WEBVTT - INTERVIEW: Pastor Michael Todd On Facing Your Damage, Finding Your Value, Support Systems, Spit Incident + More 0:00:00.440 --> 0:00:02.480 Wake that ass up in the morning. 0:00:02.640 --> 0:00:03.680 The Breakfast Club. 0:00:04.800 --> 0:00:05.120 Morning. 0:00:05.160 --> 0:00:08.520 Everybody's DJ n V. Charlamagne the Guy. We are to 0:00:08.560 --> 0:00:10.520 breakfast Club. We got a special guest. 0:00:10.320 --> 0:00:10.920 In the building. 0:00:10.960 --> 0:00:14.240 Yes, indeed we have Pastor Mike Todd. Welcome brother. What's 0:00:14.280 --> 0:00:15.480 going on, family, y'all? Good? 0:00:15.640 --> 0:00:18.720 Yes, man, I'm blessed. Man, I'm at the Breakfast Club. 0:00:19.320 --> 0:00:21.400 It's y'all. I'm blessed, black and holly favored. 0:00:21.440 --> 0:00:25.080 You are definitely black, blessed and highly favored. It feels 0:00:25.120 --> 0:00:28.160 I feel like all of us are blessed, black and hot. 0:00:27.200 --> 0:00:28.640 Feels good. 0:00:28.640 --> 0:00:30.159 Thank you for having me, Man, Happy to have you 0:00:30.480 --> 0:00:32.680 new book, damage would not destroyed. 0:00:32.760 --> 0:00:35.680 From trauma to triumph. Yes, sir, powerful title bro. 0:00:35.800 --> 0:00:39.319 It's my life, and it's honestly, I believe a lot 0:00:39.320 --> 0:00:40.760 of people's life that they don't share. 0:00:42.159 --> 0:00:42.360 You know. 0:00:42.440 --> 0:00:45.880 You see everybody from people who've gone from the gutter 0:00:46.000 --> 0:00:48.680 to this big platform, or people who've just made it 0:00:48.680 --> 0:00:50.840 out of the hood or just made it from where 0:00:50.880 --> 0:00:52.600 they thought they would never come, but then they shut 0:00:52.640 --> 0:00:55.600 up and stopped telling the actual story about how they 0:00:55.600 --> 0:00:57.760 got from where they were to where they are now. 0:00:57.840 --> 0:00:58.880 I have a theory about that. 0:00:58.920 --> 0:00:59.560 What is it? 0:00:59.680 --> 0:01:02.400 I think the theory now, like I'm forty five years old, 0:01:02.440 --> 0:01:03.000 so you look good. 0:01:03.000 --> 0:01:04.040 It so grown, thank you brother. 0:01:04.120 --> 0:01:08.000 So growing up, you know, it was those stories of overcoming, 0:01:08.040 --> 0:01:11.040 those stories of making mistakes and you know, becoming a 0:01:11.040 --> 0:01:14.880 better person that we always gravitated towards that we learned from. 0:01:14.920 --> 0:01:18.400 Nowadays because of this soul called cancel culture. Yeah, nobody 0:01:18.440 --> 0:01:20.960 wants to talk about the mistakes that they made. Yeah, no, 0:01:21.080 --> 0:01:22.760 nobody because they feel like they'll be judged for them 0:01:22.800 --> 0:01:24.440 and crucified form, which they probably. 0:01:24.200 --> 0:01:25.880 Will, but it's temporary. 0:01:26.120 --> 0:01:29.200 Like the truth of the matter is, because I'm a 0:01:29.200 --> 0:01:31.240 person of faith, I believe the truth of the matter 0:01:31.400 --> 0:01:33.759 is the we overcome by the blood of the Lamb. 0:01:33.760 --> 0:01:34.640 That's what crisis them. 0:01:34.680 --> 0:01:36.600 But the words of our own testimony, even if you 0:01:36.600 --> 0:01:38.960 don't believe what I believe, the truth is when you 0:01:39.000 --> 0:01:40.760 see somebody else go through something and you make it 0:01:40.800 --> 0:01:43.440 through it, it gives you courage, It gives you hope, 0:01:43.480 --> 0:01:46.080 it gives you dang maybe I can do that too. 0:01:46.400 --> 0:01:49.000 And a lot of people are robbing other people of 0:01:49.040 --> 0:01:51.760 the fuel that they need to overcome their actual situation 0:01:52.160 --> 0:01:55.840 because they scared. Number one and number two is because 0:01:56.040 --> 0:01:59.320 they feel like maybe my worst moment defined me, but 0:01:59.400 --> 0:02:01.760 I found that in my worst moment, that's who that's 0:02:01.760 --> 0:02:04.840 what made me. And so I just wanted to come 0:02:05.080 --> 0:02:08.880 like completely clean, completely raw. I say, hot, humble, open, 0:02:08.919 --> 0:02:12.360 and transparent, and I mean it takes also the power 0:02:12.360 --> 0:02:13.920 out of what anybody can ever say about me. 0:02:14.080 --> 0:02:16.520 I used to I believe you. I agree with everything 0:02:16.560 --> 0:02:18.480 you say. I always say, live your truth, so nobody 0:02:18.520 --> 0:02:21.120 can use your truth against you. Well, boy, they will try. 0:02:21.000 --> 0:02:21.480 They'll try. 0:02:22.200 --> 0:02:24.000 The truth of the matter is, but if it's real, 0:02:24.280 --> 0:02:26.280 like when you cut it open and it's real and 0:02:26.320 --> 0:02:29.079 you actually grew from it, and you actually learn from 0:02:29.120 --> 0:02:32.320 the cheating and you actually did the work and went 0:02:32.400 --> 0:02:35.720 the therapy and you actually yeah, no, I did'bazzle that money, 0:02:35.720 --> 0:02:37.640 but I'm not gonna do that and never again. And 0:02:37.680 --> 0:02:41.960 I'm like, when you actually grow, I believe that this 0:02:42.080 --> 0:02:45.120 life is about progression, not perfection. And on the GRAM 0:02:45.240 --> 0:02:48.000 and in front of people, were always trying to present perfection. 0:02:48.480 --> 0:02:51.120 But I really believe, like when you cut it all down, 0:02:51.200 --> 0:02:53.560 it's one baby step in front of another baby step 0:02:53.600 --> 0:02:55.480 in front of another baby step, and you look up 0:02:55.480 --> 0:02:57.240 and like, how did I get here? It was a 0:02:57.280 --> 0:03:00.920 bunch of small moments that got you today. You say that, 0:03:00.960 --> 0:03:01.720 but then I don't. 0:03:01.760 --> 0:03:04.040 I don't think people necessarily care about that, right, because 0:03:04.280 --> 0:03:06.560 let's let's take one of the biggest things I think 0:03:06.560 --> 0:03:07.880 people have been talking about in the last week, right, 0:03:07.960 --> 0:03:10.680 Jada pikersmiths, Yeah, right. People have been talking about how 0:03:10.720 --> 0:03:13.079 she's so foul on Will and how she did this 0:03:13.120 --> 0:03:15.720 and how. But we always talk about tell your truth, right, Yeah, good, 0:03:15.840 --> 0:03:18.119 bad and different. We don't know what happened in their relationship. 0:03:18.240 --> 0:03:19.880 Have nobe the way your marriage is, the way my 0:03:19.960 --> 0:03:22.160 marriage is, the way their his marriage is. It's not 0:03:22.240 --> 0:03:24.440 the way their marriage might be, So you we don't know, 0:03:24.480 --> 0:03:27.080 but people have been killing them and killing their relationship 0:03:27.080 --> 0:03:28.800 based on things that we don't know. When she was 0:03:28.840 --> 0:03:31.440 just sharing her truth because please believe, I'm sure there's 0:03:31.480 --> 0:03:33.480 somebody out there that's living a life just like them 0:03:33.639 --> 0:03:35.840 and now feels comfortable being able to talk about it 0:03:35.880 --> 0:03:36.640 because she was able. 0:03:36.480 --> 0:03:39.040 To talk about But those are moments like, think about 0:03:39.040 --> 0:03:40.840 what y'all talked about a year ago compared to what 0:03:40.920 --> 0:03:42.880 y'all talk about today, compared to what you're gonna talk 0:03:42.920 --> 0:03:45.520 about next month. The truth of the matter is in 0:03:45.560 --> 0:03:48.240 the culture that we the feedback culture that we live in. 0:03:48.320 --> 0:03:50.840 Right now, everybody's just trying to say, what's gonna get 0:03:50.880 --> 0:03:54.200 them a happy meal off of the YouTube clips, right like. 0:03:54.320 --> 0:03:56.280 That's what everybody's trying to say right now. 0:03:56.520 --> 0:03:59.200 But the truth of the matter is the person that 0:03:59.280 --> 0:04:01.600 is in the situation, that's in the fire, is that 0:04:01.680 --> 0:04:04.800 fire actually purifying something out of you? Is that fire 0:04:04.920 --> 0:04:08.000 actually making you into something? Fire is not bad, It 0:04:08.160 --> 0:04:12.120 actually purifies the real and so most people, every piece 0:04:12.160 --> 0:04:16.200 of gold and jewelry had to be put against fire. 0:04:16.480 --> 0:04:19.320 The problem is when it's not authentically who you are, 0:04:19.520 --> 0:04:21.920 when it's not really what's in you, that stuff gets 0:04:21.960 --> 0:04:25.119 melted away and that's where people get exposed. That's where 0:04:25.160 --> 0:04:28.000 people like I was all about this and all about this. 0:04:28.200 --> 0:04:30.280 When fire hit, it shows like that's not what you 0:04:30.400 --> 0:04:33.160 was really about. And so for me, I just think 0:04:33.200 --> 0:04:37.120 that too many people, especially black, especially black people, we 0:04:37.200 --> 0:04:39.840 do not face the damage that we went through. We 0:04:39.920 --> 0:04:42.920 run from it, we go away from it. We try 0:04:42.960 --> 0:04:45.919 to Gucci Louie down, we try to get out of 0:04:45.920 --> 0:04:48.159 the neighborhood. We try to But the truth of the 0:04:48.160 --> 0:04:50.920 matter is we're running from an insecurity at fifteen. 0:04:50.720 --> 0:04:52.159 Putting kon on dog shit. 0:04:52.360 --> 0:04:53.160 That's like that. 0:04:53.279 --> 0:04:55.279 I wouldn't say it like that, but because you said 0:04:55.320 --> 0:04:58.040 it like that, say amen, you know what I'm saying. 0:04:58.080 --> 0:05:00.800 But the truth of the matter is we're hoping people 0:05:00.880 --> 0:05:03.920 don't actually find out what it really is. And we're 0:05:03.920 --> 0:05:06.400 about to go into Thanksgiving, people going back to families 0:05:06.400 --> 0:05:06.839 they hate. 0:05:07.560 --> 0:05:08.960 We're going back into Christmas. 0:05:09.000 --> 0:05:12.159 People about to buy expensive stuff and going to debt 0:05:12.200 --> 0:05:15.680 for children that they don't know, but they keep Jordan's up, Like, 0:05:16.120 --> 0:05:18.640 just think about all the things, Like these kids don't 0:05:18.640 --> 0:05:20.440 even know who their real dad is or who their 0:05:20.440 --> 0:05:21.400 actual family is. 0:05:21.600 --> 0:05:23.680 But instead of facing it, instead of. 0:05:23.600 --> 0:05:26.279 Going to counseling with our kids, instead of just saying 0:05:26.320 --> 0:05:30.440 I'm sorry, like we just gonna keep moving on up. 0:05:30.760 --> 0:05:34.159 We gonna keep buying new cars, we gonna keep getting 0:05:34.200 --> 0:05:37.960 new wigs, And I'm like, yo, something has to change. 0:05:38.240 --> 0:05:40.800 We have to deal with our damage. And I believe 0:05:41.200 --> 0:05:45.000 that God loves damaged people. Like you can't find nobody 0:05:45.000 --> 0:05:47.920 in the Bible, nobody in faith that wasn't jacked up. 0:05:48.400 --> 0:05:51.200 But God does his best work with damaged people. If 0:05:51.240 --> 0:05:53.320 you would just admit I'm damaged. 0:05:53.600 --> 0:05:56.960 How important is a support system right, because yeah, he 0:05:57.040 --> 0:05:59.080 came with your wife. Charlamaze been with his wife twenty 0:05:59.080 --> 0:06:02.039 five of him my wife. How important is that because 0:06:02.080 --> 0:06:03.599 a lot of times you hear people say I don't 0:06:03.600 --> 0:06:05.280 need that. I'm looking for a guy that's gonna make 0:06:05.279 --> 0:06:05.919 this much money. 0:06:05.920 --> 0:06:06.440 But that's done. 0:06:06.480 --> 0:06:07.920 They never talk about the heart. 0:06:08.520 --> 0:06:13.520 The truth of the matter is, um, yeah, it's dumb. 0:06:13.600 --> 0:06:15.559 Like I tell people all the time. I did a book. 0:06:15.640 --> 0:06:18.839 My first book was called Relationship Goes, and I have 0:06:18.920 --> 0:06:21.600 this whole chapter in the book about rip up your list, 0:06:22.040 --> 0:06:23.840 and I know people are gonna say whatever they're gonna 0:06:23.839 --> 0:06:24.640 say about they got. 0:06:24.480 --> 0:06:27.240 This list, you're still single. The truth of the matter is, 0:06:28.120 --> 0:06:32.480 like the truth of the matter is. 0:06:32.000 --> 0:06:34.680 A lot of times God never hands you a finished product. 0:06:35.200 --> 0:06:38.240 He hands you something you gotta work. And that's why 0:06:38.279 --> 0:06:40.599 Ike is one of the greatest furniture companies. No matter 0:06:40.640 --> 0:06:43.280 what you think about it is they give you something 0:06:43.320 --> 0:06:45.480 that you have to put your hands to, to a symbol, 0:06:45.680 --> 0:06:49.080 and it gives people another greater level of satisfaction because 0:06:49.080 --> 0:06:51.520 when they actually put their hands in to help make 0:06:51.560 --> 0:06:55.080 that thing happen, it feels like I've accomplished something. Relationship 0:06:55.120 --> 0:06:57.800 is the same way God never TDJ says it. God 0:06:57.839 --> 0:07:00.200 never gives you a table, He gives you a true 0:07:00.800 --> 0:07:03.039 The same thing with the relationship, and so I think 0:07:03.160 --> 0:07:05.719 many times people need to rip up their lists and 0:07:05.839 --> 0:07:07.640 actually look for the things that are in the heart. 0:07:07.720 --> 0:07:13.720 You can't instagram integrity, you can't facebook faithfulness, And so 0:07:14.040 --> 0:07:16.560 look at my man he da da dah. The greatest 0:07:16.600 --> 0:07:19.000 things that have made me and my wife's relationship work, 0:07:19.600 --> 0:07:23.080 I cannot show you on a post. It has to 0:07:23.160 --> 0:07:25.960 be lived out, proved out, and over time. And so 0:07:26.000 --> 0:07:29.840 when you say support system, bro, that's what that is. 0:07:29.920 --> 0:07:32.440 Literally the only reason I'm here right now is because 0:07:32.480 --> 0:07:34.520 I got people who could see me at my worst 0:07:34.600 --> 0:07:38.040 and still think of me in my best situation to steal. 0:07:38.360 --> 0:07:41.040 Like while it still smells like that word that you 0:07:41.120 --> 0:07:44.280 said just a second ago, they still walking with me, 0:07:44.360 --> 0:07:47.040 and like, I'll actually I'll be with you because I 0:07:47.040 --> 0:07:48.720 know it's not gonna be like this. The whole time 0:07:48.840 --> 0:07:52.320 I tell people, community is everything. Having mentors is everything. 0:07:52.520 --> 0:07:55.680 Being around people that are further than you is everything. 0:07:56.040 --> 0:07:58.200 And if you're gonna deal with your damage, you need 0:07:58.200 --> 0:08:00.840 that because a lot of people do it in isolation, 0:08:01.240 --> 0:08:04.040 and COVID has really jacked up people. And when I 0:08:04.080 --> 0:08:07.160 say that, I'm not even talking from a health standpoint physically. 0:08:07.320 --> 0:08:11.040 I'm talking about a mental health standpoint, a spiritual health standpoint, 0:08:11.040 --> 0:08:15.080 a relational health standpoint. People went into their caves and 0:08:15.280 --> 0:08:19.240 started spectating on what everybody was doing, and it made 0:08:19.320 --> 0:08:21.640 them look out instead of looking I. 0:08:21.560 --> 0:08:23.720 Agree with that, but I also feel like during COVID 0:08:23.760 --> 0:08:25.960 a lot of people had to stop and see themselves 0:08:26.000 --> 0:08:26.760 for the first time. 0:08:27.000 --> 0:08:29.040 Yeah, and they didn't like what they saw, but then 0:08:29.120 --> 0:08:33.079 we went back outside. So it's one thing to see it, 0:08:33.080 --> 0:08:35.600 it's another thing to deal with it. It's one thing 0:08:35.640 --> 0:08:38.800 to see it, and it's another thing. I mean, vacations 0:08:39.520 --> 0:08:42.840 or or travel is gone up like a thousand percent 0:08:43.040 --> 0:08:46.719 because people are trying to escape run. They running from 0:08:46.720 --> 0:08:49.360 themself and the only person you cannot finesses you. 0:08:49.800 --> 0:08:52.280 Or this significant other. A lot of people in COVID 0:08:52.360 --> 0:08:54.320 realized they didn't like their partner. 0:08:54.400 --> 0:08:55.079 They hated them. 0:08:55.080 --> 0:08:57.319 They hated their partner because you know, usually you think 0:08:57.360 --> 0:08:59.200 about it, you know, you work for eight nine hours 0:08:59.240 --> 0:09:01.000 and yeah, you come for a couple hours and you're 0:09:01.000 --> 0:09:03.000 only really see in your partner for a couple hours. 0:09:03.000 --> 0:09:05.800 But COVID exposed to everybody. 0:09:06.200 --> 0:09:08.520 And this is where I think for most of us, 0:09:09.440 --> 0:09:11.480 it's time to take our trauma and know that our 0:09:11.520 --> 0:09:13.079 trauma can go to triumph. 0:09:13.440 --> 0:09:15.880 Every horrible thing that ever happened. 0:09:15.559 --> 0:09:19.640 To me, every trashy thing I did to myself, When 0:09:19.679 --> 0:09:23.920 I brought that to counseling, to my community, to Christ 0:09:24.040 --> 0:09:26.200 it was like, oh, yeah, we can package that, we 0:09:26.280 --> 0:09:28.320 can move that, we could cut that. Oh you needed 0:09:28.360 --> 0:09:30.960 to learn that. And then it became the pain that 0:09:31.240 --> 0:09:33.960 built the platform. And I'm just trying to go first, 0:09:34.000 --> 0:09:36.200 especially in somebody who does what I do as a 0:09:36.200 --> 0:09:38.640 pastor or leader. We usually stand on a platform and 0:09:38.679 --> 0:09:41.079 tell everybody, you know, you need to work on this, 0:09:41.240 --> 0:09:42.800 you can do this. And I was like, yeah, I'm 0:09:42.800 --> 0:09:44.840 gonna take a different approach. I'm gonna go do it first. 0:09:45.120 --> 0:09:46.600 I'm gonna go to intensive therapy. 0:09:46.679 --> 0:09:49.200 Me and my wife gonna fly to Colorado for a 0:09:49.320 --> 0:09:53.520 whole year every month and spend five days in counseling 0:09:53.600 --> 0:09:54.680 for five hours. 0:09:54.760 --> 0:09:58.160 We're gonna, we're gon, We're gonna work work, Oh, because 0:09:58.200 --> 0:10:02.920 what's not transformed is transfer. Everybody leaving an inheritance for 0:10:02.960 --> 0:10:07.360 their kids and money and cars, but they're leaving poor spiritual, emotional, 0:10:07.400 --> 0:10:09.880 and mental health. So what happens when you give a 0:10:09.960 --> 0:10:13.719 kid who's never been seen, who's never actually known their identity, 0:10:13.880 --> 0:10:16.439 and who has no self worth a million dollars? 0:10:16.960 --> 0:10:17.920 What do you think they're gonna do. 0:10:18.240 --> 0:10:21.240 They're gonna buy friends, They're gonna go out here and 0:10:21.320 --> 0:10:24.560 try to numb because they don't want to feel like 0:10:24.880 --> 0:10:26.760 I just think that we could do it better. 0:10:26.920 --> 0:10:30.720 I'm not saying be broke, I'm saying be rich everywhere. 0:10:31.120 --> 0:10:33.240 What was your breakthrough moment that invites you to be 0:10:33.320 --> 0:10:35.520 so vulnerable in this book? 0:10:35.640 --> 0:10:38.480 Bro I have a son, our second son. His name 0:10:38.520 --> 0:10:39.680 is MJ my namesake. 0:10:39.960 --> 0:10:43.680 He has autism, and me and my wife we're going 0:10:43.720 --> 0:10:47.040 through the height of our ministry and our business is 0:10:47.080 --> 0:10:49.200 growing and everything's exploding. 0:10:49.240 --> 0:10:50.240 My first book goes. 0:10:50.160 --> 0:10:54.160 Number one New York Times Bestseller. I barely graduated English class, Like, 0:10:54.559 --> 0:10:58.040 I'm in a shock. And then our only son, we 0:10:58.320 --> 0:11:01.520 take him to the doctor and they're like, yeah, he's 0:11:01.600 --> 0:11:05.959 not progressing normally. He's not talking, he's not looking anymore, 0:11:05.960 --> 0:11:07.720 and he was going the right way and then just 0:11:07.720 --> 0:11:11.320 something switched. And my motor has always been, let me 0:11:11.360 --> 0:11:13.240 be greater, let me be better, Let me make more money, 0:11:13.320 --> 0:11:17.160 Let me do this. And I tried to do everything 0:11:17.160 --> 0:11:19.920 I knew how to do, and it didn't fix nothing. 0:11:20.600 --> 0:11:23.720 Getting a bigger platform, writing another book, making more money, 0:11:23.720 --> 0:11:26.280 it didn't do anything. And so when my motor broke, 0:11:26.640 --> 0:11:28.440 it was like, what's going on. I'm watching my wife 0:11:28.480 --> 0:11:32.720 slip into depression. Nothing is working, and so I was like, 0:11:32.760 --> 0:11:34.440 hold on, we got to start working on this. I 0:11:34.440 --> 0:11:37.160 was sitting with my mentor, Tim Ross at a crackle 0:11:37.240 --> 0:11:40.720 barrel outside of Oklahoma City, and I was just telling 0:11:40.760 --> 0:11:43.640 them what I was going through, and we started thinking 0:11:43.679 --> 0:11:44.600 about back. 0:11:44.400 --> 0:11:45.840 Over my life and he said yeah. 0:11:46.040 --> 0:11:50.480 He was like, yeah, when did God's standard become lower 0:11:50.520 --> 0:11:52.360 than your standard? And I was like, what are you 0:11:52.400 --> 0:11:54.520 talking about. He was like, Michael, you've been telling me 0:11:54.559 --> 0:11:56.000 all this stuff. You want to make better and you 0:11:56.040 --> 0:11:58.640 want it to be great. You keep using this word great, great, great, 0:11:58.880 --> 0:12:01.480 he said, But in the beginning, when God created the 0:12:01.480 --> 0:12:03.040 heavens and the earth, he looked at it and he 0:12:03.040 --> 0:12:07.040 said it's good. And then he created the stars, and 0:12:07.080 --> 0:12:09.360 he created the land and said you go right here, 0:12:09.440 --> 0:12:11.199 you go right here, created the animals. Going through the 0:12:11.200 --> 0:12:13.720 whole creation, he said it's good. Then he created man 0:12:14.000 --> 0:12:15.360 on the sixth day, and he said, you know what, 0:12:15.400 --> 0:12:18.920 that's very good. He said, if God's standard is good, why. 0:12:18.840 --> 0:12:23.880 Is yours great? And then he asked me this question. 0:12:23.960 --> 0:12:28.040 He said, when did you make a decision that good 0:12:28.120 --> 0:12:31.400 was not good enough? And immediately I went back to 0:12:31.440 --> 0:12:35.000 twelve years old when I'm in church. My parents raised 0:12:35.080 --> 0:12:37.680 us in church, and I played drums since I was young, 0:12:38.400 --> 0:12:40.280 and I would go at twelve years old to the 0:12:40.320 --> 0:12:43.800 choir rehearsal because my dream was to play in big church, 0:12:43.880 --> 0:12:45.800 like play with the big choir, like not the youth 0:12:45.840 --> 0:12:47.800 for the junior. I wanted to play and I was good, 0:12:48.120 --> 0:12:50.680 and I would go every Tuesday, only twelve year old 0:12:50.679 --> 0:12:52.560 there and they would never let me play. 0:12:52.800 --> 0:12:53.880 They would tell me I was great. 0:12:53.880 --> 0:12:55.920 They would tell me that, man, you getting so good, 0:12:55.920 --> 0:12:58.400 and pinched my cheeks, take all the little stuff, but 0:12:58.400 --> 0:12:59.920 they would never let me play. They probably had a 0:13:00.040 --> 0:13:02.960 legitimate reason. But I remember sitting on that that maroon 0:13:03.040 --> 0:13:06.000 chair in the back and deciding, I guess good is 0:13:06.040 --> 0:13:06.680 not good enough. 0:13:07.200 --> 0:13:10.200 I will only be great. And what ended up happening From. 0:13:10.080 --> 0:13:13.520 Twelve years old to thirty five years old, I would 0:13:13.600 --> 0:13:17.199 not settle for anything good. And now I'm looking at 0:13:17.200 --> 0:13:19.400 my son and he's not good. 0:13:20.240 --> 0:13:21.880 And I couldn't. I couldn't. 0:13:22.280 --> 0:13:26.800 I couldn't rationalize or reconcile what was going on in me. 0:13:27.120 --> 0:13:29.280 And God was like, you're gonna have to become okay 0:13:29.920 --> 0:13:31.600 with things being good. And I had to go and 0:13:31.640 --> 0:13:34.680 heal that twelve year old Michael to be able to 0:13:34.760 --> 0:13:39.280 even raise the thirty five year old Michael and raise his. 0:13:39.280 --> 0:13:40.199 Son, and Bro. 0:13:40.240 --> 0:13:44.120 I went on a journey, Bro to actually deal with 0:13:44.240 --> 0:13:47.720 the damage that was in me. And as I did that, 0:13:48.400 --> 0:13:51.120 it was what did you say? My wife said, I 0:13:51.120 --> 0:13:54.480 couldn't fix her either. I couldn't even relate because there 0:13:54.559 --> 0:13:56.960 was so much stuff on the inside of me that 0:13:57.000 --> 0:14:01.439 I had just put success over, put money over, put 0:14:01.559 --> 0:14:03.840 all this other stuff over. And it was kind of like, yeah, 0:14:04.000 --> 0:14:07.760 like we out here and man, because I went on 0:14:07.800 --> 0:14:10.800 this heeling journey, because I spent the money. Everybody talking 0:14:10.800 --> 0:14:14.400 about investing property, you're the only thing that is priceless. 0:14:14.280 --> 0:14:15.800 I always invest in your mental wealth. 0:14:15.920 --> 0:14:17.559 I want you invest in yourself. 0:14:18.160 --> 0:14:20.600 You got Jay's you don't even wear for three years, 0:14:20.640 --> 0:14:24.920 you sitting them in boxes, and you won't even invest 0:14:25.120 --> 0:14:28.800 in dealing with why your daddy left you, and you 0:14:28.800 --> 0:14:31.960 you so broken over it, but you just can't even 0:14:32.200 --> 0:14:35.760 communicate to nobody. And now you're raising another generation that 0:14:35.800 --> 0:14:39.359 you're there present, but you're not there present emotionally. 0:14:39.840 --> 0:14:41.440 You have to start from some place you got us. 0:14:41.560 --> 0:14:43.960 But that's why I went first, DJ ANDV. This is 0:14:44.000 --> 0:14:46.600 why I wrote this book. This may not be my 0:14:46.600 --> 0:14:49.680 most popular book, but it's my most valuable book because 0:14:49.720 --> 0:14:53.560 if anybody actually reads this, if anybody actually like goes 0:14:53.600 --> 0:14:55.360 in it, they're gonna be like, dang, I can see myself, 0:14:56.000 --> 0:14:58.960 I can see where this could happen, and maybe I'll 0:14:59.000 --> 0:15:02.360 take the first step, right, And that's all I'm trying 0:15:02.400 --> 0:15:03.200 to get somebody to do. 0:15:03.520 --> 0:15:04.400 Take a first. 0:15:04.200 --> 0:15:08.600 Step, Like, don't even freaking think about being this next 0:15:08.640 --> 0:15:09.560 version of yourself. 0:15:10.040 --> 0:15:14.760 Just take admit that you are still. 0:15:14.440 --> 0:15:17.240 Hurt from that first relationship, because you have been in 0:15:17.320 --> 0:15:21.280 seventeen other relationships acting like he ain't it, I ain't this, 0:15:21.640 --> 0:15:25.080 and like you're still hurt from old. 0:15:24.960 --> 0:15:26.440 Boy in two thousand and eight. 0:15:26.520 --> 0:15:28.960 Man, you know, that's exactly why I wrote my second book, 0:15:28.960 --> 0:15:31.480 Shook on Anxiety, playing tricks on me, And that's you know, 0:15:31.600 --> 0:15:33.320 it was me just talking about the things I had 0:15:33.400 --> 0:15:36.520 learned in therapy. But I had an actual psychiatrist, doctor 0:15:36.560 --> 0:15:39.360 ishmajor in the book with me because that's what I wanted. 0:15:39.400 --> 0:15:42.280 I wanted to admit that not only am I damaged, 0:15:42.280 --> 0:15:44.240 I wanted to talk about my traumas, but I wanted 0:15:44.280 --> 0:15:45.120 somebody to read that. 0:15:45.080 --> 0:15:46.560 Book and just take a first step. 0:15:46.640 --> 0:15:47.000 That's it. 0:15:47.080 --> 0:15:49.920 That's it, because the first step leads to the next step, 0:15:50.320 --> 0:15:54.520 and most of us have been so caught up on perfection, bro, 0:15:55.160 --> 0:15:57.680 that it is jacking your whole life up. 0:15:57.960 --> 0:16:00.920 It's progression. Somebody may lead to the next step. 0:16:01.040 --> 0:16:04.880 But if you just scutin, like if you barely like dang, 0:16:04.920 --> 0:16:06.680 I just listened to the podcast and I'm gonna go 0:16:06.760 --> 0:16:08.640 get the book, or I'm gonna just watch a message 0:16:08.760 --> 0:16:11.200 like or I'm gonna go get Charlotte Maaine. Like, just 0:16:11.320 --> 0:16:14.200 take a step, because the end of the day, man, 0:16:14.480 --> 0:16:16.760 you're well being, who you really. 0:16:16.480 --> 0:16:18.480 Want to be is available to you. 0:16:18.640 --> 0:16:20.600 I love how you talk about you know how you 0:16:20.640 --> 0:16:23.880 need God and therapy? Yeah, bro, you know how people 0:16:23.960 --> 0:16:25.920 feel like you can't have bocal. They'll say things like 0:16:26.800 --> 0:16:30.040 you can't have faith in God. Faith and fear don't coexist. 0:16:30.040 --> 0:16:30.520 No, I don't. 0:16:30.800 --> 0:16:31.120 I don't know. 0:16:31.200 --> 0:16:33.840 The first thing you gotta realize is the opposite of 0:16:33.880 --> 0:16:35.480 faith is not fear. 0:16:35.880 --> 0:16:37.160 The opposite of faith is love. 0:16:37.840 --> 0:16:42.120 The Bible says perfect love cast out all fear. The 0:16:42.160 --> 0:16:43.960 truth of the matter is most people don't know how 0:16:44.000 --> 0:16:47.600 love they are by God, so that's where fear really 0:16:47.640 --> 0:16:49.880 comes from. But the truth of the matter for me 0:16:50.160 --> 0:16:52.400 is I've been raised in church. I'm a pastor's kid, 0:16:52.600 --> 0:16:55.240 I've been around in my whole life, been at the altar, play, 0:16:55.360 --> 0:16:57.440 done all the other stuff. And I believe. Me and 0:16:57.480 --> 0:17:00.800 my wife believe in theology and therapy. We believe in 0:17:00.880 --> 0:17:04.680 prayer and going to a practice. We believe in worshiping 0:17:04.880 --> 0:17:06.919 and doing the hard work. Because the truth of the 0:17:06.960 --> 0:17:10.000 matter is, many times what happens at church, at the altar, 0:17:10.320 --> 0:17:12.280 in your alone time with. 0:17:12.280 --> 0:17:16.719 God is a catalyst. It's supposed to start something. 0:17:17.119 --> 0:17:20.040 And for years, especially in the Black Church, for many reasons, 0:17:20.119 --> 0:17:22.480 like maybe because we didn't have access to things, and 0:17:22.480 --> 0:17:25.480 maybe because we weren't taught about them, or maybe generationally 0:17:25.560 --> 0:17:26.719 there was a stigma on it. 0:17:26.920 --> 0:17:30.040 But we act like everything happened when they prayed. No no, no, no, 0:17:30.040 --> 0:17:30.520 no no no no. 0:17:31.000 --> 0:17:34.200 Everything started when they prayed, And we're supposed to continue 0:17:34.240 --> 0:17:36.280 to pray, but there was some stuff that was in 0:17:36.320 --> 0:17:39.400 me that I had to communicate about. If you watch 0:17:39.520 --> 0:17:44.680 Jesus in the Bible, most of the miracles happened in communication. 0:17:45.640 --> 0:17:48.160 They weren't just like bow and then it's over. It 0:17:48.240 --> 0:17:50.719 was they were walking with him. He had disciples that 0:17:50.760 --> 0:17:53.159