, like I love like tom Ford, Like,

1391
01:08:24,080 --> 01:08:26,880
Speaker 2: I wear several of their fragrance.

1392
01:08:27,560 --> 01:08:31,360
Speaker 4: You have to guess which one, but it's definitely gonna

1393
01:08:31,360 --> 01:08:31,599
Speaker 4: go too.

1394
01:08:31,720 --> 01:08:34,400
Speaker 2: I am always wearing it, I'm refreshing with it and

1395
01:08:34,439 --> 01:08:37,600
Speaker 2: all that kind of stuff. It just makes me feel complete.

1396
01:08:38,360 --> 01:08:40,160
Speaker 2: So I would say fragrance.

1397
01:08:39,720 --> 01:08:43,679
Speaker 1: For you for curls. Gosh what else?

1398
01:08:43,760 --> 01:08:43,960
Speaker 4: Oh?

1399
01:08:44,240 --> 01:08:47,519
Speaker 2: So I'm all about skin and I love like you

1400
01:08:47,560 --> 01:08:51,120
Speaker 2: know I do, and and I feel like it's it's

1401
01:08:51,160 --> 01:08:53,640
Speaker 2: another way of how I take care of myself and

1402
01:08:53,760 --> 01:08:57,400
Speaker 2: just you know, self care. So Shanny Darton, she is

1403
01:08:57,560 --> 01:08:58,839
Speaker 2: just using her stuff.

1404
01:08:59,280 --> 01:09:02,719
Speaker 1: I amazing cream sigh cream.

1405
01:09:02,880 --> 01:09:04,439
Speaker 4: Yeah. I put the cream all over every day.

1406
01:09:05,000 --> 01:09:07,040
Speaker 1: It's like it is so good. Yeah.

1407
01:09:07,320 --> 01:09:09,120
Speaker 4: So I just holded three, but also to take home

1408
01:09:09,120 --> 01:09:12,120
Speaker 4: for my mom and my sister. Well there you have it.

1409
01:09:12,320 --> 01:09:14,479
Speaker 4: Like it is definitely dying to get a facial from her.

1410
01:09:14,479 --> 01:09:18,679
Speaker 1: But she's like fully bo fantastic. That's that's yeah, That's.

1411
01:09:18,520 --> 01:09:21,800
Speaker 2: Where I get my f She is amazing and she's

1412
01:09:21,880 --> 01:09:24,200
Speaker 2: just affordable by the way.

1413
01:09:24,280 --> 01:09:27,040
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, so now.

1414
01:09:26,920 --> 01:09:29,280
Speaker 3: I know it's definitely good because I've been I've been

1415
01:09:29,280 --> 01:09:29,720
Speaker 3: feeling it.

1416
01:09:29,720 --> 01:09:31,559
Speaker 4: My friend told me about it too, But it's.

1417
01:09:31,520 --> 01:09:33,000
Speaker 1: I basically use the whole line.

1418
01:09:33,240 --> 01:09:34,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, from the.

1419
01:09:34,360 --> 01:09:40,480
Speaker 2: Wash to the lotion, to the toner to the exfoliator.

1420
01:09:40,680 --> 01:09:41,479
Speaker 4: She has like this.

1421
01:09:41,560 --> 01:09:44,160
Speaker 1: Nice hydrating cream.

1422
01:09:45,000 --> 01:09:47,439
Speaker 3: Oh my skin soaks thing that I want oils on

1423
01:09:47,479 --> 01:09:50,559
Speaker 3: my swl Yeah, I need thick, luxurious creams that it

1424
01:09:50,640 --> 01:09:51,400
Speaker 3: is so.

1425
01:09:51,560 --> 01:09:54,599
Speaker 1: Good, the hydrating cream, so those are just great.

1426
01:09:54,880 --> 01:09:59,439
Speaker 4: Yeah. What emotion do you find difficult to deal with?

1427
01:09:59,479 --> 01:09:59,679
Speaker 2: It?

1428
01:10:00,400 --> 01:10:02,160
Speaker 1: You know, anxiety? I'm angry.

1429
01:10:02,160 --> 01:10:03,639
Speaker 4: I feel like, you know, I.

1430
01:10:03,560 --> 01:10:07,960
Speaker 1: Don't know, I don't know my no, my therapist.

1431
01:10:08,040 --> 01:10:10,400
Speaker 2: She's so funny because I'll share, you know, some experiences

1432
01:10:10,439 --> 01:10:12,479
Speaker 2: with her and she's like, I'm gonna be angry for you,

1433
01:10:12,880 --> 01:10:15,680
Speaker 2: and then she'll like do that and I'm like, like,

1434
01:10:16,080 --> 01:10:17,840
Speaker 2: it's just I just don't know.

1435
01:10:17,880 --> 01:10:19,080
Speaker 4: Why do you express anger?

1436
01:10:20,200 --> 01:10:20,679
Speaker 1: Interesting?

1437
01:10:21,080 --> 01:10:28,080
Speaker 2: How I express anger is basically fault. So I literally like,

1438
01:10:28,160 --> 01:10:32,439
Speaker 2: if something on yourself. Yeah, so if something is is

1439
01:10:33,120 --> 01:10:37,360
Speaker 2: not going well or I'm just like upset and overwhelmed

1440
01:10:37,400 --> 01:10:41,200
Speaker 2: and angry, I automatically turn to myself and say.

1441
01:10:41,080 --> 01:10:44,320
Speaker 1: It's my fault. Oh wow, which it's.

1442
01:10:44,160 --> 01:10:48,240
Speaker 2: Not, you know what I mean, Like many of times

1443
01:10:48,360 --> 01:10:50,559
Speaker 2: it's has nothing to do with me, you know what

1444
01:10:50,600 --> 01:10:55,360
Speaker 2: I mean. It's I take things personal, and so I'm

1445
01:10:55,479 --> 01:10:56,240
Speaker 2: learning I'm not I.

1446
01:10:56,320 --> 01:10:58,679
Speaker 3: Have to throw some plates around and stuff at some point. Yeah,

1447
01:10:58,880 --> 01:11:01,880
Speaker 3: so you know we have to go to those anger rooms.

1448
01:11:02,360 --> 01:11:06,880
Speaker 2: Oh yes, where they like yeah, Okayn, like I rarely,

1449
01:11:06,880 --> 01:11:09,800
Speaker 2: it's just that's beautiful, But thank you.

1450
01:11:10,160 --> 01:11:12,240
Speaker 4: When was the last time you had a really good cry?

1451
01:11:12,840 --> 01:11:14,679
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, I want to say maybe three days ago?

1452
01:11:14,840 --> 01:11:17,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, I do.

1453
01:11:17,360 --> 01:11:21,559
Speaker 2: And and I'm learning to, like, I'm learning to allow

1454
01:11:21,720 --> 01:11:26,760
Speaker 2: myself to move through that emotion and allow myself to release.

1455
01:11:27,840 --> 01:11:28,880
Speaker 1: It's a part of letting go.

1456
01:11:29,040 --> 01:11:32,080
Speaker 2: And so it was like it was actually when I

1457
01:11:32,120 --> 01:11:35,120
Speaker 2: came back from my trip from London, and I think,

1458
01:11:35,120 --> 01:11:37,640
Speaker 2: what happens is I have such this high when I

1459
01:11:37,720 --> 01:11:40,160
Speaker 2: travel that when you get when I get back home,

1460
01:11:40,320 --> 01:11:41,040
Speaker 2: it's kind of like.

1461
01:11:41,040 --> 01:11:42,200
Speaker 4: Everything hits back again.

1462
01:11:42,840 --> 01:11:46,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I was like, but it was also probably

1463
01:11:46,240 --> 01:11:47,960
Speaker 3: releasing a lot of what you'd experienced.

1464
01:11:48,000 --> 01:11:50,559
Speaker 4: Like I think, I mean, crying for me is everything.

1465
01:11:50,960 --> 01:11:54,920
Speaker 3: I cry when I'm angry, sad, happy, But I have

1466
01:11:55,120 --> 01:11:58,519
Speaker 3: noticed it after a good cry, you just feel lighter

1467
01:11:58,720 --> 01:12:00,720
Speaker 3: and brighter and life feel a little bit better.

1468
01:12:00,760 --> 01:12:01,760
Speaker 1: It does, it does?

1469
01:12:02,240 --> 01:12:04,559
Speaker 4: Yeah, Okay, so I have this thing, last thing. Okay,

1470
01:12:04,680 --> 01:12:06,720
Speaker 4: So what kind of crier you? So I've categorized the

1471
01:12:06,720 --> 01:12:10,760
Speaker 4: cry Okay, Okay. There is number one, the loud, ugly cry,

1472
01:12:10,800 --> 01:12:11,280
Speaker 4: and that's the.

1473
01:12:12,840 --> 01:12:13,559
Speaker 1: That's not me.

1474
01:12:13,960 --> 01:12:14,400
Speaker 4: Okay.

1475
01:12:14,680 --> 01:12:21,519
Speaker 3: There is the breathless okay, Okay, there is the sniffler

1476
01:12:21,600 --> 01:12:23,760
Speaker 3: and snotty. Where there is there is some sort of

1477
01:12:23,800 --> 01:12:25,439
Speaker 3: liquid coming out every part of the body.

1478
01:12:25,479 --> 01:12:27,200
Speaker 4: There's like not coming.

1479
01:12:26,920 --> 01:12:30,080
Speaker 2: Out there that's not me so far, the the whisper,

1480
01:12:30,400 --> 01:12:31,680
Speaker 2: the I.

1481
01:12:31,600 --> 01:12:33,120
Speaker 3: Feel like I can tell what you're going to be.

1482
01:12:33,160 --> 01:12:35,479
Speaker 3: One of the other chists, the high pitched, which is

1483
01:12:35,520 --> 01:12:39,120
Speaker 3: the you know they just go like five octaves higher.

1484
01:12:39,800 --> 01:12:40,360
Speaker 1: That's not me.

1485
01:12:40,760 --> 01:12:42,960
Speaker 3: And then there's that I'm not crying your crying crier.

1486
01:12:43,160 --> 01:12:45,320
Speaker 3: They're just like I've got something in my eye. It's

1487
01:12:46,160 --> 01:12:47,320
Speaker 3: except that I'm crying.

1488
01:12:47,479 --> 01:12:49,920
Speaker 2: It just no, I I can't, as you say, I

1489
01:12:49,960 --> 01:12:51,960
Speaker 2: can't hold it in like I'm a crier.

1490
01:12:52,080 --> 01:12:54,320
Speaker 4: The last one is the silent crier.

1491
01:12:55,160 --> 01:12:58,320
Speaker 3: Where they go away, that's me. They come back the

1492
01:12:58,400 --> 01:13:00,280
Speaker 3: eyes are a little bit of red, and you have

1493
01:13:00,320 --> 01:13:02,479
Speaker 3: to be like, well you no, no, yeah, my dad

1494
01:13:02,600 --> 01:13:05,240
Speaker 3: or you asked what are you crying? Yeah, yeah, that's me.

1495
01:13:05,520 --> 01:13:08,400
Speaker 3: My dad he's like were you crying? And my son's

1496
01:13:08,479 --> 01:13:11,400
Speaker 3: like were you crying? And I'm like, so I'm definitely that.

1497
01:13:11,479 --> 01:13:14,320
Speaker 4: Okay, you're the silent cryer. Yeah.

1498
01:13:15,280 --> 01:13:17,280
Speaker 3: Feeling and I feel like this is going to be

1499
01:13:17,320 --> 01:13:19,200
Speaker 3: such a wonderful conversation for people.

1500
01:13:19,560 --> 01:13:26,240
Speaker 1: Thank you for having me. Yeah, we've had a fun day.

1501
01:13:26,640 --> 01:13:27,000
Speaker 4: Thank you.