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Speaker 1: This is John. This is your og okay Storytime podcast hosts,

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Speaker 1: and we have some rockin stories for you coming up.

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Speaker 2: But before you rock out with your socks out, I

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Speaker 2: got a quick chum minute ad break from a sponsors,

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Speaker 2: keeping the show rocking and rolling.

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Speaker 3: I went no contact with my grandmother again.

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Speaker 4: Grandma, you won't be seeing me anymore.

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Speaker 3: And this comes directly from the r slash okay storytime subreddit.

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Speaker 3: Growing up, I spent a lot of time with my

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Speaker 3: maternal grandmother. My parents both worked and we were relatively

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Speaker 3: low income, so my dad often dropped me off at

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Speaker 3: her house. My father used to work in the city.

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Speaker 3: She lived about thirty minutes from where I lived. She

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Speaker 3: babysat me and my cousin's hosted the sleepovers, and we

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Speaker 3: got extremely close. She felt almost like a mother figure,

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Speaker 3: as me and my mother's relationship had never been particularly strong.

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Speaker 3: Am I saying where it comes from?

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Speaker 4: Again?

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Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from Desperate Cup ninety nine

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Speaker 3: to twelve, And if you want to submit your own stories,

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Speaker 3: go to the r slash okay storytime subreddit. Okay O

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Speaker 3: that we owe some context. Let's get into the initial

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Speaker 3: incident that imploded the relationship I had with my grandmother.

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Speaker 3: In twenty twenty, I female, eighteen. During peak VID shaved

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Speaker 3: my head. Yeah, I know, real Britney spears of me

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Speaker 3: did some soul searching, and I realized I was by

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Speaker 3: I had always dated men, but around this time I

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Speaker 3: started dating my friend of five plus years, who whom

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Speaker 3: we will call Jennifer, also female, seventeen. We'd always been

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Speaker 3: kind of flirty and shared mutual friends, but we were

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Speaker 3: never close until then. So rightfully, so, I thought the

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Speaker 3: best person to start my coming out journey with would

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Speaker 3: be my grandmother. So I texted her and told her

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Speaker 3: I had a date coming up, and she asked me,

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Speaker 3: who's the lucky man? So I told her her name

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Speaker 3: is Jennifer. She immediately reacted harshly. She started asking me

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Speaker 3: all these questions, which seems like it wouldn't be a

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Speaker 3: big deal. That's normal relationship stuff. Families ask how long

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Speaker 3: you've known each other, how you met, how old, what

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Speaker 3: are they like, et cetera. But she kept saying I

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Speaker 3: needed to break up with her because she was underage

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Speaker 3: and I'd end up on the registry. I explained it

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Speaker 3: was none of her business, but if it gave her

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Speaker 3: peace of mind, it didn't matter because we weren't spicily active,

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Speaker 3: and being attracted to the same gender wouldn't put me

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Speaker 3: on a registry alone. But no, she doubled down, saying

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Speaker 3: she was ashamed that I'd grow out of it, and

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Speaker 3: warned labeling myself would change how everyone treated me. I

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Speaker 3: was a little taken aback by her comments and thought

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Speaker 3: she was supposed to be the closest person I had

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Speaker 3: in my family. I told her everything, and my heart

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Speaker 3: was broken by her reaction. Again, I explained we were

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Speaker 3: just going on a date. She just went on to

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Speaker 3: tell me that she was ashamed and that I would

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Speaker 3: grow out of it. And all young women experiment in

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Speaker 3: their teen years.

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Speaker 4: Your grandma's by her, grandma's by grandma calls coming from

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Speaker 4: inside the house.

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Speaker 3: She's just sad that she couldn't be thought, Oh wadna

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Speaker 3: do it then?

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Speaker 4: And then they stopped.

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Speaker 3: All young women experiment in their teen years and eventually

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Speaker 3: into their early twenties, and.

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Speaker 4: Even the strong women experiment. When when when I was twenty,

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Speaker 4: I had a long term relationship with a woman. I

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Speaker 4: had a Jennifer one. Yeah, she was beautiful. We lived

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Speaker 4: together for a short time. Now she's strained my room.

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Speaker 3: Then I grew out of it and again warned me

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Speaker 3: that I shouldn't label myself because it would affect the

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Speaker 3: way everyone would treat me. Her reaction made me too

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Speaker 3: scared to come out to anyone else. After explaining the

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Speaker 3: whole situation, Jennifer was understanding and extremely supportive, so was

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Speaker 3: her family, so this was really comforting. A couple of

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Speaker 3: months later, after me and Jennifer were official, we came

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Speaker 3: up with a game plan. One night, I sat down

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Speaker 3: and wrote my parents a letter coming out explaining what

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Speaker 3: happened with my grandmother, including direct quotes from our text

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Speaker 3: conversation and some other details that followed the text conversation,

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Speaker 3: and why I'd be going low slash no contact with her.

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Speaker 3: I gave my parents the letter and told them to

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Speaker 3: read it after I left the house, but that I

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Speaker 3: would be going to stay the night with Jennifer, which

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Speaker 3: at the time was not an uncommon thing. My parents

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Speaker 3: texted me immediately after I left the house and they

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Speaker 3: had some time to read the letter, and they told

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Speaker 3: me they loved me and accepted me no matter what.

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Speaker 3: Eventually the rest of the family found out they were

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Speaker 3: accepting and it wasn't exactly a shock to most. Jennifer

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Speaker 3: and I broke up eight to nine months later for

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Speaker 3: unrelated reasons. However, I was still low to no contact

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Speaker 3: with my grandmother. My mother would try and smooth things over,

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Speaker 3: invite me to holidays at her house, and tell my

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Speaker 3: grandmother about the different things going on in my life,

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Speaker 3: as I would not respond to her messages or attempts

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Speaker 3: at contact. If I did happen to respond, I would

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Speaker 3: be very short and would not give much effort, while

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Speaker 3: my mother tried to be the peacemaker, as this was

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Speaker 3: her mother. This situation was the final straw for my father.

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Speaker 3: My father had always had issues with my maternal grandmother

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Speaker 3: due to multiple manipulative events that happened over the years

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Speaker 3: he had been with my mother, and her disrespecting me

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Speaker 3: was the last was the straw that broke the camel's back.

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Speaker 3: Looking back, it made a lot of sense that he

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Speaker 3: didn't really like her, and I could tell he just

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Speaker 3: never said anything because he didn't want to taint the

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Speaker 3: relationship I had with her. However, now that said relationship

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Speaker 3: was tainted on her accord, he no longer felt the

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Speaker 3: need to hide his feelings. About her from me during

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Speaker 3: this time. My mother trying to play peacekeeper really only

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Speaker 3: further put a strain on our relationship, and my father

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Speaker 3: was really my rock through this situation. Months after me

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Speaker 3: and Jennifer had broken up, I was on a trip

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Speaker 3: to Eugene with my best friend at the time, and

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Speaker 3: my grandmother had called me while we were driving home.

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Speaker 3: I had just kind of looked at my friend and

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Speaker 3: she was like, if you want to take this call,

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Speaker 3: I'm here for you and I will be your moral support.

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Speaker 3: I know you have a lot you want to say

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Speaker 3: to her. So I answered the call for the first

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Speaker 3: time in months. The conversation started casual, how have you been,

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Speaker 3: what are you doing, et cetera. She could tell I

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Speaker 3: was being sure, and so she finally just came right

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Speaker 3: out with it. Do you know how hard it was

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Speaker 3: for me to keep your little secret when you told

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Speaker 3: me you were by, because it was so hard for

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Speaker 3: me to not say anything and to not talk to

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Speaker 3: my daughter and tell her about what you were doing.

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Speaker 3: When I reiterated that it wasn't her news to share,

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Speaker 3: she continued gaslighting and guilt tripping. This This destroyed any

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Speaker 3: hope I had of reconciling, I told her off and

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Speaker 3: explained she was why I was going to stay low contact.

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Speaker 3: Around that same time was when I came to realize

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Speaker 3: just how controlling she could be. To go back to

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Speaker 3: the additional information I said I included in my coming

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Speaker 3: outletter to my parents that also helped me come to

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Speaker 3: the conclusion that she was extremely manipulative. I came out

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Speaker 3: to her around Halloween, shortly after is my mother's birthday.

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Speaker 3: For my mother's birthday, we had a get together at

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Speaker 3: my paternal grandparents' house in which we had both sides

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Speaker 3: of the family over for a big dinner. At some

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Speaker 3: point during the dinner, I was helping prepare dinner in

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Speaker 3: the kitchen and my dad and grandpa were talking in

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Speaker 3: the living room and I thought I heard my name,

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Speaker 3: So I peeped my head in and was like, Oh,

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Speaker 3: were you talking about me? And my grandmother goes, Oh,

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Speaker 3: why are you nervous? They're talking about you? Do you

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Speaker 3: maybe have a secret you want to share with the

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Speaker 3: whole family, essentially trying to force me to come out

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Speaker 3: in front of my entire extended family. Then again, later

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Speaker 3: she asked me to walk her to her car and

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Speaker 3: as soon as we were out of earshot of the

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Speaker 3: front door, she wraps her arm around my shoulder and

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Speaker 3: tightens around my neck, pulling me down to her height

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Speaker 3: as I'm decently tall, and whispers in my ear, don't worry,

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Speaker 3: I still love you, no matter how wrong I think.

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Speaker 3: This whole this whole thing is referring to me being

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Speaker 3: by yeah crazy. Years later, I had eventually slowly letting

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Speaker 3: her reintegrate herself into my life. She was at my

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Speaker 3: college graduation, she was at some birthday parties, and we

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Speaker 3: sometimes see each other at family events. But she always

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Speaker 3: continues to make comments and push boundaries. I guess you

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Speaker 3: could compare it to losing the rose colored glasses. I

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Speaker 3: started noticing her manipulative and controlling behaviors again, her trying

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Speaker 3: to push herself into my life more than I wanted.

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Speaker 3: She would make comments about the fact that I went

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Speaker 3: back to dating men after me and my girlfriend broke up,

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Speaker 3: and said that she was glad my phase was over

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Speaker 3: and that I was back on men because.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, well I won't be. It's not a phase that

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Speaker 4: me not talking to you, Grandma is not a phase.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's the last forever Buye women could never go

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Speaker 3: back to dating men.

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Speaker 4: Because that's not literally a part of the definition.

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Speaker 3: That's not how vinus works. Just because I predominantly date

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Speaker 3: men doesn't negate the fact that I like women. Didn't

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Speaker 3: realize I'd have to explain that to an adult, an

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Speaker 3: adult who's also.

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Speaker 4: By It seemed like she's also by Now.

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Speaker 3: Onto the big question, the current reason I'm wanting to

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Speaker 3: go back to low contact. My now fiance twenty two male,

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Speaker 3: yes Mail and I moved into a new apartment recently

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Speaker 3: and it was a hassle. I'm a stay at home fiance,

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Speaker 3: and I did a lot of the moving between apartments

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Speaker 3: by myself while he was at work. But one weekend

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Speaker 3: he was off and we finished up the bulk of

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Speaker 3: the moving and cleaned out the old apartment.

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Speaker 4: But honestly, it seems like like ninety eight percent of

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Speaker 4: your family are incredibly supportive of you, and then we

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Speaker 4: just have this grandma, who unfortunately is the first person

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Speaker 4: that you told and sucks. But I think just continue

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Speaker 4: to have that limited contact with her because she is

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Speaker 4: being really awful and unsupportive, and you don't need someone

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Speaker 4: in your life, even though the loss is very hard

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Speaker 4: and it sucks that you have to go through that.

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Speaker 4: You don't deserve to deal with her being awful to

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Speaker 4: you exactly.

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Speaker 3: But we have an update. We hadn't even unpacked any boxes, really,

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Speaker 3: but we decided we deserved a nap. When she called

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Speaker 3: saying which house is yours? I'm in the driveway between

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Speaker 3: a yellow and a green one. I was shocked she'd

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Speaker 3: used my location to show up unannounced. I didn't even

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Speaker 3: know she had it. When I hesitated, she guilted me

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Speaker 3: about driving all the way here and that if we

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Speaker 3: weren't ready for company, she'd just drive all the way

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Speaker 3: back home. Being a people pleaser, I let her in,

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Speaker 3: but she just walked around her whole apartment while my

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Speaker 3: fiance just kind of stood there, half asleep, trying to

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Speaker 3: figure out what was going on. Keep in mind he

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Speaker 3: hasn't even met her at this point. This is their

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Speaker 3: first time meeting. So eventually she leaves and me and

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Speaker 3: my fiance just kind of look at each other baffled,

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Speaker 3: kind of just laugh like, what the eff just happened?

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Speaker 3: So would I be the a hole if I went

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Speaker 3: back to low slash no contact with her out of

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Speaker 3: the blue for continuing to cross lines after all these years,

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Speaker 3: No that's the end.

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Speaker 4: You would not be the a hole. I want to

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Speaker 4: evict my brother because he disrespected our home. Disrespect for

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Speaker 4: our home, you get now. Nearly a year ago, three

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Speaker 4: things happened. Number One, me, twenty two Mail and my

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Speaker 4: boyfriend twenty three males started renting my stepdad's old house. Two,

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Speaker 4: my mom and stepdad's house burnt down ooh, and they

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Speaker 4: were struggling to find a house big enough to accommodate

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Speaker 4: the family. Three they asked if my younger adult brother,

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Speaker 4: twenty one Mail, could move in with us since we

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Speaker 4: had extra room. By the way, this comes from Seaward Buringer.

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Speaker 4: Oh okay, and if you want to spent your own stories,

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Speaker 4: go to the r slash Okay storytime severed it. My

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Speaker 4: mother had floated the idea of my brother moving in

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Speaker 4: with me for a while because this as well. Before

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Speaker 4: this as well, it caused issues between her and my stepfather,

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Speaker 4: as he felt my mom babied him and let him

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Speaker 4: get away with doing nothing. The only reason my brother

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Speaker 4: is a job is because my mom asked one of

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Speaker 4: her friends to hire him. This was a big point

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Speaker 4: of contention in the relationship, and my mother has said

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Speaker 4: if my brother didn't move out when he did, then

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Speaker 4: they probably would be headed for divorce. I want to

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Speaker 4: clarify he is not high support needs or anything like that.

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Speaker 4: In fact, my mother used to hold the fact that

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Speaker 4: he had a higher IQ than me over my head,

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Speaker 4: but he doesn't act like it. I feel like his

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Speaker 4: Asperger's diagnosis made my mom keep him from any responsibility.

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Speaker 4: So while he is quiet and we don't see him

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Speaker 4: often he works overnights, we still end up dealing with

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Speaker 4: his mess. This includes, but is not limited to washing

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Speaker 4: all of his coffee cups because he never does any dishes,

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Speaker 4: having to force him to clean his room because the

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Speaker 4: flour is hidden by fast food bags and boxes. Ooh.

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Speaker 4: He drinks all our adult soda or booze without asking.

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Speaker 4: He never takes out the trash, never sweeps or mops,

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Speaker 4: never helps with outside work. This all sort of came

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Speaker 4: to a head last night. Slash. This morning, my boyfriend

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Speaker 4: and I went out of town for a week and

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Speaker 4: deep clean the house before we left. We asked my

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Speaker 4: brother to watch Slash feed, Slash, water the cats and

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Speaker 4: make sure the house stayed clean. When we got home,

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Speaker 4: the house still bank like body odor and cat pee

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Speaker 4: in the bathroom. All of our towels were in a

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Speaker 4: pile by the door. Oh, and there were brown stains everywhere.

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Speaker 4: Since we were tired, we just assumed the stains were

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Speaker 4: from one of our cats, cleaned it, and then moved on.

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Speaker 4: After that, I went to the kitchen and made spaghetti.

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Speaker 4: It's worth noting that there is a sizable part of

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Speaker 4: our kitchen ceiling missing, which leads to some pipes, plus

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Speaker 4: a small maintenance door next to our toilet in the

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Speaker 4: upstairs bathroom. The next day, yesterday, after trying to pick

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Speaker 4: up the towels, my boyfriend mentions he thinks that my

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Speaker 4: brother overflowed the toilet while we were gone. We had

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Speaker 4: also been having some mild food poisoning all day, and

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Speaker 4: where the bathroom in the kitchen are connected. I just

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Speaker 4: got the worst feeling. I asked my brother if he

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Speaker 4: had overflowed the toilet while we were gone. He said yes,

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Speaker 4: he had. I didn't really know what else to say,

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Speaker 4: so I asked him to clean up thoroughly. I feel

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Speaker 4: like I genuinely don't know what to say to him.

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Speaker 4: How does a grown man not know how to clean

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Speaker 4: up his own mess? He left it all over an

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Speaker 4: effing bathroom, and because my boyfriend didn't know the towels

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Speaker 4: were used to soak up toilet water, he used one

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Speaker 4: to dry his athlete's foot that night. I personally wouldn't

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Speaker 4: have used a towel that had been on the floor

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Speaker 4: for this, but I digress. That brings us to this morning.

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Speaker 4: My boyfriend is at the clinic because this morning his

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Speaker 4: foot was super inflamed and super painful. So this would

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Speaker 4: mark two ways that we've been affected physically by my

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Speaker 4: younger brother not cleaning up after himself. I am at

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Speaker 4: a total loss for what to do, because he is

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Speaker 4: my younger brother and I love him, but I'm tired

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Speaker 4: of playing caretaker for this man who is fully capable

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Speaker 4: of taking care of himself. Growing up, I was very

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Speaker 4: parentified by our parents when it came to him and

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Speaker 4: the rest of our siblings. Moving out was supposed to

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Speaker 4: be an escape from that. He's fully capable of cleaning

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Speaker 4: up his own mess instead of leaving messes for us

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Speaker 4: to come home to. I feel if he is intelligent

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Speaker 4: enough to brew his own meed and play intricate card games,

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Speaker 4: he is intelligent enough to clean up after himself. Would

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Speaker 4: I be the ale if I punted out my adult

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Speaker 4: brother with autism at it. My reasoning for thinking I'm

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Speaker 4: the a hole is because my mom is always like, well,

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Speaker 4: he's a tip stick, but you just have to tell him.

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Speaker 4: He doesn't think about things the way we do. But like,

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Speaker 4: I feel like I shouldn't have to tell a grown

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Speaker 4: man to clean up his piss and crap. We were

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Speaker 4: also homeschooled, so he has like no social life and

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Speaker 4: I don't even know where he would go if we

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Speaker 4: punted him out. No one else in my family wants

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Speaker 4: to take him in. Funnily enough, folks, there is n

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Speaker 4: up date. I have so many thoughts and suggestions, but

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Speaker 4: do you have any I?

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Speaker 3: Oh, I want to know yours?

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Speaker 4: Actually? Okay? First off, yeah, we already op he and

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Speaker 4: her husband, our boyfriend husband boyfriend, oh, PI and her

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Speaker 4: boyfriend partner I'll say partner, OPI and your partner already

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Speaker 4: knew that he was very bad at taking care of

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Speaker 4: cats of taking care of himself before they left. Yes,

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Speaker 4: do not leave someone who is not capable or responsible

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Speaker 4: to take care of your pets. That's just your response,

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Speaker 4: pet owner.

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Speaker 3: I was afraid we weren't on the same page, but

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Speaker 3: we totally are Do not.

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Speaker 4: Leave someone who cannot take care of your pet in

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Speaker 4: charge of your pet. That is just and expect something

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Speaker 4: else to happen. Yeah, that that's not a good idea. Second,

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Speaker 4: you already know that your brother has you know, uh

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Speaker 4: like different like is autistic. We already know that. So

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Speaker 4: don't assume that your brother can just take care of himself, yeah,

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Speaker 4: when clearly he cannot.

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Speaker 3: And you saw this from living with him before. So

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Speaker 3: that's why I was so confused about why at any

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Speaker 3: point has there not been like if he needs instructions

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Speaker 3: to be told to clean, why was there not like

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Speaker 3: something implemented to tell him to clean? Why was he

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Speaker 3: not like why are you texting him like hey, by

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Speaker 3: the way, like yeah, clean up today, or like yes,

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Speaker 3: there should be tiny things that you guys have figured

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Speaker 3: out to like adapt to the fact that he needs

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Speaker 3: a little help.

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Speaker 4: With us special needs. Literally he has needs. You know this,

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Speaker 4: Op's he's like, well he can take care of himself.

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Speaker 4: You literally cannot. You have like blanket proof that he cannot.

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Speaker 4: There is an update, folks. I also want to clarify

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Speaker 4: that my mom, stepdad and brother are not that people.

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Speaker 4: I know. My anger did not paint them in the

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Speaker 4: best light, but I promise they are not manipulative, evil people.

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Speaker 4: They may be a bit maladjusted, but so am I. Lol. Anyways,

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Speaker 4: on to the update. I was originally supposed to see

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Speaker 4: my mom the day after I made the post, in

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Speaker 4: order to install some hair extensions for her. I planned

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Speaker 4: on discussing the situation with her and making a plan.

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Speaker 4: I had called her on my break at work that day,

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Speaker 4: and she was seemingly supportive of my choice to ask

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Speaker 4: my brother to move out. She said she understood why

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Speaker 4: it crossed a line, although it made her sad. Well.

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Speaker 4: That night, my boyfriend's infection in his foot crawled up

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Speaker 4: his ankle. He spent a long time in the r

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Speaker 4: that night to make sure nothing was wrong and that

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00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:59,240
Speaker 4: the antibiotics were working properly, and thankfully he is making

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Speaker 4: a great recovery right now. But because we were at

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Speaker 4: the er until the early morning, I ended up canceling

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Speaker 4: on my mom. I told her I wanted to regroup

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Speaker 4: whenever my brother was off work that way. Whenever my

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Speaker 4: brother was off work that way, we could all sit

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Speaker 4: down and have a conversation. Our schedules are opposite where

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Speaker 4: he works, nights and I work all day, so usually

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Speaker 4: I only see him for a few minutes, if at all,

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Speaker 4: when I get home from work. I discussed my concerns

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Speaker 4: with my mom over text, and she made it clear

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Speaker 4: she would support us in our decision. Dear some of

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Speaker 4: my texts me. He's made it clear in multiple ways

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Speaker 4: he has different standards of living than what I want

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Speaker 4: in my household, and that's fine that I don't want

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Speaker 4: it under my roof. I can handle messy, but I

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Speaker 4: cannot handle dirty. Obviously, I still want him in my

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Speaker 4: life and I love him, but I think he needs

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Speaker 4: to self sustain and learn that mess doesn't just disappear

378
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Speaker 4: if ignored. My mom says, I understand that me leaving

379
00:18:56,480 --> 00:18:59,960
Speaker 4: items covered in toilet bacteria everywhere is unacceptable for us

380
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Speaker 4: us to come home to after vacation, and in general,

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Speaker 4: it felt really disrespectful considering how hard we worked to

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Speaker 4: make the house clean before we left. It just crossed

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Speaker 4: a boundary for me, especially when it gave us food

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Speaker 4: poisoning and gave boyfriend a skin infection. It could have

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Speaker 4: also gotten our cat sick.

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Speaker 5: But y'all also left peepy poop poo towls everywhere. I

387
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Speaker 5: didn't connect the two and then continue to eat and

388
00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:28,919
Speaker 5: drink in that house after it tasting funny.

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Speaker 4: Yikes. My mom be prepared for him to have some

390
00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:35,560
Speaker 4: big feelings about this. He loves living with you guys

391
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Speaker 4: me I know, and I'm trying to prepare prepare myself

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Speaker 4: for that. I love him and this doesn't mean I

393
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Speaker 4: want him out of my life or anything like that.

394
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Speaker 4: But boyfriend could have gotten very sick because of it.

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Speaker 4: Because of his negligence, he made our house smell rotten.

396
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Speaker 4: He doesn't pull his weight, and he doesn't respect the

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Speaker 4: space needs time in the real world where someone isn't

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Speaker 4: cleaning up after him. I'm not willing to let miss

399
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Speaker 4: messes sit around in my home so he can come

400
00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:03,800
Speaker 4: back to them and maybe clean them. I'm not interested

401
00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:05,919
Speaker 4: in having to coach a grown man into picking up

402
00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:09,200
Speaker 4: after himself. So that brings us to last night when

403
00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:11,640
Speaker 4: we had the talk. I texted my brother and told

404
00:20:11,680 --> 00:20:13,320
Speaker 4: them how we needed to have a talk about some

405
00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:16,080
Speaker 4: things and that our mom and stepdad were going to

406
00:20:16,119 --> 00:20:20,680
Speaker 4: come over. I was incredibly anxious all day because I'd

407
00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:23,760
Speaker 4: mostly just been avoiding him all week because I didn't

408
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:27,120
Speaker 4: know what even to say. My stepdad, at my request,

409
00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:30,040
Speaker 4: kept a back seat in the convo. Basically, it started

410
00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:33,800
Speaker 4: with me asking a few questions. Question one, when did

411
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:37,560
Speaker 4: the toilet overflow? Hey R? Answer Sunday night, when we

412
00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:40,480
Speaker 4: left for the beach. Question did he intend to leave

413
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Speaker 4: the mess for us to clean? Answer? Not really? Question

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Speaker 4: if we hadn't cleaned the mess, how long would he

415
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Speaker 4: have left them there? Answer? I don't know. After that,

416
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,359
Speaker 4: the words just kind of flew out of me. I

417
00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:54,639
Speaker 4: told him how disrespected I felt, how it is not

418
00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:56,760
Speaker 4: our job to coach him into taking care of the

419
00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:59,960
Speaker 4: homie shares, how frustrating it was to come home to that,

420
00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:02,920
Speaker 4: how dangerous it was that my boyfriend could have ended

421
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:05,920
Speaker 4: up really sick. My boyfriend and my mother also chimed

422
00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:08,560
Speaker 4: in with talking a point with talking points along the

423
00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:11,919
Speaker 4: same vein. Then I asked my brother another question, do

424
00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:14,240
Speaker 4: you have any goals at all for your life? My

425
00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:17,840
Speaker 4: brother is not a particularly a motive person, mainly because

426
00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:22,040
Speaker 4: of his autism, so I didn't really expect an explosive response,

427
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:24,760
Speaker 4: but I also didn't expect him to start crying either.

428
00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:27,520
Speaker 4: He started saying things like he feels like he's not

429
00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:29,960
Speaker 4: really living and just going through the motions of life.

430
00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:33,399
Speaker 4: He struggles a lot with feeling listless and anxious, so

431
00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:36,119
Speaker 4: he just shuts down. I think it really resonated with

432
00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:38,720
Speaker 4: him that his actions were lack thereof were hurting the

433
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:42,119
Speaker 4: people he cares about. He doesn't feel like a real person.

434
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Speaker 4: It broke my heart. Man, It kind of clicked that

435
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:48,760
Speaker 4: this is all indicative of a bigger issue and he

436
00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:51,560
Speaker 4: needs some help to do better. I mean, yes, yeah,

437
00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:53,760
Speaker 4: that was obvious the whole time, Like he needs help.

438
00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:58,600
Speaker 4: I'm glad she finally figured that out. But geez, to

439
00:21:58,680 --> 00:21:59,200
Speaker 4: say that.

440
00:21:59,119 --> 00:22:01,000
Speaker 3: To your brother, do you any goals?

441
00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:04,200
Speaker 4: Do you hear any goals in life? Are you kidding? Wow?

442
00:22:04,359 --> 00:22:08,000
Speaker 4: Some of my anger towards him was definitely misplaced. My

443
00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:11,119
Speaker 4: parents genuinely failed him. He will be moving out. We

444
00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:13,200
Speaker 4: have a deadline for him, but he is on board

445
00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:16,760
Speaker 4: completely with getting his own place somewhere within walking distance

446
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:19,680
Speaker 4: so we can still spend time together and in case

447
00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:22,879
Speaker 4: anything happens. He says he's going to contribute more to

448
00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:25,159
Speaker 4: the household and get himself a place where he feels

449
00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:28,640
Speaker 4: more fulfilled and responsible. He also apologized to my boyfriend

450
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:31,280
Speaker 4: about his foot. We wanted to wait until we got

451
00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:34,480
Speaker 4: the culture results back before pointing fingers. So while my

452
00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:36,920
Speaker 4: brother knew my boyfriend was sick, he didn't know why.

453
00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:40,960
Speaker 4: But it was definitely the towels. But again, you cleaned

454
00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:46,800
Speaker 4: your foot with it had to have smelled. They said

455
00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:50,760
Speaker 4: it smelled. It smelled and had brown on it.

456
00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:52,800
Speaker 3: Up.

457
00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:56,160
Speaker 4: My boyfriend loves my brother and forgave him. Oh as well, again,

458
00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:58,120
Speaker 4: do we keep missing up? Are all of them men?

459
00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:03,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, he's a man fiances. I missed that part.

460
00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:06,080
Speaker 4: I'm on board. Someone earlier said, I think, oh, he's

461
00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:11,200
Speaker 4: underestimating how much care the brother needs. And I think

462
00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:15,240
Speaker 4: it's both the parents failed him and probably didn't you know,

463
00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:17,840
Speaker 4: because there I think there are a lot of times

464
00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:23,840
Speaker 4: that parents with neudivergent children will overly coddle them and

465
00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:25,760
Speaker 4: not because they're like, oh, they can't do anything, and

466
00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:29,919
Speaker 4: then in doing so not actually help them, you know,

467
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:34,160
Speaker 4: prepare them for like, yeah, yeah, obviously they have different capabilities,

468
00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:36,600
Speaker 4: but that doesn't mean that they're not, you know, able

469
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:40,560
Speaker 4: to learn. And so I think it's accommodation of the

470
00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:42,800
Speaker 4: parents simply not helping him.

471
00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:45,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, because to me, it sounds like something where it's

472
00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:48,879
Speaker 3: like if he's told to clean. He cleans, So I

473
00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:51,240
Speaker 3: don't like having like a list on his wall that

474
00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:53,640
Speaker 3: he'd be like, have I cleaned this today, like check

475
00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:54,600
Speaker 3: it off kind of thing.

476
00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:58,040
Speaker 4: You know what the accommodations, you know what accommodations are.

477
00:23:57,920 --> 00:23:59,800
Speaker 3: Needed and there I yeah, but I think there is

478
00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:02,480
Speaker 3: a way that like he'll be fine living on his own.

479
00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:06,199
Speaker 3: And I think that the walking distance thing is great absolutely.

480
00:24:06,119 --> 00:24:07,120
Speaker 4: M m yeah.

481
00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:08,320
Speaker 3: They can still hang out.

482
00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:11,439
Speaker 4: Yeah, and also you can always you know, I have

483
00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:17,719
Speaker 4: a family friend who is a Nerdi vergent and another

484
00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:20,399
Speaker 4: family friend who has not related to him, but like

485
00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:24,160
Speaker 4: knows that family. She has kind of lived with him

486
00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:27,320
Speaker 4: for as long as I've known them. H And so

487
00:24:27,359 --> 00:24:30,360
Speaker 4: it's like, you know, he's able to mostly like he's

488
00:24:30,359 --> 00:24:32,600
Speaker 4: fine on his own, but you know, it's someone to

489
00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:33,439
Speaker 4: look after him.

490
00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:37,000
Speaker 3: It could be good that she's walking. Yeah, have someone

491
00:24:37,119 --> 00:24:39,080
Speaker 3: come in a couple of times a week and just

492
00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:41,639
Speaker 3: be like, hey, like this looks great, or like hey

493
00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:43,280
Speaker 3: you guys clean this up a little bit exactly.

494
00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:45,640
Speaker 4: It's someone who like is keeping him on track, yeah,

495
00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:49,080
Speaker 4: because it's you know, especially first if this is his

496
00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:50,960
Speaker 4: first time living alone, you do need that.

497
00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:54,919
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's gonna be an adjustment for anybody to live

498
00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:55,760
Speaker 3: alone the first time.

499
00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:58,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, and there is a little bit left to this story,

500
00:24:59,119 --> 00:25:02,840
Speaker 4: so let's get into it. Ultimately, it went way better

501
00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:06,520
Speaker 4: than I had expectations for. No one was overly aggressive

502
00:25:06,560 --> 00:25:09,879
Speaker 4: or rule, and the message was put kindly but firmly.

503
00:25:10,359 --> 00:25:12,320
Speaker 4: We should be touring some apartments with him in the

504
00:25:12,359 --> 00:25:15,639
Speaker 4: coming weeks and getting his life on track. I recommended

505
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:17,560
Speaker 4: to him that he should work on getting his ged

506
00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:20,280
Speaker 4: as well, as I think that accomplishment would make him

507
00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:23,439
Speaker 4: feel good and boost to self esteem. Again, thank you

508
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:26,920
Speaker 4: to everyone who commented on the original post. And sorry

509
00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:30,400
Speaker 4: this update is so messy. Aha. I'm much better at

510
00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:32,120
Speaker 4: structuring my words when i'm worked out.

511
00:25:32,359 --> 00:25:34,200
Speaker 1: Hey it's Sam. We're gonna get back to the stories.

512
00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:36,000
Speaker 1: But here's three minutes bads from our sponsors.

513
00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:39,760
Speaker 4: I gave half my lottery winnings to my ex. Now

514
00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:42,159
Speaker 4: my girlfriend's furious. Well, good news, you can get a

515
00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:44,160
Speaker 4: new one because you won the lottery. I'm thirty five

516
00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:47,160
Speaker 4: mail and was with my ex from school until five

517
00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:49,600
Speaker 4: years ago. We have a child together too that we

518
00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:52,639
Speaker 4: both co parent really well. We never fell out and

519
00:25:53,440 --> 00:25:55,880
Speaker 4: with each other, but the love and attraction has all

520
00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:58,399
Speaker 4: gone she cheated on me, but there's more to the

521
00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:01,000
Speaker 4: story than that, and it's not all on her. By

522
00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:03,360
Speaker 4: the way, this comes from throw a lottery, and if

523
00:26:03,359 --> 00:26:04,920
Speaker 4: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

524
00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:08,760
Speaker 4: rs slash Okay storytime Separate it. So two years ago

525
00:26:08,880 --> 00:26:12,920
Speaker 4: I happened to win around four million pounds on the lottery.

526
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:16,040
Speaker 4: My first thought was my child. I wanted him to

527
00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:18,360
Speaker 4: grow up with an equal life like he has mine,

528
00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:20,959
Speaker 4: and the less stress his parents have, the less stress

529
00:26:21,160 --> 00:26:24,520
Speaker 4: he has. I decided to split the win with my ex.

530
00:26:25,119 --> 00:26:27,680
Speaker 4: We have both been sensible with the money. I quit

531
00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:31,200
Speaker 4: my job as mechanic, took my sports in football coaching badges,

532
00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:34,040
Speaker 4: and with a friend, we started a business going around

533
00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:37,280
Speaker 4: primary schools doing classes in all sorts of sports and fitness,

534
00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:40,199
Speaker 4: and also helping out local sports clubs and teams with

535
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:43,280
Speaker 4: coaching and methods, etc. It will never make us rich,

536
00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:46,040
Speaker 4: but we make around one point five times the national

537
00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:50,200
Speaker 4: average wage. I bought a three hundred k pound house

538
00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:53,240
Speaker 4: and a forty k pound car, and that's about it.

539
00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:55,920
Speaker 4: My ex opened up a beauty salon that's doing really

540
00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:58,280
Speaker 4: well and also bought herself a house. I met my

541
00:26:58,359 --> 00:27:01,640
Speaker 4: current girlfriend on a night out six months ago. Things

542
00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:04,240
Speaker 4: have been going well. She knows I won the lottery

543
00:27:04,359 --> 00:27:06,680
Speaker 4: and that's why I've got a nicer house and car

544
00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:09,720
Speaker 4: than my income would normally provide, and why I like

545
00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:12,040
Speaker 4: to go away on a couple of nice holidays a year.

546
00:27:12,359 --> 00:27:15,600
Speaker 4: She's never asked for anything from me materially, and kept

547
00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:18,560
Speaker 4: insisting on covering half the dates, despite me offering to

548
00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:22,040
Speaker 4: pay every time. We are getting more serious, but nowhere

549
00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:25,000
Speaker 4: near moving in or anything like that, or her meeting

550
00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:27,280
Speaker 4: my son. Yet it all came to a head last

551
00:27:27,359 --> 00:27:30,000
Speaker 4: week when the subject of my ex came up and

552
00:27:30,080 --> 00:27:33,359
Speaker 4: my girlfriend said how nice her beauty salon is. We

553
00:27:33,359 --> 00:27:35,560
Speaker 4: were with a couple of my friends and one of

554
00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:38,480
Speaker 4: them said it should be nice Sam paid for it.

555
00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:41,159
Speaker 4: She asked what he was talking about, and before I

556
00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:44,800
Speaker 4: could answer, my friend said he gave her two million quid.

557
00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:47,360
Speaker 4: My girlfriend was quiet for the rest of the night,

558
00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:50,199
Speaker 4: and then when we got back to mine, she exploded

559
00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:52,800
Speaker 4: and said I was still in love with her and

560
00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:54,800
Speaker 4: that's why I gave her the money. She said that

561
00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:58,359
Speaker 4: I wasn't normal, that no wonder a lottery when her

562
00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:01,320
Speaker 4: only lives in a house like this and drives a

563
00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:03,720
Speaker 4: crap car when I gave half away that I was

564
00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:06,840
Speaker 4: a gullible simp. How embarrassed she is by me. Oh,

565
00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:08,600
Speaker 4: we could be set up for life with that money

566
00:28:08,640 --> 00:28:10,680
Speaker 4: and never worked again, et cetera, et cetera. It went

567
00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:12,879
Speaker 4: on for so long I told her to leave, as

568
00:28:12,920 --> 00:28:15,240
Speaker 4: I'm going to bed and not listening to this anymore.

569
00:28:15,640 --> 00:28:17,960
Speaker 4: I haven't seen her since, and she hasn't answered my

570
00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:21,879
Speaker 4: calls or replied to my messages apart from the odd insults,

571
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:24,679
Speaker 4: until today, when she said that the only way she

572
00:28:24,720 --> 00:28:27,399
Speaker 4: could stay with me is if I ask my ex

573
00:28:27,480 --> 00:28:29,720
Speaker 4: for whatever money she has left to be returned to

574
00:28:29,760 --> 00:28:32,280
Speaker 4: me so she can save face. I told her no,

575
00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:35,560
Speaker 4: and I've done with her. She again accused me of

576
00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:38,560
Speaker 4: trying to buy back my ex, and I blocked her.

577
00:28:38,920 --> 00:28:40,760
Speaker 4: Is this gotta be a problem I have with other

578
00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:43,760
Speaker 4: women going forward? Am I the ale for this?

579
00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:48,200
Speaker 1: I guess the first question, no to the second one.

580
00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:53,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, like, you gotta leave her because she's greedy?

581
00:28:53,760 --> 00:28:55,760
Speaker 6: Yeah, I think he already did. Yeah, I think he's

582
00:28:55,760 --> 00:28:57,960
Speaker 6: already been. Like I'm literally quite done with you.

583
00:28:58,280 --> 00:28:59,000
Speaker 4: Yeah bye bye.

584
00:28:59,400 --> 00:28:59,600
Speaker 1: Yeah.

585
00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:00,560
Speaker 4: I would tell.

586
00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:03,560
Speaker 6: Anybody this moving forward. I think there's literally a reason why.

587
00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:04,440
Speaker 6: There's the pop.

588
00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:07,120
Speaker 1: Culture trope of like keep your secret billionaire.

589
00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:10,080
Speaker 6: I was dating how many Hallmark movies exist where it's

590
00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:11,480
Speaker 6: like at the end he's like.

591
00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:14,360
Speaker 1: And actually I have five hundred million dollars.

592
00:29:14,800 --> 00:29:17,360
Speaker 4: Well, I think that it can come up once you

593
00:29:17,800 --> 00:29:20,720
Speaker 4: have cemented that you're you know, found this nice person,

594
00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:23,000
Speaker 4: and once you start talking because you don't talk about

595
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:25,640
Speaker 4: finances right away when you start dating someone.

596
00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:27,680
Speaker 1: You don't first thing. I'm like, how much is in

597
00:29:27,720 --> 00:29:28,400
Speaker 1: your four to one kid?

598
00:29:29,080 --> 00:29:32,280
Speaker 4: But you're so serio. I was like, Uh, so.

599
00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:33,480
Speaker 1: Are we talking like a roth ira?

600
00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:33,800
Speaker 4: What are we?

601
00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:34,200
Speaker 5: Yeah?

602
00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:37,200
Speaker 4: You sit down, all right, give me everything that you have.

603
00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:39,760
Speaker 1: I need it at least two years worth of taxi.

604
00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:41,800
Speaker 4: Journey, your bank statement, please.

605
00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:44,320
Speaker 1: Your social Security would really help me out as well.

606
00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:47,440
Speaker 4: Your mother's may name all of that comments.

607
00:29:48,440 --> 00:29:48,520
Speaker 1: Uh.

608
00:29:48,680 --> 00:29:52,000
Speaker 4: New York City storyteller says, well, it may be a

609
00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:54,959
Speaker 4: problem for other women you date going forward. That's a

610
00:29:55,040 --> 00:29:59,760
Speaker 4: good way to out them. Method someone who properly loves

611
00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:01,840
Speaker 4: you see that you're a good man who took care

612
00:30:01,880 --> 00:30:04,360
Speaker 4: of the mother of his child and ensured that both

613
00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:06,320
Speaker 4: of you can have a good life even though you're

614
00:30:06,320 --> 00:30:09,760
Speaker 4: no longer together. I think it's a green flag. Opie says,

615
00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:11,680
Speaker 4: thank you so much for putting my mind at ease.

616
00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:14,040
Speaker 4: I was starting to think I'd done something wrong, but

617
00:30:14,200 --> 00:30:17,040
Speaker 4: I didn't know what. New York City storyteller says. Some

618
00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:19,520
Speaker 4: people will say you did too much, but at the

619
00:30:19,520 --> 00:30:21,560
Speaker 4: time of your win, you and your ex had only

620
00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:24,160
Speaker 4: been separated for a couple of years, and if you

621
00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:26,600
Speaker 4: had one it when you were still together, you would

622
00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:29,280
Speaker 4: have split it fifty to fifty. I imagine it makes

623
00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:31,560
Speaker 4: a lot of things easier for you as a co parent,

624
00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:34,360
Speaker 4: knowing that you split the wind with her, since she

625
00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:36,520
Speaker 4: can never really say that you are anything for your

626
00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:40,400
Speaker 4: child and your child is well provided for. Opie says,

627
00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:42,440
Speaker 4: it just felt right because what's the point in my

628
00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:45,720
Speaker 4: son having one rich parent and one struggling parent. Prepared

629
00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:47,520
Speaker 4: to do Battle says you did a good thing for

630
00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:51,880
Speaker 4: the benefit of your child and your child's mother. Well done, Opie,

631
00:30:51,960 --> 00:30:55,040
Speaker 4: replying to a deleted comment, I agree, but it's surprising

632
00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:58,280
Speaker 4: as she never asked for anything before, even when her

633
00:30:58,280 --> 00:31:00,680
Speaker 4: car broke down and I fixed it, try to offer

634
00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:03,440
Speaker 4: me money for it. Maxwell Kilmill says, she's playing the

635
00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:07,320
Speaker 4: long game, brother, that's why she erupted in anger because

636
00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:09,760
Speaker 4: she realized she made a bad bet that wasn't going

637
00:31:09,840 --> 00:31:13,040
Speaker 4: to pay off like she was plotting. Absolutely, yeah, she's

638
00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:16,200
Speaker 4: waiting until she is legal right to that money, and

639
00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:17,200
Speaker 4: then she's gonna tell you.

640
00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:19,320
Speaker 1: What you get to do with it, exactly.

641
00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:22,400
Speaker 4: Opie says, that's what my friend said. He said she

642
00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:24,920
Speaker 4: was going to act like this until she had her

643
00:31:24,920 --> 00:31:28,600
Speaker 4: feet under the table. Captain Clark says, your friend is correct.

644
00:31:28,880 --> 00:31:31,280
Speaker 4: You did it to give your kid a stable life

645
00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:33,680
Speaker 4: in both households. That and you seem to have no

646
00:31:33,760 --> 00:31:36,720
Speaker 4: ill will torture X Lots of people can't say that.

647
00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:40,600
Speaker 4: Her misguided belief that we wouldn't have to work is

648
00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:44,560
Speaker 4: all that needs to be set. You decided to still

649
00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:47,560
Speaker 4: work in a different venture. She was planning to not

650
00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:51,760
Speaker 4: work at all and live off you. I'd say you

651
00:31:51,880 --> 00:31:54,520
Speaker 4: got to see the true her before getting on any further.

652
00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:58,120
Speaker 4: It's only been a short while, I'd walk, and something

653
00:31:58,120 --> 00:32:00,640
Speaker 4: else will come up and there is an update five

654
00:32:00,760 --> 00:32:01,480
Speaker 4: days later.

655
00:32:02,400 --> 00:32:04,120
Speaker 1: But do you any thoughts he's gonna be like I

656
00:32:04,200 --> 00:32:05,200
Speaker 1: met the love of my life.

657
00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:08,880
Speaker 6: We're getting married tomorrow. M I mean, you made a

658
00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:12,360
Speaker 6: good call. I'd listen to your friends. Yeah, because that's.

659
00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:14,360
Speaker 4: Clearly have your best interests at heart and are not,

660
00:32:14,560 --> 00:32:17,240
Speaker 4: you know, caring about the money that you have. I

661
00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:20,080
Speaker 4: think it's just like when you have that amount of money,

662
00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:25,120
Speaker 4: you gotta be a little bit more uh picky about

663
00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:29,560
Speaker 4: who you share information about with, who you are friends with,

664
00:32:29,680 --> 00:32:31,080
Speaker 4: who you have a relationship with.

665
00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:34,520
Speaker 1: In the words of Lil Wayne Real Gee's move in

666
00:32:34,640 --> 00:32:40,040
Speaker 1: silence like lasagna because the G in lasagna is silent anyway,

667
00:32:40,360 --> 00:32:41,000
Speaker 1: Keep keep.

668
00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:44,840
Speaker 6: Your finances to yourself and uh, you know, move forward

669
00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:46,920
Speaker 6: just because you what feels right, man, It's about what

670
00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:47,640
Speaker 6: feels right.

671
00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:49,080
Speaker 1: Do we feel right?

672
00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:53,520
Speaker 4: Yeah? Didn't feel right this time. Five days later, she

673
00:32:53,680 --> 00:32:57,800
Speaker 4: unblocked me and asked for forgiveness, but I said, no,

674
00:32:58,280 --> 00:33:01,520
Speaker 4: it's gone too far and for me, it's over. She

675
00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:03,800
Speaker 4: didn't take it very well, and I got bombarded with

676
00:33:03,920 --> 00:33:07,200
Speaker 4: harmful messages for a day or two. But they've stopped today,

677
00:33:07,280 --> 00:33:10,080
Speaker 4: as have the phone calls from a withheld number. A

678
00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:12,560
Speaker 4: few people asked on the last post why I gave

679
00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:15,280
Speaker 4: my ex half rather than put it in savings for

680
00:33:15,320 --> 00:33:18,240
Speaker 4: our kid. Between us, we have nearly a million that

681
00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:20,440
Speaker 4: we have put aside for him. That cannot be touched

682
00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:24,520
Speaker 4: and will earn interest over the years. Folks, ay ay

683
00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:30,440
Speaker 4: ay ay ayie your girlfriend or ex girlfriend. H yeah, no,

684
00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:32,960
Speaker 4: it was a good call. She's not the person for you.

685
00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:35,280
Speaker 1: You dodged, you dodged the bullet.

686
00:33:36,440 --> 00:33:38,800
Speaker 4: As for the cheating, which a lot of people mentioned,

687
00:33:39,200 --> 00:33:42,120
Speaker 4: we were each other's first for everything, and we talked

688
00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:45,120
Speaker 4: about it and both admitted a few years we felt

689
00:33:45,400 --> 00:33:49,480
Speaker 4: a touch of regret. We both agreed to manausea plals,

690
00:33:49,920 --> 00:33:51,480
Speaker 4: so over the course of the next year or so,

691
00:33:51,600 --> 00:33:54,960
Speaker 4: we had them with a few men and a few women. Unfortunately,

692
00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:58,080
Speaker 4: she ended up catching feelings for one of the men.

693
00:33:58,720 --> 00:34:00,880
Speaker 4: Not the end of the world, and no reason for

694
00:34:00,960 --> 00:34:03,680
Speaker 4: us to fall out. He's very mature about that.

695
00:34:03,800 --> 00:34:06,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, that, for a lot of people.

696
00:34:06,360 --> 00:34:08,040
Speaker 4: Is is a reason to fall out.

697
00:34:08,120 --> 00:34:08,359
Speaker 1: See.

698
00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:10,920
Speaker 6: Now, this is a perfect example of what it sounds like.

699
00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:13,960
Speaker 6: Two people who actually were built for like a poly

700
00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:15,680
Speaker 6: ever situation.

701
00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:18,879
Speaker 4: Yeah, well, you know she did cheat on them, so I.

702
00:34:18,800 --> 00:34:21,080
Speaker 6: Mean, but then it got well was it I don't

703
00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:21,840
Speaker 6: even think it was cheating.

704
00:34:21,840 --> 00:34:23,640
Speaker 1: I think it was they did he say they were cheating?

705
00:34:23,719 --> 00:34:26,040
Speaker 6: Oh, because she caught the feelings, because it was like, ah,

706
00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:27,040
Speaker 6: so they still did that.

707
00:34:27,120 --> 00:34:29,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, I am but they were built for co parenting,

708
00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:32,160
Speaker 4: and majay and ninety one says, you're a real man.

709
00:34:32,600 --> 00:34:35,959
Speaker 4: You know that right, like a real good one. Sacrificing

710
00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:38,200
Speaker 4: half your wealth for the betterment of your child was

711
00:34:38,200 --> 00:34:40,719
Speaker 4: a real power move in the realm of maturity. In

712
00:34:40,760 --> 00:34:42,560
Speaker 4: my opinion, I think your kid is going to have

713
00:34:42,800 --> 00:34:46,800
Speaker 4: significantly more stable life because of your decision and receive

714
00:34:46,880 --> 00:34:50,000
Speaker 4: the myriad of mental health benefits that accompany that. Be

715
00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:53,200
Speaker 4: proud of yourself and screw the gold digger. Someone like

716
00:34:53,239 --> 00:34:55,400
Speaker 4: that isn't worth a second thought to a man of

717
00:34:55,480 --> 00:35:01,080
Speaker 4: mule caliber. Ope, you're making me lash. Thank you darkness,

718
00:35:01,120 --> 00:35:03,719
Speaker 4: Gigi says, not the a hole. She's the woman you

719
00:35:03,719 --> 00:35:06,040
Speaker 4: have a kid with. And two did each other solid

720
00:35:06,080 --> 00:35:08,719
Speaker 4: by trying to move forward together and being mature enough

721
00:35:08,760 --> 00:35:12,440
Speaker 4: to split amicably and still set enough aside for your

722
00:35:12,520 --> 00:35:15,560
Speaker 4: joint child. The money I think is fair. Whatever money

723
00:35:15,600 --> 00:35:18,919
Speaker 4: you guys had before split earned slash one would be joint.

724
00:35:19,440 --> 00:35:21,960
Speaker 4: But even afterwards, taken care of the people that means

725
00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:25,920
Speaker 4: something to you is a responsible thing to do. Your

726
00:35:25,920 --> 00:35:28,880
Speaker 4: girlfriend shouldn't be involved with your money and folks, that

727
00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:30,120
Speaker 4: is the end of that.

728
00:35:30,080 --> 00:35:34,400
Speaker 1: Story, and thank goodness, it stayed your money, paid your money.

729
00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:37,799
Speaker 1: She would have taken as much as she could get

730
00:35:37,800 --> 00:35:38,840
Speaker 1: away with, taken.

731
00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:42,120
Speaker 4: All of it as she could. She said we there's

732
00:35:42,160 --> 00:35:42,680
Speaker 4: no we in that.

733
00:35:42,880 --> 00:35:46,839
Speaker 6: She was literally demanding you'd take back your money from your.

734
00:35:46,760 --> 00:35:49,200
Speaker 4: Agon wife, like and also just kind of crazy to

735
00:35:49,239 --> 00:35:51,640
Speaker 4: be like you still love her when that happened years ago.

736
00:35:52,120 --> 00:35:53,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like, it's ridiculous.

737
00:35:53,800 --> 00:35:56,160
Speaker 4: I thought maybe from the title that he would have

738
00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:59,319
Speaker 4: given the money during the relationship. No, a couple years ago.

739
00:36:00,040 --> 00:36:02,920
Speaker 1: Ruably transparent play, truly truly.

740
00:36:03,760 --> 00:36:07,040
Speaker 4: Uh, she's a very bad villain, very obvious villain.

741
00:36:07,400 --> 00:36:11,920
Speaker 1: My girlfriend went to her ex's birthday party without telling me.

742
00:36:12,160 --> 00:36:14,040
Speaker 4: Well, you're not getting a present from me.

743
00:36:14,320 --> 00:36:18,920
Speaker 6: I'm twenty nine male and I've been dating my girlfriend, Lena,

744
00:36:19,040 --> 00:36:21,600
Speaker 6: twenty seven female for about ten months.

745
00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:23,200
Speaker 1: Things have been great overall.

746
00:36:23,320 --> 00:36:26,720
Speaker 6: She's funny, smart, independent, and we've talked about maybe moving

747
00:36:26,719 --> 00:36:30,480
Speaker 6: in together next year. No major issues have happened until

748
00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:34,560
Speaker 6: this weekend. This comes from user dry Instruction thirty two

749
00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:36,880
Speaker 6: eighty four, and if you want to submit your own stories,

750
00:36:37,000 --> 00:36:39,960
Speaker 6: go to the hart slash Okay storytime subreddit. So here's

751
00:36:39,960 --> 00:36:43,240
Speaker 6: what happened on Saturday. Lena told me she was going

752
00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:46,960
Speaker 6: out with a few friends from college. Cool, no problemo.

753
00:36:47,560 --> 00:36:50,040
Speaker 6: I had plans to watch the game with my brother anyway.

754
00:36:50,360 --> 00:36:52,560
Speaker 6: But the next day I saw a photo on one

755
00:36:52,600 --> 00:36:55,920
Speaker 6: of her friend's Instagram stories and the caption said happy

756
00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:57,480
Speaker 6: birthday Jason.

757
00:36:57,960 --> 00:36:59,920
Speaker 1: I recognize Jason.

758
00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:03,680
Speaker 6: He's her ex, the one she dated for about three

759
00:37:03,760 --> 00:37:06,799
Speaker 6: years and broke up with about a year before we met.

760
00:37:07,160 --> 00:37:09,719
Speaker 6: They were pretty serious from what I've gathered. I never

761
00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:11,719
Speaker 6: made a big deal about it because she told me

762
00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:15,080
Speaker 6: they're on a decent terms, but not really that close.

763
00:37:15,440 --> 00:37:18,839
Speaker 1: So naturally, I asked her later that night, Hey, were

764
00:37:18,840 --> 00:37:21,479
Speaker 1: you at Jason's birthday thing? And she looked a little

765
00:37:21,480 --> 00:37:24,000
Speaker 1: surprised and said yeah, but quickly followed it up with

766
00:37:24,120 --> 00:37:24,960
Speaker 1: it wasn't a big deal.

767
00:37:25,239 --> 00:37:27,000
Speaker 6: It was a group thing, and I didn't think it mattered.

768
00:37:27,160 --> 00:37:30,720
Speaker 6: I didn't raise my voice or accuse her of anything.

769
00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:34,120
Speaker 6: I just said I wished that she had mentioned it beforehand.

770
00:37:34,480 --> 00:37:37,200
Speaker 6: She got kind of defensive and said I was making

771
00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:39,840
Speaker 6: something out of nothing and that it's not like she

772
00:37:39,960 --> 00:37:40,560
Speaker 6: was hiding it.

773
00:37:40,920 --> 00:37:42,440
Speaker 1: But she kind of did hide it.

774
00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:45,120
Speaker 6: I mean, I don't want to be controlling, and I

775
00:37:45,160 --> 00:37:47,799
Speaker 6: know people stay friends with their exes, but the fact

776
00:37:47,840 --> 00:37:50,520
Speaker 6: that she didn't even mention she was going to his

777
00:37:50,600 --> 00:37:53,799
Speaker 6: birthday rubs me the wrong way.

778
00:37:54,239 --> 00:37:55,440
Speaker 1: It just feels off.

779
00:37:55,760 --> 00:37:57,759
Speaker 6: I'm not accusing her of cheating or anything, but I

780
00:37:57,760 --> 00:38:00,319
Speaker 6: can't shake the feeling that she intentionally came ket it

781
00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:04,040
Speaker 6: vague so I wouldn't ask questions. She said she didn't

782
00:38:04,080 --> 00:38:06,480
Speaker 6: think I'd care. But this whole thing just makes me

783
00:38:06,560 --> 00:38:10,200
Speaker 6: feel kind of sidelined. So am I overreacting?

784
00:38:10,440 --> 00:38:12,280
Speaker 4: No, narr nor.

785
00:38:12,520 --> 00:38:15,080
Speaker 1: It's weird, especially her reaction too.

786
00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:17,480
Speaker 4: Yeah. I mean, if she had nothing, you know, if

787
00:38:17,480 --> 00:38:19,239
Speaker 4: she didn't have a problem with anything, she wouldn't have

788
00:38:19,280 --> 00:38:21,640
Speaker 4: reacted this way. But she did, and it's suspicious.

789
00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:24,600
Speaker 6: Yeah, at most it would be a oh shoot, yeah,

790
00:38:24,680 --> 00:38:25,839
Speaker 6: that's on me, My bad?

791
00:38:26,320 --> 00:38:26,920
Speaker 1: Are you okay?

792
00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:27,880
Speaker 4: Yeah?

793
00:38:27,920 --> 00:38:31,080
Speaker 1: God, it's fine. So we got some relevant comments.

794
00:38:31,320 --> 00:38:35,879
Speaker 6: Comment number one was Lena her friends and Jason all

795
00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:38,239
Speaker 6: part of the same friend group, because it's weird how

796
00:38:38,280 --> 00:38:42,280
Speaker 6: her friends are attending their friend's ex boyfriend's birthday party

797
00:38:42,520 --> 00:38:44,960
Speaker 6: if they aren't all in the same friend group. Not

798
00:38:45,239 --> 00:38:49,240
Speaker 6: saying she's cheating on you, but I do understand why

799
00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:52,680
Speaker 6: you are uncomfortable about the whole situation, especially as she

800
00:38:52,719 --> 00:38:56,839
Speaker 6: got all defensive instead of reassuring you. Opie replies, they

801
00:38:56,880 --> 00:38:59,040
Speaker 6: were part of the same friend group in college, but

802
00:38:59,120 --> 00:39:02,400
Speaker 6: I honestly didn't know that they were still close and

803
00:39:02,520 --> 00:39:03,799
Speaker 6: let alone close.

804
00:39:03,600 --> 00:39:05,839
Speaker 1: Enough to go to a birthday come in number two.

805
00:39:06,080 --> 00:39:08,040
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be bothered if she was upfront.

806
00:39:08,280 --> 00:39:12,040
Speaker 6: Generally, it's reasonable to ask permission of your partner if

807
00:39:12,080 --> 00:39:15,439
Speaker 6: that's okay with your relationship dynamic to hang out with xes.

808
00:39:15,880 --> 00:39:18,680
Speaker 6: Some people have great relationships with ex'es that don't have

809
00:39:18,760 --> 00:39:21,120
Speaker 6: to be romantic, but it can be weird for their

810
00:39:21,160 --> 00:39:23,799
Speaker 6: partners if they don't talk about it like a responsible

811
00:39:23,800 --> 00:39:27,920
Speaker 6: partner would, and if after asking, it isn't cool.

812
00:39:28,440 --> 00:39:28,720
Speaker 1: Great.

813
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:31,759
Speaker 6: Now two people know they have different ideas of our

814
00:39:31,800 --> 00:39:35,920
Speaker 6: relationships work, and that's helpful to know. If it is cool, great,

815
00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:39,399
Speaker 6: y'all are compatible. So it's still something someone should ask,

816
00:39:39,840 --> 00:39:43,720
Speaker 6: not hide. And that's what I'm emphasizing here. Not asking

817
00:39:43,920 --> 00:39:46,719
Speaker 6: or not even mentioning it makes something that is otherwise

818
00:39:46,920 --> 00:39:51,800
Speaker 6: not suspicious very suspicious orange reddish flag.

819
00:39:52,160 --> 00:39:54,000
Speaker 1: I don't know her well enough to outright call it

820
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:54,720
Speaker 1: a red flag.

821
00:39:55,280 --> 00:39:59,080
Speaker 6: She could just be stupid. Sorry for being blunt, Opie says.

822
00:39:59,120 --> 00:40:01,800
Speaker 6: The thing is i'd didn't know they were still in contact.

823
00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:05,960
Speaker 6: This is how I found out they are in fact

824
00:40:06,239 --> 00:40:09,480
Speaker 6: still talking to each other. Comment three says do they

825
00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:13,040
Speaker 6: have kids together? If not, there is no reason to

826
00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:15,839
Speaker 6: interact with an X, which I disagree with that though,

827
00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:18,560
Speaker 6: ghost her and move on. Opie says, they don't have

828
00:40:18,640 --> 00:40:21,560
Speaker 6: kids together. Comment for there's no point in asking her

829
00:40:21,719 --> 00:40:24,800
Speaker 6: this question now. But given what you know about your girlfriend,

830
00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:26,440
Speaker 6: would she be cool if the shoe was on the

831
00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:28,719
Speaker 6: other foot If you ask her now, of course she'll

832
00:40:28,719 --> 00:40:30,480
Speaker 6: say she'd be totally fine with it. But that is

833
00:40:30,480 --> 00:40:33,120
Speaker 6: one hundred percent gaslighting. Opie replies, I know for a

834
00:40:33,160 --> 00:40:35,680
Speaker 6: fact she definitely wouldn't be okay with it if it

835
00:40:35,760 --> 00:40:37,200
Speaker 6: was the other way around.

836
00:40:37,560 --> 00:40:39,280
Speaker 1: And ladies and gentlemen, we have an update.

837
00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:43,160
Speaker 4: Hmmm, it's not looking good. I mean, I don't know

838
00:40:43,200 --> 00:40:45,600
Speaker 4: if it's like I feel like they could get out

839
00:40:45,640 --> 00:40:48,760
Speaker 4: of this. Maybe she's just being defensive because she feels

840
00:40:48,800 --> 00:40:51,640
Speaker 4: like she's being accused of something. Yeah that op is

841
00:40:51,640 --> 00:40:54,799
Speaker 4: not accused, couldn't be potentially.

842
00:40:54,200 --> 00:40:57,000
Speaker 1: Maybe she hasn't cheated, but she's like I want to.

843
00:40:57,120 --> 00:41:02,239
Speaker 4: Yeah, she was emotionally you know, involved. I hope you

844
00:41:02,280 --> 00:41:05,320
Speaker 4: didn't know that they were even talking, so not good.

845
00:41:05,480 --> 00:41:06,000
Speaker 4: Not good.

846
00:41:06,360 --> 00:41:08,440
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to think of what I would genuinely

847
00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:09,240
Speaker 1: do in this situation.

848
00:41:09,480 --> 00:41:12,840
Speaker 6: Yeah, and I gotta say I think I'd be pretty

849
00:41:13,000 --> 00:41:13,600
Speaker 6: sussed out.

850
00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:17,400
Speaker 1: I would too, I'd be like, but the lie, the secret?

851
00:41:17,480 --> 00:41:18,760
Speaker 1: Why did you do it secret?

852
00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:19,000
Speaker 5: Well?

853
00:41:19,040 --> 00:41:21,560
Speaker 4: I just like, I don't there really Personally for me,

854
00:41:22,320 --> 00:41:25,600
Speaker 4: I have no problems with a partner talking to an

855
00:41:25,880 --> 00:41:28,759
Speaker 4: X like that is not something that I've ever really

856
00:41:28,800 --> 00:41:31,600
Speaker 4: been like. But if you lie, if you.

857
00:41:31,719 --> 00:41:33,960
Speaker 1: Hide it, making it a secret is what makes it.

858
00:41:34,160 --> 00:41:37,960
Speaker 6: Yeah, really weird now because it's like, Okay, there's really

859
00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:40,400
Speaker 6: only one reason that you do that exactly.

860
00:41:40,760 --> 00:41:42,000
Speaker 4: Why does it need to be a secret.

861
00:41:42,040 --> 00:41:44,240
Speaker 1: It's getting this update, keep your secrets.

862
00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:47,040
Speaker 6: A few comments really stuck with me, especially the ones

863
00:41:47,080 --> 00:41:51,279
Speaker 6: that pointed out that it's not necessarily about where she went,

864
00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:54,400
Speaker 6: but how she handled it. I ended up bringing it

865
00:41:54,520 --> 00:41:57,400
Speaker 6: up when she came over this evening, and nothing dramatic.

866
00:41:57,640 --> 00:41:59,840
Speaker 6: I just said I'd been thinking about it and that

867
00:42:00,120 --> 00:42:03,279
Speaker 6: it bothered me, not even the party itself, but the

868
00:42:03,320 --> 00:42:06,840
Speaker 6: fact that she didn't mention it. She didn't seem surprised

869
00:42:06,880 --> 00:42:08,480
Speaker 6: that I brought it up. There was a bit of

870
00:42:08,520 --> 00:42:12,319
Speaker 6: an eye roll at first, but she didn't push back much.

871
00:42:12,640 --> 00:42:15,560
Speaker 6: She was mostly quiet. The energy in the room shifted

872
00:42:16,040 --> 00:42:19,880
Speaker 6: right away. She said something vague about not wanting it

873
00:42:19,880 --> 00:42:22,920
Speaker 6: to be a thing, not much of an apology, more

874
00:42:22,960 --> 00:42:25,040
Speaker 6: like trying to smooth it over and move on quickly.

875
00:42:25,400 --> 00:42:28,560
Speaker 6: And maybe that's what I'm doing too in my own way. Afterwards,

876
00:42:29,000 --> 00:42:31,200
Speaker 6: we kind of just moved around each other for the

877
00:42:31,200 --> 00:42:33,920
Speaker 6: rest of the evening. She left very quickly after that,

878
00:42:34,000 --> 00:42:36,920
Speaker 6: and right now I'm reading comments on my original post.

879
00:42:37,239 --> 00:42:39,439
Speaker 6: I'm not sure where I land on all of this.

880
00:42:39,920 --> 00:42:43,680
Speaker 6: Nothing exploded, but it also didn't feel resolved. She didn't

881
00:42:43,719 --> 00:42:46,480
Speaker 6: seem interested in understanding why it bothered me, just in

882
00:42:46,600 --> 00:42:49,799
Speaker 6: making sure that it didn't mess with the vibe. It's

883
00:42:49,840 --> 00:42:52,919
Speaker 6: not a breakup level thing, not yet, but it does

884
00:42:52,960 --> 00:42:55,759
Speaker 6: feel like something shifted in our relationship. And there are

885
00:42:55,800 --> 00:42:58,080
Speaker 6: some more comments here comment when is I don't know

886
00:42:58,120 --> 00:43:00,239
Speaker 6: how that's not breakup worthy. She didn't tell tell you

887
00:43:00,280 --> 00:43:02,879
Speaker 6: because she didn't want it to be a thing. That

888
00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:05,520
Speaker 6: means she knew it was going to be an issue

889
00:43:05,520 --> 00:43:08,160
Speaker 6: for you, or that it might cross a boundary, so

890
00:43:08,200 --> 00:43:10,359
Speaker 6: she didn't give you a heads up. It was one

891
00:43:10,400 --> 00:43:15,600
Speaker 6: thousand percent thought out methodical, intentional. She's now gaslighting and

892
00:43:15,640 --> 00:43:18,960
Speaker 6: manipulating you. She's using what you said when confronting her

893
00:43:19,280 --> 00:43:22,000
Speaker 6: to justify why she hid it. See this is why

894
00:43:22,040 --> 00:43:25,240
Speaker 6: I couldn't tell you this type of crap. She sees

895
00:43:25,239 --> 00:43:28,040
Speaker 6: nothing wrong with this, which is why you don't feel

896
00:43:28,080 --> 00:43:30,440
Speaker 6: like it's resolved because it isn't resolved.

897
00:43:30,840 --> 00:43:33,040
Speaker 1: She wanted to go and didn't care that you wouldn't

898
00:43:33,040 --> 00:43:34,799
Speaker 1: be okay with it, and now wants to move on

899
00:43:34,880 --> 00:43:38,440
Speaker 1: with no consequences. She will also just hide it better

900
00:43:38,480 --> 00:43:40,600
Speaker 1: next time if you do let it go. She got

901
00:43:40,640 --> 00:43:43,440
Speaker 1: away with it if that's the case. After all, she's.

902
00:43:43,239 --> 00:43:45,919
Speaker 6: Proven she only cares about herself. She doesn't care about

903
00:43:45,960 --> 00:43:49,360
Speaker 6: your feelings because she clearly considered you would be upset

904
00:43:49,680 --> 00:43:52,719
Speaker 6: and did it anyway. If the roles were reversed, she

905
00:43:52,719 --> 00:43:55,719
Speaker 6: would likely break up with you. Yet she will repeat

906
00:43:55,760 --> 00:43:59,359
Speaker 6: this behavior in the future again to please herself. She's

907
00:43:59,360 --> 00:44:01,520
Speaker 6: shown you exactly who she is, and this type of

908
00:44:01,640 --> 00:44:05,080
Speaker 6: lesson is only learned when you face consequences. It sounds

909
00:44:05,080 --> 00:44:09,040
Speaker 6: like there have been and likely will be zero because

910
00:44:09,080 --> 00:44:11,960
Speaker 6: you sound ready to stay. Prepare yourself for the repeat

911
00:44:11,960 --> 00:44:15,480
Speaker 6: behavior and further gaslighting. Comment number two says, her unwillingness

912
00:44:15,480 --> 00:44:18,479
Speaker 6: to address this and acknowledge what she did wrong tells

913
00:44:18,520 --> 00:44:20,680
Speaker 6: you everything you need to know. If she respected you,

914
00:44:20,719 --> 00:44:22,719
Speaker 6: she would want to know why it upset you and

915
00:44:22,760 --> 00:44:23,400
Speaker 6: would try.

916
00:44:23,200 --> 00:44:26,120
Speaker 1: To make it right. When she I rolls you over

917
00:44:26,160 --> 00:44:29,480
Speaker 1: her screw up, it's time to move on. Ope. Comment

918
00:44:29,560 --> 00:44:32,920
Speaker 1: three says, just like how her going wasn't the issue,

919
00:44:33,080 --> 00:44:36,600
Speaker 1: it was her hiding it. The issue is now her reaction.

920
00:44:37,200 --> 00:44:40,279
Speaker 6: A normal and healthy reaction to a boyfriend over this

921
00:44:40,400 --> 00:44:42,799
Speaker 6: would be along the lines of I'm so sorry I

922
00:44:42,800 --> 00:44:45,520
Speaker 6: should have told you. Instead, she's turning it around on

923
00:44:45,560 --> 00:44:47,560
Speaker 6: you and admitting she hit it because she thought your

924
00:44:47,560 --> 00:44:48,640
Speaker 6: reaction would be poor.

925
00:44:48,800 --> 00:44:53,360
Speaker 1: And la da da ladi da. Yeah, we know that's bad.

926
00:44:53,600 --> 00:44:59,480
Speaker 1: She won't apologize. She should. There's a second update. You're leaving, right,

927
00:44:59,560 --> 00:44:59,759
Speaker 1: are you?

928
00:45:00,160 --> 00:45:00,399
Speaker 2: Yeah?

929
00:45:00,440 --> 00:45:01,600
Speaker 4: I'm gone after this.

930
00:45:01,680 --> 00:45:03,319
Speaker 6: It's like I'm not being like you can do your

931
00:45:03,360 --> 00:45:06,040
Speaker 6: apology right now. I'd be like, you messed that up

932
00:45:06,239 --> 00:45:09,160
Speaker 6: so horrifically bad that I'm leaving.

933
00:45:09,440 --> 00:45:12,960
Speaker 4: You didn't apologize, She didn't apologize, Yeah, I mean I

934
00:45:13,000 --> 00:45:15,480
Speaker 4: would just be so like if this was the reaction,

935
00:45:15,640 --> 00:45:18,200
Speaker 4: the I rolling really gets me, Like, how do you

936
00:45:18,200 --> 00:45:19,040
Speaker 4: get an eye roll.

937
00:45:19,760 --> 00:45:22,200
Speaker 6: Yeah, I gotta assume that that would have that would

938
00:45:22,200 --> 00:45:23,400
Speaker 6: have killed the conversation immedia.

939
00:45:23,760 --> 00:45:25,799
Speaker 1: She would have rolled her eyes. I'd be like, you

940
00:45:25,840 --> 00:45:28,160
Speaker 1: know what, thank you for that. Yeah, you can go

941
00:45:28,200 --> 00:45:28,799
Speaker 1: ahead and leave.

942
00:45:29,080 --> 00:45:34,040
Speaker 4: Irolling is not part of adult conversation with your partner

943
00:45:34,080 --> 00:45:37,160
Speaker 4: that you love, unless you're jokingly doing it. You're like, oh,

944
00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:39,000
Speaker 4: you're sing like that.

945
00:45:39,360 --> 00:45:41,720
Speaker 1: Oh my god, you're like super cut delly.

946
00:45:42,320 --> 00:45:45,560
Speaker 4: No otherwise, out, don't get that out there.

947
00:45:46,040 --> 00:45:48,719
Speaker 6: Yeah, all right, let's get to this second update. It's

948
00:45:48,719 --> 00:45:51,560
Speaker 6: been about ten days since I posted. Things between me

949
00:45:51,600 --> 00:45:54,120
Speaker 6: and Lena never really got back to normal after that night.

950
00:45:54,480 --> 00:45:57,080
Speaker 6: We had a few awkward conversations in the days after.

951
00:45:57,640 --> 00:46:01,160
Speaker 6: Nothing explosive, but I could tell there was. She kept

952
00:46:01,160 --> 00:46:04,480
Speaker 6: saying I was overthinking it, that it wasn't that deep,

953
00:46:04,880 --> 00:46:07,920
Speaker 6: but the way she avoided the topic or brushed it

954
00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:12,080
Speaker 6: off just made me feel worse. The whole situation stuck

955
00:46:12,120 --> 00:46:14,560
Speaker 6: with me more than I expected. It wasn't even about

956
00:46:14,640 --> 00:46:18,120
Speaker 6: the party itself anymore, it was more how she handled it.

957
00:46:18,120 --> 00:46:20,480
Speaker 6: It became pretty clear that we look at communication in

958
00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:24,080
Speaker 6: relationships really differently. I felt like I couldn't fully trust

959
00:46:24,080 --> 00:46:26,120
Speaker 6: her to be upfront and Once that feeling crept in,

960
00:46:26,200 --> 00:46:28,400
Speaker 6: it was hard to shake. We ended up having a

961
00:46:28,440 --> 00:46:32,040
Speaker 6: more serious talk this past weekend. She admitted she didn't

962
00:46:32,040 --> 00:46:34,520
Speaker 6: tell me about the party because she quote knew how

963
00:46:34,560 --> 00:46:38,040
Speaker 6: I'd react, which kind of confirmed the whole point for me.

964
00:46:38,440 --> 00:46:39,879
Speaker 1: I don't want to.

965
00:46:39,800 --> 00:46:42,000
Speaker 6: Be with someone who feels like they need to hide

966
00:46:42,040 --> 00:46:43,240
Speaker 6: things to keep the peace.

967
00:46:43,520 --> 00:46:47,200
Speaker 4: Boo woo, ob you did it.

968
00:46:47,840 --> 00:46:50,439
Speaker 1: Yah, we got there.

969
00:46:51,719 --> 00:46:54,600
Speaker 6: We didn't fight. It was more of a mutual, quiet

970
00:46:54,640 --> 00:46:57,560
Speaker 6: decision to end things. It just felt like we were

971
00:46:57,560 --> 00:47:00,160
Speaker 6: on different pages and forcing it wasn't going to help

972
00:47:00,239 --> 00:47:03,680
Speaker 6: either of us. Obviously it sucks. I didn't want it

973
00:47:03,680 --> 00:47:06,319
Speaker 6: to go this way, but in hindsight, I'm glad I

974
00:47:06,360 --> 00:47:09,720
Speaker 6: trusted my gut. That uneasy feeling never really went away,

975
00:47:09,880 --> 00:47:11,959
Speaker 6: and I think I'd rather deal with the short term

976
00:47:12,040 --> 00:47:14,040
Speaker 6: hurt now than drag this out.

977
00:47:14,440 --> 00:47:17,200
Speaker 1: That's all. Not much more to say except for these

978
00:47:17,239 --> 00:47:21,640
Speaker 1: top comments. Yay comment one. She admitted she didn't tell

979
00:47:21,640 --> 00:47:24,120
Speaker 1: me because she knew how I'd react. That's the go

980
00:47:24,200 --> 00:47:27,000
Speaker 1: to response of someone who isn't being honest in a relationship.

981
00:47:27,320 --> 00:47:29,440
Speaker 1: She would have liked it if she wouldn't have liked it.

982
00:47:29,440 --> 00:47:31,040
Speaker 6: If you did it to her, but instead of being

983
00:47:31,080 --> 00:47:33,480
Speaker 6: honest about her plans that evening, she decided to play

984
00:47:33,560 --> 00:47:35,799
Speaker 6: keep away with the information, knowing it's not a good

985
00:47:35,800 --> 00:47:38,160
Speaker 6: look on her part and didn't want to be called

986
00:47:38,239 --> 00:47:41,480
Speaker 6: out on it. And commenter who says, in my opinion,

987
00:47:41,560 --> 00:47:44,920
Speaker 6: you did the right thing, and all more stuff we've

988
00:47:44,920 --> 00:47:47,200
Speaker 6: already said, Yeah, you did the right thing.

989
00:47:47,239 --> 00:47:49,560
Speaker 4: You did the right thing. It wasn't gonna work out

990
00:47:49,719 --> 00:47:51,759
Speaker 4: if she was gonna behave like that. You don't want

991
00:47:51,760 --> 00:47:54,400
Speaker 4: to build a relationship with someone who cannot apologize.

992
00:47:54,560 --> 00:47:55,279
Speaker 1: Hey, it's John here.

993
00:47:55,280 --> 00:47:57,000
Speaker 2: We're gonna get back to this episode, but a quick

994
00:47:57,040 --> 00:47:59,240
Speaker 2: three minute break with aswermre sponsors.

995
00:48:00,000 --> 00:48:02,680
Speaker 4: Old friend let me sleep with her friend who was

996
00:48:02,760 --> 00:48:03,720
Speaker 4: already taken.

997
00:48:04,000 --> 00:48:05,879
Speaker 1: I think you mastered the art of the deal.

998
00:48:06,160 --> 00:48:08,720
Speaker 4: I thirty four male. I've been with my girlfriend thirty

999
00:48:08,800 --> 00:48:12,239
Speaker 4: nine female for almost six years. We were friends for

1000
00:48:12,480 --> 00:48:15,960
Speaker 4: years before that. We have a non monogamous relationship. I

1001
00:48:16,000 --> 00:48:19,719
Speaker 4: don't say polly because we don't have multiple relationships, and

1002
00:48:19,760 --> 00:48:23,280
Speaker 4: the term open often gives the wrong connotation, so non

1003
00:48:23,320 --> 00:48:26,400
Speaker 4: mond fits the bill. Either way. We are committed to

1004
00:48:26,440 --> 00:48:29,120
Speaker 4: each other but sometimes have spicy sleep with other people.

1005
00:48:29,480 --> 00:48:32,360
Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from throw a eight eighteen

1006
00:48:32,520 --> 00:48:34,719
Speaker 4: eighteen fifty six, and if you want to submit your

1007
00:48:34,719 --> 00:48:37,200
Speaker 4: own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime Separate it.

1008
00:48:37,360 --> 00:48:40,400
Speaker 4: I should note that I am naturally non monogamous. I

1009
00:48:40,480 --> 00:48:43,000
Speaker 4: knew from my teen years that I did not enjoy

1010
00:48:43,040 --> 00:48:47,280
Speaker 4: the jealousies and spicy related prison feelings of monogamous relationships.

1011
00:48:47,400 --> 00:48:50,160
Speaker 4: Since then, I've been very honest about my feelings towards

1012
00:48:50,200 --> 00:48:53,440
Speaker 4: anyone who may be a potential partner current girlfriend who

1013
00:48:53,520 --> 00:48:56,879
Speaker 4: will call. Laura was hesitant at first. This was her

1014
00:48:56,920 --> 00:49:00,880
Speaker 4: first foray into anything open. I would never coerce or

1015
00:49:00,960 --> 00:49:03,640
Speaker 4: browbeat anyone to be in something they don't want to

1016
00:49:03,640 --> 00:49:06,080
Speaker 4: be in, but she eagerly decided to.

1017
00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:06,600
Speaker 1: Give it a try.

1018
00:49:06,960 --> 00:49:10,600
Speaker 4: We eased in gently. We set up specific rules and boundaries,

1019
00:49:10,640 --> 00:49:13,560
Speaker 4: as many non mond couples do. Some of the basics

1020
00:49:13,640 --> 00:49:17,839
Speaker 4: protection and protection. Protection. Always be honest with each other.

1021
00:49:18,360 --> 00:49:22,080
Speaker 4: No friends, family, coworkers on either side. No helping others

1022
00:49:22,120 --> 00:49:25,200
Speaker 4: to cheat, i e. No sleeping with married partnered peeps

1023
00:49:25,280 --> 00:49:28,239
Speaker 4: unless they have a similar arrangement. There are others, but

1024
00:49:28,360 --> 00:49:32,000
Speaker 4: those are pertinent. We had no issues until fairly recently.

1025
00:49:32,239 --> 00:49:34,480
Speaker 4: A couple of years ago, Laura got a new coworker

1026
00:49:34,560 --> 00:49:37,840
Speaker 4: we'll call Jill. Jill quickly became a good friend to

1027
00:49:37,880 --> 00:49:39,840
Speaker 4: both of us and hung out with the friend group.

1028
00:49:40,360 --> 00:49:43,800
Speaker 4: When Jill learned that we are non mind, she approached

1029
00:49:43,840 --> 00:49:47,320
Speaker 4: me one day after a few drinks to test the waters.

1030
00:49:47,960 --> 00:49:51,080
Speaker 4: I shut her down quickly but respectfully, as both friend

1031
00:49:51,200 --> 00:49:54,200
Speaker 4: and coworker rules would be broken. She took it well

1032
00:49:54,320 --> 00:49:57,320
Speaker 4: and didn't bring it up again. I also told Laura,

1033
00:49:57,400 --> 00:49:59,439
Speaker 4: who let me know Jill said something to her too.

1034
00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:02,399
Speaker 4: At least a year went by and it doesn't become

1035
00:50:02,440 --> 00:50:05,279
Speaker 4: a deal. Last year, Laura had a work function in

1036
00:50:05,320 --> 00:50:08,800
Speaker 4: another state. Right before she left, Jill lost her job.

1037
00:50:09,160 --> 00:50:11,520
Speaker 4: The both of us consold her for days before Laura

1038
00:50:11,600 --> 00:50:14,720
Speaker 4: had to go. Once she landed and got to her hotel,

1039
00:50:15,000 --> 00:50:17,239
Speaker 4: she called. I told her that I was hanging out

1040
00:50:17,280 --> 00:50:20,600
Speaker 4: with her friends that night. Jill's name came up. Before long,

1041
00:50:20,680 --> 00:50:23,880
Speaker 4: Laura said I should help her have a nice weekend.

1042
00:50:24,200 --> 00:50:27,080
Speaker 4: Soon she got much more explicit about what she meant.

1043
00:50:27,440 --> 00:50:30,439
Speaker 4: I tried to explain what a bad idea that would be,

1044
00:50:30,640 --> 00:50:34,120
Speaker 4: especially with her vulnerable. Laura was insisting I at least

1045
00:50:34,239 --> 00:50:37,480
Speaker 4: consider it. After a long conversation, I told her I

1046
00:50:37,560 --> 00:50:42,680
Speaker 4: would I really don't like that your partner is telling

1047
00:50:42,719 --> 00:50:44,920
Speaker 4: you who you should be hooking up with.

1048
00:50:45,239 --> 00:50:47,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, what are you contractually obligated?

1049
00:50:47,320 --> 00:50:48,439
Speaker 4: I really hate that.

1050
00:50:48,520 --> 00:50:50,839
Speaker 1: What are you on a team? Yeah, I'm taping you in.

1051
00:50:51,000 --> 00:50:52,480
Speaker 4: You should make her feel better?

1052
00:50:52,760 --> 00:50:56,120
Speaker 6: No, No, especially being like I feel like this wouldn't

1053
00:50:56,120 --> 00:51:00,480
Speaker 6: make her feel better at all, And then she's still like, yeah.

1054
00:51:00,320 --> 00:51:01,800
Speaker 1: But that's so compired.

1055
00:51:02,080 --> 00:51:03,840
Speaker 4: I knew that the smartest thing to do at this

1056
00:51:03,960 --> 00:51:07,640
Speaker 4: point would be just agree with Laura but actually do nothing.

1057
00:51:07,760 --> 00:51:09,759
Speaker 4: Later in the day, I see friends along with Jill,

1058
00:51:09,800 --> 00:51:12,880
Speaker 4: and after a bit we end up alone. Yeah, I know,

1059
00:51:13,480 --> 00:51:15,799
Speaker 4: I bring up what Laura said I know, and she

1060
00:51:15,880 --> 00:51:19,080
Speaker 4: seemed shocked, says she had to think about it. No issue,

1061
00:51:19,120 --> 00:51:21,360
Speaker 4: of course. But after some time and a few drinks,

1062
00:51:21,400 --> 00:51:24,400
Speaker 4: an other side of Jill comes out. Long story shorts.

1063
00:51:24,400 --> 00:51:25,720
Speaker 4: We end up at her place.

1064
00:51:25,880 --> 00:51:26,200
Speaker 1: I know.

1065
00:51:26,640 --> 00:51:31,000
Speaker 4: We basically had ourselves an unclothed weekend. I know. Truth is,

1066
00:51:31,160 --> 00:51:34,279
Speaker 4: I thought it all turned out fine at first. Jill

1067
00:51:34,320 --> 00:51:35,759
Speaker 4: and I were safe, and I had a good talk

1068
00:51:35,760 --> 00:51:39,240
Speaker 4: about expectations and our future friendships. We left that weekend

1069
00:51:39,239 --> 00:51:42,400
Speaker 4: with a great understanding and respect. Laura gets home and

1070
00:51:42,440 --> 00:51:45,279
Speaker 4: we continue our lives just as before Jill gets a

1071
00:51:45,320 --> 00:51:47,520
Speaker 4: new job and a nice boyfriend named Mark, who I

1072
00:51:47,560 --> 00:51:50,520
Speaker 4: had met before through friends. She says that they got

1073
00:51:50,520 --> 00:51:53,320
Speaker 4: together not long after our weekend. We all got along

1074
00:51:53,320 --> 00:51:57,839
Speaker 4: well and hang out constantly. Yesterday crap got eft. Mark

1075
00:51:57,880 --> 00:51:59,799
Speaker 4: came over as I was home alone and I could

1076
00:51:59,800 --> 00:52:02,640
Speaker 4: tell he was off. I let him inside, and before

1077
00:52:02,719 --> 00:52:05,600
Speaker 4: long he asked what happened between Jill and me. I

1078
00:52:05,680 --> 00:52:07,880
Speaker 4: knew this could always be a possibility, as I couldn't

1079
00:52:07,920 --> 00:52:10,120
Speaker 4: just tell him before, Oh hey, I slet with your

1080
00:52:10,160 --> 00:52:12,600
Speaker 4: girlfriend last year, by the way, but I figured Jill

1081
00:52:12,640 --> 00:52:15,319
Speaker 4: would say something eventually if they got more serious, so

1082
00:52:15,400 --> 00:52:17,880
Speaker 4: I laid it out for him, letting him know that,

1083
00:52:17,960 --> 00:52:20,120
Speaker 4: of course, it was before he and Jill were together.

1084
00:52:20,480 --> 00:52:22,880
Speaker 4: He got pissed at me and lets me know that's

1085
00:52:23,000 --> 00:52:26,600
Speaker 4: not true, shows me messages. Come to find out, he

1086
00:52:26,760 --> 00:52:29,759
Speaker 4: was right. He and Jill officially got together a few

1087
00:52:29,760 --> 00:52:33,520
Speaker 4: weeks before Laura was out of town. I felt gutted.

1088
00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:35,960
Speaker 4: Mark could tell that I didn't know and that this

1089
00:52:36,080 --> 00:52:38,440
Speaker 4: bothered me, so he doesn't seem to be pissed at me. Now.

1090
00:52:38,840 --> 00:52:41,400
Speaker 4: More than anything, both of us are livid at Jill.

1091
00:52:41,840 --> 00:52:43,719
Speaker 4: He lets me know that they won't make it, and

1092
00:52:43,760 --> 00:52:46,319
Speaker 4: that he doesn't think we'll be friends anymore. I don't

1093
00:52:46,360 --> 00:52:50,759
Speaker 4: like it, but I understand. I called Jill after demanding

1094
00:52:50,800 --> 00:52:54,200
Speaker 4: an explanation. I get a tearful apology, but then later

1095
00:52:54,280 --> 00:52:56,759
Speaker 4: comments like, at least he gotta have our fun, right

1096
00:52:57,719 --> 00:53:02,120
Speaker 4: whoa yikes? I mean, okay, well there's a little bit

1097
00:53:02,120 --> 00:53:05,239
Speaker 4: more so wait, Jill said that. Jill said that, so

1098
00:53:05,320 --> 00:53:06,040
Speaker 4: did she was she.

1099
00:53:06,120 --> 00:53:08,440
Speaker 6: Just pretending when you came up to her, and she

1100
00:53:08,520 --> 00:53:10,120
Speaker 6: was like, oh, I'm shocked.

1101
00:53:10,200 --> 00:53:12,759
Speaker 1: I have no idea what you're talking about. What she

1102
00:53:12,880 --> 00:53:15,640
Speaker 1: had to have talked to Laura and then Laura was like, yeah,

1103
00:53:15,640 --> 00:53:17,680
Speaker 1: you're totally trying to get with Jill.

1104
00:53:18,080 --> 00:53:20,320
Speaker 4: I and are we already?

1105
00:53:20,640 --> 00:53:22,239
Speaker 6: Is anyone else at the point where it's like, why

1106
00:53:22,239 --> 00:53:24,400
Speaker 6: can't we just be single? And none of this is

1107
00:53:24,440 --> 00:53:24,920
Speaker 6: a mess?

1108
00:53:25,239 --> 00:53:27,760
Speaker 4: Well, I think that it's not even about being single.

1109
00:53:27,760 --> 00:53:31,719
Speaker 4: It's just about making smart decisions. Like you guys put

1110
00:53:31,800 --> 00:53:35,920
Speaker 4: boundaries in place. You said no coworkers, no friends, and

1111
00:53:35,920 --> 00:53:38,480
Speaker 4: then your partner said, oh, you should hook up with

1112
00:53:38,520 --> 00:53:42,160
Speaker 4: my friend slash coworker, and you said, okay, yeah. I

1113
00:53:42,160 --> 00:53:44,200
Speaker 4: mean you didn't say it as easily, but you still

1114
00:53:44,239 --> 00:53:47,480
Speaker 4: did it. You still made that conscious decision, and it

1115
00:53:47,520 --> 00:53:49,640
Speaker 4: turned out a lot messier. But you already knew it

1116
00:53:49,680 --> 00:53:51,040
Speaker 4: was gott to be messy, which is why you have

1117
00:53:51,160 --> 00:53:54,279
Speaker 4: those rules. So yeah, it wasn't gonna work out because

1118
00:53:54,280 --> 00:53:56,000
Speaker 4: you had all the rules that you put in place

1119
00:53:56,520 --> 00:53:58,360
Speaker 4: to keep it from becoming messy.

1120
00:53:58,440 --> 00:54:00,920
Speaker 1: He said, my rules were made to be broken by me.

1121
00:54:01,480 --> 00:54:04,400
Speaker 4: I'm disgusted and angry. So when Laura got home, I

1122
00:54:04,480 --> 00:54:07,040
Speaker 4: just hung up. We sat down and I started to

1123
00:54:07,120 --> 00:54:10,239
Speaker 4: explain it all to her, but her reaction wasn't what

1124
00:54:10,320 --> 00:54:14,640
Speaker 4: I expected. I realized she knew. I asked her, and

1125
00:54:14,719 --> 00:54:18,120
Speaker 4: to her credit, she quickly confirmed she effing knew Jill

1126
00:54:18,360 --> 00:54:21,040
Speaker 4: was with someone when I slept with her. Now I'm

1127
00:54:21,080 --> 00:54:23,759
Speaker 4: in tears. She tries to console me, saying that she

1128
00:54:23,800 --> 00:54:26,479
Speaker 4: thought it would be okay since we're open. She'd never

1129
00:54:26,680 --> 00:54:28,880
Speaker 4: use the word before, and Jill was going through a

1130
00:54:28,920 --> 00:54:31,680
Speaker 4: rough patch. She actually told me I wanted you to

1131
00:54:31,719 --> 00:54:33,479
Speaker 4: do it then. She always liked you, and I knew

1132
00:54:33,520 --> 00:54:36,400
Speaker 4: only you could give her what she really needed. I

1133
00:54:36,520 --> 00:54:41,040
Speaker 4: lost my crap, screamed at her. She looked genuinely scared.

1134
00:54:41,320 --> 00:54:43,840
Speaker 4: She started crying and trying to talk me down. But

1135
00:54:43,920 --> 00:54:47,200
Speaker 4: I feel so betrayed, I left and went to another

1136
00:54:47,239 --> 00:54:50,239
Speaker 4: friend's house. I consider him a good friend, but he's

1137
00:54:50,239 --> 00:54:52,440
Speaker 4: not as close with the rest of the previously mentioned

1138
00:54:52,440 --> 00:54:55,600
Speaker 4: friend Goop. He's always been great emotional support for me

1139
00:54:55,640 --> 00:54:58,320
Speaker 4: over the years. He offered a bed for the nights,

1140
00:54:58,840 --> 00:55:01,880
Speaker 4: and I told him and as what happened. Their reaction

1141
00:55:02,200 --> 00:55:05,239
Speaker 4: was the knockout I didn't need. They basically said I

1142
00:55:05,280 --> 00:55:08,360
Speaker 4: should expect this with my type of lifestyle. His wife

1143
00:55:08,400 --> 00:55:12,480
Speaker 4: practically scoffed, saying the word It made me feel like

1144
00:55:12,520 --> 00:55:15,000
Speaker 4: a victim that got blamed for wearing a skirt. I

1145
00:55:15,120 --> 00:55:17,080
Speaker 4: left there, and now I'm on a hotel bed in

1146
00:55:17,120 --> 00:55:20,200
Speaker 4: my own hometown. I've got dozens of missed calls and

1147
00:55:20,239 --> 00:55:22,919
Speaker 4: texts from everyone mentioned in this story, plus a few more.

1148
00:55:23,320 --> 00:55:27,280
Speaker 4: I haven't returned any I called off work. I've eaten

1149
00:55:27,320 --> 00:55:29,840
Speaker 4: one bag of crackers in the last twenty four hours.

1150
00:55:30,239 --> 00:55:32,480
Speaker 4: I'm still wearing the same clothes I had on when

1151
00:55:32,480 --> 00:55:34,920
Speaker 4: Mark came over. I don't know what to do. I

1152
00:55:34,920 --> 00:55:39,320
Speaker 4: feel like I've lost a girlfriend and three good friends yesterday. Obviously,

1153
00:55:39,320 --> 00:55:42,040
Speaker 4: I wish I never slept with Jill. Things like this

1154
00:55:42,080 --> 00:55:44,520
Speaker 4: are exactly why we have these dang rules in the

1155
00:55:44,560 --> 00:55:47,800
Speaker 4: first place. But why can't any of them except maybe Mark,

1156
00:55:48,200 --> 00:55:49,520
Speaker 4: see how betrayed I am.

1157
00:55:49,960 --> 00:55:52,880
Speaker 1: I have a theory. It's because all of this was

1158
00:55:52,920 --> 00:55:57,000
Speaker 1: done between you and your partner. So if you talk

1159
00:55:57,080 --> 00:55:59,400
Speaker 1: to your partner, agreed to do what she said and

1160
00:55:59,440 --> 00:56:03,200
Speaker 1: then did the where's the betrayal, you betrayed yourself more

1161
00:56:03,200 --> 00:56:03,920
Speaker 1: than anybody.

1162
00:56:04,200 --> 00:56:08,000
Speaker 4: I I think that op absolutely has some measure of

1163
00:56:08,040 --> 00:56:12,160
Speaker 4: culpability in breaking the literal boundaries that he put in

1164
00:56:12,200 --> 00:56:16,400
Speaker 4: place to prevent all of this stuff. However, I absolutely

1165
00:56:16,480 --> 00:56:21,640
Speaker 4: think that his girlfriend has betrayed trust by saying by

1166
00:56:21,920 --> 00:56:23,560
Speaker 4: by lying to him and saying that, oh, yeah, I

1167
00:56:23,600 --> 00:56:27,600
Speaker 4: knew that she was with a partner one trillion. It's like, no,

1168
00:56:27,719 --> 00:56:31,400
Speaker 4: it wasn't gonna work out because you broke your own rules.

1169
00:56:31,960 --> 00:56:34,600
Speaker 4: But also she absolutely has betrayed your.

1170
00:56:34,440 --> 00:56:39,959
Speaker 6: Trust and right because because they were already together. Yeah

1171
00:56:40,000 --> 00:56:44,279
Speaker 6: that but yeah again, like my answer was only to

1172
00:56:44,320 --> 00:56:47,080
Speaker 6: the question of why do they not get it, it's

1173
00:56:47,120 --> 00:56:51,239
Speaker 6: because y'all were in a situation where I mean, you.

1174
00:56:51,239 --> 00:56:52,680
Speaker 1: Literally agreed to it and then did it.

1175
00:56:52,880 --> 00:56:54,920
Speaker 6: Yeah, she just lied to you about the nature of it,

1176
00:56:54,960 --> 00:56:57,600
Speaker 6: which makes not okay, which is terrible. Yeah, and that's

1177
00:56:57,640 --> 00:57:00,680
Speaker 6: why your trust is totally gone. But you can see

1178
00:57:00,920 --> 00:57:04,240
Speaker 6: maybe on the outside people be like, I don't understand exactly.

1179
00:57:04,320 --> 00:57:06,520
Speaker 4: Yes, I see what you're saying. Like on the outside,

1180
00:57:06,560 --> 00:57:09,799
Speaker 4: it doesn't look good for you. Yeah, it's it's a

1181
00:57:09,840 --> 00:57:12,640
Speaker 4: mix of things. Like you, Yes, you were involved in

1182
00:57:12,680 --> 00:57:15,000
Speaker 4: the reason why it was messy. You were not at

1183
00:57:15,000 --> 00:57:18,520
Speaker 4: all to blame for being lied to. Correct, that's that's

1184
00:57:18,560 --> 00:57:19,040
Speaker 4: not okay.

1185
00:57:19,560 --> 00:57:19,880
Speaker 2: Uh.

1186
00:57:19,960 --> 00:57:22,240
Speaker 6: Yeah, you were to blame for doing all this stuff

1187
00:57:22,440 --> 00:57:24,760
Speaker 6: that you knew you were doing, because you kept saying

1188
00:57:25,040 --> 00:57:27,480
Speaker 6: I know, I know, I know you.

1189
00:57:27,440 --> 00:57:30,160
Speaker 4: Were to blame for that stuff because you willingly did that.

1190
00:57:30,400 --> 00:57:30,640
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1191
00:57:30,720 --> 00:57:32,520
Speaker 4: However, none of the other stuff is your fault. And

1192
00:57:32,560 --> 00:57:34,840
Speaker 4: your girlfriend absolutely break up with her because she led

1193
00:57:34,880 --> 00:57:37,360
Speaker 4: to you, and so did Jill. I was basically cheated on.

1194
00:57:37,520 --> 00:57:40,080
Speaker 4: In fact, I wish Laura had gone and screwed fifty

1195
00:57:40,120 --> 00:57:42,360
Speaker 4: guys and tried to cover it up. Then do what

1196
00:57:42,400 --> 00:57:46,040
Speaker 4: she did. She she made me the effing cheater. I

1197
00:57:46,040 --> 00:57:47,960
Speaker 4: don't think I want to end six years over this.

1198
00:57:48,160 --> 00:57:49,880
Speaker 4: I think you have to, but it will not be

1199
00:57:49,960 --> 00:57:52,240
Speaker 4: easy to forgive. I don't know how to even look

1200
00:57:52,240 --> 00:57:54,919
Speaker 4: at Jill anymore. The rest of our friends, I'm sure

1201
00:57:54,920 --> 00:57:57,040
Speaker 4: they know now. Several of them have reached out, but

1202
00:57:57,080 --> 00:58:00,280
Speaker 4: I haven't answered. Will they think anything other than we're

1203
00:58:00,320 --> 00:58:03,000
Speaker 4: all getting what we deserve for being non mon heathens

1204
00:58:03,080 --> 00:58:05,800
Speaker 4: or whatever. Comment one says, I'll be honest, I don't

1205
00:58:05,800 --> 00:58:08,920
Speaker 4: think you ended six years over this. She did. If

1206
00:58:08,960 --> 00:58:11,400
Speaker 4: she can so easily break one of your ground rules,

1207
00:58:11,400 --> 00:58:13,360
Speaker 4: then she can break all of them, and probably is.

1208
00:58:14,000 --> 00:58:15,800
Speaker 4: I'm sorry, but I don't think you can come back

1209
00:58:15,880 --> 00:58:19,160
Speaker 4: from this. In nonman relationships, trust and rules are what

1210
00:58:19,280 --> 00:58:22,000
Speaker 4: make it work, and she has broken both. Sorry you

1211
00:58:22,040 --> 00:58:24,960
Speaker 4: lost friends, but I think the girlfriend can go. Comment two,

1212
00:58:25,320 --> 00:58:27,840
Speaker 4: my guy, I suspect she had some She had broken

1213
00:58:27,880 --> 00:58:32,200
Speaker 4: some of those rules herself already, and encouraging you to

1214
00:58:32,600 --> 00:58:36,040
Speaker 4: was a way to make herself feel better. Yeah. Common three.

1215
00:58:36,160 --> 00:58:38,640
Speaker 4: As someone who is not familiar with your kind of lifestyle,

1216
00:58:38,720 --> 00:58:40,440
Speaker 4: I don't think that your friends are trying to be

1217
00:58:40,520 --> 00:58:42,800
Speaker 4: a holes by saying what they said. I would think

1218
00:58:42,800 --> 00:58:45,280
Speaker 4: that a situation like this may be likely, not because

1219
00:58:45,320 --> 00:58:47,880
Speaker 4: you would seek out people in a relationship to sleep with,

1220
00:58:48,400 --> 00:58:51,080
Speaker 4: but because plenty of taken people lie and cheat with

1221
00:58:51,160 --> 00:58:54,320
Speaker 4: third parties by saying they're single. I don't know your friends,

1222
00:58:54,360 --> 00:58:56,360
Speaker 4: but they must care about you since they offered you

1223
00:58:56,400 --> 00:58:58,800
Speaker 4: a place to stay when you needed it. You don't

1224
00:58:58,840 --> 00:59:01,400
Speaker 4: need to keep pushing everyone went away and dodging everyone's

1225
00:59:01,440 --> 00:59:05,760
Speaker 4: phone calls. You were betrayed by your girlfriend and Jill,

1226
00:59:06,160 --> 00:59:08,600
Speaker 4: but you don't need to seclude yourself away from everyone

1227
00:59:08,680 --> 00:59:12,000
Speaker 4: else because they don't fully understand your relationship. Also, don't

1228
00:59:12,000 --> 00:59:14,800
Speaker 4: beat yourself up over what happened. You were clearly used,

1229
00:59:15,080 --> 00:59:16,919
Speaker 4: and the person who had the most reason to hate

1230
00:59:16,960 --> 00:59:20,040
Speaker 4: you already acknowledged that you were not at fault. Yeah,

1231
00:59:20,080 --> 00:59:23,440
Speaker 4: that's a great point. Mark, doesn't blaine you so like.

1232
00:59:23,520 --> 00:59:27,800
Speaker 4: It's not your faults. You were betrayed, you were manipulated,

1233
00:59:27,880 --> 00:59:28,600
Speaker 4: you were used.