1
00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:03,920
Speaker 1: Support for today's podcast comes from Cricket Wireless. Are you

2
00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:06,240
Speaker 1: looking for a way to in summer on a high note,

3
00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:10,360
Speaker 1: They've got just the thing. Get ready for unlimited smiles,

4
00:00:10,440 --> 00:00:14,560
Speaker 1: unlimited times. For get four lines of unlimited data for

5
00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:18,200
Speaker 1: a hundred dollars a month. Please note that Cricket corey

6
00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:21,919
Speaker 1: is required on four lines. Data speed limited to three

7
00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:25,320
Speaker 1: megabits per second. Cricket may slow data speeds when the

8
00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:41,360
Speaker 1: network is busy. Additional fees, usage and restrictions apply. Welcome

9
00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:45,320
Speaker 1: to the Therapy for Black Girls podcast, a weekly conversation

10
00:00:45,440 --> 00:00:49,919
Speaker 1: about mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions

11
00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:53,360
Speaker 1: we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves.

12
00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:57,640
Speaker 1: I'm your host, Dr Joy hard and Bradford, a licensed

13
00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:02,640
Speaker 1: psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or to find

14
00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:06,400
Speaker 1: a therapist in your area, visit our website at Therapy

15
00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:09,720
Speaker 1: for Black Girls dot com. While I hope you love

16
00:01:09,840 --> 00:01:13,679
Speaker 1: listening to and learning from the podcast, it is not

17
00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:16,640
Speaker 1: meant to be a substitute for a relationship with a

18
00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:28,040
Speaker 1: licensed mental health professional. Hey y'all, thanks so much for

19
00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:30,800
Speaker 1: joining me for session one seventy four of the Therapy

20
00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:34,640
Speaker 1: for Black Girls podcasts. All month long, we've been having

21
00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:39,120
Speaker 1: conversations on our social media channels to celebrate sex positivity

22
00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:43,039
Speaker 1: in an effort to normalize conversations about sexuality and pleasure,

23
00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:46,360
Speaker 1: and we're camping this month off with our sex Positive

24
00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:51,200
Speaker 1: September celebration this coming Friday night, we'll be joined by

25
00:01:51,240 --> 00:01:54,040
Speaker 1: some of your favorite guests from the podcast and other

26
00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:58,000
Speaker 1: special guests for some fun and conversations about things like

27
00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:03,000
Speaker 1: exploring your kinks, how colorism might be impacting your orgasms,

28
00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:07,160
Speaker 1: and how to feel more affirmed and exploring pleasure. Grab

29
00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:12,280
Speaker 1: your tickets to join us at sex Positive September dot com.

30
00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:15,480
Speaker 1: And in line with that event coming up this week, today,

31
00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:18,120
Speaker 1: we have an amazing guest joining us to talk about

32
00:02:18,160 --> 00:02:21,639
Speaker 1: how we can engage in more sex positive thinking throughout

33
00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:25,960
Speaker 1: our lives. Today we're joined by Tanya Bass, also known

34
00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:29,640
Speaker 1: as the Southern Sexologists. Tanya is the founder of the

35
00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:34,520
Speaker 1: North Carolina Sexual Health Conference in ce sex Con, which

36
00:02:34,560 --> 00:02:38,880
Speaker 1: is North Carolina's only conference that provides opportunities for agencies

37
00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:43,760
Speaker 1: and individuals to share information, strategies, and best practices around

38
00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:48,840
Speaker 1: sexual health across the lifespan. Tanya is committed to increasing

39
00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:52,959
Speaker 1: health equity and is pursuing her PhD at Widener University

40
00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:58,000
Speaker 1: in human sexuality studies. Tanya and I chatted about some

41
00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:01,040
Speaker 1: of the lesser known areas of sex should be, exploring

42
00:03:01,919 --> 00:03:04,840
Speaker 1: what it means to be a sexual or a romantic,

43
00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:08,600
Speaker 1: how to discuss your sexual health history with a partner,

44
00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:12,160
Speaker 1: and she shares some of her favorite resources for anyone

45
00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:15,840
Speaker 1: who wants to dig in more. If something really resonates

46
00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:19,160
Speaker 1: with you while enjoying our conversation, please share with us

47
00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:23,840
Speaker 1: on social media using the hashtag TBG in Session. Here's

48
00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:29,560
Speaker 1: our conversation. Thank you so much for joining us today, Tanya,

49
00:03:29,919 --> 00:03:32,640
Speaker 1: thank you. I'm excited and glad to be here. Yeah.

50
00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:37,160
Speaker 1: So you are affectionately known as the Southern Sex Ologies. Yes,

51
00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:40,040
Speaker 1: that's like my brand name and I love it. It

52
00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:43,800
Speaker 1: took me a few years to develop it and decide

53
00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:46,920
Speaker 1: on it, actually based on some of the ideas around

54
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:50,040
Speaker 1: being a Southerner and what that looks like. And I'm

55
00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:52,960
Speaker 1: originally from Brooklyn, but my family is from North Carolina,

56
00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:55,520
Speaker 1: so it was also like, it's this part of my identity.

57
00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:57,640
Speaker 1: And I've said, I think, yes, I've been living here

58
00:03:57,640 --> 00:04:01,960
Speaker 1: long enough, I'm definitely into that. And so I started

59
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:05,840
Speaker 1: by work actually from a prevention lens and sexuality look

60
00:04:05,920 --> 00:04:10,840
Speaker 1: doing work around HIV S, c I information and education.

61
00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:15,360
Speaker 1: And then literally I remember the year in two thousand

62
00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:18,080
Speaker 1: and three I finished my masters and I started working

63
00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:20,839
Speaker 1: on a project for persons living with HIV and AIDS

64
00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:26,320
Speaker 1: to talk about intimacy and sensuality and disclosing realizing, you know,

65
00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:29,040
Speaker 1: just because you have a diagnosis of conditions such as

66
00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:32,280
Speaker 1: HIV or AIDS doesn't mean you stop being a sexual being.

67
00:04:32,880 --> 00:04:36,479
Speaker 1: And so like all my world's collided because here I

68
00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:41,040
Speaker 1: was challenging aspects of my prevention side with aspects around

69
00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:46,400
Speaker 1: holistic approach to sexuality, and so fast forward just adopted

70
00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:49,520
Speaker 1: the name Southern Sexologists when I fully committed to doing

71
00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:54,200
Speaker 1: work that was more sex positive and embracing sexuality throughout

72
00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:57,400
Speaker 1: the lifespan. M hmmm. So that's a really interesting point

73
00:04:57,440 --> 00:04:59,960
Speaker 1: that you bring up, just the idea of even talk

74
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,800
Speaker 1: think about sex as a Southerner, right, And you know,

75
00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:05,720
Speaker 1: I think that the discussion around sex and sexuality can

76
00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:08,360
Speaker 1: be difficult for lots of different people, but it definitely

77
00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:10,560
Speaker 1: feels like there's something about being in the South that

78
00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:12,960
Speaker 1: makes it even more taboo. Can you talk a little

79
00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:16,600
Speaker 1: about that absolutely, you know. So my family is originally

80
00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:20,200
Speaker 1: from eastern North Carolina. That's where our family roots are,

81
00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:24,839
Speaker 1: and so we have been challenged both in my immediate

82
00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:30,200
Speaker 1: family and then cousins around talking about sex sexuality growing

83
00:05:30,279 --> 00:05:32,919
Speaker 1: up in a Christian household, Like I literally walked to

84
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,760
Speaker 1: church when I moved to North Carolina. That's how the

85
00:05:35,839 --> 00:05:38,680
Speaker 1: churches across the street from my house. And while I

86
00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:42,120
Speaker 1: appreciate some of the values and the impact that my

87
00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:45,359
Speaker 1: church and my religion had all my life, it was

88
00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:47,839
Speaker 1: also some of the ways that I was challenged in

89
00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:51,920
Speaker 1: my own worldview around sex and sexuality. And even though

90
00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:53,960
Speaker 1: I didn't have words for it at a young age,

91
00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:56,919
Speaker 1: some things that I would hear wouldn't feel right in

92
00:05:56,960 --> 00:05:59,800
Speaker 1: my body, and it just made me feel sad, and

93
00:05:59,839 --> 00:06:02,800
Speaker 1: I didn't know why until later. And so in my

94
00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:06,120
Speaker 1: family again, we had a person's family members cousins who

95
00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:09,000
Speaker 1: passed away from HIV and AIDS in the eighties and

96
00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:11,560
Speaker 1: the nineties, and no one will talk about it. It

97
00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:14,960
Speaker 1: was just so taboo, and it's kind of like once

98
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,640
Speaker 1: you put two and two together, you realize what was happening,

99
00:06:17,839 --> 00:06:20,040
Speaker 1: and then when you try to talk to somebody about it,

100
00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:21,960
Speaker 1: they wouldn't want to talk to you about it, even

101
00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:25,000
Speaker 1: as a professional. So to this day, there's two people

102
00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:27,880
Speaker 1: who passed away in my family that a subset of

103
00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:30,400
Speaker 1: my family will not talk about the cause of their death.

104
00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:33,120
Speaker 1: M m m m m m m m. Yeah. So

105
00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:35,919
Speaker 1: it definitely does feel like some of those kind of

106
00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:40,359
Speaker 1: religious backgrounds intertwined with these conversations that even makes it

107
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:45,200
Speaker 1: more difficult to discuss. And I think religion is a

108
00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:48,280
Speaker 1: core element of herself, and I think there's a lot

109
00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:51,520
Speaker 1: of historical aspects of like why is that even true?

110
00:06:51,839 --> 00:06:54,880
Speaker 1: But then I also think about when I say Southern,

111
00:06:54,880 --> 00:06:57,520
Speaker 1: they are kind of like that idea of prim and

112
00:06:57,600 --> 00:07:00,800
Speaker 1: properness and what you should be talking like what are

113
00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:02,920
Speaker 1: the words that are coming out of your mouth in public?

114
00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:05,400
Speaker 1: So what are the topics that are appropriate to be

115
00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:08,799
Speaker 1: talking about, whether it's in school or church or even

116
00:07:08,839 --> 00:07:11,280
Speaker 1: in your home in front of other people who aren't

117
00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:15,000
Speaker 1: your immediate family. Mm hmmm. Very good point. And that

118
00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:17,040
Speaker 1: kind of reminds me of something you said earlier, just

119
00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:20,640
Speaker 1: the idea of a more holistic approach to sex education.

120
00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:23,160
Speaker 1: So can you talk a little bit about that, right, So,

121
00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:25,760
Speaker 1: the way I look at it and there's a model

122
00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:29,600
Speaker 1: entitled the Circles of Sexuality. It was made most famous

123
00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:33,200
Speaker 1: by Dr Dennis Daley, but he wasn't the originator of

124
00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:35,720
Speaker 1: this model. And some people don't like it, but I

125
00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:37,320
Speaker 1: think it's a good way to start and I like

126
00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:39,640
Speaker 1: to use it when I'm teaching, and for myself, is

127
00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:43,040
Speaker 1: that you know, we are sexual beings across different aspects,

128
00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:47,920
Speaker 1: and this model has five areas which include sensuality, intimacy,

129
00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:53,680
Speaker 1: sexual and reproductive health, sexualization, and then sexual identity. And

130
00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:56,800
Speaker 1: I think as we go through our lives and through development,

131
00:07:56,840 --> 00:08:00,960
Speaker 1: we probably get the most information on sexual health and reproduction.

132
00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:03,600
Speaker 1: And even that has its limitations. You know, you might

133
00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:06,640
Speaker 1: learn about body parts and birth control and that s

134
00:08:06,680 --> 00:08:10,000
Speaker 1: t I prevention, etcetera. You know, it's kind of confined there.

135
00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:12,040
Speaker 1: But all the time we don't talk about how our

136
00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:14,880
Speaker 1: senses bring us pleasure. You know, like when you taste

137
00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:17,040
Speaker 1: something really good. And I love when people say something

138
00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:19,880
Speaker 1: is better than sex, because honestly it might be for them,

139
00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:22,600
Speaker 1: but you know, something tastes so good it brings you

140
00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:27,600
Speaker 1: so much pleasure, or hearing something that can resonate and

141
00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:32,360
Speaker 1: make you feel good. So ultimately we have to look

142
00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:35,359
Speaker 1: at sex from those different areas, so including our senses.

143
00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:38,360
Speaker 1: Another area I don't think we talk about is intimacy.

144
00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:40,600
Speaker 1: I often ask my class like, how do you think

145
00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:43,480
Speaker 1: somebody might get catfish? And they're like, I can't believe

146
00:08:43,679 --> 00:08:46,520
Speaker 1: that someone would fall for that. But we don't really

147
00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:49,600
Speaker 1: talk about the desire that people have for intimacy, and

148
00:08:49,640 --> 00:08:53,400
Speaker 1: not just physical intimacy like that, just a connection with

149
00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:56,720
Speaker 1: your friends, with your family. The reason why so many

150
00:08:56,720 --> 00:09:00,400
Speaker 1: people are like glued to even social media now is

151
00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:03,880
Speaker 1: because they're not able to physically be with folks, but

152
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:08,040
Speaker 1: they can connect socially and have intimate conversations even on

153
00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:12,400
Speaker 1: social media. And then sexualization we probably talk about that

154
00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:16,679
Speaker 1: next after sexual and reproductive health, because we do want

155
00:09:16,679 --> 00:09:21,760
Speaker 1: to protect each other, especially children from predators, etcetera. And

156
00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:24,840
Speaker 1: we tend to always talk about sexualization too from that

157
00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:28,679
Speaker 1: negative side of like sexual assault, sexual abuse. But there's

158
00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:32,200
Speaker 1: some good sides to it, like like flirting and you know,

159
00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:36,600
Speaker 1: just using power dynamics in your intimate partner relationships. So

160
00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:39,959
Speaker 1: I love that model. I know they're probably are other

161
00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:42,080
Speaker 1: models out there, but I think it helps us look

162
00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:44,640
Speaker 1: at it from the time we're born until the time

163
00:09:44,679 --> 00:09:49,000
Speaker 1: we die, we're sexual beings and that's the wholeness of us. Okay,

164
00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:51,280
Speaker 1: So I think you cover four the circles was their

165
00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:54,280
Speaker 1: fifth one? Oh oh? The fifth one is important to

166
00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:57,280
Speaker 1: the sexual identity because I think that's that's the one

167
00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:59,360
Speaker 1: that says who am I? How do I show up?

168
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:02,760
Speaker 1: How do I want to be seen or perceived? And how?

169
00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:05,400
Speaker 1: And things we can't control is how do people see

170
00:10:05,679 --> 00:10:09,640
Speaker 1: and perceive us? So like our expression sexual identity, So

171
00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:12,280
Speaker 1: not to go on so much. I think about you

172
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:15,080
Speaker 1: asking me about southern roots. So when I think about

173
00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:18,480
Speaker 1: sexual identity. So I'm old school. And when I was

174
00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:21,319
Speaker 1: in college, it was like boys to men era and

175
00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:25,160
Speaker 1: I had like baggy pants. I literally went into the

176
00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:29,360
Speaker 1: air Quotations men's department and purchased ties on cells and

177
00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:33,120
Speaker 1: button downs, and I wore baseball caps. And I remember

178
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:36,719
Speaker 1: going home on one of our college breaks and one

179
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:39,080
Speaker 1: of my classmates friends was like, why do you always

180
00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:41,520
Speaker 1: wear those ball caps? You better not come home again

181
00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:44,679
Speaker 1: after being in college. We're in a ball cap, and

182
00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:47,800
Speaker 1: I was thinking, why didn't you like what I have on?

183
00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:51,800
Speaker 1: But she was really addressing my gender identity and my

184
00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:55,400
Speaker 1: gender expression, because for her, I was presenting in a

185
00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:59,040
Speaker 1: masculine way. You know, a young ladyshipn't just like that.

186
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:02,400
Speaker 1: So she actually came for me during that time, and

187
00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:05,240
Speaker 1: it's stuck with me about if we believe in the

188
00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:08,959
Speaker 1: binary or subscribe to that. It's kind of like maleness

189
00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:11,640
Speaker 1: and femaleness and how you show up in the world.

190
00:11:11,679 --> 00:11:14,160
Speaker 1: You get to choose that, you get to you get

191
00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:16,680
Speaker 1: to express yourself the way you want to express yourself.

192
00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:19,959
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm, yeah, I appreciate you sharing this model. So

193
00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:22,240
Speaker 1: this is not a model that I was familiar with,

194
00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:24,200
Speaker 1: and I agree, it definitely sounds like it's a good

195
00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:26,960
Speaker 1: place to start. And I'm wondering if you have some

196
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:31,160
Speaker 1: thoughts about how we can maybe start with these circles

197
00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:33,720
Speaker 1: and like what kinds of things we should be thinking about,

198
00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:36,520
Speaker 1: or even what kinds of things we should be talking

199
00:11:36,559 --> 00:11:39,679
Speaker 1: with little people about, just in terms of like beginning

200
00:11:39,679 --> 00:11:42,199
Speaker 1: to embrace all of these different circles related to our

201
00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:45,559
Speaker 1: you know, pleasure and sexuality, right, and the circles, if

202
00:11:45,559 --> 00:11:49,719
Speaker 1: you think about the model, they're not just like single circles,

203
00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:52,559
Speaker 1: you know, outside of their own they kind of overlap

204
00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:55,680
Speaker 1: each other. And so I think talking with young people

205
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:59,080
Speaker 1: I had to pick three, I probably would go sexual

206
00:11:59,679 --> 00:12:04,520
Speaker 1: and productive health, probably intimacy and sensuality I would like

207
00:12:04,559 --> 00:12:07,520
Speaker 1: to talk about. You know, one of my colleagues uses

208
00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:11,320
Speaker 1: a difference between some tickling like playing being able to

209
00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:14,720
Speaker 1: play touch with somebody, but then what is considered inappropriate

210
00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:18,840
Speaker 1: touch or touch without your consent. So I think understanding

211
00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:22,400
Speaker 1: that some touch is gonna feel good to you even

212
00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:24,560
Speaker 1: if you don't want to, even if you don't want

213
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:28,319
Speaker 1: to be tickled, you still might laugh because it felt

214
00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:30,959
Speaker 1: good or it made you laugh, but you didn't consent

215
00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:33,680
Speaker 1: to it, you didn't want to be tickled. Like understanding

216
00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:37,720
Speaker 1: those boundaries and also understanding what it means to feel good.

217
00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:40,480
Speaker 1: So if you get this ice cream I love ice cream,

218
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,760
Speaker 1: and just think about, like how good it feels to

219
00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:46,120
Speaker 1: get a cone or a cup of ice cream that

220
00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:48,959
Speaker 1: tastes really good and the joy that it brings. You

221
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:51,439
Speaker 1: don't have to tell your child, oh, this is sexual pleasure.

222
00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:53,600
Speaker 1: We could say, yes, it's pleasure. You like ice cream,

223
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:56,560
Speaker 1: you really like ice cream, and have conversations about what

224
00:12:56,679 --> 00:12:59,080
Speaker 1: else do you like, so that they can start thinking

225
00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:02,200
Speaker 1: about what they like at young ages, so that when

226
00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:05,240
Speaker 1: you get into these intimate relationships, you don't have to

227
00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:08,760
Speaker 1: sit down and just say mm, what do I like

228
00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:11,960
Speaker 1: or why don't I like that? Like you can have

229
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:16,520
Speaker 1: that dialogue already, and then of course knowing proper terms

230
00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:21,040
Speaker 1: for your body parts and being able to articulate that

231
00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:24,040
Speaker 1: at a young age as a protective factor and to

232
00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:28,040
Speaker 1: help with conversations later on with your parents or whatever

233
00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:32,760
Speaker 1: in nurturing environment that you're in. So when you are

234
00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:35,400
Speaker 1: working with clients, and tell you do you primarily do

235
00:13:35,720 --> 00:13:38,600
Speaker 1: more kind of speaking to large groups. So you work

236
00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:41,280
Speaker 1: with like individuals or couples. Tell me a little bit

237
00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:43,719
Speaker 1: more about like how you work. So I primarily do

238
00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:48,880
Speaker 1: large groups, whether they're sexual health professionals themselves or aspiring

239
00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:55,360
Speaker 1: to be college students. Also faith community like congregants and

240
00:13:55,679 --> 00:13:59,560
Speaker 1: different religious groups around the area, primarily Christian for for

241
00:13:59,679 --> 00:14:02,360
Speaker 1: my work in my perspective, so I do a lot

242
00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:04,720
Speaker 1: of large groups or at least when I say large,

243
00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:08,240
Speaker 1: like more than at least ten people or something like that.

244
00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:12,199
Speaker 1: I have done someone on one counseling. So I applaud therapists.

245
00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:15,160
Speaker 1: I just don't believe I have the capacity to do

246
00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:17,240
Speaker 1: that because I'm such an impact like I want to

247
00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:20,480
Speaker 1: fix everything and cry with you and all of that,

248
00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:23,360
Speaker 1: but I feel like I can do good at counseling,

249
00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:27,560
Speaker 1: so I have some counseling certification specifically around HIV too,

250
00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:30,920
Speaker 1: so I'm able to do that. So I do someone

251
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:34,760
Speaker 1: on one but mainly large groups. Got it? And where

252
00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:37,640
Speaker 1: do you typically start with that work? Like? What do

253
00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:40,240
Speaker 1: you feel like it's foundational to know when you're working

254
00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:42,640
Speaker 1: with like a large group. I think that you have

255
00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:46,000
Speaker 1: to know thyself. I'm doing my research on comfort and

256
00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:51,240
Speaker 1: capability with community based sexuality educators, Like, in order for

257
00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:54,720
Speaker 1: you to do this well, and even if you're not

258
00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:57,119
Speaker 1: degree like whoever you are, if this is a conversation

259
00:14:57,160 --> 00:14:59,240
Speaker 1: you want to have with folks, you have to be

260
00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:02,520
Speaker 1: comfortable and who you are and also know that there's

261
00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:06,160
Speaker 1: some blind spots within yourself. So somebody could say, like

262
00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:08,760
Speaker 1: I used to think no one can say anything because

263
00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:10,560
Speaker 1: I've seen it all, heard it all, said it all,

264
00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:12,880
Speaker 1: and then you have that moment where you're like, oh,

265
00:15:12,880 --> 00:15:15,840
Speaker 1: but that was that through me for a loop. So

266
00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:18,600
Speaker 1: I think being able to know who you are in

267
00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:22,040
Speaker 1: your own sexual being nous is important. You don't have

268
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:24,920
Speaker 1: to share that with folks, but be comfortable and who

269
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:28,560
Speaker 1: you are mm hmm. Got you. So is there a

270
00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:33,840
Speaker 1: spectrum as it relates to sexual health or sexuality that

271
00:15:34,080 --> 00:15:37,920
Speaker 1: is healthy versus unhealthy or do we not want to

272
00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:41,120
Speaker 1: look at things related to sexuality as unhealthy. A lot

273
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:46,560
Speaker 1: of people are in the viewpoint of not necessarily unhealthy.

274
00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:49,120
Speaker 1: And I even we even play around with like what's

275
00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:54,400
Speaker 1: safe right and safer And it's challenging because I'm from

276
00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:58,960
Speaker 1: the thought of just let people be, with the exception

277
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:03,640
Speaker 1: of causing unwell to harm to someone else, harming children,

278
00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:08,520
Speaker 1: you know, anything that doesn't involve consent, I think can

279
00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:11,520
Speaker 1: be healthy. Like there's some things you just like, you

280
00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:14,400
Speaker 1: just want, and then there are other things that you

281
00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:18,640
Speaker 1: might be willing to compromise and try just out of curiosity.

282
00:16:18,920 --> 00:16:21,000
Speaker 1: I think when it thinks about healthy, when it's causing

283
00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:26,000
Speaker 1: yourself or somebody else unwanted harm. Got you? Got you?

284
00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:27,880
Speaker 1: That makes sense? Yeah? But I mean because you know,

285
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:30,680
Speaker 1: if we think about like just the history of you know,

286
00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:34,080
Speaker 1: mental health diagnosis and like things that have been deemed

287
00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:38,080
Speaker 1: quote unquote unhealthy or abnormal, we know that where we

288
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:40,880
Speaker 1: were as a field even twenty thirty years ago, is

289
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:43,120
Speaker 1: not where we are at today, right, And so I

290
00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:46,400
Speaker 1: do think it's important to not kind of demonize or

291
00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:50,040
Speaker 1: you know, make something seem abnormal simply because it's what

292
00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:57,200
Speaker 1: someone enjoys. But you know, barring the exceptions that you've listed, yeahly,

293
00:16:57,760 --> 00:17:00,280
Speaker 1: So something else that I think that we don't talk

294
00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:03,680
Speaker 1: enough about, or people who may be identify as a

295
00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:08,360
Speaker 1: sexual or a romantic. Can you tell us more about that? Yeah.

296
00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:11,280
Speaker 1: So it's interesting that you bring up because when we

297
00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:15,040
Speaker 1: when I'm teaching especially, and folks are talking about just

298
00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:18,480
Speaker 1: overall sexual identity and what that includes. So that includes

299
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:22,159
Speaker 1: your attraction, how you identify maybe if you use the

300
00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:26,320
Speaker 1: term orientation, etcetera. And so even when we're talking about

301
00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:30,080
Speaker 1: orientation and using acronyms like l G, B, T Q

302
00:17:30,359 --> 00:17:32,359
Speaker 1: I A, and then everybody's like, what's the A? And

303
00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:34,720
Speaker 1: you know, and then some folks will say ally and

304
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:37,639
Speaker 1: other folks will say a sexual and then that piques

305
00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:42,320
Speaker 1: another level of curiosity. And so I think with a sexuality,

306
00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:46,520
Speaker 1: it's something that I think has gotten more attention and

307
00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:49,359
Speaker 1: I want to believe, although I have no research to

308
00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:52,720
Speaker 1: confirm this, that it's allowing people a little bit of

309
00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:57,199
Speaker 1: affirmation of why they might not have been attracted to

310
00:17:57,359 --> 00:18:01,359
Speaker 1: someone in a certain way while they're other people have been,

311
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:03,960
Speaker 1: if that makes sense, Like sometimes you just wonder what's

312
00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:06,840
Speaker 1: wrong with you or what's going on because it seems

313
00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:09,960
Speaker 1: like you're different than everyone else. And I think having

314
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:15,119
Speaker 1: conversations about a sexuality is important, and even a romantic

315
00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:19,800
Speaker 1: So not having that romantic attraction to other folks. I'm

316
00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:22,160
Speaker 1: gonna use this because I don't know if we can

317
00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:25,040
Speaker 1: say it, but you can tell me. And that one

318
00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:28,199
Speaker 1: of my former students just posted about Girlfriends, so you know,

319
00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:32,400
Speaker 1: Girlfriends is on Netflix right now, and so they posted

320
00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:37,840
Speaker 1: about Lynn and William started having sex, and they were

321
00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:40,480
Speaker 1: just like, I just wish that never happened. Although I

322
00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:43,919
Speaker 1: remember well maybe one episode where it got complicated. For

323
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,640
Speaker 1: the most part, it was kind of like neither one

324
00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:50,600
Speaker 1: of them were romantically attracted to each other, but they

325
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:54,480
Speaker 1: were fulfilling sexual needs that we have as human beings

326
00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:57,080
Speaker 1: for one another. And I know other folks may say, well,

327
00:18:57,119 --> 00:18:59,399
Speaker 1: that crosses a lot of our friendship, but there were

328
00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:03,160
Speaker 1: two consisting adults and they were getting parts of their

329
00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:07,719
Speaker 1: sexual needs met without a romantic attraction to one another.

330
00:19:08,560 --> 00:19:12,120
Speaker 1: And I think that also is something people didn't see

331
00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:14,920
Speaker 1: in the story because it just seemed like there was

332
00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:17,680
Speaker 1: more a line of the friends with benefits than it

333
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:22,080
Speaker 1: was about Lynn and William getting their sexual needs met

334
00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:25,600
Speaker 1: in that capacity. And you are seeing those as two

335
00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:27,240
Speaker 1: different things, because I think that's how I would have

336
00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:29,840
Speaker 1: thought about it too, as it like a friends with benefits. Yeah,

337
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:34,399
Speaker 1: I'm saying those as two different things only because there's

338
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:38,760
Speaker 1: an opportunity for romantic attraction. In my mind with friends

339
00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:42,080
Speaker 1: with benefits, some people do come to an agreement, but

340
00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:45,920
Speaker 1: I feel like Len and William had a clear agreement

341
00:19:46,119 --> 00:19:50,080
Speaker 1: that sometimes friends with benefits have too many unspoken rules.

342
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:54,120
Speaker 1: M Yeah, I definitely would agree with that when we've

343
00:19:54,119 --> 00:19:56,119
Speaker 1: talked about that on the podcast. You like how to

344
00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:58,840
Speaker 1: assess whether that is something that you really want to

345
00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:01,560
Speaker 1: get involved in, and like knowing all the benefits and

346
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:05,680
Speaker 1: the risk that you're taking in a relationship like that, right, Yeah. Yeah,

347
00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:09,359
Speaker 1: I had forgotten that William and Lynn slept together, And

348
00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:11,520
Speaker 1: now I'm still in the middle of my rewatch, but

349
00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:13,720
Speaker 1: I'm trying to think about, like, how was that handled

350
00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:16,359
Speaker 1: when William and Jones started dating. I don't remember if

351
00:20:16,359 --> 00:20:19,240
Speaker 1: there was any conversation about the fact that William and

352
00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:22,119
Speaker 1: Lynn had been together and I'm not sure I had

353
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:26,320
Speaker 1: to now I have to go back, yeah, because I

354
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:29,159
Speaker 1: don't know. Wasn't public among the friend group that William

355
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:32,680
Speaker 1: and Lynn were getting together now that I can't remember,

356
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:36,359
Speaker 1: But I feel like at least Maya knew. I feel

357
00:20:36,359 --> 00:20:39,440
Speaker 1: like Maya knew, and I can't remember why or how

358
00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:42,720
Speaker 1: she might have found out because I feel like I

359
00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:45,280
Speaker 1: think she used to say like somebody was nasty, like,

360
00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:51,200
Speaker 1: so I feel like Maya did say that quite a lot. Yeah,

361
00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:53,400
Speaker 1: So stay tuned for the answer to these questions after

362
00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:59,320
Speaker 1: we finished rewatching exactly. So. You talked earlier, Tanya about

363
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:01,520
Speaker 1: like the important to be even talking to young people

364
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:04,479
Speaker 1: about like enjoying things like ice cream and you know,

365
00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:07,000
Speaker 1: that kind of thing. But I'm wondering, as we grow up,

366
00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:09,040
Speaker 1: are there other things that we need to think about

367
00:21:09,119 --> 00:21:12,440
Speaker 1: that what helps to create an environment for positive sexual

368
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:16,080
Speaker 1: experiences and pleasure. I do I think that we need

369
00:21:16,119 --> 00:21:20,560
Speaker 1: to think about. And I'm just really about introspection and reflection,

370
00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:24,160
Speaker 1: So thinking about why you might not like a certain

371
00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:28,360
Speaker 1: thing or why you're a desirous of something and being

372
00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:31,560
Speaker 1: able to articulate. I know, in my at least small

373
00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:35,240
Speaker 1: circle of even friends and colleagues, some of the biggest

374
00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:38,920
Speaker 1: challenges has been around communicating with their partners and being

375
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:42,080
Speaker 1: able to articulate kind of the why. Not necessary that

376
00:21:42,119 --> 00:21:45,440
Speaker 1: you have to explain to someone something, but to really

377
00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:48,919
Speaker 1: reflect on what could be some of the reasons that

378
00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:52,720
Speaker 1: I don't like a certain behavior or that I really

379
00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:57,360
Speaker 1: really desire this more than I can articulate. So being

380
00:21:57,400 --> 00:22:00,840
Speaker 1: able to reflect. I think when we look back our childhood,

381
00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:04,520
Speaker 1: when we look back on past relationships, we can get

382
00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:07,720
Speaker 1: a better understanding as to the why, and then we

383
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:11,800
Speaker 1: can't communicate that. And I think that when we go

384
00:22:11,840 --> 00:22:15,040
Speaker 1: into new relationships, especially as as adults, if you've had

385
00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:21,679
Speaker 1: like that past, you take those past relationships expectations into

386
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:25,240
Speaker 1: the new relationships. Sometimes and you expect someone to kiss you,

387
00:22:25,359 --> 00:22:29,120
Speaker 1: hold you, respond to you, or you're even your understand

388
00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:33,120
Speaker 1: your love languages the way that someone else did, and

389
00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:37,400
Speaker 1: that could be very disappointing. Mm hmm. Yeah. And I'm

390
00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:39,879
Speaker 1: glad you talked about the communication piece, because I do

391
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:42,040
Speaker 1: think that is something that comes up often in our

392
00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:46,040
Speaker 1: community about like how to even maybe tele partner that

393
00:22:46,119 --> 00:22:49,119
Speaker 1: you maybe have a kink that might not be something

394
00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:52,199
Speaker 1: that you know people expect, right, So do you have

395
00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:56,280
Speaker 1: tips for how to maybe negotiate those conversations. I think

396
00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:58,879
Speaker 1: I will call it the before the lights go off,

397
00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:02,879
Speaker 1: although like don't always go off, you know, but just

398
00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:06,880
Speaker 1: having like a chat to say what is it that

399
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:09,840
Speaker 1: you like or have you tried this? And sometimes you

400
00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:12,440
Speaker 1: might have to use a crutch, but maybe you say

401
00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:17,199
Speaker 1: I saw this on TV. I was wondering if you

402
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:19,640
Speaker 1: know you like this, or would you want to try this.

403
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:25,879
Speaker 1: I feel like my community often times or very and

404
00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:29,160
Speaker 1: it's it is private, right, but I feel like they

405
00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:33,480
Speaker 1: don't often embrace something that isn't just standard what you've

406
00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:35,840
Speaker 1: seen on TV or reading a book or tried yourself.

407
00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:40,840
Speaker 1: So anything that other people or if you haven't experienced it,

408
00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:43,359
Speaker 1: it's seen as taboo or freaky, like we like to

409
00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:47,120
Speaker 1: use the term freaky in my small community when it's

410
00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:50,200
Speaker 1: kind of like, no, it's just different, so it doesn't

411
00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:53,880
Speaker 1: make it wrong, it's just different or it's new to you.

412
00:23:54,359 --> 00:23:57,440
Speaker 1: And so being able to like ask people to take

413
00:23:57,560 --> 00:24:01,640
Speaker 1: risk with you. So vulnerability and and risk taking, if

414
00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:04,240
Speaker 1: we go back to that circle's model is within the

415
00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:07,400
Speaker 1: circle of intimacy. Think how risky it is to tell

416
00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:10,719
Speaker 1: someone about one of your fatishes, like you're getting that

417
00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:12,840
Speaker 1: close to them and you want to experience that with

418
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:18,000
Speaker 1: them or just disclose it to them. That's risky emotionally,

419
00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:21,880
Speaker 1: and it is a level of vulnerability that is really

420
00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:25,119
Speaker 1: important to relationships too. I'm trying to keep track of

421
00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:27,200
Speaker 1: all my thoughts because you said so many good things

422
00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:29,200
Speaker 1: that I'm trying to connect now and I'm like, no,

423
00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:31,359
Speaker 1: I don't want to lose that thought, but that what

424
00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:33,880
Speaker 1: you just said help me. And I'm like, I said,

425
00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:35,879
Speaker 1: I've not seen this model that you're talking about, So

426
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:39,280
Speaker 1: it sounds like some of the circles overlap, but it

427
00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:42,280
Speaker 1: does feel like there is an important conversation to have

428
00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:47,399
Speaker 1: around the intimacy piece and then the pleasure, because it

429
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:50,640
Speaker 1: does feel like people will often be very comfortable like

430
00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:54,880
Speaker 1: just getting naked and having sex, right, but those conversations

431
00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:58,800
Speaker 1: that you're talking about that really deep and intimacy are

432
00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:02,000
Speaker 1: much more difficult for people then sometimes just the act

433
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:06,280
Speaker 1: of set exactly. I wholeheartedly agree with that, And is

434
00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:08,160
Speaker 1: there a way that you need to do some work

435
00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:11,720
Speaker 1: around the intimacy to really enhance pleasure. I think when

436
00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:16,679
Speaker 1: you start connecting and like sharing communication, again, it's not

437
00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:21,040
Speaker 1: just about articulating your needs. You you know, it's also

438
00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:25,040
Speaker 1: about being able to share and connect, and so that

439
00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:29,200
Speaker 1: allows you when you're able to like I'll use the turn,

440
00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:32,720
Speaker 1: let your guard down, or let somebody in into you,

441
00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:36,240
Speaker 1: then I think that that's what facilitates that. I think

442
00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:39,439
Speaker 1: you're able to gain that level of trust. And to

443
00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:42,439
Speaker 1: be quite honest, I had a conversation with my class

444
00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:43,920
Speaker 1: and I were saying, well, how long does that take?

445
00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:47,640
Speaker 1: And to be quite honest, it could take someone like

446
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:50,479
Speaker 1: a couple of hours, I don't know, because of the

447
00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:53,520
Speaker 1: connection they have with somebody, where it might take somebody

448
00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:56,520
Speaker 1: else a few years or months to actually get to

449
00:25:56,600 --> 00:26:01,280
Speaker 1: that place. And another thing that often comes up in

450
00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:03,040
Speaker 1: our community telling you and you've kind of touched on

451
00:26:03,080 --> 00:26:05,800
Speaker 1: this a little bit, is having conversations about S T

452
00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:08,520
Speaker 1: I S right. And so if you've been diagnosed with

453
00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:11,679
Speaker 1: something and you're like in a partnership, or if you

454
00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:14,959
Speaker 1: have a history of a diagnosis and our newly dating, like,

455
00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:17,600
Speaker 1: when do you share that? How do you share I'm

456
00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:20,040
Speaker 1: curious to here if you have any tips about that. Yeah,

457
00:26:20,119 --> 00:26:22,920
Speaker 1: now that's a big topic. So I came into this work,

458
00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:26,920
Speaker 1: like I said, doing HIV and ST I prevention testing

459
00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:33,360
Speaker 1: and counseling, and it's so much stigma around having an

460
00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:37,080
Speaker 1: STD like we've been socialized to think somebody is either

461
00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:41,240
Speaker 1: clean or dirty, and dirty meaning they have an s

462
00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:44,560
Speaker 1: t I. But probably when we think about it, the

463
00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:46,919
Speaker 1: majority of people at least have had one or been

464
00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:50,000
Speaker 1: exposed to it. I I just can't I probably shouldn't

465
00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:52,199
Speaker 1: go that far because I don't have the data in

466
00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:55,640
Speaker 1: front of me, but I feel confident that that's how

467
00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:58,720
Speaker 1: easy some things are actually transmitted from person to person,

468
00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:00,760
Speaker 1: and some of the of our s t I is

469
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:04,959
Speaker 1: like herpes that can be transmitted in a non sexual sense,

470
00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:08,040
Speaker 1: you know, like from mother to child or something like that.

471
00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:14,640
Speaker 1: And I just feel like our work has been so

472
00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:19,680
Speaker 1: rooted on this is a bad thing. It's something that

473
00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:24,239
Speaker 1: you don't necessarily want, but it's not necessarily like this

474
00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:26,840
Speaker 1: is the worst thing, and for some people that can happen.

475
00:27:27,119 --> 00:27:30,880
Speaker 1: And I know I'm saying that from a very strange perspective,

476
00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:33,919
Speaker 1: but hear me out in that I worked in a

477
00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:36,840
Speaker 1: student health center on a college campus. I worked in

478
00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:40,560
Speaker 1: a local health department, and I work in a community

479
00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:47,320
Speaker 1: base organization where people were diagnosed with HIV gonna Ria, clamittia,

480
00:27:47,359 --> 00:27:49,159
Speaker 1: all the things, and I think more so on the

481
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:54,080
Speaker 1: college campus. Nobody wanted to come to student health just

482
00:27:54,240 --> 00:27:58,800
Speaker 1: because we offered s t I testing or you know

483
00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:02,520
Speaker 1: that assumption. If you're in student health, then you must

484
00:28:02,520 --> 00:28:06,040
Speaker 1: have something, because that's primarily what we did, and so

485
00:28:06,080 --> 00:28:09,080
Speaker 1: we had to let people know that our services were

486
00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:13,120
Speaker 1: for everybody, try to change the community, for the culture

487
00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:17,840
Speaker 1: of the campus. To even offer up the STI testing

488
00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:21,000
Speaker 1: is also a prevention method as well, so if you

489
00:28:21,119 --> 00:28:24,160
Speaker 1: know what your test results are, I know your status,

490
00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:27,320
Speaker 1: then you're less likely to pass it on to somebody else.

491
00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:29,879
Speaker 1: To get that into the world, it was hard on

492
00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:32,720
Speaker 1: the campus, but to get that mindset in the world,

493
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:36,640
Speaker 1: it is even harder because we say such negative things

494
00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:40,920
Speaker 1: about folks when they do have IT diagnosis, so it

495
00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:43,959
Speaker 1: makes it hard for them to share with other people

496
00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:47,640
Speaker 1: and to sometimes even seek treatment for whatever it is

497
00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:51,080
Speaker 1: that they have. M hmm. Yeah. I worked on college

498
00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:54,160
Speaker 1: campuses as well and completely understand what you're talking about,

499
00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:55,960
Speaker 1: you know, and it does take a lot of effort

500
00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:59,320
Speaker 1: to really kind of push that conversation forward around There

501
00:28:59,360 --> 00:29:01,280
Speaker 1: are lots of differ for reasons why you could be

502
00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:04,360
Speaker 1: in student health that don't involve necessarily in st I

503
00:29:04,440 --> 00:29:07,680
Speaker 1: are testing, But even if that's the case, then making

504
00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:09,840
Speaker 1: it okay to kind of be in charge of your

505
00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:12,800
Speaker 1: own health information, like to be armed with facts so

506
00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:16,200
Speaker 1: that you can then make decisions accordingly. And I have

507
00:29:16,320 --> 00:29:20,200
Speaker 1: some friends who are both sexuality educators and have discools

508
00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:25,760
Speaker 1: publicly their STI status, and from their perspective, they encourage

509
00:29:25,800 --> 00:29:29,040
Speaker 1: people to be open and honest to kind of normalize

510
00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:32,320
Speaker 1: the conversation period. So not only are you able to

511
00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:35,640
Speaker 1: who we're talking about, like how soon can you gain trust?

512
00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:38,880
Speaker 1: You know? It also boost up that trust factor because

513
00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:41,080
Speaker 1: you just share this thing with me, you trusted me

514
00:29:41,240 --> 00:29:45,200
Speaker 1: enough to do it, and as a relationship continues to grow,

515
00:29:45,240 --> 00:29:49,440
Speaker 1: if it does, it also allows for communication to say, well,

516
00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:52,400
Speaker 1: I'm not afraid to talk about s c I, S

517
00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:55,880
Speaker 1: or HIV with you because we already started out the

518
00:29:55,920 --> 00:30:00,360
Speaker 1: conversation this way. Mm hmmmmmmm. I'm curious, Tanya, have you

519
00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:04,720
Speaker 1: seen any similarities between kind of what's happening even with

520
00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:08,240
Speaker 1: COVID testing and relating it to SCI testing. It feels

521
00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:11,840
Speaker 1: like there's some of that same stigma exactly. It is,

522
00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:15,080
Speaker 1: so again, using my family and they know who they are.

523
00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:20,360
Speaker 1: Um ultimately with our family not having conversations with our

524
00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:23,920
Speaker 1: cousins who were infected with HIV and past we at

525
00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:26,440
Speaker 1: the same situation where there were a cousins who had

526
00:30:26,480 --> 00:30:29,280
Speaker 1: COVID but they didn't tell anyone and they were still

527
00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:31,440
Speaker 1: not I don't say social distaining. Were supposed to be

528
00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:36,560
Speaker 1: quarantining and social isolating, and they're just going around. There's

529
00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:42,520
Speaker 1: still visiting people or running a public facing business instead

530
00:30:42,560 --> 00:30:45,480
Speaker 1: of telling people, and you know, trying to figure out

531
00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:47,520
Speaker 1: and I struggle with it because I'm like, well, here's

532
00:30:47,520 --> 00:30:49,920
Speaker 1: a business owner. If you have COVID, then you have

533
00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:53,040
Speaker 1: no business, you have no income. But at the same time,

534
00:30:53,160 --> 00:30:57,400
Speaker 1: you're putting other people at risk. And it was just

535
00:30:57,440 --> 00:31:00,680
Speaker 1: a secrecy around it, and it find they just came

536
00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:03,160
Speaker 1: out and we don't even know if the whole story

537
00:31:03,280 --> 00:31:06,360
Speaker 1: is out. But a lot of that is going on

538
00:31:06,440 --> 00:31:10,560
Speaker 1: because there's a there is a stigma with any condition,

539
00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:14,200
Speaker 1: except I don't ever remember anybody asking like how did

540
00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:16,880
Speaker 1: you get cancer? But I feel like people will ask you,

541
00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:20,640
Speaker 1: even with COVID, how did you get it? Because they

542
00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:23,880
Speaker 1: want to know what were you doing that put you

543
00:31:23,960 --> 00:31:26,800
Speaker 1: at risk? So that will be the same way as like,

544
00:31:26,880 --> 00:31:30,160
Speaker 1: what were you doing sexually that put you at risk

545
00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:35,640
Speaker 1: for whatever disease or infection? M H. And I'm wondering, Tanya,

546
00:31:35,680 --> 00:31:37,840
Speaker 1: And I know that much of that reaction, of course,

547
00:31:37,960 --> 00:31:40,520
Speaker 1: is a way to kind of protect ourselves. Right, So

548
00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:44,240
Speaker 1: if you, you know, were infected with COVID and there

549
00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:46,520
Speaker 1: was something that you were doing that was risky, then

550
00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:48,960
Speaker 1: I feel better about myself because I didn't do that

551
00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:51,760
Speaker 1: risky thing, of course, not on you know, knowing that

552
00:31:51,800 --> 00:31:54,040
Speaker 1: we can get COVID very simply, even if we do

553
00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:57,200
Speaker 1: everything that we can um to try to protect ourselves.

554
00:31:57,520 --> 00:31:59,800
Speaker 1: And so I'm wondering how we can kind of expand

555
00:31:59,840 --> 00:32:03,640
Speaker 1: our thinking from it being a personal responsibility to more

556
00:32:03,680 --> 00:32:05,640
Speaker 1: of a system kind of a thing with both with

557
00:32:05,720 --> 00:32:09,480
Speaker 1: COVID and s c I. S. Yeah, I think the

558
00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:13,320
Speaker 1: system's approaches to be able to normalize the fact that

559
00:32:13,360 --> 00:32:15,560
Speaker 1: some people are going to get sick with different things,

560
00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:17,960
Speaker 1: whether it's COVID or an s t I. But we

561
00:32:18,040 --> 00:32:20,400
Speaker 1: can lessen that when we're able to talk about it.

562
00:32:20,720 --> 00:32:25,680
Speaker 1: So think how much communication was needed to combat or

563
00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:28,120
Speaker 1: you know, when we first heard about COVID, it was

564
00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:31,200
Speaker 1: we weren't given even given a lot of the information

565
00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:34,720
Speaker 1: they were still information with Hell's I believe from us,

566
00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:38,320
Speaker 1: and so the same thing happens when we're talking about

567
00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:40,880
Speaker 1: S t S or HIV. So if we were able

568
00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:46,240
Speaker 1: to normalize having the conversations not demonizing folks who were

569
00:32:46,280 --> 00:32:49,360
Speaker 1: either infected or you know, coming or in treatment or

570
00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:53,440
Speaker 1: care for different conditions, I think that would help build

571
00:32:53,680 --> 00:32:58,640
Speaker 1: that space for combating it, because now we're having conversations like, well,

572
00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:01,160
Speaker 1: you know what, I'd love to have sex with you tonight,

573
00:33:01,280 --> 00:33:05,440
Speaker 1: but I'm taking I don't know the medication from my committee.

574
00:33:05,480 --> 00:33:08,200
Speaker 1: I need to wait until I'm done with that before

575
00:33:08,240 --> 00:33:11,040
Speaker 1: we can engage. By the way, let's talk about how

576
00:33:11,120 --> 00:33:14,160
Speaker 1: you protect yourself from S T I S or etcetera.

577
00:33:14,240 --> 00:33:16,800
Speaker 1: Or have you ever been tested? You know, it seems

578
00:33:16,800 --> 00:33:18,680
Speaker 1: weird to ask people. We get on that scale soon

579
00:33:18,800 --> 00:33:20,680
Speaker 1: you go to the doctor's office. We get on a

580
00:33:20,720 --> 00:33:23,680
Speaker 1: scale when you're in it in a cup. And I

581
00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:27,000
Speaker 1: don't think there's any anxiety around telling somebody that's what

582
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:30,440
Speaker 1: you do when you go to the doctor's office. But

583
00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:33,360
Speaker 1: if you start asking about STI testing, a lot of

584
00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:36,560
Speaker 1: people do feel weird about it, even if they're negative,

585
00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:40,959
Speaker 1: because it's almost like you're insinuating that they might have something.

586
00:33:42,120 --> 00:33:44,120
Speaker 1: So your stance is really to just kind of make

587
00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:47,200
Speaker 1: this a part of your regular kind of dating conversations.

588
00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:49,560
Speaker 1: And I'm guessing probably not first date unless you know

589
00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:51,920
Speaker 1: you're gonna sleep with the person, right, but you know

590
00:33:52,120 --> 00:33:55,440
Speaker 1: just in casual dating, right that that you start to

591
00:33:55,480 --> 00:33:57,880
Speaker 1: have some of these conversations pretty early when it looks

592
00:33:57,920 --> 00:34:00,560
Speaker 1: like you may even be hitting towards because being intimate

593
00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:03,800
Speaker 1: with one another, physically intimate. I think so, because I

594
00:34:03,840 --> 00:34:06,280
Speaker 1: even think about when you're on a job interview, not

595
00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:10,360
Speaker 1: that they ask you like inappropriate or frustrating questions, but

596
00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:13,880
Speaker 1: they do ask you all these questions and you have

597
00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:16,920
Speaker 1: to decide, and they have to decide. Do you have

598
00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:18,920
Speaker 1: to decide if they hire You're gonna take the job,

599
00:34:18,920 --> 00:34:21,080
Speaker 1: and they have to decide based on your answers, do

600
00:34:21,200 --> 00:34:23,200
Speaker 1: they want to hire you. I feel like that's kind

601
00:34:23,200 --> 00:34:25,959
Speaker 1: of the perspective, is like, let's just ask some hard

602
00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:31,520
Speaker 1: questions and make some hard decisions. M M so. And

603
00:34:31,560 --> 00:34:34,680
Speaker 1: I think I see this most often with diagnoses like

604
00:34:34,760 --> 00:34:37,799
Speaker 1: maybe herpies or HIV ones that are not you know,

605
00:34:37,880 --> 00:34:40,640
Speaker 1: necessarily easily controlled, or like there's a medication you can

606
00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:42,200
Speaker 1: take for seven days and then you don't have to

607
00:34:42,239 --> 00:34:46,160
Speaker 1: worry about it. Would you still suggest people being open

608
00:34:46,200 --> 00:34:50,600
Speaker 1: about that very early in relationships. I think with HIV

609
00:34:50,760 --> 00:34:54,040
Speaker 1: in particular, and I feel like VOTH were stigmatized and

610
00:34:54,080 --> 00:34:56,120
Speaker 1: that's how I started, Like I said, getting into the

611
00:34:56,200 --> 00:35:00,480
Speaker 1: holistic area of sexuality, is that with a type V

612
00:35:01,040 --> 00:35:04,680
Speaker 1: there's a lot of risk of disclosing that can be detrimental.

613
00:35:04,920 --> 00:35:07,799
Speaker 1: So not saying that it wouldn't happen with herpes, there's

614
00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:11,680
Speaker 1: your voluntary disclosure of it, and then with the intimate partner,

615
00:35:12,200 --> 00:35:15,480
Speaker 1: but then there's an involuntary disclosure that you can't control,

616
00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:18,920
Speaker 1: should you break up, should they decide not to continue,

617
00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:21,040
Speaker 1: you know, seeing you, even if it's like on the

618
00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:25,520
Speaker 1: first day. So like that requires for some people a

619
00:35:25,680 --> 00:35:29,640
Speaker 1: level of critical thinking to say, am I willing to

620
00:35:29,719 --> 00:35:31,600
Speaker 1: take this risk? Because they're going to be the pros

621
00:35:31,680 --> 00:35:35,839
Speaker 1: and the cons with disclosing for any condition, And I

622
00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:38,040
Speaker 1: think any person has to be at a place where

623
00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:41,560
Speaker 1: they are willing to me sit down and address the

624
00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:44,600
Speaker 1: cons knowing you might not be able to prevent them.

625
00:35:44,680 --> 00:35:48,520
Speaker 1: Mm hmm, got you, got you, Okay. So you started

626
00:35:48,520 --> 00:35:51,879
Speaker 1: talking earlier telling you about like the level of introspection

627
00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:53,799
Speaker 1: and reflection that you need to do to kind of

628
00:35:53,800 --> 00:35:56,080
Speaker 1: really be able to approach this work. And I know

629
00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:58,440
Speaker 1: something else that has come up in our community often

630
00:35:58,680 --> 00:36:01,319
Speaker 1: is the faith route, like you talked about, right, and

631
00:36:01,360 --> 00:36:04,759
Speaker 1: how so much of faith in religion in a lot

632
00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:06,279
Speaker 1: of ways, I think for a lot of us has

633
00:36:06,320 --> 00:36:10,040
Speaker 1: really kind of gone again sexuality and sexual pleasure specifically,

634
00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:12,640
Speaker 1: And so I'm wondering if there are some questions, are

635
00:36:12,719 --> 00:36:16,319
Speaker 1: ways to start digging into that for yourself, if that

636
00:36:16,600 --> 00:36:19,200
Speaker 1: is something that you're really struggling with, so having trouble

637
00:36:19,640 --> 00:36:23,040
Speaker 1: kind of engaging with sexual pleasure because of like religion

638
00:36:23,080 --> 00:36:27,560
Speaker 1: and spirituality. Yeah, I think for that it's like that

639
00:36:27,719 --> 00:36:31,600
Speaker 1: values reflection of of why do I feel this way?

640
00:36:31,640 --> 00:36:35,479
Speaker 1: What bothers me about it? What scares me about it.

641
00:36:35,760 --> 00:36:41,560
Speaker 1: We do something in sexuality education called a sexual attitude reassessment.

642
00:36:41,719 --> 00:36:43,520
Speaker 1: Uh sorry, I don't know if you've heard of it,

643
00:36:43,960 --> 00:36:46,680
Speaker 1: but it forces you, well, I don't say force, but

644
00:36:46,840 --> 00:36:51,319
Speaker 1: you go through it willingly. But it addresses topics that

645
00:36:51,440 --> 00:36:58,560
Speaker 1: might be seen as triggering or offensive or you know,

646
00:36:58,760 --> 00:37:03,719
Speaker 1: different or challenging. And I think going through something like

647
00:37:03,760 --> 00:37:06,480
Speaker 1: that not as a sexuality professional because you think you

648
00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:09,279
Speaker 1: can do it for a professional or people who just

649
00:37:09,320 --> 00:37:13,000
Speaker 1: want to process some things for themselves can go through one.

650
00:37:13,080 --> 00:37:15,680
Speaker 1: But it forces you to face kind of the things

651
00:37:15,680 --> 00:37:19,719
Speaker 1: that you're most uncomfortable with and then how do they

652
00:37:19,800 --> 00:37:26,200
Speaker 1: reconcile with why you feel that way? So in my experience,

653
00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:30,560
Speaker 1: when I think about let's say, same gender loving couples

654
00:37:30,640 --> 00:37:33,239
Speaker 1: and some of the people I know in my faith community,

655
00:37:33,600 --> 00:37:36,600
Speaker 1: that's a challenge for them. So then asking them, so,

656
00:37:36,640 --> 00:37:39,440
Speaker 1: what is it about that that challenges you? Like what

657
00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:43,400
Speaker 1: happened or what have you heard or seeing that made

658
00:37:43,440 --> 00:37:47,600
Speaker 1: you feel this way about this type of relationship? What

659
00:37:47,640 --> 00:37:51,359
Speaker 1: does it do for you in terms of emotional and

660
00:37:51,520 --> 00:37:55,640
Speaker 1: vulnerability and just sitting down and having those conversations with yourself.

661
00:37:56,080 --> 00:37:58,799
Speaker 1: That's kind of where I am with it. M I'm

662
00:37:58,800 --> 00:38:01,080
Speaker 1: glad you share that time, because I wasn't aware that

663
00:38:01,160 --> 00:38:03,840
Speaker 1: like people who were not training to be like a

664
00:38:03,880 --> 00:38:07,840
Speaker 1: sex therapist or a sexual sexuality educator could do us ours.

665
00:38:08,640 --> 00:38:11,840
Speaker 1: Yeah they have. I forget. There were two places of

666
00:38:11,840 --> 00:38:14,439
Speaker 1: course COVID, but there are two places, I want to say,

667
00:38:14,520 --> 00:38:18,359
Speaker 1: like Vermand up that way, and then someone had one

668
00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:22,040
Speaker 1: in the South or in philadel the Philadelphia area too.

669
00:38:22,080 --> 00:38:25,120
Speaker 1: I think Widner was connected to that one. And yeah,

670
00:38:25,160 --> 00:38:28,600
Speaker 1: you could do that and you can process some things. Now,

671
00:38:29,000 --> 00:38:32,880
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure we don't have hundreds of people wanting

672
00:38:32,920 --> 00:38:35,840
Speaker 1: to go to it because it's pretty intense. M m.

673
00:38:36,760 --> 00:38:39,760
Speaker 1: So are there pieces of it that you could maybe

674
00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:42,560
Speaker 1: think about for yourself if you can't necessarily afford to

675
00:38:42,600 --> 00:38:45,080
Speaker 1: do that or I would imagine also I don't know

676
00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:47,200
Speaker 1: the two that you're speaking of, but I would imagine

677
00:38:47,560 --> 00:38:50,399
Speaker 1: there are some cultural pieces to sexuality that we would

678
00:38:50,440 --> 00:38:53,200
Speaker 1: want to make sure that are part of that conversation

679
00:38:53,239 --> 00:38:57,040
Speaker 1: for it should be a safe place to engage. Oh. Absolutely.

680
00:38:57,080 --> 00:38:59,520
Speaker 1: And there are some stars well again I'm going to

681
00:38:59,560 --> 00:39:02,640
Speaker 1: profess on now, but you know, people can create them

682
00:39:02,719 --> 00:39:06,320
Speaker 1: where it's for black, conditionous and other people of color only,

683
00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:11,680
Speaker 1: or making sure that you address culture and intersectionality within

684
00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:14,560
Speaker 1: the star, and that's one of the huge things. Um.

685
00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:18,000
Speaker 1: I have some colleagues that's their only stars that they

686
00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:23,799
Speaker 1: conduct because the lack of inclusion and sexuality work and

687
00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:28,920
Speaker 1: whitewashing of sexuality overall, and so that's their main intent

688
00:39:29,160 --> 00:39:33,120
Speaker 1: when they're doing stars. I love that. Yeah, Yeah, I'm

689
00:39:33,160 --> 00:39:35,400
Speaker 1: glad that people are offering those and I would imagine

690
00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:39,400
Speaker 1: that maybe even some other sexuality educators or sex therapists

691
00:39:39,400 --> 00:39:41,839
Speaker 1: maybe do this work as a part of the work

692
00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:47,400
Speaker 1: they do with individual clients or maybe smaller groups. Right, yeah, Okay, Okay,

693
00:39:47,840 --> 00:39:51,120
Speaker 1: So Tanya, I want to also here just because I'm

694
00:39:51,160 --> 00:39:53,360
Speaker 1: not as familiar and I have little ones, so therefore

695
00:39:53,400 --> 00:39:56,520
Speaker 1: and six so you know, really just kind of starting school.

696
00:39:56,800 --> 00:39:59,520
Speaker 1: But I think about my own education, like with health

697
00:39:59,600 --> 00:40:02,000
Speaker 1: education and right, like thinking about that one circle that

698
00:40:02,040 --> 00:40:05,080
Speaker 1: you talked about, right in terms of reproductive health and

699
00:40:05,239 --> 00:40:08,640
Speaker 1: sexual health. I'm curious to know if we are seeing

700
00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:13,799
Speaker 1: advancements in terms of like health classes or like what

701
00:40:13,920 --> 00:40:17,800
Speaker 1: kinds of curriculums are Are they being shared in schools

702
00:40:17,840 --> 00:40:22,560
Speaker 1: that have a much more sex positive focus. Well, joined

703
00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:29,320
Speaker 1: there's good news and there's and this is the honest truth.

704
00:40:29,640 --> 00:40:32,000
Speaker 1: So I don't know if you want the good news

705
00:40:32,160 --> 00:40:36,000
Speaker 1: or the badness, but let's start with the good news. Okay.

706
00:40:36,040 --> 00:40:40,279
Speaker 1: So the good goals is from an overall standpoint in

707
00:40:40,320 --> 00:40:44,799
Speaker 1: my experience, the curriculum are not or curriculum are not

708
00:40:44,920 --> 00:40:49,440
Speaker 1: changing per se, Like there's been advancement even here in

709
00:40:49,480 --> 00:40:52,400
Speaker 1: North Carolina when I was doing some work with working

710
00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:56,040
Speaker 1: at the Department of Education two thousand nine, our standards

711
00:40:56,160 --> 00:41:00,839
Speaker 1: change for reproductive health and safety education. But aultimately that's

712
00:41:00,880 --> 00:41:03,000
Speaker 1: just a small bit of it, and a lot of

713
00:41:03,040 --> 00:41:06,320
Speaker 1: the evidence space curriculum that's been using communities and schools.

714
00:41:06,960 --> 00:41:10,000
Speaker 1: You know, that stuff was published and set out in

715
00:41:10,040 --> 00:41:13,839
Speaker 1: the nineties and early two thousands, so it's it's not

716
00:41:13,920 --> 00:41:18,440
Speaker 1: as inclusive, it's not as affirming. The good news on

717
00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:23,480
Speaker 1: that is that educators are realizing that these are the

718
00:41:23,520 --> 00:41:27,080
Speaker 1: things that they're mandated and required to teach, but they're

719
00:41:27,160 --> 00:41:30,879
Speaker 1: learning for themselves how to be more sex positive, how

720
00:41:30,920 --> 00:41:34,720
Speaker 1: to be inclusive, how to change language with keeping still

721
00:41:34,719 --> 00:41:39,120
Speaker 1: of the fidelity portion of the materials that they're using,

722
00:41:39,440 --> 00:41:44,000
Speaker 1: but expanding it so that it's more holistic in their teaching.

723
00:41:44,320 --> 00:41:48,680
Speaker 1: So it's really about the teacher themselves, and it is

724
00:41:48,719 --> 00:41:52,040
Speaker 1: about the actual materials that are out there. But then

725
00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:54,080
Speaker 1: with the event of like well, I'm saying, the advent

726
00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:58,640
Speaker 1: with the use of technology and spanding technology, they're like

727
00:41:58,840 --> 00:42:04,239
Speaker 1: online wordles that people can use, videos, podcasts, etcetera. Now,

728
00:42:05,600 --> 00:42:08,120
Speaker 1: so basically what you're saying is that if we want

729
00:42:08,160 --> 00:42:10,280
Speaker 1: to make sure that the young people in our lives

730
00:42:10,640 --> 00:42:14,319
Speaker 1: have a more sex positive approach to sexuality are more

731
00:42:14,320 --> 00:42:17,600
Speaker 1: positive approach to sexuality. It's really gonna be on us

732
00:42:17,920 --> 00:42:20,480
Speaker 1: to make sure that we're sharing materials and books and

733
00:42:20,600 --> 00:42:23,480
Speaker 1: videos and those kinds of things to start those conversations,

734
00:42:23,480 --> 00:42:26,319
Speaker 1: because it's unlikely they will get it in schools. Right.

735
00:42:26,440 --> 00:42:29,560
Speaker 1: And I always use this analogy because I'm horrible at math,

736
00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:32,040
Speaker 1: but I said, in North Carolina, we have one hundred

737
00:42:32,080 --> 00:42:35,400
Speaker 1: and fifteen school districts. So if you multiply that by

738
00:42:35,440 --> 00:42:39,080
Speaker 1: the number of schools that actually are teaching this content,

739
00:42:39,239 --> 00:42:42,480
Speaker 1: multiply that by the number of teachers who are actually

740
00:42:42,520 --> 00:42:46,320
Speaker 1: providing it, then that's the number of ways you're actually

741
00:42:46,320 --> 00:42:49,880
Speaker 1: gonna get sexuality education in the state because it's gonna

742
00:42:49,920 --> 00:42:53,520
Speaker 1: always land with what the teacher can and feel supported

743
00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:56,520
Speaker 1: and it's knowledgeable and doing all the way up to

744
00:42:56,960 --> 00:43:00,840
Speaker 1: the superintendent of the school district support them doing it.

745
00:43:01,560 --> 00:43:04,680
Speaker 1: Got it? Got it? So Todd, you can you share

746
00:43:04,719 --> 00:43:07,960
Speaker 1: any resources that you really enjoy for people who maybe

747
00:43:08,040 --> 00:43:10,480
Speaker 1: want to dig more into some of the things that

748
00:43:10,520 --> 00:43:17,360
Speaker 1: you've talked about today. I really like books, so I

749
00:43:17,520 --> 00:43:20,960
Speaker 1: have I feel like my library is like sensive because

750
00:43:21,640 --> 00:43:24,280
Speaker 1: I like old books. So like right now I'm reading

751
00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:27,120
Speaker 1: a book from nineteen eighty three on sexuality just to

752
00:43:27,200 --> 00:43:31,200
Speaker 1: see how things have evolved. So those are some good books.

753
00:43:31,239 --> 00:43:33,760
Speaker 1: But I know you have my colleague Dr lex Change.

754
00:43:33,800 --> 00:43:37,160
Speaker 1: She has the cool book that's for children on teaching

755
00:43:37,200 --> 00:43:41,319
Speaker 1: about body parts. I also, I'm like, I'm looking over

756
00:43:41,400 --> 00:43:44,600
Speaker 1: there now, uh, to to see like there's like volumes

757
00:43:44,600 --> 00:43:47,880
Speaker 1: of books around sex and how it's changed. So I

758
00:43:47,880 --> 00:43:52,400
Speaker 1: think books are good resource. And I also like reflecting

759
00:43:52,440 --> 00:43:56,160
Speaker 1: back on old sitcom so, like we were talking about girlfriends,

760
00:43:56,200 --> 00:43:59,239
Speaker 1: but like Good Times is a classic way to like

761
00:43:59,320 --> 00:44:04,640
Speaker 1: discuss sex and sexuality with various people because there were

762
00:44:04,680 --> 00:44:10,920
Speaker 1: so many episodes that really looked at gender and representation, etcetera.

763
00:44:11,040 --> 00:44:14,359
Speaker 1: So I hate to say TV, but TV is also

764
00:44:14,680 --> 00:44:17,480
Speaker 1: a good way to do that. So now I am

765
00:44:17,680 --> 00:44:20,920
Speaker 1: very curious to hear some examples from Good Times because

766
00:44:20,920 --> 00:44:23,200
Speaker 1: there's so many episodes. But I don't think I've ever

767
00:44:23,239 --> 00:44:25,960
Speaker 1: looked at it through like a sexuality or kind of

768
00:44:26,040 --> 00:44:28,360
Speaker 1: information lends in that way. So can you give me

769
00:44:28,400 --> 00:44:31,719
Speaker 1: an example of something that you might use from Good Times? Oh? Yeah,

770
00:44:31,880 --> 00:44:35,960
Speaker 1: So there was one episode where what's his name, Philip

771
00:44:35,960 --> 00:44:39,000
Speaker 1: Michael Thomas was in it and he was dating Delma.

772
00:44:39,120 --> 00:44:42,880
Speaker 1: He was a college student working on either his dissertation

773
00:44:42,960 --> 00:44:45,520
Speaker 1: or thesis. I believe that these this title was something

774
00:44:45,520 --> 00:44:49,360
Speaker 1: similar to like Black Sexuality in the Ghetto Girl or

775
00:44:49,400 --> 00:44:53,280
Speaker 1: something like that, and it was a conversation of Delma

776
00:44:53,440 --> 00:44:58,680
Speaker 1: was reading it, but her father James saw and thought

777
00:44:58,800 --> 00:45:01,319
Speaker 1: it was okay because he j j was reading it

778
00:45:01,920 --> 00:45:04,759
Speaker 1: and he was even okay although Michael was younger than

779
00:45:04,800 --> 00:45:08,040
Speaker 1: it might have been Michael reading it, but he flipped

780
00:45:08,120 --> 00:45:12,000
Speaker 1: his lid when he found out Thelma was reading it.

781
00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:16,640
Speaker 1: And so that played out like the gender dynamics around that.

782
00:45:17,120 --> 00:45:19,719
Speaker 1: So like when I see some of those episodes, I

783
00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:22,840
Speaker 1: like trying to take deep and plus I see myself

784
00:45:22,880 --> 00:45:28,360
Speaker 1: as a black woman in Filma, will Lona and Florida,

785
00:45:28,480 --> 00:45:30,799
Speaker 1: Like it's like that's all the people that were in

786
00:45:30,880 --> 00:45:35,200
Speaker 1: my life at the time, and I see myself in them. Yeah. Yeah,

787
00:45:35,239 --> 00:45:36,879
Speaker 1: I think it is interesting to kind of look at

788
00:45:36,920 --> 00:45:38,920
Speaker 1: some things that we looked at when we were maybe younger,

789
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:41,960
Speaker 1: and now, you know, from an older approach and through

790
00:45:42,000 --> 00:45:44,440
Speaker 1: a professional list, right, because of course you worked and

791
00:45:44,520 --> 00:45:49,080
Speaker 1: informs how you're you know, viewing media, which is interesting. Yeah, yeah,

792
00:45:49,320 --> 00:45:51,920
Speaker 1: I love that. I appreciate you sharing that, So anything

793
00:45:51,960 --> 00:45:54,440
Speaker 1: else that you want to share with the audience, Tanya,

794
00:45:54,480 --> 00:45:57,319
Speaker 1: any other resources, and definitely share with us where we

795
00:45:57,320 --> 00:46:00,240
Speaker 1: can find you online as well as any social media hands.

796
00:46:00,960 --> 00:46:05,160
Speaker 1: Oh yes. So some great resources include sex Positive Families

797
00:46:05,200 --> 00:46:08,680
Speaker 1: for those who have young people and kiddos in their life,

798
00:46:08,880 --> 00:46:11,360
Speaker 1: so that they can have conversations, especially as a trusted

799
00:46:11,400 --> 00:46:15,080
Speaker 1: adult or most importantly in parents, because that is a

800
00:46:15,160 --> 00:46:18,960
Speaker 1: lot of stress, especially now with COVID. Afro Sexology is

801
00:46:18,960 --> 00:46:21,640
Speaker 1: a great resource too. I like to use some of

802
00:46:21,680 --> 00:46:24,880
Speaker 1: their worksheets when I'm talking about pleasure and kind of

803
00:46:24,920 --> 00:46:27,120
Speaker 1: that conversation is like what do you like and what

804
00:46:27,200 --> 00:46:30,640
Speaker 1: you don't like or your fetishes and your fantasies. So

805
00:46:30,880 --> 00:46:35,840
Speaker 1: Afro Sexology those are my main go to ones. And

806
00:46:36,280 --> 00:46:41,400
Speaker 1: my contact information is Tanya and bass dot com and

807
00:46:41,440 --> 00:46:44,880
Speaker 1: I put videos up there, but you definitely can contact

808
00:46:44,960 --> 00:46:48,879
Speaker 1: me and get information from me and on Instagram as well.

809
00:46:49,960 --> 00:46:52,480
Speaker 1: Perfect what we appreciate you sharing. That's on you, and

810
00:46:52,520 --> 00:46:56,360
Speaker 1: I appreciate you, know you and Afro Sexology and sex

811
00:46:56,360 --> 00:46:59,880
Speaker 1: Positive Families because something you said earlier around like you

812
00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:02,600
Speaker 1: using oh I saw this on TV. You know, it's

813
00:47:02,600 --> 00:47:04,560
Speaker 1: just something that you want to try. I really feel

814
00:47:04,600 --> 00:47:07,040
Speaker 1: like the work that you all do gives people that

815
00:47:07,200 --> 00:47:09,560
Speaker 1: in right, So if I see a sex educator share

816
00:47:09,600 --> 00:47:12,000
Speaker 1: something on Instagram, then that's an easy thing for me

817
00:47:12,040 --> 00:47:13,960
Speaker 1: to show to my partner and say, oh, did you

818
00:47:14,000 --> 00:47:15,960
Speaker 1: see this thing that you know Tony was talking about?

819
00:47:16,040 --> 00:47:18,040
Speaker 1: Maybe this is something that we can try. So I

820
00:47:18,080 --> 00:47:21,120
Speaker 1: do think it makes, you know, sexual education just much

821
00:47:21,120 --> 00:47:24,000
Speaker 1: more accessible for people and gives them language, you know,

822
00:47:24,080 --> 00:47:29,799
Speaker 1: that they might not have had otherwise. Absolutely, that's so true. Yeah, yeah,

823
00:47:29,960 --> 00:47:31,600
Speaker 1: so thank you so much for sharing with us. I

824
00:47:31,680 --> 00:47:38,520
Speaker 1: appreciate it. Thank you. I'm so glad Tony was able

825
00:47:38,560 --> 00:47:41,440
Speaker 1: to share her expertise with us today. To learn more

826
00:47:41,480 --> 00:47:44,000
Speaker 1: about her and her work, be sure to visit the

827
00:47:44,040 --> 00:47:46,880
Speaker 1: show notes at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash

828
00:47:46,920 --> 00:47:50,319
Speaker 1: Session one seventy four, and don't forget to grab your

829
00:47:50,320 --> 00:47:53,200
Speaker 1: tickets to join us Friday night for US sex Positive

830
00:47:53,239 --> 00:47:58,640
Speaker 1: September Celebration at sex Positive September dot com. If you're

831
00:47:58,640 --> 00:48:01,560
Speaker 1: looking for a therapist tunity area, be sure to check

832
00:48:01,600 --> 00:48:04,680
Speaker 1: out our therapist directory at Therapy for Black Girls dot

833
00:48:04,680 --> 00:48:08,560
Speaker 1: com slash directory. And if you want to continue digging

834
00:48:08,560 --> 00:48:11,359
Speaker 1: into this topic and connect with some other sisters in

835
00:48:11,400 --> 00:48:13,759
Speaker 1: your area. Come on over and join us in the

836
00:48:13,840 --> 00:48:16,879
Speaker 1: Yellow College Collective, where we take a deeper dive into

837
00:48:16,880 --> 00:48:19,880
Speaker 1: the topics from the podcast and just about everything else.

838
00:48:20,520 --> 00:48:22,719
Speaker 1: You can join us at Therapy for Black Girls dot

839
00:48:22,719 --> 00:48:26,640
Speaker 1: com slash y c C. Don't forget that. If you're

840
00:48:26,640 --> 00:48:28,839
Speaker 1: looking for a way to end summer on a high note,

841
00:48:29,239 --> 00:48:32,520
Speaker 1: Freaket Wireless has got just the thing. Get ready for

842
00:48:32,640 --> 00:48:37,440
Speaker 1: unlimited smiles, unlimited times. For get four lines of unlimited

843
00:48:37,520 --> 00:48:41,239
Speaker 1: data for a hundred dollars a month. Thank y'all so

844
00:48:41,320 --> 00:48:44,080
Speaker 1: much for joining me again this week. I look forward

845
00:48:44,120 --> 00:48:47,799
Speaker 1: to continuing this conversation with you all real soon. Take

846
00:48:47,840 --> 00:48:59,919
Speaker 1: good care. What's