Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio podcast.
Speaker 2: I've never been more excited to interview someone today. His
Speaker 2: name is doctor Amen and I've been following him on Instagram,
Speaker 2: stalking him and just liking commenting. He is incredible and
Speaker 2: he has a new book called a new book out
Speaker 2: called Change Your Brain every Day, and we're going to
Speaker 2: talk about all things brain today. But he has helped
Speaker 2: millions of people change their brains and lives. He's a
Speaker 2: founder of Aiming Clinics where you can scan your brain,
Speaker 2: so we'll talk more about that. He's a psychiatrist and
Speaker 2: a clinical neuroscientist, So let's get him on doctor Amen.
Speaker 3: Hey, how are you.
Speaker 2: It's so good to meet you, like in person, because
Speaker 2: we've been emailing. I think that's been you. Has it
Speaker 2: been you or is it your people? I'm so bummed
Speaker 2: that we can't do the scan your brain thing this month.
Speaker 2: But yeah, the movie kind of a little wrench into plans.
Speaker 2: But also I couldn't tell y'all at the time because
Speaker 2: it was still too early. But I'm actually pregnant, so
Speaker 2: I didn't know if you can also scan a brain
Speaker 2: when you're pregnant.
Speaker 3: Well, congratulation, thank you, And we can do a different study.
Speaker 3: We can't do the spec study because of the radiation,
Speaker 3: but we do another study called quantitative EEG that looks
Speaker 3: at electrical activity. Okay, and there's no harm to the baby.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: I'm so fascinated by just everything in the brain because
Speaker 2: to me, when you when you break things down, like
Speaker 2: science does not lie, right, I mean, would you agree
Speaker 2: with that, like DNA that's not me.
Speaker 3: Well, I mean something's right, but scientists lie a lot.
Speaker 2: Well okay, so yes, But like the when you really
Speaker 2: break it down though, like if you were to do
Speaker 2: you know, logic, so like the logic of things like
Speaker 2: I'm like, it's logical some of the things that Like
Speaker 2: when I hear your things, I'm like, well, yes, like absolutely,
Speaker 2: like alcohol probably isn't great for your brain.
Speaker 4: It's definitely not.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: Can I just ask one question though, Like I you know,
Speaker 2: used to have the occasional not occasional, I would have
Speaker 2: like the glass of wine a day, right because that
Speaker 2: would be my chill mommy moment. But now I've heard
Speaker 2: you know, I've been watching your stuff, and I'm like, man,
Speaker 2: I could really see how you know the impact on that.
Speaker 2: And then my fiance he's a football soccer coach, and
Speaker 2: so you know he's he did save all the studies
Speaker 2: about how alcohol affects, you know, just everything. And so
Speaker 2: what is your recommendation? Is it like you go dry
Speaker 2: and you don't drink it all or can you have
Speaker 2: it in moderation?
Speaker 3: So we should actually chat about moderation. I think it's
Speaker 3: a gag way thought to hell because as soon as
Speaker 3: you say moderation, it means you're gonna cheat. I'm just
Speaker 3: not a fan of alcohol. I mean, one, it's a disinfectant,
Speaker 3: so why are you going to drink a distant effect?
Speaker 3: And when you have one hundred trillion bugs in your gut?
Speaker 3: And any alcohol is associated with an increased risk of
Speaker 3: seven different types of cancer. And so if we're bombarded
Speaker 3: with alcohol messages thirty commercials during the Super Bowl and
Speaker 3: no as I've been a psychiatrist for over forty years
Speaker 3: now and it's probably the number one reason people come
Speaker 3: to see me. It's either they're addicted or their behavior
Speaker 3: is bad where they say something when they're drinking that
Speaker 3: they normally wouldn't have said. And then when the American
Speaker 3: Cancer Society comes out against any alcohol.
Speaker 2: I'm like, yes, right right, I mean, I hear you.
Speaker 2: And when you say moderation is cheating, that's again logic
Speaker 2: to me. But I would have never thought of it
Speaker 2: that way or said it that way because it's true
Speaker 2: because I kind of live my life like, well, everything
Speaker 2: in moderation, like I'll have a brownie, you know maybe
Speaker 2: when you know, every once in a while. I'm not
Speaker 2: going to have it every night, but i'll have you know,
Speaker 2: everything in moderation has always been my saying, and now
Speaker 2: I feel like that's a saying to say.
Speaker 3: People come up to me all the time and they go, well,
Speaker 3: what about everything in moderation? And I know as soon
Speaker 3: as they say that, they're gonna cheat. And Drew Carey,
Speaker 3: who the comedian who lost a lot away, he said
Speaker 3: something so profound. He said, eating crappy food isn't a reward,
Speaker 3: it's a punishment. And when you understand that, it's like, well,
Speaker 3: why are you going to have a cheat day? I mean,
Speaker 3: if you are an alcoholic, you're not gonna have a
Speaker 3: cheat day.
Speaker 4: That would be dumb.
Speaker 3: Or you're a sex addict, you're not going to have
Speaker 3: a cheat day, or a smoker you're not gonna have
Speaker 3: a cheat day. You have to ask yourself what do
Speaker 3: you really want? And for me, I want energy, and
Speaker 3: I want memory, and I want focus and I want passion.
Speaker 3: I want connection and purpose. So when I look at
Speaker 3: the things that I might cheat with, I'm like, doesn't
Speaker 3: fit me, doesn't fit what I want. And so too
Speaker 3: often when people are I call them babies and brain help, they're, oh,
Speaker 3: I can't have this and I can't have.
Speaker 4: That, but what are you trading it?
Speaker 3: Like? I only want to love food that loves me back.
Speaker 3: I don't know if you've ever been in a bad relationship.
Speaker 3: I have, and I'm not doing that.
Speaker 1: You didn't google me, have you?
Speaker 3: I am not doing that anymore, and I'm certainly not
Speaker 3: doing it with the things I eat or the things
Speaker 3: I drink.
Speaker 2: Right well, speaking of bad relationships, and I would love
Speaker 2: to kind of switch gears to, you know something brain
Speaker 2: wise stuff I didn't know. So I was in a
Speaker 2: really bad abusive relationship when I was nineteen and she
Speaker 2: tried to kill me.
Speaker 1: He went to jail. It was the whole, the whole thing.
Speaker 2: And from that relationship, I had really, really, really bad PTSD,
Speaker 2: where I just I couldn't even leave my house. I
Speaker 2: was afraid for my life. I even though I knew
Speaker 2: he was in jail, I would still see his face.
Speaker 2: I mean, it was just And I ended up going
Speaker 2: to my therapist. And I'd never been on an anxiety
Speaker 2: medicine and never even had anxiety attack until after this
Speaker 2: incident had happened where you know, he was on top
Speaker 2: of me and you know, beating me up and choking me.
Speaker 2: And so so from that moment, anytime I ever feel
Speaker 2: trapped or claustrophobic, like I will start to have an
Speaker 2: anxiety attack or again being on in person. This was
Speaker 2: back in my early twenties, and I remember going to
Speaker 2: my therapist going, if you don't prescribe me something now,
Speaker 2: like I can't live my life like this anymore. And
Speaker 2: so then he was telling me about like the serotonin
Speaker 2: levels in your brain and do you how do I
Speaker 2: say this?
Speaker 1: Do you think that? Wit?
Speaker 3: Let me?
Speaker 2: I'm separate that. So there's that piece. And then I
Speaker 2: was on medicine for almost nineteen years. I've recently just
Speaker 2: got off my Lexapro a year and a half ago,
Speaker 2: so I've been without anxiety medicine for a year and
Speaker 2: a half and I know now how to deal with
Speaker 2: anxiety and it doesn't take over my life the way
Speaker 2: that it used to. But I've had someone else who
Speaker 2: I was recently had they were having an anxiety we're
Speaker 2: talking about it, and she said she had one anxiety attack.
Speaker 2: The doctor prescribed her medicine. And I'm like, why so soon, Like,
Speaker 2: you just had one anxiety attack, Like why would you
Speaker 2: just She's like, well, they were saying the serotonin levels
Speaker 2: are now going to be messed up. And I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 2: but you only had one, Like maybe your body was
Speaker 2: just not it was fearing something in that moment, and
Speaker 2: like that's what you should look into.
Speaker 1: So I guess my question is, like, how does it?
Speaker 2: Because I was told medicine is the only way to
Speaker 2: fix the serotonin levels late.
Speaker 1: Crap, mm hmm.
Speaker 3: That's just the Yeah, And perhaps if I had been
Speaker 3: treating you, I would have given you medicine, but it
Speaker 3: had never been the first thing I did.
Speaker 4: The only thing I did.
Speaker 2: Have you ever had em DR A specific so EMDR
Speaker 2: is what saved me basically, I mean that was I
Speaker 2: did that for three years, you know, in the therapy
Speaker 2: that I was doing, and that had that helped me
Speaker 2: get back on a car in a freeway, that helped me,
Speaker 2: you know, do all the things that was keeping me
Speaker 2: locked in. So yeah, I mean I'm a huge advocate
Speaker 2: for EMDR because it helped me a ton. And then
Speaker 2: post divorce was when I was like, wait a minute,
Speaker 2: I haven't had an anxiety attack at all. And then
Speaker 2: I think it was my body's way of going, you're safe.
Speaker 2: Now you can get off your medicine. So and I
Speaker 2: don't know if that is in relation to it, or
Speaker 2: maybe my levels just I don't know, like, is there
Speaker 2: That's the thing I wanted. I would love to know,
Speaker 2: because I'm like, is it just the many years I
Speaker 2: was on and my body just kind of stabilized, or
Speaker 2: was it I got out of a toxic situation and
Speaker 2: I felt safe and then I don't fear anymore.
Speaker 3: Well, trauma gets stuck in your brain, and EMDR helps
Speaker 3: to get you unstuck. And then of course, learning how
Speaker 3: to not believe every stupid thing you think, learning how
Speaker 3: to settle your body, either with things like hypnosis or
Speaker 3: meditation or diapframatic breathing, something I like a lot too
Speaker 3: called vaguel nerve stimulation can just help calm your nervous system.
Speaker 3: You see the problem with psychiatric drugs is once you
Speaker 3: start them, they change your brain to need them in
Speaker 3: order for you to feel normal. And having one panic attack,
Speaker 3: often people go to the emergency room. They end up
Speaker 3: an SSRI, or they end up on a benzo for
Speaker 3: God's sakes, which are addictive and increase your risk for
Speaker 3: Alzheimer's disease because it's a short term fix. Helps you
Speaker 3: feel better fast, but clearly doesn't last. And I want
Speaker 3: you to feel better fast, but in ways that lasts
Speaker 3: over time that support the health of your brain rather
Speaker 3: than hurt your brain. Like I'm not a fan of benzo's.
Speaker 3: I mean I rarely prescribed them because once you start them,
Speaker 3: people don't stop them.
Speaker 4: That's the problem.
Speaker 3: And it's like, well, you haven't been anxious your whole life,
Speaker 3: Now you have a panic attack or you have seven
Speaker 3: of them, and then you're not dealing with what's the cause,
Speaker 3: what's the root? And I think for you, given the
Speaker 3: severe abuse, you had to calm down your brain. But
Speaker 3: you know magnesium does that, or Ashua Gandha does that,
Speaker 3: or Fielning does that, and why not start with natural things?
Speaker 3: And then if they don't work. Go stronger and stronger
Speaker 3: until you get something that works. But I found emd
Speaker 3: are so helpful.
Speaker 1: It really is.
Speaker 2: And she did that in brain spotting, so I don't
Speaker 2: know like what the exact difference is, but it was
Speaker 2: she kind of did both at the same time in
Speaker 2: a way, and it was yeah, I mean it's changed
Speaker 2: to each other.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was. It was incredible.
Speaker 3: And I love another one called Havening. So now when
Speaker 3: you get upset. So they're all based on this bilateral
Speaker 3: hemisphere stimulation. If you stimulate one side of the brain,
Speaker 3: then the other one side, then the other one side
Speaker 3: than the other, and that's what they do with the
Speaker 3: eye movements or the tapping.
Speaker 4: Ron.
Speaker 3: Rudden out of New York found if you just do this,
Speaker 3: go into the thing that's bothering you or I guess
Speaker 3: my favorite.
Speaker 4: One is this.
Speaker 3: It really just seems to calm you down.
Speaker 4: Like how simple is that?
Speaker 3: And you know it's simple to take a medicine, but
Speaker 3: you know, something like lexapro can decrease or libido make
Speaker 3: it harder to have an orgasm.
Speaker 4: You know, it's it's like, well, why are we going
Speaker 4: to do that first?
Speaker 1: Hmm?
Speaker 2: Yeah, Okay, interesting and I'm so curious too when we
Speaker 2: do the scan your brain because you have how many
Speaker 2: different locations do you have? Around eleven eleven? That's amazing
Speaker 2: because I'm so fascinated by your story with your nephew,
Speaker 2: and I really encourage people to go to your page
Speaker 2: and just read everything about you, but just hearing how
Speaker 2: certain things that can you know your brain, I mean
Speaker 2: can just trigger everything with like who you are and
Speaker 2: how you are.
Speaker 1: And I just I'm curious to see like what we
Speaker 1: see when we do that.
Speaker 2: So I feel like we have to have a part
Speaker 2: two to this podcast to be like, all right, let's dissect.
Speaker 1: Now what my brain like.
Speaker 2: And when we look at it, would you be like,
Speaker 2: all right, this is what you need to do or like,
Speaker 2: how does that like?
Speaker 1: Where do we go? Do you give me like a
Speaker 1: game plan?
Speaker 3: So we do a study called brain spectumagaine, and spec
Speaker 3: looks a blood flow and activity.
Speaker 4: It looks at how your brain works.
Speaker 3: And basically tells us three things. Is it healthy, interactive,
Speaker 3: or overactive? And then my job becomes balancing it. But
Speaker 3: when you come to see me, we're going to take
Speaker 3: a really detailed history. I want to know the story
Speaker 3: of your life, because I have to put your scan
Speaker 3: in the context of your life, and then you bet,
Speaker 3: I'll give you a plan and if it's really healthy,
Speaker 3: we'll celebrate. And if it's not well rehabilitated, I mean,
Speaker 3: I love making bad brains better. So that's like my
Speaker 3: favorite thing to do. I did the big NFL study
Speaker 3: when the NFL was sort of lying it had a
Speaker 3: problem with traumatic brain injury and football.
Speaker 4: High levels of damage.
Speaker 3: Stop lying about it. But eighty percent of my players
Speaker 3: get better when we put them on a rehabilitation program,
Speaker 3: which is basically three things. Brain envy. You got to
Speaker 3: start caring about your brain. Freud was wrong, venus envy
Speaker 3: is not the cause of an anybody's problem. Haven't seen
Speaker 3: it once in forty years. He had the wrong organ.
Speaker 3: It's your brain. So that's step one. Care two. So
Speaker 3: you have to start avoiding anything that hurts your brain.
Speaker 3: And just know the list, from going to bed late
Speaker 3: to alcohol, marijuana, to bad food to being overweight. To
Speaker 3: avoid those things and then do regular things that help
Speaker 3: your brain. Multiple vitamin especially B vitamins B six, B twelve,
Speaker 3: and FOL light have been found to enhance memory and
Speaker 3: actually decrease the conversion of this thing we call mild
Speaker 3: cognitive impairment. You have mild memory problems to severe memory problems.
Speaker 3: Vitamin D. People have low vitamin D have smaller brains.
Speaker 3: I mean, how simple is that? Take five thousand units
Speaker 3: of vitamin D a day, Omega three fatty acids. Put
Speaker 3: my players on a special cocktail of supplements that help them.
Speaker 3: Eighty percent of brain damage players got better on our program.
Speaker 3: How exciting is that you're not stuck with what you have.
Speaker 3: You can make it better.
Speaker 2: Do you ever see a world where insurance companies would
Speaker 2: let would have would pay for, not pay for, but
Speaker 2: help pay for brain scans, since the brain basically controls
Speaker 2: our body. And it is with mental health illness on
Speaker 2: the rise and with you know people like this would
Speaker 2: help people so much.
Speaker 3: I think so, but not until we change the pair paradigm.
Speaker 3: The problem is with the words mental illness.
Speaker 1: I hate that okay tummy because.
Speaker 3: It shames people. It stigmatizes people, and it's wrong. Until
Speaker 3: psychiatry stops acting like it did in the eighteenth century,
Speaker 3: making diagnoses based on symptom clusters with no biological data.
Speaker 3: Until we stop this crazy paradigm that makes pharmaceutical companies
Speaker 3: uber wealthy and people poor. See our database is now
Speaker 3: two hundred and thirty thousand scants. And the big lesson
Speaker 3: is most psychiatric illnesses are not mental health issues.
Speaker 4: They are brain health issues.
Speaker 3: And that one idea changes everything. Rather than go to
Speaker 3: a therapist and talk about your mind, should we go
Speaker 3: to a therapists and talk about, well, how's my brain?
Speaker 3: How's the physical functioning of my brain? I'm in Justin
Speaker 3: Bieber's Docusaries seasons because I've been as doctor, and you know,
Speaker 3: like many famous people, he'd come, he'd not come, you'd
Speaker 3: do it, I say, mostly not. And then when it
Speaker 3: was gone through a hard time, he came and he
Speaker 3: said something so profound. He said, I think I get
Speaker 3: what you're trying to tell me. My brain is an organ,
Speaker 3: like my heart is an organ. If you told me
Speaker 3: I had art problems, I'd do everything you said. And
Speaker 3: then as he engaged in brain healthy habits, he lost
Speaker 3: the bipolar disordered diagnosis, and other psychiatrist dave them and
Speaker 3: he did much better. So it completely changes the focus
Speaker 3: away from your mind, which is vague and hard to define,
Speaker 3: to the physical functioning of your brain.
Speaker 2: So fascinating, and again like, yeah, if you look at
Speaker 2: it like that, I mean, if you told me that
Speaker 2: I had That's why I want to go sobout so
Speaker 2: why I want to do all the scans to be right?
Speaker 2: What do I need to like do to make sure
Speaker 2: that I stay healthy? And I love you with your
Speaker 2: book change your brain every day? I mean you give
Speaker 2: every day how to change your brain something for so
Speaker 2: what's a few that the book right now? But also
Speaker 2: what are a few things to help change your brain
Speaker 2: that you write?
Speaker 3: Start every day?
Speaker 4: It'd be a great day.
Speaker 3: I really to train your brain to look for what's
Speaker 3: right rather than what's wrong. My favorite exercise, the one
Speaker 3: I do every day, and I've done it for over
Speaker 3: a decade, is when I go to bed at night,
Speaker 3: I say a prayer and then I.
Speaker 4: Go what went well today?
Speaker 3: And I actually start at the beginning of my day,
Speaker 3: go hour by hour looking for what I liked about
Speaker 3: my day. So talking to you, that'll make the highlight
Speaker 3: real tonight and it's so important. And then before I
Speaker 3: make any decision today, I asked myself this question, it's
Speaker 3: just good for my brain or bad for it? And
Speaker 3: if I can answer that with information and love, love
Speaker 3: of myself, love of my family, love of the reason
Speaker 3: I'm on the earth. Let's make better decisions. I also
Speaker 3: take multiple vitamin I'll take smart mushrooms, not magic mushrooms,
Speaker 3: but I'm a huge fan of Lion's maine and turkey
Speaker 3: tail and Rishi and Cortes EPs mushrooms, So I have
Speaker 3: my supplements. Another one I love is Saffron. Saffron has
Speaker 3: twenty four randomized controlled trials showing it's equally effective antidepressants.
Speaker 3: So when the doctor thought you were depressed, I had
Speaker 3: to put you on happy Saffron rather than lexapro. And
Speaker 3: if it didn't work, I'd go to lexapro. Right, So
Speaker 3: I want to make sure the message is clear. I'll
Speaker 3: eat a very low carbohydrate diet because diabetes, pre diabetes,
Speaker 3: obesity is the enemy of brain health, and so what
Speaker 3: you eat is critical. People have a fat based diet. Avocados,
Speaker 3: nuts and seeds, healthy oils, fatty fish have forty two
Speaker 3: percent less risk of getting Alzheimer's disease, according to a
Speaker 3: study from the Mayo Clinic. People have a simple carbohydrate
Speaker 3: based diet, so think of the standard American diet bread, pasta, potatoes,
Speaker 3: rice fruit, juice, sugar four hundred percent increase risk of
Speaker 3: getting Alzheimer's.
Speaker 4: I'm not okay with that.
Speaker 3: And so the food I eat, and I always want
Speaker 3: you to ask this question, do I love it? And
Speaker 3: does it love me? Because it's a relationship and I
Speaker 3: only like every day. I figured out recently how to
Speaker 3: make my own lemonade slushy. I just take a whole lemon,
Speaker 3: put it in a blender with sparkling water, ice, and
Speaker 3: a little bit of chocolate Stevia. There's a company I
Speaker 3: like called Sweet Leaf. They make like ten different flavors
Speaker 3: of stevia. I blend it and it just like going
Speaker 3: to seven to eleven and getting a slushy, except this
Speaker 3: one's healthy and I love it and it loves me.
Speaker 3: Or I make brain healthy hot chocolate every night for
Speaker 3: my family, unsweetened almond milk, organic almond milk with raw cacao,
Speaker 3: which is just loaded with healthy compounds and increased blood
Speaker 3: float of the brain, little bit of chocolate stevia.
Speaker 4: Put it in a blender. Eighty four calories. I'm happy
Speaker 4: as a clam.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 2: I mean, do you have that in your book too?
Speaker 2: Like you do you have a I.
Speaker 3: Don't have the lemonade one because I just figured it out.
Speaker 1: Okay, well you'll send me that one.
Speaker 3: And I have a new book coming out next year
Speaker 3: called Raising Mentally Strong Kids.
Speaker 2: Oh see, I really really would love to read that
Speaker 2: one too, because I'm just doing the best that I
Speaker 2: can because you know, obviously I know all about my
Speaker 2: childhood traumas from doing all the therapy, and so I'm
Speaker 2: just i have a seven and a four year old,
Speaker 2: so I'm trying to you know, what I'd love to
Speaker 2: know more like what I can do as a mom
Speaker 2: to just help guide them in better, better directions.
Speaker 3: Yeah, read parenting with love and logic. It is so
Speaker 3: awesome because ultimately, when you grow up with someone who's
Speaker 3: very successful or famous, that already gives you some negative
Speaker 3: thoughts about yourself how could I ever live up? And
Speaker 3: you help them by not doing too much for them
Speaker 3: right when you have a lot, You're like, oh, I
Speaker 3: love them so much.
Speaker 4: I don't want them.
Speaker 3: To suffer, and that will cause entitlement and suffering, and
Speaker 3: so it's really important that they have chores that you
Speaker 3: teach them to solve their own problems. Oh mommy on board,
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, well, we should do boredom training. I
Speaker 3: wonder what you could do about that that does not
Speaker 3: involve devices.
Speaker 2: Well, no, So my thing is I'm like, go outside,
Speaker 2: like I am such an advocate, and that's where like
Speaker 2: my ex and I because I'm like, I hate the iPad.
Speaker 2: I mean, I love that. I hate saying hate, but
Speaker 2: I just I do. I just I don't like to
Speaker 2: go outside.
Speaker 3: Because those companies are after mind share and they're stealing
Speaker 3: a generation of children. Fifty seven percent of girls are
Speaker 3: persistently sad. And the more you're on a social media
Speaker 3: site and on average Jenna, children spend three point five
Speaker 3: hours a day and the third of kids are constantly
Speaker 3: on social media sites, this is we're on the front
Speaker 3: edge of a tidal wave. Yeah, brain and mental health
Speaker 3: problems in children. So parents, they need to be off
Speaker 3: their devices themselves and delay it as long as you can.
Speaker 3: If they're fourteen and they don't have a phone, they're not.
Speaker 4: Going to die.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And that's how I keep saying, like my daughter
Speaker 2: might dislike me because all her friends, I don't care.
Speaker 2: I don't want her on it because I know what
Speaker 2: it's has done to me with all the negative comments
Speaker 2: and people saying things and the filters and this, and
Speaker 2: I'm like, well, well kind of like my nose better
Speaker 2: in this filter. And then I'm like, nope, no more filters,
Speaker 2: no more nothing like cause it's like it's it messes
Speaker 2: with you. And then I get depressed and then I'm like,
Speaker 2: n noah, no more. Don't like it.
Speaker 1: It's absolutely I don't want it from my kids.
Speaker 4: Correct.
Speaker 3: And so you know, given that you know many of
Speaker 3: their friends will have it, they won't like you, But
Speaker 3: I guarantee they won't like you more if you don't
Speaker 3: supervise them. So I've often said that is kids hate
Speaker 3: to be supervised, and they hate it more when they're not.
Speaker 3: But the trick is is you have no influence without connection.
Speaker 3: And so four and seven these are perfect ages. I
Speaker 3: do special time with each of them every day twenty minutes,
Speaker 3: ten twenty minutes and go, hey, this is your time.
Speaker 3: And during that time, no devices, and go this is
Speaker 3: your time, no commands, no questions, no direction. Do something
Speaker 3: with them. It's not TV or video games that they
Speaker 3: want to do. And if you do that every day
Speaker 3: over a couple of years, it's like money in the bank.
Speaker 3: If you want your children to pick your values, time
Speaker 3: and be a good listener. And too often, especially for women,
Speaker 3: I'll probably get hate mail for this. Especially for women,
Speaker 3: they talk too much because they have language on both
Speaker 3: sides of their brain. Guys just have language on the
Speaker 3: left side of their brain. It's be a really good listener.
Speaker 3: This thing I teach in the book called active listening.
Speaker 3: When they say something, don't respond, listen and then repeat
Speaker 3: back what you're hearing and listen for the feelings behind
Speaker 3: what you're hearing. And if you do that, they'll keep talking.
Speaker 3: So many kids, they parents bring them to me and
Speaker 3: they go, oh, he said he won't talk to you.
Speaker 4: I go, I know, it's really hard.
Speaker 3: And once I shut the door and I actually listen,
Speaker 3: they won't shut up.
Speaker 4: That like little chotterboxes.
Speaker 3: And the parents like, how would you do that? It's
Speaker 3: like I didn't say anything, you know, I just listened
Speaker 3: and reflected right.
Speaker 4: Fact.
Speaker 3: So if you spend time with them just that ten
Speaker 3: twenty minutes a day and you're a really good listener,
Speaker 3: they're going to bond with you. It's ultimately what humans want.
Speaker 3: We want to be bonded to safe parents. And then
Speaker 3: they tend to pick your values.
Speaker 2: Well, you are just I could talk to you all day,
Speaker 2: but I know you were a very busy man, So
Speaker 2: thank you for coming on the show, and I just
Speaker 2: I appreciate everything that you're doing and thank you for Yeah.
Speaker 2: I love how even how you switch the whole mental
Speaker 2: health thing. I mean, I get everything you say, and
Speaker 2: so I just I appreciate you coming on, and I
Speaker 2: cannot wait to meet you in person and check out
Speaker 2: my brain and all the trauma that it might still
Speaker 2: have but it's okay because we're going to fix it.
Speaker 3: Well, you do lots of really good things for it.
Speaker 3: So I look forward to seeing you in person, hopefully soon,
Speaker 3: and thank you for helping me spread the message. It's
Speaker 3: not mental illness, it's brain.
Speaker 2: Health, absolutely, and I really appreciate you saying that. So
Speaker 2: thank you for coming on and I'll see you soon.
Speaker 2: Thank you all right, bye, honey, bye. Everybody get doctor
Speaker 2: Daniel Amon's book, Change your Brain every Day, and I
Speaker 2: love what he said about mental health illness. It's not
Speaker 2: it's about the brain health and getting brain healthy. So
Speaker 2: I am ordering at Decartes.
Speaker 1: See you guys later.