WEBVTT - How busy people can meet someone special

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.

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<v Speaker 1>Good Morning. This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>Today's tip is about how busy people can still make

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<v Speaker 1>time to meet someone special. Valentine's Day is coming up,

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<v Speaker 1>and if you're in a happy couple, that's awesome. But

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<v Speaker 1>many people find themselves in different stages of life. And

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<v Speaker 1>I recently got a letter from a listener who had

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<v Speaker 1>been on her own for a while. I was trying

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<v Speaker 1>to figure out how she could make time for dating

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<v Speaker 1>our listeners. Husband had died a few years ago, and

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<v Speaker 1>she's now raising her nine year old daughter as a

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<v Speaker 1>single parent. She says that I'm ready to date, but

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<v Speaker 1>find it difficult to muster the energy to find someone,

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<v Speaker 1>let alone go out on a date. It seems like

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<v Speaker 1>online dating is the thing to do now, but she

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<v Speaker 1>says that it feels very weird to me since she

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<v Speaker 1>met her husband when this wasn't as much of a

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<v Speaker 1>thing as it is now. I'm usually tired for work

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<v Speaker 1>and extracurricular activities with my daughter, and the usual home duties,

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<v Speaker 1>she says. My commute is at least an hour each

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<v Speaker 1>way to work. I finally get an hour or so

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<v Speaker 1>of me time in the evenings after I put my

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<v Speaker 1>daughter to bed, but I'm also trying to read, shower,

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<v Speaker 1>and do other focus tasks that I can't do while

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<v Speaker 1>she was away. So what do you suggest? How can

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<v Speaker 1>I carve out dating and social time. How much time

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<v Speaker 1>should I commit to these tasks or do I just

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<v Speaker 1>live life and hope someone falls into my sites. I

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<v Speaker 1>think this is a great question. Plenty of people with

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<v Speaker 1>jobs and family responsibilities would like to meet someone special,

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<v Speaker 1>but because of those jobs and family responsibilities, dating can

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<v Speaker 1>seem like one more thing on the to do list.

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<v Speaker 1>And like our listener, I got married before online dating

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<v Speaker 1>was as big a thing as it is now. But

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<v Speaker 1>I've talked with a lot of people about how they

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<v Speaker 1>approach it, and I've studied people's timelogs to see how

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<v Speaker 1>it's been incorporated. The good news is that it does

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<v Speaker 1>make the process of meeting other single people a lot

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<v Speaker 1>more of a sh than in the past. Setting up

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<v Speaker 1>first dates at least is relatively easy, and since that's

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<v Speaker 1>the case, I recommend taking a very strategic, numbers oriented

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<v Speaker 1>approach to this project. Our listener could sign up for

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<v Speaker 1>a few services that friends recommend, and then give herself

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<v Speaker 1>a target of going on one first date every two weeks.

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<v Speaker 1>She could do this right after work or possibly over

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<v Speaker 1>lunch or coffee, so she wouldn't have to worry about

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<v Speaker 1>finding additional childcare. Now, to be clear, most of these

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<v Speaker 1>dates will be mediocre at best, but the upside is

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<v Speaker 1>that it's only two hours a month, so it's hard

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<v Speaker 1>to feel like you've wasted too much time. If nothing else,

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<v Speaker 1>our listener can try to find humor in the experience,

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<v Speaker 1>or maybe meet people who might be interesting professional connections. Now,

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<v Speaker 1>they probably won't all be terrible, of course, and this

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<v Speaker 1>is where the numbers game comes in. If our listener

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<v Speaker 1>goes on twenty four first dates in a year, the

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<v Speaker 1>odds are reason symbol that she'll have at least a

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<v Speaker 1>few dates with people she wouldn't mind seeing a second time. Now,

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<v Speaker 1>let's say that one in four of those works out great. Well,

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<v Speaker 1>now she's going on six second dates in a year.

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<v Speaker 1>What if three of those turn into a third date

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<v Speaker 1>and one or two of those might be a reasonable

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<v Speaker 1>fourth date. Now we're getting somewhere. The key is to

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<v Speaker 1>be consistent with first dates until you meet someone who

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<v Speaker 1>makes you want to not be consistent about going on

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<v Speaker 1>first dates anymore. Of course, online dating isn't the only

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<v Speaker 1>way to go. Our listeners said that some friends had

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<v Speaker 1>suggested meet up groups and the like, and I think

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<v Speaker 1>it's smart in general to build an active adult social

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<v Speaker 1>life as a single parent, not even necessarily for dating purposes,

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<v Speaker 1>but just because it's fun. The more people you know

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<v Speaker 1>who like similar things to you, the broader your network

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<v Speaker 1>will be. And no doubt some of the people in

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<v Speaker 1>these networks know people that they'd be willing to set

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<v Speaker 1>you up with, so that helps with keeping up the

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<v Speaker 1>volume of first dates too. Of course, all this is

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<v Speaker 1>slightly more complex as a single parent. Divorced parents who

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<v Speaker 1>share custody can at least try to schedule their dating

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<v Speaker 1>lives around the times when their former partners have the kids.

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<v Speaker 1>Our listener is going to need to be more proactive,

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<v Speaker 1>but I'm guessing that over the last few years of

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<v Speaker 1>solo parenting she has made some arrangements with friends and neighbors, relatives,

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<v Speaker 1>and paid caregivers who can step in for a few

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<v Speaker 1>hours when she needs it. And the good news is

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<v Speaker 1>that in a few years her daughter will be able

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<v Speaker 1>to take care of herself for short periods of time.

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<v Speaker 1>And that will open up a lot more possibilities. As

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<v Speaker 1>for just hoping someone wonderful will appear, well, it's always possible.

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<v Speaker 1>Meeting someone wonderful does involve some amount of luck. But

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<v Speaker 1>here's the thing with luck, we can nudge it along.

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<v Speaker 1>Someone going on twenty four first dates in a year

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<v Speaker 1>is far more likely to look out and meet someone

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<v Speaker 1>wonderful than someone who sticks to the same routine of

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<v Speaker 1>work and home chores as before. I'm happy to report

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<v Speaker 1>that I heard back from our listener that she was

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<v Speaker 1>willing to take this on as a project. A goal

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<v Speaker 1>of one date every two weeks sounds doable and not

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<v Speaker 1>so daunting, she says, I think I could do that,

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<v Speaker 1>and if she does, I'm sure that luck will bend

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<v Speaker 1>her way after a while. In the meantime, this is Laura.

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<v Speaker 1>Thanks for listening, and here's to making the most of

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<v Speaker 1>our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to hear from you.

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<v Speaker 1>You can send me your tips, your questions, or anything else.

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<v Speaker 1>Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram at

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<v Speaker 1>Before Breakfast Pod that's b E the number four, then

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<v Speaker 1>Breakfast p o D. You can also shoot me an

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<v Speaker 1>email at Before Breakfast Podcast at I heeart media dot

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<v Speaker 1>Com that Before Breakfast is spelled out with all the letters.

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<v Speaker 1>Thanks so much, I look forward to staying in touch.

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