1 00:00:00,440 --> 00:00:05,280 Speaker 1: Wake that ass up in the morning. The Breakfast Club Morning. 2 00:00:05,280 --> 00:00:09,000 Speaker 2: Everybody's theej Envy, Jess, Hilarry, Chlamine, the God. We are 3 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:11,160 Speaker 2: the Breakfast Club. We got a special guest in the building. 4 00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:13,440 Speaker 2: Come on now, we have Sarah Jake Roberts. 5 00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:14,680 Speaker 3: Welcome, Thank you. 6 00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:15,640 Speaker 1: How are you feeling. 7 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:17,880 Speaker 3: I feel good. I'm a little tired, but I'm glad 8 00:00:17,880 --> 00:00:18,320 Speaker 3: to be here. 9 00:00:18,440 --> 00:00:21,599 Speaker 1: Okay, you always dressed in nice you. 10 00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:23,000 Speaker 3: Got a starlist, I do, okay. 11 00:00:23,079 --> 00:00:26,000 Speaker 4: Jason Bowling, Yeah, we've been working together for almost ten years. 12 00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:27,880 Speaker 1: Okay. I thought you was just praying and putting it 13 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:28,560 Speaker 1: together yourself. 14 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:35,120 Speaker 5: But the new book, Power Moves ignite your confidence and 15 00:00:35,159 --> 00:00:36,080 Speaker 5: become a force. 16 00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:37,920 Speaker 1: Where did the inspiration for the book come from? 17 00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:40,880 Speaker 3: It really started about five years ago. 18 00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:43,120 Speaker 4: Whenever I had finished speaking, people would always tell me like, 19 00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:45,400 Speaker 4: that was so powerful, You're so powerful. But I didn't 20 00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:47,400 Speaker 4: really feel powerful, like I'd be in the fight of 21 00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:50,880 Speaker 4: my life up there. And I started just asking God, 22 00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:53,159 Speaker 4: like what does it mean to truly be powerful? And 23 00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:55,080 Speaker 4: I feel like God just revealed to me that it 24 00:00:55,080 --> 00:00:58,160 Speaker 4: has so much to do with obedience and authenticity, but 25 00:00:58,240 --> 00:01:00,720 Speaker 4: not only that, that power is a flow and so 26 00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:03,279 Speaker 4: what makes me powerful when I'm preaching is different than 27 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:03,880 Speaker 4: what makes me. 28 00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:04,920 Speaker 3: Powerful as a mother. 29 00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:08,360 Speaker 4: So I started digging into the fluidity of power and 30 00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:12,000 Speaker 4: this notion that power moves and embracing that from season 31 00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:14,039 Speaker 4: to season really started resonating with me. 32 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:16,319 Speaker 1: I saw you preaching yesterday and you said something to 33 00:01:16,319 --> 00:01:20,959 Speaker 1: the extent of being in control is not power. Control 34 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:23,200 Speaker 1: is not power. Yeah, what does that mean? 35 00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:26,440 Speaker 4: Okay, So whenever we lose our sense of safety, I 36 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:29,520 Speaker 4: think our initial response is to try and control as 37 00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:32,600 Speaker 4: much as we can after that, instead of really surrendering 38 00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:34,640 Speaker 4: to whatever the moment is trying to teach us and 39 00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:38,119 Speaker 4: discovering the power, the wisdom, the lessons, and that we 40 00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:40,000 Speaker 4: control it. And as a result of that, we end 41 00:01:40,080 --> 00:01:43,280 Speaker 4: up closing ourselves out, not just from whatever God's trying 42 00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:46,080 Speaker 4: to teach us in the moment, but sometimes dynamic relationships 43 00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:49,080 Speaker 4: that can be helpful to us. And so balancing this 44 00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:53,240 Speaker 4: idea of vulnerability and openness so that power can flow 45 00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:55,400 Speaker 4: through us I think should be the goal of anyone 46 00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:58,600 Speaker 4: who really wants to affect change in the world. 47 00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:00,320 Speaker 2: I do have a coquesse. This is going to sound stupid, 48 00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:02,800 Speaker 2: but I just want people to understand, you know, where 49 00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:05,120 Speaker 2: you came from and how you got into faith. I 50 00:02:05,120 --> 00:02:06,920 Speaker 2: know you were here last time. So for people that 51 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:13,840 Speaker 2: said it, so for people that don't know that, they 52 00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:17,040 Speaker 2: automatically assume that your dad was in it is into religion, 53 00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:18,920 Speaker 2: that's what got you into it. But you had a 54 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:21,560 Speaker 2: different start with you. So let's talk about that a 55 00:02:21,560 --> 00:02:23,480 Speaker 2: little bit first. How did you start and how did 56 00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:25,720 Speaker 2: you get to where you're at now? And the fact 57 00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:28,120 Speaker 2: that you had your first child at fourteen and let's 58 00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:29,000 Speaker 2: let's break that all down. 59 00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:38,760 Speaker 4: And he's in the studio. Don't give him that much gas. 60 00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:41,520 Speaker 3: That's a child over there. Yeah. 61 00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:44,320 Speaker 4: So my dad has been in ministry my whole life 62 00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:46,600 Speaker 4: and growing up when I was growing up in church, 63 00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:49,640 Speaker 4: like we were at church every single day of the week, 64 00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:52,040 Speaker 4: and you either found this spot, you were in the choir, 65 00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:54,480 Speaker 4: you were dancing, you were doing something, or you were 66 00:02:54,480 --> 00:02:56,280 Speaker 4: like me and you were sitting in the corner somewhere. 67 00:02:56,639 --> 00:02:58,760 Speaker 4: And I can remember my siblings telling me, like, you're 68 00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:01,240 Speaker 4: gonna go to hell, like you can shout, you can't clap, 69 00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:04,320 Speaker 4: like you gonna go to hell. And I was like, 70 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:06,960 Speaker 4: you might be right, because what I'm listening to on 71 00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:10,600 Speaker 4: the radio likes resonating with me, it doesn't align with 72 00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:12,760 Speaker 4: what's being preached, and so I never really felt like 73 00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:16,040 Speaker 4: I had a sense of belonging within faith. And then 74 00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:19,000 Speaker 4: when my father's ministry kind of took off, I didn't 75 00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:21,640 Speaker 4: know where I fit within the dynamic of our family 76 00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:24,720 Speaker 4: at all. And so I tried to find myself at 77 00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:26,760 Speaker 4: thirteen year old, trying to find herself is gonna be 78 00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:29,720 Speaker 4: open to anything, and so I got pregnant at thirteen. 79 00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:32,760 Speaker 4: I had my son at fourteen, which just further confirmed 80 00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:35,240 Speaker 4: to me, like, you not wanted the good girls. And 81 00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:37,960 Speaker 4: so I spent probably ten years of my life just 82 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,360 Speaker 4: being like, all right, faith isn't for me, guys, not 83 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:43,800 Speaker 4: for me. I'm gonna figure out what's happening outside. And 84 00:03:44,120 --> 00:03:47,680 Speaker 4: I got to this space after this traumatic experience in 85 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:51,600 Speaker 4: my first marriage where I almost got arrested and I 86 00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:54,000 Speaker 4: was defending the right to keep my kids, and I 87 00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:57,520 Speaker 4: was like, I have tried literally everything, I might as 88 00:03:57,560 --> 00:03:59,880 Speaker 4: well just try faith. And I wasn't trying to build 89 00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:02,600 Speaker 4: a platform. I was trying to build myself. And I 90 00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:05,800 Speaker 4: started blogging about all of my experiences, and it turns 91 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:08,240 Speaker 4: out that there were like other women who felt maybe 92 00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:10,400 Speaker 4: forgotten by church, felt like because they didn't. 93 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:12,280 Speaker 2: Do you feel that way, like, especially because your dad 94 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:15,320 Speaker 2: was in ministry, did you feel like his church forgot 95 00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:17,000 Speaker 2: about you, especially that being your dad. 96 00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:20,120 Speaker 4: And it's hard, like knowing what I know now, it's 97 00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:22,960 Speaker 4: hard to say because I felt so much shame from 98 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:26,160 Speaker 4: having a teen pregnancy that I'm sure that there were 99 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:28,640 Speaker 4: people who were like still loving on me, but I 100 00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:31,200 Speaker 4: couldn't cut through the idea of like during purity culture, 101 00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:34,000 Speaker 4: the height of purity culture, you didn't got pregnant like this. 102 00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:36,839 Speaker 4: It just doesn't align. And I don't know because even 103 00:04:36,839 --> 00:04:38,919 Speaker 4: my father is surprised that my life has turned in 104 00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:40,760 Speaker 4: this direction. So I'm not sure if anyone thought that 105 00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:43,160 Speaker 4: I was going to be the girl talking about Jesus. 106 00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:46,880 Speaker 4: But I tried it for myself and I started sharing 107 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:49,760 Speaker 4: it with like these other misfits, and it turns out 108 00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:52,320 Speaker 4: there were a lot of us, like back Row churchgoers 109 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:54,640 Speaker 4: who were there because we had to be but didn't 110 00:04:54,680 --> 00:04:57,400 Speaker 4: fit in. And I was able to give them a 111 00:04:57,480 --> 00:04:59,920 Speaker 4: voice and a language through trying to find my own 112 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:02,440 Speaker 4: voice and language, and it's resonated with them. 113 00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:04,440 Speaker 1: What level of ratchet were you on a scale? 114 00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:10,000 Speaker 4: It like, well, well, at the end of the day, 115 00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:15,360 Speaker 4: the day's got to end. I don't know, I don't 116 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,680 Speaker 4: I don't even know how to answer that question. But 117 00:05:17,760 --> 00:05:21,880 Speaker 4: I mean I was not I was not outside, like 118 00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:23,160 Speaker 4: I was not trying. 119 00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:24,800 Speaker 3: To be the good girl at all. 120 00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:27,359 Speaker 4: Like I embraced this idea of like, you can just 121 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:29,920 Speaker 4: do your own thing and try anything. So I mean 122 00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:31,560 Speaker 4: I did quite a few things. 123 00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:34,640 Speaker 5: It's interesting to hear you say the bishop was surprised 124 00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:36,680 Speaker 5: to see how things turned out, because I'm sure him 125 00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:37,920 Speaker 5: and you know, the first Lady was. 126 00:05:37,839 --> 00:05:40,719 Speaker 1: Praying over you and asking God to turn you around. 127 00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:42,520 Speaker 1: It would makes sense. 128 00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:46,839 Speaker 4: Yeah, But I mean I have always been very strong willed. 129 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:49,120 Speaker 4: I've always been my own person, and so I think 130 00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:51,080 Speaker 4: that they were praying. But just like we praying, we like, 131 00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:53,200 Speaker 4: I don't know if you're gonna answer this prayer. We'll 132 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:55,160 Speaker 4: see how it happens. I don't think that they were 133 00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:58,479 Speaker 4: for sure knowing that things were absolutely going to turn around. 134 00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:01,280 Speaker 4: Even if they did turn around, I don't think anyone anticipates, like, oh, 135 00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:03,760 Speaker 4: she's going to be in ministry, because that's not necessarily 136 00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:05,800 Speaker 4: a turn around, like maybe she'll figure out who God is. 137 00:06:05,839 --> 00:06:07,520 Speaker 4: But this fact that she's also going to be a 138 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:10,279 Speaker 4: ministry in helping others. That was a wild card nobody 139 00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:10,919 Speaker 4: saw coming. 140 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:14,240 Speaker 2: I do have a question, and this is something that 141 00:06:14,279 --> 00:06:15,680 Speaker 2: we talk about a lot of pearing. Me and my 142 00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:17,520 Speaker 2: wife been arguing about this, well now argument having a 143 00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:21,320 Speaker 2: conversation about this. I feel sometimes when, especially when people 144 00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:23,080 Speaker 2: play with the church right, and I'll tell you why 145 00:06:23,080 --> 00:06:25,600 Speaker 2: I say play with the church, they come off like 146 00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:27,479 Speaker 2: a very church holier than that. 147 00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:27,840 Speaker 1: Right. 148 00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:30,040 Speaker 2: So when they speak, a lot of people actually believe 149 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:32,200 Speaker 2: it and listen because they feel like they study, they 150 00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:34,080 Speaker 2: go through it, they read the Bible, et cetera, et cetera, 151 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:36,760 Speaker 2: et cetera. But also you realize that person is not 152 00:06:36,839 --> 00:06:39,479 Speaker 2: a good person. So where do you cross the lines 153 00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:44,360 Speaker 2: of somebody I would say, taking on an assignment doing 154 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:46,400 Speaker 2: something positive. I think you spoke about it earlier, somebody 155 00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:48,960 Speaker 2: giving a message opposed to who they are as a person. 156 00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:51,400 Speaker 2: Like can somebody give a message and be an fed 157 00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:51,920 Speaker 2: up person? 158 00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:54,480 Speaker 3: Yeah? I mean a broken clock? It's right twice today, 159 00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:55,120 Speaker 3: you know what I mean? 160 00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:56,719 Speaker 4: You don't even have to be a Christian to say 161 00:06:56,760 --> 00:06:59,480 Speaker 4: something that could be profound and deep, But that doesn't 162 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:01,920 Speaker 4: change the fact that you have an opportunity to be 163 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:05,760 Speaker 4: more fully integrated in your character. But I think that 164 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:08,479 Speaker 4: the message is that resonate the most are from people 165 00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:11,280 Speaker 4: who are literally walking it out, living it out, and 166 00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:14,400 Speaker 4: so it does discredit the message sometimes when you're telling 167 00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:16,000 Speaker 4: me something that you don't live by. But I think 168 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:18,560 Speaker 4: about it like this. So I'm a parent, and now 169 00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:21,720 Speaker 4: that my children are moving into adulthood, I recognize that 170 00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:23,960 Speaker 4: many of the things that we have told them growing up, 171 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:26,680 Speaker 4: they're also realizing that I am figuring it out with 172 00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:28,760 Speaker 4: them as well. And I don't know that it's a 173 00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:31,520 Speaker 4: lot different in ministry, like this is where the goal is. 174 00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:33,800 Speaker 4: I think we all know where the goal is, but 175 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:35,920 Speaker 4: I'm still working it out too. I think where people 176 00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:38,559 Speaker 4: get in trouble is that they're not actually doing the work, 177 00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:40,160 Speaker 4: Like I'm telling you that this is the goal, and 178 00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:42,760 Speaker 4: I'm doing the exact opposite of it, Which is why 179 00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:45,320 Speaker 4: I've tried to be really intentional about being authentic. Like 180 00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:48,120 Speaker 4: I'm going through depression, I'm going through an anxiety. This 181 00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:50,400 Speaker 4: is what I'm learning in the midst of that, because 182 00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:52,320 Speaker 4: it doesn't serve me for me to come off as 183 00:07:52,360 --> 00:07:54,520 Speaker 4: your God when we all need the same one so 184 00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:57,720 Speaker 4: I try to really make sure that I'm not on 185 00:07:57,840 --> 00:07:58,400 Speaker 4: a pedestal. 186 00:07:58,400 --> 00:07:59,760 Speaker 3: I try to kick the pedestal down. 187 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,480 Speaker 2: Like you see a preacher. A preacher will be preaching, right, 188 00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:04,720 Speaker 2: and then he's cheating on his wife. Or a preacher'll 189 00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:07,440 Speaker 2: be preaching and then he's hitting his wife, you know 190 00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:09,120 Speaker 2: what I mean. So it's kind of it's like a 191 00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:10,080 Speaker 2: blurred line. 192 00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:12,280 Speaker 4: Like that's not a blurred line though, that's I mean, 193 00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:15,080 Speaker 4: that's not like that's wrong, that's wickedness, you know what 194 00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:15,440 Speaker 4: I mean? 195 00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:17,280 Speaker 2: Like that, how do you how do you to the 196 00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:20,680 Speaker 2: extreme just now, like cheating on his wife, hit his wife? 197 00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:21,720 Speaker 2: You see that a lot of time. You see a 198 00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:23,520 Speaker 2: preacher say I'm sorry, I cheated on my wife. You 199 00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:25,920 Speaker 2: see that in the church sometimes none of my preachers, 200 00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:27,800 Speaker 2: but you do see that. So when you see that, 201 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:31,440 Speaker 2: it's it's kind of difficult to uphold a preacher. And 202 00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:33,760 Speaker 2: you'd be like, is this whole ish bullshit or we 203 00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:35,960 Speaker 2: just playing this game? Or or do you really feel 204 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:37,760 Speaker 2: that way and really made a mistake. You understand what 205 00:08:37,760 --> 00:08:38,439 Speaker 2: I'm saying. 206 00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:40,839 Speaker 4: Well, I mean, I can't judge someone's heart and I 207 00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:44,120 Speaker 4: can't judge their experiences. So I'm a little hesitant to 208 00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:45,800 Speaker 4: really make a judgment on situations. 209 00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:49,120 Speaker 2: I'm not saying anybody in particular, if well. 210 00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:51,440 Speaker 4: You know people, I don't. I don't know anyone either 211 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:54,240 Speaker 4: who's going through this. But I think people infer a lot. 212 00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:58,080 Speaker 4: But I will say this, like, preachers are human. So 213 00:08:58,600 --> 00:09:00,640 Speaker 4: if you are who you are, and you can cheat 214 00:09:00,679 --> 00:09:03,160 Speaker 4: on your wife, and a preacher can cheat on his wife, 215 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:05,760 Speaker 4: like he's a man too, she's a woman too. And 216 00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:07,560 Speaker 4: so you guys are still going to have the same 217 00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:10,640 Speaker 4: areas of temptation that you need to overcome. I think 218 00:09:10,679 --> 00:09:13,440 Speaker 4: your response to that, like, what is my response? How 219 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:16,240 Speaker 4: do I grow from here? How do I create boundaries? 220 00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:18,160 Speaker 4: Do I need to sit down? Do I need to heal? 221 00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:18,360 Speaker 1: Like? 222 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:21,480 Speaker 4: I think how you handle your humanity in the face 223 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:24,880 Speaker 4: of this divine call is what's most important. I am 224 00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:28,320 Speaker 4: careful that pastors don't have a license to do whatever 225 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:30,920 Speaker 4: they want to because of the power they hold. I 226 00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:32,880 Speaker 4: think that you can be human, but all of us 227 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:35,320 Speaker 4: need to be try and stretching, growing to be more 228 00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:37,880 Speaker 4: like Jesus or we are up here playing. I'm not 229 00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:40,240 Speaker 4: asking you to be perfect. I'm asking you to really 230 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:41,920 Speaker 4: be on this walk for real. 231 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:47,760 Speaker 5: Who's this white path that you talking about. 232 00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:47,520 Speaker 3: And does he listen to the breakfast Club? 233 00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:53,840 Speaker 6: I want it because you're a mother of six and 234 00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:57,960 Speaker 6: you're busy, extremely busy with your podcast and then writing 235 00:09:57,960 --> 00:09:58,960 Speaker 6: a book and then traveling. 236 00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:00,280 Speaker 2: How do you balance that? 237 00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:00,800 Speaker 1: Like mother? 238 00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:03,400 Speaker 6: And I know you said your children are growing into adulthood, 239 00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:05,040 Speaker 6: but how do you balance that? 240 00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:05,680 Speaker 3: Well? 241 00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:07,920 Speaker 4: Yeah, and I feel for you because you got a 242 00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:11,600 Speaker 4: lot going on. I think it's the message of this book. 243 00:10:11,679 --> 00:10:14,520 Speaker 4: I think it's really allowing myself to like flow in 244 00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:17,440 Speaker 4: a different definition of power based off of each of 245 00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:19,520 Speaker 4: those roles. Because as much as I want to bring 246 00:10:19,559 --> 00:10:22,720 Speaker 4: the same intensity to everything I do, if I do that, 247 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:25,320 Speaker 4: I may end up damaging my children because I'm talking 248 00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:28,239 Speaker 4: to them like a business partner, and so really defining 249 00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:30,840 Speaker 4: for myself what does it mean to be powerful in 250 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:34,040 Speaker 4: these specific roles and how much capacity do I have 251 00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:34,720 Speaker 4: to show up. 252 00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:35,280 Speaker 3: In that space? 253 00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:39,200 Speaker 4: Asking for help? You know, changing and modifying my life 254 00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:42,680 Speaker 4: to really fit my priorities has done a lot. And 255 00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:45,000 Speaker 4: then also just making sure my kids know, like I'm tired. 256 00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:47,719 Speaker 4: So my daughter is eight, she was devastated when I 257 00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:51,040 Speaker 4: left yesterday. She was like, please don't leave me. Literally 258 00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:53,200 Speaker 4: she's like, can you please come home? And I'm like, 259 00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:55,720 Speaker 4: I just need this one week to get this book 260 00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:57,920 Speaker 4: in as many hands as possible and their mommy will 261 00:10:57,920 --> 00:11:01,040 Speaker 4: be home. But I'm packing to her, now you do this, well, 262 00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:04,600 Speaker 4: I'm doing this, so she understands this. Sometimes absence does 263 00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:07,840 Speaker 4: not mean that I don't care, yea. And it's a 264 00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:10,640 Speaker 4: balancing walk, especially I think if you have mom guilt 265 00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:13,160 Speaker 4: like I do sometimes. But I also want her to 266 00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:15,680 Speaker 4: see a woman walking in her purpose and being excited 267 00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:18,040 Speaker 4: about it and changing lives. So I share testimonies with 268 00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:20,079 Speaker 4: her too. I'm like, let's sit down and read these 269 00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:22,120 Speaker 4: comments from this weekend. Thank you for being a. 270 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:23,679 Speaker 3: Part of this. So she feels a part of it 271 00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:24,120 Speaker 3: as well. 272 00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:27,360 Speaker 6: Okay, because mama's son is twelve now, but I miss 273 00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:32,200 Speaker 6: like a lot of him, like a lot of him 274 00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:34,680 Speaker 6: being going from grade to grade, you know, because my mom, 275 00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:37,440 Speaker 6: Between my mom and his dad, that's who has I 276 00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:39,439 Speaker 6: was touring a lot before I actually got to do this, 277 00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:43,840 Speaker 6: and I just feel so guilty a lot sometimes, Like 278 00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:45,760 Speaker 6: and now I have this new baby and I'm like, 279 00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:48,080 Speaker 6: I'm bringing him up to Jersey with me, and he 280 00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:49,679 Speaker 6: wants to grow up in the house with the baby 281 00:11:49,679 --> 00:11:52,480 Speaker 6: instead of me being in Jersey with the new baby 282 00:11:52,679 --> 00:11:55,120 Speaker 6: with you know, and then him still being with my mother, 283 00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:57,640 Speaker 6: like and I don't want to repeat. 284 00:11:57,360 --> 00:11:59,319 Speaker 3: That, right, I don't want to do that again. So 285 00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:00,000 Speaker 3: I feel good. 286 00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:02,560 Speaker 4: So I had my son at fourteen, and I think 287 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:04,800 Speaker 4: one of the things that makes me feel most guilty 288 00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:07,800 Speaker 4: is that I know that I was growing up while 289 00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:10,000 Speaker 4: he was growing up, and so the way that I'm 290 00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:12,280 Speaker 4: able to be present even for my younger kids, I 291 00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:13,559 Speaker 4: know that he didn't have that. 292 00:12:13,920 --> 00:12:15,520 Speaker 3: So I think, one, I don't know if. 293 00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:17,360 Speaker 4: You have to deal with this, but I had to 294 00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:20,840 Speaker 4: really forgive myself for what I didn't know when I 295 00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:21,640 Speaker 4: was raising him. 296 00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:24,120 Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, I just I didn't know. 297 00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:26,680 Speaker 4: I did the best that I could and to trust 298 00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:29,000 Speaker 4: that I still have opportunity. If you think about adult 299 00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:32,559 Speaker 4: children who were wounded from relationships that didn't go well 300 00:12:32,559 --> 00:12:34,800 Speaker 4: with their parents, there's still a little kid inside of 301 00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:37,720 Speaker 4: them that once their parents to show up, that wants 302 00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:40,760 Speaker 4: to experience healing in that space. And so it reminds 303 00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:42,800 Speaker 4: me too that I'm never out of time, So I'm 304 00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:46,560 Speaker 4: constantly still reparenting him, even at twenty one years old. 305 00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:49,480 Speaker 1: You know, in the clamp down chapter. 306 00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:51,360 Speaker 5: You start by saying, if you're one of those people 307 00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:54,240 Speaker 5: who know better and instantly do better, I'm probably going 308 00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:56,520 Speaker 5: to be the friend who you roll your eyes at constantly. 309 00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:57,640 Speaker 1: Why are you that friend? 310 00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:00,959 Speaker 4: Because things need to marinate from me, Like I don't 311 00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:03,000 Speaker 4: just activate things like you could tell me, like you 312 00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:05,160 Speaker 4: need to be vegan and I will. I'm gonna let 313 00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:07,960 Speaker 4: that marinate for a year or two before that actually activates, 314 00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:10,920 Speaker 4: because I don't do things just because someone says that 315 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:12,840 Speaker 4: I should do them. It has to be real. I 316 00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:15,160 Speaker 4: have to have a conviction about it. But I will 317 00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:17,120 Speaker 4: marinate it so I can figure out, like how does 318 00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:20,160 Speaker 4: this revelation actually fit within the context of my life. 319 00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:22,200 Speaker 4: So in the back of the books, each book has 320 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:25,120 Speaker 4: like something to marinate on, something to activate, and something 321 00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:28,320 Speaker 4: to pray on, because I know everyone moves into change differently. 322 00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:31,200 Speaker 5: I love the marinating before activating, but I feel like 323 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,960 Speaker 5: that's probably how the majority of us moved. Is there 324 00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:36,800 Speaker 5: ever a time we shouldn't marinate before activating? 325 00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:39,200 Speaker 1: Like the spirit says, do it? We just go? 326 00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:42,599 Speaker 3: I mean to each his own. I think if you feel. 327 00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:46,160 Speaker 4: I'm not into telling folks what they should do, you know, 328 00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:47,640 Speaker 4: what I mean, Like, I think if you feel like 329 00:13:47,679 --> 00:13:49,880 Speaker 4: there's a now on it, you should do that. 330 00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:51,120 Speaker 3: You should move in it now. 331 00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:53,400 Speaker 4: And a lot of times when we move in it now, 332 00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:56,120 Speaker 4: we learn the marination lessons afterwards, you know. 333 00:13:56,640 --> 00:13:59,920 Speaker 5: But yeah, what about the spirit though, sound like just 334 00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:02,880 Speaker 5: said move like the spirit always tells you to be 335 00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:03,959 Speaker 5: patient and marinate. 336 00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:10,880 Speaker 4: I mean, I'm in relationship at on that I didn't 337 00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:15,840 Speaker 4: have a choice. I didn't have a choice. I didn't 338 00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:19,000 Speaker 4: have a toy that oh Lord, But yeah, no, no, 339 00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:22,000 Speaker 4: I had I was in the spirit and that I 340 00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:24,640 Speaker 4: had a mission to accomplish and I didn't want anything 341 00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:26,760 Speaker 4: to distract me. And my husband wasn't there and my 342 00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:28,480 Speaker 4: parents weren't there. So it wasn't like I was gonna 343 00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:30,600 Speaker 4: be able toss the microphone. I was the you know, 344 00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:34,400 Speaker 4: senior leadership person that was present in that room, and. 345 00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:36,400 Speaker 3: So I had to take it off. 346 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:39,800 Speaker 4: I didn't love it, I didn't enjoy it, but I 347 00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:43,000 Speaker 4: stood up to it, and uh, I think it was 348 00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:45,640 Speaker 4: really interesting because I was going through something at that 349 00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:48,160 Speaker 4: time where I was wondering could I be in Dallas 350 00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:51,000 Speaker 4: a part of senior leadership, like with my past, with 351 00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:52,920 Speaker 4: the way that I preached with the way that I'm 352 00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:56,120 Speaker 4: a little different than I guess traditional pastors, and I 353 00:14:56,160 --> 00:14:58,400 Speaker 4: really did feel like God was trying to tell me, like, 354 00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:01,240 Speaker 4: just be authentic, just trust yourself in that season of 355 00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:03,760 Speaker 4: my life. And so that Sunday, when I'm sitting there 356 00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:06,320 Speaker 4: with a wig cap on and then other women started 357 00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:09,000 Speaker 4: taking their wigs off on the altar, I was like, 358 00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:12,080 Speaker 4: you know what, I think this maybe God trying to 359 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,160 Speaker 4: tell me You're gonna have to show up as your 360 00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:16,320 Speaker 4: full self in order to get this done. And I 361 00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:18,920 Speaker 4: know a lot of people made fun of it, but 362 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:21,000 Speaker 4: there were so many people who were like, seeing you 363 00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:25,080 Speaker 4: stand there being courageous stepping into that moment helped me 364 00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:27,720 Speaker 4: so much to just embrace who I am. And so 365 00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:29,720 Speaker 4: I really feel like God took something that would have 366 00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:32,560 Speaker 4: been very embarrassing and at least allowed there to be 367 00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:35,600 Speaker 4: a buffer from the people who were moved by that moment. 368 00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:38,360 Speaker 5: For me, I was like, that's why we rock with her. 369 00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:41,680 Speaker 5: You're always wanted to be your true self at all times. 370 00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:43,800 Speaker 4: Well, I mean, like, y'all know, this isn't my hair, 371 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:46,280 Speaker 4: and like, no, it's not ideal, but it's not more 372 00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:48,640 Speaker 4: important than what I'm here for so like, I'm want 373 00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:50,280 Speaker 4: to take it off and we're going to move on 374 00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:52,520 Speaker 4: down the road. When I got back behind the platform 375 00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:54,960 Speaker 4: that I was like, oh lord, I have desecrated the. 376 00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:55,440 Speaker 3: Bottom, so. 377 00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:59,160 Speaker 1: There are bundles on the altar. 378 00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:02,680 Speaker 3: I have just created this place. But yeah, it just 379 00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:03,920 Speaker 3: turns out it wasn't that way. 380 00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:07,240 Speaker 5: I love out chapter sixteen to Know Your Harm? Oh yeah, 381 00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:08,560 Speaker 5: what is knowing your heart? 382 00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:12,240 Speaker 4: Uh? Well, I talk about the oath that doctors take 383 00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:14,280 Speaker 4: where they say, you know that they'll do no harm, 384 00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:16,520 Speaker 4: but they're also recognizing that they're practicing. 385 00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:18,400 Speaker 3: And when we move in power. 386 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:20,400 Speaker 4: Part of the reason why so many of us don't 387 00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:22,280 Speaker 4: move in power is that we're afraid that we won't 388 00:16:22,320 --> 00:16:25,000 Speaker 4: do it perfectly or that will make mistakes. But if 389 00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:27,160 Speaker 4: we can embrace the reality that I'm going to be 390 00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:30,000 Speaker 4: powerful and humble, I'm going to be wrong, I'm going 391 00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:31,920 Speaker 4: to have to apologize. I'm going to mess up. I 392 00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:34,480 Speaker 4: may say things too sharply. Then that doesn't make me 393 00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:36,440 Speaker 4: any less powerful. As a matter of fact, it makes 394 00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:39,600 Speaker 4: me more powerful because I recognize that my position of 395 00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:43,600 Speaker 4: power could disrupt my relationships sometimes, but I value these 396 00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:46,440 Speaker 4: relationships enough to learn how to be powerful in a 397 00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:48,240 Speaker 4: way that honors the spaces that I'm in. 398 00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:51,560 Speaker 2: Next time, what's your thought on the way that church 399 00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:53,640 Speaker 2: is now? Right, as a kid, you had to go 400 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:55,680 Speaker 2: to church every Sunday. You had to be in the building, 401 00:16:55,760 --> 00:16:58,600 Speaker 2: you had to sit there, and if there was a baptism, 402 00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:00,600 Speaker 2: you was gonna be there all day. Now a lot 403 00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:03,560 Speaker 2: of people turn it on Sunday morning and it's a 404 00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:06,000 Speaker 2: lot easiest. What are your thoughts on people not actually 405 00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:07,840 Speaker 2: attending the institution of church. 406 00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:14,399 Speaker 3: First of all, you're not about to tie tripping me. No, 407 00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:18,200 Speaker 3: you don't, No, you don't. Just be very clear. Let 408 00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:18,600 Speaker 3: me see. 409 00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:22,640 Speaker 4: I mean, I think that the world is changing, and 410 00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:25,200 Speaker 4: as the world changes, I think people are finding things 411 00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:28,080 Speaker 4: that are more convenient for them. And I do think 412 00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:30,800 Speaker 4: that you are able to have intimate encounters with God 413 00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:32,720 Speaker 4: from this comfort of your own home. And I think 414 00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:35,120 Speaker 4: it's powerful that that's the way that things are being spread. 415 00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:38,320 Speaker 4: I think it's like watching a football game at home, 416 00:17:38,359 --> 00:17:40,199 Speaker 4: Like you can get hype, you can be excited for 417 00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:42,960 Speaker 4: your team, but there is something about being in the 418 00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:46,840 Speaker 4: room with other people that makes you just take things 419 00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:49,040 Speaker 4: over the edge. I was surprised that in a world 420 00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:50,840 Speaker 4: where people are uncoming to church that we have forty 421 00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:53,560 Speaker 4: thousand women at the woman Evolve conference, because I'm like, 422 00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:55,440 Speaker 4: I don't know that this is a thing that people 423 00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:58,280 Speaker 4: are going to really be into when they like virtual experiences, 424 00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:01,800 Speaker 4: but there is something that happens in healthy community and 425 00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:05,280 Speaker 4: connection that allows your faith to really be strengthened. I've 426 00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:08,000 Speaker 4: had people come into rooms and like they didn't really 427 00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:09,719 Speaker 4: want to be there, somebody drug them in there. They 428 00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:11,200 Speaker 4: were going through a depression, they don't even know why 429 00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:13,679 Speaker 4: they were there, but just being in the space, sitting 430 00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:15,840 Speaker 4: next to someone who was able to care for them 431 00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:18,800 Speaker 4: and just being surrounded by worship lifted their spirits when 432 00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:20,960 Speaker 4: they couldn't lift their own hands. And I don't think 433 00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:22,680 Speaker 4: that there's any substitute for that. 434 00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:25,520 Speaker 1: Would you also keep it tight though one hour's. 435 00:18:26,119 --> 00:18:30,520 Speaker 3: Let us do something I don't. Yeah, it's it's finished. 436 00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:31,000 Speaker 3: He said it. 437 00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:34,760 Speaker 4: Everything everything he said has been said to me, and 438 00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:36,480 Speaker 4: so now we can go home and have brunch. 439 00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:36,760 Speaker 5: Yeah. 440 00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:39,440 Speaker 4: I do think we have to honor people's time because 441 00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:42,560 Speaker 4: people do have options, and so being really intentional about 442 00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:44,400 Speaker 4: making sure people feel like I can go get out 443 00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:46,359 Speaker 4: and have the rest of my day is part of 444 00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:47,880 Speaker 4: what we should really lean into. 445 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:51,560 Speaker 1: Is the church whack? 446 00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:55,280 Speaker 5: That's a question, that's one of the question. That's what 447 00:18:55,359 --> 00:18:57,240 Speaker 5: I got smoked for. He said that he thinks the 448 00:18:57,320 --> 00:18:59,080 Speaker 5: church has become whack. 449 00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:01,639 Speaker 7: I think it's a system now on God. 450 00:19:02,119 --> 00:19:02,880 Speaker 2: It's a system. 451 00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:06,199 Speaker 7: Everything is a system, and systems work with or without God. 452 00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:09,520 Speaker 7: So I think the institution of church is whack. I 453 00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:13,080 Speaker 7: think how church is ran is whack. I think the 454 00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:17,000 Speaker 7: religious system and structure is whack. I don't subscribe to it. 455 00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:20,359 Speaker 7: Even though I grew up in it, I benefited from it, 456 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:22,840 Speaker 7: but I learned that God is not the church. 457 00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:25,560 Speaker 4: I heard in context what he said made a lot 458 00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:29,359 Speaker 4: more sense, but I heard the sound bite was trash. 459 00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:32,359 Speaker 4: I think that everyone has a different experience of church, 460 00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:34,720 Speaker 4: and I think that there are some people who have 461 00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:38,159 Speaker 4: probably had an experience that has disheartened them in that way. 462 00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:41,720 Speaker 4: But I love the church. I mean, as much as 463 00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:45,320 Speaker 4: I went through my own church hurt and trauma, the 464 00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:48,639 Speaker 4: church was also really beautiful to me in times where 465 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:51,480 Speaker 4: I didn't have anywhere to go and I could sit 466 00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:54,720 Speaker 4: in that presence and experience God. And sometimes to really 467 00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:56,879 Speaker 4: experience God in church, you have to look past the 468 00:19:56,920 --> 00:20:00,800 Speaker 4: people and maybe that's whack. Maybe it's not, because maybe 469 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,800 Speaker 4: it keeps our focus on what you really matter. 470 00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:06,160 Speaker 5: I love what you said too about know your harm. 471 00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:08,840 Speaker 5: You said, deflecting from the way that you harm someone 472 00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:12,479 Speaker 5: and highlighting the way that they harm instead is a 473 00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:16,320 Speaker 5: sign of immaturity that keeps you from truly being helpful. 474 00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:18,280 Speaker 1: Found on that well. 475 00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:21,280 Speaker 4: A lot of times we will not embrace what we 476 00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:23,800 Speaker 4: did to someone because of what they've done to us, 477 00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:26,760 Speaker 4: and it keeps us from owning our stuff and growing 478 00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:29,359 Speaker 4: and so being able to say, even though my teacher 479 00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:31,880 Speaker 4: may not be perfect, like my teacher may have failed 480 00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:34,320 Speaker 4: in chemistry, but they getting an A plus in this 481 00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:37,040 Speaker 4: history class, that means that I need to at least 482 00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:40,000 Speaker 4: be able to receive from them this opportunity to grow. 483 00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:42,760 Speaker 4: And I feel like in relationships that's hard, especially if 484 00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:45,479 Speaker 4: you're married, because when you're married, your person brings up 485 00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:48,359 Speaker 4: something and you like, oh, but last week you did X, 486 00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:50,439 Speaker 4: Y and Z, But what did you do today? 487 00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:50,840 Speaker 5: You know? 488 00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:52,280 Speaker 3: And how can you own that? 489 00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:54,440 Speaker 4: And I think when we own our stuff, we give 490 00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:57,399 Speaker 4: other people permission to do it as well. Sometimes we 491 00:20:57,440 --> 00:20:59,920 Speaker 4: want to be the person who receives the apology, but 492 00:21:00,119 --> 00:21:01,679 Speaker 4: not the one who gives it, but we have the 493 00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:03,680 Speaker 4: lead in humility and vulnerability. 494 00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:06,480 Speaker 1: You said, that's how you into a rate word initially. 495 00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:08,760 Speaker 3: Right where you oh, no, yeah. 496 00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:12,200 Speaker 1: No, everything, Yes, his stuff at him all the time. 497 00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:14,200 Speaker 4: Well, I don't know if I was throwing his stuff 498 00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:16,199 Speaker 4: at him as much as I was maybe reciting it 499 00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:18,760 Speaker 4: in my own head. But I think I will say 500 00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:21,360 Speaker 4: that when I was single, after I went through my divorce, 501 00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:23,159 Speaker 4: I finally got my life together with me and my 502 00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:26,440 Speaker 4: two kids. You really could not tell me that I 503 00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:30,120 Speaker 4: was not misindependent out here. So I really went into 504 00:21:30,119 --> 00:21:32,359 Speaker 4: our relationship with a certain level of pride where I 505 00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:33,680 Speaker 4: was like, at the end of the day, I got 506 00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:36,480 Speaker 4: my stuff together. I finally love who I am and 507 00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:39,120 Speaker 4: embracing it. And so when I was in relationship with him, 508 00:21:39,119 --> 00:21:41,359 Speaker 4: and he would just ask me the simplest of questions. 509 00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:43,439 Speaker 4: We weren't even fighting. It would just be like, why 510 00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:46,440 Speaker 4: why'd you do that? I didn't like that because I'm 511 00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:48,800 Speaker 4: not used to having nobody questioned my decision and it 512 00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:52,439 Speaker 4: was a simple, harmless question. And so I think that 513 00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:54,840 Speaker 4: I went into a defensive one because I wanted to 514 00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:57,199 Speaker 4: protect my healing. And when you're in a marriage and 515 00:21:57,240 --> 00:21:59,600 Speaker 4: you go into it trying to protect yourself and make 516 00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:01,879 Speaker 4: sure that that you don't get done the way that 517 00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:03,679 Speaker 4: you were done in the past. I don't know that 518 00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:06,159 Speaker 4: it's fair for creating intimacy, and so I had to 519 00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:09,480 Speaker 4: do a lot of work of receiving his perspective and 520 00:22:09,520 --> 00:22:12,240 Speaker 4: finding it valuable so that I could become better, and 521 00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:14,240 Speaker 4: I have become better as a result of it. 522 00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:18,280 Speaker 1: What does power look like in a relationship? 523 00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:22,560 Speaker 4: Those dynamics are always changing. I think, especially now that 524 00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:28,160 Speaker 4: we see hyper masculinity is beginning to be interrogated. We're 525 00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:31,800 Speaker 4: seeing women move into positions where sometimes they're the breadwinners 526 00:22:32,119 --> 00:22:34,360 Speaker 4: and men are at home being more comfortable taking care 527 00:22:34,359 --> 00:22:37,840 Speaker 4: of the family. I think power in a relationship is 528 00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:41,600 Speaker 4: recognizing the strengths of what your person carries and how 529 00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:45,360 Speaker 4: that strength builds you in your area of weakness, without 530 00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:48,159 Speaker 4: feeling like they have to be strong or stronger in 531 00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:50,359 Speaker 4: the same area that you're strong. I think it's like 532 00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:54,760 Speaker 4: this symbiotic relationship, this flow where you're able to build 533 00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:57,200 Speaker 4: a life together because both of you bring something different 534 00:22:57,240 --> 00:23:00,520 Speaker 4: to the table, and to honor that, to really honor 535 00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:01,960 Speaker 4: it is important. 536 00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:03,280 Speaker 1: You said something else in the book. 537 00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:05,040 Speaker 5: You said when you are unable to connect the dots 538 00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:07,800 Speaker 5: between who you since you could become and who you 539 00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:10,360 Speaker 5: presently are, it doesn't just cause internal frustration. 540 00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:11,560 Speaker 1: It renders you powerless. 541 00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:13,639 Speaker 5: And one of the examples you use is you don't 542 00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:18,080 Speaker 5: defend yourself when misunderstood. Yeah, and to me, not feeling 543 00:23:18,119 --> 00:23:21,080 Speaker 5: to need to explain yourself is power. 544 00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:25,800 Speaker 4: Well, I think not explaining yourself and not defending yourself, 545 00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:28,159 Speaker 4: and I think it's different because you have a platform 546 00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:30,919 Speaker 4: and so you can't defend yourself twenty four to seven. 547 00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:34,600 Speaker 4: But when we're in intimate relationships with someone and they 548 00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:36,880 Speaker 4: have an expectation. 549 00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:38,320 Speaker 3: Of who we are or this idea of who. 550 00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:40,880 Speaker 4: We are, and we don't change that, we allow them 551 00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:43,360 Speaker 4: to believe it, we do end up powerless because I'm 552 00:23:43,359 --> 00:23:45,920 Speaker 4: not even bringing the full version of who I am 553 00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:49,679 Speaker 4: into this friendship, into this parent child dynamic, and you 554 00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:52,280 Speaker 4: end up robbing yourself of the ability to really show 555 00:23:52,359 --> 00:23:54,720 Speaker 4: up in your power and allow them to believe something 556 00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:57,320 Speaker 4: about you that's not true. And so it is powerful 557 00:23:57,359 --> 00:23:59,360 Speaker 4: to be like, you got me messed up, Like that's 558 00:23:59,359 --> 00:24:01,160 Speaker 4: not what I believe you, that's not what I think. 559 00:24:01,359 --> 00:24:03,200 Speaker 4: And if we're going to walk this thing I want 560 00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:05,040 Speaker 4: you to know who I am for real, so that 561 00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:06,639 Speaker 4: you can know what to expect from me. 562 00:24:06,760 --> 00:24:08,600 Speaker 1: Okay, guys about intimate relationship. 563 00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:14,040 Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, it's hard. 564 00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:14,879 Speaker 3: It's hard for me. 565 00:24:15,119 --> 00:24:16,560 Speaker 2: You know, she has to go. I know she has 566 00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:18,720 Speaker 2: TV or something, but I know she has to go. 567 00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:19,480 Speaker 1: So damn. 568 00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:24,879 Speaker 2: He's doing is telling them the book. They're not gonna buy. 569 00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:26,960 Speaker 6: If you ask all the questions about the book, making 570 00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:28,400 Speaker 6: her basically recite the. 571 00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:30,920 Speaker 5: Book, you should pray to your bob looks like hers, 572 00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:31,960 Speaker 5: That's what you should. 573 00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:33,320 Speaker 2: Why my bob. 574 00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:41,080 Speaker 1: He can get here? Why like when she put a 575 00:24:41,119 --> 00:24:46,439 Speaker 1: wig off? Because I. 576 00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:52,160 Speaker 3: Would addressing keep answer. 577 00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:53,000 Speaker 1: Questions to him. 578 00:24:53,040 --> 00:24:58,280 Speaker 2: So you forced me to see. 579 00:24:58,359 --> 00:25:00,680 Speaker 1: Well, what message you hope peop get from the bo Oh? 580 00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:03,560 Speaker 4: The message that I am hoping people get from the 581 00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:07,879 Speaker 4: book is that power is a flow, and that power 582 00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:10,959 Speaker 4: that you have experienced in your past is still present 583 00:25:10,960 --> 00:25:13,320 Speaker 4: in your future. It just must it just might be 584 00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:16,119 Speaker 4: taking on a different form. So to be open to 585 00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:23,359 Speaker 4: how power is being redefined in your present. Prayer, Thank 586 00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:27,600 Speaker 4: you God for this opportunity, for this platform. Thank you 587 00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:30,479 Speaker 4: for using these voices at this stage in their life. 588 00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:33,239 Speaker 4: And I'd usually pray for the listeners. But God, I'm 589 00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:36,280 Speaker 4: going to pray for them that you would stir up 590 00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:38,240 Speaker 4: the gift of God that's on the inside of them, 591 00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:41,400 Speaker 4: that you would highlight the areas of their life where 592 00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:45,000 Speaker 4: you want them to experience more of your power and 593 00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:48,440 Speaker 4: to show them the power that you've placed inside of them. 594 00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:51,960 Speaker 4: I thank you God for giving them wisdom strategy not 595 00:25:52,160 --> 00:25:55,119 Speaker 4: just for their careers, but for their family, their emotional 596 00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:57,560 Speaker 4: health and wellness. And God, I pray that you would 597 00:25:57,560 --> 00:26:00,440 Speaker 4: continue to show them your life that they may into 598 00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:01,600 Speaker 4: it in Jesus' name. 599 00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:02,440 Speaker 1: That's right. 600 00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:04,680 Speaker 5: Make sure you go get Sarah Jke roberts new book 601 00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:07,760 Speaker 5: Power Moves Ignite your Confidence to become a Force, and 602 00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:10,919 Speaker 5: subscribe to her podcast, The Woman of All Podcasts on 603 00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:13,000 Speaker 5: the Black effect Ieheart Radio podcast Network. 604 00:26:13,080 --> 00:26:13,480 Speaker 1: That's right. 605 00:26:13,600 --> 00:26:15,800 Speaker 5: We appreciate you for coming, Miss Roberts, and you need 606 00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:17,840 Speaker 5: to come more often for people who think church is 607 00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:20,320 Speaker 5: whack because you're the person I feel like is going 608 00:26:20,359 --> 00:26:23,119 Speaker 5: to bridge the gap between you know, church in this 609 00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:23,880 Speaker 5: new generation. 610 00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:26,520 Speaker 1: I really feel that way, So thank you. 611 00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:29,480 Speaker 4: That's That's a tremendous honor a lot of responsibility. But 612 00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:32,719 Speaker 4: I'm committed to, you know, holding down my Square. 613 00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:34,959 Speaker 2: That's right, all right, Sarah Jakes Roberts. 614 00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:35,880 Speaker 1: It's the Breakfast Club. 615 00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:37,360 Speaker 2: Good morning, wake that. 616 00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:40,119 Speaker 1: Ass up in the morning. The Breakfast Club