1 00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:05,280 Speaker 1: I am a Yamla. I've been very open about the 2 00:00:05,360 --> 00:00:08,400 Speaker 1: fact that I was not always good at making my 3 00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:12,760 Speaker 1: relationships work. I have been divorced three times, twice from 4 00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:15,680 Speaker 1: the same person. In other words, I have seen a 5 00:00:15,720 --> 00:00:20,320 Speaker 1: lot and failed a lot in my relationships. So I 6 00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:23,720 Speaker 1: am here to share with you what I learned along 7 00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:27,159 Speaker 1: the way, because I did take copious notes. Welcome to 8 00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:31,320 Speaker 1: the r Spot, a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership 9 00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:49,280 Speaker 1: with iHeartRadio. You know, sometimes as women, I think that 10 00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:52,680 Speaker 1: we think that men don't have feelings and they don't 11 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:55,760 Speaker 1: have hearts. Now, sometimes it's because of the way that 12 00:00:55,840 --> 00:01:01,000 Speaker 1: they behave and sometimes it's because of the stories we 13 00:01:01,080 --> 00:01:05,040 Speaker 1: make up about them. I also think that sometimes men 14 00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:09,959 Speaker 1: don't know how to say what they feel, and as women, 15 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:13,399 Speaker 1: we don't know how to hear it. Sometimes I think 16 00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:16,160 Speaker 1: we're so busy trying to talk them out of what 17 00:01:16,319 --> 00:01:21,760 Speaker 1: they're thinking that we don't give honor to their feeling. 18 00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:23,880 Speaker 1: I put a call out and I said I wanted 19 00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:28,160 Speaker 1: to talk to men because I know the one place 20 00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:32,679 Speaker 1: a man is willing to be vulnerable and share his 21 00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:36,200 Speaker 1: heart is when it comes to dealing with his children. 22 00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:42,880 Speaker 1: And sometimes as mothers and women. We don't honor and 23 00:01:42,959 --> 00:01:49,040 Speaker 1: respect a man's heart as a father. So my hope 24 00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:54,120 Speaker 1: is that and listening to my next caller, my guest 25 00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:59,720 Speaker 1: for today that women will rethink what they think about 26 00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:08,400 Speaker 1: how men. Bill, take a listen. Greetings, we love it. 27 00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:09,600 Speaker 1: Welcome to the R spot. 28 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:11,120 Speaker 2: Wow, how are you? 29 00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:12,760 Speaker 1: Man? I'm blessed? 30 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:15,799 Speaker 2: How are you? I'm in r right now because you're 31 00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:19,080 Speaker 2: one of my favorite people and I'm just in shock 32 00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:20,560 Speaker 2: right now. So this is amazing. 33 00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:22,080 Speaker 1: Well, take a breath. 34 00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:23,320 Speaker 2: I'm crying. 35 00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:29,359 Speaker 1: Thank you for calling. I'm always amazed and encouraged by 36 00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:33,240 Speaker 1: the amount of courage it takes for someone to be 37 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:36,800 Speaker 1: so vulnerable to call and talk to basically a stranger. 38 00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:40,120 Speaker 1: So you're in awe with me. I'm in awe with you. 39 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:42,880 Speaker 1: So we're just awe struck. How about that? And awesome 40 00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:44,960 Speaker 1: sounds good? 41 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:45,880 Speaker 2: Man, sounds good? 42 00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:48,400 Speaker 1: So how can I support you today? Let's talk about 43 00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:52,200 Speaker 1: your relationship challenge, issue, dilemma. What's going on? 44 00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:57,240 Speaker 2: So I am apparently going through a divorce, okay, which 45 00:02:57,320 --> 00:03:01,080 Speaker 2: is spilled over into to the children. Two children, one's 46 00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:04,200 Speaker 2: about to be twenty two and ones just turned seventeen. 47 00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:07,560 Speaker 2: I've been active father in their life since birth. I've 48 00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:10,680 Speaker 2: been married to their mother since they were both born. 49 00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:14,120 Speaker 2: We're going through a separation and it has definitely caused 50 00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:17,919 Speaker 2: turmoil between me and the children. And I get a 51 00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:22,080 Speaker 2: lot of mixed feedback from certain individuals of my circle, 52 00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:25,120 Speaker 2: to inclusion lawyers and things, and a lot of times 53 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:28,600 Speaker 2: I get they're grown adults now, you know, And I 54 00:03:28,639 --> 00:03:31,600 Speaker 2: think people miss the fact that grown adult or child 55 00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:35,480 Speaker 2: are still our children. I don't think it changes the 56 00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:38,400 Speaker 2: level of effect and hurt. So I'm just looking to 57 00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:41,200 Speaker 2: find out, Hey, you know, how do I, as a 58 00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:45,360 Speaker 2: father kind of re establish the relationship, you know, the 59 00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:48,640 Speaker 2: connection of the child and how do I put myself 60 00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:51,840 Speaker 2: in a position to be that father again or is 61 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:53,360 Speaker 2: it that it's a new relationship. 62 00:03:56,840 --> 00:04:00,960 Speaker 1: First of all, how beautiful is that that you have 63 00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:02,840 Speaker 1: been in their life since they were born? 64 00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:03,960 Speaker 2: Yes, ma'am. 65 00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:08,720 Speaker 1: How long has this separation or divorce? How long has 66 00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:09,520 Speaker 1: that been going on? 67 00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:14,080 Speaker 2: So the separation has been going off for close to 68 00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:21,479 Speaker 2: three years. The divorce started legally back in April. The 69 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:25,120 Speaker 2: relationship of me and my children has been tainted for 70 00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:26,280 Speaker 2: well over a year now. 71 00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:32,400 Speaker 1: M The reason I asked that is because your seventeen 72 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:37,560 Speaker 1: year old daughter was fourteen when this breakdown began, and 73 00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:40,640 Speaker 1: the twenty two year old daughter was nineteen when this 74 00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:41,559 Speaker 1: breakdown began. 75 00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:44,719 Speaker 2: And when we say the breakdown, that's me physically leaving 76 00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:47,480 Speaker 2: the separation. Prior to that, there was trauma here and there, 77 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:50,600 Speaker 2: with arguments and things that they were exposed to. Nothing physical, 78 00:04:50,640 --> 00:04:54,560 Speaker 2: but definitely the normal yelling and screaming, which is why 79 00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:57,960 Speaker 2: the separation happened. I chose to leave because we couldn't 80 00:04:58,000 --> 00:04:59,400 Speaker 2: communicate anymore. 81 00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:05,880 Speaker 1: And the children are always collateral damage. So are both 82 00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:09,120 Speaker 1: of the daughters distant from you or is it just one? 83 00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:12,360 Speaker 1: Or where does the problem seem to me? It's definitely 84 00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:16,120 Speaker 1: both both, okay? And what does that look like? What 85 00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:18,719 Speaker 1: does the separation? What does this break down look like 86 00:05:18,839 --> 00:05:19,799 Speaker 1: between you and them? 87 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:23,760 Speaker 2: Lack of communication? I think there are times where they 88 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:31,360 Speaker 2: feel that my tone lowed, which affects the communication. There's 89 00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:35,800 Speaker 2: also the reaching out and not responding for a couple 90 00:05:35,839 --> 00:05:40,800 Speaker 2: of days or not at all, and that's where I 91 00:05:40,839 --> 00:05:43,640 Speaker 2: feel the foundation is not there. It's like, how do 92 00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:48,719 Speaker 2: I rebuild? We can't get aligned on communicating just to 93 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:51,120 Speaker 2: respond to a text or into a phone call to 94 00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:52,600 Speaker 2: say that you're okay or I love you. 95 00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:54,200 Speaker 1: Well. 96 00:05:54,279 --> 00:05:57,839 Speaker 2: Because that doesn't exist, I find myself poking to try 97 00:05:57,880 --> 00:05:59,600 Speaker 2: to figure out how do I get a response? 98 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:06,359 Speaker 1: Yeah, what is the story they tell about why you 99 00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:10,839 Speaker 1: and their mother are divorcing? Do you know that part? 100 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:13,200 Speaker 2: Though? But I do know that their main issue that 101 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:19,480 Speaker 2: they've expressed to me is how I responded to their 102 00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:24,400 Speaker 2: grandparents during a situation where me, as the father, I 103 00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:28,120 Speaker 2: wanted to understand where my kids were at the time. 104 00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:32,000 Speaker 2: Like you said, Cameron was about fifteen, and she would 105 00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:33,560 Speaker 2: spend a night out or be at a night out 106 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:35,520 Speaker 2: and I would find out after she came back, and 107 00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:39,599 Speaker 2: that just didn't sit well. So grandparents got involved with 108 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:42,919 Speaker 2: a conversation between me and the spouse. You know, my 109 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:48,000 Speaker 2: tone was very aggressive, not going to respect me dealing 110 00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:50,520 Speaker 2: with my children. You can leave my house at a 111 00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:55,839 Speaker 2: very aggressive tone. And unfortunately, when I look at it now, 112 00:06:56,480 --> 00:06:59,159 Speaker 2: I understand why the kids are hurt because dad was 113 00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:02,360 Speaker 2: the active doing for twenty years and the grandparents played 114 00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:04,120 Speaker 2: a very vital role and they still played a vital 115 00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:09,080 Speaker 2: role in their lives. So I understand the hurts. But 116 00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:14,560 Speaker 2: I've also believe in there's a place when adults are 117 00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:16,560 Speaker 2: having arguments children to stay out of it. 118 00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:19,480 Speaker 1: But this you're dealing with a new kind of young 119 00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:21,880 Speaker 1: person today. You're not dealing with the kind of young 120 00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:24,360 Speaker 1: person that we were or that you were. How old 121 00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:25,080 Speaker 1: are you, sir. 122 00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:27,480 Speaker 2: I'm forty two years old. Man. 123 00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:30,360 Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, so you come from a different generation. You're 124 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:32,600 Speaker 1: a millennial, you're right. 125 00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:34,560 Speaker 2: And on top of the fact, my grandfather raised me. 126 00:07:34,640 --> 00:07:36,800 Speaker 2: So with my grandfather raised me, I know, I have 127 00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:41,800 Speaker 2: some old tendencies that may not you know, working today's age. 128 00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:43,320 Speaker 2: So you know, we try to find different ways of 129 00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:44,200 Speaker 2: different approaches. 130 00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:48,400 Speaker 1: And you're military, yes, marily tired. So you're rough. I'm 131 00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:51,720 Speaker 1: telling you right now, you're rough. 132 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:54,720 Speaker 2: I am, I am. 133 00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:57,000 Speaker 1: You know there are four types of parents. There's the 134 00:07:57,080 --> 00:08:01,120 Speaker 1: drill sergeant parent, there's to make them happy, there's the 135 00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:06,679 Speaker 1: inaccessible or unresponsive parent, and then there's the responsible parent. 136 00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:09,760 Speaker 1: And all of us, you know, at some point another 137 00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:14,080 Speaker 1: cross one of those lines, whether the sergeant do it 138 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:16,320 Speaker 1: because I said, do it, do it this way, or 139 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:18,920 Speaker 1: where the okay, okay, okay, let me just make the 140 00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:23,000 Speaker 1: child happy, or we're like, look, go somewhere and leave 141 00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:25,600 Speaker 1: me alone. I don't have time for you and then 142 00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:28,120 Speaker 1: there's the Okay, wait one second, I'll be with you. 143 00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:31,320 Speaker 1: Come tell me what the problem is. If you had 144 00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:37,199 Speaker 1: to classify your entire parenting history with your two daughters, 145 00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:43,240 Speaker 1: what would be your top line? Drill sergeant, responsible, unavailable, 146 00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:44,800 Speaker 1: make them happy. 147 00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:49,800 Speaker 2: I think I was balanced in between make them happy, yeah, 148 00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:52,000 Speaker 2: responsible and drill cder. 149 00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:55,920 Speaker 1: Okay, probably responsible was down on the other bottom wrung 150 00:08:56,520 --> 00:09:03,520 Speaker 1: because being military, you probably weren't even aware of just 151 00:09:03,559 --> 00:09:09,160 Speaker 1: your posture, how you stand, how you speak, you know, right, So, 152 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:13,920 Speaker 1: as the drill sergeant parent, make them happy, and that 153 00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:17,000 Speaker 1: usually grows out of guilt if you're not around. When 154 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:18,800 Speaker 1: you are around, you want to make them happy. 155 00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:20,200 Speaker 2: You want to give them this, you want to take 156 00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:22,160 Speaker 2: them Okay, yes. 157 00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:28,439 Speaker 1: Okay, good. So what happens in that instance when you're 158 00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:31,840 Speaker 1: the drill sergeant is you have you're trying to make 159 00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:38,600 Speaker 1: them perfect, and then when they see your imperfections, what 160 00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:43,400 Speaker 1: happens is they call it a contradiction or they say 161 00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:47,520 Speaker 1: you are hypocrite, and then they're torn because here you 162 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:50,000 Speaker 1: come with the goodies and the money and the toys 163 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:53,000 Speaker 1: and the gifts, and let's go out, and then they 164 00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:57,840 Speaker 1: feel blackmailed. So it sounds to me. I could be 165 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:07,000 Speaker 1: wrong somewhere somehow in that hypocritical perfectionists. I got goodies, 166 00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:10,040 Speaker 1: I'm daddy. I'm gonna take care of you. They have 167 00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:11,440 Speaker 1: lost respect. 168 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:16,120 Speaker 2: For you, and I could say I definitely agree with that. Okay, Yeah, 169 00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:18,720 Speaker 2: you touched on a very you know, you be away 170 00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:20,880 Speaker 2: for eighteen months, you be away for a year, you 171 00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:23,520 Speaker 2: come back, and then I would go on overdrive. I 172 00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:26,560 Speaker 2: was coach when I was home, I was while I 173 00:10:26,679 --> 00:10:29,720 Speaker 2: was my daughter's vocal coach and manager. And you go 174 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:31,560 Speaker 2: from trying to do that, not you. 175 00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:33,800 Speaker 1: I own it. I want you to own it. 176 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:37,400 Speaker 2: I go, I go back into that right. Yeah, but 177 00:10:37,559 --> 00:10:39,679 Speaker 2: you're spot on as far as the relationship, and I 178 00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:44,839 Speaker 2: can definitely see, especially over time, all that can manifest 179 00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:46,480 Speaker 2: yourself into what it is right now. 180 00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:51,439 Speaker 1: Yeah, I want you to understand. That's what the ghosting 181 00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:56,920 Speaker 1: or the silence is about. They're torn. They feel in 182 00:10:56,960 --> 00:11:01,920 Speaker 1: one sense that you are hypocritical, and in another sense, 183 00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:05,959 Speaker 1: because your daddy and they do have those memories and 184 00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:09,760 Speaker 1: you do have a relationship with them, their hearts are 185 00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:14,080 Speaker 1: broken because they don't want to hate you, but they're 186 00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:16,160 Speaker 1: really they're really kind of pissed. 187 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:22,199 Speaker 2: Off right now, you're right, all right. 188 00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:24,360 Speaker 1: Listen to me. I want you to listen to me 189 00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:29,960 Speaker 1: with your shoulders and your backbone. I want you to 190 00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:34,560 Speaker 1: hear this. Okay, yes, ma'am, You're not going to lose 191 00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:39,760 Speaker 1: your daughters because your relationship with them was established by 192 00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:44,760 Speaker 1: the time they were five. But as you so wisely said, 193 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:50,360 Speaker 1: you've got to build a new relationship with them. You 194 00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:54,800 Speaker 1: have to build a new relationship with two young women. 195 00:11:55,960 --> 00:12:03,240 Speaker 1: You're no longer parenting children, parenting two young women, right, 196 00:12:04,559 --> 00:12:07,440 Speaker 1: You're not going to lose your daughters. You've got to 197 00:12:07,559 --> 00:12:10,920 Speaker 1: get that in your body. I know you wanted to 198 00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:13,720 Speaker 1: look like this. That's the drill sergeant. Put him in 199 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:18,480 Speaker 1: the closet right now. Send him off, deploy him somewhere, 200 00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:22,400 Speaker 1: because what you're doing with the calling and the poking, 201 00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:25,679 Speaker 1: that's what you're triggering up for them, the drill sergeant, 202 00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:28,839 Speaker 1: and he is the hypocrite. We do not want him 203 00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:30,680 Speaker 1: participating in this healing. 204 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:32,679 Speaker 2: Okay, yes, ma'am. 205 00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:35,560 Speaker 1: And I really want you to hear that you're not 206 00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:39,000 Speaker 1: going to lose your daughters, because that fear and that 207 00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:44,480 Speaker 1: belief is making you aggressive. If you just want to 208 00:12:44,559 --> 00:12:51,520 Speaker 1: let them know I love you. That's a card. I 209 00:12:51,559 --> 00:12:54,760 Speaker 1: love you, and I understand why we can't speak right now. 210 00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:59,920 Speaker 1: That's a card. I love you and I understand how 211 00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:05,400 Speaker 1: I messed up. That's a card. M what's the butt? 212 00:13:05,559 --> 00:13:07,560 Speaker 1: I hear the butt? What is it? 213 00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:12,640 Speaker 2: There's a lot of I've hurd anger and I'm trying 214 00:13:12,679 --> 00:13:14,640 Speaker 2: to push aside to. 215 00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:19,160 Speaker 1: Why No, let's let that out. We do not want 216 00:13:19,160 --> 00:13:21,880 Speaker 1: to push that aside. We wanted to come out. We 217 00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:24,560 Speaker 1: want to give it a voice. We want to express 218 00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:27,520 Speaker 1: it because you trying to hold on to it. That's 219 00:13:27,559 --> 00:13:32,240 Speaker 1: what they feel, right. They can't manage that. That's too much. 220 00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:44,520 Speaker 1: And we'll talk about that when we come back. Welcome 221 00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:46,719 Speaker 1: back to the RD spot. Let's pick up where we 222 00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:52,080 Speaker 1: left off. Can we go a little deeper here, of course? Okay, 223 00:13:52,160 --> 00:14:01,599 Speaker 1: take a breath. Oh let's start here. I'm angry because 224 00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:05,679 Speaker 1: I want you to repeat that and complete it. 225 00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:10,040 Speaker 2: I'm angry because I feel like I've failed to give 226 00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:13,040 Speaker 2: them the life that I wanted them to have, Okay, 227 00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:17,640 Speaker 2: that they could be happy and just everything that they 228 00:14:17,679 --> 00:14:21,160 Speaker 2: want to be for themselves. And I always wanted to 229 00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:23,440 Speaker 2: make sure that they had the tools and resources and 230 00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:28,479 Speaker 2: that I could be there alongside them just be that oversight. 231 00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:33,560 Speaker 2: And I feel like I failed them because I walked 232 00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:39,240 Speaker 2: away from the marriage. I left, but I felt it 233 00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:41,920 Speaker 2: was the right thing to do because the thing that 234 00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:45,600 Speaker 2: they were seeing was just not what they should have 235 00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:49,160 Speaker 2: seen as far as communication between someone that is supposed 236 00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:53,280 Speaker 2: to be a significant other. So I've never given up 237 00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:57,560 Speaker 2: anything in my entire life. I've never gave up, and 238 00:14:57,640 --> 00:15:00,600 Speaker 2: I feel like I've given up on them walking away 239 00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:04,440 Speaker 2: from the marriage. And unfortunately, the pain that they're feelings 240 00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:08,600 Speaker 2: is far greater than what I would imagine it was. 241 00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:11,960 Speaker 2: And I'm in a position I don't know how to 242 00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:13,000 Speaker 2: respond to it. 243 00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:16,040 Speaker 1: And you feel weak. I don't know how to respond, 244 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,600 Speaker 1: and I feel that I do. 245 00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:22,280 Speaker 2: I feel we depleted. Uh huh, this is the first 246 00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:24,840 Speaker 2: time I've never felt like this in my entire life. 247 00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:28,640 Speaker 2: This is different. A man shouldn't feel this type. This 248 00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:29,960 Speaker 2: is a different type of energy. 249 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:32,920 Speaker 1: Yet, a man shouldn't feel that. A man is not 250 00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:38,920 Speaker 1: feeling that, a father is feeling it. Give yourself permission 251 00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:44,680 Speaker 1: to feel it. Missed the military. What branch were you? Army, Navy, 252 00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:45,840 Speaker 1: Air Force, Marines? 253 00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:48,200 Speaker 2: I was acting in the Air Force. 254 00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:55,920 Speaker 3: Man, Okay, so you really you got strict regulations because 255 00:15:56,800 --> 00:15:59,640 Speaker 3: if you don't follow the strict regulation. 256 00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:00,520 Speaker 1: Somebody could die. 257 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:03,160 Speaker 2: When I heard the suit, yeah, but. 258 00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:07,640 Speaker 1: That's not what's going on here. I feel like I failed. 259 00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:12,520 Speaker 1: Then I wanted them to be happy, and I walked away. 260 00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:18,120 Speaker 1: I've never failed at anything, and now I've failed at 261 00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:22,680 Speaker 1: being a father. They saw too much. They hurt too much. 262 00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:29,520 Speaker 1: They hurt because of what I didn't do, and now 263 00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:32,320 Speaker 1: I don't know what to do. I feel weak and depleted, 264 00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:38,840 Speaker 1: and I shouldn't feel this way. Did I get it all? 265 00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:41,760 Speaker 2: Yes, ma'am? 266 00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:48,560 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, be right there. So I'm going to say 267 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:56,280 Speaker 1: this to you, and you're not going to believe me. Okay, yes, ma'am. 268 00:16:56,960 --> 00:17:03,800 Speaker 1: You didn't do anything wrong and you have not failed. 269 00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:10,560 Speaker 1: You may have walked away from the marriage because you 270 00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:15,320 Speaker 1: were stepping into what you value and what matters for 271 00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:22,600 Speaker 1: you. You're in a state of transition because what's happening is 272 00:17:23,119 --> 00:17:25,560 Speaker 1: you're stuck in your head and all of this that 273 00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:28,359 Speaker 1: I shared with you, feeling like a failure walking away. 274 00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:32,200 Speaker 1: They saw too much. But pa Boa, that's all down 275 00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:36,280 Speaker 1: in your body and the reason you're in pain is 276 00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:39,200 Speaker 1: because you're living from the neck up. You got to 277 00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:43,960 Speaker 1: live from the neck down. Tell me what you heard 278 00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:47,119 Speaker 1: me say. You don't have to repeat my words, but 279 00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:50,080 Speaker 1: tell me what you're hearing inside of you right now. 280 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:55,199 Speaker 2: Just want them to be okay. 281 00:17:56,480 --> 00:18:04,360 Speaker 1: There are Okay, they are. It's you that's not okay. 282 00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:07,399 Speaker 1: Tell me what's going on in your mind right now. 283 00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:12,280 Speaker 2: I'm talking to you and I'm thinking about the shows 284 00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:16,560 Speaker 2: that I've seen, and I'm trying to digest the vision 285 00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:19,879 Speaker 2: of just the information that you're giving me so I 286 00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:20,800 Speaker 2: can process it. 287 00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:25,359 Speaker 1: Well, you've got to surrender control. You're trying to control everything. 288 00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:27,240 Speaker 1: You're trying to control how you feel. You're trying to 289 00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:29,399 Speaker 1: control what they do. You're trying to control what this 290 00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:32,280 Speaker 1: looks like. And what you have to do is be 291 00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:37,040 Speaker 1: here right now and right now. You are a broken 292 00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:44,160 Speaker 1: hearted daddy. You're a broken hearted daddy. Would that be accurate? 293 00:18:44,880 --> 00:18:51,520 Speaker 1: Just say yes, definitely is give yourself permission to be 294 00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:55,560 Speaker 1: a broken hearted daddy. Because the military guy can't solve this. 295 00:18:57,359 --> 00:19:01,560 Speaker 1: He can't. So I'm gonna take you right down in 296 00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:03,480 Speaker 1: the pit. Well, I got you right on the pit 297 00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:05,600 Speaker 1: of your belly, right here, right here, This is what 298 00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:09,240 Speaker 1: I want you to say. I forgive myself for what 299 00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:14,320 Speaker 1: say it. I forgive myself for I. 300 00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:20,480 Speaker 2: Forgive myself for not being there when I felt I 301 00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:21,359 Speaker 2: should have been there. 302 00:19:22,359 --> 00:19:25,320 Speaker 1: No story. I forgive myself for not being there when 303 00:19:25,359 --> 00:19:27,600 Speaker 1: I think I should have been. Take a breath. What else? 304 00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:29,360 Speaker 1: I forgive myself. 305 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:32,760 Speaker 2: For my tone at times? 306 00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:38,120 Speaker 1: Yeah? Okay, what else? Take a breath? Come on, breathe. 307 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:43,360 Speaker 1: I forgive myself for. 308 00:19:42,119 --> 00:19:48,159 Speaker 2: Forgive myself for maybe not hearing them the way that 309 00:19:48,359 --> 00:19:51,040 Speaker 2: have heard them if I wasn't pulled up. We're trying 310 00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:52,040 Speaker 2: to fix everything else. 311 00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:56,920 Speaker 1: Mm hmm. I forgive myself for not being a good listener. 312 00:19:58,000 --> 00:19:59,040 Speaker 1: Would that be accurate? 313 00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:00,960 Speaker 2: Yes, ma'am. 314 00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:03,679 Speaker 1: Okay, come on, say it. Own it. I need you 315 00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:04,239 Speaker 1: to own it. 316 00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:08,280 Speaker 2: I forgive myself for not being a good and active 317 00:20:08,359 --> 00:20:09,680 Speaker 2: listener as I could have been. 318 00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:12,560 Speaker 1: Not as you could have been. You could not have been. 319 00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:15,479 Speaker 1: If you could have been, you would have been. And 320 00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:19,520 Speaker 1: that's where the problem is. You're holding yourself responsible for 321 00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:22,040 Speaker 1: things that you didn't know how to do or that 322 00:20:22,119 --> 00:20:25,840 Speaker 1: you didn't know was necessary because you've been living a 323 00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:29,520 Speaker 1: dual life. What you had to do and live and 324 00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:32,560 Speaker 1: be to be in the military to earn the money 325 00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:34,760 Speaker 1: so that they could go to the px and have 326 00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:38,160 Speaker 1: a home and do those things. You had that going 327 00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:42,080 Speaker 1: on in your consciousness when Daddy needed a heart and 328 00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:46,639 Speaker 1: Daddy's heart may not have been available because of what 329 00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:50,119 Speaker 1: Daddy had to do to be the man in the house. 330 00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:55,040 Speaker 1: Come on, you've given these kids a good life. Do 331 00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:57,440 Speaker 1: you know how many twenty two year old and seventeen 332 00:20:57,520 --> 00:21:00,400 Speaker 1: year old young women out here don't even know where 333 00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:04,040 Speaker 1: their father is And here you are weeping and balling 334 00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:07,080 Speaker 1: because they won't talk to you. Come on, brother, give 335 00:21:07,119 --> 00:21:11,480 Speaker 1: yourself a break here and there nutty news right now. 336 00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:16,720 Speaker 1: And it ain't personal. They personal trust me, I had 337 00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:22,400 Speaker 1: three twenty two year olds. It is not personal. Okay? 338 00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:25,480 Speaker 1: What else I forgive myself for? What? 339 00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:33,119 Speaker 2: Forgive myself for not being able to get in the marriage. 340 00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:37,720 Speaker 2: It's hard because I felt like it was for them, 341 00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:40,000 Speaker 2: the girls, and I need to let. 342 00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:44,760 Speaker 1: That go away. People change till death do us part. 343 00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:47,439 Speaker 1: But death of what what I hear you saying. There 344 00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:51,040 Speaker 1: was a death of communication, There was a death of civility. 345 00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:54,800 Speaker 1: There was a death of compassion between you and their mother. 346 00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:59,959 Speaker 1: That's none of their business and they are collateral damage 347 00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:03,760 Speaker 1: to that. But don't make what happened in your marriage 348 00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:07,320 Speaker 1: a part of what you did or didn't do for 349 00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:12,639 Speaker 1: your daughters? Did you give them a good life? Are 350 00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:13,720 Speaker 1: they living in a shelter? 351 00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:17,440 Speaker 2: No, that's no means. 352 00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:19,720 Speaker 1: Do they have food to eat and clothes on their back? 353 00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:20,920 Speaker 2: Yes, ma'am. 354 00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:24,480 Speaker 1: And when you were away for the eighteen months working, 355 00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:27,439 Speaker 1: were they able to go to the PX and shop? 356 00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:28,840 Speaker 1: Were they in a home? 357 00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:29,960 Speaker 2: Yes, ma'am. 358 00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:34,920 Speaker 1: Well can you give yourself some credit? I'm trying, Well, 359 00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:37,639 Speaker 1: why don't you deserve the credit for the good that 360 00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:41,359 Speaker 1: you've done. This is not the military. You haven't been 361 00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:45,600 Speaker 1: discharged from their life. Give them time to go through this, 362 00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:49,240 Speaker 1: because you know what, You're not healthy for them right now, 363 00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:53,919 Speaker 1: because you would be so busy from your guilt trying 364 00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:56,840 Speaker 1: to make up for buying them stuff and acquiescing to 365 00:22:56,880 --> 00:22:59,320 Speaker 1: this set, and they would play you like a fiddle. Brother. 366 00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:03,080 Speaker 1: I got three of them beasts. I know what they do. 367 00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:09,359 Speaker 1: You need to get yourself hole and healed and healthy, 368 00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:14,800 Speaker 1: get yourself up. They'll be back, trust me when I 369 00:23:14,840 --> 00:23:17,080 Speaker 1: tell you, and they'll probably have laundry. 370 00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:20,320 Speaker 2: And I'll be here. 371 00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:27,520 Speaker 1: How about I forgive myself for taking care of myself 372 00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:32,520 Speaker 1: in a way that has caused my daughter's hurt. You 373 00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:36,320 Speaker 1: didn't hurt your daughters, but you leaving the marriage to 374 00:23:36,359 --> 00:23:40,399 Speaker 1: take care of yourself cause them hurt. Can you forgive 375 00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:41,080 Speaker 1: yourself for that. 376 00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:47,000 Speaker 2: Of that? Yes? Because okay, yes, I can give myself 377 00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:50,560 Speaker 2: for that. I walked away because it was what was 378 00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:52,240 Speaker 2: needed for myself. 379 00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:55,040 Speaker 1: For them, yeah, not for them, Not for them, Not 380 00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:58,040 Speaker 1: for them. Just stay in your lane, stay in your car, 381 00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:02,199 Speaker 1: in your road or lane in your world. What I 382 00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:05,280 Speaker 1: walked away from the marriage because that's what I needed 383 00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:09,399 Speaker 1: for me. Because who you were in the marriage isn't 384 00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:15,400 Speaker 1: the demonstration you wanted to show your daughters. Yes, ah, good, 385 00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:20,240 Speaker 1: that's not who you wanted to be. But you haven't 386 00:24:20,359 --> 00:24:24,879 Speaker 1: become who you want to be yet. You're still in 387 00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:31,040 Speaker 1: that process of managing your tone and learning how to 388 00:24:31,119 --> 00:24:36,879 Speaker 1: listen and giving yourself credit and forgiving yourself. This is 389 00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:42,840 Speaker 1: your process now, because even if they showed up today, 390 00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:46,480 Speaker 1: you'd be so busy apologizing and bending over backwards and guilt. 391 00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:51,440 Speaker 1: It wouldn't be healthy. Does that make sense? 392 00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:53,080 Speaker 2: One thousand? 393 00:24:54,720 --> 00:25:06,399 Speaker 1: Well, talk more about it when we come back. Welcome back. 394 00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:09,840 Speaker 1: I am I'm learning. This is the r spot. Tell 395 00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:13,280 Speaker 1: me how open you are to getting some help and support, and. 396 00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:15,840 Speaker 2: I'm very open to any resources. 397 00:25:16,359 --> 00:25:23,040 Speaker 1: Hear me, you're judging yourself by military standards. Daddies don't 398 00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:26,480 Speaker 1: live by military standards. They live by their heart. And 399 00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:28,960 Speaker 1: what you're going to have to do is go down 400 00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:32,880 Speaker 1: in the basement or in the closet and let your 401 00:25:32,920 --> 00:25:39,800 Speaker 1: heart break. You're fighting that tooth and nail. But until 402 00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:42,840 Speaker 1: you let your heart break, this stuff is going to 403 00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:45,240 Speaker 1: keep floating around in your head and you're just going 404 00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:47,960 Speaker 1: to whip yourself to death. I want you to get 405 00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:51,760 Speaker 1: some help because as the military guy, you know, he 406 00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:54,840 Speaker 1: still has a lot of dominion in your head. And 407 00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:59,600 Speaker 1: this is a daddy situation. This is what I can 408 00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:04,120 Speaker 1: tell you as a daughter. Daughters love their daddy, they 409 00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:08,919 Speaker 1: absolutely do. We want to be their princess and sometimes 410 00:26:09,119 --> 00:26:13,840 Speaker 1: we'll fight mommy for daddy, you know. But right now 411 00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:17,639 Speaker 1: you've got a couple of things going on, baby, and 412 00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:21,960 Speaker 1: this process is gonna take some time. So you're gonna go. 413 00:26:22,359 --> 00:26:25,960 Speaker 1: You're gonna get yourself a supply of cards. I love 414 00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:28,399 Speaker 1: you cards. You're the greatest thing in the world. Card. 415 00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:31,520 Speaker 1: I just wanted to say hi. Card. And you pick 416 00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:34,480 Speaker 1: a day. I don't care if it's Tuesday, Wednesday Thursday, 417 00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:37,879 Speaker 1: and every Tuesday Wednesday Thursday, you send each of them 418 00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:42,359 Speaker 1: a card. Stop calling, stop texting, don't ever change your 419 00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:46,640 Speaker 1: phone number. Yes, ma'am, can I tell you a secret? 420 00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:48,919 Speaker 2: Of course? Okay. 421 00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:53,360 Speaker 1: My daughter passed away and she had a nine year 422 00:26:53,359 --> 00:26:58,359 Speaker 1: old daughter, and I raised that nine year old. I 423 00:26:58,359 --> 00:27:02,520 Speaker 1: did everything her mother wanted her to do. I sent 424 00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:08,080 Speaker 1: her a private high school. I sent her to college. 425 00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:12,520 Speaker 1: I supported her all throughout her college. She never had 426 00:27:12,560 --> 00:27:14,560 Speaker 1: to work, she never had to do anything. I wanted 427 00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:19,240 Speaker 1: her to focus on her studies. She came home from 428 00:27:19,280 --> 00:27:23,840 Speaker 1: college after four years, spent one night in my house, 429 00:27:25,480 --> 00:27:29,000 Speaker 1: went to her father's house, who hadn't been involved in 430 00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:32,880 Speaker 1: her life. And I haven't seen her in six years. 431 00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:37,840 Speaker 1: She doesn't answer my call, she doesn't respond to my texts. 432 00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:41,919 Speaker 1: So after about a year of torturing myself, and that 433 00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:46,120 Speaker 1: sounds like where you're at, torture and suffering, I had 434 00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:49,679 Speaker 1: to give her permission to think whatever she thought, felt 435 00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:54,960 Speaker 1: whatever she felt, and let her go. I had to 436 00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:58,720 Speaker 1: be willing never to see her again if that's what 437 00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:04,080 Speaker 1: would make her happy. It's been six years and I 438 00:28:04,119 --> 00:28:06,639 Speaker 1: still pray for her, and I still love her, and 439 00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:09,399 Speaker 1: I still know that one day, before I close my 440 00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:12,080 Speaker 1: eyes for the last time, I'm gonna see her and 441 00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:15,320 Speaker 1: wrap her up in my arms. But I have to 442 00:28:15,359 --> 00:28:17,760 Speaker 1: be willing to let it be done on her time, 443 00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:22,480 Speaker 1: not mine. You just have to be willing. But you're 444 00:28:22,480 --> 00:28:25,119 Speaker 1: not gonna be willing until you process yourself through some 445 00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:29,119 Speaker 1: of that pain. Please don't try to do this by yourself. 446 00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:32,560 Speaker 1: The pain is too deep and the conflict is too great. 447 00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:37,640 Speaker 1: But I promise you, when it happens, you're gonna owe 448 00:28:37,680 --> 00:28:40,719 Speaker 1: me a dinner or a pair of shoes. Those are 449 00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:44,360 Speaker 1: the two things that makes me happen. Food and shoes. 450 00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:50,320 Speaker 1: You'll get both, okay, when they show up in your life. 451 00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:53,760 Speaker 1: You're gonna owe me a meal and I like some 452 00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:56,760 Speaker 1: really fancy places, or pair of shoes or both. 453 00:28:57,080 --> 00:29:00,000 Speaker 2: I'm not worried. Trust me, we'll take care of you. 454 00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:03,000 Speaker 1: So tell me something you know now that you didn't 455 00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:04,160 Speaker 1: know when you called. 456 00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:08,000 Speaker 2: Something I know now that I didn't know when I 457 00:29:08,120 --> 00:29:11,320 Speaker 2: made the call is that I didn't fail. 458 00:29:12,280 --> 00:29:15,840 Speaker 1: Oh good. If you don't know nothing else, I hope 459 00:29:15,880 --> 00:29:18,160 Speaker 1: you know that even though you were away because of 460 00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:21,600 Speaker 1: your children's profession, you gave them a good life. I 461 00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:23,840 Speaker 1: hope you know that, and I hope you know you 462 00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:26,680 Speaker 1: need help to get through this next stage of the process. 463 00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:27,360 Speaker 2: Agreed. 464 00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:30,600 Speaker 1: Okay, So when they call you, I don't care if 465 00:29:30,640 --> 00:29:34,640 Speaker 1: it's next Tuesday or two years from now. You owe 466 00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:37,200 Speaker 1: me a dinner and a pair of shoes, cause it's 467 00:29:37,240 --> 00:29:40,560 Speaker 1: going to happen. And if that doesn't work, get back 468 00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:42,400 Speaker 1: in touch with me, let me know. And I've got 469 00:29:42,440 --> 00:29:44,560 Speaker 1: some other people. I just don't want you out there 470 00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:48,520 Speaker 1: by yourself. Okay, yes, ma'am. Can I ask you a question, 471 00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:52,880 Speaker 1: of course? Has anybody told you they love you today? 472 00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:55,200 Speaker 2: Not today? 473 00:29:56,160 --> 00:29:59,920 Speaker 1: That would be a no. I want you to know 474 00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:03,840 Speaker 1: I love you today. I absolutely love you today. I 475 00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:07,360 Speaker 1: love your courage. I love that you're a daddy weeping 476 00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:10,280 Speaker 1: for his babies. That is just so exciting to me. 477 00:30:10,680 --> 00:30:17,760 Speaker 1: In fact, if I wasn't so old, it would be sexy. 478 00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:19,520 Speaker 2: Thank you too much. 479 00:30:21,280 --> 00:30:25,280 Speaker 1: But I'm old, so I can't go there. You're not 480 00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:29,840 Speaker 1: listen you heal your heart and go get you a girlfriend. Okay, 481 00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:35,520 Speaker 1: that's what you do. Yes, Okay, stay in touch with me, 482 00:30:35,920 --> 00:30:37,640 Speaker 1: let me know how you're doing. If you just have 483 00:30:37,720 --> 00:30:39,360 Speaker 1: to call, I want to keep up with you. 484 00:30:39,440 --> 00:30:42,080 Speaker 2: Okay, Thank you very much. And I appreciate your time 485 00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:44,840 Speaker 2: and energy and just everything that you put on a 486 00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:47,000 Speaker 2: table for me to be able to look at and 487 00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:50,520 Speaker 2: have some options and just things to see differently. So 488 00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:53,240 Speaker 2: thank you for your time and once again to be 489 00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:55,120 Speaker 2: able to talk to you. You don't even know how 490 00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:57,960 Speaker 2: many times are just shows on our little hard drives 491 00:30:57,960 --> 00:31:01,080 Speaker 2: when being deployed location and watching your showing. Guys are coming, 492 00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:02,200 Speaker 2: but were you watching them. 493 00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:07,840 Speaker 1: Like man so well, I appreciate it and take some time. 494 00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:10,240 Speaker 1: Don't just get off this phone and go do something. 495 00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:13,120 Speaker 1: Sit with what you've heard, let it ruminate in you. 496 00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:15,520 Speaker 1: I really think it'll be supportive for you to get 497 00:31:15,520 --> 00:31:19,320 Speaker 1: below your neck. Love you mean it, see you soon. 498 00:31:20,320 --> 00:31:27,320 Speaker 1: Have a bye bike. I want to say to all 499 00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:30,960 Speaker 1: the men out there who are listening, or the women 500 00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:34,040 Speaker 1: who are listening who have men in their lives that 501 00:31:34,160 --> 00:31:37,360 Speaker 1: need to listen. I want to say to you, daddy's 502 00:31:38,280 --> 00:31:43,600 Speaker 1: give your self permission to let your heart break, because 503 00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:48,240 Speaker 1: until you drop into your heart and clear out all 504 00:31:48,320 --> 00:31:52,280 Speaker 1: of those feelings of guilt or sadness, or anger or fear, 505 00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:57,720 Speaker 1: they will be a barrier between you and your children 506 00:31:57,960 --> 00:32:02,280 Speaker 1: and you and their mother. Daddies have a right to 507 00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:07,880 Speaker 1: experience heartbreak and the only thing that keeps them from 508 00:32:07,920 --> 00:32:12,960 Speaker 1: doing it is what they think other people will think 509 00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:18,360 Speaker 1: about them. Daddy's let your heartbreak because that's the step 510 00:32:18,440 --> 00:32:22,040 Speaker 1: to your healing. I hope this has been helpful to someone, 511 00:32:22,120 --> 00:32:25,360 Speaker 1: and if you have a question about this or any 512 00:32:25,440 --> 00:32:29,640 Speaker 1: other relationship issue, you can call me live at seven 513 00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:33,400 Speaker 1: seven five three zero seven seven seven sixty eight. Now 514 00:32:33,440 --> 00:32:36,240 Speaker 1: be sure to follow me on social media for all 515 00:32:36,280 --> 00:32:39,920 Speaker 1: of the calling times, and until then, stay in peace 516 00:32:40,560 --> 00:32:50,720 Speaker 1: and not pieces. The R Spot is a production of 517 00:32:50,840 --> 00:32:56,240 Speaker 1: Shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from 518 00:32:56,280 --> 00:33:01,680 Speaker 1: Shondaland Audio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever 519 00:33:01,760 --> 00:33:03,880 Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.