1 00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:07,640 Speaker 1: Live from the Mercedes Benz Interview Lounge. Mel Robbins, thank 2 00:00:07,680 --> 00:00:08,320 Speaker 1: you for dropping by. 3 00:00:08,360 --> 00:00:10,240 Speaker 2: I know you're the busiest person in show business. 4 00:00:10,320 --> 00:00:12,600 Speaker 3: Oh no, that's not true. I think you are now 5 00:00:12,720 --> 00:00:15,200 Speaker 3: am not. I live in Vermont. I am not the 6 00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:17,160 Speaker 3: busiest person in show business. 7 00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:18,639 Speaker 2: Well, welcome to our show. 8 00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:19,119 Speaker 3: Thank you. 9 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:21,040 Speaker 2: We're so excited that you're here. 10 00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:21,720 Speaker 3: Thank you. 11 00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:24,320 Speaker 2: It's a dream come true. To be honest, but I'm 12 00:00:24,320 --> 00:00:26,240 Speaker 2: not going to butter your biscuit anymore. 13 00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:28,040 Speaker 3: That sounds very sexual. 14 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:32,599 Speaker 1: Biscuits buttered the number one New York bestseller, They'll let them. 15 00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:35,559 Speaker 1: Theory is out and we're talking about a book that 16 00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:38,080 Speaker 1: people in the publishing industry are saying, well maybe one 17 00:00:38,159 --> 00:00:40,800 Speaker 1: of the biggest selling books of all time, which has 18 00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:42,319 Speaker 1: got to freak you out just a little bit. 19 00:00:42,479 --> 00:00:44,080 Speaker 2: Or do you believe it? Are they liars? 20 00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:49,280 Speaker 4: I you know, you know, it's a weird thing to 21 00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:51,080 Speaker 4: talk about. Is like, there is no doubt. This is 22 00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:55,240 Speaker 4: my legacy, this book, this book, this is my legacy. 23 00:00:55,240 --> 00:01:00,240 Speaker 4: It's so I can't believe, mister Crane again, I I 24 00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:07,039 Speaker 4: am so blown away by the impact it's making and 25 00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:10,959 Speaker 4: the fact that people are interested in reading a book. 26 00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:14,520 Speaker 4: You know that is not helping you escape your life, 27 00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:18,919 Speaker 4: but helping you turn toward your life. 28 00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:20,960 Speaker 2: Wow, now I'm going to start crying, so you can. 29 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:23,440 Speaker 5: People need that right now so desperately. 30 00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:27,520 Speaker 4: Yes, I feel you know, there are so many moments 31 00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:31,280 Speaker 4: in your life where you're going to feel impatient and 32 00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:33,560 Speaker 4: where you're going to feel like you're not quite sure 33 00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:35,720 Speaker 4: where things are going. And I know over the past 34 00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:39,440 Speaker 4: sixteen years in particular, I've certainly felt that way. And 35 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:43,840 Speaker 4: what has happened with this theory and the way it's 36 00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:46,680 Speaker 4: spread around the world is I now can look back 37 00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:50,280 Speaker 4: and go, Oh, all of those reps you were putting in, 38 00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:52,440 Speaker 4: all of those days you got yourself out of bed, 39 00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:55,320 Speaker 4: all of those days you didn't quit, all of those 40 00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:59,040 Speaker 4: times you kept going even though you got fired or 41 00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:01,600 Speaker 4: that didn't work out, or you didn't think it was 42 00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:04,160 Speaker 4: going to happen. It's because you were being held for 43 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:07,640 Speaker 4: this moment. And I really believe that. You know, there 44 00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:10,080 Speaker 4: are two skills that I would love to talk about 45 00:02:10,120 --> 00:02:11,959 Speaker 4: today that have made a huge difference in my life 46 00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:15,680 Speaker 4: that anybody can learn. Number One, it is a skill 47 00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:18,280 Speaker 4: in life to learn how to make yourself do the 48 00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:20,800 Speaker 4: things you don't feel like doing. Like, if you only 49 00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:22,520 Speaker 4: did the things you don't feel like doing, you'd have 50 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:26,840 Speaker 4: everything you've ever wanted. Motivation is complete garbage. Stop sitting 51 00:02:26,919 --> 00:02:29,480 Speaker 4: around waiting for it. It's not coming. Nobody's coming to 52 00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:32,600 Speaker 4: save you. You have everything you need inside you. That's not 53 00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:35,880 Speaker 4: some sort of wizard of oz gobbly gooo woo woo crap. 54 00:02:36,560 --> 00:02:40,079 Speaker 4: The truth is you have the ability to push yourself 55 00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:44,960 Speaker 4: through anxiety, through depression, through overwhelm, through fear, through anything 56 00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:49,080 Speaker 4: that is currently holding you back, and do the simple 57 00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:51,359 Speaker 4: things that will change your life. 58 00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:52,720 Speaker 2: And what was the second? Do you remember? 59 00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:53,040 Speaker 3: Yes? 60 00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:57,560 Speaker 4: And the second is teaching yourself how to believe in 61 00:02:57,600 --> 00:03:01,680 Speaker 4: a bigger possibility that are going to work out for you. 62 00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:04,520 Speaker 1: I just wanted people to hear those two things because 63 00:03:04,639 --> 00:03:06,880 Speaker 1: I well, people almays. 64 00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:09,400 Speaker 4: Ask me, how did you How did you become Mel Robbins? 65 00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:11,080 Speaker 2: And I'm like, how did you become Mel Robins? 66 00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:14,680 Speaker 4: By teaching myself how to get out of bed on 67 00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:18,160 Speaker 4: those moments when the anxiety and depression was so crushing 68 00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:21,720 Speaker 4: and I felt like what was the point? 69 00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:23,000 Speaker 2: Right? 70 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:24,639 Speaker 6: And there's at one point in the book where you 71 00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:26,799 Speaker 6: go I walked into my friend's house and she had 72 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:28,639 Speaker 6: just renovated the whole house and. 73 00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:29,840 Speaker 3: You were so jealous. 74 00:03:29,919 --> 00:03:31,800 Speaker 6: Yes, and you were so and that's and that's the 75 00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:34,080 Speaker 6: point where I feel you were like, f this, I 76 00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:35,040 Speaker 6: gotta do something. 77 00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:38,240 Speaker 4: Well, you know, there's again, life is always teaching you something, 78 00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:41,120 Speaker 4: so you know, for for if you're listening and this 79 00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:43,280 Speaker 4: is the first time that you're either watching or hearing 80 00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:46,160 Speaker 4: my voice. My story begins sixteen years ago when we 81 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:48,480 Speaker 4: were eight hundred thousand dollars in debt and my husband's 82 00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:51,120 Speaker 4: restaurant business was going under and I was unemployed at 83 00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:53,320 Speaker 4: the time, and we had three kids ten and under, 84 00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:56,040 Speaker 4: and that was not the vision for my life. And 85 00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:58,200 Speaker 4: what you will find is that it's easy to give 86 00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:00,360 Speaker 4: other people advice, but when the you know what hits 87 00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:03,120 Speaker 4: the fan in your own life, you get paralyzed with 88 00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:04,760 Speaker 4: the fear that you're not going to figure it out. 89 00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:05,160 Speaker 2: And that was me. 90 00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:08,640 Speaker 4: And instead of doing what I knew I needed to do, 91 00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:11,320 Speaker 4: which was get a job, stop screaming at Chris, get 92 00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:13,760 Speaker 4: out of bed, get the kids on the bus, ask 93 00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:16,400 Speaker 4: for help, I did the opposite. I drank myself into 94 00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:17,840 Speaker 4: the ground and I would lay in bed like a 95 00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:19,680 Speaker 4: human pot roast, staring at the ceiling. 96 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:20,839 Speaker 2: God, this sounds good. 97 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:22,760 Speaker 3: Yeah, I wouldn't open the bills. 98 00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:25,360 Speaker 4: They just kept piling up on the counter, and it 99 00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:28,560 Speaker 4: gets worse and worse, and then you start to convince 100 00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:31,000 Speaker 4: yourself there's nothing you can do, and that's a lie. 101 00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:34,920 Speaker 4: There is always something you can do to improve even 102 00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:38,200 Speaker 4: the worst of situations through your attitude, through your actions, 103 00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:40,000 Speaker 4: and through the way you process your emotions. And this 104 00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:42,320 Speaker 4: is not a new idea, by the way, this is 105 00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:46,000 Speaker 4: Victor Frankel's man search for meaning. This is what's true 106 00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:51,120 Speaker 4: about the human experience. And so I became the success 107 00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:55,599 Speaker 4: that you see today due to sixteen years of boring, 108 00:04:55,839 --> 00:04:59,040 Speaker 4: grueling reps that I would put in every day that 109 00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:01,800 Speaker 4: began with just get your butt out of bed on 110 00:05:01,839 --> 00:05:02,919 Speaker 4: the mornings. You don't feel like it. 111 00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:06,680 Speaker 1: Wow, you know, very simple the five four three two 112 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:10,680 Speaker 1: one theory of the the countdown. There's always something we're 113 00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:11,680 Speaker 1: procrastinating about. 114 00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:12,800 Speaker 2: I don't want to go out of bed. I don't 115 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:13,280 Speaker 2: want to do this. 116 00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:18,400 Speaker 1: You got to be that rocket at Cape Canaveral that's 117 00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:20,360 Speaker 1: about to take off, and once the countdown is done, 118 00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:22,839 Speaker 1: down one and then blast off, you have no choice 119 00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:25,400 Speaker 1: but to go to outer space and it actually works. 120 00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:27,599 Speaker 1: I've actually applied this to my life and it works. 121 00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:29,200 Speaker 1: When I first read that, I'm like, this. 122 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:30,359 Speaker 2: Is what this is stupid? 123 00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:32,240 Speaker 3: Yes I agree, So number one. 124 00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:33,239 Speaker 2: Bence out of this crap. 125 00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:35,039 Speaker 3: Yes it works, it works. 126 00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:36,200 Speaker 2: Tell everyone was sound. 127 00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:38,279 Speaker 4: Five second RUL is super simple. It's a It's a 128 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:42,400 Speaker 4: hack you can use for instant courage or motivation. Any 129 00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:44,560 Speaker 4: moment where you have this instinct that you should do something, 130 00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:46,800 Speaker 4: whether it's speaking up at work, or it's getting out 131 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:48,960 Speaker 4: of bed, or it's putting the phone down and actually 132 00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:51,320 Speaker 4: stepping outside for a walk, whatever it may be. Just 133 00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:54,000 Speaker 4: start counting five four three two one. You got to 134 00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:56,520 Speaker 4: count backwards. Does not work if you count up, because 135 00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:58,880 Speaker 4: you've been taught to count up your entire life, so 136 00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:02,320 Speaker 4: it's already recorded and you're subconscious. The trick works because 137 00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:04,760 Speaker 4: if you count backwards five four three two one, it 138 00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:07,640 Speaker 4: requires a moment where you have to focus on the counting, 139 00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:11,279 Speaker 4: and that pulls the front part of your brain, the 140 00:06:11,279 --> 00:06:16,240 Speaker 4: prefrontal cortex online. So now you've just activated the part 141 00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:18,760 Speaker 4: of the brain that you need to change behavior or 142 00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:21,520 Speaker 4: to actually push yourself to do something. You're now in 143 00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:23,440 Speaker 4: control for a moment and the other reason why it 144 00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:26,719 Speaker 4: works is because it's like the first domino. Counting is 145 00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:30,000 Speaker 4: an action, and if you've actually decided to count five four, 146 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:33,120 Speaker 4: three two one, you've already decided to do it, So 147 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:34,919 Speaker 4: you're going to do it the first domino. Yeah, and 148 00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:36,120 Speaker 4: then you move five, fourth, three to one. 149 00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:37,960 Speaker 3: Move Now. I didn't know any of this when I 150 00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:38,440 Speaker 3: invented it. 151 00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:41,640 Speaker 4: I invented it after having four bourbon Manhattans and seeing 152 00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:45,839 Speaker 4: a rocket ship launch across a television screen, right and thinking, oh. 153 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:48,760 Speaker 3: My god, Okay, that is a sign from God. Tomorrow morning, 154 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:49,480 Speaker 3: I'm gonna. 155 00:06:49,279 --> 00:06:52,240 Speaker 2: Launch great ideas happened to Tabar. 156 00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:54,320 Speaker 4: I have no problem with that, you know, I always 157 00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:58,640 Speaker 4: say that, you know, my expertise comes from being life tested, right, 158 00:06:58,839 --> 00:06:59,920 Speaker 4: like when you're in that hole. 159 00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:03,200 Speaker 3: There's a lot of things that you learn about life. 160 00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:05,159 Speaker 6: But that's the best part about the book is that 161 00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:07,560 Speaker 6: you're so honest about that, where you're not just like 162 00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:10,880 Speaker 6: shoving this information down people's throats. You're saying, Okay, here's 163 00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:12,600 Speaker 6: an example. This is what happened to me. 164 00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:14,800 Speaker 4: Yeah, totally, Like I am the villain in my own 165 00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:18,040 Speaker 4: book for sure, like the person they find that you know, 166 00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:20,120 Speaker 4: as you read the let them theory, or like you 167 00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:22,080 Speaker 4: hear the stories from it, you're like, oh my gosh, 168 00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:27,119 Speaker 4: old Mel was pretty awful, jealous friend, immature, constantly taking 169 00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:28,600 Speaker 4: her emotions out on her family. 170 00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:29,200 Speaker 3: You know. 171 00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:32,920 Speaker 4: Wow, this either reminds me of me or it reminds 172 00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:35,880 Speaker 4: me of somebody in my life that I wish would change. 173 00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:37,560 Speaker 3: And so I also think. 174 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:40,760 Speaker 4: The success of this is is because let them and 175 00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:43,160 Speaker 4: let Me is so simple and it's a tool. You 176 00:07:43,160 --> 00:07:44,680 Speaker 4: don't have to think about it, you just use it 177 00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:46,760 Speaker 4: and it works. And also this is a book that 178 00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:50,000 Speaker 4: is largely about stories, and but the stories are what 179 00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:51,160 Speaker 4: translates the research. 180 00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:53,240 Speaker 1: But I'm sure from time to time you still throw 181 00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:56,400 Speaker 1: sharp objects. You're crazy, Okay, just making sure I need 182 00:07:56,440 --> 00:07:56,720 Speaker 1: to know that. 183 00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:57,840 Speaker 2: Oh my god. 184 00:07:58,040 --> 00:08:00,560 Speaker 5: Yes, So from all the things that you saying, it's 185 00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:02,960 Speaker 5: not about the end, it's more about the beginning and 186 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:05,560 Speaker 5: getting started. Yes, how can you I know you're saying 187 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:07,440 Speaker 5: get out of bed. But for people who are just 188 00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:10,000 Speaker 5: super sad and they're having a tough time that day, 189 00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:12,520 Speaker 5: aside from get out of bed, what do you tell them? 190 00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:16,240 Speaker 4: Well, if you're having a tough day, the first thing 191 00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:19,360 Speaker 4: I want you to understand is that in order to 192 00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:22,280 Speaker 4: have good days, you gotta have bad days, and reminding 193 00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:26,440 Speaker 4: yourself that this is temporary and that another wave is 194 00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:28,600 Speaker 4: gonna come and you have the ability to just ride 195 00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:31,600 Speaker 4: this wave. You don't have to gaslight yourself into positivity. 196 00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:33,719 Speaker 4: You can just allow yourself to be sad. One of 197 00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:36,080 Speaker 4: the things that is very helpful for me is to 198 00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:39,280 Speaker 4: say things like I'm sad because I'm going to allow 199 00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:41,959 Speaker 4: myself to be a little down today because and the 200 00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:45,880 Speaker 4: because is important because then sadness doesn't become your identity. 201 00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:48,800 Speaker 4: You've identified the thing that makes you sad, and there 202 00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:51,640 Speaker 4: are going to be times where being sad or heartbroken 203 00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:55,440 Speaker 4: or down is a mentally healthy response to the things 204 00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:57,640 Speaker 4: that are going on in life. And you know, the 205 00:08:57,679 --> 00:08:59,000 Speaker 4: other thing that I would tell you is I do 206 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:01,600 Speaker 4: think they'll let them think will help a lot, because 207 00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:04,400 Speaker 4: if you find that you're at a point in your 208 00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:09,080 Speaker 4: life where you're overwhelmed, you're struggling, you're worried, you're sad, 209 00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:12,120 Speaker 4: you're tired, or you just are working very hard and 210 00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:16,880 Speaker 4: nothing's clicking. The problem isn't you. The problem is that you, 211 00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:20,400 Speaker 4: unknowingly are giving so much of your power to other 212 00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:24,720 Speaker 4: people to what they think, to their expectations, to their moods, 213 00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:28,200 Speaker 4: to the drama that's going on, to their beliefs. And 214 00:09:28,240 --> 00:09:32,080 Speaker 4: when you give power to other people, you have none 215 00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:34,560 Speaker 4: left for yourself. That's why you're tired. And so this 216 00:09:34,679 --> 00:09:37,960 Speaker 4: book and the Let Them Theory is actually about power 217 00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:41,679 Speaker 4: and control. What can you can control, what can you 218 00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:45,120 Speaker 4: not control? Where is power and where are you giving 219 00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:45,520 Speaker 4: it away? 220 00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:49,000 Speaker 1: Well, the let Them Theory there is actually a theory, 221 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:50,960 Speaker 1: and there's actually so sort of an easy to figure 222 00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:52,400 Speaker 1: out outline to that. I want to get into that 223 00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:54,960 Speaker 1: in a second. We'll be right back, and we're back 224 00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:57,240 Speaker 1: more with Mel Robbins. So when you and your daughter 225 00:09:57,480 --> 00:09:59,920 Speaker 1: together wrote the Let Them Theory, they knew they have 226 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:00,920 Speaker 1: had a hit already. 227 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,440 Speaker 2: They knew this thing was going to be big. 228 00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:06,640 Speaker 4: Well, I'll tell you why, because it was excruciating to 229 00:10:06,679 --> 00:10:09,680 Speaker 4: write this together. So she does this research project where 230 00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:11,160 Speaker 4: I wanted her to go and look at all the 231 00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:14,040 Speaker 4: comments online from the podcast and from some of the 232 00:10:14,040 --> 00:10:16,080 Speaker 4: social media posts that we had put up, look at 233 00:10:16,679 --> 00:10:18,840 Speaker 4: articles that were starting to get written about Let Them. 234 00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:20,600 Speaker 4: And she came back and was like, you can't write 235 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:23,800 Speaker 4: this book. And I was like why, and she said, well, 236 00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:27,400 Speaker 4: everybody loves it, except for there's like this slice of people. 237 00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:30,480 Speaker 4: They're saying, let them feels good if it's making them lonely. 238 00:10:30,920 --> 00:10:33,120 Speaker 4: And then you're kind of left sitting with now what. 239 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:35,600 Speaker 4: My brothers and sisters don't reach out unless I do. 240 00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:38,000 Speaker 4: My friends aren't checking in on me unless I check out. 241 00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:38,079 Speaker 7: What? 242 00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:38,520 Speaker 3: Now what? 243 00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:40,480 Speaker 4: And she says, you can't put a book out that 244 00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:42,920 Speaker 4: makes people lonely and kind of arrogant. And she said 245 00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:45,560 Speaker 4: there has to be a second part. And that was 246 00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:48,400 Speaker 4: the genesis for let me right, because you have to 247 00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:52,720 Speaker 4: let them is when you stop worrying about other people's 248 00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:55,400 Speaker 4: opinions and feelings and moods and making it your responsibility 249 00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:58,960 Speaker 4: to make everybody else happy. And then you got to go, okay, 250 00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:02,640 Speaker 4: but now what, let me remind myself that my power 251 00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:04,600 Speaker 4: is actually in how I think about things and what 252 00:11:04,679 --> 00:11:07,920 Speaker 4: I do or don't do, and how I process my emotions. 253 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,160 Speaker 4: And so she is the reason why they let Me 254 00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:11,480 Speaker 4: part started. And then I was like, well, then we 255 00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:14,520 Speaker 4: got to write this together. So now we have two 256 00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:17,120 Speaker 4: totally different working styles. Like my brain is like take 257 00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:19,200 Speaker 4: a bunch of mice in a cardboard box and tip 258 00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:21,800 Speaker 4: it over in a kitchen, and she's a walking Excel spreadsheet. 259 00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:25,760 Speaker 4: Plus we're mother daughter. We were like, I would come 260 00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:27,440 Speaker 4: and be like, I wanted to write this story about 261 00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:29,240 Speaker 4: my friends and being a jealous, you know, jerk, and 262 00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:31,080 Speaker 4: she's like, now what my age cares about that story? 263 00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:32,800 Speaker 4: And then we fight about it, and then we get mad, 264 00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:34,439 Speaker 4: and then and then we'd both be like let her, 265 00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:36,280 Speaker 4: and then she would leave and go to a different room, 266 00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:38,760 Speaker 4: and then I would leave as we'd get frustrated. And 267 00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:42,440 Speaker 4: so we actually sorted through every aspect of the book 268 00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:44,720 Speaker 4: and we argued over everything. Because she wanted to make 269 00:11:44,760 --> 00:11:47,760 Speaker 4: it relevant to twenty somethings. I wanted to make it relevant, 270 00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:50,520 Speaker 4: you know, to kind of like a little bit older demographic. 271 00:11:50,559 --> 00:11:53,480 Speaker 4: And the result was we argued over every word. And 272 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:55,840 Speaker 4: in fact, another incredible story is that when we wrote 273 00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:58,520 Speaker 4: the love section, we're getting near the end of the book. 274 00:11:58,520 --> 00:12:02,200 Speaker 4: There's eight sections. Her boyfriend of two years, the one 275 00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:03,400 Speaker 4: she thought that was going to be the end of 276 00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:08,240 Speaker 4: the aisle dumb sir. She's like, I hate this theory. 277 00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:09,960 Speaker 3: What am I supposed to do? Just let him leave, 278 00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:11,440 Speaker 3: let him sleep with somebody else? 279 00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:11,680 Speaker 7: What? 280 00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:18,040 Speaker 4: And so we wrote the breakup guide and using the 281 00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:21,320 Speaker 4: let them theory as she was going through it in 282 00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:25,680 Speaker 4: real time. And I gotta say it was incredible because 283 00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:29,920 Speaker 4: she had to use let them to manage her emotions 284 00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:32,600 Speaker 4: and the let me part and I had to use 285 00:12:32,679 --> 00:12:36,240 Speaker 4: let them and let her to give her the dignity 286 00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:39,880 Speaker 4: of her own experience without wanting to solve it, like 287 00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:42,360 Speaker 4: I wanted to text the other mom constantly. I wanted 288 00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:44,800 Speaker 4: to reach out to him like you know when she's 289 00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:47,240 Speaker 4: when she's like you know. One of the pieces of 290 00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:50,560 Speaker 4: advice is nobody actually goes through the detox in a breakup. 291 00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:53,440 Speaker 4: This is why you don't get over people. When you 292 00:12:54,559 --> 00:12:58,000 Speaker 4: break off a relationship. What you don't realize is that 293 00:12:58,040 --> 00:13:02,840 Speaker 4: you are neurologically and in your nervous system hardwired to 294 00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:05,760 Speaker 4: be connected to this person. So for the first couple 295 00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:08,200 Speaker 4: of weeks, when you think you hear them talking, that's 296 00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:10,880 Speaker 4: not because they miss you, that's not because you should 297 00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:14,280 Speaker 4: get back together. That's because your brain has patterns that 298 00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:18,280 Speaker 4: have been encoded that it's just repeating. And if you've 299 00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:21,760 Speaker 4: never gone thirty days without looking at a photo or 300 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:25,600 Speaker 4: listening to a voice memo or watching their social media profile, 301 00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:29,760 Speaker 4: then you've never fully actually given your nervous system in 302 00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:34,280 Speaker 4: your brain a chance to get over them. Every time 303 00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:36,120 Speaker 4: you listen to a voice memo, every time you look 304 00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:39,040 Speaker 4: at a photo, you reactivate that circuitry. It's just like 305 00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:42,040 Speaker 4: an alcoholic who has a drink, and so you have 306 00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:45,240 Speaker 4: to do this thirty day thing where you don't look 307 00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:47,480 Speaker 4: at anything, put their stuff in a box. I had 308 00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:52,080 Speaker 4: to go through the digital frame in the kitchen. Pause pause, 309 00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:54,160 Speaker 4: because I'm not I don't want to delete, because I'm 310 00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:58,280 Speaker 4: holding out hope. Right pause, pause, pause, you know, because 311 00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:01,480 Speaker 4: but I have to let her have this experience. And 312 00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:03,600 Speaker 4: what's interesting is when you have somebody in your life 313 00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:07,120 Speaker 4: who's going through something it's so uncomfortable that you want 314 00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:10,720 Speaker 4: to save them from it, if you can learn to 315 00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:14,160 Speaker 4: give them a little space while you're standing on the 316 00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:17,120 Speaker 4: sidelines in support, like how would you like me to 317 00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:20,760 Speaker 4: show up? What's interesting is you actually signal to somebody, 318 00:14:20,840 --> 00:14:24,520 Speaker 4: I believe in your capacity to change. I believe in 319 00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:28,440 Speaker 4: your capacity to move through this. And as a mom, 320 00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:32,640 Speaker 4: it's been incredible to recognize that my innate desire to 321 00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:36,160 Speaker 4: want my husband to change doesn't make him change. It 322 00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:39,760 Speaker 4: also creates a distance between us. Learning how to let 323 00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:43,400 Speaker 4: him be who he is and forcing myself to accept 324 00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:46,320 Speaker 4: and love him as he is. Like, that's a whole 325 00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:49,800 Speaker 4: different way to be with somebody's they always I heard 326 00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:52,840 Speaker 4: somebody say once that second marriages are amazing, especially when 327 00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:53,920 Speaker 4: it's with the same person. 328 00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:54,880 Speaker 2: Wow. 329 00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:58,160 Speaker 4: And when you change how you show up, you change 330 00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:02,160 Speaker 4: the relationship. But we've always put the pressure on other 331 00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:05,120 Speaker 4: people to change when actually you've got the power based 332 00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:09,160 Speaker 4: on your energy and your attitude towards somebody, and creating 333 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:11,640 Speaker 4: space for somebody to be themselves is actually the best 334 00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:12,440 Speaker 4: way to love them. 335 00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:14,480 Speaker 5: When you were writing this, did you have any idea 336 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:16,760 Speaker 5: how many people were gonna tattoo let them on their bodies? 337 00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:18,200 Speaker 2: Because it's all I see everywhere. 338 00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:20,880 Speaker 4: Well, it's apparently because we you know, we went through 339 00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:24,440 Speaker 4: the process of contacting every tattoo studio that you see 340 00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:24,840 Speaker 4: in here. 341 00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:26,160 Speaker 3: And getting rights for it. 342 00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:28,000 Speaker 4: Really, and every one of them are like, I got 343 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:31,440 Speaker 4: to tell you, this is the number one tattoo that everywhere, 344 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:34,320 Speaker 4: well because seeing it and I love seeing now the 345 00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:38,120 Speaker 4: let me tattoos because let them. When you say it, 346 00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:42,480 Speaker 4: it's instant peace because you're reminding yourself this drama or 347 00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:46,400 Speaker 4: this situation does not deserve to be stressing me out. 348 00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:49,400 Speaker 4: My time and energy is worth protecting. So when you 349 00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:50,560 Speaker 4: say let them, it's a boundary. 350 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:51,800 Speaker 3: So a big. 351 00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:54,360 Speaker 4: Mistake that people like have about this is that, well, 352 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:56,480 Speaker 4: aren't you just letting them treat you like garbage? I'm like, no, 353 00:15:56,600 --> 00:16:00,160 Speaker 4: they already are. You're explaining it away. When you say 354 00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:03,000 Speaker 4: let them, you're erecting a boundary between yourself and the 355 00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:06,280 Speaker 4: other person, and you're saying yourself, Okay, let them be 356 00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:07,960 Speaker 4: who they are, let them do what they're doing, because 357 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,800 Speaker 4: their behavior is giving me data. 358 00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:10,320 Speaker 2: There you go. 359 00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:11,320 Speaker 3: Now I get to choose. 360 00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:12,000 Speaker 2: See, that's the thing. 361 00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:14,560 Speaker 1: When I first saw the book and the title, I 362 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,360 Speaker 1: automatically go to, well, let them. 363 00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:19,160 Speaker 2: Let me just make an assumption what this is about. 364 00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:23,520 Speaker 1: Let them Okay, someone said something just really disrespectful to me, whatever, Okay, 365 00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:26,960 Speaker 1: let them because what they're saying doesn't matter. Well, I 366 00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:30,160 Speaker 1: don't get I'm not giving them the power. That's the 367 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:33,280 Speaker 1: point to mess with my power. So that was my 368 00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:35,160 Speaker 1: that's my assumption before I picked. 369 00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:36,000 Speaker 3: Up the But here's the other thing. 370 00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:38,320 Speaker 4: One of the things that you'll recognize when you start 371 00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:41,520 Speaker 4: saying this let them and let me is that the 372 00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:44,160 Speaker 4: one thing in life, you have no control over is 373 00:16:44,160 --> 00:16:48,040 Speaker 4: what another human being thinks, says, believes, does no control. 374 00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:52,400 Speaker 4: And so it is the biggest form of gaslighting to 375 00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:55,840 Speaker 4: yourself to think that there is absolutely something you could 376 00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:58,280 Speaker 4: do that would guarantee that somebody has a thought. And 377 00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:00,560 Speaker 4: I'll give you an example. We've all had the experience 378 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:02,800 Speaker 4: where you've bent over backwards. You go to some party 379 00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:04,600 Speaker 4: you don't want to go to. You do it because 380 00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:06,359 Speaker 4: you don't want people to be mad at you, or 381 00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,720 Speaker 4: you feel guilty, and then you get to the party 382 00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:10,600 Speaker 4: and the host is kind of annoyed because you're not 383 00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:12,800 Speaker 4: as fun as you normally are. And so even though 384 00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:15,000 Speaker 4: you bent over backwards and you did this thing hoping 385 00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:16,800 Speaker 4: that somebody would feel a certain way about you, it 386 00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:19,520 Speaker 4: didn't work. There's a better way to live your life, 387 00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:22,520 Speaker 4: which is let people feel what they're going to feel, 388 00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:25,560 Speaker 4: think what they're going to think, follow you or unfollow you, misunderstated, 389 00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:27,440 Speaker 4: Just let them because they're going to anyway, So why 390 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:28,560 Speaker 4: would you waste any time on it. 391 00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:28,960 Speaker 2: That's it. 392 00:17:29,119 --> 00:17:31,240 Speaker 6: I can't listen because I feel like I'm listening to 393 00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:33,200 Speaker 6: you on audible because that's how I read the book, 394 00:17:33,359 --> 00:17:35,280 Speaker 6: and I know you do side bars all the time, 395 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:37,439 Speaker 6: and like, I know it's different because you buried your 396 00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:38,280 Speaker 6: had things. 397 00:17:38,119 --> 00:17:40,320 Speaker 3: But I feel like you know that she's with me. 398 00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:42,720 Speaker 4: In the cars right now, right, and I feel like 399 00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:45,120 Speaker 4: that's my friend, MoU, it is your friend. 400 00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:47,000 Speaker 3: It's your friend, mo. Yeah. 401 00:17:47,119 --> 00:17:48,960 Speaker 2: Mel Robbins. Of course, the let them theory. 402 00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:51,160 Speaker 1: It's out and I expect everyone listening to the sound 403 00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:53,400 Speaker 1: of my vost to buy fourteen copies because they're really decorative, 404 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:53,800 Speaker 1: these books. 405 00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:56,560 Speaker 2: Yes, I mean they designed this cover to show up 406 00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:56,920 Speaker 2: on a beach. 407 00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:59,320 Speaker 4: Actually, I love that you said that because the color 408 00:17:59,359 --> 00:18:01,400 Speaker 4: of it. We were told old green books don't sell 409 00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:03,359 Speaker 4: and it's bad luck to do a green book. And 410 00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:05,840 Speaker 4: it was inspired by Cordi Thorne and Rose's book two. 411 00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:08,280 Speaker 4: I'm a big fantasy reader, and so my daughter and 412 00:18:08,359 --> 00:18:09,760 Speaker 4: I were like, oh, we love the cover of book too, 413 00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:10,919 Speaker 4: Let's do green and yellow. 414 00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:12,600 Speaker 3: And then we did it. 415 00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:15,440 Speaker 4: And as we were designing it, I said to my daughter, 416 00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:18,240 Speaker 4: this cover has to if you're walking down the beach, 417 00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:20,520 Speaker 4: you have to be able to go, oh, there's that book. 418 00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:23,399 Speaker 2: It's everywhere, yes, and the airport. 419 00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:24,439 Speaker 3: Everywhere, well, everywhere I see it. 420 00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:26,119 Speaker 1: I have to say that, you know, Jay Shady's a 421 00:18:26,119 --> 00:18:29,040 Speaker 1: good friend of ours. Jefferson Fisher. I've fallen in love 422 00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:31,600 Speaker 1: with this guy. If you've ever seen him, he's usually 423 00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:35,160 Speaker 1: in his car telling you like how to cut people 424 00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:36,640 Speaker 1: off and they're trying to f with your head. 425 00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:39,119 Speaker 2: He's great. And I saw the podcast for the two 426 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:39,320 Speaker 2: of you. 427 00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:42,240 Speaker 1: Yeah, are there other people like that emerging that could 428 00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:45,360 Speaker 1: be the next best seller that we should be following. 429 00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:49,720 Speaker 1: I love I love to collect these incredible forces on my. 430 00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:55,920 Speaker 4: Instagram Jefferson Fisher fantastic human being. I also love doctor Julie. 431 00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:57,680 Speaker 4: Do you know doctor Julie is in the UK who's 432 00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,680 Speaker 4: that well? I love her because she's a psychiatrist or 433 00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:05,680 Speaker 4: psychologist that uses all these models to explain different principles. 434 00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:08,479 Speaker 4: So she'll like take out kids toys and show you 435 00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:11,359 Speaker 4: these intellectual concepts. And she's a mom of three kids. 436 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:13,520 Speaker 4: And when she flew over to be on the podcast, 437 00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:15,920 Speaker 4: she brought her three kids and it was just really 438 00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:18,119 Speaker 4: fun and we did all these things with physical models. 439 00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:19,160 Speaker 3: So I really like her too. 440 00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:21,080 Speaker 4: Look at that, but there's a lot of it, like look, 441 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:24,240 Speaker 4: I here's my philosophy in life is you can learn 442 00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:28,399 Speaker 4: from anybody because on the road of life. You know, 443 00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:30,840 Speaker 4: you might be ahead of me by three steps because 444 00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:32,440 Speaker 4: you've gone through something that I haven't, so you can 445 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:32,760 Speaker 4: help me. 446 00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:34,160 Speaker 3: I might be ahead of you. 447 00:19:34,119 --> 00:19:36,639 Speaker 4: At another time because I've gone through something with you, know, 448 00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:39,240 Speaker 4: my son, and now I can help you. You are 449 00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:41,280 Speaker 4: best equipped to help the person you used to be. 450 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:44,120 Speaker 4: And I don't think that you need some fancy credentials 451 00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:46,480 Speaker 4: or a New York Times bestselling book to make a 452 00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:48,840 Speaker 4: difference in another person's life. I think we all have 453 00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:53,320 Speaker 4: important stories to share, lessons that we can teach other people, 454 00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:55,200 Speaker 4: things that we can learn from our lives. And if 455 00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:59,760 Speaker 4: you look at everybody around you with the potential that 456 00:19:59,840 --> 00:20:03,880 Speaker 4: you could learn something from them, it changes everybody's ability 457 00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:06,560 Speaker 4: to lift each other up. And that's a really cool thing. 458 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:10,720 Speaker 4: And so you can be the next Jefferson Fisher. You 459 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:14,119 Speaker 4: could be the next person that does something online that 460 00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:18,160 Speaker 4: really reaches somebody halfway across the world that really needed 461 00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:20,720 Speaker 4: to hear it. Like, there's eight billion people on this planet, 462 00:20:20,840 --> 00:20:23,080 Speaker 4: and so there's something about the way that you're going 463 00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:25,960 Speaker 4: to say something that is going to reach somebody in 464 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:28,560 Speaker 4: a way that I can't because my life experience is 465 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:29,320 Speaker 4: different than yours. 466 00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:31,200 Speaker 1: I'm over halfway through the book, and now I want 467 00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:33,639 Speaker 1: to reach read by listening to the audible version. I 468 00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:35,760 Speaker 1: know I'm over halfway through the book. Because you're getting 469 00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:38,520 Speaker 1: into friendships and how important they are. Our friend Barbara 470 00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:40,960 Speaker 1: Krkerman was here the other day, said Barbara, still she 471 00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:43,640 Speaker 1: one of my best friends. Barbara at checks, I look 472 00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:46,080 Speaker 1: at her sitting in this is she's sitting in his chair. 473 00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:48,120 Speaker 1: I said, Barbara, you're almost one hundred and five years old. 474 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,240 Speaker 1: What is it in life that you love and the most? 475 00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:53,640 Speaker 1: And she said, surrounding myself with the people I love 476 00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:56,600 Speaker 1: friends and talk about that because I think this is 477 00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:59,760 Speaker 1: such an important, powerful thing. People need to pay more 478 00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:03,320 Speaker 1: time too, and that's the people they surround themselves with. 479 00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:04,560 Speaker 3: Absolutely. 480 00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:07,280 Speaker 4: Well, it's easy to forget that this all ends the 481 00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:09,960 Speaker 4: same way for all of us. And at the end 482 00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:12,639 Speaker 4: of your life, you're not going to be in a 483 00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:15,800 Speaker 4: hearse that's pulling a U haul full of crap, and 484 00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:18,800 Speaker 4: people aren't going to care much about your acknowledgments. Like 485 00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:21,560 Speaker 4: if you do it right, you actually reflect on your 486 00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:24,199 Speaker 4: life and you say to yourself, I am proud of 487 00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:27,080 Speaker 4: the way that I used my time and energy, that 488 00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:28,760 Speaker 4: I was a good boss. I was a good parent, 489 00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:31,720 Speaker 4: I was a good friend, And if you do it right, 490 00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:34,639 Speaker 4: you're surrounded by people that you care about who love you, 491 00:21:35,359 --> 00:21:38,320 Speaker 4: and it's easy to get caught up. I know I 492 00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:41,520 Speaker 4: certainly have in the day to day or in chasing 493 00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:45,000 Speaker 4: the next thing, that you forget that it's really about 494 00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:47,800 Speaker 4: the people. And one thing that has helped me a 495 00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:51,560 Speaker 4: lot with the let them theory is really understanding the 496 00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:55,280 Speaker 4: nature of friendship. And in order to create friendships, three 497 00:21:55,320 --> 00:22:00,440 Speaker 4: things have to be present. Proximity, timing, and energy. That's it, 498 00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:03,520 Speaker 4: and these factors have been proven by research. In order 499 00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:05,440 Speaker 4: to be a casual friend with somebody, you got to 500 00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:07,960 Speaker 4: spend about seventy hours. To be a good friend, you 501 00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:10,480 Speaker 4: got to spend two hundred. And when we were little, 502 00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:13,240 Speaker 4: from zero to twenty, we were around people our same age, 503 00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:15,480 Speaker 4: going through life at the exact same time, celebrating the 504 00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:18,840 Speaker 4: same milestones, the same vacations, the same everything. So you 505 00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:21,320 Speaker 4: were in proximity with so many people your age, You 506 00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:24,040 Speaker 4: were in the same timing of life, and schools set 507 00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:27,479 Speaker 4: up the structure for it, and you could understand, Okay, 508 00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:29,200 Speaker 4: do I click do I not click with these people? 509 00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:31,800 Speaker 4: Then you hit your twenties and what I call the 510 00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:34,960 Speaker 4: great scattering happens. Everybody suddenly is going in different directions. 511 00:22:35,359 --> 00:22:38,480 Speaker 4: But you don't realize that it's always about these three 512 00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:42,480 Speaker 4: things proximity, timing, and energy. And so it begs the question, 513 00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:44,639 Speaker 4: why aren't you just best best best friends with everybody 514 00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:46,479 Speaker 4: at work? Because from the age of twenty to sixty, 515 00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:49,119 Speaker 4: you'll spend more time at work with people than you 516 00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:52,840 Speaker 4: will friends and family combined. Well, the reason why is timing. 517 00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:56,560 Speaker 4: So if you're in your twenties at work and you 518 00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:58,320 Speaker 4: work with people that are in their fifties, you may 519 00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:00,199 Speaker 4: love these people and have great energy, but you in 520 00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:03,200 Speaker 4: different time of life. Like you know, my daughter's out 521 00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:05,119 Speaker 4: partying and throwing up in a garbage can and she 522 00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:07,720 Speaker 4: comes in on a Monday. You know she's not really 523 00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:10,359 Speaker 4: gonna click with people talking about what they did at 524 00:23:10,359 --> 00:23:12,560 Speaker 4: the soccer field with their kids on the weekend. And 525 00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:14,760 Speaker 4: that's why you can love people at work, but they're 526 00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:18,120 Speaker 4: just not the best of friends. And this is also 527 00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:20,359 Speaker 4: why I hate this trend. Got to break up with 528 00:23:20,359 --> 00:23:23,800 Speaker 4: that toxic friend. No, you don't let them come in 529 00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:26,040 Speaker 4: and out of your life, let them come and go 530 00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:28,560 Speaker 4: just because you don't see them doesn't mean you're not friends. 531 00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:31,560 Speaker 4: What if you took a flexible approach and recognize that 532 00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:34,920 Speaker 4: everybody you've ever met, unless you had some massive destructive 533 00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:39,359 Speaker 4: falling out, everybody's still your friend. And your job isn't 534 00:23:39,359 --> 00:23:41,320 Speaker 4: to sit back and be transactional and wait for them 535 00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:44,040 Speaker 4: to reach out. If you want good relationships, it's not 536 00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:44,760 Speaker 4: on them, it's on you. 537 00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:47,800 Speaker 5: Is there ever a time, though, that you say no, 538 00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:49,520 Speaker 5: I'm not gonna let them, I'm not gonna let that 539 00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:50,879 Speaker 5: person treat me this way. 540 00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:51,480 Speaker 3: Or do that thing. 541 00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:55,520 Speaker 4: Okay, great, So yes, all the time, I hope, because 542 00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:56,760 Speaker 4: you're gonna say let them. 543 00:23:57,040 --> 00:23:58,840 Speaker 3: So do you have an example me? 544 00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:02,280 Speaker 5: I mean, in the past, I had worked with people 545 00:24:02,359 --> 00:24:05,400 Speaker 5: who were terrible to be around every single day. Okay, 546 00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:07,600 Speaker 5: it was terrible, and I used to think, Okay, I'm 547 00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:09,639 Speaker 5: just gonna let this person do whatever they're going to 548 00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:10,840 Speaker 5: do because I cannot control that. 549 00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:11,160 Speaker 3: Correct. 550 00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:14,439 Speaker 5: However, there were boundaries, yes, where it came to that 551 00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:16,080 Speaker 5: I'm not gonna let you break like that. 552 00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:20,520 Speaker 4: They let me part because you can't ever control whether 553 00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:22,280 Speaker 4: or not the words are going to come out in 554 00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:26,199 Speaker 4: a particular tone. Let me is where you have to 555 00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:29,399 Speaker 4: take the power back and ask yourself, how am I 556 00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:32,359 Speaker 4: going to respond to this? And how you respond to things, 557 00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:36,280 Speaker 4: especially when it's a disrespect is going to depend on 558 00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:37,760 Speaker 4: a lot of things. It's going to depend on your 559 00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:40,440 Speaker 4: energy today. It's going to depend on the situation that 560 00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:42,520 Speaker 4: you're in. You get to choose if you speak up 561 00:24:42,560 --> 00:24:44,359 Speaker 4: and be like, look, I realize you're stressed out, but 562 00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:46,119 Speaker 4: you're gonna have to apologize for how your stress is 563 00:24:46,119 --> 00:24:48,760 Speaker 4: impacting me. You get to choose if you're going to 564 00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:50,240 Speaker 4: go to HR. You get to choose if you're going 565 00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:52,360 Speaker 4: to stay in that job, because you have the power. 566 00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:55,240 Speaker 4: I'm going to recognize this is who this person is. 567 00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:57,840 Speaker 4: But now it's on me to hold a boundary and 568 00:24:57,880 --> 00:25:01,320 Speaker 4: respect myself enough to either get out of this job 569 00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:03,440 Speaker 4: or go to HR, or call out the tone of 570 00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:05,160 Speaker 4: voice and do what. 571 00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:05,560 Speaker 3: I need to do. 572 00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:07,600 Speaker 4: See, I think this if we extend it into dating, 573 00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:10,120 Speaker 4: like one of the big crises in dating right now 574 00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:15,919 Speaker 4: is that people explain away crappy behavior, like people like 575 00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:18,600 Speaker 4: if you're going out on a date with somebody, or 576 00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:21,080 Speaker 4: if you're in a situationship and you know you're sleeping 577 00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:23,159 Speaker 4: with somebody and they slink like a cat out the 578 00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:26,520 Speaker 4: door in the morning, let them, because that's data they're 579 00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:28,040 Speaker 4: showing you they don't want to hang out with you, 580 00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:33,159 Speaker 4: and you have to decide if this is attractive or 581 00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:36,640 Speaker 4: what you deserve in your life. They're not the problem, 582 00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:39,240 Speaker 4: you are if you allow it. And that's not victim blaming. 583 00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:42,639 Speaker 4: It is a conversation about where's the control and the power. 584 00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:45,200 Speaker 4: Most of us get in these relationships and we explain 585 00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:48,000 Speaker 4: away the disrespect or we cling onto the fantasy and 586 00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:49,879 Speaker 4: we don't look at the reality that we're in. And 587 00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:53,200 Speaker 4: if you could look at people's behavior when they goes 588 00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:55,399 Speaker 4: to you, when you have to chase them, like you 589 00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:59,439 Speaker 4: inserting yourself into somebody's friend group and really thinking, oh, 590 00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:01,040 Speaker 4: if I just hang around them more, maybe they're going 591 00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:03,200 Speaker 4: to like me. No, they're already showing you they don't 592 00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:05,080 Speaker 4: like you. And then take a step back and you'll 593 00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:08,200 Speaker 4: let me remind myself it's up to me to decide 594 00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:09,480 Speaker 4: if this is what I deserve. 595 00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:12,040 Speaker 1: Wow, this is sort of goes back to the theory 596 00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:14,280 Speaker 1: we always talk about arranged marriages are actually sometimes a 597 00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:15,760 Speaker 1: great thing because your friends. 598 00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:16,720 Speaker 2: And family know you. 599 00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:19,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, and how you're going going to totally be in 600 00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:22,680 Speaker 1: denial with someone you're dating, but they see it. No, 601 00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:24,919 Speaker 1: that's just another theory. There's something interesting going on here 602 00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:27,480 Speaker 1: in the room now. Danielle, of course a huge fan 603 00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:30,080 Speaker 1: of yours, but her husband, Sheldon. 604 00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:30,600 Speaker 3: We fight over you. 605 00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:33,200 Speaker 1: They fight over in their own bed. They fight over 606 00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:34,200 Speaker 1: who knows you best. 607 00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:34,920 Speaker 4: You're the third part. 608 00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:37,200 Speaker 2: So, Sheldon, you've been quiet, I have unleash. 609 00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:40,320 Speaker 7: Well here's the thing. So the last month my wife, 610 00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:43,320 Speaker 7: Danielle has been peacocking around our house saying, oh, listen, 611 00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:46,440 Speaker 7: I've found this new great person who's going to influence 612 00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:48,000 Speaker 7: our life. I'm like, ohe Gray, who's that? 613 00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:48,720 Speaker 2: Mel Robbins. 614 00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:50,120 Speaker 3: I'm like, really, where you've been? 615 00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:52,879 Speaker 7: I said, I've been best friends with Mel Robbins in 616 00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:55,239 Speaker 7: my head for ten years. Can you tell me what 617 00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:57,040 Speaker 7: the three two one method is of getting a better 618 00:26:57,119 --> 00:26:58,399 Speaker 7: night sleep? Can you do that? 619 00:26:58,520 --> 00:26:59,760 Speaker 2: No? No, exactly? 620 00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:01,760 Speaker 7: And when was the last time you used the five 621 00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:04,240 Speaker 7: four three two one method in actuality? 622 00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:05,960 Speaker 2: I know you read it, but have you done it? 623 00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:06,080 Speaker 7: No? 624 00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:08,040 Speaker 2: I did it this morning? About that? 625 00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:10,399 Speaker 7: I can't if I didn't want to get out of 626 00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:12,960 Speaker 7: bed this morning, I simply imagine New Year's even I'm 627 00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:15,000 Speaker 7: counting down to five four three two one, And there's 628 00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:17,160 Speaker 7: thirty other people in my bedroom right now, and they're 629 00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:19,040 Speaker 7: cheering for me to get out of bed. So why 630 00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:20,520 Speaker 7: wouldn't I get out of bed with a pep in 631 00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:22,320 Speaker 7: my step? This? 632 00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:22,720 Speaker 3: Wait? 633 00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:24,720 Speaker 6: The other day. The other day, we were at a 634 00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:26,959 Speaker 6: track meet and there was a guy and he was 635 00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:29,760 Speaker 6: acting like a total ass right, and I wanted to 636 00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:32,520 Speaker 6: say something. I was ready, I had the words, and 637 00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:34,680 Speaker 6: I said, meltaid, let them. 638 00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:36,359 Speaker 3: So I'm like, I'm just gonna let them. 639 00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:37,800 Speaker 6: So then we got in the car and I started 640 00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:39,879 Speaker 6: cursing the guy out in the car and he turns 641 00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:41,680 Speaker 6: to me and he goes, what did meltay? 642 00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:43,360 Speaker 3: I know, let them? 643 00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:46,200 Speaker 6: So then I let them, and I actually did feel better. 644 00:27:46,359 --> 00:27:48,600 Speaker 6: So I take credit for that. And I think I'm 645 00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:49,520 Speaker 6: your friend more. 646 00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:51,760 Speaker 2: Than that, both your friends. 647 00:27:51,880 --> 00:27:53,400 Speaker 3: I'll let you both think whatever you want. 648 00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:56,560 Speaker 2: So they go on and on and I just let them. Yeah, 649 00:27:57,160 --> 00:27:58,679 Speaker 2: I want to go down, Thank you, I want to 650 00:27:58,720 --> 00:27:59,040 Speaker 2: go down. 651 00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:03,400 Speaker 1: I just notes Okay, from the Latin theory, maybe as 652 00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:06,119 Speaker 1: I see it, stop wasting energy on things you cannot control. 653 00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:10,840 Speaker 1: Stop comparing yourself to other people, Break free from fear 654 00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:15,040 Speaker 1: and self doubt, release the grip of people's expectations. Loving 655 00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:17,960 Speaker 1: that build the best friendships of your life. We talked 656 00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:21,000 Speaker 1: about that, create that love you deserve. Pursue what truly 657 00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:25,920 Speaker 1: matters to you with confidence, build resilience against everyday stressors distractions, 658 00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:28,480 Speaker 1: define your own past to success, joy and fulfillment, and 659 00:28:28,520 --> 00:28:31,119 Speaker 1: so much more. That's a taller order, it sure is, 660 00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:32,120 Speaker 1: and it's in one book. 661 00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:35,399 Speaker 4: It is because all you need is one tool. The 662 00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:38,920 Speaker 4: only person that can keep you from what's meant for 663 00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:42,160 Speaker 4: you in life is you. No other human being is 664 00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:43,360 Speaker 4: blocking your way. 665 00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:45,720 Speaker 2: We are our own worst enemizing. 666 00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:48,880 Speaker 4: Yes, but look, I didn't realize the star I was 667 00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:52,760 Speaker 4: fifty four. Like I was, I constantly let other people 668 00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:55,600 Speaker 4: stress me out. I was constantly tired and overwhelmed and 669 00:28:55,680 --> 00:28:58,760 Speaker 4: jealous and pissed off about stupid things, and then blaming 670 00:28:58,760 --> 00:28:59,760 Speaker 4: my stress. 671 00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:01,760 Speaker 3: And my on the world around me. 672 00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:05,200 Speaker 4: It wasn't until I started to say those words let 673 00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:09,560 Speaker 4: them that I erected a boundary between the outside world 674 00:29:09,680 --> 00:29:12,280 Speaker 4: and how I was allowing it to stress me out 675 00:29:12,320 --> 00:29:17,720 Speaker 4: and drain me. And once you stop draining yourself, you 676 00:29:17,760 --> 00:29:21,240 Speaker 4: start to get your energy back, and you start to 677 00:29:21,280 --> 00:29:24,880 Speaker 4: realize your time matters and your energy is everything. Your 678 00:29:24,920 --> 00:29:28,760 Speaker 4: experience of life is determined by what you spend time 679 00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:31,479 Speaker 4: on and what you pour energy into full stop. 680 00:29:31,680 --> 00:29:33,560 Speaker 6: Do you still have those days though, where you're like, 681 00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:35,800 Speaker 6: I can't do it today, of how do you get 682 00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:36,920 Speaker 6: yourself back on track? 683 00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:39,840 Speaker 4: Well, I let myself have that day like so, I 684 00:29:40,200 --> 00:29:43,200 Speaker 4: think it's important like that. There are times in life 685 00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:46,360 Speaker 4: where the mentally healthy response. This goes to your question 686 00:29:46,400 --> 00:29:49,440 Speaker 4: about sadness. There are times in life where it's important 687 00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:54,040 Speaker 4: to just be down. But often when things are bad, 688 00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:57,280 Speaker 4: you're still carrying the weight of how this is impacting 689 00:29:57,280 --> 00:30:00,640 Speaker 4: other people, like when you're down like I with a 690 00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:04,800 Speaker 4: lot of people. My husband's has struggled with depression, and 691 00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:08,360 Speaker 4: a lot of what he felt other than that dark cloud, 692 00:30:08,480 --> 00:30:12,280 Speaker 4: was this sense of added shame that he wasn't able 693 00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:15,640 Speaker 4: to show up in those moments for the family, you know, 694 00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:20,400 Speaker 4: carrying this burden that somehow he is responsible for showing 695 00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:22,080 Speaker 4: up a certain way because. 696 00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:22,560 Speaker 3: We need it. 697 00:30:23,560 --> 00:30:25,880 Speaker 4: I wish we had had let them, because it would 698 00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:29,160 Speaker 4: give you the grace to be able to release the 699 00:30:29,240 --> 00:30:33,840 Speaker 4: responsibility of everybody else so that you can actually take 700 00:30:33,840 --> 00:30:36,120 Speaker 4: care of yourself. And let's look at the word responsibility. 701 00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:40,240 Speaker 4: Responsibility is just the ability to respond. And life is 702 00:30:40,280 --> 00:30:41,880 Speaker 4: going to be happening out there all the time. The 703 00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:43,400 Speaker 4: headlines are going to be what they're going to be. 704 00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:45,880 Speaker 4: People in your life are going to struggle, Jobs are 705 00:30:45,880 --> 00:30:47,800 Speaker 4: going to come and go, think, the economy is going 706 00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:48,640 Speaker 4: to go up and down. 707 00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:49,440 Speaker 3: Let it. 708 00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:53,440 Speaker 4: Your response to what's happening is everything. And in fact, 709 00:30:53,480 --> 00:30:56,440 Speaker 4: you know, I spoke to doctor Martin Luther King the 710 00:30:56,480 --> 00:30:59,600 Speaker 4: third during you know that when we were talking about 711 00:30:59,600 --> 00:31:01,760 Speaker 4: this book, and it was incredible to hear him reflect 712 00:31:01,840 --> 00:31:04,920 Speaker 4: you know this s mouth is my father's legacy that 713 00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:08,760 Speaker 4: the power is in your response to what's happening. You 714 00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:11,520 Speaker 4: get to choose peace, You get to choose what you 715 00:31:11,560 --> 00:31:13,800 Speaker 4: fight for, You get to choose how you're going to 716 00:31:13,880 --> 00:31:16,880 Speaker 4: show up in the face of things that seem dark 717 00:31:17,360 --> 00:31:22,920 Speaker 4: and so understanding that you have more power than you 718 00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:25,640 Speaker 4: realize is a very incredible thing. 719 00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:27,680 Speaker 2: The power of the word no. Remember we used to 720 00:31:27,640 --> 00:31:28,400 Speaker 2: preset all the time. 721 00:31:28,440 --> 00:31:29,120 Speaker 3: It's a sentence. 722 00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:31,800 Speaker 1: Remember, yeah, no is the sentence years ago. And you 723 00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:34,040 Speaker 1: gave me a hat no on it, which is my 724 00:31:34,080 --> 00:31:37,040 Speaker 1: favorite hat to wear. But that was my first foray 725 00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:40,640 Speaker 1: into like, okay, I do have the power to be 726 00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:43,800 Speaker 1: in control here say no. Saying no is just the 727 00:31:43,800 --> 00:31:45,280 Speaker 1: most wonderful word, and. 728 00:31:45,280 --> 00:31:46,480 Speaker 3: Then let them be disappointed. 729 00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:48,560 Speaker 2: Does this where you at, by the way, well these questions, 730 00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:49,680 Speaker 2: when you're done with. 731 00:31:49,640 --> 00:31:51,840 Speaker 1: This in these these interviews, does she go to the 732 00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:54,720 Speaker 1: car and just go damn, I'm done. 733 00:31:54,760 --> 00:31:55,640 Speaker 5: Sit there in silence. 734 00:31:55,960 --> 00:31:58,400 Speaker 2: I'm gonna take off my spanks and just explode. 735 00:31:58,000 --> 00:31:59,440 Speaker 3: And just no. 736 00:31:59,560 --> 00:32:01,479 Speaker 4: You know I because I think what's standing in people's 737 00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:05,560 Speaker 4: way most is discouragement, right, the sense that it doesn't 738 00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:09,480 Speaker 4: matter what you do, nothing's going to change. And if 739 00:32:09,520 --> 00:32:14,520 Speaker 4: there's anything that I hope to offer people, especially at 740 00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:18,840 Speaker 4: a very dark moment, I really want to be a 741 00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:23,520 Speaker 4: light that activates a sense of hope and encouragement in 742 00:32:23,600 --> 00:32:26,280 Speaker 4: you that yes things can get better, and yes there 743 00:32:26,280 --> 00:32:28,160 Speaker 4: are things that you can use, and yes it matters, 744 00:32:28,320 --> 00:32:29,800 Speaker 4: It matters profoundly. 745 00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:33,720 Speaker 1: So this charges you up this conversation absolutely, all right, Yes, 746 00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:34,440 Speaker 1: go ahead, gond. 747 00:32:34,440 --> 00:32:36,960 Speaker 5: Okay, So you've obviously been very inspirational to so many 748 00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:39,000 Speaker 5: people and they're getting let them tattooed on them. I 749 00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:41,600 Speaker 5: see a tattooed on your wrists. I can't read the 750 00:32:41,760 --> 00:32:44,400 Speaker 5: entire thing. It says, it shall be what it shall be. 751 00:32:44,600 --> 00:32:45,200 Speaker 3: It shall be. 752 00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:49,240 Speaker 4: It shall be is a reminder in your ability to 753 00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:51,880 Speaker 4: figure it out. Like I really do believe that, I 754 00:32:51,880 --> 00:32:54,880 Speaker 4: think you can look backwards in your life and even 755 00:32:54,960 --> 00:32:58,120 Speaker 4: the horrible things that happened that you didn't deserve, you 756 00:32:58,160 --> 00:33:01,000 Speaker 4: can see how every twist and led you to where 757 00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:02,959 Speaker 4: you are today. You can see the lessons in it. 758 00:33:03,480 --> 00:33:06,040 Speaker 4: You can kind of understand how it shaped you and 759 00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:09,600 Speaker 4: led you to this moment it shall be. And this 760 00:33:09,760 --> 00:33:14,440 Speaker 4: skill that I believe that everybody can learn is standing 761 00:33:14,440 --> 00:33:17,040 Speaker 4: in this moment and actually doing that to the future, 762 00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:20,719 Speaker 4: that this moment, too, is but a brick on the 763 00:33:20,720 --> 00:33:24,200 Speaker 4: path of your life that is leading you somewhere, and 764 00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:27,000 Speaker 4: you can stand in this moment and even when it's 765 00:33:27,280 --> 00:33:32,640 Speaker 4: devastating or heartbreaking or overwhelming and scary, that you can 766 00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:36,800 Speaker 4: hold your own hand and remind yourself that this is 767 00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:39,800 Speaker 4: but a moment and some point in the future there 768 00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:42,440 Speaker 4: is such a bigger possibility that is waiting for you, 769 00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:45,120 Speaker 4: and your job is not to doubt that. Your job 770 00:33:45,160 --> 00:33:48,280 Speaker 4: is to trust that it is coming and that at 771 00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:52,800 Speaker 4: some point you'll look back and understand why this happened 772 00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:55,320 Speaker 4: and what you learned from it, because it was preparing 773 00:33:55,400 --> 00:33:58,040 Speaker 4: you for something bigger that was coming. 774 00:33:58,120 --> 00:34:00,360 Speaker 1: And that's why that tattoos there to remind you, well, 775 00:34:00,680 --> 00:34:02,760 Speaker 1: you're my best friend who passed away his line and 776 00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:05,920 Speaker 1: his tattoo was just be it that thinks. 777 00:34:05,720 --> 00:34:08,480 Speaker 2: That's my first and only tatto. I'm gonna get, Danielle, 778 00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:09,560 Speaker 2: I don't. 779 00:34:09,360 --> 00:34:12,799 Speaker 3: Even know what to say. I love the book. It's great. 780 00:34:12,840 --> 00:34:13,839 Speaker 3: It's so inspirational. 781 00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:16,240 Speaker 6: I love the I think a lot of younger people 782 00:34:16,239 --> 00:34:17,200 Speaker 6: should read it as well. 783 00:34:17,600 --> 00:34:20,000 Speaker 2: I think that the people towing up in trash can, Yes, 784 00:34:20,640 --> 00:34:21,200 Speaker 2: in trash can. 785 00:34:21,360 --> 00:34:23,440 Speaker 6: Because I know our son was just going through something, 786 00:34:23,480 --> 00:34:25,879 Speaker 6: you know, something similar to what we all do. Yeah, 787 00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:27,879 Speaker 6: And I think that he would take a lot from 788 00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:30,240 Speaker 6: this book. So I don't think it's It's definitely geared 789 00:34:30,239 --> 00:34:31,240 Speaker 6: to so many different people. 790 00:34:32,120 --> 00:34:33,920 Speaker 2: Mel I cannot tell you how grateful him that you 791 00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:34,919 Speaker 2: spent time with us today. 792 00:34:34,960 --> 00:34:36,040 Speaker 3: Well, thank you for inviting me. 793 00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:38,600 Speaker 1: The let them theory is out, of course, Why don't 794 00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:40,480 Speaker 1: you be one of the kabillions of people who made 795 00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:41,600 Speaker 1: it the best selling book. 796 00:34:41,600 --> 00:34:42,120 Speaker 3: There's the thing. 797 00:34:42,160 --> 00:34:43,520 Speaker 4: You don't even need to buy it. We just told 798 00:34:43,520 --> 00:34:44,800 Speaker 4: you how to use it. 799 00:34:44,160 --> 00:34:46,160 Speaker 2: Yeah, nothing from Sheldon. 800 00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:49,160 Speaker 7: I mean, I'm thrilled to be here. I love the 801 00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:52,000 Speaker 7: fact that this is a moment that I have pictured 802 00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:54,400 Speaker 7: in my mind for many, many years. But you are 803 00:34:54,440 --> 00:34:56,520 Speaker 7: exactly who I thought you would be. So thanks for 804 00:34:56,560 --> 00:34:57,680 Speaker 7: everything you give to everyone. 805 00:34:57,920 --> 00:35:00,680 Speaker 1: Mel Robbins. Of course the let them theory. It's out, 806 00:35:00,960 --> 00:35:01,520 Speaker 1: go get it. 807 00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:02,359 Speaker 3: Thank you now,