Speaker 1: Welcome to Bill and Juliana the Podcast.
Speaker 2: Hi everyone, Welcome to Bill and Juliana the Podcast. Today
Speaker 2: we are talking to an expert in screen time. He's
Speaker 2: also an expert in executive functioning ADHD child development. He's
Speaker 2: worked with families for over twenty years. His name is
Speaker 2: Mike McLeod. He is an author. He has a book
Speaker 2: out right now. It's called The Executive Function Playbook. And
Speaker 2: he's great, right, Bill, love him. Now.
Speaker 3: What I really like about Mike is he makes it
Speaker 3: really easy to understand. He breaks it down for you
Speaker 3: in just simple, easy steps to make your life better
Speaker 3: and your kid's life better.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and he doesn't sugarcoat anything. So we're going to
Speaker 2: get to the bottom of screen time, how much is
Speaker 2: too much, and what you can do as a parent,
Speaker 2: and his advice for all of it. So please welcome
Speaker 2: Mike McLeod.
Speaker 4: Welcome Mike, Thanks for having me. I'm so excited.
Speaker 2: I mean, I see so many of your videos and
Speaker 2: so much focus is on time, and you think that
Speaker 2: is a real problem.
Speaker 4: Is it is an absolute fact, it's a real problem.
Speaker 4: It's just one of these things that we're just clearly
Speaker 4: turning a blind eye towards it for many different reasons.
Speaker 4: You know. Number one, most parents are addicted now, so
Speaker 4: they feel kind of they feel very guilty removing their
Speaker 4: own kids screen time.
Speaker 1: You're looking at one over there.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well.
Speaker 1: Hours yesterday, Okay.
Speaker 4: Well a lot of dogs have been saved because of
Speaker 4: that screat is true. There you go, That's why I
Speaker 4: put that dog back there for you. But that's exactly it.
Speaker 4: So number one, parents are addicted to and then number two,
Speaker 4: let's be honest, it's fear. So we're at the point
Speaker 4: right now where there is so much research, so much
Speaker 4: data that brain rot is real, digital dementia is real.
Speaker 4: Screens make parenting harder. It's horrible for kids, like just
Speaker 4: so bad in every possible way that parents know if
Speaker 4: I remove the screen they already have, they're going to
Speaker 4: withdraw and act like addicts, and they're going to trash
Speaker 4: my house and physically attack me, and it's going to
Speaker 4: be horrible, terrifying. So that fear causes them to keep
Speaker 4: the screens in their lives. But no, there's no ifans
Speaker 4: or butts about this, Like someone needs to come out
Speaker 4: and be brutally honest about screen use because you know,
Speaker 4: as soon as big tech realized we're going to make
Speaker 4: the majority of our money off of kids, especially our
Speaker 4: neurodiverse kids. Can't. You can't mention ADHD in twenty twenty
Speaker 4: six without also mentioning an incredibly debilitating screen addiction. It
Speaker 4: goes hand in hand when your brain is already hardwired
Speaker 4: towards instant gratification and you're very impulsive. That word impulsive,
Speaker 4: that's so synonymous with ADHD. That's you're already naturally that
Speaker 4: way with the brain you were born with, and then
Speaker 4: a screen comes into your life, there's no way you're
Speaker 4: going to be able to regulate it. And throughout all
Speaker 4: my years, I've worked with so many kids with ADHD
Speaker 4: that were, you know, on their way to become the valedictorian.
Speaker 4: They were on the swim team, they were on the
Speaker 4: golf team, they had tons of friends, they get the
Speaker 4: phone and everything just you know, all of a sudden,
Speaker 4: they're in their room for hours, behind closed doors, doing whatever.
Speaker 4: And we live in a world now where we're too
Speaker 4: scared to send our kids, you know, twenty minutes down
Speaker 4: the road to the store, but we'll give them open
Speaker 4: access to the internet behind closed doors. The Internet is
Speaker 4: the most disgusting, unregulated place in human history, and we
Speaker 4: just let kids surf it, like we see how people
Speaker 4: act on social media. You guys have seen it. It's
Speaker 4: the most it's the most racist, anti semitic, every phobia
Speaker 4: you can possibly imagine, and we give kids access to it.
Speaker 4: And now big tech is also taken over our schools
Speaker 4: where kids are watching hours of YouTube at school. It's
Speaker 4: it's really really sad what they've done. And our ADHD
Speaker 4: kids are the biggest victim of big tech's predatory marketing.
Speaker 3: Well they're stealing I mean, they're not stealing it, it's
Speaker 3: part of the contract we signed with them. But all
Speaker 3: the data, yeah, you know, so that's where the real
Speaker 3: that's where the real theft is occurring.
Speaker 2: But Mike, Mike, you putting it that way is like,
Speaker 2: oh my gosh, it's so scary. It's shocking because when
Speaker 2: you were saying the internet is such an awful place,
Speaker 2: you know, immediately, like our generation, our mind goes to
Speaker 2: like adult content. But you're right, like the messaging just
Speaker 2: everything about hate, and it's like bigger than even just that,
Speaker 2: you know, it's just the all of it is out
Speaker 2: there and you forget, like you don't even think like
Speaker 2: and everyone's like, my kid wouldn't look at that. My
Speaker 2: kid and his friends are so great. My kid's friends
Speaker 2: don't do that. But we all think that until you
Speaker 2: see it's like, oh wait a second, it was my
Speaker 2: kid and it was his friends and or her friends,
Speaker 2: and it's really terrifying. So all of that said, what
Speaker 2: is the solution, you stay and age where it has
Speaker 2: you know, it's like it's not like just beginning social
Speaker 2: media and technology. It's here, you know, and so we're
Speaker 2: in it and we're in it deep. So how do
Speaker 2: we do this? Like, what is the appropriate time for
Speaker 2: a kid to be on a screen? And how do
Speaker 2: we how do we do it? What do we do?
Speaker 4: That's exactly what do we do?
Speaker 2: I need the answer?
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's really terrifying. So you know, number one, the
Speaker 4: last thing any parent needs to do is wave the
Speaker 4: white flag to big tech and just give up and
Speaker 4: all of a sudden say, oh, we're in the screen
Speaker 4: filled world. We have to give them access to it
Speaker 4: now so they can learn the skills to balance. That
Speaker 4: is the biggest parenting pipe dream of today's day and
Speaker 4: age is give them the phone now so they can
Speaker 4: learn to balance it for later. That is not going
Speaker 4: to happen. That's under that same mindset. We should let
Speaker 4: them drive every day until they turn eighteen so they
Speaker 4: can learn to drive, give them, give them a little
Speaker 4: bit of alcohol every day so they can be ready
Speaker 4: when they're turned twenty one. It doesn't It makes no sense.
Speaker 4: It's not going to happen. There is no especially if
Speaker 4: they have ADHD. This concept of a balance or skills
Speaker 4: to balance, it's you need to throw that out because
Speaker 4: it's not going to happen. So number two I mentioned earlier.
Speaker 4: Parents are also very very addicted. And if you remember
Speaker 4: back in the day, we used to know other families
Speaker 4: in our neighborhood, Like when you would send your kids
Speaker 4: outside to play, you weren't nervous about something happening to
Speaker 4: them because we knew the people in our neighborhoods. They
Speaker 4: would watch each other, they'd be out doing things.
Speaker 1: There was a sense of community.
Speaker 4: Yeah, now we're all staying home so much because we
Speaker 4: have all the convenience of just just order on Amazon
Speaker 4: or check this, or get door Dash do this. So
Speaker 4: we're just home too much, and we're around our kids
Speaker 4: too much, like they're an annoying roommate who never leaves.
Speaker 4: They're just always there and they're not going outside and
Speaker 4: playing anymore. So the parents don't have the connections with others.
Speaker 4: But this is all about strength in numbers, because what
Speaker 4: happens as soon as you go to your kid and
Speaker 4: say I need to cancel your phone plan, I need
Speaker 4: to get rid of your Xbox, your PlayStation or your iPad,
Speaker 4: the first thing is you're the worst parent ever. None
Speaker 4: of my friends' parents do this. You're ruining my life.
Speaker 4: I'm going to lose all my friends. And this is
Speaker 4: exact exactly what big tech wants. Is this incredible social
Speaker 4: pressure of if you don't buy your kids the nicest,
Speaker 4: best things, you're failing your kids. So big tech tells
Speaker 4: us every day, get your kid a phone. It'll make
Speaker 4: them safe, smart and social. But we now have an
Speaker 4: entire decade of decade of research and data to tell
Speaker 4: us it does not do that. It makes them depressed,
Speaker 4: which is a fact, depressed, dormant and dependent, and far
Speaker 4: more antisocial. So we need strength in numbers, and parents
Speaker 4: need to interact with each other. And if I'm going
Speaker 4: to eliminate screen time, I need two or three other
Speaker 4: families on my block in my kids class to do
Speaker 4: it with me.
Speaker 1: Wow, yeah, you've got to have solidarity.
Speaker 2: And screen time includes not just the phone. I mean
Speaker 2: just okay, So in our house, when Duke is not
Speaker 2: on the phone, and by the way, Duke supposedly is
Speaker 2: not on Snapchat or Instagram, so we have to dig.
Speaker 2: We have I mean, we look at it. Yeah, I know,
Speaker 2: and he says he's not. But I feel like some
Speaker 2: kids high.
Speaker 1: Give it a look. She's a techie, so to give
Speaker 1: you his phone.
Speaker 2: He's young, She'll figure it out. So that is one thing.
Speaker 2: But so then you know, we see him on his
Speaker 2: phone and he is has like group texts with his friends,
Speaker 2: but then he also mostly is like looking at cars
Speaker 2: online and like the I guess it's like the internet, right,
Speaker 2: and yeah, but when he's not on it, we're like, hey, Duke,
Speaker 2: get off your phone. Then he's on YouTube watching the
Speaker 2: Tryan Trey hand and all these guys, and you know,
Speaker 2: I watched them with Duke, and I think, okay, well,
Speaker 2: this is better than being on his phone by watching a.
Speaker 1: Video shaping time learning, Like I think.
Speaker 2: I'm curious with my things because Bill, I think the
Speaker 2: same thing, like so I think to myself, Oh, well,
Speaker 2: he's not on his PlayStation, right, right, he's not a
Speaker 2: video game, and he's not staring at a phone three
Speaker 2: inches from his face. Surely this is better. He's watching
Speaker 2: a TV from far away and it's YouTube and they're
Speaker 2: doing like hotel reviews and fun stuff. And I'm actually
Speaker 2: very entertained by Ryan tree Hand and mister Beest and
Speaker 2: these guys. Is that better? Not so much?
Speaker 4: So this is exactly what big tech wants is they
Speaker 4: want parents to convince themselves of why the screens are okay,
Speaker 4: Like it's okay if he plays Minecraft for five hours
Speaker 4: he's building beautiful things.
Speaker 1: Or it's okay if he plays fine the hand coordination skills.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, it's okay. If he plays Fortnite for all
Speaker 4: night long and doesn't even sleep because he's talking to
Speaker 4: his friends and it's a social experience, it's completely it's ridiculous. So,
Speaker 4: you know, we throw this term screens around all the time,
Speaker 4: but in reality, it's the Internet. Anything that gives kids
Speaker 4: access to the Internet. It's not a screen addiction. It's
Speaker 4: an Internet addiction because YouTube just you know, yeah, it'll
Speaker 4: have ads pop up and you can skip ten seconds.
Speaker 4: But it's just short form content being thrown at you,
Speaker 4: especially if he's doing the YouTube shorts, just up and down,
Speaker 4: up and down, all those kinds of things. So it's
Speaker 4: that instant access to whatever you want. You know. Like
Speaker 4: just the other day, I was thinking about when I
Speaker 4: drive my daughter to her school every day. She now
Speaker 4: has the ability to scream at me of daddy play
Speaker 4: this song, Daddy play that song, and I could do
Speaker 4: it right away. When I was a kid being driven
Speaker 4: to school by my parents, I had to listen to
Speaker 4: whatever was on the radio and just sit there and
Speaker 4: kind of do it. Is this era of just instant
Speaker 4: convenience of being a Yeah, I get that gratification is
Speaker 4: there so anything? So smartphones did not become addictive until
Speaker 4: that they got connected to the internet, and calling it
Speaker 4: a phone is all part of big text marketing plan.
Speaker 4: Phones are social. Phones are calls and texts. Let's be honest.
Speaker 4: That Apple iPhone we all have now is stronger than
Speaker 4: any computer we had in college. It's a supercomputer in
Speaker 4: your pocket at all times. So it's the Internet that's
Speaker 4: a problem. Flip phones are not addictive. Video games did
Speaker 4: not become addictive until they got connected to the Internet
Speaker 4: like Fortnite, roeblocks minecraft you know, parents were not kids
Speaker 4: were not trashing their parents' house over Super Mario and
Speaker 4: Zelda and all these different things. So it's the Internet
Speaker 4: and that provides the endless loops, things that were specifically
Speaker 4: made with persuasive design where they hire teams of psychologists
Speaker 4: of how do we make this as addictive as possible,
Speaker 4: Just like they said in that lawsuit against Meta it is,
Speaker 4: you know, behind the scenes, they were saying, we're basically pushers,
Speaker 4: We're basically drug dealers. We're basically selling kids drugs. And
Speaker 4: that's exactly what the Internet is doing. It's grabbing their attention.
Speaker 2: So what is a normal amount of time for kids
Speaker 2: to be on screens? Is there a normal amount of time?
Speaker 2: And also is that part of a negotiation, like for instance,
Speaker 2: it's a reward instead of just something expected every single day.
Speaker 4: Well, it's definitely not to be expected and there's definitely
Speaker 4: not a negotiation. The last thing you want to do
Speaker 4: is have a negotiation, because very few parents have the
Speaker 4: willpower to win a screen time negotiation. It needs to
Speaker 4: be a very very clear, structured thing of you get
Speaker 4: your access to it after a long list of things
Speaker 4: are completed, including at least an hour of outdoor time.
Speaker 4: That's the biggest thing. So parents will do like, you know,
Speaker 4: wash the bathroom, you know, do your laundry, do this. No,
Speaker 4: you need to add outdoor play, social play. Did you
Speaker 4: play with your friend face to face after school today?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 4: Then you're not getting your screens. It's as simple as that.
Speaker 4: And you know, every screen is different. Not all screens
Speaker 4: are created equal, and every single kid is different. Sure,
Speaker 4: I have met the very few amount the one percent
Speaker 4: of ADHD kids that can handle screens. But there's a
Speaker 4: big thing on Instagram, on parenting social media that says
Speaker 4: all behavior is communication. But we only want to believe
Speaker 4: that when it's warm and fuzzy, like, oh, he just
Speaker 4: needs more. It's a connection seeking behavior. He just needs
Speaker 4: more hugs and kisses and me to get on his
Speaker 4: level and to coregulate. So we only want to believe
Speaker 4: that when it makes us feel good. But how about
Speaker 4: the flip side of it, How about the behaviors you
Speaker 4: see after the screen time, or the behaviors you see
Speaker 4: when screens are not available to them. That behavior is
Speaker 4: communication too, and that behavior is communicating. Hey, mom, and dad.
Speaker 4: My brain can't handle this level of stimulation. You gave
Speaker 4: me too many screens too soon. I can't handle this.
Speaker 4: When this is in my life, I have no desire
Speaker 4: to do anything else. So no kid's going to come
Speaker 4: to their mom and dad and say, hey, I think
Speaker 4: you need to cancel my phone or can you please
Speaker 4: sell my iPad. They're not going to do that. They're
Speaker 4: going to tell you through their dysregulation.
Speaker 2: Interesting. Yeah, no, you're right. And I think going back
Speaker 2: to I like what you said earlier too, is that
Speaker 2: with screens, like we allow it, we're allowing it too much,
Speaker 2: and we need to start looking at screens differently, like
Speaker 2: for what they really are. Right, they're not just this
Speaker 2: like little innocent thing that that we can handle. By
Speaker 2: the way, we're adults and we can't even handle it.
Speaker 2: Most of us are addicted to our screens, even as adults.
Speaker 2: But what I was going to say is I loved
Speaker 2: what you said, Like kids will literally go nuts towards
Speaker 2: their parents if the parents just walk in one day
Speaker 2: and they're like, screens are out, Like a kid will
Speaker 2: lose their marbles these days. And that's why so few
Speaker 2: parents are scared to do anything like that because their
Speaker 2: kids will lose it.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: So what I'm saying though, is that but we almost
Speaker 2: I like what you said before because it made me think,
Speaker 2: I'm like, hush, it's so true though, like back in
Speaker 2: the day when we were young, like if our parents
Speaker 2: came home. Now, this is like the equivalent of like
Speaker 2: us coming home and Duke's on a screen. If our
Speaker 2: parents came home and we were like doing drugs, right,
Speaker 2: like smoking something or something like, our parents wouldn't just
Speaker 2: be like, oh god, well, I'm not going to stop
Speaker 2: her because she's going to be so upset if I
Speaker 2: stop her, Like you have to look at the big
Speaker 2: picture as a parent and go, this is not good
Speaker 2: for her health. And I need to help. I need
Speaker 2: to figure this out.
Speaker 3: But they watch the parents, right, So if the parents
Speaker 3: are smoking weed or whatever, they're gonna do, so the
Speaker 3: parents need to cut back. If if the kid seized
Speaker 3: the mom or the dad glued to the screen the
Speaker 3: whole time, Yes, you know, it's good enough for my
Speaker 3: mom and dad, it's good enough for me.
Speaker 2: I know what you're saying, I'm gonna cut back.
Speaker 3: I'm not pointing fingers, no, no, I know what you mean.
Speaker 3: But I think you know, you have to lead by example.
Speaker 4: That's exactly it is. Yeah, if you're a parent on
Speaker 4: your phone in front of your kids, you're fighting a
Speaker 4: losing battle, like you are setting them up or being addicted.
Speaker 4: And the biggest thing that I coach parents on is
Speaker 4: catch yourself. Is when your kid's trying to talk to you,
Speaker 4: you're on your phone. If you instantly rationalize it, oh,
Speaker 4: but I'm doing work things. I'm doing important things like oh,
Speaker 4: like don't interrupt me on like like my son's trying
Speaker 4: to talk to me, my daughter's trying to talk to me.
Speaker 4: But it's okay because I'm doing good things. I'm not
Speaker 4: frying my brain. I'm actually helping people. I'm actually doing something.
Speaker 4: The second you try to tell yourself that, that should
Speaker 4: be the biggest flag of okay, I need to calm
Speaker 4: down a little bit.
Speaker 2: And even in the car, I have to say, kids
Speaker 2: pick up on everything. So I think like as adults,
Speaker 2: like you know you've been driving a long time, you're like, okay,
Speaker 2: if I'm at a red light and let's say I
Speaker 2: need to put in my ways a new address right
Speaker 2: or something like that. Kids just see you look at
Speaker 2: your phone yep. In like as as you're like quote
Speaker 2: unquote driving, like and I'm saying even just stop, you know,
Speaker 2: stopped at a light, that's still not good.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 2: So it's like as an adult going, wait a second,
Speaker 2: my kid is with me. Even this, you should practice
Speaker 2: without a kid in the car with any time. But
Speaker 2: my point is like, especially with your kids around, never ever, ever,
Speaker 2: ever look at the phone in the car, because what
Speaker 2: message is that sending your kid? So like then people
Speaker 2: can but well, I know, honey, I was just looking
Speaker 2: at my ways. It's like, well, then get your ways,
Speaker 2: like put the address in before you push, you put
Speaker 2: your car into drive. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: And say that to your kid, Like I'm gonna put
Speaker 2: let me set up my ways. I'm going to put
Speaker 2: the dgress in before I drive. Do you see how
Speaker 2: I'm doing that? Not as I'm driving and going around
Speaker 2: the block. Oh, let me start putting the address in now.
Speaker 2: It's like they take all of that, right, and they
Speaker 2: take it into their adult life and then the next
Speaker 2: thing you know, they're texting and driving or you know.
Speaker 2: And so it's like all these behaviors that we do
Speaker 2: with our phones that we really need to cut out
Speaker 2: as parents. Okay, so you were saying, then what so
Speaker 2: is there like a formula then? Okay, so after this
Speaker 2: book a long list of so basically book Mike, you're saying,
Speaker 2: it's not a negotiation. I know what you're saying before.
Speaker 2: It's not a negotiation. It's the rules, basically the rules, right,
Speaker 2: you're telling your kid, here are the rules in our
Speaker 2: home when it comes to screen time. This is what
Speaker 2: you need to do, and you'd establish that as a parent,
Speaker 2: right like outside times.
Speaker 3: So many parents want to be their kid's best friend, right, well,
Speaker 3: and I think that's a problem. Perfect They want to
Speaker 3: be the cool parents. Yes, they want to be the
Speaker 3: you know, like I'm cool, right, yeah.
Speaker 4: And that's what social media is doing. It's the pressure
Speaker 4: on parents from all these parenting gurus. It's not normal
Speaker 4: to pick up your phone twenty times a day and
Speaker 4: every time you open Instagram it's another parenting person yelling
Speaker 4: at you about this concept of the perfect parent. You know,
Speaker 4: parenting is always has always been that phenomenon of the
Speaker 4: more work you put in, it actually gets kind of
Speaker 4: kind of harder. It's always that thing like like, let's
Speaker 4: talk about this right now, both of you. You know,
Speaker 4: very successful, many many goals reached. You've accomplished many goals
Speaker 4: and done many great things. Parenting's probably number one on
Speaker 4: the list in terms of hardest things you've ever done. Correct,
Speaker 4: not even a question there you go. So, of all
Speaker 4: the things you've done, all the different jars you've reached
Speaker 4: out to, parenting is the number one thing that has
Speaker 4: been the most difficult thing. And that's what it is.
Speaker 4: So it's not about you know who you are, whatever
Speaker 4: it is. Raising a human being is an imperfect science.
Speaker 2: Okay, so we'll make the list. The screen time, that's good.
Speaker 2: So I think the screen time's a big thing, and
Speaker 2: we know that that's a problem in this country, in
Speaker 2: this world really, and so parents just kind of leading
Speaker 2: by example, setting ground rules that work for your family.
Speaker 2: What's like a third point of screen time that you
Speaker 2: want to share with viewers.
Speaker 4: Well, the biggest thing is delay, delay, delay as much
Speaker 4: as humanly possible. You know, we have to recognize that
Speaker 4: the second you bring a phone into a child's life,
Speaker 4: it becomes the center of their life and everything else
Speaker 4: is going to fail. In comparison. You know how many
Speaker 4: millions of parents read the ANXIS generation was incredibly moved
Speaker 4: by it, but then just put it back on the
Speaker 4: shelf and did nothing about it. And that the screen
Speaker 4: addiction continues. You know, we talk about like you're going
Speaker 4: to be very hard pressed to find a parent, an
Speaker 4: adult that says that their phone has positively influenced their life.
Speaker 4: Most adults would throw their phone in the ocean if
Speaker 4: they could, and like, I never want to see this
Speaker 4: thing again. But we're adults with fully developed brains. The
Speaker 4: brain grows until thirty years old, and we can't handle
Speaker 4: the addictive drug of a screen. And someone had the
Speaker 4: bright idea of let's give these to kids. Let's get like,
Speaker 4: let's give them to someone with half of a brain.
Speaker 2: So what is the age? Mike? You have a daughter,
Speaker 2: You have a daughter, she's young. How old's your daughter?
Speaker 4: She's still there, she's five years old.
Speaker 2: So what is the age? And you know, as a
Speaker 2: parent and as an expert, what is I'm sure so
Speaker 2: many people ask you, like, what is that magic? Is
Speaker 2: there a magic number when it comes to when we
Speaker 2: should give our kids a phone? Or how do you
Speaker 2: do it? Like or do you just give them a
Speaker 2: phone with no technology on it? Like just for like
Speaker 2: emergencies like, how do you do this.
Speaker 4: Well, if I were to buy my daughter a phone,
Speaker 4: that would make me the biggest hypocrite in the history
Speaker 4: of the world. So that's definitely not happening. But there's
Speaker 4: enough options out there in terms of dumb phones, flip phones,
Speaker 4: gab phones, bark phones. There's enough out there where you
Speaker 4: can give your kid a phone, have that piece of mind.
Speaker 4: They can reach you in emergencies, they can do calls
Speaker 4: and texts and those things. It just doesn't have to
Speaker 4: be a smartphone. A smartphone is not a phone, it's
Speaker 4: a supercomputer. So like, yeah, you want to be able
Speaker 4: to text your kid, you want them to be able
Speaker 4: to make phone calls, You want them to have those things,
Speaker 4: And get them a phone that is not connected to
Speaker 4: the internet. Stop focusing on screens, focus on internet access,
Speaker 4: because the second they have their own internet access, Think
Speaker 4: of all the parents out there that have done the
Speaker 4: right thing and have fought the fight and neverhaved to
Speaker 4: big tech, never bought their kid a phone. Then all
Speaker 4: of a sudden, they send their kids to school, and
Speaker 4: school gives them their own fancy laptop, and the school
Speaker 4: created a screen addiction because now the kid's watching YouTube
Speaker 4: all day at school and now they like, Mom, I'm
Speaker 4: going to go in my room and do homework, and
Speaker 4: not a second of homework it's done. They're just doing
Speaker 4: whatever they want on the computer all the time. My
Speaker 4: heart goes out to those parents that did the right thing,
Speaker 4: but then their taxpayer dollars or their tuition dollars went
Speaker 4: towards a computer that really harmed their child. So you know,
Speaker 4: we have to just focus on overall. At the end
Speaker 4: of the day, it's about ex So you know, two
Speaker 4: hours of screen time are minimally negative if they already
Speaker 4: spent two, three four hours outside the friends doing a club,
Speaker 4: a sport, an activity, outdoor play.
Speaker 1: Look at it, holistics offsetting. It's a carbon like a
Speaker 1: carbon offset.
Speaker 2: So no phone, you're saying, So, no internet until eighteen
Speaker 2: or until they graduate high school, until they're adults. What
Speaker 2: do you think.
Speaker 1: I don't think that's.
Speaker 4: Well, you can't ban the internet like they're gonna they're
Speaker 4: gonna need like to be able to do research, and
Speaker 4: you know I can the internet.
Speaker 2: I can do whatever I want to have a tough care. No,
Speaker 2: what do you think?
Speaker 1: Then?
Speaker 2: What do you think? Then his parents like to know
Speaker 2: kind of what's the age.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so so it's every single kid is different. But
Speaker 4: they should not be getting their own smartphone until they're
Speaker 4: probably a junior or senior in high school. That's when
Speaker 4: they should get into a smartphone. You know. It's because
Speaker 4: because they are they are going to have one. Yeah,
Speaker 4: in college they are going to have on. Let's be honest,
Speaker 4: they will have one, and you know, walk walk across
Speaker 4: a college campus these days, it'll be pretty pretty barren,
Speaker 4: and you know where they are. They're all on.
Speaker 3: Their phones where they're all their heads are down, Yeah, exactly,
Speaker 3: no one looks up anymore.
Speaker 4: But yeah, it's really all about you know, you have
Speaker 4: to look at it holistically. Like I said, so delay
Speaker 4: the smartphone as long as you possibly can. Don't bring
Speaker 4: things like Fortnite roeblocks. Minecraft that's not going to benefit them.
Speaker 4: It's not going to give them social skills, it's not
Speaker 4: going to you know, do anything like that. It's all
Speaker 4: you know, how many sports music art How often are
Speaker 4: they out of the house. How often do they have
Speaker 4: other adults to hold them accountable. We have to look
Speaker 4: at what what are their talents, what are their interests?
Speaker 4: Are they just watching YouTube and getting stuck on something
Speaker 4: and then then that comes that becomes the rest of
Speaker 4: their lives.
Speaker 2: Okay, so I'm going to just say one last thing
Speaker 2: about screen time because I think that a lot of
Speaker 2: kids are excuse me, a lot of parents. Their struggle
Speaker 2: is when the kid says, well, all my friends are
Speaker 2: also on Snapchat. All my this is how we communicate.
Speaker 2: All my friends do this, All my friends do that.
Speaker 2: So what I have to say to that, and I'm
Speaker 2: going to start doing this with Duke is you know
Speaker 2: I grew up my parents. You know, we move, We
Speaker 2: moved from Italy when I was a little girl, and
Speaker 2: my parents were like the very Italian parents, if you will,
Speaker 2: very strict parents. And when I used to pull that
Speaker 2: on them, Oh, my friend gets to go to camp
Speaker 2: for eight weeks, or my friends get to go on that,
Speaker 2: you know, to Daytona Beach, you know, for spring break.
Speaker 2: I want to go too, And they were just like, no, well,
Speaker 2: your friends can do whatever they want. Their parents can
Speaker 2: do whatever they want, but you live in our house
Speaker 2: and you're our daughter, and this is the way we
Speaker 2: do it. And you just tell your friends like, this
Speaker 2: is how we do it in our house, and that's
Speaker 2: that's it. And I remember like thinking, you know, I
Speaker 2: was so upset when I was little. But then and
Speaker 2: there were a lot of things I couldn't do that
Speaker 2: my friends could do. And now I look back, Oh,
Speaker 2: I'll tell you what A big one was sleepovers. So
Speaker 2: I could never sleep over to a friend's house. That
Speaker 2: was huge. And now as an adult, I look back
Speaker 2: and I completely every single thing they didn't let me do.
Speaker 2: I understand now as an adult. And so I tell Duke,
Speaker 2: I've told him this before. I use an example, I
Speaker 2: use examples of my childhood, and I'm like, Duke, I
Speaker 2: know that it seems hard now, but let me explain
Speaker 2: when I was little. And I think sometimes kids like
Speaker 2: the story. They like to hear that you've had that experience.
Speaker 2: It resonates, and so that's what I'm going to do.
Speaker 2: But what I mean is that what parents should do.
Speaker 4: Mike.
Speaker 2: It's kind of like you just draw the line and go,
Speaker 2: you know what, in our house, this is how we
Speaker 2: do it. Because you're going to have kids who are
Speaker 2: going to make the argument that their friends are all
Speaker 2: doing it, why can't they do it?
Speaker 4: So let's quiz you guys real quick. What do you
Speaker 4: think I'm going to say? To that from the advice
Speaker 4: I've giving.
Speaker 1: It's tough, tough luck kid too many.
Speaker 4: That's what it is. Am.
Speaker 2: I acting like Duke right now.
Speaker 4: But that's exactly what it is. Af