00:00:08 Speaker 1: Well, I invited you, hear thought. I made myself perfectly clear. But you're, I guess to my home. You gotta come to be. 00:00:23 Speaker 2: Empty, and I said, no, guests. Your presence is presence, and I already had too much stuff, So how did you dare. 00:00:36 Speaker 1: To surbey me? 00:00:48 Speaker 3: Here we are it's I said, no gifts. I'm Bridger Wineger. I'm about five days out from a haircut. I just need everyone to bear with me, and and the person that is currently dealing with it the most is my wonderful guest, just a wonderful, wonderful energy and such a funny person. Caroline Goldfarb, Caroline, welcome to I said no gifts. I'm so excited. I'm compelling. I'm completely compelling. How are you? I'm good, I'm great, Bridgie, your hair looks fantastic. I don't strongly disagree, strongly disagree. We're two months from my last haircut at this point, and this is how good it looks. Fridgie, you look like a superhero. Thank you. The swirl I've got constantly have the swirl. My hair is just kind of out of control and I let it do its own thing. The wind has been kind of blasting at the last couple of days. Your hair looks like a strawberry Foster's Freeze, and I just want to get in there. I've never had a Foster's fur ez. Oh, Bridger, what are you hang to me? You haven't left a foster Spreeze? Does feel right up your alley? Of course? 00:02:05 Speaker 4: Uh? 00:02:06 Speaker 3: Pure garbage neon color Ye, anthropomorphic food mascot. Wait what is their mascot? It's a little swirling man. Oh, just like a little ice cream guy. Yeah, he's cute as hell. Fin, he's cute. Is Foster's Freeze a restaurant or just a nice cream place? 00:02:24 Speaker 4: It's so much more than both of those things. They have food, but it's mostly just the ice cream. And they're specialize in a dipped cone. 00:02:32 Speaker 3: Oh sure, like the hardened cone stuff whatever that material Again, another thing that I feel like is really in your wheelhouse. It's just a chemical Leiden. Yes, food product. Yes, Yes, I love high and low. That's the thing. You're very You really ride that line in an incredible way. 00:02:52 Speaker 4: I write it like a goddamn mechanical bull. It's all ranch, baby, I write it. 00:02:57 Speaker 3: I love I love below. 00:02:59 Speaker 4: Like Oh like I could, I could get lost in the pop tarts aisle, of course, or like new Cereals, Like I was at the market this this, oh the markets, and I was perusing the cereal aisles and I saw some Cereals. 00:03:14 Speaker 3: Cereals. Really they're making strides. I think that Cereal is in a an area right now where that most people have realized that you probably shouldn't have that as your main breakfast. And they're in a panic mode where they're just saying, we're going to make everything. They're going to try every single thing. They're the wall and see what did you see? Okay? They have like you know, the the powdered donuts right like a doughnut. 00:03:42 Speaker 5: They have doughnuts, Cereals branded doughnuts like the gas station donut. 00:03:48 Speaker 3: Yes, those turned into what no homage? It is the donut brand. And did you get some? 00:03:54 Speaker 4: No, I don't. 00:03:55 Speaker 3: I don't actually eat all that shit. It's the powdered one though. Yeah, they were power because the one I usually have is the chocolate donut. Well, I say usually, like I'm at the gas station getting donuts every week, but I remember when I would get a donut. Do you remember this chocolate one? The chocolate ones were not my thing. It's like a weirdly I was flavorless wax. 00:04:19 Speaker 4: It's kind of like the coating on taglongs. It's exactly, this isn't chocolate. Yes, this is waxy like thank you, closer to a candle than anything else. 00:04:29 Speaker 3: You are confirming what and God bless the Girl Scouts the tag. 00:04:33 Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, doing great things. The tag Longs are fucking disgusting. It's such a missed opportunity on such a huge level. I'd rather literally eat a Yankee candle with a spoon. I would rather sit eat an. 00:04:45 Speaker 4: Entire Yankee candle. I'm not a Girl Scout cookie person, and I'm a Girl Scout, Proud Girl Scout, Daisies, Brownies and Girl Scouts I like a samoa. 00:04:52 Speaker 3: But yeah, they're all fucking tru samoas. Have the Girl Scout cookies lowered in quality in years? Or have my tastes gotten? 00:05:00 Speaker 1: You know? 00:05:01 Speaker 3: That's and again we should still be buying Girl Scout cookies. I don't know that I've read anything too terrible about the Girl Scouts there. 00:05:09 Speaker 4: Oh, it's like they're pretty much fine, like promoting women's leadership, okay, bean in that kind of stuff. Okay, so we have Cheryl Sandberg now is like, we don't even need the Girl Scouts in a world where Chrissy Teagan exists. 00:05:20 Speaker 3: It's like scrolling through Chrissy Teagan's Twitter. 00:05:22 Speaker 4: Feed for two minutes is more empowering than all fifteen years I spent in Girl Scouts just saying anyway, Oh, okay, so they had Okay, this one really got me. 00:05:31 Speaker 3: Cinnamon for cinnamon, frosted flakes, Okay, I could get wait, frosted flakes. 00:05:36 Speaker 4: I don't. 00:05:36 Speaker 3: I think frost flakes are disgusting. You hate frosted flakes? Why would you get I mean, there are so many options in cereals. I'm pulling up the video because I need to. 00:05:45 Speaker 4: I just need to make sure I don't forget any of them. Oh god, there were so many disgusting cereals. 00:05:50 Speaker 3: Oh oh what else was there? They had? Like birthday cake, fruity pebbles, bad idea. They had something called birthday cake anything not. Oh, it's a it's just sure like the definition of birthday cake is just sweet. Like that's not a flavor profile, it's just a color. 00:06:11 Speaker 4: Birthday cake speaks to something like very dark. It's a very dark side of our American society's obsession with birthdays. This obsession, it's like me, me, me, culture narcissism. 00:06:23 Speaker 3: I just don't. 00:06:24 Speaker 4: I don't get down with birthday cake at all as a genre literally whatsoever. Oh they had something called I just want to make sure I get the name exactly right. I believe they were called pillows. It was like this kind of fruit loops birthday cake. Okay, Oh, cinnamon toast crunch churros. 00:06:42 Speaker 3: Oh, I could probably get behind that. 00:06:43 Speaker 4: Okay, cinnamon too's crunch, like a cinnamon toast crunch, mega stuffed oreos cereal. 00:06:48 Speaker 3: Oh so it's just a more donuts watching this video and that your camera work is very disorient making. 00:06:55 Speaker 4: Best you know, they call me Caroline Spielberg. No, Caroline mckayl let's Fielburg. 00:07:00 Speaker 3: Oh my god? Just you guys know Mia Filberg is? Oh I don't. Is she his daughter? Listeners? Who heard that? Who know? MICHAELA reach out? Let me know who you are? Oh god, No, I get pillows. This is a Pillsberry brand cereal. Okay, pop tart cereal like basically makes sense to me. Oh my god, fruit flavored kicks. That sucks, I know, you're into pop through the pop darts eye. But look how many there are video cupcake feature length films of just all of the cereals you saw in a discount grocery outlet. Oh my god, just the island of misfit toys for cereal? Did you buy anything? I didn't buy any cereal. No, I can't have it in the house. Oh you'll go crazy. I can't even buy food as a joke anymore. Oh sure you know what? What food are you buying? Is a joke? 00:07:51 Speaker 4: Well that's I would buy a crazy cereal because I think it'd be funny to have laying around. 00:07:56 Speaker 3: Right then, it's like two days later, I'm my skin. 00:08:01 Speaker 4: Is gray, I mean half a box of doughnuts cereal. My like molars are loose. Kind of No, I can't. I can't fuck with that. The reason am I gonna am? I gonna share my secret. 00:08:14 Speaker 3: I'm gonna do it. Thank you. 00:08:15 Speaker 4: I was at a grocery store that I just discovered and it's completely changed my life in which way. There it's called grocery outlet. So there was Caroline b GC and now I'm a GC. After grocery outlet, I'm a different. 00:08:32 Speaker 3: Moment, and apparently it's a nationwide thing. People know about this. I am now that you say that, I can picture where it is. I've driven past it and of course been tempted to go in. It's unassuming. I would have never gone in. 00:08:44 Speaker 4: If someone didn't tell me about it. It was a hot tip from DJ Doug pound Jet. 00:08:49 Speaker 3: Okay, and how do I it's the TJ. 00:08:53 Speaker 4: Max of grocery stores, but it's with a heavy emphasis on whole foods items. 00:08:59 Speaker 3: Oh, it's all like fancy really outside of the cereal you've just demonstrated, which is not that any. 00:09:07 Speaker 4: I know well that that was shocking because I had seen like eye after I of all this healthy food. 00:09:12 Speaker 3: Right but almost expired oatly. I got like, oh I saw this on your Instagram. I got so much almost When you say almost expired, how many weeks have you got to drink all of this oatly? 00:09:26 Speaker 4: Like? Five? 00:09:27 Speaker 3: Five, deliciously five weeks? It feels like a decent amount of time. I'm up for the challenge. 00:09:33 Speaker 4: Of course, if the Olympics are canceled, like I got my own Olympics going on at home, bitch, I'm absolutely pounding. 00:09:39 Speaker 3: Are you drinking oatly or putting it in your coffee. Coffee, okay time? What I mean when is your coffee? Are you making a latte at home? 00:09:47 Speaker 4: I got this fancy espresso machine, and yeah, it's pretty much changed everything for me. 00:09:55 Speaker 3: I wonder how old this oatly actually is? How? I mean, how long? 00:09:59 Speaker 1: Cow? 00:09:59 Speaker 3: It's Oh, it's water and last. Well, that's a good question. 00:10:03 Speaker 4: When you put it like that, you know it seems near rancid. It's definitely. I feel like oats, don't. I feel like oats are like end time food. Oat milk should be the preferred beverage. 00:10:18 Speaker 3: What the oat industry wants you to think? I don't know, and you've exposed them. I don't all this fancy beer on clear. Now you've brought this beer with you. That's gorgeous. It's a new personality, vibrant. It matches your fingernails. 00:10:30 Speaker 1: Thank you. 00:10:30 Speaker 4: It's called Tropical Hazy sour Ale. It's by this brand, Anderson Valley. I love this beer brand. 00:10:36 Speaker 3: It's been expired for three years. Oh god, it's so old. My stomach hurts. Akians so good, it's just everything. I'm a discount free. Oh you're talking. You are preaching to the choir here. If you put outlet after a word, I'll be in there buying whatever they've got. 00:10:56 Speaker 4: Oh my god, my whole childhood was just discounts, scams, bargains. Like my earliest childhood memories of being with my mom aren't like her reading a. 00:11:08 Speaker 3: Book to me. 00:11:09 Speaker 4: It would be us at a garage sale and my mom would go, I want to buy this pan. You go up and ask how much it is. Because you're a little kid, he'll give you a cheaper price. So I'd be, like four years old, like how much for this like fucking pressure cooker? 00:11:23 Speaker 3: Like for you, little girl, five dollars. 00:11:25 Speaker 4: Anyway, discounts, bargains, it's it's what gets me going. 00:11:29 Speaker 3: You're I mean, I know a little bit about your mom. I think the one story I've heard is that she picked flowers at Disneyland, yes, which I just think is incredible. 00:11:38 Speaker 4: She you well, okay, I guess I'm not a plant person, but certain vines are like self starting, like you can cut at your line and it'll regrow. So my mom has a beautiful house in the valley, and it's covered in all these gorgeous vines, and it all came from a stema Disneyland. 00:11:57 Speaker 3: Did she pick the stem at the end of your trip to this man? Or was she like did she throw it in her purse? How does that work? 00:12:02 Speaker 4: I just remember looking over at her and she was using a plastic knife. I love that, like the hot dog stand and just suck. 00:12:07 Speaker 3: This is what everyone and it's a beautiful vibe with a beautiful trimming. Well, yeah, Disneyland does a fantastic joke. I forgot that she did that. Thank you for reminding me. Well, thank you for telling me. Yeah, we should be looting plants at Disneyland. I think it's just a beautiful thing to get your money's worse. Yes, what else are you paying for? Bridger? Are you a Disneyland person? I'm not good. That's healthy. I mean I'll go if people are going, Oh god, But i mean, first of all, I'm against how much it costs. Disgusting. If you go with a bad crowd, you're just bored for hours on end. Oh you're just trapped in line with nothing to say to each other. I'll go occasionally. I'll go with my niece, and that's a different healthy. That's healthy. I did go about ten years ago. I want with some friends and one friend had been there a year prior and met this one June, who is obsessed with the peter Pan Ride. In squib, I wish it was June's squib. She's obsessed June. So they got married. He married June's squib. Underneath Cinderella's castles are out. I'm at this door and like this woman is her. She may very well be dead by now, but she is obsessed with Peter Pan. And she says that she wants she's always the last in line, uh like three days a week at the Peter Pan Ride so she can put Peter to bed. She's this woman with this like huge hair. And we had been on the tea cups and I was deeply sick from it, and but I knew I wanted to meet this woman her energy. We met her, and I was cured this. She's the strangest person I've ever met. But be on the lookout if you're at Disneyland of Peter Pan as it's closing for June. 00:13:54 Speaker 4: If she's stills the cure for coronavirus, she might be she might be our you know, I just licked her. 00:14:00 Speaker 3: And if we all can get a taste of June yesked it in my mouth, June. But she's kind of amazing. Disney people are, I'm sorry, they're the worst. The Disney session. I don't know where it's coming from. And it feels like a broken childhood. But it feels like it's maybe more childhoods are being broken. I don't know, but I just feel like it's maybe it's because also Disney's taking over the world regardless. But oh yeah, well they own like ninety percent I mean your podcast. Oh yeah, this is a Disney this is a Disney property. It's going to become an animated feature. 00:14:33 Speaker 4: Biger is silently standing in the corner. I will say, though all Disney hate a side. Bob Biger, is this, hands down, full stop, the sexiest male CEO of any major company. 00:14:44 Speaker 3: Well, I have to look him up. Do you really think? No, I'm picturing just the whitest man in the world. But I'm going to decide whether that's true. 00:14:54 Speaker 4: Okay, there are no pictures of him online shirtless, but you can still get a pretty good sense of it from him in a suit. 00:15:00 Speaker 3: He is super tall, that's number one. Okay, he I mean he's got an I'm not going to argue with you. I'm not going to disagree. He's got a good look. Kind of an if James Bond was an elf. 00:15:12 Speaker 4: What that's so? 00:15:13 Speaker 3: That was nasty? 00:15:14 Speaker 2: What you just know? 00:15:15 Speaker 3: I think I don't I think I don't think that's bad. I think he has a you have to agree, a mildly fantasy creature looks. He is the c of Disney. Yeah, so it works like the sexiest elf on the planet. Yeah, I mean his ears are a little pointing. He guy's kind of a little pointy nose. He got a glint in his eye, but very good looking. He's super disagree and he does the Versa climber every day. This is part of his legend. That's a Versa climber. 00:15:41 Speaker 4: Oh, it's just so funny to me because right now is your record for next door to my Pilate studio, which has Versa climbers. 00:15:49 Speaker 3: It is a death trap. It's a cardio machine that's. 00:15:52 Speaker 4: Just just a vertical It's like a long steel pole with these moving handles and feet parts and his death it is pure cardio. 00:16:00 Speaker 3: It's so unpleasant. Your arms and legs are moving, your arms and les are moving, and your arms are just going like you're climbing a ladder or something. 00:16:06 Speaker 4: It's like a yeah, it's like if Beal's above himself created a ladder. 00:16:12 Speaker 6: It's like a ladder from the just never ending pushing the rock up the hill. But with a ladder it's very sisphical. 00:16:18 Speaker 3: Yes, that's what it should have been, Sisophonian climber god. 00:16:25 Speaker 4: Bob. 00:16:26 Speaker 3: Yeah, Bob, we've decided you're a pretty good looking man. I wonder how old is he's probably sixty three. I think I put that out of sixty three for sixty three. Come on, he looks good. Absolutely, I'm not going to disagree. I mean, Dave Holmes was on recently and he was trying to make an argument for Fred Durst being sexy, and I had to disagree. But Bob Iger, I'm on board. I'm absolutely on board. Welcome to the team, Bob, reach out to us. We'll work something out. 00:16:54 Speaker 4: You can monop believe me any day. Merge do a merger with our genitals, Daddy, I'm open. Whatever you want. 00:17:01 Speaker 3: I'm just kidding. Sorry whatever. Oh, I'm spent. Caroline, the podcast is called I said no gifts here you are time? Did you? You came here tonight with a gift what's the I mean, do you want me to open it? 00:17:22 Speaker 4: Okay, So before you open it, I want to just tell you this is extra merchandise, okay, that I have in my house. 00:17:30 Speaker 3: Well, I'm not gonna say it. You're just we'll get into this. I'm going to open up this bag. I'm just gonna also say this bag was provided by me. Yeah, but that's fine, that's fine. 00:17:43 Speaker 4: Okay. 00:17:43 Speaker 3: If I dragged me away, I'm going to drag you expose me. Let's see here, I'm looking. Oh my god, you're making such a show of it. You're like ripely to the dishy paper. What. Oh my, this is incredible. This is a Mariah care sticker sheet. Yeah, you brought me. It looks like it's about ten to twelve photos of Mariah Carey stickers. Are these official stickers or is this no? These are yours? 00:18:13 Speaker 1: Yeah? 00:18:13 Speaker 3: This is the official Sean pen. So this is almost This feels like it's going to get you in legal trouble. Oh oh well, I've I've flirted with much legal trouble on my past. I mean, official Shan Pen feels like just a legal trap for people who don't know. Do you want to explain what. 00:18:29 Speaker 4: So, I run a somewhat famous Instagram acount called official shan Pen. I've run it for many years and it's just basically like my love letter to all things pop culture. 00:18:38 Speaker 3: It's like just my happy place. It's just like a crazy insane, like horny, very very horny. It's it's great. And I supplement my actual career income with chosh keys. Right. 00:18:54 Speaker 4: I love merch, yes, I love merch, stickers, towels, blankets. 00:18:59 Speaker 3: I own a I know you own a Judge Judy blanket or a towel. 00:19:03 Speaker 4: Oh and I'm making Judge study blankets as we speak, but Corona is really holding them up. 00:19:06 Speaker 3: That's a side story. Wait, so your Judge Judy beach towel is official Sean Pen merch. Yes, so it's not official Judge Judy. You are going to get sued. 00:19:17 Speaker 4: Yeah, as you as you've brought up a couple of times, using photos that you do not own and monetizing them is highly illegal. 00:19:24 Speaker 3: It's like rule number one. I can't wait for this podcast to be played in Core. She knew what she was doing. Okay, well, I've only had a couple close calls. Here's the thing. 00:19:35 Speaker 4: So it was like Caroline, how do you do it? How do you print photos that again you do not own on to merch and then sell said merch And the answer is I don't know, bitch. 00:19:44 Speaker 3: But I still keep doing it. Here's the thing you have to avoid if you're out there. This is like my lecture one oh one how to do this. Don't avoid litigious celebrities. Never you Beyonce Taylor Rake Hi, Hello, you're asking for it. I will also tell you, don't use Jehovah's Witness art. I made a fan page for the Jehovah's Witness art from their magazines. They shut it down. My god, Jehovah's Witnesses were done. Don't use their art. Isn't that like the whole point of religion to spreadge I was helping get, I mean, get the word out that their art looks insane. 00:20:20 Speaker 4: It's like give you a gold plated horn or like whatever is like the next level in Johah's Witness. Yeah, they're very very protective of their IP. I guess ridiculous. Okay, that's ridiculous, but. 00:20:32 Speaker 3: Okay, so don't use Beyonce. 00:20:34 Speaker 4: Neumbors and you know, just kind of fly under the radar. Until you get caught. I've only been I've only been caught twice. One was Oprah proper. 00:20:42 Speaker 3: Oh that makes sense, Oprah Proper. Well, what had you made with Oprah? 00:20:45 Speaker 4: Well, I made notebooks and pouches that that were a beautiful collage of her in her garden. 00:20:53 Speaker 3: I love Oprah's garden content. She has a huge farm in Hawaii. 00:20:57 Speaker 4: She posts a lot of content on her Instagram of like her picking tomatoes, just like these bountiful cornicopia's and harvest it's just amazing. So it's just like this claw and she's like it was just so beautiful. I mean, it's still up for sale website. Stop Oprah sent me, Harpo sent me a season assists. They're like, girl, you can't do this. And I was like, got you And I changed the name and I've been fine. 00:21:18 Speaker 3: I don't know. And then also Anna Nicole Smith's lady daddy like head. It definitely his name's Howard Stern. Howard Stern was okay, So she has her baby is Danny Lynn Burke. Oh okay. 00:21:31 Speaker 4: And there was the paternity praternity thing. It was either Howard K. Stern or was Larry burkehead but ted up Larr Burkehead. So Larry birkegs raising her in Kentucky out of limelight, and Larry Burkehead hit me up and he was like, yo, like your toe discovered in pictures of Annonicole Smith, Like we own her image. 00:21:48 Speaker 3: And that's sorry. I'm busy making money off of my dead wife, not you. He's like, only only one can play that game. He's like this town named big enough for the two of us. Anyway, So I've been pretty lucky. 00:22:01 Speaker 4: It's more of a passion than it is anything else for me, and a lot of people are like, Caroline, get a. 00:22:07 Speaker 3: Hobby, get a hobby, read a book. 00:22:09 Speaker 4: Yeah, it turns out making chosh keys and gouging the prices from my loyal fans is a hobby. 00:22:15 Speaker 3: What how much would the sticker sheet cost me? I mean, I know it's pretty okay, Well, a little tacky for me to ask how much a gift would cost, But I'm curious how much if I wanted to buy these stickers they retail They run you sex six, that's how bad they're like. They're beautiful, three high quality secrets. This looks like official Mariah merch. They will not. 00:22:31 Speaker 4: Scratch, they will not fade and be careful what you put them on, because they won't come on. I'm really serious, these things will last four fuck it ever, they're the cocka roatism stickers. My friend just saw her in Vegas. 00:22:41 Speaker 3: I was like, how was it? 00:22:42 Speaker 4: How was it? 00:22:42 Speaker 6: How was it? 00:22:42 Speaker 3: Because I've only heard crazy stories? And he said that she's definitely on the right. 00:22:47 Speaker 4: I quote balance of meds right now, great And he said that she was walking and she was singing and she was doing a great job. 00:22:53 Speaker 3: I just heard a positive story about Mariah too, working on some show and she was full professional. So Mariah, maybe she's Mariah fan? Oh of course, who isn't I mean? Do you have a favorite Maria song Maria album? 00:23:04 Speaker 4: Oh? My god, I like all the B sides. On the sides, I mean they're so well my Okay. My favorite song is definitely we Belong Together. Okay, that's like my classic karaoke jam. Have you ever tried to sing a Mariah song at karaoke? 00:23:17 Speaker 6: I can't sing at all. I can't sing happy Birthday? Really, I capy birthday is kind of low key hard to sing, is it really? 00:23:24 Speaker 3: I think so? 00:23:25 Speaker 4: It's because it's here's the thing, with Happy Birthday, there's no like agreed upon key I feel and I'm always like the minute. 00:23:32 Speaker 3: Before I start, I'm like, I go like three different scales. That that does make sense. Maybe that's why there's such a learning curve because nobody can get on the same page. And the first lines are pretty easy. It's like happy birthday to you. 00:23:46 Speaker 4: No, no, no, And then it's like towards the end, I feel like things start to kind of go off the rails, right, and I'm always like. 00:23:57 Speaker 3: Kind of getting into it. 00:23:58 Speaker 4: It's just and then you have a The other and the other thing with Happy Birthday is like it's one thing to sing a song alone. 00:24:03 Speaker 3: Won't you have people in your ears? 00:24:05 Speaker 1: Oh? 00:24:05 Speaker 3: Of course, it's like, oh I need to be the star. It's just like too much. I will say I will sing Judas Priest breaking the Law because it's just screaming. And at one point in a competition, I say Angels among Us. Oh my god, my face, by the way, for the listeners is completely blank. Both those songs are nothing. You don't know either. The song's breaking the law. You've got you have to be look at me. I'm a Jewish. I'm a fucking Jewish your way home. You're going to be blasting breaking the law, Okay, Bridger, I know, I will. I will listen to it. It's a story of a man down on his luck who's forced to break the law. You lost me it man, and it's just screaming you got it, you got to hear. And then the second one was like some fucking Jove's with this hymnal is It is like a weird country song about angels living among us or something, okay, which I mean obviously the Private Dancer. I'll do that too. 00:24:57 Speaker 4: Oh Okay, okay, I will say angels living a among us. That song sounds more like a Mariah song. 00:25:03 Speaker 3: I could see her doing an angel She probably has sung at it like a Christmas or my wheelhouse. 00:25:09 Speaker 4: Anyway, Oh, I love Mariah. I mean, there's just I don't even know where to start. It's like her one of her most recent album first of all, her album that just came out in twenty eighteen or twenty eighteen is one of the best. 00:25:20 Speaker 3: Albums of like the last five. I feel like I've heard a couple of songs off it, and she continues to make good pop songs right like she she knows what she's ameless. 00:25:29 Speaker 4: She can't do no wrong, like bipolar disorder has not held her back. Her memoir is apparently coming out this Christmas. I can't wait. 00:25:34 Speaker 3: Oh beautiful, okay, this Christmas. That's why someone just told me. Okay anyway. 00:25:39 Speaker 4: But her album before that was called I don't want to get this wrong, but I think I know it. Me dot dot dot, I am Mariah dot dot dot. 00:25:46 Speaker 3: The Elusive Sean TuS fuck. I think this sounds familiar. This sounds that feels at least close to. 00:25:52 Speaker 4: What it was like, very similar to the Harley Quinn. Steven is nodding, Yes, I got exactly right. 00:25:58 Speaker 3: So me more at myself. Me dot dot dot no, no, me period. I am Mariah dot dot dot the Elusive Sean twos. I'm like, oh, the content was not right at that time? And how is the music on that album not great? There's a couple okays. 00:26:13 Speaker 1: Are you a Maria fan? 00:26:14 Speaker 4: Yes? 00:26:15 Speaker 3: Karaoke jam Oh, dream Lover is incredible? I mean, who can resist dream Lover? Oh? Yeah, Caution was scene with Caution. 00:26:23 Speaker 4: I love that album, That whole album, like topped about Him, James Walla wall so good. Oh, I'm getting the chillest thing with my queen aries. Queen, we have birthdays one day apart. 00:26:34 Speaker 3: Can you tell? I think it's obvious you have a total Mariah energy, I know, unhinged, completely just unpredictlous. I'm melting down everywhere she goes. I will say, the last time I saw you, we were you were, I mean, you were making a scene and didn't Typhoon. You made a major scene that was a diva moment. It was though, I mean, I think it resulted in you getting like a free sprite. Didn't we get more than that? I don't think, I mean the result was absolutely not in comparison to the scene made we did. Didn't Typhoon really let us down. I feel like you made a good effort. We get if we dessert, we didn't get anything. I don't remember being I think they took like your soda off. Yeah, that's not nothing. I think the issue, Okay, didn't Typhon. 00:27:28 Speaker 4: As a restaurant in Los Angeles, there's really long waits and that one night it was like really crowded, which is part of the course, right, I'm like almost struggling to remember. 00:27:38 Speaker 3: I kind of know what my issue was, but I'm afraid to say because it's so embarrassing. I think that the issue was they were getting Yes, we waited a very long time and didn't Typhoon kind of poses itself as a kind of a nice environment, like a nice restaurant, and this was it felt like we were in the back of a costco. They put us. 00:28:01 Speaker 4: They put us in the fucking kitty section, daycare section, which I know, it's like, I'm not a monster, of course, I want people to have the freedom to bring their babies out. But they really sat as in the kids section. It was really and look at me, I am I'm a classy woman. 00:28:18 Speaker 3: From a per class from shop to b per. 00:28:20 Speaker 4: Glass, donut cereal like you name it, baby, and I don't know, they sat us in a weird section that we were surrounded by crying babies. We were getting awful, awful servicely like didn't bring us one of our items, and that was like that was the powder keg. I needed to start, as I like to call it, making a fuss, making a ruggers, making a fuss. 00:28:41 Speaker 3: Yeah, so I don't know, I was like going off, chipping away. I don't know. 00:28:46 Speaker 4: And you know what, here's the thing, with complaining at a restaurant. Sometimes you don't know what the endgame is. You don't even know what you want until they give it to you, of course, and usually it results in like a free dessert or you know, like a free meal, a free dish. In general, I like, I'm going to complain. I'm just ready to accept anything they give me. Beyond that, unless there's been a real scenario, I won't push further than that, I'll push especially if there's a real scenario, and even in the absence of a real scenario. But what was also agg me on is I was with you, obviously, and my boyfriend John, who so wonderful manner. 00:29:19 Speaker 3: He's the most mild mannered man on the. 00:29:21 Speaker 4: Planet, the mild mannered man, and obviously like when I'm with two mild mannered men. 00:29:27 Speaker 3: Like that gets me going. 00:29:29 Speaker 4: I like love to put up a show like I know I'm making you guys uncomfortable, Like I can't stop. 00:29:34 Speaker 3: It's just like I I gotta keep going. I don't know what it is. Yeah, sickness, I'm sick. It feels like a real illness sex. But I feel like you were also you were like screaming in anyone you were. You were very polite. Let's make that very clear. Yes, like no one got fired that no employee you spoke to us uncomfortable. 00:29:58 Speaker 4: I was just like, we're getting awful service. You have sat us surrounded by a bunch of like unvaccinated little freaks or something. 00:30:08 Speaker 3: I don't know. We were just sat in like the worst of the Glendale. I mean it's a weird location. 00:30:13 Speaker 4: Am I in a Glendale Armenian childcare center? Or am I in a denttiphon enjoying my Friday night? Me? 00:30:19 Speaker 3: All okay? 00:30:19 Speaker 4: And I can say that some Persian Persian thank you for clarify, because, as everyone listening knows, is the same as Armenia. So yeah, anyway, you know, I mean, what what have I complained about recently? I mean, well, I really light up when it's customer service, when I'm like going customer service, well, especially when it's like a website or like my credit card company. Like I have said things on the phone to representatives at Alaskan Airlines that you you would not believe came out of my mouth. 00:30:48 Speaker 3: What drove you to this? They're just a normally incurred change fee. 00:30:52 Speaker 4: My go to thing now by my go to thing now is like if I have any issue with anything, you know, when I'm on the phone, I can say anything, you know, right, I always say, I'm a single mother, and I know this, twenty five dollars change fee or late fee whatever answert be here might not seem like a lot to you, but to me as a single mother, that's a week's groceries. 00:31:14 Speaker 3: For me and my kids. I have like the same line, this is insane behavior. No it's not, Yes, it is. I'm so I'm going to start using that line. That is perfect. I mean, that works perfectly, and I bet it works every time. I'm a single mother and an elder and the Jehovah's witness. I'm a Jehovah's Witness elder, and that's just groceries for my parish. I will say, maybe do this to companies that you don't agree with politically, Oh yeah, like New Balance, right, really good one. Yeah. Or you know, call into Chick fil A and say you had a bad sandwich and you get a free sandwich. 00:31:50 Speaker 4: Oh yeah, that's that's like easy, that's that's yeah, that's entry level shit. 00:31:55 Speaker 3: But I'm a pe you're running a full Yeah, I mean scam. You mean time about twenty four hours and it's to refound me five hundred dollars. That's a true story, and I won't bore you. Wow, that is incredible. Have you had any legitimately bad service scenarios where like this was justified behavior, because God bless none of you. 00:32:16 Speaker 4: Yes, no, I'm playing it up right now. But I stand up for my rights as a consumer. These companies, Bernie Sanders much. They're not looking out for you, Okay, Sure they're They're trying to fuck you over. And if you don't look out for yourself and you don't stand up for yourself, you will get taken for a ride, ridden and hard and put away wet by these companies. 00:32:34 Speaker 3: Okay. And I I'm not afraid to stand up for myself. 00:32:38 Speaker 4: I'm not gonna let class pass. Fucking I don't know twenty four hour fitness like anyone. I'm not gonna let anyone take me for a ride. They're gouging you, they're up charging you. You have to stand up for yourself. My concern, and I fully I'm fully on board with that aspect of it. But the person that I'm worried about is the customer service. 00:33:00 Speaker 3: With I lead with love. I always lead with love. That's by the way. That's number one. 00:33:03 Speaker 4: You can track more fies with donut cereal with anything else, And I always that's the thing. By the way, I'm so evolved in my mind games, like it's not about screaming. Screaming is like last resort. Sure, It's like, don't you understand where I'm coming from. It's like total I'm reaching my hand across the aisle and I'm like, you get it. 00:33:25 Speaker 3: I'm a single mom. I mean, there's the various plots and little tricks you've come up with, feel like you're like brainstorming these at home? Is this something you do ever? Here? It's just like work and my and I come from a family that does stuff like this. I was raised like this. 00:33:43 Speaker 4: I mean like my oh my god, like my dad. My dad taught me this stuff. He'd be like watch Carolyn, Like watch how I talk to the like the Sprint customer service people like and I remember him on the phone. I was a little being like we're friends, Like will you get it? Or the one thing you always do is if you're a longtime customer somewhere, you always go like I'm been a proud Sprint customer for fifteen years, and there's no one else I would ever. 00:34:12 Speaker 3: Want to be in business with my cell phone. And like, of course, I don't know, it's it is. 00:34:19 Speaker 4: It is crazy and I'm playing it up right now. I'm not like trying to get refunded on everything. 00:34:25 Speaker 3: I buy only most things, but. 00:34:30 Speaker 4: Yeah, that's I Look, I'm telling you right now, you're brainwashed. If you think that what I'm doing is wrong, you've been brainwashed by. 00:34:37 Speaker 3: The big I will I will complain. I absolutely will complain, but maybe I just need to complain more often. I'm not going to do it in a mom and pop store. But of course, actually I will complain to a mom and pop store if I like it and something has gone wrong, because I'll tell them if you know, I don't want them to close down. 00:34:56 Speaker 4: My favorite people to run scams on. By the way, are these new like millennial disrupt of companies. 00:35:00 Speaker 3: I'm out of control. I really am out of control. But I cannot wait to visit you in person. It's going to be incredible. But you'll get to prison and there are plenty of scams to run there. Oh god, I mean, I mean right now, out here in the free world, that's nothing. Once I'm confined four and you have the I mean all day to think about these things. You're going to get the presidency? 00:35:28 Speaker 1: Oh god? 00:35:29 Speaker 3: Oh yeah? Have you ever worked as a customer service representative? You know what? I? Yes, okay, I have. What did you do? Well? Okay? I worked as a telemarketer, which is kind of similar. 00:35:41 Speaker 4: Right in college, the best job in my college town that maid the most was telemarketing for a big a farming company that sold big farming equipment. 00:35:53 Speaker 3: You're telemarketing farming equipment. 00:35:55 Speaker 4: Basically you would call farmers like hi, like, can we tell you more about our big like tractor tills and stuff? 00:36:04 Speaker 3: Wow? 00:36:05 Speaker 4: And I was so good at it because once a court, I'm like such a people person, and when it's like a lonely farmer on the other end, I'd be like, what are you doing? 00:36:15 Speaker 3: Oh? I love farming like I love it too. 00:36:20 Speaker 6: You've had four relationships with farmers and then I got promoted to surveys where you just call existing customers and you ask them to rate their director tills. 00:36:30 Speaker 3: It's like on a scale of one to ten, like how good did it? Till they're like ten? I gotta say ten. I'm like amazingly put that down. 00:36:39 Speaker 4: I'm like, on a scale of one to ten, Like, were you satisfied like with the hitch, Oh my god, this is yeah. 00:36:48 Speaker 3: But prior to that, you were just cold calling farmers. Where are they getting the is there a farmer registry? Where's this information coming from? 00:36:56 Speaker 6: It? 00:36:56 Speaker 3: It was like a proper company they had the info. 00:36:59 Speaker 4: I don't know. 00:37:00 Speaker 1: I have no idea. 00:37:01 Speaker 3: Why are you asking me about this podcast you're gonna call it Karen? I am emailing you anonymously? Why I would never? I would never never, I would never ownder. Have you gotten any complaints about your merch. 00:37:27 Speaker 4: So, Maddy, Well, my favorite thing about my merch store, and like my whole audience and my fans is like, I'm gonna be honest with you. My fans are not let mean, how do I put this politically? There are a bunch of stupid assholes. 00:37:43 Speaker 3: There are a bunch of you absolutely despise the people that are things. 00:37:49 Speaker 4: I love my fans, but like they would agree, they are a bunch of like horny dumb bitches. 00:37:55 Speaker 3: Well that makes sense. A lot of stoners. I used to be like way more public about how much weed. I smoke. I've cut down talking about that, but like it was so many stoner girls, and I would get the craziest emails. I still get them. 00:38:07 Speaker 4: I always get emails, and this must be at any major company, but it blows my mind every time. And they go hi, like like it's been months since they ordered something, and they go hi. I just realized, like I put in my address wrong, can you send me a new thing? And like do you put in your address? 00:38:24 Speaker 1: Wrote that's on you. 00:38:27 Speaker 4: The best was one time, Oh, I almost want to pull up the email. Let me see if I can pull up. I'm talking were this girl email me and she was like, hey, like I've had some problems with my mailbox, like basically someone stole it or like someone hit it with their car and I don't have a mailbox right now. It was like the most unhinged email. Fuck, I hope I can't find it, but I don't think I'm gonna be able to. 00:38:47 Speaker 3: But it was basically run over her mailbox someone she couldn't receive mail. 00:38:51 Speaker 4: Yeah, and she's like, can you resend me something? I'm like, uh no, your personal mail. Let me know when you've built the mailbox and we'll talk. I want to see some improvement. I want to see some effort on your end, please. 00:39:03 Speaker 3: Oh my god, it was like one of the all time. Did I find it? 00:39:06 Speaker 4: I don't think so. 00:39:08 Speaker 3: It was, it was, it was amazing. It's a lot of like dumb girls. I mean, is there ever a legitimate complaint or you just I feel like you. I mean, you're essentially a slumlord on Instagram essentially. I so now you're I mean doing some sort of responsible manufacturing. 00:39:23 Speaker 4: Yeah. Well, at the very early days, I made this towel called quote the dad Bod towel, which it was. 00:39:28 Speaker 3: It was beautiful, and it's covered in pictures of shirtless male celebrities that had dad bod. That's like when dadbods were things like many years ago, twenty twelve. 00:39:35 Speaker 4: Yeah, seriously, And anyway, it was. I wouldn't call it as much as a towel as they would a shroud. I guess, like this shroud. It was very like shroud of turin s. 00:39:46 Speaker 5: It was so thin, like so on towel, like like just a huge piece of tissue basically just dissolves and water. 00:39:54 Speaker 3: And rightfully, so people are like, what the fuck is this? I'm like, I don't know where are you finding manufacturers? Oh? I don't even want to tell you. 00:40:03 Speaker 1: I am like. 00:40:07 Speaker 3: China. 00:40:08 Speaker 4: You're just I'm like the problem. I'm what's making America. I'm like why Trump was elected? 00:40:14 Speaker 3: So is there everybody? Have you ever issued a refund or anything? 00:40:17 Speaker 2: Oh? 00:40:17 Speaker 4: Whit issue refunds all the time. I'm very giving with Refundsay, are you kidding? I condition I can. 00:40:23 Speaker 3: This is what I need to hear from you. Oh my god, I'm free with refunds. 00:40:26 Speaker 4: If anyone's like this took too long, I don't like it, I'm just like taking a refund and I'm wow, Oh yeah, I'm pretty. 00:40:32 Speaker 3: Easy with those. Are you developing any any new merch right now? You will die when you hear about some of my new march It is so good. I'm really proud of some of this. Okay, Oh, trade secrets do do do? 00:40:45 Speaker 4: Okay, I'm excited. That was a space Jam theme. I meant to sing mission in post. I started saying space Jam come up and jam okay, So okay. I never wanted making some socks with beautiful little They're like short like ankle socks with a little. 00:41:00 Speaker 3: Embroidered things on them. Faces. What okay, So one is a sock with Danny DeVito's face imped on incredible. That is like an accurate portrayal of him. It's pretty nice. Wow, it's a drawing right. 00:41:13 Speaker 4: And by the way, that is one of two Dandy de Vito products that you will be hearing about, one with Keanu Reeves's face on it kind of cute and then one with I think, WHOOPI Goldberg's face. 00:41:22 Speaker 3: If I remember feeling the thing that. 00:41:23 Speaker 4: I'm really excited about and making a Judge Judy blanket full blown like a beautiful chemistry. 00:41:29 Speaker 3: It's like a woven tapestry. Wow, gorgeous. Wow, that sounds beautiful. 00:41:33 Speaker 4: Just in time for her retirement, just in time for her coming out on support of Bloomberg and going on record and thinks you do anything to stop at Bernie Sanders presidency. 00:41:41 Speaker 3: I mean, Judge Judy, I think we, I mean we should have seen that coming. She's like the richest person in the country. She's unbelievably wealthy and has made a career off of like poor people fighting with each other. It's not even a court. But honestly, I love good for you. The thing is like I had to think long and hard about this. 00:42:02 Speaker 4: I'm like, okay, Jude, Judy's kind of exposed herself to be problematic, like should I still do this beautiful tapestry? But then I really thought about it, and I realized, like Judge Judy could literally endorse like Ted Cruz and I would still probably be a stan. She could like go on the record and endorse like female circumcision. 00:42:20 Speaker 3: I'd be like, damn, like that one hurt. But that's my girl. Okay, So here's the thing, this last product. I want to make sure you're sitting down. I'm going to continue sitting throughout this. 00:42:32 Speaker 4: Are you familiar with wife Fu pillows? Of course, I'm working on it's not I haven't found the right artist yet making a full blown double sided Danny DeVito waife Fu pillow, oh beautifully drunk life. 00:42:46 Speaker 3: I guess it would be like a four foot long Oh yeah, I mean he's about that tall. 00:42:50 Speaker 4: Yeah, so it would be like a beautiful anime rendering of him on one side goes on on the other side shirtless. 00:42:56 Speaker 3: That is incredible. I'm really excited. Well, I've been on the fence about all what's celebrity to do. 00:43:00 Speaker 4: It's like nineties, Jerry Seinfeld popped into mind, Paul Giamani popped into mind, Regis Philbin. 00:43:06 Speaker 3: Regis would be kind of funny. Yeah, absolutely were a little niche though. Let me let me see if I can think of somebody I don't want to fill on the spot. Oh god, I'm going to make a list because I feel like there's somebody out there that will. I mean, once you launched Danny, people are gonna want other wife who pillows. It will be thirsting for my wife. Are there usually is this? Are there other male wife who pillows? I don't know the culture. I feel like it's usually anime girls, right, Yeah, so this might be you might be breaking new ground here, it might be making taboo. So you're out there talking to just various anime artists about Danny DeVito. I'm out there in the anime scene, just asked in the questions, Well, I hope that you find somebody because that pillow sounds I will. I uh. In two thousand, I think twenty fifteen, I had a dream that Danny DeVito and Ria Pearlman were going to get a divorce. Oh my god. Months later they announced this, and I use to this day think of myself as a soothsayer. 00:44:05 Speaker 4: You're not as soon say you're a harbinger of doo. You manifested. Can you imagine that in my life? 00:44:11 Speaker 3: Oh? I watch how do you think I felt? I was devastated? But then they've patched it up. That's what they say, Like what's going on? I think they love each other. I think Danny had some you know his eyes were wandering. Oh god, he's like four nights. Yeah, that makeup secks like where that shit hit? Oh? Absolutely, undenial different. Yeah, those two they're back together, and I'm happy for them. I love Rio, I love her too. Maybe it was so talented. He directed Matilda, of course, it's fantastic. He also directed Uh, I haven't seen it, but Death to Smoochie, Oh my god, I've never seen it either. We should do a movie night. Yeah. I feel like he's like an accomplished director on some level. Yeah, and then he's very funny and just seems like an all around good guy I'm obsessed with. And then Rio's you know, doing her thing, absolutely woman, absolute power couple. So you've got to do something with Rio, j Loo and Aron who of course give me a break for those two give me Danny and Rhea I need any day of the year. We're going to move to the game portion of this podcast, and I think you're going to be good with this. It's called game Master. Okay, No, it's the what is it called. It's called gift Master. Okay, We're going to play a game called gift Master. But I need a number between one and ten from you. All right, Well, I'm calculating you. I mean, you've stormed in here and promoted the hell out of your merchandise already. But you can promote whatever you want, recommend anything until I come back. Okay. 00:45:44 Speaker 4: So I want to talk about a show that I wrote for that's coming out on TBS in May. It's called Chad Starting to Seem Padra. You guys are gonna love it. Check that out when it comes out. And I'm doing a new podcast for Comedy Central called This Week hen be like real Fans. No, it's a reboot and it's coming out in like May or June. 00:46:02 Speaker 3: We don't have a release date, so trashy, but we will have one and it's gonna be so good. We have so many amazing guests lined up, so excited. 00:46:10 Speaker 1: I can't wait. 00:46:10 Speaker 4: You guys listen to it and everyone should watch. Oh oh, that's my thirtieth birthday coming up. Oh so, I guess i'll promote that so fucked up, Like, I don't even know what to do about that. 00:46:22 Speaker 3: But it's cool. I'm getting a lot of gray hairs. But I'm chill about it. I don't mind. I do mind. 00:46:27 Speaker 4: It's awful, and what else can I promote. I'll talk about some of my favorites right now. I'm absolutely loving the show Shows of Sunset. 00:46:40 Speaker 3: So show I'm bravo. 00:46:41 Speaker 4: It's about Persian people in Los Angeles. I'm Persian, so it kind of hits pretty close to home. By the way, Richard has just been counting on his fingers one to seven this entire time. 00:46:50 Speaker 3: I have to calculate, and I've calculated. Okay, Yeah, I was so deep in it. I heard bits and pieces of what you were promoting, but I can't speak to any of us. Actually, I have seen the pilot of Chad and I think it's wonderful. Oh yeah, to watch that. Okay, So this is the rules of the game. I'm going to tell you three gift items or three items to give us gifts, and then three celebrities that you have to give them to, and then you have to tell me who you're going to give what? Dan, why, I'm more for this game? Oh of course. Okay. So the three gifts that you have been given are a nightgown, a bus pass, and the Da Vinci code on audiobook. Okay, you have to give those two. Wait is it read by Dan Brown? Yeah? I don't have any more details for you, and let's assume it was read by Dan Brown. You have to give You have the three people you need to give gifts to are Courtney Love? Oh, I mean, am I a this is like already so easy? And Javier bardam oh okay, okay. So first thought is. 00:47:59 Speaker 4: First I would give the nightgown to Courtney Love. I mean it feels almost too obvious. I mean, when she was in a hole, she was famous. 00:48:09 Speaker 3: For wearing nightgowns. Is that true? 00:48:11 Speaker 4: Yes, she would wear like that was her old thing, like satin baby doll dresses that look like nightgowns. 00:48:16 Speaker 3: You said, are you giving this? I guess it's. 00:48:18 Speaker 4: Almost like setting back to SATs when there's the obvious, like fake out thing that feels too obvious. 00:48:23 Speaker 3: But I mean you have to give her. But but I think I'm gonna do the unexpected thing, and I'm not gonna do that, And I'm. 00:48:31 Speaker 4: Going to give the nightgown to Javier Bardam Oh because he is I mean, Hobby Abradem is, he's sexy. 00:48:39 Speaker 3: I mean he makes Bob Iger. Oh, Bob Biger is a negative fifty in comparison to Javier Bardem. 00:48:45 Speaker 4: Bobbyer is like a fucking pig compared to Javier Barden. He's like, I'd rather fuck this microphone. 00:48:52 Speaker 3: Bob Iger is the man that Javier Bardem plays in No Country for Old. 00:48:57 Speaker 4: Man Damn Straight, which is like a more intense take on It's pat. 00:49:03 Speaker 3: I feel that it totally gets Pat. But I would even because you know, he's got a lady in his life and he can regift that to someone. Wait, who is the lady? He's got to have someone? I feel like it's a famous person, jave Er Bardem, Penelope Cruz. No, I don't know, is it Penelope Cruise or is it a I feel like Steven's gonna look like his figures are flying so fast. 00:49:26 Speaker 4: Okay, so to give the nightcoun So just said we could gifted to a sexy lady, and maybe once I give it to him, like I'll make the eyes at him, be like I know how. 00:49:33 Speaker 3: To get a refund from Alaskan Airline, and it'd be like, oh, maybe. 00:49:37 Speaker 4: I'll take up with this check and then I'm gonna give I'm gonna give the DaVinci code to Courtney Love. Because Courtney Love is so smart. She is like it's everyone knows that she's the smartest, most with it bitch. Ever, Yeah, she's a little wacky. 00:49:52 Speaker 3: But she has done so much. 00:49:54 Speaker 4: She would really appreciate a di Vinci code on audiobook on so many levels because she wuld was like kind of like an ironic, solely gift. 00:50:00 Speaker 3: But you would also probably like listen to it. Yeah, I feel like she hasn't listened to it yet, and it would be like a whole new experience for her totally. She'd be into it. She's thinking, this is going to topple the Catholic Church. Then she'd realize that this is oh and she's all about that, and then she's into the movie series. Oh yeah, and she's a writer. She's a writer. She wrote all I mean, some people say, oh, you know what, people say that Kurt wrote her music. Oh that's not true. Give me a break exactly. She wrote all that whole music. 00:50:25 Speaker 4: She knows good writing when she sees it, and she's all about Dan brown Ivins. 00:50:30 Speaker 3: Like that book, by the way, is so whack. 00:50:33 Speaker 4: It's just remember the end of Angels and Demons when if I'm I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure at the end of Angels and Demons, the Pope jumps out of a helicopter. 00:50:44 Speaker 3: I'm not sure we should check on that can come in suicide or like extreme I. 00:50:48 Speaker 1: Think he dies. 00:50:49 Speaker 4: But it's like this spectacular moment, and the book is at such a fervored, frenzied pace and like things are so insane, out of control. It's like Paul Bettany's like whipping himself and like everyone's running around like stealing paintings, like so fucked up. 00:51:01 Speaker 3: And then at the end it just like builds this. 00:51:02 Speaker 4: Unbelievable chriscendo in climax where I swear to God the Pope like jumps. 00:51:06 Speaker 3: Out of a hook's funny helicopter. 00:51:08 Speaker 4: I s this. 00:51:10 Speaker 2: I the book. 00:51:11 Speaker 4: I read the books when I was in middle school. I don't know why, but because you were in middle school, middle school and they're at a middle school level. By the way, John always talks about brags about that Dan Brown went to exit he his high school and like has this like big house in. 00:51:24 Speaker 3: Their town whatever. Embarrassing. And then I was in a buzz bus past Tom. I mean, she's a bad one. She's a real one, Like she can she probably still rides the bus hell. Yeah, she is fucking she's she's a badass bitch. Yeah she's Uh. I feel like she's built her whole career on that. So have you seen the documentary? 00:51:41 Speaker 4: No, it's so good. When was this dad was a Tamil freedom fighter, I think like Sri Lankan bitch. Of course she's a real dude. I mean when Diplo was hot. 00:51:53 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's true. But then there was that kind of that article that came out done the Tules address. But I feel like she's still the real thing. She also has a Patreon. Did you see that? 00:52:05 Speaker 4: I started like a couple months ago or what I know. I'm like, you can't be actually famous and start a Patreon. 00:52:11 Speaker 3: No, that's absolutely not how that was chill. It's only for like lame aspiring podcasters like myself. 00:52:17 Speaker 4: So what is she releasing on the Patreon photos of herself, like so she can like release new music and like live her life. I'm my bitches. 00:52:25 Speaker 3: Is like she performed at the super Bowl. I'm not donating to your goddamn Patreon you did, Yeah, she was on that unfortunate Madonna song. Oh yeah, l Evy Madonna. That was rough. I will say, I go back and listen to it, and I think time has done that song. Well, I mean, I agree with you on a lot of things, but basically Madonna in the last fifteen years is just gnarly for you, really a rough rough go what about come pushions from the dance floor? Is that over fifteen? Well that's uh five oh six? Okay, okay, so like but after that, Madonna took up just drove straight off a cliff. 00:52:58 Speaker 4: Yeah it's not she lives in Lisbon though, Okay, Well I love that choice, sure, but it's not doing anything for her music. 00:53:07 Speaker 3: Elliv Madonna, el you V Madonna. Son sucks, you know, Sophie like the cool trans like, oh yeah, of course Sophie produced that song. I think you're kidding. No, Sophie produced a lot. Sophie thinking Sophie's so Sophie can make mistakes. That's what I've just learned. Yeah, I'm a big fan. But Sophie, I'm telling you go back and listen to that now, knowing that Sophie produced it, it might be worth my time. Okay, well, I think you did a pretty good job there. It was kind of hard, like I overthought it a little bit, but I think no, I think I mean the move not to give Courtney. I feel like Courtney Love definitely does have enough nightgowns. She doesn't need to open a box to another nightgown. She'd break down. She's like, this is this is like the last thing I needed. I don't know me at all. Yeah. No, final segment of the podcast, I said, no questions. We're going to help somebody pick a gift for somebody else in their life. Oh my gosh. Writing into I said, no gifts at gmail dot com. Here's the question, Dear Bridger. My mom's sixty first birthday is coming up, and I'm worried because we got her a lot of great gifts for her sixtieth and I don't want this birthday to pay in comparison, but also don't want to spend the same amount of money as the last year. She's a great lady who's been traveling a lot, loves to walk, watch TV, the Red Sox, and warm weather. Any suggestions, thanks, Jen in Los Angeles, I have like a thousand suggestions. Well, she's come to the right place, Jen, Yeah, Jen, Jen in Los Angeles. Mommy's turning sixty one and she's got we got some good details here. The only thing I would have liked to hear is how would she spent last year? 00:54:41 Speaker 4: Yeah? 00:54:42 Speaker 3: What do you do for this media? You could have spent fifty thousand dollars and I'd like a cap. Would you buy her Dodge charger? Yeah? Be cleary, thank you. I hope she bought her a Dodge charger, Like, Mom, here you go the cop car. I mean, so, I guess let's just assume between like one hundred and two hundred dollars and that feels about right. That's a lot to you. No, that's like that's like a normal birthday pressent. Yeah, for sixtieth I'm sure they got her like something like that was like three hundred dollars. Oh yeah, certainly. Well I think they got her a Dodge charger. They got her DODG charger. So let's assume last year they spent fifty thousand dollars, so something under fifty thousand dollars this year. 00:55:22 Speaker 4: Okay, she likes walking in warm weather. Here's two suggestions right off the top of my mind. I need to think about this one. Walking sticks again. 00:55:28 Speaker 3: Hiking sticks. 00:55:29 Speaker 4: Everyone needs those, especially older ladies. Your bones are brittle, they're falling apart. I'm gonna keep it real. Walking is hard, you'd be slipping. What do you like? 00:55:39 Speaker 3: Is there like a walking stick that doesn't look No, it's like those two. When you have the two as like, oh, they're almost like yeah, like ski poles. They're so helpful when there's any rough terrain, any incline right, very hard. I confuse those. They're really helpful. Okay. I highly recommend you adjust the length. John taught me this. When you're going uphill shorter, when you're going downhill, you make them longer. Makes sense. It's really nice. Do you have your own pair? 00:56:02 Speaker 4: Oh? 00:56:03 Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean well I have the I have the stability of a sixty one year old wo man. The general just kind of tottering around. You're like, oh, always doing that. Okay, So you came in hot with what a nice big oh cover up from the sun. I mean, I'm sure she's a nicety one year old woman. She has a nice hat, but like, but why not get our new one? 00:56:23 Speaker 4: If she's a woman who likes to do her hair and a pody tillerr bun, you could do a nice visor or open open top, or if she likes to maybe she has short hair, you can get one of those hats with like the. 00:56:33 Speaker 3: Flap on the back. I don't know, I'm going to say no to that. Yeah, exactly. Everyone that wears one of those, I'm always a little bit thrown. I guess if you were, I think a woman could get away with it a little bit more than a man. But a man in one of those, I'm just wondering, what does his neck look like? 00:56:51 Speaker 1: Yeah? 00:56:52 Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't want to be surprised by your deck. No, I need that exposed at all times. And is it what is it? Is it like the neck itself or is it like the hair? I think it could be either, ye mean, but the flap indicates to me there's something scary going on with your neck, hiding something, and you're gonna take that off while I'm trying to eat at a restaurant and it's going to be reptilian, or if you take it off at dent't Iphon, I'm complaining. Oh but if you're wearing it in dent't Iphoon, I'm complaining. So don't come into don't go to dent Typhong. If you do got this issue, you do, Okay? What about even like a glasses chain? Oh, glass chain for her readers? I like a Red Sox branded one. But that would be really nice. So if she likes this, yeah, of course, and she could uh like read while in between? Is there a period during a baseball game that you could read I don't know. 00:57:43 Speaker 4: The seventh inning stretch off the top of my eads for your geese, A fancy podcast? 00:57:49 Speaker 3: You want to know these things? 00:57:50 Speaker 4: No? 00:57:51 Speaker 3: Absolutely not? Or even like what about a nice yetti? I love my yetti? Wait, I don't know what it's like, A kind of thermos for your coffee cold. I love my ye That's a great thing. If mom's out of the house all the time, she might want something to keep her drink at the right temperature. I get my yetti ready in the morning, and it's sitting in my car as I do my errands and. 00:58:12 Speaker 4: I'm always come back to a hot drink, right anyway, those are like kind of boring gifts, but like, I know, I. 00:58:17 Speaker 3: Also feel right for like I mean, there's so much pressure after the sixtieth bring it down much. And also but like if mom has a problem, you know, she's got to understand that every decade you're going to get a big gift. Next year, it's not going to be a very big deal, I know. Otherwise, what have you learned? I know sixty years and appreciate the big birthdays? Yeah, if every birthday's big, exactly and it's going to get out of control after a Dutch charger, what comes next? We should just kick your mom in the stomach as hard as you can, just attack her, just you know, like just the next year you've lowered the bar so low. The next year she'll be You can get her older with like a Starbucks gift card or something, or like an old newspaper. 00:59:00 Speaker 4: What is a really good gift for a sixty one year old woman? I'm taking this like seriously, I'm not doing jokes. A subscription to a magazine I love, I've just sheep they are so cheap. Two dollars five dollars. I subscribed like four magazines a couple of weeks ago, because it was five. 00:59:16 Speaker 3: Dollars for a year. It's what are you subscribing to? Let's say I got New Yorker, Oh wow, National Geographic, Wow, Martha Stewart, Wow, I need to do that. Magazine subscriptions. I'm glad you bring that up. That's a really good gift. That's an incredible any I mean, any subscription is a great gift, I think because then the person gets it for I got, you know, my sister gummy socks for a year of this sort of thing. But a magazine it's the same. It's doing the same thing, and you're supporting the publishing industry. Let's keep printing business. I mean, ClOH, is there a better? Is there anything else you could have said? I mean, that is it right there? I love Amaze. You can fly them around the house and you can just kind of casually read in every room. I keep it in my purse, on my phone. I'm in line at night, I curl up in bed, I've got my little story to read. And cold magazine ie just absolutely cutting into my hands. 01:00:09 Speaker 1: It's so cold. 01:00:11 Speaker 3: No, I love magazine. Someone you love at magazine subscription and that goes for anyone, any age, any gender. Totally. 01:00:17 Speaker 4: They are truly five or ten dollars. Absolutely, I think you're getting five dollars magazine. 01:00:21 Speaker 3: And no, yeah, most people. I think people assume magazines are fifty dollars a year. They're really very publishing industry is literally dying. So take advantage of this ailing industry and getting beautiful gift for a loved one. Great gift, Caroline. Oh my god, Bridger, I'm so happy you were able to come. This gift is beautiful. I'm it's such a high pressure thing. I'm going to have to figure out where to put these, but I don't I want to put each of these in a special place. Oh I didn't. It was so hard to pick a Little Kim sticker. Oh I love Little Kim. I don't know. I think Mariah has a more focused look and a more polished image than Little Kim is kind of all over the place. 01:01:04 Speaker 4: Oh yeah, oh yeah thing, And I mean you're all about a polished image, ye, of course, and Mariah's done it anyway. 01:01:11 Speaker 3: I'm so happy you like the gift. Yeah, thank you so much for being here. You were a delight, thank you were happy, and that's the end of the show. So I'm just going to tell everyone to have a wonderful time goodbye. I said no Gifts isn't exactly right production. It's engineered by Earth Angel Stephen Ray Morris. The theme song is by Miracle Worker Amy Mann. You can follow the show on Instagram and Twitter at I said no Gifts, and if you have a question or need help getting a gift for someone in your life, email me at I said no Gifts at gmail dot com. Listen and subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher or wherever you found me. And why not leave a review while you're at it? 01:01:52 Speaker 1: Hell, did you hear fun a man myself perfectly clear? 01:02:00 Speaker 2: M hm. 01:02:00 Speaker 1: But you're a guess to my home. You gotta come to me empty, And. 01:02:09 Speaker 2: I said, no, guest, your own presences presents enough. 01:02:15 Speaker 1: I already had too much stuff, So how do you dare to surbey me?