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Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that's devoting a year of his

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Speaker 1: life to teaching ants how to surfoo.

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Speaker 2: He made me more than a year, not the insects. Oh,

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Speaker 2: I mean, oh my aunts and your family who call

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Speaker 2: you around the holidays.

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Speaker 1: For just six dollars a day, you can sponsor an

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Speaker 1: ant to hand ten in a one piece with Laser

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Speaker 1: stores the segment where we read weird news stories around

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Speaker 1: the globe, just like everyone else does, except we have

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Speaker 1: a laser and those other git or snippers just don't.

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Speaker 1: This first lazer story is out of the United Kingdom.

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Speaker 1: Rugby player Daniel White is making headlines in the UK

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Speaker 1: simply for breaking up with his high school sweetheart. Oh

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Speaker 1: that's like news over there are things going much better

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Speaker 1: here because it's true. Twenty seven year old said the

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Speaker 1: couple had drifted apart after dating for more than a decade,

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Speaker 1: so he announced all his family and friends that he

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Speaker 1: and his former girlfriend, Courtney Davies were over.

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Speaker 2: Ipty's doing okay?

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Speaker 1: Well, to answer your question, I think she is, because

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Speaker 1: about three months later that decision became the biggest regret

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Speaker 1: of Daniel's life because Courtney's sister, Stephanie, happened to stop

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Speaker 1: by a local convenience store and pick up a lottery ticket,

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Speaker 1: instantly making her entire family sixty one million dollars richer.

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Speaker 2: I take my family out of private jets somewhere.

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Speaker 1: Immediately, the immediate family decided to split the winnings equally,

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Speaker 1: and even Stephanie's boyfriend became twelve million dollars richer.

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Speaker 2: Hey, boy, the boyfriend's got cut in and he's an ex.

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Speaker 1: So ask for those exes, like Daniel, Well, you got nothing.

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Speaker 1: As soon as that news broke, of course, his phone

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Speaker 1: started blowing up, getting a lot of jokes in snapchats,

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Speaker 1: asking if he'll ever recover and how hard he's been

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Speaker 1: crying on a scale of one.

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Speaker 2: If you thought that U up text is weird already,

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Speaker 2: it's going to be even more awkward.

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Speaker 1: Well, luckily, Daniel brush those off and says he's happy

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Speaker 1: for the family, but obviously feels like if they didn't separate,

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Speaker 1: he'd probably be on a yacht in the Caribbean right

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Speaker 1: now at least one million.

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Speaker 2: The other boy got twelve Yeah, twelve million.

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Speaker 1: Never break up with anybody. The next Lazer stories out

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Speaker 1: of Winnipeg, man named Rick Shoan is running for local mayor,

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Speaker 1: and yesterday he announced a cycling infrastructure plan that included

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Speaker 1: strategies to reduce bike theft.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, pretty cool.

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Speaker 1: But just over an hour later, his own bike was stolen.

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Speaker 2: Maybe they hadn't implemented the strategy. Yes, it happened right

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Speaker 2: after the speech.

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Speaker 1: Out induct in a store to get something real quick,

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Speaker 1: and when he came back out, his bike was gone. Afterwards,

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Speaker 1: he called the press conference and said, quote, I feel

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Speaker 1: so stupid. I was inside for just two minutes. How

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Speaker 1: could this happen? I just talked about strategies.

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Speaker 2: Can we have more politicians like him? Anyone?

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Speaker 1: That?

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Speaker 2: I feel so stupid?

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Speaker 1: He also posted a photo of his missing bike, which

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Speaker 1: is orange, has a basket on the front.

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Speaker 2: Oh sweet man, Well, isn't the.

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Speaker 1: Usual desirable bike that crooks can sell on Craigslist? Yes?

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Speaker 2: Pretty famous now if even we're talking about his bike?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, still though it hasn't been found, and now the

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Speaker 1: locals are criticizing him for using his status and platform

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Speaker 1: to call attention to his own missing bike when there's

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Speaker 1: hundreds of theirs still unaccounted for. Okay, maybe he was

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Speaker 1: hoping they'd find his bike with theirs. Yeah, maybe sounds

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Speaker 1: like a typical selfish politician to me, okay, this next

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Speaker 1: laser stories out of the Country of Countries. Music icon

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Speaker 1: Dolly Parton just launched a new line that's turning some heads.

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Speaker 2: Oh give it to me. I love her and also

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Speaker 2: wagging some tails. That's right.

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Speaker 1: It's a fashion line for dogs called Doggy Parton Awesome.

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Speaker 2: Why is everything she touches just amazing? She is just wholesome.

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Speaker 2: She is just a pure angel. What do you get?

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Speaker 1: The line will feature shirts, dresses, squeaky toys, and even

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Speaker 1: a blond puppy wig inspired by Parton herself.

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Speaker 2: I was hoping for a part and bust.

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Speaker 1: Yeah with nine to five, And in true Dolly fashion,

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Speaker 1: a portion of the proceeds will go to Willoughby Farms,

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Speaker 1: a rescue organization that provides a home for displaced animals.

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Speaker 2: I love you, Dolly Carton.

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Speaker 1: So you can shot the collection now on Amazon and

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Speaker 1: pick out toys shaped like doggy stilettos and rhinestone and

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Speaker 1: pink pearl collars for your pampered pooch. But definitely the

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Speaker 1: blond puppy wig is by far the fan favorite.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you have to get it now. It's gonna

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Speaker 2: sell out.

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Speaker 1: There's no way, Dolly said in a statement, Puppy Love

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Speaker 1: was my very first record, and six decades later, my

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Speaker 1: love for pets is stronger than ever.

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Speaker 2: Six decades. Wow, and she doesn't look it, No, and

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Speaker 2: she's still happy. She said.

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Speaker 1: This inspired me to start my own line of doggy

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Speaker 1: part and apparel, accessories and toys more with a little

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Speaker 1: Dolly flair.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I can't wait. TikTok. Yeah great, you need

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Speaker 2: to get it for your roommates store.

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Speaker 1: Oh my, Godeah. Probably the right size for her to

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Speaker 1: just wear it as a crop to this.

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Speaker 2: Next laser story is out of food News.

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Speaker 1: Everyone knows fast food isn't exactly the healthiest option for

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Speaker 1: you to have, but we keep on eating it anyway.

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Speaker 2: It tastes so good. Yeah yep. So here's a question.

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Speaker 1: How many years of your life would you be willing

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Speaker 1: to give up to keep eating fast food? Duh Well

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Speaker 1: online food blog pulled over three thousand adults and the

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Speaker 1: average answer was four. Oh my god, you would give

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Speaker 1: up four years of your life?

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Speaker 2: Isn't that crazy? If it's the end.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to sound like snotty, but I just

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Speaker 1: I really don't eat fast food.

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Speaker 2: I crave it. Oh Man, you sounded snatty.

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Speaker 1: Most of the rest of the not snotty people love

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Speaker 1: fast food so much they're willing to give up four

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Speaker 1: years of their life for it. That's just the average

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Speaker 1: in America. Three states would be willing. Three states would

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Speaker 1: be willing to give up more than a decade of

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Speaker 1: their life, like.

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Speaker 2: I'm willing to just never have been born.

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Speaker 1: Give me Montana, North Dakota, and Hawaii. All of them

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Speaker 1: said twelve a dozen years.

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Speaker 2: They're willing to give up.

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Speaker 1: Food. The Pole also found most people would rather give

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Speaker 1: up alcohol than fast food, and one four people think

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Speaker 1: eating fast food every now and then actually has health benefits.

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Speaker 2: It does when you're hungover. Yeah, honestly it may be true.

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Speaker 1: Seriously, because I know this guy's been working on a

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Speaker 1: lettuce ley for three years now that he found in

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Speaker 1: a discarded Big Mac.

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Speaker 2: It sounds like he's doing just one. It's that special

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Speaker 2: saf man gets it going.

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Speaker 1: That sound means, lads, the story just come to an

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Speaker 1: end for the day. We'll do it again, same time

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Speaker 1: on Wednesday.