1 00:00:03,400 --> 00:00:06,040 Speaker 1: Welcome to Bill and Juliana the Podcast. 2 00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:13,440 Speaker 2: Hi everyone, Welcome to Bill and Juliana the Podcast. Today 3 00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:18,239 Speaker 2: we are talking to an expert in screen time. He's 4 00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:22,200 Speaker 2: also an expert in executive functioning ADHD child development. He's 5 00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:24,079 Speaker 2: worked with families for over twenty years. His name is 6 00:00:24,120 --> 00:00:26,599 Speaker 2: Mike McLeod. He is an author. He has a book 7 00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:29,760 Speaker 2: out right now. It's called The Executive Function Playbook. And 8 00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:32,720 Speaker 2: he's great, right, Bill, love him. Now. 9 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:34,599 Speaker 3: What I really like about Mike is he makes it 10 00:00:34,680 --> 00:00:36,839 Speaker 3: really easy to understand. He breaks it down for you 11 00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:40,720 Speaker 3: in just simple, easy steps to make your life better 12 00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:42,240 Speaker 3: and your kid's life better. 13 00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:44,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, and he doesn't sugarcoat anything. So we're going to 14 00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:46,199 Speaker 2: get to the bottom of screen time, how much is 15 00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:48,560 Speaker 2: too much, and what you can do as a parent, 16 00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:52,280 Speaker 2: and his advice for all of it. So please welcome 17 00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:53,400 Speaker 2: Mike McLeod. 18 00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:56,200 Speaker 4: Welcome Mike, Thanks for having me. I'm so excited. 19 00:00:56,560 --> 00:00:58,160 Speaker 2: I mean, I see so many of your videos and 20 00:00:58,240 --> 00:01:01,080 Speaker 2: so much focus is on time, and you think that 21 00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:02,760 Speaker 2: is a real problem. 22 00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:06,520 Speaker 4: Is it is an absolute fact, it's a real problem. 23 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:09,440 Speaker 4: It's just one of these things that we're just clearly 24 00:01:09,480 --> 00:01:12,520 Speaker 4: turning a blind eye towards it for many different reasons. 25 00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:16,440 Speaker 4: You know. Number one, most parents are addicted now, so 26 00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:19,880 Speaker 4: they feel kind of they feel very guilty removing their 27 00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:20,880 Speaker 4: own kids screen time. 28 00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:22,520 Speaker 1: You're looking at one over there. 29 00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:23,880 Speaker 4: Yeah, well. 30 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:26,520 Speaker 1: Hours yesterday, Okay. 31 00:01:27,319 --> 00:01:29,160 Speaker 4: Well a lot of dogs have been saved because of 32 00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:31,840 Speaker 4: that screat is true. There you go, That's why I 33 00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:37,000 Speaker 4: put that dog back there for you. But that's exactly it. 34 00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:40,520 Speaker 4: So number one, parents are addicted to and then number two, 35 00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:43,520 Speaker 4: let's be honest, it's fear. So we're at the point 36 00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:46,200 Speaker 4: right now where there is so much research, so much 37 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:50,000 Speaker 4: data that brain rot is real, digital dementia is real. 38 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:53,960 Speaker 4: Screens make parenting harder. It's horrible for kids, like just 39 00:01:54,160 --> 00:01:58,840 Speaker 4: so bad in every possible way that parents know if 40 00:01:58,920 --> 00:02:02,160 Speaker 4: I remove the screen they already have, they're going to 41 00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:04,480 Speaker 4: withdraw and act like addicts, and they're going to trash 42 00:02:04,480 --> 00:02:06,720 Speaker 4: my house and physically attack me, and it's going to 43 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:10,040 Speaker 4: be horrible, terrifying. So that fear causes them to keep 44 00:02:10,040 --> 00:02:14,000 Speaker 4: the screens in their lives. But no, there's no ifans 45 00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:16,360 Speaker 4: or butts about this, Like someone needs to come out 46 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:20,200 Speaker 4: and be brutally honest about screen use because you know, 47 00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:23,680 Speaker 4: as soon as big tech realized we're going to make 48 00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:27,480 Speaker 4: the majority of our money off of kids, especially our 49 00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:32,120 Speaker 4: neurodiverse kids. Can't. You can't mention ADHD in twenty twenty 50 00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:35,920 Speaker 4: six without also mentioning an incredibly debilitating screen addiction. It 51 00:02:35,919 --> 00:02:39,160 Speaker 4: goes hand in hand when your brain is already hardwired 52 00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:43,560 Speaker 4: towards instant gratification and you're very impulsive. That word impulsive, 53 00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:48,240 Speaker 4: that's so synonymous with ADHD. That's you're already naturally that 54 00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:50,760 Speaker 4: way with the brain you were born with, and then 55 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:53,720 Speaker 4: a screen comes into your life, there's no way you're 56 00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:56,359 Speaker 4: going to be able to regulate it. And throughout all 57 00:02:56,360 --> 00:02:58,880 Speaker 4: my years, I've worked with so many kids with ADHD 58 00:02:59,360 --> 00:03:02,120 Speaker 4: that were, you know, on their way to become the valedictorian. 59 00:03:02,360 --> 00:03:03,840 Speaker 4: They were on the swim team, they were on the 60 00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:06,000 Speaker 4: golf team, they had tons of friends, they get the 61 00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:08,680 Speaker 4: phone and everything just you know, all of a sudden, 62 00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:11,320 Speaker 4: they're in their room for hours, behind closed doors, doing whatever. 63 00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:13,200 Speaker 4: And we live in a world now where we're too 64 00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:16,240 Speaker 4: scared to send our kids, you know, twenty minutes down 65 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:18,520 Speaker 4: the road to the store, but we'll give them open 66 00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:21,960 Speaker 4: access to the internet behind closed doors. The Internet is 67 00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:26,240 Speaker 4: the most disgusting, unregulated place in human history, and we 68 00:03:26,360 --> 00:03:28,760 Speaker 4: just let kids surf it, like we see how people 69 00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:30,959 Speaker 4: act on social media. You guys have seen it. It's 70 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:34,000 Speaker 4: the most it's the most racist, anti semitic, every phobia 71 00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:36,920 Speaker 4: you can possibly imagine, and we give kids access to it. 72 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:40,800 Speaker 4: And now big tech is also taken over our schools 73 00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:44,120 Speaker 4: where kids are watching hours of YouTube at school. It's 74 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:48,320 Speaker 4: it's really really sad what they've done. And our ADHD 75 00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:52,440 Speaker 4: kids are the biggest victim of big tech's predatory marketing. 76 00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:55,440 Speaker 3: Well they're stealing I mean, they're not stealing it, it's 77 00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:57,120 Speaker 3: part of the contract we signed with them. But all 78 00:03:57,160 --> 00:03:59,560 Speaker 3: the data, yeah, you know, so that's where the real 79 00:03:59,720 --> 00:04:02,240 Speaker 3: that's where the real theft is occurring. 80 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:05,440 Speaker 2: But Mike, Mike, you putting it that way is like, 81 00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:09,480 Speaker 2: oh my gosh, it's so scary. It's shocking because when 82 00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:12,160 Speaker 2: you were saying the internet is such an awful place, 83 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:14,880 Speaker 2: you know, immediately, like our generation, our mind goes to 84 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:19,279 Speaker 2: like adult content. But you're right, like the messaging just 85 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:24,040 Speaker 2: everything about hate, and it's like bigger than even just that, 86 00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:26,640 Speaker 2: you know, it's just the all of it is out 87 00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:29,080 Speaker 2: there and you forget, like you don't even think like 88 00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:31,880 Speaker 2: and everyone's like, my kid wouldn't look at that. My 89 00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:34,599 Speaker 2: kid and his friends are so great. My kid's friends 90 00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:37,880 Speaker 2: don't do that. But we all think that until you 91 00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:40,240 Speaker 2: see it's like, oh wait a second, it was my 92 00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:43,000 Speaker 2: kid and it was his friends and or her friends, 93 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:47,960 Speaker 2: and it's really terrifying. So all of that said, what 94 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:51,760 Speaker 2: is the solution, you stay and age where it has 95 00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:55,720 Speaker 2: you know, it's like it's not like just beginning social 96 00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:58,440 Speaker 2: media and technology. It's here, you know, and so we're 97 00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:01,320 Speaker 2: in it and we're in it deep. So how do 98 00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:03,960 Speaker 2: we do this? Like, what is the appropriate time for 99 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:06,919 Speaker 2: a kid to be on a screen? And how do 100 00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:08,400 Speaker 2: we how do we do it? What do we do? 101 00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:10,520 Speaker 4: That's exactly what do we do? 102 00:05:10,640 --> 00:05:11,400 Speaker 2: I need the answer? 103 00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:15,200 Speaker 4: Yeah, it's really terrifying. So you know, number one, the 104 00:05:15,279 --> 00:05:17,919 Speaker 4: last thing any parent needs to do is wave the 105 00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:20,039 Speaker 4: white flag to big tech and just give up and 106 00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:21,880 Speaker 4: all of a sudden say, oh, we're in the screen 107 00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:24,560 Speaker 4: filled world. We have to give them access to it 108 00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:27,400 Speaker 4: now so they can learn the skills to balance. That 109 00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:30,599 Speaker 4: is the biggest parenting pipe dream of today's day and 110 00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:33,520 Speaker 4: age is give them the phone now so they can 111 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:35,880 Speaker 4: learn to balance it for later. That is not going 112 00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:38,320 Speaker 4: to happen. That's under that same mindset. We should let 113 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:40,680 Speaker 4: them drive every day until they turn eighteen so they 114 00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:42,839 Speaker 4: can learn to drive, give them, give them a little 115 00:05:42,839 --> 00:05:44,680 Speaker 4: bit of alcohol every day so they can be ready 116 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:46,839 Speaker 4: when they're turned twenty one. It doesn't It makes no sense. 117 00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:50,880 Speaker 4: It's not going to happen. There is no especially if 118 00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:54,720 Speaker 4: they have ADHD. This concept of a balance or skills 119 00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:57,000 Speaker 4: to balance, it's you need to throw that out because 120 00:05:57,000 --> 00:06:01,560 Speaker 4: it's not going to happen. So number two I mentioned earlier. 121 00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:05,520 Speaker 4: Parents are also very very addicted. And if you remember 122 00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:08,560 Speaker 4: back in the day, we used to know other families 123 00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:10,960 Speaker 4: in our neighborhood, Like when you would send your kids 124 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:13,640 Speaker 4: outside to play, you weren't nervous about something happening to 125 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:16,240 Speaker 4: them because we knew the people in our neighborhoods. They 126 00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:18,680 Speaker 4: would watch each other, they'd be out doing things. 127 00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:20,400 Speaker 1: There was a sense of community. 128 00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:22,960 Speaker 4: Yeah, now we're all staying home so much because we 129 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:25,560 Speaker 4: have all the convenience of just just order on Amazon 130 00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:27,839 Speaker 4: or check this, or get door Dash do this. So 131 00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:30,960 Speaker 4: we're just home too much, and we're around our kids 132 00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:33,200 Speaker 4: too much, like they're an annoying roommate who never leaves. 133 00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:36,320 Speaker 4: They're just always there and they're not going outside and 134 00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:41,200 Speaker 4: playing anymore. So the parents don't have the connections with others. 135 00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:44,400 Speaker 4: But this is all about strength in numbers, because what 136 00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:46,920 Speaker 4: happens as soon as you go to your kid and 137 00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:49,320 Speaker 4: say I need to cancel your phone plan, I need 138 00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:51,920 Speaker 4: to get rid of your Xbox, your PlayStation or your iPad, 139 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:55,000 Speaker 4: the first thing is you're the worst parent ever. None 140 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:57,719 Speaker 4: of my friends' parents do this. You're ruining my life. 141 00:06:57,760 --> 00:06:59,719 Speaker 4: I'm going to lose all my friends. And this is 142 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:04,160 Speaker 4: exact exactly what big tech wants. Is this incredible social 143 00:07:04,279 --> 00:07:07,320 Speaker 4: pressure of if you don't buy your kids the nicest, 144 00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:11,080 Speaker 4: best things, you're failing your kids. So big tech tells 145 00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:13,840 Speaker 4: us every day, get your kid a phone. It'll make 146 00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:17,360 Speaker 4: them safe, smart and social. But we now have an 147 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:20,320 Speaker 4: entire decade of decade of research and data to tell 148 00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:23,400 Speaker 4: us it does not do that. It makes them depressed, 149 00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:29,200 Speaker 4: which is a fact, depressed, dormant and dependent, and far 150 00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:32,680 Speaker 4: more antisocial. So we need strength in numbers, and parents 151 00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:34,800 Speaker 4: need to interact with each other. And if I'm going 152 00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:37,240 Speaker 4: to eliminate screen time, I need two or three other 153 00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:40,120 Speaker 4: families on my block in my kids class to do 154 00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:40,520 Speaker 4: it with me. 155 00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:50,600 Speaker 1: Wow, yeah, you've got to have solidarity. 156 00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:58,680 Speaker 2: And screen time includes not just the phone. I mean 157 00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:03,120 Speaker 2: just okay, So in our house, when Duke is not 158 00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:06,360 Speaker 2: on the phone, and by the way, Duke supposedly is 159 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:09,320 Speaker 2: not on Snapchat or Instagram, so we have to dig. 160 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:12,000 Speaker 2: We have I mean, we look at it. Yeah, I know, 161 00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:14,680 Speaker 2: and he says he's not. But I feel like some 162 00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:15,600 Speaker 2: kids high. 163 00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:18,360 Speaker 1: Give it a look. She's a techie, so to give 164 00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:18,880 Speaker 1: you his phone. 165 00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:23,040 Speaker 2: He's young, She'll figure it out. So that is one thing. 166 00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:25,520 Speaker 2: But so then you know, we see him on his 167 00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:29,160 Speaker 2: phone and he is has like group texts with his friends, 168 00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:32,640 Speaker 2: but then he also mostly is like looking at cars 169 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:35,000 Speaker 2: online and like the I guess it's like the internet, right, 170 00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:38,679 Speaker 2: and yeah, but when he's not on it, we're like, hey, Duke, 171 00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:42,720 Speaker 2: get off your phone. Then he's on YouTube watching the 172 00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:44,920 Speaker 2: Tryan Trey hand and all these guys, and you know, 173 00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:47,560 Speaker 2: I watched them with Duke, and I think, okay, well, 174 00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:50,040 Speaker 2: this is better than being on his phone by watching a. 175 00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:53,280 Speaker 1: Video shaping time learning, Like I think. 176 00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:55,640 Speaker 2: I'm curious with my things because Bill, I think the 177 00:08:55,679 --> 00:08:57,600 Speaker 2: same thing, like so I think to myself, Oh, well, 178 00:08:57,600 --> 00:09:00,200 Speaker 2: he's not on his PlayStation, right, right, he's not a 179 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:03,640 Speaker 2: video game, and he's not staring at a phone three 180 00:09:03,679 --> 00:09:06,800 Speaker 2: inches from his face. Surely this is better. He's watching 181 00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:08,960 Speaker 2: a TV from far away and it's YouTube and they're 182 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:12,040 Speaker 2: doing like hotel reviews and fun stuff. And I'm actually 183 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:14,880 Speaker 2: very entertained by Ryan tree Hand and mister Beest and 184 00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:18,079 Speaker 2: these guys. Is that better? Not so much? 185 00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:21,040 Speaker 4: So this is exactly what big tech wants is they 186 00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:25,200 Speaker 4: want parents to convince themselves of why the screens are okay, 187 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:28,080 Speaker 4: Like it's okay if he plays Minecraft for five hours 188 00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:29,560 Speaker 4: he's building beautiful things. 189 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:32,360 Speaker 1: Or it's okay if he plays fine the hand coordination skills. 190 00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:35,360 Speaker 4: Oh yeah, it's okay. If he plays Fortnite for all 191 00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:38,000 Speaker 4: night long and doesn't even sleep because he's talking to 192 00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:43,520 Speaker 4: his friends and it's a social experience, it's completely it's ridiculous. So, 193 00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:46,960 Speaker 4: you know, we throw this term screens around all the time, 194 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:51,240 Speaker 4: but in reality, it's the Internet. Anything that gives kids 195 00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:54,199 Speaker 4: access to the Internet. It's not a screen addiction. It's 196 00:09:54,240 --> 00:09:58,480 Speaker 4: an Internet addiction because YouTube just you know, yeah, it'll 197 00:09:58,480 --> 00:10:00,720 Speaker 4: have ads pop up and you can skip ten seconds. 198 00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:03,800 Speaker 4: But it's just short form content being thrown at you, 199 00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:06,880 Speaker 4: especially if he's doing the YouTube shorts, just up and down, 200 00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:09,120 Speaker 4: up and down, all those kinds of things. So it's 201 00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:12,760 Speaker 4: that instant access to whatever you want. You know. Like 202 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,200 Speaker 4: just the other day, I was thinking about when I 203 00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:18,040 Speaker 4: drive my daughter to her school every day. She now 204 00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:21,240 Speaker 4: has the ability to scream at me of daddy play 205 00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:23,200 Speaker 4: this song, Daddy play that song, and I could do 206 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:25,800 Speaker 4: it right away. When I was a kid being driven 207 00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:27,880 Speaker 4: to school by my parents, I had to listen to 208 00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:29,720 Speaker 4: whatever was on the radio and just sit there and 209 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:32,920 Speaker 4: kind of do it. Is this era of just instant 210 00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:36,440 Speaker 4: convenience of being a Yeah, I get that gratification is 211 00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:41,680 Speaker 4: there so anything? So smartphones did not become addictive until 212 00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:44,720 Speaker 4: that they got connected to the internet, and calling it 213 00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:47,440 Speaker 4: a phone is all part of big text marketing plan. 214 00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:51,120 Speaker 4: Phones are social. Phones are calls and texts. Let's be honest. 215 00:10:51,160 --> 00:10:53,920 Speaker 4: That Apple iPhone we all have now is stronger than 216 00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:56,880 Speaker 4: any computer we had in college. It's a supercomputer in 217 00:10:56,920 --> 00:10:59,640 Speaker 4: your pocket at all times. So it's the Internet that's 218 00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:03,520 Speaker 4: a problem. Flip phones are not addictive. Video games did 219 00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:06,040 Speaker 4: not become addictive until they got connected to the Internet 220 00:11:06,559 --> 00:11:09,640 Speaker 4: like Fortnite, roeblocks minecraft you know, parents were not kids 221 00:11:09,679 --> 00:11:12,520 Speaker 4: were not trashing their parents' house over Super Mario and 222 00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:15,760 Speaker 4: Zelda and all these different things. So it's the Internet 223 00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:20,439 Speaker 4: and that provides the endless loops, things that were specifically 224 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:24,240 Speaker 4: made with persuasive design where they hire teams of psychologists 225 00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:26,560 Speaker 4: of how do we make this as addictive as possible, 226 00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:29,000 Speaker 4: Just like they said in that lawsuit against Meta it is, 227 00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:31,880 Speaker 4: you know, behind the scenes, they were saying, we're basically pushers, 228 00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:35,480 Speaker 4: We're basically drug dealers. We're basically selling kids drugs. And 229 00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:38,920 Speaker 4: that's exactly what the Internet is doing. It's grabbing their attention. 230 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:43,400 Speaker 2: So what is a normal amount of time for kids 231 00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:45,600 Speaker 2: to be on screens? Is there a normal amount of time? 232 00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:48,960 Speaker 2: And also is that part of a negotiation, like for instance, 233 00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:54,320 Speaker 2: it's a reward instead of just something expected every single day. 234 00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:58,000 Speaker 4: Well, it's definitely not to be expected and there's definitely 235 00:11:58,040 --> 00:12:00,400 Speaker 4: not a negotiation. The last thing you want to do 236 00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:03,520 Speaker 4: is have a negotiation, because very few parents have the 237 00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:07,080 Speaker 4: willpower to win a screen time negotiation. It needs to 238 00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:10,880 Speaker 4: be a very very clear, structured thing of you get 239 00:12:10,920 --> 00:12:14,560 Speaker 4: your access to it after a long list of things 240 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:18,080 Speaker 4: are completed, including at least an hour of outdoor time. 241 00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:20,440 Speaker 4: That's the biggest thing. So parents will do like, you know, 242 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:23,520 Speaker 4: wash the bathroom, you know, do your laundry, do this. No, 243 00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:26,680 Speaker 4: you need to add outdoor play, social play. Did you 244 00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:29,760 Speaker 4: play with your friend face to face after school today? 245 00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:30,160 Speaker 2: No? 246 00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:33,360 Speaker 4: Then you're not getting your screens. It's as simple as that. 247 00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:36,440 Speaker 4: And you know, every screen is different. Not all screens 248 00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:39,880 Speaker 4: are created equal, and every single kid is different. Sure, 249 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:42,439 Speaker 4: I have met the very few amount the one percent 250 00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:46,360 Speaker 4: of ADHD kids that can handle screens. But there's a 251 00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:49,680 Speaker 4: big thing on Instagram, on parenting social media that says 252 00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:54,200 Speaker 4: all behavior is communication. But we only want to believe 253 00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:57,360 Speaker 4: that when it's warm and fuzzy, like, oh, he just 254 00:12:57,400 --> 00:13:00,560 Speaker 4: needs more. It's a connection seeking behavior. He just needs 255 00:13:00,559 --> 00:13:02,360 Speaker 4: more hugs and kisses and me to get on his 256 00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:04,800 Speaker 4: level and to coregulate. So we only want to believe 257 00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:07,200 Speaker 4: that when it makes us feel good. But how about 258 00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:09,720 Speaker 4: the flip side of it, How about the behaviors you 259 00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:13,240 Speaker 4: see after the screen time, or the behaviors you see 260 00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:16,360 Speaker 4: when screens are not available to them. That behavior is 261 00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:20,600 Speaker 4: communication too, and that behavior is communicating. Hey, mom, and dad. 262 00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:24,240 Speaker 4: My brain can't handle this level of stimulation. You gave 263 00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:27,360 Speaker 4: me too many screens too soon. I can't handle this. 264 00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:30,320 Speaker 4: When this is in my life, I have no desire 265 00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:33,600 Speaker 4: to do anything else. So no kid's going to come 266 00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:35,319 Speaker 4: to their mom and dad and say, hey, I think 267 00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:37,240 Speaker 4: you need to cancel my phone or can you please 268 00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:39,240 Speaker 4: sell my iPad. They're not going to do that. They're 269 00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:41,000 Speaker 4: going to tell you through their dysregulation. 270 00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:44,400 Speaker 2: Interesting. Yeah, no, you're right. And I think going back 271 00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:46,720 Speaker 2: to I like what you said earlier too, is that 272 00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:51,760 Speaker 2: with screens, like we allow it, we're allowing it too much, 273 00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:55,280 Speaker 2: and we need to start looking at screens differently, like 274 00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:57,640 Speaker 2: for what they really are. Right, they're not just this 275 00:13:57,720 --> 00:14:01,679 Speaker 2: like little innocent thing that that we can handle. By 276 00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:03,480 Speaker 2: the way, we're adults and we can't even handle it. 277 00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:06,720 Speaker 2: Most of us are addicted to our screens, even as adults. 278 00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:08,160 Speaker 2: But what I was going to say is I loved 279 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:13,280 Speaker 2: what you said, Like kids will literally go nuts towards 280 00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:15,440 Speaker 2: their parents if the parents just walk in one day 281 00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:17,840 Speaker 2: and they're like, screens are out, Like a kid will 282 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:20,880 Speaker 2: lose their marbles these days. And that's why so few 283 00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:23,640 Speaker 2: parents are scared to do anything like that because their 284 00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:24,960 Speaker 2: kids will lose it. 285 00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:25,400 Speaker 1: Right. 286 00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:28,840 Speaker 2: So what I'm saying though, is that but we almost 287 00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:30,760 Speaker 2: I like what you said before because it made me think, 288 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:32,960 Speaker 2: I'm like, hush, it's so true though, like back in 289 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,120 Speaker 2: the day when we were young, like if our parents 290 00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:37,400 Speaker 2: came home. Now, this is like the equivalent of like 291 00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:39,640 Speaker 2: us coming home and Duke's on a screen. If our 292 00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:43,160 Speaker 2: parents came home and we were like doing drugs, right, 293 00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:45,600 Speaker 2: like smoking something or something like, our parents wouldn't just 294 00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:48,400 Speaker 2: be like, oh god, well, I'm not going to stop 295 00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:51,520 Speaker 2: her because she's going to be so upset if I 296 00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:54,160 Speaker 2: stop her, Like you have to look at the big 297 00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:56,920 Speaker 2: picture as a parent and go, this is not good 298 00:14:57,320 --> 00:14:59,600 Speaker 2: for her health. And I need to help. I need 299 00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:00,440 Speaker 2: to figure this out. 300 00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:03,240 Speaker 3: But they watch the parents, right, So if the parents 301 00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:05,800 Speaker 3: are smoking weed or whatever, they're gonna do, so the 302 00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:09,200 Speaker 3: parents need to cut back. If if the kid seized 303 00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:11,800 Speaker 3: the mom or the dad glued to the screen the 304 00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:14,560 Speaker 3: whole time, Yes, you know, it's good enough for my 305 00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:15,880 Speaker 3: mom and dad, it's good enough for me. 306 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,480 Speaker 2: I know what you're saying, I'm gonna cut back. 307 00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:20,000 Speaker 3: I'm not pointing fingers, no, no, I know what you mean. 308 00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:23,280 Speaker 3: But I think you know, you have to lead by example. 309 00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:26,960 Speaker 4: That's exactly it is. Yeah, if you're a parent on 310 00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:29,360 Speaker 4: your phone in front of your kids, you're fighting a 311 00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:32,440 Speaker 4: losing battle, like you are setting them up or being addicted. 312 00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:35,240 Speaker 4: And the biggest thing that I coach parents on is 313 00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:38,360 Speaker 4: catch yourself. Is when your kid's trying to talk to you, 314 00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:42,040 Speaker 4: you're on your phone. If you instantly rationalize it, oh, 315 00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:45,520 Speaker 4: but I'm doing work things. I'm doing important things like oh, 316 00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:49,040 Speaker 4: like don't interrupt me on like like my son's trying 317 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:50,720 Speaker 4: to talk to me, my daughter's trying to talk to me. 318 00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:53,800 Speaker 4: But it's okay because I'm doing good things. I'm not 319 00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:57,120 Speaker 4: frying my brain. I'm actually helping people. I'm actually doing something. 320 00:15:57,280 --> 00:15:59,480 Speaker 4: The second you try to tell yourself that, that should 321 00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:02,000 Speaker 4: be the biggest flag of okay, I need to calm 322 00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:02,640 Speaker 4: down a little bit. 323 00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:05,160 Speaker 2: And even in the car, I have to say, kids 324 00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:08,040 Speaker 2: pick up on everything. So I think like as adults, 325 00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:10,400 Speaker 2: like you know you've been driving a long time, you're like, okay, 326 00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:12,480 Speaker 2: if I'm at a red light and let's say I 327 00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:15,040 Speaker 2: need to put in my ways a new address right 328 00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:17,640 Speaker 2: or something like that. Kids just see you look at 329 00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:22,520 Speaker 2: your phone yep. In like as as you're like quote 330 00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:25,040 Speaker 2: unquote driving, like and I'm saying even just stop, you know, 331 00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:27,200 Speaker 2: stopped at a light, that's still not good. 332 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:27,440 Speaker 4: Right. 333 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:30,080 Speaker 2: So it's like as an adult going, wait a second, 334 00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:33,280 Speaker 2: my kid is with me. Even this, you should practice 335 00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:35,680 Speaker 2: without a kid in the car with any time. But 336 00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:40,160 Speaker 2: my point is like, especially with your kids around, never ever, ever, 337 00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:43,200 Speaker 2: ever look at the phone in the car, because what 338 00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:46,120 Speaker 2: message is that sending your kid? So like then people 339 00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:48,600 Speaker 2: can but well, I know, honey, I was just looking 340 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:52,120 Speaker 2: at my ways. It's like, well, then get your ways, 341 00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:55,760 Speaker 2: like put the address in before you push, you put 342 00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:57,320 Speaker 2: your car into drive. Do you know what I mean? 343 00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:59,200 Speaker 2: And say that to your kid, Like I'm gonna put 344 00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:00,920 Speaker 2: let me set up my ways. I'm going to put 345 00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:03,040 Speaker 2: the dgress in before I drive. Do you see how 346 00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:05,160 Speaker 2: I'm doing that? Not as I'm driving and going around 347 00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:07,520 Speaker 2: the block. Oh, let me start putting the address in now. 348 00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:11,080 Speaker 2: It's like they take all of that, right, and they 349 00:17:11,119 --> 00:17:12,880 Speaker 2: take it into their adult life and then the next 350 00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:16,520 Speaker 2: thing you know, they're texting and driving or you know. 351 00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:19,439 Speaker 2: And so it's like all these behaviors that we do 352 00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:22,080 Speaker 2: with our phones that we really need to cut out 353 00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:26,840 Speaker 2: as parents. Okay, so you were saying, then what so 354 00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:30,639 Speaker 2: is there like a formula then? Okay, so after this 355 00:17:30,760 --> 00:17:34,000 Speaker 2: book a long list of so basically book Mike, you're saying, 356 00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:35,920 Speaker 2: it's not a negotiation. I know what you're saying before. 357 00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:38,840 Speaker 2: It's not a negotiation. It's the rules, basically the rules, right, 358 00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:41,320 Speaker 2: you're telling your kid, here are the rules in our 359 00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:43,960 Speaker 2: home when it comes to screen time. This is what 360 00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:46,560 Speaker 2: you need to do, and you'd establish that as a parent, 361 00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:48,480 Speaker 2: right like outside times. 362 00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:51,040 Speaker 3: So many parents want to be their kid's best friend, right, well, 363 00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:52,600 Speaker 3: and I think that's a problem. Perfect They want to 364 00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:54,840 Speaker 3: be the cool parents. Yes, they want to be the 365 00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:57,760 Speaker 3: you know, like I'm cool, right, yeah. 366 00:17:57,840 --> 00:18:00,600 Speaker 4: And that's what social media is doing. It's the pressure 367 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:03,560 Speaker 4: on parents from all these parenting gurus. It's not normal 368 00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:05,760 Speaker 4: to pick up your phone twenty times a day and 369 00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:08,879 Speaker 4: every time you open Instagram it's another parenting person yelling 370 00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:11,679 Speaker 4: at you about this concept of the perfect parent. You know, 371 00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:15,479 Speaker 4: parenting is always has always been that phenomenon of the 372 00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:17,919 Speaker 4: more work you put in, it actually gets kind of 373 00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:21,440 Speaker 4: kind of harder. It's always that thing like like, let's 374 00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:23,439 Speaker 4: talk about this right now, both of you. You know, 375 00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:28,040 Speaker 4: very successful, many many goals reached. You've accomplished many goals 376 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,720 Speaker 4: and done many great things. Parenting's probably number one on 377 00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:33,040 Speaker 4: the list in terms of hardest things you've ever done. Correct, 378 00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:36,200 Speaker 4: not even a question there you go. So, of all 379 00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:38,800 Speaker 4: the things you've done, all the different jars you've reached 380 00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:41,520 Speaker 4: out to, parenting is the number one thing that has 381 00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:44,080 Speaker 4: been the most difficult thing. And that's what it is. 382 00:18:44,119 --> 00:18:46,480 Speaker 4: So it's not about you know who you are, whatever 383 00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:49,760 Speaker 4: it is. Raising a human being is an imperfect science. 384 00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:04,960 Speaker 2: Okay, so we'll make the list. The screen time, that's good. 385 00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:06,919 Speaker 2: So I think the screen time's a big thing, and 386 00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:09,199 Speaker 2: we know that that's a problem in this country, in 387 00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:13,639 Speaker 2: this world really, and so parents just kind of leading 388 00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:18,080 Speaker 2: by example, setting ground rules that work for your family. 389 00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:20,200 Speaker 2: What's like a third point of screen time that you 390 00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:21,760 Speaker 2: want to share with viewers. 391 00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:24,720 Speaker 4: Well, the biggest thing is delay, delay, delay as much 392 00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:27,440 Speaker 4: as humanly possible. You know, we have to recognize that 393 00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:30,280 Speaker 4: the second you bring a phone into a child's life, 394 00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:32,760 Speaker 4: it becomes the center of their life and everything else 395 00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:35,640 Speaker 4: is going to fail. In comparison. You know how many 396 00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:39,960 Speaker 4: millions of parents read the ANXIS generation was incredibly moved 397 00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:41,760 Speaker 4: by it, but then just put it back on the 398 00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:44,120 Speaker 4: shelf and did nothing about it. And that the screen 399 00:19:44,119 --> 00:19:47,000 Speaker 4: addiction continues. You know, we talk about like you're going 400 00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:49,119 Speaker 4: to be very hard pressed to find a parent, an 401 00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:53,800 Speaker 4: adult that says that their phone has positively influenced their life. 402 00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:56,560 Speaker 4: Most adults would throw their phone in the ocean if 403 00:19:56,560 --> 00:19:58,359 Speaker 4: they could, and like, I never want to see this 404 00:19:58,359 --> 00:20:02,080 Speaker 4: thing again. But we're adults with fully developed brains. The 405 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:05,919 Speaker 4: brain grows until thirty years old, and we can't handle 406 00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:08,399 Speaker 4: the addictive drug of a screen. And someone had the 407 00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:11,159 Speaker 4: bright idea of let's give these to kids. Let's get like, 408 00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:13,040 Speaker 4: let's give them to someone with half of a brain. 409 00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:15,639 Speaker 2: So what is the age? Mike? You have a daughter, 410 00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:18,080 Speaker 2: You have a daughter, she's young. How old's your daughter? 411 00:20:18,119 --> 00:20:19,520 Speaker 4: She's still there, she's five years old. 412 00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:21,919 Speaker 2: So what is the age? And you know, as a 413 00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:24,840 Speaker 2: parent and as an expert, what is I'm sure so 414 00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:26,920 Speaker 2: many people ask you, like, what is that magic? Is 415 00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:29,119 Speaker 2: there a magic number when it comes to when we 416 00:20:29,119 --> 00:20:31,480 Speaker 2: should give our kids a phone? Or how do you 417 00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:32,919 Speaker 2: do it? Like or do you just give them a 418 00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:35,320 Speaker 2: phone with no technology on it? Like just for like 419 00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:37,400 Speaker 2: emergencies like, how do you do this. 420 00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:39,960 Speaker 4: Well, if I were to buy my daughter a phone, 421 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:42,439 Speaker 4: that would make me the biggest hypocrite in the history 422 00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:46,320 Speaker 4: of the world. So that's definitely not happening. But there's 423 00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:50,000 Speaker 4: enough options out there in terms of dumb phones, flip phones, 424 00:20:50,119 --> 00:20:53,919 Speaker 4: gab phones, bark phones. There's enough out there where you 425 00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:56,320 Speaker 4: can give your kid a phone, have that piece of mind. 426 00:20:56,560 --> 00:20:58,760 Speaker 4: They can reach you in emergencies, they can do calls 427 00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:01,119 Speaker 4: and texts and those things. It just doesn't have to 428 00:21:01,119 --> 00:21:03,640 Speaker 4: be a smartphone. A smartphone is not a phone, it's 429 00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:05,960 Speaker 4: a supercomputer. So like, yeah, you want to be able 430 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:07,600 Speaker 4: to text your kid, you want them to be able 431 00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:09,600 Speaker 4: to make phone calls, You want them to have those things, 432 00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:12,639 Speaker 4: And get them a phone that is not connected to 433 00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:17,280 Speaker 4: the internet. Stop focusing on screens, focus on internet access, 434 00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:20,600 Speaker 4: because the second they have their own internet access, Think 435 00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:22,679 Speaker 4: of all the parents out there that have done the 436 00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:26,199 Speaker 4: right thing and have fought the fight and neverhaved to 437 00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:28,800 Speaker 4: big tech, never bought their kid a phone. Then all 438 00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:30,840 Speaker 4: of a sudden, they send their kids to school, and 439 00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:34,360 Speaker 4: school gives them their own fancy laptop, and the school 440 00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:37,919 Speaker 4: created a screen addiction because now the kid's watching YouTube 441 00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:40,240 Speaker 4: all day at school and now they like, Mom, I'm 442 00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:42,000 Speaker 4: going to go in my room and do homework, and 443 00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:43,920 Speaker 4: not a second of homework it's done. They're just doing 444 00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:45,879 Speaker 4: whatever they want on the computer all the time. My 445 00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:48,040 Speaker 4: heart goes out to those parents that did the right thing, 446 00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:51,040 Speaker 4: but then their taxpayer dollars or their tuition dollars went 447 00:21:51,119 --> 00:21:55,879 Speaker 4: towards a computer that really harmed their child. So you know, 448 00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:58,719 Speaker 4: we have to just focus on overall. At the end 449 00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:01,720 Speaker 4: of the day, it's about ex So you know, two 450 00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:06,560 Speaker 4: hours of screen time are minimally negative if they already 451 00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:10,000 Speaker 4: spent two, three four hours outside the friends doing a club, 452 00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:11,960 Speaker 4: a sport, an activity, outdoor play. 453 00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:15,359 Speaker 1: Look at it, holistics offsetting. It's a carbon like a 454 00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:16,240 Speaker 1: carbon offset. 455 00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:21,520 Speaker 2: So no phone, you're saying, So, no internet until eighteen 456 00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:24,159 Speaker 2: or until they graduate high school, until they're adults. What 457 00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:24,560 Speaker 2: do you think. 458 00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:25,240 Speaker 1: I don't think that's. 459 00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:28,320 Speaker 4: Well, you can't ban the internet like they're gonna they're 460 00:22:28,359 --> 00:22:30,359 Speaker 4: gonna need like to be able to do research, and 461 00:22:31,119 --> 00:22:32,760 Speaker 4: you know I can the internet. 462 00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:35,639 Speaker 2: I can do whatever I want to have a tough care. No, 463 00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:36,400 Speaker 2: what do you think? 464 00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:36,600 Speaker 1: Then? 465 00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:38,800 Speaker 2: What do you think? Then his parents like to know 466 00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:39,879 Speaker 2: kind of what's the age. 467 00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:42,960 Speaker 4: Yeah, so so it's every single kid is different. But 468 00:22:43,119 --> 00:22:45,640 Speaker 4: they should not be getting their own smartphone until they're 469 00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:47,919 Speaker 4: probably a junior or senior in high school. That's when 470 00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:50,120 Speaker 4: they should get into a smartphone. You know. It's because 471 00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:52,639 Speaker 4: because they are they are going to have one. Yeah, 472 00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:54,720 Speaker 4: in college they are going to have on. Let's be honest, 473 00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:56,919 Speaker 4: they will have one, and you know, walk walk across 474 00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:59,439 Speaker 4: a college campus these days, it'll be pretty pretty barren, 475 00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:01,480 Speaker 4: and you know where they are. They're all on. 476 00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:04,520 Speaker 3: Their phones where they're all their heads are down, Yeah, exactly, 477 00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:05,960 Speaker 3: no one looks up anymore. 478 00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:09,520 Speaker 4: But yeah, it's really all about you know, you have 479 00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:12,199 Speaker 4: to look at it holistically. Like I said, so delay 480 00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:14,960 Speaker 4: the smartphone as long as you possibly can. Don't bring 481 00:23:15,040 --> 00:23:18,400 Speaker 4: things like Fortnite roeblocks. Minecraft that's not going to benefit them. 482 00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:20,879 Speaker 4: It's not going to give them social skills, it's not 483 00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:23,520 Speaker 4: going to you know, do anything like that. It's all 484 00:23:23,720 --> 00:23:28,159 Speaker 4: you know, how many sports music art How often are 485 00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:29,760 Speaker 4: they out of the house. How often do they have 486 00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:34,080 Speaker 4: other adults to hold them accountable. We have to look 487 00:23:34,119 --> 00:23:36,680 Speaker 4: at what what are their talents, what are their interests? 488 00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:39,040 Speaker 4: Are they just watching YouTube and getting stuck on something 489 00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:41,520 Speaker 4: and then then that comes that becomes the rest of 490 00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:42,040 Speaker 4: their lives. 491 00:23:42,359 --> 00:23:44,560 Speaker 2: Okay, so I'm going to just say one last thing 492 00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:46,639 Speaker 2: about screen time because I think that a lot of 493 00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:51,480 Speaker 2: kids are excuse me, a lot of parents. Their struggle 494 00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:56,080 Speaker 2: is when the kid says, well, all my friends are 495 00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:58,720 Speaker 2: also on Snapchat. All my this is how we communicate. 496 00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:01,080 Speaker 2: All my friends do this, All my friends do that. 497 00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:04,920 Speaker 2: So what I have to say to that, and I'm 498 00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:07,359 Speaker 2: going to start doing this with Duke is you know 499 00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:10,119 Speaker 2: I grew up my parents. You know, we move, We 500 00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:11,600 Speaker 2: moved from Italy when I was a little girl, and 501 00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:15,040 Speaker 2: my parents were like the very Italian parents, if you will, 502 00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:19,199 Speaker 2: very strict parents. And when I used to pull that 503 00:24:19,359 --> 00:24:22,760 Speaker 2: on them, Oh, my friend gets to go to camp 504 00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:25,000 Speaker 2: for eight weeks, or my friends get to go on that, 505 00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:28,680 Speaker 2: you know, to Daytona Beach, you know, for spring break. 506 00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:33,240 Speaker 2: I want to go too, And they were just like, no, well, 507 00:24:33,359 --> 00:24:35,439 Speaker 2: your friends can do whatever they want. Their parents can 508 00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:38,200 Speaker 2: do whatever they want, but you live in our house 509 00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:40,240 Speaker 2: and you're our daughter, and this is the way we 510 00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:42,840 Speaker 2: do it. And you just tell your friends like, this 511 00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:44,920 Speaker 2: is how we do it in our house, and that's 512 00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:49,199 Speaker 2: that's it. And I remember like thinking, you know, I 513 00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:51,119 Speaker 2: was so upset when I was little. But then and 514 00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:52,800 Speaker 2: there were a lot of things I couldn't do that 515 00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:56,199 Speaker 2: my friends could do. And now I look back, Oh, 516 00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:58,920 Speaker 2: I'll tell you what A big one was sleepovers. So 517 00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:01,000 Speaker 2: I could never sleep over to a friend's house. That 518 00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:06,080 Speaker 2: was huge. And now as an adult, I look back 519 00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:10,240 Speaker 2: and I completely every single thing they didn't let me do. 520 00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:13,840 Speaker 2: I understand now as an adult. And so I tell Duke, 521 00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:16,399 Speaker 2: I've told him this before. I use an example, I 522 00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:18,679 Speaker 2: use examples of my childhood, and I'm like, Duke, I 523 00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:21,480 Speaker 2: know that it seems hard now, but let me explain 524 00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:23,480 Speaker 2: when I was little. And I think sometimes kids like 525 00:25:23,560 --> 00:25:26,159 Speaker 2: the story. They like to hear that you've had that experience. 526 00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:29,560 Speaker 2: It resonates, and so that's what I'm going to do. 527 00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:31,840 Speaker 2: But what I mean is that what parents should do. 528 00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:32,120 Speaker 4: Mike. 529 00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:34,040 Speaker 2: It's kind of like you just draw the line and go, 530 00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:36,480 Speaker 2: you know what, in our house, this is how we 531 00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:38,479 Speaker 2: do it. Because you're going to have kids who are 532 00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:40,800 Speaker 2: going to make the argument that their friends are all 533 00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:42,080 Speaker 2: doing it, why can't they do it? 534 00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:43,919 Speaker 4: So let's quiz you guys real quick. What do you 535 00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:47,639 Speaker 4: think I'm going to say? To that from the advice 536 00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:48,080 Speaker 4: I've giving. 537 00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:52,920 Speaker 1: It's tough, tough luck kid too many. 538 00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:56,520 Speaker 4: That's what it is. Am. 539 00:25:56,560 --> 00:25:58,240 Speaker 2: I acting like Duke right now. 540 00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:04,400 Speaker 4: But that's exactly what it is. Af