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Speaker 1: This is a headgum podcast.

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Speaker 2: Hi guys, I'm Ago Oodham and welcome to Thanks Dad.

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Speaker 2: If you do not know which, why would you know?

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Speaker 2: But maybe you do know because you've watched an interview

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Speaker 2: or two of mine. I was raised by a single

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Speaker 2: mom and I don't have a relationship with my dad.

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Speaker 2: You probably don't know that part. I've kept that a

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Speaker 2: little close to the vest. But also, guys, my dad

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Speaker 2: died last year. Do not feel sorry for me. Don't

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Speaker 2: go off. It's totally fine. I didn't have a relationship

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Speaker 2: with him, and people die. It's part of life, and

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Speaker 2: that's my grim take. So on this podcast, I'm sitting

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Speaker 2: down with father figures who are old enough to be

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Speaker 2: my dad, or are just dads themselves. Maybe we're the

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Speaker 2: same age, But I'm like, you look like a dad.

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Speaker 2: You could be my dad. I want you to be

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Speaker 2: my dad. Please be my dad. And I'm going to

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Speaker 2: get to the questions I've always wanted to ask a dad,

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Speaker 2: such as like I don't know how do I know

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Speaker 2: if the guy I'm dating is right for me? Or

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Speaker 2: what should I look out for when buying a car?

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Speaker 2: Or can you teach me how to change my oil?

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Speaker 2: Maybe we will take the podcast on the road and

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Speaker 2: we will see one of these father figures teach me

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Speaker 2: how to change my oil. I also don't have a car,

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Speaker 2: so again, maybe helps me buy a car and then

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Speaker 2: teaches me how to change oil on that car. Anyway,

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Speaker 2: I am so excited to welcome today's dad, My dad.

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Speaker 2: He's an actor, a dancer. He's best known for his

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Speaker 2: roles on Glee, Gray's Anatomy, and Everything Everywhere All at once.

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Speaker 2: He has a children's book that he co wrote with

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Speaker 2: his wife, Shelby Rabara, Marty Dares to Dance. Please welcome

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Speaker 2: my dad for the day. Harry shum Junior.

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Speaker 3: Hey, hey dad, Hey heydd Hey.

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Speaker 2: Okay, okay, Harry, So you are a dad in real life,

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Speaker 2: not just in the case of me. You want to

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Speaker 2: I guess before you accept me as your daughter? Ye,

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Speaker 2: I'm being interviewed.

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Speaker 1: I hope, I hope you will adopt me. I think

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Speaker 1: you're heading towards the record.

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Speaker 2: Okay, okay, very good, very good. I feel like we're

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Speaker 2: all so close to age. So this is I've always

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Speaker 2: wanted to be the same age as my dad.

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Speaker 1: Daughters like big yeah, you probably that's.

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Speaker 2: That's tragic though, imagine a full grown adult and coming

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Speaker 2: out and knowing nothing.

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Speaker 1: Wasn't that kind of a what's a movie whatever?

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, Oh yeah, it's kind of it. There's it's

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Speaker 2: touching on that related. Okay, tell me about being a dad.

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Speaker 2: Did you always want to be a dad?

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Speaker 1: Uh? Yeah, I did. I always you know, I always

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Speaker 1: thought of my life as as these you know, you

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Speaker 1: hit these points in your life be like I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: get married, I'm gonna be a dad. But the dad

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Speaker 1: part was just vague, right, you know what, You're gonna

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Speaker 1: be a dad? It's fun.

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Speaker 2: Oh really, you just knew.

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Speaker 1: I mean yeah, but you didn't think about the intricacies

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Speaker 1: of like all the things that are involved with like responsibility,

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Speaker 1: just like you think my parents did.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So were you raised by both of your parents?

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Speaker 1: I was, Yeah, my my mom and dad there they're

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Speaker 1: immigrants from from China to Costa Rica to hear so

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Speaker 1: double okay, very immigrant, super good. But they came and yeah,

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Speaker 1: I was raised by by both of them.

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Speaker 2: Okay, And what is your dad like my dad?

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Speaker 1: He is. He's very practical, He's very reserved in the

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Speaker 1: sense that, uh, he's a type of guy who just

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Speaker 1: likes to work, but is very responsible in the sense

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Speaker 1: like whatever the kid, whatever the family needs either. So

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Speaker 1: I was very fortunate to have that kind of baseline

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Speaker 1: of of just seeing a dad that he would it's

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Speaker 1: my duty. It's like, it's my duty to do this.

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Speaker 1: Everything else is kind of like okay, yeah, we'll figure

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Speaker 1: it out. Okay, it's here your dad.

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Speaker 2: Okay, where did they? Where did you from? It was China,

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Speaker 2: Costa Rica and then the States? Yes, San Francisco, Okay,

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Speaker 2: from the Bay Bay? Do you do the like a

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Speaker 2: little e forty? What is it going?

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Speaker 3: Dumb?

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Speaker 2: Is that you remember that you're a dancer?

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Speaker 1: That was the thing when I was that time. Well,

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Speaker 1: it's funny because I moved from We went to San

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Speaker 1: Francisco for like two years, and then we moved to

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Speaker 1: San Luis Obispo, which is completely different.

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Speaker 2: Okay, are there even people of color there?

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Speaker 1: Very rare? Okay, I happen to be. Those are like

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Speaker 1: the friends that I still only talk to. Really, wait,

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Speaker 1: so did you do you did high school? And don't

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Speaker 1: you guys call it slow slow because I went to.

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Speaker 2: College here and so I know too much about Yeah,

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Speaker 2: it's almost as though I'm from here and every once

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Speaker 2: in a while, people will say, we're in Los Angeles

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Speaker 2: right now, guys, it's a spoiler.

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Speaker 1: It was.

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Speaker 2: People will say to me like, oh, you're I know

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Speaker 2: you was from California. I go, oh, I'm from Baltimore.

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Speaker 2: I am from Baltimore. I'm not from California. But I

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Speaker 2: did become an adult here, if you will. I turned in,

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Speaker 2: I figured, and I stay. I was here until I

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Speaker 2: moved to New York. But so I know a little bit.

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Speaker 2: I know a little bit. I know you guys call

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Speaker 2: it slow. That's ironic that you are still very good

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Speaker 2: friends with those high school frids, because I feel like

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Speaker 2: so many people are not friends with their high school friends.

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Speaker 1: I mean, you know, there's people that it's funny because

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Speaker 1: you hear about them. And I'm not on like Facebook

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Speaker 1: or anything, so I don't know what's happening. But I

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Speaker 1: we moved down here together to pursue dance, so that became,

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Speaker 1: you know, it was I'm so glad we had that foundation,

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Speaker 1: so like going back to even like like not having

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Speaker 1: that and parents that might not know My parents didn't

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Speaker 1: know what I was doing, like going to school and

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Speaker 1: what you know, I know.

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Speaker 2: Me, but you know, like and how wait, honestly, okay,

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Speaker 2: when you told your dad and your mom that you

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Speaker 2: wanted to be a dancer, and so you first of all,

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Speaker 2: you didn't go to college and say that, right, I

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Speaker 2: couldn't even say dance. I'm like, yeah, because I can't

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Speaker 2: even imagine. I did ballet for ten years as from

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Speaker 2: like seven to seventeen, but it was like a hobby.

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Speaker 2: I don't and I didn't want to be a dancer.

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Speaker 2: But I don't know how my mother might have even

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Speaker 2: taken it if I had said, I know, I want

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Speaker 2: to do ballet and I want to go to Juliar, Like,

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Speaker 2: I don't know how she would have wrapped her head

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Speaker 2: around that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, there's no camp, right, there's no there's no comp

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Speaker 1: for them to be like my first thing is like

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Speaker 1: anything in entertainment industry. My dad's like, they do drugs there,

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Speaker 1: right wait, okay, so I went straight to not like

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Speaker 1: what do you like? Yeah, they do drugs there. There's

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Speaker 1: drugs there, drugs there, Like, don't be don't be around that.

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Speaker 1: I was just like, okay, fair, yeah.

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Speaker 2: There are there are there are drugs here.

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Speaker 1: You know, you get in a finance, you'd be a daughter.

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Speaker 1: Just do it like everything Wall Street, come on. They

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Speaker 1: hadn't seen that, they hadn't seen that, but uh they

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Speaker 1: I had to approach it in a very different manner,

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Speaker 1: like I started going. I went back to San Francisco

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Speaker 1: State to go to school. I couldn't process. I'm just

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Speaker 1: not academia like that. That whole I just wasn't built

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Speaker 1: for that. And there's there's a reason for that, because

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Speaker 1: when I first moved to America, I struggled with learning

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Speaker 1: English because I spoke Spanish in my first language, Chinese

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Speaker 1: was my second language, and then English. My parents just

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Speaker 1: kind of said, hey, you figure it out. And I

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Speaker 1: was young, Yeah, get it. But at the same time,

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Speaker 1: I at like five years old, You're like, what what

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Speaker 1: are the people saying?

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Speaker 2: Right?

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Speaker 1: It sounded like.

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Speaker 2: And I would like to hear that about us, by

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Speaker 2: the way, because in our minds were always like, you

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Speaker 2: have an accent. They have an accent, they have an accent.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, or we might have an accent. And to

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Speaker 2: everyone who speaks a different language, we sound like.

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Speaker 1: What does it sound like? Because we can, we can,

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Speaker 1: we can, we can do how other languages sound like,

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Speaker 1: but never and that was what it felt to me,

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Speaker 1: and it was just and my parents couldn't help me.

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Speaker 1: My sisters were also figuring. I have two older sisters.

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Speaker 1: They're figuring their stuff out, and they helped as much

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Speaker 1: as they could. But you know, so schooling was not

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Speaker 1: something that I thought like, hey, I want to go

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Speaker 1: to this college and pursue this. It was just like

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Speaker 1: survive every day, survived. And so when it got to

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Speaker 1: the point I was like it was a big step

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Speaker 1: and was like I don't want to do this. I

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Speaker 1: don't want to go to this school and try and

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Speaker 1: pursue this. And somehow dance kept pulling me back. And

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Speaker 1: so when when I found out there was nothing in

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Speaker 1: me for San Francisco, moving down to La with my

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Speaker 1: friends were just like, well we don't know what we

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Speaker 1: want to Thank god, people don't know what do you have?

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Speaker 1: Bitsiness just to survive. But like then when we moved

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Speaker 1: down and I had to figure out, like, okay, the

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Speaker 1: first thing, my dad's like, well, financially what what how

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Speaker 1: are you going to survive? Which is a very important thing.

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Speaker 2: Fair question, because he's like it wasn't kind of like

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Speaker 2: I don't ask me exactly, but if you do, will help.

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Speaker 1: But like, let's not go down that.

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Speaker 2: Okay. Can I ask you a very vulnerable question, Did

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Speaker 2: you grow up rich?

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Speaker 1: No?

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Speaker 2: Okay, no, honestly, okay, because you know that thing where

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Speaker 2: rich people are like, I really didn't grow up with

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Speaker 2: We didn't have that much and I'm like, compared to

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Speaker 2: your billionaire.

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Speaker 1: Friend, we were we were like lower middle class. It

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Speaker 1: wasn't like we weren't poor. But but my dad came

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Speaker 1: from poverty and in Costa Rica he had a hardware

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Speaker 1: store business that you know, it started from literally nothing

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Speaker 1: to so now he has two that are that are

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Speaker 1: still in custrinc He still hasn't oh really in Costa Rica.

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Speaker 1: In Costa Rica, so he's just kind of in that

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Speaker 1: mentality of like not much of a like like investments,

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Speaker 1: but just like just work. Sure, okay, keep it going right.

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Speaker 2: But okay, can I ask you then, in terms of

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Speaker 2: your dad and that mentality and work, work and just

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Speaker 2: keep it going, does he have like a retirement plan?

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Speaker 2: Does he?

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Speaker 1: Like?

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Speaker 2: No, it's interesting, I mean, I don't know if it's interesting,

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Speaker 2: but similar with I feel like my mom and all

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Speaker 2: my friends who are first gen or most of my

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Speaker 2: friends who are first gen when we talk about retirement

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Speaker 2: funds with parents and they're like, what we just we work?

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Speaker 1: You want to do that?

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Speaker 2: You work until you die, which kind of sucks to

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Speaker 2: think because now we're growing up here and kind of

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Speaker 2: like oh wait, no, Susan's dad retired when he was

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Speaker 2: fifty one and he's just like now traveling the world

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Speaker 2: and doing whatever other interesting things he wants to do.

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Speaker 2: And so I'm like, okay, so no, we'retiring, But do

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Speaker 2: you think your dad enjoys working?

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Speaker 1: Would you say enjoys its? Okay, it's weird, it's it's

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Speaker 1: it's you know, it's this beautiful thing. But also it

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Speaker 1: makes it breaks my heart in ways because it's like

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Speaker 1: he was doing it because obviously to survive, you know,

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Speaker 1: I always survive is such a big word because that's

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Speaker 1: that's what he that's all he knew. And then when

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Speaker 1: you got to enjoy a little bit like have family,

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Speaker 1: it was more about well, provide for the right. And

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Speaker 1: then when I think with a lot of parents deal

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Speaker 1: with like am I needed? Yeah, it's like the need

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Speaker 1: like especially fathers, I feel if you're not needed, then

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Speaker 1: as as a man, like you feel like WHOA, what

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Speaker 1: is my purpose? Now?

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Speaker 2: Okay? Can I ask like with your awareness of that

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Speaker 2: and recognizing that in fathers and being like oh if

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Speaker 2: I if I'm not needed, I kind of am floundering

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Speaker 2: and I don't understand my purpose with that awareness. Do

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Speaker 2: you think it helps you in your in your familiar

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Speaker 2: relationship and your now nuclear family to go that do

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Speaker 2: you think that like that, Okay, that's some ego I

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Speaker 2: should look out for. Where it's like, do you feel

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Speaker 2: the need to be needed? I?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think I do. I didn't think I did,

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Speaker 1: because you you just think like, well what does that mean? Right,

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Speaker 1: like to feel needed from friends, from you know, significant other,

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Speaker 1: from your kids, even honestly your parents, as as some

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Speaker 1: some would like I are at that idea of like

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Speaker 1: my parents need this, But I think when when it

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Speaker 1: doesn't become like I don't want to use the word toxic,

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Speaker 1: but like, no, I don't know what the word is.

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Speaker 2: There are some words that just there's some I don't

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Speaker 2: really feel.

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Speaker 1: But like if you get a text or you get

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Speaker 1: a call say hey, I need you, Like what do

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Speaker 1: you feel? Right? You feel like, yeah, what what do

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Speaker 1: you what do you need it? And it's like an

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Speaker 1: important thing or what And a lot of people don't

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Speaker 1: experience that anymore. Yeah, no one needs anyone anymore. And

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Speaker 1: I just think that has become a big issue on

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Speaker 1: on trying to figure out like what one that's community,

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Speaker 1: because the community is there's a baker. You need the baker,

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Speaker 1: you need like someone to take care of the kids,

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Speaker 1: and someone that you need people to do things. So

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Speaker 1: when you're not needed for a purpose, it becomes a

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Speaker 1: really tricky issue to kind of navigate, right.

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Speaker 2: It's interesting though, like I feel having a sense of

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Speaker 2: purpose I think is like paramount to just feeling fulfilled

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Speaker 2: once you have your basic needs met. Having that sense

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Speaker 2: of purpose and feeling like this is what I contribute

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Speaker 2: is really important. And I do think we're moving to

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Speaker 2: a place. I mean, society looks very different from now,

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Speaker 2: Like this is the town's baker, and this person knows

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Speaker 2: how to take care of our cars, and so it

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Speaker 2: is interesting to see how that has affected people. I mean,

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Speaker 2: dad's anybody Frankly, if you don't have that sense of

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Speaker 2: purpose and that sense of feeling needed, but then you wonder,

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Speaker 2: like how much of that can you give to yourself

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Speaker 2: and know this is what I contribute? Like maybe I

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Speaker 2: don't know because I've never been a dad, and that's

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Speaker 2: why this podcast is so interesting to me. But I'm like,

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Speaker 2: I am committed to being the best dand father I

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Speaker 2: never had. I wonder if there's anything to a dad going.

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Speaker 2: I'm not needed anymore in the same way by my

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Speaker 2: children nor my spouse, Like yeah, they my family's okay.

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Speaker 2: My children are okay, they're stable, they have their own

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Speaker 2: families that they're providing for. They're doing fine. If there's

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Speaker 2: a sense of like ex hill and peace and like

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Speaker 2: now I can rest or, if rest if working feels

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Speaker 2: RESTful to you, I can do this, do this and

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Speaker 2: it's fun to me, or I'm going to work for enjoyment.

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Speaker 1: You're interesting with the he because my dad. It's funny

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Speaker 1: because my dad, he says as often every time, like

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Speaker 1: trying to help him, He's like, I don't I don't

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Speaker 1: need like anything from like I'm you guys are succeeding

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Speaker 1: and that all the satisfaction I need. He's like, I

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Speaker 1: don't need it, and it's just it. For a while,

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Speaker 1: I didn't know how to process that. It's just like, well,

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Speaker 1: you should want something like that. I don't want anything.

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Speaker 1: He's like, I'm good, I'll take care of my stuff

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Speaker 1: and like, you guys are good. I don't want to

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Speaker 1: burden your your family that you have. Now. It's interesting

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Speaker 1: because you see someone like, for instance, someone man or

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Speaker 1: woman is able to do a lot of things themselves,

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Speaker 1: like fixed cars, whatever, everything, and they're capable of doing

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Speaker 1: this thing and they don't need anyone right to do

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Speaker 1: these to live a life, right, but that it's kind

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Speaker 1: of lonely mm hm, because it's a lot to place

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Speaker 1: on one person, right, Yeah, And I know that a

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Speaker 1: lot of like even when you're talking about single parenting,

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Speaker 1: like a lot of them have to do that right

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Speaker 1: and they have to find that but they can't be

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Speaker 1: I'm sure. And I want to hear more about your mom,

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Speaker 1: Like that has to be exhausting.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that if I can say she didn't

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Speaker 2: give me permission. But I'm like, and I'm no therapist,

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Speaker 2: but I'm like, ah, I think this is what burnout

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Speaker 2: looks like. I mean, she was like a superhero. She

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Speaker 2: went to medical school after having the four of us

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Speaker 2: while single, like and with the help of her siblings.

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Speaker 2: We lived in Jersey for a year or two when

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Speaker 2: I was growing up and live with my aunt and

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Speaker 2: uncle and my cousins and we all grew up like

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Speaker 2: one big family of siblings. But she did that, and

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Speaker 2: all I ever saw her do was go, go, go, go,

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Speaker 2: go and manage all of it. But I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 2: that's how you exhaust yourself. Granted, I'm so grateful for

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Speaker 2: the she provided for us, and I'm so grateful for

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Speaker 2: the example she provided for us. But yeah, I that's

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Speaker 2: I don't know that that's how it's supposed to be.

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Speaker 2: I really sincerely, I can't imagine that that's how it's

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Speaker 2: supposed to be because they go, oh, man, the age I am. Now,

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Speaker 2: I'm like, you had four kids and you were on

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Speaker 2: a journey in med school and I'm like, I'm floundering around,

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Speaker 2: like what kind of macha doing I'm trying the macha

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Speaker 2: at this place in Dumbo and this place, and so

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Speaker 2: I'm like, what a different life. But I do imagine again,

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Speaker 2: I'm like, that's that that has produced burnout And it's

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Speaker 2: like you did it and you were able to and

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Speaker 2: I'm so deeply grateful. I think like single parents are superheroes, truly.

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Speaker 2: I mean, this is this is not comparable. I do

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Speaker 2: not want parents to come at me, though some parents

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Speaker 2: will agree with this. I think this is chaotic what

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Speaker 2: I'm about to say. I got a puppy last year

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Speaker 2: because I used to think, like, oh, I could be

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Speaker 2: a single parent if it comes down to it, and

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Speaker 2: like maybe it's we're in a different time, so like

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Speaker 2: I'll freeze my eggs and you know, I'll go to

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Speaker 2: a sperm bank and have a child if that's what

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Speaker 2: I so choose to do, and it'll it'll be fine,

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Speaker 2: and I'm sure it would be fine. But I got

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Speaker 2: a puppy last year, like a baby, a little baby guy.

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Speaker 2: Thank you so much, thank you so much, honestly, and

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Speaker 2: training it's a living thing and I will not compare

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Speaker 2: it to being a mother, and I'm not trying to,

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Speaker 2: but even just that little foray into taking care of

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Speaker 2: this thing that needed your attention, or it'll destroy your

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Speaker 2: own by yourself. I was like, oh, never mind, I

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Speaker 2: would never want to. I personally will not be opting

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Speaker 2: for to be a single parent if I can help it.

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Speaker 2: It's I don't think it's necessarily a path. A ton

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Speaker 2: of people choose people do choose it, and I think

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Speaker 2: some people I know of women who have chose it

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Speaker 2: and are happy. I just had that experience, and I thought,

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Speaker 2: oh my gosh, this is this is really exhausting. And

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Speaker 2: I thought about my mom, and I thought about the

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Speaker 2: kind of life she gave us, and I thought about

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Speaker 2: how you know this podcast, the conceit of it being

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Speaker 2: that I was raised by a single mom and don't

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Speaker 2: have a relationship with my dad. Truth be told, I

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Speaker 2: don't know that I felt. And even now as I

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Speaker 2: reflect as an adult, I'm like, I don't know that

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Speaker 2: I felt I was missing out on too much.

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Speaker 1: I had.

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Speaker 2: Tons of male figures in my life who were wonderful,

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Speaker 2: and I just felt I felt so loved and I

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Speaker 2: felt so valued and prescious, precious, And so I think

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Speaker 2: she did an incredible job. But yeah, I think it's lonely.

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Speaker 2: I imagine it's alone. You want to have that shared experience,

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Speaker 2: you know, at least for me, And that's my guess

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Speaker 2: is that that would be more ideal for many people.

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Speaker 2: But then you have some people who are like, I

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Speaker 2: don't want I don't want that, and I prefer my independence.

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Speaker 2: And so I'm like, going, especially.

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Speaker 1: Whoever go off and well, do you think we're in

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Speaker 1: this world now that we're more connected than ever, that

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Speaker 1: we're we're trying to share these insights right that we

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Speaker 1: have and and but also on the other side, we're

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Speaker 1: saying this is the right way, and it's like there's

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Speaker 1: no right way. And that's what I'm learning as being

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Speaker 1: a parent. It's like, no right ways. It's like at

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Speaker 1: that moment, what you're doing, as long as it's done

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Speaker 1: with some sort of kindness, right or the right intention.

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Speaker 1: I guess the right word is is going to be

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Speaker 1: the way. And then if you say that to someone

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Speaker 1: else and be like what or they try it and

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Speaker 1: they fail miserably and be like that's terrible advice, Like

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Speaker 1: but it worked for me, might not work for you,

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Speaker 1: you know, and you kind of have to have this

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Speaker 1: Like I think we were missing that gut instinct about things,

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Speaker 1: like because the gut instinct is for you, not for

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Speaker 1: anyone else, right, more like, yeah, how how does this feel?

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Speaker 1: Right now? Let me go with that.

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Speaker 2: You mentioned that your dad asked you, I just have

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Speaker 2: to get back to like your dad asked you, how

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Speaker 2: are you going to this support yourself, pay for your life,

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Speaker 2: pay your bills while you're pursuing dancing. What was that conversation?

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Speaker 1: Like it was I was you know, I I grew

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Speaker 1: up when my parents put me to work like ten,

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Speaker 1: you know, kind of like like just pealing because they

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Speaker 1: own a Chinese restaurant over in specific Grover Beach, but

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00:20:22,119 --> 00:20:25,119
Speaker 1: like sanlus Pisco area, and I would just peel like

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Speaker 1: egg rolls and peel the salaries, wash them like just

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Speaker 1: like and then they kind of build off that became

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Speaker 1: a waiter like like like a not a not a cook,

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Speaker 1: but like the prep work, did all the prep work.

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Speaker 1: So you know, they paid me, so it wasn't like

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Speaker 1: crazy child, but you know they did it for the

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Speaker 1: purpose of just like get it. This is going to

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Speaker 1: help you. And then and then there was a moment

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Speaker 1: when they had to figure stuff out and they're like,

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Speaker 1: help pay the bills. Not for MI, but just like

418
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Speaker 1: learn how that experience. Learn how to bounce check books,

419
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Speaker 1: know how to write it, go to the mail box,

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Speaker 1: you know, do all the things they.

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Speaker 2: Weren't teaching us in school. By the way, I I

422
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Speaker 2: don't need long division really. Maybe I don't need Pythagorian

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Speaker 2: theorem right now, but I do know it square plus

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Speaker 2: be squared equals square. Yeah, but it's whatever.

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Speaker 1: It's going to get you far, it's going to really

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Speaker 1: pay the podcast. Okay, but okay, and then so I

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Speaker 1: I knowing that I had to come up with a

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Speaker 1: plan like, okay, this is if you know. I looked

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Speaker 1: at uh kind of the rates for tours and the

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Speaker 1: dance tours and music videos wasn't paying much. But you

431
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:41,920
Speaker 1: figure that out, you factor it in. You're like, well,

432
00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:44,120
Speaker 1: if I book one of these or do one of these,

433
00:21:44,359 --> 00:21:46,159
Speaker 1: this is how how much I would make if I

434
00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:48,280
Speaker 1: went for three months. I would like I would, I

435
00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:50,480
Speaker 1: would write it all out and I would explain that

436
00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:52,320
Speaker 1: to him. It's like, okay, well there is money. I

437
00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:55,720
Speaker 1: don't understand how this, but they're like okay. And I

438
00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:57,439
Speaker 1: was like, let me try for a year and I

439
00:21:57,480 --> 00:22:00,080
Speaker 1: will go back to school if if I fail, and

440
00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:03,520
Speaker 1: and and they're like okay, but like every three months,

441
00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:04,679
Speaker 1: like are you going back to school?

442
00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:08,399
Speaker 2: I'm curious today still because I have friends who are

443
00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:10,919
Speaker 2: on television shows. I'm screaming, I'm sorry, but I have

444
00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:13,159
Speaker 2: friends who are on television shows, very successful shows, and

445
00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:16,120
Speaker 2: they're like every once in a while, my my mom

446
00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:18,000
Speaker 2: or my dad would be like, you should go back

447
00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:20,520
Speaker 2: to school still, but it's like I think I'm doing okay.

448
00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:22,719
Speaker 2: People know my name, I'm working at paying the bills

449
00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:24,280
Speaker 2: two times over, and I've.

450
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:26,760
Speaker 1: Got their world right and the world is still still

451
00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:28,119
Speaker 1: a different world for them, right.

452
00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:28,360
Speaker 3: Yes.

453
00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:31,760
Speaker 1: And I've told the story before, but the one moment

454
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:35,880
Speaker 1: when I felt that they got it was actually two moments.

455
00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:38,200
Speaker 1: Was one when I made it into the Chinese newspaper.

456
00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:41,239
Speaker 1: Oh wow, of course Chinese newspaper. They read it like

457
00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:44,720
Speaker 1: this made you made it. You made it. It was

458
00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:46,280
Speaker 1: like maybe three hundred people read that.

459
00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:48,600
Speaker 2: But okay, but they get to brag about you.

460
00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:51,240
Speaker 1: They get to brag but in their own language and

461
00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:54,280
Speaker 1: what they understand, and their friends can kind of like

462
00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:56,680
Speaker 1: the context for that. Ye family, they get send in

463
00:22:56,680 --> 00:22:57,400
Speaker 1: the family.

464
00:22:57,200 --> 00:23:01,320
Speaker 2: Right, and that's our Yeah, we get our son Star.

465
00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:05,399
Speaker 1: And when I when I when I worked on UH

466
00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:08,280
Speaker 1: in New Zealand, I shot a movie with Michelle Yo

467
00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:10,760
Speaker 1: and Donni Yene and those people that that we grew

468
00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:13,879
Speaker 1: up watching. So that was a connection that was really

469
00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:16,360
Speaker 1: so this came like ten years.

470
00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:19,920
Speaker 2: You're like okay and making money and like that's when

471
00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:21,720
Speaker 2: they go back to school maybe.

472
00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:24,119
Speaker 1: Star Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's so funny. Even now, like

473
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:26,679
Speaker 1: I'm playing a doctor on Gray's Anatomy and and the

474
00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:29,600
Speaker 1: last name is Kwan and that's my mom's maiden name.

475
00:23:29,880 --> 00:23:35,200
Speaker 1: But she's like, okay, you like you're a doctor. We

476
00:23:35,359 --> 00:23:35,960
Speaker 1: love to see.

477
00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:40,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that's amazing. I wonder are your siblings also

478
00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:42,480
Speaker 2: in the arts or no?

479
00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:46,320
Speaker 1: No, my mom my, my mom my, my, my sister.

480
00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:51,479
Speaker 1: She is does assistant executive assistant work and then uh

481
00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:53,160
Speaker 1: is a warner.

482
00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:55,680
Speaker 2: An okay, and then they're proud of her.

483
00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:56,400
Speaker 1: Yeah.

484
00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:01,440
Speaker 2: I'm The thing about it is as I'm first gen too,

485
00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:05,200
Speaker 2: I really and I've told this story as well about

486
00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:08,600
Speaker 2: my I studied biology. I was pre med because it's

487
00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:10,800
Speaker 2: kind of just what my mom knew, and it's kind

488
00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:13,280
Speaker 2: of all I knew because by virtual of being raised

489
00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:16,159
Speaker 2: by her. And I grew up in Baltimore. And so

490
00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:17,560
Speaker 2: let me say that again. I grew up in Baltimore

491
00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:20,480
Speaker 2: because we were gonna be mad about how I said Baltimore.

492
00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:23,720
Speaker 2: Every time I say Baltimore. Yeah, people go, I'll say

493
00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:26,680
Speaker 2: Baltimore sometimes okay, and people go, wait a minute, who

494
00:24:26,680 --> 00:24:27,320
Speaker 2: aren't even from there?

495
00:24:27,359 --> 00:24:28,919
Speaker 1: I go, isn't it Balmore? And I don't know.

496
00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:31,879
Speaker 2: We don't say Baltimore. It's Baltimore and.

497
00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:34,680
Speaker 1: Baltimore.

498
00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:37,520
Speaker 2: It's not that it's Baltimore, but I'll sometimes I haven't

499
00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:43,480
Speaker 2: lived there so long, I'll say Baltimore. Anyway, I studied

500
00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:46,680
Speaker 2: biology pre med I came out to LA to do that.

501
00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:49,400
Speaker 2: And I know a lot of people are like, man,

502
00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:51,360
Speaker 2: that's a lot of familiar pressure for them to want

503
00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:53,879
Speaker 2: you to do something else. But as a first gen person,

504
00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:57,080
Speaker 2: I understand it came from a place of like, I

505
00:24:57,200 --> 00:24:59,240
Speaker 2: just want you to be stable. And what I know

506
00:24:59,400 --> 00:25:03,320
Speaker 2: is stable is like people are always gonna need doctors.

507
00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:06,480
Speaker 2: That is a profession. I don't think yes, right, I'm like,

508
00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:10,640
Speaker 2: it's not going anywhere. And so I totally I totally

509
00:25:10,680 --> 00:25:12,800
Speaker 2: got that. I mean, once you explain that to your

510
00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:15,000
Speaker 2: your dad, what it would look like for you to

511
00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:18,359
Speaker 2: have the salary of a dancer or have had the

512
00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:19,640
Speaker 2: experience friends, she.

513
00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:25,320
Speaker 1: Said, what okay, okay for a month, but you got

514
00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:26,080
Speaker 1: your twelve months.

515
00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:30,400
Speaker 2: What was in that twelve months? What happened?

516
00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:35,000
Speaker 1: I booked. I booked a tour with this pop star,

517
00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:38,600
Speaker 1: young pop star named Casey that took us. So it

518
00:25:38,680 --> 00:25:41,560
Speaker 1: was a weekend of me moving and I was taking

519
00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:44,199
Speaker 1: a dance class. And these are choreogravers, Jon and Jamal.

520
00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:48,520
Speaker 1: They did like usher and like huge choreographs. They came

521
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:50,320
Speaker 1: up to me and saw me in dance classes, were like, hey,

522
00:25:50,359 --> 00:25:53,760
Speaker 1: we need another dancer, blah blah blah, like what you're doing,

523
00:25:54,440 --> 00:25:56,919
Speaker 1: and mind you, I was auditioning before, like I was

524
00:25:57,000 --> 00:26:01,720
Speaker 1: driving back and forth. It's audition and never really booked anything.

525
00:26:01,800 --> 00:26:04,040
Speaker 1: So it was like, yeah, I'm in a dance class

526
00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:07,239
Speaker 1: and I read, but it took us. It opened up

527
00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:07,920
Speaker 1: for town.

528
00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:08,879
Speaker 2: Okay.

529
00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:14,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, making the band I remember that, and we

530
00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:16,879
Speaker 1: toured Europe and it was his first time I was

531
00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:20,600
Speaker 1: in Europe. Got paid seven hundred dollars a week for

532
00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:23,359
Speaker 1: which you know it's for doing for dancing.

533
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:25,600
Speaker 3: Fine, did you have rent back here in the States?

534
00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:28,200
Speaker 3: So I lived with my Yeah, we lived. I lived

535
00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:31,080
Speaker 3: with all my friends, Okay, great. Rent was like three

536
00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:34,760
Speaker 3: hundred bucks, like literally like you turn over and you're like, hey,

537
00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:40,439
Speaker 3: what's up many So luckily that was okay, okay, So

538
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:44,680
Speaker 3: it was like low expenses and then you know, low income,

539
00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:45,600
Speaker 3: so it all worked out.

540
00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:48,760
Speaker 2: Okay. So and that's you're saying, that happened like one

541
00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:53,359
Speaker 2: week into like your one year person. Wow, incredible, So

542
00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:55,240
Speaker 2: you felt good, right.

543
00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:57,760
Speaker 1: So good? And then I didn't work for like seven

544
00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:00,600
Speaker 1: months and that's how that's how you get there and

545
00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:02,600
Speaker 1: you get that high. It's just like, yeah, I'm on tour.

546
00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:04,640
Speaker 1: Everyone knows me. There's like no noise, and.

547
00:27:04,520 --> 00:27:06,040
Speaker 2: That's the drugs your dad chasing.

548
00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:10,119
Speaker 1: He's like drugs.

549
00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:13,479
Speaker 2: What kind of advice while you were so since your

550
00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:15,320
Speaker 2: dad didn't have any context for what it is you

551
00:27:15,359 --> 00:27:18,840
Speaker 2: were pursuing and you were sort of trying to paint

552
00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:21,680
Speaker 2: that picture for him, was there any advice he gave

553
00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:24,359
Speaker 2: you in your pursuit that was helpful to you.

554
00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:30,199
Speaker 1: I think the biggest part is don't don't owe anyone

555
00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:34,600
Speaker 1: money and help people if you can't. That's like that

556
00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:36,400
Speaker 1: was the thing that always stuck out with me. It's

557
00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:39,720
Speaker 1: just like, don't owe anyone money. And then I was like, okay.

558
00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:42,479
Speaker 2: Okay, got it, I won't. But you were paying your

559
00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:43,760
Speaker 2: rent every month, your three d.

560
00:27:43,760 --> 00:27:46,720
Speaker 1: Dollars those things. I was also teaching a lot of

561
00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:48,960
Speaker 1: my you know, my friends taught me so much, like

562
00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:53,760
Speaker 1: how how to interact with the world. But then I

563
00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:56,439
Speaker 1: also was helpful in the sense like, well, this is

564
00:27:56,440 --> 00:27:58,199
Speaker 1: how you bounce your check book, this is what you

565
00:27:58,400 --> 00:27:59,040
Speaker 1: do to cook.

566
00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:01,119
Speaker 2: Because you knew because you dad taught you that.

567
00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:05,320
Speaker 1: They both like, they both taught me these kind of

568
00:28:05,359 --> 00:28:07,560
Speaker 1: life skills that just allowed me to at least like

569
00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:10,480
Speaker 1: survive without like I can, I don't have to eat

570
00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:13,760
Speaker 1: out right, I can just figure out how to cook something.

571
00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:14,400
Speaker 1: It was great.

572
00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:17,480
Speaker 2: It was my big problem. I love to eat, even

573
00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:19,560
Speaker 2: though my mom did try to tell me there's food

574
00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:21,120
Speaker 2: in the house, it's better to make your own food.

575
00:28:21,119 --> 00:28:24,280
Speaker 2: It's better to make your own food. And now I'm like, totally, ma'am,

576
00:28:24,680 --> 00:28:27,399
Speaker 2: I am, but it's really good to go to a

577
00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:31,960
Speaker 2: restaurant sugar fish, yes, exactly, make sugarfish at home. What

578
00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:35,520
Speaker 2: so your dad, how would you describe him? You mentioned

579
00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:37,639
Speaker 2: your mom obviously was also teaching you these life skills.

580
00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:39,880
Speaker 2: Moms are superheroes. I just want to say, I think

581
00:28:39,920 --> 00:28:44,400
Speaker 2: moms are absolute superheroes. What they do, the whole idea

582
00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:47,520
Speaker 2: of birth, it's all crazy to me. And so, but

583
00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:50,280
Speaker 2: how would you describe your dad? And then I want

584
00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:51,840
Speaker 2: to hear how you would describe your mom? If you

585
00:28:51,960 --> 00:28:54,400
Speaker 2: like three words? You know that question they say, how

586
00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:56,200
Speaker 2: would your friends describe you in three words? I'm like,

587
00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:58,040
Speaker 2: how would you describe your dad in three words?

588
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:09,239
Speaker 1: I would say my dad is supportive, he's uh, well,

589
00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:10,720
Speaker 1: this is hard to do.

590
00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:12,480
Speaker 2: I know, no one ever asks us to do that

591
00:29:12,520 --> 00:29:15,640
Speaker 2: about our parents. I've never been Yeah, no one ever does.

592
00:29:15,680 --> 00:29:17,880
Speaker 2: But I'm like people ask you might go on a

593
00:29:17,960 --> 00:29:20,520
Speaker 2: job interview and someone says, like, how would you how

594
00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:22,040
Speaker 2: would your friends describe you in three words? Or how

595
00:29:22,040 --> 00:29:24,320
Speaker 2: would you describe yourself in three words? I mean, I

596
00:29:24,320 --> 00:29:26,080
Speaker 2: don't know what I would say right now if you

597
00:29:26,080 --> 00:29:28,520
Speaker 2: ask me to describe my mom in three words. Let's

598
00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:32,560
Speaker 2: try Let's try it together. Okay, Okay, I have a mom,

599
00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:34,920
Speaker 2: so let's start with moms and then we'll go to

600
00:29:35,120 --> 00:29:36,800
Speaker 2: your dad because I don't have a dad. And I

601
00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:38,760
Speaker 2: could try to describe you in three words just based

602
00:29:38,800 --> 00:29:41,960
Speaker 2: on a little bit of time we've spent together. Okay,

603
00:29:42,480 --> 00:29:45,480
Speaker 2: I'm gonna think about this. Is there thinking music? We

604
00:29:45,520 --> 00:29:50,320
Speaker 2: can play Zach Corny? Okay, see you get something a

605
00:29:50,360 --> 00:29:52,800
Speaker 2: little cooler. He's a dancer, he's bopping. And I was like,

606
00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:56,320
Speaker 2: I was like Jeopardy exactly, I'm like the nerve and

607
00:29:56,360 --> 00:29:59,120
Speaker 2: also notoriously bad at Jeopardy. Over here and you turn

608
00:29:59,160 --> 00:30:03,200
Speaker 2: on a hip hop maybe a freestyle, Okay, I would

609
00:30:03,240 --> 00:30:15,080
Speaker 2: say my mom is reserved, driven and highly sensitive, even

610
00:30:15,120 --> 00:30:19,040
Speaker 2: though she don't know it probably, but she's sensitive, very sensitive.

611
00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:23,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that the sensitive part is it's interesting because

612
00:30:23,520 --> 00:30:26,880
Speaker 1: we don't think that sometimes our parents can be sensitive

613
00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:29,760
Speaker 1: because they might, you might, it's hard to show it

614
00:30:29,800 --> 00:30:32,880
Speaker 1: because they're shown it as weakness. Yeah, but it's not.

615
00:30:33,960 --> 00:30:36,680
Speaker 2: I think, yeah, it's not. But I also again with

616
00:30:36,800 --> 00:30:41,240
Speaker 2: other friends who have parents who are not from this country,

617
00:30:41,720 --> 00:30:43,600
Speaker 2: I don't think that's a thing that our parents are

618
00:30:43,640 --> 00:30:45,800
Speaker 2: necessarily eager to show. And I don't even know that

619
00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:49,760
Speaker 2: it's unique to parents who are immigrants, Like I don't

620
00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:55,040
Speaker 2: necessarily think parents want to show their children weakness, Like

621
00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:59,600
Speaker 2: I don't think that they want to, And so I

622
00:30:59,640 --> 00:31:03,040
Speaker 2: think that you want to. I imagine. I'm not a parent,

623
00:31:03,080 --> 00:31:05,920
Speaker 2: but I imagine part of making your kids feel safe

624
00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:10,040
Speaker 2: and secure and protected is making them feel like you've

625
00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:11,600
Speaker 2: got it under control.

626
00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:16,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, or like I'm learning that it's I think it's

627
00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:18,680
Speaker 1: more like you don't know what to do with weakness,

628
00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:21,120
Speaker 1: because I think there's something to do with weakness. It's

629
00:31:21,120 --> 00:31:22,680
Speaker 1: just to show that, like what you can work on

630
00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:26,040
Speaker 1: yea or or or what that weakness is and does

631
00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:30,000
Speaker 1: it pertain to how like does that actually make a difference. Yeah,

632
00:31:30,240 --> 00:31:31,920
Speaker 1: it's oh, yeah, I don't know how to do that.

633
00:31:32,120 --> 00:31:35,120
Speaker 2: Yeah cool, yeah, let's learn right, right, right.

634
00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:38,320
Speaker 1: And I think we've taken that weakness as a failure

635
00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:40,719
Speaker 1: when like, also how we look at failure. It's we

636
00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:43,080
Speaker 1: talk about a lot like you need to fail. Yeah, yeah,

637
00:31:43,120 --> 00:31:45,600
Speaker 1: you have to. Everyone has a weakness, everyone, right, Like

638
00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:47,520
Speaker 1: it's crazy if you don't have a weakness. It's like

639
00:31:48,280 --> 00:31:51,840
Speaker 1: you do. And as strong as you you think you are,

640
00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:54,560
Speaker 1: or everyone says you are, you have weakness.

641
00:31:54,680 --> 00:31:56,880
Speaker 2: Well the you say, like I've I've listened. I listened

642
00:31:56,920 --> 00:31:58,240
Speaker 2: to a lot of podcasts, and I feel like I

643
00:31:58,280 --> 00:32:05,080
Speaker 2: heard on one particular podcast, there was some segment about, like,

644
00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:08,719
Speaker 2: you know, it's important for your kids to see you

645
00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:11,240
Speaker 2: for even for their mental health, to see you upset

646
00:32:11,360 --> 00:32:13,080
Speaker 2: or feel like you have failed, and to see you

647
00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:16,360
Speaker 2: then recover from that whatever has made you upset, and

648
00:32:16,360 --> 00:32:19,880
Speaker 2: see you recover from whatever you failed. That it's important

649
00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:22,160
Speaker 2: for them to see all of that as you're not

650
00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:26,760
Speaker 2: meant to make your kids think you're perfect. That's you're

651
00:32:26,760 --> 00:32:30,600
Speaker 2: not supposed to. In fact, it's perhaps a big disservice

652
00:32:30,640 --> 00:32:32,360
Speaker 2: to them to do that, and it's important for them

653
00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:34,760
Speaker 2: to see your humanity so that they know what to

654
00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:37,560
Speaker 2: do when they're in when they fail or they feel

655
00:32:37,600 --> 00:32:40,440
Speaker 2: like they have a weakness, they can look and go, oh,

656
00:32:40,440 --> 00:32:42,440
Speaker 2: but I, you know, or something is very upsetting to them,

657
00:32:42,480 --> 00:32:45,040
Speaker 2: like I saw mommy or daddy or you're upset what

658
00:32:45,040 --> 00:32:46,560
Speaker 2: they do and then I saw yeah, and they and

659
00:32:46,560 --> 00:32:48,200
Speaker 2: I saw them upset and they thought they did this

660
00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:49,440
Speaker 2: to get over it. And then they do get it.

661
00:32:49,560 --> 00:32:51,120
Speaker 2: We know what they got over it, and so I

662
00:32:51,160 --> 00:32:54,960
Speaker 2: can get over this. And I don't know growing up

663
00:32:54,960 --> 00:32:56,680
Speaker 2: for me, and I don't think it's a reflection of

664
00:32:56,760 --> 00:32:59,320
Speaker 2: just my mom. I do really just think we live

665
00:32:59,360 --> 00:33:01,560
Speaker 2: in a very different time than the time when I

666
00:33:01,600 --> 00:33:03,280
Speaker 2: was growing up and I was young. But I don't

667
00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:06,120
Speaker 2: know that any of my friends in childhood would have

668
00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:09,280
Speaker 2: been like, oh, yes, I got to see my like

669
00:33:09,440 --> 00:33:12,440
Speaker 2: I saw my dad or mom really upset and they

670
00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:15,120
Speaker 2: shared that with me, or you know, they didn't shield

671
00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:17,640
Speaker 2: that from me. But I also saw them, you know,

672
00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:20,040
Speaker 2: put themselves back together. I was just watching a docu

673
00:33:20,080 --> 00:33:23,240
Speaker 2: series where someone was like, my parents wanted to get divorced.

674
00:33:23,280 --> 00:33:25,200
Speaker 2: I didn't know the whole time. This is just an

675
00:33:25,240 --> 00:33:27,520
Speaker 2: aside hearing in the background of it was a dancer,

676
00:33:27,680 --> 00:33:31,040
Speaker 2: but like my parents kept it together for me and

677
00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:33,160
Speaker 2: I didn't even know what was going on, and like

678
00:33:33,240 --> 00:33:35,680
Speaker 2: they were just waiting for me to be to graduate

679
00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:38,240
Speaker 2: high school. And then they got divorced and they didn't

680
00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:41,000
Speaker 2: deep dive onto like how that impacted her. But I

681
00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:43,080
Speaker 2: was sort of like, is that good that the whole

682
00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:48,480
Speaker 2: time she thinks the experience, yeah, they're in perfect comedy. Yeah,

683
00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:50,920
Speaker 2: but it was like, no, it's it's I thought it

684
00:33:50,960 --> 00:33:53,560
Speaker 2: was harmony. And then like I turned eighteen and they're like, okay, yeah,

685
00:33:53,560 --> 00:33:54,680
Speaker 2: and we're getting divorced.

686
00:33:55,320 --> 00:33:55,760
Speaker 1: I don't know.

687
00:33:56,040 --> 00:33:57,400
Speaker 2: I'm like, I don't know if that's good or bad,

688
00:33:57,440 --> 00:33:59,000
Speaker 2: but I do want you to describe your dad in

689
00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:02,120
Speaker 2: three words before were not off the unfortunately, and I

690
00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:03,920
Speaker 2: may never ask anyone else to do this, so this

691
00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:06,440
Speaker 2: could be just a harrisham exclusive.

692
00:34:06,600 --> 00:34:13,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's strong. I think honest is a big thing

693
00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:17,879
Speaker 1: for someone like my dad, telling you know, he would

694
00:34:17,880 --> 00:34:21,160
Speaker 1: always just don't don't trick anyone, don't try and cheat

695
00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:24,759
Speaker 1: you away through anything. So those are the things that

696
00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:33,680
Speaker 1: stuck with me, and I think for practical yeah yeah, strong, honest,

697
00:34:33,760 --> 00:34:37,680
Speaker 1: practical yeah yeah. And I think those are those baseline

698
00:34:37,719 --> 00:34:39,720
Speaker 1: things that you know, we want to think like extraordin

699
00:34:39,760 --> 00:34:41,799
Speaker 1: because I think my dad is extraordinary in the sense

700
00:34:41,840 --> 00:34:45,520
Speaker 1: that he how what he I mean what he is

701
00:34:45,560 --> 00:34:47,839
Speaker 1: crazy when you think of any immigrants, but like doing

702
00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:51,760
Speaker 1: it twice is just crazy. I know from the whole language.

703
00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:55,239
Speaker 1: He actually almost did it four times. He went to Montreal,

704
00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:57,360
Speaker 1: he went to Costa Rica, went to Montreal. He's just like,

705
00:34:57,400 --> 00:35:02,400
Speaker 1: it's too cold, and you know, he started learning French

706
00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:03,880
Speaker 1: up there and he was just like, Okay, it's too cool.

707
00:35:03,920 --> 00:35:06,440
Speaker 1: And then we went back and to Costa Rica and

708
00:35:06,480 --> 00:35:09,239
Speaker 1: then moving up here. So like just the level of

709
00:35:09,320 --> 00:35:14,520
Speaker 1: also going he apparently during the time in China he

710
00:35:14,640 --> 00:35:18,279
Speaker 1: was on the cusp of things were happening and his

711
00:35:18,719 --> 00:35:22,000
Speaker 1: grandpa was well off and then just dropped like nothing.

712
00:35:22,640 --> 00:35:25,720
Speaker 1: So you know, it was it was almost like as

713
00:35:25,760 --> 00:35:28,799
Speaker 1: a kid, you don't understand that, like you're like, oh,

714
00:35:28,840 --> 00:35:30,799
Speaker 1: one day you're in a house and next day you're

715
00:35:30,840 --> 00:35:35,399
Speaker 1: in a shack, yeah, sleeping on like some hay hey,

716
00:35:35,800 --> 00:35:39,320
Speaker 1: you know. So to see that, I think the practical

717
00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:41,279
Speaker 1: stuff is like one of those things that I think

718
00:35:41,320 --> 00:35:44,239
Speaker 1: we've lost of one of the foundation because we're thinking, so,

719
00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:46,560
Speaker 1: what do you want in life? Is just like, let's

720
00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:49,920
Speaker 1: just get the practical stuff first, the foundation, and then

721
00:35:49,920 --> 00:35:53,600
Speaker 1: you can then you can start picking things right that

722
00:35:53,719 --> 00:35:55,000
Speaker 1: make you happy. I guess right.

723
00:35:55,160 --> 00:35:58,480
Speaker 2: That's that's a fascinating experience of his.

724
00:35:58,560 --> 00:35:58,680
Speaker 1: I have.

725
00:35:58,960 --> 00:36:01,080
Speaker 2: I have one friend who was like, I grew up

726
00:36:01,160 --> 00:36:05,800
Speaker 2: so wealthy, and then my sophomore year of high school,

727
00:36:05,920 --> 00:36:08,400
Speaker 2: my dad, who was their stepdad, she was like squandered

728
00:36:08,440 --> 00:36:11,320
Speaker 2: it all and then it was like we're pretty poor.

729
00:36:11,440 --> 00:36:15,760
Speaker 2: We're pretty poor now. And I'm like so remarkably fascinated

730
00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:20,040
Speaker 2: by that experience and how that informs someone's worldview for

731
00:36:20,160 --> 00:36:22,279
Speaker 2: better or for worse. And when you say your dad

732
00:36:22,320 --> 00:36:25,680
Speaker 2: is strong and present, like, I'm assuming you mean emotionally strong.

733
00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:30,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, emotionally mentally, but there's also some the things that

734
00:36:31,719 --> 00:36:34,680
Speaker 1: aren't helpful and kind of not being able because the

735
00:36:34,719 --> 00:36:36,120
Speaker 1: one thing I didn't have with my dad is like

736
00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:39,919
Speaker 1: talking emotional anything emotional. It was always to my mom,

737
00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:44,279
Speaker 1: which is standard, but I mean, I'm learning how to

738
00:36:45,480 --> 00:36:48,440
Speaker 1: because luckily growing up with two sisters, mainly households of

739
00:36:48,880 --> 00:36:51,520
Speaker 1: women that compared to just me and my dad, you know,

740
00:36:51,640 --> 00:36:56,520
Speaker 1: it was always the femininity and masculinity energy was strong

741
00:36:56,560 --> 00:36:59,680
Speaker 1: on both es. So I was able to. Also, I

742
00:36:59,719 --> 00:37:02,600
Speaker 1: was a very sensitive kid myself, and I think it's

743
00:37:02,600 --> 00:37:06,200
Speaker 1: not not understanding what the world was, and no one

744
00:37:06,400 --> 00:37:09,960
Speaker 1: really fully explaining it to me other than the things

745
00:37:09,960 --> 00:37:12,680
Speaker 1: that I told, like my dad taught me, but the

746
00:37:12,719 --> 00:37:15,520
Speaker 1: other stuff I had, like Uncle.

747
00:37:15,239 --> 00:37:20,000
Speaker 4: Phil because everyone's dead, you know, and then like you know,

748
00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:24,359
Speaker 4: and then our Jewish drama teacher he was like kind

749
00:37:24,360 --> 00:37:28,280
Speaker 4: of you know, So I learned different philosophies, ways of parenting,

750
00:37:29,040 --> 00:37:31,800
Speaker 4: or at least father figures in different in different places.

751
00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:34,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's a key thing that even when

752
00:37:34,360 --> 00:37:39,160
Speaker 2: I speak about my experience, I feel oftentimes I'm like

753
00:37:39,239 --> 00:37:41,439
Speaker 2: if I say I was raised by a single mom

754
00:37:41,480 --> 00:37:43,359
Speaker 2: and really like my dad wasn't part of my life,

755
00:37:43,600 --> 00:37:47,239
Speaker 2: the void I feel people immediately assume I felt. But

756
00:37:47,320 --> 00:37:51,320
Speaker 2: I really believe that your dad can be a father figure,

757
00:37:51,400 --> 00:37:53,439
Speaker 2: but so can other people. Like so can other people,

758
00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:54,759
Speaker 2: which is why I've called you here to be my

759
00:37:54,840 --> 00:37:59,560
Speaker 2: dad about I mean, that's really good. Am I winning

760
00:37:59,560 --> 00:37:59,959
Speaker 2: you over?

761
00:38:00,280 --> 00:38:00,560
Speaker 1: Okay?

762
00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:05,919
Speaker 2: Thank god? I'm like, but I really believe that when

763
00:38:05,960 --> 00:38:08,560
Speaker 2: you start to really understand your parents as humans, and

764
00:38:08,600 --> 00:38:10,960
Speaker 2: we were saying this before we hit record today, like

765
00:38:11,360 --> 00:38:14,160
Speaker 2: they just have a set of tools, and it's just

766
00:38:14,280 --> 00:38:17,759
Speaker 2: your parents are merely people who have had children and

767
00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:22,880
Speaker 2: are generally, generally speaking, trying their best. You can. You

768
00:38:22,920 --> 00:38:26,800
Speaker 2: can be informed by so many different people in your life,

769
00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:30,279
Speaker 2: and so many people can sort of step into that

770
00:38:30,360 --> 00:38:34,480
Speaker 2: parental or mentor position in your life. Teachers. I have

771
00:38:34,560 --> 00:38:38,359
Speaker 2: teachers from high school that I I cared, not even

772
00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:40,120
Speaker 2: so much what they thought it was. I remember when

773
00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:41,279
Speaker 2: I went to college, I was like, I want to

774
00:38:41,280 --> 00:38:44,000
Speaker 2: make mister Wrestler and mister Spivey proud, and mister Wait.

775
00:38:44,080 --> 00:38:47,040
Speaker 2: I wanted to make them proud, and they were. They

776
00:38:47,040 --> 00:38:49,560
Speaker 2: have their own families and their own kids, but they

777
00:38:49,560 --> 00:38:51,600
Speaker 2: made left such an impression on me that that's what

778
00:38:51,640 --> 00:38:55,680
Speaker 2: I wanted. Did you feel like at any time did

779
00:38:55,760 --> 00:38:58,359
Speaker 2: you like actually try to take emotion to your dad

780
00:38:58,520 --> 00:39:01,160
Speaker 2: and was that you How did you learn that It's like, oh,

781
00:39:01,160 --> 00:39:03,640
Speaker 2: he's maybe not the one to like try to take

782
00:39:03,680 --> 00:39:05,480
Speaker 2: this my sensitivities too.

783
00:39:05,960 --> 00:39:09,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was later in life happened. I think growing

784
00:39:09,320 --> 00:39:12,640
Speaker 1: up it was, you know, it is what he was taught,

785
00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:15,279
Speaker 1: like don't don't cry? Sure, like why you crying so much?

786
00:39:15,840 --> 00:39:18,319
Speaker 1: And you know I've learned when you say that to

787
00:39:18,400 --> 00:39:23,319
Speaker 1: someone they they can't if they can't process it, and

788
00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:26,600
Speaker 1: no one's even helping them to understand what that those

789
00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:29,399
Speaker 1: emotions are. You know, it's just so there's no plug

790
00:39:29,440 --> 00:39:31,319
Speaker 1: because I'm not in it at all, like inside out,

791
00:39:31,320 --> 00:39:34,560
Speaker 1: and like the movie is just that helps a kid

792
00:39:34,640 --> 00:39:37,320
Speaker 1: process like, oh that's an emotion, just just just the simplicity,

793
00:39:37,400 --> 00:39:40,560
Speaker 1: whether it's right or wrong. It's like that is identifying

794
00:39:40,600 --> 00:39:45,320
Speaker 1: as like oh, anxiety or like you know, happiness, joy, anger,

795
00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:47,920
Speaker 1: Like those are those things that you do have to

796
00:39:48,120 --> 00:39:52,400
Speaker 1: work with because you know, when when it's suppressed and

797
00:39:52,480 --> 00:39:54,839
Speaker 1: say don't don't feel this way, then you're like, well,

798
00:39:55,400 --> 00:39:57,839
Speaker 1: something in the mechanics inside of me is wrong. Wrong,

799
00:39:58,080 --> 00:40:01,200
Speaker 1: engineering is messed up when it's it's really not it's

800
00:40:02,000 --> 00:40:04,600
Speaker 1: being expressed a certain way. And you know, I think

801
00:40:05,480 --> 00:40:09,960
Speaker 1: culturally it wasn't something that they were I mean, they

802
00:40:09,960 --> 00:40:11,719
Speaker 1: don't teach you in school. So if your parents didn't

803
00:40:11,760 --> 00:40:13,359
Speaker 1: give it to you, and you're not and all you're

804
00:40:13,360 --> 00:40:15,960
Speaker 1: doing is working, you're surrounded by people who think about

805
00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:19,399
Speaker 1: only working. There's no there's emotion behind it, but there's

806
00:40:19,440 --> 00:40:22,640
Speaker 1: only one. It's just kind of like which can turn

807
00:40:22,680 --> 00:40:27,040
Speaker 1: into something really bad greed, you know, but there's there's

808
00:40:27,200 --> 00:40:30,160
Speaker 1: there's that's the set of tools. I think when going

809
00:40:30,200 --> 00:40:33,520
Speaker 1: back to like not being able to if you don't

810
00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:36,040
Speaker 1: have if you came from something or it came from

811
00:40:36,080 --> 00:40:37,560
Speaker 1: a lot of money and didn't have anybody, if you

812
00:40:37,560 --> 00:40:39,120
Speaker 1: had a set of tools that get you back up

813
00:40:39,120 --> 00:40:41,399
Speaker 1: there if you need to, that's the most important part,

814
00:40:41,480 --> 00:40:44,040
Speaker 1: not the money. But it's really like the tools.

815
00:40:43,840 --> 00:40:47,480
Speaker 2: Right there, right, I mean, it's so interesting the we

816
00:40:47,719 --> 00:40:49,799
Speaker 2: just really I say it, and I say it all

817
00:40:49,840 --> 00:40:51,200
Speaker 2: the time, and I'm like, I know, it's not the

818
00:40:51,239 --> 00:40:54,279
Speaker 2: most profound thing. In fact, it's pretty rudimentary that. I'm like,

819
00:40:54,280 --> 00:40:56,759
Speaker 2: we just are growing up in such a different context

820
00:40:56,840 --> 00:41:01,320
Speaker 2: even to say you're going to therapy, and this stigma

821
00:41:01,480 --> 00:41:04,160
Speaker 2: has largely, at least in the circles that I'm a part,

822
00:41:04,200 --> 00:41:07,600
Speaker 2: have been lifted. And to be able to name your

823
00:41:07,640 --> 00:41:10,080
Speaker 2: emotion and be able to be vulnerable and share your

824
00:41:10,080 --> 00:41:13,799
Speaker 2: emotions with one another. Whereas vulnerability something like crying, which

825
00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:17,479
Speaker 2: is quite vulnerable, I grew up thinking that was weak too.

826
00:41:17,719 --> 00:41:19,359
Speaker 2: I grew up thinking like, you don't cry. I remember

827
00:41:19,680 --> 00:41:21,880
Speaker 2: saying that. I was like, I don't cry, and I

828
00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:26,400
Speaker 2: remember like sensitive. No, Honestly, I'm so sensitive. But it's like,

829
00:41:26,880 --> 00:41:30,480
Speaker 2: it's so important to be able to name your emotions.

830
00:41:30,480 --> 00:41:32,840
Speaker 2: That's so empowering. And I was listening to someone recently

831
00:41:32,880 --> 00:41:36,960
Speaker 2: say that, like, we have equated mental health to mean

832
00:41:38,239 --> 00:41:42,480
Speaker 2: perfectly stable and sort of zen in a way where

833
00:41:42,520 --> 00:41:46,800
Speaker 2: it's like nothing can shake you. But and we've conflated

834
00:41:46,840 --> 00:41:48,880
Speaker 2: it to mean that, but that's not what it means.

835
00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:51,960
Speaker 2: According to the psychologist, it was like, it means you

836
00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:55,239
Speaker 2: have an appropriate response to a stimulus.

837
00:41:55,840 --> 00:41:57,280
Speaker 1: It's like if you are.

838
00:41:57,200 --> 00:42:02,239
Speaker 2: Really excited about an audition for to be to tour

839
00:42:02,280 --> 00:42:04,719
Speaker 2: with some artists, and you're really close and you're so

840
00:42:04,760 --> 00:42:06,759
Speaker 2: excited and you love this artist and your friends are

841
00:42:06,760 --> 00:42:08,600
Speaker 2: getting to do it, and and you don't get it,

842
00:42:08,640 --> 00:42:10,800
Speaker 2: and you're not upset when you don't get it. The

843
00:42:10,960 --> 00:42:14,720
Speaker 2: psychologist was like, that's mentally unhealthy. That would be strange.

844
00:42:14,719 --> 00:42:17,560
Speaker 2: But we didn't. I say, we like we grew up together.

845
00:42:17,600 --> 00:42:19,520
Speaker 2: But I'm like, I didn't grow up with that.

846
00:42:19,960 --> 00:42:22,480
Speaker 1: We grew up. I do enjoyed it.

847
00:42:22,560 --> 00:42:24,920
Speaker 2: Yes, me too, And I'm like, you're my friend, yes.

848
00:42:26,880 --> 00:42:29,640
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah yeah.

849
00:42:29,680 --> 00:42:34,400
Speaker 2: Are you a strict parent though? Would you say sugar?

850
00:42:34,719 --> 00:42:39,040
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, that's fair honestly, it's you know, my wife,

851
00:42:39,280 --> 00:42:44,640
Speaker 1: Shelby is an incredible mom and makes makes it all

852
00:42:44,760 --> 00:42:49,040
Speaker 1: just very easy in sense like she does She's gonna

853
00:42:49,080 --> 00:42:51,919
Speaker 1: be able to do the things that I'm not good at,

854
00:42:52,080 --> 00:42:55,320
Speaker 1: you know, And and I try and be also vulnerable,

855
00:42:55,320 --> 00:42:57,839
Speaker 1: but also at the same time I look at like,

856
00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:01,440
Speaker 1: what does she do well? And I'm gonna work on

857
00:43:01,480 --> 00:43:03,480
Speaker 1: the stuff that I can I do? How can I come,

858
00:43:03,600 --> 00:43:05,560
Speaker 1: you know, and you know, and just like work together

859
00:43:05,600 --> 00:43:07,680
Speaker 1: as opposed to like, we're both really good at this thing,

860
00:43:07,719 --> 00:43:09,759
Speaker 1: and let's get good at this thing, which I think

861
00:43:09,880 --> 00:43:11,560
Speaker 1: is important too, just to know what it feels like.

862
00:43:11,600 --> 00:43:13,759
Speaker 1: It's kind of like walking in someone else's shoes for

863
00:43:13,760 --> 00:43:15,799
Speaker 1: a little bit, just going okay, yeah, I get this,

864
00:43:15,960 --> 00:43:16,720
Speaker 1: yes exactly.

865
00:43:16,760 --> 00:43:18,440
Speaker 2: Well, even when you say I was gonna ask you,

866
00:43:18,520 --> 00:43:20,960
Speaker 2: I was gonna I go, do you and your wife

867
00:43:20,960 --> 00:43:23,560
Speaker 2: really feel like teammates while raising your daughter or they're like,

868
00:43:24,239 --> 00:43:26,239
Speaker 2: I mean, and that's what you look at a basketball team.

869
00:43:26,239 --> 00:43:29,919
Speaker 2: I'm just I'm just brand new into sports and I'm like, oh, yes,

870
00:43:30,400 --> 00:43:33,000
Speaker 2: that's the shooter, and that's the person who's gonna be

871
00:43:33,000 --> 00:43:36,160
Speaker 2: a point guard. And thank god you said point guard

872
00:43:36,160 --> 00:43:37,920
Speaker 2: because I was gonna be like, I cannot name another

873
00:43:38,040 --> 00:43:42,680
Speaker 2: role again, I'm a baby baby sports person. But it's

874
00:43:43,120 --> 00:43:45,600
Speaker 2: when you when you're describing that dynamic and going, she's

875
00:43:45,640 --> 00:43:47,719
Speaker 2: really good at this. I don't have to like go

876
00:43:47,880 --> 00:43:49,799
Speaker 2: out of my way and strain to become good at

877
00:43:49,800 --> 00:43:52,120
Speaker 2: this thing. Shelby is good at this thing, and I'm

878
00:43:52,160 --> 00:43:54,680
Speaker 2: really good at this thing over here that chances are

879
00:43:54,680 --> 00:43:55,879
Speaker 2: Shelby's also really good.

880
00:43:56,680 --> 00:43:56,799
Speaker 1: Right.

881
00:43:56,920 --> 00:44:01,799
Speaker 2: It sounds like but like it's it's interesting to hear, like, yeah,

882
00:44:01,880 --> 00:44:04,200
Speaker 2: I'm taking the teammate approach. And as a child who

883
00:44:04,200 --> 00:44:07,040
Speaker 2: grew up again with a single parent, one of my

884
00:44:07,120 --> 00:44:09,520
Speaker 2: few curiosities really is that I go because again I

885
00:44:09,520 --> 00:44:12,040
Speaker 2: feel like I was raised wonderfully. I feel really grateful.

886
00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:15,319
Speaker 2: I didn't feel some grandvoid. But when in these conversations,

887
00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:19,000
Speaker 2: I go, ah, yes, the balance of parenting where you

888
00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:22,680
Speaker 2: go my my mom is this way. But then my

889
00:44:22,800 --> 00:44:26,920
Speaker 2: dad showed me this thing. I'm curious, like, do you

890
00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:31,680
Speaker 2: foresee like a world in which your daughter goes to

891
00:44:31,800 --> 00:44:33,920
Speaker 2: Shelby and says like you see it in the sitcoms

892
00:44:33,920 --> 00:44:36,799
Speaker 2: when we were growing up. It's like I asked, I asked, Mom,

893
00:44:36,840 --> 00:44:38,319
Speaker 2: if I can go to the dance and she said no,

894
00:44:38,360 --> 00:44:39,160
Speaker 2: and I'm going to go to dad.

895
00:44:39,520 --> 00:44:44,080
Speaker 1: Can I go to the dance? Okay? Does that? You know?

896
00:44:44,200 --> 00:44:49,160
Speaker 1: I going? I because my wife chose raising single mom too,

897
00:44:49,239 --> 00:44:52,839
Speaker 1: like so I kind of got a glimpse of that.

898
00:44:53,120 --> 00:44:57,880
Speaker 1: And I also don't doubt and you know that she

899
00:44:58,000 --> 00:45:01,640
Speaker 1: could do it by herself. Yeah, it's just gonna be harder.

900
00:45:02,680 --> 00:45:05,640
Speaker 1: And I kind of look at life like, Okay, how

901
00:45:05,680 --> 00:45:08,520
Speaker 1: can you just make things less harder on yourself and

902
00:45:08,719 --> 00:45:11,200
Speaker 1: for other people that you love? Yes, yes, that's really

903
00:45:11,200 --> 00:45:14,280
Speaker 1: what it comes down to. So you know it's possible.

904
00:45:14,320 --> 00:45:17,120
Speaker 1: And I think we always have this conversation, especially in

905
00:45:17,160 --> 00:45:20,359
Speaker 1: the Internet, about like, well, what's the right way? Who

906
00:45:20,360 --> 00:45:23,160
Speaker 1: can who can do it better? What's you know it

907
00:45:23,200 --> 00:45:25,200
Speaker 1: worked for some people but won't work for this person.

908
00:45:25,239 --> 00:45:27,759
Speaker 1: It's just kind of like, well, some people just out

909
00:45:27,800 --> 00:45:32,040
Speaker 1: of survival will just assume the other position and they're

910
00:45:32,080 --> 00:45:33,680
Speaker 1: just going to have to do more work. It's kind

911
00:45:33,680 --> 00:45:36,040
Speaker 1: of like anything you do, like whatever profession you do,

912
00:45:37,120 --> 00:45:39,600
Speaker 1: if you have to eat someone else, it's like like

913
00:45:39,600 --> 00:45:43,160
Speaker 1: like you know, responsibilities, there's a lot more work, Yes, yeah,

914
00:45:43,360 --> 00:45:46,239
Speaker 1: compared to you've any position you've been in. If if

915
00:45:46,280 --> 00:45:49,120
Speaker 1: it's given like oh, okay, so this person can do

916
00:45:49,920 --> 00:45:53,520
Speaker 1: xxx X so allows me to focus and enjoy this

917
00:45:53,600 --> 00:45:58,239
Speaker 1: process right and enjoy the process of parenting. So I

918
00:45:58,239 --> 00:46:00,960
Speaker 1: don't know, but then you developed the skin over time

919
00:46:01,000 --> 00:46:04,040
Speaker 1: where it becomes like I don't know if you've had

920
00:46:04,080 --> 00:46:07,840
Speaker 1: this with you know, acting or even even in comedy,

921
00:46:07,960 --> 00:46:10,960
Speaker 1: like when you reach a certain level when it becomes

922
00:46:11,000 --> 00:46:14,719
Speaker 1: like normal to you and someone just starting off is like,

923
00:46:14,760 --> 00:46:16,359
Speaker 1: this is so hard, and you're like, well, this is

924
00:46:16,800 --> 00:46:18,400
Speaker 1: we're talking about. Oh, we've been doing this.

925
00:46:18,600 --> 00:46:22,120
Speaker 2: I just was asked recently if it's a challenge to

926
00:46:22,160 --> 00:46:26,480
Speaker 2: do comedy right now, and I was like, I'm going

927
00:46:26,520 --> 00:46:29,480
Speaker 2: to say no. I'm going to say no. All I

928
00:46:29,520 --> 00:46:32,280
Speaker 2: have is my experience and you're asking You are asking

929
00:46:32,360 --> 00:46:35,200
Speaker 2: me if it's challenging to me, but yes, to somebody

930
00:46:35,200 --> 00:46:39,240
Speaker 2: else it would be challenging. But I have built the

931
00:46:39,280 --> 00:46:43,160
Speaker 2: resilience at this point by virtue of my experience to say,

932
00:46:43,280 --> 00:46:45,319
Speaker 2: to answer this question, it's a no for me dog,

933
00:46:45,520 --> 00:46:48,640
Speaker 2: And so I'm like, no, it's not. But it is.

934
00:46:49,480 --> 00:46:52,160
Speaker 2: When you speak to like even your wife's upbringing or

935
00:46:52,520 --> 00:46:56,359
Speaker 2: the way my mother raised me, you will just you

936
00:46:56,400 --> 00:47:00,799
Speaker 2: will assume the position that what ever is required of

937
00:47:00,840 --> 00:47:03,400
Speaker 2: you like you're going to step up, and so I

938
00:47:03,520 --> 00:47:06,120
Speaker 2: just feel like your tolerance for certain things, it just

939
00:47:06,160 --> 00:47:08,520
Speaker 2: looks different. It's just different. And maybe this is not

940
00:47:08,560 --> 00:47:11,040
Speaker 2: the ideal situation, but now your tolerance is different, and

941
00:47:11,040 --> 00:47:13,160
Speaker 2: what you're able to manage and what you're able to juggle,

942
00:47:13,400 --> 00:47:14,240
Speaker 2: it's just different.

943
00:47:14,400 --> 00:47:17,120
Speaker 1: I could never give an advice to someone a single mom.

944
00:47:17,160 --> 00:47:21,000
Speaker 1: That's just like, my advice is going to be like well, okay, yeah, yeah,

945
00:47:21,120 --> 00:47:23,120
Speaker 1: unless you take it by bits and bits and pieces,

946
00:47:23,160 --> 00:47:25,120
Speaker 1: which I think that's life, right, You take bits and

947
00:47:25,120 --> 00:47:27,000
Speaker 1: bits and pieces of what works for you great, doesn't

948
00:47:27,640 --> 00:47:29,759
Speaker 1: right off the door toss it out? Do you?

949
00:47:31,320 --> 00:47:34,640
Speaker 2: I mean, do you want your daughter because you mentioned

950
00:47:34,680 --> 00:47:36,600
Speaker 2: like again meeting her with a curiosity, even if it's

951
00:47:36,600 --> 00:47:38,680
Speaker 2: about something that you're like, little uncomfortable for me. But

952
00:47:38,719 --> 00:47:41,080
Speaker 2: I never want to leave her hanging in her vulnerability,

953
00:47:41,120 --> 00:47:44,960
Speaker 2: which I again, I'm just like if I hear that

954
00:47:45,040 --> 00:47:47,160
Speaker 2: and I go, that's beautiful and that's powerful, and I

955
00:47:47,200 --> 00:47:49,680
Speaker 2: think that that's really important. Do you want her to

956
00:47:49,680 --> 00:47:51,480
Speaker 2: be able to talk to you about anything? Or in

957
00:47:51,520 --> 00:47:54,040
Speaker 2: your dream scenario, is she like going to mom for

958
00:47:54,080 --> 00:47:55,520
Speaker 2: certain things and not coming to you.

959
00:47:56,280 --> 00:48:01,000
Speaker 1: I think whatever, whatever, it's I can't predict what is

960
00:48:01,040 --> 00:48:04,080
Speaker 1: going to happen, what she's going to have, Yeah, outside

961
00:48:04,120 --> 00:48:06,120
Speaker 1: of the norm and the basics that you've gone through,

962
00:48:06,160 --> 00:48:07,560
Speaker 1: and at the end of the day, she's going to

963
00:48:07,640 --> 00:48:11,239
Speaker 1: have better advice in certain places. And like the things

964
00:48:11,239 --> 00:48:13,840
Speaker 1: that my dad taught me really well, like the practical

965
00:48:14,120 --> 00:48:19,080
Speaker 1: like information that that I think we we It's crazy.

966
00:48:19,160 --> 00:48:21,560
Speaker 1: You look at Internet and you're like, when there's huge

967
00:48:21,640 --> 00:48:25,480
Speaker 1: videos that are talking about specifically finances or whatever, like

968
00:48:25,520 --> 00:48:30,279
Speaker 1: that's the most basic thing. And again, people weren't taught that,

969
00:48:30,440 --> 00:48:35,160
Speaker 1: so they need that information. And so you accumulate over time,

970
00:48:35,200 --> 00:48:39,000
Speaker 1: you accumulate a lot of experience on how you see

971
00:48:39,000 --> 00:48:42,520
Speaker 1: the world, which might not be the same when they

972
00:48:42,560 --> 00:48:42,960
Speaker 1: grew up.

973
00:48:43,040 --> 00:48:46,719
Speaker 2: I know, I keep talking like you got to do

974
00:48:46,760 --> 00:48:51,000
Speaker 2: this well, I know, And it's even even hearing myself.

975
00:48:51,000 --> 00:48:53,600
Speaker 2: Sometimes I'll on conversation be like, I don't know about college,

976
00:48:53,719 --> 00:48:56,480
Speaker 2: even though I grew up thinking like you've got to

977
00:48:56,600 --> 00:48:58,799
Speaker 2: go to call, you have to go to college. At

978
00:48:58,880 --> 00:49:01,279
Speaker 2: least for me, it didn't feel like an option. And

979
00:49:01,360 --> 00:49:04,120
Speaker 2: I'm like, now I look at society, I look at

980
00:49:04,120 --> 00:49:06,080
Speaker 2: what I do for work. I don't regret the path

981
00:49:06,120 --> 00:49:09,000
Speaker 2: that I took. I don't, but I go. I don't

982
00:49:09,040 --> 00:49:14,359
Speaker 2: know that that's totally necessary. I don't really and it

983
00:49:14,400 --> 00:49:16,600
Speaker 2: feels I don't know if this is wrong or a

984
00:49:16,680 --> 00:49:18,840
Speaker 2: big or big college is going to cancel me. But

985
00:49:18,960 --> 00:49:21,880
Speaker 2: like I'm just like, I don't know that that. I

986
00:49:21,920 --> 00:49:24,640
Speaker 2: don't know that we're living in a society if it

987
00:49:24,880 --> 00:49:27,440
Speaker 2: if it wasn't totally necessary back then, it's it's looking

988
00:49:27,680 --> 00:49:29,840
Speaker 2: less and less necessary to me.

989
00:49:30,080 --> 00:49:33,440
Speaker 1: Now. We're not looking at the ratio of like what's

990
00:49:33,800 --> 00:49:36,960
Speaker 1: the cost and benefit? Right? Yeah, we're not really looking

991
00:49:37,000 --> 00:49:40,520
Speaker 1: at that and face value of I'm going to go

992
00:49:40,560 --> 00:49:45,399
Speaker 1: and do this thing. Yeah, and also not just monetary,

993
00:49:45,480 --> 00:49:50,560
Speaker 1: but also just out of passion, right Like, is that

994
00:49:50,600 --> 00:49:53,080
Speaker 1: passion equate to the time and effort that you're going

995
00:49:53,120 --> 00:49:56,279
Speaker 1: to put into this right along with you know, monetarily,

996
00:49:56,400 --> 00:49:57,920
Speaker 1: is it gonna like you have to look at all

997
00:49:57,960 --> 00:50:00,720
Speaker 1: these things and it won't work for everyone.

998
00:50:01,200 --> 00:50:03,000
Speaker 2: I would love to see ten years from now. I

999
00:50:03,040 --> 00:50:04,759
Speaker 2: hope to be alive to see ten years. Are we

1000
00:50:04,800 --> 00:50:06,400
Speaker 2: going to college or people going to college? Is that

1001
00:50:06,480 --> 00:50:09,840
Speaker 2: a thing? Are parents encouraging their kids to go to college?

1002
00:50:09,880 --> 00:50:12,399
Speaker 2: Are they going, like, not tell me what you want

1003
00:50:12,400 --> 00:50:14,759
Speaker 2: to do? Kid, Okay, not the best use of your

1004
00:50:15,120 --> 00:50:18,839
Speaker 2: money and your time, because I really I remember when

1005
00:50:18,840 --> 00:50:20,879
Speaker 2: I graduated, I just felt like I had to get

1006
00:50:20,880 --> 00:50:23,319
Speaker 2: to LA to pursue acting. I had to get out

1007
00:50:23,320 --> 00:50:26,040
Speaker 2: here because I just knew, like, this is where the

1008
00:50:26,080 --> 00:50:29,680
Speaker 2: acting that I want to do happens. And I go

1009
00:50:29,760 --> 00:50:32,360
Speaker 2: college will be by ticket because my family won't freak,

1010
00:50:32,400 --> 00:50:34,719
Speaker 2: I'll have their permission. It's also like, you know, some

1011
00:50:34,760 --> 00:50:36,800
Speaker 2: people eighteen are like I don't need my family's permission.

1012
00:50:36,840 --> 00:50:40,799
Speaker 2: I needed their permission, and so I came out here.

1013
00:50:40,800 --> 00:50:43,440
Speaker 2: But I'm like, oh, yeah, what does And I'm grateful

1014
00:50:43,440 --> 00:50:45,800
Speaker 2: for that path. But I look at people. Once I graduated.

1015
00:50:45,840 --> 00:50:48,160
Speaker 2: I'd meet people out here who same age as me

1016
00:50:48,200 --> 00:50:50,319
Speaker 2: and are like, yeah, I went to college back home,

1017
00:50:50,440 --> 00:50:51,920
Speaker 2: or I didn't go at all, and here we are

1018
00:50:51,960 --> 00:50:55,040
Speaker 2: in the same acting class. It's like I have so

1019
00:50:55,280 --> 00:50:57,880
Speaker 2: I'm so stressed every night thinking about these student loans.

1020
00:50:58,600 --> 00:51:02,600
Speaker 2: I want to change my number. But again it worked out.

1021
00:51:02,600 --> 00:51:04,520
Speaker 2: But I'm like, oh, I saw people, and I'm like,

1022
00:51:04,560 --> 00:51:06,640
Speaker 2: we're starting for the thing that I want to do

1023
00:51:06,920 --> 00:51:09,400
Speaker 2: in the same place, only I have mounds and mounds

1024
00:51:09,440 --> 00:51:12,600
Speaker 2: of college stumer debt behind me. Well you do think

1025
00:51:12,640 --> 00:51:15,920
Speaker 2: you'll encourage your daughter to go to college or how

1026
00:51:15,960 --> 00:51:18,360
Speaker 2: do you feel about her pursuing the arts?

1027
00:51:20,239 --> 00:51:21,719
Speaker 1: Again, I don't, I don't.

1028
00:51:21,480 --> 00:51:22,759
Speaker 2: Know, Okay, I love that.

1029
00:51:23,600 --> 00:51:27,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's and this is very new for me. I

1030
00:51:27,400 --> 00:51:29,720
Speaker 1: used to I used to believe like this is the path,

1031
00:51:30,120 --> 00:51:33,799
Speaker 1: this is where you knew were we talking. I think

1032
00:51:33,840 --> 00:51:36,919
Speaker 1: probably like maybe five years okay, how old daughter five?

1033
00:51:38,239 --> 00:51:41,520
Speaker 1: As soon as you get because I I someone told

1034
00:51:41,560 --> 00:51:46,000
Speaker 1: me to work your ship out as much as you

1035
00:51:46,040 --> 00:51:49,680
Speaker 1: can before you have a kid, meaning like in turn,

1036
00:51:49,880 --> 00:51:54,399
Speaker 1: like any thing like childhood stuff that you dealt with

1037
00:51:54,480 --> 00:51:59,000
Speaker 1: that you haven't kind of uh faced and or at

1038
00:51:59,080 --> 00:52:02,799
Speaker 1: least just worked through, and because it'll be passed down

1039
00:52:02,840 --> 00:52:05,440
Speaker 1: to your kid, like even if you don't mean to,

1040
00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:08,560
Speaker 1: you don't want to, it just will because that's just

1041
00:52:08,600 --> 00:52:10,400
Speaker 1: the energy that's going to pass through. So it's like

1042
00:52:10,480 --> 00:52:13,319
Speaker 1: trying to figure out what this energy is. And we

1043
00:52:13,360 --> 00:52:17,239
Speaker 1: talked about we're talking about luck, believing luck and I

1044
00:52:17,840 --> 00:52:21,839
Speaker 1: you know, whatever that definition because there's so many different variations.

1045
00:52:21,880 --> 00:52:25,080
Speaker 1: I guess because when people when we think about luck,

1046
00:52:25,200 --> 00:52:29,719
Speaker 1: I think about it as just there's things that are

1047
00:52:29,760 --> 00:52:31,879
Speaker 1: happening in the world that you can't control. That's really

1048
00:52:31,880 --> 00:52:34,680
Speaker 1: what And then yeah, and if that desire that you

1049
00:52:34,800 --> 00:52:38,000
Speaker 1: have internally meets up with the outside world that you

1050
00:52:38,000 --> 00:52:41,279
Speaker 1: can control, it could be luck, or it could be

1051
00:52:41,400 --> 00:52:43,719
Speaker 1: just destiny, or it could be whatever it is you

1052
00:52:43,719 --> 00:52:46,960
Speaker 1: want to call it. But I've kind of taken that philosophy, like,

1053
00:52:47,040 --> 00:52:50,319
Speaker 1: I'm trying to have the desires of just like you know,

1054
00:52:50,400 --> 00:52:54,520
Speaker 1: making sure that I am fulfilled, she is fulfilled, my

1055
00:52:54,600 --> 00:52:58,400
Speaker 1: family's fulfilled, and the outside world hopefully will meet that.

1056
00:52:58,719 --> 00:53:01,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's really I think that's lovely. I think it's lovely.

1057
00:53:02,040 --> 00:53:06,319
Speaker 2: I tend to admire and this is perhaps counterintuitive, but

1058
00:53:06,360 --> 00:53:09,319
Speaker 2: I tend to admire leaders who are like, I don't know,

1059
00:53:09,960 --> 00:53:11,879
Speaker 2: this is sort of what I think. But also I'm

1060
00:53:11,880 --> 00:53:13,719
Speaker 2: telling you that I don't know. This is where I'm

1061
00:53:13,760 --> 00:53:16,520
Speaker 2: at right now. Yeah, but but I used to be

1062
00:53:16,600 --> 00:53:19,480
Speaker 2: like a leader, a parent. They have the answers and

1063
00:53:19,520 --> 00:53:21,040
Speaker 2: I want you to tell me, and like, I'm going

1064
00:53:21,120 --> 00:53:24,400
Speaker 2: to go, okay, great. And the older you get yourself

1065
00:53:24,440 --> 00:53:27,759
Speaker 2: and the more you explore the world to yourself and

1066
00:53:27,800 --> 00:53:30,480
Speaker 2: your own curiosities, you're like, oh, I don't know, and

1067
00:53:30,560 --> 00:53:33,239
Speaker 2: they don't know, and and I think it's such.

1068
00:53:33,160 --> 00:53:36,279
Speaker 1: A no one knows what they're doing. I know what

1069
00:53:36,320 --> 00:53:37,200
Speaker 1: I'm doing something I know.

1070
00:53:37,200 --> 00:53:40,160
Speaker 2: Sorry, guys, no one knows that everyone's throwing spaghetti at

1071
00:53:40,160 --> 00:53:41,880
Speaker 2: the wall. We're playing it by ear. But I'm like,

1072
00:53:42,320 --> 00:53:45,560
Speaker 2: I trust the people more who go, I don't know.

1073
00:53:45,719 --> 00:53:46,000
Speaker 1: I do.

1074
00:53:46,120 --> 00:53:48,319
Speaker 2: I tend to trust people that are like, I don't know,

1075
00:53:48,480 --> 00:53:50,320
Speaker 2: I don't know, and I go, oh, that's a leader.

1076
00:53:50,440 --> 00:53:53,560
Speaker 2: I think that. I think here's not so hot. Take

1077
00:53:53,640 --> 00:53:58,319
Speaker 2: I go. Anytime someone expresses that uncertainty, I go, that's

1078
00:53:58,360 --> 00:54:00,480
Speaker 2: a true sign of confidence to me, because I'm like,

1079
00:54:00,560 --> 00:54:03,440
Speaker 2: I think that's so vulnerable to be like I don't know. Okay,

1080
00:54:03,480 --> 00:54:07,040
Speaker 2: Harry as my dad for today, I do have to

1081
00:54:07,160 --> 00:54:10,040
Speaker 2: ask You're like, we're friends, No, we're you're my dad.

1082
00:54:10,400 --> 00:54:12,600
Speaker 2: I have to ask you for a piece of advice

1083
00:54:12,600 --> 00:54:15,480
Speaker 2: that I feel like a father figure would give me

1084
00:54:16,160 --> 00:54:18,120
Speaker 2: because I have my mom to ask this advice. I

1085
00:54:18,160 --> 00:54:20,120
Speaker 2: have my friends, but I don't have a father figure

1086
00:54:20,400 --> 00:54:22,719
Speaker 2: necessarily to ask, or a dad to ask. So I'm

1087
00:54:22,760 --> 00:54:24,719
Speaker 2: going to ask you for a piece of advice. If

1088
00:54:24,719 --> 00:54:28,240
Speaker 2: that's okay. I'm sitting dad down and saying, are you free?

1089
00:54:28,360 --> 00:54:32,720
Speaker 2: I would love to talk to you about something. Yes, okay,

1090
00:54:32,880 --> 00:54:40,000
Speaker 2: thank you? So Dating dating is hard, right, What is

1091
00:54:40,320 --> 00:54:45,120
Speaker 2: a red flag? I should look for something really like sneaky?

1092
00:54:45,160 --> 00:54:49,520
Speaker 2: I'm your daughter, remember, okay, you're vulnerable, little girl. I

1093
00:54:51,719 --> 00:54:56,040
Speaker 2: hate to make you exactly, I'm your vulnerable little girl.

1094
00:54:57,000 --> 00:55:00,320
Speaker 2: I'm dating guys, are taking me on dates. I'm seeing

1095
00:55:00,320 --> 00:55:05,280
Speaker 2: the sights. What what is something that I should beware

1096
00:55:05,280 --> 00:55:12,200
Speaker 2: of when dating? A red flag? That helped me out?

1097
00:55:12,400 --> 00:55:14,680
Speaker 1: Where are his eyes when he's talking to you?

1098
00:55:15,280 --> 00:55:20,600
Speaker 2: Oh? Okay, okay, and they should be looking at my eyes?

1099
00:55:20,719 --> 00:55:20,879
Speaker 1: Right?

1100
00:55:22,200 --> 00:55:29,640
Speaker 2: Yes, okay, this is new Okay, all right, the first one. Okay, okay.

1101
00:55:30,120 --> 00:55:32,319
Speaker 2: It's not something that the gossip, you know, it's not.

1102
00:55:32,440 --> 00:55:35,399
Speaker 2: It's not dogma like that. This is because some people

1103
00:55:35,440 --> 00:55:38,360
Speaker 2: are nervous. You know, you'll you'll sense that. It's like,

1104
00:55:38,400 --> 00:55:41,440
Speaker 2: it's not But I think that is a big red.

1105
00:55:41,239 --> 00:55:42,759
Speaker 1: Flag that you're going to see. It is like, well,

1106
00:55:42,760 --> 00:55:45,840
Speaker 1: why why go any further in this conversation? You're not

1107
00:55:45,920 --> 00:55:49,319
Speaker 1: even interested. But at the same time, that's not the

1108
00:55:49,360 --> 00:55:52,040
Speaker 1: only thing. I think. There's so many things.

1109
00:55:52,160 --> 00:55:54,520
Speaker 2: So many red There's lots of red flags.

1110
00:55:54,560 --> 00:55:57,520
Speaker 1: There's a lot of red. There's also a lot of

1111
00:55:57,800 --> 00:55:59,520
Speaker 1: green what was it green flags?

1112
00:55:59,520 --> 00:56:01,080
Speaker 2: Maybe because I mean, I don't know if it's a

1113
00:56:01,160 --> 00:56:07,399
Speaker 2: traffic flags from war flag, I give that. I want

1114
00:56:07,520 --> 00:56:10,200
Speaker 2: I want peace and I am always waving what is

1115
00:56:10,239 --> 00:56:14,440
Speaker 2: the what is the maybe orange orange? And the like

1116
00:56:14,880 --> 00:56:17,240
Speaker 2: what's the vest? The vest orange?

1117
00:56:17,360 --> 00:56:21,160
Speaker 1: Orange orange? It's a good thing. Like orange comes like

1118
00:56:21,320 --> 00:56:26,239
Speaker 1: slowly slowly, but you can come eventually, you can. Let's

1119
00:56:26,239 --> 00:56:27,439
Speaker 1: see if that red flag?

1120
00:56:27,520 --> 00:56:30,760
Speaker 2: Okay, what's what? What's what's a big orange flag?

1121
00:56:30,840 --> 00:56:36,080
Speaker 1: Then I think what what's important to you? I think

1122
00:56:36,120 --> 00:56:38,640
Speaker 1: we always think like all these signs, because it's different

1123
00:56:38,640 --> 00:56:41,920
Speaker 1: from when you say this flag and you know somethingle

1124
00:56:41,960 --> 00:56:45,279
Speaker 1: might be cool with it. Yeah, I just think, like

1125
00:56:45,480 --> 00:56:48,000
Speaker 1: what are your values and your morals and that what

1126
00:56:48,160 --> 00:56:50,200
Speaker 1: is important to you as opposed to what your friends?

1127
00:56:50,760 --> 00:56:53,000
Speaker 1: Your friends, I think it's important because they look at

1128
00:56:53,000 --> 00:56:55,520
Speaker 1: me like what you don't see right? So obviously I

1129
00:56:55,560 --> 00:56:59,200
Speaker 1: think it's it's more so than just the guy or

1130
00:56:59,239 --> 00:57:02,360
Speaker 1: the girl like in fun of you. It's looking at Okay,

1131
00:57:02,880 --> 00:57:05,719
Speaker 1: how are your friends? Are they going to be your

1132
00:57:05,719 --> 00:57:08,520
Speaker 1: support system? And saying and seeing those red flags help

1133
00:57:08,719 --> 00:57:10,360
Speaker 1: you and you got to listen to it, okay, but

1134
00:57:10,400 --> 00:57:13,360
Speaker 1: also your desires of just what you love gut, but

1135
00:57:13,480 --> 00:57:15,440
Speaker 1: you know the gut can be the gut can be tricky.

1136
00:57:15,480 --> 00:57:19,000
Speaker 1: I have I B S. I have I B S.

1137
00:57:19,360 --> 00:57:20,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, I have I B S and so it can

1138
00:57:20,680 --> 00:57:24,000
Speaker 2: be hard to trust. But but but I do believe

1139
00:57:24,000 --> 00:57:26,400
Speaker 2: in trusting the gun. But you know, there's a lot

1140
00:57:26,440 --> 00:57:28,480
Speaker 2: of there's a lot of trickery out here. You haven't

1141
00:57:28,520 --> 00:57:32,240
Speaker 2: been in the dating world, have you have it? It's

1142
00:57:32,280 --> 00:57:35,520
Speaker 2: a nasty game out there. It's getting it's getting bad.

1143
00:57:35,600 --> 00:57:36,280
Speaker 2: It's danger.

1144
00:57:36,360 --> 00:57:38,680
Speaker 1: You know what I try and I try and watch

1145
00:57:38,680 --> 00:57:43,280
Speaker 1: a lot of like people talk about it Instagram crazy,

1146
00:57:43,640 --> 00:57:48,240
Speaker 1: it is crazy. But you know, I also think, what

1147
00:57:48,360 --> 00:57:51,800
Speaker 1: kind of lifestyle do you want? Okay, okay, it's like

1148
00:57:52,320 --> 00:57:55,000
Speaker 1: it is it? I don't know. Do you want to

1149
00:57:55,040 --> 00:57:57,080
Speaker 1: go out all the time, which you're fine, or do

1150
00:57:57,120 --> 00:57:58,680
Speaker 1: you want to are you more like I want to

1151
00:57:58,760 --> 00:58:00,640
Speaker 1: chill yes, more of homebody?

1152
00:58:00,880 --> 00:58:01,240
Speaker 2: Yes?

1153
00:58:02,000 --> 00:58:04,080
Speaker 1: And those are going to bring two different things. Someone

1154
00:58:04,120 --> 00:58:06,080
Speaker 1: can offer you to be able to go out and

1155
00:58:06,760 --> 00:58:10,920
Speaker 1: travel a lot, which is wonderful. You should live, you know,

1156
00:58:11,040 --> 00:58:13,000
Speaker 1: and then but you should also know the red flags

1157
00:58:13,040 --> 00:58:15,360
Speaker 1: like how long is this gonna last? Yeah, okay, it

1158
00:58:15,680 --> 00:58:18,280
Speaker 1: lasts a while? Or am I I know what I

1159
00:58:18,320 --> 00:58:20,360
Speaker 1: want and this is gonna last as much? And so

1160
00:58:20,400 --> 00:58:21,040
Speaker 1: I'm fine with it.

1161
00:58:21,160 --> 00:58:23,600
Speaker 2: There are people who like to go out and like,

1162
00:58:24,000 --> 00:58:26,240
Speaker 2: do you have friends who are still like I'm in

1163
00:58:26,280 --> 00:58:29,160
Speaker 2: these streets? Yea, and what do you think of them? Honestly,

1164
00:58:29,320 --> 00:58:36,800
Speaker 2: go off king, I'm trying to I don't know the

1165
00:58:36,840 --> 00:58:39,400
Speaker 2: answer to, like, what is the purpose of life? Like

1166
00:58:39,520 --> 00:58:41,560
Speaker 2: to go down that because we live in a big city.

1167
00:58:41,600 --> 00:58:43,040
Speaker 2: We live in a city where there's a lot of

1168
00:58:43,080 --> 00:58:46,200
Speaker 2: things to do, a lot of things that might bring

1169
00:58:46,200 --> 00:58:52,560
Speaker 2: you joy, which in turn will bring you sadness and it's.

1170
00:58:52,400 --> 00:58:56,880
Speaker 1: A valley crash. So but then there's people who's just like, no,

1171
00:58:57,000 --> 00:58:59,560
Speaker 1: I like this, okay, I'm into this, and you really

1172
00:59:00,120 --> 00:59:02,040
Speaker 1: I who am I to say like you shouldn't?

1173
00:59:02,160 --> 00:59:04,080
Speaker 2: And you really believe them when they're saying that. You're like,

1174
00:59:04,120 --> 00:59:07,960
Speaker 2: I'm looking at my friend and my friend truly since we.

1175
00:59:08,000 --> 00:59:11,400
Speaker 1: Ever asked, and maybe I haven't. It's like, are you lonely?

1176
00:59:11,840 --> 00:59:13,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's my curiosity I do.

1177
00:59:14,240 --> 00:59:16,760
Speaker 1: I was like, are you lonely? And some people are like, no,

1178
00:59:16,800 --> 00:59:18,680
Speaker 1: I get to do whatever I want, whenever I want.

1179
00:59:18,720 --> 00:59:20,440
Speaker 1: And I was like, I see some joy in that,

1180
00:59:20,480 --> 00:59:21,920
Speaker 1: because there's moments where I'm like, I just want to

1181
00:59:21,920 --> 00:59:22,080
Speaker 1: do this.

1182
00:59:22,400 --> 00:59:24,040
Speaker 2: Grass is always greener though, right.

1183
00:59:24,880 --> 00:59:27,880
Speaker 1: But there's moments where I'm just this is nice to

1184
00:59:28,240 --> 00:59:31,760
Speaker 1: here with people and laughing in our pajamas. Yeah, you know,

1185
00:59:32,200 --> 00:59:35,560
Speaker 1: so I see that side and and I understand the

1186
00:59:35,560 --> 00:59:37,640
Speaker 1: other side, like, because I think at the end of

1187
00:59:37,680 --> 00:59:40,680
Speaker 1: the day, it's things that have happened in your life

1188
00:59:40,840 --> 00:59:44,760
Speaker 1: that then allow you to enjoy the full spectrum of

1189
00:59:44,800 --> 00:59:49,600
Speaker 1: what life has to offer, because it's scary if something

1190
00:59:49,680 --> 00:59:52,560
Speaker 1: happened to you that you might not even realize that

1191
00:59:52,600 --> 00:59:55,920
Speaker 1: it happened to you, it can be a scary place

1192
00:59:55,960 --> 01:00:00,000
Speaker 1: to kind of venture into. Again. Yeah, so I completely

1193
01:00:00,360 --> 01:00:03,120
Speaker 1: stand there with breakups. I've had my heartbroken, you know,

1194
01:00:03,160 --> 01:00:06,720
Speaker 1: plenty of times, and I get it. It is hard, horrible.

1195
01:00:06,880 --> 01:00:09,680
Speaker 1: So you find that someone, you know, I'm very fortunate,

1196
01:00:10,400 --> 01:00:14,400
Speaker 1: someone who just like just dropped my lap and then

1197
01:00:14,560 --> 01:00:17,520
Speaker 1: I didn't expect it to happen and became, you know,

1198
01:00:17,840 --> 01:00:21,200
Speaker 1: mother of my child and we're happy.

1199
01:00:21,360 --> 01:00:23,360
Speaker 2: Yes, And you have a book and like, I'm just

1200
01:00:23,440 --> 01:00:27,400
Speaker 2: in Ian know, it sounds truly so so lovely, and

1201
01:00:27,440 --> 01:00:30,760
Speaker 2: so are you also suggesting to me Dad that it

1202
01:00:31,240 --> 01:00:33,680
Speaker 2: happens because people say it happens when you're at least

1203
01:00:33,760 --> 01:00:35,840
Speaker 2: expecting and you're really not looking for are you a

1204
01:00:35,880 --> 01:00:36,840
Speaker 2: believer in that now?

1205
01:00:37,480 --> 01:00:39,720
Speaker 1: I am a believer once you've done the work on

1206
01:00:40,560 --> 01:00:43,280
Speaker 1: your on yourself as much as much as you can.

1207
01:00:43,400 --> 01:00:46,640
Speaker 1: Whatever that means, you know, for you, because I speak

1208
01:00:46,680 --> 01:00:51,680
Speaker 1: that just for myself. Like even halfway into my relationship

1209
01:00:51,840 --> 01:00:54,480
Speaker 1: with Shelby, it was just like, well, why am I

1210
01:00:54,480 --> 01:00:57,360
Speaker 1: getting like why is this bothering me? Why am I

1211
01:00:57,400 --> 01:01:01,520
Speaker 1: like triggered from that response? And I think those are

1212
01:01:01,800 --> 01:01:04,840
Speaker 1: those are things you have to figure out. Yeah, to

1213
01:01:04,880 --> 01:01:08,400
Speaker 1: the point where like if you cannot have anything when

1214
01:01:08,440 --> 01:01:10,840
Speaker 1: your reaction is the most powerful tool, I think, because

1215
01:01:10,880 --> 01:01:15,240
Speaker 1: if you're able to to control your reactions or understand

1216
01:01:15,280 --> 01:01:19,959
Speaker 1: what that yeah, what not allowing those something that someone

1217
01:01:20,080 --> 01:01:22,080
Speaker 1: does to you to react in a way that they

1218
01:01:22,080 --> 01:01:25,200
Speaker 1: would want so you have full complete control, I think

1219
01:01:25,240 --> 01:01:27,640
Speaker 1: that's one of the most powerful things you can have, right.

1220
01:01:28,200 --> 01:01:30,160
Speaker 2: And that's I think a reflection of a level of

1221
01:01:30,160 --> 01:01:33,200
Speaker 2: self awareness too, to be able to be like, Okay,

1222
01:01:33,440 --> 01:01:35,560
Speaker 2: I know I want to respond this way, but I'm

1223
01:01:35,560 --> 01:01:38,880
Speaker 2: going to pause. I'm going to pause, And that might

1224
01:01:38,920 --> 01:01:40,959
Speaker 2: be the reaction I might have had if I didn't

1225
01:01:41,000 --> 01:01:43,120
Speaker 2: have the wherewithal to pause, But I go, Okay, how

1226
01:01:43,120 --> 01:01:45,720
Speaker 2: do I want to show up right now right something

1227
01:01:45,760 --> 01:01:47,840
Speaker 2: like that, Dad, I'm trying my best.

1228
01:01:48,320 --> 01:01:49,240
Speaker 1: You're doing great.

1229
01:01:49,880 --> 01:01:53,880
Speaker 2: I just needed to hear that step right into the role.

1230
01:01:54,040 --> 01:01:57,600
Speaker 2: It's kind of crazy, Harry. It has been incredible talking

1231
01:01:57,640 --> 01:01:59,840
Speaker 2: to you, so wonderful. We're friends.

1232
01:02:00,240 --> 01:02:01,080
Speaker 1: Girls don't know.

1233
01:02:02,920 --> 01:02:07,600
Speaker 2: I hope you're dad friend. Maybe that's the podcast name. No,

1234
01:02:07,640 --> 01:02:09,560
Speaker 2: we've got a podcast name. This has been thanks Dad.

1235
01:02:10,080 --> 01:02:13,120
Speaker 2: I want to say again Harry and his wife Shelby,

1236
01:02:13,400 --> 01:02:15,480
Speaker 2: who I would love to meet. Sounds fantastic and maybe

1237
01:02:15,560 --> 01:02:18,200
Speaker 2: is my other mom. Now have a book coming out

1238
01:02:18,320 --> 01:02:21,880
Speaker 2: named Marty Dares to Dance. Guys, get Harry my dad

1239
01:02:21,920 --> 01:02:25,160
Speaker 2: friend's book. Thank you so so much for this. Thank you,

1240
01:02:26,600 --> 01:02:32,760
Speaker 2: thank you. Thanks Dad is a Headgum podcast created and

1241
01:02:32,800 --> 01:02:35,760
Speaker 2: hosted by me Ago Wodhem. The show is produced and

1242
01:02:35,880 --> 01:02:38,960
Speaker 2: edited by Anita Flores and engineered by Anita Flores and

1243
01:02:39,000 --> 01:02:43,520
Speaker 2: Anya Kanevskaya, with executive producer Emma Foley. Katie Moose is

1244
01:02:43,560 --> 01:02:46,680
Speaker 2: our VP of Content at Headgum. Special thanks to Jason

1245
01:02:46,680 --> 01:02:49,120
Speaker 2: Atheni for our show Arn't and Feris Manshi for our

1246
01:02:49,160 --> 01:02:52,919
Speaker 2: theme song. For more podcasts by Headgum, visit headgum dot

1247
01:02:52,960 --> 01:02:56,200
Speaker 2: com or wherever you listen to your favorite shows, leave

1248
01:02:56,280 --> 01:02:59,919
Speaker 2: us a review on Apple Podcasts, and maybe, just maybe

1249
01:03:00,720 --> 01:03:03,400
Speaker 2: we'll read it on a future episode.