1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:03,600 Speaker 1: My parents criticized my parenting, so I told them they 2 00:00:03,640 --> 00:00:05,359 Speaker 1: should have never been parents. 3 00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:07,040 Speaker 2: Yeah you suck mm. 4 00:00:07,960 --> 00:00:12,039 Speaker 1: Hi, first time posting. I sixteen male, was born when 5 00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:15,280 Speaker 1: my parents were very young, like my mother was sixteen 6 00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:19,160 Speaker 1: and my father was seventeen. Both families decided it would 7 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:22,119 Speaker 1: be the best for me if effectively my maternal grandparents 8 00:00:22,239 --> 00:00:25,000 Speaker 1: raised me and my bioparents got to live their lives. 9 00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:27,560 Speaker 1: That is not to say I didn't know who my 10 00:00:27,680 --> 00:00:30,640 Speaker 1: actual parents were. This is not one of those situations 11 00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:33,320 Speaker 1: like in movies where the mother pretends the daughter's child 12 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:36,640 Speaker 1: is actually her own. I and everyone knew who my 13 00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:41,240 Speaker 1: progenitors were. By the way, this comes from Saving Carpenter 14 00:00:41,280 --> 00:00:45,960 Speaker 1: twenty four nine on the Oka Storytime Separated. So my 15 00:00:46,159 --> 00:00:48,680 Speaker 1: father moved away when he was eighteen, but my mother 16 00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:51,600 Speaker 1: remained in my grandparents' house until she was twenty three 17 00:00:51,920 --> 00:00:54,840 Speaker 1: and I was around seven. But that doesn't mean we 18 00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:58,160 Speaker 1: were close. She always treated me like an annoying little 19 00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:01,640 Speaker 1: brother rather than a son. She didn't like spending time 20 00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:04,640 Speaker 1: with me, never attended any of my school functions, or 21 00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:07,640 Speaker 1: showed interest in my academic work, or took me to 22 00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:11,319 Speaker 1: do any fun activities. Whenever I was talking about my day, 23 00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:14,360 Speaker 1: she would roll her eyes or change the topic to 24 00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:14,960 Speaker 1: shut me up. 25 00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:15,679 Speaker 3: Dang. 26 00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:18,480 Speaker 1: When she moved out, I barely saw her. She just 27 00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:21,920 Speaker 1: came to family gatherings and said an awkward high and 28 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:25,720 Speaker 1: couldn't even look at me. It hurts, even if by 29 00:01:25,720 --> 00:01:29,039 Speaker 1: that point I already considered my grandparents to be more parents, 30 00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:33,919 Speaker 1: more my parents than her. My father was still living away. 31 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:36,160 Speaker 1: They weren't together at this point, but would come once 32 00:01:36,240 --> 00:01:38,400 Speaker 1: or twice a year to visit his own family around 33 00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:41,600 Speaker 1: the holidays, and always made at some point to visit 34 00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:44,520 Speaker 1: me and take me to do some sort of fun activities, 35 00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:47,600 Speaker 1: like going to the cinema or my favorite restaurant, things 36 00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:50,360 Speaker 1: like that. But to me, he was more like a 37 00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:53,520 Speaker 1: strange man than a dad, because when I compared him 38 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:55,960 Speaker 1: to my friend's fathers, who picked them up from school 39 00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:58,000 Speaker 1: every day and went to their games and played with 40 00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:00,680 Speaker 1: them on the weekends, I didn' understan and why this 41 00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:03,680 Speaker 1: man who I saw maybe twice a year was supposed 42 00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:09,000 Speaker 1: to be the same Anyway. Fast forward to a year ago, 43 00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:12,119 Speaker 1: my father moved back to the same city where we live. 44 00:02:12,919 --> 00:02:15,320 Speaker 1: He tried to hang out with me more often, but 45 00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:19,800 Speaker 1: I wasn't really interested, although sometimes I complied I don't 46 00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:22,720 Speaker 1: hate him, I just don't know him. I even had 47 00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:25,520 Speaker 1: a bedroom in his apartment, which is cool because he 48 00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:28,280 Speaker 1: lives in the center of the city, behind everyone's back. 49 00:02:28,639 --> 00:02:31,960 Speaker 1: Both my parents had started to hang out, and a 50 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:35,560 Speaker 1: couple months later they announced they were pregnant. I mean, 51 00:02:35,760 --> 00:02:40,880 Speaker 1: I'm sorry they were dating. They were pregnant. They announced 52 00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:45,080 Speaker 1: they were dating. It was a shock. They asked me 53 00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:47,440 Speaker 1: to move in with them to my father's apartment, which 54 00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:50,280 Speaker 1: I refused, but they argued that we could finally be 55 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:56,720 Speaker 1: a family. I mean, I understand, like, I understand what 56 00:02:56,760 --> 00:03:01,120 Speaker 1: they're saying, but they can't. I understand why they had 57 00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:03,840 Speaker 1: to give op up or to an extent, give them 58 00:03:03,919 --> 00:03:06,799 Speaker 1: up to the grandparents. But you can't come in after 59 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:09,200 Speaker 1: like a while and say, oh, I want you know, 60 00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:10,440 Speaker 1: I want to be a family now. 61 00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:13,320 Speaker 4: At the bare minimum, they have to, like one, recognize, hey, 62 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:14,959 Speaker 4: I know, we like didn't raise. 63 00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:18,560 Speaker 1: You, and we would like to develop a relationship with yeah. 64 00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:18,840 Speaker 5: Yeah. 65 00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:21,560 Speaker 4: The truest way is like, hey, can we start to 66 00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:23,720 Speaker 4: build a relationship with ship with you with the goal 67 00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:25,519 Speaker 4: of getting to the point where it would make sense. 68 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:27,200 Speaker 1: For you to exactly you can't just force that. 69 00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:31,320 Speaker 2: Yep, or can you if you're a crazy right at person. 70 00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:34,000 Speaker 1: I was about to start an argument on them when 71 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:36,520 Speaker 1: my grandma just said that changing school districts would be 72 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:39,760 Speaker 1: very inconvenient and I could lose all my friends, and 73 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:43,560 Speaker 1: the situation de escalated by itself. Although my parents didn't 74 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:46,160 Speaker 1: like go of the idea, good on the grandma. My 75 00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:48,440 Speaker 1: parents asked for me to spend more time with them, 76 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:51,960 Speaker 1: and this was particularly frustrating because even though I never 77 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:55,880 Speaker 1: had any particular tension with my father, I most definitely 78 00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:59,560 Speaker 1: do with my mother. I don't like being around her, 79 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:02,880 Speaker 1: and she treated me poorly my whole life, and I 80 00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:05,560 Speaker 1: feel like she's now only trying to save face because 81 00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:09,800 Speaker 1: she knows my dad wants me there. Now on to 82 00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:14,000 Speaker 1: the issue. Last week they both came into my grandparents' house. 83 00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:16,600 Speaker 1: They announced they were going to buy a house nearby 84 00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:19,000 Speaker 1: in the neighborhood so that I could finally move in 85 00:04:19,080 --> 00:04:22,680 Speaker 1: with them. I immediately said no, and when they said 86 00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:25,360 Speaker 1: that changing schools would no longer be an issue, I 87 00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:27,800 Speaker 1: found myself at a corner and I said that was 88 00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:31,080 Speaker 1: never the problem and that I just simply do not 89 00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:34,000 Speaker 1: see them as my parents. And don't want to live 90 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:37,080 Speaker 1: with them. That's when they dropped the bomb on us. 91 00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:39,599 Speaker 1: Not only did they want me to move in with 92 00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:42,400 Speaker 1: them so we could be a family, but my mother 93 00:04:43,279 --> 00:04:46,040 Speaker 1: was pregnant, so we were going to be a bigger 94 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:49,520 Speaker 1: family even woa, I was freaking right. I misspoke, but 95 00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:54,880 Speaker 1: I was right. You're welcome. I was shocked, and I 96 00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:57,640 Speaker 1: blew my lid on them. I told them they were 97 00:04:57,680 --> 00:05:00,000 Speaker 1: the worst parents in the world, and that they abandoned 98 00:05:00,279 --> 00:05:03,599 Speaker 1: me for sixteen years and now they were going to 99 00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:06,000 Speaker 1: bring another child into the world and do the same 100 00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:09,320 Speaker 1: to them. And they never apologized for treating me like 101 00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:12,160 Speaker 1: garbage and like a mistake they made and making me 102 00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:15,440 Speaker 1: feel like I wasn't supposed to exist in dumping me 103 00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:18,800 Speaker 1: to be other people's responsibility, and only now that they 104 00:05:18,839 --> 00:05:21,200 Speaker 1: feel like they care, they want to be my family. 105 00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:25,599 Speaker 3: Wait, I have a conspiracy theory. What so do we 106 00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:33,720 Speaker 3: one percent know that OPI is the biological child of 107 00:05:33,839 --> 00:05:37,880 Speaker 3: both the mother and the father. I mean it seems 108 00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:40,920 Speaker 3: so we're one hundred percent on that, because it doesn't 109 00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:43,520 Speaker 3: make sense to be hating on the kid that you have, 110 00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:47,280 Speaker 3: like like, I don't know what the culture is. There 111 00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:49,160 Speaker 3: was one story we read they didn't like one kid 112 00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:50,760 Speaker 3: because they weren't born in two thousand and the Year 113 00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:52,880 Speaker 3: of the Dragon. There's another story they read that they 114 00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:54,960 Speaker 3: wanted them to be a son, not a daughter. 115 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:57,120 Speaker 5: Well, I'm just trying to put my finger on it. 116 00:05:57,160 --> 00:05:59,920 Speaker 1: They were sixteen and they had this kid, and now 117 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:04,719 Speaker 1: it's been sixteen years and they're like adults. Now they're 118 00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:08,240 Speaker 1: like thirty seven to thirty nine. Yeah, and they're like, oh, 119 00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:11,480 Speaker 1: now we're ready to be parents, which is understandable, but 120 00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:15,640 Speaker 1: you can't force that on a six a sixteen year old. 121 00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:19,120 Speaker 3: Who you got for sixteen years, because it would have 122 00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:21,800 Speaker 3: been it's like the dad seems that dad likes a 123 00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:23,320 Speaker 3: child more than the mom hates a child. 124 00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:25,800 Speaker 4: That would mean the dad would have had to have 125 00:06:25,839 --> 00:06:28,400 Speaker 4: the baby with another woman. And it's like, would the 126 00:06:28,440 --> 00:06:32,599 Speaker 4: mom really like still be like, oh yeah, I'm her mom, 127 00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:33,400 Speaker 4: but you know what I mean? 128 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:35,440 Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, okay, I missed that part. Yeah. 129 00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:38,360 Speaker 1: Maybe they were sixteen. They were kids, they didn't feel 130 00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:40,880 Speaker 1: they could raise a child. And now they're coming back 131 00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:44,320 Speaker 1: as you know, mid thirties and saying like, oh, we're 132 00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:46,839 Speaker 1: having another kid. We want you to come back. You 133 00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:48,080 Speaker 1: can't just tell someone. 134 00:06:47,839 --> 00:06:50,760 Speaker 2: To do that, or can you if you're a terrible 135 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:51,320 Speaker 2: red a person. 136 00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:55,560 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, my mother screamed back at me, telling me 137 00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:58,000 Speaker 1: I was a brat and that she wasn't going to 138 00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:01,599 Speaker 1: make the same mistakes twice raising her second baby. I 139 00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:04,160 Speaker 1: told her she never raised me to begin with, and 140 00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:06,320 Speaker 1: my father said that they were young and trying to 141 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:09,000 Speaker 1: do the best they could. Guess what the best you 142 00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:13,000 Speaker 1: could was pretty effing bad. I stormed out and went 143 00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:16,480 Speaker 1: to my room, sobbing. I've been very depressed for the 144 00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:20,800 Speaker 1: last week. They have both called and text texted since, 145 00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:23,840 Speaker 1: but I ignored them. My grandparents agree with me that 146 00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:27,000 Speaker 1: I shouldn't move and that my parents shouldn't expect me 147 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:30,960 Speaker 1: to be all loving and forgiving after how they've treated me. However, 148 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,400 Speaker 1: they believe they are starting a new chapter of their 149 00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:37,040 Speaker 1: lives now that they are more mature and stable, which 150 00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:41,280 Speaker 1: I guess leaves me behind. That's so sad. 151 00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:45,120 Speaker 3: I've also had Oh I was gonna say, my parents 152 00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:47,800 Speaker 3: kind of did that like when my dad. Mom and 153 00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:52,480 Speaker 3: dad turned around thirty two ish that my little brothers 154 00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:54,400 Speaker 3: because they were like, oh, this is gonna be like 155 00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:57,440 Speaker 3: a new beginning for us. Well, me and Tate were like, 156 00:07:58,240 --> 00:08:00,000 Speaker 3: what does that mean for us? What do you mean 157 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:00,920 Speaker 3: new beginning? 158 00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:05,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, no, it's I means, Yeah, it's just I think that, like, 159 00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:09,440 Speaker 1: it's not that they did anything inherently wrong in needing 160 00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:13,120 Speaker 1: help raising a child when they were children. It's just 161 00:08:13,240 --> 00:08:17,000 Speaker 1: the expectation that everything is normal now when they haven't 162 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:17,640 Speaker 1: done any work. 163 00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:22,160 Speaker 2: Although put yourself in their shoes. 164 00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:26,200 Speaker 4: Yeah, now, totally reasonable to be like, Okay, yeah, the 165 00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:30,200 Speaker 4: parents are you know, the grandparents are are are raising 166 00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:33,560 Speaker 4: the child, but would you not treat them like a 167 00:08:33,559 --> 00:08:34,800 Speaker 4: little brother, little sister? 168 00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:37,439 Speaker 5: What do you mean? 169 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:43,920 Speaker 4: Like, uh, the Opie's mom and dad seem to just 170 00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:48,600 Speaker 4: basically like discard either discard or actively like I know, yeah, 171 00:08:48,640 --> 00:08:49,000 Speaker 4: I mean. 172 00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:51,280 Speaker 1: I don't think that's good. I'm just saying, like, from 173 00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:53,680 Speaker 1: an understanding point, I don't think it's a good thing. 174 00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:56,920 Speaker 1: But they were children who've got a lot of responsibilities 175 00:08:56,960 --> 00:09:01,520 Speaker 1: thrust on them, and I'm just saying, like they cannot 176 00:09:01,559 --> 00:09:04,199 Speaker 1: expecting like their child to just be okay with that 177 00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:06,679 Speaker 1: hundred and just forget about it. 178 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:10,000 Speaker 4: Yeah, And it's like, like it's it is I think 179 00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:14,360 Speaker 4: hard to I totally get them having like the grandparents 180 00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:17,560 Speaker 4: raise the children, but it's like you didn't have to 181 00:09:17,559 --> 00:09:22,120 Speaker 4: be a jerk, and you can't expect them to love you. 182 00:09:22,240 --> 00:09:22,320 Speaker 1: Ye. 183 00:09:23,240 --> 00:09:24,640 Speaker 2: Sorry, sorry. 184 00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:27,079 Speaker 1: I've also had time to think that I'm the same 185 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:29,480 Speaker 1: age my mother was when she had me, and what 186 00:09:29,559 --> 00:09:33,160 Speaker 1: a huge responsibility that must have been. However, I still 187 00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:36,840 Speaker 1: can't forget forgive them. Am I the a hole for 188 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:40,040 Speaker 1: the way I reacted to the news? And edit? Thank 189 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:43,280 Speaker 1: you everyone for the verdict. Actually, before we read that verdict, 190 00:09:43,559 --> 00:09:47,160 Speaker 1: what do you think? Because I have thoughts? 191 00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:50,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, and the question. 192 00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:55,920 Speaker 1: For for that response of like kind of that outburst. 193 00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:59,800 Speaker 4: No, I think, like you know, number one, they're the 194 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:04,520 Speaker 4: adults you know, who are who are acting stupidly expecting 195 00:10:04,559 --> 00:10:07,960 Speaker 4: you to just like let go of all of that 196 00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:12,920 Speaker 4: pain from your childhood, you know, and. 197 00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:14,320 Speaker 2: Have you do that? And like have you have you 198 00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:15,880 Speaker 2: accept them as as parents? 199 00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:17,959 Speaker 4: Like oh, like, what's gonna be this perfect happy family 200 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:23,960 Speaker 4: and nothing went wrong and everything's great and yeah, yeah, 201 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:27,800 Speaker 4: I think I think it's a crazy expectation from from 202 00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:30,559 Speaker 4: the parent's side, and the fact they don't even acknowledge, 203 00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:35,760 Speaker 4: they actively don't acknowledge the hurt that they've caused up peace, Chris. 204 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:39,920 Speaker 1: It's ridiculous crazy edit. Thank you everyone for the verdict 205 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:42,800 Speaker 1: of not the a whole boom. I feel better and 206 00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:46,240 Speaker 1: it has somewhat cleared my mind. Also, huge, huge thank 207 00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:49,440 Speaker 1: you to all that are commenting about how awesome my 208 00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:52,440 Speaker 1: grandparents are. I'm planning on showing them this post so 209 00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:54,720 Speaker 1: they can see how much everyone can see the amazing 210 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:57,480 Speaker 1: kind of people they are and they deserve all the 211 00:10:57,520 --> 00:11:00,760 Speaker 1: love and appreciation I could possibly give them and more. 212 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,320 Speaker 1: I've also come to the conclusion that I have a 213 00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:07,800 Speaker 1: lot of resentments and unanswered questions as well as misgivings 214 00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:10,480 Speaker 1: about the future that I need to set straight with 215 00:11:10,559 --> 00:11:15,160 Speaker 1: my with primarily my father. He needs to know how 216 00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:17,320 Speaker 1: I grew up and I need to know why he 217 00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:20,080 Speaker 1: abandoned me. I also feel like I need to warn 218 00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:22,440 Speaker 1: him about my mother because I'm worried about my sibling 219 00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:26,480 Speaker 1: being abandoned and mistreated like I was. So I'm preparing 220 00:11:26,559 --> 00:11:28,600 Speaker 1: a list of points and questions that I want to 221 00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:31,000 Speaker 1: bring up to him, and we'll meet tomorrow or the 222 00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:33,839 Speaker 1: day after and I'll confront him with all of these 223 00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:37,480 Speaker 1: to hopefully get some sort of closure or resolution. And 224 00:11:37,559 --> 00:11:42,880 Speaker 1: there is an update. Very sure I think there is 225 00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:44,839 Speaker 1: a world where your mom is going to be you know, 226 00:11:44,840 --> 00:11:48,959 Speaker 1: okay parent for this news child. But I think it's 227 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:51,440 Speaker 1: fair to air the grievances of like this is how 228 00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:54,559 Speaker 1: I was raised or not raised, and this is that 229 00:11:54,679 --> 00:11:55,120 Speaker 1: was treated. 230 00:11:55,559 --> 00:11:58,120 Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I think I think she'll be a present parent, 231 00:11:58,559 --> 00:12:01,559 Speaker 4: but the you know, in her I don't even know 232 00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:01,880 Speaker 4: how to do. 233 00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:06,559 Speaker 1: She hasn't dealt with anything, it seems, yeah in concerned op. Yes, yes, 234 00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:07,760 Speaker 1: that's all still up in the air. 235 00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:09,800 Speaker 4: Yeah, to your point, you know, I think I think 236 00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:12,160 Speaker 4: she would it would she would give the other kid 237 00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:15,160 Speaker 4: the Golden child syndrome and be like, oh, you're so perfect, 238 00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:17,040 Speaker 4: and like spoil the child. 239 00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:22,000 Speaker 1: Ross ye evil Rostian, evil child. But there is an update. 240 00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:25,960 Speaker 1: Oh hello everyone, thank you for your responses. It really 241 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:29,120 Speaker 1: helped a lot. It's been an emotional couple of days 242 00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:32,520 Speaker 1: and a lot has happened. My mind is a little 243 00:12:32,559 --> 00:12:34,560 Speaker 1: bit dispersed, but I felt like I owed you all 244 00:12:34,559 --> 00:12:37,800 Speaker 1: an update, and I'm trying to be as clear as possible. 245 00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:42,040 Speaker 1: First of all, I shared my post with my grandparents 246 00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:45,200 Speaker 1: and they were so surprised. They were very happy to 247 00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:48,120 Speaker 1: see how many people commented about how amazing they are, 248 00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:51,600 Speaker 1: and I, in turn also took the opportunity to tell 249 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:54,320 Speaker 1: them how much I loved them and how much I 250 00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:59,000 Speaker 1: appreciated everything they have ever done for me. That's lovely. 251 00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:01,280 Speaker 1: Oh it also seems, I mean like the grandparents were 252 00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:04,280 Speaker 1: standing up and looking after op in terms of like 253 00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:07,120 Speaker 1: Opie not wanting to live with parents. Yes, like the 254 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,680 Speaker 1: fact that they kind of jumped in. We're like, oh 255 00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:13,560 Speaker 1: the school district. They are my real parents and nothing 256 00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:16,199 Speaker 1: is ever going to change that. There were some tears 257 00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:18,040 Speaker 1: and they told me they loved me and they were 258 00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:21,720 Speaker 1: proud of me. Oh, this is so sweet. They never 259 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:25,000 Speaker 1: thought of themselves as doing something special or worth so 260 00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:28,320 Speaker 1: much appreciation. They were just taking care of family. But 261 00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:31,200 Speaker 1: they are the best. After that, I started trying to 262 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,760 Speaker 1: collect my thoughts and arranging a meeting with my father 263 00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:37,280 Speaker 1: to discuss things that were bothering me. Why did he 264 00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:40,320 Speaker 1: abandon me? Why did he think he could just reappear 265 00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:42,200 Speaker 1: in my life like that? That. I wasn't going to 266 00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:44,920 Speaker 1: move in with them, and I didn't consider them my 267 00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:48,839 Speaker 1: parents because they never acted as such, et cetera. We 268 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:50,720 Speaker 1: met at a park and he went to hug me, 269 00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:54,240 Speaker 1: but I stepped away, and he looked hurt and He 270 00:13:54,559 --> 00:13:57,880 Speaker 1: just apologized for what happened the other day and went 271 00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:00,319 Speaker 1: into the speech about how we could try to transition 272 00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:04,000 Speaker 1: into living together part time and respect my boundaries, and 273 00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:06,880 Speaker 1: I went blank. I didn't expect for him to talk, 274 00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:09,400 Speaker 1: so I pulled out my phone and just showed him 275 00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:11,800 Speaker 1: the post I made the other day, and he started 276 00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:15,480 Speaker 1: reading it in silence. After a while, he read it 277 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:18,280 Speaker 1: all and some responses, and he just asked me if 278 00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:21,160 Speaker 1: this was true, and I said yes, and he asked 279 00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:24,800 Speaker 1: me if I had questions, he would answer honestly. I 280 00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:28,600 Speaker 1: asked what happened when I was born? And he told 281 00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:31,680 Speaker 1: me that when my mother got pregnant, all options were 282 00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:37,000 Speaker 1: All options were laid on the table, termination, adoption, marriage, 283 00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:40,240 Speaker 1: grandparents taking care of me, only one of my parents 284 00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:43,800 Speaker 1: taking me in. My mother was deathly scared of adoption 285 00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:46,600 Speaker 1: because some religious group had told them horror stories about 286 00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:51,160 Speaker 1: dead babies and mothers being attackers or some bs like that, 287 00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:54,360 Speaker 1: so she wanted to give me up for adoption, but 288 00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:57,600 Speaker 1: my father refused. He couldn't bear the idea of having 289 00:14:57,600 --> 00:15:00,840 Speaker 1: his child living somewhere and never seeing him again, so 290 00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:04,680 Speaker 1: he proposed to take me in as sole caretaker and 291 00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:08,080 Speaker 1: leaving his college plans to stay in our city, but 292 00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:11,040 Speaker 1: his parents weren't thrilled with his plan and pushed him 293 00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:13,720 Speaker 1: to go to college so that he could provide economically 294 00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:17,320 Speaker 1: for me. They offered themselves to take care of me, 295 00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:20,520 Speaker 1: but they were significantly older than my maternal grandparents. She 296 00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:23,160 Speaker 1: was an only child and at the time they were 297 00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:26,520 Speaker 1: just forty, whereas my father has five older siblings and 298 00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:30,320 Speaker 1: his parents were already in their sixties. And since taking 299 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:32,240 Speaker 1: care of me meant taking care of my mother for 300 00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:35,760 Speaker 1: a while as well, my maternal grandparents decided it was 301 00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:37,560 Speaker 1: the best decision for them to take me. 302 00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:41,200 Speaker 3: Dude, imagine sitting at the park just getting all of 303 00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:42,520 Speaker 3: this lore from their dad. 304 00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:44,000 Speaker 2: I was just like, dude, and. 305 00:15:43,880 --> 00:15:46,320 Speaker 1: The dad's like yes, And there was a moment where 306 00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:48,200 Speaker 1: we were thinking about this and this, and I was 307 00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:49,760 Speaker 1: going to take you in, but then we didn't know. 308 00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:50,320 Speaker 1: PA's like. 309 00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:56,720 Speaker 4: Kind of sixteen pull lot heavy. It's real life heavy. 310 00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:57,160 Speaker 5: Yeah. 311 00:15:57,200 --> 00:16:00,640 Speaker 3: I didn't start getting my parent law until like years ago, 312 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:01,480 Speaker 3: like twenty three. 313 00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:02,040 Speaker 1: Yeah. 314 00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:02,400 Speaker 2: Yep. 315 00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:07,520 Speaker 1: Also, immediately after I was born, my mother had postnatal 316 00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:10,720 Speaker 1: depression and the doctors advised them to not completely remove 317 00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:14,200 Speaker 1: them from her side. Or more damage to our relationship 318 00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:16,920 Speaker 1: could be done, and my grandparents wanted her to eventually 319 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:19,960 Speaker 1: love me as a son. One thing to note about 320 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:22,120 Speaker 1: my father that I didn't mention in my op is 321 00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:24,880 Speaker 1: that even when he was in college, he worked part 322 00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:27,680 Speaker 1: time to pay child support, and once he started working 323 00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:30,840 Speaker 1: in a law law firm, he started sending more money 324 00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:33,680 Speaker 1: to my grandparents and set up a college fund for me, 325 00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:37,440 Speaker 1: which was news for me. I a little annoying that 326 00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:40,360 Speaker 1: no one told OP that, Yeah, I mean, why is noman? 327 00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:46,440 Speaker 1: I mean it's like Opie's father's has been actively helping financially. Yeah, 328 00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:50,560 Speaker 1: Opie's whole life, like actively cares about op Yeah, and 329 00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:53,880 Speaker 1: no one told OP that. Be pretty devastated to learn that. 330 00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:57,880 Speaker 4: Yeah, I give op all the knowledge to like, you don't. 331 00:16:57,920 --> 00:17:01,400 Speaker 4: You don't have to sway piece of opinion, but just 332 00:17:01,880 --> 00:17:03,440 Speaker 4: give give them the facts. 333 00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:07,480 Speaker 1: Yeah, Like it's like the good facts. This is not like, oh, 334 00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:09,240 Speaker 1: your father doesn't care about it. This is your father 335 00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:12,400 Speaker 1: actively cares about you and is working extremely hard to. 336 00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:13,880 Speaker 2: Provide I agree, kind of whack. 337 00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:18,280 Speaker 1: My grandparents don't know about this, but my mother does, 338 00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:21,040 Speaker 1: so I don't know what to do with this information. Oh, 339 00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:23,119 Speaker 1: I mean such she kept it. 340 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:25,879 Speaker 2: From weird thing that makes sense, but also weird that 341 00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:29,400 Speaker 2: the dad didn't tell the grandparents like, hey, by the way, 342 00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:32,800 Speaker 2: I'm like building up a college fund, Like wouldn't would. 343 00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:34,719 Speaker 1: He not be relevant information for the people that are 344 00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:36,640 Speaker 1: actually caring for the kid, right? 345 00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:39,360 Speaker 4: So that way, like like they're like what if they're like, oh, 346 00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:42,320 Speaker 4: we gotta you know, scrape by to like make sure 347 00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:44,320 Speaker 4: we're saving up for college. Meanwhile he's like got those 348 00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:45,280 Speaker 4: whole college fund like. 349 00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:47,680 Speaker 1: It, Well, now they have double the college fund. 350 00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:48,240 Speaker 5: Let's go. 351 00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:50,400 Speaker 2: I mean, okay, more college. 352 00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:51,640 Speaker 5: You can get two degrees with that. 353 00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:52,280 Speaker 2: There you go. 354 00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:54,880 Speaker 1: My father thought of me all the time he spent 355 00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:57,000 Speaker 1: away and believed he had left me with a happy 356 00:17:57,040 --> 00:17:59,080 Speaker 1: family and that he was working to give me a 357 00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:02,280 Speaker 1: better life. But I followed his life through social media. 358 00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:05,879 Speaker 1: He went to parties, vacations, had girlfriends, and did lots 359 00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:08,960 Speaker 1: of fun stuff and barely had any contact with me. 360 00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:12,159 Speaker 1: I asked him, why couldn't he have made more of 361 00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:14,119 Speaker 1: an effort to be part of my life? Like I 362 00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:16,439 Speaker 1: understand if he needed to study in another city and 363 00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:19,119 Speaker 1: work there, but it's no effort to call her text 364 00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:22,720 Speaker 1: coming once a year, just doesn't cut it. He looked 365 00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:26,280 Speaker 1: ashamed and apologized to me, and I took advice that 366 00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:28,639 Speaker 1: I saw in a lot of the comments here that 367 00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:32,199 Speaker 1: I would forgive but not forget, which I think is 368 00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:35,119 Speaker 1: that's the best way to go, and that maybe we 369 00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:38,240 Speaker 1: can build a relationship going forward, but it will always 370 00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:40,760 Speaker 1: be marked by his actions in the past. If he 371 00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:44,280 Speaker 1: hasn't been my dad for sixteen years, he can't start now. 372 00:18:45,119 --> 00:18:48,680 Speaker 1: He seemed sad, but accepted my conditions. I then told 373 00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:51,239 Speaker 1: him about my concerns about my mother, told him how 374 00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:53,720 Speaker 1: bad he treated me as a child, that I did 375 00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:55,840 Speaker 1: not think she would be a good mother for my sibling, 376 00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:58,320 Speaker 1: and that I wanted to go low slash no contact 377 00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:01,160 Speaker 1: with her. He said that after he left for college 378 00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:03,119 Speaker 1: and they broke up, he would call her once in 379 00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:05,920 Speaker 1: a while to check up on things, but that quickly ended, 380 00:19:06,119 --> 00:19:08,880 Speaker 1: and when he came back, she explained to him that 381 00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:11,640 Speaker 1: her and I had a great bond and even though 382 00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:13,720 Speaker 1: we didn't see each other daily, it was because I 383 00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:16,960 Speaker 1: was in those teenage years, and that she loved spending 384 00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:22,400 Speaker 1: time with me and had been a very hands on mom. Wow. 385 00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:28,960 Speaker 1: Just full on lies, full on full lies, liar Wow. 386 00:19:29,119 --> 00:19:29,920 Speaker 2: Plants for hire. 387 00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:31,800 Speaker 1: That's ridiculous. 388 00:19:32,119 --> 00:19:35,480 Speaker 4: Yeah, she'll lie to get whatever. 389 00:19:35,359 --> 00:19:36,840 Speaker 1: Whatever she wants. Yeah. 390 00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:37,400 Speaker 2: Crazy. 391 00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:39,439 Speaker 1: I told him that all that she said was a 392 00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:42,440 Speaker 1: lie and that she never cared for me. He obviously 393 00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:44,920 Speaker 1: read the stuff from my post, but I also told 394 00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:47,240 Speaker 1: him other things, like when she would ask my grandparents 395 00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:52,880 Speaker 1: for baby babysitting money for taking care of me. Oh 396 00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:57,919 Speaker 1: my god, asking your parents for babysitting money for taking 397 00:19:57,920 --> 00:19:59,040 Speaker 1: care of your own child? 398 00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:05,480 Speaker 4: Dude, Yeah, what what are we talking about? 399 00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:08,880 Speaker 3: Like trying to think of a scenario here with producing 400 00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:10,960 Speaker 3: it's coming, it's happening. 401 00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:13,200 Speaker 2: Huh. 402 00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:16,720 Speaker 5: It's like, hey, John, Hey, you know what, forget it, 403 00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:17,320 Speaker 5: I don't have one. 404 00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:21,480 Speaker 2: I like the effort. 405 00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:25,280 Speaker 1: Or that she would call me annoying or disgusting to 406 00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:27,920 Speaker 1: my face when we still live together, and that severely 407 00:20:28,040 --> 00:20:31,119 Speaker 1: messed me up. He was very serious and said he 408 00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:33,400 Speaker 1: would talk to her, but that he would really would 409 00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:35,959 Speaker 1: not allow a child to be treated like that, and 410 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:39,960 Speaker 1: that he was sorry for letting that happen to me. Lastly, 411 00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:42,560 Speaker 1: he told me I would have a bedroom in his house, 412 00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:44,840 Speaker 1: but he understood perfectly that I would never live there. 413 00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:47,919 Speaker 1: He was quite emotional at this point and got choked 414 00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:49,879 Speaker 1: up at this point, and I got choked up at 415 00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:51,919 Speaker 1: this point when he asked me if even if I 416 00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:54,760 Speaker 1: didn't consider him my father, I would consider his baby 417 00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:58,200 Speaker 1: my sibling. I said, of course, and that I planned 418 00:20:58,240 --> 00:20:59,919 Speaker 1: to be a very active part in their life of 419 00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:04,000 Speaker 1: I could. That's so sweet. Yeah, he started crying and 420 00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:06,679 Speaker 1: asked if he could hug me, and this time I agreed. 421 00:21:07,560 --> 00:21:10,359 Speaker 1: I'm happy about the resolution of our conversation, and I 422 00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:12,639 Speaker 1: really do believe he will be a good parent for 423 00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:16,679 Speaker 1: my sibling. Once again, thanks to everyone who commented and 424 00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:19,600 Speaker 1: took interest in my story. I don't know if I'll 425 00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:25,400 Speaker 1: update again. I have a feeling they will. There it is, Yeah, 426 00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:27,560 Speaker 1: they have an update. Maybe I got an update. 427 00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:34,880 Speaker 4: This is actually the beginning of building a parent child bond. 428 00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:37,720 Speaker 1: Honest communication saying hey, I'm not gonna force you to 429 00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:41,320 Speaker 1: have it I want. I'm like, I'm leaving that line open, 430 00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:44,720 Speaker 1: but you you pick it up whenever you're ready. 431 00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:47,399 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I like. I liked. I like that. 432 00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:49,360 Speaker 4: He said, like, Hey, I have a room for you, 433 00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:53,320 Speaker 4: but I totally understand and expect that you're not gonna 434 00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:53,919 Speaker 4: live here. 435 00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:56,920 Speaker 2: It's just it's just this is ready for you. 436 00:21:57,080 --> 00:22:01,080 Speaker 4: If if or when, Yeah, you would like to exactly 437 00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:02,400 Speaker 4: be here, but get. 438 00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:05,040 Speaker 1: In here update. So a lot of you warned me 439 00:22:05,119 --> 00:22:08,160 Speaker 1: about the crap hitting the fans so to speak, when 440 00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:11,120 Speaker 1: my bio mother talked with my dad, and today that's 441 00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:15,600 Speaker 1: exactly what happened. My father sent me a text early 442 00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:17,639 Speaker 1: in the morning warning me about the fact that he 443 00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:20,720 Speaker 1: was going to confront my mother and that he didn't 444 00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:23,480 Speaker 1: want anything to splash to me and reassured me that 445 00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:26,960 Speaker 1: he believed me completely. And I braced myself because I 446 00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:29,359 Speaker 1: expected for her to call me, berating me or something. 447 00:22:30,359 --> 00:22:33,000 Speaker 1: I truly don't care about what she thinks, but these 448 00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:36,320 Speaker 1: past few days have been emotionally draining, and I wasn't 449 00:22:36,359 --> 00:22:39,560 Speaker 1: sure if I was ready for another full blown out confrontation. 450 00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:44,160 Speaker 1: Using Reddit to Bent to Bent has been helpful, though. 451 00:22:45,119 --> 00:22:48,359 Speaker 1: After a few hours, my mother pulled into her house 452 00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:52,240 Speaker 1: and let herself in, screaming like mad and calling me 453 00:22:52,359 --> 00:22:54,600 Speaker 1: every name in the book, saying I had ruined her 454 00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:57,920 Speaker 1: relationship and asking me why had I been blabbing about 455 00:22:57,960 --> 00:23:04,919 Speaker 1: private matters that don't concern anybody they concern It'll be yeah, 456 00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:07,920 Speaker 1: I said that my childhood matters to me and my father, 457 00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:09,919 Speaker 1: who was also going to be the future father of 458 00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:13,480 Speaker 1: her child, and that her actions ruined her relationship. Facts. 459 00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:15,840 Speaker 1: She called me an ale and said, I was the 460 00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:20,520 Speaker 1: biggest efing mistake she's ever done in her life. Oh. 461 00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:22,679 Speaker 1: I didn't know she could still hurt me, but that 462 00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:24,920 Speaker 1: was a low blow. And I said that I would 463 00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:27,520 Speaker 1: do anything in my power to take her baby away 464 00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:30,240 Speaker 1: from her because she was a monster of a mother. 465 00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:34,520 Speaker 5: Woo Ooh, that's so tough. 466 00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:35,080 Speaker 2: It's tough. 467 00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:38,680 Speaker 3: Oh, how can you be together with someone for that long? 468 00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:40,919 Speaker 3: And then now just realize this. 469 00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:46,800 Speaker 4: You know, they in her dad like dating the mom 470 00:23:46,880 --> 00:23:48,920 Speaker 4: and now they just recently started dating though. 471 00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:51,439 Speaker 2: Yeah, they're just like we could. They're probably different. 472 00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:54,440 Speaker 4: I mean they literally were sixteen, yeah, and now they're 473 00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:56,520 Speaker 4: probably like their thirties thirty. 474 00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:58,920 Speaker 3: Oh, so they weren't together through that whole time. Oh no, no, no, 475 00:23:59,119 --> 00:24:03,560 Speaker 3: so gosh, yeah's you're just you don't have to explain it. 476 00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:10,639 Speaker 1: So they were thirty two, they're like in their like 477 00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:16,119 Speaker 1: mid thirties now and mid thirties, and it's. 478 00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:19,960 Speaker 2: Just such as god damn. 479 00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:24,520 Speaker 5: No, no, like midlife. 480 00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:27,480 Speaker 1: They're having a mid life crisis and they get back 481 00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:31,600 Speaker 1: together and this dad is just now finding out like 482 00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:35,280 Speaker 1: who this woman is that he's you know, having a 483 00:24:35,359 --> 00:24:38,520 Speaker 1: kid with, and he's like, God, damn, I don't want 484 00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:41,800 Speaker 1: that life. Yeah, and she still sucks. She hasn't she 485 00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:42,919 Speaker 1: hasn't grown up at all. 486 00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:44,959 Speaker 2: Literally not at all. Stayed terrible. 487 00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:48,399 Speaker 1: We were screaming at this point, and my grandparents, who 488 00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:51,760 Speaker 1: were in the backyard must have heard us and entered 489 00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:54,200 Speaker 1: the room and separated us and heard heart of the fight. 490 00:24:55,119 --> 00:24:57,960 Speaker 1: I was fighting tears, and my grandma walked me upstairs 491 00:24:57,960 --> 00:25:00,920 Speaker 1: to my room as my grandpa screamed, my mother, how 492 00:25:01,119 --> 00:25:05,280 Speaker 1: dare she speak to me that way? A plus grandparents, 493 00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:07,760 Speaker 1: Oh my god, what like the worst things she could 494 00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:12,679 Speaker 1: have possibly said? Uh, and the fact that she's you know, 495 00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:14,760 Speaker 1: she's been like, oh, you have to move in with us, 496 00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:17,960 Speaker 1: you have to move in with us, when it's literally 497 00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:21,439 Speaker 1: just been to look good in front of exactly. My 498 00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:23,920 Speaker 1: grandma soothed me a little and then went to confront 499 00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:26,320 Speaker 1: my mother with my grandpa. I heard from the door 500 00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:29,280 Speaker 1: how they ripped my mother a new one. They confronted 501 00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:31,280 Speaker 1: her for telling me the things that she did, for 502 00:25:31,359 --> 00:25:33,679 Speaker 1: treating me like garbage all my life, and for lying 503 00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:37,360 Speaker 1: to my father. They told her how disappointed they were 504 00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:39,720 Speaker 1: in her for always treating me with the disgust, and 505 00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:42,720 Speaker 1: how many excuses they made for her thinking she was 506 00:25:42,760 --> 00:25:45,679 Speaker 1: a child trying to raise a child, but she was 507 00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:49,199 Speaker 1: now an adult and her behavior continued the same, and 508 00:25:49,240 --> 00:25:51,959 Speaker 1: they said they were on the path to disherenting her. 509 00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:56,240 Speaker 2: Oh god, shaw, you do it. No money for you. 510 00:25:56,600 --> 00:25:59,320 Speaker 1: My mother was screaming about how hard it had been 511 00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:01,880 Speaker 1: for her and how much he hurt. But my grandparents 512 00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:04,280 Speaker 1: were having none of that. They raised me, and she 513 00:26:04,320 --> 00:26:06,280 Speaker 1: was allowed to have the life she wanted and to 514 00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:09,800 Speaker 1: take all the decisions she wanted without repercussions. Ever, and 515 00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:11,840 Speaker 1: I even heard them say that if there was any 516 00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:14,960 Speaker 1: custody battle ensued over the baby to come, they would 517 00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:18,600 Speaker 1: take the father's side unless she radically changed everything about 518 00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:23,359 Speaker 1: her behavior. Good on these grandparents. They're not taking any crap. 519 00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:26,320 Speaker 2: They're they're they're doing the thing great. They're great parents. 520 00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:30,639 Speaker 4: They're great parents, great parents, they are grand oh parents, 521 00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:32,600 Speaker 4: they actually are grand Yeah. 522 00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:35,040 Speaker 1: They went outside for a while, so I don't know 523 00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:37,880 Speaker 1: what they said, but eventually they came into my room 524 00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:41,560 Speaker 1: and my grandparents looked extremely serious, and my mother was 525 00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:45,639 Speaker 1: red and crying and apologized to me through gritted teeth. 526 00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:49,719 Speaker 1: How embarrassing to be like told off by your parents 527 00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:53,119 Speaker 1: when you're an adult because you can't be nice to 528 00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:53,600 Speaker 1: your kid. 529 00:26:53,920 --> 00:27:01,200 Speaker 4: Literally, your sixteen year old is far more mature, emotionally intelligent, empathetic, 530 00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:01,840 Speaker 4: et cetera. 531 00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:06,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, than you, way way more. I didn't respond, but 532 00:27:06,119 --> 00:27:08,880 Speaker 1: my grandparents said on her behalf that she was gonna 533 00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:12,280 Speaker 1: start therapy immediately and she was no longer welcome in 534 00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:15,800 Speaker 1: the house. M I called my father after the debacle, 535 00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:18,960 Speaker 1: and he was furious. He talked to my mother before 536 00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:22,280 Speaker 1: going to work, meaning thing or something, and he confronted 537 00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:26,000 Speaker 1: her about everything. Apparently it was nasty, but he was 538 00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:27,840 Speaker 1: willing to work on the relationship for the good of 539 00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:30,520 Speaker 1: the baby, on the condition that my mother would also 540 00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:34,280 Speaker 1: be working on improving her relationship with me so that 541 00:27:34,359 --> 00:27:39,200 Speaker 1: whenever I visited them, I wouldn't feel uncomfortable. After he left, 542 00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:41,719 Speaker 1: he made her promise she wouldn't contact me until they 543 00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:45,879 Speaker 1: talked again. But there's my mother for you, folks. I 544 00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:48,919 Speaker 1: asked him to think on what's better for himself and 545 00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:51,679 Speaker 1: for the baby, and to not hold today against my 546 00:27:51,760 --> 00:27:56,199 Speaker 1: mother if he doesn't want to. Just so mature, Oh, 547 00:27:56,359 --> 00:27:57,840 Speaker 1: he's like, you know what, you don't even have to like, 548 00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:00,879 Speaker 1: don't worry about our fight. I want you to do 549 00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:02,040 Speaker 1: what's best for you and your kid. 550 00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:05,480 Speaker 2: HWS. 551 00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:07,879 Speaker 1: Also, a thing that has come up a lot in 552 00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:10,840 Speaker 1: the comments of my previous posts is that my progenitors 553 00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:14,119 Speaker 1: only want me as a babysitter and that I should 554 00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:17,080 Speaker 1: steer away from them and baby from my own sake 555 00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:19,359 Speaker 1: for my own sake. But I want to make a 556 00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:22,399 Speaker 1: point about that. I can't say anything about their intentions. 557 00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:25,639 Speaker 1: I know nothing about them, but I am very excited 558 00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:28,080 Speaker 1: to have a sibling. Growing up, I had a very 559 00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:31,880 Speaker 1: small family. It was just my grandparents and me. On 560 00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:34,960 Speaker 1: my paternal side, I had a huge family with aunts, uncles, 561 00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:38,040 Speaker 1: and cousins, but whenever I went there, I always felt 562 00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:41,040 Speaker 1: like the odd one out. They tried to include me 563 00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:45,120 Speaker 1: and invited me for Easter, Christmas, barbecues and stuff, but 564 00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:47,640 Speaker 1: I didn't really know them, and although they were nice, 565 00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:49,440 Speaker 1: I always felt like I had a big sign on 566 00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:52,280 Speaker 1: my head that said that kid John ad in high school. 567 00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:55,400 Speaker 1: I can't wait to have a sibling and love them 568 00:28:55,480 --> 00:28:57,520 Speaker 1: and always be there for them and show them what 569 00:28:57,600 --> 00:29:00,880 Speaker 1: a family is. I want to be that person that 570 00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:03,320 Speaker 1: they can always rely on for them and I want 571 00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:05,880 Speaker 1: to feel that bond. I want to feel that bomb 572 00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:08,400 Speaker 1: with someone. So even if I have my misgivings about 573 00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:10,880 Speaker 1: my parents, and I do a lot, I do not 574 00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:15,120 Speaker 1: about being a big brother. Oh that's so sweet. I 575 00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:17,120 Speaker 1: hope this is the last update and there is no 576 00:29:17,160 --> 00:29:20,239 Speaker 1: more family drama in the future. Thank you all for 577 00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:23,560 Speaker 1: your help. Having this site to air out my frustrations 578 00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:25,560 Speaker 1: and having a community to back me up and give 579 00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:28,880 Speaker 1: me feedback has been amazing. And there is an update. 580 00:29:31,160 --> 00:29:31,600 Speaker 4: Well. 581 00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:35,320 Speaker 1: First of all, my grandparents are as cool as ever. 582 00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:38,960 Speaker 1: I have not moved, nor I intend to, nor intend to, 583 00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:42,400 Speaker 1: and we've spent Christmas together. It was all great. We 584 00:29:42,520 --> 00:29:47,320 Speaker 1: love that my father and I have bonded more and 585 00:29:47,360 --> 00:29:49,880 Speaker 1: we are in a better place. He is paying for 586 00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:52,600 Speaker 1: my therapy and we've done a couple of sessions together 587 00:29:52,720 --> 00:29:54,640 Speaker 1: and we're in a much better place. We look at 588 00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:58,600 Speaker 1: it's like, Okay, I'll pay for messing your life. Oh yeah, 589 00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:00,760 Speaker 1: I've messed your life. Might as well pay to fix it. 590 00:30:01,880 --> 00:30:04,680 Speaker 1: You feel sorry for having lost my childhood years, but 591 00:30:04,840 --> 00:30:07,720 Speaker 1: understands that he cannot get them back, and instead of 592 00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:10,280 Speaker 1: pushing a relationship with me. He is letting me have 593 00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:12,920 Speaker 1: space to build as much of a relationship that I 594 00:30:12,960 --> 00:30:15,600 Speaker 1: want with him, which takes the pressure off me to 595 00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:16,080 Speaker 1: be honest. 596 00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:16,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, you love that. 597 00:30:17,560 --> 00:30:19,600 Speaker 1: We've kind of bought it over my little sister. We 598 00:30:19,680 --> 00:30:22,960 Speaker 1: found out it's going to be a girl, and I 599 00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:25,480 Speaker 1: helped him pay the nursery and build the furniture, which 600 00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:27,959 Speaker 1: I enjoyed a lot. He and my egg donor are 601 00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:32,040 Speaker 1: a bit of a weird situation. They live together, but 602 00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:36,800 Speaker 1: they're not together. My father is extremely angry about everything 603 00:30:36,840 --> 00:30:39,000 Speaker 1: that she did and said to me when I was 604 00:30:39,040 --> 00:30:42,760 Speaker 1: little and what I related in my previous post, and 605 00:30:42,880 --> 00:30:45,480 Speaker 1: he's wary about what kind of person she really is 606 00:30:45,520 --> 00:30:48,240 Speaker 1: going to be with my baby sister. They're going to 607 00:30:48,280 --> 00:30:52,040 Speaker 1: couples therapy and individual therapy. And although I see her 608 00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:55,200 Speaker 1: at in passing because I go sometimes to my father's house, 609 00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:58,040 Speaker 1: she is just barely polite with me, and I can 610 00:30:58,080 --> 00:31:00,360 Speaker 1: tell she feels like I'm the one who's growed up 611 00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:04,360 Speaker 1: her opportunity to playhouse with her second baby. I try 612 00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:06,600 Speaker 1: to pay her no mind, but the only thing that 613 00:31:06,640 --> 00:31:09,920 Speaker 1: worries me is if she eventually is going to poison 614 00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:13,200 Speaker 1: my little sister's mind against me or subject her to 615 00:31:13,240 --> 00:31:16,320 Speaker 1: a similar mistreatment like she did to me, because she's 616 00:31:16,360 --> 00:31:19,080 Speaker 1: also going to be born around all this tension. The 617 00:31:19,160 --> 00:31:21,720 Speaker 1: silver lining is that everyone else is showing up for 618 00:31:21,760 --> 00:31:25,200 Speaker 1: my little sister, and that means I've also connected much 619 00:31:25,240 --> 00:31:28,240 Speaker 1: more with my father's side of the family. They've always 620 00:31:28,280 --> 00:31:30,480 Speaker 1: been kind to me, but I always felt weird around them. 621 00:31:30,840 --> 00:31:32,800 Speaker 1: But now that things with my father seemed to be 622 00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:35,520 Speaker 1: settling into a more comfortable way, I feel like I 623 00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:38,240 Speaker 1: belong into his family more, and I can hang out 624 00:31:38,240 --> 00:31:41,480 Speaker 1: with my cousins and aunts and uncles more. Sorry if 625 00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:43,480 Speaker 1: it's not much of an update, but here's how things 626 00:31:43,560 --> 00:31:46,520 Speaker 1: lay at the moment, and there is he had another update. 627 00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:47,960 Speaker 2: Oh my gord. 628 00:31:48,000 --> 00:31:49,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, I think that's a little bit better that 629 00:31:50,000 --> 00:31:52,000 Speaker 1: the father's not actually with her, but it's just kind 630 00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:52,640 Speaker 1: of co parenting. 631 00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:54,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, and you know, there was a story I was 632 00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:58,280 Speaker 2: just remembering. It was crazy. It was it was a 633 00:31:58,320 --> 00:31:59,080 Speaker 2: similar situation. 634 00:31:59,160 --> 00:32:02,560 Speaker 4: It was the guy his uh basically ex wife was 635 00:32:02,600 --> 00:32:05,120 Speaker 4: pregnant with the baby and she would do crazy stuff 636 00:32:05,160 --> 00:32:07,240 Speaker 4: like steal from his business and then call the cops 637 00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:09,720 Speaker 4: on him and say it was him and stuff. It 638 00:32:09,800 --> 00:32:12,400 Speaker 4: was kind of nuts, but he was like, I want 639 00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:14,920 Speaker 4: you to live here so I can make sure that 640 00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:17,160 Speaker 4: you have everything you need and you're not like because 641 00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:19,120 Speaker 4: she didn't have any way of supporting herself. So he's like, 642 00:32:19,120 --> 00:32:20,720 Speaker 4: I want to make sure that you're like completely taken 643 00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:23,360 Speaker 4: care of while you're pregnant, and then as soon as 644 00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:24,760 Speaker 4: you have the baby, you're out the door. 645 00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:26,000 Speaker 1: Yeah. 646 00:32:26,040 --> 00:32:28,360 Speaker 4: So I was like, you know, like I get that, 647 00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:32,720 Speaker 4: you know, like making sure that you're providing is much health, 648 00:32:32,960 --> 00:32:34,480 Speaker 4: safety space, et cetera while. 649 00:32:34,280 --> 00:32:35,200 Speaker 2: She's pregnant as possible. 650 00:32:35,240 --> 00:32:37,560 Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's baby. Yeah, it's for the baby. 651 00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:40,959 Speaker 1: It makes sense to be around. Yeah, I get the leedet, 652 00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:48,160 Speaker 1: but I also get that there's another update whoa update 653 00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:53,880 Speaker 1: after update. So it's been a while, but recent developments 654 00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:55,560 Speaker 1: have brought me back here to give you all a 655 00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:57,480 Speaker 1: bit of an update, to do a bit of a 656 00:32:57,520 --> 00:33:00,520 Speaker 1: recap and avoid all of you going through the entire saga. 657 00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:03,000 Speaker 1: My parents had me in their teens. They left me 658 00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:05,800 Speaker 1: to be raised by my maternal grandparents, which turned out 659 00:33:05,840 --> 00:33:08,560 Speaker 1: to be the perfect family for me. My egg donor 660 00:33:08,640 --> 00:33:11,000 Speaker 1: was somewhat in my life growing up, but she was 661 00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:14,800 Speaker 1: nasty and toxic to me. Musty, my dad was absent 662 00:33:14,880 --> 00:33:17,000 Speaker 1: most of the time, but he was a more positive 663 00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:19,600 Speaker 1: force in my life. They got together about two years 664 00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:23,200 Speaker 1: ago and tried to make me, now seventeen male, move 665 00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:25,680 Speaker 1: in with them, to which I refused, and they also 666 00:33:25,720 --> 00:33:28,800 Speaker 1: announced they were expecting, which set me off and I 667 00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:33,160 Speaker 1: lashed out at them. That opened the Pandora's box of 668 00:33:33,240 --> 00:33:36,240 Speaker 1: lies and manipulation that my egg donor has been feeding 669 00:33:36,240 --> 00:33:40,360 Speaker 1: my father for years and created an overall messy situation 670 00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:44,160 Speaker 1: with her blaming me for everything. Me and my father 671 00:33:44,360 --> 00:33:48,640 Speaker 1: have been developing a stronger relationship and we'd become quite close, 672 00:33:48,800 --> 00:33:51,760 Speaker 1: although I still have some barriers up. My egg donor 673 00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:54,040 Speaker 1: has been giving me the cold shoulder for the remaining 674 00:33:54,040 --> 00:33:57,360 Speaker 1: of the pregnancy, and my father was considering whether or 675 00:33:57,440 --> 00:34:00,720 Speaker 1: not to try and continue the relationship. This brings us 676 00:34:00,880 --> 00:34:04,720 Speaker 1: to present times, Oh present day, and they had a 677 00:34:04,840 --> 00:34:07,760 Speaker 1: daughter named Ella, who is the most beautiful, charming, and 678 00:34:07,880 --> 00:34:13,799 Speaker 1: cute baby I've ever seen. My father was ecstatic when 679 00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:15,759 Speaker 1: she was being delivered and asked me if I wanted 680 00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:18,200 Speaker 1: to remain in the hospital during the labor, which I 681 00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:21,200 Speaker 1: happily agreed. It was amazing to see my sister for 682 00:34:21,239 --> 00:34:24,120 Speaker 1: the first time, and me and my father both cried, well, 683 00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:28,480 Speaker 1: holy girl, is this so sweet. My egg donor, on 684 00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:31,279 Speaker 1: the other hand, looked at her with little care and 685 00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:33,960 Speaker 1: tried to pass her off to whoever was around so 686 00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:35,120 Speaker 1: she wouldn't have to hold her. 687 00:34:35,200 --> 00:34:36,280 Speaker 5: Oh that's so sad. 688 00:34:36,760 --> 00:34:41,360 Speaker 1: Oh ouch. The relationship of my parents at this moment 689 00:34:41,440 --> 00:34:44,040 Speaker 1: was on thin ice, but the maternal spirit that my 690 00:34:44,160 --> 00:34:47,880 Speaker 1: mother thought she would develop with this child never materialized. 691 00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:51,879 Speaker 1: When they got home, they received dozens of visits from 692 00:34:51,920 --> 00:34:55,080 Speaker 1: relatives and friends, and my dad had to take care 693 00:34:55,080 --> 00:34:58,000 Speaker 1: of everything because my egg donor refused to even be 694 00:34:58,120 --> 00:35:02,760 Speaker 1: near the baby. Worried she must have been suffering from 695 00:35:01,960 --> 00:35:07,400 Speaker 1: postpartum depression, but she refused to accept help or counselor. 696 00:35:08,239 --> 00:35:10,400 Speaker 1: I tried to be gentler, to wear this day to 697 00:35:10,480 --> 00:35:15,799 Speaker 1: ease your mental state, but things just got worse. It 698 00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:18,160 Speaker 1: all came to a head a few days ago when 699 00:35:18,160 --> 00:35:20,600 Speaker 1: my father went into the groceries and saw on the 700 00:35:20,719 --> 00:35:25,080 Speaker 1: nannycam that the egg donor was cursing at Ella, and 701 00:35:25,120 --> 00:35:27,319 Speaker 1: by the time he made it home, my mother was 702 00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:34,000 Speaker 1: actually hitting the baby. Oh my god. My father got furious, 703 00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:37,239 Speaker 1: and she just responded by saying something along the lines 704 00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:39,200 Speaker 1: these kids are trying to keep us apart and we 705 00:35:39,200 --> 00:35:41,839 Speaker 1: should get rid of them. You need to get her 706 00:35:41,880 --> 00:35:48,040 Speaker 1: out of your life, I'll promo. Immediately, my father called 707 00:35:48,040 --> 00:35:50,480 Speaker 1: the police and had my mother forcibly taken to have 708 00:35:50,480 --> 00:35:54,080 Speaker 1: a psych evaluation. Good. I rushed to his side when 709 00:35:54,080 --> 00:35:56,719 Speaker 1: I got wind of bit. Luckily, my sister is all right. 710 00:35:57,600 --> 00:35:59,920 Speaker 1: While my egg donor was in the psych evaluation, my 711 00:36:00,160 --> 00:36:02,400 Speaker 1: father decided that she could no longer live under the 712 00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:04,880 Speaker 1: same roof as her and she had to take my 713 00:36:04,920 --> 00:36:07,160 Speaker 1: sister and he had to take my sister away from 714 00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:07,680 Speaker 1: her mother. 715 00:36:07,960 --> 00:36:11,520 Speaker 4: Good yep, immediately, immediate, immediate, immediate. 716 00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:13,560 Speaker 1: I came up with the plan that when my mother 717 00:36:13,680 --> 00:36:16,120 Speaker 1: was released, she could go rest and start treatment at 718 00:36:16,160 --> 00:36:18,799 Speaker 1: my grandparents while I move with my father for a 719 00:36:18,840 --> 00:36:22,600 Speaker 1: while to help him out and avoid drama. That's a 720 00:36:22,640 --> 00:36:23,320 Speaker 1: big deal. 721 00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:27,680 Speaker 4: And again they they laid the groundwork for rebuilding. Yes, 722 00:36:27,719 --> 00:36:29,759 Speaker 4: I feel like over this time they've been able to 723 00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:32,120 Speaker 4: build that foundation for that to happen. 724 00:36:32,239 --> 00:36:34,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, Like it's not and it's not out of the blue. 725 00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:37,120 Speaker 1: This is like a while in. 726 00:36:37,080 --> 00:36:39,920 Speaker 2: The you know, and it seems like, oh, piece, the 727 00:36:39,920 --> 00:36:41,040 Speaker 2: one that is like he. 728 00:36:41,160 --> 00:36:43,000 Speaker 1: Wants to do it. Yeah, it's not like the father's 729 00:36:43,040 --> 00:36:45,719 Speaker 1: like ooh, now you can move in. It's like no, piece, 730 00:36:45,760 --> 00:36:46,839 Speaker 1: like I want to do this now. 731 00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:47,359 Speaker 2: I love it. 732 00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:50,520 Speaker 1: Ironically, all of this started because I didn't want to 733 00:36:50,520 --> 00:36:53,080 Speaker 1: live with my dad, and now that's where I am. 734 00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:56,400 Speaker 1: My grandparents keep me updated on my egg donor's progress. 735 00:36:56,760 --> 00:36:59,200 Speaker 1: There are days when she feels truly ashamed of what 736 00:36:59,239 --> 00:37:01,480 Speaker 1: she did and wants to go back to my dad. 737 00:37:02,000 --> 00:37:05,319 Speaker 1: Others where she's lethargic and non responsive, and others where 738 00:37:05,360 --> 00:37:07,960 Speaker 1: she seems happy and content and talks about a clean state. 739 00:37:08,040 --> 00:37:11,680 Speaker 1: It seems like she may have some sort of mental illness. 740 00:37:14,280 --> 00:37:17,080 Speaker 1: I don't think brain tumor. It seems like, you know, 741 00:37:17,120 --> 00:37:22,440 Speaker 1: it could be somewhat like mood disorder. Yeah, yeah, serious, 742 00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:23,920 Speaker 1: a lot of a lot of a lot of back 743 00:37:23,960 --> 00:37:24,560 Speaker 1: and forth. 744 00:37:24,360 --> 00:37:26,640 Speaker 2: A serious mental health condition, I think. 745 00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:29,799 Speaker 1: Yeah. I think there would be a court proceeding over 746 00:37:29,800 --> 00:37:32,080 Speaker 1: the custody of Ella, but we've gotten some sort of 747 00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:36,800 Speaker 1: emergency ruling granting my dad full custody At the moment. Anyway, 748 00:37:37,040 --> 00:37:38,640 Speaker 1: things are a bit of a mess, and I wish 749 00:37:38,680 --> 00:37:42,040 Speaker 1: things had hadn't turned out the way they have. Hopefully 750 00:37:42,160 --> 00:37:44,000 Speaker 1: I will still be able to be around my sister 751 00:37:44,160 --> 00:37:46,520 Speaker 1: and whatever is happening to my egg Donor can be 752 00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:50,200 Speaker 1: addressed so she can get better. My grandparents are so 753 00:37:50,480 --> 00:37:53,520 Speaker 1: destroyed with all that is happening with their daughter that 754 00:37:53,560 --> 00:37:56,760 Speaker 1: they're having a hard time coping. But they come nearly 755 00:37:56,800 --> 00:37:59,720 Speaker 1: every day to check on Ella and I, which is nice, 756 00:38:00,160 --> 00:38:03,680 Speaker 1: that's lovely. My dad is also very distraught, and even 757 00:38:03,680 --> 00:38:06,600 Speaker 1: though he is now categorically rejecting the idea of ever 758 00:38:06,640 --> 00:38:09,640 Speaker 1: getting back with egg Donor, he still feels sad to 759 00:38:09,640 --> 00:38:12,040 Speaker 1: see how a mother can treat her baby, and he 760 00:38:12,120 --> 00:38:15,120 Speaker 1: is mourning the relationship and the life he thought he 761 00:38:15,160 --> 00:38:17,600 Speaker 1: would have because this was supposed to be kind of 762 00:38:17,600 --> 00:38:21,400 Speaker 1: the second chance for him to have this cool family 763 00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:22,040 Speaker 1: and stuff. 764 00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:25,320 Speaker 2: Totally, I op he put it so perfectly maturely. 765 00:38:25,360 --> 00:38:28,320 Speaker 4: He's mourning the relationship, not like, oh my gosh, I 766 00:38:28,360 --> 00:38:28,920 Speaker 4: want to get back to. 767 00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:33,200 Speaker 1: Get exactly, it's mourning something that you never had. Yeah, 768 00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:35,840 Speaker 1: but you know what, you do have us every weekday 769 00:38:35,840 --> 00:38:39,120 Speaker 1: at three PMPSD on YouTube, just to have her profile. 770 00:38:39,160 --> 00:38:40,719 Speaker 2: Join us, join us. 771 00:38:41,520 --> 00:38:44,520 Speaker 1: But there is a little bit left do any final thoughts. 772 00:38:45,520 --> 00:38:47,600 Speaker 2: Just once again blown away by Opie's maturity. 773 00:38:48,600 --> 00:38:50,640 Speaker 1: So much happens, so much happens. 774 00:38:50,719 --> 00:38:55,040 Speaker 4: Yeah, as tragic as the events that went down. I 775 00:38:55,280 --> 00:39:00,400 Speaker 4: do love to see a healthy, organic relationship being built 776 00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:04,920 Speaker 4: between Opie and his father and the baby, and I 777 00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:07,920 Speaker 4: think that long term, a lot of great things will 778 00:39:08,320 --> 00:39:14,160 Speaker 4: come of that relationship, and hopefully with the psych evaluation, 779 00:39:14,680 --> 00:39:18,760 Speaker 4: they figure out what is going on with the mom 780 00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:21,680 Speaker 4: and get her some some some treatment to help her 781 00:39:21,760 --> 00:39:22,240 Speaker 4: get better. 782 00:39:22,360 --> 00:39:24,840 Speaker 1: Yeah, because this is like it seems like there's definitely 783 00:39:24,840 --> 00:39:25,600 Speaker 1: something going on. 784 00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:27,800 Speaker 2: Super serious. I think, super serious. 785 00:39:27,840 --> 00:39:30,279 Speaker 1: Definitely a good idea to get the psych evaluation all that, yes, 786 00:39:30,800 --> 00:39:33,920 Speaker 1: and absolutely probably keep keep her away from the kid 787 00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:36,400 Speaker 1: for while, keep. 788 00:39:36,280 --> 00:39:40,880 Speaker 4: It hopefully Uh he gets like full custody and yeah, everybody, well, yeah. 789 00:39:40,719 --> 00:39:43,520 Speaker 1: It seems like gon emergency custody, don't. I don't see 790 00:39:43,520 --> 00:39:46,160 Speaker 1: why they would give custody back to her total, you know, 791 00:39:46,200 --> 00:39:48,759 Speaker 1: at any point totally. But there's a little bit left 792 00:39:49,520 --> 00:39:51,879 Speaker 1: on my part. I've been busy with school, and even 793 00:39:51,880 --> 00:39:54,000 Speaker 1: though I try to understand that my mother is sick, 794 00:39:54,200 --> 00:39:56,239 Speaker 1: I can't seem to forgive her for what she's done 795 00:39:56,280 --> 00:39:59,560 Speaker 1: to Ella. If this was her first incident of being 796 00:39:59,719 --> 00:40:03,120 Speaker 1: neg or violent, I might be more understanding. But I 797 00:40:03,120 --> 00:40:04,920 Speaker 1: feel like she's going to be as toxic to my 798 00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:07,319 Speaker 1: sister as she has always been to me, and I 799 00:40:07,400 --> 00:40:10,920 Speaker 1: don't want her near us for a second. And that 800 00:40:11,680 --> 00:40:13,120 Speaker 1: is the end of that story. 801 00:40:13,719 --> 00:40:15,680 Speaker 2: Understandable, Yeah, understandable. 802 00:40:15,680 --> 00:40:19,040 Speaker 4: And it seems like as terrible as the events that 803 00:40:19,120 --> 00:40:21,359 Speaker 4: happened were to get here, this is now the. 804 00:40:21,280 --> 00:40:23,120 Speaker 2: Best set up possible. 805 00:40:23,160 --> 00:40:26,400 Speaker 1: Everyone support system now. And yeah, it was hard to 806 00:40:26,400 --> 00:40:30,600 Speaker 1: get that, but you have no Yeah, man, o man, man, no, man, 807 00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:31,840 Speaker 1: What a story? 808 00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:32,720 Speaker 2: What a story? 809 00:40:32,800 --> 00:40:35,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, Kimberly finds his Op is handling it like a champ, 810 00:40:35,040 --> 00:40:37,240 Speaker 1: and it speaks greatly to his character that he's retained 811 00:40:37,239 --> 00:40:40,760 Speaker 1: this level of empathy despite the circumstances. Yes, agreed. 812 00:40:41,160 --> 00:40:42,520 Speaker 2: Also very slight detail. 813 00:40:42,719 --> 00:40:46,200 Speaker 4: Yes, he went from a transition from mom to like 814 00:40:46,239 --> 00:40:49,560 Speaker 4: egg donor and then back to Mom. 815 00:40:50,120 --> 00:40:50,640 Speaker 1: That's true. 816 00:40:50,719 --> 00:40:51,640 Speaker 2: So I think there may. 817 00:40:51,560 --> 00:40:53,799 Speaker 4: Be is like a little like complicated feelings of kind 818 00:40:53,840 --> 00:41:00,120 Speaker 4: of complicated feelings, and I think a a manifestation or 819 00:41:00,239 --> 00:41:07,400 Speaker 4: representation of his complicated relationship while still he's trying to understand. 820 00:41:06,800 --> 00:41:07,560 Speaker 2: And have empathy. 821 00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:09,720 Speaker 1: Well, it seems like Op, he has a lot of empathy, 822 00:41:09,719 --> 00:41:11,959 Speaker 1: and it's like I really want her to get better. Yes, 823 00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:14,920 Speaker 1: but that is the end of that story. That's it.