Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.
Speaker 1: Good Morning. This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Speaker 1: Today's tip is that nobody wins a misery contest. If
Speaker 1: you are going to suffer in life, make sure it's
Speaker 1: for a good reason. If it's not for a good reason,
Speaker 1: see if you can find a way to make it better.
Speaker 1: My guess is that you have more resources available than
Speaker 1: you think. My children have not had a great relationship
Speaker 1: with sleep over the years. My fifth child's crib is
Speaker 1: currently in the master bedroom closet because well, with five kids,
Speaker 1: they don't all get their own rooms. The crib is
Speaker 1: on a bit of carpet in the corner, but there's
Speaker 1: no furniture because well it's a closet. And so when
Speaker 1: the baby would be up in the middle of the
Speaker 1: night over the past year, I'd go feed him or
Speaker 1: hold him and sit on the floor. Now, being a
Speaker 1: forty something mother, I am not as sprightly as I
Speaker 1: was as a twenty something mother, and sitting on the
Speaker 1: floor in the dark, in the cold, in the middle
Speaker 1: of the night has been unpleasant, and I was feeling
Speaker 1: pretty bad for myself. It was only after months of
Speaker 1: this that I had a thought I could get a chair, Yes,
Speaker 1: a chair. I could put a chair in the closet
Speaker 1: so I could sit on the chair to feed the
Speaker 1: baby or hold him. Now, I am a fairly frugal person,
Speaker 1: so I didn't actually go out and buy a rocking chair,
Speaker 1: but I did move an extra chair we had up
Speaker 1: to the closet. I still don't like waking up in
Speaker 1: the middle of the night, but at least it's less
Speaker 1: physically painful. We can all ponder what was going on
Speaker 1: in my head that I didn't think about an obvious
Speaker 1: way to ease my misery. I blame sleep deprivation. If
Speaker 1: you think about it, you may have blind spots too,
Speaker 1: So it goes. Sometimes we have to think about things
Speaker 1: for a while. But the more pernicious problem, as I
Speaker 1: have learned over years of studying how people spend their time,
Speaker 1: is not the misery itself. It is that sometimes we
Speaker 1: become attached to our narratives of misery. They become part
Speaker 1: of our identity. You know how this goes. I'm so
Speaker 1: hard working that, of course I don't have time for hobbies,
Speaker 1: or I don't have hobbies, because that's what happens when
Speaker 1: you have kids and I'm such a dedicated parent. Or
Speaker 1: I can't start a business, I have a mortgage, I'm
Speaker 1: a serious person. Or I shouldn't expect to like my job,
Speaker 1: that's why they call it work. Or I have to
Speaker 1: spend all my time cooking and cleaning, so of course
Speaker 1: I don't have any time for fun. That's just what's
Speaker 1: expected of me. Sometimes people's conversations turn into a competition
Speaker 1: over whose life is more miserable, whose spouse did something
Speaker 1: more thoughtless, whose kids are more ungrateful, whose boss is
Speaker 1: more domineering. But here's the thing, no one wins in
Speaker 1: the misery Olympics. The real prize is in not taking part.
Speaker 1: If something is making you miserable, instead of wallowing in
Speaker 1: the misery or clinging to the misery as part of
Speaker 1: your identity, figure out what you can do to make
Speaker 1: it less terrible. Often small steps can make a difference.
Speaker 1: If you hate your boss, you don't have to quit
Speaker 1: your job. Maybe you could volunteer for a project that
Speaker 1: has you working in a different department and with a
Speaker 1: different supervisor two days per week. If your spouse is
Speaker 1: not pulling his or her share of the load on something,
Speaker 1: we'll ask for help with something specific. The person might refuse,
Speaker 1: in which case you can then act on that realization.
Speaker 1: But there is a pretty good chance that the person
Speaker 1: you married isn't actively trying to make your life miserable.
Speaker 1: It is hard to see things outside our immediate daily routines,
Speaker 1: So don't suffer. Ask for what you want now. There
Speaker 1: are sometimes reasons we voluntarily take on suffering. I know
Speaker 1: that many people listening to this podcast have lived through
Speaker 1: the misery of early pregnancy. Many times, it's worth it
Speaker 1: for the wonderful new people we bring into this world.
Speaker 1: We can all be grateful for people who do dangerous
Speaker 1: but necessary jobs, or who put themselves in harm's way
Speaker 1: for others. I am thankful that emergency responders will go
Speaker 1: out in the cold in the middle of the night
Speaker 1: in order to help people. But if I'm up in
Speaker 1: the cold in the middle of the night, well, there's
Speaker 1: no benefit in me sitting on the ground versus be
Speaker 1: having a chair. There is no point in suffering when
Speaker 1: there's no good reason for that suffering. In the meantime,
Speaker 1: this is Laura, Thanks for listening, and here's to making
Speaker 1: the most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to
Speaker 1: hear from you. You can send me your tips, your questions,
Speaker 1: or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook
Speaker 1: and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod. That's b the number four,
Speaker 1: then Breakfast p o D. You can also shoot me
Speaker 1: an email at Before Breakfast podcast. At i heeart media
Speaker 1: dot com that Before Breakfast is spelled out with all
Speaker 1: the letters. Thanks so much, I look forward to staying
Speaker 1: in touch. Before Breakfast is a production of I heart Radio.
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the i
Speaker 1: heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to
Speaker 1: your favorite shows.