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Speaker 1: All right, guys, time now for today's Strawberry Letter. And

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Speaker 1: if you need advice on relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting,

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Speaker 1: and more. Please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM

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Speaker 1: dot com and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be

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Speaker 1: reading your letter live on the air, just like we're

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Speaker 1: going to read this one right here, right now.

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Speaker 2: Bugle up and hold on tight. We got it for

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Speaker 2: what you here. It is Strawberry Letter.

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Speaker 1: Subject my wife made sure my son hates me. Dear

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Speaker 1: Stephen Shirley, I'm going to jump right on in. I

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Speaker 1: cheated on my wife two years ago with a woman

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Speaker 1: that constantly threatened to call my wife when she didn't

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Speaker 1: get what she wanted. This one on two years until

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Speaker 1: I ran out of money and decided to end the affair.

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Speaker 1: This woman called my wife a few days later. I

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Speaker 1: was out cutting the yard when my wife when she

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Speaker 1: called my house and my wife answered. I walked in

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Speaker 1: and my wife was on the speaker phone listening to

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Speaker 1: my side chicks with my son sitting there listening to everything.

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Speaker 1: He was twelve years old at the time, and I

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Speaker 1: made him leave the room, but he had already heard enough.

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Speaker 3: My relationship with him was ruined.

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Speaker 1: After that day, my home life was terrible too, so

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Speaker 1: I moved out after my wife served me with divorce papers.

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Speaker 1: We are in the process of discussing who will get

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Speaker 1: custody of our son, and I haven't seen him in months.

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Speaker 1: His mother has brainwatched him to think I'm a no

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Speaker 1: good cheeter and liar. She has him in the middle

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Speaker 1: of grown folks business, and when we talk, she's always

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Speaker 1: on speakerphone so my son can hear all of the conversation.

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Speaker 1: She sends me text messages with our son on the

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Speaker 1: text thread, and she's usually calling me names.

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Speaker 3: And cursing me out.

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Speaker 1: She's brought up all kinds of things that have happened

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Speaker 1: in our marriage, and my son doesn't need to know

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Speaker 1: all of that. I'm dying to see him, so I

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Speaker 1: sent him a text asking him to have dinner with

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Speaker 1: me one day.

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Speaker 3: Soon, he sent me the.

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Speaker 1: Most disrespectful reply a child could send a father. I

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Speaker 1: wanted to go snatch him up real quick, but I can't.

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Speaker 1: This is not the boy I raised. He needs his

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Speaker 1: father back in his life. How can I reverse all

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Speaker 1: of this brainwashing? Please advise, Well, I don't know if

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Speaker 1: you're going to be able to do that. And I

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Speaker 1: have to say this, Everything in this letter is just terrible.

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Speaker 1: Everything in this letter, I mean, you cheat it for

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Speaker 1: the lamest excuse ever, I mean, in the history of cheating.

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Speaker 3: Just say you cheated or wanted to cheat.

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Speaker 1: Cheating because this woman was gonna call your wife if

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Speaker 1: you didn't cheat with her is about the stupidest thing ever,

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Speaker 1: I mean. And then you cheated with her for two years.

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Speaker 3: She scared you for two years. Okay, that's just dumb.

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Speaker 1: You know, you should have told your wife about the

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Speaker 1: threats when they started, and then call the woman's bluff

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Speaker 1: and not cheated since she ended up calling your wife anyway,

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Speaker 1: you know. I also, this is what I don't hear

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Speaker 1: in this letter. I don't hear any remorse from you.

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Speaker 1: I hear no remorse from you about what she did.

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Speaker 1: I mean, did you try to fix it, did you

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Speaker 1: try to apologize, did you try anything anything?

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Speaker 3: I mean?

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Speaker 1: And of course your wife wanted to hurt you, and

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Speaker 1: she knows your son is a way to get at you.

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Speaker 1: I mean, what she did is beyond wrong. What she

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Speaker 1: did is beyond wrong. There's no way your son should

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Speaker 1: have been in the middle. As you say, grown folks business.

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Speaker 1: If she needed an ally, she could have talked to

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Speaker 1: another adult. You know, she tainted the boy now, made

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Speaker 1: herself look like a victim, and yeah, made you hate him,

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Speaker 1: made your son hate you and disrespect you.

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Speaker 3: I'm not blaming your wife. I'm not blaming her for anything.

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Speaker 3: This is your fault. This is you.

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Speaker 1: And of course your son doesn't want to see his

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Speaker 1: mom hurt and going through because of you. People get

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Speaker 1: divorced every day and parents do get joint custody of

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Speaker 1: a kid, so hopefully during the divorce that'll work itself out.

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Speaker 3: But yeah, you, sir, created.

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Speaker 1: All of this because of your cheating. Now the family's broken.

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Speaker 1: But you got to get to your son some kind

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Speaker 1: of way. You gotta apologize to him. You got to

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Speaker 1: do something. You got to talk to your son and

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Speaker 1: not say anything bad about his mom like you tried to,

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Speaker 1: you know, allude to in the letter.

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Speaker 3: None of that.

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Speaker 1: I don't agree with anything she's done either, And your

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Speaker 1: son is already damaged by what she did, you know,

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Speaker 1: letting him hear everything.

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Speaker 3: So you got to get to a counselor.

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Speaker 1: You got to talk to him, a therapist, a pastor, Jesus,

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Speaker 1: someone to heal this relationship hopefully, like I said, the divorce.

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Speaker 1: When you get that, when you get custody, you know,

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Speaker 1: he can begin to understand that you do love him. Steve.

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Speaker 4: See, I don't think this was a letter at all

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Speaker 4: about reconciliation.

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Speaker 2: I don't think it is at all.

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Speaker 4: And I think the man came right on when he said,

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna just jump right on it. I cheated on

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Speaker 4: my wife two years ago. He already noticed his fault.

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Speaker 3: He hit that.

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Speaker 2: I'm just saying he know it.

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Speaker 4: This is his fault with the woman who constantly threatened

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Speaker 4: to call my wife when she didn't get what she wanted. See,

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Speaker 4: now that's not a threat. If you don't stay with me,

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna call your wife. It could be anything she wanted,

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Speaker 4: because he said, like he was buying her stuff, getting

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Speaker 4: her stuff, probably helping.

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Speaker 2: Her, you know, with the bills and all this hit and.

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Speaker 4: When she don't give something she want her way or

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Speaker 4: him to come over at a certain time, then I'm

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Speaker 4: gonna threaten to.

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Speaker 2: Call your wife.

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Speaker 4: This went on for two years, and this is the

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Speaker 4: killer part, he says, until I read out of money

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Speaker 4: and decided to end the affair. See this affair was

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Speaker 4: based around the money he was giving the mistress. So

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Speaker 4: when the mistress couldn't get what, she won't and would

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Speaker 4: threat i'll need this, you need to buy me that

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Speaker 4: did shit, threatened to call the wife.

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Speaker 2: He kept it going for two years.

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Speaker 4: He liked the little sideline stuff, but it was costing

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Speaker 4: him too much, so then he decided to end the affair.

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Speaker 3: What what should He didn't have to do any of this.

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Speaker 4: He was cheating with the woman. He was buying her stuff.

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Speaker 4: She wanted more. When he didn't have the money to

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Speaker 4: give a wall, she threatened to call him. He tried

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Speaker 4: to keep it until he ran out of money.

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Speaker 2: All right, what is that?

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Speaker 1: We'll come back with purchue of your response. Girl at

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Speaker 1: twenty three minutes after.

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Speaker 2: You went back and straightened her letter and her out,

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Speaker 2: come on back.

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Speaker 3: You straightened him out.

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Speaker 2: He needs to send you out.

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Speaker 1: My ex wife made sure my son hates me? Is

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Speaker 1: the subject? Will be back right after this.

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Speaker 3: You're listening Hardy Morning Show?

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Speaker 1: All right, Come on, Steve, let's recap today's strawberry letter.

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Speaker 1: The subject my ex wife made my son hate me?

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Speaker 4: All right, man writes a letter that said he gonna

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Speaker 4: jump right on. It cheated on his wife. Two years ago.

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Speaker 4: He admitted that he know he wrong with a woman

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Speaker 4: that constantly threatened to call my wife when she didn't

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Speaker 4: get what she wanted. That could be I want you

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Speaker 4: to come over now. That could be I want a

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Speaker 4: new dress. That could be I want you to fix

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Speaker 4: my car. That could be I need help with these bills.

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Speaker 4: It could be anything she wanted, but she would threaten

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Speaker 4: to call wife.

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Speaker 1: Now.

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Speaker 4: He tried to keep it up, and he said this

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Speaker 4: went on for two years until I ran out of money.

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Speaker 4: And I said, man, now, I got to end this

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Speaker 4: affair because that affair he was in, it might have

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Speaker 4: been sexual, but it was tied to money.

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Speaker 2: Sugar.

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Speaker 4: Daddy ran out of sugar. He just daddy now. So

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Speaker 4: that's what happened. I was out cutting the yard when

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Speaker 4: she called my house and my wife answered.

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Speaker 2: Walked in.

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Speaker 4: Wife on the speaker phone listening to my side. Chick,

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Speaker 4: he know he's wrong. My son was there listen to everything.

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Speaker 4: He was twelve years old at the time, and I

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Speaker 4: made him leave the room, but he had already heard enough.

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Speaker 2: My relationship with him was ruined after that day.

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Speaker 4: My home life was terrible too, so I moved out

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Speaker 4: after my wife served me with divorce papers. So this

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Speaker 4: isn't about a reconciliation. It's over he caused it. His

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Speaker 4: fault bound hit the problem. We are in the process

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Speaker 4: of discussion who will get custody of our son dog.

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Speaker 4: You not getting custody. You could get joint custody. You

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Speaker 4: know you might get knocked down to visitation. But you

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Speaker 4: not getting custody. You can stop this argument right now.

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Speaker 4: I haven't seen him in months. His mother has brainwashed

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Speaker 4: him to think I'm a no good cheetah and liar.

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Speaker 4: She has him in the middle of grown folks business,

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Speaker 4: and when we talk, she's always on speakerphone, so my

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Speaker 4: son can hear all of the conversation.

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Speaker 2: Surely and I both agree she's wrong for this.

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna tell you at the end, sends me text

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Speaker 4: messages with our her son on the text thread. Oh

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Speaker 4: she wrong, man, But I'm gonna tell you why she's

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Speaker 4: doing this too, calling your names and cussing me out.

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Speaker 4: She's brought up all kinds of things that happened, and

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Speaker 4: I marriage my son don't need to know all that.

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Speaker 4: I'm dying to see him, so when I send him

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Speaker 4: a text asking him to have dinner with me one

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Speaker 4: day soon, he sent me the most disrespectful reply a

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Speaker 4: child could see the father. I want to go snatch

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Speaker 4: him up real quick, but I can't. This is not

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Speaker 4: the boy I raised. He needs his father back in

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Speaker 4: his life. How can I reverse all the brain washing?

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Speaker 4: Please advice? Well, see, here's a deal.

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Speaker 2: She has accomplished what she wanted to do. But here's

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Speaker 2: the problem. She won, but he lost. Not you have lost.

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Speaker 4: Her son has lost because see, not only does she

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Speaker 4: not have a husband, but now her she got her

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Speaker 4: son thinking he ain't got a father. And it don't

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Speaker 4: have to be because here's my opinion in this whole thing.

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Speaker 4: You know, when your husband doesn't prove to be a

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Speaker 4: great husband, it doesn't mean that he's not a good father.

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Speaker 2: Those are two different.

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Speaker 4: Roles completely, And when I say that, I'm meaning that

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Speaker 4: the two roles can be separated and each can be

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Speaker 4: performed extremely well.

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Speaker 2: You can be a great husband and never have any children.

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Speaker 4: You can be a great father, but you don't necessarily

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Speaker 4: make you.

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Speaker 2: A great husband.

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Speaker 4: So the man's not a great husband, got that, But

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Speaker 4: that don't mean he ain't a great father.

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Speaker 2: But as a scorn woman or man.

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Speaker 4: Tying the two together only hurts the child, the childish crush.

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Speaker 2: Oh, you whipping the fathers behind. But do you know that?

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Speaker 4: You know in the long run, that man is still

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Speaker 4: a man no matter what you say about him. But

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Speaker 4: you are hindering your son's development into manhood because the

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Speaker 4: one person that can teach him how to be a man,

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Speaker 4: you've discredited him because he wasn't a good husband.

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Speaker 2: See, y'all just wasn't it for each other? For whatever

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Speaker 2: the reason was.

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Speaker 4: He wrong for cheating one hundred percent, one hundred percent,

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Speaker 4: But because he's not a good husband, don't make him

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Speaker 4: not a good father. So now you've brainwashed the child

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Speaker 4: and hating his own father, and you win.

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Speaker 2: But guess what your child loses? And y'all got to

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Speaker 2: stop that knowledge gather. If you are out there, you

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Speaker 2: have to stop that there.

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Speaker 4: If you are in the process of using your child

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Speaker 4: as upon and your divorce or your relationship, you have

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Speaker 4: to stop that. I am speaking from experience. You have

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Speaker 4: to stop that. It's not for you to do this

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Speaker 4: to this boy, because I have news for you. One

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Speaker 4: day this boy's gon grow up and he gonna know

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Speaker 4: the truth and as this boy grows up, this boy

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Speaker 4: is gonna make mistakes of his own and he's gonna

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Speaker 4: start to understand that mistakes happen in life. But because

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Speaker 4: he wasn't a great husband to you don't mean that

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Speaker 4: he wasn't a great father to this boy. And you're

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Speaker 4: doing nothing but damaging the boy. And they tell you

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Speaker 4: all the time. Listen, I don't let my children hear

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Speaker 4: me say nothing about their mother's disparaging nothing.

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Speaker 2: Oh I could, but I don't now them.

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Speaker 4: On the other hand, oh, they ain't done me, done

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Speaker 4: me like a damn book for guess what. At the end,

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Speaker 4: the truth comes out hanging that dog. I support the

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Speaker 4: man in this letter.

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Speaker 1: I'm like shared, I support the child. All right, Well wow, okay,

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Speaker 1: Well we'll continue this conversation when we come back. My

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Speaker 1: ex wife made sure my son hates me. Steve and

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Speaker 1: I agree on that that that is definitely wrong, and

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Speaker 1: we have some personal experiences to talk about when we

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Speaker 1: come back.

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Speaker 3: Right after this. You're listening hard Morning show.

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Speaker 1: All right, Steve, this this Strawberry letter was It was interesting.

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Speaker 1: My ex wife made sure my son hates me. You know,

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Speaker 1: I mean, we can relate to it. We can relate

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Speaker 1: to it. We've both been divorced on the show. You know,

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Speaker 1: full disclosure. My first marriage didn't go well, didn't end well,

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Speaker 1: but we had a beautiful child out of that relationship.

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Speaker 3: And you know, I'm not ashamed to admit that I

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Speaker 3: was very bitter. I was very, very bitter when we

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Speaker 3: broke up.

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Speaker 1: Uh, you know, you get to a dark place sometimes

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Speaker 1: you're angry, you're bitter. And you know, I was on

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Speaker 1: the radio. I was on the radio in LA. A

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Speaker 1: lot of people who listened during that time probably well

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Speaker 1: hopefully they don't remember so long ago.

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Speaker 3: But yeah, I used to bad. I used to really

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Speaker 3: bat mo up.

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Speaker 1: My ex husband on the air constantly because you know,

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Speaker 1: something would happen that it would remind me or you know,

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Speaker 1: trigger me or something like that, and I just go in,

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Speaker 1: you know, or say one thing, Yeah, call him a

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Speaker 1: deadbeat dad or whatever whatever, and uh, just.

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Speaker 3: Just not a good look. You know.

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Speaker 2: But when you look back, you look back from now,

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Speaker 2: what you think, Oh.

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Speaker 1: It was horrible. I mean I had to stop myself.

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Speaker 1: You know, you grow, you change, people change, they do.

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Speaker 1: I had to forgive him that. It started with that forgiveness,

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Speaker 1: because forgiveness is not for the other person. We talk

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Speaker 1: about that a lot on this show. Forgiveness, It's for you.

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Speaker 1: Once I forgave him, then I could start to heal.

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Speaker 1: And I stopped, and I apologized on the air. I

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Speaker 1: apologize to him for saying that because we had a child,

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Speaker 1: I never wanted her to grow up. And you know

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Speaker 1: have people saying, well, your mom used to do this,

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Speaker 1: talk about your I never wanted that, so you know

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Speaker 1: mine ain't feel that way.

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Speaker 3: She wouldn't do that. You're too much of a gentleman

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Speaker 3: to do that.

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Speaker 4: Well, I would never talk about my sons and daughters

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Speaker 4: mothers in a disparaging way publicly.

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Speaker 2: I would never do that.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 4: I have my comments awail in my own personal life

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Speaker 4: because I'm human, but never on the air. Because I

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Speaker 4: taught my sons. I raised my sons to honor their

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Speaker 4: mothers like I was raised to honor mind and to

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Speaker 4: defend her at all costs. I can't they can't see

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Speaker 4: me talking about it, and then I asked them not

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Speaker 4: to honor them. But you know, my my, yeah, but

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Speaker 4: my ex went on a complete and total smear campaign

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Speaker 4: out of out of her anger and scoring for years.

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Speaker 2: I understand for years.

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Speaker 4: I mean just attack, attack, attack, attack. You're so you know, yeah,

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Speaker 4: and you know, I thank god I had Marjorie, you know,

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Speaker 4: a strong woman who knew me. Yeah, I could say no.

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Speaker 1: All right, We'll be back with more of the Steve

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Speaker 1: Harvey Morning Show right after this.

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Speaker 3: You're listening Steve Harvey Morning Show