Speaker 1: I am a Yamla. I've been very open about the
Speaker 1: fact that I was not always good at making my
Speaker 1: relationships work. I have been divorced three times, twice from
Speaker 1: the same person. In other words, I have seen a
Speaker 1: lot and failed a lot in my relationships. So I
Speaker 1: am here to share with you what I learned along
Speaker 1: the way, because I did take copious notes. Welcome to
Speaker 1: the r Spot, a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership
Speaker 1: with iHeartRadio. You know, sometimes as women, I think that
Speaker 1: we think that men don't have feelings and they don't
Speaker 1: have hearts. Now, sometimes it's because of the way that
Speaker 1: they behave and sometimes it's because of the stories we
Speaker 1: make up about them. I also think that sometimes men
Speaker 1: don't know how to say what they feel, and as women,
Speaker 1: we don't know how to hear it. Sometimes I think
Speaker 1: we're so busy trying to talk them out of what
Speaker 1: they're thinking that we don't give honor to their feeling.
Speaker 1: I put a call out and I said I wanted
Speaker 1: to talk to men because I know the one place
Speaker 1: a man is willing to be vulnerable and share his
Speaker 1: heart is when it comes to dealing with his children.
Speaker 1: And sometimes as mothers and women. We don't honor and
Speaker 1: respect a man's heart as a father. So my hope
Speaker 1: is that and listening to my next caller, my guest
Speaker 1: for today that women will rethink what they think about
Speaker 1: how men. Bill, take a listen. Greetings, we love it.
Speaker 1: Welcome to the R spot.
Speaker 2: Wow, how are you?
Speaker 1: Man? I'm blessed?
Speaker 2: How are you? I'm in r right now because you're
Speaker 2: one of my favorite people and I'm just in shock
Speaker 2: right now. So this is amazing.
Speaker 1: Well, take a breath.
Speaker 2: I'm crying.
Speaker 1: Thank you for calling. I'm always amazed and encouraged by
Speaker 1: the amount of courage it takes for someone to be
Speaker 1: so vulnerable to call and talk to basically a stranger.
Speaker 1: So you're in awe with me. I'm in awe with you.
Speaker 1: So we're just awe struck. How about that? And awesome
Speaker 1: sounds good?
Speaker 2: Man, sounds good?
Speaker 1: So how can I support you today? Let's talk about
Speaker 1: your relationship challenge, issue, dilemma. What's going on?
Speaker 2: So I am apparently going through a divorce, okay, which
Speaker 2: is spilled over into to the children. Two children, one's
Speaker 2: about to be twenty two and ones just turned seventeen.
Speaker 2: I've been active father in their life since birth. I've
Speaker 2: been married to their mother since they were both born.
Speaker 2: We're going through a separation and it has definitely caused
Speaker 2: turmoil between me and the children. And I get a
Speaker 2: lot of mixed feedback from certain individuals of my circle,
Speaker 2: to inclusion lawyers and things, and a lot of times
Speaker 2: I get they're grown adults now, you know, And I
Speaker 2: think people miss the fact that grown adult or child
Speaker 2: are still our children. I don't think it changes the
Speaker 2: level of effect and hurt. So I'm just looking to
Speaker 2: find out, Hey, you know, how do I, as a
Speaker 2: father kind of re establish the relationship, you know, the
Speaker 2: connection of the child and how do I put myself
Speaker 2: in a position to be that father again or is
Speaker 2: it that it's a new relationship.
Speaker 1: First of all, how beautiful is that that you have
Speaker 1: been in their life since they were born?
Speaker 2: Yes, ma'am.
Speaker 1: How long has this separation or divorce? How long has
Speaker 1: that been going on?
Speaker 2: So the separation has been going off for close to
Speaker 2: three years. The divorce started legally back in April. The
Speaker 2: relationship of me and my children has been tainted for
Speaker 2: well over a year now.
Speaker 1: M The reason I asked that is because your seventeen
Speaker 1: year old daughter was fourteen when this breakdown began, and
Speaker 1: the twenty two year old daughter was nineteen when this
Speaker 1: breakdown began.
Speaker 2: And when we say the breakdown, that's me physically leaving
Speaker 2: the separation. Prior to that, there was trauma here and there,
Speaker 2: with arguments and things that they were exposed to. Nothing physical,
Speaker 2: but definitely the normal yelling and screaming, which is why
Speaker 2: the separation happened. I chose to leave because we couldn't
Speaker 2: communicate anymore.
Speaker 1: And the children are always collateral damage. So are both
Speaker 1: of the daughters distant from you or is it just one?
Speaker 1: Or where does the problem seem to me? It's definitely
Speaker 1: both both, okay? And what does that look like? What
Speaker 1: does the separation? What does this break down look like
Speaker 1: between you and them?
Speaker 2: Lack of communication? I think there are times where they
Speaker 2: feel that my tone lowed, which affects the communication. There's
Speaker 2: also the reaching out and not responding for a couple
Speaker 2: of days or not at all, and that's where I
Speaker 2: feel the foundation is not there. It's like, how do
Speaker 2: I rebuild? We can't get aligned on communicating just to
Speaker 2: respond to a text or into a phone call to
Speaker 2: say that you're okay or I love you.
Speaker 1: Well.
Speaker 2: Because that doesn't exist, I find myself poking to try
Speaker 2: to figure out how do I get a response?
Speaker 1: Yeah, what is the story they tell about why you
Speaker 1: and their mother are divorcing? Do you know that part?
Speaker 2: Though? But I do know that their main issue that
Speaker 2: they've expressed to me is how I responded to their
Speaker 2: grandparents during a situation where me, as the father, I
Speaker 2: wanted to understand where my kids were at the time.
Speaker 2: Like you said, Cameron was about fifteen, and she would
Speaker 2: spend a night out or be at a night out
Speaker 2: and I would find out after she came back, and
Speaker 2: that just didn't sit well. So grandparents got involved with
Speaker 2: a conversation between me and the spouse. You know, my
Speaker 2: tone was very aggressive, not going to respect me dealing
Speaker 2: with my children. You can leave my house at a
Speaker 2: very aggressive tone. And unfortunately, when I look at it now,
Speaker 2: I understand why the kids are hurt because dad was
Speaker 2: the active doing for twenty years and the grandparents played
Speaker 2: a very vital role and they still played a vital
Speaker 2: role in their lives. So I understand the hurts. But
Speaker 2: I've also believe in there's a place when adults are
Speaker 2: having arguments children to stay out of it.
Speaker 1: But this you're dealing with a new kind of young
Speaker 1: person today. You're not dealing with the kind of young
Speaker 1: person that we were or that you were. How old
Speaker 1: are you, sir.
Speaker 2: I'm forty two years old. Man.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, so you come from a different generation. You're
Speaker 1: a millennial, you're right.
Speaker 2: And on top of the fact, my grandfather raised me.
Speaker 2: So with my grandfather raised me, I know, I have
Speaker 2: some old tendencies that may not you know, working today's age.
Speaker 2: So you know, we try to find different ways of
Speaker 2: different approaches.
Speaker 1: And you're military, yes, marily tired. So you're rough. I'm
Speaker 1: telling you right now, you're rough.
Speaker 2: I am, I am.
Speaker 1: You know there are four types of parents. There's the
Speaker 1: drill sergeant parent, there's to make them happy, there's the
Speaker 1: inaccessible or unresponsive parent, and then there's the responsible parent.
Speaker 1: And all of us, you know, at some point another
Speaker 1: cross one of those lines, whether the sergeant do it
Speaker 1: because I said, do it, do it this way, or
Speaker 1: where the okay, okay, okay, let me just make the
Speaker 1: child happy, or we're like, look, go somewhere and leave
Speaker 1: me alone. I don't have time for you and then
Speaker 1: there's the Okay, wait one second, I'll be with you.
Speaker 1: Come tell me what the problem is. If you had
Speaker 1: to classify your entire parenting history with your two daughters,
Speaker 1: what would be your top line? Drill sergeant, responsible, unavailable,
Speaker 1: make them happy.
Speaker 2: I think I was balanced in between make them happy, yeah,
Speaker 2: responsible and drill cder.
Speaker 1: Okay, probably responsible was down on the other bottom wrung
Speaker 1: because being military, you probably weren't even aware of just
Speaker 1: your posture, how you stand, how you speak, you know, right, So,
Speaker 1: as the drill sergeant parent, make them happy, and that
Speaker 1: usually grows out of guilt if you're not around. When
Speaker 1: you are around, you want to make them happy.
Speaker 2: You want to give them this, you want to take
Speaker 2: them Okay, yes.
Speaker 1: Okay, good. So what happens in that instance when you're
Speaker 1: the drill sergeant is you have you're trying to make
Speaker 1: them perfect, and then when they see your imperfections, what
Speaker 1: happens is they call it a contradiction or they say
Speaker 1: you are hypocrite, and then they're torn because here you
Speaker 1: come with the goodies and the money and the toys
Speaker 1: and the gifts, and let's go out, and then they
Speaker 1: feel blackmailed. So it sounds to me. I could be
Speaker 1: wrong somewhere somehow in that hypocritical perfectionists. I got goodies,
Speaker 1: I'm daddy. I'm gonna take care of you. They have
Speaker 1: lost respect.
Speaker 2: For you, and I could say I definitely agree with that. Okay, Yeah,
Speaker 2: you touched on a very you know, you be away
Speaker 2: for eighteen months, you be away for a year, you
Speaker 2: come back, and then I would go on overdrive. I
Speaker 2: was coach when I was home, I was while I
Speaker 2: was my daughter's vocal coach and manager. And you go
Speaker 2: from trying to do that, not you.
Speaker 1: I own it. I want you to own it.
Speaker 2: I go, I go back into that right. Yeah, but
Speaker 2: you're spot on as far as the relationship, and I
Speaker 2: can definitely see, especially over time, all that can manifest
Speaker 2: yourself into what it is right now.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I want you to understand. That's what the ghosting
Speaker 1: or the silence is about. They're torn. They feel in
Speaker 1: one sense that you are hypocritical, and in another sense,
Speaker 1: because your daddy and they do have those memories and
Speaker 1: you do have a relationship with them, their hearts are
Speaker 1: broken because they don't want to hate you, but they're
Speaker 1: really they're really kind of pissed.
Speaker 2: Off right now, you're right, all right.
Speaker 1: Listen to me. I want you to listen to me
Speaker 1: with your shoulders and your backbone. I want you to
Speaker 1: hear this. Okay, yes, ma'am, You're not going to lose
Speaker 1: your daughters because your relationship with them was established by
Speaker 1: the time they were five. But as you so wisely said,
Speaker 1: you've got to build a new relationship with them. You
Speaker 1: have to build a new relationship with two young women.
Speaker 1: You're no longer parenting children, parenting two young women, right,
Speaker 1: You're not going to lose your daughters. You've got to
Speaker 1: get that in your body. I know you wanted to
Speaker 1: look like this. That's the drill sergeant. Put him in
Speaker 1: the closet right now. Send him off, deploy him somewhere,
Speaker 1: because what you're doing with the calling and the poking,
Speaker 1: that's what you're triggering up for them, the drill sergeant,
Speaker 1: and he is the hypocrite. We do not want him
Speaker 1: participating in this healing.
Speaker 2: Okay, yes, ma'am.
Speaker 1: And I really want you to hear that you're not
Speaker 1: going to lose your daughters, because that fear and that
Speaker 1: belief is making you aggressive. If you just want to
Speaker 1: let them know I love you. That's a card. I
Speaker 1: love you, and I understand why we can't speak right now.
Speaker 1: That's a card. I love you and I understand how
Speaker 1: I messed up. That's a card. M what's the butt?
Speaker 1: I hear the butt? What is it?
Speaker 2: There's a lot of I've hurd anger and I'm trying
Speaker 2: to push aside to.
Speaker 1: Why No, let's let that out. We do not want
Speaker 1: to push that aside. We wanted to come out. We
Speaker 1: want to give it a voice. We want to express
Speaker 1: it because you trying to hold on to it. That's
Speaker 1: what they feel, right. They can't manage that. That's too much.
Speaker 1: And we'll talk about that when we come back. Welcome
Speaker 1: back to the RD spot. Let's pick up where we
Speaker 1: left off. Can we go a little deeper here, of course? Okay,
Speaker 1: take a breath. Oh let's start here. I'm angry because
Speaker 1: I want you to repeat that and complete it.
Speaker 2: I'm angry because I feel like I've failed to give
Speaker 2: them the life that I wanted them to have, Okay,
Speaker 2: that they could be happy and just everything that they
Speaker 2: want to be for themselves. And I always wanted to
Speaker 2: make sure that they had the tools and resources and
Speaker 2: that I could be there alongside them just be that oversight.
Speaker 2: And I feel like I failed them because I walked
Speaker 2: away from the marriage. I left, but I felt it
Speaker 2: was the right thing to do because the thing that
Speaker 2: they were seeing was just not what they should have
Speaker 2: seen as far as communication between someone that is supposed
Speaker 2: to be a significant other. So I've never given up
Speaker 2: anything in my entire life. I've never gave up, and
Speaker 2: I feel like I've given up on them walking away
Speaker 2: from the marriage. And unfortunately, the pain that they're feelings
Speaker 2: is far greater than what I would imagine it was.
Speaker 2: And I'm in a position I don't know how to
Speaker 2: respond to it.
Speaker 1: And you feel weak. I don't know how to respond,
Speaker 1: and I feel that I do.
Speaker 2: I feel we depleted. Uh huh, this is the first
Speaker 2: time I've never felt like this in my entire life.
Speaker 2: This is different. A man shouldn't feel this type. This
Speaker 2: is a different type of energy.
Speaker 1: Yet, a man shouldn't feel that. A man is not
Speaker 1: feeling that, a father is feeling it. Give yourself permission
Speaker 1: to feel it. Missed the military. What branch were you? Army, Navy,
Speaker 1: Air Force, Marines?
Speaker 2: I was acting in the Air Force.
Speaker 3: Man, Okay, so you really you got strict regulations because
Speaker 3: if you don't follow the strict regulation.
Speaker 1: Somebody could die.
Speaker 2: When I heard the suit, yeah, but.
Speaker 1: That's not what's going on here. I feel like I failed.
Speaker 1: Then I wanted them to be happy, and I walked away.
Speaker 1: I've never failed at anything, and now I've failed at
Speaker 1: being a father. They saw too much. They hurt too much.
Speaker 1: They hurt because of what I didn't do, and now
Speaker 1: I don't know what to do. I feel weak and depleted,
Speaker 1: and I shouldn't feel this way. Did I get it all?
Speaker 2: Yes, ma'am?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, be right there. So I'm going to say
Speaker 1: this to you, and you're not going to believe me. Okay, yes, ma'am.
Speaker 1: You didn't do anything wrong and you have not failed.
Speaker 1: You may have walked away from the marriage because you
Speaker 1: were stepping into what you value and what matters for
Speaker 1: you. You're in a state of transition because what's happening is
Speaker 1: you're stuck in your head and all of this that
Speaker 1: I shared with you, feeling like a failure walking away.
Speaker 1: They saw too much. But pa Boa, that's all down
Speaker 1: in your body and the reason you're in pain is
Speaker 1: because you're living from the neck up. You got to
Speaker 1: live from the neck down. Tell me what you heard
Speaker 1: me say. You don't have to repeat my words, but
Speaker 1: tell me what you're hearing inside of you right now.
Speaker 2: Just want them to be okay.
Speaker 1: There are Okay, they are. It's you that's not okay.
Speaker 1: Tell me what's going on in your mind right now.
Speaker 2: I'm talking to you and I'm thinking about the shows
Speaker 2: that I've seen, and I'm trying to digest the vision
Speaker 2: of just the information that you're giving me so I
Speaker 2: can process it.
Speaker 1: Well, you've got to surrender control. You're trying to control everything.
Speaker 1: You're trying to control how you feel. You're trying to
Speaker 1: control what they do. You're trying to control what this
Speaker 1: looks like. And what you have to do is be
Speaker 1: here right now and right now. You are a broken
Speaker 1: hearted daddy. You're a broken hearted daddy. Would that be accurate?
Speaker 1: Just say yes, definitely is give yourself permission to be
Speaker 1: a broken hearted daddy. Because the military guy can't solve this.
Speaker 1: He can't. So I'm gonna take you right down in
Speaker 1: the pit. Well, I got you right on the pit
Speaker 1: of your belly, right here, right here, This is what
Speaker 1: I want you to say. I forgive myself for what
Speaker 1: say it. I forgive myself for I.
Speaker 2: Forgive myself for not being there when I felt I
Speaker 2: should have been there.
Speaker 1: No story. I forgive myself for not being there when
Speaker 1: I think I should have been. Take a breath. What else?
Speaker 1: I forgive myself.
Speaker 2: For my tone at times?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Okay, what else? Take a breath? Come on, breathe.
Speaker 1: I forgive myself for.
Speaker 2: Forgive myself for maybe not hearing them the way that
Speaker 2: have heard them if I wasn't pulled up. We're trying
Speaker 2: to fix everything else.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. I forgive myself for not being a good listener.
Speaker 1: Would that be accurate?
Speaker 2: Yes, ma'am.
Speaker 1: Okay, come on, say it. Own it. I need you
Speaker 1: to own it.
Speaker 2: I forgive myself for not being a good and active
Speaker 2: listener as I could have been.
Speaker 1: Not as you could have been. You could not have been.
Speaker 1: If you could have been, you would have been. And
Speaker 1: that's where the problem is. You're holding yourself responsible for
Speaker 1: things that you didn't know how to do or that
Speaker 1: you didn't know was necessary because you've been living a
Speaker 1: dual life. What you had to do and live and
Speaker 1: be to be in the military to earn the money
Speaker 1: so that they could go to the px and have
Speaker 1: a home and do those things. You had that going
Speaker 1: on in your consciousness when Daddy needed a heart and
Speaker 1: Daddy's heart may not have been available because of what
Speaker 1: Daddy had to do to be the man in the house.
Speaker 1: Come on, you've given these kids a good life. Do
Speaker 1: you know how many twenty two year old and seventeen
Speaker 1: year old young women out here don't even know where
Speaker 1: their father is And here you are weeping and balling
Speaker 1: because they won't talk to you. Come on, brother, give
Speaker 1: yourself a break here and there nutty news right now.
Speaker 1: And it ain't personal. They personal trust me, I had
Speaker 1: three twenty two year olds. It is not personal. Okay?
Speaker 1: What else I forgive myself for? What?
Speaker 2: Forgive myself for not being able to get in the marriage.
Speaker 2: It's hard because I felt like it was for them,
Speaker 2: the girls, and I need to let.
Speaker 1: That go away. People change till death do us part.
Speaker 1: But death of what what I hear you saying. There
Speaker 1: was a death of communication, There was a death of civility.
Speaker 1: There was a death of compassion between you and their mother.
Speaker 1: That's none of their business and they are collateral damage
Speaker 1: to that. But don't make what happened in your marriage
Speaker 1: a part of what you did or didn't do for
Speaker 1: your daughters? Did you give them a good life? Are
Speaker 1: they living in a shelter?
Speaker 2: No, that's no means.
Speaker 1: Do they have food to eat and clothes on their back?
Speaker 2: Yes, ma'am.
Speaker 1: And when you were away for the eighteen months working,
Speaker 1: were they able to go to the PX and shop?
Speaker 1: Were they in a home?
Speaker 2: Yes, ma'am.
Speaker 1: Well can you give yourself some credit? I'm trying, Well,
Speaker 1: why don't you deserve the credit for the good that
Speaker 1: you've done. This is not the military. You haven't been
Speaker 1: discharged from their life. Give them time to go through this,
Speaker 1: because you know what, You're not healthy for them right now,
Speaker 1: because you would be so busy from your guilt trying
Speaker 1: to make up for buying them stuff and acquiescing to
Speaker 1: this set, and they would play you like a fiddle. Brother.
Speaker 1: I got three of them beasts. I know what they do.
Speaker 1: You need to get yourself hole and healed and healthy,
Speaker 1: get yourself up. They'll be back, trust me when I
Speaker 1: tell you, and they'll probably have laundry.
Speaker 2: And I'll be here.
Speaker 1: How about I forgive myself for taking care of myself
Speaker 1: in a way that has caused my daughter's hurt. You
Speaker 1: didn't hurt your daughters, but you leaving the marriage to
Speaker 1: take care of yourself cause them hurt. Can you forgive
Speaker 1: yourself for that.
Speaker 2: Of that? Yes? Because okay, yes, I can give myself
Speaker 2: for that. I walked away because it was what was
Speaker 2: needed for myself.
Speaker 1: For them, yeah, not for them, Not for them, Not
Speaker 1: for them. Just stay in your lane, stay in your car,
Speaker 1: in your road or lane in your world. What I
Speaker 1: walked away from the marriage because that's what I needed
Speaker 1: for me. Because who you were in the marriage isn't
Speaker 1: the demonstration you wanted to show your daughters. Yes, ah, good,
Speaker 1: that's not who you wanted to be. But you haven't
Speaker 1: become who you want to be yet. You're still in
Speaker 1: that process of managing your tone and learning how to
Speaker 1: listen and giving yourself credit and forgiving yourself. This is
Speaker 1: your process now, because even if they showed up today,
Speaker 1: you'd be so busy apologizing and bending over backwards and guilt.
Speaker 1: It wouldn't be healthy. Does that make sense?
Speaker 2: One thousand?
Speaker 1: Well, talk more about it when we come back. Welcome back.
Speaker 1: I am I'm learning. This is the r spot. Tell
Speaker 1: me how open you are to getting some help and support, and.
Speaker 2: I'm very open to any resources.
Speaker 1: Hear me, you're judging yourself by military standards. Daddies don't
Speaker 1: live by military standards. They live by their heart. And
Speaker 1: what you're going to have to do is go down
Speaker 1: in the basement or in the closet and let your
Speaker 1: heart break. You're fighting that tooth and nail. But until
Speaker 1: you let your heart break, this stuff is going to
Speaker 1: keep floating around in your head and you're just going
Speaker 1: to whip yourself to death. I want you to get
Speaker 1: some help because as the military guy, you know, he
Speaker 1: still has a lot of dominion in your head. And
Speaker 1: this is a daddy situation. This is what I can
Speaker 1: tell you as a daughter. Daughters love their daddy, they
Speaker 1: absolutely do. We want to be their princess and sometimes
Speaker 1: we'll fight mommy for daddy, you know. But right now
Speaker 1: you've got a couple of things going on, baby, and
Speaker 1: this process is gonna take some time. So you're gonna go.
Speaker 1: You're gonna get yourself a supply of cards. I love
Speaker 1: you cards. You're the greatest thing in the world. Card.
Speaker 1: I just wanted to say hi. Card. And you pick
Speaker 1: a day. I don't care if it's Tuesday, Wednesday Thursday,
Speaker 1: and every Tuesday Wednesday Thursday, you send each of them
Speaker 1: a card. Stop calling, stop texting, don't ever change your
Speaker 1: phone number. Yes, ma'am, can I tell you a secret?
Speaker 2: Of course? Okay.
Speaker 1: My daughter passed away and she had a nine year
Speaker 1: old daughter, and I raised that nine year old. I
Speaker 1: did everything her mother wanted her to do. I sent
Speaker 1: her a private high school. I sent her to college.
Speaker 1: I supported her all throughout her college. She never had
Speaker 1: to work, she never had to do anything. I wanted
Speaker 1: her to focus on her studies. She came home from
Speaker 1: college after four years, spent one night in my house,
Speaker 1: went to her father's house, who hadn't been involved in
Speaker 1: her life. And I haven't seen her in six years.
Speaker 1: She doesn't answer my call, she doesn't respond to my texts.
Speaker 1: So after about a year of torturing myself, and that
Speaker 1: sounds like where you're at, torture and suffering, I had
Speaker 1: to give her permission to think whatever she thought, felt
Speaker 1: whatever she felt, and let her go. I had to
Speaker 1: be willing never to see her again if that's what
Speaker 1: would make her happy. It's been six years and I
Speaker 1: still pray for her, and I still love her, and
Speaker 1: I still know that one day, before I close my
Speaker 1: eyes for the last time, I'm gonna see her and
Speaker 1: wrap her up in my arms. But I have to
Speaker 1: be willing to let it be done on her time,
Speaker 1: not mine. You just have to be willing. But you're
Speaker 1: not gonna be willing until you process yourself through some
Speaker 1: of that pain. Please don't try to do this by yourself.
Speaker 1: The pain is too deep and the conflict is too great.
Speaker 1: But I promise you, when it happens, you're gonna owe
Speaker 1: me a dinner or a pair of shoes. Those are
Speaker 1: the two things that makes me happen. Food and shoes.
Speaker 1: You'll get both, okay, when they show up in your life.
Speaker 1: You're gonna owe me a meal and I like some
Speaker 1: really fancy places, or pair of shoes or both.
Speaker 2: I'm not worried. Trust me, we'll take care of you.
Speaker 1: So tell me something you know now that you didn't
Speaker 1: know when you called.
Speaker 2: Something I know now that I didn't know when I
Speaker 2: made the call is that I didn't fail.
Speaker 1: Oh good. If you don't know nothing else, I hope
Speaker 1: you know that even though you were away because of
Speaker 1: your children's profession, you gave them a good life. I
Speaker 1: hope you know that, and I hope you know you
Speaker 1: need help to get through this next stage of the process.
Speaker 2: Agreed.
Speaker 1: Okay, So when they call you, I don't care if
Speaker 1: it's next Tuesday or two years from now. You owe
Speaker 1: me a dinner and a pair of shoes, cause it's
Speaker 1: going to happen. And if that doesn't work, get back
Speaker 1: in touch with me, let me know. And I've got
Speaker 1: some other people. I just don't want you out there
Speaker 1: by yourself. Okay, yes, ma'am. Can I ask you a question,
Speaker 1: of course? Has anybody told you they love you today?
Speaker 2: Not today?
Speaker 1: That would be a no. I want you to know
Speaker 1: I love you today. I absolutely love you today. I
Speaker 1: love your courage. I love that you're a daddy weeping
Speaker 1: for his babies. That is just so exciting to me.
Speaker 1: In fact, if I wasn't so old, it would be sexy.
Speaker 2: Thank you too much.
Speaker 1: But I'm old, so I can't go there. You're not
Speaker 1: listen you heal your heart and go get you a girlfriend. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's what you do. Yes, Okay, stay in touch with me,
Speaker 1: let me know how you're doing. If you just have
Speaker 1: to call, I want to keep up with you.
Speaker 2: Okay, Thank you very much. And I appreciate your time
Speaker 2: and energy and just everything that you put on a
Speaker 2: table for me to be able to look at and
Speaker 2: have some options and just things to see differently. So
Speaker 2: thank you for your time and once again to be
Speaker 2: able to talk to you. You don't even know how
Speaker 2: many times are just shows on our little hard drives
Speaker 2: when being deployed location and watching your showing. Guys are coming,
Speaker 2: but were you watching them.
Speaker 1: Like man so well, I appreciate it and take some time.
Speaker 1: Don't just get off this phone and go do something.
Speaker 1: Sit with what you've heard, let it ruminate in you.
Speaker 1: I really think it'll be supportive for you to get
Speaker 1: below your neck. Love you mean it, see you soon.
Speaker 1: Have a bye bike. I want to say to all
Speaker 1: the men out there who are listening, or the women
Speaker 1: who are listening who have men in their lives that
Speaker 1: need to listen. I want to say to you, daddy's
Speaker 1: give your self permission to let your heart break, because
Speaker 1: until you drop into your heart and clear out all
Speaker 1: of those feelings of guilt or sadness, or anger or fear,
Speaker 1: they will be a barrier between you and your children
Speaker 1: and you and their mother. Daddies have a right to
Speaker 1: experience heartbreak and the only thing that keeps them from
Speaker 1: doing it is what they think other people will think
Speaker 1: about them. Daddy's let your heartbreak because that's the step
Speaker 1: to your healing. I hope this has been helpful to someone,
Speaker 1: and if you have a question about this or any
Speaker 1: other relationship issue, you can call me live at seven
Speaker 1: seven five three zero seven seven seven sixty eight. Now
Speaker 1: be sure to follow me on social media for all
Speaker 1: of the calling times, and until then, stay in peace
Speaker 1: and not pieces. The R Spot is a production of
Speaker 1: Shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from
Speaker 1: Shondaland Audio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.