Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Girl. Hi everyone,
Speaker 1: exciting news. Okay, my second annual I Choose Me Live
Speaker 1: Summit women's empowerment event is coming to Los Angeles on Saturday,
Speaker 1: April twenty fifth, and I want you to be there.
Speaker 1: The I Choose Me movement began as three little words
Speaker 1: on Beverly Hills nine O two one oh in nineteen
Speaker 1: ninety five, but it has evolved into something so much
Speaker 1: more than that. A revolution, you guys. It's a message
Speaker 1: I feel so passionate about. I wrote the book on it.
Speaker 1: So please join me for this one day party shining
Speaker 1: a light on self care and self love. Our panelists
Speaker 1: are incredible. This year. We have Amanda Klute's, Bethany Joy Lenz,
Speaker 1: Genie Mai, Gabby Reese, Sarah Shahe my Dear Friend, Gabrielle Carteris,
Speaker 1: Cameron Matheson, and more surprises. So please come for the
Speaker 1: powerful conversations, stay for lunch and cocktails. Make a commitment
Speaker 1: to choose yourself right here in sunny California. It's going
Speaker 1: to be amazing. Tickets are on sale now at veeps
Speaker 1: dot com, that's v e e ps dot com and
Speaker 1: All of the info will be in our show notes.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Hello everyone, welcome to I Choose Me.
Speaker 1: This podcast is all about the choices we make and
Speaker 1: how to choose ourselves. This week we reset. Wait didn't
Speaker 1: we just do that? Yes? Yes, we gotta do it again,
Speaker 1: you guys. And again. That's the thing because the world
Speaker 1: is moving fast, the pressure is constant, and most of
Speaker 1: us are already feeling behind every morning before even that
Speaker 1: first cup of coffee. So what do you actually do
Speaker 1: when you're spinning out? When you ignore your tools, when
Speaker 1: you hit the wall. I am so lucky to be
Speaker 1: able to share with you my Bessie adele House, who
Speaker 1: is a retired psychologist, and we're going to talk honestly
Speaker 1: about how to reset in real time and some simple
Speaker 1: practical ways to choose yourself before everything unravels. So welcome
Speaker 1: back adele House.
Speaker 2: Thank you, good to see you, Good to see you.
Speaker 1: I want to really get into the nitty gritty of
Speaker 1: the reset, resetting ourselves because I know, I, for one,
Speaker 1: already feel like I'm not going to use the word failure.
Speaker 1: How do we manage our feelings of not being good
Speaker 1: enough when it comes to resolution, not being able to
Speaker 1: have that level of commitment or you know, when you
Speaker 1: don't meet one of your resolutions, I think it's natural
Speaker 1: for us to feel the F word.
Speaker 3: Okay, well, first, let's start with this idea of not
Speaker 3: meeting your resolutions, because already we have set ourselves up
Speaker 3: to not meet our resolutions. Wait why, Okay, So a
Speaker 3: resolution is a very black and white idea. It's a
Speaker 3: very closed idea.
Speaker 2: I am resolute on changing.
Speaker 3: This to this. It's close ended in a way. And
Speaker 3: I think I heard you. I don't know if it
Speaker 3: was a podcaster or you did a post on Instagram
Speaker 3: or something, but you talked about, rather than resolutions, considering
Speaker 3: the idea of affirmations, and I was so inspired by that.
Speaker 3: I thought that was so brilliant.
Speaker 2: Because it's the same idea.
Speaker 3: But an affirmation is an open ended idea. It's an
Speaker 3: open conversation with yourself. So already you're setting yourself up
Speaker 3: for success. You're setting yourself up for fluidity, right, and more,
Speaker 3: you know, your brain will be more what's called neuroplasticity, right,
Speaker 3: it's like a it's your brain will work with you,
Speaker 3: not against you in a closed system. So I think
Speaker 3: that's the first thing is to really think about and look,
Speaker 3: I don't want to if resolutions work for people, if
Speaker 3: that kind of hard and fast, black and white tough
Speaker 3: love works for people, you know, whatever works. But it's
Speaker 3: my understanding that I've never really known. I've never really
Speaker 3: met anyone who's like, resolutions are my jam.
Speaker 2: Right. Most people are dread them. Yeah, most people.
Speaker 3: Don't do them anymore, or if they do, then they're
Speaker 3: mad at themselves. There is a study I don't I can't.
Speaker 3: I'm going to totally screw up the statistics. But I
Speaker 3: think by by week two after January first, yeah, eighty
Speaker 3: percent of people or something have already blown their resolutions.
Speaker 2: I'm thinking that we need a new paradigm here.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a good idea. What's our new paradigm?
Speaker 2: Well, I think you came up with it.
Speaker 1: Affirmations.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I think that is so inspired. Right.
Speaker 1: We can call them affirmations, we can call them mantras.
Speaker 1: I like that word a little bit better because that,
Speaker 1: to me sets me up to know that that's something
Speaker 1: I need to repeat on the daily as a mantra.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, oh yeah, that makes.
Speaker 1: My brain going in the right direction.
Speaker 2: Right, I just want to.
Speaker 3: I looked up affirmation before we jumped on today because
Speaker 3: I wanted to even see, like, what is the definition
Speaker 3: of an affirmation? And it is emotional support or encouragement. Okay,
Speaker 3: I'll take that right to give ourselves that gift or
Speaker 3: a mantra.
Speaker 2: Let's take our affirmation. Let's make it a mantra.
Speaker 3: The wantra does imply a kind of daily practice, and
Speaker 3: that's a lot about what we're talking about now, is
Speaker 3: like practicing daily these ideas and concepts and ways of
Speaker 3: moving through the world.
Speaker 1: Do you have a did you have a New Year's
Speaker 1: affirmation or mantra?
Speaker 2: Well?
Speaker 3: I have two mantras that I've had for probably twenty
Speaker 3: years or long or maybe longer, that I use on
Speaker 3: the rag, probably daily.
Speaker 2: And that, again, is that kind.
Speaker 3: Of daily practice as opposed to like, oh, tomorrow, I'm
Speaker 3: going to take time for myself and I'm going to
Speaker 3: do a box breathing. It's more like, you know, how
Speaker 3: about these two minutes? I just do it because I'm
Speaker 3: feeling overwhelmed. Right, Remember what am I feeling? What do
Speaker 3: I need? How do I meet that need? The mantra
Speaker 3: can be used for that too. I'm happy to share them.
Speaker 1: For example, yes please, okay.
Speaker 3: So my And it's funny that one of them probably
Speaker 3: would be yours too, because just you know, knowing you
Speaker 3: all these years and knowing kind of how you get
Speaker 3: mired in your self flagellation, I can see how this
Speaker 3: would work for you too. I came to it probably
Speaker 3: twenty years ago in therapy with a therapist, and I
Speaker 3: still use it today, and it is the most grounding
Speaker 3: and most calming thing I can say to myself, and
Speaker 3: it works in almost every situation, and mine is I
Speaker 3: am enough.
Speaker 1: Very simple.
Speaker 2: It's so simple, very powerful. I can apply.
Speaker 3: It in almost any situation. And it is free for
Speaker 3: anyone for the taking.
Speaker 2: Like you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: If somebody goes, oh, that's exactly what I need to
Speaker 3: be saying to myself. Take it, use it, benefit from it,
Speaker 3: and then I have another one when I have When
Speaker 3: I'm I'm.
Speaker 2: Kind of like a scaredy cat person. I have a
Speaker 2: lot of fears.
Speaker 1: As you know, mountain men. Adele's afraid of quote mountain men.
Speaker 2: I am, and I don't even know if I've ever
Speaker 2: even met one, but I.
Speaker 1: Feel like I don't even know what a mountain man is.
Speaker 1: It isn't like a beast that comes out on a
Speaker 1: mountain at you or.
Speaker 3: Man that I can't talk sense too if he wants
Speaker 3: to hurt me. Okay, that is so stupid. But so
Speaker 3: you might imagine my mantra for a lot of things,
Speaker 3: like the fears that I have as I am safe again,
Speaker 3: super simple, super straightforward. It also works for if I
Speaker 3: feel emotionally unsafe, right, like, if I'm in a situation
Speaker 3: that doesn't feel safe to me, emotionally, I am safe.
Speaker 3: I am safe, I am safe, And it pulls me
Speaker 3: down into the ground in a way where I'm like,
Speaker 3: what it says to me is I've gotten my own back.
Speaker 3: If I need to remove myself from this situation, I
Speaker 3: can do so. Right.
Speaker 2: So it's very empowering to.
Speaker 3: And I'd love to help you, and also your listeners
Speaker 3: come up with their own mantras I have.
Speaker 2: I have like a little formula.
Speaker 1: Oh god, this is good. Tell me what's the formula.
Speaker 2: Here's the formula. It's pretty easy.
Speaker 3: So if you think about you, your brain, the way
Speaker 3: you talk to yourself, you Jenny, and the things that
Speaker 3: get you into trouble, right, the things that make you
Speaker 3: negative self talk right hard, on yourself, start to feel
Speaker 3: like the F word, start to feel guilty?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 3: What is the thing you say to yourself that it's
Speaker 3: just private to you?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 3: And you've been saying it for years, maybe even before
Speaker 3: I knew you, like when you were a kid.
Speaker 2: Whatever.
Speaker 3: Are there a couple of phrases or sayings that you
Speaker 3: say to yourself, You're gonna have to be vulnerable and
Speaker 3: share with us.
Speaker 1: You are going to fail at this. You should have
Speaker 1: no right to venture into this project or this conversation
Speaker 1: or sit at this table.
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, good. So the story or the narrative.
Speaker 2: That's sort of a repetitive.
Speaker 3: Kind of story in your life and in your mind
Speaker 3: is you can't do this, right?
Speaker 2: Who do you think you are?
Speaker 1: Right? Right?
Speaker 2: Okay? So what is the opposite of that we got
Speaker 2: this right?
Speaker 3: So you've actually already created your own mantra? I might,
Speaker 3: I might look at why you're not saying I got this.
Speaker 1: When I say we got this, I'm meaning me, the
Speaker 1: hole me, the me, the little girl in me that's afraid.
Speaker 1: And because I do a lot of that sort of
Speaker 1: inner talk to my younger self, and I find it
Speaker 1: really helpful because I am a I like to care
Speaker 1: for people, and so I enjoy caring for myself, my
Speaker 1: younger self. So when I say we, I mean we
Speaker 1: as in all the stages in the ages of me.
Speaker 2: I love that.
Speaker 3: Okay, so you have actually already come up with your
Speaker 3: own mantra, and you did the formula that I'm pitching
Speaker 3: to you, So you naturally did this, and so I'm
Speaker 3: affirming to you that the we got this mantra is right,
Speaker 3: it's spot on for you. And so I think anyone
Speaker 3: who's listening would do the same thing, right, they would
Speaker 3: sort of go, what is the thing I say to
Speaker 3: myself all the time? That's hard, Like, you know, you
Speaker 3: don't get to have this relationship, right, this is you're
Speaker 3: not this person's.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's another one that I've always A narrative I've
Speaker 1: always had is that I can't have a healthy relationship. Interesting,
Speaker 1: but I know it's so untrue, right, But yet I'll
Speaker 1: I'll every time I reach a roadblock or an obstacle
Speaker 1: within a relationship, I'm so hard on myself that I
Speaker 1: will go right to that black and white thinking of
Speaker 1: why why are you even trying? You can't do this?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 3: So, if if we were actually in therapy. I'd want
Speaker 3: to spend some time on that, like where that came from,
Speaker 3: how long you've been saying it to yourself? Who told
Speaker 3: you that? Or when did you tell yourself that? But
Speaker 3: because we're doing more of a mantra thing, let's jump
Speaker 3: right too. What's the opposite of that? And let's get
Speaker 3: you a second mantra?
Speaker 1: Okay, the opposite of that would be I am capable
Speaker 1: of having healthy relationships, and I'm worthy of healthy relationships.
Speaker 2: When you said that, how does it feel when you
Speaker 2: say that?
Speaker 1: It feels true good to that reasonable mind of mine, right,
Speaker 1: But it does also feel like the opposite of what
Speaker 1: I've always told myself, So it feels a little uncomfortable.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 3: So the more you say it right, the more your
Speaker 3: brain chemistry actually changes and really starts to believe it,
Speaker 3: not just superficially, but deeper in your brain but also
Speaker 3: in your heart and in your soul, and it becomes
Speaker 3: a much faster thing that you say to yourself. In
Speaker 3: the same way that I think one was quick.
Speaker 2: You were quick to say.
Speaker 1: It right, so easy to say that one. I think
Speaker 1: that's the key is practicing it, not just like saying
Speaker 1: it once and thinking oh, I did the work, Yeah,
Speaker 1: But practicing it on the daily.
Speaker 3: Yeah, in the same way that you practice the negative
Speaker 3: self talk on the daily, all you're saying is, oh,
Speaker 3: my gosh. I'm aware now that that's something I've said
Speaker 3: to myself for ten years, or twenty years or thirty years.
Speaker 3: I'm aware now that that has harmed me, and that
Speaker 3: my even feelings about myself and the way I've behaved
Speaker 3: in the world are a reflection of that thought.
Speaker 2: I'm also aware now that if I choose.
Speaker 3: To say the much kinder and much more self loving
Speaker 3: mantra to myself, then I'm going to guess that that's
Speaker 3: going to snowball into better feelings, better ways of being
Speaker 3: in a relationship or in the world.
Speaker 1: I know I do this, and I'm imagining that there
Speaker 1: are quite a few people listening that do this, and
Speaker 1: if not, maybe you could start doing this. I write
Speaker 1: down the affirmation the mantra on a post it note,
Speaker 1: and I put it on my mirror and my bathroom
Speaker 1: so every morning when I'm brushing my teeth, I'm seeing
Speaker 1: that whether I'm saying it, I'm at least seeing it
Speaker 1: with my eyeballs. I'm reading it. It's sinking in and
Speaker 1: then again at night when you brush your teeth before bed,
Speaker 1: like that's the moment to just take that pause and
Speaker 1: repeat that to yourself. I think that's one of the
Speaker 1: tricks that I've used is post it notes.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love it.
Speaker 3: Put it on your wallpaper, on your computer, on your phone,
Speaker 3: so the minute you pick your phone up, before you
Speaker 3: start scrolling, you just see I am enough. Oh my god,
Speaker 3: imagine just seeing it, you know, twenty five times a.
Speaker 1: Day, right, I mean, because yeah, we all check our
Speaker 1: phones too much, too much, too much. Okay. I love
Speaker 1: what you taught me many many years ago, which when
Speaker 1: I was spinning out, having you know, a lot of
Speaker 1: ruminating thoughts that were unhealthy or damaging or self doubting,
Speaker 1: you taught me to envision the stop sign in my mind.
Speaker 1: That was, like, I think, the first actual tool I
Speaker 1: ever put in my tool box of how to take
Speaker 1: care of myself. And I always attribute that and credit
Speaker 1: you for that because I remember the moment. I don't
Speaker 1: remember much, you guys, but I remember the moment lying
Speaker 1: on my brown overstuffed couch, shabby sheet couch in my
Speaker 1: house that was in the Hollywood Hills at the time.
Speaker 1: And I just I was laying down and talking to
Speaker 1: you like I was spinning, spinning, spinning. So I called
Speaker 1: you and you were like, Okay, here's what we're going
Speaker 1: to do. I want you to envision a stop sign.
Speaker 1: And you told me to get really clear about all
Speaker 1: the shapes of it, every line on it, the shape
Speaker 1: of the words, just the way they stood out, be
Speaker 1: very specific about what that and focus on what that
Speaker 1: stop sign looks like. And voila, all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: you stopped spending it because now you're focusing on a
Speaker 1: stop sign, which is telling my brain to stop doing
Speaker 1: what it was doing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that was a remarkable moment, I think for both
Speaker 3: of us because we barely knew each other. We're probably
Speaker 3: six months in of knowing each other. If that was
Speaker 3: a therapist, then right, But something was there for both
Speaker 3: of us for you to think to call me. I
Speaker 3: think you were having a panic attack when I think
Speaker 3: about it now, And for me to be able to
Speaker 3: meet you there and give you a tool that you've
Speaker 3: been able.
Speaker 2: To use all these years.
Speaker 3: Probably even was helped me on my own trajectory of
Speaker 3: deciding to become a therapist.
Speaker 1: Yes, I love that you were destined to help people.
Speaker 1: I mean, you do it all day long, every day.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and yet I love being of service. And I'm
Speaker 3: also I don't give too much of myself. Even when
Speaker 3: I was in private practice, you know, I was able
Speaker 3: to set my boundaries in terms of hours, how many
Speaker 3: people I was going to take, and also being able
Speaker 3: to go home and be home and be with my
Speaker 3: partner and be with my friends or family or just
Speaker 3: by myself and not take it with me. And I
Speaker 3: felt like I was a good enough therapist even if
Speaker 3: I wasn't worrying about my clients all night long or
Speaker 3: or being widely available for them. You know, twenty four
Speaker 3: to seven, I knew that I was good enough.
Speaker 1: You are better than good enough, I'll tell you that,
Speaker 1: And I think anybody that's listening kind of will share
Speaker 1: that with me, because you give just really great tactile
Speaker 1: tips and ways to help ourselves choose ourselves.
Speaker 3: And like you said earlier, it's because I do them myself, right.
Speaker 3: I'm not just sitting here saying like, do this and
Speaker 3: do that like I've done. I do them myself. I've
Speaker 3: done them myself. It's how they allowed me to be
Speaker 3: the best version of myself, and I wish that for
Speaker 3: you. You're already there and all your listeners. It's it's we
Speaker 3: are living and breathing and walking examples of people who
Speaker 3: went through hard times depression, anxiety, loss and continued to
Speaker 3: do the work. And all we're doing is paying it forward,
Speaker 3: right We're sharing it with everybody else we can, because
Speaker 3: we want people to have these tools.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's important because we need to support one another
Speaker 1: and learning how to support ourselves. I think, yeah, for sure,
Speaker 1: with all that's going on in the world, with all
Speaker 1: the things you see on the news every single day
Speaker 1: that are hard breaking and very worrisome, how do we
Speaker 1: get through dealing with all of that and still remain
Speaker 1: in our lane and choosing ourselves and living our lives
Speaker 1: and not getting twisted into all this negative stuff that's happening.
Speaker 3: I think that is a really hard question because I
Speaker 3: struggle without myself.
Speaker 2: But I appreciate the question too.
Speaker 3: I think all the more reason why we need to
Speaker 3: be as present as we can right now and tuned
Speaker 3: in as we can right now, because the better we
Speaker 3: choose ourselves, the better we take care of ourselves, the
Speaker 3: better we say what am I feeling and what do
Speaker 3: I need the better we can be for somebody else,
Speaker 3: And there are a lot of people who need our
Speaker 3: help right now.
Speaker 1: Right, I sort of feel like sometimes when I hear
Speaker 1: bad things that are happening, I watch it unravel on
Speaker 1: the news that I'm turning my back on it, almost
Speaker 1: when I'm choosing to stay present in my own life,
Speaker 1: and that gives me a sense of sort of feeling guilty.
Speaker 3: Maybe, so maybe we go back to that same idea
Speaker 3: with you of small bites. Right, you can't save the world.
Speaker 3: I can't save the world, but we can certainly help
Speaker 3: in small ways, right, we can whatever that means for you,
Speaker 3: you know, being of service, giving of your time, making
Speaker 3: a donation, speaking out where we can. If we see something,
Speaker 3: say something right. If you're out in the world and
Speaker 3: you see somebody being mistreated, you say something right. So
Speaker 3: small bites and they add up. And if everybody's taking
Speaker 3: small bites to try to help where they can, then
Speaker 3: you're doing your best.
Speaker 2: Which is again what you know all you can do
Speaker 2: you can do.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I thank you for all the things you've
Speaker 1: taught me over the years, and all the things you
Speaker 1: can share with our listeners. I want us to check
Speaker 1: back in. I have something else going on in my
Speaker 1: life that I really feel like I need to talk
Speaker 1: through with you. We can either do that on the
Speaker 1: air or not, but.
Speaker 2: Anytime, Okay.
Speaker 1: I love you, I love you.
Speaker 2: Bye.