Speaker 1: Hey, folks, it's Lyle. Before we get into the episode,
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Speaker 1: the episode. Hi, Hi, Lyle, Hey is this Susan?
Speaker 2: It sure is?
Speaker 1: What's going on, Susan? How's life?
Speaker 2: It's good? I actually just saw you in Portland. My
Speaker 2: daughter lived there and she took me to your show
Speaker 2: and it was great.
Speaker 1: Oh, seck, which one did you go to? The early
Speaker 1: one of the late one?
Speaker 2: I saw the one with the lady with the condom
Speaker 2: in her nose and health the Mouse.
Speaker 1: Ah, that one was pretty good. Yeah, hell yeah, Well
Speaker 1: thanks for hilarious. Did you know about my podcast before
Speaker 1: you came to the to the show?
Speaker 2: Yeah? She had introduced that to me before and I
Speaker 2: thought you were hilarious. And when she said she had tickets,
Speaker 2: I was like, yeah, I want to go. And it
Speaker 2: was a good show.
Speaker 1: Good good. I'm glad you had fun. Yeah, there's this
Speaker 1: whole I just got off of a whole run of
Speaker 1: the Pacific Northwest and I was a really fun ass time.
Speaker 2: Did I hear that you're coming to Chicago?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 1: Next to next year, I'll come to Chicago. I already
Speaker 1: came to Chicago, but I'm going to do another tour
Speaker 1: next year. Hopefully if people show up, I'll uh, I
Speaker 1: will be in Chicago.
Speaker 2: I'll bring all my friends.
Speaker 1: Oh yes, what were you doing in Portland? Just visiting
Speaker 1: your daughter?
Speaker 2: Yeah? My daughter moved out there a couple of years
Speaker 2: ago with her boyfriend, and I get out there maybe
Speaker 2: once or twice a year. To see her.
Speaker 1: Nice, nice night. Did you guys do anything else besides
Speaker 1: go to my show?
Speaker 2: Sure we did, but that was the epicenter of my visit.
Speaker 2: I just want you to know that.
Speaker 1: Good.
Speaker 2: But we did a lot of the foodie things. We
Speaker 2: did some hiking, some waterfalls, things like that.
Speaker 1: Good, good, good. Well, I'm glad. The best compliment I've
Speaker 1: ever received is that my live show was more majestic
Speaker 1: than a waterfall. Did you go wish? What's the name
Speaker 1: of the waterfall you went too? I think I've been
Speaker 1: there before. What's it called?
Speaker 2: Well? I mean, of course, she took me to Monoma,
Speaker 2: and she's in the cat right now, so she can
Speaker 2: write down the other ones that we went to. They
Speaker 2: were all cool. I'm just a waterfall person.
Speaker 1: No, I appreciatetion. I do these shows with no fucking
Speaker 1: I mean, I go up. I have no idea what
Speaker 1: we're going to get into. So I'm glad that it
Speaker 1: was a good experience for you. But enough talking about
Speaker 1: my live show, Susan. What is it you called in
Speaker 1: to want to talk about today?
Speaker 2: Well, listen, I've got a lot that I could talk about.
Speaker 2: Bell be Choosie. Right now, I work at a major
Speaker 2: coffee house. And I'm fifty seven, kind of a late
Speaker 2: bloomer in life. I had kids early, was in a
Speaker 2: bad relationship, got out of that, ended up on my own,
Speaker 2: ended up back into another bad situation. And Starbucks, that's
Speaker 2: a coffee company I landed. I've been there for about
Speaker 2: six years, and I'm just not happy anymore.
Speaker 1: M Okay, So you've been there for six years. When
Speaker 1: did you start being unhappy or were you just unhappy
Speaker 1: the whole time?
Speaker 2: Well, I'm gonna say that the first six months to
Speaker 2: a year were good, and then you know, I just
Speaker 2: started realizing what kind of people I was working with,
Speaker 2: and you know, didn't get treated the best. And you know,
Speaker 2: instead of quitting like a lot of people would, I
Speaker 2: chose to stuck it out. And this is where I'm
Speaker 2: at right now.
Speaker 1: In what ways were the people not good to you?
Speaker 2: Well, I mean, as you know, and there's nothing wrong
Speaker 2: with younger people, because I have two younger daughters, you know,
Speaker 2: And I mean I try to stay hi and I
Speaker 2: try to stay knowledgeable about, you know, the younger generations.
Speaker 2: But I'm the older one there at work, so there's
Speaker 2: not a lot of relatability there. Every once in a while,
Speaker 2: I feel like they look up me, up to me
Speaker 2: as like a mom. But a lot of times we
Speaker 2: don't have a lot of commonality. Hmm.
Speaker 1: Okay, and do they? And I mean you said that you.
Speaker 2: Get out of conversations, they don't. They don't.
Speaker 1: Go ahead. I mean, I was gonna say, you said
Speaker 1: that they were treating you like actively poorly, and I
Speaker 1: was wondering if if they were being like hostile to
Speaker 1: you or or anything like that, but you were you
Speaker 1: were kind of explaining that.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, there was just a couple of situations where
Speaker 2: we had we had a a trans person coming into
Speaker 2: the store and apparently they were soliciting up and down
Speaker 2: the strip mall that we have right there, and you know,
Speaker 2: it got really bad. They were coming into the store
Speaker 2: and doing this, and we were told the next time
Speaker 2: came in and were disruptive to call the police. Well
Speaker 2: that happened, and I called the police, and then all
Speaker 2: of a sudden, everyone was calling me racist. And it
Speaker 2: wasn't about race at all. It was about someone coming
Speaker 2: into the store doing a bad thing, and we were
Speaker 2: told to respond in this manner.
Speaker 1: Okay, were what were they soliciting?
Speaker 2: Well, you know, they were either soliciting for money or
Speaker 2: they were soliciting for other things, you know.
Speaker 1: Okay, hmmm. And the people that you work with have
Speaker 1: you have you worked with them for a while? Where
Speaker 1: is it kind of a rotation?
Speaker 2: I would say it had been about a year.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: No, you either have a first shift or you have
Speaker 2: a second shift. They did not overlap, so it was
Speaker 2: with the same shift.
Speaker 1: M hm. When you what do you like? If you
Speaker 1: could do anything, what would you do?
Speaker 2: Well, you know, I'm going to cut a long story
Speaker 2: short by saying when I was in my abusive relationship,
Speaker 2: he was a manager at a restaurant for a long
Speaker 2: time and he wanted to start his own business because
Speaker 2: he hated his job. So he went out and bought
Speaker 2: all this woodworking equipment and was set on making pens
Speaker 2: for a living. Now I have artistic ability, you know,
Speaker 2: in different areas, and he was like, well, you're going
Speaker 2: to do this. So he actually kind of forced me
Speaker 2: to learn how to make pens. I design and make
Speaker 2: wood and acrylic writing pens on a lathe, And at
Speaker 2: first I didn't want to do it. He was controlling
Speaker 2: and it was like he was trying to live through me.
Speaker 2: But then I got really good at it, and he
Speaker 2: didn't like that. And I started learning marketing, and I
Speaker 2: started going to all these art shows and crash shows,
Speaker 2: and I was really shining introverted and then all of
Speaker 2: a sudden, I was a really good salesperson and he
Speaker 2: didn't like that. And as soon as he found out
Speaker 2: that I was doing better than he could, he like
Speaker 2: lost interest in it and wouldn't help me anymore with it.
Speaker 2: So that's what I would be doing if I could
Speaker 2: do anything.
Speaker 1: Okay, so pens and craftsmanship things with pens.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was making really good money with it. Before
Speaker 2: I was in art museum gift shop, I was selling
Speaker 2: to all these gift stores all over the country. I
Speaker 2: would spend hours on the white pages, Yellow pages, online
Speaker 2: and emailing hundreds of stores every day, and that's how
Speaker 2: I built my sales.
Speaker 1: So what is it that's preventing you from doing that
Speaker 1: or stopped you from doing that?
Speaker 2: Well, financially, it's only me. Right now, I'm going to
Speaker 2: tell you that I live in an apartment that I
Speaker 2: that I don't pay for right now because I can't
Speaker 2: and I have that going for me, but I still
Speaker 2: don't generate enough to get out on my own. My
Speaker 2: first goal is to get out of this living situation
Speaker 2: because it's not good for me. And then I would
Speaker 2: like to try to restart that business again, but I
Speaker 2: can't seem to get the momentum to do that.
Speaker 1: I got a bunch of questions about stuff he just said,
Speaker 1: But why did why did the business? Why did you?
Speaker 1: Why did the business stop in the first place?
Speaker 2: Number one, he lost interest in it when he saw
Speaker 2: that I was getting good and taking it over. And
Speaker 2: then I finally, because I lived with this person for
Speaker 2: I'm gonna say fifteen years. I had my two daughters
Speaker 2: with me. They were not his. He was not a
Speaker 2: nice person. He would do just horrible things like at
Speaker 2: the house, directed at me and directed at my children.
Speaker 2: And I finally, finally was given an opportunity to get out.
Speaker 2: My dad was he had cancer. He was dying, so
Speaker 2: I went and moved in so I could help him
Speaker 2: until he passed. And then I ended up having to
Speaker 2: come back here. So I had to stop that because
Speaker 2: I left him.
Speaker 1: Okay, and m M all right, And so what's again?
Speaker 1: I guess to go back to like the barriers between
Speaker 1: you and continuing to do this business because I know
Speaker 1: that beforehand, when you were doing it, it was like,
Speaker 1: you know, it seemed like it was a two person
Speaker 1: operation between you and that guy, And once that guy
Speaker 1: started to not want to be involved anymore, it just
Speaker 1: kind of slowly fucked things up. But now it it's
Speaker 1: been many years later and it's still something you're interested in.
Speaker 1: I assume that there's upfront costs and time obligations and
Speaker 1: you know, a man power obligations and things that are
Speaker 1: between you and starting this business.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Actually, when when I was running it before, we
Speaker 2: were living in a house. He was paying the rent.
Speaker 2: I had a huge garage and that was my workshop.
Speaker 2: I kept all of my tools, I kept all of
Speaker 2: my supplies. So I don't have to put any money
Speaker 2: in it right now. But I do not have a
Speaker 2: workshop space. I don't have a basement, and I don't
Speaker 2: have a garage.
Speaker 1: Okay, so you have you have inventory and things, and
Speaker 1: you say you don't need to put money into it,
Speaker 1: except you do need a space. Yeah, okay, all right,
Speaker 1: So back to your living situation. You live for free
Speaker 1: and you say you don't have enough money to what
Speaker 1: is it that you need money in? My first space
Speaker 1: a workspace, I.
Speaker 2: Need to get out of this living situation first, because
Speaker 2: the guy that that that I had left and I
Speaker 2: know this is this is gonna sound weird, but the
Speaker 2: guy that I had left when I came back after
Speaker 2: my dad died, I think he felt guilty. Although it
Speaker 2: did not change anything, did not change how my children
Speaker 2: felt about him, did not change how I felt about him.
Speaker 2: But he felt guilty, so he put me in an
Speaker 2: apartment and pays for it. I will never reconcile with him.
Speaker 2: I cannot wait to get out of this living situation
Speaker 2: because number One, I feel indebted. Number Two, it's not
Speaker 2: a comfortable situation and I need my independence. I and
Speaker 2: I just it's so hard to get it now with
Speaker 2: this economy.
Speaker 1: How long have you been living there for?
Speaker 2: I moved back here in twenty seventeen.
Speaker 1: Years, so you've been having rent free for six years.
Speaker 2: I pay all the bills, but he pays the rent.
Speaker 1: And in those six years, I don't I don't really
Speaker 1: know what the deal is with Starbucks, But like I,
Speaker 1: were you able to save up?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I save up and then you know, things come
Speaker 2: up to where I need to fix the car or whatever,
Speaker 2: and then that kind of eats it down. During the pandemic.
Speaker 2: That's when it really got problematic because hours were greatly cut.
Speaker 2: And then my company, you know, they're looking to put
Speaker 2: newer equipment in the stores and whatnot, So of course
Speaker 2: that means that the labor is down. So where you
Speaker 2: used to get fourty hours a week, there was one
Speaker 2: point where I was getting like twenty one hours a
Speaker 2: week just to maintain insurance.
Speaker 1: And these days, these days, are you are you able
Speaker 1: to make are you able to make a full time
Speaker 1: living off of Starbucks to the point where you could
Speaker 1: at minimum find a roommate and rent the room.
Speaker 2: You know, And I, honestly, I'm going to sound my age,
Speaker 2: but I've never even thought about living with the roommate.
Speaker 2: I never have. And I mean, maybe that's something that
Speaker 2: I have to visit, because maybe that's the only way
Speaker 2: I'm going to get out of here. My homepayn and
Speaker 2: I'll be very transparently pay after everything. Like the insurance
Speaker 2: is like twelve hundred dollars of paycheck.
Speaker 1: How many how often you get paid?
Speaker 2: I live in Chicago, in the suburbs, in a rich neighborhood.
Speaker 1: How often you get paychecks? Say it again, how often
Speaker 1: are you getting paychecks?
Speaker 2: Every every two weeks, so I get I get that
Speaker 2: twice a month.
Speaker 1: Okay, so twenty four hundred bucks after tax So twenty
Speaker 1: four hundred bucks after taxes a.
Speaker 2: Month before I pay my bills.
Speaker 1: Yes, okay. So, and you don't want to live in
Speaker 1: this rent free place anymore because you don't want shit
Speaker 1: to do with that guy, which is a totally legitimate thing. Correct.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean that's the way I feel right now.
Speaker 2: I mean, it just it gets it gets harder as
Speaker 2: I get older, Like I don't want to end up
Speaker 2: here when I'm ninety.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I want. I listen. I want you to know.
Speaker 1: And okay, so, like you said to me, you you
Speaker 1: don't want to live there anymore because you don't want
Speaker 1: to feel like you're indebted to this guy who has
Speaker 1: not been cool to you. That's that's that you said,
Speaker 1: what you're telling me, Yeah, I want, I want. I
Speaker 1: want you to know if you do need to get
Speaker 1: a roommate or do something like that, there's no shame
Speaker 1: in it, especially if you know you're doing it as
Speaker 1: a result of, like you know, a fifteen year long
Speaker 1: abusive relationship. There's no shame in doing that. If that
Speaker 1: is the thing that will bring you closer to doing
Speaker 1: a thing that makes you happy. And the thing with
Speaker 1: this pen thing, which it seemed as though you were
Speaker 1: very good at and you know, marketing, and you have
Speaker 1: the hustle of you know, going through the white pages
Speaker 1: and all that stuff. I mean, shit, man, I'd love
Speaker 1: to see it like try and do that again, especially
Speaker 1: if you don't have any upfront costs to doing it.
Speaker 1: I mean, it sounds like you're doing it a long
Speaker 1: time ago and now there's you know, there's TikTok and
Speaker 1: Instagram and all these other things that you can use
Speaker 1: to promote and market products. And it's like, I'd love
Speaker 1: to see at least finegelar way to give it a try.
Speaker 1: I know it's horrid to do it under the like
Speaker 1: financial circumstances, but if you have to get a roommate
Speaker 1: to avoid feeling like you're indebted to this guy you're
Speaker 1: an abusive relationship with for many years, I hope you
Speaker 1: don't take shame in that, because there's no I.
Speaker 2: Don't reason, I don't see, I don't I don't feel
Speaker 2: I don't feel shamed because I ended up here. I
Speaker 2: will feel ashamed of myself as I stay here and
Speaker 2: a roommate, you know, would be great. I'm just I'm
Speaker 2: so afraid that that's going to be it for the
Speaker 2: rest of my life. Like I never got a chance
Speaker 2: to have my own house. I never got a chance
Speaker 2: to pay all the bills myself, you know, and I'm
Speaker 2: already fifty seven years old. I just feel like I
Speaker 2: haven't accomplished what I want to accomplish. And I mean,
Speaker 2: I think one of the things that I want to
Speaker 2: tell your listeners is I envy all of you guys
Speaker 2: that are in your youth right now, and I just
Speaker 2: want you to know that you're going to hit a
Speaker 2: certain age and you're going to be like where did
Speaker 2: the time go? And it's a scary thing. It's really
Speaker 2: a scary thing.
Speaker 1: I get it. I mean I don't get it because
Speaker 1: I'm not there, and I'm sure when i'm there, i'll
Speaker 1: get it. But like I guess, I just want to like, like,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to solve all of your life's problems
Speaker 1: in this phone call, but I do want to get like, yeah,
Speaker 1: taking all the emotion out of it and all the
Speaker 1: age stuff out of it and just looking very plainly
Speaker 1: at like what is between you and being happy and
Speaker 1: like figuring that out a little bit. Have you talked
Speaker 1: to your daughters about all this stuff.
Speaker 2: My one daughter is listening right now, and I'm going
Speaker 2: to tell you I have been. We are extremely close
Speaker 2: and they know all about the difficulties when we were
Speaker 2: all living together and what went on. And I raised
Speaker 2: two very strong daughters. I just want you to know
Speaker 2: I'm so proud of them. They're both completely opposite and different,
Speaker 2: but they're both very strong women. And I feel like
Speaker 2: that was my biggest accomplishment in my life, because I
Speaker 2: didn't feel like I was strong and I didn't feel
Speaker 2: like I was confident. And I am so glad that
Speaker 2: I was able to give that to them. But they
Speaker 2: can't fix my problem. I don't expect them to fix
Speaker 2: my problem, although I do joke with them and tell
Speaker 2: them when I'm geriatric, one of them is going to
Speaker 2: be changing my diapers, you know, whichever daughter decides to
Speaker 2: let me live with them when I can't take care
Speaker 2: of myself anymore.
Speaker 4: Okay, I want I I I'm very happy to hear
Speaker 4: that you have a lot of pride in the way
Speaker 4: that you raised your daughters.
Speaker 1: That's huge, and I really think it is m hm.
Speaker 1: I guess I'm trying to think, like, I hope, are
Speaker 1: you Are you happy these days?
Speaker 2: No? And in all honesty, other than having my children
Speaker 2: and a few occasions here and there, I can't honestly
Speaker 2: say that I've really been happy. Am I saying that
Speaker 2: I'm like hugely depressed all the time? No, but I
Speaker 2: don't know what that is.
Speaker 1: I guess for good. I feel like I've asked you
Speaker 1: this before over the course of this conversation, but just
Speaker 1: to go back to it, what do you think would
Speaker 1: make you happy?
Speaker 2: Well? Number one, to get out of this living situation,
Speaker 2: to make enough money to support myself and to be
Speaker 2: able to start my business again. I would still work
Speaker 2: my coffee house job because they have excellent insurance benefits
Speaker 2: and I need those. Okay, they also give me free
Speaker 2: stock and whatnot. I would definitely be able to start
Speaker 2: this business at the part time. I could do it
Speaker 2: in my spare time because it's all based from home,
Speaker 2: unless I decided to go to an art show or
Speaker 2: a craft show. My stopping point for that business is
Speaker 2: I am not savvy to set up one of the
Speaker 2: social media accounts for my pens. Maybe someone that's listening
Speaker 2: is savvy and would be able to get in touch
Speaker 2: with me and help me out because I.
Speaker 1: Won't want you, I want to say, Susan, I I
Speaker 1: you know you could. And I'm going to go back
Speaker 1: to this because you talked about like when you were
Speaker 1: you you you you did a little you did a
Speaker 1: little woolf of Wall Street hustle and montage for me
Speaker 1: before earlier this you did. You did. You were like
Speaker 1: I was, you know, selling them to give shops, and
Speaker 1: I was going through the white pages and I was
Speaker 1: figuring out the marketing and I was getting really good
Speaker 1: at it. It pissed off my husband. That's all all all
Speaker 1: of that shit that's still that that was not a
Speaker 1: that hustle and desire and all that stuff that's within you.
Speaker 1: You can it's still I believe it's still in you
Speaker 1: and can be applied to learning how to you know,
Speaker 1: fucking make tiktoks and things. So I think you're giving
Speaker 1: yourself not enough credit in terms of your ability to
Speaker 1: uh figure out the figure outable things because again you went,
Speaker 1: you gave me the whole Wolf of Wall Street montage
Speaker 1: of you doing that you know, six years ago. And
Speaker 1: I don't think your ability to do that, if I
Speaker 1: could just get cheesy here for seconds. I think you're
Speaker 1: ability to do that is potentially only limited by your
Speaker 1: negative beliefs about yourself, which I get and I and
Speaker 1: I get I don't want to be like a fucking
Speaker 1: Tony Robbins dude, but like, you know what, what what
Speaker 1: other shot that we have?
Speaker 5: You know?
Speaker 1: So, so I think you're not giving yourself enough credit
Speaker 1: in terms of your potential to figure these things out.
Speaker 1: And and I wish you did, because you seem really
Speaker 1: cool and it seems like this is something that you like.
Speaker 1: And I do think that you could do it at
Speaker 1: least at least enough to like make some extra money,
Speaker 1: even if you're not you know, building a whole fucking empire,
Speaker 1: at least enough to get something going, you know, is
Speaker 1: an Is any of this making sense to you?
Speaker 4: Right?
Speaker 2: Yeah? It is? Listen. I have had a day and
Speaker 2: a half to lay here in my bed and think
Speaker 2: about it because I brought a bug back from Portland.
Speaker 2: My daughter ended up with COVID and I think I
Speaker 2: just have a bad case of the flu. But I've
Speaker 2: been laying in that sweating and just thinking about this stuff,
Speaker 2: which is why I got up the courage to give
Speaker 2: you a call because I really don't want to settle
Speaker 2: like this anymore. I want to get out of here.
Speaker 2: Life is short.
Speaker 1: It is short, do it, Susan. I know, I know.
Speaker 1: It's sorry. I know it's sorry. I hate. I hate.
Speaker 1: It's like it's a bummer. I hate, I hate. You know.
Speaker 1: I want to be motivational, but I also understand the
Speaker 1: the difficulties that are present in just doing it. I
Speaker 1: really really really do.
Speaker 3: Yep.
Speaker 1: But but but like fuck, Susan, at least give it
Speaker 1: a try.
Speaker 2: I think I'm gonna I'm gonna send you some pictures
Speaker 2: of my pens when we get off the phone, and
Speaker 2: you can.
Speaker 3: Look at them.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'll take a look at your pens. What do
Speaker 1: you have a Do you have any social media set
Speaker 1: up on your pens?
Speaker 2: No? I just you know, I've got a regular Facebook,
Speaker 2: and I will post them on there occasionally, but I
Speaker 2: don't want to ever really looking at everything there. All right, Well,
Speaker 2: but when I get one, I will share it with you.
Speaker 1: Okay. Well, Susan, I'm glad that I'm glad. I hope
Speaker 1: that this phone call was enjoyable for you. I appreciate
Speaker 1: you calling in and talking about all this stuff. I
Speaker 1: hope it was of some positive benefit to you. And
Speaker 1: thanks for sharing all of this.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I just want to thank you because you're
Speaker 2: giving my daughter and I another form of bonding by
Speaker 2: sharing in your show. So I appreciate you very much.
Speaker 1: Of course, and talking to you, I'm now realizing that
Speaker 1: the Canadian accent and the Midwestern accent sound very similar,
Speaker 1: because I thought you were a Canadian for a little bit,
Speaker 1: and I remembered your.
Speaker 2: Midwestern because it's from Chicago.
Speaker 1: Uh, soonon, So anything else you want to say to
Speaker 1: the people the computer before we.
Speaker 2: Go, No, just I love everyone on your show, and
Speaker 2: I like all the comments and all the suggestions, and
Speaker 2: thank you so much for listening. I appreciate you having
Speaker 2: an night.
Speaker 1: Susan, thank you you too.
Speaker 2: Bye bye.
Speaker 1: Hm. I'm trying to think. I mean, I use pens
Speaker 1: to people, people still write stuff. Every year, people use
Speaker 1: pens a little bit less. But I mean, damn, okay,
Speaker 1: I just tried to be motivational. But then I'm now
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, every year, people use pens a little
Speaker 1: bit less. I mean it's I want to be I
Speaker 1: want to be motivational, but also not lie. Every year
Speaker 1: people use pens less, but in terms of like the
Speaker 1: not like the people who fucking are like connoisseurs and
Speaker 1: appreciators of like artisan pens. You know those people. Every
Speaker 1: year a lot of them die because it's usually elderly people.
Speaker 1: But maybe they have children and they teach their children
Speaker 1: to appreciate pens. Do the pens, think, Susan, do it,
Speaker 1: do it, and let's see what I don't want to
Speaker 1: because I could sit here in conjecture, but there's only
Speaker 1: one way to find out if it'll work. All right,
Speaker 1: I want to eat a pen right now. I don't
Speaker 1: know why.
Speaker 3: Hello, Hello, how are you? Hello? Lyle?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 3: What's up?
Speaker 1: Man?
Speaker 5: How are you?
Speaker 1: How much? How are you? I'm just telling, uh, what's new?
Speaker 1: What's going on?
Speaker 3: Just chilling? Nothing's new. You want to hear my story?
Speaker 1: Uh, tell me to start with the middle. What's the
Speaker 1: middle of the story.
Speaker 3: The middle of the story is I'm dangling by my
Speaker 3: fingertips on a billboard.
Speaker 1: Oh that's a good middle. Yeah, let's hear the whole thing.
Speaker 3: All right. So I was I was with my homies
Speaker 3: and we were doing some graffiti, and we decided to
Speaker 3: go hit this billboard, and we climbed up like forty
Speaker 3: feet on an I beam and I tried to pull
Speaker 3: myself up.
Speaker 1: Fuck, I'm nervous, bro, You're nervous. You were you were dangling,
Speaker 1: You almost died, and you're nervous talking to an insane
Speaker 1: guy and a gecko pajamas on website. You almost died, man,
Speaker 1: you can do anything. Who are you? Tell me the story?
Speaker 2: All right?
Speaker 3: So I climbed like forty feet up an ibam and
Speaker 3: by the time I got up the ibeam, I was like,
Speaker 3: hella out of strength. So I tried to pull myself up,
Speaker 3: and I was dangling by my fingertips because I couldn't
Speaker 3: pull myself up, and then I had to like let
Speaker 3: go and slide down the ibam. And I was in jeans,
Speaker 3: shorts and a tank top. So I cut myself up
Speaker 3: hella bad and fell like forty feet to the ground.
Speaker 3: But I didn't even break any bones or anything. That
Speaker 3: shit was crazy.
Speaker 1: You fell forty feet too, So okay, So you were
Speaker 1: dangling and you fell like so you like kind of
Speaker 1: slid down a pole.
Speaker 3: I had to let go of the grip that I
Speaker 3: had on the billboard and grabbed the ibam and basically
Speaker 3: hug it and slide down it forty feet. It was like, yeah,
Speaker 3: for thirty or forty feet.
Speaker 1: I don't know what was the billboard for, dude.
Speaker 3: I couldn't tell you, honestly.
Speaker 1: You have hit a lot of billboards when you tagged it.
Speaker 3: I didn't tag it. I didn't even get all the
Speaker 3: way up I was.
Speaker 1: I was with two other friends, like a billboard for
Speaker 1: like breast cancer research or something, and you were fucking.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 3: It's funny. Okay, First of all, I wouldn't have done
Speaker 3: a penis because I'm actually I'm Hella Raw. We were
Speaker 3: gonna do some so bast pieces up there. But it's
Speaker 3: funny that you should mention that because I've hit a
Speaker 3: lot of billboards and I have a pattern of not
Speaker 3: looking at what they say before I get on them.
Speaker 3: And I've hit one for an adoption agency. And one
Speaker 3: time I got up on one and it was for
Speaker 3: like autism awareness, and I was like, you know, I
Speaker 3: would I feel too bad to go over that one.
Speaker 3: So I ripped the billboard off and I painted underneath it,
Speaker 3: so I have You're.
Speaker 1: The first person I've ever met that has used art
Speaker 1: to make the lives of children worse.
Speaker 3: You know what, You have a point there, but it
Speaker 3: was not bad intentions.
Speaker 1: So so you so you you defiled an autism awareness
Speaker 1: billboard to make one.
Speaker 4: Of those no no I off things.
Speaker 3: I ripped it off and I threw it off, and
Speaker 3: then I painted underneath it.
Speaker 1: What did you paint underneath it?
Speaker 3: I am not going to tell you because I gave
Speaker 3: the color of my real name.
Speaker 1: Wait, hold on, I wait, okay, So okay, so we
Speaker 1: know it's something you would not want to be associated with.
Speaker 3: Well, it's the secret name. I'm a graffiti writer. I've
Speaker 3: been in I've been writing graffiti for a long time.
Speaker 1: What did you What did you write under the board?
Speaker 1: What did you put it under there?
Speaker 3: Did we did we say my name on there?
Speaker 1: I don't know. I can bleep it out if you want.
Speaker 3: All right, Well, smiler, smiler, smiler, you wrote no, I
Speaker 3: wrote smiler? What is that's my name? That's well, that's
Speaker 3: what I write?
Speaker 1: Did you put you? So you just put your own name?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, you climbed for you totally deserved the thing that
Speaker 1: happened to you at the beginning of this. You climbed,
Speaker 1: n you climbed the billboard, to get rid of an
Speaker 1: autism awareness ad to write your.
Speaker 3: Own no, well, to be to be clear, these are
Speaker 3: separate instances.
Speaker 1: But yeah, basically, somebody in the chat just seven aisle
Speaker 1: doesn't get graffiti. I don't know if this is me
Speaker 1: not getting graffiti.
Speaker 3: Couldn't you have I think could get it, and you.
Speaker 1: Have picked like a fucking Crispy Kreme at or something
Speaker 1: other than autism awareness.
Speaker 3: I just I choked that up to unawareness because truly
Speaker 3: I didn't look at what it said before I went
Speaker 3: up there.
Speaker 1: Awareness is important, I like, I like you were like,
Speaker 1: it's much more important for people to see my name
Speaker 1: than to see this.
Speaker 3: Well, let me let me ask you something. What's the
Speaker 3: difference between me doing it and the advertisement agency doing it?
Speaker 1: What are you talking about?
Speaker 3: It's just that they paid for it.
Speaker 1: What they did, the charity paid for people donate to
Speaker 1: autism Okay, sure, and then and then they're funding your
Speaker 1: stupid tank.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that was an outlying instance. I've hit a lot
Speaker 3: of billboards. They're not all like that, you know.
Speaker 1: Tell me which was tell me about the adoption agency one?
Speaker 1: What did you put on there?
Speaker 3: I wrote? Smiler? I wrote smiler on every single one
Speaker 3: of them.
Speaker 1: You didn't even write, and you didn't. Here's the thing,
Speaker 1: if you had replaced it, if you like, if you
Speaker 1: were bidding for attention with a greater cause of some kind,
Speaker 1: like if I don't know, even if you like had
Speaker 1: some kind of pretentious message behind, even if you drew
Speaker 1: a little fucking like I or something and you were like, well,
Speaker 1: this I represents world peace around. Even if you had
Speaker 1: intentions of some kind of a nice message of something,
Speaker 1: it would still be douchey. But I but I would
Speaker 1: be like, Okay, at least he thought he was doing something,
Speaker 1: but you just tore it down to write your fucking name.
Speaker 1: You know what.
Speaker 3: I was on a sick one, Lyle. I was on
Speaker 3: a sick one.
Speaker 1: What does that mean?
Speaker 3: It means I was acting crazy and I wasn't. I
Speaker 3: wasn't worried about anything in that moment.
Speaker 1: Okay, tell me, do you write smiler on all of them?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, dude, one day, but billboards aren't all it, dude.
Speaker 1: One day, there's gonna be one of those kids at
Speaker 1: the at the orphanage is gonna make it big in
Speaker 1: uh politics in your local area. Yeah, they're gonna They're
Speaker 1: gonna fucking come for smiler, dude.
Speaker 3: I'll I'll accept it. I'll accept my fate.
Speaker 1: At that point, you're gonna get what's that movie Orphan Black?
Speaker 3: I've never heard of it.
Speaker 1: I've never heard of it either. I just is that
Speaker 1: a real Is that a real show Orphan Black? Or
Speaker 1: is that a movie?
Speaker 3: I don't know. I don't know this movie.
Speaker 1: What's about the chat is saying Somebody in the chat
Speaker 1: is saying, Brandon, we can keep all this chat stuff in.
Speaker 1: Somebody in the chat is saying that autism speaks as
Speaker 1: a hate group. I don't know why I repeated that.
Speaker 1: I don't want if that's I don't think that's true.
Speaker 1: But I have no idea. I'm not going to google
Speaker 1: that is No, I'm not repeating that. Okay, what else?
Speaker 1: What else have you got? What other billboards.
Speaker 2: Down?
Speaker 3: I've hit a lot of billboards, to be honest, I
Speaker 3: probably couldn't remember what a lot of them said. But
Speaker 3: I'm pretty much done hitting billboards. If it makes you
Speaker 3: feel comfortable, because I almost died doing it.
Speaker 1: Wait, hold on, okay, somebody, actually, this might hold on.
Speaker 1: This might be your lucky day.
Speaker 4: Man.
Speaker 1: A lot of people in the chat are saying that
Speaker 1: Autism Speaks is like a bad group. Let me google
Speaker 1: this real quick.
Speaker 3: Okay, all right, damn, they're fucking with me. Well, I'll
Speaker 3: bring it back to my original point. There was no intention.
Speaker 3: I didn't know what it said. So you could praise me,
Speaker 3: you could hate me. I didn't do I didn't really
Speaker 3: do anything.
Speaker 1: I listen, here's the thing. I'm not going to put
Speaker 1: Autism Speaks on blast. I don't know anything about them.
Speaker 1: But apparently, apparently, apparently it's people are torn on it.
Speaker 1: So you're you're not You're not going to be universally
Speaker 1: condemned for your actions. But I don't know. I have
Speaker 1: no idea. Tell me some other billboards that you've defiled.
Speaker 3: Well, I can't remember all of them. It's been it's
Speaker 3: been a long time, you know, it's been a long
Speaker 3: time I've been doing this.
Speaker 1: You fucked over some kids, you did, you did?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Can you admit you fucked over with some kids?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, okay, you know, yeah, you're right. I didn't
Speaker 3: look at that one before I got up. Also, and
Speaker 3: you know what, you know what, honestly, I hit an
Speaker 3: Apple one, an Apple one, an Apple billboard for the
Speaker 3: iPhone have you fucked?
Speaker 1: Have you hit like because you know what, you actually
Speaker 1: fucked over a lot of people. Also because it's some
Speaker 1: because I know you've hit hundreds of billboards and you
Speaker 1: don't even know what it is. Some very hungry trucker
Speaker 1: drove drove by exit thirty five without having any idea
Speaker 1: that there was a McDonald's there, and you fucked that guy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I would argue that if someone wants McDonald's, they're
Speaker 3: going to see it. You know, they're going to find it.
Speaker 3: That billboard isn't going to make too much.
Speaker 1: Of a difference. So are you a full time graffiti
Speaker 1: artist or does that not make a lot of money?
Speaker 3: No, I'm a tattooer.
Speaker 1: Actually, okay, you're graffitiing people's body.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yep, tagging people's bodies. I'm on, I'm on tour
Speaker 3: right now with tattooing.
Speaker 1: Give me some Give me some tattoos that you've done recently.
Speaker 3: I did lover in graffiti letters on my friend's collarbones.
Speaker 3: I've been doing a lot of like alien ship lately,
Speaker 3: like aliens with like four shortened guns and like all
Speaker 3: kinds of just sci fi ship. My thing right now
Speaker 3: is kind of like characters with big shoes, and I'm like,
Speaker 3: hella into fashion, so I just dressed them up in
Speaker 3: like cool ass like trip pants and like new rock
Speaker 3: shoes that type of ship.
Speaker 1: Like uh, like like who what characters?
Speaker 2: My?
Speaker 3: Just these little characters that I draw, just little like
Speaker 3: little brass.
Speaker 1: I thought he was drawing, like like, uh, I was
Speaker 1: gonna say I was gonna use Mickey Mouse, but that
Speaker 1: would be a bad example because he already has big.
Speaker 3: Shoes, yeah he does, and big ears.
Speaker 1: How long you have been tattooed for.
Speaker 3: Like two and a half years. I've been full time
Speaker 3: tattooing for like a year. Though.
Speaker 1: What were you doing before you were tattoo artist?
Speaker 3: I did a bunch of shit, but just random ass
Speaker 3: jobs like grocery stores, you know, cafeterias, dishwashing, sweeping, just
Speaker 3: random ass ship.
Speaker 1: A few people in the chat are asking what your
Speaker 1: Instagram is. You can't I know that you wanted to
Speaker 1: stay You can if you want.
Speaker 3: If they if they know they know, and they might
Speaker 3: know lyle they might.
Speaker 1: You know what. I think that was a good idea.
Speaker 1: You sacrificed a good free self promotion bit in favor
Speaker 1: of not putting a face to the guy who defiled
Speaker 1: the adoption billboard. Now you are so so, you're so
Speaker 1: ever since the accident, you're giving up.
Speaker 3: No, I'm not giving up on graffiti, just not like
Speaker 3: climbing like that. I learned it's not really worth it
Speaker 3: to risk my life.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like that was crazy. Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: I feel like it's a karma thing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you could be right. You could be right. Believe me,
Speaker 3: I've thought about that.
Speaker 1: There was definitely a few orphans late at night greasing
Speaker 1: up that billboard poll.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, and.
Speaker 1: Wow, where else are you going to tag now or
Speaker 1: have retired from billboards?
Speaker 3: Well, sit Portland and then Seattle. That's what we're doing
Speaker 3: right now. But anywhere I'm considerate, you know, like I
Speaker 3: know you were, dude. You know what's fucked up? Because
Speaker 3: I was supposed to be at your San Francisco show.
Speaker 3: I had a ticket and I I couldn't go.
Speaker 1: Why not.
Speaker 3: Because I got sick?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, good reason.
Speaker 3: Hey, look at that. I didn't put anybody at risk.
Speaker 3: I'm a good person.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, we'll give you.
Speaker 3: There we go. What I was looking forward to it, man,
Speaker 3: I was looking forward to I bought it like months
Speaker 3: in advance too.
Speaker 1: It was a it was a good show that the
Speaker 1: San Francisco one. It was was it was good.
Speaker 3: I'll be my friend. My friend went.
Speaker 1: Did they like it?
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, he liked it. He's also tattooer. He's here
Speaker 3: with me. Yeah, he's also a tattooer. He was there
Speaker 3: when I almost died. We had another crazy thing happened
Speaker 3: yesterday and in the name.
Speaker 1: Of graffiti, what was it.
Speaker 3: So we're up here tattooing in Portland right now. But
Speaker 3: we had to stop and get some spray paint on
Speaker 3: the way and he, I'm too scared to steal. But
Speaker 3: he went into home depot in Salem, Oregon. Damn, I'm
Speaker 3: giving up all the for me. But he went into
Speaker 3: home depot and he tried to steel paint and he
Speaker 3: ended up having to run and like hopping fences and
Speaker 3: ship and I don't even have a license, but I
Speaker 3: had to take his car and pull over on the
Speaker 3: freeway where he was hiding in the bushes like there
Speaker 3: was no shoulder, but I had to like pull over
Speaker 3: up onto a hill and he like ran hell a
Speaker 3: far and got in the car and and we're good.
Speaker 3: But that happened too.
Speaker 1: He's right, gets you into a lot of trouble.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it does. You know, I have a question?
Speaker 1: Low, Yeah, I give your friend the phone, all right,
Speaker 1: thank you? Bye?
Speaker 3: Hey, what's up?
Speaker 5: Dude?
Speaker 1: Hey, what's up?
Speaker 3: Man? I caught me and my friends. We did like
Speaker 3: some therapy Gecko tags outside of the show. Did you
Speaker 3: see those tiny chaps?
Speaker 1: Wait? You did therapy echo tags? I want Yeah, I
Speaker 1: just say this on record real quick? Can I can
Speaker 1: you use a second I in no way, shape or
Speaker 1: form support the defiling of any adoption agency advertisements in
Speaker 1: the name advertisements.
Speaker 3: It's good. It was like on a bus stop ad
Speaker 3: like some random ship just on the glass, and that dude,
Speaker 3: who knows they get changed?
Speaker 1: What do you mean you can't? What do you mean
Speaker 1: who knows?
Speaker 2: We dude?
Speaker 1: Have we not been over there?
Speaker 3: You get yo? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah they little Saint Jude's Hospital and wrote therapy Gecko.
Speaker 3: Didn't you That would be heinous, that would be sucked up.
Speaker 3: But you know, like it's just being outside and playing
Speaker 3: around like it's I don't know, I don't think it's
Speaker 3: as deep as it. I don't know, it's not that deep.
Speaker 3: It's all good, you know.
Speaker 1: Just I appreciate you spreading the word. But if you
Speaker 1: would just look at what it is, your spray painting
Speaker 1: on first, I got you.
Speaker 3: I understand that. I respect that.
Speaker 1: Send me send me a do you is it? Are you?
Speaker 1: Do you live near the area?
Speaker 3: I live in Oakland?
Speaker 1: Okay, the next time you're there, send me a picture.
Speaker 1: I want to see. Did you take a picture of it?
Speaker 5: At least?
Speaker 3: Uh? No, I didn't. I don't take pictures of a
Speaker 3: lot of stuff I do.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we'll do a huge one for you on a
Speaker 3: blank freeway wall that is just literally a blank canvas.
Speaker 3: Is asking for it, you know.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, as long as.
Speaker 3: I'll send you a picture, I'm not.
Speaker 1: Criminally inflicted anyway in this. I'm on board.
Speaker 3: No, you're good. I'm gonna do it regardless. I'll send
Speaker 3: it to you and you'll you'll get a kick awesome.
Speaker 1: Is there anything else? If you guys want to say
Speaker 1: to the people of the computer before we.
Speaker 3: Go, uh, I love y'all. Thank you so much, Thank you, guys.
Speaker 1: I'll see, I'll see. I'll see you guys at the
Speaker 1: next I'm.
Speaker 3: Gonna be at the next At that point, you will,
Speaker 3: I'll introduce myself.
Speaker 1: Okay, perfect, you can spray paint.
Speaker 3: I'll wear a sight, I'll I'll tattoo it. It's good,
Speaker 3: I'll give you a free tattoo, Lyle, I.
Speaker 1: Don't know what I would want. I don't have any tatto.
Speaker 1: I don't have any tattoos. I'm not a big tattoo guy.
Speaker 2: But let me do you.
Speaker 3: Well, there's a there's probably a.
Speaker 1: Good about it on the nose, don't you think?
Speaker 3: What the get go?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Yeah, well you have a lot of time to think about.
Speaker 1: It, right yeah, right now I'm with gorilla on the asshole,
Speaker 1: but my mind might change at some point, all right,
Speaker 1: can I guys? Thank you very much?
Speaker 3: All right, thanks bye, dude.
Speaker 1: It's definitely They definitely spray painted therapy gecko on like
Speaker 1: some kind of fucking children's cancer research thing, and now
Speaker 1: I'm a part of that. Hey, folks, it's Lyle. I'm
Speaker 1: here because I'm gonna end this podcast right now with
Speaker 1: a little clip from my a series of street interviews
Speaker 1: that I did on the streets of Glasgow, Scotland. I
Speaker 1: do this thing where I go to foreign countries and
Speaker 1: set up a microphone and some chairs in various places
Speaker 1: and talk to whoever is down to talk to me
Speaker 1: and I was in Glasgow and I had a really
Speaker 1: interesting interview with this guy who like just left a
Speaker 1: alcohol detox like the I guess, like minutes before he
Speaker 1: sat down to talk to me, and we talked for
Speaker 1: a while. And after we talked, I was like, all right, listen, man,
Speaker 1: are you sure you want me to like use all
Speaker 1: this stuff? And he was like insisted that that he
Speaker 1: wanted to, you know, tell his history and talk about
Speaker 1: this stuff. So here's a little here's a little clip
Speaker 1: from that. If you want to see the full thing
Speaker 1: of of my my adventures in Scotland, you can go
Speaker 1: to YouTube dot com slash lyle forever and type in
Speaker 1: being a Gecko in Scotland and the full thing will
Speaker 1: be there. I'll also put a link to it in
Speaker 1: the description. So let's transport ourselves from away from a
Speaker 1: tiny little room with no one else in it into
Speaker 1: the streets of Glasgow, Scotland. What's your what's your name? Dude?
Speaker 1: What do I want to buy that? Sorry? Man, I
Speaker 1: don't have any pounds. What's your name? What's your name?
Speaker 5: Robbie Mark Docre?
Speaker 1: Robbie Mark Docre. What's going on with you?
Speaker 2: Man?
Speaker 1: What's you doing in the park today. How's it going well?
Speaker 1: I was at the Royal the Royal Infirmary.
Speaker 5: De talking from alcohol. Oh okay, and then they wouldn't
Speaker 5: give me enough volume. Okay, so I was like this,
Speaker 5: like I just packed up my ship and then left
Speaker 5: and then got goos.
Speaker 1: Okay, how are you? How are you feeling in life?
Speaker 1: In general?
Speaker 5: I feel good. I was popped up on like siamine
Speaker 5: and all sorts of vet moons okay and stuff. So
Speaker 5: I'm probably looking and feeling better than I have in
Speaker 5: a while.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, what hmm? What what kind of stuff makes
Speaker 1: you makes you look and feel good?
Speaker 5: What do you mean?
Speaker 1: What's what? What makes you feel happy?
Speaker 5: Drugs?
Speaker 1: Okay, that's fair.
Speaker 5: Oh music, obviously they'll tell me about the music underworld
Speaker 5: o dB fucking trying to think who else's Stranglers, the
Speaker 5: Damned sex Pestols, uh and cet all kind of like
Speaker 5: nineties acid house, kind of like unknown stuff, Frankie Bones,
Speaker 5: Yanky Bones.
Speaker 1: Do you play music at all? Do you make any music?
Speaker 1: What do what do you make music about?
Speaker 5: I'm trained in that my mental like look at the camera,
Speaker 5: Oh you can look wherever. Yeah, I'm training. I'm trained.
Speaker 5: Then my mom likes to say I'm trained in classical violin,
Speaker 5: which I am, But if you want to be a
Speaker 5: violin I wouldn't know what the fuck to do. Yeah,
Speaker 5: but I play flam eco guitar, which is which is
Speaker 5: pretty cool.
Speaker 1: Nice? Nice?
Speaker 5: Why the why the green gecko suit? It's kind of
Speaker 5: dangerous in Glasgow? You know?
Speaker 1: Is it really? Tell me?
Speaker 5: Why? Well? Because everything else is orange and red and blue?
Speaker 1: Oh oh? Is it like it's a dangerous to work
Speaker 1: green in Glasgow?
Speaker 5: I'm kidding on. You've got you've got, you've got an army.
Speaker 1: Okay, cool? Well, because I was gonna say, here's something
Speaker 1: like all these places I'm going to like, you could
Speaker 1: tell me anything and I would just believe you. Like
Speaker 1: if you told me that wearing green in Glasgow was,
Speaker 1: like I don't know, a sign of like disrespect to
Speaker 1: the locals, I'd be like, oh shit, I gotta change.
Speaker 5: No, no, no, it's all it's just like there's so
Speaker 5: many areas where you know, how you've got red amber green? Sure,
Speaker 5: Like there's places in Glasgow like Prickton things where they
Speaker 5: actually paint over the green.
Speaker 1: Like oh yeah, well, hey, I got a question for you.
Speaker 1: What is your tattoo on your next I mean that
Speaker 1: it says disconcerting smile.
Speaker 5: Yeah, so when whenever someone asked it, and then it
Speaker 5: kind of makes you smile and it's kind of like
Speaker 5: a disconcerted smile.
Speaker 1: Oh like, whenever somebody asks you about the tattoo, it
Speaker 1: makes them smile or you no.
Speaker 5: No, no, no no no. If someone asked me, what
Speaker 5: does this like, why do you have disconcert and smile?
Speaker 5: Right then I can't help but like kind of smile
Speaker 5: and it's kind of disconcerted, like I've got bad smow,
Speaker 5: you know.
Speaker 1: I don't know why what they say you have a
Speaker 1: bad smile.
Speaker 5: I don't know, because I've got kind of shitty teeth.
Speaker 5: How many folks have you got on the YouTube? Don't
Speaker 5: say like two point one million.
Speaker 1: Two point one that's not a few people watch. That's
Speaker 1: not nothing crazy.
Speaker 5: Okay, ask me some more questions. I like, I like questions.
Speaker 1: All right, what's your what's your dream in life to.
Speaker 5: Make musical can become famous and destroy the world.
Speaker 1: Why do you want to destroy the world.
Speaker 5: Because it's disgusting?
Speaker 1: What do you find disgusting about the world?
Speaker 5: And that everyone tells ship jokes and laughs at each
Speaker 5: other's ship jokes and everyone's fake like form more people.
Speaker 5: You know, you see everyone like like over there, like
Speaker 5: they all set with in their you know, like little
Speaker 5: restaurants and they say like little quips, you know, and
Speaker 5: they and they're like, you know, and and and you know,
Speaker 5: it's just it's just like everything's just self gratulately congratulately
Speaker 5: ego trip. There's there seems to be a lot of
Speaker 5: things that are not real anymore.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. You feel like the world is disgusting because
Speaker 1: people aren't really disgusting.
Speaker 5: I love I love late, I love life, but like
Speaker 5: I just I just think that there's a lot of
Speaker 5: things that there's a lot of wrongs that should be corrected.
Speaker 1: What what What are some other wrongs that you feel
Speaker 1: should be corrected.
Speaker 5: I don't know people that have like girls that have
Speaker 5: short hair and it's like colored. I don't like that.
Speaker 1: But you, I mean you got color, you got like
Speaker 1: colored tattoos.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I know. I drew myself. I've also got like
Speaker 5: cuts of arms. I did that myself too.
Speaker 1: M hmm. All right, So your dream in life is
Speaker 1: to destroy the world, make music and and uh kind
Speaker 1: of hang out. What do you think about all day?
Speaker 5: What do I think about old? That's a good question.
Speaker 5: I'm actually trying to answer your questions. Yea, genuinely, Well
Speaker 5: what do I think about all day? I think about
Speaker 5: my struggle with alcohol and how I love it though,
Speaker 5: and then I'm kind of like torn between, you know,
Speaker 5: should I love it or should I hate it? I
Speaker 5: think I think, I think, I think that there's there's
Speaker 5: a thing do you know where the comedian patris O Neil. Yeah, right,
Speaker 5: so he said, have your opinions, but don't let your
Speaker 5: own your opinions, but don't let your opinions on you.
Speaker 5: I think there's a lot of things in life where,
Speaker 5: you know, like people like they let they let things
Speaker 5: on them without realizing it. Like you know, for example,
Speaker 5: if you have like a drug problem and you you
Speaker 5: have total abstinence, you you know, and you go, oh,
Speaker 5: this is my fourteenth fear sober, this is my twenty
Speaker 5: eight fear sober. You're still kind of fucking controlled by it. Yeah,
Speaker 5: you're not doing it, you know. So Like I mean,
Speaker 5: I think a little bit of balance. I don't know,
Speaker 5: that's that's just my viewing.
Speaker 1: No, No, that's I understand. I understand where that viewpoint
Speaker 1: comes from. It's like if you're like.
Speaker 5: You're still controlled by it.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, like like if you're whether you're a total
Speaker 1: abstination or total engulfing and it it's still has some
Speaker 1: form of power in your life. Yeah.
Speaker 5: And also one but just one more thing because probably
Speaker 5: these guys like hate me and what like one mate
Speaker 5: stopped talking but no, no, no place. But I think
Speaker 5: people should people should train themselves to try and talk
Speaker 5: slower because language is so integral to like your psychology,
Speaker 5: and if you can slow down how you speak, you
Speaker 5: can appreciate things a lot better and you can see
Speaker 5: a lot more. Like for example, you know, like the
Speaker 5: other week, I'll stay bananas. I was looking at the
Speaker 5: window listening to music and like a sparrow came and
Speaker 5: like hit like a bush. They can like bounced off it.
Speaker 5: Or there's like do you not a worthy giguess? You
Speaker 5: guys know what a worthy giggess?
Speaker 3: You know what?
Speaker 5: Like washing on It's like those little things are like
Speaker 5: shaped like squares and like yeah, so like there's this
Speaker 5: old woman and her husband died a few years ago.
Speaker 5: She lives behind us, so like our garden's kind of
Speaker 5: like a little bit like scwed and there was a
Speaker 5: crow landed on it. And it's fun like all the
Speaker 5: way around. So I think slow your life down so
Speaker 5: that you can appreciate just like little things like that.
Speaker 5: I think that's the most meaningful kind of shit.
Speaker 2: Do you.
Speaker 5: Do you make?
Speaker 1: Do you record music at all? Okay?
Speaker 5: Yeah, and it's not it's not. It's not like honey
Speaker 5: about in live where you can create you know, like
Speaker 5: a drum like you know, like a drum set, and
Speaker 5: you know like cut and paste it and add it on.
Speaker 5: You know, everything's recorded live through like a focused right
Speaker 5: interface and it's very kind of like balayriic and my idea.
Speaker 5: Just get it out there to whoever's listening and watching.
Speaker 5: And I'm not doing it because no one else has
Speaker 5: ever done it. I'm doing it because it comes natural.
Speaker 5: But I'm gonna do like a an album that has
Speaker 5: a core progression, but then it kind of differs from
Speaker 5: it and then returns back to it, okay a few
Speaker 5: times accompanied by a visual you know, things that are
Speaker 5: kind of like postmodern, you know, because I hate postmodernism.
Speaker 5: So you know, for example, you know that like that
Speaker 5: seagull flying flying by a tree, a clip of that,
Speaker 5: and then a clup of a child like running, and
Speaker 5: then a clip of like a bomb hitting it, like
Speaker 5: hitting a rack, and then you know, a clup of
Speaker 5: a whale up jump, you know, everything happening at one time. Yeah,
Speaker 5: and you know, like a coagulation of reality.
Speaker 1: I want to ask you, I want to go back
Speaker 1: real quick to you. You you talked about like slowing down,
Speaker 1: Like is this a reason this this kind of realization
Speaker 1: you made of like, oh, I want to slow down
Speaker 1: a little bit more, And is that a recent thing?
Speaker 1: Is that a recent realization you've come to And if so,
Speaker 1: what made you come to that realization?
Speaker 5: I think in the past few years I developed a
Speaker 5: lot of things that I'd never experienced before that were
Speaker 5: new to me, and they were a whole oh yeah,
Speaker 5: oh yeah, right, like they were they were foreign to me.
Speaker 5: Therefore I was afraid of them. But just because something's
Speaker 5: foreign to you, it doesn't mean you should be afraid
Speaker 5: of it. You should fears your friend, not your enemy. Yeah,
Speaker 5: And so like you know, like when these kind of
Speaker 5: things happened, you know, like I developed a stutter when
Speaker 5: I'm stressed, you know, I get like a like a
Speaker 5: choke in my throat. That was really scary the first
Speaker 5: time I happened, but it doesn't scare me anymore. But
Speaker 5: I learned that the slower that I spoke, the more
Speaker 5: it kind of changed my psychology and the way that
Speaker 5: I looked at things. You know, if someone is erratic
Speaker 5: and sped up and he speaking, you know, you know
Speaker 5: all they're thinking of is themselves. We've seen themselves in
Speaker 5: the mirror constantly, well you know, while they're talking. Whereas
Speaker 5: if you sow yourself down you can self express, and
Speaker 5: you know, you can you can actually see what's in
Speaker 5: front of you. M hm, that's what I think, m hm,
Speaker 5: mister gecko.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what do you have a do have a job?
Speaker 1: Do you go to school? Do you do anything like that?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 5: I'm on l c w RA, which is Limited Capability
Speaker 5: for work and work related activity, which means that I
Speaker 5: receive well from that. Anyway, I received six hundred pounds
Speaker 5: a month for doing Sweet Fuck Call, and it's great
Speaker 5: because it's free money and also disability elements because of
Speaker 5: anxiety and bipolar, like generalized the anxiety, not like just normal.
Speaker 1: So so you came you came here from from like
Speaker 1: a detaxing Yeah.
Speaker 5: I came from here from hospital. I left. I just
Speaker 5: I packed up and said fuck this because I was shaking,
Speaker 5: like like like like.
Speaker 1: Really really shaking. It was withdrawn.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 5: And then the doctor when he just didn't give a fuck,
Speaker 5: he cared more like I said, about his beard and
Speaker 5: like looking good than me. And so I thought, if
Speaker 5: someone if someone in life, as far as I'm concerned,
Speaker 5: oh ship, sorry, right, yeah, I'm fine as far as
Speaker 5: I'm concerned. If if someone in life, right is so
Speaker 5: ego driven and you tried to have a truthful conversation
Speaker 5: with them, and you're not going to get a truthful
Speaker 5: response because their regal driven.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 5: So for example, if this man thought that, you know,
Speaker 5: he is always going to be correct and he's never
Speaker 5: gonna listen to me, and I'm just this, you know whatever,
Speaker 5: this patient and he's the main guys, he's the star
Speaker 5: of the show, he's the main character in his movie.
Speaker 5: You know, I like, I kind of thought to myself, Roberte,
Speaker 5: you could explain the truth, you know, you could explain
Speaker 5: to him that, you know, drinking twelve liters of cider
Speaker 5: a day and not eating and not sleeping and having
Speaker 5: half bottles of vodka in between that for years and
Speaker 5: years and years requires a little bit more than twenty
Speaker 5: milligrams of dazepam. He would take that as an ego
Speaker 5: kind of insult, almost as if I was telling him
Speaker 5: his job.
Speaker 1: Sure, and you know.
Speaker 5: Essentially yeah, and so I just I just I gave off.
Speaker 5: I just piped everything up and and laughed And I
Speaker 5: didn't even discharge myself. I just laughed.
Speaker 1: You know, you seem like you're you're a smart guy.
Speaker 1: You're thinking a lot about uh, the camera, Oh shore,
Speaker 1: what is that?
Speaker 5: It's my cross that Chiro with me everywhere?
Speaker 1: Oh is that?
Speaker 5: Who?
Speaker 1: Where's where's your homie at? They gave that to you?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, were there? So like when you said you were, like,
Speaker 1: there's there's that kind of tough dichotomy of like if
Speaker 1: you're drinking all the time, then it's got a hold
Speaker 1: of you, but also if you're completely upstaining, then it's
Speaker 1: got a hold of you. And you're thinking about like,
Speaker 1: because I assume you have, like you know, desires to
Speaker 1: to want to try to live like the best kind
Speaker 1: of life you can for yourself, Like how are you
Speaker 1: how do you how are you thinking about your situation?
Speaker 1: Moving forward, Like, what do you think is the best
Speaker 1: way of moving forward for you to be happy and
Speaker 1: live a good life and do what's right for you.
Speaker 5: I would say to be unconditional and for you to
Speaker 5: not think about yourself, to think about others and your
Speaker 5: relationships with others. And if you can maintain a lifestyle
Speaker 5: that you like and with and either benefit or not
Speaker 5: affect negatively other people, then that's kind of what you
Speaker 5: want toam for.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 5: For example, you know, like I love alcohol, but you know,
Speaker 5: there there comes a point where you're not drinking to
Speaker 5: get drunk anymore. You're drinking to feel normal. So you
Speaker 5: have to keep it real and you know, and you
Speaker 5: have to you have to be honest with yourself. And
Speaker 5: you know, there's like if there's one thing that I've
Speaker 5: learned and I always always tell older sis or this,
Speaker 5: see the moments in life where you where you stop
Speaker 5: and you kind of put your head between your legs
Speaker 5: and you know kind of like shake your head and
Speaker 5: maybe cry or you go, like, for example, I would go, Robbie,
Speaker 5: this is fucking bad, man, this is bad. Those are
Speaker 5: the moments in life that are the best moments in
Speaker 5: life because they're true. You know, that's that's your self actualizing.
Speaker 5: You're no longer being a selfish, you know, self fulfilling
Speaker 5: you know, human being. You're you're you're being something out
Speaker 5: with that. You know, you're being what you're intended to be,
Speaker 5: which is you know, a good a good person that
Speaker 5: doesn't just live for yourself but lives for other people,
Speaker 5: you know. So like I just I believe in self
Speaker 5: actualization and you can achieve self actualization very easily purely
Speaker 5: just ba. I am balance, you know, and like I
Speaker 5: always say, life wouldn't be so beautiful if it wasn't
Speaker 5: so painful. Yeah, okay, and that's not that's not some
Speaker 5: kind of you know, sound good, sound bait, you know,
Speaker 5: saying or whatever. You know, you know, whatever the case
Speaker 5: may be, it's as true.
Speaker 3: You know, like.
Speaker 1: You know you.
Speaker 5: Life has to be painful, you know.
Speaker 1: Can I ask who are like, like, when you're thinking about,
Speaker 1: you know, the other people in your life that you
Speaker 1: want to like be there for and try to help
Speaker 1: out in the context of all these things you're saying, like,
Speaker 1: who would those people be? Do you have people like that?
Speaker 5: Well? I am I struggle with that one because sorry,
Speaker 5: I keep on holding it so far away. I struggle
Speaker 5: with that one because I think that I would love,
Speaker 5: I would love to be successful and for my children
Speaker 5: and my nieces and nephews if I have any in
Speaker 5: the future, and their children to be looked after. But
Speaker 5: I was my happiest when I had no money. And
Speaker 5: I'm not I'm not talking about that in a kind
Speaker 5: of terrifaden, you know, biddest kind of sense. I just mean,
Speaker 5: you know, when I had no money, when I had
Speaker 5: no money for some reason, I was, I was happy.
Speaker 5: So you know, like so ROBO's question again.
Speaker 1: Forget sorry man. So so I'm talking about like you
Speaker 1: talked about, like really wanting to like live life like
Speaker 1: not for yourself and all that stuff. And that's kind
Speaker 1: of what self actualization is. Who are some people in
Speaker 1: your life?
Speaker 5: Who I mean if you look at like like have
Speaker 5: you ever watched it like Ozie Osbourne and his kids now?
Speaker 5: And okay, so Osborne sick, Yeah, but like he see
Speaker 5: his kid Jack TV shows a little shit, you know
Speaker 5: what I mean, because he gets everything he wants, and
Speaker 5: you know, we like like they're not treated like, you know,
Speaker 5: as if they're like actual children. So what would I
Speaker 5: want for people I would like for just to get
Speaker 5: this on camera. I would like a non utilitarianist, non nihilist,
Speaker 5: non godless society where you don't just count on balancing
Speaker 5: good against evil and you actually just kind of have
Speaker 5: faith in the process of things and realize that there
Speaker 5: is nothing new under the sun. I'm not a Bible batter,
Speaker 5: but I think that people worry about a lot of
Speaker 5: things that they shouldn't worry about. Everything always seems to
Speaker 5: solve itself in one way or another, you know. And
Speaker 5: you could say, well, what if what if I got
Speaker 5: diagnosed with pink creatic cancer right now? If I got
Speaker 5: diagnosed with pancreatic cancer right now, I don't know what
Speaker 5: I would do, But part of me kind of thinks
Speaker 5: I would laugh, because God has a sense of cure
Speaker 5: and me professing all these things, acting like a smart
Speaker 5: guy when I'm not really, I'm just a human being. Like,
Speaker 5: don't listen to a single word that I said. It
Speaker 5: just sounds good, or I hope it sounds good, but
Speaker 5: I just sound good. That's it. People are just good
Speaker 5: at sounding good.
Speaker 1: What's your name again, man, Robbie, Robbie, nice to read you,
Speaker 1: Rabbi man, what's uh Is there anything else do you
Speaker 1: want to say to the people of the computer before
Speaker 1: we go, any final thoughts, feelings of sentiments.
Speaker 5: I love you mum, I love your dad. This isn't
Speaker 5: a suicide message. It's just a normal message.
Speaker 1: Good man, what do you do? What are you doing
Speaker 1: the rest of the day?
Speaker 5: I don't know, drinking and probably getting sectioned.
Speaker 1: I have a going around all right. By the way,
Speaker 1: you are not the first person to say that was Oliver.
Speaker 1: That's how who's Oliver read?
Speaker 2: Uh?
Speaker 1: Not really? Okay, I'll have to look him up. I
Speaker 1: have to look him up.
Speaker 5: All right.
Speaker 1: Oh, it's Lyle forever. Don't don't forget the fake bracelet thing?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Is that? Is that? Is that okay with you? Okay? Cool? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'll probably put it on YouTube at some point. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'll put it on YouTube at some point. Do you
Speaker 1: are you cool with me showing all you want me
Speaker 1: to blur your face or anything like that? All right,
Speaker 1: let's do it, all right, man? That one I won't
Speaker 1: sign off on. Hey, hey, nice mate, your Robbie take
Speaker 1: care of god Buster too, man, you take care you know,
Speaker 1: it's interesting thinking about what he said about you know,
Speaker 1: if whether whether you're completely abstaining from something or completely
Speaker 1: engaged in something. It has a hold on you. That's
Speaker 1: interesting to think about. I have my own vices, I
Speaker 1: have my own things. Now alcohol is not really one
Speaker 1: of them, you know, but fucking I mean, I was
Speaker 1: talking about eating Hamburger flavored potato chips, and that definitely
Speaker 1: is one of them. And I don't know, it was
Speaker 1: interesting talking to that guy. He seemed like, seemed like
Speaker 1: a smart dude. He seemed like, you know, he was
Speaker 1: struggling with some stuff, but that he also had a
Speaker 1: I don't know, some I will his his pessimism was
Speaker 1: sprinkled with notes of optimism. I think, at least it's
Speaker 1: my interpretation of it. And he seems like it's a
Speaker 1: nice guy and the sweet guy and a guy with
Speaker 1: good intentions. And I wish him well and I hope
Speaker 1: that he eventually, you know, does whatever is the best
Speaker 1: option for him in his life. And I hope he
Speaker 1: doesn't discover the wopp or flavored potato chips, because that
Speaker 1: will just sink him deeper into some kind of hole.
Speaker 1: And I hope, I hope he sells that bracelet to someone. Maybe.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Robbie, God bless your really kid goes on
Speaker 1: the line taking your phone calls every night. Everything can
Speaker 1: goes to a ride who's teaching you about in the
Speaker 1: midt of your life, but he's not really an expert.