WEBVTT - The Screen Time Debate: What Parents Need to Know 0:00:03.400 --> 0:00:06.040 Welcome to Bill and Juliana the Podcast. 0:00:09.480 --> 0:00:13.440 Hi everyone, Welcome to Bill and Juliana the Podcast. Today 0:00:13.600 --> 0:00:18.239 we are talking to an expert in screen time. He's 0:00:18.280 --> 0:00:22.200 also an expert in executive functioning ADHD child development. He's 0:00:22.200 --> 0:00:24.079 worked with families for over twenty years. His name is 0:00:24.120 --> 0:00:26.599 Mike McLeod. He is an author. He has a book 0:00:26.600 --> 0:00:29.760 out right now. It's called The Executive Function Playbook. And 0:00:30.720 --> 0:00:32.720 he's great, right, Bill, love him. Now. 0:00:32.800 --> 0:00:34.599 What I really like about Mike is he makes it 0:00:34.680 --> 0:00:36.839 really easy to understand. He breaks it down for you 0:00:36.880 --> 0:00:40.720 in just simple, easy steps to make your life better 0:00:41.240 --> 0:00:42.240 and your kid's life better. 0:00:42.320 --> 0:00:44.400 Yeah, and he doesn't sugarcoat anything. So we're going to 0:00:44.440 --> 0:00:46.199 get to the bottom of screen time, how much is 0:00:46.240 --> 0:00:48.560 too much, and what you can do as a parent, 0:00:48.640 --> 0:00:52.280 and his advice for all of it. So please welcome 0:00:52.640 --> 0:00:53.400 Mike McLeod. 0:00:53.640 --> 0:00:56.200 Welcome Mike, Thanks for having me. I'm so excited. 0:00:56.560 --> 0:00:58.160 I mean, I see so many of your videos and 0:00:58.240 --> 0:01:01.080 so much focus is on time, and you think that 0:01:01.240 --> 0:01:02.760 is a real problem. 0:01:03.400 --> 0:01:06.520 Is it is an absolute fact, it's a real problem. 0:01:07.000 --> 0:01:09.440 It's just one of these things that we're just clearly 0:01:09.480 --> 0:01:12.520 turning a blind eye towards it for many different reasons. 0:01:12.680 --> 0:01:16.440 You know. Number one, most parents are addicted now, so 0:01:16.480 --> 0:01:19.880 they feel kind of they feel very guilty removing their 0:01:19.880 --> 0:01:20.880 own kids screen time. 0:01:21.120 --> 0:01:22.520 You're looking at one over there. 0:01:22.600 --> 0:01:23.880 Yeah, well. 0:01:25.280 --> 0:01:26.520 Hours yesterday, Okay. 0:01:27.319 --> 0:01:29.160 Well a lot of dogs have been saved because of 0:01:29.240 --> 0:01:31.840 that screat is true. There you go, That's why I 0:01:31.840 --> 0:01:37.000 put that dog back there for you. But that's exactly it. 0:01:37.240 --> 0:01:40.520 So number one, parents are addicted to and then number two, 0:01:40.720 --> 0:01:43.520 let's be honest, it's fear. So we're at the point 0:01:43.600 --> 0:01:46.200 right now where there is so much research, so much 0:01:46.280 --> 0:01:50.000 data that brain rot is real, digital dementia is real. 0:01:50.320 --> 0:01:53.960 Screens make parenting harder. It's horrible for kids, like just 0:01:54.160 --> 0:01:58.840 so bad in every possible way that parents know if 0:01:58.920 --> 0:02:02.160 I remove the screen they already have, they're going to 0:02:02.200 --> 0:02:04.480 withdraw and act like addicts, and they're going to trash 0:02:04.480 --> 0:02:06.720 my house and physically attack me, and it's going to 0:02:06.760 --> 0:02:10.040 be horrible, terrifying. So that fear causes them to keep 0:02:10.040 --> 0:02:14.000 the screens in their lives. But no, there's no ifans 0:02:14.040 --> 0:02:16.360 or butts about this, Like someone needs to come out 0:02:16.720 --> 0:02:20.200 and be brutally honest about screen use because you know, 0:02:20.480 --> 0:02:23.680 as soon as big tech realized we're going to make 0:02:23.720 --> 0:02:27.480 the majority of our money off of kids, especially our 0:02:27.520 --> 0:02:32.120 neurodiverse kids. Can't. You can't mention ADHD in twenty twenty 0:02:32.160 --> 0:02:35.920 six without also mentioning an incredibly debilitating screen addiction. It 0:02:35.919 --> 0:02:39.160 goes hand in hand when your brain is already hardwired 0:02:39.200 --> 0:02:43.560 towards instant gratification and you're very impulsive. That word impulsive, 0:02:43.600 --> 0:02:48.240 that's so synonymous with ADHD. That's you're already naturally that 0:02:48.280 --> 0:02:50.760 way with the brain you were born with, and then 0:02:50.800 --> 0:02:53.720 a screen comes into your life, there's no way you're 0:02:53.760 --> 0:02:56.359 going to be able to regulate it. And throughout all 0:02:56.360 --> 0:02:58.880 my years, I've worked with so many kids with ADHD 0:02:59.360 --> 0:03:02.120 that were, you know, on their way to become the valedictorian. 0:03:02.360 --> 0:03:03.840 They were on the swim team, they were on the 0:03:03.840 --> 0:03:06.000 golf team, they had tons of friends, they get the 0:03:06.040 --> 0:03:08.680 phone and everything just you know, all of a sudden, 0:03:08.680 --> 0:03:11.320 they're in their room for hours, behind closed doors, doing whatever. 0:03:11.600 --> 0:03:13.200 And we live in a world now where we're too 0:03:13.240 --> 0:03:16.240 scared to send our kids, you know, twenty minutes down 0:03:16.280 --> 0:03:18.520 the road to the store, but we'll give them open 0:03:18.560 --> 0:03:21.960 access to the internet behind closed doors. The Internet is 0:03:21.960 --> 0:03:26.240 the most disgusting, unregulated place in human history, and we 0:03:26.360 --> 0:03:28.760 just let kids surf it, like we see how people 0:03:28.760 --> 0:03:30.959 act on social media. You guys have seen it. It's 0:03:31.000 --> 0:03:34.000 the most it's the most racist, anti semitic, every phobia 0:03:34.040 --> 0:03:36.920 you can possibly imagine, and we give kids access to it. 0:03:37.200 --> 0:03:40.800 And now big tech is also taken over our schools 0:03:41.120 --> 0:03:44.120 where kids are watching hours of YouTube at school. It's 0:03:44.200 --> 0:03:48.320 it's really really sad what they've done. And our ADHD 0:03:48.440 --> 0:03:52.440 kids are the biggest victim of big tech's predatory marketing. 0:03:52.920 --> 0:03:55.440 Well they're stealing I mean, they're not stealing it, it's 0:03:55.480 --> 0:03:57.120 part of the contract we signed with them. But all 0:03:57.160 --> 0:03:59.560 the data, yeah, you know, so that's where the real 0:03:59.720 --> 0:04:02.240 that's where the real theft is occurring. 0:04:02.400 --> 0:04:05.440 But Mike, Mike, you putting it that way is like, 0:04:05.720 --> 0:04:09.480 oh my gosh, it's so scary. It's shocking because when 0:04:09.480 --> 0:04:12.160 you were saying the internet is such an awful place, 0:04:12.200 --> 0:04:14.880 you know, immediately, like our generation, our mind goes to 0:04:15.000 --> 0:04:19.279 like adult content. But you're right, like the messaging just 0:04:19.360 --> 0:04:24.040 everything about hate, and it's like bigger than even just that, 0:04:24.120 --> 0:04:26.640 you know, it's just the all of it is out 0:04:26.680 --> 0:04:29.080 there and you forget, like you don't even think like 0:04:29.360 --> 0:04:31.880 and everyone's like, my kid wouldn't look at that. My 0:04:32.040 --> 0:04:34.599 kid and his friends are so great. My kid's friends 0:04:34.640 --> 0:04:37.880 don't do that. But we all think that until you 0:04:37.920 --> 0:04:40.240 see it's like, oh wait a second, it was my 0:04:40.360 --> 0:04:43.000 kid and it was his friends and or her friends, 0:04:43.040 --> 0:04:47.960 and it's really terrifying. So all of that said, what 0:04:48.200 --> 0:04:51.760 is the solution, you stay and age where it has 0:04:52.120 --> 0:04:55.720 you know, it's like it's not like just beginning social 0:04:55.720 --> 0:04:58.440 media and technology. It's here, you know, and so we're 0:04:58.480 --> 0:05:01.320 in it and we're in it deep. So how do 0:05:01.400 --> 0:05:03.960 we do this? Like, what is the appropriate time for 0:05:04.000 --> 0:05:06.919 a kid to be on a screen? And how do 0:05:06.960 --> 0:05:08.400 we how do we do it? What do we do? 0:05:09.400 --> 0:05:10.520 That's exactly what do we do? 0:05:10.640 --> 0:05:11.400 I need the answer? 0:05:11.720 --> 0:05:15.200 Yeah, it's really terrifying. So you know, number one, the 0:05:15.279 --> 0:05:17.919 last thing any parent needs to do is wave the 0:05:17.920 --> 0:05:20.039 white flag to big tech and just give up and 0:05:20.040 --> 0:05:21.880 all of a sudden say, oh, we're in the screen 0:05:21.920 --> 0:05:24.560 filled world. We have to give them access to it 0:05:24.600 --> 0:05:27.400 now so they can learn the skills to balance. That 0:05:27.480 --> 0:05:30.599 is the biggest parenting pipe dream of today's day and 0:05:30.640 --> 0:05:33.520 age is give them the phone now so they can 0:05:33.600 --> 0:05:35.880 learn to balance it for later. That is not going 0:05:35.920 --> 0:05:38.320 to happen. That's under that same mindset. We should let 0:05:38.320 --> 0:05:40.680 them drive every day until they turn eighteen so they 0:05:40.720 --> 0:05:42.839 can learn to drive, give them, give them a little 0:05:42.839 --> 0:05:44.680 bit of alcohol every day so they can be ready 0:05:44.720 --> 0:05:46.839 when they're turned twenty one. It doesn't It makes no sense. 0:05:47.400 --> 0:05:50.880 It's not going to happen. There is no especially if 0:05:50.920 --> 0:05:54.720 they have ADHD. This concept of a balance or skills 0:05:54.760 --> 0:05:57.000 to balance, it's you need to throw that out because 0:05:57.000 --> 0:06:01.560 it's not going to happen. So number two I mentioned earlier. 0:06:01.920 --> 0:06:05.520 Parents are also very very addicted. And if you remember 0:06:05.640 --> 0:06:08.560 back in the day, we used to know other families 0:06:08.600 --> 0:06:10.960 in our neighborhood, Like when you would send your kids 0:06:11.000 --> 0:06:13.640 outside to play, you weren't nervous about something happening to 0:06:13.720 --> 0:06:16.240 them because we knew the people in our neighborhoods. They 0:06:16.240 --> 0:06:18.680 would watch each other, they'd be out doing things. 0:06:19.200 --> 0:06:20.400 There was a sense of community. 0:06:20.520 --> 0:06:22.960 Yeah, now we're all staying home so much because we 0:06:23.000 --> 0:06:25.560 have all the convenience of just just order on Amazon 0:06:25.640 --> 0:06:27.839 or check this, or get door Dash do this. So 0:06:27.920 --> 0:06:30.960 we're just home too much, and we're around our kids 0:06:31.040 --> 0:06:33.200 too much, like they're an annoying roommate who never leaves. 0:06:33.240 --> 0:06:36.320 They're just always there and they're not going outside and 0:06:36.320 --> 0:06:41.200 playing anymore. So the parents don't have the connections with others. 0:06:41.480 --> 0:06:44.400 But this is all about strength in numbers, because what 0:06:44.560 --> 0:06:46.920 happens as soon as you go to your kid and 0:06:46.960 --> 0:06:49.320 say I need to cancel your phone plan, I need 0:06:49.320 --> 0:06:51.920 to get rid of your Xbox, your PlayStation or your iPad, 0:06:52.200 --> 0:06:55.000 the first thing is you're the worst parent ever. None 0:06:55.040 --> 0:06:57.719 of my friends' parents do this. You're ruining my life. 0:06:57.760 --> 0:06:59.719 I'm going to lose all my friends. And this is 0:06:59.680 --> 0:07:04.160 exact exactly what big tech wants. Is this incredible social 0:07:04.279 --> 0:07:07.320 pressure of if you don't buy your kids the nicest, 0:07:07.320 --> 0:07:11.080 best things, you're failing your kids. So big tech tells 0:07:11.160 --> 0:07:13.840 us every day, get your kid a phone. It'll make 0:07:13.880 --> 0:07:17.360 them safe, smart and social. But we now have an 0:07:17.520 --> 0:07:20.320 entire decade of decade of research and data to tell 0:07:20.400 --> 0:07:23.400 us it does not do that. It makes them depressed, 0:07:23.640 --> 0:07:29.200 which is a fact, depressed, dormant and dependent, and far 0:07:29.280 --> 0:07:32.680 more antisocial. So we need strength in numbers, and parents 0:07:32.680 --> 0:07:34.800 need to interact with each other. And if I'm going 0:07:34.840 --> 0:07:37.240 to eliminate screen time, I need two or three other 0:07:37.280 --> 0:07:40.120 families on my block in my kids class to do 0:07:40.160 --> 0:07:40.520 it with me. 0:07:40.840 --> 0:07:50.600 Wow, yeah, you've got to have solidarity. 0:07:55.360 --> 0:07:58.680 And screen time includes not just the phone. I mean 0:07:58.760 --> 0:08:03.120 just okay, So in our house, when Duke is not 0:08:03.320 --> 0:08:06.360 on the phone, and by the way, Duke supposedly is 0:08:06.400 --> 0:08:09.320 not on Snapchat or Instagram, so we have to dig. 0:08:10.240 --> 0:08:12.000 We have I mean, we look at it. Yeah, I know, 0:08:12.080 --> 0:08:14.680 and he says he's not. But I feel like some 0:08:14.800 --> 0:08:15.600 kids high. 0:08:15.920 --> 0:08:18.360 Give it a look. She's a techie, so to give 0:08:18.360 --> 0:08:18.880 you his phone. 0:08:19.280 --> 0:08:23.040 He's young, She'll figure it out. So that is one thing. 0:08:23.120 --> 0:08:25.520 But so then you know, we see him on his 0:08:25.600 --> 0:08:29.160 phone and he is has like group texts with his friends, 0:08:29.200 --> 0:08:32.640 but then he also mostly is like looking at cars 0:08:32.679 --> 0:08:35.000 online and like the I guess it's like the internet, right, 0:08:35.080 --> 0:08:38.679 and yeah, but when he's not on it, we're like, hey, Duke, 0:08:38.760 --> 0:08:42.720 get off your phone. Then he's on YouTube watching the 0:08:42.800 --> 0:08:44.920 Tryan Trey hand and all these guys, and you know, 0:08:45.240 --> 0:08:47.560 I watched them with Duke, and I think, okay, well, 0:08:47.600 --> 0:08:50.040 this is better than being on his phone by watching a. 0:08:50.160 --> 0:08:53.280 Video shaping time learning, Like I think. 0:08:53.800 --> 0:08:55.640 I'm curious with my things because Bill, I think the 0:08:55.679 --> 0:08:57.600 same thing, like so I think to myself, Oh, well, 0:08:57.600 --> 0:09:00.200 he's not on his PlayStation, right, right, he's not a 0:09:00.240 --> 0:09:03.640 video game, and he's not staring at a phone three 0:09:03.679 --> 0:09:06.800 inches from his face. Surely this is better. He's watching 0:09:06.840 --> 0:09:08.960 a TV from far away and it's YouTube and they're 0:09:09.000 --> 0:09:12.040 doing like hotel reviews and fun stuff. And I'm actually 0:09:12.120 --> 0:09:14.880 very entertained by Ryan tree Hand and mister Beest and 0:09:14.880 --> 0:09:18.079 these guys. Is that better? Not so much? 0:09:18.520 --> 0:09:21.040 So this is exactly what big tech wants is they 0:09:21.040 --> 0:09:25.200 want parents to convince themselves of why the screens are okay, 0:09:25.600 --> 0:09:28.080 Like it's okay if he plays Minecraft for five hours 0:09:28.080 --> 0:09:29.560 he's building beautiful things. 0:09:30.000 --> 0:09:32.360 Or it's okay if he plays fine the hand coordination skills. 0:09:32.800 --> 0:09:35.360 Oh yeah, it's okay. If he plays Fortnite for all 0:09:35.440 --> 0:09:38.000 night long and doesn't even sleep because he's talking to 0:09:38.040 --> 0:09:43.520 his friends and it's a social experience, it's completely it's ridiculous. So, 0:09:43.840 --> 0:09:46.960 you know, we throw this term screens around all the time, 0:09:47.200 --> 0:09:51.240 but in reality, it's the Internet. Anything that gives kids 0:09:51.320 --> 0:09:54.199 access to the Internet. It's not a screen addiction. It's 0:09:54.240 --> 0:09:58.480 an Internet addiction because YouTube just you know, yeah, it'll 0:09:58.480 --> 0:10:00.720 have ads pop up and you can skip ten seconds. 0:10:00.960 --> 0:10:03.800 But it's just short form content being thrown at you, 0:10:04.200 --> 0:10:06.880 especially if he's doing the YouTube shorts, just up and down, 0:10:06.960 --> 0:10:09.120 up and down, all those kinds of things. So it's 0:10:09.200 --> 0:10:12.760 that instant access to whatever you want. You know. Like 0:10:13.480 --> 0:10:15.200 just the other day, I was thinking about when I 0:10:15.280 --> 0:10:18.040 drive my daughter to her school every day. She now 0:10:18.080 --> 0:10:21.240 has the ability to scream at me of daddy play 0:10:21.240 --> 0:10:23.200 this song, Daddy play that song, and I could do 0:10:23.240 --> 0:10:25.800 it right away. When I was a kid being driven 0:10:25.880 --> 0:10:27.880 to school by my parents, I had to listen to 0:10:27.920 --> 0:10:29.720 whatever was on the radio and just sit there and 0:10:29.800 --> 0:10:32.920 kind of do it. Is this era of just instant 0:10:32.960 --> 0:10:36.440 convenience of being a Yeah, I get that gratification is 0:10:36.480 --> 0:10:41.680 there so anything? So smartphones did not become addictive until 0:10:41.720 --> 0:10:44.720 that they got connected to the internet, and calling it 0:10:44.760 --> 0:10:47.440 a phone is all part of big text marketing plan. 0:10:47.800 --> 0:10:51.120 Phones are social. Phones are calls and texts. Let's be honest. 0:10:51.160 --> 0:10:53.920 That Apple iPhone we all have now is stronger than 0:10:53.920 --> 0:10:56.880 any computer we had in college. It's a supercomputer in 0:10:56.920 --> 0:10:59.640 your pocket at all times. So it's the Internet that's 0:10:59.640 --> 0:11:03.520 a problem. Flip phones are not addictive. Video games did 0:11:03.520 --> 0:11:06.040 not become addictive until they got connected to the Internet 0:11:06.559 --> 0:11:09.640 like Fortnite, roeblocks minecraft you know, parents were not kids 0:11:09.679 --> 0:11:12.520 were not trashing their parents' house over Super Mario and 0:11:12.640 --> 0:11:15.760 Zelda and all these different things. So it's the Internet 0:11:16.280 --> 0:11:20.439 and that provides the endless loops, things that were specifically 0:11:20.480 --> 0:11:24.240 made with persuasive design where they hire teams of psychologists 0:11:24.240 --> 0:11:26.560 of how do we make this as addictive as possible, 0:11:26.960 --> 0:11:29.000 Just like they said in that lawsuit against Meta it is, 0:11:29.240 --> 0:11:31.880 you know, behind the scenes, they were saying, we're basically pushers, 0:11:32.120 --> 0:11:35.480 We're basically drug dealers. We're basically selling kids drugs. And 0:11:35.520 --> 0:11:38.920 that's exactly what the Internet is doing. It's grabbing their attention. 0:11:39.600 --> 0:11:43.400 So what is a normal amount of time for kids 0:11:43.440 --> 0:11:45.600 to be on screens? Is there a normal amount of time? 0:11:45.600 --> 0:11:48.960 And also is that part of a negotiation, like for instance, 0:11:49.440 --> 0:11:54.320 it's a reward instead of just something expected every single day. 0:11:55.320 --> 0:11:58.000 Well, it's definitely not to be expected and there's definitely 0:11:58.040 --> 0:12:00.400 not a negotiation. The last thing you want to do 0:12:00.480 --> 0:12:03.520 is have a negotiation, because very few parents have the 0:12:03.520 --> 0:12:07.080 willpower to win a screen time negotiation. It needs to 0:12:07.080 --> 0:12:10.880 be a very very clear, structured thing of you get 0:12:10.920 --> 0:12:14.560 your access to it after a long list of things 0:12:14.600 --> 0:12:18.080 are completed, including at least an hour of outdoor time. 0:12:18.360 --> 0:12:20.440 That's the biggest thing. So parents will do like, you know, 0:12:20.600 --> 0:12:23.520 wash the bathroom, you know, do your laundry, do this. No, 0:12:23.800 --> 0:12:26.680 you need to add outdoor play, social play. Did you 0:12:26.880 --> 0:12:29.760 play with your friend face to face after school today? 0:12:30.120 --> 0:12:30.160 No? 0:12:30.440 --> 0:12:33.360 Then you're not getting your screens. It's as simple as that. 0:12:33.800 --> 0:12:36.440 And you know, every screen is different. Not all screens 0:12:36.440 --> 0:12:39.880 are created equal, and every single kid is different. Sure, 0:12:39.960 --> 0:12:42.439 I have met the very few amount the one percent 0:12:42.480 --> 0:12:46.360 of ADHD kids that can handle screens. But there's a 0:12:46.360 --> 0:12:49.680 big thing on Instagram, on parenting social media that says 0:12:50.160 --> 0:12:54.200 all behavior is communication. But we only want to believe 0:12:54.280 --> 0:12:57.360 that when it's warm and fuzzy, like, oh, he just 0:12:57.400 --> 0:13:00.560 needs more. It's a connection seeking behavior. He just needs 0:13:00.559 --> 0:13:02.360 more hugs and kisses and me to get on his 0:13:02.440 --> 0:13:04.800 level and to coregulate. So we only want to believe 0:13:04.800 --> 0:13:07.200 that when it makes us feel good. But how about 0:13:07.360 --> 0:13:09.720 the flip side of it, How about the behaviors you 0:13:09.800 --> 0:13:13.240 see after the screen time, or the behaviors you see 0:13:13.240 --> 0:13:16.360 when screens are not available to them. That behavior is 0:13:16.400 --> 0:13:20.600 communication too, and that behavior is communicating. Hey, mom, and dad. 0:13:21.120 --> 0:13:24.240 My brain can't handle this level of stimulation. You gave 0:13:24.320 --> 0:13:27.360 me too many screens too soon. I can't handle this. 0:13:27.800 --> 0:13:30.320 When this is in my life, I have no desire 0:13:30.400 --> 0:13:33.600 to do anything else. So no kid's going to come 0:13:33.600 --> 0:13:35.319 to their mom and dad and say, hey, I think 0:13:35.360 --> 0:13:37.240 you need to cancel my phone or can you please 0:13:37.240 --> 0:13:39.240 sell my iPad. They're not going to do that. They're 0:13:39.280 --> 0:13:41.000 going to tell you through their dysregulation. 0:13:41.320 --> 0:13:44.400 Interesting. Yeah, no, you're right. And I think going back 0:13:44.440 --> 0:13:46.720 to I like what you said earlier too, is that 0:13:47.920 --> 0:13:51.760 with screens, like we allow it, we're allowing it too much, 0:13:51.800 --> 0:13:55.280 and we need to start looking at screens differently, like 0:13:55.320 --> 0:13:57.640 for what they really are. Right, they're not just this 0:13:57.720 --> 0:14:01.679 like little innocent thing that that we can handle. By 0:14:01.720 --> 0:14:03.480 the way, we're adults and we can't even handle it. 0:14:03.520 --> 0:14:06.720 Most of us are addicted to our screens, even as adults. 0:14:06.840 --> 0:14:08.160 But what I was going to say is I loved 0:14:08.200 --> 0:14:13.280 what you said, Like kids will literally go nuts towards 0:14:13.280 --> 0:14:15.440 their parents if the parents just walk in one day 0:14:15.440 --> 0:14:17.840 and they're like, screens are out, Like a kid will 0:14:18.000 --> 0:14:20.880 lose their marbles these days. And that's why so few 0:14:20.920 --> 0:14:23.640 parents are scared to do anything like that because their 0:14:23.720 --> 0:14:24.960 kids will lose it. 0:14:25.200 --> 0:14:25.400 Right. 0:14:25.480 --> 0:14:28.840 So what I'm saying though, is that but we almost 0:14:29.000 --> 0:14:30.760 I like what you said before because it made me think, 0:14:30.800 --> 0:14:32.960 I'm like, hush, it's so true though, like back in 0:14:33.000 --> 0:14:35.120 the day when we were young, like if our parents 0:14:35.160 --> 0:14:37.400 came home. Now, this is like the equivalent of like 0:14:37.520 --> 0:14:39.640 us coming home and Duke's on a screen. If our 0:14:39.680 --> 0:14:43.160 parents came home and we were like doing drugs, right, 0:14:43.280 --> 0:14:45.600 like smoking something or something like, our parents wouldn't just 0:14:45.600 --> 0:14:48.400 be like, oh god, well, I'm not going to stop 0:14:48.440 --> 0:14:51.520 her because she's going to be so upset if I 0:14:51.600 --> 0:14:54.160 stop her, Like you have to look at the big 0:14:54.200 --> 0:14:56.920 picture as a parent and go, this is not good 0:14:57.320 --> 0:14:59.600 for her health. And I need to help. I need 0:14:59.640 --> 0:15:00.440 to figure this out. 0:15:00.480 --> 0:15:03.240 But they watch the parents, right, So if the parents 0:15:03.240 --> 0:15:05.800 are smoking weed or whatever, they're gonna do, so the 0:15:05.880 --> 0:15:09.200 parents need to cut back. If if the kid seized 0:15:09.240 --> 0:15:11.800 the mom or the dad glued to the screen the 0:15:11.840 --> 0:15:14.560 whole time, Yes, you know, it's good enough for my 0:15:14.560 --> 0:15:15.880 mom and dad, it's good enough for me. 0:15:16.040 --> 0:15:17.480 I know what you're saying, I'm gonna cut back. 0:15:17.640 --> 0:15:20.000 I'm not pointing fingers, no, no, I know what you mean. 0:15:20.040 --> 0:15:23.280 But I think you know, you have to lead by example. 0:15:23.600 --> 0:15:26.960 That's exactly it is. Yeah, if you're a parent on 0:15:27.000 --> 0:15:29.360 your phone in front of your kids, you're fighting a 0:15:29.400 --> 0:15:32.440 losing battle, like you are setting them up or being addicted. 0:15:32.680 --> 0:15:35.240 And the biggest thing that I coach parents on is 0:15:35.440 --> 0:15:38.360 catch yourself. Is when your kid's trying to talk to you, 0:15:38.360 --> 0:15:42.040 you're on your phone. If you instantly rationalize it, oh, 0:15:42.080 --> 0:15:45.520 but I'm doing work things. I'm doing important things like oh, 0:15:45.680 --> 0:15:49.040 like don't interrupt me on like like my son's trying 0:15:49.080 --> 0:15:50.720 to talk to me, my daughter's trying to talk to me. 0:15:50.880 --> 0:15:53.800 But it's okay because I'm doing good things. I'm not 0:15:53.840 --> 0:15:57.120 frying my brain. I'm actually helping people. I'm actually doing something. 0:15:57.280 --> 0:15:59.480 The second you try to tell yourself that, that should 0:15:59.480 --> 0:16:02.000 be the biggest flag of okay, I need to calm 0:16:02.040 --> 0:16:02.640 down a little bit. 0:16:03.080 --> 0:16:05.160 And even in the car, I have to say, kids 0:16:05.160 --> 0:16:08.040 pick up on everything. So I think like as adults, 0:16:08.080 --> 0:16:10.400 like you know you've been driving a long time, you're like, okay, 0:16:10.680 --> 0:16:12.480 if I'm at a red light and let's say I 0:16:12.520 --> 0:16:15.040 need to put in my ways a new address right 0:16:15.560 --> 0:16:17.640 or something like that. Kids just see you look at 0:16:17.680 --> 0:16:22.520 your phone yep. In like as as you're like quote 0:16:22.560 --> 0:16:25.040 unquote driving, like and I'm saying even just stop, you know, 0:16:25.080 --> 0:16:27.200 stopped at a light, that's still not good. 0:16:27.320 --> 0:16:27.440 Right. 0:16:27.520 --> 0:16:30.080 So it's like as an adult going, wait a second, 0:16:30.760 --> 0:16:33.280 my kid is with me. Even this, you should practice 0:16:33.400 --> 0:16:35.680 without a kid in the car with any time. But 0:16:35.720 --> 0:16:40.160 my point is like, especially with your kids around, never ever, ever, 0:16:40.760 --> 0:16:43.200 ever look at the phone in the car, because what 0:16:43.400 --> 0:16:46.120 message is that sending your kid? So like then people 0:16:46.120 --> 0:16:48.600 can but well, I know, honey, I was just looking 0:16:48.600 --> 0:16:52.120 at my ways. It's like, well, then get your ways, 0:16:52.400 --> 0:16:55.760 like put the address in before you push, you put 0:16:55.800 --> 0:16:57.320 your car into drive. Do you know what I mean? 0:16:57.360 --> 0:16:59.200 And say that to your kid, Like I'm gonna put 0:16:59.320 --> 0:17:00.920 let me set up my ways. I'm going to put 0:17:00.920 --> 0:17:03.040 the dgress in before I drive. Do you see how 0:17:03.040 --> 0:17:05.160 I'm doing that? Not as I'm driving and going around 0:17:05.200 --> 0:17:07.520 the block. Oh, let me start putting the address in now. 0:17:08.080 --> 0:17:11.080 It's like they take all of that, right, and they 0:17:11.119 --> 0:17:12.880 take it into their adult life and then the next 0:17:12.880 --> 0:17:16.520 thing you know, they're texting and driving or you know. 0:17:16.800 --> 0:17:19.439 And so it's like all these behaviors that we do 0:17:19.520 --> 0:17:22.080 with our phones that we really need to cut out 0:17:22.080 --> 0:17:26.840 as parents. Okay, so you were saying, then what so 0:17:27.160 --> 0:17:30.639 is there like a formula then? Okay, so after this 0:17:30.760 --> 0:17:34.000 book a long list of so basically book Mike, you're saying, 0:17:34.160 --> 0:17:35.920 it's not a negotiation. I know what you're saying before. 0:17:35.960 --> 0:17:38.840 It's not a negotiation. It's the rules, basically the rules, right, 0:17:38.880 --> 0:17:41.320 you're telling your kid, here are the rules in our 0:17:41.320 --> 0:17:43.960 home when it comes to screen time. This is what 0:17:44.000 --> 0:17:46.560 you need to do, and you'd establish that as a parent, 0:17:47.080 --> 0:17:48.480 right like outside times. 0:17:48.440 --> 0:17:51.040 So many parents want to be their kid's best friend, right, well, 0:17:51.080 --> 0:17:52.600 and I think that's a problem. Perfect They want to 0:17:52.640 --> 0:17:54.840 be the cool parents. Yes, they want to be the 0:17:54.960 --> 0:17:57.760 you know, like I'm cool, right, yeah. 0:17:57.840 --> 0:18:00.600 And that's what social media is doing. It's the pressure 0:18:00.680 --> 0:18:03.560 on parents from all these parenting gurus. It's not normal 0:18:03.640 --> 0:18:05.760 to pick up your phone twenty times a day and 0:18:05.800 --> 0:18:08.879 every time you open Instagram it's another parenting person yelling 0:18:08.920 --> 0:18:11.679 at you about this concept of the perfect parent. You know, 0:18:11.760 --> 0:18:15.479 parenting is always has always been that phenomenon of the 0:18:15.520 --> 0:18:17.919 more work you put in, it actually gets kind of 0:18:18.160 --> 0:18:21.440 kind of harder. It's always that thing like like, let's 0:18:21.480 --> 0:18:23.439 talk about this right now, both of you. You know, 0:18:23.600 --> 0:18:28.040 very successful, many many goals reached. You've accomplished many goals 0:18:28.040 --> 0:18:30.720 and done many great things. Parenting's probably number one on 0:18:30.800 --> 0:18:33.040 the list in terms of hardest things you've ever done. Correct, 0:18:33.480 --> 0:18:36.200 not even a question there you go. So, of all 0:18:36.280 --> 0:18:38.800 the things you've done, all the different jars you've reached 0:18:38.800 --> 0:18:41.520 out to, parenting is the number one thing that has 0:18:41.600 --> 0:18:44.080 been the most difficult thing. And that's what it is. 0:18:44.119 --> 0:18:46.480 So it's not about you know who you are, whatever 0:18:46.520 --> 0:18:49.760 it is. Raising a human being is an imperfect science. 0:19:02.240 --> 0:19:04.960 Okay, so we'll make the list. The screen time, that's good. 0:19:05.080 --> 0:19:06.919 So I think the screen time's a big thing, and 0:19:06.960 --> 0:19:09.199 we know that that's a problem in this country, in 0:19:09.200 --> 0:19:13.639 this world really, and so parents just kind of leading 0:19:13.680 --> 0:19:18.080 by example, setting ground rules that work for your family. 0:19:18.440 --> 0:19:20.200 What's like a third point of screen time that you 0:19:20.280 --> 0:19:21.760 want to share with viewers. 0:19:22.200 --> 0:19:24.720 Well, the biggest thing is delay, delay, delay as much 0:19:24.720 --> 0:19:27.440 as humanly possible. You know, we have to recognize that 0:19:27.520 --> 0:19:30.280 the second you bring a phone into a child's life, 0:19:30.280 --> 0:19:32.760 it becomes the center of their life and everything else 0:19:32.840 --> 0:19:35.640 is going to fail. In comparison. You know how many 0:19:35.680 --> 0:19:39.960 millions of parents read the ANXIS generation was incredibly moved 0:19:39.960 --> 0:19:41.760 by it, but then just put it back on the 0:19:41.760 --> 0:19:44.120 shelf and did nothing about it. And that the screen 0:19:44.119 --> 0:19:47.000 addiction continues. You know, we talk about like you're going 0:19:47.040 --> 0:19:49.119 to be very hard pressed to find a parent, an 0:19:49.160 --> 0:19:53.800