Speaker 1: All right, break it down.
Speaker 2: If you ever have feelings that you just won Amy
Speaker 2: and Cat gotcha Covin locking a brother. Ladies and folks,
Speaker 2: do you just follow Anna spirit where it's all the
Speaker 2: front over real stuff to the chill stuff and the aim.
Speaker 2: But Swayne, sometimes the best thing you can do it
Speaker 2: just stop you feel things. This is Feeling Things with.
Speaker 1: Amy and Kat. Happy Tuesday. Welcome to Feeling Things formerly
Speaker 1: four Things. I'm Amy and I'm Kat and I got
Speaker 1: a face fitness con artist update. I can't wait.
Speaker 3: You were texting me about it and I freaked out,
Speaker 3: this don't tell me tell me on the podcast.
Speaker 1: And you were like, we can't be friends again until
Speaker 1: we record the podcast because this is obviously something I
Speaker 1: would tell you as a friend. But I get your
Speaker 1: idea of wanting it to be organic on the podcast,
Speaker 1: since that's what we talked about last week, and I
Speaker 1: feel like my scams score might change. Well.
Speaker 3: To be honest, I was thinking about it, and I
Speaker 3: think I was being a little bit too kind right
Speaker 3: because I didn't want you to feel like you were
Speaker 3: getting scammed.
Speaker 1: So, okay, we'll get back to today. Last week, we
Speaker 1: talked about two core feelings lonely and hurt. So you
Speaker 1: can go listen to that episode if you want, or
Speaker 1: you can even watch it on YouTube. Yeah, which is
Speaker 1: so exciting. Yeah, we have a YouTube channel. What did
Speaker 1: you say? We have as of today, well, as of
Speaker 1: when we're recording this, we have eighteen subscribers.
Speaker 3: But we started with one and so is it you?
Speaker 3: I guess it was whoever created it? Okay, so Elizabeth,
Speaker 3: and then I made Patrick follow it, and then I
Speaker 3: follow it, and so then I was.
Speaker 1: Like, we have three. Cool, Okay, I've I've started following it.
Speaker 1: We have subscribers. Well, doesn't real what we're real Yeah,
Speaker 1: I haven't yet had my kids do it on They're like,
Speaker 1: are we on YouTube? Kids? Is that a different thing? Okay,
Speaker 1: cat Crime's in here. We've got nineteen and counting. So
Speaker 1: we just haven't had a YouTube channel for the podcast before.
Speaker 1: So this is very exciting and you'll be able to
Speaker 1: watch us. And we're already episode two upgrading our lighting
Speaker 1: and all the things because we realized it's a little
Speaker 1: dark in here. We've got some shadows, so we're making progress.
Speaker 1: You can also sign up for our newsletter, and I
Speaker 1: know that's something that we've gotten DMS and emails about So,
Speaker 1: do you want to clarify how to get the newsletter?
Speaker 3: Yes, and bear with me because we're working on another
Speaker 3: way for you to get it. So, if you're on Instagram,
Speaker 3: you can go to our Instagram page at Feeling Things Podcast,
Speaker 3: click the link tree it'll just say newsletter sign up,
Speaker 3: Boom done. If you don't have Instagram, we're going to
Speaker 3: post that link on our Facebook page that we.
Speaker 1: Will have soon.
Speaker 3: Yes, and if you just like can't wait, just email
Speaker 3: us and I'll send you the link directly.
Speaker 1: eCPC. We've also posted it in our stories and we'll
Speaker 1: keep doing that. But again, if you're not on Instagram,
Speaker 1: never mind, you're not seeing the stories. But when you
Speaker 1: do sign up for the email, you do get a treat,
Speaker 1: or the newsletter, you do get a treat. It's not
Speaker 1: just like, hey, sign up, you're going to get our
Speaker 1: Feeling Things Wheel a whole chart, the little flow charts
Speaker 1: you can better understand your feelings. I'm pretty obsessed with it,
Speaker 1: so shut out Kat for putting that together. Lonely and
Speaker 1: hurt those were our feelings last week and today we're
Speaker 1: touching on sad and angry. Now, if you remember We
Speaker 1: left a little teaser at the end of last week's
Speaker 1: episode because we were supposed to be talking about fear
Speaker 1: and I was going to touch on my current relationship
Speaker 1: my boyfriend and some fear that I had around that.
Speaker 1: But that story is not just my story. So I
Speaker 1: am holding off for a second because I talked to
Speaker 1: him about it, and we're just gonna press pause. There's
Speaker 1: obviously we have kids, and there are just some things
Speaker 1: that I'm ready to share, but it's we need a
Speaker 1: little bit of time, and I think it's important for
Speaker 1: the fear part, very right, So it's coming.
Speaker 3: Yes, I think that's sad story is a really good
Speaker 3: story to use for that.
Speaker 1: So I think waiting is the best. Waiting is the best.
Speaker 1: So we've we've called an audible and flipped the feelings
Speaker 1: that we're going to go over. But before we get
Speaker 1: to sad and angry, we have our feeling of the day,
Speaker 1: feeling of the day, which is energized. Now, I wanted
Speaker 1: my feeling of the day to be sore. And then
Speaker 1: Cat's like, that's not a feeling and I'm like, tell
Speaker 1: that to my hamstrings. It looks like a bodily sensation.
Speaker 1: It's a physical feeling.
Speaker 3: I know, I feel very emotionally sore. You could be
Speaker 3: emotionally sore.
Speaker 1: No, I'm sore from my sprints that I've been doing.
Speaker 1: I'm still doing my sprints. I told you about that,
Speaker 1: like as a friend, but now on the podcast. Yeah,
Speaker 1: just so that y'all know, we're obviously not trainers, and
Speaker 1: this isn't a workout podcast, so I can't tell you
Speaker 1: what to do. But I've just been listening to a
Speaker 1: lot of things with my perimenopausal body. I'm trying to
Speaker 1: learn how I can feel it better and move it
Speaker 1: better to help some of my hormones and my symptoms,
Speaker 1: because otherwise I'm going to punch a hole in the wall.
Speaker 3: Okay, maybe are you having some Oh I was.
Speaker 1: I'm sure to talk about that, I know, but I
Speaker 1: don't know that it's true any It's more like feels ragey,
Speaker 1: but it's I would call it more of it. Is
Speaker 1: it a sensation like a sore other than the actual
Speaker 1: because nobody's making me rage. My hormones are creating that
Speaker 1: potentially creating that. Now, sprints take that. That's just part
Speaker 1: of my regimen. Okay, Like it's one. It's like we're
Speaker 1: gonna look at it as like this is a recipe,
Speaker 1: and how I'm eating and how I'm working out and
Speaker 1: how I'm resting and all plays role. All of that
Speaker 1: is going to play a role. So I've been sprinting
Speaker 1: for just thirty seconds, but how many are you doing?
Speaker 1: One thirty second sprint in the movie five? That's it?
Speaker 1: Do you like do thirty seconds and rest for a
Speaker 1: minute than thirty seconds? What do you do? Yeah? You
Speaker 1: rest for a minute and a half, a minute and
Speaker 1: a half to two. Yeah. And I'm also taking this
Speaker 1: from a doctor that I heard, so I that's why
Speaker 1: I'm hesitant to say exactly because I don't know. Maybe
Speaker 1: it's not something you should go do. I don't even
Speaker 1: know really how my body is reacting to yet again,
Speaker 1: I'm sore, but I do feel energized from it, and
Speaker 1: I feel strong, Okay. I mean I had the treadmill
Speaker 1: at ten point oh, which is fast fad, and now
Speaker 1: at first I did nine point zero and I was like,
Speaker 1: I think I can go to ten point oh. That's
Speaker 1: probably pushing it, which is why I'm sore. You also
Speaker 1: were a runner was twenty five years ago. I don't
Speaker 1: so wear. I don't like running. And that's the point.
Speaker 1: I think what I'm trying to do is push myself
Speaker 1: cardiovascularly or shock my system to where also my body's like, oh, hey,
Speaker 1: we want to build this up. Let's build some endurance,
Speaker 1: let's build strength, and then hopefully that helps all the
Speaker 1: other things in my body when it starts to freak
Speaker 1: out from hormones, it's like, hey, we got this. We're
Speaker 1: not scared of a little shock to the system. We
Speaker 1: can handle this. You don't have to punch a hole
Speaker 1: in the wall. We've got you well.
Speaker 3: And that's a more gentle shock to your system than
Speaker 3: a lot of things that I think people might think
Speaker 3: to do five sprints like you.
Speaker 1: Can five thirty seconds past, but it doesn't. Your sprint
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be ten. No, it doesn't. I just
Speaker 1: probably over yours myself. But that's one of the things
Speaker 1: that I'm doing for myself, including well, one more thing
Speaker 1: I'll say in part of that, which I think is
Speaker 1: the energy piece too, is as I'm starting to have
Speaker 1: protein coffee, which isn't anything crazy. I'm just putting two
Speaker 1: tablespoons of way protein in my coffee. I'm still having
Speaker 1: food around it, but my face is drink coffee plain. Well,
Speaker 1: my face is like, is it unflavored? Yeah?
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm thinking you're putting like chocolate protein powders. Well
Speaker 3: that could be yummy, you think, yeah, it'd be thick, right.
Speaker 1: No, you you mix it up, it'd be real good.
Speaker 1: But this is just a way I'm lacking in protein. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I've had multiple doctors tell me, especially being a
Speaker 1: woman in my forties, that away protein is what I need.
Speaker 1: And I always avoided way because I was trying to
Speaker 1: avoid dairy. But it's not the same thing. And also
Speaker 1: I don't need to avoid dairy. It was just a
Speaker 1: trend at some point that I took part in. But
Speaker 1: I've when you're growing, I'm growing and I don't need
Speaker 1: to be scared of certain things. But now it's just
Speaker 1: like a oh, this is a little way for me
Speaker 1: to get some extra protein. But I do feel more
Speaker 1: energized from it. I think because I'm getting more of
Speaker 1: what my body needs, you're getting more energy, which is nutriance.
Speaker 1: It is, and I think I'd be proud of me
Speaker 1: because I also did my homework. Not that you assigned
Speaker 1: this to me, but I felt like when I was
Speaker 1: looking it up and researching it, I'm like, cow be proud.
Speaker 1: I chose our feeling of the day, which is energized,
Speaker 1: and I found the gift and the impairment.
Speaker 3: Oh so you gave yourself a homework assignment and you
Speaker 3: did it, but I felt like it was from you, Okay.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Subconsciously I was like, you better find this.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I was like, cat's going to be proud because you
Speaker 1: just want to make you proud. Okay. So the gift
Speaker 1: of being energized, when you acknowledge it, it's a spark.
Speaker 1: It's your body and mind saying let's go. When you
Speaker 1: lean into it, you build momentum, you take inspired action,
Speaker 1: you create, you move, you speak up and follow through.
Speaker 1: Most of the time, right, it's often a window of motivation.
Speaker 1: So it's like, feeling energized is the door and take
Speaker 1: advantage window, and it's open, so you got to go
Speaker 1: in or you can stay on the other side. But
Speaker 1: then that'll lead you to the impairment, which I'll tell
Speaker 1: you about, and it's not good. When you ride that wave,
Speaker 1: you surprise yourself with what you're capable of. You'll go
Speaker 1: from a nine point zero to a ten point Oh
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, just like that. Now, if you suppress
Speaker 1: an energized window of opportunity, this is the impairment. If
Speaker 1: you don't honor that energy, it can turn inward into restlessness, agitation,
Speaker 1: or even anxiety. That buzzing feeling needs somewhere to go,
Speaker 1: And if you silence it for too long, you might
Speaker 1: start feeling stuck or numb, like you're dragging through life
Speaker 1: with the brakes on.
Speaker 3: Oo.
Speaker 1: So don't don't miss out. If you fill a window, go, yeah,
Speaker 1: take advantage, go for it. Yeah. So, I don't know if.
Speaker 3: You've mentioned this when I don't remember when we were
Speaker 3: talking about what we're going to do fear because the
Speaker 3: first time we recorded, we talked about this.
Speaker 1: Last week we had to delete the episode and start over.
Speaker 1: We'd had shared that I had hurt her. That's not
Speaker 1: the way we're gonna put it. You felt hurt by me? No, okay, sorry,
Speaker 1: because hurt because of something I was saying. You felt hurt.
Speaker 3: Wait, let me give you a framework for this, because
Speaker 3: I think this can be helpful. It's true when blank happened,
Speaker 3: I felt hurt. So when you said this is not
Speaker 3: a therapy podcast, I felt hurt. So here's the event
Speaker 3: and then I'm taking responsibility for the feeling.
Speaker 1: I love this framework because this actually is like a
Speaker 1: script you can use for your relationship. And I obviously
Speaker 1: know the script, but I have a hard time even
Speaker 1: acting it out because it can be a game changer
Speaker 1: in your marriage, your your partnership, a friendship, your relationship
Speaker 1: with your kids, because oh my gosh, as parents, if
Speaker 1: we could teach our kids to communicate this way and
Speaker 1: they would just grow up knowing that, yeah, yeah, they
Speaker 1: would enter into all these healthy relationships in their twenties.
Speaker 1: Do you know the script? Do want me to say it? Okay,
Speaker 1: I want you to give the thing again because you
Speaker 1: said so, just gave it the frame. I love therapy words.
Speaker 1: I love that this is a therapy podcast. I love it.
Speaker 1: I love it because the framework is so good and
Speaker 1: that way people can like have the script, so it's like,
Speaker 1: obviously I need you to do it because I even
Speaker 1: struggle with it. But you know, with me with scripts,
Speaker 1: because I had scripts with some stuff going on with
Speaker 1: my kids, like their therapists would give me scripts, and
Speaker 1: I would always be so scared I was going to
Speaker 1: mess it up. Like sometimes I would be in the
Speaker 1: middle of a whole thing with them and I my
Speaker 1: son in particular, and I'd be like, one second, I
Speaker 1: will be right back, and I would go to my
Speaker 1: bedroom and I would look up at the email and
Speaker 1: look at the script that therapists gave me, and I'd
Speaker 1: write it down. I put it in my back pocket
Speaker 1: because in the moment, I didn't want to mess it up,
Speaker 1: because it's like the slight alteration of how you say
Speaker 1: it changes everything.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I with any of this stuff, the more
Speaker 3: you use it it will be so where you don't
Speaker 3: have to like read something.
Speaker 1: I've used these a lot, and I still forget themselves.
Speaker 3: So this one, and there's probably a lot of versions
Speaker 3: of this that are basically the same. When you blank
Speaker 3: or when blank happened? Blank is the event when blank,
Speaker 3: I felt blank, what it brought up for me is blank.
Speaker 3: Or you can say the judgment I had was blank.
Speaker 3: And then if you want to take it a step farther,
Speaker 3: you can say what I need from you is blank.
Speaker 3: And then if you're really trying to have some intentional
Speaker 3: dialogue you might have that person you might say, at
Speaker 3: the end, can you tell me what you heard me say?
Speaker 3: So then they'll repeat it and if they got it wrong,
Speaker 3: then I can make okay, let me try again until
Speaker 3: you actually hear what I'm saying. So a lot of
Speaker 3: times we're listening and we're hearing judgments too, so we're
Speaker 3: not actually hearing the actual words. So when you said
Speaker 3: this was not a therapy podcast, I felt hurt. The
Speaker 3: story I made up was that you you thought I
Speaker 3: was stupid or didn't want me to talk too.
Speaker 1: Much, or I judgment I didn't value you.
Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, And then what I need from you is
Speaker 3: a conversation about kind of the rules we have on
Speaker 3: this podcast.
Speaker 1: And I need you to change it to a therapy one.
Speaker 1: I just couldn't say that, but I did. I woke
Speaker 1: up with that epiphany of like it is okay, Kat
Speaker 1: is a therapist, and we are rolling with this niche
Speaker 1: and our nichees feelings and feelings.
Speaker 3: Are and now look how energized you are about it
Speaker 3: on the therapy podcast.
Speaker 1: Here we are okay. So we had a delete the
Speaker 1: first episode because I was saying over and over this
Speaker 1: is not a therapy podcast. We had to delete it.
Speaker 1: I guess where you were. Where you were going with
Speaker 1: this is that we also had to delete the second
Speaker 1: episode but not because if something anybody said or did
Speaker 1: that hurt anybody or made anybody actually really good uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: It was really good. It was really good, and I
Speaker 1: honestly thought we could salvage it. But the yard people came.
Speaker 1: So I do have a company that comes to mow
Speaker 1: my front and backyard, and we're kind of at a
Speaker 1: side of the house where you can hear things front yard, backyard,
Speaker 1: and sideyard. So there was a lot of mowing happening,
Speaker 1: and we were recording on a day that we don't
Speaker 1: normally record because I had asked them, please do not
Speaker 1: come on this day because this is our recording day.
Speaker 1: Will we had to record on a different day, and
Speaker 1: I forgot to tell them, So then all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: it's like bo and Cat's not really hearing it. I
Speaker 1: hear it the whole time. I'm thinking, but you weren't
Speaker 1: bothered by it, or you were like, oh, it's fine,
Speaker 1: this is not a thing, or maybe it won't pick
Speaker 1: up because that's what happens at your office every day.
Speaker 1: So one I was like, this is really good. I
Speaker 1: don't want to ruin this.
Speaker 3: And I thought maybe since you weren't saying anything, it
Speaker 3: won't pick up. But also I am so used to
Speaker 3: a weed whacker being outside of the door of my office,
Speaker 3: because my office is the front of the house that
Speaker 3: our office is in, like my actual offices. And they'll
Speaker 3: come and I'll be just sitting there with a client
Speaker 3: and I'll be can you.
Speaker 1: Say it a little louder? And I'll.
Speaker 3: Scream mean, and I'm like, this is the most un
Speaker 3: therapeutic room there is. However, I've tried to reframe it
Speaker 3: as it's good exposure therapy. In some way, I don't
Speaker 3: like it, but I'm like, oh, I can roll with this,
Speaker 3: like who cares, I can like stay in tune with you.
Speaker 1: But I thought you thought that too, because you'd say
Speaker 1: a thing. Yeah No, I was thinking the whole time
Speaker 1: this episode is going in the trash but maybe not,
Speaker 1: maybe not, maybe not, And then afterwards I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's People would be like, fine, I can't. There's like
Speaker 1: you say it a little hour is a huge lawnmower,
Speaker 1: And I'm picturing like being one of Cat's clients and
Speaker 1: being like if I was doing brain spotting with you
Speaker 1: or something and there was a lawnmower, I'd be like,
Speaker 1: can I get a discount.
Speaker 3: Literally, and I would say, yes, I'm sorry, Yeah, I
Speaker 3: have Actually good for you for asking want people to
Speaker 3: come at an appropriate time or a time that would work,
Speaker 3: because I've asked so many times for our property manager
Speaker 3: to let me know when they're coming. Not sure, sure,
Speaker 3: of course, yes, that makes sense. Guess how many times
Speaker 3: they have actually done that?
Speaker 1: Zero? Zero times. Yeah, so there's no follow through. That's unfortunate.
Speaker 1: So that's our that's our Episode two got deleted as well. Story.
Speaker 1: So we're on a roll here. I hope from here
Speaker 1: on now, everything we record is usable because we're treating
Speaker 1: the show like it's live. We're doing it live. We're
Speaker 1: doing it live, which is why I just rolled with it,
Speaker 1: I know, and I didn't want to. Like, we did
Speaker 1: have momentum and we were telling good stories, which actually, now,
Speaker 1: don't you think about it? Isn't it so glad? The
Speaker 1: yard people coming? This just hit me because we talked
Speaker 1: about the boyfriend stuff and that all after I talk
Speaker 1: to him. I need to wait. Also, I have to
Speaker 1: point out you, did you notice what you just said?
Speaker 1: Boyfriend said, isn't it so glad? And we talked last week?
Speaker 3: We talked last week on the episode that we can't
Speaker 3: use about Glad, and you talked about I'm going to
Speaker 3: use that word more.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well now I already use it a lot, but
Speaker 1: we're not talking about Glad today because Glad is with
Speaker 1: Fear and that will be when the boyfriend conversation happened.
Speaker 1: That is crazy, but it worked out.
Speaker 3: But okay, so there's that I want to hear about
Speaker 3: what you're going to text me about the con artist.
Speaker 1: So last week Kat gave me a little face fitness checklist.
Speaker 1: I had to answer yes or no to some questions
Speaker 1: that she had and ultimately you determined that it wasn't
Speaker 1: a scam or whatever. Well, then this is the email
Speaker 1: that I got between now and then, which also, this
Speaker 1: didn't make it into the trash second episode, so this
Speaker 1: is meant to happen, meant to be. So this is
Speaker 1: a perfect example of like when things go wrong, eventually
Speaker 1: you'll be like, oh, what does this make possible? Because
Speaker 1: it makes possible that now we get to update this
Speaker 1: closer to the face fitness scam situation. And I get
Speaker 1: an email and the subject is deadline. Your gift expires
Speaker 1: tonight all caps. And then she said, hey, Amy, this
Speaker 1: is the closest thing there is to working one on
Speaker 1: one with me. There's going to be a problem, Maria
Speaker 1: class every month if you sign up for this once
Speaker 1: in a lifetime opportunity to be a monthly it says
Speaker 1: once in a lifetime, once in a lifetime opportunity for
Speaker 1: like I have to be a monthly subscriber. She said,
Speaker 1: this is invaluable. This really takes your biggest insecurities and
Speaker 1: eliminates them one at a time. When you join today,
Speaker 1: you'll get a fifty three minute advanced facelifting routine. In
Speaker 1: your members area, you'll also find a fourteen minute miracle routine.
Speaker 1: It's actually a bit Z Day routine, but members started
Speaker 1: calling it a miracle routine, so that's stuck. There's another
Speaker 1: one called the Holy Grail routine. I mean you can
Speaker 1: tell I'm already sold where I'm like the Holy Grail? Like,
Speaker 1: how are you me at miracle? I like, where do
Speaker 1: the fifty three minute one? I'm not interested in again
Speaker 1: because time. Yeah, some of the stuff is so crazy
Speaker 1: time wise, but this is part of her gift that
Speaker 1: she's in Bold. The women in the group have been
Speaker 1: going crazy about it.
Speaker 3: M hm.
Speaker 1: Then this is where I was like oh Kat with
Speaker 1: her scam questions, because this I would have to admit to,
Speaker 1: she says. The first month is on me. Here she
Speaker 1: is with like the gift, She goes, that's right, I'm
Speaker 1: giving you a free month as a gift, and then
Speaker 1: she attached the link. So it's a thirty day free trial.
Speaker 1: Another special link. It'll be ninety nine dollars a month,
Speaker 1: but today zero dollars for the first month, and then
Speaker 1: after the free trial you can pay until you choose
Speaker 1: to camp. So here's what I did. You want to know.
Speaker 3: I was going to say, you did you sign up?
Speaker 3: I signed up because you think you're going to cancel it, and.
Speaker 1: I sent myself an email, don't forget you signed up
Speaker 1: for this. Make sure to cancel it within thirty days
Speaker 1: from now. So I'm gonna I'm not going to pay
Speaker 1: for this, but you bet I got the Holy Grail
Speaker 1: routine and I got the miracle, and so I have everything.
Speaker 1: I haven't done it yet, but once I do it,
Speaker 1: I will let you know if it's worth it. And
Speaker 1: then if I become a monthly member. But I've I've
Speaker 1: emailed myself a reminder to cancel. Okay, can you also
Speaker 1: email me that because you want to check in. But
Speaker 1: I mean, this is where I'm like, I get that
Speaker 1: you probably think all of these keywords are very scammy,
Speaker 1: and they are. I know this now because you're aware.
Speaker 1: I'm aware. So can you get scammed if you're aware?
Speaker 1: That is an interesting question for you just to knit about.
Speaker 1: I'm choosing to be scammed, right, I am choosing to
Speaker 1: give zero dollars for thirty days to test this stuff out,
Speaker 1: and then I will let y'all know. And you know what,
Speaker 1: then I'm like, you're scamming the scammer. Scamming the scammer,
Speaker 1: because I'm going to take this routine and I'm going
Speaker 1: to put my own spin on it, and then I'm
Speaker 1: just going to show y'all how to do it. For
Speaker 1: forget instaram except for I don't know everything that she knows.
Speaker 1: I know, I'm just kidding. I'm not going to do that.
Speaker 1: I do appreciate her work and she's clearly put a
Speaker 1: lot of time into this, But also is what she's
Speaker 1: saying legit or she' like cool? I gotta go film
Speaker 1: a fifty three minute video of basically nothing. I'm just
Speaker 1: misoging certain parts acting like I know what I'm talking about,
Speaker 1: and I'm charging an arm and a leg for it, Like,
Speaker 1: is that what she's doing if she's a scammer? There
Speaker 1: are so many people that do that though, but I
Speaker 1: don't understand that, So why would they do that to me?
Speaker 1: Because there are people like you? Then I'm like, I'll
Speaker 1: sign up.
Speaker 3: But that's so funny because that email goes like I
Speaker 3: was laughing as you started reading it, because it starts
Speaker 3: already like I'm thinking about the check cliss.
Speaker 1: And it's like boom boom, boom boom invaluable act. Now
Speaker 1: nothing else is as good as this for me. Yes,
Speaker 1: this is the closest thing you'll get to one on
Speaker 1: one and again I am everything. And again, we don't
Speaker 1: even know her credentials. No, I don't even know where
Speaker 1: she is in the world. We don't know if she's
Speaker 1: a robot. Right, So she does have great skin, like
Speaker 1: people accuse her of having I see her on a
Speaker 1: video though her having good skin.
Speaker 3: Come on, okay, I will say people, if you think
Speaker 3: our skin is good, it's because you're actually seeing real skin.
Speaker 1: We didn't edit it, but you could do that, okay,
Speaker 1: because I guess with certain lighting. Yes, she can look better,
Speaker 1: but she doesn't. She'll get what I'm saying is people
Speaker 1: accused her of botox. But then she'll get close up
Speaker 1: in the camera and she'll show her forehead moving, so
Speaker 1: she says, I don't have botox. Okay, whatever, moving on,
Speaker 1: I'm done. What are our feelings? We're gonna start with
Speaker 1: sad like you like, I'm sorry to feel sad now
Speaker 1: because you are feeling of the day. Well, last thing
Speaker 1: I'll say, No, No, feeling of the day is energized. These
Speaker 1: are our core feelings. If this thing brings you joy
Speaker 1: and you are aware of it, I don't.
Speaker 3: Care if you do it. It's now just kind of
Speaker 3: silly and funny. But if she does end up scamming
Speaker 3: you and you lose thousands of dollars, you might have
Speaker 3: sense you might forget to cancel the subscription.
Speaker 1: No, I emailed myself and I an e duh, Like,
Speaker 1: I don't forget to do anything like that. What are
Speaker 1: you talking about? I probably have, Like I probably have
Speaker 1: thousands of emails to myself and thousands of screenshots of
Speaker 1: things that I will remember quote unquote to go do it,
Speaker 1: and I don't. All right, So it's yeah, So sad.
Speaker 3: Sad, let's talk about sad because it would be sad
Speaker 3: if you missed that email reminder. Okay, So when we
Speaker 3: went through these last time, we talked about how they
Speaker 3: all have a core need which can also be expanded
Speaker 3: to what we're saying. And then if you feel sadness,
Speaker 3: you're going to end up getting a gift in that
Speaker 3: even though it doesn't feel good in the moment. And
Speaker 3: if you repress or ignore sadness, there's an impairment that's
Speaker 3: with every feeling.
Speaker 1: So we're going to talk about those. Are you ready.
Speaker 1: I'm ready. Okay, I sound sad a lot. Okay, well
Speaker 1: we'll talk about that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, Well we all have and and I'm glad
Speaker 3: you said that because a lot of people want to,
Speaker 3: you know, send a message, whether it's to themselves or
Speaker 3: the world, that I don't get sad or I don't
Speaker 3: get down, or I don't feel that feeling. And that's
Speaker 3: not really when you get into this stuff a flex
Speaker 3: because if you aren't feeling sadness, you're not getting one
Speaker 3: of these gifts. That's imperative to live I think, a
Speaker 3: full life. So the need, the core need, would be
Speaker 3: to grieve something or to be comforted, to be seen
Speaker 3: to be soothed, something like any and supported. Yeah, anything
Speaker 3: like that, which support to acknowledge our need for support
Speaker 3: and comfort is also acknowledging our need for other people so.
Speaker 1: Out, which you said something in last week's couch Talks
Speaker 1: that feels in alignment with that. Even though we were
Speaker 1: talking about sharing or over sharing on a first date,
Speaker 1: but you started off, and I think you even made
Speaker 1: this a social clip, So that's probably why it's in
Speaker 1: my mind, just because I watched it over and over
Speaker 1: and over, just a me shout out Feeling Things podcast
Speaker 1: on Instagram. But I did watch the clip. I think
Speaker 1: probably I was posting it my stories, and you know,
Speaker 1: it replays while you're typing, and I just kept hearing
Speaker 1: your voice over and over. But you said, I'm a
Speaker 1: big fan of allowing people to know how to be
Speaker 1: there for you or to know how to show up
Speaker 1: and support you, and so sharing things is important to
Speaker 1: an extent. I mean, maybe not on a first date.
Speaker 1: You don't have to let everybody in. But sometimes as
Speaker 1: friends we don't want to burden people or share too much.
Speaker 1: It's like, oh, they have a lot going on. But
Speaker 1: then you rob them of the opportunity of being there
Speaker 1: for you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you don't get as in the other person,
Speaker 3: Or I could say this for myself, like I don't
Speaker 3: get to decide what's a burden for other people, So
Speaker 3: I don't get to decide what's.
Speaker 1: A burden for my friends. You get to decide that.
Speaker 3: But if I never share stuff with you, then I'm
Speaker 3: assuming that it is when it might not even be
Speaker 3: a burden. It would be a gift to you as
Speaker 3: a friend. Yeah, So that would be kind of around
Speaker 3: what the need would be.
Speaker 1: Now, if you don't feel sad and you.
Speaker 3: Push it away and you're unaware of it, what's going
Speaker 3: to happen is you're going to look over time, You're
Speaker 3: going to have this like self pity. Whether you share
Speaker 3: that with people or not, you're gonna that's going to
Speaker 3: be there, and you end up showing up in this
Speaker 3: more victimy mindset where things are being done to you
Speaker 3: and you have no control at all, And we don't
Speaker 3: have control of everything, but there are things that we
Speaker 3: do have power over and we don't really we don't
Speaker 3: want to get there. If you are aware of your sadness,
Speaker 3: while that and I stress, while feeling. The sadness probably
Speaker 3: is not going to be a fun experience or a
Speaker 3: comfortable experience. What it helps you have and what helps
Speaker 3: you breed is gratitude, because sadness is saying I lost
Speaker 3: something that was really important to me, and so we
Speaker 3: get to acknowledge what was really important to us versus
Speaker 3: I'm not sad, it's fine, whatever, I didn't care. Like,
Speaker 3: wait a second, what is important to you deserves to
Speaker 3: be acknowledged, that's okay. So that shows up in a
Speaker 3: lot of ways. I think when we get rejected. There's
Speaker 3: some things that I think are easier to be sad
Speaker 3: about being rejected, but there's others depending on who you
Speaker 3: are where you're like, your pride takes over and you're like, oh,
Speaker 3: no big deal. And a lot of times, like jobs,
Speaker 3: or if you put yourself up for something like a
Speaker 3: promotion or even an award or something like that, you
Speaker 3: put yourself out there and starting a podcast, like if
Speaker 3: we didn't, if nobody listened to it, now, I would
Speaker 3: feel sad because this was important to us and it
Speaker 3: was something that we put a lot of time in
Speaker 3: and a lot of people don't want.
Speaker 1: To say I was let down sad and yeah, set
Speaker 1: by that I got passed over for something and you're
Speaker 1: talking about like a work related thing, and I immediately
Speaker 1: took on the oh, well it wasn't really that big
Speaker 1: of a deal. But I know that I was stuffing
Speaker 1: it down and I think I probably get have healed
Speaker 1: from it a lot faster if I just was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I really wanted that that that was hard to hear,
Speaker 1: and like I'm going to be okay, and I want
Speaker 1: to give myself space before I jump in with the well,
Speaker 1: what does this now make possible? Yeah? My daughter told
Speaker 1: me I asked that question too quickly. Well, I don't,
Speaker 1: said tell you. Yeah, Adlin too, my niece. They both
Speaker 1: two younger people. They're like, because I want to immediately
Speaker 1: come in. I think as parents or aunts or friends,
Speaker 1: we may want to come in and try to fix
Speaker 1: something if someone is feeling sad, not fix it, but
Speaker 1: just help them feel better. And what does this make possible?
Speaker 1: Is a great question you get to ask ask yourself,
Speaker 1: but don't ask it too quickly. Maybe yeah, because then
Speaker 1: you're not allowing to sit in the sadness.
Speaker 3: Well, if you remember when shout out Donald Miller when
Speaker 3: we had that interview a couple of years ago with him.
Speaker 3: The reason he gave us those questions is we asked
Speaker 3: him he was talking about his book Here on a Mission,
Speaker 3: great book, great book, and it was speaking of victims. Well, yeah,
Speaker 3: so it's all about how to be the hero in
Speaker 3: your own story. And we were asking him, well, when
Speaker 3: something happens in your life that you are really down about,
Speaker 3: what do you do to not stay in that moment?
Speaker 3: And those are the questions he gave us, And so
Speaker 3: this is perfect. Those questions are perfect to bring into
Speaker 3: your sadness. We have to acknowledge that there's sadness there,
Speaker 3: and then we get to ask the question first. Then
Speaker 3: just ask the question. Then we're missing part of that. Yes,
Speaker 3: and what does this make possible?
Speaker 1: I'm glad you clarified that, But I think as up
Speaker 1: as a mom, So I'm sharing this to other parents.
Speaker 1: We may swoop in right away as our teen is
Speaker 1: processing and we're like, okay, well what does this now
Speaker 1: make possible? And then they just look at you like okay, cool,
Speaker 1: I love you and your fancy questions that are supposed
Speaker 1: to help me, but like, let me just be. And
Speaker 1: so that's just my encouragement on that.
Speaker 3: Would part of that for you be it's hard for
Speaker 3: you to see your kids when they're Yeah, I.
Speaker 1: Want her to be sad, but this is a good
Speaker 1: reminder that sadness is good. Like we want sadness, yeah,
Speaker 1: because then if we experience the sadness, we can experience gratitude.
Speaker 1: And I have no idea if the doorbell that just
Speaker 1: rain is popping up on the podcast here, but we
Speaker 1: have been putting a note on my front door that
Speaker 1: says do not ring the doorbell or knock because we're recording.
Speaker 1: I don't think we put recording because that sounds weird,
Speaker 1: but I think we just say we should put baby
Speaker 1: sleeping shuck.
Speaker 3: I do have a sign my door in my office
Speaker 3: that says, do not knock on this door, but I
Speaker 3: guess I should say, do not use your.
Speaker 1: What is it called a wind blower.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but it's not a weed whacker because it's on
Speaker 3: the it's blowing leaves.
Speaker 1: A leaf blower. Yeah, don't be sad, be kind, blow
Speaker 1: leaves elsewhere. So who knows if that even shut up,
Speaker 1: But it's an example for rolling with it. Things happen.
Speaker 1: We're breezy, We're breezy. It's not going to make me sad, no,
Speaker 1: or mad or angry for any other emotions. I actually
Speaker 1: feel fine. I feel fine, So well that's not one. No, Actually,
Speaker 1: I no, really, I feel I.
Speaker 3: Feel joy and excitement because I'm like, did you get
Speaker 3: a package?
Speaker 1: I wonder what it is? Oh, I love where you
Speaker 1: reframed that. Thank you for that because I was kind
Speaker 1: of feeling mad at myself for not putting up the sign.
Speaker 3: Oh well, that's perfect because we're about to talk about anger. Okay,
Speaker 3: are you ready to do you want to talk about
Speaker 3: sadness more?
Speaker 1: Are you ready? No? I think I want to talk
Speaker 1: about how being sad. You may be touched on this,
Speaker 1: but it's not weakness. And I know we have men
Speaker 1: that are listening, and I think sometimes they have to be,
Speaker 1: you know, the man of the house or hold it
Speaker 1: together for maybe the women in their life, and that's
Speaker 1: part of maybe how they were brought up. I think
Speaker 1: we're phasing out of that. It was just I'm making
Speaker 1: a generalization, but I think in a lot of my
Speaker 1: marriage for seventeen years, I don't it'd be for him
Speaker 1: to talk about, but my experience with him is that
Speaker 1: he didn't have a lot of room for sadness because
Speaker 1: he needed to be more to get like he's drossed
Speaker 1: a lot of sadness. Yes, like it could be seen
Speaker 1: as weak to be sad.
Speaker 3: Well, when this is a whole other topic that I
Speaker 3: think would there'd be so much good conversation in. But
Speaker 3: historically men aren't couldn't be weak because they were protectors
Speaker 3: and they still can be protectors. But we don't have
Speaker 3: the same threats now that maybe we did when we
Speaker 3: were hunters and gatherers, and so you've gotten used to
Speaker 3: playing these roles and now men have worked really hard
Speaker 3: to push that away. And I have learned that part
Speaker 3: of helping, part of wanting men to have that space
Speaker 3: is us allowing it and encouraging it.
Speaker 1: They're not going to do it automatically.
Speaker 3: But I've noticed some things that have that I've thought
Speaker 3: about men in general, or that I've said to my
Speaker 3: husband or people that I'm dating, and it sends them
Speaker 3: the message of like, there isn't still room for that,
Speaker 3: So we have to invite that in for them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm going a space for it. I can share
Speaker 1: an example that I'm not proud of at all, Okay,
Speaker 1: but I learned from it. It's hard to even say
Speaker 1: because I'm mortified by myself. But it was in my marriage.
Speaker 1: My husband got out of the Air Force and I
Speaker 1: didn't realize how much of his identity was tied to that.
Speaker 1: So he went to the Air Force Academy after high school,
Speaker 1: went to pilot training right after that, and then nine
Speaker 1: to eleven happened while he was at pilot training, so
Speaker 1: then immediately went into to war as a pilot in
Speaker 1: the Air Force. So much of his identity was I'm
Speaker 1: an Air Force. Not only that, his dad was a
Speaker 1: colonel in the Air Force, and since my accessmen was
Speaker 1: five years old, he's like, I'm going to be a
Speaker 1: pilot in the Air Force. So this is I'm painting
Speaker 1: a picture that this was his identity, and when he
Speaker 1: got out, I only either of us realized how much
Speaker 1: it was going to impact him. And this happens to
Speaker 1: a lot of people that would leave a career like that.
Speaker 1: I'm sure there's it could be a firefighter, a policeman,
Speaker 1: maybe even not a first responder type stuff. It could
Speaker 1: be any career. But when that becomes your identity and
Speaker 1: then you no longer have it and you're trying to
Speaker 1: find your way in the world, especially as a military
Speaker 1: person because now you're a s civilian, so sometimes some language,
Speaker 1: if you're not that's her, you may not understand. But
Speaker 1: that's like identically different world. It's just totally different. And
Speaker 1: I didn't appreciate that. And I don't even think he
Speaker 1: realized how difficult the separation was going to be and
Speaker 1: how he saw himself, like his worthiness, his value, Like
Speaker 1: what now is he contributing to the world like yous,
Speaker 1: like I was contributing to making the world a safer place,
Speaker 1: a better place. Like he was passionate about the work
Speaker 1: he was doing. And not only that, he was special forces,
Speaker 1: Like there was just a lot of really cool things
Speaker 1: about his job. Right. So, now that I've painted that picture,
Speaker 1: can you imagine if at some point along the way,
Speaker 1: now we had other tension in our relationship because of this,
Speaker 1: and there were some things that were happening because that
Speaker 1: were frustrating because of the separation, because he didn't know
Speaker 1: how to manage it. I don't think he knew how
Speaker 1: to be sad about it. And then to your point,
Speaker 1: which is what made me think of it, I don't
Speaker 1: think I allowed space for it. Yeah, because even though
Speaker 1: I want men to be sad and have space to
Speaker 1: be sad. And I've matured a lot since this, Like
Speaker 1: we're going back to like twenty twelve with the story here.
Speaker 1: But I straight up looked at him one day and
Speaker 1: I was like, man up, and that is what I said.
Speaker 1: And that's Harry like a body like, don't say that.
Speaker 1: That's like the worst thing. I mean, I'm sure there's
Speaker 1: probably worse things I could say, but again, I will
Speaker 1: This is not an excuse, but I will say again
Speaker 1: there was tension in our relationship. So I was frustrated
Speaker 1: and fed up and I said that, and honestly, I
Speaker 1: don't know that he was ever able to let that go.
Speaker 1: And that's not ultimately what led to us getting a
Speaker 1: divorce over ten years later, but it certainly didn't make
Speaker 1: things easier because then now he's like, Okay, my safe space,
Speaker 1: which is supposed to be my wife, I now I
Speaker 1: don't have permission to be sad here, and I wanted
Speaker 1: him to be set. It's almost like we just didn't
Speaker 1: have the tools and we didn't know how to process together.
Speaker 1: But I should have been like, Hi, this is and
Speaker 1: you are struggling. How can I help? But honestly, with
Speaker 1: the other tension other things that are going on, I
Speaker 1: don't even know if I would If I would have
Speaker 1: said that that that would have been received and it
Speaker 1: would have worked. So I don't want to go shitt akutawuda,
Speaker 1: but I said that, and I'm not proud.
Speaker 3: And that is you also, I think, because I appreciate
Speaker 3: where you're taking all your responsibility for that which you
Speaker 3: did it. So it's you're responsible for it, and we
Speaker 3: love the ans that is a part of you, that
Speaker 3: you were conditioned to treat men like that and to
Speaker 3: think of men like that. And so that's the work
Speaker 3: we do, is like we have to look at what
Speaker 3: do I think and what are these unconscious bias in
Speaker 3: our brains that don't.
Speaker 1: Actually fit with how we really view people.
Speaker 3: And this might I'm not trying to make you feel better,
Speaker 3: but I do want to relate to you in the
Speaker 3: sense that I did this two weeks ago, not ten
Speaker 3: years ago. And I also am a therapist. So my
Speaker 3: husband and I were in a fight and he maybe
Speaker 3: had a little tearfall maybe a couple and I looked
Speaker 3: at him and said, why are you crying?
Speaker 1: Because there's so much emotion.
Speaker 3: I don't remember exactly what I said, but it was
Speaker 3: something along the lines of like, why are you crying?
Speaker 1: I don't want you to cry about this. I want
Speaker 1: you to do something about it.
Speaker 3: Excuse me, yea what That's not the type of human
Speaker 3: I want to be let alone, partner or wife. And
Speaker 3: so I say this as like I'm in it with you, guys,
Speaker 3: where I have to allow space for my husband to
Speaker 3: feel sad and let him know that that sadness is
Speaker 3: not a weakness that actually is going to bring us
Speaker 3: closer if I allow it to be. There has nothing
Speaker 3: to do with being able to take care of me,
Speaker 3: or being able to take care of a family, or
Speaker 3: the work that you can or cannot do. That's a
Speaker 3: story we have built up in our head that no
Speaker 3: longer fits the reality.
Speaker 1: So you're not alone, is what I'm saying. You're worse.
Speaker 1: I'm just kidding. You didn't left me land. You're a therapist,
Speaker 1: and well I'm just kidding, not going to get for
Speaker 1: advice anymore, joking. I will come to you for advice always.
Speaker 1: I love I love your advice well being a good
Speaker 1: admit I agree, and even though we know better, that's
Speaker 1: just great, A great example of even though I know
Speaker 1: better too, Who knows. One day I might be in
Speaker 1: a moment with my boyfriend and I'll be like, man up.
Speaker 1: But then I'll be like, just kidding. What I meant
Speaker 1: to say is when you blank, I feel blank. Yeah,
Speaker 1: That's what I meant to say. So okay, So sad,
Speaker 1: being sad is not weak to like all two of
Speaker 1: our male listeners right now. Well, it's good for the
Speaker 1: women to also know that so they can share. It
Speaker 1: makes space for your husband or boyfriend or son to
Speaker 1: be sad. You know. It's a signal that something, something meaningful,
Speaker 1: has been lost, or something meaningful has changed. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: I forgive my twenty twelve self. Do you forgive your
Speaker 1: two week ago self? Okay, good, all right, I gonna
Speaker 1: do better. So we're going to do better. What's our
Speaker 1: next emotion feeling? We're going to talk about anger. So
Speaker 1: I love talking about anger.
Speaker 3: It is the easiest feeling other than gladness for me
Speaker 3: to feel, which I think a lot of people can
Speaker 3: probably relate to. It is what I call the justice
Speaker 3: emotion because when we are aware of this thing, it
Speaker 3: helps us activate passion, and it helps us activate knowing
Speaker 3: what's important to us. It helps us stand up for people,
Speaker 3: It helps us stand up for ourselves. It leads us
Speaker 3: into all of the directions of being like a strong,
Speaker 3: competent human with a sense of self.
Speaker 1: I love it. It's an empowering emotion.
Speaker 3: And we're going to talk about too, what anger is
Speaker 3: and what anger isn't because I think when I say anger,
Speaker 3: what's the image you have in your head?
Speaker 1: Do that again or I don't know, I am am
Speaker 1: picturing me making a bowl of cereal and then smashing
Speaker 1: it on the ground. Not that I've ever done that. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: but I have. I get like this, so was my sister.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's hereditary, okay, throwing a dish. I've never thrown
Speaker 1: a dish. That I have a dish. I'm not saying
Speaker 1: at anybody, but like, have you ever just smashed something down?
Speaker 3: I've slammed things. I slammed my door so many times
Speaker 3: as a child. My dad took it off the hinges.
Speaker 1: Oh. He said, don't slam your door one more time,
Speaker 1: and I said, yes, I will. What are you going
Speaker 1: to do about it?
Speaker 3: Slammed it and he took it off, and then I
Speaker 3: was like, I'll show you. So I put two little
Speaker 3: nails at the top of my doorframe and hung a
Speaker 3: sheet over it, and I was like.
Speaker 1: I have a door.
Speaker 3: And my parents love this story because I don't know
Speaker 3: how long I didn't have a door, but it was
Speaker 3: a long time. And my dad was like, I would
Speaker 3: have put your door on the next day, I was
Speaker 3: waiting for you to ask me so where I thought.
Speaker 3: I was like, I'll show you. I'll put this sheet up.
Speaker 3: He was like, you can have your doorback. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I need to say something, but that's funny. So I slam.
Speaker 3: I've slammed some things in my life, but I don't
Speaker 3: think i've ever broken or slammed a dishdown.
Speaker 1: That sounds like it would feel kind of well try it. Yeah, Well,
Speaker 1: so why did you ask me what do I picture
Speaker 1: with anger? Because I mean I was picturing like some
Speaker 1: angry little like emoji thing I see like the red
Speaker 1: devil emoji in my head when I think about it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because that's what we told that's what we're taught.
Speaker 3: Anger is is this this like big, loud, bad, scary,
Speaker 3: it's fighting, It's all of that, when anger could be
Speaker 3: a million things that are actually very comfortable to be with.
Speaker 1: But we're not shown that.
Speaker 3: And the need around anger is usually some form of
Speaker 3: needing to be heard, whether it's I need to be
Speaker 3: heard or I need this people to know this thing
Speaker 3: about the.
Speaker 1: World or this thing about this person.
Speaker 3: Like I get angry when my friends are misunderstood, So
Speaker 3: it's not even that I need to be heard, it's
Speaker 3: like my friends need to be heard.
Speaker 1: So that's usually the need.
Speaker 3: And if we feel it, like I said, we have
Speaker 3: this empowerment, we again will get our passion.
Speaker 1: It helps us create change in the world.
Speaker 3: Now, if we ignore that anger, which is I think
Speaker 3: what a lot of people are taught, specifically women are,
Speaker 3: don't be angry, don't be angry, be grateful, be this,
Speaker 3: be that, hush, be quiet, don't say that full feathers,
Speaker 3: don't be loud, don't be How can you be a helper?
Speaker 1: Yeah, be a helper without getting in the way of anything.
Speaker 3: And when that happens, we end up becoming some form
Speaker 3: of like a and this is going to sound extreme,
Speaker 3: but like this depressed sense of self, so we remove
Speaker 3: parts of ourselves.
Speaker 1: I see it as like sort of if you're this big,
Speaker 1: let's say we start out this big full blow up dollie.
Speaker 1: One time, my parents had this party and they had
Speaker 1: a blow up doll, and I don't know why kind
Speaker 1: of now that's what I'm picturing. They said these weird
Speaker 1: parties they had pool parties and naked pull parties, a
Speaker 1: naked blow up doll.
Speaker 3: But I don't know, Wait, I wait, I think it's
Speaker 3: like a joke that you said they had naked pool parties.
Speaker 1: Naked pool parties. Yes, yeah, I remember seeing my friends
Speaker 1: dad naked. Like I was looking through the backyard and
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, there's mister Tucker. He's naked. Yeah.
Speaker 1: They I don't know they were before my parents got divorced. Like,
Speaker 1: I don't think they were never wild, like swingers or anything,
Speaker 1: but it's just kind of they would have parties. Maybe
Speaker 1: they'd be drinking and then people would be like, let's say,
Speaker 1: Garcoles off all in the pool. I don't I don't
Speaker 1: know that ever it was naked. I don't know. I
Speaker 1: just know I saw mister we'll call him mister t naked,
Speaker 1: and whenever I started to have this image of a
Speaker 1: blow up doll, I'm just inviting you into my brain. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so you're like, okay, you're sort of like part of
Speaker 1: you is depressed. And then I'm like, okay, the word
Speaker 1: that comes to mind for me is deflated. And so
Speaker 1: then I'm like, well, find this big blow up doll.
Speaker 1: And then right when I think of me as a
Speaker 1: blow up doll, I'm like, oh, remember that naked blow
Speaker 1: up doll Mom and Dad had at that party, Like
Speaker 1: that's where my brain goes. So I'm just I'm letting
Speaker 1: you in. So then need to do some brain spotting
Speaker 1: around this. No, okay, No, it's fine, it's just that
Speaker 1: I need to ask my sister. Oh yeah. Also, in
Speaker 1: our living room, we had this little stuffed animal frog
Speaker 1: on the bookshelf next to the encyclopedias, and there's like
Speaker 1: this vintage frog. If anybody else knows what I'm talking about,
Speaker 1: like you'll know, Like I think it was like a thing,
Speaker 1: this little vintage stuffed animal frog. It looks like a
Speaker 1: normal frog. But then when you pick it up, there's
Speaker 1: a big penis under the frog. Do you know what?
Speaker 1: But like that was in our living room next to
Speaker 1: the encyclopedias. I don't know why. I think my parents
Speaker 1: are just you know, But then when my dad left,
Speaker 1: my mom got rid of the penis from well she
Speaker 1: found Jesus and yeah, I think a lot of things changed,
Speaker 1: but not I think, I know, Okay, a lot of things.
Speaker 1: I do want to say this, I'm laughing. That is
Speaker 1: not normal. What's not normal?
Speaker 3: One to see your parents having naked parties? Well, two
Speaker 3: to have a penis frog in your living room.
Speaker 1: Okay, I back it up. I had I had parents.
Speaker 1: What I'm saying is, I don't think they were like, hey, kids,
Speaker 1: we're gonna be outside naked. I think they had put
Speaker 1: us to bed, we were asleep. They were having neighbors over.
Speaker 1: We're calling it a party. But let's say if they
Speaker 1: have four couples over, right, so then they're like, let's
Speaker 1: go swim. And then I peek outside and see mister naked,
Speaker 1: and so now I'm calling it a naked pool party.
Speaker 1: What did the penis frog do? I don't know. I
Speaker 1: need to look it up. Was it like a sex
Speaker 1: I wonder? No, it was the stuffed It had little
Speaker 1: beans inside, like it's a stuffed like a like a paperweight,
Speaker 1: but like a picture like a I didn't see it
Speaker 1: because I can't. Well, I bet if we google it,
Speaker 1: we'll find it online. And if it is available or
Speaker 1: for sale on eBay if you're gonna buy thousands of adults. No,
Speaker 1: but I'm thinking like this is no. But I'm wondering
Speaker 1: if we should have kept it because I feel like
Speaker 1: it's probably something that could be worth a lot of
Speaker 1: money now because they're like this, Like if I hear
Speaker 1: something one day that's like we're selling a very rare
Speaker 1: vintage stuffed frog and his penis at Sotheby's. The auction's
Speaker 1: starting at a million dollars, I'm gonna be like we
Speaker 1: had one of those, you know, like those weird things
Speaker 1: that they sell for a lot of money.
Speaker 3: So I do want to say, Kat is here Cryokat,
Speaker 3: you're acting like you know what this is.
Speaker 1: Oh you knew about Amy having this story? Your parents
Speaker 1: had it? Did your parents had to have a penis? Frug? Okay? Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Speaker 1: But but I mean, yeah, the cat's probably like I
Speaker 1: have parties like that. She's like, she's like that sounds
Speaker 1: like a good time.
Speaker 3: I wish I was her neighbor.
Speaker 1: Yes, Okay, So just to back it up, I guess
Speaker 1: I'm clarifying that I get that that's not normal, and
Speaker 1: I don't even know for you to know it. I
Speaker 1: think that's the difference. Your parents didn't know that you knew, right,
Speaker 1: And I don't think they were like, hey kids, look
Speaker 1: we just got a new blow up doll. But I
Speaker 1: think it was the way their personalities were in their friendships.
Speaker 1: It was like debauchery, sort of like just haha, like
Speaker 1: we're going over to Cliff and Judy's. That was my parents,
Speaker 1: Like I'm showing up with a blow up doll. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I'm going to put it on their couch and
Speaker 1: just see how long it takes them to notice. And
Speaker 1: so then there's this naked blop. So back to which
Speaker 1: if you think.
Speaker 3: About your parents being like our age, like that would
Speaker 3: be kind of like a funny prank somebody.
Speaker 4: Would do, right, I get it, okay, So that we've
Speaker 4: taken him a little detour down memory lane, what I
Speaker 4: was picturing is me as.
Speaker 1: A doll, a blow up doll with fully closed and
Speaker 1: like I've got the little part where the air goes
Speaker 1: in and it's like slightly open, and then every time
Speaker 1: you suppress this, it's like psh, a little more air
Speaker 1: goes out, and then you do it again and psh,
Speaker 1: a little more air goes out until eventually you're like unrecognizable.
Speaker 1: M Yeah, that's actually a really good metaphor.
Speaker 3: You're welcome and the anytime, and it gave us a
Speaker 3: really fun story. But on the other side too, with
Speaker 3: that blow up metaphor, you can also think about like
Speaker 3: me trying to hold in my anger.
Speaker 1: It takes a lot of energy and so it can all.
Speaker 3: You can also use metaphor of taking a beach ball
Speaker 3: and putting it underwater and I can only hold it
Speaker 3: for so long, so when it does come out, it's
Speaker 3: gonna come out in this crazy exaggerated way, which is
Speaker 3: a lot of times what happens. And that's what people think.
Speaker 3: I think a lot of times when they see anger,
Speaker 3: they see that beach ball blowing up out of the water,
Speaker 3: versus what actually was going on in that actual shade
Speaker 3: of anger. That is not people see. I think anger
Speaker 3: is like rage a lot of times. And one of
Speaker 3: my friends used a couple years ago the metaphor of
Speaker 3: like Jesus was one of the angriest people in the
Speaker 3: world on Earth ever, and he walked around everywhere he
Speaker 3: went being like looking perfect.
Speaker 1: He was hit so much anger. It's how you show it. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: I mean you said it can be such a thing
Speaker 1: for justice, and yeah, so that makes sense. And if
Speaker 1: when you brought up shades, it made me want to
Speaker 1: go look at our feelings, wheel to look at the
Speaker 1: different shades of anger and share some of those bitter irritation,
Speaker 1: discuss jealous us, did critical, contempt, frustration, annoyance, resentful and
Speaker 1: also passion.
Speaker 3: Which I have learned to lean into that because I
Speaker 3: think for me, I used to I used to tell
Speaker 3: myself a story that a lot of that justice and
Speaker 3: passion was like annoying or too much or overwhelming. If
Speaker 3: you ask Patrick his favorite thing about me, he says,
Speaker 3: your passion. When he first told me that, I was like,
Speaker 3: you're just trying to be nice.
Speaker 1: Stop gassing me up. Yeah, And he's like, no, it's
Speaker 1: your passion.
Speaker 3: And when I do get kind of fiery, he's like,
Speaker 3: this is I love how much you care about things.
Speaker 3: And also if I didn't allow myself to care about things,
Speaker 3: I don't know that I would be doing what I do.
Speaker 1: Oh, I definitely don't think it would be.
Speaker 3: So allow yourself to acknowledge your anger, so you can
Speaker 3: acknowledge the stuff that really matters to you and it
Speaker 3: actually helps you lead, I think, a more meaningful life.
Speaker 1: I want to get to an example of anger with
Speaker 1: your partner because I think that could be relatable, like
Speaker 1: if your partner is picking at you and joking at you, like.
Speaker 3: Making little like fun. This actually happened a couple years ago.
Speaker 3: We were with Patrick's family on family vacation. It's the
Speaker 3: first time I met them, and we were playing cards
Speaker 3: and I had to use the restroom. So I got
Speaker 3: up to go use the restroom and it was a
Speaker 3: glass door, and somebody had opened one side of the
Speaker 3: door and then locked the other side.
Speaker 1: Well I didn't see that, and it was glass.
Speaker 3: So I walked with like some excitement and some pep
Speaker 3: in my step to go to the restroom. And I
Speaker 3: went to Patrick's new girl and I'm like, you guys
Speaker 3: love me, and I'm so fun.
Speaker 1: I'll be right back.
Speaker 3: And then I walked into the door and was like
Speaker 3: pressing on it and pressing on it and pressing on it.
Speaker 3: And then I was like oh, and then I just
Speaker 3: walked through the other door. I didn't think it was
Speaker 3: that big of a deal, Like, yeah, that was locked,
Speaker 3: No big deal. When I got back, they all were
Speaker 3: laughing so hard, and it felt like I don't think
Speaker 3: they meant anything of it, and I don't think they
Speaker 3: were like talking about me the whole time I was gone,
Speaker 3: but they kept making comments about it, and Patrick kept
Speaker 3: making comments about it, and I had to say, hey,
Speaker 3: I can take a joke, but when you do it
Speaker 3: this many times, it's a little frustrating, like I want
Speaker 3: I want to move on. I don't want this to
Speaker 3: all be focused on me. So I can take a joke,
Speaker 3: but it's getting a little bit much. If I didn't
Speaker 3: do that, I'm sure I would have been so passive
Speaker 3: aggressive to Patrick. I would have probably given them the
Speaker 3: silent treatment. I would have probably been like, I'm going
Speaker 3: to bed like I just have a headache, but I'm
Speaker 3: going to bed like I probably was. I would That's
Speaker 3: how it would show up. And we do that all
Speaker 3: the time. It's the whole idea of it's not the trash,
Speaker 3: we're talking about it something else, right.
Speaker 1: I know that with suppressed frustration or anger, a lot
Speaker 1: of times with the passive aggressiveness is sarcasm, or you
Speaker 1: can start to say things like you know that you
Speaker 1: really want to say, but you say it with sarcasms.
Speaker 1: So that's another way we can pay attention to maybe
Speaker 1: what's going on, like, because sometimes I just can't put
Speaker 1: my finger on it, or I don't even know that
Speaker 1: I'm suppressing it. But then if I have like a
Speaker 1: quick sarcastic reaction to something and I say it, that
Speaker 1: might be an indicator to me of like, oh, something,
Speaker 1: I was sort of just joking with that, But I
Speaker 1: don't think I'm joking. I think that this is actually
Speaker 1: bothering me. So I've been using that as a way
Speaker 1: to sort of gauge how I'm really feeling. Because then
Speaker 1: it's also easy for me to want to write it
Speaker 1: off and be like, oh, it's just joking. If they're like, hey,
Speaker 1: that kind of was is everything okay, I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: I was just joking. But that's another sign to me
Speaker 1: of like, okay, well was I just joking? Or am
Speaker 1: I really frustrated or annoyed by this? Is there something
Speaker 1: you care about? Yeah? But do you do you understand
Speaker 1: saying of like sometimes I don't know what that is,
Speaker 1: But then I'll have a behavior that's like oh, where
Speaker 1: did that? I don't wake up to it, that's it.
Speaker 1: It wakes me up because it's like it just comes
Speaker 1: out in sarcasm, and there's space for sarcasm. There's healthy sarcasm,
Speaker 1: Like yeah, like you can be sarcastic. Sarcasm is great.
Speaker 1: I love sarcasm, but it's sort of like when my
Speaker 1: own sarcasm surprises me when I'm like, where did that
Speaker 1: come from? That was a little feisty.
Speaker 3: I think a lot of us because and again this
Speaker 3: is more towards women, but I think men can do
Speaker 3: this too. But if we're taught that we have to
Speaker 3: be nice and kind, and we're taught that we can't
Speaker 3: ask for our needs, and we're taught that to be
Speaker 3: quiet or don't be angry any of that, we're gonna
Speaker 3: find these other ways to like get that out. And
Speaker 3: that is a like it almost is like a loophole
Speaker 3: to your anger. It's like, well, I have a need
Speaker 3: that needs to be met, but like I can't go
Speaker 3: go directly there, so I'm gonna go this way.
Speaker 1: So it's this unconscious loophole that we've created.
Speaker 3: And the way to undo that is like what you're saying,
Speaker 3: when you do it, you can't help it at first,
Speaker 3: but like when you do it, acknowledge it, take a
Speaker 3: step back and say that's not really who I want
Speaker 3: to be in I don't want to show up that way.
Speaker 3: I need to reflect, and it's okay to not have
Speaker 3: the answers too. A lot of times when I'm in conflict,
Speaker 3: I will have to say, hey, I want you to
Speaker 3: know that I'm not stonewalling you, which is ignoring somebody
Speaker 3: or trying to be difficult or ignoring what you're saying.
Speaker 1: But I need a second to process this. So it's okay.
Speaker 3: I think when we get in our feelings, it feels
Speaker 3: a lot of times like there's a rush to do
Speaker 3: or say or figure out what the need is.
Speaker 1: It's okay to take time with all of it. My
Speaker 1: son was a beautiful example of that. The other night.
Speaker 1: We were having a moment because of homework, and he
Speaker 1: was able to say to me, Mom, I need a
Speaker 1: minute because I went and I sat back down and
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, let's try this again, and he said
Speaker 1: not yet. I need a moment. And I said, well,
Speaker 1: let's like, will you forgive me? And he was able
Speaker 1: to say, in his own words, still processing, so give
Speaker 1: him space, And so I had to completely walk away
Speaker 1: and give him the opportunity to work through whatever he
Speaker 1: needed to work through to then move forward with me.
Speaker 1: And I was like, this is just a good example
Speaker 1: of like it's always okay, no matter the circumstance, to
Speaker 1: take space and time.
Speaker 3: I wish that I had that language as a kid
Speaker 3: doing math homework with my dad because I wasn't saying
Speaker 3: I need a minute.
Speaker 1: I was crying, Yeah, does your dad want to come
Speaker 1: over and help stevensimm with math because it'd be great.
Speaker 3: Well, he's pretty good at it, but I don't know
Speaker 3: if you wanted to. Well, Stevenson has better skills than
Speaker 3: I had, so.
Speaker 1: Maybe he'll tell your dad like, hey, whoa, we both
Speaker 1: need to take five. Next thing, I know, like I
Speaker 1: come home and like Stevenson's doors off his hinges and
Speaker 1: I'm like, what happened? Your dad is like, don't worry.
Speaker 1: Took care of things. He's not going to be a
Speaker 1: problem for you anymore. Oh my god.
Speaker 3: Well, the reason we would always fight his kids with
Speaker 3: my dad doing math and work is because my dad
Speaker 3: I would show us how to do it, and I'd
Speaker 3: be like, but I have to show my work and
Speaker 3: that's not how the teacher taught me to do it.
Speaker 1: And he's like it doesn't matter. I got you the
Speaker 1: right answer. So he would get frustrated and I'm like,
Speaker 1: but dad, we have to do the steps. And I
Speaker 1: was a perfectionist, and he was like.
Speaker 3: What does it matter? I got you the right answer.
Speaker 3: So then the doors were off the hinges, and you
Speaker 3: know that's just it was sob now right away.
Speaker 1: So in a nutshell for anger, anger is not bad.
Speaker 1: Anger is your friend. It's so helpful. So helpful doesn't
Speaker 1: mean you get to be all feeling anger excuse to
Speaker 1: be mean. Well, I know, but if you channel it
Speaker 1: or if you suppress it, you may be that beach
Speaker 1: ball out of the water. And you don't want to
Speaker 1: be that. You want to be just like an normal blow.
Speaker 3: Up doll'inflated, perfectly inflated blow up doll, just the right
Speaker 3: you know.
Speaker 1: Okay, So there stopping point. Don't forget you toobe us up.
Speaker 1: We are Feeling Things podcast subscribe like follow whatever, all
Speaker 1: the things Instagram, and then email email, Oh we need
Speaker 1: your emails, which we're getting a lot. They are so great.
Speaker 1: We haven't even able to get through all of the emails.
Speaker 1: So it's so great to already have couch talks Q
Speaker 1: and A emails from y'all, but we'll we'll always take more. So, hey,
Speaker 1: they're at Feeling Things podcasts dot com is the email address.
Speaker 1: And yeah, we just hope that you have the day
Speaker 1: you need to have. Is that how we want to
Speaker 1: do it? Or are we going to say it together?
Speaker 1: That's so hard. Try want you to. I'm doing improv
Speaker 1: and all of that is also too about reading each other.
Speaker 1: So you just need to have a really good eye
Speaker 1: contact and we'll be able to do it together. Okay,
Speaker 1: And Cat and I just hope that you have the
Speaker 1: day you need to have. That's that good? Yeay one
Speaker 1: more time because with good I it's like I'm going
Speaker 1: to really dial into you. Okay, Okay it might. Cat
Speaker 1: and I both okay, Cat, Okay, Cat and I both
Speaker 1: hope you have the day you need to have. Bye.
Speaker 3: Bye,