Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.
Speaker 1: Good Morning. This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Speaker 1: Today's tip is about how busy people can still make
Speaker 1: time to meet someone special. Valentine's Day is coming up,
Speaker 1: and if you're in a happy couple, that's awesome. But
Speaker 1: many people find themselves in different stages of life. And
Speaker 1: I recently got a letter from a listener who had
Speaker 1: been on her own for a while. I was trying
Speaker 1: to figure out how she could make time for dating
Speaker 1: our listeners. Husband had died a few years ago, and
Speaker 1: she's now raising her nine year old daughter as a
Speaker 1: single parent. She says that I'm ready to date, but
Speaker 1: find it difficult to muster the energy to find someone,
Speaker 1: let alone go out on a date. It seems like
Speaker 1: online dating is the thing to do now, but she
Speaker 1: says that it feels very weird to me since she
Speaker 1: met her husband when this wasn't as much of a
Speaker 1: thing as it is now. I'm usually tired for work
Speaker 1: and extracurricular activities with my daughter, and the usual home duties,
Speaker 1: she says. My commute is at least an hour each
Speaker 1: way to work. I finally get an hour or so
Speaker 1: of me time in the evenings after I put my
Speaker 1: daughter to bed, but I'm also trying to read, shower,
Speaker 1: and do other focus tasks that I can't do while
Speaker 1: she was away. So what do you suggest? How can
Speaker 1: I carve out dating and social time. How much time
Speaker 1: should I commit to these tasks or do I just
Speaker 1: live life and hope someone falls into my sites. I
Speaker 1: think this is a great question. Plenty of people with
Speaker 1: jobs and family responsibilities would like to meet someone special,
Speaker 1: but because of those jobs and family responsibilities, dating can
Speaker 1: seem like one more thing on the to do list.
Speaker 1: And like our listener, I got married before online dating
Speaker 1: was as big a thing as it is now. But
Speaker 1: I've talked with a lot of people about how they
Speaker 1: approach it, and I've studied people's timelogs to see how
Speaker 1: it's been incorporated. The good news is that it does
Speaker 1: make the process of meeting other single people a lot
Speaker 1: more of a sh than in the past. Setting up
Speaker 1: first dates at least is relatively easy, and since that's
Speaker 1: the case, I recommend taking a very strategic, numbers oriented
Speaker 1: approach to this project. Our listener could sign up for
Speaker 1: a few services that friends recommend, and then give herself
Speaker 1: a target of going on one first date every two weeks.
Speaker 1: She could do this right after work or possibly over
Speaker 1: lunch or coffee, so she wouldn't have to worry about
Speaker 1: finding additional childcare. Now, to be clear, most of these
Speaker 1: dates will be mediocre at best, but the upside is
Speaker 1: that it's only two hours a month, so it's hard
Speaker 1: to feel like you've wasted too much time. If nothing else,
Speaker 1: our listener can try to find humor in the experience,
Speaker 1: or maybe meet people who might be interesting professional connections. Now,
Speaker 1: they probably won't all be terrible, of course, and this
Speaker 1: is where the numbers game comes in. If our listener
Speaker 1: goes on twenty four first dates in a year, the
Speaker 1: odds are reason symbol that she'll have at least a
Speaker 1: few dates with people she wouldn't mind seeing a second time. Now,
Speaker 1: let's say that one in four of those works out great. Well,
Speaker 1: now she's going on six second dates in a year.
Speaker 1: What if three of those turn into a third date
Speaker 1: and one or two of those might be a reasonable
Speaker 1: fourth date. Now we're getting somewhere. The key is to
Speaker 1: be consistent with first dates until you meet someone who
Speaker 1: makes you want to not be consistent about going on
Speaker 1: first dates anymore. Of course, online dating isn't the only
Speaker 1: way to go. Our listeners said that some friends had
Speaker 1: suggested meet up groups and the like, and I think
Speaker 1: it's smart in general to build an active adult social
Speaker 1: life as a single parent, not even necessarily for dating purposes,
Speaker 1: but just because it's fun. The more people you know
Speaker 1: who like similar things to you, the broader your network
Speaker 1: will be. And no doubt some of the people in
Speaker 1: these networks know people that they'd be willing to set
Speaker 1: you up with, so that helps with keeping up the
Speaker 1: volume of first dates too. Of course, all this is
Speaker 1: slightly more complex as a single parent. Divorced parents who
Speaker 1: share custody can at least try to schedule their dating
Speaker 1: lives around the times when their former partners have the kids.
Speaker 1: Our listener is going to need to be more proactive,
Speaker 1: but I'm guessing that over the last few years of
Speaker 1: solo parenting she has made some arrangements with friends and neighbors, relatives,
Speaker 1: and paid caregivers who can step in for a few
Speaker 1: hours when she needs it. And the good news is
Speaker 1: that in a few years her daughter will be able
Speaker 1: to take care of herself for short periods of time.
Speaker 1: And that will open up a lot more possibilities. As
Speaker 1: for just hoping someone wonderful will appear, well, it's always possible.
Speaker 1: Meeting someone wonderful does involve some amount of luck. But
Speaker 1: here's the thing with luck, we can nudge it along.
Speaker 1: Someone going on twenty four first dates in a year
Speaker 1: is far more likely to look out and meet someone
Speaker 1: wonderful than someone who sticks to the same routine of
Speaker 1: work and home chores as before. I'm happy to report
Speaker 1: that I heard back from our listener that she was
Speaker 1: willing to take this on as a project. A goal
Speaker 1: of one date every two weeks sounds doable and not
Speaker 1: so daunting, she says, I think I could do that,
Speaker 1: and if she does, I'm sure that luck will bend
Speaker 1: her way after a while. In the meantime, this is Laura.
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening, and here's to making the most of
Speaker 1: our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to hear from you.
Speaker 1: You can send me your tips, your questions, or anything else.
Speaker 1: Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram at
Speaker 1: Before Breakfast Pod that's b E the number four, then
Speaker 1: Breakfast p o D. You can also shoot me an
Speaker 1: email at Before Breakfast Podcast at I heeart media dot
Speaker 1: Com that Before Breakfast is spelled out with all the letters.
Speaker 1: Thanks so much, I look forward to staying in touch.
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